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beautifulchris · 2 years ago

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O students

pairing: kim seungmin x gn!reader

wc: 3,4k

featuring: han jisung, loona’s chaewon, the boyz’s eric, pentagon’s shinwon, sf9’s chani

summary: for two years, you considered seungmin as a rival, until his best efforts to befriend you didn't go unnoticed anymore

genres: hogwarts!au, rivals to friends to lovers!au, ravenclaw!seungmin, ravenclaw!reader, fluff

tw: swearing, a kiss

notes: moodboard made by me, pictures found on the internet. reposting works from my old blog

order of writing: chan - jisung - minho - hyunjin - jeongin - seungmin - changbin - felix

networks: @kflixnet @k-labels @straykidsland @kwritersworld

tag list: @badwithten @soobin-chois @raethethey send ask/dm/cmment to be added!

It was common knowledge that Seungmin was an O student, and you weren’t so far behind. In the beginning of first year up until the end of second year, you were rivals. You were competitive and Seungmin was a pain. He wasn’t competitive as much, but he was better than you, and you couldn’t tolerate it. Fortunately, he asked if he could talk to you on the train to your third year and you’ve been a better person ever since; less competitive, more open and definitely more livable. Bonus, you became friends with him.

Your parents had pressured you into being the best student and it made you do and say things you regret, but Seungmin understood, which you were thankful for. They also wanted you to be a Slytherin, like them, but perhaps the Sorting Hat knew deep down who you really were.

Hogwarts had always been a second home to you. At all times, you felt cozy and relaxed despite the amount of noise and homework. Making peace with yourself made the whole experience ten times better.

The librarian came out of nowhere with an unpleasant look —the usual— and hissed to the whole library before storming out: “Pray that I won’t find out who damaged our copy of Important modern magic discoveries.”

You looked at Seungmin at the other side of the table and laughed quietly while he shook his head. You knew who it was, but you wouldn’t snitch on a fellow Ravenclaw. Especially not when he cost too much house points already.

Seungmin didn’t like studying in the Great Hall because it was too loud compared to the library, where the librarian never accepted any sound (whispers were worse than speaking out loud for her). The common room was okay, sometimes, but it was mostly a place to chill and read.

Moreover, he knew every inch of the library like the back of his hand, so he often helped restock and find books for other students if they looked lost. You found that admirable, knowing the librarian’s temperament. He didn’t seem to mind, though. In fact, she seemed to respect your friend, value even.

“I can’t believe Jisung’s scared of acromantulas,” you blurted out of the blue, the last class of defense against the dark arts still fresh on your mind.

“Me neither. He does have one fear, after all,” he shrugged. As desperate as he was, never would he use this fear to ‘tame’ his friend.

You nodded, refocusing on your task at hand, when a tired-looking Chaewon sat next to you with a light thud. She sighed, pinching her nose bridge in annoyance.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, your voice laced with worry.

“I just tutored Heejin for transfiguration but she’s not making any effort.”

“She asked the professor herself, though?”

“Exactly! Ugh, why did it have to be me?”

“Ask the professor to change tutor,” proposed Seungmin.

“Already did, but she said I was the second best choice, the first being Hyunjin, and he’s already tutoring a Gryffindor.”

“Wait. You don’t have to actually meet up, right?” You were not going to let your friend have a hard time for basically nothing.

“I guess not…”

“Then just don’t. I’m sure she doesn’t even need the help.”

“You’re right, she looked jealous over the person that genuinely needed it,” recalled Seungmin.

“I guess she likes Hyunjin or something,” Chaewon shrugged.

“Poor girl. He’s never going to see her that way,” you shook your head.

“Shhh!” hissed the librarian behind you, making you all flinch. No one saw her coming back and it put an end to your conversation.

A few days later, in history of magic class shared between Ravenclaws and Slytherins, the professor monotonously recited his 14th century’s witch hunt lesson while some classmates were playing exploding snap at the back. Seungmin was, as usual, immersed in the lecture while you were trying your best not to fall asleep. Chaewon was diligently writing down notes two rows back, next to Hyunjin who gave up on staying awake a long time ago. You’ve never spent time with the Slytherin girl, but she was close to Chaewon. You could hear mini explosions and laughter from behind you, and if you weren’t so drowsy right now, you would’ve gone to see how the game was going.

