#knotting grass together in comfortable but anticipatory silence

[was70th]

good morning! in d4 wedding tradition, it’s the couple themselves who weaves the net used in their ceremony…. they’re literally tying the knot. while it is traditionally done with rope, in thirteen they wouldn’t spare that particular resource, and annie and finnick actually enjoyed the careful, delicate work that came with weaving grass.

[a-little-international]

The Height Of Summer (9)

Summary: She’s a whirling dervish, and he’s trying his best to keep up.

Warnings: some angst and some fluff, what else is new.

Words: 3327

A/N: sorry for the long delay - i graduated uni and started working full time in the world’s most soul sucking corporate job that drained me of all inspiration and joy. Don’t worry though, i quit it without having anything else lined up (i’m v v worried lmao). Anyway, here’s some stuff.

The Series: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10

Chapter 9 - Summer

“No, listen, hear me out - what I think we really need is Netflix or HBO to get on making a full Harry Potter show. Just throw a bunch of money at it, make a bunch of seasons, follow the books with absolute anal precision -”

“Aw, Jack, why’d you have to say it like that!” Paige exclaimed, throwing the pillow she’d been leaning against, at Jackson’s head.

“I absolutely agree,” Shawn said sincerely, cradling his guitar on his thighs with his fingers hovering over the strings, “give it the Game of Thrones treatment - could you imagine? I’d never watch anything ever again.

“You gotta pull some of your Hollywood strings, Shawnie,” Eli laughed, throwing a wink at Shawn.

“I’ll make sure to get my people on it,” Shawn winked back.

Summer smiled as she leaned her head back against his knee, basking in the laughter and chatter between her friends. They had all piled into her room after getting back from the picnic, all sunburnt and in good spirits. Paige, Molly and Eli had spread themselves out on her bed, Jackson was sitting in the alcove of her window, Shawn was lounging in the armchair next to her bed, and Maya was sitting curled up on Lewis’s lap on the other armchair. Summer, ever the generous hostess, had opted for the floor in front of Shawn. She rather enjoyed her position, as it allowed her to affectionately lean her head back against him, and she was almost certain she felt his fingers play with her hair absentmindedly when the others were talking, and nobody was looking their way.

“Okay but the most important question is what house everyone is in,” Lewis piped up, which was met with excited exclamations and laughter.

“I don’t think I even know what the houses are,” Molly said, pulling a face.

“I don’t either, babe,” Maya laughed in solidarity.

Lewis looked at his girlfriend with abject horror scrawled on his face, “Right,” he said matter-of-factly, “that’s it, we’re breaking up,” as he pretended to push her off his legs, catching her from falling at the last minute and pulling her back into him. Looking at them made Summer wish she could relocate into Shawn’s lap and wrap her arms around his neck and press her face against his.

“Well I’m definitely a Slytherin,” Paige said proudly, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

“Don’t we know it,” Jackson laughed, grinning as he rolled his eyes.

A sharp tap against the window pane sliced through the chatter and laughter, and the group exchanged confused looks with each other.

“Did you hear that?” Eli asked, brows furrowed.

“Is it raining?” Summer replied, looking at Jackson who was sitting in the alcove, his figure outlined by the dimming evening light.

Jackson craned his neck upwards to look for clouds when another sharp rap against the window rang out, and his head snapped downwards immediately. There was a pregnant pause as his hand came up to cup around his face to help him see out better, and then, “Um...Summer, you might want to go down.”

“What?” She replied, frowning, but her gut was starting to twist itself in knots as suspicion krept up on her.

Jackson turned around to look at her, and she didn’t miss the way his eyes darted to look at Shawn for a second, before returning to hers. In the beats of silence that passed, the tension she was radiating seemed to become palpable and she wished with her entire heart that he wasn’t about to say what she thought he was about to say.

“It’s Jesse, he’s downstairs,” Jackson said, stabbing into the anticipatory tension, and then, as if it couldn’t possible get any worse, he added, “throwing rocks at your window”.

A shiver ran up her spine and she was suddenly extremely aware that all eyes were on her, but most of all that Shawn’s eyes were on her and the feeling of her side resting against his legs suddenly seemed hard and uncomfortable and it made her feel sick. Jesse used to throw rocks at her window as a romantic thing, it was their little inside joke, to make her feel like she was in some sappy romance film. It was a rock thrown at her window during a weekend away at the cabins that had first brought them together, under the veil of darkness and shrouded in the secrecy of being with her brother’s best friend. It was the sign that they could be together, just the two of  them, and sneak away from the company of others. And now here he was throwing rocks at her window when she thought they had found some closure that same morning in the kitchen.

She wasn’t brave enough to look at Shawn as she stood up, confusion and shame and anger and anxiety all fighting for dominance in her stomach.

“I”ll be right back,” she said as she slipped out of her bedroom door, stopping to take a big breath in the hallway as she closed it behind her. She could hear the faint exchange of whispers amongst her friendship group and she wondered what they were saying, but most of all she wished she knew was Shawn was thinking.

