#kingsley is a walking existential crisis two times over

[captainsupernoodle]

just saw a post about kingsley seeming like he has more of his shit together than fjord in reunited and how that's likely related to the level of confidence from a relatively inexperienced person vs imposter sydrome in a more experienced person who's entering a new time of their life and is struggling to adjust but also!!!

confidence games are something that molly and fjord played so much and how incredible is it that fjord feels comfortable enough to fumble? what a difference from the beginning of the campaign! he was alone! he had to appear In Control or he'd get taken advantage of, it was how he stayed safe. Now he has the Nein, and Jester always at his side, and, yes, even Kingsley, and he allows himself to be silly and make mistakes and doesn't prioritize saving face. In the midst of a crisis he knows exactly what to do, that's his area of expertise, he's a master tactician and a great leader who prioritizes keeping his crew safe, he's just new at the whole captaining day-to-day thing and he's no longer afraid to show it.

kingsley, on the other hand. ooooh i love him so much. VERY true that he's brand new to living life and on top of that he comes by being a little shit honestly. on the other hand!!! "there will always be respect there. it might not look like it, but it's always there." "i've been wanting to go on one of your adventures and so far? it hasn't disappointed." "i'm trying to make new mistakes, I promise." i promise. Kingsley is the new-old guy in this group, the one they're explaining in-jokes to, telling stories to, teasing and protecting. he's a lot like the younger brother of a dearly beloved dead friend, loved on his own merit but with the unavoidable impact of those who came before him shaping his relationships. fjord talks about lucien. jester talks about molly. this is apparently the first time he's talked about either of them with beau and yasha and he's looking for guidance. beau says she'll kill him. fjord say's "we'll see." these people lifted kingsley out of the grave they put his past in and greeted him with open arms and grief and watchfulness. he's learning and watching with them but i don't know if he's grieving yet. i don't know if he will. i think he feels like he owes them something, not in a transactional way or out of guilt for people he isn't, but in the way you want to repay the trust and faith and work a mentor gives you.

but his confidence? the way his sassing and sarcasm and frank admiration sometimes sounds like a teenager? he totally comes by some of it honestly, he's charming and good at what he does and has a rock-solid support network, but he's been alive for six months. he's had these complicated relationships from the time he opened his eyes six months ago. i'm so excited for his confidence to grow more genuine and solid as he lives.