After the class, you went to the courtyard during recess with Seungmin.

“I just don’t get why flying carpets are illegal, you know? They look so much steadier than brooms,” you sighed, sitting on the low wall surrounding the courtyard, your friend following you.

“I’d tell you the reason, but you know it already.”

“Yes, they have been defined as a ‘muggle artifact’ by the registry of proscribed charmable objects, so now they’re banned. But so are brooms! I guess the ministry had to choose, and made a huge mistake.”

“Why don’t you send them an owl to make a change?” Seungmin proposed, amused by your beliefs.

“Are you out of your mind? My dad works at the ministry, I don’t fancy receiving a howler during breakfast for my ‘disrespect of the wizarding law’, thank you very much.”

You visibly shivered at the thought.

“Would be fun to—” Seungmin started, but your attention drifted off to a guy standing on the edge of the fountain.

“Anyone want to do my history homework? I can pay,” proposed a fourth year Gryffindor, Eric if you weren’t mistaken.

Seeing you were about to get up to walk in the direction of the guy, Seungmin stopped you by tugging on your robe. “You’re not seriously considering it?”

“Why not? If he pays well, I can buy some books at Fleury and Bott this weekend,” you shrugged.

“I’ll buy you every book you want but please. Don’t do it, you already have a lot on your plate.”

“Aww. Do I detect worry? You’re so cute. Every book I want, huh? You can’t back down now!”

Seungmin grimaced a bit as he watched you excitedly walking to your next class. He sighed tiredly before joining you, considering Eric’s offer for a brief moment to buy those books. That would’ve been hypocritical of him to do that, so he kept walking.

He never regretted it because he could spend more quality time with you. His wallet though, it was another story.

Out of the books you acquired, there was the ‘Quintessence: A Quest’ charm book destined for the sixth year students.

Back to Ravenclaw’s common room that Sunday, you browsed through it while Seungmin was, no big surprise, working on assignments. Chaewon was with you two for a few hours, then decided to go outside, quoting her: ‘to enjoy the first warm day of the year.’

As you were turning the pages, a spell caught your eye. It was the bubble-head charm.

“I can’t believe that spell is too advanced for me,” you whispered to yourself.

Seungmin took a quick look at your interest and shrugged, saying, “it never stopped me.”

“Me neither. I’m just saying that it’s a cool spell that we should’ve learned already! How cool would it be to swim in the black lake for hours, meet the merpeople and the giant squid?”

“Y/N, let me stop you right there,” he said seriously, bringing a hand up. “The black lake is forbidden, please don’t do anything stupid. Jisung is already a pain for losing house points daily,” he requested, his eyes pleading.

“Contrary to what you may think, I didn’t get sorted into Ravenclaw simply because I like the color blue. I know how to stay out of trouble.” Seungmin gave you an unimpressed look. “Okay. Okay, I won’t enter the black lake. Promise.”

“Thank you,” he let out a relieved sigh.

“I’m still learning that spell, though.”

“Y/N!”

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

“The library is like a second Ravenclaw common room at this point,” Chaewon pointed out, sitting next to you at a table attached to one of many narrow rows. “I’ve seen a majority of blue robes since I entered.”

“Can’t deny it,” you shrugged, amused, finishing a transfiguration assignment.

Your friend chuckled lightly, stopped abruptly when she heard a ‘shh’ from the end of the row —the librarian, no doubt— and sighed quietly. “I have five minutes to cry over my potions essay.”

“Already?”

Lunch time was about to end. Passing your own potions essay to your friend under her thanks, you packed up your things and waited for her to rectify a few facts on her parchment.

“I’m forever grateful,” the Ravenclaw girl said on your way to the dungeons, where you joined Seungmin and the Hufflepuffs.

“Come on Chae, we’re friends. I would lend you my essays anytime.”

“You’re the best Y/N!” Chaewon exclaimed, a pretty eye smile adorning her soft features, as she put her arms around one of yours.

Seungmin stood there, smiling to himself at the exchange, his eyes lingering on your face, which didn’t go unnoticed by Jisung. As you all entered the classroom, he nudged his friend.

