#keeper aro week 2023

[camelspit]

aro sophie real and true

@skylilac @callas-pancake-tree @arson-anarchy-death @steal-nightmares-leave-dreams @abubble125 @purplesoup-lad-le @gay-otlc @thefoxysnake @keeper-of-the-lost-dadwin @oracle-cookies @ravs6709 @kamikothe1and0lny @you-have-been-frizzled @presidentroarie @cowboypossume @even-if-in-another-time @that-glasses-dog @katniss-elizabeth-chase @nyxpixels @slozhnos @sofia-not-sophie @treehouse-arson @lemon-girl-in-devil-town @three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat

[cogaytes]

Title: on wholeness and family

Prompt: "coming out"

Wordcount: 1648

Summary:

"I— I don't want to register for the match," he blurts out. Back to his parents, he knows his cheeks are flaring bright red.

"Okay," Tiergan notes slowly, sounding a little confused. "You're still young; you don't have to rush into things at all if you don't want to."

"No, you don't understand." He whips around. The room is utterly silent except for the urgent patter of his feet on the carpet as he paces. "I don't want to register for the match. Like…ever."

---

or, wylie comes out to his dads. written for keeper aro week 2023, inspired by the prompt "coming out."

Warnings: none!

read on ao3!

thank you to @xanadaus and @gay-otlc for hosting :D

[gay-otlc]

Cognates

QPR SOPHITZ QPR SOPHITZ QPR SOPHITZ-

(ao3)

Are you and Fitz dating? Has Fitzphie happened yet? Have you finally kissed him? Questions along these lines are, unfortunately, quite common for Sophie to receive. Every time, she clenches her fists until her fingernails dig into her palms, and says “We’re not dating, we’re Cognates.”

The response is usually a knowing smile. Sophie wants to scream.

She loves Fitz, she does. She just doesn’t love him like… like that. The way everyone expects her to. She doesn’t love him in the way that Edaline assumes she does when she leaves them alone with a wink, she doesn’t love him in the way that Dex assumes when he scowls and mutters about Wonderboy, she doesn’t love him in the way that Tiergan assumes when one of their friends jokes about Fitzphie and he looks like he wants the floor to swallow him.

She loves him, but she doesn’t love him like a boyfriend. Sophie loves Fitz like a cognate. 

According to Mr. Forkle, the cognate bond is similar to marriage in many ways. She’s alright with that, but she doesn’t want a bond with Fitz that’s similar to marriage in all the other ways. She doesn’t want an actual marriage with him, a matchmaking list and a wedding and a house together and waking up beside him every morning. She likes their cognate rings, but exchanging wedding rings with him would make her sick.

She wants to hold his hands and do cognate training with him, but she doesn’t want to kiss him or share a life with him.

“Is this a date?” Grady asks, when Sophie mentions her plans to get ice cream in Atlantis with Fitz. His eyes narrow with suspicion. “Is Fitz your boyfriend?”

Sophie rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “He’s not my boyfriend! He’s my cognate .”

They’re cognates. They don’t have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to love and trust each other.

She wishes more people could understand that.

[random-writing-shit]

Romance.

What was romance?

Was it a concept?

A chemical reaction?

A natural occurrence?

Whatever it was, Zarina didn’t care.

There was love and there was passion.

That’s what mattered.

What she lacked in knowledge about romance, she made up with knowledge of both.

Love was a hyacinth.

Beautiful and deadly.

Love was beautiful when her cousin, Soni, looked at her wife as she did the simplest tasks.

Love was beautiful when she realized that all of them had survived Lumenaria.

Love was beautiful when her mother set down a warm drink and cookies when she worked in her childhood home.

But she’d seen what it could do to people.

She’d watched as her friend allowed someone they thought loved them to destroy them from the inside.

She’d watched as a girl ruined her life for abuse disguised as love.

She’d watched as Oralie broke down after Kenric’s death.

She’d witnessed everything.

Those were the thorns of love.

And passion?

Passion could be bitter.

Passion could be sweet.

Passion could take you on the wrong or right path.

Passion was experienced differently depending on who it was.

Zarina knew passion a little too well.

It was bittersweet for her.

Her passion was politics.

It started as wanting to change the world for the “outcast” elves.

It might end with her being a laughingstock.

