#kidding of course but it's a funny coinkydink

[broken-clover]

So goodsmile released a new pair of plushies, this time Elphelt and Millia...

COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT

MILPHELT AGENDA GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK

[danieyells]

Could I pretty please ask for any Haru stuff you found? 🥺 I've been afflicted with the Haru simp disease and only information/content of him can cure me 🛐

HARU'S CHANGED MY FEELINGS ON HIM not that i disliked him at all before but like. . .you know how he acts like the team mom? His voicelines make this worse. I thought he was more like a meddlesome but chill guy with a lot of energy. The truth is this poor man is a single mother with two unruly kids, a house full of animals, and VIRTUALLY NO HELP BESIDES YOU. No wonder he drinks nearly every fucking night. I get why Jabberwock doesn't have ordinary students but jesus christ please get some helpers in here. My man is overworked.

I ended up putting almost all of them in because. . .he is struggling poor boy. I have officially edited this to contain all of Haru's voicelines! Sorry for the wait!!

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Hey, nice timing! One sec, I've just gotta finish feeding everyone."

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"You've got some letters! Better open them before that goat lookalike makes a meal out of them!"

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"Folks are going wild over the Anomalous Animal Back To Nature Tour, and this is your chance to experience it at a discount rate! C'mon, help me hand out these fliers!"

"Everyone stuffs up sometimes. Don't let it get to you—just think of it as a funny story you can pull out later and laugh at! Gahaha!"

the only way he knows how to cope with his pain is to laugh at it. . .my therapist told me that was good actually! he's well adjusted! disregard the nightly drinking.

"You sure are fond of {PC}, aren't you, Peekaboo? You did nothing but bite me for the first three days after we met."

tbf you were from another house and it was probably fresh after the clash. . . .

"You reckon I work hard? Nah, this is nothing to write home about. All right, let's head to the next zone!"

"Hey, nice work out there today! Let's knock a few more jobs off the list then take a break, hey?"

oh my god you take breaks? or are you telling the player to take a break while you keep overdoing it. . . .

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"Morning! Let's get this show on the road!"

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Hey, {PC}! What a coinkydink! I just finished my rounds."

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ren? He's working at that whacky restaurant again. I'll have to go pick him up later."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Towa's off to that hill again? I was gonna ask him to hold down the fort... Guess I'll have to stay put tonight."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Am I tired? Nah, don't worry, if there's two things I have confidence in it's my stamina and my bad luck!"

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"The Sinostra folks are causing a kerfuffle again... I don't need any of that! You should take care not to get dragged into their mess too, you hear?"

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You wanna know how to get the animals to like you? You just gotta show how much you love them, like this— Ow! Don't bite me, Peekaboo!"

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"None of our critters have warmed to Ren at all, even though he spends all day with them... Guess that handsome face only works on humans."

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Phew, time for a bre— Hm? That sounded like the Capybus! I'm gonna go check on her, watch Peekaboo for me!"

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"All right, the kids are all in bed. I'll just ask those two to hold down the fort, then I'll head out for a little walk..."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"I went to wake that sleepyhead Ren up this morning, but it was like he couldn't see me even though he was looking straight at me. Reckon his eyesight's bad?"

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Course I eat, don't worry about that! Just earlier I pinched some of Peekaboo's veggies when I was making his lunch and had them with a piece of bread!"

Please eat food. . . .

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"So much to do... Gotta take in the washing and get the shopping done... Argh! There's not enough hours in the day!"

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"This? It's an energy drink. Don't feel like the day's started till I have one. (gulp) (gulp) Pwaaah!"

PLEASE EAT FOOD AND SLEEP. . . . . . . . .

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Ah man, there's soap all over the walls again! You're so good at playing with the animals Towa, if you could just learn how to clean up after you'd get full marks..."

Towa i love you but please help your mother boyfriend captain. . . .

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Ah! I can't do dogs! How'd you get in here?! Towa!! Come here!! No!! Don't bite me!!"

He is terrified of dogs????? Towa absolutely electrocuted the shit out of that dog. Rip in pieces. That dog truly fucked around and found out. It will never go in the dorm again.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Thanks for helping out again today, you're a real lifesaver. Sorry I can't walk you back..."

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"You reckon I look like an acrobat when I'm using my stigma? Gahaha! Maybe I'll practice balancing on a ball then!"

Baby no you are not a clown please what if you break something again--

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"...(gasp) Crap, I fell asleep... Did you put this blanket on me? Cheers... Maybe I'll grab a few more minutes..."

