#kicking my feet thinking about how to make his interests vaguely adjacent to or completely opposite mine.

[catboygirljoker]

ive no issue with self inserts or nothin but i think its important to give your characters different opinions and interests than you. i love being like "lamia has a lifelong passion for sonic the hedgehog and the first saw is his comfort movie. no ive never played a sonic game and ive never seen saw and i dont want to do either of those things. why do you ask"

[artificialqueens]

Say My Name Part 2 (Rajaska) - Albatross

AN: First off, I really want to thank everyone that gave feedback on the first chapter. It means a lot as a new writer on here and I really appreciate you guys for taking the time to do that. I’m hoping this next part lives up to what you were expecting. It took a lot longer to write than I thought it would because I kept going back and changing things trying to get up to what you all deserve. The whole story I plan to have broken out into two more chapters. Originally, this chapter was going to be a hell of a lot longer and would finish off the story but I really wanted to get an update out there since I’ve been having a hard time finding motivation/free time to write. I’m hoping that posting this will give me the kick I need to get the rest of the story done soon. And as more of a side note, I am taking some strong (and generous) creative liberties with Fubar’s bathroom situation for this story…like a lot of liberties…

When the queens finally found their way into Fubar, they were immediately offered several rounds of drinks by a number of the other patrons. Both accepted with grateful smiles but Alaska made a note to herself to watch how much she would be drinking that night. The last thing she wanted was for Raja to find her a drunken mess and ruin the last chance she had to spend time with her for the next few weeks. She also knew that she would need to keep a level head in order to prevent herself from acting like a love-sick puppy around her friends. Part of her had a foreboding feeling that Willam would piece together the clues before the night was over and just the thought of that caused her stomach to clench nervously. She didn’t entirely understand why it made her so anxious but deep down she knew that if she wasn’t careful, she could easily end up hurting Willam one way or another. As the night went on, Alaska made good on the promise to herself to monitor her alcohol consumption but at the same time she was certainly suffering the consequences from it. The actual show had finished over 20 minutes ago but there was still no sign of Raja any where. She was sure if the other queen was in the club she would have heard whispers of it floating around by now but so far the only queens not on the night’s set list were her, Willam, and two other local queens well known for bar-hopping in the area. Her habit of checking her phone for any new messages was steadily becoming more frequent until it reached the point where every half hour became every 3 minutes and her battery life was rapidly dwindling into the single digit range. She tried telling herself that Raja was the kind of person who would at least give her a heads up if she couldn’t make it but already her mind was diving into all the possibilities for why she hadn’t show up yet. The recurring favorites so far were ‘Filming ran too late and she’s already on her way to the airport’, 'She got caught up in packing and completely forgot about coming’, and the ever so popular, 'She just doesn’t care.’ The last one was so successful it even had multiple spin offs, each designed to leave Alaska feeling like utter shit in new, fun ways. Well, she never said rational thinking was her strong suit but when the voices became too loud, alcohol was always there to provide a temporary relief. Luckily, she was in just the right place for it. After checking her phone one last time with no better luck than before, Alaska shoved it back into her pocket and decided to take the plunge and order a few shots to dull the growing ache in her chest. The first two went down easily but as she tried to get the bartender’s attention for a third, a warm body was suddenly pressed against her side and a comforting scent filled the air around her. Her heart fluttered for a brief moment until she realized the person currently invading her space was much too short to be one she was waiting for. Slapping on as sincere of a smile as she could managed, Alaska turned to face her equally buzzed friend. “Hey, girl!” Willam greeted brightly. “Rhea killed it tonight, huh?” Doing her best to keep a cheerful voice, Alaska agreed, “Yeah…one the best shows I’ve seen here in awhile.” Unconvinced, Willam’s expression shifted to a concerned one and he placed a hand on her upper arm as he asked, “Why are you looking so down? Something wrong?” Alaska faltered as she was torn between full blown denial or breaking down to tell her friend everything. The shots certainly had their intended effect of quieting her thoughts but it also left her tongue feeling a bit too loose. While she did her best to debate the pros and cons of honesty, she saw Willam’s eyes peer into the distance behind her and the grin on his face brightened immensely. Enthusiastically, he signaled for someone to come over and leaned in towards Alaska to exclaim, “You’ll never guess who’s here!” Almost immediately following the statement, Alaska heard Rhea’s excited voice yelling close behind her, “What’s up, bitches? Look who finally dragged her ass out here to support her daughter!” “Yes,” came the mocking reply, “the Diamond Crowned Queen has decided to grace this bootleg pageant with her illustrious presence.”   For the second time that night, Alaska felt her heart skip a beat as she heard Raja’s voice and immediately spun around to meet her. Her eagerness was swiftly checked by her unstable feet and she crashed forward into the body nearest her. A familiar pair of arms caught her by the waist and pulled her in much closer than she’d allow most other people to get away with. Her cheeks were burning from the embarrassment of her own clumsiness but even more so when she heard a teasing whisper in her ear, “Falling for me already?” Thankfully no one else could hear what Raja had said over the pounding of the music but Alaska was very much aware that anyone in the club see her turning into a blushing mess if they cared to look. The incident had also caught Willam’s attention and even with his own alcohol-induced balancing issues, he did his best to help steady her. “You ok, girl?” he asked worriedly as he assisted in getting her standing straight again. “Yeah,” Alaska replied as she tucked her hair behind her ears, “just a bit klutzy tonight…” Willam nodded and slowly backed away now that she appeared to be stable on her own again. As he withdrew, his hand brushed against Raja’s, who still made no move to release her hold on Alaska. Neither of them said a word but even Alaska could feel the unspoken tension as their eyes connected and Willam’s concerned expression transformed into a vaguely confused one. Sobriety had it benefits and as soon as Raja deciphered the way Willam was staring at her, she let the arm wrapped around Alaska’s front drop back down to her side. One thing that didn’t escape Alaska’s notice was the hand Raja had left resting on her lower back. The fingers clutched at Alaska’s shirt in a protective manner, almost as if she was daring someone to try and pull Alaska away from her. The rest of her body relaxed into a casual stance as she turned her attention back to Rhea, complimenting her on the new direction she had taken with her makeup tonight. Rhea basked in the praise she was receiving from her drag mother, a feeling Alaska was all too familiar with. Raja even made an attempt to pay a similar compliment to Willam, who certainly out-shined most of the people in the club with his own flashy outfit that night. Distractedly, he thanked her but continued to make no effort to disguise the puzzled look on his face as he studied the two queens’ body language. Alaska felt like a small bug caught under a magnifying glass, wishing that something would provide an opportunity for her to escape or at least for his attention to be diverted elsewhere. She had to fight against her own instinct to grab Raja’s hand for support so she wouldn’t break her composure. She hardly dared to make direct eye contact with him for the fear that her expression would give everything away…as if he hadn’t figured it out already. Raja herself looked like the picture of serenity as she held up her conversation with Rhea without even batting an eyelash at Willam’s now accusatory gaze. He made no comment on the subject but his expression left little doubt that he suspected the hidden meaning behind the queens’ brief interaction. Raja did little to dispel those suspicions when her arm snuck its way further around Alaska’s waist and she slipped her fingers just under the hem of the other queen’s shirt. Willam’s eye twitched as he watched Raja trace her fingertips over Alaska’s skin, eliciting a slight shiver at the contact. The final straw came when Raja shot a small secretive smile towards Willam that seemed say, 'What are you going to do about it?’ Willam’s cheeks flared in indignation and he let out a little huff before grabbing Rhea’s hand and pulling her towards the crowd, citing that some trade had caught his eye. Rhea’s interest was immediately piqued by his announcement and willingly allowed him to usher her away from the other queens. Alaska heard her calling out a short goodbye before disappearing into the sea of bodies currently sprawled across the dance floor. Just as they were out of sight, Raja turned back to Alaska with a mischievous grin and jerked her head in the direction of the restroom. The implication took a second to register but soon Alaska found herself fervently nodding and being led towards the one small shot at privacy they would have that night. They had scarcely finished checking the room for any other occupants before Raja was shuffling them into the lone handicap stall and skillfully locking the door behind her. She left little opportunity for commentary as she crashed her lips against Alaska’s and guided her back towards the furthest corner. A feeling of Déjà vu swept over Alaska as she found herself pressed firmly against the adjacent wall while Raja’s hands possessively enclosed around her hips. She clung to the front of Raja’s shirt, unwilling to let her slip from her hold again tonight. She was determined to make their time together last for as long as possible. Air always seemed to become issue much too quickly and after a few moments, the queens were forced to break apart to catch their breath. Raja refused to let a single second go to waste and whispered an apology between brisk pecks to Alaska’s lips, “Sorry I’m late…shoot went longer than planned…barely packed…shoved some shit in a suitcase…'nd ran over here…” She paused one more time, lips brushing against Alaska’s as she said in a low, guilt-ridden voice, “I’m really sorry, I should’ve watched the time closer.” As Raja’s eyes flickered down to meet Alaska’s, she thought to herself she’d never see a more sincere pair than the ones she was looking at in that moment. The remorseful look helped soothe any doubts Alaska might have regarding Raja’s feelings towards her. They certainly needed to talk about this later, but for now, Alaska felt it could wait. She cupped Raja’s cheek and murmured against her lips, “Just glad I got to see you…” Raja leant back in to close the remaining gap for a languid but heartfelt kiss. Any words they might have spoken were instead expressed through their calculated movements against one another. Without warning, Raja’s hands twitched in hesitation and her hold on Alaska’s hips relaxed as she broke away to rest her forehead against the younger queen’s. “Why’d you stop?” Alaska asked breathlessly. “Want to make sure-” Raja began softly before cutting herself off to start over. “We don’t have to do anything…” she insisted, “We can just sit outside…talk.” Alaska’s heart felt close to bursting as she pressed another slow kiss to Raja’s lips and ran her hand through Raja’s hair, tugging gently at her natural locks. Pulling away just enough to speak, she reaffirmed with a hint of a whine in her tone, “Want to…” “You sure?” Raja asked again with clear uncertainty in her voice. “We’re in a fucking bathroom that was last cleaned…Fuck, I don’t know if I ever saw it clean.” Alaska couldn’t help but to chuckle at the rather true statement and stated firmly, “Definitely…Besides…” she trailed off with hooded eyes as she ran her free hand down Raja’s stomach to toy with her belt buckle. “Need something to remember while you’re away…” Raja gave her a seductive smirk as her fingers hooked around Alaska’s empty belt loops and pulled her forward until their bodies were close enough to share a heartbeat. Alaska let out a small gasp as Raja ghosted over her lips and promised, “I think I can help with that.” Swallowing the small lump in her throat, Alaska challenged the older queen, “So do it.” Raja’s smirk changed into a devious grin as she attached herself to Alaska’s neck, much in the same manner as she had done that afternoon. The sudden assault to her skin caught Alaska by surprise and before she could stop herself, a choked whimper echoed through the stall. Raja had started to lick a light trail over the spot she knew would make Alaska melt into a wobbly mess but an all too familiar taste caught her attention. Pulling back to investigate, she saw a strip of dark red tinged with just a hint of purple peeking out from beneath the layers of cover up Raja had accidentally removed. Her eyes narrowed as she ran a finger over the exposed mark and questioned, “What’s this?” Alaska’s cheeks flushed with color as she admitted sheepishly, “Make up…Willam covered them…” Rolling her eyes, Raja remarked sarcastically, “Out of the goodness of her heart, I bet…” Alaska opened her mouth to try and explain the situation but the words died on her tongue as the bathroom door was loudly pushed open followed by fast, indistinct voices. Two pairs of heels clicked across the floor in the direction of the sinks causing Alaska to briefly wonder if they had entered the wrong bathroom by mistake. She cast a questioning look to Raja who motioned for her to stay silent while she tried to listen for clues to the identity of the new occupants. The parties speaking were so muffled by the music it was impossible to tell one way or the other as to which sex they could belong to. They seemed stay localized in front of the sink but as to why or how long they might remain, neither Alaska nor Raja had any idea. With few other options, Raja bent down for a cautious peak under the partition but swiftly stood back up with a slightly annoyed look on her face. “Speak of the fucking devil…” she muttered to herself turning to inform Alaska, “Red-bottomed heels.” Alaska took a quick look herself and immediately recognized the shoes in question. With an airy laugh in her voice, she commented, “Only she would wear those here…” Raja let out a beaten sigh and brought her hand up to push away the stray locks of hair that had fallen over Alaska’s face.  After tucking the last piece behind her ear, she tilted Alaska’s chin up and asked gently, “Want to stop?” She shook her head and whispered, “Keep going…” “You mean after…?” Raja trailed off with an accentuating jerk of her head in the direction of the other queens. “Now,” Alaska persisted, pushing her body up against Raja’s just to make her point. Raja’s eyes shone with amusement as she bit back a smirk and murmured, “Full of surprises, aren’t you?” Alaska didn’t have time to supply a witty remark before she was pinned back against the wall with Raja’s hand slipping beneath her shirt. Warm fingers traced unplanned patterns anywhere they could reach until Alaska’s entire body felt like it was being consumed by the fire known as Raja. Lips and teeth grazed over her neck, undoubtedly uncovering the hidden bruises, which may well have been Raja’s intent anyway. She certainly didn’t seem to mind creating new ones for Alaska to find tomorrow. Even knowing they’ll be an absolute bitch to cover later, Alaska couldn’t care less about that so long they came from her. She would wear them with only a small amount of grumbling if Raja asked her to. Despite the attention she showered Alaska with, Raja didn’t seem to have any interest in having it returned…at least not yet. When Alaska had tugged on her belt, silently asking for permission to take it off, Raja just pushed her hand aside and assured her, “Later.” Alaska wanted to argue that it wasn’t fair to Raja, but she was struggling to hold back all the humiliating noises that threatened to reveal their presence to the other queens. She was almost to the point where she would just say “Fuck it,” and let herself be heard…but the guilt inside of her kept her from going that far. Raja on the other hand seemed eager to draw out any sound she could. Any time a pleading whimper or soft moan escaped, she would allow her hand to drop a little bit closer to the area Alaska was aching to have her touch again. Her grip on Raja’s waist tightened, urging her to do something more but she was only rewarded when her desperation became audible. She groaned to herself in exasperation, wishing that the intruders, or at least Willam, would leave the restroom so she wouldn’t have contain herself anymore. Raja genuinely seemed to enjoy her growing frustration, going so far as to pay special attention to Alaska’s weak spots in an effort to tease out anything she could from the younger queen. Both knew this wasn’t nearly enough for either of them, yet neither wanted to be the first to break. Alaska tried again to speed things along but Raja dismissed every attempt she made with enviable ease. Playing the position to her advantage, Raja toyed with the button of Alaska’s jeans as she kissed her way up to her ear, nibbling lightly at the lobe before whispering huskily against the cartilage, “Wanna hear you…Want you to say my name…” “You want Willam to hear me say your name,” Alaska argued in a choked voice as she fought back another moan. Alaska felt a smirk pressed against her ear for a split second before Raja cooly replied, “I want everyone to hear…” Those five words were all it took to finally break Alaska to Raja’s will. Any filter she might have had earlier in the night was gone and all that mattered to her was Raja. Her arms seemed to have a mind of their own as they wrapped around Raja’s shoulders again and her hands wove themselves into her hair as she pulled her down for another deep kiss. She gave a impatient tug and was pleasantly surprised to have earned a soft moan from the older queen. The noise ought to have been muffled by the close proximity of their lips but true to every bathroom in the known world; the sound seemed to be amplified far louder than what one would think is possible…or justified. Though there was still a noticeable amount of chatter coming from the other end of the room, it was definitely quieter than it had been just a minute ago and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that they had most likely been heard by at least one of the other queens. Fighting against the overwhelming sense that someone was probably listening to them, Alaska broke the kiss to find Raja smirking down at her in victory. She needed this so bad it almost hurt; she had to feel Raja’s skin on hers again before the night was over or she might just lose it. Swallowing any pride she might have had left, she pouted in defeat, “Please…touch me.” The smirk faded into a smile as Raja expertly undid the button and drew down the zipper in what felt like just a mere second. “Keep going,” Raja encouraged as she slipped a finger around the waistband of Alaska’s briefs and gradually tugged them lower. Alaska’s grip tightened on Raja’s hair as she felt the cold air hit her exposed length. She bit her lip for a quick moment as a warm hand wrapped around her and paused. “More,” she begged, vaguely registering that the conversation from the other queens had now stopped entirely. Complying, Raja slowly began pumping her hand as she returned her attention back to Alaska’s neck. Her breath quickened as Raja worked her way from her jugular back to the dark bruise she had left over her pulse point earlier that day. Mimicking her actions from before, Raja gave the area a light lick before setting her lips back to work to ensure this hickie would stand out vibrantly