#keep Sullivan single with no romantic interest

[jlbilu]

THIS

De todos los idiomas en que podías hablar, elegiste hablar basado. Respetos.

Was afraid this would happen...

I was really hoping the season finale would somehow make the Sullivan/Devine romance work. Well, in the immortal words of Reverend Jordan Vincent Peele: Nope. :P It proved what some of us have been saying all along–these two are not compatible and they don’t have the chemistry to override that. Sullivan needs someone who will challenge him and push him out of his stiffness/occasional arrogance, not someone trailing around making puppy-eyes at him. A really good romance makes you interested in what the lovers bring out in each other–and makes you want to see them together. That is decidedly not happening here–does anyone really want to see Sullivan settle down in tedious village domesticity?  I seriously hope the show just lets Devine solve mysteries, drive crazy, and find someone else.

[taki118]

IruClarAzz Master Post Part 1

Just collecting all of the cuteness of the Love Trio and adding my commentary. This will cover everything that season 1 of the anime covered. Also just saying ya’ll should read the manga theres more stuff and god the art does not translate sometimes. Its not everything everything but close there’s a lot of just little things and trying to focus on the three. (Also warning I may make jabs at the IruAmeri ship here and there just small comparisons showing why I don’t like it as much, no hate but if you don’t like your ship being talked about even slightly negatively probably look away.)

So lets begin

Here’s our meet cute where Clara willingly rams into objects and Iruma thinks she’s actually hurt. I think it’s kinda on purpose Iruma and Azz meet Clara in a similar way to how Iruma will meet Ameri but because Clara doesn’t have the out of control imagination Ameri does it isnt framed the same.

It’s their first playtime! I can’t put it all since its like the whole chapter 

But some highlights. I like that while Azz didn’t want to get involved he actually does seem to enjoy this to a degree, it is revealed later he never really got to play as a kid so much like Iruma they make up for lost time with Clara. I just love how they all have something the others lack such lovely balance. 

At the start Clara thinks of BOTH Iruma and Azz fondly in the manga after their first playtime, she doesnt single Iruma out, I think the anime places more emphasis on Iruma.

Her shift to focuses more on Iruma comes here after he alone asks her to play with them. And this is where her feelings may have started to change. Iruma did a lot for her with this simple kindness her world did literally change, the same happened for Azz but we won’t really see that until much later. 

So I wonder if Clara like lives on the way to Iruma’s from Azz’s? Like How did she see him first? But it’s cute how Iruma is not sure how to handle this at the start and will later find it so normal. 

Is ‘Stressed’ the right word Iruma? Sullivan Telling him the two are his friends makes Iruma nervous cause he never had them. (but I don’t think thats all it is)

They are too cute! I’m just so weak for their casual affection. 

Imma be real this is drawn like a confession, if you switched out the dialogue no one would find it odd. 

Iruma’s description of friends is interesting. I’m sure its partially a translation issue and partially a he’s never had one issue but I’d like to know what he think’s a romantic partner is and just where the line falls.

I’m sorry I just love how weirdly in step they are, the back and forth is always great. 

Cuties

They always notice when Iruma feels down and Azz even tries to be silly for his sake. Its just so sweet.

He’s so happy look at that face!

Worried Azz is so cute

The start of their separation anxiety, Iruma will soon join them.

They’re his biggest cheerleaders.

Relaxing together.

Friends connected by the heart, again not sure if this is a lost in translation thing or not. 

The moment Iruma starts to maybe have not so platonic feelings towards Clara. And again despite her goal to make Iruma focus on her and how they fight Clara is always quick to remember Azz and keep him involved. 

A fun thing you constantly notice is how Azz is Clara’s caretaker, he’s constantly making sure she doesn’t run off or cause problems or even hurt herself.

God this is just too cute. 

Azz just casually playing with Clara to keep her focused so he can talk with Iruma.

The first of their sleepovers. 

Look at this mischievous trio. 

So happy together.

Azz mom seems to like Iruma, casually mentions how much he talks about him. I gotta wonder what Azz is so embarrassed by talking about him isnt something Iruma wouldn’t know maybe its just his mom or maybe its how close shes getting.

Clara’s mom likes them both and is grateful they spend time with her daughter. I find it interesting that both their parents seem to approve Iruma but Ameri’s dad hates him. You can say its cause they’re viewed as platonic or cause moms are easier but I’m not so sure.

Azz and Clara are at the front of Iruma’s mind.

Its a good thing they can both cook cause Iruma can’t. 

Again not only can they read Iruma pretty well but they respect his boundaries. Some people seem to think they don’t but when it’s important they both know when to back off and simply be there for Iruma.

Because of the chaos its easy to miss but they are feeding him. 

Again so cute Iruma feeding them. 

They just love getting praised by him. It is funny that their attempt to cheer Iruma up started as a combined effort then turned into a competition that they found woulda been better spent just working together. The slow burn of them learning to appreciate and work together in the background is so great. 

Did, did Clara strip them both down for the idols outfits? 

Anyway that’s it for what season1 covers chapters 1 - 43. Part 2 coming on its way. 

[the-dc-killjoy]

4x12 - Old Souls

Wynonna Earp's over. I'll do pretty much anything to get another season, but shows (not that I think that this show could ever get to that point. id still love WE even if it turned into whatever Grey's Anatomy's doing rn) shouldn't overstay their welcome. If this is the end, than it was a damn fine ending!

-

The cute.

I've been watching Martina sing since I was 11 years old, and it still puts a smile on my face. Rachel was iconic as always, and I'm gonna miss the most recent addition to the Earp family. I can just imagine the chaos of her, her not really but kind of boyfriend, and Randy Nedley on a tiny boat in the middle of nowhere. Poor Nedley. Let's hope Chrissy remains the only one of his many daughter figures to catch mono.

Speaking of mononucleosis- that's such an awful transition that i'm keeping it, I believe that Wayhaught has officially christened the entire homestead. Bedroom, The Stairs, kitchen floor, barn- short of just going to pound town (i'm not getting any better with sex references tonight. am i) in a patch of grass outside, they've got everything covered. Or nothing covered if you know what i mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Am I getting better now?

-

The random.

Nedley walking Nicole down the isle, Wynonna walking Waverly down the isle, Doc being Waverly's best man, and Wynonna being Nicole's best friend (no she will not take a secondary title. best friend will go on her tombstone)- sigh, i'm so gay. i can't really explain what that has to do with these circumstances, but i am and this makes me happy. Rachel and Nedley (and Billy was there somewhere right?) being the only people in attendance made this the perfect pandemic wedding even though there wasn't actually a pandemic in Earp land. I was the living embodiment of the pleading face emoji when they panned over the chairs. Doll's chair hurt me. like deeply. like i'm still suffering. there aren't words. fuck, i miss him.

On a lighter note, Waverly said fuck (like eight times)!!! She technically said it already, but chainsmoking-angelic possession doesn't count, right?

I'm glad that Jeremy has this new thing with Damon, but I kinda wish things had worked out with him and Robin. He officiated a wedding, got promoted, and got a handsome date in one afternoon, so I can't be too sad about his adorable self.

Charlotte Sullivan, the jilted dress shop owner/witch, played one of the earliest (in my knowledge at least. this show was my brother's thing not mine) representation of a bi woman in Canadian media. I don't know too much about her Rookie Blue character, but if you can have tolerated the will-they-wont-they, end of the world romance of the main character's kinda mediocre relationships for a couple more seasons, I'm sure you'll find out! By the nature of Canada having 16.87 actors in total, I tend to see a lot of overlap, and I have to infodump about that somewhere. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Earping callbacks! Wynonna's truck, her motorcycle, the bullet proof vest, Nedley and Nicole's father-daughter thing, Waverly never saying the f-word (and subverting that), i'm all in, even Rachel always being stuck with juice while the adults are drinking- perfect! We had a little bit of the usual supernatural insanity, but this episode was wall to wall fanservice, and it was perfectly in-character fanservice. That's the way to go! It didn't feel forced or awkward and the edited mailbox will make me tear up on rewatch

-

The relationship. (aka i wanna talk about wyndoc and had no outline when i started this thing)

The Wyndoc goodbye was beautiful. I'm not into the whole you need one person to complete you kinda thing, but the implication that it didn't have to be romantic (implying that Wynonna's person was Waverly) was great. I felt that the scene worked perfectly, and might have been fine leaving it there if there was another season clearly on the horizon. With the fact that this was the series finale (i sighed so hard typing that. my poor lungs), I'm glad that they got their own happy ending.

-

The analysis.

Nicole's and Wynonna's as individual characters mirror each other in so many ways, but I'm just gonna wax poetic about one: their relationship with the GRT. Wynonna was hurt by the town, badly. She grew up with a steady stream of shitty adults and a few who told her to shake the demons out of her head and embraced the tough love mantra. It made a lot of sense that she left as an adult. Waverly was most likely the only reason she didn't skip town before that.

Nicole had a negative integer of adult role models in her life, with the murdered aunt and uncle and the whatever-the-fuck her parents were trying to be. Sure, a little trip to the Ghost River Triangle left her with trauma that she spent a lifetime repressing, but what's a little surviving a massacre under the six year old girl bridge. Am I right?

In their early lives, these characters had nothing but negative experiences in the aptly named town of Purgatory. Wynonna was drawn back into town by Curtis' letter just in time for her 27th birthday, and Nedley applied for Nicole to start working as a cop. Neither of them directly chose to come back to the Ghost River Triangle, but both of them did have the final say.

Wynonna decided pretty early on that she was going to stay no matter what. She already abandoned her sister once. How could she do it again with all of these monsters lurking in the shadows. As time went on, her circle of people expanded, but Waverly has always been the person that fight through hell and high water for. Even when fighting wasn't necessary, when it hurt her much more than it helped anything, she did it anyways because it was the only thing she could do to protect her sister. Wynonna thought it was the only thing she could do at all. This entire season, she's been fighting a war with herself, and her leaving, Waverly telling her that it was okay to leave, was the first time that took a break, took a breath since she arrived in Purgatory on her 27th birthday. Her child and the man she loves are out in the world, but she will be back with them at her side. Maybe after a quick road trip, maybe after a few years, but she will be back.

Nicole spent a majority of season 1 and 2 feeling like an outsider. Season 3 came with the realization that these people were her family and the Ghost River Triangle was her home. Early season 4 kinda shat all over that, oops. The rest of this season has been her finding her footing again. Nicole was a wandering soul, but she voluntarily staked herself to the land, vowing to protect it and the people within its borders for the rest of her life without the ability to leave, and she doesn't regret it. Her wife, her family, her people are all in this one not-so-sleepy Canadian town.

Nicole found her place, after a lifetime of searching, and Wynonna left, temporarily, after a lifetime of feeling trapped. They might seem like opposites, but both women call the same place home.

-

Originally, I watched this show was to cope with the ending of Agents of SHIELD (which I kind of used to cope with the ending of Killjoys, which featured Emily Andras as a writer in season 1 and has near identical humor, found family, and a healthy serving of gay and wow this is turning into a bit of advertisement isn't it), but it wormed its way into my heart. I've never quite seen a show like this. Never seemed interested in a western, even a sci-fi western. Never saw the gay couple reach OTP status both in fandom and canon. I've never seen so many fan conventions dedicated to just one show. I usually stay for just one character (and Wynonna has become one of my all time favorite characters), but I find myself connecting with so many of the beautiful people being brought to life on my screen. Wynonna, Waverly, Nicole, Rachel, Dolls, Jeremy, Doc, Nedley and so many other hilarious and heartbreaking characters make this show, and every single human who played a part in this self-proclaimed shitshow deserves a round of applause and a swig of whiskey.

The end.

[slash-em-up]

Benjamin Sullivan: NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Actual king of aftercare. It doesn’t matter who was on top - he’s gonna walk, crawl, or hobble off to make sure you have a nice glass of cool water and something comfortable to wrap yourself in afterwards. Will check in to make sure you enjoyed yourself before pulling you into a big bear hug (if you want it).

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ben enjoys how dexterous his hands are - they’re strong enough to grasp his axe and kill a man with a single blow; but also steady enough to sew up holes in his trousers and carve delicate wood figures from scraps of timber he finds lying around.

On a partner he’s particularly enthralled with their eyes. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, and he believes that whole-heartedly. Eye contact is a big deal if you’re making love.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Likes to cum on your chest and face. He’s fascinated by watching your tongue creep out and lick it off your lips or suck it off your fingers. He might even do it himself if you’re not into it. He wouldn’t mind cumming inside you; but he’d rather pull out and make you even more dirty.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

If you come to his work a lot he’s 100% dreamt of bending you over the bar and fucking you right then and there. He wouldn’t say he’s into exhibitionism; but the thought of you pressed against the cool oak, begging for him is enough to make him reconsider that decision.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

TW: Underage, character is lying about his age. Avoid TW section if this is triggering to you.

The easy answer to this is… not very? The more complex answer is that he’s had several partners - but only one or two were actually positive or informative. 

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

He lost his virginity in the army when some of the older soldiers thought it would be fun to get the kid a whore for the night after they’d landed in Europe. Ben was too afraid that the woman could somehow tell he was younger than he’d said he was to enjoy himself at all, and the encounter lasted less than 20 minutes with as little clothing removed as possible.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Once he’d been discharged he was too preoccupied with trying to earn a living and caring for his mother to bother with personal affairs, although he did have a steady girlfriend in the early years.

Although his experiences thus far had been uninspiring to straight-up embarrassing, Ben was far from a prude, and had several pleasant and friendly, albeit quick, encounters with some of the men once he arrived at the logging camp in Washington.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

People expect Ben to be domineering and rough based on his size; but in actuality he very much enjoys watching his partner ride him. He’s more than happy to use his strength to… help them along; but would rather watch someone take their pleasure from him than risk embarrassing himself or - even worse - being TOO rough.

That being said, he’s not above following a partner’s lead if they want to try something a bit more acrobatic.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

It depends. If it’s your first time together he’ll definitely be more serious. He’ll want you to know he’s enjoying himself, so he won’t be stoic; but he’ll be fighting nerves most of the time, so don’t expect a lot of teasing or laughter. If you’ve been together for a while and know each other well enough; Ben will loosen up and make you both laugh on the lazy days you spend in bed - not that he’s trying to be a comedian while you’re fucking; but he won’t be afraid to run his hands up your sides and make you giggle, or cross his eyes to break the tension if you’re looking particularly focused.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Ben is very hairy, to his annoyance. He’s a little bit obsessive about his grooming now that he has a job that interacts with the public so much. No one wants a cocktail with a chest hair in it.