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"I swore I'd take responsibility for protecting all the lives in this park. I can't let anyone die on my watch."

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I don't know where I'd be without all the critters in this place if I'm honest with you. Well, gotta be my animal magnetism that's keeping them here anyway! Gahaha!"

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hm? There's some critters whose nails were getting dangerously long so I was giving them a clip. Come here, I'll do yours too if you want!"

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Oh, off for a cheeky night out? Gahaha! I know a good place, want me to take you?"

get wasted with him and give him somebody to talk to!! he needs someone besides romeo and rui to listen to him rant sometimes!

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"A soft bed to lie down in and someone to chat with till I drift off... I'm really living the high life here."

He's a simple man. . .it's easy to imagine him holding your hand here while he dozes off. . . .

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"Really learned the ropes here, haven't you? Once we have a little cash to spare, I'll buy you your own Jabberwock uniform!"

they must be expensive if it takes until Affinity 25 to get you one! He's so conscious about his finances(disregard all of the stuff he buys and never uses--) that being given a purchased gift is surely the highest tier of affection from him haha. But also. . .he treats the anomalous animals and oftentimes even the other ghouls in Jabberwock like they're his kids. This is his way of saying 'you're part of this family too.' Which is very sweet.

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"Today's shearing day for the fluffy squad! It's actually a pretty hefty task, so I've gotta hop to it if I want to be done before summer..."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Bucket, check. Trowel, check. Me and Towa are heading to the mountains to pick some veggies. You wanna come?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"We've been getting a lot of balmy days lately, and the sun's up longer. Can't help but dilly-dally when I'm working..."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I've gotta clean out all the sparrow nests soon or they won't be able to look after their kiddos properly. Looks like there's... 61 nests total..."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"A lot of customers have been saying they wanna stay cool in the summer so I changed up the course. Now we have a special summer-only waterside tour!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"It's hot so I invited Ren to go fishing, but his face screwed up like a prune and he yelled at me. What's he got against fish?"

Probably the same thing you have against dogs. . . .

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Phew... Finally finished harvesting all the feed crops for the day... Everyone's health is dependent on their quality, so now's the time to do it right."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Lotta bugs around this time of year... But they're important for the food chain, so I've gotta take care of them... Argh!! Give it a rest with the buzzing!"

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hey, nice timing! I'm about to make a fire with the dead leaves I collected so I can bake some potatoes, take a seat!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I like the Jabberwock uniforms. They're made out of high-performance fabric that keeps you warm when it's cold out and safe when you're handling venomous critters!"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"The hibernation squad's gonna start eating us out of house and home this month... The food bill's gonna be rough... Eeek!"

(between 8pm and 5am)

"You reckon that's a rabbit on the moon? No way, it's a toad! C'mon, look closer!"

apparently the pareidolic toad in the moon is a Chinese myth! I wonder if they mean to suggest Haru is actually Chinese.

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"Rounds are quicker in winter since some of the critters hibernate. Makes things a little easie— Why's the kitchen on fire?!"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Brr... Can't help but get green-eyed looking at the furry critters when it's this cold..."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Nice and toasty... Hm? I'm talking about Peekaboo! He's better than a hot water bottle in this weather!"

Haru putting Peekaboo on your tummy when you're having cramps or just in pain in general is a cute mental image, especially since Peekaboo likes you lol

(between 8pm and 5am)

"It's cold outside so some of the critters have been sneaking into our rooms at night. You heard Ren scream just now, right?"

His birthday: (September 20th)

"It's my birthday?! Oops, totally slipped my mind... Thanks for remembering!"

Your birthday:

"Happy birthday. The Capybus is all yours today—I've got a custom birthday tour all planned out for you!"

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year! How'd I ring it in? I was milking the cow and when I looked up I'd totally missed the first sunrise! Gahaha!"

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"You're kidding, I can really have this?! They say a little sugar helps sweeten a tired day! Thanks a million, this'll keep me going a while!"

White Day: (March 14th)

"Ta-da! I bought you some hand cream, for the chocolate you got me last month. Thanks for everything you do here."

hand cream when you do all of that manual labor and probably have to wash your hands a lot is a really practical gift actually, gg haru

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Can you believe this? Ren got up early, and Towa fed everyone for me! ...Tried to make a joke for April Fools but it just made me feel empty inside..."

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Check it out! The pumpkin Capybus, in town for three days only! I sacrificed sleep and some of our budget to get her ready!"

If it's painted I really hope that paint is waterproof. . .never know when Towa's gonna make it rain. . . .

