#kha ly

[chososdiscordkitten]

Obsessive!Choso♡pt 8

pt 7 here

content: STALKING.. (duhh), Choso feels immense guilt, TRACKING, lying, implied possible drugging, thoughts of violence, threats, drinking, Choso is a poor college student:( they/them pronouns used (a.n) I cry thinking about him. I really do, he's everything to me. He's like Dwayne the rock Johnson to me. Wrote this listening to 'For The First Time- Mac Demarco'

Taglist: @eristi @sunaumei @ex-ria @just-pure-trash @kha-0s @iluvreinah @iamboredowo @integers @waytootiredforthisss @1arminsimp @hannas16 @chosowhore @tojicvmslut @ofalcaodacolinablue @thesharkcollector @alexinity @mahgyu @mochipip @annhhaannn @ziklope @eterniatribe @everi-eve

Obsessive!Choso who somehow found himself lying on the floor, looking up to the ceiling with you next to him. Something about how when you're lower to the ground it's warmer- he didn't really remember the ‘why’ right now. Just knowing that anytime he'd say something, you'd laugh. No matter how dumb it was. The palms of his hands facing upwards. Being able to feel the warmth radiating from you, showing him just how close you really were, “I don't wanna go back to classes-” you exhaled, holding your hands atop your sternum. “Me neither-” he mumbled, closing his eyes and hearing you speak, “I hate this place- I hate the people.” you complained, hearing him hum a tired response. “Everyone here sucks and it's so frustrating.” your words made Choso turn his head to look at the side of yours. ‘Everyone except me, right?’ Admiring your profile, feeling his eyes scanning your features. You turned your head slightly, “Can I say something?” you tried to suppress a smile. Hearing him hum, looking at your avoidant pupils. “Say anything-” he smiled, making you turn your head back to face the ceiling with a scoff. “It's soo corny and cringey.” you laughed, feeling his gaze stuck to you. Mumbling a quiet “Don't care.” before you started speaking, “I think I met you for a reason-” you whispered, a smile creeping onto your face. Seeing him try to shake off the grin that was forming on his face at your words. “I've never felt more seen by someone before.” You smiled, cringing at the words falling from your lips without permission. ‘I will always see you. All of you.’ Shaking your head before speaking again, ”Do you like me?” You flinched realizing what you had just said. “As a- As a person?” You asked, turning your head and looking over at him, ‘Yes. As a person, as a friend, as everything.’ 

“What do you mean?” he hummed, looking into your eyes. “Am I shallow?” You asked, trying to make him forget of the past question that came out of you with no warning, seeing him furrow his eyebrows. Thinking of what to say, that's an appropriate answer, “From what I've seen- and what I've heard you talk about-” he mumbled, the saucers in your eyes making it very difficult to focus on what he was trying to say. Flipping to lay on his stomach, propping himself on his forearms as he looked down to your face. Smiling as he scanned your features, dim lighting making his cheeks tingle at how this was actually happening. Not a dream, or a scenario he pictured before bed. You were really here, not being able to process what he was doing. He lifted his hand, taking his pinkie and brushing a tuft of your hair from your forehead,“You are the last person I'd describe as shallow.” His contact with your skin made your cheeks tingle and your lips part. For the first time, he called you by your name out loud. You didn't notice that till he mumbled it, “-I think I met you for a reason too.” he murmured. Blinking your eyes as though you were expecting something from him, ruddy cheeks on his face making his thoughts leave him entirely. Mentally nodding his head no, looking away from you to the clock on the wall. 3:35 am. Backing away when he noticed he could count every eyelash on your face, “S’late.” he sighed, making you look up to the ceiling in disappointment with a sigh. Choso sat up, jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed. Exhaling as though this was the most frustrating thing in the world. “You wanna leave?” You spat, tone stern as you remembered every opportunity you've given him to make a move. “I don't wanna leave you-” He started, looking down to see you still looking at the ceiling. “My roommates flight lands in a few hours-” You mumbled, knowing if you looked at him you'd say something that you'd regret. Choso didn't know why he felt the need to apologize to you in that moment, whether it be the look on your face or how your hands were now picking at the skin on your fingers. But he tried to find something to say. Something to make you feel better but all the smooth lines he'd think, all the compliments he'd give you mentally, all of that- was somehow gone from his mind. 

Gathering his things and slipping his boots back onto his feet, seeing your arms crossed and a sour look on your face as you waited for him to leave. It wasn't because he didn't reciprocate- it was because you felt like you were just embarrassing yourself. Reading too closely between the lines at what he'd say or his actions. Grabbing his coat from the hook and looking to you with sad eyes. “I’m sor-” he started, not knowing why he was apologizing, but it felt like the right thing to do. Making you realize your face gave away what you were feeling. Playfully shoving his shoulder and smiling. “Don't.” you whispered, seeing him become less tense. “I'll text you.” he smiled, hand on the doorknob as he looked at you. Same look in your eyes you had when he pulled away earlier. Looking down to your socks, sniffling before looking back up to him with a forced smile. Mumbling a quiet “Okay.” before he opened the door. Taking the nob in your hand and seeing him stand on the rickety porch. “Bye-” he smiled, seeing a look on your face he had never seen before. Almost sorrowful. Small smile forced on your lips as you waved at him from the door frame, seeing him walk away. Closing the door and sighing against it as you pressed your back to it. Closing your eyes in exasperation. Wondering why he wouldn't make a move, all the signs were there. So why?

Obsessive!Choso walked home in the freezing weather as though it was his punishment. Even if he didn’t know what he did wrong, the fact that you made that face at something he did. It made him want to stand in the middle of the street. On that night he took a vow to never, ever make you feel that way again. In his mind, he was only being a gentleman, a well mannered friend. The last thing he wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable. If only you knew how badly he wanted to reciprocate what he thought you were throwing to him. Heavy in thought as he pulled out his phone, opening the app he had downloaded just last night. Seeing a small red dot on the map from where he left you. Smiling when he thought of how he'd know where you are as long as you wore his present. As long as you wore a piece of him with you, he would be able to know where you are. And make sure you weren't getting into any unnecessary problems.

Coming home, tossing his keys to the counter, opening the refrigerator and seeing nothing. Nothing to cook, not even frozen food or instant noodles. And certainly, no more money to eat for the next few days. Knowing that the firsts of the month were always the hardest, the subsidized apartment was still a heavy burden on his already thin wallet. Most nights not being able to sleep from how cold it was. But he found solace in picturing you, warm in your bed. Being able to sleep in a t-shirt and shorts from how high the heat was. If he closed his eyes and remembered, he could still feel the warmth tickle his nose from how warm your bedroom was. Creaky bed frame that threatened to break anytime he moved too swiftly on it, sleeping in at least two hoodies and two pairs of socks. Wrapped in as many blankets he could find so he could try to sleep. But his attempts were in vain, he couldn't stop remembering the look on your face. The look of disappointment and the patience you kept fading anytime he pulled away. Tossing the heavy bundle of blankets from him, sitting up slowly so the legs of his bed frame wouldn't give. Standing up and walking to the coat that hung behind the door. Pulling his wallet out, barely being able to see through squinty eyes, the moon casting a dim light through the broken blinds he can't afford to fix. Taking the stolen polaroids of you from the card sleeve. Smiling as he adored every single one, walking back to his cold bed and wrapping himself in the blankets. Placing 4 out of the 5 photos of you on his nightstand. Holding his favorite one in his hand scanning it the best he could in the dark. Thoughts of how he might just be delusional. Thinking you were just being nice to him, just being a good friend. ‘Maybe you are just naturally alluring. And maybe I am just a mad man in love with someone who only sees me as no more than a friend.’ 

Obsessive!Choso who woke up to the sun assaulting his sleeping eyelids, polaroid still in hand as he turned to lay on his back. Eying the small photo as he blinked his sleep away. Grazing his fingers across the glossy finish, furrowing his eyebrows as he recalled the look you gave him before he left. Placing the photo on the pillow next to him, checking his phone for the time. Always hoping to see a message from you, but knowing it was a little early in the morning for you. Especially since it was Saturday, knowing you liked to sleep in as long as you could. But he would wait around his cold apartment, waiting for you to call him or message him. Rereading the countless notes you had exchanged in class, feeling uneasy. Almost guilty for making you feel the way he did. Even if he didn’t know how you felt- he knew there was something wrong. Your aura, the coldness you showed him before he left. It was clear he did something to make you upset.

He felt as though he was going crazy in that little apartment, white walls making him feel like he was trapped in a seclusion room. Sitting at his desk and doodling in a notebook he kept on his bedside table. Trying his best to draw you from memory, smiling when he saw the page filled with small sketches of your features. Standing from his chair and falling to his knees at his closet, feeling like he had just lost the one good thing in his life. Sliding open the door and seeing the collection of you he had. Tears pricked his eyes in guilt when he thought of you. Seeing all the discarded things you had left for him, taking the small bottle of nail polish and grazing his fingers on the handle. The same handle your fingers were on when you were being nice to him. Feeling anger towards himself at the thought that he had hurt you in some way, he stood up. Stomping back to his desk and checking the time, seeing it was only 3pm. Frustrated fingers swiping across his screen and pressing the call button. Eyes closed as he heard the dreadful ringing, fiddling with his earrings with his other hand. Opening his eyes and beaming when he heard the loud sound of a washing machine moving. “Hello?” you asked, your tone still stern. What Choso didn't know is that you didn't know he was calling, you just heard the ringing and pressed the answer button quickly. “Hey-” he started, grimacing at how he didn’t know what to say, “I just-” he mumbled, hearing someone shouting in the distance through the phone. “I just wanted to talk to you.” He smiled, hearing you let out a small laugh when you realized who it was. Grin on your face as you walked away from the obnoxious machines. “Miss me already huh?” you teased, hearing him let out a stifled laugh. “I was worried.” he confessed, closing his eyes and imagining you sitting on the same couch he sat on last night. “Worried? Whatever for?” you asked, sighing as you took a seat on the arm of the couch. “I was worried I upset you- before I left.” he confessed, sitting on the edge of his bed. Hunched over as he heard you take a sharp inhale through the phone. “You worry a lot don't you?” you asked playfully, trying to remember why you were bothered so much by his actions. “I try not to-” he laughed, “But I-” he started, trying not to tell you the exact words that popped into his head that very moment. “I somehow always find a way to fuck it up.” he exhaled, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. “I don't remember why I was upset.” You sighed, “I was probably just tired and dreading my roommate coming home.” you explained, trying your best to hide what you truly felt. “And? How has it been since?” he asked, being able to hear the loud sound of a vacuum. “She practically came home just to clean.” You laughed, looking to see your roommate violently cacumming. Gaining a laugh from him, “You have any plans for tonight?” he asked, the first time he ever asked you if you wanted to do something. The question made your heart swell, but remembering that you actually did have plans made it deflate equally as fast.

