#ksksks the norm one gets me

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

EVEN FUCKING MORE Things My Dad Says/Does That Modern AU Jake Sully Would Also Say:

-Jake repeatedly tells Neytiri he needs her to make a list of the kids shoe sizes and favorite foods in case she dies unexpectedly. It was less of a joke when the kids were all little and growing constantly. 

-Jake picked up Lo’ak and his friends from It with red balloons floating in the trunk. When Spider noticed he screamed, which started a chain reaction and Kiri cackled at them. Lo’ak insisted he didn’t scream, and that may have been true, but he definitely screamed when he went to get in bed only to find another red balloon under the covers. They all woke up the next morning to him screaming again at the one Jake put it the shower. Jake and Kiri found this utterly hilarious.

-On Thursday’s before Tuk started kindergarten, Lo’ak, Neteyam, Kiri, and Spider got picked up from school by Tsu’tey. This was because Jake took Tuk to playgroup on Thursday’s (this is where she met Popiti). One Thursday when they got out of Tsu’tey’s truck, Jake wasn’t at the door to great them. Instead he was at the window. He yelled “HI KIDS” and startedabsolutelyy blasting them with nerf darts. Tuk popped around the door with another nerf gun, and suddenly Tsu’tey pulled one out of the car. It was brutal, it was like the Red Wedding. No survivors.

-When Neytiri had Tuk, her work sent her flowers. Jake crossed out the name of her company in pen and wrote his own as Mo’at helped her in the door, then presented them to her and said he bought them. She laughed so hard she had to sit on the floor. 

-Whenever anything breaks, it’s like *Home Depot Theme Song* “no, don’t call the mechanic, Neytiri, NORM SPELLMAN can fix that.” Jake has nO delusions about his own skills. But if a pipe breaks, a fuse blows, maybe the TV stops working: that’s a problem for Norm Spellman. Norm bitches and moans but once he gets there the problem is interesting/boring enough for him to talk and Jake always sits there and lets him ramble if he makes the sink run again. 

-One time they went on vacation and Jake wouldn’t stop calling every tourists outfit “The Jake” because they’re all wearing shorts, t-shirts, and sneakers. Lo’ak and Kiri wanted to strangle him.