#kaneki ken angst

[qiornono]

Lo, The Great Beast is Slain

[writing-fanics]

our future

Kaneki Ken x Fueguchi!Reader

[warning: pregnancy: est relationship: mentions of parents death (past): implied sexual intercourse (past)

beginning / middle / end / epilogue

Her foot tapped against the bathroom floor, as she sat impatiently on the toilet. Time seemed to move slowly as she waited for the test results. Her stomach turning with uncertainty as she bit her lower lip nervously.

She never took into account what could possibly happen after, they consummated their feelings for each other. After they escaped the ambush. She didn’t expect to end up with symptoms so fast.

Her heart stopped and the pregnancy test fell onto the ground. She stared off into space for what felt like hours but was only mere seconds. Before shaking her head, and looking down at the pregnancy test on the floor.

‘Positive +’

Tears brimmed her eyes as she hugged her knees to her chest. Her suspicions confirmed. She was pregnant with Kaneki’s child. She was scared and didn’t know if the child would be born healthy. If her body would mistake it for food. Kaneki was half-ghoul, he was once a human then turned into a ghoul.

She always wanted to be a mother that dream, coming from her passion of wanting to be a teacher. She loved kids their curious minds and how adorable they were, and how smart they could be. She wanted, to help shape the future. To teach the future kids of Japan.

She sniffled as she reached towards the pregnancy test, “How am I going to tell him?” she whispered, looking at the positive pregnancy test. Biting her lip nervously; placing her hand on her stomach she leaned back against the wall.

Hinami was only thirteen when their parents died and [Y/n] sixteen. They still needed their mother and father but the CCG made sure that never happened.

She banged her fist against the wall, as tears welled up in her eyes again. “Mom…Dad.. I wish you were still here.” she cried, hugging her knees as she cried on the bathroom floor.

There was a knock at the door, She quickly, shoved the pregnancy tests into her shirt. She wiped away her tears with her sleeve, as Kaneki entered the bathroom closing the door behind him.

“You okay?” He asked, sitting down on the bathroom floor next to her. She sniffled a little bit, “Yeah, just missing my parents that’s all.” She said, as her stomach turned she was lying to her own boyfriend. Father of their child.

She breathed in and opened her mouth, “I’m pregnant.” She hugged her knees to her chest, waiting for a response from Kaneki. The air was thick and the silence was deafening, “I dont know if it will be born healthy.” She said, looking down at the ground.

“When…When will it be born?” He asked, and she turned to look at him. “The child?” He added, she could’ve sworn she saw a few tears running down his cheek. “In December” She says, looking away from him for a moment.

“I’m happy.” He said, looking at the ground. “Really?” She asked, lifting up her head as her heart swelled with joy. “Yes really.” He said, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. He placed his head over hers and she smiled in response.

It was then the couple left a permanent mark on each other, one that wouldn’t fade away even long after they’re gone. A bite mark. Proof that they’re one. He loved her and he wanted to protect her no matter what. She loved him and wanted the same, giving him her mother’s engagement as a sign of her love for him.

Their love knew no bounds. She hoped they had a bright future ahead, and wanted this child in her womb to live. She was going to do everything in her power to make sure that happens. She leaned her forehead against Kaneki’s and smiled warmly, intertwining her fingers with his.

[yutamayo]

So, do you...

Want to become friends with me?

[harleyquilt]

Haise x Touka ficlet - Sweet Longing

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Haise’s eyes scan the bookcases surrounding his booth, reading the different titles printed across the book spines. Much to his delight, there were some titles he recognised, organised together in a neat row on one of the shelves. He reaches up, touching one of the books – a collection of short poems by the well-known author, Sen Takatsuki – before hearing the pretty waitress approach his table, holding his order in her hand.

“You’re free to read the books on display, if you like.”

He turns to her with a big smile. “Thank you!” He takes a seat, the waitress setting down a cup of black coffee in front of him. “That’s quite the collection you have there.”

She smiles, though she averts her eyes. “Yes, I once knew a good friend that enjoyed reading, especially Sen Takatsuki’s novels.” She brushes back her bangs, her eyes peering up and meeting his. “I guess he influenced me more than I once thought.”

“I see…” Haise lifts his cup, his curiosity prickling at the thought of her supposed friend. He decides not to mention his disapproving opinions of Takatsuki’s novels, not wanting to imply that her friend is a nihilist. “Ah, the coffee is delicious, as always.”

“Thank you.” She responds with a small bow, the corners of her eyes crinkling. She wavers, glancing back at the counter. There’s few customers in the cafe, and looking back at Haise, she opens her mouth to speak. “Are you…”

Haise waits for her to continue, setting down his cup. She presses her lips together and there’s a slight furrow in her brow, her hands tightening into fists. He wants to ask if she’s okay, worried that he has offended her in some way or another, but she unclenches her fists and takes a deep breath, making him pause. Her expression brightens once more, pushing aside any tension she exhibited moments before.

“Are you a teacher? I heard the others refer to you as ‘sensei’.” She asks.

He’s taken aback at first, but not wanting to cause her any more grief, he smiles, nodding his head. “Of sorts, yes. More like a mentor, I guess. Or a superior? Truth be told, I sometimes think of myself as a mother more than a teacher.”

The waitress giggles, her laughter sending a flurry of electrifying joy through him. He feels his cheeks grow warm and he responds with a wobbly smile of his own, bashfully rubbing the back of his head. It is such a simple thing, to hear her laugh, and yet, it is a sight he wants to press permanently into his mind. He wants to hear her laugh more, to bring joy in her day-to-day life, even if just a little. If asked why, he would be unable to give a concise answer, but it is a sentiment he feels certain about.

