#ksdjfhsdf it just makes me so happy like

[dorakonia]

ok so this was the draft i was talking about earlier skdfjhsdf

giant wall of text incoming but it's been on my mind for the longest time now and i had to get it off my chest ksjfsdfgdfg

i feel so insanely tired and overwhelmed lately. istg, ever since i started at my new job earlier this year, i have like... no fucking energy whatsoever whenever a workday is over. like... i'm very happy that i've found a place to work at that takes my 'needs' into account - i'm allowed to take as many small breaks as i want, i can listen to music all day, i get to sit in an office where i don't have to see or talk to anyone, the work that i do requires me to sit by the computer and the task itself very easy, and i only work 5 hours 3 days a week. it's like heaven, and yet i feel so insanely tired whenever i get home.

i haven't had a 'proper' job since 2019 and it really shows. it's fucking hard to get back into a routine like this and still manage to maintain my free time in an efficient way. all i do when i get home is play video games and watch yt, and sometimes take a nap if i'm really really tired. and then i ofc have to maintain my apartment and make sure my cats are taken care of ( although at this point it feels like they are taking care of me by simply being there to keep me company DSKJFHSDJFH ).

it's... a lot, i'm ngl. writing on tumblr hasn't really come to me as easily lately as it used to, not to mention i've really been struggling with keeping in touch with people in general ( although that's not something new ksdjfhsdf i've always struggled with that ) aside from the people i'm closest to, both irl and online.

this blog has always been set to low activity, ever since i first made it over a year ago, and i more or less have only interacted with people that i have an established verse with because it's easier for me to muster up the willpower to sit down and write when i know what it is that i'm replying to - and even then it sometimes take me a while to get to it depending on what it is. and considering i'm not fully caught up with twst yet, replying to already established verses have only been that much more convenient and easy for me to do. this has nothing to do with me not wanting to talk to and interact with new people, believe me, there's nothing that i want more - but given my current situation as a whole, it has just been really really hard for me to prioritize new interactions.

it is not my intention to suddenly go poof while in the middle of a conversation or plotting session - sometimes i just can't bring myself to talk to new people because it requires a lot of my energy because it means that i'm putting myself in a situation where i have to get to know someone new. don't get me wrong, i love meeting new people and getting to know them, it's just that the energy and effort i have to put into it drains my battery way faster than what it would 'normally' do for others. there is only so much i can do in terms of getting better at socializing in general, because i can't control my own battery. what i can do though is to try and getting back to people i've unintentionally left on read without feeling like 'too much time has passed so now i feel awkward talking to them again' or something along those lines. because lord knows feeling insecure about that has been a real issue too sdkjfhsdf and sometimes i even feel scared of showing that i'm online and active on the dash or discord because i don't want people to think that i'm ignoring them or that it's on purpose.

but i know that not everyone has all the patience in the world, and that's totally valid. especially if i vanish for weeks without a word. but i want people to know that if i suddenly go poof for a while and then suddenly appears again to talk to you, it's not because i'm bored and have nothing better to do, or because i want something from you. it's because i needed some time to recharge and think of ways to better formulate my words in my reply to you- especially when i'm talking to new people. it's not a very good first impression, i know, and i don't blame you for thinking the worst of me if i suddenly stop replying and haven't given you an explanation as to why that is. sometimes i try to say something like "i need some time to recharge and think about this and i'll get back to you when i can" just so there won't be any misunderstandings, but sometimes i don't for whatever reason and that's totally on me.

but sometimes people in general simply don't have the patience, or even understands what i go through on a daily basis to even be able to manage things that are otherwise simple and trivial to most people - and i completely understand that. i understand that everyone is different, and i understand that i will not mesh well with everyone and vice versa.

but the reason for this giant wall of text is mostly just that things have been more tough than usual for me lately, and i want to put it out there that it's never my intention to leave you hanging - if we're mutuals, it means that i want to write with you when there is an opening of opportunity for me to do so. but i also want to put it out there that you are of course free to look after yourself too, and if you feel like we aren't going to be compatible writing partners then i will obviously not hold it against you if you no longer want to plot and/or write together - and you are free to softblock me whenever you want.

i have oftentimes been thinking about if indie rp really is for me or not - even though i've done it for a couple of years now, and i've often considered putting it on the shelf all together and just turn to 1x1s and possibly group rps on discord. but i feel like the issue with this is that leaving tumblr rp would take away any chances i have of meeting new people to write with and become friends with, and it would simply just make my social situation worse than what it already is. i know that certain parts of this post makes it sound like i'm leaving or whatever but i promise that i'm not skdjfhsf i just wanted to put my thoughts and feelings out there in the hopes of being better understood and avoiding misunderstandings ( because that is one of the many things i need to get better at ). and if you've made it this far, regardless of what you feel is the best thing for you to do in terms of being mutuals with me, i'm still insanely grateful that you have taken your time to read my post✨

