#kristi makes dumb art

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 3.2: Kelvin's butt buddies, gay Percy, two toxic families, and a lot of soldiers

Episode 3.2 introduces Eli's estranged brother-in-law Peter Montgomery, his sons, and a disturbing super-macho mirror of Kelvin's God Squad.

Title: "But Esau Ran to Meet Him," from Genesis 33.4.  Jacob has tricked his father Isaac into giving him the inheritance.  Esau is furious and vows to kill him, so he flees.  When he returns after 20 years, Esau behaves as if he is happy to see him, but....

Stephen's abusive wife:  Stephen, who was fired as Judy's guitarist after her brothers discovered their affair, is trying to tell his wife Kristy that he was "laid off," not fired.  She doesn't buy it.  It's a highly abusive relationship: she calls him "an unemployed, cokehead piece of shit who sulks all day."  He screams "Fuck you!", and she hits him with a glass blender.  Shattered glass all over his face and head, in front of the kids!  Whoa, scary.The Gemstones and their partners argue, but they never use abusive language or physical violence.  Except for the time that Amber shot Jesse in the butt. 

Later, Judy meets Stephen at Spanky's Cafe, a real restaurant in North Charleston, and offers him $10,000 to leave her alone: "I don't want to see you no' mo'."  But he still wants her.  Judy points out that he's married, but it doesn't matter: "I'd leave my family in a second if I could have you.  I'd murder them." Say what?  This guy is a psycho. Of course, he should leave his abusive wife, but murder her...and the kids?

Kelvin's Butt Buddies:  Jesse and Amber's adult son Gideon, who moved to California to become a stuntman, is back, lying on the veranda in a bathrobe, smoking a cigarette, holding a box of Lucky Charms cereal, and sulking.  The background song by Buddy Knox tells us: "I think I'm going to kill myself."  He injured his neck, and may never do stunt work, tumbling, or martial arts again.  At least he's displaying a nice chest.

In a much, much nicer parallel to the Stephen-Mandy confrontation, Gideon's parents order him to stop feeling sorry for himself, get off his butt, and go to work for the church.  But he doesn't want to preach.  Ok, so he can become Eli's driver. Remember that the long-term driver, Walker, was fired.

We cut to Gideon on his first assignment, driving Eli and the siblings to see if May-May's kids are ok.  They are living with her estranged husband, Peter Montgomery, and his militia, the Brotherhood of Tomorrow's Fires: they expect end of civilization, like Eli's Y2K scare back in 1999.   Eli calles them preppers: "They want to make sure they don't run out of toilet paper."

On the way to the compound, at the defunct Boy Scout Camp Wooden Feather, the siblings discuss their cousins, Karl and Chuck.  Kelvin says that he always found them "kind of dumb and strange."  But you haven't seen them since 2000, when you were ten or eleven.  How much do you remember?

Judy: "That's why I'm surprised you weren't butt buddies with them."  

He gets annoyed, not because she alludes to him being gay but because she implied that he's also "dumb and strange," and therefore perfect for the Montgomerys.

Not the God Squad:  Bizarre signs like "Now we will see" greet the family, along with multiple armed guards.  They pass Jacob (Stephen Louis Grush) cutting up a deer.  Kelvin smiles at him -- think he's hot, buddy?.  Then a military-style obstacle course;  guys practicing martial arts; a guy taking a shower outdoors (no beefcake); and finally the mess hall, where about thirty militia men are having lunch.

Wait -- no women and children?  The actual far-right militia movement has many female participants, but this is a male-only space, like Kelvin's God Squad in Season 2, but with scruffy guys in military fatigues instead of flexing musclemen.  It is dedicated to phileo instead of eros, buddy-bonding instead of homoerotic desire. An article on Doomsday Preppers notes that these male-only groups "cultivate a dangerous vision of apocalyptic manhood that consummates a fantasy of national virility in the demise of feminine society."  Women are weak and fragile, their civilization doomed. Only the "manly love of comrades" can survive the Apocalypse. 

May-May's son Chuck ushers Eli and the siblings in. They are greeted by Cousin Karl (Robert Oberst), who is delighted to see them; and Uncle Peter (Steve Zahn, below), who is not.  It's time for church, so get out!  No, the siblings offer to help lead the service: Jesse will preach, Judy will sing, and Kelvin will  perform some "feats of strength" for the kids -- the only time he references his muscles during the season.  No kids around, but maybe the militia guys would like to see some masculine beauty.  

Uncle Peter rejects the siblings' offer.  They are "phony fakers," entertainers, interested in making money rather than saving souls. 

Kelvin's Gay Friend: At the Salvation Center, Jesse, Kelvin, and designer Percy (Aaron Goldenberg) are going over the plans for the new executive boardroom. Percy has a gay-stereotyped name and occupation, so we can safely identify him as gay.

Background Alert: Aaron Goldenberg and Jake Jonez' video sketches, with the Mean Gays invading your dinner party, rejecting you as a hookup, and so on, have gone viral, with upwards of 35 million views across social media platforms.  In 2024, they "invaded" the Razzie Awards, giving them a national spotlight.

Back in the board room, Kelvin lays on the campy behavior and criticizes Judy's choice of color scheme,  becoming a hip-wiggling, eye-rolling, sassy Queer Eye for the Straight Guy host. He has been swishing like a Mean Gay all season, making sure that anyone who talks to him for a moment will figure "it" out.

When Martin comes in to tell them about a meeting with the Board of Ministers, Jesse orders Percy to "get the f* out," but Kelvin says goodbye nicely, while fiddling with his "wedding ring."   Why is Kelvin being nice to him?  In universe, he recognizes another gay person.  Structurally, we learn that Kelvin has gay friends.  He and Keefe are closeted, but not isolated: they are participating in the local LGBT community. 

Gaslighting BJ:  The siblings visit Eli at his fishing cabin to reveal that the Board of Ministers is "disgruntled," unhappy with how they are running the church.  But Eli refuses help: he won't always be around, and they have to learn to work together to solve their problems.   

Then Judy and BJ's Date Night: they leave the theater, discussing how cool it was to go to a movie and throw popcorn at people's heads.  "Lately we haven't been on the same page," Judy comments.  BJ doesn't know what she's talking about, so she digs herself in deeper, claiming that they were "on a break" when she was on tour.  Uh-oh, when you are on a break, you can see other people.

When he protests, she gaslights him, claiming that he said it.  Manipulative, but not nearly as crazy as last season's Judy.

Where's Keefe?  Judy/BJ and Kelvin/Keefe scenes almost always run parallel, so we should see the guys having marital problems immediately before or after Judy gaslights BJ.  But Keefe does not appear in this episode; we see Kelvin swishing it up in the board room instead.  This suggests that Kelvin's conflict is not with Keefe, but rather with his new position of authority.  It's one thing to be obviously gay while doing low prestige, nearly invisible jobs, and quite another to be gay while running the church.

Peter is Bat Shit Crazy:  Time for church in the militia compound. While the men sing "Power in the Blood." the feds raid!  Guys are being grabbed, assaulted, even shot and killed!   Cousins Karl and Chuck manage to escape, even though the guy in front of them is grabbed.

They  run to the "safe house":  a middle-aged women is sitting on a chair in the woods, making a sandwich while half-naked kids frolick. It is a surreal scene.  Who is she?  A militia man's wife?  A nature spirit?  The guardian of the underworld? She wordlessly points to a nearby cabin where ten or twelve militia guys have gathered, and we return to ordinary time.