A popular topic to laugh about in gossip circles.

But passion gave her another family.

Truth be told, the Council was like one.

They didn’t agree most of the time, but they were perfect.

Cracked, but trying to improve.

Diverse; yet united.

Some decisions were extreme, but they did it for the people.

They did it to protect.

They did it to stop their civilization from collapsing. 

They did it to prevent history from repeating.

@gay-otlc @xanadaus

[aphelea]

"Marella wonders if, when they told her she was unmatchable, she was supposed to feel disappointed, like she was missing out on the key to the rest of her life; as if, maybe, this sigh of relief that she breathes isn't normal. But, watching the flame in her hand catch the edges of room where they had told her she was worthless, without love, she finds she can't quite bring herself to care anymore."

uhh happy aro week day 4: matchmaking! thank you to @gay-otlc and @xanadaus for hosting :)

[dreaming-of-the-end]

i want it to be you (and other such lies)

A/N: Happy Aro week everyone!! Take some Fitz angst <3 In a universe where for some reason in some way Sophie registers and she’s not unmatchable. Find it on ao3!!!!

Summary: Sophie thrusts her own list in his hands, and he unrolls it to see his name at the top of hers. Fitz Vacker. He hates cruel jokes, especially ones the universe plays on him.

TW: internalized arophobia... don’t think there’s much else

Taglist: @steppingonshatteredglass​​ @sunset-telepath​​​  @stardustanddaffodils​​ @jaxtheoraliestanner​​  @song-tam​ @turquoise-skyyyy​​ @carcinized​ @skylilac​ @wu-marcy​​  @saintashes​  @rune-and-rising​​ @lavender-and-rainy-days​​ @confusedamphibian​​ @hellomyfriends​​ @cadence-talle​​ @kai-i-guess​​ @callas-starkflower-stew​​ @a-harmless-poison​​ @professionalwhalewatcher​​ @theogony​​ @gay-otlc​​ @countingthestarsaboveourheads​ ​ @confuzzled-fox​ @almostfullnerd​  @athenswrites​ @synonymroll648​ @squishmallow36​ @xanadaus​

Fitz looks at the number one result on the top of his match list and thinks about wanting it to be her.

Not that he's trying to convince himself that he wants this, but more like he knows there is no hope of knowing, truly knowing whether the thought of this—of this life, stretching out into the horizon as far as he can see—makes him happy or disgusted.

Breathe, Biana's voice echoes in his head, and he rolls his shoulders like that'll stop his throat from aching. Take another breath. That's it. Let the world stop spinning. There's a sour taste on his tongue. He hasn't had time to brush his teeth since Alden woke him up by delivering the first match list to his door.

So here it is.

I want it to be you. He told her that and believed it, once upon a time (in a fairytale), before it became real.

It's real now. It's terrifyingly, solidly, unbearably real now. It's so certain that there's a pit growing in his stomach, a watermelon seed that he swallowed five years ago come back for revenge. It crushes against his lungs, pushing gusts of air out of his nose in pants.

Breathe, Fitz. That's it. The world tilts around him and he clenches his fists so hard his nails dig into his skin.

Fitz rolls the scroll back up and throws it carelessly onto his desk, letting it bump against a schoolbook he was supposed to use to finish homework. Dropping onto his bed, he curls up onto his side and buries his hands in his hair, tugging at the roots so hard it hurts.

A tear leaks from the corner of his eye.

...

This is the part where he thinks about a moment in his childhood when everything fit into place.

When he watched Alden twirl Della under a chandelier in the entrance hall, when Marella tucked Biana's hair behind her ear, when Edaline brushed a soft tear from Grady's eye: that should've been It.

(It: the moment when he thinks ah... that's what I want.)

But he can't find anything like that. Nothing that clicks, nothing moving with precision, made the way it's supposed to be. If normal is made of a thousand tiny gears and screws, then he's missing a few. He's a building listing slightly to the side like the Tower of Pisa.

 Fitz traces his finger along his bedspread, soft cushioning continuing past his head until he reaches the wall. It's cold against his palm as he presses his hand flat against it, letting the chill cut through him.

There are so many wants stacked up in his head. Sophie is buried there somewhere, shouting from the bottom of the list of priorities even if she's at the top of his matches. He guesses that's the reason he can't stand the thought of a Winnowing Gala: he has other things to worry about.

