#kikm hongjoong angst

[thinkyoureholy]

Oceandust [4]

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Pairing : Kim Hongjoong / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Pirate! AU

Words : 4.1k

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-Hongjoong’s P.O.V-

I stood in the middle of the deck, looking out towards the open ocean, the moon still reflecting off the waves. I stretched my arms up towards the sky, groaning low in my throat when I felt my shoulders pop. I remembered the conversation I had with Y/N just yesterday. Now that I think about it I agreed to teach that brat way too easily.  I frowned as I thought back to how quickly I caved the second she said please. The hopeful look in her eyes was just too much for me, I couldn’t possibly say no. Just thinking about the slight and probably unintentional pout that played on her lips had my heart skipping a beat, a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time spreading across my chest. I let out a breathy laugh, a grin worming its way onto my face.

“Ah, my eyes!”

I jumped at the sudden shout, glaring at the one responsible as soon as I found him, “Seonghwa what the hell is wrong with you?” I asked as I punched at his arm roughly.

He grimaced, immediately rubbing his arm, “You just had this stupid dreamy look on your face, I threw up in my mouth a little at the sight.”

I froze for a split second, my face going blank as I reached for my swords, unsheathing them in one swift movement. I swung forward without hesitation, Seonghwa blocking the blades with ease, “One of these days I’m going to feed you to the sharks,” I threatened, pushing away from him.

“No you won’t.” He said matter of factly, sheathing his sword the moment I sheathed mine.

He chuckled softly, a grin playing at his lips, “So, what has my captain looking so happy this early in the morning? Or should I be asking who?”

I glared once more at the teasing look in his eyes, reaching for my swords again. Before I could get my hands on them Seonghwa stopped me, a nervous smile replacing the grin he had on his face earlier.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop teasing.”

“Is there something you wanted?” I asked, freeing my wrists from his grip.

“The others want to know when we’re gonna head out. They’re getting a bit antsy.”

I averted my gaze at his words, biting down on my lower lip. We’ve been docked here for longer than I had originally intended. To keep the authorities off our trail we only dock in one place for no more than three days and that’s pushing it. We’ve been in Celic for a week now and I could tell the others were starting to grow anxious but I couldn’t find it in myself to leave. I knew the reason why I wanted to stay but I’ve been vehemently denying it to myself since I figured it out. And I can’t just leave now, not after having promised her I’d train Yuri and help take the little ones to school. I just need a few days, another week tops. The kid only needs to know the basics, nothing too advanced, that should be enough for him to be able to protect himself.

“Give me another week.” I mumbled under my breath, leaning against the railing of the ship, staring down at the water. “I need another week to settle some things…”

I could feel Seonghwa’s stare but I refused to meet his gaze, “I’ll tell the others of your decision but...can I offer a few words of advice?” he paused, his tone of voice softening, “The longer you take to say goodbye the harder it’ll be to leave. I don’t know who, or what has you wanting to stay for so long but I can tell whatever it is means quite a bit to you. I suggest you nip it in the bud before whatever you’re feeling starts to grow and when it does not only will you and the crew be in danger but the source of your affection will also be put at risk.”

My shoulders tensed at his words, a certain memory trying to resurface. I shook my head to chase it away, pushing myself off the railing and walked across the deck. I was about to walk off the ship when I suddenly stopped, glancing down at my feet for a second before looking over my shoulder to see Seonghwa still standing on the opposite side of the ship.

“I know I should end it before I regret saying goodbye but...I’ve promised her a few things and I want to get them done before we leave.” I murmured, barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of the waves but the sympathetic look he gave me told me he heard me loud and clear.

-

“You’re late.”

I jumped at the sound of her voice, abruptly brought out of my thoughts. I searched for her only to find that she was walking up from behind me. I furrowed my brows as I took in her attire, the weary look in her eyes not going unnoticed by me. I readjusted the bag hanging from my shoulders and turned to properly face her, my eyes scanning over her attire. Ah, she must be on her way home from work, I thought, my expression softening as I waited for her to catch up. I reached out without thinking, taking her bag from her and slung the strap over my shoulder. 

“Do you always come home at this time?” I asked, falling into step alongside her. 

She hummed out her response, giving a nod of her head. My brows knit together again, a frown, “Wait for me at the end of your shifts, I’ll walk you home.”

“I can get home perfectly fine you know. I don’t need a chaperone.” She said as she puffed out her chest.

