#kind of I mean I dunno if I’m being super negative here but ykyk

[mikyouknow]

I’ve been thinking about if I should speak on this situation or not for a lil while now.. mostly because my blog has been pretty inactive for months now, despite me still being very deep in the fandom. There’s several reasons for why I p much stopped posting, but bottom line is I did, but I didn’t leave the fandom itself. I’m still here.

The other reason I haven’t made this post earlier is because I feel very on the fence about this whole thing.. I want to start off by saying I don’t see this as a grooming incident. But I am feeling uncomfortable with the fact that Dream was the one who wanted to move the conversation to Snapchat, I’m trying hard to think of a reason why he’d want to move the convo from Instagram to Snapchat if it wasn’t just to get a place where what they say will be deleted so he can act inappropriately. I’ve been trying to look to others for this and try to fit their reasonings into perhaps why he did this, but at the end of the day I’m still waiting for more information on the situation and confirmations of what is lies and what isn’t when it comes to the accusations. But the fact that he did bring fans to Snapchat to have private convos with them makes me.. uncomfortable. If this is something he’s been doing I’d like to know how these conversations went and that it was just friendly chats before I’d feel comfortable enough to keep following him. So that’s my current stance on that.

Overall, this shit fucking hurts and fucking sucks. Finding this fandom was so, so meaningful to me when I first stumbled upon it all. And through my time here I’ve met some amazing people and made one amazing friend in particular that I don’t even want to imagine my life without. I’ve also posted a lot of fanfics and had so, so much fun with that, and gotten such amazing response from this incredible fanbase. These two years has provided me with such insane joy I never thought I’d experience, and it’s not something I’m ready to let go of. I really, really do not want to leave. I want to stay here, for as long as possible.

But this whole situation has really messed with me, and I’m still trying to figure out exactly which part of it that gets me so upset. It might just be because of my own trauma getting triggered, I’m not sure yet.

All I know is that I’m uncomfortable with the current situation, saddened to see so many people hurting and even leaving. It’s understandable why, but it’s still sad. And I also feel for Dream. Especially if the allegations are all fake, this is really horrible shit to go through. Esp with the past two weeks he’s had, with face revealing, meeting George, going to his very first convention and meeting fans for the first time, ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!! And then this happens, like he rly can’t catch a break…

Anyways, this post is a bit scattered and that’s because I feel quite scattered atm. I rly wanna stay, I am staying, but I’m also quite uncomfortable by the whole thing. So, just gonna see how it all plays out and hope things aren’t as bad as the allegations are making it out to be. I think what also makes this thing even harder to take in is that Dream just face revealed, and my first reaction to seeing him was full on ‘who the fuck is that??’ And since then I’ve had to reacquaint myself with the guy that is Dream, completely throwing away the vague idea I had of him in my head to replace him with this stranger I’d never seen before. That alone has taken a bit to get used to. And then these allegations hit, and I already feel like Dream has become more of a stranger than ever before through his face reveal, so it’s really hard to puzzle this all together and see that the Dream I follow is not at all who I thought he was in so many ways, more than just his face.

But I’m gonna stick around for now, maybe try to be more active on here cause ppl are leaving and it’s probably good for us who are left to speak up. But those are my current feelings on this.

Also I don’t think anyone who sees this won’t already know who @mcecologist is but go follow if you’re looking for more ppl who are sticking around! Mc is rly keeping me mentally stable rn and also carrying this whole fandom atm so just wanted to give a lil shoutout, as if I’m pointing at the cozy cabin up the hill that still has the lights on<3