Things like building this world from the bottom up. Things like Alden's expectations ("You'd make a good councillor someday, Fitz, don't you think?") and the Elite Levels coming up after the break and how to deal with Keefe fitting back into his life as if he'd never fucking left in the first place.

Things like going back to normal when Fitz doesn't think he knows how to.

Or maybe something has emerged, this pit in his stomach, keeping him from sitting still, from getting a full night's sleep. He feels like he's in the Princess and the Pea story that Sophie had told him one day for some trust exercise, only there's no Prince Charming to marry him later and rescue him, tell him it was all a trick. Tell him it's not his fault that the pea was under there, and it makes him better, special to be in a place where his feet don't touch the ground and he would still lose sleep over a rock in his shoe.

But the idea of Prince Charming just makes the pit grow a little larger.

...

Fitz opens the door and immediately wishes he'd kept it closed.

"Hey..." he says as if he hasn't been avoiding her for a week. His eyes dart to her right hand, where she grips a scroll so tightly her knuckles turn white. Fitz winces. "How are you?"

"Great," she snaps, and pushes past him into the room. His eyes widen with shock as she goes into his desk and finds what she's looking for immediately in the top drawer. He's unrolled it so many times that it comes open without her having to hold it there.

And there it is: Sophie Foster, right at the top. His number one match. Laid bare.

She thrusts her own list into his hands, and he unrolls it to see his name at the top of hers. Fitz Vacker. The handwriting matches on both papers. He hates cruel jokes, especially ones the universe plays on him.

"So this is why you've been avoiding me," Sophie says, hands on her hips. But her eyes flicker, stuck in her own internal battle, and he can't help but wonder whether he's the only one reconsidering. The only difference is that she doesn't allow herself the chance to think before she decides what she wants.

"I didn't..." He hesitates. Then, only lying a little, "I wanted to wait until you got yours."

"What, were you hoping it might be a mistake?" she scoffs, and despite the confidence she's grown into as a leader over the past year of fighting the Neverseen, her voice falters.

"I mean..." Fitz takes a step closer, and she searches his eyes with her own. "I want this. I told you I want it to be you. That—" (is this what I want?) his voice shudders— "hasn't changed. Has it changed for you?"

And she pauses. Right there, by the way she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, reaching up and then forcing her hand away from her eyelashes, he knows that she's lying when she says, "It hasn't changed for me. I do want this."

Breathe, Fitz. The world keeps spinning. Biana is a room away from him but her words, her comfort can't reach him right now. He's dizzy, out of control, maybe a little reckless.

So he reaches for Sophie's hand. She lets him take it, lets him pull apart her clenched fists to thread their fingers together. She stares at it for a moment: dark skin to pale, the freckles on the back of her hand and his ragged nails bitten down to the quick. Fitz's hands shake slightly, and he hopes she doesn't notice as he takes another step.

"Can I kiss you, then?" The words spill out before he can stop them. He wants this. He wants— what does he want?

A leader, Alden tells him constantly, is not indecisive.

I want it to be you.

Sophie swallows. Her palm is sweaty in his, her gaze shifting away so she doesn't meet his eyes. "Yes. And—" Her fingers twitch at her sides— "you definitely want this, too?"

"Yes," he says. She takes in a breath and nods.

So he does what he's supposed to.

He cups her cheek with nervous fingers and leans in close, close enough that her breath warms his cheeks and he starts thinking about lips and how close they are to touching but he wants this, he's wanted this since Alluveterre, since cognates began meaning more, since Keefe started the jokes about staring into each other's eyes and he realized that Sophie did have pretty eyes, and her hair was kind of nice and he liked the way her smile brightened her face and crinkled her forehead and— why does he need convincing?

Why have they stopped moving? Why are they frozen like this, close and far, right and wrong, fixed and broken?

Sophie backs out first, their lips half an inch away from touching. Her cheeks are flushed and she stumbles away from Fitz's fingers with a stunned, almost disappointed look on her face even though she was the one who said yes and now she's the one saying no, repeating it over and over again. "Oh, god," she mumbles. Then, louder, "What the hell am I doing?"

Fitz waits to feel the sting of rejection.

But instead, much more painful: relief?