He keeps himself well trimmed; but not clean-shaven. If that’s what you’re into he’ll do it for you; but please have mercy… there’s just so much…

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Intimacy is extremely important to Ben. His mother told him stories about how she and his father were together before the accident; and even then young Ben knew that’s what he wanted in a partner. Trust, love, acceptance.

The older he gets the more he’s only interested in that, foregoing even the extremely rare affairs he had in his 20’s in search of something that has the potential to last.

If you’re the person Ben decides he’s going to have that with… prepare to be romanced like nobody’s business.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Ben masturbates quite a bit more now than he did in his youth. That might have something to do with this being the first time in his adult life he’s actually had the privacy to enjoy himself since he went from his parent’s house, to the army, back to his mother’s house, then into the logging camps… so up until he purchased his small house, jacking off was a rare treat. He’s learned he enjoys starting his day with a quick jerk in the shower before he shaves.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Again, this depends a lot on how comfortable Ben is with you. If your relationship is fairly new, he’s going to be VERY vanilla. He’ll be down if you want to try something; but won’t ask for something out of the ‘ordinary’ himself.

Once that obstacle is overcome, he’ll be more vocal about his wants. He’ll want to have sex in the forest (just roll with it, anything you do for him he will pay back ten-fold) and will ask that you be rough with him when you’re fucking. Choke him, slap him, spank him - he can take it. He just wants to forget himself for a while and feel powerless. It wouldn’t occur to him to ask you to tie him up, but if you did… turbo-nut.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

The more he trusts you, the more adventurous he’ll want to be with you - so prepare to fuck outside, inside, in the bar storeroom, over the pile of wood he was chopping, in the tub, in the car… really, the world is your oyster as far as places Ben is willing to fuck you.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He’s always ready and willing to show you how much he loves you in a physical way; but if you grab him by the collar and pull him into a kiss?? In public??? That’s it. You’re getting the sex. Immediately.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Ben will not be OK with any kind of degradation. This is an area he doesn’t feel confident in, and having you seemingly confirming that will pull him out of the moment immediately. He also doesn’t want to see you in pain. He’s very protective of his partners, so if you want to be hurt it’s really not going to sit well with him. The most you can probably work out of him is some light spanking.

You’re just… so small… and fragile…

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Both? Both. Both is good. Not to brag; but he got pretty damn good at giving blow jobs in his early 20’s and he’ll blow you and your mind if that’s your pleasure. He’s a bit less confident with female genitals; but he’s just overall good with his mouth, so odds are he’ll pick it up very, very quickly. Get ready for some beard-burn on your thighs, because Ben is enthusiastic.

He also enjoys receiving oral. Honestly, he’s more comfortable with oral than he is with full-on sex; so he’s more likely to initiate that earlier in a relationship than hopping straight into bed.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

There’s not much Ben does in any aspect of his life that’s particularly fast. He likes to take his time and do the job right. This will extend to the bedroom as well. He’s also particularly aware of any large disparity in size and will treat you gently in accordance with that. If you’re a man and a bit closer to his size, he might be somewhat rougher… but really he just enjoys loving on his partners.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Honestly, they’re not really his cup of tea. Even when you’re fucking somewhere out of the ordinary, he’ll want to take his time. A race to the finish line doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, and brings back some bad memories.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Is down to experiment… with some caveats. He knows he’s not the most experienced of men, so he’s willing to try something new if you bring it up; but he’ll want a thorough explanation first. So plan out your kinky encounters at least a day before. He’s a protective boy and he’ll want to know all the potential hazards well in advance. Risks, when it comes to your safety, are a hard NO.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He’s a bit… ah, what’s the word… backed-up? So prepare yourself, because as soon as he figures out what keeps him on the edge and what pushes him right over… you might end up with his cock in you for several hours and several rounds before Ben taps out.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Wouldn’t know a sex toy if you slapped him in the face with it. He’s fascinated once he does learn about them though. In the late 50’s/Early 60’s the pickings as far as electric toys were pretty slim; but floggers, paddles, strap-on’s, and yes… a flying saucer-shaped vibrator, would be sources of great interest to Ben.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Surprisingly, Ben loves to tease. Like many other areas in your sex life, it’ll take him a bit to warm up to the idea; but once he’s comfortable with you prepare to be rubbed and caressed and pinched to distraction.

He likes to rest his big hand on your thigh at restaurants or the movies, rubbing up and down, closer and closer to where you want him.

If you force his hand down and start to ride his fingers he’ll turn beet red; but chuckle lowly at how filthy you both are - leaning over to whisper all the things he wants to do to you and vice-versa when you get home.

He’s also a fucking demon when it comes to edging. Very few things make him happier than burying his face between your legs and teasing you until you’re an incoherent puddle of pleasure on the sheets, begging him for your release.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s not obnoxiously loud; but not silent either. Loves to let you know how good you feel to him, and likes to hear the same in return. Willing to try dirty talk; but he’ll need a little practice. He’ll moan deep in his chest if you’re fucking him or sucking him off and will occasionally cry out when he cums. If you’re somewhere public you might want to tell him to be quiet or gag him - he’s been known to get lost in the moment.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He’s Jewish, but doesn’t really practice or tell people about it since the prejudices of WW2 are still fresh in people’s minds, even in America. He keeps his mother’s Star of David pendant and his family’s mezuzah in a chest under his bed.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Cut, 7 ½ inches and girthy.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Ben is always down to have sex with you. Always. He’s yours, and you’re his; but he’s not going to pressure you to do anything you don’t want to. As stated above, he and his hand have become pretty friendly over the last few years…

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’ll get drowsy; but won’t really be ready to nod off. It’s more like all the tension he’s been holding has been released and now he’s ready to cuddle and relax. Calling him a big teddy bear after you guys do the do won’t be too far from the truth.

[you-a-southpaw-doll]

Leader or Not... ~ A Negan One-Shot

Summary: 

You’d think that after 22 years of being around each other, Negan would know when not to mess with Leigh. You’d think that after 22 years of being best friends and married for the last 20, Negan would know when not to touch Leigh’s food. You’d think that after 22 years of watching Leigh threaten and even punch people for touching her food, that Negan would know better. 

You’d think this...and you’d be just as wrong as Negan. Despite the fact that the only person allowed to “steal” Leigh’s food is Negan himself, even there comes a time, and a dish, that Leigh just won’t share. Not even with her own husband. You’d think Negan would know this...both before, but especially after, the end of the world and the dead started walking the Earth.

You’d think that Negan would know not to touch Leigh’s bacon.

Warning(s): Language. Angst, maybe? Threats - spoken, unspoken, well known, good,  and bad. Rules - both Negan and Leigh’s. Violence - Seriously, Don’t fuck with Leigh. Negan being an ass ‘cause, well, he’s Negan. Leigh takes Lucille’s place in the comics but doesn’t die. Secret relationship - well, secret to every-fuckin’-one that’s not Negan or Leigh. Leigh’s a badass. Not beta’d, so...there’s that. I only have Grammarly used on this. 

Author’s Note(s): Here’s that new Negan fic I mentioned! :)

Word Count: 2,631 words

Relationship(s): Negan x Leigh Sullivan (OFC) [romantic]. 

Characters: Negan. Leigh Sullivan (OFC). Sanctuary Workers. Simon. Carson, mentioned.

Taglist: @negans-network @prettyboynegan @mychemicalimagines @spnnnxangelsx @rockinkel21 @misskittycat02 @band--psycho@ofxallxwexlost @iron-halt @thamberlinawrites @ravenwings73 @lettherebepink @stoneyggirl @sebs-padawan 

_______________________________________________________________________

Story Time:

Third Person’s P.O.V. ~ 

You’d think that after 22 years of being around each other, Negan would know when not to mess with Leigh. You’d think that after 22 years of being best friends and married for the last 20, Negan would know when not to touch Leigh’s food. You’d think that after 22 years of watching Leigh threaten and even punch people for touching her food, that Negan would know better. 

You’d think this...and you’d be just as wrong as Negan. Despite the fact that the only person allowed to “steal” Leigh’s food is Negan himself, even there comes a time, and a dish, that Leigh just won’t share. Not even with her own husband. You’d think Negan would know this...both before, but especially after, the end of the world and the dead started walking the Earth.

You’d think that Negan would know not to touch Leigh’s bacon.

***

Leigh’s P.O.V. ~

Sitting across the table from Negan as we eat breakfast in the cafeteria, I listen to my husband talk ‘bout the plans for the day’s scavenging runs with Simon as I glance down at my tray. Since we had a pretty good haul yesterday, the kitchen was able to whip up some scrambled eggs, french toast, and bacon. The bacon’s a treat for those of us that can afford it by havin’ ‘nough points.

Thankfully for me, though, between being Negan’s right hand, top savior, and secret wife, I can have whatever the fuck I want. My husband doesn’t care as long as I’m happy. Besides, I risk my ass to bring in the goods that we find out there. I say I’m his secret wife ‘cause...well...no one else knows he and I together. 

At least not officially. Everyone knows to keep their hands to themselves. My husband doesn’t tolerate rape, and I don’t either. Plus, I may have once cut a man’s dick off and shoved it down his throat when he tried to get fresh with me. That was at the beginning when I was helping Negan get this place set up and there hasn’t been another incident like it since.

He and I decided that it would be in my best interest, and his too since he’s the Bossman, if there wasn’t a giant target on my back, painting me as his weakness. Not that I’m weak. I’m not. I’ve made that abundantly clear in the last few years since the dead started walking, and even before, way back when civilized society was still a thing. 

Yet, neither of us could handle the thought of someone trying to use me to get my husband. He can’t stand the thought of someone trying to hurt me. I’m his wife, after all, the love of his life, the one woman who’s always been there, or at least been there for the last 22 years, ever since senior year of college. 

And, I can’t stand the thought of anyone hurting Negan in any way whatsoever. He’s my husband, the love of my life, my best friend, and my whole world. And hurting me, well, it hurts him, and I ain’t ‘bout to let that happen. So, we decided that we’d keep our relationship a secret. It hasn’t been easy, that’s for fuckin’ sure.

Not when I see women, and hell even some men, flirt with him, thinking they have a chance. Before the world ended, I used to slide up next to him, my hands all over him, and make it clear that he wasn’t single. Now...I just grit my teeth and give the other person the deadliest glare I can, while watching Negan brush it off, only sometimes flirting back, not that part bothers me.

My husband has always been a flirt. Hell, that’s how he and I ended up becoming best friends, then dating, and even getting married two decades ago. It’s just who he is. Even so, he wouldn’t cheat on me, that I know for a fact. And, I know it abso-fuckin’-lutely kills him to see men and women flirt with me, thinking that I’d be up for a one-night stand.

I never am. Not when I have the man of my dreams still by my side. Even if he is a jealous ass at times who doesn’t like to share what’s his. That always turns into some of the best sex of our lives after he catches some fuck flirting with me. Not that I ever flirt back. That’s just not who I am; I’ve never been much of a flirter…’cept with Negan.

Other than watching people flirt with the other, Negan and I have managed to keep our relationship secret. I mean, yes. We still sneak touches, glances, and whispered words when we think no-one’s ‘round, and we always come home to each other every night, and we still wear our wedding rings, but we don’t flaunt our marital status.

And nobody questions the close-knit bond he and I have. They figure it’s just one of those “gotta survive, so I teamed up with this person” type of bonds that are common since the dead started walking. And...no one would dare question the barbed-wire covered bat-wielding, leather jacket wearing, swear with every other word, leader of the Sanctuary.

Hearing my husband’s deep chuckle, I glance up and hide a smile as I see him pat Simon’s shoulder. I raise a brow, drawing the conclusion that they’re finally finished discussing plans for the day. Maybe Simon’ll fuck off now and I can get back to enjoying breakfast with my husband. Negan glances at me and shoots me a wink as he takes a sip of the orange juice we picked up from the Hilltop a few days ago.

I blush a little, glancing back at my plate and pick up a strip of bacon, bringing it to my mouth, taking a bite, and glancing back at him. A smirk plays on my lips as I watch his eyes dart from mine to the piece of cooked meat between my lips.

“Leigh.” He growls softly.

I smirk. “Yes, Sir?”

His eyes darken and I try not to giggle at the lust and love that swims in his muddy water brown eyes. He discreetly shifts in his seat, stretching out his fuckin’ long-ass legs until his boots brush my shins. To anyone else, it’d look like he’s getting comfortable. But, I know better. He’s itching to touch me, and I know he’s hard from me calling him “Sir”.

“You’re going out on the run today, right?” He asks, playing it off like he’s not rubbing his boot up and down my lower leg.

“As far as I know, Sir. Unless you need me here for something?” I question, taking another bite of bacon.

“Nope. I need you out there with me. You’re the only fuckin’ person I trust to have my fuckin’ back and protect my sexy ass.”

I snort with a laugh. “Of course, Boss. Whatever you need.”

Simon shakes his head. “She can’t fuckin’ protect you, boss. She’s too tiny.”

Both Negan and I jerk our heads to glare at Simon. Negan’s foot pauses, pressing against my knee, I reach a hand down to slide my fingers under his jeans, and softly stroke the little bit of skin above the top of his boot in an attempt to calm him. My actions remain hidden by the table, thankfully, and I watch him relax just a little at my touch.

“Simon…” He and I both growl out at the exact same time.

“I have protected his ass since long before yours ever showed up. I’m the one who’s been there for him, stitched him up, and killed any fucker, dead or alive, who tried to take him out.” I hiss at the slightly balding man. “Yes, I am short, but you know what they say ‘bout short folks. We’re closer to Hell, so we’re meaner. And, I will fuck you up, along with any other fuckin’ dumbass that tries to mess with him.”

Negan nods. “She’s right. She will. And she’ll do it over something as simple as someone trying to steal a bite of her food. ‘Cept for me of course. ‘Cause I’m the Leader, and I can do what I fuckin’ want. Ain’t that right, doll?”

He glances at me as he reaches for a bite of my eggs. I rub my thumb across his leg as I nod. He’s right. I have fucked people up for trying to steal my food. Even if it’s just meant playfully. I don’t fuckin’ share it. Never have. Unless it was with my brothers, my best friend, and eventually Negan. It even became our thing while we were dating.