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas! This is a reindeer, she lives up in the mountains! And I'm Sagara Claus! Gahaha!"

just don't let romeo see it lolol

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Hey there, miss! Looking gorgeous as ever! ...Wait, I was kidding! Come back!"

(13 affinity and above)

"You seem pretty flat out today... Nothing for it, I'll get a few other things out of the way while I wait for you to get back."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"Phew, that's a relief... I was worried one of ours ate you... Glad to see you back."

Once again. . .an absolute sweetheart. And a single mother who is desperately in need of some help around the house. That April Fool's line really got me lolol poor guy. All of his have a lot of energy to them so i feel like i posted more than Haku, who's kind of a more low key guy lol. . . .

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #449

Top Ten Moments in Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

…as represented by a line of dialogue.

Every once in a while I choose to do a Top Ten that’s been on my to-do list for some time. It often doesn’t have anything to do with anything; I suppose in this case I could try to tag it onto Batman Day but that was weeks ago now wasn’t it? Anyway, here we are, with me once more returning to the well of “Best Moments Represented by a Line of Dialogue”, a format I enjoy and which I’ve been doing since practically the very beginning.

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is the best Batman movie, and whenever someone says that you know one of two things: (i) they’re a massive nerd or (ii) they’re a massive contrarian. These two things are not mutually exclusive, but I definitely don’t think I’m (ii); I’ll happily hear your arguments that the correct answer is The Dark Knight or Batman ’89, but I doubt I’ll agree. A more convincing argument might be made for Batman ’66, but even so, I think the best screen interpretation of Batman remains the classic Animated Series by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm (and their umpteen collaborators) and the first feature-length adaptation of that series remains, in my opinion, the purest, deepest, most interesting, most layered, and most damn fun Batman film of all time.

Don’t @ me.

Due to its exceptional voice cast (still the definitive representations of most of these characters) and peerless design work, many moments resonate still. Phantasm is one of those films that's great to watch when you're about ten to twelve because whilst ostensibly a movie made for kids or feels resolutely grown up; people die, people have sex, people who love each other can never see each other again. There's blood and genuine terror and mild swearing. It utterly earns and sells these moments, and in doing so builds a unique and very special interpretation of Batman at both his strongest and his weakness. And it also has a bit where the Joker tries to shag a robot.

"Ain't that a coinkydink?": unsurprisingly, most of the best lines in the film belong to the Joker; Mark Hamill’s performance is one for the ages. When he visits sleazy congressman Arthur Reeves, it’s a scene rich with both humour and terror, but also subtly unpeels the noirish plot of the film. The Joker has never been more Jokerish.

“It just doesn't hurt so bad anymore…": Bruce Wayne is often defined as a person driven by grief and vengeance, but in this scene, on his knees in the rain at his parents’ grave, he’s imploring them to let him live a normal, happy life. It’s beautifully played by Kevin Conroy (and Dana Delany as Andrea Beaumont) and rich with tragedy and pathos.

"I diapered your bottom, I bloody well ought to!”: Alfred (the late, great Efrem Zimbalist Jr.) is an unending joy in the film, offering sarcastic bon mots and some heartfelt pearls of wisdom. Here, though, he stands up to Bruce’s pigheadedness is earnest and also rather amusing fashion, and gets in a mild British swearword to boot. I like it because it shows his love and the history the two share, and also several aspects of Alfred all in one line.

“The only one in this room controlled by his parents is you!”: brilliantly, Andrea has always known Bruce was Batman, and he clearly knows she knows, despite her leaving town before his superhero debut. This scene, as they work out their anger and try to repress their feelings, is just great, Andrea getting some digs in and hurting Bruce, as well as hiding her true motives. It felt, to twelve-year-old me, like a really grown-up scene in this cartoon comic book movie.

“That's what I like to see: a nice big smile...": like I said, Joker is scary in this film; his scene with aging mob boss Sal Velestra, he’s darkly funny, comically gleeful, truly sinister, a force of potential violent threat, and then – right at the end – plays nice. But his final line, we know, is the biggest threat of all – and, sure enough, next time we see Valestra he’s dead in a chair with a rictus grin across his face.

“You? But... but he paid you!”: although I tend to prefer my Joker origins to be ambiguous, fair play to Phantasm for adapting the live-action thread of Joker originally being a mobster. It plays beautifully here, as we find out – in a chilling thirty-second flashback – that he killed Andrea’s father. Delany’s scream of discovery is horrifying, juxtaposed as it is with “Joker” (Jack Napier?) nonchalantly picking up an apple and eating it.