Peter wants to know who alerted the feds -- the Gemstones?  And why did Karl and Chuck invite them in the first place?  Are they traitors? 

"No, Mama invited the Gemstones.  We had nothing to do with it." 

Peter doesn't believe them.  To get them to confess, he cuts part of Jacob's ear off!  Karl intervenes, and Peter orders his men to get him.  The Cousins run. Whoa, is he planning to disfigure his children?  This is even more toxic that Stephen-Kristy, like Kelvin's tyrannical rule of the God Squad times a thousand. 

Cut to Gideon driving Eli to a cheap motel, where Chuck, Karl, and May-May are hiding.  Peter is gunning for them -- and for the Gemstones.  His goons are parked right outside. So you ask Eli to come to your hotel and get spotted by the goons? Good thinking, Sis.  

The Shoe-Throwing Match: The Board of Ministers, representing every area of church administration, from finance to end-of-life services, want to know the siblings' plan for handling the declining membership.  They can't think of anything except an impromptu catch phrase, "We three and thee." You were notified of this meeting far in advance, plenty of time to think of a plan.  The meeting devolves into a shoe-throwing fight.  Kelvin continues to promote femme-gay behavior by wearing a glittery vest. 

Meanwhile, Eli agrees to hide the Montgomery Boys in his mansion.  To escape Peter's goons,  Gideon has do some fancy stunt driving, crash a few cars, plow through a golf course, and slam on the brakes to make his assailants crash into each other -- just below a "were you injured at work?" ambulance-chaser billboard.  The end.

Work problems, marital problems, and now a militia gunning for them.  The siblings are spiraling! 

The full review, with explicit soldier photos , is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[revisitingstoneybrook]

#15 Little Miss Stoneybrook...and Dawn: Chapter 1

Let’s get this one started with some traditional BSC drama!

Right off the bat, we're hit with an "Order! Order, please. Order! This meeting of the Babysitters Club will now come to order - and I mean it!" Kristy getting right down to business right away. It also mentions that she raps on Claudia's desk with the eraser end of the pencil. If it's so loud in the room, I doubt anyone heard it. I’m surprised she doesn’t have a gavel. Eep, I shouldn't give her any ideas. Dawn mentions it's the special day where they're getting two new official members, Jessi and the Redheaded Dork.

Before I go any further, maybe I should explain who the club members are, and what the Babysitters Club is. She mentions the club was Kristy's idea, probably because Kristy threatened to blackmail her if she didn’t give her credit right away. I’m sure Kristy has dirty secrets on all of them. Since we're talking about Dawn, I'll guess her secret is that she makes midnight runs to McDonalds every night for cheeseburgers.

We're just plain great with kids. We love them! Yes, you love them so much, you spend all your free time organizing carnivals/plays/summer camps/masquerades/taffy pulls instead of doing stuff normal teens do, like go to the mall or gossip about other teens or watch MTV or something.

Kristy says her "mouth gets her in trouble sometimes." There’s a dirty joke in there somewhere. Oh, and for once, Watson isn't described as “a real, live millionaire!” here, he's just "a really rich guy." And aw man, no outfit descriptions featuring oversized shirts or jumpsuits for Claudia.

Let's see, Mary Anne and Kristy are very different, Kristy's super tough, Mary Anne cries if she steps on an ant. Kristy thinks boys were put on this planet to torture her. Well, considering how Alan Gray lives to torment her, I guess that's partially right. And it again mentions that Kristy and Mary Anne are both short, though in a lot of the group pictures together, Mary Anne is always taller than Kristy. Well, the cover art wasn't always known for consistency, was it?

This is one of those post “Stacey goes back to NYC” books, so we get about two sentences about her. Then Dawn moves into her talk about health food, hot weather, and how oh-so ~independent~ she is. She also says we should know about her secret passage. That sounds dirty but I’m leaving it that way.

And, in case you didn't know, Mallory's a dweeb with curly hair, glasses and, in the icing on the awkward appearance cake, is getting braces. And, we’ll just get this out of the way now, Jessi's black. *gasps* And wears reading glasses? Do we ever hear about her wearing them after this?

Kristy then announces they're inducting two new members and Dawn promptly gets bitten by the jealousy bug. How dare she induct two 6th graders when all Dawn got was a nod from Mary Anne and a pizza toast. Dawn is miffed over this and blames it all on Kristy's personal vendetta against her for stealing Mary Anne away. So while Dawn wonders why a big deal wasn't made over her, the phone rings and, like always, everyone screams they'll get it.

Kristy picks up, it's Dr. Johanssen, who asks for Claudia. Uh-oh. Them's fighting words! "That's not how our club operates," Dawn says with a frown. A breach in cult club conduct! And apparently the clients know that they aren't allowed to request specific people! What will Claudia's and Dr. Johanssen's punishment be?

Sure enough, Claudia takes the job and Kristy freaks out at her. Mallory asks what the big deal is and Dawn "explodes" at her that the BSC does NOT work that way, embarrassing poor Mallory (as if she doesn't have enough to be embarrassed about already). Dawn apologizes for yelling at Mal, then adds in that Claudia broke "the most important rule."

I honestly don't get why everyone always goes ballistic if a family requests someone. Are they all so insecure that they assume if a family requests someone else, they're doing something wrong? They've failed as babysitters? Is there something so incredibly wrong about a family wanting someone? All the girls have their favorite clients, it would make sense that the kids would have favorite sitters too. They all need to chill out.

Claudia explains that Charlotte misses Stacey a lot and figures that Claudia is the next best thing since they’re best friends. Dawn gets bitten by the jealousy bug again and wishes that Charlotte asked for her. And like I predicted, she wonders what she did to piss off Charlotte and feels like she's a bad babysitter. Shut up, Dawn. It isn't the end of the world if, of all people, Charlotte Johanssen requests Stacey's best friend since she misses her so much.

This hits a raw nerve because Kristy gives the bitch treatment to Claudia with a huffy, "Well, if that's what Charlotte wants." She adds that they're all great sitters and she invented Kid-Kits goddammit! Mary Anne and Dawn also bring up wonderful things from their babysitting resumes (Mary Anne getting Jenny Prezzioso to the hospital, Dawn saving two kids from a fire), all the while Claudia feels even worse. They're guilt-tripping her! What did they expect her to do, tell Dr. Johanssen “Sorry, I can't take the job as we don't fulfill requests in the BSC. I'll turn it down but offer it to everyone so they can get a fair crack as well. That still good?” This makes zero sense.

Claudia tells them all to forget about it and it isn't an insult to anyone. It's forgotten momentarily as they get back to the Induction Ceremony or the Make Dawn Seethe with Jealousy Ceremony (at least that's what Dawn sees it as). Kristy makes Mallory and Jessi stand facing her with their right hands on the notebook. Claudia and Dawn think it's dumb and roll their eyes as Kristy has them recite, “I promise to be a good, reliable, and safe sitter, and to be true to the Babysitters Club forevermore.” Then they each sign their contracts inside the notebook with their own blood.

Mary Anne, being Mary Anne, bursts into tears and Claudia and Dawn, who are still too cool for school (especially in Claudia's case), roll their eyes again. Meeting ends and Dawn mentions "Later, I wished it never had." Oooooh, foreshadowing for the next chapter!