[bypistol-blog]

the  way  blythe  is  so  passionate  about  sidney  makes  me  so  happy  :’)  @celebrityvictim

[xnchxntmxnt]

OMG HAPPY 2OO LUV!! ILYSM, AND YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE MORE!! AS EXPECTED I'M HERE FOR THE MATCHUP EVENT AND I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE KSDJFHSDF

1 | name : amie 2 | pronouns : s/her 3 | preferred gender : doesn't really matter 4 | self-description :

— it's ya clown sho <3 anyway, i'm an ambivert but more inclined towards the introvert side. my MBTI is INFJ and i'm a Gemini. i'd describe myself as someone who's very observant? yea, i guess. i'm awkward and you know it. My favorite color is blue, specifically sapphire, but i love all pastel colors. My fav show is Chicago Medical and all the psychological and crime thrillers out there are my favorite ( silent patient is my #1 though ) I love painting, playing piano and basketball!

— what i look in a partner you ask, uh, someone who can tolerate my silence. there are times when i go quiet for a whole day, i'll barely speak, no interaction nothing. i want someone who'd not exactly 'deal with it' but 'understand it.' also, i want someone who i can talk to without any hesitation. i have a hard time opening up so i don't do it but when i do, i spill almost everything. i might cry, might have anxiety attack, i might even shout. i know it's not very healthy but i want someone who can help me with those. plus someone who i can read with please <3 cheating and not having any respect for personal space would be the major deal breaker for me

5 | gen. aesthetic : my fashion sense starts from sweats and ends in sweats. i'm a big fan of those oversized hoodies and shirts, like something really comfy. however, i do have a collection of formal wears like blazers and dress.

6 | color/s to describe myself : red, actually. if not read then blue. it switchers but red 90% of the times.

7 | fav song/s : literally everything by Chase Atlantic and The Neighborhood. However, my absolute favorites are some of the famous classical pieces like Experience by Ludovico Einaudi and Chopin's Ballade No. 1 Op 23.

8 | fav genre of music : classical music ( Beethoven, Einaudi and Chopin own my heart )

Lol this is very lengthy I'm sorry, btw congrats again!

I looked into MBTI, I looked into zodiacs, I went off of what you said

Here he is, the man, Seijoh’s do-it-all guy

HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO ur new boyfriend

There is not enough content for him, anyway

How You Met

Bear with me here

Think about this

Artist!hanamaki

You love painting? Art club.

Idk if youre actually in any art club but shhh

Anyway, it was probably some sort of community thing full of tons of different age artists (bc you’d have basketball or something after school and he had volleyball)

So like once a week on thursday afternoons everyone gets together and does all sorts of artsy stuff

Everyone listens to lo fi music (or you can bring headphones) and chit chat and just paint for a couple hours

Its in the back section of a library (bc the library near me does stuff like this its awesome) so if you want you can go read a book while you wait for things to dry

One day the person that ran it suggested you talked to the new guy

He was about your age, it was his first day, they didn't know what all he was good at, and tbh they thought you two would look cute together

Just the vibes yk

So you set up your canvas and stuff next to him and introduced yourself

And you guys just vibe to the playlist

He’s REALLY good

Compliments you a lot too

Which is fun because he’s cute so it makes you a little flustered

You find out you guys go to the same school and he’s on the VB team

And says he has a (practice) game that weekend and asks you to come if you can

Which you do

And they win! So its fun!

Matsukawa basically asks you out for him though

He’s heard all about you already

“You don't get it issei! She’s so pretty!! God, she touched my hand and I thought I was gonna die!!!!!” “the enthusiasm is new for you” “shut up asshole” (conversation from the night before)

So he walks up to you after the game and is like “Hey so,,, we’re going out to get some lunch, you wanna come?”

Makki thinks HES flirting with you and is pissed off about it

Until you all sit down for lunch and oh, the only open spot for him is next to you (since when is matsukawa willing to sit between iwaizumi and oikawa??)

He asked you out after art club that week (Mattsun threatened not to give him any more monster for the rest of the month if he didn't get the guts to do it)

General Headcanons

You date hanamaki, you're also dating matsukawa

There’s no separating them (good thing ur MBTIs work together too, especially for strong friendships)

This was literally my first thought

So

Good luck with both these trolls

More on that later

Of course he’s going to be worried if you go radio silent for a while, but he'll understand

There are some days he’s not gonna wanna talk either

He’s really supportive on your bad days of course

Expect a random text in the middle of the evening from him

“Hiya sweetheart, just wanted to remind you that you’re beautiful, I love you, and I hope your day is going well.”

When he’s having a bad day, the same thing is all he needs from you to keep moving

He’s a really honest person. If you want to talk to him, be prepared not to get any sugar coating. If you tell him to shut up because you don’t want advice, he will. But if you expect advice from him, expect brutally honest advice. Subtlety is not his strong suit, so when it comes to advice, he’s going to tell it like it is. He's just trying to help, yknow?

