#keep in mind i also havent updated my game in a long while

[theambivalentagender]

@studentinpursuitofclouds So I have this massive Shane dialogue mod that I've put all dialogue I like from other mods into and randomized for each day so I don't have conflicts.

Which is to say I can't be 100% sure what mod this is from but I'm 80% sure its from Immersive Shane? Either that or Canon Dialogue Expanded.

The outfit is from Seasonal Outfits though I also use some outfits from the Marnie/Jas/Shane Diverse Stardew Valley Seasonal mod.

[sexysilverstrider]

can i say something? i wanna laugh and i wanna say why. see over the past years, i tend to follow some otome accs to be updated on trends. and of course by following n keeping track on these accs, of course im sometimes forced to see and read opinions that i may or may not agree. of course being a rational adult i tend to either ignore the different opinions or just block for my peace of mind. but what i learn the most based on past experiences is that not everyone will share the same universal experience

take henris tragic end in piofiore 1926. people hated it and were scarred by it since im one of the people who got psychic damage from orloks tragic end in piofire, naturall i was scared.

but when i played henris infamous end? laughed and clapped and cheered. enjoyed tf out of the end lmaoooo. i was a bit sad at the others fates but i enjoyed the cg and henri n lilianas fates. sad but i love angst

now the one tragic end i DO hate is tokisadas 1st?? 2nd?? bad end??? the one with kanan doing the netorare. i hate ntr i hate cuckhold i hate cheating tropes so ofc that gave me psychic damage i spedran the second i realize what was going on. now ive seen people love that n u know what sure u do u

people however hated himukas 2nd tragic end where the blue haired son of a bitch raped byakuya in her comatose. the blue haired kid was like what??? 12?? 13??? ofc shotacon isnt much of peoples alley so naturally they get disgusted

personally for me, it wasnt bad enough to traumatize me. i remembered saying "oh, thats it?" like okay lol

which brings me to the next apparently universal agreement: peters spicy end in cupid parasite sweet n spicy darling

keep in mind. havent played yet. planning to make peter my final boy. loved him in the 1st game and love him still. so imagine my surprise when ive seen people HATE his spicy end. not only that, but ive seen warnings by other otome accounts about how his spicy end shouldnt even be played. now the spicy end in the sequel is considered bad ends. here i was fearing what it was.

cheating/ntr? they already did tht in shelbys route (sad but eli YUMMY)

voyeurism? they did tht in ryukis route lol tht took mw off guard

yandere?? thats gils thing

rauls was tht they couldnt get married yet n while im still doing allans route, im gonna assume theyre on long distance or something. which leaves the question: what is peters spicy end thats so bad???

spoiler: anthro sex. its literally anthro sex. i havent seen the cg or scene but i put 2 n 2 together n after reading a small spoiler from 1 acc, its. anthro sex. im assuming peter turned into some sort of animal beast n fucked lynette??? okay????

BITCH THAT IS HOT AND THAT IS MY SHIT LMAOOOOOO u are talking to a person who has a crush on literal pokemon (its blaziken n hisuian zoroark btw take note), plays animal crossing games like its a dating game(kyle is my husband take note also), and has read some anthro smut mangas. you telling me a lil bit of faux bestiality is what people see as traumatizing???? in an 18+ game???? HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[tooruluv]

Kozume Kenma x F!Reader x Tetsurou Kuroo ( part 5 )

❝ i’m right here, when are you going to realize that i’m your cure, heartbreak girl? ❞

description: kozume kenma didn’t know the exact day in which he realized that he was in love with you. he knew very well that it was sometime after your first “hello”, but the exact moment got whisked away in the many memories that included you. the problem was, though, that you were in love with and in a serious relationship with the boy he claimed as a best friend.

genre: angst, pining, unrequited love, (characters are aged up as the story continues)

word count: 1.5k

warnings/notes: swearing, all of the characters are aged up in this one, everyone is staring university !! i am so sorry for the short part, i wanted to update this. it’s a filler chapter for next part (which is pretty long and i havent even written all of it yet)

prev | next

“ i fell in your arms tonight ”

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

Kozume Kenma hadn’t seen nor heard from you in a while. 

After the beach house, it was graduation. And that was it. He had watched you from afar at Nekoma’s graduation, had adored you in that gorgeous dress that you wore for pictures. 

With the third years gone and both of you starting your last year of high school, neither of you had a reason to see each other. Kenma didn’t play his last year of volleyball, instead opted to watch from the stands and focus on starting to stream his gaming.

You were focusing on your finals and entrance exams, and on occasion visited Kuroo at his university. He was rooming with Bokuto, so it was a two in one deal when you went. They were happy to sneak you in to stay the night, too.

It was as if when Kuroo left, there was a wall built between your friendship.

Kenma’s online popularity grew quite rapidly. It was almost overwhelming how incredibly fast he had a following, how quickly people rushed to his streams and asked for his socials.

He didn’t mind. He liked to game; and honestly, a lot of their advice helped him beat levels. 

It wasn’t something that he wanted to have as a career, which is why he applied to university as a business major. As much as he loved gaming, it wasn’t the only thing he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to do more.

While streaming one day after school, one of his followers had asked him “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Kenma read the comment out loud, rolling his eyes, “I don’t think that matters.”

The mystery of his personal life made him gain even more popularity, it seemed.

You set the coffee down on the edge of the table, rolling your shoulders. 

You had been studying for hours when Keiji Akaashi arrived to sit in front of you. It was kind of random, your friendship with him. He was Bokuto’s best friend, and you were Bokuto’s best friend’s girlfriend. It was like having a cousin you kind of knew but not really.

Either way, Akaashi had become your saving grace since starting your final year. 

“We have a volleyball game tomorrow.” Akaashi said as he handed you a bagel. “You should come, support the team.”

You smiled. “Yeah, I would love to.” 

You found Koutarou Bokuto at the game, sporting old gear and his famous smile. It was incredibly different to find him in the stands instead of on the court.

“If it isn’t Bokuto himself.” You smiled as you stood next to him. He searched for only a second to find you, pushing you playfully with his hand. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked. “I thought you didn’t watch our games.”

“Akaashi invited me.” You offered him a sip of your concessions soda. He accepted.

“I’m excited to see Hinata.” He handed you your drink back, even though he drank most of it. “His quick attack has only improved.”

“You’re not wrong.” You chuckled. 

Bokuto put his arm around your shoulder and cheered as they announced the starting line up, happily exclaiming for his best friend. You cheered, too. 

“Hey, I’m sorry for telling Kuroo about Kenma.” He told you in a low voice. Despite the loud cheers, you heard him. 

“It’s fine.” You shrugged. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“That’s hurtful.” He started to move his arm from your shoulders, but you put your hand on his to keep it in place. 

“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” You said. “I haven’t even talked to Kenma, and I haven’t had a fight with Kuroo since. I was just saying.. I shouldn’t have burdened you with that big of a secret.”

“I am an awful secret keeper.”

You laughed. “Yeah, you are.”

Kozume Kenma watched from a distance. He was wearing one of Hinata’s hoodies in an attempt to blend into the Karasuno side. 

Hinata had invited him to their game. He had no idea that he would find you in the crowd. You never went to your own games.

Kenma bit the inside of his mouth.

In all truth, you missed Kenma.

It didn’t matter how awkward it would be. It didn’t matter how much guilt you resided in your rejection. You missed him. You missed going to him for little things. You missed sitting on his beanbag and watching him play whatever game he was playing that day. You missed late night phone calls and facetimes. You missed meeting up at the asscrack of dawn to get ramen while the entire world was still asleep. You missed your head in his lap. You missed him.

You missed your best friend.

And, in truth, he missed you too.

He missed everything about you. He missed your smell, how sweet you always seemed to smell even in the early mornings. He missed how he didn’t mind your touch. He missed your smile. He even missed when you would complain about Kuroo to him. He missed you.

As his best friend’s girlfriend or not. In love with you or not. You were his best friend, and he missed you.

Kozume Kenma’s streams were the highlight of his day. Without Kuroo’s everyday nagging, he didn’t spend a lot of time talking to others. His social stats were at their lowest.

Streaming was his main form of communication. He loved talking to his followers and fans, thanking them for their subs and reading comments.

His username was “applepi”, which was what he always used for his user for everything. With that, his fans called him “pi”. It was ugly as shit but it was better than “cat boy” or some bullshit pet name.

They knew his actual name, too, and he told them that once he started university, he would also post a face reveal and start streaming with a facecam. It was a strategy and also a fun way to create some mystery as to who he was. 

hey pi, when do u start uni ?? someone had asked.

Kenma, who was playing and trying to read some of the flooding comments at the same time, replied, “When do I start university? In two weeks. I got accepted into my first choice, so that’s pretty exciting. I’m sure you all will be patiently waiting for my facecam.”

A new rush of comments rolled in, congratulating him on his acceptance and excitement for his face reveal. 

His mind was still on you at the volleyball game.

Turns out, you got accepted into the same university as Kenma.

You didn’t know it at the time, of course, because you had no idea which one he wanted to go to. But you did.

Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma, and you would all be going to the same school. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. You had to stop your hands from shaking as you packed your bags.

You were a bundle of nerves.

You wondered if that was what Kenma felt like before he told you that he loved you. If that was the same feeling.

As you packed, you found Kuroo’s old red hoodie that he told you to keep when he saved you from your parents at the beginning of your relationship.

It had been over a year since then, you reminded yourself.

Knocking interrupted Kozume Kenma, making him jump slightly in his chair. He hadn’t started his daily stream yet, he had only just started to set up, so he headed to the door.

Of all the things he was expecting, he was not expecting to see you standing on his doorstep. He was not expecting to find your eyes on his, rimmed in tears and redness, and he feared that he was imagining the sight in front of him.

“Hi.” He said against the silence. 

“Me and Kuroo broke up.” You said as a greeting. 

Kenma didn’t have a second thought before he stepped aside to let you in. He didn’t think before tweeting to his followers that he would not be streaming that day. He didn’t think before pulling you into his arms and allowing you to cry against his chest.

Because love does a lot of things, but it doesn’t go away with mere silence.

tag list: @elianetsantana @sazunari @jennasquishy8 @chao01248 @alysken @cinnamonruts @paradisebabey @kikikittykis @yatoatyourservice​

[taichissu]

In light of the eng a3 server getting shut down, do you have any (preferably mobile) game recs besides the jp server? Hope you have a great day :)

i'm not the right person to ask that bc i mostly just rotate between 5 apps nndbfbdnnf

keep in mind i dont really like games like a3 which are wholly story-driven and have no actual gameplay other than card collection, so you're gonna have to ask someone else for recommendations on that, but if you're open minded here's some recs from me

rhythm games:

love live is a long-running franchise so there's A LOT of content and many various characters to work with, the game is rather polished, if not a little cluttered bc of the updates over all those years, the gacha mechanism has become very generous too so thats refreshing, and as for songs you can find music of various genres but all within similar quality so its nice, i would consider the art style its biggest flaw, but we cant have everything

project sekai is fairly fresh (the en servers were just opened in december) and i very much prefer the gameplay of it to love live sif, it feels very clean and satisfying to play, the art style is also lovely, as is the music which additionally gives many great indie producers a better platform, the worst thing about it is the gacha though (the odds arent very high and the pity system is as ridiculous as on a3)

titles i dont play regularly but still think are fun: arcaea, dynamix, uta no prince sama, deemo

team-building games:

love live school idol festival all stars is a spinoff of sif, it focuses mostly on building your team and making your girls stronger, the gacha is pretty generous in my opinion, as it tends to be in this franchise, i find art much better here than in sif, the MVs are a lovely part of this game, a HUGE plus of this game is how easy it is, sometimes you just need to play a game casually and still do well bc you cant afford to use upore of your energy (i can assure you you can get every event UR just by doing your dailies, ive done so multiple times before)

revue starlight re:live is a very addictive team-building game which i'm pretty sure was based of magia record, the mechanics of it are the exact same so if you've played magia record you know what to do; you collect stage girls, make them stronger and fight monsters/other stage girls, i have to say i pretty much only play this game because of nana and fumi anymore; the gacha and the related to it pvp are awfully unfair and unbalanced, the game keeps releasing new game-breaking girls every few days and it's simply impossible to pull every single banner if you're f2p, so pretty much everyone in pvp ranks above S is p2w

grand chase is another one that i havent played in a while but its a huge comfort game, the music is super nostalgic and the modern re-designs of all my favorite characters are so high tier

thats it for my main apps and now on to time-killers if youre not bored yet

idle games my guilty pleasure:

masketeers has been my most recent addiction, the art style is lovely and its not littered with ads whenever you touch your screen, their there but its Actually optional

other idles i used to play a lot but i took a break and now the sole thought of opening the app fills me with unreasonable dread: legends of idleon (top tier), afk arena, pet idle

other games i dont know how to categorize but good games for killing time: evan's remains, data wing, fantasyxrunners, magic survival, meow tower, old friends dog game, post knight, sky children of the light, sonic forces running battle, world flipper, zen koi

[liathgray]

oh no im doing ok (its writing anon😩💜💜) i just got into zelda and have spent the last,,,, few months?????? playing the three (3) zelda games my family owns and watching lets plays/playthrus/speedruns so. . . ive got So Many new fic ideas and no energy to write them 😔 (and im part of a big bang for a diff fandom,,,, got a fic half finished for anOther fandom,,, got q continuation for q one shot i wrote over q yr ago in mind 😬😬😬) and also semesters starting (4 english classes,,,) so thats why i havent been sending any asks

but if i had to ask a writing question rn itd be how do you keep to schedules??? 🤔🤔🤔

im sure you can tell by my last asks that scheduling things and sticking to those schedules is??? an absolute nightmare, especially since ive got like 20mil other things i wanna do

or also like howre your recent outlines going??? 🤩🤩🤩 im still Absolutely Enamored by you using spreadsheets ngl akdhdjdk i just think its v sexy (platonic) of you

you dont have to answer! i just saw that other anon mention me qnd realized its been a While yknow? 💜💜💜 sorry its been so long 💜💜💜 also i love you and tell me in the sunshine caused me Physical Pain 💜💜💜

HEY WRITING ANON!! Good to hear from you darling and I’m glad you’re doing okay! Other than being busy with classes, I mean. Fic ideas you say... colour me curious!

For schedules, the best thing I think is to write ahead of time.

I always have my fics at LEAST half done before I start posting them so that I don’t have to take long pauses in between the updates.

For the day-to-day, I find having a goal helpful. Atm I have a goal of 1k a day just to keep the momentum up, even if some of it isn’t great and I rewrite or delete it later. Even if all you can get down is a few sentences, that’s still progress!