“I wish I didn't. But my roomie is big on socialization and wants to go to a bar tonight with some of her friends.” You exhaled, “And you're going?” he asked, his chest pounding at the thought that you'd be drinking around people who can take advantage of you. “Unfortunately I am- apparently one of her friends wants to meet me for some reason.” you frowned, Choso was able to hear the disappointment in your words. Praying to whatever god that was out there, that you weren't lying to him. The thoughts of how maybe you didn't like him at all were heavy at that moment. “But I don’t even know if I'm going- so I'll let you know, okay?” you asked, making sure to not discourage him from asking you that again. “Okay-” he was interrupted hearing your roommate shout your name, “I'll talk to you later?” you assured him before hanging up. Leaving him on his rickety bed waiting for you to call. 

Time passed agonizingly slow, laying in his bed face up. Every now and then checking his phone for the time. Seeing only an hour had passed, he exhaled loudly, frustration eating away at him. Sitting up and picking up the small notebook and his pen. Writing a letter to you, detailing his feelings and how much he loved you. How he’d wait for you, no matter if the day comes where you move on. Married and a few kids with someone but him. ‘Even if i have not seen you in years, and I know you are with someone else. And I have been forced to move on from you. Even if I am 80 years old with grandchildren. I will only think of you. It will only ever be you. Please think of me too. Even if you are with someone else. Only think of me.’  he wrote, pushing his hair from his face as he felt the heartbreak only felt by abandoned spouses. The mere thought of you being happy with someone but him made him feel cheated. Tossing the notebook to the foot of the bed, laying on his pillows and sighing. Blinking his eyes closed as he felt the fatigue eat at him. Waking up four hours later to a missed call from you. Immediately pressing your contact and calling you, only you didn't answer. Checking the tracking app and seeing you weren't home anymore. His heart started beating faster at the thought you were probably in danger and called him, or you wanted to see him but like an idiot; he fell asleep. Getting dressed quickly and leaving his apartment almost too quickly, following the directions in his phone as he walked through the cold winds to find you. He wanted to run to you, wanted to drudge through the coldness to reach you. Almost blacking out from the cold against him. But he found himself standing outside the frosted windows as he watched you, cold weather made the tip of his nose pink. Smiling and drinking with your ‘friends’ in the corner of the room, warm lighting making you stand out even more than you usually did. 

Everytime he sees you, it's like the first time. Feeling the same hint of warmth in his heart he felt the first day of class. But he knew the smile you gave them was a forced one, knowing you didn't belong with those kinds of people. How different you were from them. The app told him you were there for an hour or so, seeing the people around you talking and joking. But anytime they'd say something you looked away, not finding interest in their words. Watching you fiddle with the bracelet on your hand as a waitress brought a tray of shots for your group. Seeing you nod your head ‘no’ at your roommate, being able to know it was her cause the other 3 people were men. Waving your hands ‘no’ as your friend shoved the glass in your hands from across the small table. The man next you, leaning down to say something into your ear, feeling anger pool in his stomach at how close he was to you. Especially since whatever he told you, convinced you to take the shot with them. Nodding his head in disappointment at how easily you were convinced. But the sight of you smiling without a care in the world was nice to see, even if it was forced. 

Obsessive!Choso who furrowed his eyebrows when he saw your shoulders jump, smile now gone as you looked over at the older man next to you. Almost shuffling away from him. Choso couldn't see clearly from all the people in the bar, but he was sure that he had touched you. You made the same face you did when he saved you from the classmate who was too insistent. ‘What is it with you and men who are way too old for you?’ he complained mentally. It took everything in him to not burst through the door of the place, but those thoughts were soon gone. Seeing you pull your phone out, slowly shifting away from the man's touch. Hearing his phone ring in his coat pocket, pulling it out and seeing you walk away from the table. Clicking the green button and saying a quiet hello. Not being able to see where you went from where he was standing outside, “Heyy-” already being able to hear the smile in your voice. “Are you- are you busy?” you asked, voice slightly slurred, showing him that they were funneling liquor down your throat long before he got there. “No. Not at all.” he smiled, knowing that even if you were a little tipsy, you still thought of him. “Thank god-” You giggled, making Choso close his eyes at the warmth your laugh gave him. “I’m at the bar right next to the chinese restaurant in town-” you smiled, cheeks already warm at how quickly he answered your call. “And I'm sooo bored.” you finished, hearing him let out a quiet laugh, “You wanna come join me?” you asked, leaning against the bathroom door, silence in the air as you waited for his response. “Are you sure that would be okay? I know you went with your friends.” He replied, knowing that if he had just said ‘yes’ he'd sound too eager. “These people aren't my friends-” you laugh, “Come on-” you smiled, Choso pressed the phone closer to his ear. “I miss you-” you tried to convince him. This made Choso’s heart swell, your words making his cheeks flush. “I'll be there soon.” he grinned, making you let out a lush laugh. “Okay- I'll be waiting.” You smiled, hanging up the phone and walking back to the table. Seeing your friend give you a questioning stare, only to shrug at her.

Choso waited all but five minutes before he walked in, taking his coat off at the door and stared at you. Looking down at your phone as he waited for you to look up. Almost as though you felt his gaze on you, you looked up. Ring of light around you as you saw him. Hair pulled back, eyebrows pinched together while he looked at you. Seeing you push through your roommates friends, gaining furrowed stares and questioning looks as you walked to him. “You got here so fast-” you smiled, standing in front of him. “You sounded very distressed.” he joked, noticing the flush on your cheeks from how much you had to drink. He looked behind you, seeing the table you were sitting at looking at you. You took the hint and looked back to them, “Come say hi-” you grinned, taking his hand into yours, feeling his cold rings against your warm hand. Sighing as you stood in front of the four people you had left, “Guys-” you started, seeing your roommate eye Choso with a confused look on her face, “This is my-” you started, looking over to him trying to find the words, “My uh-” seeing your roommates friends look at Choso like he did something wrong. This made Choso deeply uncomfortable, not knowing why they were looking at him the way they were. Hands still together as you felt your cheeks warm, “This is Choso-” you laughed, seeing them give a forced ‘hi’ to him. Sensing the tension, you let go of his hand. “We're gonna go get him a drink.” you grinned, your roommate murmuring a quiet ‘Wait’ as you left the table. Walking to the bar and leaning on the counter. Choso made note of how your roommate looked over at the man with a buzzcut that previously stood next to you. Seeing her mouth an ‘I’m sorry-’ before he looked back at you. Looking to him with a lush look on your cheeks, smiling as you scanned his face. “What's your drink?” You grinned, elbow on the wooden ledge, the sight of you reminded Choso why he does the things he does for you. Glowy cheeks, sweet smile on your lips. Effortless and yet so bewitching. Looking at him through your eyelashes making his blush spread from his cheeks to his ears. “Whatever you're drinking.” he hummed, thinking that your face is the face people would go to war for. Taking a seat on one of the stools, making Choso pull one out and join you. This made your roommate look at the guy she invited for the sole purpose of setting him up with you. Apologizing intensely, knowing he saw how much happier you looked speaking to Choso. 

Obsessive!Choso who took a sip of his beer, snake bites clinking against the glass. Your eyes unapologetically staring at him, smiling and setting the glass down onto the bar. “What?” he asked with a smile on his face as you looked at him with half lidded eyes. “Mm, Nothin.” pupils so dilated that he could see them even in the dim lighting, smiling so hard your cheeks could start hurting at any minute. Taking a sip from your glass, feeling the group behind you stare holes into your skull. “In the three weeks of solitude- I forgot just  how boring people really are.” you smiled, looking at Choso’s face and noticing how handsome he looked in this light. “I didn't realize it until I met her friends.” You finished, looking down to your hands. Your words made him lean his chin in his hand, looking to you with a confused look. “And?” he asked, hoping you could explain a little more. Letting out a small laugh and covering your face with your hands, pulling them away and looking into his eyes. Leaning in closer to him and whispering, “Out of all the people in here- you're the only one who I find interesting.” Seeing his eyes widen slightly at your words, “I think you're very interesting too.” he smiled, seeing you look away from him and fiddle with the sleeves of your shirt. “How did you get here so fast again?” You asked, changing the topic, recalling that it took very little time for him to walk through the door. His heart pounding at your question, scrambling through dozens of excuses. “I was- I was about to pick up dinner- from the restaurant next door.” Mentally grimacing when he noticed he stuttered. Hoping the state you were in dismissed it, seeing you nod your head and mumble a quiet ‘Oh’ as you looked away from him. “I know I just got here-” he started, eyes flickering back to the prying eyes, “But do you want to go for a walk?” he hummed. Seeing you look behind you to see that they were still staring. “Lemme go get my coat.” You smiled, leaving Choso on the barstool. Following the top of your head as you disappeared through the crowd, seeing you walk to the bathroom. Pulling out his phone as he waited for you. 