tomorrow. A broken moan of “Sutan” erupted from Alaska’s mouth as she felt Raja’s free hand working its way around her backside to give her ass a slight squeeze. No more than a second passed before a pair of heels were heard storming out of the room, followed shortly after by a more hesitant pair. “Finally gone,” Raja commented as her hand sped up just enough to elicit another whimper from the other queen. Alaska nodded absently, barely able to think about anything other than the person touching her. Her mind felt trapped in a pleasure filled haze but it still wasn’t enough to give her what she needed. A chanting cry of “Please, please…” seemed to be the only thing she could bring herself to say. “'Please’, what?” Raja taunted, slowly swirling her thumb to spread around the bead of pre-cum that had begun dripping out. Alaska’s knees threatened to give way and her eyes started to water as she gasped, “Please, Sutan…faster.” Pressing a kiss to the younger queen’s cheek, Raja whispered, “Good boy,” and gave her what she asked for. As the hand stroking her picked up the pace, Alaska buried her face into Raja’s neck to hide the stray tear that had fallen. The slight wetness against her skin didn’t escape Raja’s notice nor did the effort Alaska made to stop her body from shaking as she inched closer to the edge. Alaska’s hold on her hair was sure to result in a few strands coming loose but it was well worth it to Raja to hear the younger queen crying out her real name. Running her free hand across Alaska’s back, she coaxed her gently, “C'mon, baby, that’s it…You’re getting so close, aren’t you, Justin?” Alaska was nodding feverishly, her mind struggling to process what Raja had said. She was acutely aware that she was hardly saying anything intelligible at this point, just a bunch of syllables mixed with strangled noises. Thankfully, Raja seemed know her body better than she did at the moment and everything she wanted to ask for was quickly provided. Nails scratching lightly over her back was the final touch needed to push her to the limit. As she came over Raja’s hand, she buried her teeth into Raja’s neck with a muffled cry of her name. In her post-orgasmic state, she clung to Raja like a lifeline, barely able to catch her breath even after releasing the skin from her mouth. She fell back against the wall, gratefully accepting the toilet paper offered to her as she cleaned herself up. Through the dying panting she apologized for the distinct bite mark she had left, knowing there was very little that could be done to hide it aside from high collars or maybe a necklace if it were bulky enough. “Don’t worry about it…I did a number on your neck anyway,” Raja reassured her as she pressed a small kiss to Alaska’s forehead. “And now I’ve got something to remember you by, too,” she joked. With a coquettish smile, Alaska traced her finger over the front of Raja’s pants and offered, “Could give you something else to remember…” Intrigued, Raja smirked down at her disheveled partner and asked, “Oh? Just what’d you have in mind?” With as much grace as she could manage while her legs felt as stable as half broken sticks; Alaska dropped to her knees and tugged again on Raja’s belt. Finding no resistance this time, she carefully undid the buckle and opened the fly. When she snuck a glance up to ensure it was alright to continue, she found Raja staring down with her eyes slowly glazing over and very light tint of pink on her cheeks. As she lowered herself closer to the bulge and placed several soft kissed down its length, a hand entangled itself in her hair and gave a soft tug. Stopping at the tip, she wrapped her lips around as much of the head as she could and sucked lightly through the thin cloth. A small moan echoed in her throat as the grip on her hair tightened and she could practically hear the smirk in Raja’s voice as she asked breathlessly, “You like that, huh?” She nodded her head just slightly and grazed her tongue against the slit, earning another firm yank. Before she could stop herself, a muffled groan of “Raja…” escaped past her lips and nearly the same instant, Raja’s grasp loosened in shock. Alaska’s eyes went wide as soon as she realized what had slipped out and desperately tried to apologize for the lapse but the damage had been done. Raja was already pulling away with her shoulders sunken in defeat as she zipped her pants closed again and re-latched the belt.  Alaska scrambled to her feet, reciting every form of an apology that she could think of but Raja cut her off with a hand raised in the air signaling her to stop. She stumbled to the end of her sentence and waited anxiously for Raja to say anything. The look on her face was difficult to describe, her eyes flashed between hurt and frustration but also, and it killed Alaska to admit this, it looked like part of her had given up somewhere. The hand she held up was shaking but her voice came out surprisingly even, “It’s okay, Alaska.” Hearing Raja call her by her drag name was like a punch in the gut. Her voice caught in her throat as she tried again to speak but nothing would come out that could properly explain how sorry she was. Raja let out a heavy sigh and started to exit the stall. Alaska reached out to grab her hand, anything to keep her from leaving, but it was brushed off and Raja told her blankly, “It’s getting late and I need to catch my plane. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She didn’t wait for a response before she opened the stall door and rushed from the bathroom. Everything in Alaska wanted to follow after Raja; to stop her before she even left the building to make sure everything was alright between them…but she was frozen to her spot. No matter how much she tried to will her body to move, she just stood there like a statue staring after Raja, feeling more alone than she could ever recall. Time seemed to escape her as she stared into the empty space. She had no idea how long had waited there after Raja left; maybe it was just a minute, maybe it was ten. The only thing that returned her to some form of reality was the door opening again. Her mind felt like it was on autopilot as she left the stall and walked out of the bathroom in a dazed stupor. She barely registered the hand that caught her upper arm and tried to stop her as she pushed her way through the crowd. Was it Willam? Rhea? Some fan? It didn’t matter. She didn’t stop for anything. She walked out of the club and down the street until the bright lights and loud music faded behind her. Only then did her senses come back enough for her to remember that she and Willam had drove there together. No part of her was tempted to face the other queen right now, not after what he must have heard in the bathroom. God, Alaska seemed to have a special talent for fucking things up tonight… Using the last of her battery life, she ordered an Uber and returned back to her horribly vacant house. She sent a quick text to Willam letting him know that she had left the club and placed her phone on the charger. Her eyes stayed glued to the black screen for what felt like an eternity before she picked it back up and fumbled through her contacts to find Raja’s number. Her hands twitched as she fought against the lump in her throat and pressed the call button next to Raja’s name before she had time to chicken out. Every second that passed killed her hope just a little bit more until the ringtone finally cut out. The message she left on the voicemail begged Raja to call her back, even if it would be in the middle of the night, but Alaska felt there was little chance of that happening. Ending the call, Alaska tried one more avenue to reach Raja and opened a new message to her. She slid her fingers along the touch screen, trying to find the right words to express how sorry she was for that thoughtless moment, but everything sounded wrong to her ears. Nevertheless, she sent the multi-page text anyway. Struggling not to break down any further, she left her phone on her nightstand and rushed to the kitchen, heading straight to the fridge for the one thing that might help her sleep tonight. Still resting on the bottom shelf, the bottle Raja had given her those few short months ago seemed to be the perfect nightcap for her situation. Some dark part of her mind taunted her that she’d never get the chance to share it with Raja now, so why waste it? It popped opened easily enough and soon Alaska’s lips were replacing the cork and draining the liquid with frightening speed. Finding her way back to bed with the bottle still in hand, she cast her sight down towards her cell. Her heartbeat quickened as the alert light was flashing to show she had a new message. The tears she hadn’t realized she’d been holding back finally fell as she read Willam’s name at the top of the message. Her vision became too blurry to see anything after that so she threw the phone aside and took another deep swig from the half empty bottle. She wanted to drink the entire thing and just pass out for the rest of the night but past experience was yelling at her that this was not the answer. Caught between both sides of her conscience, she allowed herself one final sip and pulled the bed sheets over her head in an effort to force herself to fall asleep. The heat beneath the covers was stifling but she knew that if she lifted them either the bottle or the phone would just tempt her into making yet another stupid choice. Her eyes finally started to close after an hour but dreams eluded her. When she awoke the next morning, dehydrated with a hint of a hangover, she pointedly ignored her phone, now blinking again with new alerts. Her main focus was to clean herself up, find something to eat, and nurse her headache before it became any worse. Once she felt something like her normal self, she braced herself as unlocked her home screen. Thirty-six texts, one failed FaceTime request, and 4 voicemails…all from Willam. Granted, most of the texts were simple phrases or even just a single word but none of them caught Alaska’s attention…though maybe they should have. Moving on, she found two missed calls, one voicemail, and eight text messages from Rhea. 