dizzyd1303

[comickergirl]

The new Supergirl strip is amazing as usual!

Thank you! :D

[blackbird-brewster]

So, um... let me start by saying that your blog is amazing and some of your posts have been helpful in ways i can't begin to explain. I was wondering if you could give me some advice. My 7-year-old brought home a book from the school library called "Oliver Button Is a Sissy" and it is offensive on so many levels (it's as bad as the title sounds). Can you possibly help me with writing a note to the librarian explaining why it doesn't belong in a school library?

Okay, so I wasn’t immediately familiar with this book but a quick Google search tells me it was originally published in 1979. The Google synopsis says “ A little boy must come to terms with being teased and ostracized because he’d rather read books, paint pictures, and tap-dance than participate in sports.” Which is (as you said) offensive on so many levels. 

I looked up the book on YouTube so I could read it. And although it was probably trying for an inspirational story about being different, it really missed the mark. I have a lot of issues with how the characters (especially Papa) interacted with Oliver. I mean the kids own Papa called him a sissy because he didn’t play sports. 

Let me break this down into bite sized chunks that you may want to include in your letter (or expand upon). 

First of all, the word “sissy” has a heavy history of being used as a slur towards homosexual or effeminate men..Seeing as this book was published in the 1970’s it was still a popular slur used to ostracize any male who didn’t reinforce toxic masculine stereotypes. The word has just as much negative and offensive meaning as calling someone a f*ggot. This reason alone should be enough to take it off the shelves. It is an outdated and disgusting term. If the library wouldn’t have a book titled “Oliver Button is a f*ggot” then they shouldn’t carry this either.

Now let’s talk about specific parts of this story that are very troublesome due to their blatant attempts to reinforce male stereotypes on young readers. The very first page says Oliver doesn’t like to do things “boys are supposed to do”. Is this really a message we want to send our children? That boys are supposed to be one way and girls are supposed to be another? The gender roles of the late 1970s are still present in our culture (just look at the gendered toy aisles or clothes sections at your local stores) but how can we expect to raise a better generation if we keep reinforcing these old ideas? No child is the same. There is absolutely no right (or wrong way) to be any gender! 

A few pages later, Papa says “Don’t be a sissy, you need to play sports!” when he finds Oliver having a great time playing dress up. Again, this child’s father just called him a derogatory and homophobic slur. And again, this implies that because Oliver enjoys dress up, he is not being a “good boy”. It also implies that playing sports will make your father proud of you, which is another gender role stereotype that needs to go. Lots of young boys who don’t want to play sports can feel isolated or shy or think there is something wrong with them, let’s not feed that fear.

Mama seems a little bit better about accepting that Oliver would rather dance than play football. But she still emphasizes that he needs to play sports for exercise. Dancing is very much a sport and takes just as much (if not more) discipline as playing football. Thankfully, young Oliver points that out by saying tap dancing will be exercise. 

The story seems promising around the point Oliver starts tap lessons, I got my hopes up though. When the boys at school take his tap shoes and call him a sissy, the girls come to his rescue. Which is great that someone is on his side but the boys then mock that “you gotta have help from the girls.” Implying that if a girl stands up for a boy who is being bullied, that boy is weak because he didn’t stand up for himself. This furthers the stereotype that boys should be strong or forceful when facing bullies. 

Fast forward to Oliver entering the talent show, again, I got my hopes up. He practiced and practiced and danced his little heart out but he didn’t even win a prize. I’m not saying he needed to win first place (a valuable lesson that winning isn’t everything) but in this narrative I think it would be important to reward his hard work and perseverance. 

When he doesn’t win a prize “Oliver tried not to cry”. Let the child cry! He just lost something that he was working on for a whole month, he gave his best, he is upset. Let him cry! I’d cry. Instead his parents just say “you did a good job, let’s get pizza”. This is a missed opportunity to talk about addressing vulnerability in children who haven’t quite learned life isn’t always the easiest. Sometimes you work really hard at something and you don’t get recognized for your hard work. This doesn’t devalue the efforts you put into it, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure, and it’s okay to be upset. I think I’d rather have a book where the parents take the time to let Oliver express his emotions more. 

Oliver doesn’t want to go to school because he’s so upset. Again, I wish the parents would have taken time to address his feelings and concerns. Instead his Mama just says “You’re fine, go to school.” Which completely invalidates his disappointment.

So he goes to school, and he’s scared. But then he sees the graffiti no longer says “Oliver is a sissy” it says “Oliver is a star” and I guess everything is supposed to be okay now? It really doesn’t address any of the issues of bullying or how Oliver feels when he lost the talent show or opening the dialog of accepting kids that are different than you, rather than bullying.

All in all, this book is very dated in its writing and word choices. It sends a very toxic message to young boys who don’t fit the gender stereotypes. I understand why you, as a parent, would be concerned when your child brought this home. Hopefully the above thought points can help you write to the librarian AND open a conversation with your child about how things SHOULD have gone for Oliver. 

Also, I find when pointing out a problem (having this book in the school library) it is important to suggest a solution as well. Here are some books the library could shelve instead. They all sort of have the overall theme of embracing differences and being proud to be who you are. They just do it in a more modern and less damaging way!

Giraffes Can’t Dance by Giles Andreae - A giraffe is laughed at when he doesn’t know how to dance. But a friend tell him being different isn’t a bad thing, which gives the giraffe confidence and he finds his own happiness in dancing.

Calvin Can’t Fly: The Story of a Bookworm Birdie by Jennifer Berne- Calvin would rather read and learn than fly around like the other birds. But when there’s an emergency his learning proves vital in saving his friends!

Ballerino Nate by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley - Much like Oliver, Nate wants to dance! He takes ballet after seeing a ballet recital. It’s great to have a book depicting boys enjoying dance, despite being teased.My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis- This one is non fiction. Written by the mother of a boy, much like Oliver, who loves dress up and would rather be a princess than a knight. It really shows how loving and accepting a family (should) be of a kiddo that does their own thing.Leo the Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus- A classic. Leo’s parents are worried because he doesn’t do the things others his age are doing. But it shows how taking your own path and doing things in your own time are important to being yourself.The Pirate of Kindergarten by George Ella Lyon-  Teaches about kids with disabilities! The little girl has troubles learning until she is diagnosed with double vision and gets an eye patch. Instead of letting it hold her back, she embraces her disability and becomes a proud pirate. It’s Okay To Be Different by Todd Parr- Another classic, it’s pretty straight forward in sharing the message that everyone is unique and that is quite alright!A Bad Case Of Stripes by David Shannon- This one comes highly recommended by friends. This story shows the dangers of trying to be someone you’re not just to “fit in”. The little girl keeps changing herself to try and impress others but learns in the end that it’s perfectly fine to be just the way she is.I know this was a bit long winded. I am obviously passionate about this topic for many reasons. I don’t want my kiddo to grow up in a gender binary world of black and white. I hope this helps! Let me know if you need any other advice.