#k.zantos 「 𝘉𝘖𝘕𝘋𝘚 」

[sentmail]

kunsel man i love you so much.....

[sentmail]

C O N N E C T I O N S

Kunsel Reis Zantos has come to know a lot of people over his life — passing acquaintances, petty rivalries, best friends, bitter betrayals, distasteful coworkers and people that would forever carve a place into his heart.

His constant search for information would introduce him to people across differing paths of walk, challenging his decisions and morality, making him question if the burden of knowledge is worth the drain on his conscience.

But if given a chance to go back? He'd only dig deeper, fight for a little more time. Repent for his inaction.

— The First Class Trio

Kunsel's relationship with all of them is in passing and strictly professional, but saying he doesn't have a personal bias would be a lie.

Angeal: The one Kunsel looks up to the most, he sees him as the most sensible one and has in fact told Zack he was kinda jealous he got to work with him so much - however, Kunsel kind of doesn't need tutoring nor does he aspire to be First Class like Zack, so their jobs together are limited. Still, he genuinely thinks Angeal has a good head on his shoulders, and he seeks to emulate his capability to lead and teach.

Genesis: When he was a dumb 13 year old kid falling for fluff propaganda pieces, Genesis was actually his favorite. Of course, there's this one saying: don't meet your heroes, kids. Kunsel considers him to be kind of hard to work with, and personally finds him to be not as charming as he believes himself to be. Still, Kunsel knows how to play nice, and he doesn't exactly have a personal gripe against the man. ( At least, not until the desertions. )

Sephiroth: A mystery, but Kunsel's aware there's more to the man than the creepy trash the fanclubs obsess over. ( Yes, he's part of all the fanclubs. ) Sephiroth rarely needs assistance on his assignments, and when he does it's usually other 1-C operatives, so they've never actually worked together - but they've spoken a few times when crossing paths or loitering in Shinra's archives. Mostly about work (or Zack) of course, but with some sprinkles of Kunsel trying his luck getting to know Sephiroth better. Nothing so far, but the boy loves a puzzle.

— Other SOLDIERs

[ REDACTED ] : Kunsel's proper mentor was instead another SOLDIER First Class, her records since expunged from company archives. He was taken under her proverbial wing after proving himself to be observant and persistent, traits that work well in the Intelligence division of SOLDIER. Although Kunsel's easy going on the surface, she helped him temper his thoughts and emotions and was an important part in helping Kunsel learning to compartmentalize his actions from his emotions.

Luxiere: Their relationship was once entirely surface level pleasantries, Kunsel well aware of the rumors of what Luxiere was willing to do or say in order to chase a promotion. However, when Luxiere finally breaks down his barriers and manages to establish a connection with him, having Kunsel share his inner most thoughts and that he was still searching for Zack - Luxiere stabbed him in the back, reporting this in hopes of gaining favor. They are entirely antagonistic, and Kunsel only tolerates Luxiere because it is his job to take care of other SOLDIERs.

Zack — Default: One of Kunsel's closest friends in SOLDIER, he considers himself to be Zack's number one hypeman — he doesn't particularly share Zack's drive to get promoted, but he knows it's important to him and so he'll help him however he can. He's a bit protective and overbearing, even knowing Zack can take care of himself, but he can't help it - he's a meddler and feels responsible for the guy even if Zack eventually outranks him. There's some mixed up feelings in the middle, but Kunsel waves it off as an one sided-crush on his part and never mentions it - why shake up what's already good? He's happy to just be good friends with Zack, and he respects him a lot - being in SOLDIER wouldn't be the same without him.

Zack — @meteorshcts : With a language in common, even if not the same exact dialect, they quickly attached at the hip after Zack joined the program, quick friends of circumstance as Kunsel helped Zack get acclimated with living in a big city on his lonesome. As they went through the trials of SOLDIER together, their bond only grew stronger,relying on each other in and out of combat, being the one person they could share everything with in a program that praised rugged individualism to seek out future 1st Classes. And with Zack's dreams of becoming one, Kunsel was quick to support him - even if he did try to warn him that it would probably be more hassle than it was worth. But… if there was one guy he trusted to handle that rank with some grace it was Zack. They are brothers, even if not by blood, and for a period of time Kunsel couldn't picture his life without Zack — for all the loss and tragedy that surrounded them in SOLDIER, a still hopelessly naive part of him refused to let him even consider that it would ever affect them, that they'd lose each other. Losing Zack was like losing a limb, a family member, and although part of his denial was due to not trusting Shinra's words… most of it was merely that, denial, refusing to accept the possibility of it being true.