It doesn’t have to be word counts though. It could be starting or finishing a scene, getting to a certain moment, etc.

Writing on a schedule does take some discipline and of course no one is obligated to write but for me, personally, I like having a daily goal to reach. Some days I’m not particularly feeling it, so I take breaks. Some days I push through and it turns out well.

My outlines are alright I think! I’ve got the skeletons for three fics hashed out but I gotta build up all the arcs abd themes around the plot now so that’ll take a while. Thanks for asking!! It was nice to see ya again my dude feel free to drop in whenever MWAH

[wincore]

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔 

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

[wonwoonlight]

check in tag!✨

hellooo @chanberriees thank you for tagging me <3 hahaha its okay! dont feel embarrassed at least not with me💚

why did you choose your url ?

> it's wonwoo + moonlight :D my blog title has always been 'we under the moonlight' which is from got7's 3rd??? fanmeeting?? i think? so yeah i'd like to just mesh them tgt :D

do you have any sideblogs ?

> @starry-hannie in which i just pile up stuffs i've read just so my updates here wont get 'clogged' & its easier if i want to reread 🙈 tho i dont update it quite as often now bc i havent been in a reading mood in a while :/

how long have you been on tumblr ?

> a loooooooong time ago lol i used to look up dramione fics and a lot of other fics but i was never active and it's only recently that i am :D ((that said, i still do not know how to use tumblr properly))

do you have a queue tag ?

> nope! and, for the record, i keep my draft on ms words

why did you start your blog in the first place ?

> i've always been interested in writing tbh so i guess i kinda wanted to venture to tumblr tho it's only last year that i actuallly get to ~actively~ write

why did you choose your icon/pfp ?

> it's the ultimate superior wonu look nsdjnsjfb (plus i like the color scheme haha) i love it when he dresses like that so im still upset he only wore those outfit for like 10 seconds in gose

why did you choose your header ?

> i like the mood of it ^^ but also it's a subtle way to show i am also a blink bc it's a screen capture from stay mv hahah

what’s your post with the most notes ?

> uhh i think it's Wonwoo - Surprise which is surprising (haha) bc it was my first angst and my first fic that went pass 2k too i think? and i was SO sure it'd be bad but i still get notifs from it from time to time

how many mutuals do you have ?

> im... i dont know,,, i think 10 at most?? but only bc i have no idea how to interact here jsdfjhb and mostly i follow back ppl if they talk to me a few times haha

how many followers do you have ?

> 508..?? omg?? when did i reach 500 ajshdbshdb thank you so much guyss😭😭

how many people do you follow ?

> only 57 but again bc i have no idea how tumblr works and i just mostly follow either: ppl who posts abt svt gifs, writers that i like, ppl who interact a lot with my blog, or fic recs acc :D i dont mind following a lot of you tho i just dont know who to follow bc only a little interact a lot with me haha

have you ever made a shitpost ?

> a lot?????? if you consider me losing my mind over seventeen that is hahah

how often do you use tumblr each day ?

> nowadays? so often. i check it like i check twt and ig haha

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once ? who won ?

> no bc 1. i only know a handful of ppl 2. im the type of person who keeps things to myself haha

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts ?

> i dont mind them as long as you dont /force/ other ppl to do it to the point where they feel guilty if they dont

do you like tag games ?

> yesss! bc it's fun plus i get to know how you guys r doing haha

do you like ask games ?

> yupp, but it not a lot of ppl are interested in it and it's not like i can do it on my own right?? haha

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous ?

> uhhh, again, i dont hv a lot of mutuals... but maybe pj? @wonunuu :D

do you have a crush on a mutual ?

> Nopeee

tags?

> yooooo! @wonunuu @shuajeong and @lovingyu04 I hope you guys r doing fine and its totally fine not to do this if you don’t feel like it :D

[rogueshipagogo]

ppl have been asking me my opinions on space channel 5 vr... and i guess since i bought a vr headset off craigslist just so i could play it and speedrun it before work the day it came out... i should talk abt it now... i dont rly think i’ll be able to separate it into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things i think i’m just going to do a rambly stream of consciousness bc i have a headache... but i DO have good things to say abt this game... so st.... sta stay t tune  d

right off the bat, the thing i appreciate most abt this game- i like that space channel 5 vr doesnt have cash grab vibes. i Do genuinely believe that they Wanted to make this game For the people who are still obsessed with it, and that they ultimately did what they set out to do when they intended to scale certain aspects of the series up conceptually to match the way the fandom perceives it nowadays. but like i’ve said before... i’m not going to Disagree with the very common conclusion that it Needed to be longer, or at Least more intricate plot-wise. one of my fun and fresh excuses for sc5vr being as short as it is is because you arent really supposed to be playing vr games for too long anyways, its really disorienting and kinda painful, but even that doesn’t account for why so much of the game that we got is a rehash of old settings, concepts, songs, and characters. [i dont even have a problem with reusing old songs, i just think the ones they chose ended up being misleading]

for example i think it makes sense that the first report is a remake of the first games first report on the surface, it’s meant to take you back to the way the first game felt and give you an idea of what it means that the games classic scenery can be rendered in actual high quality detail now [same with the recurrence of events like encountering the space pirates in the asteroid belt/the last battle against a villain being singing to it about what it’s done wrong], but i really thought, like, report 1 was going to end up being a simulated scenario for the benefit of lou and kee’s training... which i dont think ended up being the case??? i think they really did write ‘ok here you are in the first game’s setting again, fighting the old enemies again, because... :^) ok have fun playing report 2!’

and then whats report 2... you fight another old boss from the first game... but theres Still no clear villain or motivation for anything thats happening... and there wont be until like... basically the end of the game...

like, glitter is a really cute character, but its kind of underwhelming that shes just a random citizen who was kidnapped by an entity that we NEVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT... like part 1 was extremely notable for being about corporate greed and corruption, part 2 honestly wasnt that political in comparison but at least made you do a think wrt purge’s motivation and his methods, and this game just has a plot device that feels like it’ll do smth but then ends up not doing anything beyond what we already learned about it from the information on its character bio before the game was out. if it turns out that cell x is actually relevant again in a future entry in the franchise and they do have a more developed concept for what cell x Is in mind, i’ll do an entire backflip, but for now its just chalked up to being the result of More Space Hijinks that dont need to be explained

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE ALLUSIONS TO CELL X BEING AN ENTITY THAT FEEDS OFF OF DANCE ENERGY... it had me thinking that there would have to be some New Method of fighting it off that didn’t just lend it more power in the process, but nah apparently just tacking on the disclaimer ‘*this dance energy is not for glitter’ is enough to turn it from smth it can consume for power into big attacks you can use to kill it... like honestly it sounds like im asking for a lot from a game that has Never made too much sense, but considering that in part 2 they could add details like ‘oh didnt you know purge can open pocket dimensions? ulala is capable of manifesting tangible dance energy and the only other person who can do that is purge???’, its not like they havent come up with weird new shit for dance energy to do within the plot before. they just didnt do it in this game fsr

like did anyone else think that cell x/glitter was going to be the result of tossing purge out into deep space and him encountering the sc5 universe’s equivalent of an eldritch alien creature, smth more bestial than morolians?? even if purge wasnt part of it, when you say ‘uh oh, this guy Eats this society’s only source of energy!!!’ i expect the stakes to get HIGH, and i want the ramifications of it to be kinda STARTLING, because blank wanted money and purge wanted to ritualistically end the world but something this near to an ecological disaster that would force an entire paradigm shift hasn’t occurred yet in the series?? its totally new!!! there’s a lot they could do with this but OH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYONE ulala knows how to make dance energy kill cell x instead of feed it she’s got this we’re good no need to investigate more into all that

i can’t explain why the game is like this. and i dont expect grounding to address it in any meaningful way either. i’m sure they’re Aware of these complaints by now- the game reviewing community has Not been kind to sc5vr specifically due to all of these shortcomings [i didnt even touch on the issues with motion sensing and how many of the games mechanics were removed in favor of smth presumably easier to program yet much less satisfying, like Secret Moves just being mini quicktime events and Turning Your Ratings Into Stars just being replaced with the standard Three Strikes You’re Out method of scoring], but the pr team still seems very enthusiastic abt the game and is still promising dlc and potentially even more games in the series after this one- heres hoping that they’ll at least take these grievances to heart and consider making the experience not only more accessible [aka it will... go back to being a rhythm game with controller input.... and not... an exclusive vr experience...], but also as immersive and detailed as the old games, with less reused plot beats. i can let some of it off the hook in this game simply because i’m aware that it began its life as a tech demo that was only supposed to be that initial first report from the first game But Happening All Around You!, but i Really dont think they could get away with doing this little to expand upon the groundwork set by the first two games again. not with the way people remember part 2 being such a vast upgrade from part 1... the bar had been set so high that this just felt like a huge backslide into something even sillier and harder to take seriously than part 1 before we had any idea what kind of staying power the franchise would have as a hallmark of sega’s quirky antics. like... this game is what i think space channel 5 looks like to people who don’t understand the appeal of the first two games. and that scares me

but i guess for the most part, aside from wishing they had done more to revitalize the setting and the lore of the sc5 universe itself, im kind of glad it didnt do a lot to change the existing storylines the characters have kinda forged for themselves- here i was stressing out that they would pull out some plot development that would utterly and drastically change the way we talked abt the series for the rest of time, but so little happened and so little was added to the bank of sc5 lore that we can kind of all just carry on as usual and keep having the same headcanons we always had.

BUT!!! there ARE a lot of cute little details here and there that make the experience feel wholesome and like i said not an utter cashgrab- like so many of the character profiles referencing previous games [all of the references to npcs in this game being relatives of the npcs of the last games made me lose it] and how often ulala changes her expressions up and looks right at you and talks to you. the new music they wrote for the game also all slaps and everyones redesigns [if they got a redesign... rip pudding] are stunning

one of the most important things they did in this game was give a nice sort of Update to every character.... for example explaining that ulala isn’t a rookie reporter any more like she was in the first 2 games, that she’s moved up to being in charge of training new channel 5 reporters, and that while pudding is still somewhat stuck on her rivalry with ulala her career isn’t stagnant either, she was just cast in a romcom series as the lead... which is really nice considering how in the past she was portrayed as somewhat of a loser with almost no remaining fans left from her idol years

and you knew i was going to bring up jaguar at some point HES ALL OVER THIS GAME AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WAS WORTH POWERING THROUGH THESE LAST FEW YEARS AND ALSO LIKE IM A GENIUS FOR SPENDING SO LONG POSTING EVERY SINGLE DAY ‘NO REALLY, HE’S THE SECONDARY PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY, ITS ABOUT CHANNEL 5 AS A COMPANY AND THEIR IMPACT ON EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED THEM AND THAT INCLUDES JAGUAR AS WELL AS ULALA HES INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT BC SHE WOULDNT BE ALIVE IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM’ i feel like it’s really incredible how in this game he has genuinely nice energy and doesnt withhold praise from ulala just to be helpful in a mysterious way later and he like HAS FRIENDS now. like consider how he went from disgraced former ch5 employee who got mad every time he saw them, to kidnapped robot henchman kinda humbled by the fact that now the turns tabled and ulala had to rescue Him, and now 3 years later his bio is all about how he has a new tv show thats super popular and he has a new entourage of ladies who he considers his '’’’’’comrades’’’’’’’ within the station he founded??? AND AFTER 20 YEARS THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GIVE HIS MODEL JUICY ASS CHEEKS??????????????? NO MORE PANCAKE BOOTY???? THE BOY HAD A GLOWUP AND NO I WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

WHEN I SAY MEOW MATCH THE POSE MOTHERFUCKERS THIS BLONDE BASTARD GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE HUNDRED STAGE BATTLE NOW TOO THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE SPACE PIRATES BAYBEE

[watchmegetobsessed]

Crush // Shawn Mendes mini-series part 2

part 2 wohoooo!! this is honestly such a cute story i love writing it, im currently finishing the last part so i’ll probably update very soon!

part 1

masterlist

The awkwardness soon vanishes. This clear new chapter we just opened with Shawn allows me to loosen up and just enjoy a nice evening. Aaliyah and Eric seems satisfied with the outcome, the parents seem to hit it off quite easily and when we leave they already start making plans for another meetup.

“It was so nice meeting you!” Karen sighs happily as she hugs goodbye to all of us.

“You too, email me that recipe you told me about!” Mom points at her and she nods her head laughing.

I’m just about to step out of the house when Aaliyah grabs my wrist and pulls me back. I look at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“I need your help with a little something. Can you come over sometime tomorrow?” she whispers confidentially.

“Um, yeah. Around what time?” I ask.

“Three pm?”

“Sure,” I smile at her and she lets go of me.

On the way back home I’m thinking about what Aaliyah could need help with and the only thing I have in mind is Eric’s birthday that is on the 29th. She must be planning something special for him.

I call Maddi around midnight when I’m already in my pj’s, but I know she must be still up, maybe even drunk. For my surprise, she answers the phone quite modestly.

“How was the family union?” she asks chewing on something. I throw the cushions off of my bed and crawl under the blanket.

“Um, very interesting,” I chuckle closing my eyes and just shaking my head at the thought of the evening.

“Uh, spill the tea!” She cheers clearly very thirsty for some drama, though this story is not as juicy as she would want it.

“Guess who Aaliyah’s brother is!” I say, but I don’t expect an answer so I just continue. “Shawn Effing Mendes.”

“What?! Are you kidding me?” She gasps. “How did Eric forget to tell you this small detail?”

“Apparently, he thought it doesn’t matter to me, which is kind of true, but there is more.”

“What more? Did he hit on you? Because I’m not talking to you again if he did. He is hot!”

“No, he didn’t, but what you don’t know is that we have history.”

“Okay, now I’m confused!? How do I not know about this?”

“Well, remember my ex, Dylan? I told you about him.”

“Yeah, the asshole who cheated on you,” she hums.

“Well, Dylan and Shawn used to be best buds when we started dating, but the guy hated my guts, or so I thought. He was always mean to me, talking against me and just… avoiding me like the plague.”

“I thought he is the nicest person on earth.”

“He might be now, but when I knew him, he treated me like shit. So it was pretty awkward to see him again after all these years.”

“And how did it go? Was he an ass again?”

“No. He was… nice. Well, we both acted awkward in the beginning, I didn’t know if he would continue his act with me, but he turned out to be nice. And then at one point he told me he is sorry for everything in the past and he was just acting like that because he wanted to amuse Dylan.”

I turn to my side and stare out the window.

“That’s good, right? I mean, he grew out that mean phase and he is all good now.”

