#kim butgess

[yespleasetommyshelby]

Is it just me? ~ Jay Halstead

Song imagine based on the song ‘is it just me?’ By Emily Burns!! I’ve done this sort of different to the way I’ve done previous imagines, let me k ow what you think!! ☺️☺️

(So I spent a couple hours writing this all out only for my app to shut itself down and delete everything! So yeah, I’m pissed🤷🏻‍♀️)

Warnings: Swearing

“Please can I go home now?” I asked looking up at Will with the best puppy eyes I could.

“No, we aren’t done until you get yourself out of this hole you put yourself in.” He shook his head, a small smirk on his face as he watched me.

“Well if it wasn’t for your stupid brother I wouldn’t be in a stupid hole would I?” I sulked downing the last of my fourth vodka and coke that hour. “And I blame you for this by the way.” I looked up at him as I poked his chest.

“How is this my fault exactly?” He asked looking amused as he ordered us another round.

“If you hadn’t of introduced me to him, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him only to have him dump me six months later.” I said matter-of-factly before my smile dropped from my face completely. “And by a fucking text Will, he couldn’t even tell me to my face he had to send a bullshit text.” I muttered sadly.

I had first met Jay when he came into the ER after jumping out of a third story window, then again a few days later with a bullet hole in his shoulder, and after seeing the apparent ‘chemistry’ between us (his words not mine) Will decided to set us up on a blind date, which then turned into a six month relationship that he ended out of the blue one night, two months ago.

“Maybe we should head out.” Will said all of a sudden. “Don’t want to have to drag you back home again.” He laughed nervously as he quickly grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair, his eyes darting around behind me nervously.

“You just said that we wasn’t done?” I said confused about his sudden behaviour change. “And I’m still sorry about that.” I apologised awkwardly, remembering the few nights where he had to come and pick me up from a bar because I was too drunk to stand alone never mind get myself home safely. “And the nights you stayed so I didn’t have to be alone.” I smiled sadly, sincerely grateful for everything he had done for me.

“You’re like the sister I never had, you know I’d do it all over again.” He smiled down at me as he slowed his movements before his smile dropped. “Come on, let’s go.” He muttered ushering me to stand up.

“What? Why?” I asked turning to look in the direction that he had been nervously looking in, my heart dropping into my stomach as my eyes landed on Jay, along with Adam, Kim and the newest member of intelligence, Hailey Upton, the girl that from the gossip through the hospital corridors was Jay’s new partner, in more ways than one. “You know what Will, he doesn’t get to break up with me than make me feel like I can’t stay somewhere if he shows up.” I said confidently heading over to the makeshift stage where Otis was currently trying to get someone to sing.

“I’ll do it!” I called out, raising my hand as I walked through the crowd, past Jay and his team keeping my eyes straight forwards as I climbed up on stage and took the mic from Otis. “Uh, hi.” I smiled, my confidence from moments ago gone as I nervously looked over all the eyes that were watching me, some familiar faces from Med, PD and Fifty-One and some strangers. I took a deep breath as the first notes to the song started.

“It’s been way too long for me to find it this hard, sitting alone my fingers picking the sofa apart. An attempt to distract from the fact that I miss you.”

My eyes met Will’s as I sung the next bit, blurry memories of stumbling home and crying in his arms over his brother.

“I wonder if your friends have had to carry you home, and stay the night because they don’t want to leave you alone. Way before it was fun, it’s becoming an issue... I know it’s cruel, but I kind of hope you’re tortured too...”

I breathed deeply as my eyes moved to Jay who was stood watching me with wide eyes and mouth slightly opened, Adam and Kim watching me with a small smile on their faces while Hailey stood there confused, obviously not knowing who I was.

“Tell me does your heart stop, at the party when my name drops? Like you’re stood at the platform when the trains cross, are you hurting? Yeah you must be, or is it just me?” I quickly reached up to wipe away a tear that slipped down my cheek before I carried on, my eyes never leaving Jay’s.

“Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say that we broke up and they ask why. Are you crying in the shower like a freak? Or is it just me?” I squeezed my eyes closed as more tears threatened to fall at the fact that the lyrics fit so perfectly with my current situation, when I opened them I saw a tear slip down Jay’s face before he quickly wiped it away as though it was never there, although his eyes never left mine.

“I heard a rumour you’ve been spending some time, with that blonde girl that you work with and I know she’s exactly your type... And my miserable minds running wild with the picture.” I felt another tear slip as my eyes moved to Hailey who looked up at Jay with wide eyes only to see his eyes firmly focused on me, a look of realisation spreading across her face.

“Or are you there by yourself, dialling, redialling my number? And I’m calling your brother, spilling tears on my jumper again, the way I am.” My eyes found Will stood in the crowd with a proud grin on his face as he watched me, I sent him a wink and a sincere smile as he chuckled and shook his head slightly.