[betanyagito]

3 hours left of this decade here and I promised I’d write a sappy post so [ABBA voice] let’s go gays

Oh man. Oh boy. Was this a time. An entire 10 years spent on the internet. I’ve met people, got into new things, forgot old dreams and made new ones. How old was I when I first started here? 12? 13? It doesn’t feel real honestly. So much has happened that I still think about to this day, and as embarrassed as I am of my roots, I wouldn’t be who I am without them, and I likely wouldn’t have met the people I did if it weren’t for the early day join.mes and art streams from Deviantart and Minecraft askblogs on tumblr dot kom

I am thankful I got to know Minecraft, I got to know Hetalia, I got to know Homestuck. I am thankful these things allowed me to meet people who I couldn’t possibly imagine my life without right now. And that’s honestly the part I want to focus on. My friends

Old friends who I don’t talk to anymore, old friends who I don’t even know if are still around, old friends who still message me again and again sometime (honestly knowing that I’m still on their minds after all these years is the single most heartwarming thing ever), friends who I don’t talk with as frequently but still keep in my mind and get happy whenever we do end up meeting, and friends who are still here every day and support me endlessly.

If I were to talk about each and every one of them I would be sitting here all throughout January so I’ll try to talk about everyone in groups because I do want to take a moment to appreciate everyone. Everyone I’ve met shaped me into the person I am today, and while I am not perfect, I am happy. I am happy that I have the friends I do now

I remember the first big group of friends I’ve had when I first felt like I belonged. Kat, Wesley, Meni, Britain - those Whirled Days. I remember spending hours doing sprite edits and staying up late into the night to make sure I stayed caught up with rp and was present for the trials and murders lmao. I know it all ended on a sour note, but I will always treasure the moments we had together, and I’m so glad that after over six years I am still in touch with some of you. You were my first true out of the country friends, and you all helped me open my horizons and realize that the world is much much bigger than I had thought, and I can find friends anywhere who will love me

DR had stayed with me ever since, and I got to meet Mina, Chinch, Erika and Damien. Oh my god you guys. All my admiration for you four for being able to handle the edgefest that my writing and I was. I can’t believe we’ve lived through the peak days of DR tumblr rp. What a fucking Time that was. I would’ve never discovered my love for writing and betas without you all. You stuck with me through my worst years and always supported my dumb ideas. I remember the skypechats, the craigslist edits, the quiche, the zombie apocalypse, the adoption. I know I said I don’t want to address anyone one-on-one but Mina. Mina. If there’s anyone then you deserve a one-on-one. It’s been six (?) years. We’ve known each other for six (?!) years and we’ve seen each other go through so much. I know I tend to be really bad at communication and often fall short at replies but there’s not a day when I’m not thankful that I’ve met you and I still have you in my life. Your influence on me has been nothing but positive, you’ve taught me so much, how to love life, love my creations, how to be excited about anything. If I was half a good influence on you, I would already call that a success. I hope we will remain friends for a long time. At this point, I couldn’t imagine my life without having you in it. I just love you so much I almost teared up writing this ngl

And this one goes out to those Nanbaka SLUTS who also turned me into a slut who can never step foot into another church ever again. I can’t even recall how exactly I ended up in the discord group, but I know that you all were another milestone for me. Nick, Mew, Kristi, without you guys I would’ve never opened up towards people. I was scared back into my bubble where I just didn’t want to interact with fandoms ever again, but I you guys were one of the most accepting group of people I’ve ever met and probably ever will meet. You welcomed me with warmth and excitement and I still keep so many screenshots of the old discord chat that I read back whenever I need a good hearted laugh. Even now when our interests had changed, I’m so happy that we can still find a common note and have fun with each other. I wish nothing but the best for all of you

This brings us to the current era. All these muppet lovers......all these muppet lovers and I find so many friends.....Stella, Michael, Maple, Daco, Kris, Clover, Katie, Nette, Lili, Dani it was all Your Fault that this obsession started. I had such a fun time with all of you that now my brain cannot stop producing serotonin whenever I see a goddamn potato man. But even besides just having a common interest, you are all such wonderful people. You all helped me out of a rut and helped me shape myself, to be confident in my own opinions, to be able to stand up for myself and to have fun without worrying about what other people think. I am so grateful for every conversation we’ve had, every joke we shared, every idea we came up with together. I had no idea that a gag anime could ever get me such amazing friends, but it happened! And even if I don’t talk with some of you as often anymore, or at all, I will never forget any of you

Standing on more stable feet I was able to reach out to other parts of the fandom and start my own big project in the form of an askblog, and even if it’s stagnant now, it was one of the best decisions of my life, as I got to meet the most wonderful group of people. Nat, Athro, Buns, Turo, Jasp, JM, Lulu, Tris, Holly, Eden, Dairy, Ruri, Timey, Zako, Vivi, Ruah - you’re all just amazing. You accepted me into your group and I honestly feel like we’ve grown into a family. I’ve grown both as an artist and as a person thanks to you all, and I’ve never had such a tight knit group of friends before who’ve supported each other quite like you do. I feel loved and I know my voice is heard whenever I speak. I know that even on my worst days, you all will  be here. I know that you will hear even my most outlandish ideas, you will listen to me ramble about media you’ve never heard of and I more than gladly do the same for all of you too. I’ve never been more confident in my content and especially in my OCs. We’ve created something incredible together, and I am just so incredibly proud that I can say that I belong to MVA, that I can say that “hey thats my friend!!” whenever any of you come up, and I am so happy that I could meet all of you. I truly feel like I’ve become a much better person since meeting all of you. I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that we’ll be able to spend many more years together, and watch each other succeed in many more things

Despite what I intended this turned into a pretty lengthy post nevertheless whOOPS. I’m sorry if I left in any typos or anything of the sort. The bottom line of everything is- I’ve had some terrible times this decade. Really, awful times when I thought that theres no way, no way I would be able to continue on. But all these strangers online, who I’ve never even seen in person, you all were and are always there to extend a hand and help me back on my feet. There are many ways in which this decade sucked, there were many terrible news and terrible times, but, it was all worth it. If not for anything else, then for the fact that I’ve got to meet so many amazing and talented people. Thank you all for loving me and calling me a friend. I hope the next decade will treat all of us, but especially you well. You all deserve nothing but the best in your lives and I love all of you so so much

[radiohorizon]

38 years later

200 things you can put in my ask 200: My crush’s name is: Lacey😛😍
199: I was born in: 1999
198: I am really: short, tired, sarcastic, idk??
197: My cellphone company is: verizon
196: My eye color is: blue/grey
195: My shoe size is: 3 in kids, 5 in womens
194: My ring size is: i have no idea, probably small but not too small cause i got far fingers
193: My height is: 5'1
192: I am allergic to: sulfa drugs and grass
191: My 1st car was: dont have one
190: My 1st job was: waitress at a local restaurant 
189: Last book you read: King Lear in school but Clockwork Princess for fun
188: My bed is: my favorite and super comfy and my best friend literally comes over just to nap in it
187: My pet: 2 cats, 1 dog
186: My best friend: Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Katie, Kristy, Annabelle, Kyle, Hailey, Stevie, Bea
185: My favorite shampoo is: Suave Ocean
184: Xbox or ps3: xbox
183: Piggy banks are: idrc about them??
182: In my pockets: dont have pockeys rn
181: On my calendar: nothings
180: Marriage is: in my future
179: Spongebob can: idrc cause idc
178: My mom: is my favorite person
177: The last three songs I bought were? Wasted youth by fletcher In too deep by the sweeplings Is there somewhere by halsey 176: Last YouTube video watched: “50 things about me” by Nina Jablonska
175: How many cousins do you have? A shit ton
174: Do you have any siblings? 1 sister and 1 brother that ive never met
173: Are your parents divorced? No and i never see them getting divorced. Theyre honestly the only reason i still believe in love
172: Are you taller than your mom? We’re the same height actually
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope
170: What did you do yesterday? Went to school, studied, talked to Lacey, went to sleep