Trying to sort out her inner thoughts and figure out what he wanted and what she could say to Jesse, Summer slowly descended the stairs and excited the cabin. She found him kicking at the dry grass and dirt below her window, the same way she had found him on countless other nights just like this one and she couldn’t help that her heart clenched a little at the sight. Glancing up to her window, she saw her friends peering down at her and Jesse, but Shawn didn’t seem to be with them.

“Hey.” She said, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands. “What’s up?”

Jesse looked up at her and shifted uncomfortably, fiddling with another small stone he was holding, “Hey, sorry about-” he said, showing her the rock, “I just wanted to talk but I didn’t want to barge in, when I saw Jack in the window I figured you had your friends round and stuff.”

“So you thought the best solution was to throw rocks at my window?” Summer hissed at him, crossing her arms.

Jesse shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s just the first thing I thought of.”

Summer rubbed her hands over her face in frustration, “What could you possibly want to talk about now, you already barged in at the crack of dawn this morning to have a conversation and I thought we said what needed to be said but now you’re throwing rocks at my window like nothing ever changed between us.”

“I guess for me it just doesn’t feel like that much has changed.”

“Jesse you broke up with me two years ago. You did, not me. You don’t get to-”

“No hear me out,” Jesse interrupted her as he took a step forward. “You know I still love and miss you, I told you as much this morning, and I get that this is all my fault and by God am I happy you’re happy and doing well, which is why I just wanted to make clear that I am doing well too and I hope someday soon I will be okay with what I did to us, to you. But I want you to be happy because I still love you.” 

“Jesse…”

“No listen, please, I was watching you all day today and I get it now. You’re happier now, happier than you ever were with me I think.”

“Jesse, come on now, that’s not true,” Summer said softly, taking a step towards him, wanting to comfort him and those sad ocean-blue eyes she had loved so much for so long.

“ I think it is, though. You and Shawn - you never had that shine in your eyes when you were with me.”

There was a long pause where Summer tried her best to process what he had just said to her, and then she remembered how happy she had been with Jesse and tried to compare it to how she felt around Shawn, and she struggled. They were two completely different things, two completely different boys - men, in fact - and also two completely different Summers.

She swallowed, her heart breaking for Jesse, even though he had been the one to break hers. “I don’t…” She struggled to find the words to explain how she was feeling, especially how she was feeling in regards to Shawn, and to find the words that wouldn’t cause any more hurt than necessary. “Shawn and I...well I don’t exactly know what we are at the moment, but I don’t want you thinking you didn’t make me happy Jess.”

She saw him swallow as he looked away into the darkening forest, his fingers still fiddling with the little black rock like it was a poker chip. “I hope I did make you happy, Sunny,” he said quietly, hesitantly using his nickname for her for the first time since the breakup. “But it’s not about happiness, I can’t explain it really, it’s just different the way you look at him. It’s like you are the sun and he is the moon.”

“That is so cheesy,” Summer said, closing her eyes as she tried to repress a smile.

Jesse laughed quietly, dropping his head, “I know,” he said, shrugging, “I just don’t know how to explain it. You just light up in a way you never really did with me.”

“But I loved you,” Summer said, suddenly feeling a little offended, as if he was undermining how much she had been in loved with him. She had always felt she had given her all to Jesse, thrown herself into everything they were together, and here he was standing in front of her telling her she looked more in love with someone she had known for hardly any time at all compared to how long they had been together.

“I know you did,” Jesse replied quickly, reading his hand out as if to touch her, but then pulled it back as if he thought better of it. “And I always felt that, your love, and I felt how much I hurt you when I did. But I mean when you’re with him...it just looks different, I don’t know, it looks right.”

“Right?” Summer frowned at him. She knew he meant well but he was also digging himself into a hole that she didn’t much appreciate. “So you think we didn’t look right?”

She knew she shouldn’t have said that as she watched Jesse’s face fall. In her heart she knew what he had meant, but it still grated on her and she couldn’t help herself.

“No, of course I think we did I just, what I mean is, if that you look really complete when you’re with him.”

And there he went again, digging himself into that hole she really wished he wouldn’t. Summer’s eyebrows flew up and before she knew what she was saying, the words had already left her mouth in a hushed rage, “Jesse Sullivan if you think I need a man to complete me, or try to imply in any way that I am in some may incomplete or broken then you have a new thing coming.” 

“Of course not, come on Sunny, please you’ve got to know what I mean. All I’m trying to say is that I won’t try and interfere or win you back or do all the things I really want to do because I can see that I can’t compare anymore and that is alright, and I will be alright.”

Summer took a deep breath, her frustrations deflating with each word he spoke. “And will we be alright?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah, I think we will.” Jesse responded softly, tentatively pulling her into his chest and Summer allowed her arms to wrap around his broad frame as he rested his chin on top of her head.