Roche — Default: A hassle and a walking liability waiver. They're not close by any means, Roche joining the program after Kunsel had already established himself, but they're "friends" none the less. There's a latent worry on Kunsel's side, aware that the man's growing increasingly unstable, but there's nothing he can do personally when it seems like the Science Department is purposefully setting him free off leash.

Roche — @fourthclone : They were their own triad, once. Friends from different strokes of life that found connection in the hardships of SOLDIER, young dumb teenagers seeking fun, trying to outrun the weight of their responsibilities… But you can only run so far. Time and loss changed them both, shattered dreams and tore away connections that shaped them, leaving their edges jagged and uneven. They don't fit together like they used to — once soft, baby faced and idealistic, naive in their outlooks, they now handle each other like shards of glass, mere fractions of what they once saw in each other; something that cuts, something that stings… but something that needs caring, dealing with. The love is still there, but there's no going back from this - they're not the same people they once were, and no matter how tightly Kunsel clings he can't stop Roche from unraveling. This isn't something he can fix, something he can help with - all he can do is watch. More and more, that's all he feels he can do: take on the burden of seeing, of knowing, but remaining useless.

— Others

Turks: Kunsel feels generally uneasy whenever they're around, a personal bias tainting his interactions with them — but it isn't one without a valid cause. Kunsel might not have an inside view into the depths of their work and the layers under which they operate, but he knows enough to know he should trust them to do their job... no matter what that job is, and who their target is. Still, even with this ruminating in the back of his mind, he does enjoy working with them on occasion, purely in a selfish drive to try and glean their methods. As long as he behaves himself and doesn't warrant a termination, they've got no reason to get in his way. Him and the Turks tend to cross paths a considerable amount, considering his work in intelligence often ends up being taken by the Turks if it gets deemed too confidential. His personal favorite is Rude, mostly because the guy doesn't talk and they're both great at avoiding eye contact, followed by Cissnei because she can behave like a normal human being. Tseng is... Tseng, a figure that lingers in the background of his life and speaks of an unspoken warning: they know, and they're watching you.

Professor Hojo: If only he knew from the start what he comes to learn too late. To Hojo, Kunsel was nothing but another helmeted brute, a number in his ongoing human experimentation with a name that sounded vaguely familiar. To Kunsel? The Professor signified answers to questions he knew ran deeper than surface level platitudes Shinra offered, and his career started as a means to live in his peripheral vision, to shadow after the man — but he could never get close enough, some secrets kept too well. It's funny, in a way, how his life was so affected by the Professor and yet Hojo remains ignorant of his existence.

Cloud — Default: While they're at Shinra, he's a friend of Zack's, and that's plenty enough for Kunsel to be nice to him, even if Kunsel feels like Zack shouldn't goad him on and tell him he's fit for SOLDIER — Kunsel trains a lot of other SOLDIERs, he knows who does and doesn't make a good fit, not to mention that sometimes it's just a matter of mako resistance, and there's nothing you can do about that. After Nibelheim, however... He's a vague familiarity, an image super imposed into memories of his best friend — what few times they've crossed paths at Shinra are buried underneath the sum of their personal trials. He is ultimately neutral, and can be made either ally or foe depending on both of their choices. A kneejerk reaction is to assume Cloud's merely stealing valor, taking Zack's history for his own... but he unfortunately knows things are never that simple.

Cloud — @backwaterheroics : It's complicated. Infuriatingly so. Things would be easier if they both could stick to hating each other, settle in the antagonism of pure animosity, blame each other for a loss neither could be blamed for (and yet, paradoxically, blamed themselves for). Instead, they settle in the muddy greys — they're not friends, they're not enemies, they're not rivals, but they're not nothing. Friends of a friend long gone, they ghost through each other's awareness only by unpleasant chance, parallel lives that swerve into each other for fleeting moments. Still, there's begrudging respect... and maybe a sliver of jealousy on Kunsel's part — he sees in Cloud a violent freedom that he wished he could've followed in, but he was in too deep. A sunk cost fallacy made unable to perceive the traumas that froze him, and he held an attachment to SOLDIER Cloud would never understand, keeping him rooted to where he was. The question of "what if I followed him?" will be one that regretfully simmers in the back of his mind.