Obsessive!Choso jumped when he heard someone call him ‘buddy’ looking up to see the tall man with a buzzcut who was standing next to you. Furrowing his eyebrows and looking at him, “I didn't know they were taken.” he smiled, tone full of passive aggressiveness. Choso only looked at him, not knowing what to say. “I don't-” he started, “I was working on takin em home.” the tall man hummed. “Alex all but promised them to me,” he continued. This made Choso want to bash his skull into the pavement. He was silent, hearing this man brag on and on about how close you were to falling. “And- if all else failed-” he whispered, leaning down and pulling a small baggie from his pocket. “I can count on you right? I'll share em with you if you help out.” He grinned, this made Choso’s vision blur. But the sight of you at the table talking to your roommate soothed the anger that flooded his mind. He laughed through his nose, standing from the barstool, coat in hand. “Go near them again- and I'll kill you.” sickeningly sweet smile on his lips, taking a step away from him. Choso felt the man's hand on his arm, “Hey man-” he smiled, thinking Choso was joking. He looked into his eyes, nothing but violence in his stare as he shook his hand off him. “Touch me again and I'll split you open to see what washed up jocks are made of.” He smiled, seeing the tall man's grin fall, “Excuse me.” he hissed, pushing past him and walking to you. Seeing your eyebrows furrowed as you spoke to your roommate. Standing next to you and hearing you sigh in relief, “Wanna get goin?” Choso asked, seeing you pick up your coat. “Mhm. There's nothing left here for me.” You seethed, stepping away from the table and hearing your roommate ask you to wait. “So where are we going?” you asked, putting your coat on and looking over to Choso as you made your way to the door. “To the moon.” he smiled, seeing you zip up the zipper from your coat. You laughed at his words, blissfully unaware of the fate that awaited you if Choso didn't come save you from that man's grubby hands. Standing in front of the exit before putting his coat on, opening the door for you to step through before taking one last look at the horrible people you surround yourself with. Walking on the sidewalk, side by side. Hands almost brushing against each other as he guided you. 

“Have you ever walked across the campus lawn late at night?” he asked, looking over to your bundled up self. “I can't say that I have- no.” you smiled, seeing him step towards the cold blades of grass, campus lights off since it was still winter break. “Since we're so far away from any major cities-” he sighed, standing in the middle of the large lawn. “The stars shine even brighter here.” He smiled, looking over at you. Turning your head upwards with furrowed eyebrows before opening your mouth with a gasp. “I can see them so clearly-” you smiled, Choso looked over at you and felt like he saw the future. No matter how cold it was; the warmth of seeing you smile was more than enough to keep him standing. Looking back to him with disbelief in your eyes, “How did you find out-” you murmured, not being able to fathom how he could have ever noticed. “On nights where I can't sleep- I come out here and try to count as many stars as I can.” He hummed, seeing you grin. “Isn't it too cold?” you asked, seeing the tip of his nose slightly pink. “Can't be colder than my apartment.” he joked, making you laugh. One of his favorite things about you was how you'd laugh at his words. No matter if they were serious or not, it gave him hope that you wouldn't notice he didn't have much to give to you. Hoping you wouldn't look too closely and see the holes in his shirts, or how the bottom of his boots were slightly starting to tear apart. Knowing he didn't have much to impress you with, but held the thought that maybe- just maybe his words would be enough for you. 

You looked into his eyes, “I wish I could spend 5 minutes in your mind.” you mumbled, the words coming from you were true. The moon lights up your face, making a certain sparkle in your eye shine. You wanted to take a peek and see if he felt even a hint of what you felt blossoming inside your heart. Hoping that he'd let you in through a cracked door just to know if your efforts were in vain. ‘If only you knew you've been in my mind since the day I first saw you.’

-

Pt 9 here

I hate slow burns but this is a slowly becoming one. I enjoy making myself mad whilst writing. only fuels my hate for slow burns. whole time im like 'dude?!! kiss them???' knowing damn well I can write it but I refuse. as always thank u sm for reading, its getting there!! bear with me and my delusions of writing abt Choso being a gentleman!!!

edit: Choso is oldest of 10 brothers, no dad, no mom, only in college to get a decent job in the future to support his brothers. do the math

[lovezbrownies]

Silent treatment. (Yandere!Queen x GN!Reader)

Masterlist.

Synopsis: Your wife won't listen to you, so you take matters into your own hands and fail miserably.

Queen Nia x reader

Word count: 545

Warnings: Stockhold syndrome, no boundaries, not listening?, cute overall.

“Your majesty, ple-” A sharp gasp came out of the woman in front of you, her hand on her chest and a horrified look on her face. “Majesty?!? Are we not married?! My heart, ah!! Maid! Get me a doctor!” Nia goes on with her dramatics once again. And you were exhausted, you could barely have a serious conversation with her, a few months into your marriage with the Queen of Xelera and you couldn’t do it anymore.

So far, you’ve accepted your fate. There is no point in escaping, she is the queen she will go to extreme lengths to get you back! So when you finally resigned to your fate and tried to have some serious discussions with Nia about boundaries and the terms of your marriage she would always find a way to change the topic, or brush your concerns off.

By now you’ve decided that the only way Nia would ever listen to you is by not talking to her. You’ve made up your mind! For however long it will take you, you refused to speak to her, to even utter a single meep, you even started to pretend like you were too busy to spend time with her at times. And it ruined Nia, she would beg and beg for even a tiny hum! Usually you would contribute to whatever thought she would blurt out but even when she mentioned your favorite topic you would not budge!

That led to today, where you and your wife sat at one of the vast gardens in Khas.  picnic blanket under you and pastries and tea in front of you. You sat straight, criss-cross applesauce style. While Nia was lying flat on her stomach, her head held by her hands. “Why are you ignoring meee?” Nia whined, looking up at her stunning lover, wondering what she’s done wrong. Nia tried her best to provide you with the most expensive of jewelry, clothing, supplies for your hobbies, and refused to do any work until you speak to her. Not like that changed anything because she’d only sign less than 5 documents in a good month.

Strange sight to see the Queen pleading and begging her spouse to speak with her. “Please… I’m sorry… Please talk to me, tell me what I did, I want to apologize, please, please, please-” And she goes on and on. Over the weeks of your silence you’ve gotten used to it, but even if you hated to admit it you missed yapping away with her. So you turned to her, your eyes locked, and she bounced up, sitting straight, Nia grabbed your hands. “Yes!! Say something! PLEASE!”

You inhaled, closing your eyes, you finally decided to say something. “I wa-” Only for- “Oh my goodness, thank heavens you spoke! I’ve missed your voice so much! Okay now did you know what Lady Aria said to me the other day? And you better respond to me!” There really was no way to win. You just had to deal with her nonsense and slowly lead her to understand your boundaries physically somehow.

Sigh. “Yes, dear, what did she say?” Nia squealed and laid her head on your lap, forcing you to massage her scalp as she went on with her stories.

[leelahsrose]

HONEY | L.M. & K.G.

chapter eight.

"𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙣𝙤 𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙨—𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙧. 𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙪𝙨."

-Sza, Circa 2023

THE TAYLOR RESIDENCE

the story of

DETROIT

khaleesi

FUTURE

and ace.

CHAPTER TWO.

If you told me a year ago that I would have two beautiful kids with the most notorious dealers in Detroit I'd tell you you're lying. Kamari I would believe but Ace, not so much. Mari is chill, calm and calculated with his moves—very strategic might I add. Shy, but very emotionally intelligent. Ace, a wildcard and—well, do I even need to say much he's a fire sign. That night in the diner was considered iconic, memorable even.

It triggered the beef between Mari and my brother even more, Ace and Q were allies and it only made things worse. Little did I know, the man I met that night would be someone I'd come to love for the next couple of months—a love that grew so much we created a baby girl, Alari.

•••

Kamari had not talked to Khaleesi since last night, she kept watching the clock—bored with each passing second. She was concerned, was he okay? Things got hectic, his friends dropped her off with no words—just silence. She takes another bite of her oats and chews them slowly, she just wants to be in his presence. Khaleesi hears her phone ring and jumps, she drops her spoon ignoring the loud clattering of the glass.

"Unknown caller?" She furrows her eyebrows and answers out of curiosity.

"Hello?"

"Leesi." The man's voice from last night vibrating through her ear, her mouth slightly open as she's lost on what to do. "I know you on the other side."

"How did you get my shit?"

"Calm down with all that, I just wanna talk."

"About?"

"Your brother know you fucking enemies?" She heard his footsteps walking, pacing back and forth—Khaleesi's heart dropping to the pit of her stomach.

"I'll fucking kill you if you-"

"What I say?" Khaleesi scoffs and hangs up on him out of impulse. She breathes heavily watching as he calls back, her finger pressing on the green button.

"Nigga, fuck you." Khaleesi says as quietly as she can.

"I don't think you'd be doing all that talking if we got to know each other for real. Outside, 5 minutes."

"No."

"I'll come in this bitch and get you personally." Khaleesi leans her head back looking toward the doorway, she speed walks over to the foyer—her bare feet patting against the tile. She opens the door and he leans on the entrance, that same cheeky smile on his face. "What's up?" A cut going across his cheek, she eyes it making him touch it gently. "Don't worry, I'm good."

"I don't care, are you insane?"

"Are you impressed?"

"Ayo!" Q Taylor shouts from behind him, pulling up in an all black G-wagon. Music coming from his car and echoing into the atmosphere, he takes a swisher from out of his mouth. "Ace, bruh, suppliers not coming in till later. Ma dukes making dinner, 2K on the TV. Lil sis, what's up? Why you standing in the door, goofy."