“I can somehow imagine that.” She confesses. She tilts her head to one side and presses a finger against her chin. “If I may ask, are you also caring for another lady in your life? A wife, perhaps?”

Haise’s blush deepens into a deep, burning red and he vigorously shakes his head, immediately dismissing the notion. “N-No, not at all!” He insists, feeling strangely embarrassed. “I’m far too busy to go on dates.” He then tenses, shaking his head again. “I-I mean, that’s not entirely– I mean, I’m not that busy. I just–”

“I see.” The waitress smirks, and for a moment, Haise wonders if she looks pleased with his answer. He hopes so. “In that case,” she walks around the table, dragging her fingertips lightly across the table’s surface. “Do you have any…preferences when it comes to women, sensei?”

Haise gulps. Her eyes watch him intently, stripping him away until he is left a quivering mess beneath her gaze. If she were to do anything to him at this moment, regardless of what it may be, he is not certain he could stop her. Her power over him is incredible, and for whatever reason, he willingly wants to surrender himself to this power of hers, no matter the price.

“I like…”

The door to the cafe opens and at the entrance is two of Haise’s students – Mustuki and Saiko. The waitress is already turning away to greet them, their intrusion shattering any chance of continuing their strangely intimate conversation. He sits up, straightening his tie, and asks them what they’re doing in the cafe. The waitress takes his cup and moves back to the counter. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he hadn't finished drinking the coffee.

“Mamman!” Saiko leaps towards him, hugging his waist. “Miss Akira said there is an emergency meeting.” She looks up, pouting. “And I’m really hungry. Really, really hungry.”

“Ok, ok.” Haise sighs, patting her head. He looks up to Mutsuki, who is staring at the waitress working behind the bar. There’s a hint of sadness in his expression. “Are you okay, Mutsuki?”

Mutsuki flinches and looks back at the two, waving a hand. “Ah, I’m fine! We should leave soon, though.”

“Right.”

Standing, he looks back at the waitress, longing for a chance to continue their conversation. His heart is still beating rapidly, intoxicated by everything that drew him to her – her beauty, her sweet aroma, her imposing confidence, always lurking beneath the surface of polite friendliness. Then there is the strange familiarity of it all, which brought with it a sense of comfort that could only be found within this cafe. Regardless of the reason, it continues to pull him back towards her, where she waits patiently with his order, a knowing look in her eye. Has she known him in his previous life, before losing all of his memories? It mattered little, in the end. Either way, he will return, unable to resist the temptation of seeing her again, of exchanging light conversation that hinted to something more, of seeing her laugh and smile. This much he knew.

“Come on, let’s go.”

. . .

Touka sits in the staff room, leaning her elbows against her knees and her head bowed forward. She lifts one hand, holding the handkerchief she offered to Kaneki – no, Haise – the first day he visited the cafe. He had washed it and returned it to her the second time he visited, apologising profusely for his ‘inappropriate behaviour’. She scoffs at the memory, wanting to pinch his ear and reprimand him for being overly contrite. It is certainly one of his worst habits. Instead, she insisted that he had done nothing wrong and accepted the handkerchief graciously, offering him a coffee in return.

But now, holding it in her hand, she wished he had kept it instead. It feels far too heavy in her hand, the soft fabric soaked in the remorse and agony that dwelled deep within her heart. She clenches her hand, crumpling the handkerchief, and is tempted to throw it away, bitterly tossing aside this constant reminder of her failures. She eventually loosens her grip, however, sighing and shoving it back into her breast pocket. In the end, she is unwilling to part with it, even while its painful weight presses down against her heart. Not yet, not now. Not while he’s still alive.

She stands up from her seat, brushing down her skirt and apron, and readies herself for the next shift.

[neerbear]

It's not your fault, Hide

[succulent-mud]

???? fellow kaneki lover henlo ??

EHAHEHHEHHE YES YES YES FELLOW KANEKI LOVER HI HELLO

I love that man so much and he's always taking all of my mental capacity and hability to concentrate

ANYTHING, my pc suffers because of the file with 4000 images. Writting drawing ANYTHING.

AND THIS PANNEL.

[maddyguru]

If you read tokyo ghoul, you do realize that you can make a whole angst story out of kaneki's past😭

[youandmedead]

Lðvê ¢ðmê§ wï†h grêå† l𧧠- †ðµkå x !Gñ! RêåÐêr

Warnings: Your average Tokyo Ghoul angst + Swearing + A bit of comfort

Requested by: No one

Synopsis: Reader comforts Touka after Ryouko’s unfortunate demise

Notes: I miss writing Tokyo Ghoul content so to all those reading, feel free to send in a request for some of the characters and I’ll see what I can do :)

Silence took over Anteiku’s foundations-pure,dead silence…out of respect for the lost. The shop was closed due to the unfortunate events that had taken place, therefore the usual cheer and tranquility that many brought alongside them was not present as of today.

The unfortunate demise of Miss Ryouko Fueguchi fuelled hatred and despair upon the workforce of the little cafe in the 20th ward, so much so that it subsequently sparked understandable rage and an overpowering thirst for revenge.

Touka was blinded by her overpowering emotions, with every right she had a reason to feel this way, she did what she felt was right. She had a desire to make the wrong-doers and poisonous hypocritical doves (that sparked unnecessary fear and fury towards innocent beings merely trying to survive) pay for their crimes among the virtuous and guilt free family known as the Fueguchis.