[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: i dunno
168: Luck: yes
167: Fate: yes
166: Yourself: lmao no
165: Aliens: yes
164: Heaven: i think
163: Hell: yes
162: God: i believe in something
161: Horoscopes: im not sure
160: Soul mates: yes
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: duh
157: War: i dont really know
156: Orbs: yes
155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: high
152: Phone or Online: depends
151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care
150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care
149: Hot or cold: cold
148: Summer or winter: summer
147: Autumn or Spring: autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches
145: Night or Day: night
144: Oranges or Apples: oranges
143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care
142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate
140: Mac or PC: PC
139: Flip flops or high heals: depends
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: coke
136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA 
135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live
134: Singing or Dancing: dancing
133: Coach or Chanel: dont care
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they?
131: Small town or Big city: small town
130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time
127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas
125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate
124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!!
123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles

[ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother
121: George Bush: gross
120: Gay Marriage: Gaaaaayyyyyy
119: The presidential election: grosser
118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice
117: MySpace: never had one so idk
116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb
115: Parents: i love them more than anything
114: Back stabbers: fuck you
113: Ebay: sketchy
112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central
111: Work: dont have ajob but am trying to get one
110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright
109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high
108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there
107: College: start it in 5 months :(
106: Sports: love em but suck at em
105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot
104: The future: scares the fuck out of me

[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago
102: Last time you ate: few hours ago
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym
100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend
99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good
98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago
97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think
96: Changed a diaper: never
95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago
94: Went to a wedding: last summer
93: Broke a bone: never
92: Got a peircing: last spring
91: Broke the law: never i think?
90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey

[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs
87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories
85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever
84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy,
83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope
81: My zodiac sign is: pisces
80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk
79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea
76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU
74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully
73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep
72: Today: school, test, painted, studied
71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends
70: Next Weekend: Stevenson university visit
69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver)
68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex
66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents
65: Last time I cried: last night
64: My friends are: the only reason im alive
63: My computer is: a Windows something
62: My School: sucks
61: My Car: doesnt exist
60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice
59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay and hunger games trilogy
58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown
57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo
56: Favorite web site: tumblr 
55: Your dream vacation: a lake house
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium
52: My room is: messy but my favorite place
51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson or Noel Fisher
50: Where would you like to be: childhood
49: Do you want children: yes
48: Ever been in love: ye
47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea
46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta
41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan
40: Last person I got mad at: my dad
39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware
38: I wish I was a professional: dancer

[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties
36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee 
35: President: OBAMA
34: State visited: Florida
33: Cellphone provider: dunno
32: Athlete: Misty Copeland
31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher
30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence
29: Singer: Amy Lee
28: Band: Evanescence
27: Clothing store: KOHLS
26: Grocery store: giant
25: TV show: shameless
24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang
23: Website: tumblr
22: Animal: monkey
21: Theme park: disney
20: Holiday: halloween
19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer
18: Sport to play: soccer
17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people?
16: Book: WAYYY too many
15: Day of the week: wednesday
14: Beach: bethany beach
13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit
12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese
11: Food: cheeseburger
10: Restaurant: green turtle
9: Radio station: 106.5
8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno
7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy
6: Flower: rose
5: Color: purple
4: Talk show host: my girl ellen
3: Comedian: john Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger 
2: Dog breed: golden retriever 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

[ciathyzareposts]

The Black Gate: A Microcosm

Pride goeth before the fall.

                      Lord British wasn’t quite as bad as I suggested in the last entry, although I might have expected a warmer greeting (and an explanation) from someone I haven’t seen in 200 years. It occurs to me that Lord British and the Avatar aren’t really “friends,” as such, and come to think of it, he probably would prefer that I weren’t there. I mean, let’s look at the evidence. First–and this blew my mind when I realized it–Lord British has never actually summoned the Avatar to Britannia. When the Avatar comes in Ultima IV, it’s because moonstones and lore books were scattered throughout the multiverse in hopes that someone who could become the Avatar would find one. Lord British didn’t know that the person who became the Avatar, specifically, would find it.

      Dupre, Iolo, and Shamino were responsible for the Avatar’s arrival in Ultima V, and they weren’t acting on Lord British’s orders because he’d been kidnapped. The gargoyles summoned the Avatar in Ultima VI to kill him. It’s not clear who opened the moongate in this game except that Lord British specifically denies doing it. Note, too, how quickly Lord British sends the Avatar back to Earth after each game. There’s absolutely no denouement–the Avatar gets shoved through a portal the very moment he completes the main quest.

     The reason becomes clear when you think about it: The Avatar is a threat to Lord British’s own power. The Avatar is a spiritual figure who enjoys almost universal love, admiration, and recognition. He’s shown himself wise and courageous enough to save Britannia from destruction several times over. He’s built and re-built himself from Level 1 to Level 8 half a dozen times. He’s mastered the arts of war and magic. He knows everyone important in the kingdom. And by Lord British’s own standards, the Avatar the only person virtuous enough to bear his title. Would you want him around if you were a monarch? 

         The conversation starts out well.

        But he’s not dumb enough to recognize the Avatar’s utility, and he’s aware that a few things are clearly wrong. The most obvious concerns magic. It’s been going wonky lately. Spells don’t work. Mages, including his long advisor Nystul and Rudyom in Cove, are going insane. Rudyom had been studying something called “blackrock.”

Almost immediately, he wants to know if I brought my Orb of the Moons. I thought the backstory had me grabbing it, but it’s not in my possession, so I say no. This concerns Lord British. He worries that I’ll be trapped in Britannia. He gives me his Orb so I won’t have to stay, suggesting that it might work better for me because I’m freshly arrived.

           “Feel free to try it right now.”

          As we saw last time, Lord British is a bit naive about the Fellowship and Batlin, but he is aware that something is going on. In addition to the trouble with magic and the ominous rumbling, he says, “there is something wrong in Britannia.” He’s not sure exactly what, but: “Something is hanging over the heads of the Britannian people. They are unhappy. One can see it in their eyes. There is nothing that is unifying the population, since there has been peace for so long.” He wants me to go hang out with them and see what I can find out.     He is horrified to hear about the murder in Trinsic. He remembers a similar one from four years ago in Britain, and he suggests I talk with the mayor, Patterson, about it.               

I ask him about the earthquake, and he’s 100% up-to-speed on that. He says that for some reason, the Isle of Fire where I defeated Exodus has recently risen from the ocean. He warns me to watch out for the remains of Exodus and to make use of the shrines of virtue that I might find there. “Shrines of virtue?” I reply, confused. Yes, he says. In addition to the shrines to each individual virtue that I visited repeatedly in Ultimas IV through VI, Lord British also had built three shrines to the three principles of virtue: truth, love, and courage. These were on the Isle of Fire when it sank.           

You lose more credibility with every word you speak.

