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starjaggeddream · 10 months ago

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Kaylee Young-Eun Jeong

In a Dream I Watch UFC With You

When I look at you I think revolutionary thoughts

like that people go home to their houses and are happy

eating dinner with the family they’ve always wanted and want

nothing more. I imagine an irrational future for the first time

and it scares me like how the fighters on the screen hug each other

in tears after beating the shit out of each other just moments before

is the second most beautiful thing in the world

to sitting on this couch in this apartment that will not be yours

someday watching UFC fights, listening to you

tell me how before the moment of the fight

they watch hours and hours of videotapes

memorizing the movement of the other’s body

in relation to other bodies—I don’t say anything because to say

it’s like love would be too on the nose

and plenty of things can be like love anyway

like how I only like UFC when I watch it with you

like moving the head to meet the punch

when we learn it’s called slipping I say what a good word

no other word could ever be as good

for what they do I say there’s this Frank O’Hara poem

where he says the tide is like a rug

slipping out from under us and you look at me

and say is it about the ocean I love the ocean

I say I know that’s why I’m telling you even though that’s a lie

(I meant that loving you is like imagining how your fist

will move towards my face and moving with it so it still hurts

but hurts less or at least in a way I already know about)

but sometimes lies are more true than the truth

like how they say no one can die at Disneyland

because they shuttle the body out as fast as they can

before pronouncing them dead and you say so you’re saying

if I wanna be immortal I should just live in Disneyland? but no

your death certificate will just say that you died

just outside the borders of the happiest place on earth,

immortality is disappointing like that, you know, all that forever.

I’m thinking I’m like Disneyland. I’m thinking

about the stupid amusement park of my life and all the dead bodies

being rushed out of it who all paid for a ticket for the moment

at the top of the rollercoaster just before it goes down

believing it’s worth it to spend a day standing in lines to do it again—

before the ecstasy there is everything before and after

and I guess we just have to live with that

though some people are better at that than others;

I’m not, and I know it. At the end of the day

I keep playing slow music through the park

trying to convince everyone not to go, to make sure

they buy something they can show their friends

to prove they had a good time, knowing

eventually the gates must close so the cast can go home

to eat dinner with the family they’ve always wanted

and want nothing more—yes, I had forgotten

even the actors have real lives and I wanted that.

I wanted to go offstage. I wanted to take off my costume

and climb into bed, I didn’t want

to be a princess, only an actor playing a princess

who knows what her real voice sounds like

lighting up in the employee bathroom with her friends,

like WWE where everyone knows what’s gonna happen:

the first time we watched it I said what I don’t get is

why watch it if the outcome is already planned,

if the bell toll means the Undertaker is coming out

and it’s not even death just a guy in a ridiculous hat

and you said why watch anything at all

look at how much fun they’re having

look at how ridiculous they’re being

oh I would have a love

like a 309 pound man with a stupid stage name

climbing a barbed wire fence for no reason, a love

rehearsed a thousand times; they’re in on it,

everyone’s in on it, the way the audience loves them

is to pretend the stakes are high and the fight is real

and they know it’s not and pretend anyway

because really they don’t really know,

it’s still a real surprise when the bell tolls

even if you know who it means is coming out

and I get it now.

But there are times when I miss the seriousness

of that time I was five and another kid

beat me up on the playground. I didn’t know why

he did what he did but he did it. I don’t know

if he knew why either. There was so much I didn’t know

like if my front teeth would ever grow back

if I would ever get up off the pavement

if I died how long it would take

my mom to find me if anything would ever

be so serious as this and then I got up and learned

that these things happen to people

everywhere and all the time and even for fun

and actually people have been declared dead

in Disneyland. I don’t know where that legend started

but maybe it sounded so beautiful

people believed it was true—at least I did until

I looked it up to write this poem. I looked up so many stupid things

like how much the Undertaker weighs

because I wanted to tell the truth about us

and didn’t know where to start

like that one Christmas I didn’t come home

and my dad left me a voicemail I never opened

til two years later I finally listened to the twenty three seconds

of silence before he cleared his throat

and said It is Christmas and then

You’re not here and even in that moment

that I opened it only one of those things was true;

maybe even both of them weren’t true,

you know, who’s to say where here is,

but I know what he meant. Do you know what I mean?

I mean that I said this poem happened in a dream

so that I could make your voice say all the things

I wanted it to say. I mean in UFC if you kill a man

you can’t be held legally responsible.