He smashes Khaleesi's hair and she sighs out of irritation hitting him in his arm, he bucks at her and she pushes her finger back against his forehead. Ace laughs at the two and she glares at him quickly while fixing her hair. "I'm going to my room, don't be obnoxious. Bitch ass niggas." Khaleesi screams as she walks up the stairs, they look back at her.

"Aye." They say in unison, she stomps her way to her room—slamming the door behind her. She had came back down an hour later, all dressed up and smelling like a field of fresh flowers. Her hair curled to perfection and parted in the middle—her heels clacking on the stone stairs.

"Where you going?" Ace stands in front of the island making him a sandwich, he squeezes a generous amount of mustard on the bread.

"None of your business."

"Hope it's not with that traitor ass nigga." His voice increasing on the certain word, she widens her eyes then looks around the living room quickly—Q nowhere to be found. "He's not here." Khaleesi crosses her legs and flicks her hair out of her face, he takes a bite of his sandwich then nods his head.

"What do you want?"

"I don't want nothing from you, love."

"Then what? You're just going to hang this over my head?"

"Why you so uptight with me? That shit gotta stop."

"Excuse me?" Khaleesi sees him shaking his head, chuckling. "You're impossible!" She walks toward the door, hearing his footsteps—rolling her eyes. "Nigga, I swear to god if you grab me!" He places his hand on her shoulder, Leesi turns around slapping him on the cheek. He pushes her back onto the door, Khaleesi exhaling deeply while coming face-to-face with him.

"There you go, you calm?"

"Very much so."

"Mhm."

"Move." He looks her up and down then backs away, Khaleesi eyes him while turning around.

"My bad, I'll give you your space."

"Yea, do that."

"Do me a favor, before you leave? Ask Kamari about his plan to kill your brother and you."

"What?" Khaleesi's eyebrows crease as she turns around completely, staring at him dumbfounded. "He would never."

"No, I would never lie to you."

"You tweaking."

"Me? Shawty, your man is planning on killing you and you talking about me?" He scowls and strolls back to the kitchen, taking ahold of his sandwich and biting into it for the second time—the crunch of the potato chips on the bread irritating Khaleesi even more. "I'm tryna save you."

"I'll ask him myself." He looks up at her, putting his sandwich down then shifting back and forth on his feet—standing still. "He wouldn't do this, you're a fucking liar."

"Be mad at me all you want, I'm not letting you go over there, forget it." The shining golds on his selected teeth peek out at her when she glances in his direction—making sure she had enough time, Khaleesi opens the door leaving swiftly.

"Khaleesi! Yo." She races to her car in her heels, chuckling—she didn't look back once. "You better not get in that damn car." Leesi climbs in and slams her door, she locks the vehicle then sticks her tongue out at him. "I swear on everything! You stubborn as hell." He pulls on the handle then kicks the door, Khaleesi holds up her middle finger. "Mhm, keep that same energy when I get ahold of ya ass."

She pulls off turning up the music on the radio, Khaleesi sits back and shakes her hair from her face. What he said about Kamari sticks to her mind, he wouldn't—would he? Khaleesi had already been through this with Kali, hearing it again had to mean it was true. And who did this man think he was? She thinks rather loudly, his cologne still lingering around her nostrils. The way he handled her though? She scrunches up her nose then shakes her head, she doesn't want to think too deeply on it.

•••

"𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙨, 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙩. 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙭𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙮, 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙩. 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙮, 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙩."

-Tink, Circa 2024

She knew this was going to be hard, Khaleesi didn't want to just come out asking about the elephant on her mind. She hears the rambunctious music on the other side of the door, looking down the dim hallway once again before knocking. She shifts back and forth on her feet, fumbling with her fingers. When he takes longer than expected she begins to get nervous, emotional even.

Khaleesi bangs on the door now, she sighs stepping back for a second. "Mari!"

It opens and Kamari comes out, he jerks Khaleesi in and she gasps. "How the hell you get here?" She wraps her arms around his neck, throwing all of her weight on him—he hugs her back tightly. "Baby, what's wrong? Who messed with you?" Khaleesi leans back, tears streaming down her face. Kamari grabs her waist then glances over at the men in the living room, looks of concern on their faces.

She concealed hers into his shoulder as Kofi walks over, Kamari looks at him then walks the both of them past the living room and down the corridor. They go into the bedroom and Khaleesi takes a seat on the bed, she swipes at her tears—preventing the rest from sliding down. The diamonds on her long nails shimmering under the LED lights, Kamari walks up to her—placing his hand on her cheek. "What happened?"

"Someone," Khaleesi clears her throat then tried her best to look up at him, her eyes landing on Kamari after a few seconds, "they told me you want to kill Q and m-me."

"Whose this someone?"

"That's not the point, Kamari."

"It's the main damn point, what are we talking about right now?" Khaleesi stands up making him back up a little, she presses on his chest when he wouldn't move out of the way. "Khaleesi."

"I don't want to do this with all the yelling and cussing."

"Do what? What are we doing? Hm?" He gets in her face, she stares up at him—their lips grazing. He leans down just an inch, kissing her—Khaleesi moans then places her arms around his neck once again. He bends down to pick her up—just to lay her on the bed, he pulls her dress up then tugs her underwear off.

She sits up watching his tongue attack her clit, her back feeling weak as she falls back onto the mattress—Khaleesi whimpers bringing her hands over her breast. "Oh shit, baby." She pushes him and he smiles at her kissing her deeply, his teeth biting down gently on her bottom lip. "We have to stop... Mari."

"You want me to stop? Is that what you want me to do?" He says, while going back down in between her thighs, Khaleesi breathes softly preparing to feel him on her again. His tongue flicks onto her clit, she gasps—her hand holding on to the back of his neck as she rolls her hips. "You don't want me to stop for real."

"Mari, oh my- fuck yes." She cries as the pressure between her hips causes her vision to cloud. He kisses her clit one more time before standing up and pulling her closer to him. "We can't, we can't we have to talk." Khaleesi exhales, her chest heaving up and down as she presses a kiss on his lips. "Mari, I love you."

"I love you."

"Then tell me the truth, please." He looks at her, his hands relaxing on her waist.

"There was a plan- Khaleesi listen, we only had it just in case anything went left when I met you." She shakes her head, shoving her body against his—she pushes him harder this time and with her hands. "Leesi."

"You planned this whole thing? You were using me to get back at Q."

"No, fuck no it's not like that."

"Then what's it like? I trusted you."

"No, Khaleesi listen, please." She stands up getting away from him swiftly, her hands moving him. "I'm not going nowhere, so fuck that shit."

"I don't want to talk to you, we're done, Mari."

"The fuck? No the hell we not." Khaleesi turns toward him and crosses her arms over her chest, she pulls her dress down then grabs her purse off the bed. "Let's finish talking."

"No, I want to leave," Kamari clenches his jaw and watches as Khaleesi fixes her hair. They stood on the opposite sides of the room, he wants to be close to her but she wasn't allowing it—her walls shooting up in an instant.

"I don't know what the hell you did in your last shit but you ain't running from this, we not done talking and we not done." He walks over to her and she steps back, turning her head away from him. "Don't be like that."

"You have five minutes."

"We had a plan just in case things went left and clearly they didn't. Yes, I planned the meet up at the gas station but you already knew I was crazy, Khaleesi. We thought you might be on Q's side but clearly you stand by yourself and I'm sorry. Baby, I'm sorry, you can be mad at me as long as you want but we not breaking up."

"I have to think."

"Okay, then think here."

"No, Mari. I just need to be away from you. I can't trust you, not right now."

"I don't wanna be away from you." She could feel his intense stare on her, Khaleesi breaks away and opens the bedroom door. She walks out quickly, tears threatening to fall down her face once again. Kofi walks up and holds his hands up, she shakes her head and leaves. "Nigga, you just let her go?" Kamari runs out into the hallway, his friend looking confused.

"I don't know what's going on, nigga!" He catches up to her, grabbing onto her hand.

"Leesi, please." Kamari pulls her in, she hits him against his chest and he grunts reaching for her once again.

"Leave me alone!"

"No, you not leaving here till we on good terms. I gotta know you coming back to me. Fuck, Leesi just stay." She glares at him pulling her hand away from him. "We don't gotta touch, look at each other, none of that I just want you here." She wanted to give in so badly, the way he was looking at her was filled with nothing but love and admiration.

"I wanna leave, Mari."

"Okay, okay. Just promise me, you'll call me when you get home." His hand holding on to her wrist softly, he looks at her for several seconds. "Let me take you home."

"No, I want someone else too." She couldn't even look at him, she could feel the disapproval radiating off his body.

"Okay... Khaleesi, I love you."

"I know."

•••

Kofi had dropped Khaleesi back off at her car then followed her on the way, he didn't go far into the neighborhood—just close enough to make sure she made it. She parks her

Altima and collapses onto the steering wheel, Khaleesi feels tears pricking at her eyes and groans out of frustration. "Not right now." Her voice soft and breaking with each second, Khaleesi gets out and treads toward the house.

She walks inside then furrows her eyebrows when she steps into a cloud of smoke—yelling coming from the living room.  She coughs and shoos the smell away from her nose—Khaleesi glances toward the kitchen seeing Ace, Q, and his friends around the island smoking and watching a fight on the small television diagonal from the microwave. "Why tonight?"

"Afternoon, Leesi." She gestures at the men standing near the door with AK's around their bodies, her hands rubbing her eyes out of exhaustion. Coming home to her brothers obnoxious meetups was nothing new, in fact, it happened almost every night when she was in high school.

Ace spots Khaleesi and subtly eyes her, she drags her body upstairs—fantasizing about laying in her bed and crashing for the night. She barges into her room and falls on the soft sheets, Leesi screams into the comforter then sighs heavily when she realizes that that didn't solve anything. She hears a knock on her door and sits up quickly, Ace standing at the entrance.