I chuckled softly as I reached over, ruffling her hair gently before I could stop myself, “I know you can but...let me do this, yeah? It’ll give me some peace of mind.” I said as I gave her a smile, some of my unease shining through in the smile. 

She paused at my words, falling behind but I kept walking, thinking nothing of what I just said to her. Knowing she would walk home from working in the middle of the night didn’t sit right with me, I was afraid something would happen to her. I know she must’ve done it countless times before she’s met me but I couldn’t stop those words from coming out of my mouth even knowing that. 

“You’ve been uncharacteristically nice to me. Why?” She asked, the skepticism clear in her voice. 

“What do you mean uncharacteristically? I’ve always been nice to you.” I said with a scoff. 

She raised a brow, an amused smirk playing at her lips, “I'm in no mood to entertain you, girl. Hand over the watch and I'll let you go. If you refuse once more then I'll kill you here and I get my watch back anyway...and that bracelet you have in a death grip in your left hand as well.” She said in a voice deeper than her own, trying to imitate me as she made a fake gun with her hands. 

I deadpanned, watching the serious look on her face falter, a grin playing at her lips. It didn’t take long for a laugh to fall from her lips, the exhaustion that had been plain on her face vanished completely as she laughed wholeheartedly. I watched her with what could only be described as an affection smile. I really am gonna have a hard time saying goodbye aren’t I? 

“Okay okay. In my defense you stole something precious of mine,” I said with a heavy sigh, slinging an arm around her shoulders with a roll of my eyes and continued the walk to her house.

I felt her tense under my arm but she didn’t utter a word in protest, in fact I could’ve sworn I saw a blush spread across her cheeks. Even if I wasn’t sure if I saw it a grin found its way into my face, an elated feeling blooming from my chest. 

“Yeah well if you didn’t have it out in the open like that I wouldn’t have even thought of taking it.” She huffed out. 

I scoffed, narrowing my eyes as I turned to her, hiding the surprise on my face when I noticed she was already looking at me. I had momentarily forgotten I had an arm around her shoulders, standing closer then we were before. I couldn’t help but let my eyes take in every little detail of her face. My eyes darted from her eyes to her cheeks to her nose then finally down to her lips before going back up to her eyes and then down again, repeating the course I had set my eyes on. I hadn’t noticed I was staring for so long until I noticed a red tint gradually paint her cheeks. I looked back up into her eyes, drawing my gaze away from her lips as they had lingered there for a second too long. I averted my gaze, clearing my throat as we came to the top of the hill. 

“I never thought anyone would be bold enough to steal from me, let alone stupid enough to go through with it.”

“Well there’s always a first for everything.” She said as she quickened her pace, coming out from under my arm. 

I watched her head to her house where Yuri was already waiting outside but I didn’t pay him any mind. My gaze lingered on her retreating figure, a hint of a smile on my lips. 

“Yeah...there’s always a first…”

-Y/N’s P. O. V. -

Hongjoong walked beside me in silence through the town, seemingly lost in his thoughts. It had been about a week since he had been coming over at the ass crack of dawn to teach Yuri how to defend himself. At first he was his usual flirty and cocky self when I was around but I had caught sight of his serious side a few times through the windows. The moment I left those two alone I heard Hongjoong’s voice drop an octave, sternly giving Yuri directions. I had grown curious of this side of his, the way his eyes looked clearer and the way his face said he wasn’t having any nonsense. Now that I think about it, serious Hongjoong was pretty hot, like insanely hot. Not like he wasn’t attractive before but something about his eyes shadowing over and his jaw clenching really just-

“Y/N?”

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Hongjoong waving his hand in front of my face, a concerned look in his eyes as he furrowed his brow. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, giving him a reassuring smile in response to the unasked question he had for me in his eyes.

“If you zone out like that then you’re going to bump into someone.” He scolded like a mother would her child. 

I scoffed, reaching over to flicker his forehead softly, “Look who’s talking. You were lost in your own thoughts just a few seconds ago.”

He frowned about to repeat the action to my own forehead but his hand froze mid air when a man shouted his man from behind us. I tried to turn around to see who it was but before I could Hongjoong put both hands on my shoulder, keeping me still as he faced me. 

“Sorry about this.” He said with an apologetic smile. 