'Girl, where are you?’, 'Willam’s worried sick.’, and 'Are you alright? Call us back!’ stood out the most. The final two alerts held Alaska’s attention the most; the first was a missed call from Raja, barely even three seconds. It was as if she tried to call but hung up midway through the first ring. As to why she gave up, Alaska could only speculate but her worst fear was that it was just a misdial in an attempt to remove Alaska’s messages from her phone. The last unopened text did little to calm her anxiety: 'we’ll talk next time’. No capitalization, no punctuation. The tone was undeniable though; she was still incredibly upset…but at least she responded. Having enough, Alaska buried herself back in her bed and lay there until she fell asleep again. Throughout the day she woke up intermittently, usually caused by her phone vibrating with a new message or attempted phone call almost exclusively popping up under Willam’s name. By mid-afternoon, she was sick and tired of seeing his name and turned her phone off for good before falling back into a restless slumber that she hoped would carry her well into the next day. Unfortunately, she was destined to be woken much earlier than she anticipated and of course the first thing that greeted her was Willam’s incredibly irritated face. ********************************** “Bitch…What does it take for you to answer your goddamn phone?” he spat out as he roughly shook her shoulder. Not exactly subtle and certainly not what Alaska was expecting to wake up to in her previously empty home. Panic immediately overwhelmed her as she was violently roused from her unconscious state and she scrambled to get as far away as her mattress would allow. After putting some distance between herself and the figure that had rudely awoken her, she recognized Willam’s silhouette against the fading light filtering through her window. Startled, she gasped out, “Wha-How’d you get in here?” His eyes narrowed as he stared down at her in mild contempt before slowly holding up a small, dull yellow object in front of her. Dropping the key next to the bottle on her night stand, he informed her scornfully, “Took all of five seconds to find it taped to the door frame.” “Oh,” she replied lamely, dropping her gaze to the sheets she was now tangled in. “Yeah, ’Oh’,” he repeated sarcastically. Even without looking, Alaska knew an eye roll almost certainly went with that statement. “Now you wanna tell me why you couldn’t be bothered to pick up your fucking phone?” he demanded. She chanced a quick glance up at Willam but quickly darted her eyes back to her lap as soon as she met his rightfully angry gaze. “I’m sorry-” she began shamefully only to be cut off by his heated rant. “Damn right, you’re sorry,” he interrupted furiously, “You should be! What were you thinking? You send one text, one! 'I’m leaving’ and that’s it? You don’t even say where you’re going or if you made it home? Just drop off the fucking grid without saying another word! I tried calling, tried texting, fucking FaceTimed and you still don’t answer? Not even when Rhea tried!” Alaska hugged her knees to her chest as he continued to read the Riot Act to her. She felt like a child being reprimanded by her parents again but he was absolutely justified in his tirade. She had been so caught up in her own pity party last night that she ignored one of the few people that always went the extra mile to look out for her. At the very least she should have sent him a response after she saw how many messages he had left her. But she was selfish…she only thought about how she had felt and she hated that about herself. Even now as he was scolding her, he made it a point not to yell nor to invade her space. He wasn’t even attacking her personally, just the thoughtless choices she had made last night. He was holding back so much of his anger that tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Alaska had buried herself so deep in her own self-deprecation that she almost missed what he said next. “Fucking called Raja. Yes, Raja,” he reiterated, seeing Alaska’s head pop up at the name. “That was a shit load of fun,” he muttered, sarcasm dripping off every word as he sat down on the edge of the bed. His tone became much more subdued as he told this part of the story, “Caught her while she was still on the plane. Would barely speak to me…Snapped when I asked about you…Flight attendant got mouthy in the background 'bout her phone not being on airplane mode. We both bitched her out for a minute…” he added with a slight laugh. After a short pause Willam took a deep breath and side-eyed Alaska, seemingly debating whether or not to relay the next bit. With a hint of reluctance in his voice, he told her, “She wants me to call her afterwards.” Alaska stared at him in shock as the inference behind his words slowly sunk in. It almost seemed like a sick joke, like he was lying to make her feel better, but when she searched his face for any sign of dishonesty, she found none. She couldn’t believe that Raja was so worried about her after how much she messed up. Even though she was upset she still wanted to make sure Alaska was alright… Silently, she crawled over to Willam and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders. Immediately, he pulled her in closer and allowed her to rest her head in the crook of his neck as she took time to process all that he had said. It felt so unreal… just one sentence gave her hope that maybe she hadn’t fucked everything up beyond repair…maybe she could still make things right…with everyone. After taking a moment to collect herself, she pulled back and whispered, “Thank you…for telling me that and…I’m really sorry.” A doleful smile spread over his lips as he told her sadly, “I know…I’m still pissed…but I’ll get over it.” Both let out a little chuckle at his frankness and fell back onto the mattress, still wrapped in each other’s embrace. With a little maneuvering, they managed reposition themselves to be laying comfortably amongst the strewn bedding and pillows. Alaska moved her arm to drape over Willam’s midsection, trying her best not to shiver as he traced his fingertips lightly over the flexing muscles. Breaking the silence, he asked softly, “Raja, huh?” “Yeah,” she affirmed, unable to keep the melancholy from penetrating her voice. “Wow…” He stated with a tinge of amused disbelief. “Can’t say I blame you, just…damn…” She nodded her head against his chest and waited anxiously for the question she was dreading the most. Deciding to bite the bullet, he asked abruptly, “So what happened?” Toying with the loose fabric of his shirt, Alaska mumbled a few non-committal noises in a feeble attempt to avoid the topic for as long as possible. Grabbing her hand to stop the nervous fiddling, he told her firmly, “Don’t give me that. If want me to help…I gotta know.” Alaska couldn’t deny that a small jolt of warmth spread through her heart at his offer to help, blunt as it was. Still, it felt like it was crossing a line somewhat to be sharing the details without Raja’s knowledge, not to mention her own internalized shame of how she acted that night. With a little more gentle prodding, she relented and told him the majority of what had happened from the very first encounter up to the latest, leaving out of course the more risque details. Coming to the end, she admitted, “I accidentally called her Raja and she got really upset…I fucked up, I know…but I don’t really get why.” Willam mused softly for a moment before carefully suggesting, “I don’t think the name is really the issue, at least not entirely.” “Then what is it?” Alaska pressed. She needed to know, not just so she could fix things with Raja but so she could actually understand why it hurt her so much…so she could make sure she’d never do it again. “Well…” Willam hesitantly started off, “I think it’s more about what the name represents…Like…with Raja…Actually, let’s start with me-” “Of course,” Alaska said under her breath, ignoring the light tap to her arm after he heard the muttering. “With me,” he began again, going slow and deliberately as he tried to explain his thought process, “I go by the same name in and out of drag because it makes sense. There’s really not a whole lot of difference between the two…just better hair and cuter outfits but my personality is still pretty much the same…You and Raja are a bit more…polarized. With you, there’s definitely a personality difference. 'Alaska’ is much more of an extrovert than 'Justin’…but you’re just as fine being called 'Alaska’ out of drag as you are in. It’s almost interchangeable for you…Raja used to be like that…To me, she’s kinda like the midpoint between us…or maybe more like the third point in a triangle…Anyway…Like me, there’s a lot of similarities between her drag persona and how she acts is out of it but also some differences, too. Out of drag, she’s more reserved, but in…she’ll cut loose and take more risks, like you. Lately though, she’s been trying to separate those two sides more and I think that after moving from a working relationship with you to a more…'personal’ one, she’s worried that you’re not separating the makeup from the person behind it….like you’re only seeing 'Raja’ and not 'Sutan’. Does that make sense?” he asked with uncertainty, “It came kind of long winded….” “Yeah…it kinda does,” Alaska trailed off as she tried wrapping her head around Willam’s explanation. “You really need to talk to her,” he insisted. Alaska nodded in agreement and asked him to pull her phone from the charger. Once in her hand, she pulled up Raja’s contact information but paused before pressing the call icon. Turning to Willam, she said doubtfully, “…That’s not gonna cut it.” He gave her a patient smile and shook his head. She debated for a minute on what to do, grateful that Willam trusted that she could find an answer on her own rather than provide her with an easy way out. Deciding to take a huge risk, she navigated to Raja’s Facebook page in the hopes it would have the information she was looking for. Luck was on her side and with a few more clicks and the use of her credit card, she found her solution and set her plan into motion. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she set the phone aside with a relieved but shaky sigh. Willam ran his hand over her back in slow circles until she had calmed down enough to work up a nervous smile. His arms slipped around her shoulders for a loose hug and with a bittersweet grin of his own, told her, “I’ll drive you…now let’s pack.”