“Is this a one-sided enemies to lovers au?”

He friendly slapped his shoulder and told him to shut up. Everyone around you both knew your past. It was quite the show.

“It’s so frustrating! He’s always ahead of me, no matter how hard I try to be the best,” you told your cousin.

It was about April of your second year. You had a cousin who was in his 7th year at that time. A Slytherin, too.

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Y/N,” he smiled as he put a hand on your shoulder.

Shinwon was always supportive and cheerful, despite your family motto (‘be the best in everything’). At seventeen, he already chose his path, his parents accepting it or not. Indeed, he wanted to become a healer at St Mungo’s and save lives. It was admirable, and you wished you were more like him.

“I know your parents are putting a lot of pressure on you, but you’re only twelve. Enjoy your school years, forge your own path, make friends and, more importantly, be happy.”

Those words actually helped you get through the end of your second year. Your cousin was now a healer at St Mungo’s as he dreamed of, and to honor his kind words, you were enjoying your school days as much as you could.

After potions, you got to herbology.

You’ve spent the two last classes learning the herbivicus charm, and Seungmin particularly loved it. All week, he practiced on the few plants in the common room, or the ones outside.

Herbology was one of your friend’s favorite subjects, he loved to take care of the plants, even outside of class. The professor let him water every plant in the greenhouses on weekends— to his request.

At lunch, you were eating with Seungmin, Chaewon, Jisung, his partner in crime and Chani. The latter looked around the table, stopped for a few seconds, then offered his hand over the table for Chaewon to shake. She confusedly did.

“Looks like we’re likely to end up together, this feels like a triple date.” Chaewon removed her hand from his under the protests and indignation of the five persons concerned. Chani put his hands up in fake surrender, “That was a joke, jeez.”

“Not very funny,” muttered Jisung before taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

“Don’t scare me like that again,” Chaewon glared at Chani, gently rubbing the hand that touched his own under the table.

He sent her an apologetic smile, and you were so immersed in their conversation that —you caught Chani’s red ears and how your friend’s features didn’t match her actions— you weren’t aware of Seungmin gazing at you, his brain going blank.

No thoughts, just your pretty eyes, cute smile and soft skin.

He snapped out of it when Jisung flicked his fingers in front of him. “You okay there, mate? Looks like you were daydreaming.”

Seungmin kicked him under the table —making him dramatically yelp in pain— and resumed eating his lunch in silence, trying his best to hide his embarrassment.

Actually, he had harbored feelings for you for quite some time, a few months before you talked out your rivalry. He never said anything, of course, by fear you would reject him or worse, end your friendship with him. He always did his best to hide his secret from everyone; that was until Jisung caught up.

During defense against the dark arts this afternoon, as Ravenclaws and Slytherins were practicing the twitchy-ears hex —and, therefore, the shield charm—, Jisung and his partner in crime were half-heartedly training, preferring taking their time to chat, glancing at Seungmin and you from time to time from the other side of the room. You were diligently practicing with Chaewon while Chani was with Seungmin.

The latter wasn’t fully concentrated though, often having the overwhelming feeling of eyes boring into him. He didn’t like that. It even made him mess up his shield charm, resulting in him feeling his ear twitch. He groaned, congratulated Chani and pointed his wand at his ear, whispering: “Finite.” Then, he hexed Jisung across the room when he wasn’t looking, his partner being confused because they wasn’t the one to hex him.

Meanwhile, Chaewon and you were pretty good at this so everytime one of you casted a spell, there was no difference. Both your shield charms were perfect.

“Almost would’ve liked to know how the hex feels,” Chaewon laughed during recess.

You were at the library, working on the herbology essay you got that morning, with Seungmin and Chaewon. Without a word, you put your wand out of your robe pocket, pointing it at your friend. She raised her hands to her ears, an unpleasant look on her face.

“I said almost! It’s quite irksome, actually.” You released her from the hex and she relaxed, quickly rubbing her ears, “Thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

Seungmin was lost in thought, thinking about how smart and talented you were. He had a stupid smile on his face until he shook his head and realized Chaewon was staring at him suspiciously. He coughed and got back to his assignment, not being able to fully focus.

He was losing control of his emotions.