Touka knew what Hinami’s story felt like all too well seeing it happen to another who was so close to her made memories that she’d rather forget and leave in the murkiness of the past bubble within in her and mix corrosively with the inner turmoil of demons and burdens within her.

The 17 year old girl sat on her bed (legs held up to her chest) trying to configure a plan to ambush the doves who killed Hinami’s parents. She was so caught up in her thoughts, that she hardly realised the tears streaking down her porcelain skin nor did she realise she had a visitor standing in her doorway with a small sad smile gracing their lips. “You doing alright in here Touka? You’ve been holed up in here for a while now.”

Touka looked up from her lap and noticed the ever so familiar appearance of her significant other. “What do you think? Surely you must have taken the hint of me wanting to be left alone right?” She mockingly laughed.

Y/n walked into Touka’s bedroom and tried their best to smile. They crossed their arms and responded, “Yes I know you wanted to be alone but I grew worried…besides I know what you’re really like,” Touka’s glossy eyes met with y/n’s, “Mind if I sit?”

Hastily the 17 year old wiped away her tears and nodded, “Y-yeah.”

Y/n wrapped their arm around Touka’s body and Touka leaned into her partners touch, “You try to put on a brave face for everyone in here, especially Hinami…that girl is so lucky to have someone like you in her life y’know that?”

Y/n looked down at their girlfriend. Eyes filled with sadness, red and puffy, her face was stained with tears and arms littered with small and very faint crescents from where her finger nails gripped so harshly. Y/n rested their head on Touka’s shoulder and whispered, “I know how hard it is to see something so similar from your own past happen to someone else and I get it’s tough to contain all these emotions.”

“I-I just don’t get why it had to be them. They could kill any one of us that ruin the good ratio of us!” Tears began to form once more, “Why couldn’t it have been me? A killer like me doesn’t deserve to live.”

Y/n broke the embrace they gave Touka and placed one finger underneath her chin, tilting her head and signalling her to look up. They wiped the stray tears that were escaping her beautiful violet hues, “Darling please don’t speak of yourself as such…”

With that requested y/n rested their forehead upon Touka’s, “I’m pissed that those fuckers get away with killing ours all the time…that’s why I’m offering my help.”

Touka’s head shot up, “Huh?”

Nodding they replied, “You heard me.”

A smirk now played at their lips, “I want to make the bastards pay. I want to witness their cries of agony as I rip out their organs and feast on their flesh, I want them to see the sheer terror displayed among their faces. Sinners must be cleansed as they say…and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

Touka took a deep breath and nodded, “Finally someone who knows what the hell they’re talking about. Justice needs to be served.”

Nodding once more you got off of Touka’s bed and kissed her cheek, “Alright then it’s settled. We set up a trap, possibly something revolving around false information, for tomorrow and as soon as the sun sets it’s time to make those rotten sods pay!”

[monicaiskanekisproperty]

Dancing in the dark

Kaneki smiled and spread his arms weakly, pretending to have someone between them.

There was a pleasant song playing in the background and Kaneki was sitting on the hospital bed, looking at Touka.

He closed his eyes, smiling.

"don't you think it's pretty?"

Touka watched as her weak husband totally ignored his pains and rose from his bed.

He held out his hand, still smiling.

"Will you allow me...this dance?"

He purposely used a courtly tone to make her smile.

Touka cracked a smile and looked to one side.

"I can't dance..."

Kaneki took her hand and placed the other on his wife's waist.

"me neither"

His smile didn't fade, it was totally at odds with his pale, thin face, but he radiated a certain light.

They did a slow dance, they just swayed.

As much as Kaneki might ignore his illness, it was there and he certainly couldn't move much.

He was tired.

"I love you"

He said softly.

Touka smiled.

"me too..."

She rested her head on her husband's chest and he heard her sobbing.

"I don't want you to...die... "

Kaneki kissed her head.

"don't worry...I'm not going anywhere..."

Sooo this is the first time I pubblish something I write in English aand I'm scared :")

It's very short I know hehe

Btw sorry for bad English but it's difficult to write a fic in English if you are Italian :D

Hope you enjoy this (I really hope so)

Bye :D

(also Kaneki has cancer in here. Sorry but my brain goes by itself)

SORRY AGAIN FOR BAD ENGLISH BYE

[thehuggamugcafe]

Daily Dose: Mediocre

@succulent-mud This one’s for you! Do enjoy your random gift!

Fandom: Tokyo Ghoul

Characters: Ken Kaneki, Reader

Relationships: Ken KanekixReader

Summary: It is no small wonder how inferior you feel compared to him. One of the best at being the worst when it comes to slaying Ghouls; you’re trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Tags: Reader-Insert, Black Reaper Kaneki, Brief Mention Of Violence, Angst, A Pessimist In A Hurry To Die Meets Somebody Who Sees Life As A Glass Half-full, What Could Go Wrong There?, Everything, The Pairing IS There, If You Squint Through A Microscope

Words: 50

You would’ve died had he not run that Aogiri Ghoul through, skewering him like dango. And it would’ve been your own fault, too, for hesitating.

But when he looks at you, blood smearing his face and his glasses glinting, your heart skips a beat.

He’ll never feel anything for you.

[xxanime-lovergurlxx1]

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ᥕᥱᥣᥴcome to my Profile꒱ ₊˚ˑ༄

'*•.¸♡Suraiya♡¸.•*'

•·.·''·.·•I hope you enjoy my oneshot stories and feel free to message me•·.·''·.·

📕🖋👩

╰─▸ My Discord:@XxAnime_LovergurlXx#1940

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"And I tell myself, a moon will rise from my darkness!" ~ Mahmoud Darwish ~

~ Oneshots for Ken Kaneki! ~

~ Oneshots for Ren Amamiya/Akira Kurusu! ~

[writing-fanics]

• a mothers love .