"I thought you wanted to?" he has to ask, letting his hand that had been warm against her cheek fall back to his side. He stuffs it into his pocket.

"Maybe I don't know what I want," she whispers.

It is easy, he thinks in the haze of his mind, to be hated and loved at the same time. But it is significantly harder to hate someone for what they represent and love who they are at the same time.

And he does.

He's supposed to love her.

Fitz wants things back to golden. He hates this shade of gray as much as he hates the stupid lists sitting on his desk.

Battles are so much easier when blood is spilled instead of feelings. He's supposed to be so much better at this, at loving her, at saying what he thinks. "I want it to be you." He says it again, repeats it a third time like that'll make it any more true.

Sophie shakes her head and takes a step back. "You don't mean that."

"Who else could I want?" he asks instead of the question that's been swimming around in his head since he first saw her name at the top, in the ideal.

Who else could I want? he says, instead of What if I don't want anyone at all?

[asexual-juliet]

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m just supposed to end up alone,” Dex says softly as he watches the tide go out.

“What do you mean?” Keefe asks, and it’s softer, kinder than Dex might have expected it to be.

“I don’t think I—” he starts. “I don’t know. I don’t—”

Here, he cuts himself off again. “I don’t know how to explain,” he says softly.

for @gay-otlc and @xanadaus’s KOTLC aromantic week 2023!!

[kotlc-theme-weeks]

kotlc theme weeks 2023

masterposts linked once the week is over

January

Keefitz week: 7-13 | masterpost

Tiertice week: 22-29 | masterpost @tiertice-week-2023

February

Finitar week: 5-11 | masterpost

Aro week: 19-26 | masterpost

March

Gradaline week: 12-18 | masterpost @gradaline-week

April

Song twins week: 16-24 | prompts @song-twins-week

May

Brant day: 1

Villain week: 13-20 | prompts @kotlcvillainweek

June

Keeper pride month: 1-30 | prompts @kotlcpridemonth2023

July

Keefex week: 9-15 | prompts @keefex-week

August

Neverseen Extravaganza 1-10 | prompts @neverseen-extravaganza

Four horsegirls week: 20-26 | prompts @4-horsegirls-week-2023

September

Kam week: 7-14 | prompts @kamweek2023

October

Keeptober: 1-31 | prompts @keeptober

November

Fedex week 1-7 | prompts @fedex-week-2023

December

Sofitz week 3-9 | prompts

Delivvy week 10-16 | prompts @delivvy-week-dec-2023

Secret Santa 20-27 |

[dracereads]

🌎🚲 Mid-year Reflection on my 2022 Reading Journey

🌃 tagged by @thecasualbookreviewer; It might be titled a little differently than what you tagged me in. A freak-out reminds me too much of cram and grind culture. I read for fun and enjoyment, not to tick the little boxes. As cliche as it is, it's all about the journey and not the destination. It's about the acquisition of brain worms of which I have farmed many this year.

📚Amount of books you’ve read so far

Please hold I need to actually go count because I haven't in awhile. I'm back it's 43.

📚Best book you’ve read so far in 2022

This is such a difficult question. There were so many good books that I read this year. I feel like I have favorites in different categories like this is an awards ceremony. fffs. Overall, I'm going to go with Scum Villain because it's been just a general good source of brain worms this year. The bees have ate well over that book. If you want to send me fake categories and ask based on that, always game. 📚Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2022

I mean. I've read concurrent sequels (books published in multiple volumes) but I don't count those. Because they're all one story told in multiple parts. As for Sequel sequels... I know absolutely nothing is going to top Husband Materials. Even though I haven't read it yet. LOL.

