#kaz loved his brother v much but that love most definitely twisted after all that's happened since then

[greedbent]

the animosity and unbridled rage kaz feels toward pekka is honestly rivaled only by the same anger he feels toward jordie

in fact, i'd go so far as to say that plenty of the complicated, vicious emotions he directs at pekka are stemmed from a festering wrath at the brother who was supposed to protect him back then

it's a mess of grief and blame: kaz knows that jordie was supposed to be the good influence for him. jordie was supposed to watch over him. jordie had a responsibility, and he ultimately failed to be the older brother kaz desperately needed at that time—alone and scared in a new city

of course he hates pekka for what he did to the two of them, but kaz also harbors very mixed feelings about how jordie handled things. the thing is? kaz was too damn young to "know better." but jordie? he should've known. he shouldn't have been so oblivious. and he shouldn't have been so greedy

bc at the root of this all, that was the problem, wasn't it? the two boys could've kept going with honest work, gradually making the coin they needed, gradually learning the ropes of the city and how everything ran if not for jordie getting greedy

kaz hates that jordie let what happened to them happen and i think some part of him will always hold a grudge because of the way it hurt him in the end (not that he'd ever admit as much)

[disappearinginq]

If you're still doing these: Top 5 fictional characters? Top 5 books?

I like avoiding chores, so yes - definitely still answering asks: 

Top 5 Fictional Characters: 

1. Sherlock Holmes - I will admit, the more recent versions of this character with Benedict Cumberbatch and Robert Downey Jr. are probably my favorite versions of Holmes, but I will read or watch pretty much anything about this man. I have even Young Sherlock and Moriarty sitting on my shelves, and even House of Silk (when I get the time). I just...I like characters that are the smartest in the room, and while I appreciate the surprise of a humble smart character, I am much closer to Sherlock and his “you can’t really be this dumb...oh. Shit. You are.”

2. Robin Hood - again, I will read or watch pretty much anything about this character, though I will always love Kevin Costner’s Prince of Thieves - and I actually did like Taron Edgerton’s portrayal in the most recent one, even though both versions were absolutely panned by critics. Probably because I wholeheartedly subscribe to taxation is theft, but also because I like any character who rips off people who have it coming to them. 

3. Merlin - I should say the mythology of King Arthur and Knights of the Round Table and anyone associated with it. But anyone who knows me likes a bit of subtle magic and either snarky secret wizards or cantankerous old wizards, and to this day, Sword in the Stone is my favorite iteration of this storyline. 

4. Tony Stark - Probably for the same reason I like Sherlock Holmes, I like Tony Stark, especially in the MCU. It’s one of the few times that someone is shown with a relatively not pretty version of CPTSD, and how it can alter your brain chemistry to the point of making wildly poor decisions because in your mind, it seems perfectly rational. (Do I like how Steve and everyone else just compacts the problem by complaining that Tony tries to control everything but also that everything is Tony’s fault? No - but that, in a way, is also accurate). Tony is also one of the few characters that witnesses fallout to his decisions, and learns from them. Again, not always the right lesson, but his character does learn. 

5. Aliena of Shiring from Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett - I will admit, I added her after wondering why I had no women fictional characters, but I realized most of it has to do with the terrible way that women characters are written. Aliena manages to be what I would call unconquerable. The amount of crap that woman puts up with for 1000 pages and still manages to not break, keep strong, think and out maneuver life is truly awe inspiring. I love her character so much.  

Top 5 Books. 

Hmm. Well, we already said I would read anything about Sherlock, Robin and Merlin, so...let’s branch out. 

1. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. Follett primarily wrote spy and action novels, so this historical epic about cathedral building in a small town in England in the 12th century. It has epic everything. The characters are fantastic - True Good and True Evil, there’s a nun who places a curse on the bad guys and becomes a witch who lives in the woods. It has everything that is good about the church and everything that is bad about the church. It deals with the every day peoples’ dealings with the constant change between rulers (Empress Matilda and Stephen of Blois were going at it in a civil war after the death of Henry’s only legit son). It has a literally epic love story between Jack and Aliena, to whom every love story will forever pale in comparison, and Aliena legit walked across all of Christendom to find her True Love. Movie counterparts are Eddie Redmayne and Hayley Atwell. Everyone who is good gets a Happy Ending. Everyone who is evil gets their goddamn comeuppance in the most horrible of ways and they fucking deserve that shit.  

2. Okay, so on the heels of “the most epic story of all time”, I present to you a “It’s not the greatest but I love it anyway” - Rise of Renegade X, by Chelsea Campbell, which is in fact a series, and I love the second and third installment the most, but it’s about a made up city where there are superheroes and supervillains and that’s just how life goes. Heroes are marked with an H on their thumb when they turn 16, villains with a V (it’s a plot point to explain why, but it’s a genetic thing, like a finger print), and on the main character’s 16th birthday, he expects a V and instead gets an X. He eventually tracks down his super hero dad who didn’t know that he existed, and convinces the kid to come live with his family - where he has three other children, and a wife who was permanently crippled by a supervillain. As it goes along, the series deals more and more with prejudice, racism, classism, Good versus Evil compared to Right versus Wrong, and the MC, Damien is the first person narrative, so you get all of his snarky sarcasm first hand. 

3. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. 100% because of the world building, the fact that it is a fantasy version of Ocean’s Eleven, but also because I truly and deeply adore Kaz Brekker. One of the few characters with no particular power, he’s perfectly human, and absolutely terrifying. And while he has a character arc that I adore, it does not fundamentally hinge on him changing who he is. At the end, Kaz is still a fucking cold hearted, brilliant and scheming bastard, but the audience has an insight to him that maybe Kaz doesn’t even have himself. His issues don’t magically go away. He doesn’t have a Scrooge moment. He has his own set of principles and he stays by them, and what is so lovely is that the love interest accepts that. 

4. Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater. Murder horses based on Irish/Scottish Mythology, and a horse race with said murder ponies. Need I say more?  

5. Book of Lost Things by John Connolly. This is going to sound weird as a recommendation, but this book is the book of fucking nightmares. I read it for a class on Ireland because we had to pick either a story about Ireland, takes place in Ireland, or was written by an Irish person. I read this in I think an afternoon and I didn’t sleep that night. Despite the main character being like 11 years old, I would never let a kid read it. It’s a dark, true-to-Grimms’-source fairy tale that is like the twisted version of the Chronicles of Narnia, and a psychological trip and a half. I loved it. It is a true fairy tale - the kid, David, mom dies in the first chapter, and David feels like he failed her because he’d developed this SEVERE OCD ritual that he believed would keep his mother alive (it obviously doesn’t), and his dad, months later, remarries and has a second child, whom David hates. The baby cries all the time, the young mother is preoccupied with a baby and no husband (he’s off fighting in WWII), and David is left to occupy himself most of the time. They move out of London because of the Blitz, to David’s mother’s family estate. It’s old, and creepy, and the garden seems like something is calling to him, that sets a dread in the pit of his stomach when he goes near it. Enter the Crooked Man, a man who offers to give David everything he wants if David tells him his brother’s name. David refuses, and that night, a German plane crashes in the garden, and it turns out, that’s the portal/wardrobe to another world, and David gets dragged into it. And it just goes from there. 

Thanks for the asks! They’re always fun!