Slight!Kaneki Ken x Fueguchi!Reader

[summary: a mother's love is strong, and she would lay down her life to protect her children]

[a/n: somewhat of a kaneki x reader but it's a slowburn you'll see towards the end also mentions of kaneki’s mother.. i know she wasn’t all what kaneki said she was.. I’ve read the manga but since technically at this time he still thinks she was a good person it fits in here somewhat]

beginning/ middle / end/ epilouge

Hinami and [Y/n], froze as Kaneki opened the door and saw them eating. Their face covered in blood, he fell onto his back staring at them in shock. "I-I" He stammered, and the sisters picked up the napkin and wiped off their mouths.

"Hinami, Y/n I didn't know you were here." He stammered, and he looked at the two. Hinami and [Y/n] looked down embarrassed, "E-Enjoy your meal." He said, as he scrambled out of the room. Closing the door behind him.

"Hinami Y/n, can I come in?" Kaneki asked, and he opened the door. Hinami looked up from her book to look up at him, and [Y/n] looked up from her sketchbook. He walked over towards the coffee table, "I'm sorry about earlier." He said smiling, holding two cups of coffee for them. "Here. It's on the house." He said, placing them on the table.

"Stay as long as you want." He said, and he turned away from the sisters. "Um." mumbled Hinami, as she looked away. "Mm? What's up?" said Kaneki, as he turned back around.

Hinami looked down nervously unsure of what to say, "Um." She mumbled once again, "Which are you..?" She asked, causing her older sister to look up and stare at Hinami.

Kaneki looked at her for a moment, before reverting his eyes towards the ground. "Um..." He said nervously. Thinking she upset him Hinami looked down, "N-Nevermind." She mumbled, sadly. "I'm...I'm sorry." She apologized, staring at the coffee.

"Y-Your scent is way different from everybody else so.." She said. Kaneki then told her how he was once a human but is more like a ghoul now in a way, he said it with a hint of nervousness in his voice. He wished he could go back to being a human.

Kaneki noticed, that she was reading a Sen Takatsuki. He then helped Hinami understand harder words as well [Y/n], since she struggled with the words as well. She smiled, as he tutored them on the book teaching them all kinds of words.

The three stopped in their tracks seeing the two doves, a older looking dove with white hair, and the other one with black much younger looking. Standing in front of them: holding umbrellas. "Do you have a moment?" said Kureo Mado, looking at them with a craze look in his eyes.

"Mrs. Ryouko Fueguchi," He said, looking at the family. [Y/n]'s eyes widened, he pulled out a ziplock bag with bloodstains inside. Written on the bottom left corner. No.696. "We'd like to ask you about this." He said, looking at the family.

A crowd had started to form around the area, 'What's going on over there?' as people watched. 'Cops?'

"We are Ghoul Investigators." shouted Amon, at the crowd of people, "It is not safe here please vacate the area immediately." He shouted, at the crowd of people as he held up his badge.

'Ghoul? Is he talking about those three?' someone said, looking at the mother and her two children. 'No way they look totally normal.' another person said, looking at them as they left the area.

"Please step back" Amon shouted, again.

"Mom." said Hinami and [Y/n], looking over at her terrifed. She looked at her two daughters and brought them close closing her eyes, as she wrapped her arms around them. "Hinami..Y/n." whispered Ryouko, as she held her daughters close.

"Run." whispered she, looking at her daughters, as her eyes filled with kakugan. Hinami and [Y/n] looked at her scared, "Mom?" whispered [Y/n], watching as her mother released her koukaku shielding her daughters.

"Mom.." Hinami's voice shaking, as her mother

"M.."

"Go!!!" shouted Ryouko, at her daughters. Tearing welling up in their eyes, [Y/n] grabbed Hinami by the hand and ran away.

Kaneki was stuck in his own thoughts, "Kaneki!!" shouted [Y/n], from behind causing him to turn around. Tears in both their eyes clothes drenched from the rain, "Kaneki!!" She cried, running towards him tears in her eyes. "Hinami? Y/n? Thank God." He said, looking at them.

"M-My mother..." She cried tears in her eyes her voice shaking, still catching her breath from all that running. "She's u-ugh." She looked down, unable to get the words out still catching her breath from all that running.

The three ran through the streets where, Hinami and [Y/n] were forced to leave their mother behind. "Hide." whispered Kaneki, as he pulled the two girls into an alleyway.

Kureo Mado stood above an injured Ryouko, "If you had come quietly with us, you wouldn't have had to die on the streets." said Kureo Mado, looking down at the mother. "I would've taken my time dissecting you." He said, a crazed look in his eyes.

"Do you have any last words?" He looked down at her, and the mother stayed quiet for a moment.

"Mom.." whimpered Hinami and [Y/n], as they looked towards their mother. Kaneki didn't know what to do he couldn't fight, there were too many Doves. Ryouko sat there in the rain for a moment, surrounded by a pool of her own blood. [Y/n] held her little sister close, and covered both her mouth and eyes with her hands.

Ryouko opened her mouth to so speak, a hopeful smile growing across her face. “Times up..” a swift movement was all it took with the quinque, by the dove. Slicing off the head of the mother who sacrificed her life so that her daughter might live.

Kaneki and [Y/n], could only watch in horror, "Mama!" Hinami's muffled cries, going unheard. [Y/n]'s hand covering both her mouth and eyes, having shieled her from such a gruesome scene but not herself.

