#kicks a rock. idk can we let him be kakavasha more. this is important to me and i think it's important to him too LOL

[mymarifae]

it's a pretty popular fanon idea that aventurine has abandoned his birth name and no longer thinks himself worthy of it which i guess seems fitting given how deep his own self-loathing runs but tbh? "selfishly" (whether it's actually selfish or not is irrelevant because that good ol' self-loathing clouds his objective judgement) clinging onto the things he feels he doesn't deserve is just as in character for him. and like

i've said this before but i really do think his future self calling him kakavasha indicates that he primarily thinks of himself by that name. sunday's order fuckery be damned, everything he hallucinates in this segment comes from himself. idk, i guess we'll never know unless we get another visualization of his inner monologues, but i prefer the idea that while both names are his now, kakavasha is the one he defaults to. it's the name his mama gave him; you really think he'd let himself abandon it? like, this is the guy who has clung onto the scraps of his papa's old shirt, even through allllll the shit he's gone through over the years, just to have something - ANYTHING - to remember him by. it's not an aspect of his character that was explored a ton, but it's still obvious: his family is extremely important to him, and he will always treasure every possible connection he still has to them, even if all that remains is rags, a charm, and a name.

he's come to accept it as his also but aventurine is... secondary, and the only reason why people don't know him as kakavasha First is because he doesn't trust anyone enough to give them such an important piece of his heart. as he moves forward, post- nihility and acheron, and tries to cherish his life a little more, maybe he'll figure out how to be vulnerable. to let someone else in, for once. and he can be kakavasha again, to at least one person other than himself