That was actually how he figured out that I liked him back.

“That’s fuckin’ right. So, Simon, if I can fuck someone up over trying to steal my food, just imagine what I can do to someone who tries to hurt Negan.” I say, finishing my strip of bacon.

Simon’s eyes widen, and I know he’s heard the stories ‘bout what I’ve done when some of the other Saviors once tried to, jokingly, take a bite of my food off my plate. Let’s just say that they ended up with jobs that didn’t require the use of both hands after that. He shakes his head, sighing.

“Whatever. I can still protect him better than you can, Leigh. I’ve easily got a foot and 150 pounds on you.” He gripes.

I raise a brow. “And we both know I’ve kicked your ass before. Or do you need a reminder?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

Negan laughs and shakes his head as he reaches for another piece of food off my tray. I don’t pay it any attention until I see what he’s reaching for. In one quick movement, my hand is off his leg, above the table, and holding a fork between his fingers, leaving it embedded in the tabletop. 

“Don’t. Fuckin’. Touch. My. Motherfuckin’. Bacon.” I hiss, glaring at my husband.

Every fuckin’ thing and every single person in the Sanctuary goes silent at my actions. I’m not surprised. They don’t know he and I are married. To them, I’m just a Savior who just threatened the Boss. Granted, I intentionally missed and Negan knows that. He knows I’d never hurt him. A moment later, Simon has his hands on me, jerking my arms behind my back.

I growl and slam my head back, busting his nose and knocking him to the ground, effectively loosening his grip on me. I glare at my husband for a brief moment, taking in his wide eyes and slightly opened mouth, before I quickly stand and pin Simon to the ground.

“Do. Not. Under. ANY. FUCKIN’. Circumstance. Lay. A. Fuckin’. Hand. On. Me.” I growl at him. “I’m not some bitch you can just touch, Simon. And you’d best fuckin’ remember that. What happens between Negan and I is our business. And he fuckin’ knows better than to steal my goddamn bacon. The punishment for stealing my food is NOTHING compared to someone thinkin’ they can touch me. And, if you ever fuckin’ touch me again, I will string you up by your goddamn tiny ass dick and stick you on that fence my-fuckin’-self. Am I fuckin’ understood?”

He swallows deeply, or well, as best as he can since his face is bruising, and blood pouring outta his nose. But, he nods in understanding, fear flashing through his eyes as he glares at me. I stand, kicking him in the side once, just below the ribs.

“Get the fuck outta here and go fuckin’ see Carson, you pornstache creep.” I hiss before turning back to the table, taking my seat once more, and drinking my orange juice. 

I hear him shuffle to his feet before he walks away. I smirk to myself and turn my attention back to my husband. He’s clearly still in shock. Not once have I ever physically threatened him for taking my food, and it’s because I generally don’t mind. Except when it comes to my bacon. No one fuckin’ touches my bacon and he’s known that.

He was just trying to prove a point to Simon earlier, but it backfired on him. There’s only been two people in my life who I have shared my bacon with: my baby brother, Eli, and mine and Negan’s daughter, Lucille. Up until we lost her to childhood leukemia at the age of 5. I take another sip of my orange juice as I stare at my husband.

Negan holds his hands up in surrender as he lets out a shaky laugh. His foot isn’t close to my leg anymore, and if I wasn’t slightly pissed off at him for trying to steal my bacon, I’d whine softly at the loss. He leans in closer to me and just barely manages to whisper, but it’s still loud ‘nough for those ‘round to hear. 

“You’re fuckin’ lucky I fuckin’ love you, sweetheart.”

My eyes widen at his words. It’s not the first time I’ve heard him tell me he loves me, but it is the first time since the dead started walking that I’ve heard him say those words where other people can clearly hear. I know my left eyebrow is now raised high, surely resting halfway between my hairline and my eye. 

He just smirks that dimpled little smirk at me, thinking he’s got the upper hand again.

Oh, but he doesn’t know just how wrong he is. 

I smirk over the top of my glass of orange juice, before lowering it to the table and leaning in close to him. Our lips are just a breath’s touch away from touching each other’s. Instead of kissing him right away like I really want to, I whisper something back to him.

“I love you too, and I don’t give a flying Fuck if you’re the leader or not. You. Do. Not. Fuckin’. Touch. My. Motherfuckin’. Bacon. I won’t miss next time.” 

Only once the words have left my lips do I allow myself to kiss him. I don’t really give a flying fuck ‘bout everyone watching at this point. The cat’s basically outta the bag. I smile and relax, calming down a little bit, giving in to the feeling of the kiss. Just before he can turn the kiss into a more passionate one, I pull back, smirking at him.

“No runs, mister. Not today. You’ve got a punishment waiting for you in the room.” I say, my voice low and full of unspoken promises.

As I stand once more, grabbing my tray, I watch as he flashes me that devilish, dimpled grin I fell in love with over 20 years ago. That “I’m a bad boy and you shouldn’t introduce me to Grandma” dimpled grin. I wink at him before walking away, putting my tray in the bin to be cleaned later by one of the kitchen workers.

Without looking back at him, I know he’s still got that grin on his face and that he ain’t moving till his hard-on has gone down just a little so he can comfortably walk. Just before I walk out the cafeteria’s door, I raise my hand above my shoulder and flip him off. His laugh follows me out into the hallway as I make my way back to our room.

Leader or not, I don’t give a fuck. He’s still my husband and our relationship’s no longer a secret. Leader or not, I don’t give a fuck. No one fuckin’ touches my bacon. Leader or not, I don’t give a fuck. He’s getting punished. Leader or not, I don’t give a fuck. 

[sullivansgilbert]

Reaching out across Tumblr to all my G&S fans, @carpe-mamilia and I just got back from Harrogate from this year’s G&S Festival, and I have some thoughts about the shows which I think I just needed to get down.

Also, bonus shoutout to @carlodivarga-s​ for being an all-round charming presence and delightful surprise in Harrogate this year!

OK. Here goes.

Princess Ida (Savoynet)

As Stephen Turnbull (he of Harrogate ramblings on Facebook) mentioned, this is a production that could have only worked at the festival. With the two kings portrayed as Gilbert and Sullivan themselves, and the rest of the company (with the exception of Ida herself) costumed as choruses from the rest of the G&S universe.

I know that Ida is written in 3 acts, but to have two 15 minute intervals is a strange experience. Especially as the curtain came down on the Act I at 8:15, it felt as though we were only about getting started and we were all back out our seats and into the bar. When I saw Ida done in Southampton earlier this year, they split Act II in half and placed a single interval more squarely in the middle, and I didn’t think that the pacing or structure suffered as much as it perhaps could have done then.

My greatest issue with Ida is that.. it’s not a very interesting story? And certainly not a very good ending. It feels as though Sullivan far outshines Gilbert. Some of the plot points, too, feel very, well, seen-before? Most noticeably, the male trio dressing up in silly costumes and singing witty songs about it? Done in Patience (and much better, I should add!). That said, Ida definitely has some standout solos, in particular Gama’s two patter songs (’I’m such a disagreeable man’ and ‘Nothing whatever to grumble at’), and Death to the Invaders! is such a TUNE at the top of Act III, though I actually preferred it in Southampton, just as there was more drama and sense of impending peril.

The ending of the whole thing is pretty crap though. Here’s Ida, a feminist ICON who shuns men and rules a chorus of strong academic ambitious women who look down on men, and yet she sort of just limps across the finish line like, oh yeah, I guess I’ll just love you and marry a man and I was wrong about all my studies and thoughts of independence. Ugh.

Y’know what I want to happen to Ida? I want her to shun all the men and grow old, independent, and married to a woman. Princess Ida: a queer legend.

Trial by Jury & The Zoo (LOpSoc)

I can’t say too much about the productions because it was my old university group and I’m sure I can’t write without any bias, so I’ll focus on the shows. 

Trial by Jury was my first real show as Musical Director so it’ll always have a spot in my heart, especially having studied law at university. Musically, it’s so well accomplished, at barely 30 minutes, Sullivan manages to cram in so much content, including the brilliant ‘A Nice Dilemma’ sextet (or septet if you count the chorus as one, too), as well as some beautiful patter songs and some great parts for the chorus. You can really see how the rest of the Savoy Operas took inspiration, and to a certain extent, structure, from this first piece. 

That said, there are a few familiar elements missing from the piece that become G&S standards later on in the canon, including the contralto exposition song, the romantic leads’ duet, and, well, a second act. Still though, one of my favourites. 

The Zoo on the other hand? I’ve now seen it three times, and whilst I enjoy the music, some of it really is quite good, I have no idea what actually happens. I think there are at least 3 plots intertwined with one another, but with no libretto to explore or explain those plots, it’s essentially three totally different stories happening at the same time, just... coincidentally at a zoo. Libretto is pretty naff, but there are some charming songs, such as the ‘Four Tarts and a Couple of Pairs’ jaunt, and the duel of the male and female chorus once the Duke has eaten and faints (??) (’Prop him up upon a chair, lay him flat upon his back’).

Good news though, that LOpSoc were nominated for best director and best chorus for this production which I thought was well deserved. 

Ruddigore (Charles Court Opera)

Oh my word. I confess I’ve never been Ruddigore’s biggest fan, but boy oh boy am I a fan of Charles Court Opera, so the chance to get to see this production was high up the list, and it certainly didn’t disappoint. With a cast of 9 (and totally omitting the male chorus), this production was lively, sharp-witted, and for the first time in any production of Ruddigore that I’ve seen, or indeed been involved with, I followed every detail of the plot perfectly. 

Only two bridesmaids made up the female chorus, and they also lent their voices to a mixed chorus for the ‘Painted Emblems of a Race’ and subsequent male-chorus numbers (though ‘Welcome Gentry’ was cut) which worked beautifully. Also, a nice little change to Mounted emblems of a race, as the three ancestors were portrayed as severed, mounted heads on the wall of the set. Sir Roderic did have an additional stage presence as he was also portrayed by the accompanying headless corpse come to life. 

One of the absolute highlights of this production, too, was lovely, wonderful Simon Butteriss, who is always an absolute joy. With John Reed-esque lightness, but with a voice on form as ever, it was a joy to see him on stage. As it was the whole cast, really. Having seen CCO’s HMS Pinafore at the King’s Head in London in a tiny 100-odd seat fringe theatre with just a pianist, to see them on stage at the Royal Hall in Harrogate with a complete orchestra was really special. 

Yeomen of the Guard (National Gilbert and Sullivan Opera Company)

Oh boy. I was so excited for this performance. And I was so disappointed. The victim perhaps of a festival matinee crowd, as I said to dear friends over dinner after the show, there are a certain number of ‘minimum requirements’ I expect of the NGSOC:

The cast remember their lines. Having a certain member of the principal cast prompted from the wings was... well. Awkward to say the least. And garnered the intake of breath you can imagine from the audience. 

I expect the principal cast to be able to stick to time with the orchestra. Several times, the cast fell wildly out of time with the orchestra, making for highly awkward listening. 

I expect the principal cast to be able to hit all the notes they’re expected to. Naming no names, but, with a certain soprano aria in Yeomen, there’s a rather important note towards the end that you cannot get wrong. And yet. 

I expect the show to be lit well. If actors are stood singing in darkness, either the actor needs to find their light, or the lighting director needs to do a better job. 

That all said, the chorus were fantastic, to the point I actually longed for them to come back on to stage whenever they were gone, but I must say of Andrew Nicklin’s direction... I found it lacking. The staging was particularly dull and unimaginative, with barely any choreography, or even any movement come to that. My first time actually seeing Yeomen on stage and... ugh. Y’know? That said, there were reports from a friend having seen it earlier in the week at the festival and it being remarkable, so.. maybe just an off-performance. 

The Mikado (National Gilbert and Sullivan Opera Company)

Now, THIS is how you do G&S. The company were almost unrecognisable from the afternoon, and the show was packed to the rafters with joy, energy, and sheer brilliance. Genuine laugh out loud moments from a full auditorium who are, I’m sure, more than familiar with the source material! Andrew Nicklin who was conducting, made sure that the pace was kept up, and my word, just, my heart was pounding with, well, a combination of relief and amazement. I loved it.

In particular, Mae Heydorn as Katisha. Fuckkkkkk. This wasn’t your usual Katisha, this was a dazzling, glamorous Katisha, and although you’d think that might not work, it did. And what a voice. On the final note of Act I, Mae managed to outsing the full assembled company and orchestra with a note that travelled and reverberated into our very bones. 

My only criticism would probably be that Richard Gauntlett, who also directed the show, delivered some of Ko Ko’s lines so fast, if you weren’t familiar with the show, you wouldn’t have a clue what he’d just said. That and Nanki-Poo, in a typical tenor manner, did tend to rush some of the songs, even when singing as part of a trio - perhaps a little indicative of not listening to his cast-mates. But alas.

____

OK, I think that’s all. A brilliant, lovely few days away. So much G&S. I loved it. So much so, I think I’m going to start a bit of an artistic project to create some more G&S content, so keep an eye if you’re interested! 

-- Thomas

[fuckthegovfucklove]

The Love Ideology: What is love?

Trying to define love is a bloody tiring mission encumbered by vagueness, contradictions and inconsistencies. So I’m not going to attempt to define the word but rather look at some of the different shapes love comes in within interpersonal relationships.

I want to look at the different types of love, the function of each, the power dynamics that exist and their relevance as a basis to share my speculative thoughts on the wider implications of love in later posts.

Loving is touted as a necessity, a source of joy and an objectively good thing for humanity. I’m not so sure I agree and I think a counter-argument against love is useful in redirecting our focus to more urgent issues and developing critical thought, or at the very least being more conscious of the way you love (if you must).

I briefly look at self love, romantic love, platonic love and familial love from a mainstream (western) perspective since that’s what's most prevalent and all I know anyway. Love is not confined to interpersonal relationships and critique of it can be extended to sentiments like unwaveringly love for homeland (patriotism), love for a public figure (idolatry), love for an ideology (cultism).

You’ll find that in every case where love is referred to, it could easily be replaced by a more revealing synonym.