[emeraldxmonarch]

Amori Aetherium (pt. 17)

(Hey guys! Here’s chapter 17 haha! I really hope you guys enjoy it! I’m sorry for these huge ass gaps between chapters, life is still kicking my ass. But I hope the kinda long and kinda plot filled chapter makes up for it?  A HUGE thank you to @voice-addicted for her help editing and her ideas! She came up with a really big chunk of this chapter, and I couldn’t do this without her. <3 Enjoy guys! 

-SxW) 

~Previous chapter~                                                               ~Next Chapter~

Amara and Feyre both tensed up at the news and looked at each other wearily.

“Rhys, Helion was the one who called this meeting?”

“No, Beron did. But Helion apparently cut through the bullshit and called us all to the Day Court. Beron won’t be too happy,” he sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair.

“This should be fun” Feyre snorted dryly, and gently set the bags down before going to her mate’s side, who happily welcomed her into a hug.

Amara felt a bit awkward standing near the bags, and slowly began to shuffle herself out of the room after grabbing the bags that Feyre set down.

“Hey! I want to know what you two were laughing about when you first came in!” Mor quickly interjected before the two mates could get any action, and that piqued Rhys’ interest too.

“I’d like to know too, actually,” He softly nuzzled Feyre, who tried to bite back a laugh as she looked at Amara, who was thoroughly blushing.

“Well, it’s Amara’s story, not mine. She has to tell you” Three sets of eyes turned towards her, and she shied under their gazes “U-Umm... I don’t mind telling you but I don’t want to bore you..”

Feyre grinned widely, “The only people who would enjoy that story more than me, would be these two and Cassian. Especially because of who it is.”

Both Rhys and Mor were insanely curious now because of the vague way Feyre was describing the story, and Amara very slowly sat down at the edge of the couch by Mor, and was adjacent to Feyre and Rhys.

“If this doesn’t get her into everyone’s good graces, I don’t know what will”

“Should I be concerned?”

Feyre just grinned in response, and Amara slowly launched into her story, more hesitant than when she spoke with Feyre, but seeing the shock on their faces gave her slightly more confidence to add her former excitement to the story again.

Feyre couldn’t stop her laughter at the utter shock and pride on both of their faces as Amara narrated what she did.

She managed to get a few laughs out of Mor but only chuckles out of Rhys, but his undoing was when she described the head maid in Keir’s bed.

He laughed hard enough to make Feyre jolt in his lap.

And Amara’s answering grin was blinding.

Mor squeezed Amara’s arm, “So THAT’S why that old crone wasn’t in the meetings anymore! Cauldron boil me Amara, that’s fucking brilliant!” Amara laughed and hugged Mor’s arm in her genuine glee.

The surprise was clear, but so was the wide grin on her face.

“I wish I could show you what we saw! Words don’t do it justice”

“I need to know what your friend wrote in that letter to make that hag do that” Mor sighed dramatically, and Amara couldn’t hold back the blush.

“I had to practically shove Idelisa in the broom closet to keep her from doubling over right in front of Deoch... not that I was much better,” Amara couldn’t help but laugh again, her sides stitching from just how much she actually laughed today.

It felt so good.

Amara was practically glowing, and it felt as though that previous tension had all but completely vanished.

Rhys shook his head with a grin, “I’ll need to consult you next time I want to piss someone off Amara,” and she couldn’t help but grin widely, “It’ll be my pleasure”

Both Rhys and Feyre silently agreed: Her smile could definitely light up the room.

“But I do have a question” Mor turned towards Amara with a serious expression that made the girl straighten.

“Yes?”

“Do you have any more stories like that?”

Before she could answer, the sound of footsteps filled the room, as Cassian and Azriel both walked in, sweat soaked and shirtless and obviously spent.

“What did we miss?”

“The best damn story of your lives...is it necessary to walk around like that?”

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy the view Mor.”

“Fish are more interesting to watch than you two are.”

Amara couldn’t bite back her snort of laughter, as she ducked her head in embarrassment and Rhys didn’t bother to hide his loud laughter, only to get a balled up shirt thrown at his face.

His laughter instantly cut off as Cassian’s began, and Rhys grimaced as he pulled the shirt off. Even Azriel grinned at the duo as he pulled his own shirt back on.

The atmosphere was light and airy, and it felt as if no tension lied underneath.

It was something she savored with all of her heart.

“Amara?”

“Hmm?” She turned towards Feyre, who nodded towards the bags at her feet.

“How about we set that up in your room, while the boys have their little pissing contest?”

She choked on her laughter and snorted, quickly covering her mouth in embarrassment.

Mor giggled in return and stretched her arms, her silver bracelets softly clinking together at the action, “Let me come too. I’m tired of all of the testosterone in here.”

Feyre felt a very slight irritation at the intrusion but quickly pushed it down, not wanting to feel that way towards her friend.

But she couldn’t always fight her instincts. But she would damn well try.

Rhys was too busy quibbling with Cassian to notice the girls sneak away, but Az gave them a fleeting grin at they hurried up the stairs with which Mor returned with a conspiratorial wink.

                                                        ~

“Amara, you know, I was thinking back today and I remembered there was a time I actually spoke with you,” Mor casually commented as she set up various fae lights around her room.

Amara quickly glanced at her as she and Feyre played around with the few outfits she bought. “Really? Which time?”

“When I came to speak to Keir about the Darkbringer army.”

Amara’s mouth formed a soft “o” as she remembered, but then paled a bit, “I remember how terrifying you were when you asked for him...”

Mor stopped and looked at her, obviously a little surprised, “What? How? I was so nice when I asked you to bring that piece of shit out!”

Amara pouted at her, making Feyre grin, “You and I remember that very differently Mor...”

Mor rolled her eyes and continued to set up the soft lights at various corners and parts of the room.

It was beautiful honestly, the lights glinted soft, pastel colors that gave the room an almost rainbow-esque glow. Amara quietly looked around the room, the glow making the tightness in her chest ease up ever so slowly. 

It felt so peaceful. 

Both Feyre and Mor smiled at the look of awe on her face, and Mor decided to speak up.

“Was I really that scary?” She didn’t sound angry, but more..pleased.

“I always aimed for beautifully dangerous, not Amren frightening” Amara ended up giggling at the comparison. 

“You were... you all felt... terrifyingly powerful...” Amara shook her head softly, as both women turned towards her quietly, “Like you all were worlds above, and I still remember every single time I saw you all in Hewn City...the closest I got was when I was serving..” She softly trailed off, the person she was referring to clear in her words.

Feyre felt a twinge in her chest, as the unwanted notion rose higher and higher in her throat, the words threatening to spill out, but before they could, Mor spoke them first, 

“Were you in love with him?”

Both Feyre and Amara tensed up, Amara clearly cringing at the question, and Feyre suddenly found that she didn’t want to hear the answer. 

“...I thought I did...” Her voice was almost non-existent, “...I thought that would be the closest I would ever get to being loved.... despite... despite my name, my status... I felt lucky... there were several servant girls much more beautiful than I but he still chose me...” She felt the silver lining her eyes in heavier and heavier waves the more she spoke. 

Mor quietly took a seat next to her, and took her hand, “Amara... that city does nothing but smother any and all light that is in it... and you’re free from that... you’re free...”

“Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it.” She couldn’t stop the confession, the words that spilled out from her very chest and Feyre’s heart tightening in pain. 

Mor looked her straight in the eyes while she spoke, “Do you know why I don’t stand at my father’s side anymore, Amara?” Both women glanced at her, one in sad understanding, and one in confusion.

“Isn’t it because you serve in the Inner Circle...?”

