#kayla i promise ill do better at doing these in the new year!

[permanentreverie]

@cordiallyfuturedwight has tagged me every single month this year to give my receiptify, i am so sorry this is the first time i’m doing it these have looked so fun!! @cosmicdreamgrl has also tagged me in this, as well as @raplinenthusiasts (from my sideblog, @mikrrokosmos)

get your receiptify here!

tagging @mixtapedoh @gobarbie @musicallisto @ohwarnette @delilahsbard

[findyourcolor-blog1]

Kayla

Life is like the very bottom of the ocean. You don't really know what is out there and you may never know, but that doesn't mean you should destroy all the unknown beauty in it to find out, right? 

You have to keep going, keep living, keep hoping, and keep trying to discover what is out there. The #findyourcolor project for me means not feeling guilty for how I'M feeling anymore. I was honored when Amber and Allison, or as I call her, Shark, reached out to me to be apart of it. In that particular moment I was actually feeling defeated and trapped - perfect timing. Being a 23 year old woman is hard enough with all the comparing I do and judgement I feel. The awkward teenager phase came and went, and my rebellious high school moments ended when I graduated. College was a bunch of downs, but after college I got to travel. That's where I truly found myself, the good, the bad, the fun, the scary, the love and the ugly. 

I figured out that I don't NEED to "just get over it." I've not only struggled with depression for a while, but I also always felt guilty for feeling that way. Why is it that I can’t simply pull up my socks and enjoy all the great things that I have going on? Why do I feel like I'm not good enough when everyone that matters to me tells me I am and supports me 100%? Why do I obsess over and over and over again about how my body looks, how my face looks, my hair, my outfit, my arms, my boobs, my butt, my cellulite, my stretch marks. Is my job cool enough? Am I making enough money? Do I impress people when they first meet me? Will they want to keep in touch? Why is it that when I'm with a group of people I feel like nobody cares to listen to what I have to say? 

Here's the thing, your depression and anxiety do not need validation through a cause or because something traumatic has happened. Mental illness is not a straight line, it is a spectrum and causes different reactions in each individual. I know that now. I may not be completely out of that darkness, but one day at a time I keep realizing my worth, my talents and my beauty. I recently became a young mom to my Lily Rae of sunshine and life has so much more meaning now. It's a new chapter in my life which is terrifying and exciting! My past may haunt me and those feelings may still linger, especially since now I worry about being a good mom for her, but I can't wait to share memories with my daughter and help her see how amazing she is. I'll even accomplish some of my own new goals. I'm aware that I can't promise myself those feelings won't ever come back, but I do know that I am never alone and that things will always get better, even if it takes a while. 

My colors are my supportive family, my true friends and my big dreams.

With that being said, take care of yourself, everyone. Self-care is not a selfish act and please feel free to share your story! I'd love to know how you found your color or if you haven't yet, I'd be happy to help you search. 💞

Your friend, @kaylaklein on IG