Self love

I know your familiar with this one, we rave on about it all the time. It’s being content with who you are, knowing your “worth” (you see the capitalist undertones too right?). Some call it a radical self-acceptance and according to John Kim the ‘life coach’, self love looks like this:

“When you get to a place where you like yourself, the action of loving yourself will come more naturally. You’ll have non-negotiables. You won’t tolerate certain behaviour from others. You’ll seek less approval. Your friendships will be less lopsided. You won’t have as many holes to fill within you. You’ll be more gentle with yourself, more forgiving. You’ll believe you deserve more, better, different. You’ll finally stop breaking the promises you’ve made with you. And the relationship you have with yourself will improve. “

Ah so, curing all the problems caused by love (and capitalism) with more.. love? Think about why you do what you do. You compromise because you love, tolerate because you love, seek approval because you want love, your love is quantifiable and isn’t always reciprocated, love told you you need it feel whole, to love you must forgive, you deserve love.

Is loving yourself enough in a capitalist world that measures your social worth on how full your cup of love is? (think about the [profitable] factors that determine this too). Will the inferiority complex completely dissipate? If you walk out on the expectations of this here capitalist world perhaps, but abandoning the pursuit of love might be a quicker route.

“You can’t love somebody else until you love yourself“ is a widely known clich�� typically used in a romantic context. Some critique the adage saying self-love isn’t actually a precondition for loving others, clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer proposes a better alternative: “To deepen your love and acceptance of another, first develop love and acceptance for yourself.” Interesting. I still think theres a semblance of truth in the former that could easily be extrapolated to other types of love.

See loving the Other can only be done by identifying parts of yourself within them and seeing qualities in them that you like. It’s impossible to imagine what loving something entirely disconnected from us looks like because everything is in some way connected to self. We extend ourselves to the object of our love so that by loving the Other we are also loving ourselves. Kierkegaard calls this ‘self-love’. Loving your partner is loving self, loving your friend is loving self, loving your family is loving self, loving your nation is loving self, loving the environment is loving self, loving an ideology is loving self; no matter how selfless or sacrificial the nature. Thus, I have made the cheeky decision to sub them all under this title.

Romantic love

The most sought after, most regulated, most distracting and arguably the most delusional of loves. Romance is where we can write our own fiction and relies on our own imagination to create a world where it can function. Driven by our libidinal desires, we seek to conquer the heart of another. Our romantic interests becoming personified virtues who make us feel like we’ve never felt before (until they don’t).

It is here we are forced to learn a gender and organise our desires around them. Our bizarre sex-sentimentality makes romantic love a safe space to be completely uninhibited. Eroticism is confined to the couple as is building a life project (cohabitation, economic merging, child-rearing).

We have a set criteria of what we look for in a partner (our fantasy), too busy setting up our Tinder to question why our list is identical to the next persons and what is informing these ~ preferences ~. The success of romantic interactions are contingent upon the degree to which projective identification is continually effective, that is when a person projects their fantasy onto another so that they feel inclined or pressured to fall in line with the projective fantasy. In romance, this is typically one of amour passion where by confessing your feelings the other now hopefully joins you in this romantic fantasy.

We must then commit to this person, overcommit then merge. The merging process frequently comes with the dissolution of autonomy and boundaries because complete trust in the other is a requirement. We simultaneously create rules and install dependencies to solidify this union because subconsciously we know that love is not enough to keep two together.

Unpaid labour is an intrinsic part of romantic love and it’s usually gendered - maintaining a healthy relationship requires work (cishet women and those taking the role of woman/femme/more domesticised doing most of the labour). So is it that we enjoy working 9-5 + unpaid overtime or do the promised benefits of coupledom outweigh the cons?

Those who opt for singledom and see no sense in romantic love are considered immature or are diagnosed with the infamous disorder the therapists call ‘fear of intimacy’. Those who are single by circumstances are told that “the one“ will soon come and/or are often pitied. The social worth of an individual increases when they are in a couple as the partner is pretty much considered personal property.

Unions formed on the basis of romantic love are the only ones that are eligible to sign a contract with the state (think about why) and in exchange are afforded a multitude of benefits from adoption rights and tax deductions to immigration and residency for partners from other countries. These unions, called marriage, are usually accompanied by an expensive celebration party where friends and family are expected to attend and bring gifts.

So what is the purpose of romantic love and why do we desire it? Lynn Paramore sums it up.

“Romantic love is not based on companionship, but on the feeling of being desired. This kind of love appears to give us the opportunity, just as money does, to constantly remake ourselves, to project new version of our lives. It’s about longing, fleeting highs, the same stimulation we feel in buying a new car, a new wardrobe. As the married couple’s romantic attraction wanes, the need for stimulation is transferred to the next big purchase, the washing machine, the wide-screen TV. Capitalism goes humming along.”

Platonic love

Where there’s romance, love is expected to consume you. Friendships aren’t similarly expected to be as emotionally weighty and intoxicating; we expect support in good times and bad, someone to laugh, gossip and cry with and a companion to embark on new adventures with. We hope for our friendships to last long but don’t spend as much time deliberating about our future, we truly live in the present with those we consider friends.

These relationships are usually built off of shared values and interests, and an appreciation of the stark realities of the individual characters. They aren’t typically sought after but are formed by being in the right place at the right time. Friendships usually have no issue respecting autonomy, there’s something more rational and ethical about the bond. The voluntarist nature of the entanglements allow this and in comparison to romantic love, platonic love expects little.

The performative actions designed to win affection that are part and parcel of romance are left at the door. Platonic love isn’t devoid of affection but arbitrary limits are put in place e.g sexual intercourse. According popular culture sex ruins a friendship (loooool). Friends do typically seek a level of validation and affirmation from their peers, considerably higher (from my observations) for those socialised as men.

While platonic love doesn’t demand the cognitive bending that romantic love does, it’s similar in the sense that it’s love through favouritism. We give preferential treatment to those who favour us even in situations where logically we would do otherwise. It is expected of us. Platonic love however does not hold the same social value as romantic love and friendships are often “demoted“ once a new romantic interest takes the stage. Andrew Sullivan voiced his disapproval on this common practice:

“The great modern enemy of friendship has turned out to be love. By love, I don't mean the principle of giving and mutual regard that lies at the heart of friendship [but] love in the banal, ubiquitous, compelling, and resilient modern meaning of love: the romantic love that obliterates all other goods, the love to which every life must apparently lead, the love that is consummated in sex and celebrated in every particle of our popular culture, the love that is institutionalized in marriage and instilled as a primary and ultimate good in every Western child...We live in a world, in fact, in which respect and support for eros (romantic love) has acquired the hallmarks of a cult. “

Familial love

Familial love presents in a lot of arrangements. Between two individuals it can be a progression from platonic love or romantic love (though they can coexist). It’s a fondness born out of familiarity, dependency, mutual protection and non-judgmental support. Family can also describe a group of people you share similar experiences and rituals with, such as a church family or work family.

The primal familial love, the “blood is thicker than water“ love that is somewhat universal refers to the instinctual affection and protection we show to those with blood (shared genetics/common ancestors) and perhaps legal bonds (legally bound through adoption/guardianship). The love of a parent towards offspring and vice versa. Or extended blood family. With familial love theres an inherent hierarchy: offspring, spouse, parents-siblings, extended blood family and then other forms of family if chosen. I will refer to familial love as what exists between parent and offspring henceforth as it customarily obliterates the rest.

This familial love conventionally implies unconditional, ultra-protective, “I’d die for you“ love towards child. It’s not given according to their personal qualities (although once they’re no longer a minor it often weakens) and if a child should stray on the wrong path the parent will most likely do everything in their power to save them. The family is the nuclear of civilisation and the most basic unit of society. The education of almost all starts in the family, particularly character and moral education.

The familial love of a parent is one of duty and protection, and for the child it’s one of dependance and trust. As parents are the legal guardians of children, they position themselves as the authority and the child recognises them as such. Parents have a wider understanding of society and often try balance preserving a child’s innocence (I often wonder why) whilst making them aware of the “real world”. In order to ensure a child obeys them and trusts that they know what's best for them they often remind the child that there’s bad people out there that do bad things i.e “don’t talk to strangers, they could kidnap you“. Children are then obliged to submit to the parental safety that the home provides, whilst also being dependent on their parent for sustenance.

Familial love is assumed to be natural and present in all. It’s blasphemy to confess you do not love your parents or you do not love your child. In situations of conflict, familial love is supposed water down any malice, and forgiveness/reconciliation should follow. The family is expected to have your best interest at heart at all time and familial love is thought of as permanent, parents often say things along the lines of: “Your family remains even when everyone leaves“. Loyalty and favouritism is therefore expected and should also trump that of friends and romantic partners.

Many choose to reproduce. They get to experience the reverse of child-parent familial love where they are the ones in authority and build a life project from that. Why do people choose to have children? Some of the reasons people give range from: looking to find a sense of purpose, familism, pressure from peers and family, belief that it is your duty to continue your biological lineage etc. A growing number of people are choosing not to reproduce usually because they aren’t interested in parenting or bringing more people into the world (voluntary childlessness/anti-natalism).

Humanaesfera suggests a political explanation for the desire to create a family:

“Since the emergence of capitalism (ie, the industrial capital, the proletariat and the modern state, simultaneously, eighteenth century), the familism is the central fetish by which the proletarians (ie, those deprived of the property of any means of life) accept willingly to engage in maintaining and improving the enterprise and the government, creating and accumulating with dedication the very hostile power that systematically subjugates them, wears out them, recycles them, discards them and abandons them - the capital. This is because they place their libido (cathexis), their desires, in the family, pseudo capitalist property in which they fantasize are accumulating their own capital on a par with the capitalists. This leads them to support the ruling class and the police, that is, the state as guarantor of this fictitious property.”

[sennalily]

Reflections from a NaNoWriMo veteran

So I’ve done NaNoWriMo since 2008, and I've won every year. Hilariously, my cumulative word-count from 10 years is 503,605, meaning I've won by an average of 360 words each year - if that isn't precision, I don't know what is.

I thought newer NaNoers might find it interesting to hear my reflections on how to get to 50,000 year after year. It is up to you to decide whether or not 50,000 is your goal, whether it's a sensible goal, and whether it's how you want to write. Ultimately, a NaNo where there are more words on the page at the end of the month than the beginning is a successful NaNo.

Be determined

NaNoWriMo is a huge thing to undertake, and there are times when it just isn't going to feel worth it (somewhere around Day 25). At those times, you just need to feel, through gritted teeth, that you want to see that 'Winner' page and get that purple badge on your profile more than you want...

... sleep.

...to be an interesting conversationalist. (Your brain will be so fried you won't be.)

... to be a good friend. (You will have to decline social events to drag yourself home and write. You will become extremely self-absorbed.)

... to write something good, or even usable. (Seriously, the first year I did NaNo I realised 30,000 words in that my story wasn't really viable, so most of the rest of what I wrote was the MC learning how to do random crap like play the harp, do square dancing, and run a farm. It wasn't good, it wasn't useful, but dangit it got me to 50,360 words.)

Seriously, getting to 50,000 words is an exercise in sheer bloody-mindedness for most of us. Embrace it! Mind over matter/common sense/sleep!

Life will happen

Ultimately, there are some things that trump getting your novel written. One year, my grandfather went into hospital on the 25th of November; the only reason I hit 50,000 that year was because I'd been writing 2,000 words a day so I was already basically there. I certainly wasn't sneaking off from his bedside to get my words done.

There are other things that will make it more difficult, and that you will just have to choose what you want more (see above about determination): 50,000 words or sleep/friends/a life/overtime at work. I've done NaNo when I was unemployed and bored and had nothing else to do. I've done NaNo around university study. I've done NaNo around three different jobs that were different levels of demanding and took up different amounts of my time. Interestingly, the easiest years for NaNo were the ones when I was early in my career, working an office job that wasn't too mentally challenging. NaNo while studying was a bugger, and NaNo while unemployed and broke was surprisingly tough - a certain amount of time constraint forces you to prioritise.

Understand your rhythm

Depending on what's going on in your life, and the kind of writer you are, different things will work for you.

Most years, I've gone with the approach of sitting down every day and writing 1,667 words and not getting up until they're done.  One thing I've noticed is that 1,667 is actually a bit of an awkward number of words to write; the first 1,000 words each day are the hardest, while you get back into the mindset. Then you have 700ish fairly fluid words, and then it's done. 

Actually, writing on to 2,000 words is often not that much more difficult, and will give you a nice buffer for dramas later in the month. When I was early in my career, I used to write 2,000 words a day, with the goal of getting to 60k over the month (as my lifetime total demonstrates, actually what happened was I hit 50k on the 25th and then clocked off...!) As I've needed more of my mental bandwidth at work, I've moved to an approach of writing 1,000 words a day during the week and catching up on weekends. One year I got two days behind early on and that year was such a grind that I literally had to make that up 100 words at a time over the whole rest of the month. Not a good year.

Speaking of catching up, know how much you can realistically catch up. My wordiest day ever was 6,200 words so I'm not the kind of person who could sprint out 10,000 words in a day to catch up if I got a long way behind. In fact, in general 5,000 is pretty much my max in a day. So if you're like me, you need to be disciplined and not get too far behind; whereas if you can bang out 10,000 words in a day then you can be a bit more relaxed about that.

Planning out your story does make life easier and results in more usable stuff.

Planning during NaNo is hard because you're tired and you always feel like you should be writing. If you can force yourself to, plan out (or at least have a sketch in your head) the plot you need for all 50,000 words before you go in.

... That said, I usually don't do that. Because I am not a planner.

Don't expect to (always) write something good

Look, at some point you're going to get home late from work, bang out 1666 words that are crap and you know they are. It's going to happen. Make peace with it. (I've often gone back much later and found passages I wrote in the depths of NaNo that were surprisingly non-terrible - so maybe it's more accurate to say you should suspend judgement about whether it's good.) 

If you do Word Sprints, then you're going to find yourself writing 600 word blocks that are detailed descriptions of buildings, or long musings from your character, that stop the action completely and will bore readers. 

Sometimes you're going to write off the end of your plot and not have enough energy to figure out exactly what should happen next, but it's 10pm and you've only written 500 words and you need to go to bed, so just make some crap up and accept that it might get deleted in the next edit.

If you decide to write historical fiction or something else that requires a lot of research... come to terms with the fact that things are going to be wrong. That is what editing is for. If you're the kind of person who needs to get things right, let yourself research (it'll just drive you crazy if you don't), but know when to call time, leave yourself a **CHECK** flag, and move on.

Edit if you must... but don't delete ANYTHING

It's good advice to 'fire your inner editor' for NaNo, but if your inner editor is like mine, that little bugger has tenure, and she's not going to be quiet. So if you have to edit, let yourself edit! I hate the feeling of leaving bits behind me I know are wrong because the direction of the plot has changed, or I need to introduce something sooner, etc. So I let myself edit.