📚New release you haven’t read yet, but want to

I'd like to read I kissed Sarah Wheeler by Casey Mcquistion because it's her junior novel. I'd like to see how it differentiates between the two others before. I haven't gotten to the Fae Keeper duology yet and that's on my list really high. As well as like. Heaven Official's Blessing III which I haven't gotten around to because I'm not ready to hurt quite yet this week. 📚Most anticipated release for the second half of the year 2ha on my birthday. Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn. Aiden Thomas (Cemetary boys) has a new duology starting in September. Golden Terrace in November. Husband Materials on Tuesday. uhhh. Mushroom II in late august even though my physical got delayed until September. So I'll have to get an ebook if I want to read it. So MANY. Glitterland's re-release in Jan. kdfdffkf 📚Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

well, this year it has really been Alexis Hall. My goal is to be done with all of his books by the end of 2022 so I can eagerly await the: *goes to his website to count* 6 books he's got scheduled for 2023?? man is prolific and I am jealous.

also I fell in love with S.A. Cosby in the same way as I did David Heska Wanbli Weidan this year. I believe DHWW has more books coming out soonish. Also excited for those. 📚Biggest surprise Little Mushroom still holds the biggest shocker for me this year. Because I AM SALTY ABOUT IT AND I WILL NOT BE SILENCED. 📚Book that made you happy

SVSSS, Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat, One Last Stop, A lady for a Duke, Pansies. These are all frequent brain worm topics on nights where my brain bees won't be quiet and let me sleep.

📚Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character:

aro ace here. I don't really do crushes. I just have a lot of fictional children. Newest fictional child is Luo Binghe and Xie Lian. As well as maybe Violet from Dark Rise. Luo Binghe: The protagonist who deserved none of his bullshit ever despite some of the horrible things he did. Did not deserve the absolute trashing the plot gave him in Volume 3.

Xie Lian: Local Tired Grandpa with a traumatic past just wants to collect his trash in peace, and both divine realms have decided he will not do that. More news at 11. Violet: Local mixed girl gets harassed by the plot. Absolutely doesn't deserve it. You will be hearing from my unethical treatment of fictional characters lawyer. this is a joke I swear to god.

📚Book that made you cry:

Honey Girl got me GOOD during Grace Porter's mental breakdown. Been there grace. Been there so hard girlie.

Most recently I was in HYSTERICS over This Way Out. Full on ugly inconsolable crying for like 10 minutes over. well. His family is conservative and Muslim, they reject his gay marriage. But what's worse is his fiancee's family is very white and doesn't understand the stigma and the culture. and they just. so neatly wrap up Amar's family into a judgemental little package. and he's just like. "nope they may be assholes but they are my family and they deserve respect because despite THEIR actions I still LOVE them because they are worthy of LOVE." and it just made me grapple with a lot of complicated feelings I have revolving around my own queerness and family issues. Just a very strong gut punch of complications.

📚Most beautiful book you’ve bought or received this year so far:

have you seen Heaven Official's Blessing's Cover art?? especially for volume three??? fdskfsdf or like. Pale Moon Reflected in the Water?? sdlkjff

📚Book you need to read by the end of the year: KD Edward's Tarot Sequence Books The rest of the Alexis Hall booksets. These are the only books that I am going to REQUIRE myself to finish. Otherwise I'm getting FUNKY with it. No rules.

tagging: free tag from me here. If you want a specific @ I will certainly edit you in.

[camelspit]

qpr filinh my beloved <3 anyway happy aro week! :)

@skylilac @callas-pancake-tree @arson-anarchy-death @steal-nightmares-leave-dreams @abubble125 @purplesoup-lad-le @gay-otlc @thefoxysnake @keeper-of-the-lost-dadwin @oracle-cookies @ravs6709 @kamikothe1and0lny @you-have-been-frizzled @presidentroarie @cowboypossume @even-if-in-another-time @that-glasses-dog @katniss-elizabeth-chase @nyxpixels @slozhnos @sofia-not-sophie @treehouse-arson @lemon-girl-in-devil-town @three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat

[gay-otlc]

Vacker Legacy

The Vacker Legacy is to be ruined by the matchmaking system.

ao3

Being a Vacker means that matchmaking is an expectation. Not even an expectation, really, more of a requirement. No one in the family can escape it, no matter how much they might want to. The consequences of trying to escape are… severe.

Her mom never talks about it, but being a Vanisher comes with the perks of easily eavesdropping. So she knows about Livvy. She’s heard the conversations Della and Livvy have when they think they’re alone; Della saying she loves Livvy, but she can’t leave Alden, can’t become a match fail . And Livvy, her voice dripping with disdain, saying Della hasn’t changed at all, that she’s a coward, too afraid to be happy.

Della didn’t deny it, and Biana still hasn’t told her she overheard.

She knows that this need to be a good match, this Vacker Legacy , is the reason her mom and Livvy can’t be happy.