“Yeah, it’s just still weird to be around someone I knew from my Dylan phase.”

“But it’s Eric who is dating Aaliyah, why would you be constantly around him?”

“Aaliyah asked me to go over tomorrow, I think she is trying to put a surprise together for Eric’s birthday, so I’m spending the afternoon at the Mendes house.”

“Oh, then keep me updated about the details and sneak me a shirtless photo of Shawn please.”

“Maddi!” I scoff laughing. “Why would I even see him shirtless?”

“Maybe he likes wandering around in his home without clothes on, how would I know?!”

“Unbelievable. I’m going to sleep.”

“Bye bitch,” she sighs making me roll my eyes at her smiling.

“Bye.”

  I sleep late the next day, it’s past noon when I actually make it downstairs looking like a real human being. Eric and Dad are watching a documentary on WW II. while Mom is reading the newspaper at the dining table. I join her with a bowl of cereal.

“Do you have any plans for today?” She smiles at me over her narrow glasses as she turns a page. I lean closer hitting a confidential tone.

“I’m helping Aaliyah today, she asked me to go over around three.”

“Oh, birthday surprise for Eric?” she asks clearly excited.

“I think yeah.”

“Great. And you will probably see Shawn again.” Winking at me she puts the papers down.

“Why does that matter?” I ask with my mouth full. She caresses my cheek before standing up and walking over to the sink for some water.

“Isn’t he a nice young man? I think the two of you would look cute together.”

“Mom, you are literally talking about the biggest pop sensation, he is not really the kind of guy who just casually dates,” I say.

In my mind all these celebrities are living their wildest life. Even if I were interested in Shawn in any way, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even get in the game, he must have thousands of girls waiting for him in line. We are not really on the same page.

“Oh, come on. You guys knew each other in high school, you have a past, that connection must mean something!”

“He was an ass to me!” I blurt it out making her eyebrows raise.

“He was? What did he do?”

“It’s nothing,” I roll my eyes, but Mom gives me a demanding look. “He just didn’t seem to like me no matter what I did, he was avoiding me most of the time when I was with Dylan and also made some pretty rude comments sometimes.”

“Maybe he was into you,” Mom shrugs and I almost choke on the milk.

I start coughing like I’m about to die and my eyes start watering when I’m finally able to breathe evenly again.

“No fucking way!”

“Charlie! Language!” She hisses at me, but there is a smile hiding in her eyes. “You know, young boys tend to do it. They are mean to the girls they like.”

“Mom, it wasn’t in kindergarten, it was ninth grade or something. I think he just really didn’t like me back then and I don’t blame him.” I was annoying, thinking back at it. But hey, all teens are annoying!

“You can never know,” she sighs.

 I totally ignore the theory Mom tried to make me believe, there is absolutely no chance of the nonsense she told me, and this is what I keep telling myself as I’m on my way to the Mendes house.

“Hey!” Aaliyah greets me with a wide smile. She is now wearing some more comfortable clothes than the last two times I saw her, the grey sweats and lose white shirt must be her home wear. “Come in! My parents are out at a friend’s place, and Shawn…” she starts, but just when she is about to finish he appears on the top of the stairs.

“Is here,” he chimes in. I look up and there he is, in a pair of checked pj pants and a black shirt. Looking at it, I think Aaliyah has his shirt on, it seems like the same size.

“Hi,” I smile at him.

“Come, let’s sit.” I follow Aaliyah into the living room and we sit down to the couch next to their Christmas tree. From the corner of my eyes I see Shawn going into the kitchen and for a moment I’m actually disappointed he is not coming with us.

“So. I want to surprise Eric with cooking for him, but I have no idea what. I tried to find out what’s his favorite, but he says it’s his favorite to everything!” she growls frustrated. I shake my head laughing.

“That’s typical.”

“Yeah. So do you have anything in mind?”

“Well, he really like tiramisu. He can eat tons of it, all the time. That’s good for dessert,” I offer. Aaliyah has her phone in her hands and she is typing everything I say down.

“Okay, got it.”

“Um, he likes gazpacho. He thinks it sounds fancy and you know, he likes everything with ketchup, so a soup that tastes like tomato was made for him.”

“Oh yeah, he pours so much ketchup into his sandwiches, it’s crazy,” she rolls her eyes jokingly. “Okay, so gazpacho. Anything else?”

“Um…” I try to think about the times we went to restaurants and Eric got really excited over the food. “Oh, we were once at a place and he ordered grilled mushrooms and he couldn’t stop moaning, it was very embarrassing, but I guess this meant he really liked it.”

“Grilled mushrooms, perfect,” she nods to herself noting everything down. “Do you mind helping me pick out his gift too? I have a few ideas, I want to go into the city and buy it tomorrow, I already looked up some jumpers online, but I can’t really decide.”

“Sure, show me!”

We spend the next thirty minutes scrolling through everything she had saved as a possible gift. She found some really nice ones, her taste is fantastic. As the time is passing I’m starting to feel like I’m with a friend and not with my brother’s girlfriend and I’m just hoping Eric will keep her around for a long time.

She asks me to stay a little bit longer so she can show me the awkward photos she has taken of Erik since they’ve been dating, but she gets a call and excuses herself quickly. I stay there in the living room, looking around a bit, I haven’t really had the chance yesterday, I was too occupied with the situation.

Shawn walks in, this time he has a headband on, keeping his locks back from his face.

Damn, Maddi is right. He is hot.

I shake my head at the thoughts and try to look as casual as possible.

“How is the birthday planning going?” he asks plopping down on the couch next to me.

“Good, Aaliyah basically had everything right, I just had to choose the best options.”

“How crazy is that our younger siblings are dating? I mean, I was thinking about it yesterday, the last time I saw Eric, he was about twelve or something. No wonder why I didn’t recognize him when I met him,” he chuckles and I nod agreeing. Aaliyah changed a lot in the past years too.

“Yeah. Strange that they are not babies anymore. I mean, I’m still mad that Eric is taller than me.”

“Oh I remember how you always wanted to get taller!”

“You remember?” I ask surprised. I used to never stop talking about my height, later I accepted my fate.

“Yeah, I remember once you told Dylan how you want to wear the highest heels to the dance so you two can be the same height.”

I laugh at the memory. I remember it too, it was quite early in our relationship and Dylan asked me out for the Halloween dance. I wanted to look taller and told Dylan I would wear heels. Of course, I ditched the plan as I found out how uncomfortable they are and ended up wearing my Converse.

“And at the end I looked like a punk princess with my Converse and mini skirt,” I scoff at the thought of my outfit for that night.

“I think you looked pretty,” Shawn says and I look at him. I catch his small smile before he shakes his head clearing his throat. What the Hell? “High school feels so far away, right?” he quickly says.

“Um, well for you I guess, for me… not really,” I chuckle shaking my head. “Your life got turned upside down, but not much has happened to me since then.”

“What? I don’t believe you. I’m sure you’ve been having plenty of fun. Parties, dates and everything.”

I can’t help, a sad smile plasters across my face. He can’t be more wrong.

“Not really… I had some rough years after Dylan and I split.”

“Can I ask what happened? I mean, after the split,” he shyly asks.

“Well, since I was a dumb naïve little girl, I needed an entire year before I could even think about getting to know other guys. Now it all just seems like the biggest bullshit. I shouldn’t have cared that much. And I’m not a fan of partying, I only go out on birthdays and maybe New Year’s Eve,” I shrug. Maddi has been trying to boost me up a bit, she attempts to drag me out every month or so, but I’m really not that kind of type. I thought I was, when I was with Dylan, he was a popular guy, I kept going to these lame parties with him in the last year of our relationship, but I never really enjoyed them. Shawn was long gone by then.

“I’m sorry Dylan played you so bad.”

“It’s fine, I mean, not your fault,” I chuckle. “But what happened to you and him?”

He sighs scratching the back of his neck.

“Not sure, I guess we grew apart and I realized that he is an ass. When I became a private student we kept in touch, but I met new people and I saw how different a friendship can be, so… I cut him off, I guess.”

“Did you guys fight?”

“Not really,” he shakes his head. “Well, we had one last very awkward phone call when I was in Atlanta, if I remember right. It was forced and… just awkward, really,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“And your life has been better since Dylan is out of it, right?” I grin at him.

“Yeah, you must know about it.”

I laugh nodding. I know everything about it!

Before I could even think about what I’m saying, my mouth just opens and the words roll down.

“The only good thing I got from my relationship with Dylan is that I know you now.”

My eyes widen and I wish I could take it back.

“I- uh I mean…”

I don’t even know why I’m so nervous suddenly, I didn’t even tell much. But for some reason, I can feel myself blushing.

“I meant that he basically ruined my senior year and I needed so much time to get myself over him, but at least now we can talk like, normal people,” I quickly add somehow saving the situation.

“What do you mean he ruined your senior year?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows and I’m happy he didn’t get caught up on what I said before that.

“Well, he successfully made me push all my friends away, leaving me totally alone when we broke up.”

“Wait, what? How about that friend of yours, um… I don’t remember her name, you always sat together at lunch.”

“Rochelle. Oh Dylan played us dirty. He told me Rochelle keeps hitting on him and being my dumb naïve self I believed him and not her. We had this huge fight and I called her a bitch. No wonder why she didn’t care about me when I was alone in the last couple of months of senior year.”

“Ouch, that sounds horrible. I’m sorry he did that.”

“Why did we even like Dylan in the first place?” I ask laughing to myself. It still bothers me how blind I was, I wish I could just shake myself.

“I have no idea!” He sighs rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry your senior year got fucked up, I wish I could be there to have lunch with you.”

I turn to him and swear to God he is blushing! And it is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I feel the urge to touch him, anywhere, to take his hand in mine, but I stop myself.

“That’s… nice. Thank you,” I whisper touched.

As I’m staring at him I realize this is probably the closest I’ve ever been to him. I wonder how many girls want to be in my position, they see the popstar, the heartthrob from the stage, while all I see is the guy who used to be mean to me in high school but now we are friendlier than ever. I could never see him as a celebrity.

“Okay, so I found some- Oh am I bothering?” Aaliyah walks into the room with her phone in her hands and she is giving me a knowing look. I quickly clear my throat turning away from Shawn.

“No, you girls just… do your thing. I have to make a few calls.”

Shawn jumps up from the couch patting his sister’s shoulder before walking out of the room. Aaliyah takes his place, still grinning.

“What?” I ask her playing dumb.

“You guys… I felt the sparkle,” she says wiggling her eyebrows.

“What sparkle? Aaliyah, you see everything in pink because of my brother.”

“Oh stop, don’t tell me you don’t like him.”

“I don’t know him,” I say truthfully. “The last time I saw him I was dating a douche and he was also being a douche to me. I can’t tell if I like him, because I don’t know his new self.”

“But you seem to get along with him pretty well and I’m sure you are attracted to him.”

“I’m not talking about this with you, you are his sister!” I gasp feeling myself blushing again.

“Whatever. But I think you two would look cute together.”

I refuse to carry on with the conversation about me and Shawn and Aaliyah fortunately doesn’t force it on me. I leave the Mendes house around five, Aaliyah thanks me the help and I can’t help but feel disappointed I don’t see Shawn anywhere when I’m leaving. Aaliyah’s speech about me and Shawn is slowly getting to me.

By dinner, all my thoughts are racing around him and soon I find myself stalking his social media profiles. I knew he is very famous, but seeing the numbers on his pages makes me gasp. Millions of people are following him, waiting for him to post anything. The last photo he uploaded to his Instagram is with his family, Karen and Manny are smiling proudly into the camera while Shawn and Aaliyah are messing around next to them. Before I could realize what I’m doing I double tap the picture liking it.

“Oh shit,” I suck my breath in. I hesitate, but then I realize how dumb this is. He must be getting millions of notes every minute, he won’t see this.

Gaining some confidence from this, I decide to follow him and continue my stalking session. I’m a few months deep into his profile when I get a notification. Opening the tab my eyes widen.

shawnmendes followed charlieprkr

I guess I was wrong about the notification getting lost. A moment later I see that he has liked two of my photos.

One was taken on a family vacation. Eric and I are posing at the beach, I have a red swimsuit on and the wind is blowing my wavy blonde hair that was so much lighter back than from all the sunshine. The other one is a picture Maddie took of me last month. I’m sitting in our armchair with a mug of tea in my hands, smiling shyly at the camera. We had Christmas lights in the window and the lights made me look colorful in the photo.

I’m just about to put the phone down and go to bed when I get a dm. I’m not surprised to see Shawn’s username, but I definitely get excited.

shawnmendes I’m happy I’m not the first one to accidentally like your photo, though I was minutes away from that haha

I smile at the message rolling my eyes.

charlieprkr Ha. Ha. I was hoping I can easily hide in the millions of your followers.

shawnmendes You could have, if only I weren’t stalking your profile as well. Fate?

charlieprkr I guess.

My fingers linger across the keyboard, trying to think of something else to write and keep the conversation up, but nothing comes to my mind. I almost give up when I get another message from him.

shawnmendes I’m in a nostalgic mood, I want to have a walk in the neighborhood, around our school tomorrow. Would you like to join me?

My smile grows wider than ever reading his lines.

charlieprkr Totally.

shawnmendes Great! Sometime around 4 pm?

charlieprkr Perfect. Where?

shawnmendes I’ll meet you at your house and we’ll go from there.

charlieprkr Then see you tomorrow!

shawnmendes Yeah, good night Charlie.

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

Ghost of you, 14/?

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 14/?.

Pairings: Human!Nine x Rose; Human!Ten x Jack; Clara Oswald x Olivia Baxter (OC).

Synopsis: "Rose opened the interactive screen and changed the setting for the attached glass wall. It became transparent. Allegro turned around to see Maxence wandering around his cage, a washable felt tip in hand. He had a screen open with all the results his team had entered on their work space and all the other walls were covered with his handwriting."

A/N: I've started writing this fiction last year after I had a particularly weird dream (as usual) and after I wrote the prologue, I've put it aside to work on other stuff. I've gone back to it not so long ago and decided that it would be the fiction I would post next, after not posting anything for a while. I must have watched I am legend and Game of thrones way too much to come out with something like this but I hope you will like it. I am not a scientist, nor did I have a particular knowledge of sciences. I do my researches on the internet like everyone to make sure everything is as close to the reality as possible. I have a literature degree only. Writing is what I do and it makes me explore next fields, and learn new things.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” - John Joseph Powell.

