#kedreeva wants me to piggyback off of this

[greenbergsays]

I think Crowley fell in love with Az on the wall of Eden and knew it from the beginning bc of all his acts of service. Az fell in love slowly and was first aware of his own feelings in 1601, but didn't realize C. felt the same way until the bombed church scene. When you have eternity, what are a few centuries? Then Az didn't want Crowley to get hurt with holy water, and he had to realize his own feelings in the Bentley. Armageddon was nigh, Az had to decide whether to act on it or not. 😇🖤😈

See, my favorite thing about these nerds is I don’t think they realized the moment they fell for the other one. I don’t think they realized it for ages.

Their moment of falling in love and their moment of realizing they’re in love are two different things and both of those things are completely separate from knowing that the other one feels the same. (To me!)

So, I agree with you that Crowley probably fell in love with Aziraphale standing on the wall of Eden.

I mean look at that face.

That is the face of a demon whose heart, upon hearing the words “I gave it away,” is now like, “oh no, I stan (1) angel.”

However, I think he realized that he had feelings for Aziraphale somewhere between 33 A.D. and 41 A.D.

I’ve talked about this before, but I shall talk about it again, BECAUSE WHY NOT

My point is:

That? That is his moment of acceptance in my mind. That is the moment he’s like, “fuck it, he’s too adorable, I guess we’re doing this now.”

The thing that absolutely fucking hurts me, right, is that Crowley is by far the more open of the two. He’s closed off in many, many ways, but he’s ultimately a tenderhearted nerd in love with a single being for thousands of years, accepts that, and spends those years indulging his love at every possible turn.

He is the softest demon and I love him.

Aziraphale is the one that is more buttoned-up emotionally. He’s the one that’s more reluctant to admit his feelings, the one that’s less likely to put himself out there emotionally, etc. 

I think that’s due, in large part, to his severe anxiety, but it’s possible I’m just Projecting. It could also be due to the fact that Heaven doesn’t make him a priority at all and is very dismissive of his thoughts and feelings, so he tries not to pay attention to them too much. It’s the only way he can cope, really.

So for me, it’s harder to pin down exactly when Aziraphale actually started to have feelings for Crowley.

Hell, man, they’ve had those same bodies for 6,000 years and have also been on earth for 6,000 years, so the implication there is that they somehow got aboard Noah’s ark and were cooped up together for 40 days and 40 nights, plus the time it took for the water to recede, so maybe that’s what did it.

I mean, Aziraphale clearly likes Crowley well enough that he inquires about his new name in 33 A.D. when Crowley doesn’t readily offer it. And he also clearly likes him well enough to approach Crowley on his own in 41 A.D.

So far, we’ve seen Crowley spotting him first and approaching to strike up a conversation, but 41 A.D. is the first time we see Aziraphale spot Crowley first. And he doesn’t hesitate to approach and strike up a conversation, like Crowley does to him. In fact, he immediately leaves his seat and his game to do so.

So, that’s an important moment. That means that Aziraphale is feeling something for him.

That being said, I personally disagree about when Aziraphale knew he was in love. I definitely think it was the bombed church scene.

I mean, look at that face???? That is the expression of an angel so overwhelmed by such a swell of emotion that it’s impossible to ignore anymore.

He is in love.

As for when they realize that their feelings are returned? I have no idea. Not a clue. My answer literally changes depending on the day.

Crowley is fairly easy to pin down again. I feel like he knows either before or when Aziraphale gives him the holy water. That’s such a big thing–it was significant enough to be a huge fight between them–and for Aziraphale to cave and provide it, explicitly saying it’s because he needs Crowley to be safe, that’s—that’s significant.

So if Crowley doesn’t know before, he definitely knows then.

Aziraphale, again, is harder for me to pin down. I’d like to think that he knows by that same conversation, because, “You go too fast for me, Crowley,” is such a gorgeous line and it’s even more gorgeous if you think about it from the terms of the two of them absolutely being on the same page and just not saying it.

That being said, Aziraphale’s reaction in the bandstand scene is too significant to ignore.

I mean look at that.

I can’t see that face and think that he knew before.

Because you know what the alternative is, right?

The alternative is that he knows that Crowley thinks he has feelings, but Aziraphale just knows that they aren’t real.

He could think that Crowley isn’t capable of real love, which a lot of people seem to like, or he could think that Crowley’s feelings are superficial at best–a surface-level affection that would never be anything more–and Crowley, unused to such emotions, is mistaking affection for real, true love.

Aziraphale has spent 6,000 years watching Crowley not really be serious about anything. Crowley lives his life in the fast lane, he does stuff without thinking about the consequences, he’s impulsive, he’s seemingly care-free.

Whatever Crowley may think he feels, Aziraphale thinks, it’s certainly nothing genuine or real. He’s mistaking a general affection for romantic love.

And he might not even think that because Crowley is a demon. It could just be because Aziraphale never thought he was good enough to be loved like that.

But then the bandstand happens. Then Crowley suggests that they abandon their respective sides, abandon Earth and the impending apocalypse, and just. Run away together.

And that moment of shock is Aziraphale fully understanding for the first time how wrong he’d been. That’s the face of an angel who’s realizing that everything he’s craved is standing right there in front of him, arms wide open, just waiting for him to accept it.

But this is Aziraphale and Aziraphale instinctively rejects the things that he wants because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. So he tells Crowley “no,” and “it’s over,” even though it’s the opposite of what he wants.