                I’m not sure how much I buy this little retcon, which not only suggests that Lord British conceived of the Quest of the Avatar before Sosaria became Britannia, but that first three shrines he had built were coincidentally unneeded during the actual quest. He goes on to say that the shrines are “meant for the use of an Avatar only,” so not only had he planned the quest before building any of the other shrines, he was so sure that it would succeed that the first three he built presumed the quest would be completed. Uh-huh. Anyway, he gave me a deed to a shop, docked near Vesper (Vesper’s back!) if I wanted to visit the island.      Beyond that, we make a little small talk. The castle has been renovated. He likes it but is annoyed by the nursery, which the Great Council talked him into implementing for his staff. (I’m 100% sure this reflects something happening at ORIGIN at the same time.) He’s kept my stuff, including a spellbook, in a chest for 200 years; I’ll find it in the west side of the castle; the key is in Lord British’s study.           

Indeed.

                  A couple of entries ago, in relation to Trinsic, I noted that the increased realism of the simulation and graphics made it increasingly hard to regard the small number of buildings and people in the city as a representative sample, leading us to the uncomfortable conclusion that a major city houses only 10 people. Ultima VII, like the Elder Scrolls games but unlike, say, Baldur’s Gate, has chosen not to fill the streets with generic NPCs or provide matte backgrounds suggesting untold miles of city blocks beyond the few that we can walk and experience for ourselves. Nonetheless, many of you argued that we should still regard the few buildings we see and the few NPCs we meet as a small representative sample of a much bigger world. While I have logical problems with this, I noted more and more signs of the truth of this view as I explored the tiny Castle Britannia.             

A) It’s kind of weird to denigrate your own sister as “prudish.” B) You’re so very, very wrong.

          The fortress is a single story, except for a roof with four corner rooms. The main floor has a courtyard in the middle with Lord British’s throne room north of the courtyard. When he’s on the throne, it’s just him and four guards–no advisors or courtiers or anything. The guards are all generically named “guard” (an exception with the “no generic NPC” rule), and they all call me an idiot for asking about their jobs.              

The Avatar’s eye twitches. His hand floats towards the hilt of his sword . . .

           Moving clockwise around the castle from Lord British’s throne room, we first come to the dining room and kitchen. A woman named Boots (it’s been her nickname since she was a child) runs the kitchen and cooks for the entire castle. She turns out to be the matriarch of a family that is all in service to Lord British. Boots’s husband, Benny, is the head butler. Her son, Charles, is a servant in love with a bartender at the Blue Boar named Jeannette. Her daughter, Nell, is a chambermaid. More on Nell in a minute. Anyway, Boots tells me that her husband is going absent-minded and forgot to order a bunch of mutton from Paws; if I go there and pick it up, she’ll pay me 3 gold pieces per loin or chop or whatever mutton is divided by. Surely there’s some kid who could do this?             I guess being the Avatar doesn’t qualify me to eat whatever I want from the kitchen, because the first time I grabbed a piece of bread, every NPC in the area screamed bloody murder and the guards came running.           

Great. Lord British’s own guards are open to bribery.

                  Lord British’s hated nursery comes next. It’s run by an old woman named Nanna. While she loves her job, she complains about the class system in Britannia and the crushing level of taxes imposed by the Britannian Tax Council. (I’m not sure that we ever meet these people, which is more evidence for the idea that the NPCs we do meet are just supposed to be a representative sample. Clearly, the Tax Council exists somewhere). Nanna has recently joined the Fellowship.          

Oh, right. Somehow Sherry the Mouse is still alive, too. I don’t believe any explanation for the ability of the mouse to talk is ever given, let alone its longevity.

            Nanna’s charges are three toddlers, and the weird thing is that only one of them is a child of an employee. What Nanna is really running is an orphanage. Max is the son of Miranda, who serves on the Great Council. A toddler named Kristy was found in an abandoned building in Paws. (The fact that there are no abandoned buildings in Paws is a perhaps evidence for the idea that the buildings we see are just supposed to be a representative sample.) Nicholas, the youngest, was left at the castle gates one night. He can’t even really speak. Sometimes, the kids are sleeping in cradles, which you can rock by double-clicking on them.           

If this was a modern console game, getting them to rock all at once would probably be an “achievement.”

           It’s a point of amusement that the Avatar’s script–NAME, JOB, BYE–never wavers even when he’s talking with children, who are particularly confused about the idea of a “job.” This is particularly funny for me because ever since I read this XKCD comic, my default reaction to being presented with a friend’s new baby is, “I hope it does a good job.”          

The Avatar’s dialogue options don’t change even when the subject is pre-verbal.

             We learn that Nicholas’s “job” is to try not to wet his diaper. At this, he has apparently recently failed, and the Avatar has the opportunity–this is not only a “first” in CRPG history but likely an “only”–to replace it with a fresh one by double-clicking on the clean diaper and then double-clicking on Nicholas. You want to get this right because there’s also a dirty diaper in the room, and if the Avatar uses that one, Nicholas’s vocabulary develops real quick.          

“Nurture” wins the old “Nature/Nurture” debate.

               While we’re on the subject of diapers, Spark complains at one point about the smell of them. You wouldn’t think three children, two of them almost too old for diapers, would produce enough to really ruin a room, particularly in an age that didn’t otherwise have actual toilets. Here again is some evidence that we’re supposed to imagine more children, perhaps even more staff members, in this area.

Continuing on, we pass a servant’s bedroom on the way to the Royal Council Chamber, which has only three seats despite having at least five members. I say this because the one member present, Miranda, mentions that she’s one of three women on the Council, and the gargoyle in the chamber, Inwisloklem (doesn’t that would like it would be an Ultima V spell? IN WIS LO KLEM!), says he’s one of two gargoyles. Miranda suggests that three women is in fact a small minority. I’m not sure we ever get an actual number of people on the Great Council, but let’s assume it’s at least 12. This provides us quantifiable evidence that the real size of the world, its buildings, and its people is supposed to be about four times what we actually see.              

Miranda will learn that such things must be possible for any free speech to be possible.

         My friend Corey, who is black, once told me that the true test of whether a white man is free of racism and prejudice is not whether he has black friends or whether he generally gets along with black people, but how he feels when he finds out that a black man is dating his sister. (“Daughter” also works well.) The CRPG version of this, for me, was finding a couple of gargoyles occupying prominent positions in Lord British’s castle. I confess I actually had a bit of a reaction to it when I first played this game back in the 1990s. I mean, it’s one thing to not want to see them victims of genocide, but to put them on the Council? What was Lord British thinking? That sort of thing. Naturally, I was expecting it this time, but I thought it was still an amusing example of art reflecting life.     Anyway, Inwisloklem reports that there’s a lot of tension between Britannians and the gargoyles, starting with the relatively inhospitable island, Terfin (which one had Lord Blackthorn’s palace), that they were given to settle. He’s considering joining the Fellowship, apparently unaware of their involvement with the Britannian Purity League. A second gargoyle named Wislem is lurking around the castle, claiming to be Lord British’s advisor. He reports that Lord Draxinusom is still alive, and he suggests that I visit him to report on the death of Inamo. Draxinusom will know if he has family.             

You would have thought 200 years was enough.