That night in the common room, as you three were still working —uh, boringgg— on your assignments before dinner, Chaewon decided she had enough and preferred reading a romance book on her bed. She packed her stuff and went to her dorm, leaving Seungmin and you in a comfortable silence. Until Jisung entered the room, sneakily walking behind your backs at a safe distance.

He pointed his wand at your sleeves —they were a few inches apart— and whispered: “Epoximise.” He then fled out of the room like he was never here, excitedly thinking how his plan was working perfectly.

You didn’t notice for like twenty seconds, but when you moved your hand to write on your parchment, Seungmin’s left arm followed. You looked at each other in disbelief, raising your arms to see what could’ve happened.

Seungmin’s robe sleeve somehow merged with yours.

The sudden proximity —your pinky fingers touched a few times— embarrassed you for some reason, while Seungmin was a blushing mess.

“We should probably do something about that,” you finally say, gesturing to your hands.

“Right.”

“You should do it.”

“Yeah,” he murmured as he took his wand, “finite.”

“I wonder who did this.”

“I have an idea.” Seungmin looked upset, but you didn’t pry. “I’ll be back,” he said, getting up and leaving the common room in a hurry.

You took this time alone —well, almost, there were other Ravenclaws around— to think about why your cheeks burned as much as they did when your hands were touching.

You didn’t like him like that, right?

He was just a good friend you disliked before, who’s been nothing but sweet and understanding. A truly smart guy who, despite his gigantic love for academics and books, could always make time to help others whenever they needed. You loved that in him— wait.

No, no, no.

While you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t ‘love’ you were feeling, Seungmin was out for Jisung’s head. He found him on the spiral staircase leading to their common room, walking up in his direction.

“Jisung,” he shouted from a few stairs above him, startling not only the concerned, but a few paintings too.

“Oh, Seung, hey, how’re you doing?” he asked as he stopped in his tracks.

“What were you THINKING?”

Slowly walking backwards, Jisung started sweating, his friend’s anger intimidating him a little. “It wasn’t—”

“I know it was you, don’t deny it. I’ve felt you staring at me for hours today, I knew you were planning something.”

“I was going to say that it wasn’t meant to hurt you in any way, more like bring you two closer with a little push. I’m sorry.”

“I should hex you right now,” Seungmin huffed.

“Didn’t you already do in dada?” he raised a brow, crossing his arms.

“True. I guess we’re even, then.”

Jisung let out a relieved breath, “how did it go?”

“It was awkward,” he explained as they came back to the common room together, “and I won’t discuss this matter further with you. You’ve done your part,” he stopped to give the eagle knocker an answer to his riddle, “please don’t do anything else.”

Jisung nodded as he saw you were alone at the table, your hands in your hair like you were having a crisis. He excused himself before going to his dorm, while Seungmin sat next to you. “You okay?”

You shot your head up, using your hands to fix your hair. “Of course. Yeah. Totally.”

It looked like you were freaking out, which worried Seungmin, but he kept his mouth shut, gazing at your face. You finally looked at him and it was weird, your heart was still beating fast but you felt at ease. You managed to smile, losing yourself in his soft brown eyes.

“You’re really beautiful,” he whispered to himself but you heard it.

You blushed, your smile growing wider. “You’re beautiful, too.”

His eyes widened, his ears got red as he hid his face behind his hands.

Giggling, you gently took his hands in yours and brought them down, leaning towards him. You looked in each other’s eyes with adoration.

He slowly closed the gap between you in a chaste kiss. It didn’t last long, but it was sweet and made you all fuzzy inside. The euphoria ended immediately after a couple Ravenclaws cheered for you, though, but it was a nice feeling.

At dinner, Seungmin, Chaewon, Jisung, his partner in crime, Chani and you were all eating together, and you two lovebirds were holding hands under the table.

Jisung raised his glass out of nowhere, “I’d like to make a toast.”

“We’re fourteen,” Chani interrupted.

“Shut up and raise your damn pumpkin juice,” he cursed in a whisper, before smiling at his friends raising their own glasses —reluctantly or not. “To the new couple I helped”—Seungmin scoffed—“make happen today,” he announced as he glanced at you two, “next is your turn, buddies,” he added to the attention of Chaewon and Chani, who blushed hard.