[Y/n]'s eyes widened, at the familiar scent she swallowed. "I-Is that?" She stood there frozen, Hinami lifted her head staring at the three. Her face stained with tears, holding the severed hand of her mother. "It's mom." Hinami sniffled, looking up at them. The fight with Kureo Mado, was grueling.

"Get away from her!" shouted [Y/n], shielding her sister from what was once both their mother and fathers kagune. Now turned into quinque used by the crazed Dove. Hellbent on killing the last remaining Fueguchi's.

She coughed up blood, as she was struck in the side by her father's kagune. Sending her flying into the columns, her body falling to the ground with a thud.

"Hina.."

[Y/n] acted quickly and swiftly sliced Mado's neck with her kagune, protecting her sister. She kneeled in front of her placing her hand, on her side. She stared at the dove, as he rambled reaching out towards the two girls a crazed look on his face. Her eyes widened, as she saw the wedding band on his finger.

"Are you guys okay?" A voice said, causing the three to look over at them. "Kaneki Yomo." [Y/n] stared at what she had done. Yomo said that they had to leave, but she seemed to be in a world of her own. "Y/n?" Touka said, looking at the girl who continued to stare off in the distance.

Kaneki slowly walked over towards her, "Y/n, W-We have to get outta here." He said, and she turned away and followed her friends outside. Kaneki placed his jacket on her shoulder's causing her cheeks to turn red slightly, as she looked at him. He smiled at her warmly, her heart seemed to flutter. She almost forgot the pain in her side.

As they walked away from the aftermath. She sniffled, as leaned against him for support as they walked back towards Anteiku. He wrapped an arm around her to keep her from falling, she looked over at Hinami.

Hinami was being carried by Yomo on his back, "Is it okay for me to live." said Hinami, and her older sister looked up. "Hinami." said [Y/n], causing her sister to turn back to look at her older sister.

"I think what mom was trying to tell us that day was to live." She said, looking at her little sister, with tears in her eyes. Hinami sniffled, "Yeah." she mumbled, remembering the final time she saw her mother. [Y/n] wished she were stronger, she wished she knew how to fight.

Especially now, even though they'll have Anteiku she has a feeling something like that might only last for so long. She wanted to be able to protect Hinami, even if it meant she'd die in the process. But right now they needed some rest.

[sneak peek: beginning of something new]

"Wow! You're a really good artist." said Kaneki, from behind [Y/n] causing her to jump and quickly close her sketchbook. "Sorry, I didn't mean scare you." He said nervously, looking at her and she shook her head.

As she gripped the sketchbook holding it close to her chest, "N-No, it's okay. I'm just usually really private about my sketchbook." She said, biting her lip nervously.

"U-Um, from the little bit I saw your an amazing artist." He said smiling at her, causing her cheeks to go red. "U-Um, thanks." She said sheepishly, looking away.

"Um, maybe when your on your break.." She stammered, puffing her cheeks slightly, "I-I'll let you look through it." She said, and he nodded and smiled at her causing her heart to flutter. She had never shown anyone her artwork before, not her mother, father, or Hinami. She thought her artwork looked terrible, she thought at first he was saying it just to be nice but.

He had a genuine tone in his voice, when he complimented the little peek he got of her artwork. She looked up from sketchbook, and glanced over at Kaneki as we worked behind the counter. Her cheeks went red as their eyes met, and she quickly looked away her heart skipping a beat.

Kaneki and everyone at Anteiku, have been helping her through this rough time. Both her and Hinami, both staying at Touka’s place for the time being. She was growing somewhat closer to Kaneki though, maybe even developing a little crush on him.

Her birthday was coming up, in the next couple of days. She was going to be seventeen. Her parents weren’t going to see her grow up. Maybe even start a family. Get married. They wouldn’t be here for any of it.

She looked down sadly at her sketchbook, opening it and going through the pages. Before landing on one, she had drawn recently. Her mother and father, all of them together happily. Tears trickled down her cheeks, at hit the page as her fingers grazed it gently.

Kaneki looked over at her sadly, he knew what it was like to lose a parent at a young age. His mother died from being “overworked”. He was only a kid and even then his own aunt didn’t want him. He sympathized with both Hinami and [Y/n].

————-

Kaneki revealed the colored pencils, that she had always wanted but never got cause they were expensive. “W-What how did you know?” She asked, looking at him in shock. He scratched the back of his neck, “A little birdie told me.” He said, smiling and she looked behind him and saw Hinami.

[mizutenshii]

I'M IN LOVE WITH A KILLER.

— pairing ; kaneki ken x human!gn!reader

— summary ; you knew he had to kill and eat humans in order to survive, but seeing the actual traces of the act hits different.

— cw ; mentions of blood and human consumption, pinch of angst, fluff and some comfort if you squint, est. relationship

the dark stains on his white t-shirt provided you with enough information to figure out what kaneki had been up to before you found him in a dark alley. the knowledge was such a stark contrast with how he was currently looking up at you with innocent eyes, but you knew better; he just got back from a food hunt.

your stomach churned with nausea as you looked at the boy in front of you, and your thoughts were a battlefield currently. you knew he ate humans regularly, but this was the first time you actually saw traces from the act, making you realize how real it was. kaneki had just killed and eaten a human that was likely to be innocent, and the thought was absolutely sickening to you. someone's life just ended in one of the most horrid ways possible, and the cause of it was right in front of you. it made you want to run away and throw up.

but then there was your rational side, knowing that the boy had no other choice if he wanted to stay alive. you also knew like no other how much kaneki hated eating humans, and how much he despised himself for having to do it time after time again. you were there when he forced himself to eat human food over and over again, shoving it in until he passed out because his body got too weak. you were there when he almost literally starved himself because the guilt of eating humans became too much for him to live with. you were there every time kaneki broke down because he hated being a ghoul.

it was all so double, the mixed feelings that fought for dominance almost dizzying you. but there was one thing you knew for sure; you didn't want to lose kaneki, and in order to do so, you had to live with the fact that he ate humans. 

kaneki's expression had grown anxious while the long silence dragged on, and you quickly set all your worries aside. you slowly sank to the ground and took a seat next to him, leaning against him more than you leaned against the wall.