"I heard you scream, trouble in paradise?"

"Yo, get the fuck out my room!" She yells and grabs a pillow throwing it at his face. Khaleesi stomps up to him then without thinking, swings her arm back and punches him right on the cheek. His head moving carelessly to the right, she steps back her mind racing.

Her hands clasped over her mouth out of shock, Ace moves his jaw to the left—then to the right. He moves toward her and she backs up gradually, one foot behind the other.

The silence in the room so deafening it was suffocating, her hair falling over her face for the thousandth time today. Ace leans down kissing her, their lips smacking against one another. Leesi moans under her breath, her body wanting his touch.

They pull away, their breathing now the only audible thing in the room—her eyelids slowly falling on his face. He was getting excited and she could tell, glancing down at the print outlining his sweats. "What you tryna do?"

His voice low and seductive-like, he leans forward to kiss her again—she lifts up and he pulls back before his lips could hit hers. They kiss once again, Khaleesi could feel her body getting feeble—her hand laying on his cheek as he takes off his jacket. Her palms sliding down the multiple tattoos etched in his skin, he lets it drop to the floor then pulls her body closer to him by her shirt. She gasps feeling his hand grab ahold of her neck, Khaleesi whimpers—the kiss becoming deeper.

"Ace." She begs and he pulls away smiling against her lips.

"Shut the fuck up."  He pushes her against the dresser, everything was moving so fast she couldn't keep up. "You wanna hit me, now you wanna say my name? I'm confused." Her hands gripping on his wrist as he stares down at her, the tension between them was dense. Her panties soaking by now, he squeezes the sides of her neck causing Khaleesi to kiss him suddenly once again.

He pulls her away, only to pick her up into his arms and place her on the dresser. "You want me all in that pussy, don't you?" His raspy voice vibrating against her mouth, Khaleesi moans—a sharp gasp coming from her lips when she feels his fingers massage onto her clit. Her eyes slightly rolling into the back of her head, he hums in agreement—loving the way she looks in this moment. "Wet ass pussy, fuck."

"Fuck, Ace." She says as quietly as she could, the bedroom door still open. Their lips meeting once again, his tongue slipping into her mouth—a moan going into his.

"Say my name like that again and I'mma turn you the fuck out." He says, softly—breaking away, his fingers coming out from between her thighs. Ace grins, moving from her completely—he picks up his jacket. His teeth biting on the corner of his bottom lip as he looks at Khaleesi's embarrassed figure. "We good?" She stands up straight, straightening her dress hurriedly.

"Yes, sorry. For hitting you, I mean."

"No worries, a nigga got studying to do—give me your phone." Her eyes dart across the room searching for it, she spots it then unlocks the device seeing that Kamari had called her several times. "Hubby call?" She gasps when she realizes he was right in front of her, his hand held out.

"Don't accidentally hit his contact."

"I got this." She watches him carefully as he punches a few keys on the board, Khaleesi peeks over at the screen watching him. She glances up at Ace and he leans down placing a tender kiss on her lips. "Block him." He hands her the phone back, their eyes on one another.  "I'mma hit you up, stay away from that nigga." His voice was earnest, Khaleesi nods her head hesitantly as he walks out of the bedroom.

She relaxes against the dresser, her body tense. Her fingers playing with the bottom of her dress randomly, she didn't know what to do with herself. "What the fuck just happened?" Khaleesi's head switches over to the door, Kali stands there her face filled with confusion. "Girl, are you talking to Ace? What about Kamari?"

Khaleesi rolls her eyes and rushes her sister out of her room quickly, Kali yells trying to keep the door open. "Leesi!"

"I'll tell you later, I need to meditate!" She shuts it completely.

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[blackiraven]

Hey, I love your writing! Can I ask for some arkham! medical care? Maybe see how Eddie would take care of John in his state. Or how will he try to save him since he doesn't have much time left.

Thank you very much! I'm glad to know that🙏💗

Hmm, I think it would look like this, because according to my headcannons, when John was hurt by Croc, someone else was taking care of him, and Edward was in Arkham at the time.

"Well-well-well. What do we have here?" passing another inconspicuous alley, I finally got to the blinking dot on my radar. It was difficult to see the body lying on the asphalt among the dirt and debris. Only the blood-colored puddles gave alarm signals. I turned off the small device and squatted down in front of my find. All his clothes were soaked through and were torn as well as his face. The broken glove turned into useless scrap metal, some parts almost pierced through the hand. Yes, break my inventions, don't take care of them, Crane, because I love making new ones for you so much. There were bruises on his forehead, the rest of the parts were covered with bruises. But there's too much blood around, so there's a more serious injury hiding somewhere.

"Argh… couldn't you find a better place?" muttering to myself, I gently turned John onto his back with the help of a cane. He groaned loudly, clutching the beacon in his whole hand, which had been sending me a signal for help all this time. Another brilliant idea of mine, which repeatedly saved the life of the stubborn lord of fear. And mine… sometimes. A scarlet spot was growing on his side. That's the answer. What can hold a Scarecrow? A peg. Swollen with water and blood, wooden fragments protruded from the flesh. And how did you just happen to, Crane? At my first attempts to lift him up, John groan, coughed up blood and shuddered with every breath. The air whistled in his throat like in a damaged flute.

"Just try to die now, Crane. Don't count on me to organize your funeral." despite Jonathan's protesting groans, I lifted his flabby body in one sharp movement and partially threw it over my shoulder. He hissed and growled from the disturbing pain, but still took small steps with trembling legs. I held his bleeding wounds and helped him walk, putting half of his weight on myself.

"Kha… Edward… ngh!" he came to himself for a while and buried his cold face in my neck. Goosebumps ran down the back of my neck, but I let John take some of my warmth.

"What always runs and gets lost, but stumbles at the thresholds? The road! We have a long way to go, so don't waste your strength and don't attract too much attention." I whisper in his ear and hold him closer to me. In response, John calmed his trembling a little, clenched his teeth and swallowed a bloody clot. The damaged hand, through a wild pain, lay on my arm and also restrained the bleeding. Excellent. I'm loving it. With a slight smile and a deep breath of the night and stinking air, I confidently walked to a safe place.

It took all night to remove the pieces of wood from John's body. They got stuck too deep and partially split. Probably, during the escape, he fell from a decent height onto some kind of structure. I even had to cut off the dangling pieces of skin. Thanks to a large amount of painkillers, Crane lay quietly on the improvised operating table and did not distract me from the painstaking work. I often yawned and wiped sweat from my forehead. Each piece taken out took away part of my strength. My hands were numb from fatigue and could suddenly twitch at the most inopportune moment, which made him cry out and shake his head.

"Umph… sorry." I bit my lips in excitement and tried to stay neat. When the stage of suturing and a tight bandage began, my swollen fingers got tangled, but in the end I was able to cope with the most difficult task. The metal fragments were easier to remove, and his hand was quickly bandaged. Finally, I wiped the dried blood off him and treated all the abrasions. My eyes were closing, but I had to finish everything so that he would definitely live until the next night. Crane's new face, which had become familiar to me, was even more distorted by heavy blows, but I could still distinguish his emotions under the torn skin. He seemed to be reproaching himself and cursing the whole world for another humiliating defeat. Don't worry, Scarecrow, I won't divulge this secret, but I'll remember it well. I love juggling other people's secrets at the right and intimate moments.

Exhale of relief. Completely soiled gloves were pulled off from sweaty palms and thrown far away. I arched my back, stretched my neck with a crunch, plopped down on a chair and briefly closed my tired and dry eyes. Just for a little while… the darkness is so relaxing and overshadows all thoughts. The physical shell soaked with fatigue ceased to be felt. It creeps up like a predator, but at the same time sweeter than anything in the world. A dream… a dream.

My wadded body was picked up by a certain flow. I was floating, but the next second I fell down, but I didn't crash. My eyes snapped open. My torso was bent forward, and my head was resting on Crane's chest. His hands gently held me and drew me to their owner in a demanding manner. Fingers with blackened and cracked nails were picking through strands of my hair and scratching the back of my head.

"And what happened to you?" chuckling, I closed my eyes again. "I don't want to… talk about it…" he finally spoke in a hoarse voice. "You old straw bag, you don't think about me at all. Stubborn… stubborn idiot." I squirm a little, looking for a more comfortable place on a thin body. "At times like this… all I think about is you. All my hope… is only in you, Edward." the words came out in a dry cough. "M-m-m. Are you trying to flatter me, Crane?" "Hah… do you like it?" "Yes."

I had to get up for a while and go get a glass of water so that John would not completely lose the ability to speak. He looked with misty eyes at the ceiling, then at me, and each of my actions caused a soft smile on his creepy face. His bandaged hand involuntarily shuddered, which brought unpleasant pain impulses. But I took Crane's hand firmly in mine and didn't let the cramps torment him.

"I'm sorry… I didn't save the glove." "You know I love making new ones for you ."

[ifideliadaworld-blog]

Dragon Hunters: GLACIER OF MADNESS

(PART 2)

Main characters & setting by: © Arthur Qwak, Valérie Hadida, Guillaume Ivernel © Futurikon Screenplay and artwork: Fideliada

Part1--Part2--Part3--Part4--Part5--Part6--Part7--Part8--Part9(end)

(Laconic splash)

(Lian-Chu, pleased — especially since he didn't let Hector out) Get on your feet, my friend. We were lucky enough to arrive at a volcanic thermal grotto.

(Confused sniffling)

(Gwizdo) Kha-khao!.. Wow.  The depth is really small. Do you think that the Whirlwind Mole didn't get Zoria?

(Sound of a slow dive back in)

(Lian-Chu) She might have gotten as much as we did, but we may never know the details if we look for a way out spontaneously...