“Cheers,” his partner in crime jovially said, before drinking.

“And when’s your turn?” Seungmin asked Jisung, murmuring over the table so he’d be the only one hearing.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” he murmured back.

After dinner, Seungmin and you were walking around the courtyard, holding hands and making heart eyes at each other.

“Remember when I decided to learn the bubble-head charm?”

“I don’t think I like what you’re implying…” he softly answered, already feeling anxious about your next words.

“It’s not that bad, I promise,” you giggled, “I learned how to make blue sparks too.”

You put your wand out and pointed to the night sky. Making the right hand movement, jets of blue sparks came out of the tip of your wand, illuminating the sky. “Vermillious,” you enunciated, adding jets of red sparks into the mini fireworks, creating purple sparks in the process.

Seungmin was amazed, it was such a mesmerizing view. His eyes fell on your face, and, at that exact moment, intently watching as your eyes shone and your smile held pure gratification, he knew why he loved you.

You were full of life, always by his side, a good friend and so, so beautiful under the multicolored lights.

thank you for reading! if you enjoyed, please let me know <3 and here's the masterlist!

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catboybiologist · 1 year ago

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I would add for the person that asked about the PhD, and I'm being very serious here:

If you are thinking about doing a PhD because you're not certain what you want to do, the job market looks scary, and it seems like a very easy and straightforward next step from your undergraduate degree it's very likely that you're about to have an extremely unpleasant next 5-6 years of your life.

I both agree and disagree. And fuck this turned into a long answer about both the joys and the bullshit that is a PhD.

PhDs can be amazing and enjoyable, but you really have to enjoy them for the research itself. You can't be chasing prestige, you can't be chasing a paycheck.

PhDs are like, the time in your career to fuck around with research. Since the arc of your career isn't set in stone, you can really think about acquiring new skills constantly, doing eclectic side projects, talking with professors outside of your field, and digging into inquiry both in terms of novel research and being fed information that already exists. Many academics say that their PhD was the time in their research career where they felt the most enriched by the sheer freedom and inquiry of it all.

And honestly, I've been feeling that as well. My 1.5 years of my PhD so far have been some of the best times of my life. My research is interesting, I'm learning so many amazing things, I've met so many incredible people, and the sense of community that exists in the academic world for early career people is amazing. I mean this both professionally and socially- without the lgbt grad student group I'm a part of, the decision to start HRT would've been a lot more difficult.'and the sense of community that exists in the academic world for early career people is amazing. I mean this both professionally and socially- without the lgbt grad student group I'm a part of, the decision to start HRT would've been a lot more difficult.

Of course, the make or break point with how enjoyable your research is, is your research advisor/principle investigator. They essentially control what your research is going to be like. I had an incredible undergrad PI, and I also have an incredible PhD PI. But.... my master's PI..... shudder. PI selection could be its own post, but I'm adding this paragraph last, and Y I K E S this is already long.

So you really gotta love it for research's sake, and work with good people. Many people go into a PhD wanting to make some splash on the scientific world or their field. This also means they're more likely to try to chase prestige, and work with big figures in their field even if the lab environment is toxic and unsupportive. The reality is that whether that happens, and when, is a stroke of luck. And also, you'll essentially keep chasing that high forever. I had the good fortune to stumble into a prestigious collaboration during my undergrad that got me a good publication. While I'm still grateful for my luck and proud of it, too many academics base their self worth on that kind of thing- which is a one way ticket to self-abuse and burnout.

And then, of course, there's the money. As I've mentioned in my pin, you're often getting paid minimum wage, or oftentimes, less than minimum wage, in high cost of living areas, when you already have multiple technical degrees. The way they validate varies between universities, but its always backhanded. For me, my yearly income is, on paper, about triple what I actually get paid.

There are two ways this is validated. One, even though you're an employee and oftentimes aren't taking classes, the university still charges you tuition. The IRS at least isn't evil enough to tax you on income you don't take home- your "tuition" is deductible (although the Republican led congress in 2017 tried [and luckily failed] to change this[if I hear one more person claim that Republicans are anti-taxes I'm going to flip my shit]).