            Miranda, who’s something of a feminist, wants to see more women in government positions and would like to ban fantasy depictions of women in revealing armor. At the time, they’re working on a bill to outlaw the pollution of Lock Lake, and Miranda wants me to take a copy to Lord Heather, Cove’s mayor, for his signature.     Continuing onward, we find the quarters of Lord British’s personal bodyguard, Geoffrey, who despite his title spends all of his time training in his quarters. The quarters are notably spartan; Geoffrey appears to sleep on a bare mattress. I’ve always found Geoffrey to be the least interesting and most useless of my old Ultima IV companions–enough so that I generally play a fighter in that game so I don’t even get him in the party. He has nothing important to say here.          

For your sake, I’m going to forget you said that.

                Chuckles stands in the entry hall to the castle at the far south. Chuckles is perhaps the worst NPC in RPG history–and yes, I’m including the Adoring Fan. The classic jester character in fantasy–think Wit from Brandon Sanderson’s The Stormlight Archive or Robin Hobb’s Fool–is funny and witty but also somewhat deep and tragic. He has wisdom when it’s called for. Chuckles has none of that. He’s just a jackass. His jokes aren’t even funny. And you know what? Lord British doesn’t even seem to like him. I’m not even sure he really works for Lord British. He’s never in the throne room. He’s always hanging around the entryway to the castle, as if he’s some Britannian version of Mister Myxlplyx, and Lord British found it easier to just ignore him than deal with him. I mean, he’s been keeping up his shtick for 200 years now. What kind of sociopath does that?   Here, he wants to play The Game. It takes a few attempts at dialogue to understand what The Game is. I didn’t remember it from last time, but I picked it up fairly quickly: It’s to speak only in single syllables. A few lines of inane dialogue later, and I had a CLUE to consult the fortune-teller in Minoc. I’m sure the CLUE will turn out to be something about saving the gargoyles in Ultima VI (I don’t actually remember), so I’m not going to hustle off to Minoc real soon.           

Why couldn’t the first option have used “kill”?

         The west side of the castle goes quickly. Nystul’s quarters are next, followed by a random servant’s quarters, Lord British’s study, and two more servants’ quarters. Nystul has gone senile from whatever is happening to magic, but he still sells spells and reagents. There isn’t otherwise much to say about these rooms except for the books. This entry is already getting so long that I’m going to offer some book commentary as a separate bonus posting.

I’ll also note here that the Avatar can sleep in any of the beds, even Lord British’s, as long as he beats the true occupants to them. Another party member asks what time he wants to be awakened, and the Avatar specifies a time between 0 and 12 hours. I have no idea where the other party members go during this period, only that they’re back when it’s time to get up, and almost certainly they’re complaining about hunger. They’re really just like my cats in that regard. As I sleep the first night in the castle, the Guardian’s voice taunts me: “Yes, my friend, rest and heal, so you are strong and able to face the perils before you. Pleasant dreams.” It’s amazing how well the voice actor is able to turn such pleasant words into menacing threats.

In the northwest part of the castle, we have Lord British’s quarters. I note first of all that his “king” bed is just two double beds pushed together. It’s surrounded by bedcurtains that can be double-clicked to open and close. I’m slightly disappointed that the mirrors don’t reflect anything. (Even in 2020, have we seen any games with realistic mirror behavior?) You can also double-click the candles on his end tables to light them. How were 50 more games not created with this engine!?!

An astute explorer has noted a ring of servants’ corridors or guards’ corridors surrounding all of the rooms to the castle. Lord British’s changing room is the only place that offers access from this side, via a partly-hidden lever in the north. In general, secret doors in Ultima VII are denoted with barely-visible square stones in the middle of the wall textures. Sometimes, you can just double-click on them to open them, but other times they require a switch or lever. Here, almost every room in the castle has them, but they require a lever on the other side. This would make me uncomfortable, frankly, if I had one of these bedrooms.             

The arrow points to the lever. The wall to the northwest has one of the “secret door” symbols.

            Once you have access to the outer ring of walls, you can go up a flight of stairs to the castle roof. There, you can access a pair of cannons pointed down the drawbridge, although to no real purpose. I violated my “no theft” rule only once this session by “pocketing” one of the barrels of gunpowder next to one of the cannons; they’re just too damned useful to ignore. Incidentally, you mistake regular barrels for gunpowder barrels–which light and explode in response to double-clicks–exactly once.      Each of the four turrets has a corner room at the top. In the northwest room, I find the gear that Lord British was talking about: A shield, a bedroll (allowing me to sleep almost anywhere), a two-handed sword, some gold, some magic boots, some food, and my old spellbook It comes with a full set of Level 0 spells–basic cantrips like “Awaken,” “Weather,” “Douse,” and “Ignite”–and a few other scattered spells from the first through the third level: “Cure,” “Light,” “Fire Blast,” and “Heal.”           

The Avatar claims his spellbook.

         The northeast room has some armor, but I can’t figure out how to open the secret door to get in there. The southeast room is an empty jail cell. The southwest room holds Weston, husband of Alina, who I met back at the homeless shelter in Paws. Weston confirms that he stole apples from the Royal Orchid after the overseer, Figg, quoted an absurd rate. (He also reported that Figg has been giving free apples to the Fellowship.) Weston offers no excuse for his “crime” other than the poverty inflicted by an unjust class system. Every one of his lines is mocked by a nearby guard whose entire job must be to stand outside this one cell, because he continues doing it after Weston is freed. The guard is a satire of the modern cable-news-watching, talk-radio-listening observer whose political views are entirely devoid of nuance. Right and wrong are defined by rigid adherence to the law and those in power. Any attempt to excuse or mitigate crime is saying, “Boo-hoo; it’s society’s fault.” His father was poor and yet somehow managed to get by without committing crimes, so that anecdote should apply to everyone.           

Do you think the official term is “Paviaphobia?”

          I return to Lord British, who expresses horror at Weston’s story, searches the records, concludes that someone had “usurped mine authority,” promises a full investigation into Figg, and orders Weston released at once. This happens so quickly that the cell is empty when I return.            

I half-expected him to next say, “I usually execute people for that!”

         Before we wrap up, let’s return to Nell and her family. Nell is the castle’s chambermaid. She is pregnant and engaged to Carrocio, an entertainer who runs the “Punch & Judy” show out in Britain. When questioned about her child, she says that Carrocio is probably the father. She muses: “Then again, it could be . . . no, probably not him. Or could it be? Hmmm, that would be interesting.”                

Given your situation, I think you might waive that requirement.

            I don’t know if it’s possible to solve this mystery without killing Lord British, but–after taking a save, of course–that’s what I did. A few times a day, Lord British stands at the doorway between his throne room and the courtyard, looking into the latter with satisfaction. If at that moment you double-click on the plaque above his throne room door, it falls off and embeds himself in his head, supposedly a joke based on an incident in which a piece of metal fell off the ORIGIN building and hit Richard Garriott in the head, sending him to the hospital. To drive the joke home, the Avatar nonsensically yells, “Yancey-Hausman will pay!” This is the name of a still-extant commercial real estate firm that owned ORIGIN’s building.          

The Guardian is pleased with this turn of events. Note: To avoid the discussion, I have speech turned on, but if you just HEAR the Guardian, it doesn’t really help in a screenshot.

          Lord British’s corpse–for which the graphic artists designed a gruesome imagine of the plaque stuck in his head–holds only one object: His will.             

Being of sound mind and body, I hereby bequeath all of my belongings to . . . Nell, my beloved chambermaid. She has kept me warm so many nights, which is more than I can say for most of my bloody subjects! And to our unborn child I bequeath my crown. Long live the king. Or queen, whichever it shall be!