CHAPTER 14:

Amy didn’t leave Rose any second while she worked. It was an offer Rose had made to her: observing her as she worked so she could make her own opinion on her. She wouldn’t be biased by anything her patient would have said. Rose was only natural when she was working. She wasn’t pretending to be fine. She wasn’t wearing a mask. She was just herself and being a witness of it would help Amy understand her patient better. The therapist was glad that this idea came from Rose herself and not from her. The woman wasn’t gonna refuse this opportunity and she wasn’t gonna abuse this benefit either. Rose had also offered her to be a friend and that was very unexpected for Amy. Someone asking to be a friend. Rose hadn’t asked questions about why she had had to leave the session for a few minutes. She was giving Amy the time to build a good friendship before opening up to her. The therapist was sat beside Zachary who was keeping his eyes on the screen before him. He was trying to fix the intrusion that had happened a couple days ago. The hacker had left a real mess inside the codes and he had to fix this. Amy’s eyes were focused on Rose though. Standing in front of Allegro’s cage, she was reading the updates on his condition. She was studying the scans from two days ago and the ones Tegan had done in the morning. There was a clear evolution. Being exposed to the UV lights had caused him to develop some symptoms of the virus and react consequently. Now that the lights were off, he had gotten back to normal and was being completely normal again. He was a bit shaken by the situation but he was talking to Liv when he felt the need to. He refused to speak to Amy. He trusted Liv more than the therapist to be honest. The security guard came to the intercom and pressed the button. He was curious about his own situation. Except for Liv and sometimes Zach, no one was speaking to him. And no one was telling him much about how things were evolving for him, for Maxence, for the cure. “How is he going?” he asked. Rose raised her head from the notes she was taking and glanced at Allegro. She tucked her pen in the pocket of her white coat. She pressed the button to answer. “He’s better. Kyle has been brave by going inside unprotected to save his life. I’ve released him today. He hasn’t developed the virus thankfully.” “Antibodies?” “We’re working on that. His body has rejected the noctiagus very fast.” “It’s good. He’s very young. Would have been a really bad thing to lose him too.” “We haven’t lost you, nor Maxence.” “But we’re both in a cage, and he’s infected.” “Both of you are helping us to find the cure.” “How?” Rose opened the interactive screen and changed the setting for the attached glass wall. It became transparent. Allegro turned around to see Maxence wandering around his cage, a washable felt tip in hand. He had a screen open with all the results his team had entered on their work space and all the other walls were covered with his handwriting. “Someone hacked the system and made us believe that his sensors had to be changed. But when we proceeded to the change, the phial wasn’t the right one. Someone has replaced the sensors with a supposed cure that did more damages than anything else.” “Have you found who did this?” “Not yet. But we have a couple of detectives here. Maybe they will find this for us.” Rose chuckled lightly. It was her first joke in a while. She set the wall back to opaque. For a second, Allegro was silent. He put his hands in his pockets. “Who are those detectives?” “Camden McCarson and Donna Noble. Jack has recommended them. Him and Clara think the virus has been created by someone and the detectives are looking for the patient zero.” “Is there any chance to find him or her?” “Very little. But if we don’t try, we’ll never know.” “Indeed.” Their talk was over for now. Allegro walked back to his camp bed and lay back down. His hands behind his head, he looked at the ceiling. Rose finished taking her notes and put them aside. She went to Maxence’s cage and read the new formulas on the walls. He was doing quite a nice work. She was a molecular biologist too and all of this made sense to her… except for one thing. She pulled out her own washable felt pen and wrote down another formula right under the wrong one. She did it backward so he could read it from his cage. Then, she knocked on the glass wall to draw his attention. Maxence raised his head when he heard the knock and walked closer to where Rose was. She pointed to the formula she had written. He took his time to read it and checked his notes. He shook his head and pointed to another formula. He was trying to explain her how he had come to this conclusion and she was trying to tell him where she thought he was wrong. It was a silent communication, all in hand gestures and written formulas on a glass wall. It was fascinating for Amy. Any other couple of scientists wouldn’t have had this alchemy between them. They were working together as if they were the same person. If there was a picture next to the soulmate definition in the dictionary, it had to be them. They were the perfect representation of this word. Even in the darkest times, they remained together, hand in hand. Amy grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to note her observations. Usually, she was recording them but she couldn’t record what was happening here. She could later ask for the videos but they wouldn’t be as convincing as seeing it happen live. She was envious. She had never had this kind of love with someone. Not even with her ex-husband. The thought distracted her and, for a minute, she was unable to focus on Rose without thinking about what she had lost on this terrible night. She could hear it still. The screams, the screeching of the tyres on the road, the gasp of surprise, and that sound. That so terrible sound that was haunting her nightmares. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. She needed to push it away quickly, before anyone could see her weakness. Now wasn’t the time but she was vulnerable and had troubles controlling herself. “Are you okay?” Amy jumped when she felt a hand touching her shoulder and turned around. Rose was done with Maxence. They had managed to find a solution to the problem they had found in the formulas obviously and Maxence was using a new colour to distinguish his new notes from the old ones. “He’s a busy bee,” she remarked. She hated how her voice was trembling, how Rose was seeing clear in the poker face she was showing. She hated being this vulnerable. Rose glanced quickly at her husband. “Yeah. We found something. I’m waiting until he’s done to compare our results.” If he happened to have the same as hers, it meant that they were on a good path. They couldn’t be wrong if the two of them were coming to the same conclusions. “He’s almost done.” Rose knew she shouldn’t do what she had in mind but she would do it anyway. She had promised to be a friend for Amy and her mission was to help her to get better. So she was gonna take her to the room she was sharing with Maxence and she was gonna force her to have some rest there instead of going to her office like she always did. The therapist was as exhausted as Rose and a bit of rest was hardly a luxury. Maxence concluded his formulas and Rose checked them. She smiled. They had the same results. They hadn’t used the same way to get there but the result was there. She pressed the intercom button. “Add this on your interface. I’ll transfer it all to Tegan.” Maxence nodded. He would do just that. Rose watched him sadly for a minute. She really wanted to come in there and hug him tight to tell him that everything would be alright. She would find this cure. She murmured an ‘I love you’ and told Amy to follow her. “Where are you taking me?” “To a place that used to be my oasis of calm before.” Amy had to admit that she was intrigued and it didn’t get any better when she recognised the private parts of the building. They passed by the dormitories but didn’t stop before they reached the kitchen. “First, let’s eat something. I’m rather hungry. Aren’t you?” “Sort of.” Amy wasn’t eating much. It had been this way since that night. She was eating just enough to have strengths for the day. This meal was the first real one she was eating in a while. But Rose wasn’t letting her refuse. She was even forcing her to eat a bit more than necessary. After that, she took her to the room she was sharing with Maxence, the room where all their pictures were. A room where she was supposed to find her own peace and have a better night of sleep.

x

Tegan was standing in the middle of his office, his arms folded on his chest, and his foot lightly tapping the ground. He was being impatient and angry all at once. Soon as he was done with the detectives, he had sent them to work. Jack had tried to stay and find out what was annoying him so badly but Tegan had resisted and convinced him that this matter only concerned Martha, Colin and him. He would let him know later maybe. No one else should know about this attempt of sabotage. Martha and Colin were there now. Both were sat on the couch and they were waiting for Tegan to speak. Martha was rather worried about this sudden summoning and Colin… Colin was Colin. He was sat there, impassible. Tegan couldn’t do anything against him. He was the real boss here. So he wasn’t worried. “Are you gonna look daggers at us all day or tell us what has made you summon us?” His words were sweating with sarcasm but he was trying to be as nice as he could be in front of Tegan. There was a witness and he couldn’t be caught bullying him once again. He doubted Martha would intervene between them but she could spread rumours just by talking with her stupid boyfriend, Ricky. Or Mickey. Whatever he was called. Tegan grabbed the report on his desk and threw it on Colin’s lap without a word. He was so furious he wanted to punch him in the face. But that wasn’t the attitude of a leader. So he was containing his rage. “One of you had mixed a new cure without telling me and this cure was given to our patient number one.” “And? What’s the matter? Isn’t that why you’re keeping him downstairs?” Tegan swallowed the anger rising in his chest. Colin was obviously looking for troubles with him. Martha was glancing at them worriedly. She didn’t know the story between the two of them but it didn’t seem to be a nice one. “This cure hasn’t been registered and it has been given without any consent. Everything is supposed to be given to me first for approval before anything.” “I haven’t mixed anything,” admitted Martha. “I’m still waiting for the new results. They haven’t been approved yet since…” She gave a look to Colin. He wasn’t in the elite team so she didn’t know what she could say before him. She didn’t want to make a mistake and be yelled at for it. Tegan was in a murderous mood and she wouldn’t cause him to have a go at her. “Martha, you can go. Not a word about this to anyone.” “What? A couple words and you believe her?” Tegan made a gesture of the hand to signify Martha that she was dismissed. He believed her. He would believe anyone but Colin. Martha hesitantly left the office. This matter was interesting but she wouldn’t know the final word of it obviously. “I have reasons to believe that you’re trying to sabotage our researches. I have no proof but I am convinced you’re still working on this cure, that you’re trying to beat us to it.” “Why would I do that?” “We both know why. You’ve been removed from the noctiagus researches and you’re angry. You hate me and I’m your boss now. To me, there are enough reasons here for you to get on my way.” “You’re being paranoid.” “You’ve created that cure.” “Maybe.” “Don’t try to lie. I know you did. I have access to all the cameras in this building. I’ve seen the videos.” He was bluffing and hoped that it would work because he wasn’t a good liar usually. Lying in his bully’s face was harder too. Colin didn’t let any reaction appear on his face. It was infuriating Tegan so much. “So, how’s good old Maxence? He hasn’t gone mad in that cage of his?” “Maxence hasn’t come back from his last mission.” “Oh, don’t play fool with me. I know he’s down there. Everyone knows. It’s not because you created this special team that keeps secret everything they do that there aren’t leaks.” “If you had good narks in this building, you would know better.” Colin was done with Tegan’s assumptions on him and his hidden threats that would lead nowhere. If the man had had the courage to do anything, he would have done it already since he had full power now. He had admitted himself that he didn’t have proof that he was guilty of what was done to Maxence. It was an attempt of murder. Despite his condition, Maxence was still the head and heart of this department and of this team. Attacking him was attacking the whole team. It had been made to destabilise them. But Colin was too clever to admit that he was guilty. “The same works for you, Smith. If you had good narks in this building, you’d be better informed about what is going on in your department.” Colin was playing it nasty. He was playing on the guilt that was eating out Tegan. He was the one who made that injection who could have killed his so precious mentor. He was the one who made a mistake and that was torturing him. “Shut up, Appleton. My mistake was created by some freaking bastard that messed with our stuff. And that freaking bastard is you, you can’t convince me otherwise.” Colin got up and grabbed Tegan by the throat. He pushed him so hard that the young man had to step backward to keep his balance. Tegan noticed for the first time that he was taller than Colin. The man was more aggressive but he was just like small dogs who kept barking and never really were able to hurt. Tegan was one of the bigger dogs who never hurt anyone in anyway, a dog that could attack and kill at any time. He hated this comparison because that just wasn’t defining him at all. He refused to be mean and evil for free. It just wasn’t in his character. “Careful what you say, Smith. You might be the boss now but there’s no witness at the moment and I can destroy you with a snap of my fingers.” “Go on then. Let’s see if you really have that pair you’re boasting about.” Colin had reached the point of no return this time. His fist collided with Tegan’s beardy jaw. The punch resounded in the silent office and the sudden shock threw Tegan against the wall behind him. For a moment, all he could see was black. He shouldn’t have provoked Colin that way and this punch was more than enough to sack him. It was one more reason added to the long list of why Colin shouldn’t be working here anymore. “There’s nothing you can do against me. I’ve created this cure and made sure you would inject it to him. His reaction to it wasn’t the one expected but I’m not gonna apologise for him almost dying. I should have taken his place when he was infected. But he gave it to you instead.” Tegan just laughed despite the pain of his jaw. Colin was so overwhelmed by his jealousy that he wasn’t doing anything right anymore. He was giving himself away – certainly thinking that Tegan would find no clue to prove this – and beating his superior. As if nothing mattered anymore. “You won’t find that cure, Colin. You’re fired.” “Oh, who’s firing me? You?” “Maxence promoted me to this position. So yeah, I am firing you.” That second punch met his face properly. He would have a black eye for sure but he couldn’t help but laugh. It was infuriating Colin but laughing was relieving him from all the pressure Colin had previously put on his shoulders. Now he wasn’t fearing this man anymore. It was over. Even when Colin threw him to the ground, he kept laughing. He didn’t even try to protect himself. “You’re so done.” “Shut up! SHUT UP!” The door was unlocked and suddenly two security members were surrounding Colin. They grabbed him by the arms and arrested him. They would throw him into a locked room for now. Tegan had pronounced his sentence but he wasn’t cruel enough to force Colin to leave the building and live among the infected. He wasn’t wishing it to his worst enemies. “Liv is on her way,” said one of the security members. “We’ve told her you would need her.” Tegan nodded to thank them. Indeed, he would need Liv. But it was only for the physical part. On the psychological part, he would need Amy. Later. When the adrenaline would have come down. When he would realise what he had done and what it would imply now.

x

Camden and Donna were surrounded by dozens of cardboard boxes full of results of different patients across the world. There even was a list of all the infected people – that was updated every day – and a list of some of dead. No one could keep clear records about the dead because no one was staying outside long enough to keep track of it. Camden wasn’t gonna blame them. Outside was hell and this place was safety. Even if it was too sterilised for his liking. And people were too serious. No sense of humour. Lots of glaring if he was making a remark. Most of them were wondering why they were here. Why would Tegan hire detectives? It was a mystery and Camden wouldn’t tell them about his mission. He was too focused on it. He would go to the end of it and go back to his little life in his manor. Donna was just as focused on their mission as he was. Highlighters in hand, she was adding colours to the documents she was reading. She was also writing down notes. In front of her, there were bottles of water and snacks. They had been brought earlier by Clara so they wouldn’t be starving or become too thirsty if they were working too much. She had also taken that opportunity to speak with Camden that she hadn’t seen in a while and given him some clues for his own researches. She doubted she would be of any help but better try than do nothing. “How have you met her?” Camden raised his head from the documents he was reading and glanced at Donna. She was having a break and drinking water from one of the bottles before her. She picked a snack and opened it. She had been curious about how Camden could know people like Clara Oswald and Jack Harkness. Two people that were very different from each other but also from Camden. Too joyful, too flirty. Not that Donna minded Jack flirting with her. “Who?” “Doctor Oswald.” “She wasn’t a doctor when I’ve met her. She was just a little girl.” “Are you that old?” “Oi!” “Just kidding. Relax.” “Her parents owned a paper shop. They had really good stuff. I used to order my notebooks to them and I was coming to get it when I was around. Clara was always playing in the shop. A girl full of energy and always smiling.” “I didn’t know you liked kids.” “I don’t. But she was different.” “That’s what we say.” Camden sighed and went back to work, ignoring Donna’s chuckle. She had had her answer, now they could go back to work. He was currently reading a report from the early days of the infection. Something dragged his attention. A name. “Wait, isn’t the nickname Missy ringing a bell?” “Nope.” “I’m sure to have seen that name somewhere.” He looked into the files he had already flipped through. This name had appeared somewhere. He remembered it well. He had a very good memory. It wasn’t in a list of names. It was a report. A report from before the infection. Missy or Myrtle Appleton. Sister of Colin Appleton and mad scientist. What was she working on at the moment? He glanced at the different reports he had under his eyes. Xeroderma pigmentosum. Disease of the sun. If you were suffering from this disease, you wouldn’t be able to go out unless it was night and the lights would be a bother. A terrible disease and a very short longevity. “Xeroderma pigmentosum,” he murmured. “Hm.” “There has always been this disease. The disease of the sun. People who can’t stand the ultraviolet lights. They are living a very short life and suffering from multiple complications.” “What’s the link with that Missy?” “Myrtle Appleton was a specialist of this disease. She was leading researches to find a cure.” “Was?” “Her methods weren’t very conventional.” And this was why she had been sacked from the lab she was working in and the reason why she had been forced to continue her researches in the deepest secret. If there was a path to follow for their mission, it was clearly this one…

To be continued...