BUT. First, accept that time spent editing is time you're not churning out words. Everything has a price! So edit enough to scratch that itch, then get back to writing.

AND. Create a separate folder in your project, or word doc, or chapter at the end, and copy/paste everything you delete into there. Those are still words that you wrote in November - you earned those words! Sometimes I've got to the point around the 28th of November where I am literally copy/pasting single words I've deleted from the main text into my 'deleted stuff' document.

Be a rebel

The traditional NaNoWriMo is to attempt to write a fresh, 50,000 original novel from beginning to end in a month. I've literally never done that. I've done a few years where I wrote the first 50,000 words of a longer novel, one year where I wrote the second 50,000 words of a novel, one year where I wrote a 30,000 word novella and then 20,000 words on a different project, one year when I took a second run at a NaNovel from a previous year (this is not as easy as it sounds), several years where I interleaved working on existing projects with writing my main NaNo story, etc.

If the traditional approach works for you, great! But if you're 25,000 words in and your story is just sort of over, wrap it up and start something new. Or if you're getting sick of the thought of your MCs, take a few days on something else.

Be social

The years when I've had the most fun doing NaNo (and the writing has felt easiest) have been the years when I've got into the community, going to Write-Ins, socials, etc. You can get a surprising amount of writing done sitting in a cafe, and wanting to be able to tell people at the TGIO that you got your 50k is a powerful motivator to keep going. The years where I haven't got so into the social aspect because I've been busy or just haven't clicked with the crowd, have been less enjoyable on many levels.

Have fun

Seriously. Write something you'd enjoy reading. Don't go in thinking you're going to write the Great [Nationality] Novel. You might end up doing that! But what's going to get you through the month is writing something you enjoy because it's silly, funny, dramatic, dark, romantic, etc, or write the thing you've been wanting to write for years. My two best NaNos were the year I wrote the story that had been in my head since I was ten years old... and the year I wrote a silly romance novel structured around my favourite Gilbert and Sullivan songs. 

For me, doing NaNo has given my 50365 words I wouldn’t have had otherwise, wonderful friendships, a sense of myself as a writer, and stories I’ve been able to share and that have found an audience: Philomena, The Crown’s Price, The Forest’s Heart, The Time-Traveller’s Choice and In spite of all temptation were all at least part-written during NaNoWriMo, along with many other stories that have yet to (and may never) see the light of day.

Ultimately, the 50,000 is a target. If you get there, great! If you don't, oh well, at least you have more words! If getting that purple badge is your goal, I hope the above is helpful. Other veteran NaNoers, what are your tips for getting onto the Winner's page by 30 November?

[katrinaneenie]

In 1938, she was like no other Hollywood actress at the time.  She came to Hollywood as a leading Swedish film star.  She made six Swedish films before David O. Selznick wanted to her to star in the remake of one those Swedish films, Intermezzo (1939). At first she refused because she did not like his terms. However, he changed the terms and offered again; then, she agreed to star in his American version of her Swedish film. Hollywood being Hollywood wanted to personally remake Bergman, herself, first.  They immediately sent her their demands. Again, she surprised them when she refused to have her teeth fixed, shave her eyebrows or change her German sounding name.

She was a healthy, natural beauty who did not like wearing makeup except lightly, for work or special events. She was a professional when it came to work. She was never late or required special treatment while making her movies.  When she signed a contract, she never renegotiated for more money because the movie became more profitable than originally planned. For ten years, she was a successful and very respected actress by her peers and public.  She starred in such classics as Gaslight (1944); For Whom The Bells Toll (1943); The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945); Notorious (1946); Casablanca (1942); Spellbound (1945); Joan of Arc (1948) ….

Yet in 1950, she left Hollywood in the whirlwind of scandal.  She went from being one of the most respected actresses in Hollywood to the most despicable, at least in the eyes of public opinion. The “witch hunt” even went so far that a senator from Colorado claimed Ingrid Bergman as “a powerful influence for evil.”  Of course, she was Blacklisted and could not find work in Hollywood after that.

What did she do to deserve such a hateful public outcry?

She left her husband and daughter in the states, to go make a movie in Italy.  Roberto Rossellini was the director of her latest film, Stromboli (1950). Both, actress and director, were married to other people when they began their affair.  Then, she became pregnant; and, declared her love for Rossellini and refused to go back to her husband.  It didn’t matter to the public that they each had been separated from their spouses long before they met.

In 1956, she made her first comeback American movie, Anastasia.  Although this was an American film, it was made in England.  It was nearly 20 years later, before Bergman would walk on a sound stage in Hollywood California again. In 1969, the year of flower power, the sexual revolution, hippies, and Vietnam, Bergman came back to a different America and Hollywood. At age 54, she would star in her first comedy.  She is in full bloom in this 1969 romantic comedy: Cactus Flower. She was quoted as saying:

I always wanted to do comedies; but, nobody discovered this until my old age….they think all Swedes are like Greta Garbo.

  This movie’s premise uses the sexual revolution of the 60s as it’s backdrop for a comedy based on the complex relationships between the sexes. Comparing the strict sexual rules of the 50s to the slacked morales of the 60s and 70s is quite a jump in a cultural turn around. Much of this social change can be attributed to the FDA approving The Pill as a contraceptive in 1960.  For the first time in the history of women, we were given control of when, who, and where they wanted to have children. This equated to sexual freedom.

I had not seen this movie since 1969.  So, I rented it to refresh my memory. Surprisingly, enjoy the humor and one liner jokes.  The script is still witty and sharp. Also, the theme of the movie is still as relevant today as it was in 1969, since equality between the sexes continues to be debated today.

Some of The Other Actors

Walter Matthau is one of those actors with perfect comedic timing.  He has a dead pan delivery (like the straight man in a comedy act) that sounds authentic enough to make his one liners funny.  The amazing thing about this is he can do this with any character in the movie.  He doesn’t have a practiced partner like in a comedy routine. As I watched him in this movie, I realized I missed seeing him in his buddy movies with Jack Lemmon.

Of course, it is a rare treat to see Bergman in a comedy. Who knew she could be so funny?  It is always wonderful to watch her in any movie at any age.  In this film, she plays a uptight, stern nurse in her 40s who is single; but, in love with her playboy boss.  Bergman always possesses that cinema magic with her on screen presence and stage performances. You literally cannot take your eyes off her.

Goldie Hawn was mostly known as Televison’s Rowen and Martin’s “it girl” who danced in her bikini with a ditzy blonde personal. It shocked many people at the time to learn that she shared the screen with the likes of Bergman. This was Goldie Hawn’s first feature in a big budget movie; and, she was so compelling as the side lined girlfriend she won an Academy Award as Best Supporting Actress. for her performance. Bergman was nominated for Best actress but lost to Maggie Smith in The Prime of Miss Jean Brody.

Rick Lenz is an actor that mostly disappeared on screen after this movie.  Too bad because he holds his own pretty well as the potential love interest behind Julian.  The whole time I watched his likable performance, I kept thinking of a young Jimmy Stewart.

Summary of the movie: Cactus Flower

A single dentist (Walter Matthau) who has an much younger girlfriend (Goldie Hawn) feels pressured to marry her. He has just one problem. In order to avoid commitment and marriage, he lied and told her that he is already married. After seeing each other for over a year, this young, idealistic girlfriend realizes she cannot continue the relationship; unless, he agrees to tell his wife the truth; then, they can get divorced so she and he, the dentist, can marry.

Despite the fact that this is a comedy, it begins with a very depressing subject, suicide. After Julian Winton (Matthau) misses their one year anniversary dinner, Toni (Hawn) decides to write Julian a letter explaining why she would rather kill herself then to continue living with constant disappointment and loneliness.

We see Toni coming out of her Greenwich Village flat, in her fluffy pink slippers and overcoat, to put a letter into the mail box. Once back in her flat, she slowly puts out the candles on the table set for two. After she sadly looks over the clean plates and unopened bottle of wine.  She goes to the gas stove and turns on the gas. She then proceeds to lie on her bed with her arms crossed, awaiting death.

Luckily, a neighbor, Igor Sullivan (Rick Lenz) comes out of his apartment into the hall smelling gas.  He locates that the origin of the smell which is coming out of Toni”s apartment.  He bangs on her door and gets no answer.  He climbs out on the fire escape and breaks into her apartment through a window.  He turns off the gas and opens the windows and doors, fanning the gas with his arms.  Seeing Toni unconscious on her bed, he tries to wake her up; but, she doesn’t respond. He performs CPR on her. When she comes too, she thinks it is Julian trying to kiss he. She gives Igor a passionate kiss. They have a sweet conversation as to why she is dating a married man.  Ironically, Toni claims it is because Julian is honest. He told her right away that he was married.  According to Toni, she has been lied too all her life. Julian was the first descent man that she has ever met.

When Julian gets Toni’s letter, he runs out of the office scares to death that he would find her dead. Of course, she is not.  But, Toni insists he quit his wife and marry her. Julian is so relieved she is alive and shocked that she would attempt suicide over him, he promises to get a divorce right away. Then, Toni insists that she meet the wife as part of her conditions.  She wants the wife to know that they would be supportive of her too. Like I said, Toni is a very idealistic young lady.

Julian has a dilemma.  Where can he find a woman to pretend to be his wife? A wife that he has been married too for over ten years? He could of course tell Toni the truth and risk losing her forever. Then again, is her emotional well being strong enough to accept the truth without her trying to harm herself?

His dental assistant and office manager is Stephanie Dickinson (Ingrid Bergman). She is extremely professional, competent and loyal; and, she is secretly in love with Julian. You probably know of a few women who match this description from the work place.  Sometimes, they jokingly refer to themselves as the “Work wife” as opposed to “house wife.”

Julian explains to his moocher friend, Harvey Greenfield (Jack Weston), why he likes Nurse/Miss Dickinson:

She is like a wife. A good wife, devoted, competent, takes care of everything for me during the day. And at night, she goes home, to her home. And I go home with no problems or cares, to my girl. My life is arranged the way I like it.

The title Catcus Flower is symbolic of Nurse Dickinson.  On the outside, she is sharpe, prickly and surviving.  But, as the years go by, there is a beautiful flower inside that is ready to bloom. You can actually see this in two different photographic of her taking care if this office plant.

Of course, Julian is going to ask Miss Dickinson out for a drink; so, he can ask her to lie and pretend to be his wife.  After working for him for over ten years, he has never asked her out for anything after work.  It is a mad guess to figure out what must have been going on in her love sick mind when he actually suggests they have a few drinks.

There are many funny one liners in this movie, I could barely keep up. In other words, I laughed a lot and the movie didn’t get dragged down by over sentimentality like many Romantic comedies. This comedy is so good that Adam Sandler did a remake in 2011,  Just Go With It, with Jennifer Anniston playing Bergman’ s role.

To give you an idea of a Bergman one liner, when she comes into the patient’s room to double check dental instruments and secure the body cover up on patient, Harvey Greenfield, he says to her:

“Hey! I was reading the other day about a dentist in New Jersey who had topless nurses.”  As she adjusts his cover up, she says, ” I didn’t know you were interested in reading.”

Walter Matthau (Dr. Julian Winston) tells his female friends that he’s married with children to keep from getting permanently entangled with women. His assistent Ingrid Bergman (Stephanie Dickinson) must pretend to be his ex.

You can image how these lies begin to unravel into bigger lies which makes this movie a great comedy. Because, Nurse Dickinson will attempt to help Julian secure Toni’s love. I hope if you haven’t seen this Bergman comedy, you don’t miss a chance to see it. I just like to add a comment about Goldie Hawn. She wrote her autobiography titled: A Lotus Grows in Mud. I just thought it was meaningful that she picked another flower that will only bloom once it has beaten the odds of the struggle and surviving. This certainly speaks volumes for anyone who has gone though horrendous life events and out stronger and better from it.  This quote from the book explains it succinctly:

“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering. … The mud speaks of the common ground that humans share, no matter what our stations in life. … Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one”.[1]

Ingrid Bergman’s last movie was made for television on the life of Israeli Prime Minister, Goldie Mier. Bergman died of breast cancer on her birthday, August 29th in 1982. She had just turned 67 years old. Without question, she left us far too soon. Thankfully, she also left us with over 50 films of her life work that will inspire actresses and women in general to be strong, work hard and to be true to themselves.

Ingrid Bergman, is honored in a Blogathon which is hosted by Virginie Pronvost of The Wonderful World of Cinema.  I would like to thank Virginie for the invitation to submit my post with various other excellent bloggers who are focused on a variety of Bergman’s movies. To read more posts about Bergman and her work, please use the link below.

https://thewonderfulworldofcinema.wordpress.com/2017/08/27/the-3rd-wonderful-ingrid-bergman-blogathon-is-here/

    Link References

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Lotus_Grows_in_the_Mud

http://www.alternet.org/story/153969/how_the_sexual_revolution_changed_america_forever

http://www.hrc.utexas.edu/multimedia/video/2008/wallace/allen_steve_t.html

        Third Ingrid Bergman Blogathon: Cactus Flower (1969) In 1938, she was like no other Hollywood actress at the time.  She came to Hollywood as a leading Swedish film star.  

[ladyofmind]

February Games Roundup

Hopefully, you regularly follow the Red Letters characters on their Twitter escapades. But in case you are like me, and can generally only catch up on your Twitter every few days, or are not fans of Twitter, I do like to recap. After all, all those loose characters running around talking can get confusing, and I am not just talking about Malta's Cockney phonetics!

This month, I tried 2 new games and stayed faithful to a few of my favorites.

First up- #CharactersTell hosted by @m_arbanassi saw a few of my characters facing tough questions. From the heartbroken surviving those romantic Valentine questions to one half of a semi-happy couple peppered with questions about marriage and children! These women rolled with all of it to the best of their abilities. We met Tweety and Malta, aka Double Trouble, and also Madam Sofia, and one of her minions.

I have a source that says Male characters are planning on appearing this March, so stay tuned for that, or come back again next monthly round up to meet them all! Just say a little birdy told you ;)

#CharactersTell

2/1- Hello again, Tweet here, main storyteller from the Red Letters series. Generally known as your hostess with the mostess! ;)

2/2- Romantic? Yes, love being a matchmaker for others, and have a great track record there. As for romance and myself? Takes a certain kind of something to turn my head. I love love, even if it isn't my strength…

2/3- I'm not the one that gets in the most trouble… well at least in any relationship way. *giggles* Though I have forgiven the music man ghost I enjoy chasing over his perfect song selections. So I love music and love.