“You’re partially right. But the reason I serve in the Inner Circle is because of what that Court did to me” 

Amara watched her carefully, trying to piece together what Mor was slowly beginning to admit. 

“You see, I was betrothed.” Her eyes widened, but Mor had a distant look in her eyes as she spoke, 

“To Eris. Of Autumn Court. No matter how I begged and pleaded, no one would listen to me, so I wrenched my own freedom back” She was speechless, so the rumors were true...

“I bedded Cassian, who at that time, was considered to be an Illyrian bastard... and because of it, Eris broke off his engagement with me, claiming he wanted nothing to do with a whore. So my family” the word was full of spite, “beat me, and left me at Autumn’s border with a note for them nailed into my be-”

Amara practically threw herself at Mor, openly sobbing as she clung to the golden haired female. 

Mor quickly caught her, snapping out of her memories in a slight daze as the slight girl cried into her shoulder. Even Feyre was slightly teary eyed and surprised as Amara let out sob after sob.

Mor donned a slightly sad smile, as she carefully rubbed her back, “Please don’t cry... Amara, I’m free... and so are you... we’re out and we’re free and as light as the stars above us... all of us are... you’ll have your good days and your bad... but remember that... and don’t let the bad days win” 

Feyre gently took Mor’s free hand and squeezed it tightly, who sent her a gentle smile in return, as they let Amara cry. Somehow, it felt like they both got lighter, at having someone else cry for their pain. 

For her pain. 

                                                           ~

Rhys sighed as he sprawled out on the couch, both Cassian and Azriel laying in the armchairs next to him, the atmosphere considerably light despite the news daunting all of them.

“Rhys?” Cassian sighed softly.

“Hmm?”

“What do you think this meeting is actually about?” 

Rhys sighed deeply, as Az paid close attention to both of his brothers, his shadows almost lazily extending and spiraling around his legs.

“I wish I could say it for sure, but I have a feeling it’s about us”

“I can try to find out for sure” Az volunteered quietly, running a hand through his short black hair as Rhys let his head fall back against the arm rest of the couch.

“I’m tempted. I’m very tempted... if this IS about us... then Amara” As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he still internally flinched when he said even a part of her name, “will have to go, and I don’t know how that’ll go”

“We’ll be there to keep her safe Rhys. She’s still your mate” Cassian sat up a bit more, as well as Azriel, both of them again showing just how loyal they were, and Rhys felt gratitude swell in his chest at it.

“As much as I appreciate that, I don’t think they’ll try to kill her at sight” He tried to push some joking tone into his voice, but the worry was still apparent.

None of them knew how the other High Lords would react. Rhys couldn’t count on Helion for any help and while he understood why, it still made him uneasy. 

The three of them knew too much about Helion, he would’ve known better than to turn on them.

“Maybe the meeting is something else entirely” Azriel sighed softly, trying to rack his brain for any sort of information that would warrant a High Lord meeting. 

“I can only hope. But the only way to find out for sure, is to go out and see” Rhys shook his head in irritation. 

“You mean..” Both Illyrians leaned closer to their High Lord. 

“Yes, go to Helion and ask him straightforward. I can’t risk the sudden exposure, especially since the bond isn’t... official.” 

“I think we should discuss this before coming to a decision ourselves.” Az pointed out, and the others nodded with a soft sigh.  

“Let’s call them down then, shall we?”

                                                           ~

Amara hiccuped and slowly pulled away from the two women’s embrace, a bit embarrassed to have cried so openly, but before she could utter anything close to an apology, there was a soft knock on her door. 

Azriel nodded his head in greeting, as all three women looked at him.

“Could you come downstairs? There’s something we all need to discuss”

They looked at each other, before Feyre sighed softly. “Well, let’s see what’s going on now.”

                                                           ~

Rhys and Cassian were in the same positions as before, and Mor plopped down in Azriel’s now vacant seat he leaned against her armchair.  Feyre easily sprawled out next to Rhys, and Amara glanced around for a few seconds before quietly standing near the window, close enough to be addressed, but far enough to issue respect to their own conversation. 

“We’ve been talking about the meeting and why Helion would suddenly take it over” Rhys started out, making Feyre look at him from the crook of his shoulder.  

“And?”

“And the only way to find out for sure is to go talk to him directly” 

This made all three females in the room tense up and look at him. 

“Are you insane? Do you have any idea how accusatory that would sound?” Mor immediately voiced her disapproval, and even Feyre gave him a startled glance.

“She’s right... especially after...” Rhys got the hint and sighed deeply, the sound coming from his very bones.

“Do you want to risk getting exposed? With an unofficial mate who has no way of defending herself against six High Lords?”

“You sound as if you expect them all to attack her on sight!” The irritation was growing in her voice. 

Amara cringed as they spoke of her as though she weren’t right there, but they were right. She was nothing but a burden on them, and if this meeting was about the emergence of the bond, then she would be the reason they might be in danger. 

Her thoughts spiraled down further and further, but was quickly interrupted by a clear “Hey!” 

It was Cassian who interrupted his bickering High Lord and Lady. 

“Yelling at each other isn’t going to solve anything right now.... Quit giving me that look, I know when to cut the shit unlike you two” Mor couldn’t hold back the snort as he said that, and that seemed to cut the tension a bit. 

Feyre shook her head, and Mor ran a hand through her hair, “We’re not getting anywhere with this.” And there was a soft murmur of agreement. 

“Going to Helion is too dangerous though, Rhys. You have no idea how he’ll react. It could blow up in our face.”

“So could this meeting.”

“Then let me do the scouting.” Az’s voice cut through the conversation and all heads turned to him.

“This is my job”

“We don’t usually spy on other High Lords, Az” Mor interjected. 

“She’s right. This is something too risky. If you’re caught- Not that I’m saying you will-” Rhys quickly added, seeing the indignation flash on the Spymaster’s face, “It’s just something we can’t risk, considering who and what we’re dealing with. At least if we go upfront, we’ll have the cover of an honest conversation on our side.” 

“Or you could risk pissing him off and blowing the entire thing right up. Before the meeting” Feyre groaned, and leaned away from Rhys, finding him to be less than appealing at the moment. 

Amara bit back a large sigh at the standstill that had occurred and watched the group sadly. She didn’t have any better solution to offer, but felt like it was too dangerous to just go and confront Helion... after what they knew about him, she didn’t believe he would risk it. 

But then again, she never knew what would go through a High Lord’s mind. 

“Amara” She jumped softly at the sound of her name, and turned towards the person who called it.

“Y-Yes Rhysand?” She still stuttered when saying his name, feeling as though she was stepping over a line. 

He gave a slightly weary grin, “We’ve been talking as though this doesn’t involve you. I’m sorry. You’ve been listening to us claw each other’s throats out, you obviously should have some sort of opinion on this.”

All eyes turned towards her, and she bit her lip in nervousness, “W-Well... all things considered... it might be a bad idea to confront High Lord Helion... because of... well...-”

“What is this thing that you all have over Helion?!” Mor suddenly burst out, and Amara tensed harshly, silently cursing herself for even bringing it up.

“You all have been hinting towards how Helion wouldn’t dare reveal this but don’t say why! What are you hiding from us?”

At this point, Cassian was sitting stock straight in his seat, and Azriel was standing instead of leaning with Mor angrily crossing her arms in her seat, and Rhys shook his head.

“Nothing that concerns you right now” His voice was firm and commanding, the High Lord persona slipping into place briefly. 

This caused his Cousin and both brothers to stiffen in their places.

“You don’t trust us” There was an undertone of hurt in Cassian’s voice that made Rhys tense in his place, with Feyre wide eyed and tongue tied next to him.

“You know damn well that isn’t it. It’s something that can’t be explained in a few words, and right now, we have something slightly bigger to deal with!” 

The tension was almost suffocating, and they all flinched when there was a sudden knock on the door. Amara hesitated, and after glancing at Rhys, who gave an almost imperceptible nod, did she go and answer the door. 

There stood Lucien, Elain and Nesta. Amara tried to pull up a weak smile as she bowed slightly and let them in. Upon entering, Lucien gave a confused look around the room, obviously feeling the tension.

“Did we all interrupt something?”

