#kaiser therapy

[sorreysorren]

what it is to be hollow

soccer was a testament to kaiser's existence.

a file was given to you, withholding information about kaiser that probably only 5 people in the world knew.

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you argued to the man at your door, one last time, that forcing someone won't prove effective. neither would sessions for just about a month. it was a desperate measure on dark’s behalf.

your words were disregarded.

and kaiser couldn't play until he went to therapy for the entirety of a month.

–––

kaiser didn't like you.

he didn't understand how talking to a stranger was going to solve all of his “problems”– as the people around him liked to call it.

of course, he wasn't going to voice his dislike for you. he knows how to act in front in front of people– he knows how to keep an image.

acting must've run in the bloodline.

he just had to pretend he was well.

you would only see what he wanted you to see– he thought he had you wrapped around his finger.

this way, he still had some form of control.

but you only smiled.

you smiled like you knew exactly what was going through his head. like you knew what was going to happen. like you knew everything about him.

– – –

it was cold in your office.

your shelves were filled with books, board games, and art supplies.

there was a mirror beside your desk, and right next to it hung a painting: a fish about to be eaten by a shark.

you asked him about himself, basic things; things you already knew. you wanted him to speak though. but he stayed silent. right now, his goal was just to make it through the hour. to just wait it out. even if it wasn’t his choice to be here.

“i can’t help you if you don’t talk”

he didn’t have to choose to open up to you because his demeanor did so involuntarily.

the little glances; when his eyes would widen for a split second; when his knuckles would tighten from how tightly he held them in a fist– you saw it all.

this was very different from the kaiser you’d seen on tv. the one who carried himself like he ruled everything around him.

and yet, in front of your eyes was hollow-like shell of a man.

right now, maybe, kaiser wasn’t a "real" person. there was no sense of self within him. he was a mess of thoughts, memories, and sensations. whatever bit of “self” that existed within him was molded by everything he went through.

maybe in different circumstances, he would’ve resorted to his cocky attitude you’d see on tv and interviews.

knowing his background, you knew he wouldn’t be opening up soon. but if you both had to be here, some use must be made out of the time, right? that was your thought process, at least. you understood not everyone wanted help, even if it was evident that they needed it.

right now, what he has is an open wound. right now, all he’s been doing is pressing a bandaid over it– a piece of cloth, even and continuing a reckless path. he’s stepped over the steps he should be taking; disinfecting, stitching, and healing.

the unfelt emotions in him eat away at his wounds.

– – –

the hour passed by, mostly in silence. the sound of your keyboard interrupted the silence every now and then. through the corner of your eye, you kept an eye on him, watching for anything.

he left as soon as the clock read 5:00 pm.

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the following week, he was late by 20 minutes.

“you’re late.” you didn’t really care if he was late or not, but you wanted to get something out of it. “do these sessions get in the way of something?”

he glanced at you, “you know they don’t.”

and he’s right.

to him, this is a punishment– not being allowed to play until he’s done with this. he has nothing else to do, if not play.

i’ll make it work, he tells himself.

“i’m not here to change you, michael. there’s a difference between change and adaptation. i’m not here to judge you either. i can help you alleviate whatever you’re feeling. i can listen to you. i can give advice. but i also don’t make any decisions in your life. whether you like it or not, we are here for you.”

“my…” he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

there was an indistinguishable expression on his face and you could almost see the way the gears twisted and turned inside his head.

he didn’t say anything about you going on a first-name basis, but he didn’t speak again, only staring at the floor, waiting for the hour to be over.

you looked at his file again.

he had a history with violence, which had you brainstorming techniques that could help with that. when agitated, there are two pathways you think he would choose.

the first is immediate violence.

the second is pushing the thoughts away. doing so aggressively will only cause them to slip through the cracks, and then resurge ten times worse.

“have you heard about compartmentalizing?” you were certain he hadn’t, but this is how you chose to proceed

you explained that when in a calmer state, he should attempt to visualize putting the thoughts in little boxes inside his head.

sure, the method wasn't perfect, and it couldn't be used forever, but it was a step forward

he thought it was stupid.

he thought it was as stupid as the fish painting on your wall, but then again maybe that wasn’t the best comparison since it did catch his eye after all.

another method: EFT

before he left, you handed him a brochure that highlighted how it works.

during EFT, individuals tap certain points on their body – similar to the points used during acupuncture, to send signals to the part of the brain that controls stress.

on the margins, you recommended the side of the palm and the collarbone– this was closest to his neck and his tattoo (roughly 2 inches below it).

when he skimmed over it on his way out, he assumed it was some sort of placebo bullshit.

he didn’t see how this was going to help him, but then again, he wasn’t seeing a lot of things.