“I know it’s cruel, but I kind of hope you’re tortured too... Tell me does your heart stop, at the party when my name drops? Like you’re stood at the platform when the trains cross, are you hurting? Yeah you must be, or is just me? Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say that we broke up and they ask why. Are you crying in the shower like a freak? Or is it just me?” I took a deep breath as I looked at Jay while I started the next line.

“‘Cause this would be one whole lot easier, God, I know it’s selfish but it’s true, if underneath some calm exterior, you’re all fucked up too.” I squeezed my eyes closed as more tears fell down my cheeks, making no effort to wipe them away I looked to Jay to see a couple of tear stains on his cheeks that he also made no effort to remove.

“So, tell me does your heart stop, at the party when my name drops? Like you’re stood at the platform when the trains cross. Are you hurting? Yeah you must be, or is it just me? Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say that we broke up and they ask why. Are you crying in the shower like a freak? With only cigarettes for company? Are you crying in the shower like a freak? Or is it just me..?” I trailled off, blushing when the bar erupted into cheers as I took an over dramatic bow before walking off the stage wiping my tears away.

“You did great!” Will greeted me as I got of the stage, pulling me into his arms and squeezing me. “Seriously, I never knew you could sing like that.” He smiled as he pulled away. “Uh, I’ll be back in like five minutes.” He muttered before quickly walking away.

“What? Why?” I muttered turning around my eyes widened as I realised why he left.

“Can we talk?” Jay asked as he stood looking nervous. I nodded and went to the quieter side of the bar so we could hear each other properly.

“I’m sorry, about everything.” He started, looking down at the beer in his hand nervously. “I should never have done it the way I did, over a text. You know that’s not the type of guy I am but I couldn’t bear to do it your face, to watch you cry over something I’d done.” He shook his head as he spoke, confusing me. “I know how bad I hurt you, Will’s told me about how bad you took it, how he had to stay with you while you broke down.”

“Then why did you Jay?” I asked. “Things were going so well, I was so happy Jay, I thought you were happy too, I loved you so much and you broke me.” I told him, a tear slipping down my cheek which I quickly wiped away.

“I was happy, I loved you so much, for fuck sake I still do love you y/n!” He said loudly, looking down as he spoke.

“Then why did you end it Jay? What happened to make you break my heart?” I asked defeated.

“I didn’t want to, but my job... I deal with some fucked up people that threatened not only me, or the team, but they threatened you, I knew that if I wanted to keep you safe I had to leave.” He told me looking into my eyes, nothing in his tone or his own eyes giving me any reason to doubt his words.

“Jay, I’m a big girl now, you could’ve told me, I would’ve understood, but you didn’t have to leave to keep me safe, you’re more than capable of keeping me safe if you needed to.” I said quietly placing my hands on either side of his face, my thumb rubbing his jaw slightly. “I love you Jay Halstead, and no gun banging, gang member is ever going to change that.” I whispered, smiling as he leant into my touch.

“I’m so sorry y/n, do you think you could ever forgive me? Give us another chance?” He asked quietly, his gaze holding mine.

“I forgive you Jay, but I don’t know if I can get my heart broken again.” I smiled sadly, my heart clenching at the thought of losing him all over again.

“I’ll never hurt you again, I promise, I’ll swear on anything and everything you want, please.” He pleaded, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“What about Hailey?” I asked, remembering the blonde that had been associated with him for the past couple of weeks.

“There’s nothing between me and Hailey, we’re work partners, that’s it I swear.” He told me firmly, reaching out and taking my face in his hands as my own dropped down to rest on his shoulders. “Let me make things right with us, please.” He almost begged.

“We can take it slow, start from day one.” I nodded, his face breaking out into a grin. “But I swear to god if you break my heart again Jay Halstead the next time you come into the ER you’ll be leaving worse than when you came in, and that’s a promise.” I warned him, although I couldn’t fight the smile that was sitting on my face.

“I’ll never hurt you again.” He smiled shaking his head as he brought his lips to mine in a slow, gentle kiss. Pulling away he rested his forehead against mine, the two of us stood staring into each other’s eyes.

“So, everything’s good?” Will’s voice made us move away, Jay’s arm coming around my shoulder tucking me into his side as he looked up at his older brother.

“Yeah, everything’s good.” He nodded smiling down at me.

“Don’t hurt her again Jay.” Will spoke to his brother sternly, his eyes narrowed as he looked down at his younger brother.

“Don’t worry, I’m never going to hurt her again.” Jay said sincerely, smiles covering all three of our faces.

And he didn’t, he had told me about any threats that had been made while he was working, every doubt, every thought, he told me everything and we had never been happier.

(I know the endings terrible, don’t judge! Feel free to send in any requests!)