#kids. second i know parents arent doing it rn bc covid but i would socialize my child? before pre-k or kindy or elem school?

[foxcassius]

i am feeling conflicted these days, for no actual reason really because it doesnt matter now, but i keep being unsure how many children i want to have. i was someone raised with siblings. however, i do not think about them ever, and in fact dont think about my childhood in general a lot, and idk if everyone does that, but at this point i essentially live my life as though i have no siblings because i'm so far away and none of us care for each other that much. however, when i think of jiwon, an only child, it's like i cant fathom what it was like for him to grow uo without siblings, though i do think this is made harder for me because he's not close with his parents so i just keep having to think what did he even DO when he was at home but i think the answer is legitimately "study all the time" and then he moved into his high school dorm so he could be with his friends. but when i think about having kids, the thought of having more than once child overwhelms me so much. because i really do want to try to be as routined and attentive as possible whenever my children are in the 0-12 months range both to make mine and jiwon's lives easier (its not fun when your baby wont sleep at night) and to set them up developmentally for success the best i can. and trying to do that with a toddler in the house as well sounds very difficult, but i also dont want to send my kids to all-day daycare at the age of 2, and i dont want to space out births too far because that delays when i can get back to working. so i think having one child is the best option for my own priorities and such with child rearing, but i always get nervous about raising a lonely child. but then i remember that im not my parents (who basically ignored us and left my siblings and i in a tiny 4-person society 85% of the time) and i would rather die straight up than be to my kids what jiwon's parents are to him. and basically. i think it's possible to raise an only child who is without only child stereotypical tendencies. and also who is not lonely.