(Gwizdo) We can't get into this mess! Why on Earth he even enjoys it? That's where Jennyline's instincts of grandma got us! Don't tell me that our quarantine game in the imaginary World of the Oceans was part of psychological training, otherwise I'll go crazy!

(Exhale of bliss during a short rest)

(Lian-Chu) Okay, Gwizdo: Our quarantine game in the imaginary World of the Oceans wasn't part of the psychological training... It was part of a healthy brain training session.

(A quiet splash, betraying extreme nervousness)

(Gwizdo, who has noticeably speeded up his speech) So, for the brain! Well, Gwizdo, think... No way to be alone. Bro, instead of lying down, you should have dived and fished out the bag! The most important things are there: a compass, measuring tape, ink, hot flasks, rations, a Dragonomicon in a package!.. No, all the sandwiches are already in the slush...

(Lian-Chu) You can practice diving yourself: it's not dangerous right now, and I don't want to deprive you of such valuable experience.

(Clap on water from insight)

(Gwizdo, laughing nervously) I REMEMBER: ALL YOUR KNITTING SUPPLIES ARE STILL THERE! If only they don't get soaked in this sandwich broth – I'm afraid I won't have time to save your goods!

(Sonorous rustle of answering splashes)

(Lian-Chu) There's only the measuring tape, Gwizdo. I didn't find my knitting set.

(Hector snorts as he tries to climb the steamy rock.)

(Gwizdo, pleased with his manipulation) So I must have made a mistake, my memory has failed me: it looks like it was left in the chest on the St. George with the cholera vaccine.

(The patter of raindrops, the rustle of water, the hum of air currents coming through the ice gaps and tunnels above)

(Gwizdo's voice echoes through the vast expanse.) I have two pieces of news, guys. The good news is that we've reached a warm part of the Isle, which is not an iceberg. The worse news is that this cavity isn't marked on the relief map... So, those who were here before us, for some reason, didn't send the plan of this place to the Guild of Scientists... Or we are the pioneers here!

(Hector grunts as he creates steps in the rough ice wall.)

(Lian-Chu) Gwizdo, don't you have a harpoon lost in your bag?(Gwizdo) Gwizdo here, Gwizdo there... Shouldn't Hector know this? He had to carry our weapons: let him play the harpoon himself! He lost my crossbow the same way last time!

(The rustle of ice fragments under the skillful hooves of a furry brave climber)

(Hector) WAAAAY!!! Don't pull Hector, don't let Hector fall!!!

(Sounds of vigorous breathing from the cave)

(Lian-Chu's softened voice) Gwizdo, we'll have to give him a chewbone from your bag as soon as we get up. Hector deserved it.

(Gwizdo's grunt as he struggles to keep up with his friend.)

(Lian-Chu, changing to an edifying tone.) Now you can't be ashamed to ask me to carry you: it's a normal gravity, and it's easy to crash into the water

(Gwizdo) Ugh-eh... get hurt?.. And that's all...?

(The winds of the ice maze increase their discordant chorus closer to the ceiling)

(Gwizdo) So, since I'm such a natural balloonist, I could use a sail to pump it with thermal fumes and search the oasis space up to the ceiling... Lian-Chu, stop! Do you want to remind me who the junk dealer gave up the old canvas to?!

(Sonorous nasal breath through the canvas)

(Lian-Chu) The smell of sun and good body care: the cloth belonged to Zoria! (Gwizdo) Five out of five, bloodhound, although I didn't have to sniff the rags: there's a patch in the shape of the FIRST LETTER OF HER NAME... I know you can't read, though.

(Lian-Chu's growl and the sound of a wall of ice being broken through)

(Gwizdo) THERE'S A CLIFF, LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!

(The voices of friends echo through the vertical tunnel.)

(Lian-Chu) It's not a volcano, it's a Wandering Sun! It goes out... but it's still enough to warm up the bowels, otherwise the water below would be icy. (Gwizdo) BURNT SALAMANDERS! How did the sail get frozen into this particular ice wall?!

(Hector) Kuch-kcha!.. Bad business!..(Lian-Chu) Zoria was flying from below to escape the hurricane. She hadn't been able to avoid the lights here for long, but instead of throwing out the sail, she had laid it out so that someone would see the sign... And you did it. Judging by the layer of ice, her stop was half a week ago. The fire won't let us out...

(The air becomes noticeably hot, and Gwizdo begins to have an annoying ringing in his ears...)

(Gwizdo) So, if the bottom is not heated by a volcano, then how did that huge tunnel slide form the island... was it pierced through just by a fragment?! The stars are making such pretzels at the South Pole ... listen, I already think our imaginary world of Oceans is more comfortable than the one we live in!

(Hector) ARRR! A CHANCE! A CHANCE! CATCH THEM! (Gwizdo) I will build this school... No one but me! Don't look down...(Lian-Chu) Gwizdo, I've come up with something to heat the balloon with! (Gwizdo) Are you going to use knitting needles? (Lian-Chu) With knitting needles on a ribbon. Please untie it from your belt..."

(The crackle of expanding flames on a fixed piece of meteor and the rustle of water nearby)

(Gwizdo) I've been wearing this shirt since I was a teen, actually! (Lian-Chu, pleased with the process) Watch the oiled pages of your notebook amplify the shard's flame... We're about to hit the ceiling. (Gwizdo) Are we sure we're going to the tunnel? It's strange that the wind is still tropical here! (Lian-Chu) So we got you out of your sleeves in time.

(Slender and loud chorus of waterfalls)

(Gwizdo) It's crazy, a whole melted floor! Give in to the heat! Did our nimble runaway master this part as well? (Lian-Chu) Maybe. Zoria can't swim that far yet: either she used the screw left over from the ball, or... someone helped her at the entrance. (Gwizdo) I heard she almost drowned on your last fishing trip...

(Lian-Chu) If we fly higher above the fog, the light will hold us longer! (Gwizdo's voice, exasperated to the limit) AND WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?! Don't spare my notebook!

(White noise)

(Happy Hector) Pile-pile! EARTH! RRRR! FRRR! (Gwizdo) Yep, there's an ugly tree in the... Oh no! The flame goes out! (Lian-Chu) The wind is on our side, Gwizdo. Be our capitain. (Gwizdo) So, Lian-Chu: shift all your weight to the ugly tree! HURRY!!! (Lian-Chu) The heat is enough to maintain the flora: in this water we will not catch a cold. (Angry Gwizdo) Can we not check it out, all-terrain buddy?!

(Hector) ACHACHU!!!(Lian-Chu) Let's check the roots!

(Tape creaking and flame hissing on wet root)

(Gwizdo) YOU GUYS WON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Part1--Part2--Part3--Part4--Part5--Part6--Part7--Part8--Part9(end)

[hmuyassar]

'Iya kita buat plan buat masa depan, tapi itu jd arah untuk maksimalin sekarang aja. Jangan malah justru jadi hambatan untuk Himmah sekarang’

Begitu kira-kira yang dibilang mas-mas ketujuh, ketika aku iseng konsultasi soal plan akademik dan karir. Sedikit privilege jadi anak bungsu adalah; you got a free mentor. if your older sibling actually lucky and kind enough. 

Excuse yang kuberi ketika itu adalah, 'untuk menyusun motivation letter'. Seleksi S2 atau beasiswa dimanapun dan untuk kapanpun, pasti diminta motivation letter, personal statement, essay, you name it. Rencana dan arah yang jelas dibutuhkan untuk memoles tulisan itu dengan tetap menunjukkan keunggulan pribadi yang khas.

Diskusi berlanjut soal bagaimana motivation letter itu sebenernya 'lying at the basic level', yang kubales dengan tetap harus 'mixing the truth'. Etc etc.

Salah satu simpulannya, 'Himmah niatinnya ngambil S2 itu buat nuntut ilmu aja. Gausah terlalu fokus nanti mau jadi ini atau jadi itu. Nanti selama itu maksimalin yang bisa dilakuin, perkuat portofolio. Dengan sendirinya bakal ada opsi-opsi yang kebuka. Sekarang gausah terlalu dipusingin nantinya gimana gimana'. Yak, sebuah wejangan dari mahasiswa PhD yang belum pasti kapan balik ke Indo.

####

sekelumit kesimpulan yang  aku dapat dari refleksi atas pengalamanku setahun lalu ketika -akhirnya- menjadi international student di Edinburgh;

Seberapapun bagus dan indahnya mimpi yang kamu buat, angan yang kamu impikan, 

ketika kamu menjalaninya, pada akhirnya itu akan menjadi realita juga. 

realita yang sama dengan realita yang sedang kamu jalani ‘sekarang’. 

terlepas dari kondisi materiil yang melekat padanya nanti, serta emosi dan faktor apapun yang mungkin mempengaruhi persepsimu akan realita tersebut. 

Dalam artian, sebagaimana adanya realita, tidak pernah ada yang sempurna. Apalagi bisa memuaskan angan manusia yang tidak ada habisnya. 

Sehingga, mungkin... daripada menghabiskan dirimu sepenuhnya untuk satu saat yang belum tentu akan lebih baik dari saat ini, bahkan belum pasti akan datang atau tidak,

ada baiknya juga berfokus untuk membuat realita yang dihadapi saat ini, bisa sedikit - setidaknya- mirip dengan inginmu. Eh, a hard task, indeed. 

salah satunya bisa dengan cara; terus menerus mendengarkan kembali apa yang sebenarnya penting dan berharga untukmu sekarang. Sejauh mana ingin dan bahagiamu sejalan dengannya. Sejauh mana usahamu memprioritaskannya, sejauh mana kamu mengenal apa yang berada dalam kendalimu untuk mengusahakannya. Juga sejauh mana arah dan anganmu bisa memaksimalkanmu dalam memenuhi apa yang penting dan berharga itu. 

idk if that makes sense.

mungkin dengan itu kita bisa sedikit mengurangi kemungkinan penyesalan untuk realita yang sedang dan akan dijalani nanti. 

if you have difficulties to find the answers, dont forget that He will always kindly lead you.

yah itu aku sih. 