The other way is by fucking with your hours. Some universities don't consider any work you do on *your* research project to be "work". Instead, anything reportable as "work" has to be something in service to the university- a familiar way is TAing, but even when you're not TAing, *technically* some universities want you to have several side projects that are completely unrelated to your thesis. Which is basically impossible. So, oftentimes, you're on a contract that considers you a part-time employee, when you're actually working more than 40 or 50 hours a week.

This is bullshit also because the line where one project begins and another ends is so fuzzy that it doesn't exist. I have two major overarching things I work in, that are pretty cleanly delineated bc they're in two different model organisms, but even then there's so much crossover that it's hard to tell what's going to make it into my actual thesis by the end. Also, your thesis makes money for the university. The grant money that your thesis will generate, partially goes to the university itself, through various mechanisms including overhead charges on funding and/or charging "rent" on professors that maintain labs.

Of course, both of these are fucking bullshit and only exist so that universities can exploit tax loopholes, that I can't claim to understand. A lot of recent union negotiations in my University system are changing some of this (kinda doxxing myself but there's a shitton of campuses and its one of the largest uni systems in the US and y'all already knew what state I was in so *shrug*) and while I support them, I don't claim to understand a lot of the new agreements. I really, really don't have a brain for paperwork and bureaucracy, but there's a lot of helpful union reps and advisors whose help I lean on heavily.

Again. I don't understand a lot of this. I have 0 brain for this. I have severe ADHD. I let things happen and ask my peers for help on this a lot. This could be different at other unis, or I could just be flat out wrong about the stuff I'm experiencing.

I'm gonna be honest... I've also just been working on post burnout fumes since my master's and I'm just in a lab environment that's been patient with me on that. I do enjoy what I do though, but I'm certainly taking things much slower and more relaxed than a lot of my peers. Oftentimes, this is punished, but hey. I already have an MS, and I'm having fun so far, so we'll just see how far this takes me.

But yeah. tl;dr PhDs are an amazing, beautiful, and wonderful thing where the true heart of science really lets you cut loose and do exciting things. But you have to love it a lot, because my fucking god the practical reality of it is that you're being deliberately fucked over at every step of the way.

And don't even get me started about master's degrees. Holy fuck that shit is rough.

#academia #biology

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living-mites · 1 month ago

Note

Quiet slips in ur ask box expafinging on the last idea I saw in one fic that they (abulance and police) would make it less of an emergency to come to greaser side bc we’ll there greasers and they care more about the socs so they took there sweet fucking time, so Steve kinda just sat there with him keeping him awake, k need ur thoughts on this

MY THOUGHTS?!?!!??

okay first of all

GREASERS DESERVE QUALITY HEALTHCARE 🗣🗣🗣 THAT IS SO EFFED UP

Secondly

this makes me think of like canon events like Soda tearing his ligament and makes me wonder what happened with health care then.

like did the Curtis' have to wait in the hospital waiting room for longer? did it cost Mr and Mrs curtis a fortune? (because no free health care in America 😪)

AND POOR STEVE DUDE MA BOY NEEDS A BREAK 😭😭😭

#the outsiders #the outsiders fandom #the outsiders headcanons

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pinkbrries · 2 years ago

Text

— A–Z with June —

[find hannah’s version here] | [find izabella’s version here] | june’s masterlist

➤ A is for… after experiencing “feelings” i’ve decided that this just isn’t for me, but thank you for the opportunity

➤ B is for… *talking to heeseung* bro your vibes are so cool and you’re amazing… hold my hand bro

➤ C is for… call it whatever you want: an ‘accident’ or a ‘near death experience’ but the truth is: that was a vibe check from god

➤ D is for… dude, at this point? i think the easiest way to feel ‘wanted’ is to simply rob a bank / [jake looking at her with concern] noona, don’t

➤ E is for… everyone here must know that it’s not blood that runs through these veins but glitter gel pen ink

➤ F is for… fortunately for me but unfortunately for my company, i will keep doing whatever i want

➤ G is for… *looking at the i-land cameras* good morning! … but at what cost

➤ H is for… *reading a weird comment on vlive* haha yeah–uhm, babygirl… there is something obviously wrong with your brain… haha

➤ I is for… i suck at flirting, i end up fighting with them instead:/

➤ J is for… just so everyone know, this is my emotional support song, so nope, i won’t change it