“Whatever... it... takes!”: now I don’t like it when Batman kills, but his fight with the Joker here is epic, and it really feels like it might be the end of the road for one or both of them. Broken by the revelation of the Phantasm, and just generally discombobulated by Andrea’s return, it’s fitting that he’d be a more desperate Batman than usual as he tries to prevent Joker’s escape. There’s a sense of grim finality to their conflict, amplified by the fantastic choral arrangement and score.

"Adaptogenic of course": this one might just be me, but I like the fact that Batman actually does some detecting in this film. Analysing the gas the Phantasm uses, he spouts a bunch of scientific-sounding gobbledegook, but Conroy delivers it with straight-faced gusto; the “of course” at the end, and Alfred’s eye-rolling response, speaks volumes about their relationship. This is a Batman who is self-aware and who can poke a bit of fun at himself.

“Your angel of death awaits...”: the Phantasm had to feel like a real threat, and their ability to pick off the various mobsters in the film is truly impressive. The imposing visage, the freak hook hand, and especially their seemingly supernatural smoke, makes them a force to be reckoned with. Their grim catchphrase underscores this, the sense of inevitable, fatal justice coming to bear on these criminals. Best death? Tough one; I like the intensity and violence of the Chuckie Sol scene, but in terms of an actual death you can’t really beat Buzz Bronski getting crushed by a tombstone.

“Batman! This is the police! You are under arrest!”: not the most dramatic line but certainly a dramatic scene, and a beautiful example of the way Phantasm plays with established elements of Batman’s origin. Essentially an adaptation of the SWAT-corners-Batman scene from Year One, we witness Bats outsmarting the cops at every turn, using all his little tricks until – knackered and unmasked – he’s eventually saved by Andrea. All the more impressive considering it features barely any dialogue.

God, this is a good film. I just love it so much. It was hard not to have every moment just be a different Joker one-liner. I also really like the Harley Quinn sound-a-like at the beginning who talks about “the I-word”, namely “in-gagement”. I strongly recommend you go watch this film at your earliest convenience.

[socialpants]

Infinity War is not a good movie

The action scenes are really good. Well done. Inventive. Good pace.

(gonna go into why the rest is not good under the cut and everything will be SPOILED)

The movie does zero to try and piece itself together as a narrative whole. It’s not meant as a standalone movie. It’s meant as the 1st half of a whole movie. And while the action scenes are good and the plot sort of starts to stick together coherently in the latter third of it, it still wont get there by the end credits.

Don’t get me wrong, by the time Thor was out there making his new hammer, I wasn’t spending as much time getting distracted by the internet but actually wanted to know how the movie was progressing, but the first 2/3 are completely wasted.

From the top:

- the opening scene is bad. Thanos intersects Thor and friends on their way to find a New Asgard and just off screen kills everyone. Everyone except Thor, Loki and Hulk. It feels like the script thought the Asgardians were inconvenient, so yeah, let’s just kill them all. Off screen. Then Loki acts badly, with poor dialogue and no one in their right mind for a moment believes anything he says or that the scene would have any canonical weight. Puff, he’s “dead” too. Heimdall is killed with a poke in the gut. Valkyrie is just killed off screen I guess. No one in the writing team cared about the previous Thor movie (or about anything much as I was about to find out).

- Banner is sent to Earth where he can’t hulk out anymore. Cue erectile dysfunction jokes. Because Hulk is his penis. Hulk is his sentient, completely separate entity penis. So that’s thing.

- Stark and Pepper are in the park arguing about wedding plans. They’re together now? Didn’t she leave him before? I don’t care. It’s Downey and Gwynnie. They’re having rich couple non-problems about getting married. Not for a moment are they anything relateable or other than Downey and Gwynnie. I’m flipping through the internet while they and Dr Strange get attacked. Spidey is there. Spidey is good. He gets well established through his dialogue within his 5 or so minutes on the screen.

- Wanda and Vision are doing couples things in Scotland (?). They’re the only couple that it’s created to be a real couple and who come off as Wanda and Vision. Good solid acting. you care for them as characters and believe them as people. 

- Chris Pratt is in space. Dear god I hope the real Pratt is nothing like Starlord because Starlord is an insecure infantile douchebag. I guess he’s dating Gamora? they’re not a couple. Chris Pratt is annoying. I don’t care about their relationship or their bad dialogue. Mantis and Drax are relatable with solid communication. Everyone else suffers from Can’t Tell You Vital Shit Because It Would Ruin The Movie -itis.