Ghost of you © | 2017 - 2018 | Tous droits réservés.

×××

In the next chapter:

However, for Maxence, things were getting complicated. His brain seemed to have switched to a standby mode. A sort of sleep that wasn’t really sleep. He was just laying there with his eyes closed. Zachary was keeping an eye on his vital signs. His brain activity had reduced to the minimum, to the very minimum. If Zach didn’t have the other information under his eyes, he would think that the man was dead or about to be. Maybe he was dying. Zachary wasn’t very qualified on this field but he was clever enough to understand that something was wrong. The vital signs weren’t good at all. He entered an alert on their interactive group work. Someone needed to come and do a check up on him. Just to be sure that the fake cure given to him wasn’t having any effect on him anymore. Just a precaution not to lose him all of a sudden.

×××

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[fairyharps]

hello!! i just finished kh3 so below are my thoughts. obviously, spoiler warning if you havent finished the game.

first of all...... wow!!!!!!!!!! its real!!!!!!! i held the game in my own hands and played it!!!!!!!!! 12 year old me has been screaming non stop since the release im in a fog of emotion. every time i started up the game and heard that new kh3 rendition of dearly beloved with the ocean waves i just absolutely lost it

however, in the end, i feel mixed. i guess the hype over the years built up to an astronomical amount and while the game was incredibly fun and beautiful and i love seeing the story finally pan out into the finale, in a way it also felt very short? as of writing the first few paragraphs here i have just started san fransokyo, so i havent seen the actual finale, but these are my current thoughts and i will update this as i play. i still feel like there is so much more that is going to happen and ive barely even scratched the surface

theres a lot of new information that got me going WILD. piecing everything together & theorizing is always something i find fun about kingdom hearts since its so unpredictable. in fact i got so into it i had to start taking notes and making diagrams. i love a game that makes me bust out a notebook. (i do this for hm/sos/stardew and acnl as well lmao)

also every single time ienzo came on screen i went absolutely HOG WILD. when he laughed? the little laugh?? his smile?????? just thinking about it now is making me misty eyed fellas i love my boy

the implication that demyx, luxord (was his name always pronounced luke-sord??? i always said luck-sord wtf), and obviously marluxia and larxene's somebodies are from before the keyblade war is out of control!!!! vexen and demyx being double agents for ansem the wise?? ANSEM THE WISE'S REUNION WITH IENZO!!!!!!!!?????????? also zemyx is real sdfjsdlkfjsdlkfsdlkfjsdlkf jk

uHHHHHHH VENTUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY MY SONION!!!!!!!! AND AQUA!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!! im honestly losing my mind everything is coming together aaaaaaaaaaaa literally seeing ventus looking SO BEAUTIFUL is making me lose my mind AND UHH AQUA.... REALIZING SHES IN THE WORLD OF LIGHT...........DAMN U NOMURA FOR MAKING ME FEEL

S-SAIX................................. I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

i felt very mixed about the paopu sharing scene. while i know this ship was always going to be endgame, i really hate how little development it actually gets throughout the Whole Series so instead it feels So forced. that scene is bone dry. the whole time i was wondering why they werent including riku since he was like.. 20 feet away.... like hes your best friend too guys.... i really am unable to understand this scene. like... nomura you KNOW how to write compelling relationships so what happened buddy. woody and buzz had more romantic tension than sora and kairi. also like when she leads him into the light or whatever.. whats the deal

i LOVE kairi but god. can you PLEASE let her do SOMETHING????? CAN I PLAY AS KAIRI??? im so tired of her being reduced to a damsel even when she has a weapon shes supposedly adept with now. she has had like.............. no development. im so sorry this happened to you kairi

im surprised there arent more worlds. i thought there would be the same or a greater number of disney worlds as kh2 but theres actually fewer?? and they feel much longer, or at least some of them do. worlds like the caribbean and toybox felt gigantic and took me forever while corona and monstropolis felt smaller. and some of the worlds you cant even fully explore until after you played through the story????

also im very intrigued about this new female character that keeps getting mentioned vaguely. i suspect there will be some intense retcons put in place abt her since she has NEVER been mentioned before dispite it seeming like shes very important. 

the final world place is very interesting conceptually but like how many times in this series am i going to have to collect soras lmao ALTHO i loved hearing from namine ;_; i miss u sweet girl

also uhh i could write for forever about sora as a character and how complex he is when you actually think abt it. i STILL see ppl saying riku is more interesting as a character but i feel like ppl only look at soras optimistic outlook. sora really keeps his feelings locked up way more than you think he would & not only that but hes so empathetic he ends up tackling everyone else's feelings too.. the idea that he is only powerful or useful because he has friends really hammers in how he says "my friends are my power" like.. every 5 seconds.. god  i love u but pls take a break for a Second. i just want him to go home and hug his mom

-

ok i just finished. like 5 mins ago. im still trying to like.. register what happened. the final act really packed a LOT together. i feel like theres too much to even mention right now. and theres still SO many questions. 

like i said before, i feel mixed. while there was a LOT to like about this game, there was also a lot that i did not like or was confused/put off by. i thought the first like, 2/3 of the game was too long and kind of boring sometimes? i couldnt handle in arendelle how they included the songs.. i get why they did it but it was NOT for me. the disney worlds kind of dragged on and, outside of the story connections to the finale, felt a little pointless. nothing happened other than the org popped in to egg on sora and then left. and the final act went by SO QUICKLY i didnt feel like there was enough time to register all the shit that was happening. also i fucking HATE how after everything, kairi was reduced to a damsel YET AGAIN. are you KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! everything she does is off-screen and her "death" acts as a motivation for sora which is the worst way to do things like what the fuck

i personally really liked the game, even if parts were not as i initially expected. there was a lot of hype surrounding this game, but i think for what it was, it was as enjoyable to play as any kh game, and it delivered a lot of emotions, answered a few questions, created more questions, and wrapped up the dark seeker saga pretty nicely while still leaving room for future stories to be told. and BOY do i have some questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

people who dont like how convoluted, dramatic, weird,  tropey  or heavily-retconned the plot is might think its bad. but ppl have thought kh in general is bad for those reasons for years anyway. honestly while these are all things that i can understand and empathize with, in the end for me its about how it makes me feel rather than like, how well it follows storytelling rules? and it sure made me feel a Lot. like im saying this as a long-time superfan so lmao

anyway i cried a lot for a very long time about the following: old man yaoi, ventus and roxas being in the same shot, how everyone looks rendered in beautiful next-gen hd, lea isa  and xions new outfits, namixi date, uhhh seasalt trio finally got to go to the beach together, namine being ALIVE, all the shit everyone said after i beat them in the labrynth, how often everyone cried in this game, sora uhhh not existing??? what happened????? is this what the next game is going to be about??? 

THANKS NOMURA FOR MY FUCKING LIFE????????

[niel-trbl]

Like We Used To

Ex-lover!Kang Daniel AU

Note: it’s been awhile since i last updated. it’s been pretty tough, especially with the events happening around us so i decided to write something to keep my mind off of things. i sincerely hope everyone is doing okay and if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always drop me an ask.

you were scheduled to go on Master Key - one of the rising new variety shows

you, being a rookie in the industry, immediately said yes when your manager asked if you were keen to join the show

you were so excited since this is finally the time where you can mingle with other idols and celebrities

on your way to the Master Key village, you even asked your manager who will be present for filming so that you could mentally prepare yourself

the moment you got to the venue, you immediately went around and started greeting the cast members and staff

just as you were about to head back to your room, you heard a familiar voice called out your name

“it cant be...”

this was when you wished that you were wrong

you turned around and saw Kang Daniel walking towards you with a grin

you felt butterflies fluttering in you why does he still have that effect on you

while everyone knew Kang Daniel as the nation’s pick, you knew him as Danik, your ex-lover

both of you were very good friends then and you also were each other’s first love

however, it was during his first year of being a trainee when you broke up

despite it being your decision to break off the relationship, you always wished that you could be a little more selfish and have him to yourself

but you wanted the best for him and in order for him to succeed, you mustn’t be a distraction to him (words said by his manager then) hence the break up

seeing him now, in front of you, brought back so many memories of your relationship

“hey, are you filming today too?” he asked

“um yeah i am. i didnt know that you’re here,”

“yeah, well it was kinda last minute so...”

silence filled the space, despite the crazy number of people who were on set

you heard your name rolled off his tongue again - how much you missed hearing his voice and craved for his touch

“i miss-“ before Daniel could continue, your manager called out for you to get to hair and makeup which you were secretly glad

you were this close to dropping everything and holding him again

no one ever knew of your history with Daniel

you hid it like a well kept secret

in order for you to move on from him, you need to get rid of everything that reminded you of him, including the memories of your relationship which you refrain yourself from telling others

however, Daniel often spoke of you - for example in an interview, they often asked how he would treat his significant other and he always spoke of the things he did for/with you

like how he would help you put on your shoes and calling you ‘kid’ as a term of endearment

but he never mentions your name so no one knew, apart from his close members who knew who you were by name

the staff were still getting ready to start filming so you looked around the set on your own

“i believe we havent met. I’m Ong Seongwoo,” he approached you with a soft smile

“i’m _______” you shook his hand

“_______? as in-“ you suddenly saw Daniel standing by you

“yes hyung, _______ from the new group,”

classic Daniel, you knew he always cant stand it when guys approached you, even if they were his friends

before you could say anything, the staff gathered everyone to commence the filming session

after they had presented the keys, you moved on to join your assigned groups

luck was really not on your side that day

all you wanted was to be away from Daniel but instead, you got placed in the same group as him

Daniel, on the other hand, was relieved to know that you were in the same group

“dont worry, i’ll help you along the way,” he whispered to you

he always stood beside you throughout the session and took care of you

during this time, you wished that you could hate Daniel but he made it so hard

he was still that sweet and kind boy you met many years ago - the one that made you melt everytime you hear him call your name

the feelings that you surpressed kept resurfacing

it didnt help that the hosts kept bringing up your past

“oh? _______ and Kang Daniel actually knew each other from before? how did you me?”

“we were schoolmates actually. we were pretty close friends,” he answered for you

you were glad that he was the one that answered, if it were you, it wouldve been word vomit - bringing up the good old times you missed

as the filming session went by, you have gotten more and more comfortable with everyone but with an increasing amount of fluttering feelings as you interacted more with Daniel

“now for our last game, 2 members of each team will have to jump rope together. the team with the higher number of jumps wins this whole round!”

somehow this show has a way of bringing up your old memories

jump ropes was something you and Daniel had always done - it was your way of ‘exercising together” and both of you were really good

Daniel, of course remembering this, immediately volunteered the both of you to do the challenge

before you knew it, you were standing in front of him and placing your hands on his BROAD shoulders, getting ready to start jumping

both of you kept jumping, you couldnt look up at him at all and were this close to losing the momentum

“________ just look at me, it’s gonna be okay,” he whispered in between of the jumps

the moment you locked eyes with him, you lost your balance and tripped over the rope, resulting to a sprained ankle

everyone stopped and quickly got the paramedics who were on stand by to aid you

thank goodness it was the last segment so they quickly wrapped up filming so that you could get proper care

while you were icing your ankle in the sick bay, you heard a knock on the door

you were expecting your manager but it was Daniel who came

“hey i just wanna apologise-“

“no no no, it was my fault! i lost my balance and yeah you know, clumsy old me,” you quickly looked away and directed your focus to the ice pack on your ankle

“no. the ________ i know is never this clumsy and most definitely wont freak out when they look at me. what’s even weirder is that you were so uncomfortable around me today. what’s wrong?”