"does the blood scare you?" the boy asked, his tone cautious and laced with the same fear that was present on his features.

you entertained the thought for a moment; did it scare you? quickly after, you resolutely shook your head. you weren't scared, it was better to be described as shocked. knowing and seeing were two different things, and while you were used to bearing knowledge of his diet, seeing him covered in blood made you awfully aware of his dinner.

"you seem disgusted," kaneki pointed out as you remained silent, to which you nodded.

"i am," you confessed. "i've always thought i was okay with it, but finding you like this is a hard pill to swallow. it goes against everything i'm supposed to stand for."

"i'm so–" the ghoul began, but you cut him off.

"don't apologize," you hushed. "you just want to live, like everyone else on this planet. you're only doing what you have to do in order to survive. you would die if you didn't hunt, and i don't want to lose you."

you snuggled a little closer to him, getting as comfortable as possible on the pavement in the forsaken alley. in response, he wrapped an arm around you. you were torn between two sides, like you always were ever since you met kaneki.

you were raised to hate ghouls, just like every human being on this planet. kaneki was the enemy of mankind, you were supposed to despise him, report him to the CCG as soon as you got the chance. yet, here you were, allowing the line between hunter and prey to blur, getting close and falling in love with a killer.

finding your lover covered in blood left you in shock. your thoughts were a whirlwind and you were still trying not to throw up right there in that bystreet. but you promised him that you accepted him, completely abandoning your healthy human morals. you were a traitor, you realized once more.

"i love you," you muttered, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath to calm yourself. you buried your face in the crook of his neck, deftly ignoring the stains that were so painfully visible even in the dark.

it wasn't a lie, and you weren't trying to convince yourself. you really did love him, and you just wanted to let him know that finding him covered in blood didn't change anything.

"i love you, too," kaneki replied, relief dripping from his tone. he held you a little closer, as if he was afraid that you'd change your mind and run away from him.

mizutenshii — 3O.O9.2O23 — masterlist

frankly, maybe there was a part of you that wished to do so – the final strands of human sanity that lingered. but you didn't listen, abandoning your rationality and staying by his side.

[harleyquilt]

Reaperneki x Touka ficlet - Wanting More

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The rain is cold against Kaneki's skin. Water droplets are speckled across the lenses of his glasses, obscuring his vision. He takes them off and wipes them with his thumb, smearing the water across the glass. His eyes flick up and he watches the cafe from afar, its windows a warm orange glow against the dark, damp dredges of the city surrounding it. Surrounding her.

It has been some time since he last saw Touka, and back then, he had not yet regained his memories. Still, something must've stirred within Haise’s subconscious; despite Haise’s initial eagerness, his visits to the cafe grew less frequent over time. He kept finding more and more excuses to avoid seeing her, and by the time Kaneki broke through the facade that was Haise’s existence, it had already been several weeks since he last visited the cafe. Haise had done him a favour, in a sense, by reinforcing the distance between him and Touka.

It was for the best in the end, Kaneki thinks, wanting to believe his actions to be a necessary evil. Still, Kaneki can't help but think it cowardly. Pathetic, even. He tries to convince himself that Touka cared little on the matter, that his presence was nothing more than a nuisance she was forced to tolerate, but he knew that wasn't entirely true. Touka is kind, and because of that kindness, he knows that deep down, it must pain her to watch him turn his back to her once again. But it is for the best, Kaneki silently asserts, forcing aside his swelling doubts. 

How many people has he turned his back to throughout his life? His friends, companions, family, all cruelly entrapped by the twisting, thorny branches that make up his life, only to be tossed aside, abandoned, left to lick their bleeding wounds that he has inflicted onto them. It would have been better if they were never involved in his life to begin with. But he's weak, and because he's weak, he can't help reaching out, hoping that someone, anyone, will take hold of his hand and pull him back to their side and shield him from the horrors that make up this world. Maybe if he wasn't the way he was, if he had the strength needed to protect them, his companions wouldn't be as pained as they are now. Except he's not strong, he has never been strong, and he never will be, no matter his attempts to remedy this weakness of his. His pitiable existence is nothing more than a trap to those he cares for – a truth he can no longer deny or ignore. It would have been better if he had never existed at all, but there's no use wishing for something so infallible. He must take responsibility, this much he knows for certain, so he'll stay far, far away from Touka and all the others before he can hurt them any further. Only then will he be able to repay them the way he has always intended, without the hesitance and fear that always held him back before.

Turning his glasses between his hands, Kaneki begins to turn away from the cafe, from Touka, before hearing the door to the cafe open. He looks back, wide-eyed, and watches Touka step out with another man. The man holds an umbrella over Touka while she lifts and folds the blackboard sign displayed at the front of the shop. They're smiling, talking amicably, like they're old friends. Kaneki's body tenses, glaring at the man, whose eyes shine with a recognisable fondness. No, in the eyes of this man, this stranger, he could be more than her friend, and she humours him, giggling at his unfunny remarks and indulging his dull talk about the weather. Kaneki's jaw clenches and his hands tighten into fists, crushing his glasses between his fingers. There's a rush of violent intent that swarms his mind, knowing that if he wanted, he could incapacitate this stranger with little effort. He looks down at his broken glasses and squeezes his eyes shut. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself, and he leans back against the wall, slowly opening his eyes.