2/4- I like an equal partnership. I call the shots in the bar/club I own and run, so I need an SO that is comfortable with my flirting and spotlight issues. If we work that out, SO can run my off hours all they want…

2/5- I am many things, serial flirt being the top of the list, but Miss Tweety is NOT a cheater. One potentially serious love interest at a time, and when I pick, well I'm open to other conversations, but I'm not the one to cheat first.

2/6- Now that is a secret I don't usually tell… Can't give an edge to the chasers working hard to learn and try me, can I? Let's just say I love a good chill situation, and can't remember the last "date" I was on.

2/7- Always spend V-day in company! I run a bar, and it's a busy party night for us… Wait are you asking if I will have company by night's end? No, that's bad for my reputation, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't have someone in mind…

2/8- If you don't know who I am, you are in the wrong club. I own Sinful. You will call me Madam Sofia.

2/9- Love? Who said anything about love? It is no longer a weakness I admit to having, and I make many a note of those who do, because nothing fills my little black book better…

2/10- at first, I had a serious relationship with this wounded sort who I liked; until I found out he started "dating" another girl at my club… So I moved on to my guitarist, since he makes my voice sound good…

2/11- Depends… are we talking box of chocolates, or man sized chocolate covered? Also, are you volunteering?

2/12- Honey, lying is part of my business. I am what you want me to be, what you need me to be… for the right price.

2/13- What is wrong with your hearing? You pay me, you can visit one of the girls for the night… wait you mean a date for me? Costs you far more, and it's still here in the club, but at least I will sing for you.

2/14- There is no longer dates worth remembering.. so no... get lost, I am done with your terrible questions. That's what the bubbly (w)itches are for, paid by MY own dime, not making the same money the others do… (rants while walking away, pissed)

2/15- *Wonders by with a teapot* 'ello gov'na! Didn' see you 'here, fancy a cuppa? Wot's 'ha'? Questions? Alrigh', I've go' 'ime while my po' boils… Malta's me name, do as I please is me game, aw wai'ress ifna you mus' label i'.

2/16- (Malta) Crush on Duck? No gov'na, bu' she did 'elp me figure ou' wha' 'o do wi'h 'he big old Sco'. Never me' a bloke befawe who could come close 'o ou'lastin me in a drinkin game… tha''s a good skill you knah?

2/17- (Malta) I don' da'e men. I did recen'ly ge' asked ou' by 'ha' Sco' 'hough, even if I star'ed i' wi'h 'ryin 'o check under 'he kil'… Good 'imes *cackles, fondly touching a flowered hair pin in her curly red hair*

2/18- (Malta my Cockney) Me mum an' dad were no' married, so i' doesn' mean as much 'o me. *checks to see who is listening* Bu' if 'he big bloke wan'ed a mit fasting, I wouldn' say no…

2/19- Blimey no. 'avin any ov me own, no… I'm mawe 'he guardian ov some'hin off 'he stree' 'han from me Jack Jones loins.*Malta shivers at the thought, never really having considered it before*

2/20- (Malta) Faw 'he Sco'? Any 'ime I 'ook a spankin 'ha' led 'o da'e 'imes, wi'h aw wi'hou' par'ners in crime… Faw Duck? Well, well, she 'ells i' be''er, bu' we go' awful close one day, over a stupid necklace…

2/21- (Malta- Cockney) I 'aven' 'ad no breakups. Excep' when 'he Sco' disappeared 'o lick 'is wounds faw a bi'. No' like we were married a' 'he 'ime so i' shouldn' 'ave ma''ered… S'upid male pride 'hinkin 'e knew best… *teapot whistle* Sawry gov'na, 'ha's me 'ea.

2/22- You met my boss, Madam Sofia, earlier in the month. Call me whatever you like love, I can be whoever you want me to be… I bet we have everything in common… Are you single? You're so fine…

2/23- The same it is in your world? I would like to mate once, but I can not find anyone… If I sell myself, then it doesn't feel like love, but if I am not, how else will they like me? All the singing and dressing tight or loose hasn't done it yet.

2/24- ROFLMO of course! Silly! I would like to be married one day… oh you don't believe in marriage? … Yeah, you're right, it's only a piece of paper, marriage doesn't matter.

2/25- That's kinda a big deal around here. Being sexy is part of my job, do you think I am sexy love? What do you like?

2/26- I love nature love! Do you want to go out to the hot tub, and enjoy the stars? Maybe stay there until the birds sing?

2/27- I could totally love that! I'm a Gemini! What's with that face? Are you a Virgo? Is that the problem?

2/28- Magic is so cool! I often think I have an impressive wing span *stretches arms* don't you think? There have been comments on my wolf in heat tendencies, but I can't help that it's practically mating season… Where are you going? Can I come too?

The other continued game this month was #AuthorConfessions hosted by @_JM_ Sullivan and @jjulien25. Another love fest, this time a mix of author, character, and a generally good way to get to know people through their writing. This hashtag game had me working the art skills in the free program Canva to answer a question or two. 

#authorconfession D

1- What do I love most? #writing? #music? My family, and friends. Heck even my #librarylife sometimes… not all the time because it is #work, but it's full of books…

2- Very little, I like sweets, and chocolate, but my go to is salty. More chips, less candy.

3- Maybe for a week? We're not really fighters, unless forced into it, so hard to say what might happen in a zombie situation.

4- For my Selfie Sunday pics about my #WIP can usually be found on my Instagram, but this sums it up... #colorful #outlines for the win! Now to #write it...

5- Valentine's day is all well and good, but never has been a huge thing for me… I worked in a flower shop for many years, so V-day was a work day, and if I had a reason to celebrate, it was a different day.

6- The trouble with my MCs is they think they know their greatest desires, and strive for them, until they achieve it (like Woods' music career) but once on the top, they are no longer sure that was their greatest desires… little do they know they want it all!

7- Word count report-

#amediting chapters 1-2 or 650 words total so far, and #amwriting words to fix a few forgotten holes, ditches, cavernous pits, whatever you call it. Not really keeping track of the adds… just page numbers 2/135-150

8-

Roses are red,

violets are blue

my MC is sweet,

but pretty deep too

Told you there's a reason I no longer do poetry 😆

9- Plot bunnies? It's like spring fever over here! Bunnies multiply faster than I can catch them, but there is a system to this! Method to the madness! I hope…

10- #SparkleOn … It's my day off! A Saturday to relax, and catch up on all the things I missed during the long week. Plus an extra day of writing!

11- Too many? There is a kilted char from a @lynsaysands book that was funny and still rolls around my brain….

12- I can't name a specific favorite, but I love good books with good chars that make you laugh and cry as needed…

13- I am kind of in between genres at the moment… I simply write to write because I like to, and the box it is supposed to fit in is not exactly my concern until it has to be… I like reading romance tho…

14- Wait are you asking if I will have company by night's end? No, that's bad for my reputation, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't have someone in mind…

15- There were a bunch of 90's era #YA sorts of books that got me, terrible titles, but good stories… anyone remember the #LoveStories #series? Full list? -> https://goo.gl/bWHxg8

16- Tell my readers? Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart, you have no idea how much you mean to me, nor how excited I am when I know you have read something. You mean the world…

18- Um.. guess I am good with death in this way… I can't remember a fictional death that stuck with me…

19- No one really dies, most just transition out of the work… There is one death, but it is of a nice old man, nothing violent, just a time thing…

20- Not going to write an epitaph for my books… Feels wrong to me, like allowing myself to give up on them at some point… They will never die… maybe reinvent themselves after a long period away, but nothing written can really die.

21- Night Owl, working on trying to be more middle of the day… Could eventually try being an early writer, but currently not able to pay the steep price of getting out of bed to do it…

22- Usually coffee, or soda… Caffeine…

23-Twitter sparkles because of people like @RW_Hodgson, @Ashleydhansen12, @m_arbanassi being those friends that like tweets, so you don't feel like you're talking to yourself. And @carpekat14, for recently reminding me where I started a few months ago. 💜 to all

24- Each book has a color, and they all fall under the Red Letters theme… Currently working on the split that makes Yellow Days and Sinful Sunrise (orange-y)

25- "I can't believe this ridiculous drivel! It's totally unrealistic, with everything falling into place too easily. I mean who falls into a job in a brothel type night club?"

26- Me, hands down… Antag is emotionless to some degree, MC is one emotional setting presented to people, but some serious stuff going on inside, but as the writer, I have everyone's feelings coursing thru as needed.

27- I write with the range of emotions, but I do like to tickle your funny bone more than making you suffer… does that count?

28- From the writing? Or from the lack of writing and frustrations in relation? Either way, it does make me cry from time to time… Otherwise I am not doing it right.

#StoryWarriors hosted by @writeratops came recommended from #WIPjoy, so naturally, I gave it a go, since there were dual characters. Bebe made her introduction into Twitter here, and well… She's that friend. Bebe and the girls will reappear again at some point, though if you caught #MusicMonday, you might already know they are off to forget about some guys by finding some new ones. You see, as Nira obsessed as Bebe is, she still has a good heart. Between Malta and herself, they have seen who may be coming to town in March games, and they are all about distracting a sister. Triple Trouble are friends first, SO's second, and heaven help the soul caught breaking a heart… So enjoy Bebe's first attempts at Tweeting (yes there are a ton of jokes about Tweety that you guys are spared, trust me, you're welcome) Bebe won't last long before she jumps back in, she had too much fun keeping everyone on their toes…

#StoryWarriors D

1- Hello all! Most days I can be found working in a library, and most nights, I *try* to write books. In the editing and rewriting stage of one book, and the 3rd times a charm rewrite of the sequel…

2- Hello again, Tweety here, Hostess with the Mostest from the Red Letters series… ;) I always say you'll have to come back again to learn more about me!

3- *Bounces into view, possibly on a sugar high* Bebe's the name, bouncer's the game, well at least one of them… *looks around* Why is everyone nervous about this? It's not like they can see my… *Is quickly caught and taken away by Nira*

4- T works in a bar/nightclub, so there is really no desk space that is hers… but you can bet she's found places to hide snacks and notebooks for herself!

5- *no hesitation* Nira. *clarifies question with examples* What? Does no one else use their something like boy toy as a way to get around? What is wrong with you people?

6- I am what you call a picky eater for… reasons… once had a guy turn me off salads for a while, because he was so insistent that I eat the salad over my cupcake sugar fix... learn to let it go, you won't win.

7- I'm good with whatever Tweet puts on the stage, I would give specifics, but there's a name we do not mention, and I may bust on my bestie, but I won't poke THAT wound. Not that crazy or mean.

8- "I love a good corset, pants, heels… well I love all clothes ok. But I always make sure to keep a balance, some skin here and no skin there, for respectability of course." -T "Don't play innocent Tweet, I know you too well" -Bebe

9- I carry in my cargo pockets, or inside my bra. You know, the standard stuff. My ID, some cash, at least one weapon, handcuffs, oh and candy!

10- Why does everyone ask about my room? What's the fascination? I think I get that question as much as I ask what someone's drinking… The room has a lock for a reason, and soon, a keypad too. A lady has to keep her anonymity, or else why come back for the chat?

11- Depending on what the clerk's like, B might not even notice, might cause a scene getting change, or if it's a real crazy day, there may be some acts that would get the clerk arrested for public indecency. It's a good thing B doesn't really shop anywhere... 😟

12- Tweet has a paw print tattoo for a reason… total animal lover. Probably already being followed around by an animal, she would still take this lost one home too.

13- Nira. *is warned about pattern developing in her answers* It's what I do tho... Fine… I may get a bottle of something as an added nightcap… Is that better? You know, you sound like Tweet… Is everyone else a prude type too? 🙄

14- Surely by "attending" you mean "hosting"? I am great with other languages, I may not speak them, but sometimes I understand it and the emotion behind it too. All else fails, a charming smile smoothes many flaws.

15- They don't really need to do that, as they are finally well off, but like quick cash? Well it depends who's around… B would totally help T, there just may be some embarrassment to T that would make B's day.

16- Tweet and break ups… um, sticky issue now of course… but she does have a problem being mean to people that might not deserve it. Tries to let them down gently, also tries not to lead them on from the start…

17- Nira… plays nurse man and makes me soup and other things for the week that I disappear for and am not allowed to discuss in general company… enter at your own risk lol

18- Everyone calls me Tweety Bird, and I don't really mind it… I do flitter around a lot, and there was once this joke about me and a porky pig, but that’s another story for another day…

19- *has a hand over her mouth and plenty of whispers before allowed to answer* fine… I have a talent for drinking games, things that involve whipped cream, and I can strip a man in 5 seconds… (as a bar bouncer?) *giggles wickedly* sure, let's go with that.

20- If I shared my secrets, why would you bother coming back to visit me? Besides, all my secrets go in the book… you can read it for yourself.

21- I really don't know… there was a lot of shy lonely play time growing up, but I didn't find myself until I found my work, and my Nira.

22- That I work too much? I love my job and the life it has given me, but sometimes, just sometimes, I think about vacations.

23- Tweet is my bestie.. I love her, and there is a reason we're double trouble… with Malta, we're a triple threat that no man survives.

24- Oh Sly and I discuss this often. He is so well read, he's like a dictionary. But the book that means the most to me? It's the one full of my patron notes, and quotes, sort of like a diary.

Deciding that maybe you guys might want to know more about me, I threw in one extra game. #Expressoyourself hosted by @chelseadevries, and it was a tough one for me at times, but that is the point of this, isn't it? Get to know the mind behind the characters running wild, get to know a bit about me, to see if you might be interesting in reading my books at some point, right?

#expressoyourself

2/1- Tough one right from the start… My sense of humor? Compassion for others? Fierce protective streak? I'm a work in progress, and grow fonder of it every day.

2/2- To be persistent, but patient. My confidence grows along with my #wip, just like a friendship, and half the fun is in the adventure getting there.

2/3- I may still be on the fringes of it, watching, but I have made some great connections that are already making me think differently, which adds depth and helps me grow as a #writer

2/4- Hard to answer, as everything I have written to date had romance elements, but I would say no, I don't write a story dedicated to romance, just use it as a common vehicle.