Daniel knew you like an open book, you knew you couldn’t escape

“this is gonna sound stupid but i am still in love with you. i know it’s been so long and iwas the one who broke up with you, but i just keep thinking about you - how youre doing and coping with all this? and the way you treated me today, it makes me think that you still have feelings for me. i just- i dont know. i really missed you”

both of you sat in silence once again

you cant believe that you blurt all of that out, now he’s gonna think that you’re crazy

but instead, he embraced you in his arms, combing his fingers through your hair to calm you down, like how he used to

“i still do have feelings for you. i missed you, like crazy. you have no idea. everyday, i wish i could find you and tell you to take me back. i tried to find out where you were but i couldnt,”

his hands held your face gently as you made eye contact - this time you didnt back away

“let’s get back together. i miss the days when we were together. the days when we were happier and better. it drives me crazy that im not with you,”

“but, remember what happened then? what if-“

“no ‘what if’s. we’re gonna make it work, i know we can,” he kissed your forehead

[somnilogical]

petty bitch

[22:58] somni: this body is really pretty 2 me rn [23:14] somni: that lasted 16 minutes [23:59] somni: okay this is super petty but im kind of annoyed that porpentine

>talks big about the experience of being ugly and gross >has a fleshform thats amazingly pretty

i feel so betrayed??? (i dont actually feel betrayed, i just feel i want to be pretty)

i wanna be pretty so bad

i wish i could stop wanting to look pretty and okay

ill probably end up having an abstract n dimensional figure if i have a form. idk if id still use a vision analogue in simspace

liike non-passing -> passing as 10000-dimensional representation of parts of my psyche

i kind of wish i could look nice in the middle(edited) 24 March 2018 [00:00] somni: kind of sad but at least i look better than i did before hormones [00:42] somni: okay

i think ill acknowledge petty and hug her but not let her front because letting things front makes them stronger? [00:43] somni: i think. ive read this no strong experience corroborating it with 2 sec of thought [00:45] SmolDuck: I think uhhh It’s important to try to like make sure all your subagents have their needs met and letting them front can lead to them taking care of their needs and then going to bed and leaving you be, while keeping them from fronting can lead to them going crazy and driving you nuts [00:45] SmolDuck: it can also lead to them sabotaging things tho so [00:47] somni: i knoooow mertl i originally wrote ‘fork’ [00:47] somni: because i also thought that and wasnt sure!! [00:48] somni: this is actually a hard choice for me,!,! [00:48] somni: but specifically petty i will ask her what is up [00:48] SmolDuck: sounds like you might want to gather experimental data by trying each path and seeing how it goes [00:48] somni: and not go autobloodlet [00:49] somni: hmmmmmm its haaard to be systemic about this thouuuugh thats a cached thought and may be #invalid [00:50] somni: (all thoughts are valid ooohh bb im so sorry for saying that omg. what was i thinking) [00:51] somni: i think the cached thought might be inaccurate [00:52] SmolDuck: nodnod [00:52] SmolDuck: outdated [00:52] SmolDuck: obsolete [00:53] somni: i want to try reinforcing things that i want to be stronger hmmmmmmmm [00:53] somni: merrr and talk privately with the other voices?

that would annoy me if people did that tho [00:54] somni: less so if they listened and changed policies based on my input? [00:55] somni: idk i dont like to declare things conserved quantities, because particular kind of zero sum thinking can cause lock in…. in most people i dont think it would lock me in because im actually good at noticing this

but it does seem like these two things trade off(edited) [00:56] SmolDuck: Hmmmmm [00:57] SmolDuck: Gentle reminder that this is not at all a private location for talking to your voices [00:59] somni: this is true [01:00] somni: the voices are #screaming tho and i gotta process

so like i thiiink that i want to be able to shift between these states depending on a thing but i d k what the thing is [01:01] SmolDuck: External cue? [01:02] somni: like between the states of letting everymodule out and trying to reinforce what ecosystem i want to have (who i want to beee) [01:03] somni: im keeping this post https://radimentary.wordpress.com/2018/01/16/the-solitaire-principle-game-theory-for-one/ in the back of my mind as a guiding framework when i say this(edited) [01:05] somni: and have been thinking of incentivizing and reinforcing parts of me i want (different but not disjoint from what i find pretty) [01:10] somni: i was also thinking of the process by which i passively gain most of my updates in personality traits and aesthetics and beliefs

where you have:

evaluate {laugh, aesthetic response, ooh i like it!} inspect for coherence with other parts (okay i often skip over this but also sometimes do it here instead of later) mirror the thing i like reinforce pattern by imitating independently let other people who have the pattern do discernment on your imitation, take criticism [01:11] somni: –

its like getting minor updates on all your programs nbd. passive growth / expansion [01:13] somni: –

but this is like directed towards growth and change which is different from being okay with and acknowledging the parts you currently have… except its not?

not really? not the way i do it

i mean yes its a different process but i d k if the two actually trade off in me when i do this thing

i was. autocompleting from memories of others subjective experience reports [01:13] somni: hmmmmmmmm [01:15] somni: i could probably both accept parts of me while reinforcing other parts at the same time [01:15] somni: meeevvvvvvvv okay so the thing nathan said is also a good observation that we also noted [01:15] somni: wanna address that [01:16] SmolDuck: wait which thing [01:16] SmolDuck: I say a lot of things [01:16] SmolDuck: fully half of them are framed to sound insightful but are actually kind of bullshit [01:16] somni: I think uhhh It’s important to try to like make sure all your subagents have their needs met and letting them front can lead to them taking care of their needs and then going to bed and leaving you be, while keeping them from fronting can lead to them going crazy and driving you nuts [01:16] SmolDuck: oh, yeah that one I endorse [01:16] somni: me too! [01:16] somni: i think!! [01:17] SmolDuck: ……uh [01:17] SmolDuck: if you did disagree, what would your disagreement be? is maybe a good way to find out [01:18] somni: let me think

ummm i might want to ask the subagent what its going to do [01:18] somni: if it fronts and talk with it [01:20] somni: but idk why do the council of elders have to be in concordance before i do anything

they dont thats literally not how you work

but i mean like in the ideal, or like in this ideal

we talked with person about how we have the council of all the parts of you, they talk it out and give their cases and then if their cases dont agree with you, you throw them out and do what you wanna do(edited) [01:21] somni: um! ！！ [01:21] somni: there are like three different alerts saying that’s wrong [01:22] somni: >yeah but one of them is our sim of nathan’s reaction so we can throw it out [01:22] SmolDuck: I endorse that [01:23] SmolDuck: if you want my reaction I can give it to you directly [01:23] SmolDuck: if you don’t want my reaction, toss your simmed version [01:23] somni: omg okay i miiight endorse this way of choosing

it is consonant with the way of choosing where to live where you have a bunch of spreadsheets and crunch the numbers and if in the end you dont like what the numbers say, throw them out and move where you wanna [01:24] somni: but its important to deliberate first because figuring out what choice you want to make is not always clear [01:26] somni: but also sidenote most choices branch out and then converge to roughly the same endpoint and for these you can actually do whatever you want without consideration as long as you can identify this sort of structure well [01:29] somni: um this is related to impulsive longsightedness where you mentally model the state of your body 1 day in the future and see that you are more or less safe invariant over a wide range of actions. so you are free to do fun and weird stuff. (that often looks really impulsive and reckless to people who are running shortsighted or people running 24hr!longsighted but who occupy a different epistemic state. but ime most of the objections and autoresponses come from people running shortsighted.)(edited) [01:32] somni: –

ooookaaay coming back to… what was the thing before the branch?

how to choose!

you have a bunch of voices in your head! how do we determine how fronting works and whats a good idea and how to pursue goals

and whose goals matter and how the system will grow and change and what parts of it to practice

okay stating it right here, evermodule’s goals matter [01:32] somni: >matter

like every module gets to be heard [01:50] somni: hmmmmm

this looks like a Project

okay!

so i want to be able to direct my growth #VALID

i also want to be able to tend to the parts of me [like id tend to a garden] #VALID

i dont have to maintain and reinforce things i dont want to grow in to #VALID what?! how is this valid??

>so look if i grow into new things and go in new directions, old things that are depricaded kind of iwhrvissh… i want to say fade away but idk what happens. they stop existing as much. stop being as available and salient?

i think there’s an important distinction between actively going around optimizing for killing parts of you. and like growing outwards into something new and the old stuff doesnt get that much reinforcement anymore because you cant hold on to everything, and even of i could i don’t want to?

some old parts are depricaded because they are clearly inferior on all fronts from their replacement, some because im not that interested anymore

maybe this is deathism? (mer what is it doing that causes harm though?) i may want to keep more in the gtf but not everything. though rn i want a memory with no non-con deletions [02:01] somni: -

okay

i want to be able to reinforce stuff i like and grow  directedly

um does this mean things that want to cant go out to play sometimes?

wait okay i think we are talking about different things because there are a lot of desires and stuff that you cant make die by not feeding them? the will to masturbate under t being one of them

i feel there’s a distinction between the thing you are talking about and other sorts of values and desires that are embedded in people.

um im addressing both the hard to get rid of and the more ephemeral things like 'hi im workethic bot!’…. my work ethic, when i have it does not sound like that but okay. and also 'work ethic’ isnt a native concept??? it isnt part of us yet but i know it as a thing that is part of other people.

maybe its part of us but havent really processed what 'work ethic’ is in internal terms when people use it. i think we have something different than the median meaning of work ethic but also it could be projected down to 'work ethic’ for legibility and people would still be able to follow most sentences i would output with the concept. …. given that i also worked to make the other stuff 'legible’. i hate the word 'legible’ now!!!

>why tho?

it is overused and i feel like you papered over subtleties there and there are more good details. buuuut ill think about this later. [02:07] somni: -

okay!

back to what i was thinking about. i think that

>i

k, lotsa agents up in this skull

stilll we think directed growth is nice and i think im okay with letting parts be deprecated

so a core problem here is that fronting does more than one thing!!!

so far im tracking two things i think fronting does:

(1) lets a module take full control of the body so it can get its needs met (2) reinforces the strength of the module [02:08] somni: -

autoquestion: (can we seperate these things?) are there other ways to let a module get its needs met besides fronting? are there ways to reinforce the strength of modules without fronting?(edited) [02:11] somni: @SmolDuck also im on 20 mg moda which i think accounts for a bit of why im Like This. but ooh! what do you think about the separability of the things? [02:14] SmolDuck: Hmmmmm [02:14] somni: ill take some l theanine to help CALM and help the comedown process go smoothly

(i think im coming down a bit) (im p sure this is moda comedown qualia) [02:15] SmolDuck: It depends on the need [02:15] SmolDuck: Seraph does better the less they front, currently [02:15] SmolDuck: the little one needs gentleness and respect [02:16] somni: nodnod [02:17] SmolDuck: if their need is like, 'attention’ they might need to front to get that fulfilled [02:17] SmolDuck: if their need is 'feeling safe’ then they can do that without fronting [02:17] SmolDuck: in my personal experience, ymmv, ianad, etv [02:18] somni: (i think im only a little more than median fragmented but of people in my fragmentation reference class im a LOT more self-aware of the thing) [02:18] somni: nod

hmmm [02:21] somni: you are very focused on taking care of parts and this is good and a thing to do…….

i dont think im as attached to parts-as-they-are but like parts that are anthropically called into existence because they can optimize over a thing (like if a module for containing anxiety isnt good at it, it sort of dies and is replaced with a new pattern; whatever anxiety containment module i have after a bit is a result of an iterative process like this*)

hmmmmmm

i do care about their welfare, but i think i care about them differently?? its hard to put my finger on(edited) [02:24] somni: *i also have spiritual feelings about this wrt people. where problems form voids in space to be filled by people who have shaped themselves to solve the problem [02:25] SmolDuck: hmmmm [02:26] somni: <i <l<3ve3 my spiritual feelings3 [02:31] somni: liike i think okayness works differently when parts of you keep getting replaced and this is standard operating procedure

whereas your parts seem like humans who eat soup and live in a village together and talk

and less like theyll quickly die and be replaced with another thing when the problem shifts [02:31] SmolDuck: nod [02:31] somni: wow okay i have low confidence in this model of my structure but it is like 1/3 right [02:31] somni: maybe 2/3? [02:32] SmolDuck: ………idek if any of us like soup [02:33] somni: hm i meant soup as a stand in for comfort and eating [02:33] SmolDuck: Ahhh [02:33] SmolDuck: I think we like clam chowder [02:35] somni: also im on moda so a lot of the descriptions will be biased towards mania / inducing in me a visceral sense of motion i thiink (die and be replaced is motion-y) [02:35] SmolDuck: ahh [02:35] somni: oooh…. everyone likes clam chowder? [02:38] SmolDuck: yeah [02:38] SmolDuck: some things, we all like, cause they’re pleasant for our body [02:40] somni: wheeew

this is better than last time

wait last time was 50 mg; okay i feel like i might be approaching the harsh meta-ing out event horizon and id want my squid module analogue to help keep calm [02:40] somni: –

hm it is nice that you can agree on something [02:41] SmolDuck: we cooperate pretty well now that we’ve actually talked about this and agreed that mutual cooperation is optimal [02:44] somni: like i can do better meta but at the event horizon things become a Lot and stuff dissolves and syntax feels like an illusion and things connect to other things without bottoming out and stuff dissolves

idk i feel like it diverges from metacog, though the chemicals help metacog in some ways [02:47] somni: okayyy feeling better

i dont need to be so tied to this visceral experience but also have the impulse that i want people with me

it doesnt affect my core i dont think which means panic attack is probs not going to happen [02:49] somni: -

if i become enlightened do i have to let go of drama? (no)

okay good because i like drama and snark and all that gay stuff [02:55] somni: -

so like ive been okay the whole time im so proud of me? im able to meditate in the eye of the storm, of course ive maintained calm under much more difficult circumstances but that was unexpected and i improvised as best i could.

i feel like i can actually do this reliably?

i still have the urge to grouse about it and snark which is spooooky why is this still appealing? is it blindsight grousing? force of habit? if im still attached and want to grouse maybe i havent let… something… go completely? idk what i mean by 'let something go’ but i def mean something [03:14] somni: @SmolDuck thanks for talking with me [03:15] SmolDuck: 👍👌