However, he’s pretty good with people, so will know how to comfort you when something is bothering you. Tea and cuddles? Gotcha. Dancing at 11pm because neither of you want to sleep yet? On it. You want him to hold you? Perfect.

He’s not like...the most touchy person? There are some things he’s really indifferent on, and other things he’s stubborn as hell with. Whatever you wanna do, though

His weakness though

⚠️this part is slightly little bit suggestive⚠️

He will randomly walk up to you and pull you against him, give you a really deep kiss, smirk and walk away like nothing happened

Like hands in hair probably almost making out and then just

Walk away

Because that’s how he kisses and it’s breathtaking every time

It’s either little temple kisses or forehead or cheek pecks or something

Or that

And probably leaves you flustered and it’s funny (to him) (and to me if I was there with you) (bc that would be funny)

Hmm I’m thinking

I’m thinking hair dye dates

He needs help doing his hair from time to time Y’know (he doesn’t he just likes spending time with you) and he wants to make it pink again

So he teaches you how to do his hair and even offers to dye yours one day

Either just a strand or the ends or everything, up to you

Imagine having twinning hair dye with makki isn’t that cute

I think it’s cute

I said ur platonically dating mattsun right

Yes you are now

He absolutely adores you and loves how much makki loves you

Probably would have asked you out if makki didn’t but he was really pushing for makki to because he was just all over you in the beginning

He wasn’t overly attached to you romantically so being friends? Perfect. Sounds great

You two get along wonderfully though like you act like siblings once you warm up to each other

Again, very brutally honest person, but a little more awkward so doesn’t know what he’s saying might come off as he’s acting like a dick

He doesn’t try to though and he does really care about you

Flat out told makki if he breaks up with you and breaks your heart he’s gonna kick his ass (makki doesn’t know he had the same (less aggressive) conversation with you)

Tbh all of the VBC at seijoh loves you

Oikawa loves talking to you he thinks you’re great for makki

Gets you in on he and makki and mattsun’s antics

Iwa thinks you’re good too he just doesn’t know you as well

I think that kunimi would like you (he was almost a runner up--)

Kindaichi too

The first years just think you’re cool even if they won’t say it out loud

Seijoh VBC loves you

You got mattsun’s approval

And hanamaki loves you with literally everything in his life

So

You’re pretty set with your strawberry baby huh

Date Night!

SLEEPOVERS

I was waiting for some matchup to come along that gave me sleepover vibes

In a perfect world where you could do sleepovers with your bf because most parents would,,,not let that happen

Imagine…

He shows up at like 7:00 after practice, pizza in hand because he picked up dinner

You two eat, chat about your day, he probably scarfs down half the pie bc it’s after practice ofc he’s hungry

So when you guys are done eating you head up to your room

And make pillow fort

It’s mandatory

Different design every time, but there’s a pillow fort nonetheless

And then when there’s just enough room for the both of you to climb in

You get a blanket and a couple pillows and one of your phones or laptops or whatever and watch a movie and cuddle

When the movie is over you guys break out the face masks

You ever wonder why he has such great skin? It’s thanks to you (or if you don’t have masks, he picks them up on the way home from practice)

But anyway you guys talk shit about people for a while and sit with the masks on (it’s usually him talking about how Oikawa is a bitch as much as he loves him) (or about whatever he and Mattsun were talking about lately)

You both get chances to vent while the masks sit on your face and you just vibe with music (usually that you pick) (he listens to like,,,meme songs and like CORPSE yk)

After masks you guys make/get some snacks and munch on those during another movie but this time you’re in comfy jammies and more relaxed Y’know

Less paying attention to the movie you’ve seen a million times and just vibing in each other’s presence and it’s just really sweet

Fall asleep on his chest

Let him fall asleep on yours

Either way, you’ve got him whipped for you he loves you

Not that he doesn’t already but that’s his favorite thing ever so please just let him do that

Always makes sure to tell you he loves you before you sleep too

If you fall asleep first he takes embarrassing pictures of you with your hair being a mess & you best bet he sends them to mattsun because “she’s so cute omfg” “dude” “dude what” “you’re so fuckin stupid” “?” “Whatever—good luck being whipped just tell me when you need to get a ring, k” “you’re such a jackass” “yeah yeah Gnight”

Zodiac/MBTI

Okay so I’m not doing a big long paragraph for all this BUT from what I understand, Gemini/Aquarius are really compatible, and ENTP and INFJ are known as “perfect matches” sO (I had a really hard time deciding between Atsumu and Makki because they're both ENTP)

Psst Gemini + Leo is compatible and so is INTP + INFJ,,,, so, again, asking you to marry me sho 💍💍

Aesthetic/Vibes

Playlist

Prelude and Fugue No. 1 in C major, BWV 846

Linus and Lucy by Vince Guaraldi Trio (meme song)

Sky Full Of Stars by The Piano Guys

Someone To You by The Piano Guys

Shut Up And Dance - Simply Three

Runners Up

Miya Atsumu, Tsukishima Kei