I opened my mouth to question him but no words made it out, instead a high pitched squeal fell from my lips as he suddenly bent his knees and wrapped his arms around my thighs, hoisting me up and throwing me over his shoulder. Before I knew it he was running away from the man that was calling after him. I tried to look up to see who exactly Hongjoong was running from but I was being jostled around too much. I let out another squeal before wrapping my arms around his waist tightly. The second I did I felt him give my thigh a light squeeze. I ignored the way my heart caught in my throat when he did that, shutting my eyes tightly until he stopped running. It took him a few minutes to slow down to a jog and then eventually he slowed to a walk. 

“Um….Hongjoong?” I spoke slowly, hesitantly loosening my grip on him but I clung to him tighter when he adjusted me on his shoulder. 

“Hmm?” He hummed, prompting me to continue. 

“When do you think you’re going to put me down?”

“I don’t know, I quite like carrying you around like this.” He said, a teasing tone to his voice, tapping a finger on my hand that had the fabric of his shirt in a death grip.

I rolled my eyes, lifting my head a bit only to get a great view of his ass, “ Well I can't really complain. The view I have is amazing. Say Hongjoong, how many squats a day do you do to have an ass this great?” 

He froze mid step at my words, his whole body growing tense. I stifled a laugh at the look I imagined was on his face right now, about to tease him some more when he finally put me down. The second he did he twirled me around so I had my back to him. With his hands on my shoulders we started walking again, Hongjoong pushing me forward. I tried to take a look at him over my shoulder but as soon as I did he put both hands on the sides of my head, forcing me to look forward. I didn’t get to see much of his face but I was able to get a glance at the deep red tint on the part of his face I did manage to see. 

I chuckled softly, “If all I had to do was mention your ass to get you to shut up I would’ve done it ages ago! I mean you can’t really blame me! It’s so plump and round and-”

Hongjoong cut me off from saying any more, twirling me around to face him. He clamped a hand over my mouth, my voice muffled. His face was beet red, his brow furrowed as a sheepish look crossed his eyes. He averted his gaze, his eyes darting from place to place, avoiding my eyes the whole time.

“Please, stop.” He basically pleaded with me, his voice softer than I had ever heard it, “I don’t think my heart can take it. If you say any more I swear I’ll die from the embarrassment,” He whispered, finally looking at me to meet my gaze.

The instant his eyes met mine my breath caught in my throat, my heart rate picking up speed the longer I held his gaze. I don’t know why the look on his face sent my heart racing but if I continued to stare into his eyes I feel like I’m the one that’s going to die. So I looked away, already feeling the familiar heat crawl up my face. With a nod I pulled his hand away from my mouth, gently squeezing his hand in mine as I moved it back down to his side. I held his hand for a few seconds too long, my touch lingering before finally pulling away. I took a step back, now averting my gaze, hiding my hands behind my back. Well, now this is awkward…

-

Hongjoong and I got over the awkwardness that fell over us fairly quickly, now standing in front of the door to my home. After that little episode Hongjoong had grown kind of melancholic, though he tried to hide it I was able to pick up on it. I had wanted to ask what was wrong but every time I tried he would deflect the question and change the subject. And just as I was about to ask once more he beat me to it, slinging off the bag he had been carrying and handed it over to me.

“I got a few things for the kids, hopefully they like it.” He said, a nervous tone to his voice as he untied the belt he was wearing, handing it to me along with the sword that was attached to it in its sheath, “Give this to Yuri too. I kinda promised the little brat I’d get him his own sword. Tell him, he can have the day off tomorrow, he deserves it.”

I looked at that sword in confusion before taking it, peeking inside the bag to see it was full of toys, clothes, books, all kinds of things for the little ones. I looked up at him in shock, already about to decline these gifts when he stopped me.

“And don’t try and give them back. The money on them has already been spent so don’t worry about it and accept them.”

“Hongjoong...I--I don’t know what to say…” I trailed off, too shocked by the suddenness of this all.

And just as I thought I couldn’t be more shocked by all of this Hongjoong suddenly reached forward, his hands behind my neck. I froze when I noticed just how close he’d gotten, his face mere inches from mine. When he was done doing whatever the hell he was doing he leaned back, his eyes focused on  just below my collarbones, a small smile on his face.

“I knew it’d look good on you.”

I raised a brow in confusion and looked down. The second I caught sight of the necklace I gasped. It looked like it was made of pure silver, simple in design but the pendant that hung from it and the ruby embedded in it made the simplicity of it all the more beautiful. I looked back up at him, still too shocked to say anything.

“Hongjoong I…” I trailed off once more, the words escaping me. 