                 There’s so much to unpack in this letter, and a huge question is whether we’re to regard it as canonical. If it is, wow. No one would begrudge Lord British a love interest, of course, but it’s a little troubling that he keeps her and her entire family in servitude instead of recognizing her and at least elevating her to queen-consort or something. More important, he’s willing to let another man raise his unborn child, only recognizing the child if he dies, at which point he won’t be around to see the havoc that this causes for Nell and Carrocio’s marriage. Even worse, the letter shows a secret contempt for his subjects that we’ve never heard from his mouth, and he clearly expects that his government will continue as a hereditary monarchy.         

I didn’t do anything. I was just reading a plaque.

       You could argue that the letter is just supposed to be an Easter egg, an in-joke, accessible only by doing something that breaks the game, but that’s hard to countenance because it’s the second half of the mystery that Nell introduces in regular dialogue. Either way, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If some ORIGIN employee is responsible for this note (and the general portrayal of Lord British in this and the next game) without consulting Richard Garriott, it was a pretty mean thing to do to one’s boss. If Richard Garriott was aware, or if it was his idea, then it’s a pretty weird thing to do to your alter-ego.            Oddly, no one in the castle has any reaction to Lord British’s demise, so perhaps he wasn’t all that beloved after all. Suspecting that his death makes the game unwinnable, I of course reloaded. 

             She said loudly and clearly while looking around her nervously.

             But we can’t go without finding out how Lord British reacts to being changed with a dirty diaper. I gave it a try while he was sitting down to dinner. The answer is: he screamed, fled to the corner, and then turned around and killed everyone in the entire room with fireballs.

        A diaper brings out the king’s true nature.

           I’m definitely saving one of those for Batlin.

Wow. Over 4,000 words on the castle alone. This is a very content-rich game. Shall I continue with this level of detail, or is it getting to be too much?      Time so far: 7 hours        Edit: I woke up in the middle of the night realizing that someone would ask what happens when you attempt to put a clean diaper on Lord British. I was mildly terrified by the possibilities but I knew I had to try it. Thankfully, he (and any adult) just says, “Those are for babies.” Nothing else happens. Whew.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/the-black-gate-a-microcosm/

[hellotvv]

Sad Sometimes

Sometimes when I think about how things ended, I get kinda sad... I understand everything happened and obviously things ended due to mistakes on both parties. But I guess endings are sometimes kinda really tragic. I guess, when I think back. I truly loved her, and really tried to show her that I loved her. I suppose a problem could be is that maybe I was really invested in some ways? I guess sometimes I was scared to lose her, since despite some really hard times, I really loved her and always believed that hey it’s not that hard to be happy together. I guess in the process of idk really trying, doing sacrifices, trying to be a good bf (in my eyes ofc, very subjective), and really loving her/caring about her. Sometimes it leads to fights actually o.o since I guess when you’re really committed/care about something, you naturally get more emotional. So I’d be worried about her potentially falling for another guy or maybe repeating past mistakes or when it seems like she doesn’t love me/care about me and etc, that I get upset. I guess I realize that interestingly from playing Smash. When I beat some of these players (really good at sm4sh nowadays lol), people sometimes get really upset from losing to me. One guy slammed the table O_O and really scared me. Other people get really frustrated and etc. I guess they really spend the time playing sm4sh and when you put so many hours in something and care about it, losing probably feels terrible. I can only imagine what it would feel like waiting all years for the olympics and do terrible at it. Oh man, would someone be a sad boy. I guess this applies to relationships too o_o. I think I brought this up to Stefanie once before, that sometimes our fights are legit because we just really care about each other/don’t want to lose each other/etc. Idk I guess from playing in a sm4sh tournie today, it gave me a random epiphany after seeing how upset my friend was and how he was actually nearly in tears for whatever reason for losing a really close match to someone he really wanted to beat. I mean, I wouldn’t cry over a video game, but ofc that’s just me. I’m not as invested in the game as some ppl are, so I can’t understand but I try to tho. I can recognize that hey, he probably tries really hard, puts in the hours, and really just wanna win or whatever. So when he fails, it feels awful especially after being really invested, so naturally he/other ppl will either be really sad/give up or angry or however they might deal with their emotions. From recognizing that, I guess it’s possible to take it as a lesson for relationships. Sometimes fights are dumb af, and sometimes it’s just because ppl care. Like maybe a fight is caused by a jealous SO, and it’s only because they care. Or someone is upset at something and wishes the other person stop doing it, so the relationship would improve. But sometimes that causes a fight in the process, but I mean at the end of the day the fight started since a person really cares about the relationship. I think Kai and her bf had that fight over uhh his seemingly no plans for Valentine’s Day, since it seemed like he didn’t really care about her/their first Valentine’s Day life milestone, while she really cared about him and the celebration. Ofc, sometimes fights might just be idk pure fights due to conflict/etc. But it’ll probably be important to sit down and think, hey we’re kinda having a fight right now, but it’s only because we really care about each other and wants the relationship to be successful/wants to be happy together. So in terms of application to me, I guess looking back sometimes I do admit fights were started by me, since I just really loved her and was just worried about losing her/that she doesn’t love me back/feeling insecure, since I just really cared. Also I need to learn that in the future, I should try better to recognize that fights are ok and prob just makes the relationship stronger/better and it’s not a bad thing, and that sometimes fights are dumb and start out of love/caring a lot about the other person/relationship.

So I guess back to why I’m a bit sad sometimes when I think about things ending. I guess, it’s sad, since I just really wanted to be happy with her. I just wanted to do the things on our todo list, I just wanted to celebrate more life milestones with her, I just wanted her to look only at me, be able to do cute coupley things with her, and idk just go the distance like how I imagined we would sometimes. I do agree, when thinking about the future, it sometimes does seem hard due to issues. But I guess sometimes when you focus too hard on the future or think about it too much, things become ughhh. Like when I think about certain problems too much, I just make it out to be much worst than it really is O_O overthinking yo... Sometimes I realize I just gotta take things one day at a time, face my problems slowly, and things will generally work out. If not, at least I’m less stress/worried, which generally leads to better chances of solving problems! Interestingly enough, sometimes I think the relationship would have improved a bit more given time together. I ended up being far too free uh last quarter, this quarter kinda ehh busy, and etc. I have a really great solid group of friends (multiple diff friend groups) and parties that I go to that I could have introduced her to/invited her to. I’m going to have my own studio apartment/single apartment next year, so no more housemates :( Uhh, pretty down to live in Asia one day, due to multitude of reasons. Got pretty into chinese culture and read a ridiculous amount of chinese novels and learned a bunch of chinese idioms (http://www.wuxiaworld.com/chinese-idiom-glossary/) I read modern novels too and been considering watching some dramas. Uhm, idk have even more cool hobbies to share/teach about. I definitely stepped up on fitness game, legit like 138 lbs now from like 155 O_O. I was like 140ish freshmen year? I’d like to think that I became slightly more mature as time goes by too! I got better at photography and could have been a weird boy like the93044 and make an ig of just cool pics of gf lol. Uhh, I became slightly less picky of an eater. Grew to really like chicken, uhm slowly liking fish more, steaks, learned about even more cool food places, and etc. Idk making good progress! I also watch a good amount of cooking videos and been slowly working on that (really slowly tho lol). I baked a cake the other day, make pasta sometimes, cook rice pretty often, eat better, make eggs/omelettes, cooked a steak actually wowow, helped kristy cook salmon, quesadillas, and idk been slowly improving :OO. I’d like to get into cooking/baking more, and watch quite a bit. But idk generally too lazy/low motivation to cook if it’s just for myself lol. If I had another person to cook for, I’d be a lot more motivated. Uhm, I’m not super arts and craftsy, but I subscribed to this channel and was super down to make this box one day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRWtS06OI0A  maybeee I’ll get a chance to make this box one day, and it’ll be prob a sick gift for a SO!! :^) Idk, I try to constantly improve myself, so the next step in my handmade creative gifts would probably be that box! Jessica told me it’s not too hard to make, even tho it does seem overwhelming when watching it, and most materials can just be obtained from Michaels or Amazon~ Uhh, what else have improved about myself... Uhm, friends, hobbies, food/cooking/baking, arts and crafts/gifts, fitness, uhh I dress pretty much relatively the same with some wardrobe expansion (nott that much in the past 6 months), maybe maturity, some more free time, and idk? Idk what else comes to mind. Maybe slowly figuring out relationships more, myself, other people, and etc..? I guess that’s maturity tho. Uhm, my room got way cooler lol... ;-; I have posters and 6 foot bean bag chair, sick gaming chair, comfy bed, 2nd monitor, two laptops, ipad pro, and idk :( kinda cool room.. I still have a unique diction, and apparently very trendy/catchy. Since when ppl hang out with me, they start copying how I talk lol. Since I say, hii frend or fam or lit or cancer or lavish or sad boys or study boys or broads or you deserve it or idk what else I say at the top of my head. But lol legit 80% of my friends copy what I say nowadays :3 Kinda cool. Hmhm, idk what else improved about me, but I think I could have been an even better SO for her given some more time. 