- There’s loads of really clunky dialogue going on. Everyone speaks in very bad exposition and forced tension. When exposition isn’t happening, Benny Cucumberman is a good Dr Strange, Benedict Wong is good as Wong though completely underused. Because the script just wants to stuff everything and their cat into 2+ hours, it fails at giving most characters proper screen time. Instead it just focuses on fights.

- There’s fight fight fight. Vision is moved to Wakanda so we get Black Panther and Bucky involved. Fight fight fight. If you haven’t seen Black Panther, you will have zero investment on any of this as no characterization is given. Okoye is the only person given a personality with her body language. More fighting.

- The infinity stones exist, but what do they actually do? No one knows! Mostly they just go pew pew pew. Everything about them is very disappointing. To be a god, you really only need a bunch of different colored laser pointers.

- Thanos goes around being a cartoon villain just missing his fedora. By the third act, they’ve decided to give him a personality, but his motivation isn’t stuffed in until the last 20 minutes and even then it’s hugely at odds with what they want you to believe his personality to be; He just wants to save the universe from overpopulation by killing half the population very violently and causing massive amount of ecological damage everywhere he goes. Like... he also employs people who clearly just get their kicks from murder and torture, he totally wrecks the planets’ environment whenever he lands on one and aren’t the people he doesn’t kill just going to pretty quickly repopulate to the same level as before? THIS IS ALL VERY POORLY THOUGHT OUT!

- Oh hai Hugo Weaving! Why are you here? No reason. We just needed to get everyone who’s ever been in a Marvel movie to make an appearance. So Hugo Weaving is a ghost thingy that just kinda hangs around the Soul Stone. Why? There was a map to the place and once you get there there’s really only one place to go, with a single path to walk and it’s two gant stone pillars that you can probably seen from space so fairly hard to miss. So . uh.. I guess it’s a cosmic punishment to be the most pointless ghost ever?

- the Soul Stone demands you sacrifice what you most love to handle it. Which is dumb and pointless. Who made up this rule? The stone? The person who hid it? If you get a regular person wanting the stone, they’d never sacrifice a beloved person to fiddle with a stone, so you’ll only end up getting handled by murderous lunatics and the story ends up legitimizing their obsessive controlling needs as genuine love? That’s bad writing. Oh and of course Gamora is “the only thing Thanos loves” and she just happens to be there. What a coinkydink! thanos promptly throws her off the cliff. Sure didn’t see that coming! *groan* And by this point we don’t know enough about Thanos to care about any of this. We still don’t know his motivation. Or why he’d totally torture his other adopted daughter but man look at this little Gamora kid I took as a souvenir from one of those planets where I slaughtered everyone, I sure do love her more than anything! Because the plot says I do! (To Josh Brolin’s credit, I think he does a decent job with a piss poor script)

- Thor is off on his own little adventure trying to get a new hammer made. Only there’s just a single person left to operate the cosmic blacksmith’s shop where galactic weapons are made and their forge has gone out. It doesn’t matter. We still get the forge going. And it doesn’t seem to take that much effort. Even though “it’s suicidal to try to keep the thingymagic manually open” and  Thor ”will definitely die if he tries”.Thor keeps it manually open for a wee bit and doesn’t die or even get maimed. Yay we got a new hammer! This sweltery is also the same place where Thanos’s little glitter glove was made. Which is funny that he managed to kill everyone there for no apparent reason but to be a dick, yet he left the very legendary and actual pre-existing mold of the weapon that can kill him totally alone. Thanos, wyd baby, no.

- Nebula escapes, which apparently was just a question of getting into a touching distance of a single guard. This also seems like really bad writing.

- Fight fight fight. Everyone acts kind of out of character, but it could just be that the dialogue is mostly very bad. Vision is killed, twice. Both times are very sad. Possibly the best moment in the movie. Good job actors. Then Thor hammers Thanos who dies and doesn’t and kills “half the population of the universe”, I guess? Wibbly wobbly timey wimey and he’s back to some sort of a farm house-meadow thing in the end credits. I dunno. Insert dust effects. There’s really no dramatic tension here aside from Peter and Wanda’s deaths. Everyone else just looks kinda like, welp, this sure was a movie we were in. Okoye is, again, the lone person reacting accordingly to their loved one turning to dust.

- End credits state that thanos will be back. Just so you know, in case you had invested even an ounce of emotion into these people “dying”, here’s how we make sure that you shouldn’t have to worry, because we’re basically only halfway through the movie. But you’ll have to wait at least a year to watch the second half. We just have to design new suits for everyone we bring back from “the dead”.