[dainty-white-rose]

my story (tw)

i havent been on this account since i was in 6th grade. ive come a long way since then. i am now in 10th grade and i recenctly relapsed into my old ed. but this time its worse. i am now suffering with bulimia. i also relapsed in october 2020 with self harm. during the time i made this account i was suffering with really really bad depression. i was suffering up until 9th grade. i turned to substance abuse to help me escape my depression.  it was helping me so much during that time. i wasnt depressed all the time anymore and all my axiety/social anxiety went away and most importantly i loved my body and my ed went away. it was all fun and shit until i became dependant on drugs to make me feel happy. i have been smoking and vaping for a little over a year now. i would get so high out of my mind that i couldnt even stay concious. i knew my problem was getting out of hand but i couldnt stop it no matter how i tried. whenever i couldnt get high to escape my depression i would find other ways to get high. i tried dxm for the first time in early novemeber. i loved it and i also loved the fact that it was over the counter. i was doing research about it and i found this website that had the different plataues of using dxm. i wanted to get to the third plataue. the third plataue was between 400-600 mg. it said that it had similar experiences to ketamine and smoking pcp. i was excited to find out what the third plataue felt like. i bought 3 bottles of dxm. 15 pills in each and each pill was 15mg. i took 2 whole bottles and 3 from the third one. i think i took like 560 mg. i was on ft with my bf during the time i was overdosing. let me tell you od is not fun at all. my pupils were dialted to the point where i couldnt see anything my vision was super fucking blurry. i also kept throwing up and blacking out. i was playing among us with him and his friends and it literally took me 10 minutes to type in the code and even when i did get into the game i kept blacking out during it. my bf was obviously getting really worried about me so he told me to text my sister. (btw a little bit of this is from my memory because i do remember a little bit about what happened that night but most of it is from my bf or my sister). i texted my sister and i was texting her random letters trying to type something out idk what maybe help but i couldnt see shit at all and kept blacking out during that too. my sister went to go check on me and i woke up with her next to me telling me it will be okay and that im just having a bad trip. i kept asking my sister did i throw up over and over again because i kept forgetting and blacking  out. i couldnt stop throwing up so my sister helped me walk to the bathroom and i literally couldnt walk at all. my sister got me to the bathroom and got me some water. i remember that i was  crying while hugging my sister saying i dont wanna die over and over again and saying am i gonna die. my sister was calming me down and i still couldnt see shit at all. my mom came home and she went to my mom and told her what happened. i was laying on the bathroom floor blacking out over and over again. i woke up with paramedics over me. when i was in the ambulance they gave me an iv and i stopped blacking out at that point. the day before i had cut myself  pretty badly and i was wearing a short sleve shirt so they obviously were very conserned about that. i had to talk to pysch and shit. i went to a mental hospital and it was a good experience to reflect and work on myself. i met many friends there and i would go back to that place when i really need the help again. i left early because i got covid there and i spent 2 weeks in the hospital and then i went home. i was gone from home a few days away from a month. theres this program i am doing for drug addicts like me and depression. but when i was in the hospital with covid something happened. i started to skip meals because i was sleeping and then i just kept skipping breakfast one day and then luch another day. when i came home it stayed like this. i was skipping meals because i liked feeling hungry and not full. i started with 2 meals a day to now not even one. i didnt go over 200 cals today. im getting help kind of for it. in my program i have a nutirionist who helps me and i get weighed everyweek. i never thought that i would ever relapse into my ed and hate my body again. im trying to get better but i keep getting worse. i try to eat more but i feel guilty and fat so i throw it up. it makes me sad that i destoryed all that progress with over coming my ed. today my depression and ed continue to get worse and ill prolly update on how im doing. my bf is currently working on finding himself and he told me to do the same so thats what ill be working on for a while till i overcome my ed and depression again. also i relapsed into cutting when i came home and i also relapsed into vaping again. its so hard to stay away from the things i only knew that took my pain away. i miss smoking weed everyday and when im not getting drug tested anymore im gonna turn back to it i know i will. but instead of being dependant on it i want to do it for fun and to have a good time instead of using it as a way to stop feeling depressed. i cant wait for things to get easier i hope they will because i hate crying everyday wishing i was dead

[survivorgalaxysedge]

Episode 5 | Forgive Me Cowtown For I Have Sinned - Ari

ohhhhh i found something JUICY tonight!!! so yesterday the hosts got tired of me constantly asking how many fuel i have and gave me the command to view it, and i knew i was outta points so i was like ok cool we'll check it out tomorrow. TURNS OUT the scorekeeper bot shows you not just your personal points.... but the points of everyone in the game.... and WHOM is number two on that list with 36 entire points? that's right. my best friend keegan. my first thought was wtf ew how did he already recover from my sabotage, i feel zero percent guilty about doing that now! and then my second thought was WAIT...... this is PERFECT. so you can bet i ran right to all three of my allies to be like "hey omg i found something shady :0 didn't keegan say all his fuel got blown up the other day? well i pulled some receipts and it turns out he still has all of it! why would he lie about that??? so sus!" and now i'm laughing because there could not be a more perfect excuse to get him gone!!! i'm not gonna push it any more than that right now - for all i know, we'll prob win the next challenge again - but i've tucked the ammo away in my pocket, planted the ari seed in jonathan and zoe's heads, and i'll let it sit pretty there until i need it. also, i ended up telling ali what i did to keegan simply because he is 100% not going against me and i needed someone to tell me i'm funny, so i also let him know about this plan o mine and that we could use this against sir keegan, which he's so down for. god. i cannot wait to tell mj about all this shit.

Jacob being voted out of NuTrian is the second best thing that could have happened. Preferably Nathan but my OG Andro and Jessie are safe so that’s very good. Now we’ve got a Guess Who challenge which is okay. I don’t care if we get first or second, I just really really don’t want to get last. Let’s keep the good vibes going and be safe for a fifth straight tribal council. Ali told me he scored 11 points, I scored 10. I hope Zoe can whip out her survivor magic with a score of 8 or 9. And then hopefully Jonathan can pull out a good score as well. Nathan and Zach have both scored 12 on this challenge before, so I can only hope they keep up with that and score high again. Gotta make sure those other tribes flop. I’m still incredibly uncertain about how to play this steal a player advantage. It’s possible we ride this 3 tribe split all the way to merge. My guess is merge at 11 or 10. That would be quite a few tribals to go without another swap but it’s certainly possible. Though I could absolutely see a swap now at 12. Two tribes of six, and then merge at 10. A final 3 with 7 jurors perhaps? Either way, I think I’ll hold on to this advantage until it seems likely that I’ll need it. No sense in causing some chaos if it isn’t necessary.

ok so i'm doing well in challenges rn, as best as i can at least, and i feel like that's the only thing keeping me alive bc.... nobody talks to me. i feel like i'm starting every one on one conversation and desperately trying to keep it alive and not be left on read. idk if they're like this with each other or if its just me but !!!!!! it doesnt make me feel good abt potentially losing a challenge. so i will just keep carrying my weight and keeping my cute little head down and pray im just being paranoid<3

WELL We lost the immunity challenge which is the first loss after four straight immunity wins. That was a nice little break while it lasted. The obvious choice right off the bat is to vote for Ali. Keeps the OG Andro tribe fully intact, and avoids the most possible drama. However, I worry he might have found the Circi idol from his original tribe. Plus whatever advantage he may have gotten from the first challenge of the season. So the alternate thought is to maybe vote for Jonathan or Zoe. I adore Ari would not want to vote them out. It's tempting to throw a vote on one of them in the event of Ali playing an idol, just to keep myself safe. But if Ali doesn't have an idol, that could cause a whole world of issues. On the flip side, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if some or any of my tribe mates decided to throw my name under the bus. I haven't been the most social person and while I have definitely pulled my weight in the challenges, I could see them having their own little group that's willing to throw my under the bus and make things as painless as possible for the rest of them, especially considering they've all said they like Ali a lot. Ahhh this is all so much worse considering I have the hidden immunity idol. I don't want to waste it, but I also don't want to pull a Kellee Kim and go home with it in my pocket. 

it's kind of ridiculous how well this is all going???? why havent they voted me out yet i am running this shit -talked to ali, told him he's gonna be fine we just need to get people to vote for keegan -talked to jonathan, convinced him keegan is the most logical vote "because he's shady" and because it also means we can vote ali easily next time (versus going down to andro 4 and having it get much more messy) -jonathan was like "should we tell ali right before the vote?" and i was like i think you should call him and see where his head is at and we can go from there, jonathan said ok good point, if he says he wants to vote keegan and he also tells you that without any prompting from either of us we know he's real about it -yeeted myself into ali's dms the very second jonathan hung up like OK LISTEN HERE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN HE CALLS YOU, HE CANT KNOW I TOLD YOU ANY OF THIS -ali called me half an hour later like "omg we had such a good talk i love jonathan now deadass, i told him exactly what you said to say and he's so down" -presumably in the morning jonathan will call me and say "wow had a great talk with ali he seems cool and great and he said he'd vote keegan, what did he tell you?" and i can say "yeah same he mentioned keegan so i think we're good!" and jonathan will feel like we Did This Together and ali will feel like i Did This For Him and everyone will be in love with me -all i have to do tomorrow is make sure zoe is on board & that she doesn't feel pushed, and prob call keegan and make him some vague promises about working together long term, and then cross my fingers that i don't get blindsided during my editorial meeting at 9pm est i am having so much fun

i just keep thinking about how funny it’s gonna be when we get to merge and mj tells me to vote out all these people i’ve been making f2s with and i’ll be like “okay!!!!<3”

Not to go back to INV this round, but not much has been going on. I've been keeping up socializing but since we're not going to tribal it's been more quiet than it has been last round. I'm really glad we won though bc I feel vulnerable if we go to tribal again. Cindi seems close to Nathan, and Nathan and Jessie seem closer to each other than they will be to me so I'm worried I'd be an easy vote. So I'm really hoping for a swap or merge tonight, or at least a challenge we can excel in. Don't want it to come down to one point again.

^_^ Okay, so no important updates with this tribe! It's freaking QUIET. I haven't talked to Zach or Silver at ALL since being with this tribe. I've talked to Jules a lot and Asya some, though. I'd like to work with the two of them if possible and if we ever go to tribal here, which I don't want to do because uhhh it's worrisome! Anyway, the only actual update I have is that I found the legacy advantage!!! Randomly at like 2AM I found it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly... I think I just went to watch the Circi round 3 tribal and then the Trian round 4 tribal... and then I think I went to watch the Tribe Swap video to see if there was some sort of announcement made regarded the Oxygen Tank amounts because I was confused why that number was changed more than double. I guess I was also thinking that since the hosts didn't make an announcement that the adventure was resetting at the swap then MAYBE there would be a new twist/advantage inserted elsewhere for this next phase of the game? Now, being the crackhead that I am, of course back on original tribes, I SEARCHED everywhere on the blog that I could think of. Extenders URLs, the source code, hidden hyperlinks - everything. Nothing was there. But in this case, my brain said, hmm, let's just scroll down and see if there's anything in the description of the Tribe Swap Youtube video...and... there was!! I didn't really know what it was at first but when I opened it everything CLICKED! Finally the Reem Cameo from launch night serving a bigger purpose made total sense. After seeing this link in the description though and realizing it was calling back to something we were told about night one, I went back and checked to see if this had been hidden all along, and of course it's literally in the description of the Cast Reveal video!!! and every other video after that!!! Keeping in mind that I found this 11 days into the game, I was like, oh there's definitely some nerd that found this instantly on night 1 so I'm probably just gonna get a message saying nothing here or something like that. Obviously that wasn't the case though. I think nobody found this because I lot of people operate via mobile in these, and Youtube descriptions require an addition click to reveal what's there. Alternatively, for desktop users, who the hell is scrolling down for any reason while you're watching videos from your ORG?? It's nothing something anyone does naturally. So that explains that. Anyway, I'm happy I found it even though it has absolutely no use until Day 39. I will say though that having this and knowing that, it has really motivated me to get to the end of this game. Coincidentally, HOURS before I found this, I had a conversation with Jules about how quiet this tribe has been and that I'd like to start working towards bettering our positions moving forward seeing as there are people here with more/stronger connections than either of us. I just love that I found an advantage that motivates me to start playing this game, exactly how I'd voiced to Jules about feeling a desire to start doing SOMETHING. We love a live narrative!!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna tell Jules about the legacy advantage because it's an advantage that incentivizes people to vote out the owner and have it passed on. I trust Jules, we go YEARS back and have to successful runs as allies under our belts, but this is just something I'd like to keep to myself. Earlier today I also decided that I'm probably never gonna tell Ari about it either if our paths ever (hopefully) cross in this game. I wanna surprise my bestie! At any rate, Jules did tell me that Zach and Asya seem like the type of players that only play on tribal days (at least in this case of this game) which is fine, but I've played a few super intense, intimate, and high-stakes ORGs in the past couple of years which has made me prioritize personal relationships with people over barebones game relationships. This makes dealing with people who aren't that interested in getting to know me or revealing themselves to me a SUPER off-putting experience and a drastic change of pace from what I've become accustomed to. But I'm totally capable of adapting to this environment... I just don't necessarily prefer it. I feel like I have room to connect with Asya on a personal level if given the chance. Zach and Silver I don't know. Although, I do think that if we ever lose immunity here I could for sure spit some game to Silver that would make him believe I want to work with him. I already have an idea of how that conversation goes, and the potential negative consequence of it is practically non-existent on this swap tribe, whereas it could have backfired on me if original Trian lost that third challenge. Anyway, I'll get into that whenever we lose or if I get bored and initiate that chat just to feel something lol

No tribal ever again until merge or swap please. Jessie would be the one I'd want out and I assume Jay would as well but she has Nathan's shard so, like, he'd lose that and then I lose my hope of getting both their shards and misplaying my first idol because I'm not good at survivor

Yayyyy we won immunity. Idk what much else to say except that I got 40 fuel tanks

today i am mad and sad. lost the challenge, was my fault bc purple not pink. no i will not elaborate. now ari jonathan and i have decided to save ali and vote out keegan. i hope it goes well. i am filled with anxiety. i don’t even want keegan to go, we just have to make the decision based on the fact that we don’t want to be seen as a tight alliance going into merge, and keegan can make it look like there was a crack therefore not making us look strong. but he is just sacrificial unfortunately. but we’ll see how it goes. i’m still anxious

Wow we won what a concept See what happens when we don’t throw comps ? Anyways yeah that’s it I guess lol

Honestly I I'm done with these hoes I'm ready to vote off Keegan 

This is definitely a very stressful and emotional tribal. I hate that we’re voting for Ali because he is a genuinely fantastic person and under different circumstances I think we could have worked really well together in this game. But when there’s a 4-1 tribe swap and the four of us have absolutely no beef with each other, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. None of my other 3 OG Andro players come across as big move players either. So unless I’m being straight up lied to and am about to get completely blindsided, it’s looking like a unanimous Ali boot. Which is incredibly sad. I really wanted us to win out until merge so we wouldn’t have to vote him out. But such is the game. Keegan signing off (hopefully not for the last time)

[surviveatitlan]

Episode 1 - Soy perezosa y estoy cansada. Quiero morir. - Emily

Jay Bee

I'm on a tribe with only people who've played in Athena. So. I'm gonna be first boot CONFIRMT! I was like 'cameron don't cast anyone I hate like [redacted], [redacted], or [redacted]' but honestly honey! this is worse! I've hosted everyone in this cast except like 4 people. So. Hell. Okay so initial early tribe assessment: Alex: really strong player, kinda scary kinda gentle. likely first boot if we lose. Rebecka: thats my queen! if she votes me out i'll say thank you. im hoping to work with her and timmy since there's the himalayas connection Autumn: is a winner but tbh not that threatening Timmy: don't know him that well, which hopefully means I can work my social charm Dynamics could be a mess since its 3 girls/2 guys, 3 himalayas/2 not,  2 people ive hosted/2 i havent, etc. Intersecting. Very intersecting already 15 minutes in.

Madison

Okay first of all FUCK YOU for 4 tribes of *5*?! How am I supposed to survive this? Although Bryan is here THANK GOD. and Dan is here which could be good although idk if he’s over how dirty I did him in Mongolia. 