Seeing Touka smile, there's a familiar pang in his heart. Who was he to interfere, after hurting her time and time again? He should be relieved to see her smile, to see someone comfort her in a way he could not. He was selfish for yearning for what he did not deserve, even if just for a moment, and it pained Kaneki to know this. He clasps his head, gripping his hair with his fist, wishing to silence these tormenting thoughts. 

But he's then brought to a pause when he sees the stranger lean over Touka, one arm against the wall. She leans back, avoiding his eyes, and begins to step back. He reaches forward and grabs her arm, and almost instantly, Kaneki rushes forward, ready to snap the man's neck. Any hesitancy he felt before has dissipated the moment the man touched her, insulting Touka with his defiling touch. And just when Kaneki closes the gap between him and the two others, he watches Touka grab the man's wrist and twist it back, the bones creaking under Touka's firm grip. 

“Back off.” She says in a low, threatening tone. 

She shoves the man back, letting go. He stumbles backwards and bumps into Kaneki. The man turns, teary-eyed, only to find a dark-clad Kaneki looming over him, his sharp glare promising a painful end. With a yelp, he runs away from Touka and Kaneki, cradling his wrist. Kaneki keeps his eyes on the man, following his figure before it disappears around the next corner. He contemplates chasing the man and dragging him back to beg for Touka’s forgiveness, but before he could do anything else, Touka begins to speak.

“Kaneki…?” 

Kaneki flinches. The rain intensifies and they're soon drenched, though neither dares move, as if time has suspended for them both. Kaneki turns his head slightly, acknowledging her while avoiding her heavy gaze. He already feels smothered by its weight, by the fragile apprehension in her voice, by the frightened stillness in her body. Regret washes over him, mixing with the thick, heavy droplets of rain running down his cheeks. 

“Kaneki.” Her voice is firm now, unhesitant, sharply cutting through the loud static of the rain. “It’s you, right?” 

What should he say? What can he say, after everything they've been through? After everything he's done to her? It would be easy to say no, that he was Haise Sasaki, the investigator she has come to know these past few months. She’d accept his lie, regardless of whether she believed him or not, and they’d part, pretending nothing has changed. But for some reason, he could not bring himself to do it – not while she’s watching him and calling him by his name. All he can muster is a small, solemn nod. 

“Right.” She scoffs, her eyes downcast. “You better come in.” 

She walks back into the cafe and Kaneki, wavering for a moment, follows her inside. Its warm, cosy interior welcomes him along with the familiar aroma of roasted coffee. He winces, haunted by the fond memories of his distant past. They flood his mind with bittersweet reminders of the days he spent amongst those he cares for, smiling happily, and ignorant of the grim future awaiting him. It sends a wave of nausea through him, clutching and twisting his stomach into knots.

“You look pale.” Touka remarks, eyeing him. “Coffee?” 

“Touka-chan, I–” His tongue feels uncomfortably heavy in his mouth. 

She shakes her head, walking around the counter. “It's fine.” She pours coffee into two cups. Her eyes flick up, meeting his, and she holds his longing gaze. “Really, it's fine.”

“No,” he strides up to the counter and leans his palms flat against it. “It's not.” 

She smiles, then, shrugging her shoulders and tilting her head to one side. “You worry too much. Here, this will help.” 

She pushes forward his coffee before taking a sip of her own. She steps back and leans against the wall behind her, cupping the mug in her hands. Kaneki sighs, defeated, and he pulls the cup towards him. He turns the cup between tentative fingers, staring down at his warped reflection in the coffee. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns away. What is he doing here?

“It looks like you've got all your memories back.” Touka says, breaking the silence. 

Kaneki's body prickles with anxious dwelling, wishing he hadn't crumbled the moment she said his name. How could he not, hearing the pain that taints her sweet voice – a subtle waver in her tone that betrays the hurt she truly feels. 

“Do you remember everything?” Touka continues before taking another sip.

Kaneki hesitates. “Yeah.” He nods, helpless under her watching eyes. “I remember it all.” 

She nods in turn, tilting her chin up. “And yet, you're still a Dove.” Kaneki winces. “Though…you look more like a crow to me. You stick out like a sore thumb, honestly. Are you trying to make a fashion statement?”

Kaneki can't help but smile at her casual jabs, teasing him as if nothing has changed. His grip tightens around the cup, his wry smile shifting to a tight frown. What is he doing here? 

“Yeah, I'm still…” His voice trails off. 

“I see.” Touka steps forward and places her cup aside. She leans forward, resting her elbows against the counter. Kaneki looks up, his throat tightening. “I won't ask you for your reasons. I'm sure you have plenty.” She averts her eyes then, grimacing. “I don't really want to hear them, in any case. I don't want this to turn into another argument.” 

“Touka-chan…”

“You should finish your coffee and leave.” Touka turns to leave, offering him a hollow smile. “Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.” 

He watches her walk towards the door and for some unknown reason, something within him pushes him to his feet and has him reach out to grab her, his hand around her wrist. She looks back, bewildered, and before she can say anything, Kaneki pulls her into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her. Pressed against his body, Touka's eyes widen, a pang of aching bittersweetness making her eyes water. 

