#kinda reminds me of the taking back sunday album cover idk

[likeadarkstarr]

[musicreviewweeklynorthkorea]

REVIEW: “THE UNHEAVENLY CREATURES” - COHEED AND CAMBRIA TRACK BY TRACK BREAKDOWN

PROLOGUE: The story starts here. it all starts here. Do you like galactic space operas? Does the never ending battle between Good and Evil make your calves cramp? Do you always wear cargo shorts regardless of inclement weather? If you said yes to any of these, I have very good news for you; Coheed and Cambria are back with a new album, “Vaxis - Act 1: The Unheavenly Creatures”. Lets start the show

THE DARK SENTENCER: Ok this is pretty much already a bad idea. 15 tracks, all clocking in at a whopping 4+ minutes.  This sounds like every Co&Ca song i’ve ever heard. “Take my hand”. simply epic. Putting the longest song at the beginning of an album is a power move, and i respect the hell out of it. I’ve listened to white noise asmr that does more in 8 minutes than this song

UNHEAVENLY CREATURES: Chiptune synths? On a Coheed track? Epic. Kinda reminds me of their song “Feathers” from 1000 albums back. Thats it

TOYS: These guys started as a very nerdy emo band and somewhere along the way convinced themselves they were prog-metal torchbearers. This song fits more in line with the former. I like this song its fine

BLACK SUNDAY:  I can only assume this album is telling some kind of story with different characters and this is a song told from a villain’s perspective? SOme kind of powerful alien demon with his own twisted moral code? Who’s goal is to bring balance to the universe by any means necessary?. That is until he comes face to face with Earths mightiest heroes, The Avengers

QUEEN OF THE DARK: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

TRUE UGLY: I could’ve picked any album. ANy album. For this dumb fucking review blog that no one will read. It’s like very riff, lyric, melody, breakdown et al from their back catalogue were entered into a Coheed and Cambria song generator 

LOVE PROTOCOL: THis sounds like a song and i can’t put my finger on it ok now it sounds like a ballad you’d listen to while drinking a Rockstar Revolt™: Killer Grape Energy Drink™.   Rockstar Energy™: Let The Music Take Control. ™

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THE PAVILION (A LONG WAY BACK): sdfdsf Big Bold U2 guitars, a real anthem.  And a string section? They captured lightning in a bottle here. Speaking of which, do you Wanna Ride the Lightning without all those pesky calories weighing you down? Rockstar’s gotcha covered. Rockstar Pure Zero, now in 6 Rockin flavour’s™

NIGHT-TIME WALKERS: sdf alright been hoping they’d switch it up and i only had to wait 10 songs. Basically just a Coheed song with synths and vocoder. Nice little refrain. Imagining a Metro Boomin produced Coheed album and getting more joy out of that thought than this song

THE GUTTER: Buddy, i gotta gutter for ya. Meet me at the bowling alley and i’ll show you what a real gutter is. buhhhh auughhh idk this song has screaming and breakdowns and still falls short of being metalcore or whatever. Every now and then a guitar will pop up that reminds me of Fang Island, they were a good band listen to them instead of this. And if you like Coheed and Cambria just listen to those first 3 albums c’mon

ALL ON FIRE: I could’ve gotten so much done already; loaded the dishwasher, gone grocery shopping, joined a gym, picked up an old hobby, put a belt around my neck and taken a lil nap under the door handle. But no. “I should review the newest Coheed and Cambria album start to finish wouldn’t that be soooo funny”. I own this guilt. It is my cross to bare.  Rockstar Energy™

IT WALKS AMONG US: Is he.. rapping? Creature feature mona lisa beat ya meet ya robin leech ya/Gucci belt my pants saggin til the meat show/Yeah aight bitch welcome to the meat show/Freak show, my life a movie scene i shoot pornos/Got the pussy in a chokehold/Bitch i’m really stone cold

OLD FLAMES: This sounds like Jimmy Eat World. Hold on, I think I get it now. The story this album is telling is actually a metaphor for something else. Lotta “na na na” vocals, great

LUCKY STARS: Welp, I can thank MY Luck Stars that this is the last song on the album. It’s an acoustic ballad but i have a sneaking suspicion that’s gonna change ;) hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ok maybe not. There is some 80′s prime time cop drama blues guitar and i’m not mad at it

OK!  It’s over. I loved this band when i was 15 and a piece of me hoped to love this album. And I did! 5/5 stars