.

.

yang selanjutnya sedikit memancing penasaranku; jika demikian, seberapa indah sebenarnya surga? yang diakui bisa memenuhi semua angan manusia, hingga mungkin bisa merubah konsep kita akan realita. 

[idealspawn]

i wrote a poem for the guy im seeing and he said he will save it to open it in paris when he misses me bc in a few weeks he will go travel through half of europe w his friends and we wont be able to see for a little while.... we also hid secret positive messages all around the city with pink ribbons on for others to find!!! it was so fun it felt like we were fairies doing a quest in a fantasy video game. i introduced him to one of my closest friends too!! and they got along so well. invited him to join me and my friend for this open-air cinema in a few days!!! im sosooso happy he is sososososo sweet. and our top love languages are the exact same. quality time and physical touch!! i showed him around all the secret places in the city that i go to and told him all sorts of stories with those places. we talked abt our friends and family and i love it so much. i love listening to ppl talk abt the ppl they love. we shared our heartbreak stories too. he is coming over to my house when my parents are away and i will cook him tom kha soup (well... a slight alteration of it). he also invited me to his place in this other city one last time before he moves out to my city officially!!!!!! aaa a aaaa a aa a a. I HAD MY FIRST ICE CREAM THIS YEAR WITH HIM. the last time i had an ice cream was a year ago and then also like a year prior. i very rarely eat ice cream bc of my ed and the sugar content and all but i did it with him!!! because he loves ice cream a lot. and i didnt die!! once again i didnt die :DD sometimes im scared im too much for him but he said he likes girls that are a little crazy hahahaha but in a good way. so i guess he likes me :D when i ran down from a hill he caught me into his arms and kissed me. it was sooooooooo cute. we also went on swings!!! i love swings. it is so cute how he completely crashes when i randomly am affectionate sometimes ahhahaha. like he loses his train of thought completely. i randomly bit his shoulder in the store playfully and he was in the middle of answering one of my questions and he told me to wait bc now he cant process the question cause all he can think of is me ahahhaha and the same way when we were lying in the grass and i started to trace shapes on his forehead. he said he listens to our shared spotify playlist we made all of the time!!!! he said he likes it when i mess up his hair. fuck. aaaaaaaa. im so fucking happy wtf. after he left a swiss tourist came up to me and asked to take a picture of me bc my silhouette looked so beautiful in front of the sunset and talked to me for like an hour. that was so cool too.

[recapitulation]

What is your favorite vegetarian soup recipe? Is it your favorite because it's delicious or because it's fun to make?

tom kha with mushroom (tom kha hed)! I made this for my veggie friend and it was delicious. usually when i make tom kha i use chicken and mushroom but to make it veggie i sub the chicken with additional mushrooms of a different kind and it's yummy!! there are a few other changes that need to be made to make it veggie but it's pretty straightforward :) it's my fav bc it's delicious!!!! the broth is so rich and sharp but also creamy.... so so so good

DO NOT trust recipes that sub galangal for ginger SHE IS LYING TO YOU THAT WILL TASTE BAD!!!

here is my fav recipe she talks about how to make it vegan easy <3

[mossiestpiglet]

9 people you want to know better

Thank you for the tag @iamanoccasionaldoodler !

Tagging (but no pressure of course!) : @demonicintegrity @imperatorsapphiosa @wanderingthunderstorm @the-walls-have-many-ears @thiswaycomessomethingwicked @aro-as-in-straight-as-a @treesofgreen @dovesndecay @mysteriouslybluepirate

Three ships:

Manfred Bloor and Asa Pike from Children of the Red King - my ultimate codependent boy-and-his-dog besties who don’t even like each other. I’d say I’m too weird about this relationship between teens from a middle grade series I read as a kid but like. Canon is ALSO very weird about them so it is my right to have never gotten over them.

Yuzuru Tanigami and Shuumei Satogiri from Crossplay Love: Otaku x Punk - they finally made me admit that I am more of a friends-to-lovers than enemies-to-lovers person, it’s just that I like when the friendship involves a lot of Being Weird About Each Other, and also lying.

Jenkins + Cassandra Cillian + Ezekiel Jones + Jacob Stone from The Librarians - I love all their individual dynamics and they build together so well as the four of them. The series structure is also so fun to play with and leads to so many fun ways for the “when” of it all.

First ship: I have been in this game since I was a little kid so I truly cannot remember, but a fun fact about me is that Nuka and Vitani from Lion King 2 played a significant role in my queer awakening (normal people were into Kovu, I have been Like This for a long time)

Last song: Stories by Lilli Furfaro

Last TV show: Kotaro Lives Alone and it was so good and I’m gonna add the manga to my reading list!

Currently watching: On my rewatch of The Librarians, currently on s3. It’s a really great show to have on while crocheting or doing school work because it’s a delightful romp but also if I want to dig into the characters there is enough there to have fun with.

Currently reading: Just started The Hemingses of Monticello by Annette Gordon-Reed as my audiobook, I’ll be starting The Disabled Tyrant’s Beloved Pet Fish by Xue Shan Fei Hu soon, and I follow a few dozen manga series (yesterday I passed 300 books read this year, sorta hoping I hit 600 now!)

Currently eating: some left over tom kha gai over rice with a hardboiled egg, kind of just throwing an extra egg into everything right now to keep me full because I’m not that motivated to eat because summer is gross.

Currently craving: I really wish I had gotten a dessert at the grocery store earlier because there isn’t any ice cream in the house rn which is so sad ;_;

[hebrewbyinbal]

The authenticity of mercifulness is ultimately revealed not through isolated acts that might serve an immediate purpose, but through consistent, genuine, and compassionate behavior towards all individuals, especially those who are most vulnerable.

Mercifulness, in its truest sense, is a profound and genuine expression of compassion and leniency towards others, especially those who are vulnerable or at a disadvantage. This quality involves empathy, understanding, and a sincere willingness to alleviate suffering without ulterior motives.

When groups or individuals, such as H-a-m-a-s, engage in acts that are fundamentally at odds with the principles of mercy and compassion—such as taking people from their homes, subjecting them to unimaginable experiences, or mistreating vulnerable individuals, especially women, children, and the elderly—any subsequent actions that appear merciful should be taken as manipulation. These actions are strategic or propagandistic, aimed at creating a certain image rather than stemming from genuine compassion.

The use of mercy as a facade in such contexts is particularly troubling. Forcing people to wave as they are released as we see is a shameless tactic to obscure their atrocities or to gain political or social leverage.

The forced viewing of the Oct 7 violence by children, physically hurting them as they cry in response, separating mothers from their children and lying about their fate, the mistreatment of sick elderly, and the overall inhumane conditions reported by those returned - are stark contradictions to the concept of mercifulness.

Such actions reflect a deep disregard for basic human dignity and rights.

In light of these considerations, it becomes crucial to distinguish between true mercifulness, which is selfless and empathetic, and actions that are driven by manipulation, coercion, or a desire to deceive.

If you know the word רחמים /ra-kha-'meem/ or שער הרחמים The Gate of Mercy in Jerusalem, these words are all connected in meaning.

[reinaka42]

忘川风华录 Cheat Sheet - PRE-QIN

Character list for the music project/game Wang Chuan Feng Hua Lu

Created solely for my own convenience

All images etc taken from the game's official website

Info taken from Wikipedia

Mao-mao not included, sowwy

姜太公 | Jiang Taigong | Khương Thái Công

1128 BC - 1015 BC

Also known as Jiang Ziya / Taigong Wang / Lǚ Wang

General, strategist to King Wu of Zhou, helped establish the Zhou Dynasty

Song: Gui Diao Yin

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 天

屈原 | Qu Yuan | Khuất Nguyên

c. 340 BC – c. 278 BC

Poet, author of Li Sao, one of the first verse writers in ancient China

Theme song: N/A

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 天

韩非 | Han Fei | Hàn Phi

c.  280 BC – c. 233 BC

Philosopher of the Legalist school, author of Han Feizi

Song: Shi Fei

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 天

西施 | Xi Shi | Tây Thi

One of ancient China's Four Beauties

Given to Fuchai which allegedly led to the fall of the State of Wu

Song: Qing Guo

In-game rarity: 天

范蠡 | Fan Li | Phạm Lãi

Strategist of Yue (Warring States)

(According to legends) discovered Xi Shi and later lived with her after the fall of Wu

Song: N/A

In-game rarity: 地

荆轲 | Jing Ke | Kinh Kha

Died 227 BC

Retainer of Yan (Warring States)

Attempted to assassinate Qin Shi Huang

Song: Yi Shui Jue

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 地

高渐离 | Gao Jianli | Cao Tiệm Ly

Musician of Yan (Warring States), friend of Jing Ke

Also attempted to assassinate Qin Shi Huang

Song: Yi Shui Jue

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 地

干将 | Gan Jiang | Can Tương

Part of a swordsmith couple during the Spring and Autumn period

Forged a pair of swords that also bore their names

Song: Wei Jian

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 地

夫差 | Fuchai | Phù Sai

Reigned 495 BC – 473 BC

Last king of Wu (Spring and Autumn period)

Responsible for capturing and releasing Goujian, leading to the fall of his state

Song: Wen Jian Chun Qiu

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 天

勾践 | Goujian | Câu Tiễn

Reigned 496 BC – 465 BC

King of Wu (Spring and Autumn period)

Exacted revenge on and defeated Wu

Song: Wen Jian Chun Qiu

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 天

伍子胥 | Wu Zixu | Ngũ Tử Tư

Died 484 BC

General and politician of Wu (Spring and Autumn period)