She’s still at first, and Kaneki wonders if she is going to push him away and ridicule him for his disgusting actions. It’s what she should do, he thinks, even while continuing to hold her, feeling her breathe unsteadily against him. But after a moment of silence, she slowly, cautiously raises her arms before hugging him back, her hands clutching onto his damp coat. His heart skips a beat and he feels almost overwhelmed by the warmth of her body as she leans further into his hold, the tension in her body gradually unravelling. He’s surprised, but does not let go, embracing her tenderly.

Holding her like this, as close as they are, is a sensation he has rarely felt before, and shutting his eyes, he can almost imagine their souls merging together and drifting far, far away from the cruel reality of their lives, to a place where they can exist peacefully as one. All the fear, anguish, and uncertainty that clouds his mind ceases with each passing second, as if her mere presence is enough to wash away all that haunts him in his day-to-day life. He could easily stay like this forever, existing purely for this moment, but Touka soon speaks, cutting through his wishful thinking.

“Kaneki…” Her voice is quiet now, unsteady, and he squeezes her, gritting his teeth. She sounds so heartbreakingly sad. She takes a deep breath and forces out her next question, bringing an end to the tranquillity they had shared. “Why are you here?”

He tenses, eyes opening and breath hitching. It is a question he does not want to answer, but her words echo through his mind, and more and more, he can feel his resolve crumbling, the doubt creeping back in. It quickly suffocates the dwindling joy that encapsulated this moment between him and Touka, pushing aside all that brought him comfort a moment ago. The truth is that he should not be here, that this was all a mistake, and pulling away, Touka can see it on his face – the dreadful end to their sudden, short reunion. He holds her shoulders, still, hesitating to let go, but wiping unshed tears from her eyes, Touka holds his wrist and gives it a small squeeze. 

“You should go.” 

“I…” The words are lodged in his throat. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say, and he looks to Touka, paralysed. Seeing this, she smiles once more, a small, wry smile that assures him all will be okay, and lowering his eyes, Kaneki slips his hands away and steps back, feeling his own eyes water. “I’m sorry, Touka-chan. This–”

“Just go.” She shakes her head, an underlying urgency to her gentle words. “Before it’s too late.”

Grimacing, Kaneki turns away and leaves the cafe, forcing himself to abandon the warmth of the cafe in favour of the cold, dark world waiting just beyond. He hates himself for it, for making this decision he knows to be necessary, and walking through the rain, he lets the tears finally fall, knowing that he has left Touka to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts once again. And for that, he can never, ever forgive himself, even in death. He looks up to the sky, the raindrops mixing with his tears, and he wonders when he’ll be freed from this life of his. 

“Soon,” he murmurs, frowning, “Soon, it’ll all be over. I promise, Touka-chan.”

[annamariehamilton-unofficial]

Random Ghoulposting: Christianity and Tokyo Ghoul (I promise there's a very tenuous connection)

OK so am I the only person who noticed some weirdly specific parallels between the first arc of Tokyo Ghoul with Anteiku, Kaneki, and Yoshimura, and the books of Acts and Corinthians in the Bible?

Like, there's a guy who absolutely hates a different group and devotes his life to persecuting them, and then ends up having a change of heart and becoming said group's greatest champion (St. Paul; Yoshimura, Kaneki, and Amon).

There's some very specific moral instructions on eating THIS meat, not THAT meat (debate over eating meat sacrificed to idols in Corinthians; Anteiku ghouls trying to subsist on humans who were already dead rather than taking lives).

Said persecutor-turned-champion is trying to get a bunch of angry murderhoboes to stop lying, stealing, killing, cheating, sexing, and otherwise being a moral mess for just ONE SECOND so he can teach them how to live a holy and pure life (the Corinthian church; the Anteiku ghouls).

Also persecutor-turned-champion has a "half-breed" assistant who struggles with his identity but is actually ideally situated to bring together both sides, and will ultimately become his successor (Timothy, who was mixed-race Gentile/Jewish; Kaneki, a half-ghoul).

A lot of flesh vs. spirit angst

"There is no one righteous, not one ... all have sinned, all have fallen short." - Paul of Tarsus, Romans 3:10-11 // "I think if this world is wrong, what's distorting it is everything that is in this world" - Ken Kaneki, Tokyo Ghoul chapter 79

Also fun fact part of the reason the ancient Romans persecuted the Christian church is because they heard all the talk of eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ and took it literally and thought the Christians were some sort of weird doomsday cannibal cult.

Granted, I just tend to read way too much Christian symbolism into everything because I am Like That, but the author of Tokyo Ghoul, Sui Ishida-sensei, actually did grow up in a Christian household, which is very unusual in Japan, as stated in an interview here: https://kenkamishiro.tumblr.com/post/177107232612/ishidas-interview-with-yomiuri-shimbun

... so those parallels popping up actually makes a lot of sense. I get the impression based on the storyline of Tokyo Ghoul and his interview remarks that Ishida-sensei suffered some sort of crisis of faith and is more of an agnostic at this point, but it is interesting to think about. He also seemed to imply that the situation of the ghouls in TG and TG:re is somewhat inspired by the historical persecutions or non-acceptance of the Christian minority in Japan.

I know this is going to sound really weird but as a Christian myself, I feel like Tokyo Ghoul has probably helped me think about and even grow in my faith more than most of the Christian fiction I've read. Even though TG's worldview is a lot more morally gray than what I personally try to hold to, and the violence is pretty extreme in places, I think it raises a lot of really interesting questions. And the ultimate message of learning to love your enemies, and live with one's own darker nature in a peaceful way, really resonates with me. Also I just really unreasonably love the story and characters. So ... yeah.