I feel like I should recap my weekend, but it’s like super ehhh .-. like eventful, but not very lit. Maybe later on when it’s more lol~ Need to buy beyond ticket still tho with friends :O and decide on a cool airbnb to stay at together. Still miss her and wish she was in my life sometimes too :( and I guess that’s all for this weekend blog post with 0 recap, since .-. days

[pillowspunspoetry]

So there's been this argument going around...

[radiohorizon]

All of them. Please? For me?

Youre killin meeeeeee🙄

200 things you can put in my ask200: My crush’s name is: Lacey😛😍
199: I was born in: 1999
198: I am really: short, tired, sarcastic, idk??
197: My cellphone company is: verizon
196: My eye color is: blue/grey
195: My shoe size is: 3 in kids, 5 in womens
194: My ring size is: i have no idea, probably small but not too small cause i got far fingers
193: My height is: 5'1
192: I am allergic to: sulfa drugs and grass
191: My 1st car was: dont have one
190: My 1st job was: waitress at a local restaurant 
189: Last book you read: King Lear in school but Clockwork Princess for fun
188: My bed is: my favorite and super comfy and my best friend literally comes over just to nap in it
187: My pet: 2 cats, 1 dog
186: My best friend: Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Katie, Kristy, Annabelle, Kyle, Hailey, Stevie, Bea
185: My favorite shampoo is: Suave Ocean
184: Xbox or ps3: xbox
183: Piggy banks are: idrc about them??
182: In my pockets: dont have pockeys rn
181: On my calendar: nothings
180: Marriage is: in my future
179: Spongebob can: idrc cause idc
178: My mom: is my favorite person
177: The last three songs I bought were?Wasted youth by fletcherIn too deep by the sweeplingsIs there somewhere by halsey176: Last YouTube video watched:"50 things about me" by Nina Jablonska
175: How many cousins do you have?A shit ton
174: Do you have any siblings?1 sister and 1 brother that ive never met
173: Are your parents divorced?No and i never see them getting divorced. Theyre honestly the only reason i still believe in love
172: Are you taller than your mom?We're the same height actually
171: Do you play an instrument?Nope
170: What did you do yesterday? Went to school, studied, talked to Lacey, went to sleep[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: i dunno
168: Luck: yes
167: Fate: yes
166: Yourself: lmao no
165: Aliens: yes
164: Heaven: i think
163: Hell: yes
162: God: i believe in something
161: Horoscopes: im not sure
160: Soul mates: yes
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: duh
157: War: i dont really know
156: Orbs: yes
155: Magic: yes[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: high
152: Phone or Online: depends
151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care
150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care
149: Hot or cold: cold
148: Summer or winter: summer
147: Autumn or Spring: autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches
145: Night or Day: night
144: Oranges or Apples: oranges
143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care
142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate
140: Mac or PC: PC
139: Flip flops or high heals: depends
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: coke
136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA 
135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live
134: Singing or Dancing: dancing
133: Coach or Chanel: dont care
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they?
131: Small town or Big city: small town
130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time
127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas
125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate
124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!!
123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles[ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother
121: George Bush: gross
120: Gay Marriage: yay
119: The presidential election: grosser
118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice
117: MySpace: never had one so idk
116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb
115: Parents: i love them more than anything
114: Back stabbers: fuck you
113: Ebay: sketchy
112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central
111: Work: dont have ajob
110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright
109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high
108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there
107: College: start it in 5 months :(
106: Sports: love em but suck at em
105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot
104: The future: scares the fuck out of me[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago
102: Last time you ate: few hours ago
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym
100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend
99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good
98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago
97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think
96: Changed a diaper: never
95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago
94: Went to a wedding: last summer
93: Broke a bone: never
92: Got a peircing: last spring
91: Broke the law: never i think?
90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs
87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories
85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever
84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy,
83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope
81: My zodiac sign is: pisces
80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk
79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea
76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU
74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully
73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep
72: Today: school, test, painted, studied
71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends
70: Next Weekend: towson university visit
69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver)
68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex
66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents
65: Last time I cried: last night
64: My friends are: the only reason im alive
63: My computer is: a Windows something
62: My School: sucks
61: My Car: doesnt exist
60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice
59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay
58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown
57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo
56: Favorite web site: tumblr 
55: Your dream vacation: a lake house
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium
52: My room is: messy but my favorite place
51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson
50: Where would you like to be: childhood
49: Do you want children: yes
48: Ever been in love: ye
47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea
46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta
41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan
40: Last person I got mad at: my dad
39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware
38: I wish I was a professional: dancer[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties
36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee 
35: President: OBAMA
34: State visited: Florida
33: Cellphone provider: dunno
32: Athlete: Misty Copeland
31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher
30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence
29: Singer: Amy Lee
28: Band: Evanescence
27: Clothing store: KOHLS
26: Grocery store: giant
25: TV show: shameless
24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang
23: Website: tumblr
22: Animal: monkey
21: Theme park: disney
20: Holiday: halloween
19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer
18: Sport to play: soccer
17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people?
16: Book: WAYYY too many
15: Day of the week: wednesday
14: Beach: bethany beach
13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit
12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese
11: Food: cheeseburger
10: Restaurant: green turtle
9: Radio station: 106.5
8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno
7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy
6: Flower: rose
5: Color: purplr
4: Talk show host: my girl ellen
3: Comedian: jon Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger 
2: Dog breed: golden retriever 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

[pillowspunspoetry]

So everyone's talking about the update and I'm just here having too much affection for a fictional character who only appeared in two pages.

Remember when Jaxy was a fandom joke AGES ago?

[pillowspunspoetry]

Hey, Amii, remember when I told you I'd draw your patron?

Yeah, neither do I. What was that, like 4 months ago? Hahahaha

Here he is!