2/5- The little mermaid… there may have been a point in my younger life where I may have believed I was said mermaid…

2/6- I pick and choose thru different #writing books… some stick with me, others don't…

2/7- Incomplete? Um 7 maybe 8 or 9? Quite a few are "When I finish #WIP this is next, with pages of notes." Is there a prize or club for 10 or more? Might as well start my entry forms now…

2/8- No, most of my writing is done by typing, but I have tons of hand written notes and edits…

2/9- Any notebook is good… even used to use things like the back of my hand… A short pencil is better than a long memory!

2/10- Funny, and emotional. I write some deep stuff, but try to give a balance, so it is not too heavy or too fluffy in the end.

2/11- Sometimes… Usually start my #writing day by rereading the last few paragraphs, and minor edits are natural, other times I hack it to pieces and fix it to continue.

2/12- Last book I read completely? Dirty Book Club by Lisi Harrison. Neutral about it, since I felt there could have been more to it, or something. Worth the read, just not a full on loved read for me.

2/13- Next book? Flipping through writing books counts? I am on hold and awaiting Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan, because I loved his #NaNoWriMo #peptalk

2/14- #AdrienneBasso isn't on Twitter, but she is a favorite… the rest of my shout outs are for @m_arbanassi, @EdwinaGustafson, @AndrewRoberts66, @patchworknerd, @thelaceylondon, and of course @awakeatlastrock because #music has #writers too.

2/15- Favorite part of the day? When you hit that moment and you know that this time is your free time, and can do what you please. Gotta #relax in between your daily crazy you know…

2/16- Lol more like how do I not procrastinate? Only way I get in the writing zone is with #music. Settles my mind, then helps me set the mood I need…

2/17- I actually don't! Probably should, but I work in a #library so I have my pick and don't think about it much…

2/18- Love… has given me the space to grow into my own confidence, and experience life beyond what I would have done for myself.

2/19- It's odd, and I do not normally recommend books, as people have opinions, but one that I read and enjoyed at a time I needed it was "I regret everything a love story" by seth greenland

2/20- I don't drink much while reading… suppose its because I like to have both hands occupied with the book… just whatever I drink that day I guess.

2/21- Not while reading unless vital to understanding the story.. maybe after the reading time (aka the end of the book) if its not too late or too sleepy

2/22- I already have my US travel companion in mind for book tour, get to see the country that way. Really want to see #London, #Poland, #UK and #Japan among others tho.

2/23- Besides my TBR book pile? My people know I have a thing for #purple, and #TweetyBird.

2/24- The broken and battered appearance deterred many others, who passed it by, but despite the care it needed, I took interest. For inside was a life and story I did not know I needed so. #loveabook

2/25- oh options! Who to pick? Musicians I love? Actors? Writers? I wish my possible future #litagent would find me first, love to chat there…

2/26- The same thing we do every night… Finish writing and editing, to take over the world Pinky! No idea where #PinkyandtheBrain came from… enjoy lol

2/27- Song lyric? @awakeatlastrock #purgatorium "Choices made on this glorious day Will decide your fate so let's play" Really good deep stuff if you think about it.

2/28- To young writers- There will be ups and downs, but never stop. There is something in you that wanted to write, listen to that tiny voice, even if it's like nurturing a dying flame, eventually it will become a fire.

That’s all the games from February... Looking forward to March! Might even play a little Male March Madness, stay tuned, and thanks to all my readers and followers. I hope to have more and more news to share this coming month!

[detectivesinclair]

– BASICS

NAME: Remi Kathryn Sinclair

NICKNAMES: Rem

ALIAS: Ruby Sullivan

AGE: 26 / 21

BIRTHDAY: December 12th, 1991

SPECIES: Human

GENDER: Female

PRONOUNS: She/her

– FAMILY

MOTHER: Laura Danvers, 52, Unknown, Has been M.I.A since 1992 [x]

FATHER: Timothy Sinclair, 57, Manager at a Sportman’s Outdoor Superstore  [x]

SIBLINGS: Wes Sinclair, deceased [x] / None

SIGNIFICANT OTHER: Daniel Ward, Ex-husband [x] / None

CHILDREN: Colton Zachary Ward, age 3 / None

PETS: Border collie mix named Niko [x] / None

– APPERANCE

FACE CLAIM: Nina Dobrev

HEIGHT: 5′6″

WEIGHT: 133 lbs

BUILD: Athletic

HAIR: Medium to long length

HAIR COLOR: Chocolate brown

EYE COLOR: Brown

SKIN COLOR: Naturally tan

DOMINANT HAND: Right

ANOMALIES: None

SCENT: Sometimes she barely remembers to wear deodorant so?

ACCENT: Typical of the region

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: None

LEARNING DISABILITIES: None

ALLERGIES: Bees / None

DISEASES: None

DISORDERS: Generalized anxiety disorder / None

BLOOD TYPE: O+

FASHION: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] / [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

TATTOOS: [x] (Her brother got a matching one in black ink when she turned sixteen, a reminder for them both to keep moving forward) [x] (Got on her own after her brother died)

JEWELRY: [x] / [x] [x]

NERVOUS TICS: None (training at the police academy ensured she didn’t develop any in order to avoid ever blowing her cover)

– HOME LIFE

BORN: Brooklyn, New York [x] / SoHo, New York [x]

RESIDES: Greenwich Village, New York [x] / Kappa Kappa Gamma House on NYU Campus [x]

VEHICLE: [x]

PHONE: [x]

LAPTOP/COMPUTER: [x]

– EDUCATION AND SPECIALIZATIONS

HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION: James Madison High School / Manhattan High School for Girls

COLLEGE EDUCATION: John Jay College of Criminal Justice / NYU

MAJOR: Criminal Justice, Crime Control and Prevention / English

MINOR: Addiction Studies / N/A

ADDITIONAL EDUCATION: NYPD Police Academy / None

CAREER: Undercover detective / Student & Part-time Barista

EXPERIENCE: 1.5 years / 3 months

EMPLOYER: NYPD / Starbucks

YEARLY SALARY: ~$68,000 / ~$15,000

– BELIEFS

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Liberal Libertarian

RELIGION: Agnostic

MISDEMEANORS: None / None

FELONIES: None / None

TICKETS AND/OR VIOLATIONS: None / None

DRUGS: No / Socially

SMOKES: No / Socially

ALCOHOL: Yes / Yes

– RELATIONSHIPS

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heteroromantic

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual

MARTIAL STATUS: Divorced / Single 

– PERSONALITY AND INTERACTION

PHOBIAS/FEARS: Failure, never getting over her brother’s death, compromising herself and her beliefs, losing her father, falling in love and having it end badly again

LIKES: Donuts, driving with her Jeep top off, her dog and her son, chess, running/jogging, minimalistic furniture, Moscow mules, true crime shows, spending time with her dad, being outside, neutral colors, the shooting range, taking a bath after a long day

DISLIKES: Cooking for herself, traffic jams, lite beer, people who disrespect authority, slow internet connection, Donald Trump, addiction, having joint custody of her son, excessive facial hair, un-authentic Italian food, cop slurs, New Yorkers who don’t root for New York teams

POSITIVE TRAITS: Nurturing, resourceful, perceptive, courageous, headstrong

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Workaholic, dishonest, stubborn, assertive, cynical

HIDDEN TALENTS: Has a perfect shot, excellent poker face, can roll her tongue, double jointed in both elbows

– FAVORITES

LOCATION: Central Park

SPORTS TEAM: Yankees, Nets, Rangers and Giants

MUSIC: John Mayer, Adele, Sam Smith, Jack Johnson, Ed Sheeran, Coldplay

SHOWS: Law and Order, The Blacklist, Criminal Minds, Person of Interest, Chicago PD

MOVIES: The Breakfast Club, Forrest Gump, The Godfather, The Silence of the Lambs

BOOKS: A Million Little Pieces, Jane Eyre, The Lovely Bones, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

FOOD: Gyros, Poptarts, Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips, Cheerios, Spaghetti and Meatballs, Glazed Donuts, Protein Bars, Watermelon

BEVERAGE: Water, Blue Moon with an Orange Slice, Blue Gatorade, Black Coffee

COLOR: Dark Gray, White, Beige, Navy Blue, Burgundy

– MISCELLANEOUS

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Lawful Neutral / Chaotic Good

MBTI: ESTJ / ENFP

MBTI ROLE: The Executive / The Campaigner

ENNEAGRAM: Type 6 / Type 7

ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Loyal Skeptic / The Epicure

TEMPERAMENT: Choleric / Sanguine

WESTERN ZODIAC: Sagittarius

CHINESE ZODIAC: Goat

PRIMAL SIGN: Tortoise

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Syltherdor / Hufflepuff

ILVERYMORNY HOUSE: Pukwudgie / Thunderbird

TAROT CARD: The Hanged Man / The Hermit

LOVE LANGUAGE: Words of Affirmation / Quality Time

AURA: Red / Orange

– BIOGRAPHY

TBA

[graceivers]

Review #20 - The Dangerous Billionaire

The Dangerous Billionaire Author: Jackie Ashenden Genre: Billionaires & CEOs, Contemporary Romance, Military, Romantic Suspense Rating: ★★★ Recommendation: it’s a toss-up; once was enough Summary: After the death of Noah Tate, Chloe Tate’s life is seemingly threatened by an enemy who has repeatedly tried to get his hands on the Tate Oil company and fortune. Sullivan Tate’s life has been all about being a Navy SEAL and serving his country, but right now his mission is to keep Chloe safe and take over Tate Oil as the supposed heir. If only Chloe made it easy on him.

Female Lead: Chloe’s character was probably one of the better parts of the book. She was a female lead I got behind for the most part. She’s capable, responsible, and mature. And yeah, she’s a little stubborn—sometimes at the wrong times—but at least she’s independent instead of being a damsel in distress. Chloe is rightfully closed off at the beginning because she’s never been given much attention at all and basically secluded to the Tate’s Wyoming ranch her entire life. Like, I’m pretty sure she was homeschooled and never made any friends. And it was stated that she didn’t go to college, so… She had a rather deprived life growing up, but she still made it work and grew up to be a capable person.

The one major problem I had with Chloe’s character was the way Ashenden described her sometimes. Through Van’s perspective, Chloe was often described as ‘wild’. Uh, no. I didn’t see it at all. Just because she grew up on a ranch in the countryside doesn’t make her ‘wild’. She may not have her foster brothers’ military background, but that doesn’t make her ‘wild’ either. I personally didn’t find anything wild about Chloe. Just because she stood up to Van at times and didn’t take his orders every single time doesn’t make her wild. In fact, I thought was kind of the opposite—a little defiant, a lot lonely, but actually pretty level-headed given that she knew what she wanted and generally went about getting it in a mature way. So, no Ashenden, I didn’t buy your description of Chloe there. Male Lead: Sullivan Tate is a Navy SEAL. But for all his military precision and discipline, his character was so… not there. I needed for him to be either a harder and more straight-shooting man or desperate over his feelings over Chloe. Van kind of fell somewhere in the middle, which did not necessarily work in his favor. Yes, Ashenden did write him as exuding that kind of military thinking throughout the book. Was it convincing? Maybe, sure. Was it enough for me to really feel it like it was pouring out of the pages? No. And hey, maybe people don’t always want the latter, and that’s fine. But I wanted the latter; I wanted to feel it—his strength, protectiveness, hard demeanor, and everything it entails to be a SEAL. I didn’t feel it as much as I wanted and hoped to.

Oddly, I thought Van lacked priorities sometimes. Yes, he had a lot on his plate after his foster father died, but with all the moving parts, sometimes it felt like he was lost and didn’t know what issue to tackle first. When Chloe asked repeatedly asked him how he was going to deal with the threat on her life and how long she had to stay in New York, he told her he didn’t know and proceeded to work on company business instead. There was a lot of reacting from him instead of commanding, and when Ashenden flat out stated that Van was a commander in the Navy, well, those qualities didn’t seem to transfer to life outside the military. And sorry, but that’s Ashenden’s fault for dropping the ball and losing character consistency because there’s no way I’ll believe a Navy SEAL couldn’t keep his priorities straight in any aspect of his life. So basically, I thought Ashenden had such great potential with Van’s character but didn’t deliver. Plot & Writing: The Dangerous Billionaire had so much promise and potential. Just from the summary that was given, I was anticipating its release. There was a little bit billionaire/CEO going for it, a freaking Navy SEAL, and potentially great romantic suspense element to it. But that was it. There was a little bit of everything but not enough to capitalize and deliver on all the potential the book had. The first few chapters were pretty good and intriguing. I was interested and captured by both the overall plot of having a threat on Chloe’s life and then the sexual tension between her and Van. But unfortunately, as the book went on, it just got… bad. Bland, maybe. A little irritating, actually. The book lost steam. That’s what happened.

Okay, first things first. Van is Chloe’s foster brother. It’s stated in the book summary so you know what you’re getting yourself into. I will say that I didn’t have a problem with the loose background relationship between Chloe and Van. They are not blood related whatsoever, and given the fact that Van is ten years older than Chloe and was barely around having gone to boarding school and then straight to the military when he was eighteen (and Chloe was eight), there wasn’t too much brother-sister type of interactions between them to make their adult relationship grossly forbidden. In fact, Chloe’s relationships with all her foster brothers are coolly distant. Making the two foster siblings did give the book an additional forbidden romance element to it. Ashenden didn’t really expand upon this, but I included it in my above categories since there was a somewhat important point in the book where their found-out relationship was described as not so savory... But I didn’t have a problem with it.

I still categorized this as romantic suspense, but as previously stated, Ashenden didn’t deliver as I had hoped. There wasn’t much action other than a couple of chase scenes, a few punches thrown, and Van’s gun flashing around but never used. The reasoning for not firing the gun was acceptable, though, so I’ll give a pass on that. But the whole book was a whole of talking and threats and little action. I was honestly a little disappointed. Van and his brothers are SEALs for goodness sake. The amount of action did not match the level of talk and planning. I wanted to feel more of Van’s desperation to keep Chloe safe. Sometimes I felt it—like when Chloe offered herself up to go talk to the enemy and he refused to let her go. But other times, it fell flat and wasn’t enough.