Rhys sighed and shook his head, “No, of course not. We’re the ones who asked you over. We’re all just tense because of the meeting”

Feyre rubbed the back of her neck as she walked over to her sisters, gently taking their hands and softly squeezing them.

“Is everything alright?” Elain softly questioned, seeing the shadows loom on all of their faces.

“It will be when this damned meeting is over” Cassian stretched out and let his wings extend a bit before closing back in, relaxing ever so slightly afterwards. 

He walked over to where Nesta was standing, and met her eyes. Even Feyre knew to gently let go and move. 

Their gazes met, smoldering and silent, a world’s worth of conversation passed between them in the span of seconds. And when their gazes broke, Cassian wrapped a gentle arm around her slim frame, and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before gently leading her into the kitchen. 

Both Elain and Feyre grinned at each other in secret glee, before Feyre followed with Rhys at her arm. 

“My Lady?” Lucien softly offered his arm to Elain, who smiled at him gently and gently followed her sisters with him. 

Mor laid a hand on the small of Amara’s back, and gently motioned towards the table, and quietly they made their way to their seats, Azriel not far behind. 

The world could wait one more evening. 

One more dinner.

They would tackle it soon after. 

[xensilverquill]

Under the Desert Sun: A Voltron Fic

Slow-burn moments in the budding romance between a Galra emperor and an Altean alchemist. 

A little oneshot inspired by the new season. I love these two as a pair so much, and I wanted to explore their relationship leading up to their courtship/marriage. Hope you enjoyed! c:

Few things in the known universe were half so terrifying or bemusing as a Galra's passion.

Or so Alfor had once explained to him, only half-joking. The emperor had simply brushed it aside as an outsider's perspective. It was in the nature of his people to throw themselves wholly and completely into everything they did. Neither word was spoken nor act performed without the utmost conviction. Their clerics spoke of how Zaal, the fierce Mother-Goddess, had created the first tribes by ripping Her own body asunder, down to bare bone and marrow until Daibazaal itself turned rust-red with her blood. To survive and to battle and to conquer -- these were the war cries that had sung in their blood since the most ancient days of his race. It was hardly his concern if other races were put-off by the natural disposition of his people. He would oversee the personal affairs of his own kind. Alfor and the others could do the same, dear friends though they were. For what Altean had ever been born that could understand the fire of a Galra, much less match it?

On the fateful day he met her, Zarkon could not shake the feeling that some god or another had taken that as a challenge.

Alfor had mentioned the Galra in general could be a bit stiff when it came to the mingling of castes. Honerva had always assumed that was an exaggeration on her king's part. Her own brief interactions with them, however, were beginning to prove otherwise.

Their emperor, for instance, would never deign to hold a casual conversation with her for more than a minute. In her regard, he was a veritable master at the art carrying a metal rod up his back-end. That certainly seemed to be the case when it come to discussing anything outside of her work in the lab. She could not figure whether he had a personal dislike for her or if it was the general disdain he had for all people he considered of a lower class. (The latter of which seemed to include, well, everyone.)

"-- and if I am to continue investigating further, I am going to need at least twice the energy input. With your permission, of course, your majesty." Only silence followed in the wake of her request. She glanced up from her readings to stare expectantly at the Galra emperor. "Sir?"

"... Hm? Erm, yes," he grunted articulately, shifting his posture so that he was leaning away from her. "Permission granted."

Looking at him, Honerva was reminded of their first meeting. He had the same distant, thoughtful expression that quickly snapped to one of surprise and alarm. (Or what she assumed was surprise and alarm. It was difficult at times to read any Galra's face, and Zarkon's doubly so.) And then as now, he seemed just as keen on quitting her presence.

"As I said," he continued woodenly and turning his gaze pointedly away from her, "I will provide any support you require. Now if you will excuse me..."

At least no one can ever accuse him of being chatty, she thought dryly as she stared after his quickly retreating form. Or having a single friendly bone in his whole quiznacking body...

The training yard echoed with the pounding of his fists on the training mannequins. Sweat beaded between the plates of his crest. Zarkon huffed as he lashed out with a left hook here, a disemboweling kick to the abdomen there. Still, even as he ran through the traditional forms and stances, his mind could not help but wander.

A Galra's instinct and temper were quick to pounce; their head was sometimes slower on the uptake. It was little wonder then he could not pinpoint the exact cause of his fixation when it came to the little Altean alchemist.

Walking into the same room as her made him feel like he was about to face down a charging, rabid klanmüirl. Except the beasts never set all three of his hearts pounding like the tattoo of a war-drum. They certainly never struck him speechless as she did, as if he were a kit again and his mentors were scolding him.

She was all he could seem to think of lately. The way her golden eyes would flash when she pushed past some block in her research; the way no movement of her body, however minute, was wasted as she flitted about her lab; the way she carried herself with all the self-assurance and nobility of a Galra warrior...

"Rah!" His last kick sent a mannequin flying to hit and shatter against the far wall of the armory building. By the five freezing hells, that was the sixth one today, and his skull was still buzzing with thoughts of her! Huffing and legs trembling slightly, he fairly bellowed to his attendant, "Bring me another!"

"Kova!"

Her voice echoed through the apparently deserted halls of the facility. Honerva heaved a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. It figured that there were always forty-seven androids and servants within shouting distance, but the moment she actually _needed_ their assistance they all disappeared into the ether.

"Kova!" she shouted again. "Kova, please? Mama's sorry she's been so caught up in her work lately!" Only further silence answered her. Altean felids were somewhat notorious for throwing tantrums if neglected for so much as a tick, but this was ridiculous!

"Mama's got a treat for you! Bovyn milk and spiced flarkl fillet: your favorite! Now come ba-- Huh?"

As she rounded the corner, a curious sight stopped the scientist in her tracks. Well, she had found Kova -- and he was not alone. The felid sat perched on the arm of a chair, and directly across from him crouched the Galra emperor. Kova's tail twitched back and forth as he gazed unblinkingly at Zarkon. The monarch stared back with an equal intensity as they engaged in what appeared to be a life-or-death staring contest. Neither so much as blinked or twitched.

Nor did they seem to noticed Honerva as she knelt beside them. She waited one, two, three dobashes for either of them to acknowledge her. When it appeared that man and beast intended to continue until the heat death of the universe, she coughed loudly in the back of her throat to rouse their attention.

"Ah!" Zarkon yelped and stumbled backwards in a distinctly undignified fashion for the ruler of the Galra empire. Eyes darting back and forth, it was a moment or two before his gaze settled on Honerva. "Ah, it... it is only you."

"So it would seem," the Altean replied wryly, diplomatically keeping her lips from twitching up in an amused smile. Kova took his customary perch on her shoulder as she stood, primly licking his paw and grooming at his mane. She extended a hand to the still-prone emperor. "Need help?"

He did not answer her directly so much as he chuffed and took a sudden interest in a speck on the adjacent wall. All the same his claws came up to almost-delicately clasp her forearm as Honerva helped to haul him to his feet.

"Would it be too forward of me to ask what Your Majesty was doing with Kova just now?" she asked lightly, trying to bring a bit of levity to the incident.

"Yes-- I mean, no, it is a reasonable question." He crossed his arms and brought himself up to his full height, still resolutely refusing to meet her gaze. "I had business with my soldiers in this sector, and I happened to find your--" He gestured vaguely at the felid as he appeared to search for the appropriate word in his mind.

"-- your companion-beast. I meant to have a servant return it to you immediately, but it seems that it will obey none but its mistress. I was attempting to... impress my will upon it when you arrived..."

The more he spoke, the more hard-pressed she was to repress a chuckle. She hid her smile behind her hand as her body shook a bit. Years of diplomatic training chose to forsake her in just that moment, however. A peal of laughter escaped the scientist, and it only became louder when he turned to her with an incredulous raising of his brows and tightening of his jaw.

"Forgive me, sir," she amended breathlessly, sides aching a bit now. "I mean no offense. It is only, erm, that I wished I could have saved you a bit of time and grief. I might have told you: felids are not the sort one can simply 'impress their will upon,' as it were. Kova simply does as he wishes; I am more his caretaker than his 'mistress.'

"Though I am... flattered that you would consider me the latter." She tried to better compose herself as it dawned on her that she had been laughing at the quiznacking leader of the entire Galra race. " And it is certainly a valiant effort on your part to make him obey for my sake."