I couldn’t figure out what to say, or how to say it for that matter. But...why does something feel off? I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach as I thought about it. It felt like a ten ton pound weight was put on my chest, making it increasingly harder to breathe. If I didn’t know any better these presents felt like farewell gifts but the thought of having to say goodbye to him for longer than a day was too hard for me to bear. I had grown accustomed to his presence. He was cocky, flirty, annoying, mischievous, and sometimes even a down right pain in the ass...but I’ve come to look forward to seeing him everyday. Fearing I wouldn’t see him again I reached out, grabbing him by the sleeve, my hold on him so tight my knuckles were turning white.

“Hongjoong...why--why does it feel like I’ll never see you again after this?” I asked, my voice coming out a bit shaky.

-Hongjoong’s P.O.V-

I had to fight back the frown that tried to adorn my face at her words, the way her voice broke was too much for me. I gave her a tight lipped smile instead, offering her no words because I knew if I tried to say something I would confirm her suspicions. It was time for my crew and I to raise our anchor and set off to sea once again, I had promised them we’d only be here a week longer and that week came and went. They should already be done with preparing the ship by now and were just waiting for me to get back. But how was I supposed to leave when she was holding onto my sleeve so tightly, the look in her eyes begging me to tell her I’ll be seeing her tomorrow. 

I heaved out a sigh, raising my hand to cup the side of her face and without thinking I leaned in. I knew a kiss on the lips would be too much for the both of us right now so I did the next best thing. I planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, lingering for a while before pulling away. I gave her my best smile, my thumb softly running over her cheek before I let my hand fall back to my side.

“Goodbye, Y/N. I’ll see you later.” I said before I could stop myself.

I wasn’t exactly lying but that ‘later’ I’m promising doesn’t exactly mean any time soon. I swore to myself that I’d come back someday, I promised I wouldn’t leave her alone for too long but I couldn’t bring myself to voice these promises. Especially after seeing the way her eyes lit up at my words. Seonghwa was right, I should’ve nipped this thing in the bud before it grew too hard to say goodbye. Now I regret brushing him off. But most of all I regret leaving her. It was too late for me to deny that my heart yearned for her, and now it ached with the knowledge of being apart from her for who knows how long. I don’t know if I could call this feeling love but I imagined it was something close to it. And it was a feeling I would’ve enjoyed exploring with her but I can’t, not with what and who I am.

I took a step back and offered her one last smile before turning on my heel and leaving. As I walked away at a brisk pace I prayed, begged her not to call after me. If I heard her call then my resolve would crumble. Please, please don’t call for me. One look at your face would have me running back to you, so please don’t, that’ll only hurt us both. I pleaded with her in my head but even though I was thinking that a small part of me wished she would call for me. It’d give me the perfect excuse not to leave her but my wish went unanswered as I left without hearing another word from her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed but what I didn’t know at the time was that she did call for me, begged me not to go...I was just too far away to hear her pleas.

. . . . . .

“Raise the sails!” I ordered as soon as I climbed aboard my ship.

The crew let out shouts of confirmation and got to work. I was about to head straight for the wheel but before I got to it Seonghwa stepped in front of me, blocking the way. The knowing smirk on his face had a sigh of annoyance fall from my lips but he just grinned wider.

“So...the waitress from the pub, huh?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

I stayed silent, about to side step him when his next words stopped me, “What was her name again? Y/N?”

“How do you know her name?” I asked, my eyes narrowing in on him.

“Eunwoo is an old friend of mine. I think you’re forgetting I grew up in Celic.” He said, looking smug about it, “I can’t tell you how surprised I was to see you with her earlier. I can’t believe a woman like that with a fine-”

I glared at him, reaching for the swords I had on my back, “A fine what?” I threatened, watching his devious smile turn into a nervous one.

“A fine head of hair! A woman with a fine head of hair would even give you the time of day.” He averted his gaze, suddenly reaching over to drape an arm around my shoulders, “What kind of strings did you have to pull to win a prize like that? I mean how the hell did you make her yours?”

I shoved his arm off of me, pushing him aside rather roughly, “She’s not some prize to be won and she’s not mine either, she’s her own person not some property to be claimed. We were friends and that’s it, nothing more nothing less,” I spoke in a harsh tone, the glare I was giving him not easing up one bit, “Now if you have nothing else to tell me get to your station, we have a long way to go till our next destination.”

The smile fell from his face completely, a serious look in his eyes as he nodded, “Yes sir.”

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Tags : @myjiminmychimchim​ @atinyarmyx1​ @shaniquacynthia​