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“ –the wound will never really be gone, but it won’t ache in the way it currently does.”

you were explaining how cooperation on his behalf will benefit him.

it was the third week, and there wasn’t much time left. you had been aware that a mere month wouldn’t be enough for effective progress, but you hadn’t expected time to pass so quickly.

here you were, unaware of whether anything you’ve said for the past few weeks has stuck to his head or not. you did know, though, that you’ve somehow gotten to proximity with the line which figuratively served as a barrier between you guys,

the next thing you asked would either bring progress or fuck up everything.

“a lot of people in your situation would decide to kill themselves” you started, “why haven't you?”

his head shot up, before going to its previous position. he thought he must’ve misheard you because what kind of person just asks that? sure, it did make him think, and– it made him think.

it made him think, which made him realize he had no answer. maybe he wouldn’t have said it out loud, but he would’ve had an answer in his head. why hasn’t he?

was it soccer? it had to be.

He lifted his gaze to look at you, and you were already looking at him. You smiled knowingly.

yeah, your office was cold, but you reeked of warmth– and he thinks if he knew what it was like to be human, he would relish in it.

the thought made him sick.

– – –

if he doesn’t believe it, it doesn’t exist.

that was why it was crucial to find a reason; if he wanted to be “human” that is. and he does. you could tell.

the next week, the last week, he was in your office, for probably the last time.

he never said it out loud, but he had a new goal.

the facade he once had– the mask he once wore, was fractured. it was what he sculpted throughout his time in bastard munchen. it was broken, as now his image has been stained.

but now, he will not only rebuild the mask, or build to cover the exterior, but rather build a skull, and a sternum; he will build what makes him physically human.

he will learn to function with his head, his heart, and his bones.

he finally engaged in conversation. you talked about hypotheticals and “what ifs�� and turning them into reality.

if you didn’t care about that, then you wouldn’t be human

what you believe to be impossible– make it possible.

“you're alright, kaiser.” it's an observation. he wasn't sure what you meant by it. you think you weren't sure either.

you also see he truly is resilient.

he’s made it this far, after all.

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a/n: I tried not to make him too ooc... I envisioned him with the mindset he had when he was younger and was arrested,, where he looked like he'd completely given up on everything (so none of that cocky facade bs) I TRIED TO DO HIM JUSTICE.

taglist: @huaposh @bloodypaintersgf @gigiiiiislife @wishiknewwhatiwasdoingwithmylife

[nothingchangedbythename]

I found a therapist through my health insurance and thought it would be affordable. I was so wrong. It cost 90 dollars for a single session. Apparently they called the therapist instead of talking to me to tell me they weren't going to pay over 2 months later. Luckily I only had sessions every other week. I am so broke. Why did they think I could afford that. Why not tell me? ughh I am so overwhelmed. My finances are shit and now this. How am I going to be able to afford nursing school?

[sid3buns]

another twt request for my friend Gana ; if Kaiser got introduced to a kotatsu and pumpkin spice lattes it would probably fix him. Maybe.

[glitchervius]

Hey kids wake up. Time for some delicious angst!

Full image below:

[miyamiwu]

From Kiyora’s wiki page:

He likes when someone provokes him. He dislikes the atrophy.

Barou thrives on despair.

Kaiser thrives on restriction.

Kiyora likes being provoked.

Then there’s Ness, our resident puppy...

Any other known masochists in Blue Lock?

[pinkinsect]

recovery top tip: if the slow trudge of your progress is frustrating, you can take michael kaiser to therapy with you and make him do the same things you are

[starstuc]

i need ness to have an actual stable relationship in his life where there are no intentions of harm or manipulation please!!

[gachagon]

Yeah so let's talk about Kaiser's self harm here.