She also knows how the matchmaking system ruined Alvar. She hadn’t even needed to eavesdrop as a Vanisher to know this. The screaming matches between him and Alden were so loud . She’d been much younger, then, but she still remembers it clearly. Alvar had confessed that he’d fallen in love with someone Alden wouldn’t approve of. A criminal. A wayward. A boy .  And Alden told him that it didn’t matter if he loved Ruy. He needed to uphold the family’s reputation. Needed to find a good match.

Unlike Della, Alvar hadn’t let the pressure of the Vacker Legacy push him into an unhappy marriage.

It did push him to join the Neverseen, though, which isn’t any better.

And now Fitz. He and Sophie had liked each other for so long, had been so happy when they finally confessed. But Sophie was unmatchable, and Fitz couldn’t be a bad match. So they broke up.

Biana had been terrified that she, just like her mother and like Alvar and like Fitz, would fall in love with the wrong person, and the matchmaking system would tear them apart. She slowly realized that there’s no risk of this happening. Because Biana can’t fall in love with the wrong person but she can’t fall in love with the right person either, because she can’t fall in love with anyone at all. That might be worse.

When her parents asked her about going to the matchmakers, Biana had mumbled a confession that she doesn’t want to get married. Ever.

To her surprise, Alden had only nodded approvingly. “You want to be a Councillor, then. Ambitious, but I’m sure if you work hard, you can get there.”

That’s it, then. The only acceptable reason for a Vacker not to marry a good match is if they join the Council. Biana is caught between two terrible options; marrying someone she doesn’t love, can’t love, or taking a job she’d be miserable in.

She does have a third option. Saying fuck the Vacker Legacy and having a job she wants and never getting married. Shattering expectations. Disappointing the family.

That’s not really an option, though, is it?

[gay-otlc]

Not Alone

Wylie talks to Tam and realizes he's not alone in being aromantic.

ao3

Wylie hadn’t expected to be interrupted. Glimmer is in her bedroom, probably asleep, and the twins are in theirs. His dads are still out on their date. So Wylie has taken this opportunity to drink an unwise amount of coffee and start on that Team Valiant paperwork he’s been avoiding all week. It’s not fun.

Why did he even decide to work for the council? He hates the council. And he hates paperwork.

So he hadn’t expected to be interrupted, but Tam’s presence is a very welcome interruption.

It is the middle of the night, though, which is kind of concerning. He studies Tam’s expression. “You okay? Nightmares?”

Tam huffs. “I’d almost prefer the nightmares at this point. At least then I’d be able to get some sleep. Linh has been on a call with her girlfriends for like, two hours, and they won’t shut up. She’s so annoying. Linh is so annoying when it comes to those three.” Tam pauses for a moment, and then sighs heavily. “I’m kind of jealous that she has… that. A relationship.”

This is a topic that Wylie is highly unqualified to give advice about. “You don’t… is there someone you wish you had that with?”

“No, there’s no one I’m interested in.” Wylie exhales in relief. He did not want to hear Tam talk about a crush. “There never has been. I honestly don’t think there ever will be.”

“Oh!” 

The surprise is clear in Wylie's voice; he hasn’t known anyone like him before. Hadn’t known there were other people like him. But Tam must have interpreted his surprise as rejection rather than excitement, because his expression darkens. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he mutters.

“Nothing is wrong with you,” Wylie says, and it’s almost laughable how firmly he believes that to be true about Tam, when he still can’t quite believe it about himself. 

Tam stares at the floor. “I- I hate that I’m proving people right. The people who think I’m broken because I’m a twin and the people who think I’m evil and heartless because I’m a Shade. I don’t want them to be right, but-”

“They aren’t! Don’t say that about yourself. You’re not broken, you’re just… different.” Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite. “And you’re not heartless. You care about people so much. You joined the fucking Neverseen to protect Linh, of course you’re not heartless. You don’t need to be able to fall in love to be a good person, Tam.”

He’s silent for a while. Wylie wonders if he’s overstepped. But finally, barely audible, Tam says “I. Um. Thanks.”

Wylie grins at him, relieved that his words had been helpful. “Of course. No one’s allowed to talk shit about my brother.”

My brother.