Aerith — Default: She's the girl in the slums, a nebulous concept he'd heard gushed about from Zack, his friend thrown in the throes of a relentless crush. They linger as acquaintances only, visiting her once Zack was gone only making the melancholy in his chest worse. The church was Zack's place, Aerith was Zack's friend and crush... and he's still not there. Kunsel feels like an outsider whenever he visits Aerith, feeling especially silly when he once felt threatened that she was taking his best friend away from him, but he meant it when he told her she could call him any time for help, however.

Aerith — @churchflower : She's his rose, his summer rain, a reprieve from a world where in he had to act and orchestrate himself on so many layers he began to forget who he was. It was never meant to grow into this, and he harbored ill guilt for far too long, disappointed in himself for getting attached as he did... but when weeks turned to months turned to years... There came a point where he and Aerith knew each other better than she and Zack ever did. They find solace in each other, and there's a mutual understanding — there's things he doesn't tell her, there's things she doesn't tell him... and they're comfortable with that, trust and love clinging on, even so. With her he can imagine a world outside of Shinra, a life where he isn't wrapped entirely around being an exemplar SOLDIER and with him she saw the sky, slowly pecked away at 23 wishes she once saved for a boy she thought got tired of her. He doesn't know what he'd do if he lost her, too.

[sentmail]

kissing the top of their head as you hold them . // fashionably late but kunsel gets a smooch idk prob from a relieved roche :’)

kiss & tell

Sephiroth - SOLDIER 1st Class: Killed in action Zack Fair - SOLDIER 1st Class: Killed in action

He'd been missing for a week after the announcement, only to come back one day as easy as he'd left. His absence was caused by an immediate leave being enforced, his breakdown in the training room not without repercussion.

He was given a choice: collect himself, or be placed under continued watch.

And so he played the part, went on with his work, swallowed down the bitterness of anguish that coated his every word, hid glazed over eyes behind his helmet, going through the motions as he tried to reconcile with the facts he was being presented.

But he crumbled when faced with Roche. Where were you? What happened?

… They move to the stairwell, where few people linger, steps deterring anyone from trying to use them outside of a proper emergency. It was the closest thing to privacy they would be able to muster inside of the Shinra building, able to speak their mind even if only in hushed tones, but…

What could either of them say? What words could they share?

Kunsel holds his helmet under his arm, his expression a transparent show of his frazzled state of mind - he was tired, even after his leave, thoughts endlessly ruminating in his mind, still reeling, still clinging to denial. It was irrational to blame himself, but he couldn't not do it, not when he'd been there for Zack from the start, helping and guiding, always hyping him up, entertaining his dreams of being a hero.

It feels like a betrayal now, like he helped cause this, like there was something —

He's dragged into a hug before his thoughts have a chance to spiral further, helmet clattering to the floor as he stands there awkwardly, allowing Roche the means to express his own grief, his worry, and Kunsel can't help but wane in his hold, wilting into the hug. It was a tight grip, hesitant to let go, and Kunsel can feel the weight of his emotion in the hasty kiss pressed against the crown of his head, cheek then pressed against his hair, Roche's head resting on top of his.

Why did he act like he was alone? Like he was the only one that lost people? … What kind of friend is he?

And Kunsel can't help the way his hand reaches around Roche, clinging to the back of the other's uniform, tugging idly against it as he reciprocates the hug after lagging in his reaction, face pressed against a chest that lingered with the scent of fresh cigarettes, bringing to memory times spent under the illusion that they were carefree, kids making a mess of their lives just because they could, made to think they were immortal.

They weren't.

… He didn't mean to act distant, to hide away. Kunsel knows he's doing it, but he just doesn't know how else to handle this, how to deal with the tear in his heart without burying it, giving no thought on if anything would ever take root in his chest again. He manages not to cry only because he'd shed his tears already, but his expression remains pained, staring off to the side as he tries to get whatever comfort he can get out of such fleeting touch, earnest humanity having no place at a job like theirs.

They're still kids. By Ifrit, they're still kids.

[sentmail]

pros to dating kunsel: - caring and helpful - always thinking about you - extremely supportive and 100% a hype man - easygoing but honest - extremely affectionate - romantic sap - loves nicknames

cons to dating kunsel: - constantly gone for work - property of shinra's - SOLDIER degradation lottery participant - prone to jealousy - clingy and codependent - tries to handle everything on his own - constant double texter - would ask if you'd still love him if he was a worm

[sentmail]

“We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.” ― Joseph Roux