I read this chapter and was thinking about this last scene in particular just because it's very unnerving to think about Kaiser literally trying to deprive himself of air to "think" of a plan to beat Isagi. And since this is also the chapter where we are finally given the backstory behind his motivations, and where the Blue Rose tattoo came from, it puts into perspective just why it's on his neck instead of in a different place.

If the blue rose is supposed to be a reminder of how the impossible can be made possible to Kaiser, than I also think it's a representation of the actual pressure he puts on himself to do just that. He's literally choking himself out here to think, and deliberately putting the force over that tattoo because that's the center of his ideals, the reason he's even trying to do the things he's doing.

I also find it very ironic that Kaiser says he wants to be someone who can't be defined, the impossible. Because the crux of his issue is that he can't define Isagi.

He and Isagi are just so alike that even trying to understand him on a basic level when playing together is hard for Kaiser, and not because Isagi is some complex person but because he doesn't see that Isagi is a direct parallel to himself, a mirror in a way. Another observation I made is that in this panel and a lot of other panels where Kaiser is off the field, we can see that he has his hair tied back.

Kaiser keeps his hair in a specific way not just because he likes the style, but to show off that tattoo on his neck. So that it can always be a present reminder of what he's striving for. But you can tell in this panel that it's WAY shorter than it is now, and that it's grown out for a while now. At this point of the story, Kaiser probably had a healthy relationship with his own motivations and just looking at the rose was enough to satiate his ego and keep him going.

But as time went on, and he wasn't close enough to achieving the goals he set out the longer it grew (until it is what it is now) Kaiser's self harm (because that is what he's doing here in that panel) is in an effort to make him "play better". Not everyone self harms to "punish" themselves, it is pretty common for people to do it because they think it'll help them in their goals somehow, a way to think "clearer" like Kaiser is doing.

But it's not at all a healthy coping mechanism. A lot of the Blue Lock characters have their own little "training strategies" that they do after a game when they want to get better, or to simply just think. Isagi seeks out the advice of other people, Kunigami hits the gym, Chigiri likes to do his hair, Bachira likes dribbling, Nagi likes to play games etc.

And Kaiser's way of doing that is...well this. It makes you wonder if he's ever done this before, or if this is a first for him because even Ness seemed incredibly disturbed to find him trying to choke himself out.

[blue-thief]

having isakainess thoughts rn. how they would all have different forms of love. how those ideas would contradict each other. but the way those ideas contradict each other is exactly what would help all three of them. because in an ideal scenario, being wanted, being loved, and being seen all overlap. and love and hate are two sides of the same coin called obsession. where one blinds and the other causes you to scrutinize beyond what is reasonable. individually they have the capacity to make each other worse, but all together i think they could actually fix each other <333

[galaxynajma]

Would love to see nagireo and Kainess post therapy

[fivewholeminutes]

was pondering whether i should say that but fuck it. i want you all to know that when a doctor asked me yesterday if i have anything that brings me joy now my first thought was y'all so this is what i've told him

[marcsnuffy]

kaiser and ness. thoughts?

[togo--mimori]

Blue Lock characters who have definitely been in a psych ward at one point: Barou, Isagi, Nagi, Bachira, Shidou at least three times

[kinsagi]

terrible day to be a Ness kinnie

[empressyu123]

My Bllk AU 36#

Chouji: *inhales but then fixes a smile* so.

Ray Dark: ?

Chouji: when you found this kid you knew he was being beaten by his dead beat dad, like he was already beaten and bruised, right?

Ray Dark: i then took him under my wing, yep.

Chouji: when you took him to bastard, and then later on you found out he beat the shit out of his colleges… just for being nice to him… Right?

Ray Dark: yea?

Chouji: *smile twitches* i’m also guessing that you were the one providing him with the psychology books too i’m assuming…. Were you aware that the purpose of those books were to help him manipulate people?

Ray Dark: damn really? oh okay, that’s his choice then… your point?

Chouji: *inhales DEEPLY* and you didn’t. Think. that it was about time you got him into, oh! i dunno… THERAPY?

Ray Dark: … oh damn i didn’t think about that. oh well he’s alive and he seems to be doing just fine.

Chouji: …💢 *struggling to keep his composure* (smile, smile, SMILE) *downs his alcohol* i need another drink.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

GUESS WHO FINALLY CAUGHT UP W THE BLLK MANGA 🤩