Sure, you’ll have to live with that for

the rest of your life, there’s no getting around that,

but when you get in the ring you sign away your life

and your family and all your dinners together ever after

for the rush of a fist to the face of a mouth so full of the reason

you are alive and maybe you wanted

to remember a time when you wanted nothing

more than to never get up again

from the pavement where your small naked life

was pressed into the ground by another kid

or the bed the first time we slept in it together

and I see it now I see that these are the same thing

there is all this blood in my mouth and nowhere to put it

but there isn’t any blood, that’s a lie, I’m sitting in my room

and you’re not here and if I ever finish this poem

and if you ever read it then both of those things will be a lie too

and I just want to say one true thing I know to end it

but it’s private like death like the inside of the mouth

like your handwriting like the time I told you I had a secret

but I couldn’t tell you what it was only that it was there

and sitting in that room with us like the one person in the audience

smiling, watching us prove to each other

how many past lives we’ve spent learning about each other

to arrive at this moment, to duke it out in the ring.

#poetry #kaylee young-eun jeong

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spelllingandthemysteryschool · 5 months ago

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When my mother told me she wished she had gotten a divorce before I was born, I could tell from her tone that this was different from all the times she’d look at me and ask God, like I was God, why he had punished her with me. It wasn’t about trying to make me wish I was a better child, just that I was not a child anymore and she felt she had to warn me not to repeat her life but continue it and perhaps by continuing it, set it right. Once she made me kneel facing the wall and stretch my arms as high as they would go, and watched my little back tremble until I could hold my arms no longer. When she asked me what I’d learned I remember I wanted to scream I hate you but knew somehow it would hurt her more if I screamed I hate myself, I hate myself, so I did, over and over, I knew when you watch a person you love collapse into themselves you want nothing more than to run into the boxing ring, the battleground of them, take all the blows they deal, all the shots they fire into the enemy of their own being. If I could I would without a second thought unravel the knot of my mother’s heart into something like sense, and if it’s true what they say about how when you have a child your heart begins to live outside your body I would undo my life and throw it to her like a rope, like I were a climber at the top of the mountain and she’d left something up there before making her way down and needed to go back for it one more time. If I saw my own heart, helpless and unknowing creature, living outside me, I would also want to tell it to kneel against the wall and raise its arms until it could account for what it had made of my life. In a note she left in my bag when I went to sleepaway camp she said to be my mother was the greatest joy of her life and I knew, even at ten, there were greater joys she had wanted, they lived in her dreams and disappeared when she woke to make my breakfast each morning, and I wanted so badly then to be those dreams, to disappear.

Helplessness’ Child by Kaylee Young-Eun Jeong

#literally cannot explain me how nauseous this poem made me feel #it is so good... i hope her mother never reads it #words #uploads

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indigo-wild-flower · 2 years ago

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Gif packs

Project status:

"Gun" Atthaphan Phusawat: The Three Gentlebros (1/18)

Hwang Hyunjin: Stay m/v + shooting (1/2)

Kim Jisoo: Stay m/v + shooting (1/2)

Kim Seungmin: Ex m/v + shooting (1/2)

"Love" Pattranite Limpatiyakorn: Bad buddy: the series (1/12)

"Tay" Tawan Vihokratana: The Three Gentlebros (1/18)

Yang Jeongin: Ex m/v + shooting (1/2)

Current projects:

Shin Hye-sun: Angel's last mission: love

"Ohm" Pawat Chittsawangdee: Bad Buddy: the series

Fukushi Sota: Hoshi Kara Kita Anata

"Nanon" Korapat Kirdpan: Bad Buddy: the series

Kim Myung-soo: Angel's last mission: love

Luke Ishikawa Plowden: Three Gentlebros

Park Ji-hoon: Weak Hero Class 1

Hong Kyung: Weak Hero Class 1

"Bright" Vachirawit Chiva-aree: Astrophile

"Mai" Davika Hoorne: Astrophile

"Off" Jumpol Adulkittiporn: Astrophile

Lalisa Manoban: Stay m/v

Jennie Kim: Stay m/v

Park Chaeyoung "Rosé": Stay m/v

Bang Chan: Ex m/v

Han Jisung: Ex m/v

Lee Sung Kyung: Sh**ting stars

Upcoming packs:

Lee Jaehyun in A to Boyz Hyunjae ver.