He doesn’t really think about it, just says it casually. It’s taken a while for the two of them to feel like family; they’d gotten off to a somewhat rocky start, between Tam’s reluctance to trust people who aren’t Linh and Wylie’s reluctance to get close to anyone in case he loses them too. But Tam trusts him now- at least, Wylie hopes he does- and Wylie has gotten close to him, and Tam’s his brother.

Hopefully saying it out loud hasn’t made Tam uncomfortable.

Tam freezes, and Wylie immediately regrets it. But then he smiles and rolls his eyes, affectionate. “I can talk shit about myself if I want.”

“Nope. You can’t. I make the rules.”

Tam sticks his tongue out, and Wylie laughs and wraps an arm around his shoulders. They sit in silence for a while, and Wylie thinks about everything he told Tam.

He doesn’t doubt it at all. Tam doesn’t need to fall in love to be a good person. 

And, he supposes, he doesn’t either, but that’s harder to believe.

A voice that sounds suspiciously like his dad’s fills his head; Wylie, stop being so hard on yourself. You need to give yourself with the same kindness you give to everyone else.

It’s very annoying, but his Inner Tiergan is right; he needs to give himself the same kindness he’s giving Tam.

Tam’s not broken for this, and neither is he.

“I’m like you,” Wylie says, breaking the silence. He’s surprised at how easily the words slip out. He hasn’t talked about this with anyone else, always shrugging off his friends’ questions about match lists and never raising the subject with his dads. They’ve always known better than to pressure Wylie about relationships, so it’s just… never come up, aside from the time Tiergan stumbled through a horribly awkward sex talk that left them both wishing for the floor to swallow them. 

He’s never told anyone before, but he knows Tam will understand, and he wants to be honest with his brother. Plus, it had helped Wylie to know he wasn’t alone in this. Maybe it’ll help Tam too.

“You are?”

Wylie nods. “Yeah. I know people are usually happy with a partner, but I don’t think I would be. I’ve never found anyone I felt that way about.”

“You never mentioned.”

Maybe he should have. Maybe if he’d said something, Tam would have known sooner that he wasn’t broken. “I was- I didn’t know how to talk about it. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Why me?”

“Before today, I thought I was the only person like this. I guess I’m not.”

“I thought I was the only one too,” Tam admits. “I’m glad I’m not.”

Maybe it’s good that Wylie’s like this. It did give him something to bond with his brother over. And like he told Tam, he doesn’t think he’d be happy with a partner, anyway.

He’s happy with his family.

That’s enough.

[cogaytes]

Title: you've got heart

Prompt: "Council"

Wordcount: 1031

Summary:

"It wasn't the fear of being rejected for my body, no. I've just never…felt that way about anyone." He laughs softly, shaking his head. "All these centuries of living, and it seems I'm incapable of loving. Some days I begin to think Sophie was right, and there is something a little broken—a little monstrous—in me." He stares at the rose-colored carpet under their feet as he spits that last admission out, like he can't even bear to look Oralie in the eye for fear of seeing agreement in her expression.

"No," Oralie insists, and surprises even herself with how forcefully she says it. "I know exactly what you mean?"

---

or, bronte and oralie discover something else they have in common. written for day 3 of keeper aromantic week, inspired by the prompt "council."

Warnings: none!

read on ao3!

big thanks to @gay-otlc and @xanadaus for hosting!

[gay-otlc]

Colors

Aro Oralie! Let's pretend this isn't a couple days late lmao

ao3

As an Empath, Oralie has learned that love feels different for every person. It’s not a single emotion, not even a group of emotions similar enough to fall under the same category. There are infinite ways to love, infinite colors it can appear as.

And somehow, despite all the options, Oralie can’t quite bring herself to feel love in the same vibrant, adoring, romantic way that she can sense everyone around her feeling. 

Sometimes the love she feels from other people is violet, deep and calm. Or blue; it can build up and fade away like the waves of the ocean, but it never truly leaves. On occasion, Oralie will come across someone whose love is tinted green, heavy with grief. It’s depressing to feel the loss that comes with their love, but it’s rare, and there are other colors of love that bring a smile to Oralie’s face. Some love in bright shades of yellow or orange, a sunrise and a sunset and the promise of wanting to live through each day by their side. 

