#kathryn as a dear family friend to tuvok who is entwined with his family is soemthing so personal to me

[catgirljaneway]

Thinking about the endgame timeline where kathryn gets them home too late and tuvok's illness is too far along to be cured. Obviously Kathryn blames herself for it because that's sort of her #thing and I was thinking about that but specifically about her promise to Tuvok in caretaker.

Cause she didn't really get him back, did she?

And I bet when Kathryn visited T'pel and Tuvok's children before going to get Tuvok from the Badlands, I bet she promised the same thing to T'pel. I bet she promised to bring Tuvok back to her. Cause that's just the type of person Kathryn Janeway is.

So in the Endgame universe, when she brings back Tuvok but not really, can she bare to look T'pel in the eyes? Can she bare to face Tuvok's children knowing she broke her promise to them, that she brought them back their father but not whole, not safe, not really.

Kathryn used to be a common houseguest in Tuvok's home. (Headcanon ofc but whatever let me have this) His children grew up knowing her. T'pel once tried to teach her to cook (never again after what Kathryn did to her kitchen). They knew Mark. Kathryn attended one of Tuvok's children's Kolinhar's. But now Kathryn is never there because she doesn't believe she has that right anymore. She lost that when she failed them. So in a way Tuvok's family never really got Tuvok back, but they never really got Kathryn back either (a dear family friend).

T'pel still invites Kathryn over. Kathryn always politely declines. T'pel is just doing that because that's the kind of person T'pel is. Vulcans don't show their emotions, of course T'pel wouldn't scream at her or shun her. Kathryn wishes she would. Kathryn needs to be yelled at for this. Why is no one furious with her? For how badly she failed, for the promises she broke.

Kathryn still visits Tuvok (even if she has failed him and broke her promise, her need to be near him, her inability to be without him for too long is stronger than her guilt). In one of his better moments, on a good day when his mind is clearer, he tells her T'pel says she never accepts her invitations. Kathryn says she doesn't deserve to see his family. Tuvok tells her (in a far more vulcan way of course) that she's being dense. That he know the risks when he signed on to Star Trek, that T'pel knew the risks, that his children knew the risks. That no one blames her and he commands her to accept T'pel's invitations.

Kathryn does and as Tuvok grows worse she and T'pel grow closer and T'pel holds Kathryn while she cries because T'pel (a vulcan) doesn't cry for Tuvok, and it's fitting that someone should. Kathryn sleeps in their guest bedroom most of the time.

When Kathryn goes on her mission to change the past, do you think she talked to T'pel one last time before she went? Promised again that she would bring Tuvok back to her and this time she didn't intend to fail?