First served King Helü of Wu, was not entrusted by King Fuchai

Song: N/A

Also appears in: Wen Jian Chun Qiu

In-game rarity: 地

白起 | Bai Qi | Bạch Khởi

c. 332 BC –c. 257 BC

Military general of Qin (Warring States), whose victory paved way for the establishment of the Qin Dynasty

Extremely high kill count

Song: Qi Zhan Ling

Also appears in: Kuang Gu Hui Xiang

In-game rarity: 天

墨翟 | Mo Di | Mặc Địch

c. 470 BCE – c. 391 BCE

Also known as Mozi

Philosopher, founder of Mohism

Talented in carpentry

Song: Mo Yin Xia Sheng

In-game rarity: 天

公输班 | Gongshu Ban | Công Du Ban

c. 507 BCE – 444 BCE

Also known as Lu Ban

Carpenter, engineer, inventor of several things including the saw

Song: N/A

Also appears in: Mo Yin Xia Sheng

In-game rarity: 天

庄周 | Zhuang Zhou | Trang Chu

c. 369 BCE - c. 286 BCE

Also known as Zhuangzi / Chuang Tzu

Philosopher, author of Zhuangzi, established the foundation of Taoism

Song: N/A

In-game rarity: 天

[withheartsaligned]

20. Has your OC ever done something terrible and lied about it? Did they run away or blame someone else for it? How long did they maintain the lie and did the truth ever come out?

for whoever strikes your fancy!

well, the reason for tabur's exile could be considered such. they did leave their fellow oronir tribe members to be slaughtered by the dotharl during a patrol when they were 16. these were all people around them in age, some even their friends, but tabur was completely terrified of the dotharl due to childhood trauma relating to their mother's death and they barely managed to escape with their life regardless.

when the oronir found out, there was an uproar because the most radiant's brother child shouldn't have run away from such a fight and should have died with their friends. not everyone thought that, of course, and the oronir were on edge until arsi, tabur's father, put the motion of tabur's exile to a vote.

most voted in favor, and so it goes that tabur was forced out of the oronir.

tabur fled to kugane and lived there for four years, all the while lying about their identity and claiming to be a member of the kha tribe (who are known for being more social than the other xaela tribes). this goes lie goes on until stormblood when they return to the azim steppe and face a whole lot of scrutiny at reunion and from the scions. the truth comes out when they're all captured by the oronir, and, uh... yeah. it doesn't go well when light party and everyone realizes tabur has been lying about who they are the entire time, even if it's a relatively white lie!

[female-malice]

Agricultural ponds have some of the highest methane emissions per area among freshwater systems, and these anthropogenic emissions should be included in national greenhouse gas inventories... In the United States, 2.56 million agricultural ponds cover 420.9 kha and emit about 95.8 kt year of methane... our findings suggest that small water bodies emit twice as much methane than is currently accounted for in national inventories. Managing these systems can reduce these emissions while benefiting productivity, ecosystem services, and biodiversity.

–

I love when researchers catch the agricultural industry lying and underreporting their emissions 💚

It's important to remember that green house gas emissions don't only come from vehicles and power plants. They also come from agriculture and deforestation processes that disturb and release the greenhouse gases stored in soil. Tilling releases carbon stored in the soil. Wet-rice agriculture, cranberry bogs, and agricultural ponds release methane stored in the soil.

However, alternative agriculture systems like permaculture and agroforestry have the opposite effect. These systems can remove carbon from the atmosphere permanently.

There is no future for the oil and gas industry. But there is a future for agriculture. We need to embrace agricultural reforms now and make a commitment to the future of humanity. But giant factory farms and agriculture lobbyists are fighting the transition to sustainable agriculture. This transition would involve creating a regenerative agriculture system where food production is accessible to all. And that's a major reason industrial agriculture lobbies are resisting it.

[the-winter-satellite]

// hôm nay, thằng Duẩn nhuộm tóc cho mình. chuyện nghe có vẻ chẳng đáng để nói, nhưng nó xứng đáng để mình nhớ thật nhiều //

thằng Duẩn, kém mình 7 tuổi, là phiên bản nam và nhỏ tuổi của mẹ mình. Tụi mình từng rất thân nhau khi thằng Duẩn còn nhỏ, sau đó khoảng cách bắt đầu lớn dần khi thằng Duẩn bước sang tuổi dậy thì. Cho tới hôm nay, mình không chắc là liệu có phải mọi thứ đang dần trở nên tốt đẹp.

khổ thân thằng Duẩn. Lúc nó được 2 tuổi là biến cố lớn nhất của gia đình mình xuất hiện và làm đảo lộn mọi thứ trong thế giới của tụi mình. Thằng Duẩn không được tận hưởng tuổi thơ tươi đẹp như mình. Không còn khu vườn với cây hồng xiêm. Không còn những buổi tối cuối tuần được bố mẹ chở ra Phố Chờ ăn kem ly mát lạnh. Không còn những buổi sáng sớm nài nỉ mẹ cho ra chợ ăn quà sáng với bà. Không còn gì hết.

chính vì thế mà thằng Duẩn được chiều. Người lớn cho rằng việc làm theo mọi mong muốn của một đứa trẻ có thể khỏa lấp đi những thiếu thốn và nỗi đau của nó. Thằng Duẩn lớn lên với thói quen như thế - rằng mọi thứ đều có thể theo ý nó, chỉ cần nó khóc, hoặc nổi cáu. Mặc dù trong quãng thời gian nó lớn lên, nó làm mình tổn thương không ít lần. Ví dụ như những lần nó hùa với mẹ để chiến tranh lạnh với mình, hay lần nó ném đồ chơi vào mặt mình khi mình dẫn bạn về nhà chơi mà không chơi với nó. Nhưng mình cũng chẳng phải một người chị tốt. Mình vẫn luôn ganh tị với những sự quan tâm mà nó nhận được. Mình vẫn luôn ghen ghét vì nó là một th��ng con trai, đặc biệt khi gia đình mình lại thuộc kiểu gia đình miền Bắc truyền thống và cổ hủ bậc nhất. Dẫu vậy, mình cũng thương nó. Mình luôn cảm thấy có lỗi vì đã chẳng thể làm một người chị tốt hơn. Tầm một hai năm trước, trong khoảng thời gian nó khủng hoảng nhất của tuổi trưởng thành, mình đã thực sự lo lắng. Mình chạy đi hỏi mấy thằng bạn của mình những điều về thế giới của bọn con trai - những điều mà lẽ ra nó có thể học được từ bố. Nhưng mà thôi.

mình cũng chẳng giúp được gì nhiều cho nó, ngoài việc mua đồ ăn, đồ chơi cho nó bất cứ khi nào mình có thể - thứ mà đứa chị nào cũng làm. Hoặc là thỉnh thoảng, mình có thể ngồi mà nghe nó nói xấu về bố mẹ, về những trận cãi nhau, về sự bất công của thầy cô, về những trò nghịch ngợm của nó mà không phán xét. Mình cho nó một không gian để nói bậy và chửi thề. Mình mong là nó có thể cảm thấy yên lòng phần nào về điều ấy.

thằng Duẩn không phải một thằng con trai dịu dàng. Dịu dàng làm sao được khi sống trong một gia đình như gia đình mình. Thằng Duẩn thương mẹ bậc nhất. Và mẹ cũng vậy. Mẹ ít gây áp lực chuyện học hành hay thành tích cho thằng Duẩn. Mẹ bảo, sợ nó trầm cảm. Mỗi lần như vậy, mình đều tự hỏi, tại sao không nghĩ vậy với con. Nhưng mà thôi, chuyện này để nói ở lần khác.

nhưng đúng thật. Mình cũng sợ nó trầm cảm. Vấn đề tâm lý của tuổi này luôn là một việc đáng để lo. Nó càng thương mẹ, mình càng sợ nó sẽ làm gì với bố, càng sợ nó làm gì đó không phải, ảnh hưởng đến tương lai nó sau này. Nó thích làm bộ đội. Chắc mẹ mình chẳng cho đâu. Chắc nó cũng sẽ nghe theo mẹ. Mình không biết được.

Duẩn với mình là hai kiểu tính cách trái ngược nhưng cũng cực kỳ giống nhau ở vài góc độ nào đó. Nếu mình là một đứa hay nói, hay đùa, thì Duẩn lại lầm lì và có phần cục tính. Nhưng mình và Duẩn lại có kha khá điểm chung - hay ăn, thích mua quà, thương mẹ và ghét bố. Ngoài ra, mình thì thương nó phết, chỉ là chẳng biết nó có thương mình không.

thế mà hôm nay nó nhuộm tóc cho mình. Bình thường, mình chẳng bao giờ nhờ được nó cái gì mấy. Nhờ đến việc thứ 2 liên tiếp là nó đã nổi cáu lên rồi. Được cái tính của mình lại luôn sợ làm phiền người khác. Càng là người thân, càng là gia đình, mình lại càng cảm thấy ngại khi phải nhờ một điều gì đó. Thế mà hôm nay mình lại nhờ nó. Dù lúc ấy, mình chẳng có mấy hy vọng là nó sẽ giúp mình. Mà chẳng hiểu sao nó giúp mình thật. Dù cũng chỉ chải được cho mình vài ba cái, vì mình đã tự làm gần hết rồi. Nhưng tự nhiên nó làm mình nghĩ lại. Nó làm mình tự hỏi, liệu có phải mình đã ôm những định kiến về gia đình mình quá lâu rồi không? Về một người bố dở hơi, về một người mẹ khắc nghiệt và về một thằng em lạnh lùng? Không biết những người còn lại trong gia đình, cũng đồng thời, đã và đang ôm những định kiến nào về mình nhỉ?

chúng mình sống cùng nhau lâu đến như vậy, liệu có khi nào, chúng mình thực sự hiểu nhau chưa?

[niansushi]

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Chiếc IG bé nhỏ của tui @tuimoclenn