She breathed into the hug, noting how he still smelled like the same Axe body spray he’d used when he was fifteen years old and half a foot shorter. Some things would never change, but one thing that had was that instead of craving his familiar smell, she now longed for the subtle scent of Shawn’s cologne and spearmint gum. Turning her head to the side, she moved her eyes up to her bedroom window, but found it empty with the lights turned off. She wondered if Shawn had ever come to the window, or if he had left her and Jesse alone once again. She felt Jesse press a kiss against the top of her head and she knew it was time to part, more certain than ever that it wasn’t his arms she wanted to be held by.

---

As predicted, her room was deserted when she returned, her hands still balled up nervously into her sleeves. She looked at the armchair that Shawn had been sitting in and swallowed. Slowly she backed out of her room, closed the door quietly behind her and walked to the end of the hallway where she stood outside of Shawn’s room once again. This time, unlike the night before, Summer knocked. It was soft but sure and she hoped more than anything that he would be there to open it and welcome her in.

A split second later the door swung open, as if he had been standing waiting for her on the other side.

“Are you alright?” he asked, and Summer lunged forward, wrapping her arms around him. “Hey…” he said softly, returning the hug and pulling her into the room, kicking the door closed behind her, “Hey, are you alright?”

Summer nodded against his chest, eyes closed tightly as she tried to hold back tears. She didn’t even know why she was one kind word away from bursting into tears, but she was so glad that he was there to open that door for her, to pull her in and to hold her. That faint smell of his cologne, that she had become so fond of from the first time she sat on his lap at the house party that seemed a million worlds away now, filled her brain and wove its way around her heart.

Before she knew it, Shawn was sitting on the bed with her cradled in his arms like a small child, her arms still wrapped around him and her face pushed into the crook of his neck. The faint sound of the crickets chirping outside and Shawn’s steady breathing were the only things Summer could hear and it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

“What happened?” Shawn finally asked, breaking the silence. He sounded hesitant and tense, like he was worried about the kind of answer she would give him and not for the first time did Summer feel guilty for pulling him into this situation.

She shrugged, pulling away to look at him, “Nothing really. He just wanted to make clear where we stood.”

“And where do you stand?” There was that tense anticipation in his voice again, and it made her heart rate pick up.

Summer forced herself not to break eye contact with Shawn, her dark blue eyes meeting his brown ones, darker than ever now that the sun had finally set and the only thing illuminating the room was the pale glow of the moon.

“He’s not going to try and get back together, he wants me to be happy...he’s happy for us.” Summer replied, the last part barely over an audible whisper, unsure of what Shawn’s response would be. It was once again another implication of what they were, when that had never really been established, both of them knowing how different their lives really were away from the cabins and in the reality of their respective careers.

“We’re an us?” Shawn asked, leaning back against the headboard, his hands slipping down to her hips.

It wasn’t exactly the response she’d been hoping for, there was no big smile or a passionate kiss, only a question. Summer swallowed, it was now or never. This conversation was bound to happen, the alternative was leaving it a forever open-ended question mark that would eventually allow them to drift apart without explanation or commitment. “I’m happy for there to be an us if you want there to be an us,” she said, sending the ball back into his court as she held her breath for his response. Her heart was beating so fast she was worried he’d be able to feel it.

Shawn just looked at her for a long time, which did nothing to calm her nerves, but his hands stayed on her hips and she thought that that at the very least was a good sign.

Finally, one hand lifted as he ran it through his thick hair, and Summer didn’t dare move an inch for fear of interrupting his contemplation. “Um,” Shawn started, barely looking at her anymore and her heart started to drop into the pit of her stomach. Suddenly she wished she’d allowed the question mark to keep hovering for a little while longer. “I would like there to be an us,” Shawn said, but Summer felt  the inaudible pressure of a ‘but’ hovering between them.

She looked at him and wanted nothing more than to reach up and touch his cheek, slightly flushed from sunburn or stress she couldn’t tell. She wanted to kiss him, to erase the tension and show him how good an ‘us’ could be, but still she didn’t dare move. The hand remaining on her hip gave it a light squeeze and she couldn’t tell if it was accidental or not.

“But it’s going to be hard,” he finally said, looking at her again with worry etched across his face. “It’s going to be so hard on you,” he went on, “so much harder on you than it will be on me I think and I don’t know if I can do that to you.” Shawn bit down on his lip and Summer felt the beginnings of tears sting at her eyes once more.

“I’m a big girl I think I can handle it,” Summer replied, trying her best to keep the tremble she felt in her throat to leak into her words.

“You’re very small,” Shawn laughed, moving both of his hands up to her waist and giving her a very purposeful squeeze, “but I’ll believe you can handle it if you say so.”

And with that her heart swelled three sizes and she returned his wide grin, balling the fabric of the hoodie he was wearing into her fists excitedly. Shawn leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against hers and it was like a whole new box of fireworks was let loose in her stomach all over again. It was only short and sweet, but it was perfect, and when he pulled away it was so minimal that their proximity remained intimate, his nose pressed against hers, his lips brushing hers, his spearmint breath against her. “Summer?”

“Hmm,” she hummed contentedly, closing her eyes to hold onto the moment between them and the feeling of his hands on her and his gentle voice cradling her name.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” -

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