Kim Young Dae in Sh**ting stars

Perth Tanapon Sukumpantanasan in Never let me go

Pond Naravit Lertratkosum in Never let me go

Chimon Wachirawit Ruangwiwat in Never let me go

Park Sojin in Sh**ting Stars

Lee Jung Shin in Sh**ting Stars

Im Changkyun in Overdrive m/v

Selena Gomez in Boyfriend m/v

"James" Supamongkon Wongwisut in Bed Friend the series

"Net" Siraphop Manithikhun in Bed Friend the series

Vanessa Hudgens: Inside Vanessa Hudgens's L.A. Home | Open Door | Architectural Digest

"First" Kanaphan Puitrakul in Only friends the series

"Khaotung" Thanawat Rattanakitpaisarn in Only friends the series

"Force" Jiratchapong Srisang in Only friends the series

"Neo" Trai Nimtawat in Only friends the series

"Kitty" Chicha Amatayakul in AUG Cover Shoot Behind the scences

Danielle Marsh in Super Shy m/v

Yoon Hyunsuk in Wave m/v

Lee Byounggon "BX" in Wave m/v

Kim Seunghun in Wave m/v

Kim Yonghee in Wave m/v

Bae Jinyoung in Wave m/v

Lee Chaemin in Pertama kali di variety show | Fun-Staurant | KBS WORLD TV 230626

Upcoming series:

Reborn Rich

유기견 보호센터 첫 방문기

Kiss of Life - Shhh m/v

Hailee Steinfeld - Vogue makeup

Win Metawin - Closer m/v

Potential FC:

Lee Dong-wook

Matthew Daddario

Manu Rios

Lily Collins

Lee Sang-yeon

Abigail Cowen

Noah Centineo

Lee Jae-wook

Park Seo-joon

Krystal Jung

Im Siwan

Minnie Mills

Joong Archen

Lee Han-gyul

Jeon Jeong-guk

Go Minsi

Choi Yeonjun

Arón Piper

Kang Minhyuk

Kim Younghoon

Nam Yoonsu

Liza Soberano

Saint Paramee

An Yujin

Hou Minghao

Rowoon

Park Sung Hoon

Maris Racal

Bie Thassapak Hsu

Yang Yang

Becky G

Kim Chaewon

Jane Ramida

Emeraude Toubia

Kaylee Kaneshiro

Choi Byungchan

Jang Ki-yong

Kathryn Newton

Margot Robbie

Kayavine

Yokohama Ryusei

Lee Joon

Jung Wooyoung

Lee Juyeon

Jeong Eunji

Felix Mallard

Cha Eunwoo

Earth Pirapat

Lee Ji Eun "IU"

Pavel Phoom

Park Sung Hoon (II)

Kim Namjoon "RM"

Yoo Taeyang

Lee Donghun

Kim Jiwoong

Xiao Zhan

Ricky Shen

Wang Ziyi

Park Junhee

Song Kang

Barcode Tinnasit

Kim Woosung

Lizeth Selene

Felip Jhon Suson

Lizge Cömert

#gif pack #gif packs #roleplay help #thai fc #korean fc #japanese fc #kdrama #tdrama #jdrama #kpop packs #plans

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mystichillshqs-blog · 6 years ago

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mwf?

Sure thing ! I’d love to see Cierra Ramirez , Lulu Antariksa , Park Sooyoung , Minka Kelly , Kat Graham , Crystal Reed , Lee Ji-eun , Krystal Jung , Jenny Boyd , Phoebe Tonkin , Alicia Vikander , Jung Jinsoul , Kim Jisoo , Alisha Wainwright , Zendaya Coleman , Naomi Scott , Sana Minatozaki , Olivia Holt , Kang Seulgi , Elizabeth Olsen , Cindy Kimberly , Medalion Rahimi , Laura Harrier , Jessica Chastain , Courtney Eaton , Claire Holt , Gugu Mbatha-Raw , Kerry Washington , Candice King , Lindsey Morgan , Shay Mitchell , Q'orianka Kilcher , Lana Condor , Leighton Meester , Yoo Jeong-yeon , Sandra Oh , Seychelle Gabriel , Brie Larson , Danielle Campbell , Kim Dahyun , Im Jinah , Son Naeun , Willa Holland , Halston Sage , Krysten Ritter , Kristen Bell , Jo Eunae , Kim Yerim , Lee Taeyong , Priyanka Chopra , Hwang Yeji , Marilyn Lima , Shelley Hennig , Aja Naomi King , Eiza Gonzalez , Chou Tzu-yu , Mandip Gill , Eliza Taylor , Manpreet Bambra , Carlson Young , Tristin Mays , Tazzy Phe , Madelaine Petsch , Yoo Shiah , Park Chaeyoung , Kim Jisoo , Camila Mendes , Lalisa Manoban , Tessa Thompson , ��Kaylee Bryant , Madelaine Petsch , Bae Joohyun , Daniella Pineda , Olivia Munn , Anna Akana , Vanessa Morgan , Yang Mi , Kim Lip , Myoui Mina , Margot Robbie , Gemma Chan , Kristine Froseth , Jade Willoughby , Josefine Pettersen , Jamie Chung , Sophie Turner , Hirai Momo & Ana De Armas !

#appless rp #tvd rp #supernatural rp #town rp #mumu rp #answered.#Anonymous

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