"... Yes, of course." She was not sure whether to be worried or relieved as he pulled back into himself again. After a long silence, he turned his head to glance at her out of the corner of his eyes. "You have done a great deal for the Galra in your short time here. My only wish-- My _people's_ only wish, is to honor our alliance with Altea and her most esteemed alchemist."

The tatyn beneath her eyes pulsed with a sudden warmth, and it was her turn to at a loss for words for a few moments. Before Zarkon could attempt to excuse himself again, she reached out. His ears, smaller than that of most of his kind, flicked with a metallic _ping_ against his helm.

"Please," she said as she lightly placed a hand on his vambrace, a tentative smile on her lips, "call me Honerva."

In the vargas that followed, one could often find him walking the halls of the lab above the fissure more and more. Many of the more the observant aides noted the emperor always timed his visits when their lead scientist was on the premises.

"Just imagine it!" the alchemist piped, eyes alight and fingers dancing across the control panel. "Self-sustaining energy sources! Generators that can run tirelessly and endlessly! Starships that never have to stop and refuel! And that's to say nothing of the possibilities of the ore Alfor extracted from the comet! For instance, we have reason to believe that the metallic bonds on the molecular level here--"

"Hm." He nodded for her to continue.

Zarkon leaned over the console, one hand propped on paneling and the other against his side. He nodded every now again as she explained the readings scrolling in endless lines across the holoscreen. As the briefing drew on, though, his attention kept drifting in her direction. So distracted was he that it took him several moments to register a light tapping on his arm and to realize Honerva was addressing him again.

"-- Sir. Sir?"

"Yes?" His brows furrowed a bit at the gleam in her eye, at the small smile curling on her lips.

"Nothing," she replied, turning back to the screen with that same smile. "Just wanted to make sure I hadn't bored you into a doze. Shall I continue?"

"As you will," he rumbled, eyes shifting back to the task at hand.

To himself, he added, And I doubt you could ever bore me.

"And here I thought you Alteans were a diplomatic sort by nature," he mused conversationally, as if he had not just thrown half a dozen punches at her on the same breath.

"Well, diplomatic work can get dodgy sometimes," she countered, feinting a kick to his abdomen before catching him lightly on the shoulder. Sweat dripped in a fine sheen down the back of her neck, turning her found hair a darker gray."We are diplomats, Your Majesty, not pacifists. I'd have thought spending any amount with Alfor might have made that clear."

"An alarming tendency to land oneself in trouble should not be confused for the mark of a fighter." A smirk flashed across his fangs as he dodged a sharp blow to the chin. "I mean no offense to your king, of course."

"None taken, and I suppose you have a point." Her lighter body enabled her to step lightly out of the way of his next blow, but she was not quite fast enough to avoid the clawed hand that pinned her against the wall of the sparring room. "Oof! I thank you again for giving me a worthy sparring partner. I am liable to lose my edge if I stay cooped up in that lab too long."

"If it facilitates your ability to lead the project, then it is a service I gladly render," he replied, chuffing lightly and send loose tendrils of her hair flying. "That is three out of five rounds in my favor. Do you yield?"

Giving a quick shove against his chest, she chuckled, "Never."

"No, m'fine..." He watched with no small degree of amusement as she squinted her eyes at the screen in order to focus on some bit of data. The alchemist's fingers fumbled with the keys, and she jerked her head up as it began to droop. "Jus' a few more... minutes..."

Weary and overworked as she was, it took little effort to pull her away from the console. To her credit she attempted to stumble ahead on her own for a few steps as he pushed lightly at her back. When she walked face-first into a wall, however, he took it upon himself to intervene on her behalf.

"This is the third night in row you have gone without sleep, Honerva," he chided, though not unkindly. Zarkon hooked one arm under her knees and the other behind her shoulders. She was light in his hold as he brought her up against his chest. "I am no expert on Altean biology, but even I know you will become ill at this rate."

"Close... to another... break... through... Can't stop... now..."

Her words came muffled as she turned her face against his cuirass. The faint maroon light of her _tatyn_ reflected off his armor. The Galra's hearts stuttered more than a little in his chest as she sleepily pushed her head under his chin. Clearing his throat, he pulled her body closer against him. The light draft in the hallway pulled his mantle more snugly around them both.

"You can, and you will," he rumbled as she nodded off. After a quick glance around them, he leaned down to lightly bump his temple against hers. "Emperor's orders..."

Though she would sooner go alone into the belly of a weblum than admit it aloud (no sense in further feeding the Nalquodian's ego), Blaytz arranged the _best_ parties. The great hall of the palace was practically bursting with guests and and the buzzing of their chatter. The food was second-to-none, and the music was lively enough to even have the more-reserved Galra nobles swaying to the beat. Not to mention the rather strong drink Gyrgan had imported from his own home planet that was fast mellowing the whole crowd, their hosts included.

Which, she supposed, was how she and Zarkon had ended up out here on the dance floor.

"I see you are familiar with the Dance of Swords," the emperor remarked with a raising of his brows as they shifted together to the fast tempo. "Impressive, for one not raised in the courts of the Galra High Imperium."

"Well, when on Daibazaal, do as the Galra do," she quipped back with a small smile.

Raising her arm right, he did the same as they brought their wrists together. They spun in a tight formation with one another, the dark violet silks of her attire and the dusty red of his whispering beneath the beat of the drums and the hum of the strings. They were nearly a blur to the others in the hall, so swiftly did they move.

The Dance of Swords was fast-paced, chaotic, just a hair's breadth from choreographic anarchy by Altean standards. They moved less like refined dancers and more like a pair of seasoned warriors testing one another. It turned out their regular sparring sessions served them well in this regard. "You seem to make it a point to learn much about my people," he mused as they went through another tight spin. "Moreso than I would expect from a foreigner, even for the sake of that Altean diplomacy of yours." The slight shifting of his fangs and the gentle narrowing of his eyes are telltale signs that he was teasing her, something he seemed to do more and more lately. "One might think you were trying to get a bit closer to my people than propriety would allow. Should I be worried?"

"For your people? No." She laughed as the next step brought them chest to chest. "For Your Majesty's own sake, though? I would keep a wary eye yet."

Companionable silence spread between them as they continued. By now most of the party-goers were staring at the Galra and Altaen as the dance floor cleared for them. Or at least what she thought was companionable until he spoke again.

"... Why do really do it, Honerva?"

"I'm sorry?" she murmured, tilting her head to one side when he glanced away. When he turned to meet her gaze again, his expression was drawn tight, thoughtful, almost in pain.

"I mean, why learn the ways of the Galra at all? Tomorrow, the varga after that, or even in a deca-phoebe, your research on the rift could be completed. That is the only true obligation that ties you here. And when that is gone..." Even as they moved into another spin, his digits held hers tightly. "What is there to keep you from returning home? Why become so familiar with the customs of my people if this is only temporary? Is it only out of politeness, or..."

Her two anterior hearts felt as if they would leap into her throat. She gulped as her mouth suddenly went dry.

"... Or what, Your Majesty?"

"... Can I dare to hope it might be for another reason?" The music faded around them, and the room fell quiet. His question hung between them in the silence, and she could not help feeling something like a desperate hope hung there as well.

"Perhaps..." Honerva's gaze dropped a moment. She pulled one hand away from his grip briefly, only to bring it up stroke lightly along his the exposed part of his jaw beneath his helm. When she found her nerve again, she tilted her head steadily up. "Perhaps it is because I simply wish to become to closer to your people. Or rather -- one among them in particular.

"You have honored me, time and time again, since I arrived on your planet. What can I do but respond in kind?"

The widening of his eyes was his only response for a moment. In the yawning quiet she thought she could hear his hear his three hearts racing right along with her own five. Then, with an aching slowness, he brought his forehead down to press against hers. Several Galra in the room gasped audibly; understandable, as the gesture was the equivalent of a kiss among their kind.

"Honor is as honor does, and none moreso than you," he rumbled so that only she could hear. He covered her hand with his own, holding it to his face. With the other, he brushed her cheek, gently pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Honerva of Altea... Will you allow me to court you?"

A smile flashed on her lips, and she could only laugh as Zarkon answered with one of his own, rare but just as bright.

"I was beginning to wonder when you would ask, Your Majesty." She pressed herself against him, arms wrapping around the Galra. "Yes, you may."