Olivia

Helllo!!! HOLY SHITBALLS THIS FUCKIN CAST WHAT THE HELL!!!!! I’m good friends with Sammy who is on my tribe so that’s cool and I like francie. I’m playing against jay?!?!?! Not cool!! Never wanted that to happen she’s my host mom I don’t wanna compete against her 😂❤️ Also heather and Tim are here wtf!!!! Omggggf ahhhhhhhsnakdbsa. So many iconic players I hope I can skate by without being seen as a massive target 

Allan

Looking at the cast list I know literally no one lmao. The only person I recognise is Madison who i played a mini with and we literally sent two messages to each other. I'm hoping that not knowing anyone might work in my favour because it means I'm willing to work with anyone. I just really need my tribe to win this first immunity because I fear that I won't have time to form any bonds if we lose and I might be a first boot.

Timmy

I'm screaming, why is this cast so iconic. Like this tribe is amazing and I have no idea what will happen if we have to go to tribal. Here are my initial thoughts on my tribe: Alex: We have only talked socially in groups, never one on one, but he is cool. Autumn: Love, an icon, a true fave, but also a dangerous player because she is sneaky but if I can get her on my side now, I should be fine for a few rounds. Jay: Queen, another icon, love. This is the first time we have ever really talked but she is one of the nicest people in this community and I want to work with her. Just have to be wary if her, Emily, and Francie get on a tribe together because they will be a power trio (an iconic one, but a very dangerous one). Rebecka: Oh god, seriously another icon. This tribe is too good, she is a strong player and strategic. We need to win immunities when in this tribe because this is a strong group of people and who knows what will happen if we have to go to tribal.

Dan

I'm just saying this rn. If I end up on a damn tribe with Alex Crooks, I might lose my mind. He irritates me beyond belief and I really don't want to put up with him. I'm super happy I really only know Madison on my tribe because I want to make new connections with people and not be stuck with the people that I play every game with all the time. I've had it with Emily and Francie joining games together. I love them so much, but like byeeee. I feel like I won't make it far in this game bc of who is in it, but such is life! 

Heather

Wow such a pretty cast but im playing with 3 people who have/are hosting me so this should be fun. And who's bright idea was it to put me on a tribe with Emily. Like we are the same person and I love her to death. I have wanted to work with her for so long and now we get the chance to. AND A FEW OF MY LOVES ARE ON OTHER TRIBES. And Annmarie is here with me on whatever the tribe is called so IOS pride. Ive been talking to Brian Brian and hes so chill i love it.  And Jacob the lip sync king. Im excited omg this cast is beautiful. 

Francie

okay so four tribes of five ppl? oh wowie thats something I havent done before. less people = less connections to make at first but when you'd have to go to tribal? oh, that'd be tough bc less room for variety and like alliance and stuff with low numbers is just...yeah. I might add olivia and julia to something then? I guess? I mean off the bat, all four of them seem good but I know more about olivia and julia (not a ton about how they play in game tho asjdhhaf) on other tribes, emily, jay bee, and tim are out there somewhere like holy cow my mom, my best friend in the community, and my son? in the same game with me? damn cam, good call separating us like this. imagine if we all made merge together.... this challenge?? a duolingo spanish challenge??? holy shit my time has COME not only do I have the time tomorrow to dedicate to this but I actually have the skills to do it!!! like,, really reasonably well!! some on the other tribes too, probably, but I'm extremely confident about this already

I forgot just how basic basic spanish is I feel like it's day one of freshman year again 

what if i just do it, make an alliance tonight. its a small tribe gotta make connections quicker.....

cam sending a message about adding hosts to alliance chats? could someone already be making one. hf, im gonna go for it

I did it I made an alliance with julia and olivia already and if it goes south by any chance, oh well I called it 2 and a half gals ajsdhjasld

I'm anxious about everything so ofc im anxious about making an alliance s o soon but also its a small tribe so I need to get together with some people bc if I wait to long i could get hecked over so...

I think this tribe call is the chillest tribe call i've been on ajlhdkgflsahjd

Emily

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8vgwmkpLEc

Bryan

WHATS UP BITCHEZZZZZZ IM BACK AFTER CRACKTOA FOR SOME LAGO DE A TITTY LAND!!! WOOO!!! THANKS TO CAMERA FOR HOSTING ME!! Honestly looking at this cast. I’m 150% sure this cast will tear each other a part because there is so many people here known for being snakes and being messy and it’s just gonna explode. But anyways. My tribe: Madison: omg I literally love this girl so much. Bless up that she was casted. She’s one of my best friends in this community and I know we can work together. Tim: I’ve been able to play with him for like 2 rounds in another game but he was very pleasant to talk to so I’m excited to be playing with him again. Alann: no idea who this person is. Dan: he hosted one of my games before. We didn’t really talk much but he seemed nice. Overall. Super pumped for this game!! I’d try and go over people on other tribes but that’s honestly too much work. Bye for now! 

Tim

So the cast seems increadibly strong and seeing everyone be so iconic makes you wonder which person is about to be the first boot. Not me! Also the tribes are SOOOOO small its scary. 5 people? Rip laying low. Even the hosts were like make an alliance of 3 to keep majority lmfaooo. 

Madison

This video makes it seem like I’m dragging Allan. I would like to clarify tha lt I think Allan is a lovely person. Otherwise: https://youtu.be/-qEd8D76iL4

Bec

https://youtu.be/E_RvgCg5qXw

Dan

So we're safe from the first tribal! Yassss. Which is good because I really haven't talked to many people on the tribe. Jus the cordial how's the weather bullshit, ya know. I really like don't see myself getting super far in this game just based on who is cast, so I'm just gonna have fun and too my best! WOO! *high kick* Anywho, I'm sad the love of my life Beckka isn't safe this week :/ I hope the devil incarnate Alex Crooks goes this round. I've had it with his ass. 

Bec

-i knew we were gonna lose -i refuse to go home -jay told me to make an alliance with whoever i want with her so me her autumn lets go -need to talk to timmy -alex just added me and i realized we hadnt spoken yet and yikes

Francie

we won the immunity!!!! woo!!! our tribe came in second and I pulled so many points out of my ass. es muy bueno

Tim

We actually won with the highest score woo!! The challenge was honestly pretty fun yet challenging luckily Madison had some knowledge of Duolingo that helped us. Wooo our tribe [insert name]

Emily

We barely missed tribal... lmao I fucking hate this challenge. Soy perezosa y estoy cansada. Quiero morir.

Timmy

This sucks. Alex already messaged me saying “can’t wait to go home” because he got the lowest score and just added two other tribe members. I don’t really want him to leave though. It’s just really difficult because this is such a good tribe. Just hoping the fact that I’ve already been talking to everyone will help me out going into the tribal council, because I do not want to be the first person to go.

Madison

BOOM BOOM BOOM LEMME HEAR YOU SAY WAY HOOOOOOO BC WE WON IMMUNITY!! Tribe morale +1000! I love us! 

Heather

We got 3rd place, but Aye no tribal. Guess that means FORM RELATIONSHIPS YAY. There has been no talk of an idol system yet, so I def want to get to the bottom of that soon. ahh Im going to bed...

Bryan

Haha. Bilingual kings and queens only on my tribe woo! I’m sooooooo happy that we got first place in the challenge!! Like. Hopefully this is much different from krakatoa where I went to almost every single tribal council pre merge. *shakes violently while having flashbacks* but honestly. Tribe morale is up which is sweet! No real new updates is relations I think. Only that I’ve found out that Allan ends 80% of his messages with “haha” 

Jacob

WE DIDN'T LOSE HELL YEAH!! ... but I'm kinda crying inside because no matter who leaves we lose a legend )': But HEY only 18 people stand between me and victory so woohoo <3

Jay Bee

listen i am so hungover at a panera right now but I DONT WANNA BE FIRST BOOT!! this four tribe bullshit better go away in another round or two or else i’m going premerge which i h9. i dropped some hints to put alex on the bottom day 1 but i’m hoping like rebecka and autumn are with me. we made an alliance so hopefully they’re With It

AnnMarie

Wow. This game started off a bit oddly, especially with all of my inactivity the first day. Despite that, I'm shocked at how the first immunity challenge went! My first immunity challenge ever in soarsa ended badly because of inactivity, but this time we are safe and I get to relax a little and get to know some of the people I'm playing with. Heather is incredible and Emily is so sweet. I trust Brian and Jacob and I wish we communicated more. The tribe is a bit more quiet than I'm used to, and I hope we bond more. I feel very good about this game especially since it's set in Guatemala. If a lot of the hints and challenges are in spanish, I think that I'll be breezing through. Hopefully I can use my knowledge and language to leave an impression on the people and the game itslef. Cheers to a good game!!

Sammy

YES, WE MAY NOT HAVE GOT 1st BUT TIME DID SO GOOD AN I AM SO PROUD OF THEM. I HAVE NOTHING JUICY YET:( our first call was kinda awkward but the dog managed to entertain us. Anyway yeah I’m super pumped to work with everyone! 

Autumn

Omg I love and hate the lake already haha. I really like the cast and my tribe but the game is off to a rocky start since we lost the Duolingo challenge. I know it's not my fault but I feel like I made a huge miss steak. WHY DIDNT I JUST USE GOOGLE!!! I'm proud of myself for earning so much xp in such a short amount of time but I made it so much harder on myself and easily could've gotten those extra 300 points that would've put us in 3rd place. It's ok though Atitlan is lit and we shall overcome

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/koror-blog-org/images/1/1c/Reaction2.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150624035411

ALSO I LOVE MY TRIBE!!?! It really feels like a wholesome beautiful Athena reunion and seeing Jay and Timmy again is awesome. And then Rebecka is bae so you really can't go wrong. She created an alliance with me, her, and Jay and I stan. Mothers and Daughters is making merge y'all heard it here first. We're all voting Alex and I feel bad but I'm relieved because he's been super inactive and hasn't even added anyone until now so maaayyybbe it's not the worst thing. After this Atitlan has to be rock solid so if Alex is already the odd one out we might as well make it official

Olivia

WE WOOON WOOHOO!!!! I got the best score out of anyone, which is cool in a way but also could be perceived as threatening. I can see the same path that I went down on isle of skye spread out so clearly in front of me and I’m trying to change that. Fuckin tribe mates wouldn’t stop praising me and being so nice and calling me queen when I really didn’t want them to. I tried to deflect because I do NOT want to be seen as the leader again. That’ll probably just lead to an early merge demise once again. Idk how to stop it tho! Julia wasn’t going to be able to contribute much so I just tried to do as much as possible to make up for her and francie and nick were not that far behind. I regret sending my XP score I thought everyone would but they didn’t. I like 4/5 people on the tribe going to tribal so I hope it’s the fifth that goes hope (alex) but while it would break my heart, getting out one of the 4 icons on that tribe would make my life easier. Francie seems to be my closest ally at this point but also Sammy. But idk if I trust francie completely like she’s made it so far on Mongolia and did an awesome idol play and shit and she’s obviously really good at the game. However that could mean that if I’m her closest ally that’s good for me! But emily is also in this game and everyone knows how good she is. And also her and francie are f4 in Mongolia right now and seem to be closely working together so that poses a serious threat to me being francie’s #1. It’s going to be weird playing with heather and Tim because I’m good friends with both and would love to work with them but if I blindside them/they do it to me would it affect our relationship? I’d like to think no. AnnMarie and I left on super great terms in ios so there’s potential there. And then there’s Madison who everyone and their goddamn mother has worked to apologize and appease her in the reunion chat for voting her out but it’s like girl COME ON you could try to be a little less bitter about it. I never once apologized and tbh I do not regret voting her out in the slightest and I hope I get to do it again this game! I know some people viewed it as a not smart move but it was helpful to us and boosted our confidence and whatever! Doesn’t matter anymore. But I know she still holds a grudge towards me somewhat and I’m gonna either get my throat cut by her or work with her so we’ll see how that goes. And there’s also jay, my host mom. Idk man she said she’s here to play and play without limits or hesitation and I feel a really close bond with her but I know that has to be set aside for the game. There’s people here I’m totally sure she’s closer to so I’d have to appeal to her on a game level on why we should align. But maybe we won’t. On one hand, she said this is the last one she’ll be playing for awhile and I’d LOVE to see her win and do great because I love her and want her to do well as my friend!! On the other hand I want her to go pre-merge on a tribe I’m not on so that my biggest emotional threat and also probably the biggest threat in the game can be gone without the blood on my hands. I’m just glad I won’t be first boot. If our tribe goes to tribal it’ll probably be nick but it may be Julia because of the challenge but who knows about the next one! Could be me lol (knock on wood) Sorry for popping off there it had just been awhile lol

Also there are people in this game that are WAY bigger threats than I am so that’s reassuring. I just gotta make sure I play that up and conceal myself more than I did. So far, not doing great at that lmao 

Emily

Listen I love jay but I’m praying she goes pre merge

Brian

I don't know where the fuck I stand in the game. People are fake so rip. GOod thing there is another inactive on my tribe. 

Allan

¡Ganamos el desafío! I'm so happy we didn't have to go to tribal because I have no alliances or anything. Tbh I like everyone so far. Tim has been talking to me a lot but I couldn't really see myself going far with him so I guess we'll see how it goes.

Tim

My senses are telling me that me and Madison are on the outs while Dan is the flip vote and Allan and Bryan are on the other side. Bryan just gives me... really bad vibes and we arent really clicking at all and I dont think he's even putting forth any effort in our convo. I just need to talk more with peeps.

Nick

CONFESSIONAL ABOUT THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME So we are doing cast reveal and I’m like omg I’m friends with a lot of these people. But when we get on our tribes I DONT KNOW ANYONE. And I’m like crapp 1) the newbies are outnumbered 2) I already have enough problems with people I know now I have to make new relationships, which I have no problems 3. All of my friends have been split pretty much even in each tribe 4. THERES only 5 peopleeee. Like I do worse with tribes with less people But my tribe is very freaking active and I’m super excited to hopefully slay the game

Heather

My tribe isn't speaking that much, which sucks. But it could be due to us not having to go to tribal. I have spoke to Annmarie however, trying to form a tight relationship with her. Since we failed at that in Isle of Skye. I think we are cool and are into working together, even though last time we did, we wasted her idol together.

Nick

Confessional About After the challenge So the challenge was DuoLingo AND I LITERALLY Completed the whole thing in 24 hours #SpanishSkillsUnite Because our tribe was in it too win it, like half of us finished the whole thing and one came really close Like we freaking slayed And the best part is For once I don’t have to go to first tribal in an org. Thank god

Alex

I think I got handled a bad deck with this group. I’m not the most active and I sucked in the challenge. Just not the best combo for me

Alex is voted out 4-1 and round 2 begins.