Kenric’s love is red, burning with passion, and she wishes she could return the feeling. Wishes she felt it too; a vast, unrestrained kind of longing hotter than the sun. She wishes she could want him, like he wants her, wants her enough to sacrifice anything for her.

Oralie wishes she could love that intensely.

But Oralie’s love isn’t intense or vast or passionate. It’s not quite like anyone else’s; not bright, not deep, not permanent, not even sorrowful with the kind of mourning that only comes from a strong love. Her love is dull, and grey, and it’s there but it’s not powerful or romantic or clearly defined like she wants it to be. 

Oralie can feel all the colors of love from everyone else, she knows how it’s supposed to feel.

It just doesn’t feel that way for her.

[gay-otlc]

Machine

Loveless Dex feat. a lot of projection! Content warning for internalized arophobia and stuff

ao3

Sometimes, Dex wishes he could take himself apart like one of his gadgets. Study how he works, examine all the cogs and gears that make him Dex . He wishes he could look at the wiring in his brain long enough to finally understand what goes on in his head. His thoughts and feelings- well, feelings doesn’t quite seem like the right word, he thinks he doesn’t quite feel emotions like other people, like maybe he’s just a little bit off. Maybe if he could take himself apart like a gadget, he’d know why .

It’s easier to think of himself as a machine than a person. Person fits like one of the appearance-changing elixirs his father taught him how to make. He likes it, he wants to be seen that way, wants to see himself that way, but if he’s honest… it’s not him. He doesn’t quite feel like a person.

He feels like a machine that has something slightly wrong with it. Maybe there’s a wire out of place. Maybe there’s a typo in his code. Maybe there’s a battery in him that needs to be charged. Maybe there’s a screw that isn’t fastened properly. There are a lot of maybes, and no certain answers, but there’s something wrong with him.

He wishes he knew what. He wishes he could take himself apart and examine this malfunctioning machine, identify the problem, and figure out a solution. But he can’t.

Maybe there’s no solution. Maybe there’s no way to fix this problem.

Dex wishes he could take his heart, pull it apart. Put it back together so that it works, because right now, there’s an error. There’s an error and he can’t love. He comes close, sometimes, enough to care about people, but not close enough for love . It doesn’t work right.

He doesn’t work right.

Dex isn’t a person, he’s a machine, and a flawed one at that. 

[asexual-juliet]

2023 fic roundup

thank you so much to @purgeshubble for the tag!! it's been a slow fucking year but I published 10,917 words. My stats seem to decrease exponentially every year but I don't really mind because I started my ao3 account in 10th grade and definitely made a shift in like 2021 from writing kind of shitty fic that took me a short amount of time for huge fandoms (stranger things lmfao) to writing better-crafted, more time-consuming fics for unpopular fandoms that I care much more deeply about!

I only published 6 fics this year but here they are!!

January: Neptune Drowns His Children Veronica Mars; Kendall & Dick Post Not-Pictured, Kendall takes charge. Wrote this one in the midst of my crazy girl once-again-thinking-about-Cassidy-Casabalancas VM rewatch era and it shows!!

February: the way i love the ocean Keeper of the Lost Cities; queerplatonic Dex & Keefe Dex & Keefe talk about love. Dipped my toe back into the fandom for KOTLC aro week and am so glad I did! Aro Dex was such a revelation that I needed to write something down and this was a wonderful reason to do so!

April: Version of Love The Adventure Zone: Balance; aroace Lucretia & aspects Magnus Lucretia & Magnus talk about love (are you sensing a theme here?) Of the many Lucretia thoughts that rattled around my brain during my first listen through of TAZ Balance, these were the only ones that I could put into words!! she's aro <3

June: making yourself up as you go along The Adventure Zone: Amnesty; trans Duck Duck Newton grows up. this was so very fun to write!! I should think about amnesty more tbh.

July: Something About Love The Bear; aroace Carmy Carmy Berzatto learns to love. Definitely my favorite fic I wrote this year!! something soooo cathartic about aroace Carmy and something even more cathartic about writing it all down!!

October-December (ongoing): turning west towards san francisco We Are Not Free one-word prompt collection! this one has been super fun and has really helped me to just write and remember that the length of a piece is irrelevant!

half of these were about being aroace <3 I think I've successfully developed a brand <3 <3 <3