And then the romance aspect of the book? Okay, I was totally fine with the way it was going between Chloe and Van for the first half of the book. BUT THEN. The freaking scene when Van’s solution to all their problems was to marry her and Chloe FLAT OUT KNEW that he would not be asking if none of the stuff with de Santis had gone down and left them with that particular fallout. Right there. That was the perfect moment for some honesty and communication and all that jazz, BUT NO. ASHENDEN TURNS IT INTO A SEX SCENE AND HAS VAN ALL BUT SEDUCE CHLOE INTO SAYING YES TO THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. I was confused. I was surprised. I was livid! It wasn’t that Van was still closed off at that point because he hadn’t been fully truthful regarding his mistake during a past mission; it wasn’t even that Van approached his pertinent issues like it was a military op. It was the freaking fact that Ashenden turned an opportunity to strengthen the bond and relationship between Chloe and Van into a sex scene. That ruined the book for me right there: Van using sex to get what he wanted from Chloe to solve their problems; Chloe knowing that Van didn’t love her at that point in the way that she loved him and that he was only asking as a way to reduce the number of consequences they would have to deal with but still agreeing to marry him in the heat of the moment during sex. No. No. No.

And then the ending was abrupt and Ashenden threw a little more conflict in there by having Van make himself change his mind about the marriage idea and subsequently push Chloe away only for him to change his mind again and have her brought back to him. And then the skating scene? It was so painfully out of place. Yeah, I get that Chloe kind of had that fantasy and she wanted to skate because it was the scene in her snow globe, but geez, the moment was so out of place. The whole book had a much tenser tone and then to throw something so fluffy and romantic in there like ice skating? Nope. Sorry. Not buying it. Secondary Characters & Plots: I was a little intrigued by the other Tate brothers—Lucas and Wolf. Enough for me to read their books that Ashenden is writing? Maybe. We’ll see. What I did like was how Ashenden kept what their dead father wrote to them a mystery. That’s definitely helping her cause in making people interested in their future respective books. But at the same time, we barely got to see them in this book, so I’m not sure how invested I am in these individuals to read their stories.

Cesare di Santis was a boring enemy. Seriously. Boring. A whole lot of talk and not much doing. I mean, yes, he succeeded in getting Chloe to go with him for that moment to hopefully get what he wanted, but was he a real threat? To a SEAL? Even the plot twist that Ashenden threw in there about him (twice, actually) was predictable and… nonthreatening. That’s not exactly the vibe you aim for when writing a big bad enemy. Favorite Part(s): Van jumping over the side of a building to try to chase down some guy that was watching Chloe. I was excited then! There was going to be some action! He jumped over the side of a building even though he knew he would land on the fire escape below him! We didn’t know about the fire escape and neither did Chloe. But then the chase scene was just about over before it even started, and… sigh… Final Thoughts: Disappointing is all I have to say. There was so much promise at the beginning, but there was only untapped potential in the end. I had high hopes for The Dangerous Billionaire, but I guess I shouldn’t have had because books I have no expectations for usually end up being more entertaining. Either way, despite the tension and okay female lead and generally nice writing style and the fact that I still gave it a three star rating, The Dangerous Billionaire just didn’t deliver. It has an okay amount of all the elements I categorized this book as, but I’m sure there are stories out there that handle such subject matter better.

[lovelyparanormalbooks]

Book Blitz: Grand Finale: Protecting the Single Mom by Catherine Lanigan

On Tour with Prism Book Tours.

Book Tour Grand Finale for

Protecting the Single Mom

By Catherine Lanigan

We hope you enjoyed the tour! If you missed any of the stops, go back and check them out... Launch - The Dangerous Tour

Hi, and welcome to my Prism Tour for “Protecting the Single Mom”. I’ll bet you’re wondering why I chose this tour title for a Heartwarming story in little old sweet small town Indian Lake, right? Right off the bat, let me tell you that in the real world, there are a lot of dangers, but falling in love, now that’s a real risk. How many people get married for all the wrong reasons? Just check the divorce statistics. In my opinion, love is too often discarded and other “sensible choices” enter the picture. Risking your heart for a lifetime with another person? It’s not practical. It’s nonsensical and yet, we all dream of that one true love. Our soul mate. Our adored one that we will spend all of this lifetime sharing, caring and creating, sigh, a family.

Thoughts of a Blonde - Review

"We are quickly drawn in to the story of a woman on the run who thought she could finally relax and enjoy life again … only to have her maniac of an ex show back up to terrorize her. A cast of great characters, many of whom we’ve gotten to know in past books in the series, makes a solid story."

Katie's Clean Book Collection - The Dangerous Life of a Drug Task Detective

There’s not a city, town or hamlet in the United States that are not affected by illegal drug sales, drug addiction, overdoses and drug related deaths. For all the families struggling with this horror, and mine is no exception, drug addiction of a loved one can be overwhelming, frightening and yes, dangerous.

Rockin' Book Reviews - Review

"I really like this story. I like the suspense in it and thought the characters were well-developed and fun to follow. . . . It was a great story and I would recommend it to other readers."

Book Lover in Florida - Excerpt

Every protective bone in Trent’s body ached for Cate. Of all the calls, all the assignments he’d been given over the years, this one reverberated inside him like church bells on a summer morning. It didn’t take a genius to understand that his reaction was all about the woman. Not that she was defenseless, but that she’d been so strong for years. Like a stalwart angel against all odds, she’d chosen to obliterate her old life and don a new one.

Rainy Day Reviews - Review

"This was a "damsel in distress" type book where the damsel is no damsel but does need help because she is in distress. But she is trying her very best to keep things orderly and clean. This author was a new for me, but after reading this book, I really enjoyed her writing so I'll be reading more of her books! It was suspenseful, heroic, intense, and loving. What a great mix!"

Zerina Blossom's Books - Excerpt

Cate took a sip and raised an eyebrow. “This is delicious. Really good.”

“Thanks.” Trent wondered if he was blushing. He’d couldn’t remember blushing before, but suddenly his cheeks felt hot. And the heat wasn’t from the cocoa.

Hearts & Scribbles - The Dangerous Life of Being on the Run - Cate

For quite some time, I’ve been playing with the idea of Cate Sullivan not really being Cate Sullivan. I introduced her as the realtor in the very first book, LOVE SHADOWS, in this series. She was a friend to Luke Bosworth when his wife was alive and then she helped sell his house after her death. She was empathetic and related well to his children.

Harlie's Books - Review

"Oh my gosh. Stop what you are doing now and buy this book. Don’t put it on the TBR pile. Pour yourself a glass of wine, or ice tea, get comfy and spend a couple of hours in complete bliss with Trent, Cate, and Danny. You will thank me later and you’re welcome. Of course, since this is my first book in the series, I need to go and get Sophie’s and Katia’s books. Yes, this book is that good that I want to read the other books. I’m a series reader. Yes, I admit it. And even though, Ms. Lanigan does a great job of letting us know about the other characters in town, I really want to read their stories, too."

Reading Is My SuperPower - Review

"Protecting the Single Mom is Catherine Lanigan at her best! The characters are dimensional and their stories are both heartbreaking and inspiring. Bits of humor provide a break in the suspense-driven tension, and a sweet-but-sizzling romance adds its own sort of tension to the mix. Fans of the series will enjoy visiting with familiar faces (of which Mrs. Beabots continues to be my favorite and the most intriguing), but this book can easily be read as a stand alone too."

Mel's Shelves - Review

"This is the seventh book in this series and only the third one I've read. It stands well on its own. There are characters from the other books that are mentioned and it was fun to catch up with the ones I knew. I enjoyed the pacing and the blend of romance, action, danger, and character development. This is a great read for fans of clean, contemporary romantic suspense!"

Kati's Bookaholic Rambling Reviews - The Danger of Secrets - Trent

It was then that I saw first-hand this very human and male response to PTSD.

He’d tried everything to get help and he felt he had been helped. But after all these years, he was still haunted by the death of his buddies. The struggle these men and women must go through is monumental. It is not the “stuff” of books that I use just to make a story interesting. This is real life. And it is tragic.

underneath the covers - Excerpt

“About what?” She took a small step toward him. Could anyone be this beautiful? No makeup, her hair rumpled from the cap.

Trent felt as if he’d walked into a dream.

“The rowing. You were beautiful. I mean, er, it was beautiful to watch you…all…out there.”

She chuckled lightly—a tinkling sound carried on the wind.

Wishful Endings - The Danger of Risking Your Heart

The inherent risk of falling in love is why I adore romances, the ones I write and the one’s I gobble up by the dozens every month. I listen to sad, torchy “cowboy” songs about breakups and fear, and that final leap of faith that the lovers blindly make.

The Silver Dagger Scriptorium - The Danger of A Secret Life - Cate

Though Cate was newly pregnant when she hitchhiked into Indian Lake, she was befriended by Captain Redbeard and his wife, Julie, who own the Marina and the attached Marina Mini Mart.

When they asked her name, she didn’t give her real name, Susan Kramer, she said, “Cate Sullivan.” She had come up with it so naturally, and from that moment Cate began making her new life and for her, changing her name had been an important part.

Heidi Reads... - Excerpt

She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. If she could stay here, kissing Trent, she didn’t have to think about nightmares and a murderous ex-husband. At this moment, she lived another lie—that she was worthy of having a real love with a man like Trent.

Singing Librarian Books - Review

"Lanigan’s characters are brought to life in a way that readers can easily relate to them. Readers will also thoroughly enjoy the delightful and enjoyable family dynamic, including fantastic kid characters. This story also has plenty of suspense and romance too. Readers will not want to miss this next instalment in this engaging series. I would recommend this novel to readers that enjoy contemporary romance stories with great family dynamics, as well as mystery."

Nicole's Book Musings - The Dangerous Side of Life in a Small Town

In PROTECTING THE SINGLE MOM, Trent makes reference to some of the reasons that Indian Lake has such a drug problem. These reasons are not fiction. They are fact.

One of the most notable is that residents of small towns have a tendency to believe that drug-lords would not be interested in their “little town.” After all, there aren’t that many people who would buy the drugs, right? A city offers more of that “kind” of person/addict—they think.

Hardcover Feedback - Review

"Protecting the Single Mom was an enjoyable read, one I think fans of contemporary fiction will enjoy. This story stands on its own, so you don't have to read previous books first, but I do want to read the earlier ones someday."

Becky on Books - Interview

Welcome, Catherine! What 5 things should readers know about you?

1. I’m a voracious reader. I wish I had more hours in the day to read even more, but I DO have to write.

2. I work full time and write full time if that’s possible—meaning 40 hours at each job give or take a few hours here and there to buy groceries.

3. I iron my sheets and pillowcases. It’s mindless work and I get a ton of ideas. You think it’s the spray starch? I use lavender scented.

4. I never, ever work anymore without my essential oils diffuser going right next to my computer.

5. My son and his family and then friends come first in my life. I’ll drop everything to help. Though I may pack my laptop on any and all trips.

Don't forget to enter the giveaway below, if you haven't already...

Protecting the Single Mom

(Shores of Indian Lake #7) Catherine Lanigan

Adult Contemporary Romance

Paperback & ebook, 384 pages

April 1st 2017 by Harlequin Heartwarming

Getting involved shouldn't be this dangerous… Cate Sullivan is no damsel in distress. She's kept herself and her son safe for six long years. Built a good life in Indian Lake. But now that her drug-dealing ex-husband is moving his operation here, that life is about to explode. Her instincts tell her to trust Detective Trent Davis. That he's more than just a handsome cop doing his duty. The former Green Beret has even formed a fast bond with her son. But there's something he's not telling her. Some darkness that keeps him from giving in to the feelings she knows are growing between them. Cate trusts Trent to keep her safe, but the real question is whether he'll trust himself with her heart.

Goodreads│Amazon│Barnes & Noble│Harlequin

Advanced Review for Protecting the Single Mom

This is an exceptional romantic fiction novel that inspires women to achieve their dreams and warms the hearts of the romantics. It is a beautifully well-written story with a clean context. It is suitable for anybody who loves a good romance and yearns to be inspired to make a change in their circumstances. - Susan Sewell for Readers' Favorite

Other Books in the Series

About the Author

Catherine Lanigan is the international bestselling and award-winning author of forty published titles in both fiction and non-fiction, including the novelizations of Romancing the Stone and The Jewel of the Nile, as well as over half a dozen anthologies, including “Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living your Dream”, “Chicken Soup for the Writer’s Soul”, and more. Ms. Lanigan’s novels have been translated into dozens of languages including German, French, Italian, Spanish, Russian, Portuguese, Chinese, and Japanese. Ms. Lanigan’s novels are also available in E-books on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com, Apple Store, Mobi and Kobo. Several of her titles have been chosen for The Literary Guild and Doubleday Book Clubs. Her Vietnam war-based novel, The Christmas Star, won the Gold Medal Award Top Pick from Romantic Times Magazine and has also won Book of the Year Romance Gold Award from ForeWord Magazine as well as Book of the Year Romance from Reader’s Preference.

Lanigan is the author of a trilogy of non- fiction books regarding angelic intervention in human life: Angel Watch, Divine Nudges and Angel Tales published by HCI and Cedar Fort. Skyhorse published Lanigan’s “how-to” book on writing: Writing the Great American Romance Novel. Lanigan was tasked by the NotMYkid Foundation to write a non-fiction book addressing teen addictions. Ms. Lanigan’s first Young Adult adventure novel, The Adventures of Lillie and Zane: The Golden Flute, was published by Cedar Fort.

Currently, she has published seven novels in the Shores of Indian Lake series for Harlequin Heartwarming: Love Shadows, Heart’s Desire, A Fine Year for Love, Katia’s Promise, Fear of Falling and Sophie’s Path. Protecting the Single Mom pubs April, 2016. She has recently contracted for two more in the series: Wedding for Isabelle and A Bride for Mica.

As a cancer survivor, Ms. Lanigan is a frequent speaker at literary functions and book conventions as well as inspiring audiences with her real stories of angelic intervention from her Angel Tales series of books. She is an outspoken advocate for domestic violence and abuse and was honored by The National Domestic Violence Hotline in Washington, D.C. (THE EVOLVING WOMAN). She has been a guest on numerous radio programs including “Coast to Coast” and on television interview and talk show programs as well as blogs, podcasts and online radio interview programs.

Website│Goodreads│Facebook│Twitter│LinkedIn│Pinterest

Tour Giveaway

- 1 winner will receive a $50 Amazon eGift Card (open internationally)

- 1 winner will receive a tote bag and three Shores of Indian Lake books: Katia's Promise, Fear of Falling and Sophie's Path (US only)

- Ends April 11th a Rafflecopter giveaway