➤ K is for… kisses? the only person that deserve my kisses is kim sunoo<3

➤ L is for… *trying to imitate jake* LETS GAUUUUURRRR

➤ M is for… mmh yeah, i’m not going to wear my contacts anymore, i’ve seen enough

➤ N is for… next time i’m opening to someone is during my autopsy

➤ O is for… okay but whoever has my voodoo doll, please kiss its forehead, i need it

➤ P is for… *’02 liners nagging at june because she won a game* [june looking behind the camera] pd-nim! they simply hate to see a girl boss winning

➤ Q is for… *during her solo vlive* question here engenes: do you ever want to just yell in someone’s face to date you? because same

➤ R is for… *singing at jay* row row row your boat, far away from me~

➤ S is for… sometimes it’s you and your cute comfy oversized sweater against the world and that’s okay

➤ T is for… *winks at the sky* this is for the aliens

➤ U is for… *reading a comment* ‘unnie, can you recommend me some musicals?’ yeah, i really like musicals but like, the real good musicals, for example the barbie movies–

➤ V is for… velvet? oh, as red velvet sunbaenim! [starts dancing ‘red flavor’ out of the blue]

➤ W is for… what can i say? i’m charming and irresponsible– i mean– irresistible;)

➤ X is for… *reading a math question in weekly idol* x+2y+6– wait a minute, JUNE! [raises her hand] THAT’S A TXT SUNBAENIM’S SONG! / [mc’s start laughing] no june, this is an actual math problem / oh…

➤ Y is for… you say you have a crush on a boy, but is he kim hongjoong sunbaenim? min yoongi sunbaenim? jeon wonwoo sunbaenim? because if he’s not, then thank you, next

➤ Z is for… zebras are so cool though, they didn’t want to be normal horses so they decided on painting stripes on theirselves… good for them

#enhypen 8th member #enhypen oc #enhypen au #enhypen female oc #enhypen female member #enhypen female addition #enhypen addition #enhypen #kpop female addition #kpop addition #kpop added member

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hrk4 · 1 year ago

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The year that was...

“Slippery slope. I carry a spare shirt, pretty soon I’m carrying spare pants. Then I’d need a suitcase. Next thing I know, I’ve got a house and a car and a savings plan and I’m filling out all kinds of forms.” —Jack Reacher (in Lee Child’s 2007 novel Bad Luck and Trouble)

For close to a year, I have been fortunate to be part of the Saturday morning conversazione that takes place in the office of Dr. S R Ramaswamy (SRR), who is more than a mentor to me. In one of the early meetings of 2023, SRR gave me his personal copies of two Jack Reacher novels (by James Dover Grant, who writes under the pseudonym Lee Child) and added with a smile, "I must warn you, these are addictive!"

A few days after that, I was going to be on a long train to Pune and had taken the novel with me. Even before we crossed the Karnataka border, I had finished reading the novel and cursed myself for not having brought the other one too (which was a result of my underestimation of my own reading speed). As soon as I came back to Bangalore, I raced through the other novel. When I returned the two novels to SRR, he gave me more. It had been years since I had read fiction and given that my day job involves reading, writing, design, and publication, I had forgotten the art of reading for pleasure. This gesture on SRR's part rekindled that spark. The flipside was that I started finding films and web series tiresome!

I mostly read Jack Reacher novels this year and what fascinated me the most (besides the intricate plots, value conflicts, and the edge-of-the-seat twists and turns) was the universal appeal of a character like Reacher who lives like a monk and fights like a tiger; even in the materialistic West the allure of a man who is detached and driven by a strong sense of dharma is irresistible. And that gives me hope.

Soon I will hit forty. Probably my best years are behind me but I like to believe that they are yet to come. To augment this belief, I lay out my plans for 2024 before getting into my recollections of 2023.

I have three short-term goals, which I wish to complete in the next six months: i. Organise my library ii. Simplify my wardrobe iii. Consolidate my finances and four lifestyle goals that I wish to continue through the year: 1. Exercise daily 2. Read more, and more varied books 3. Play the violin more 4. Avoid sugar and fried foods at all costs

Some of the books in the pipeline for this year are: A R Krishnasastri’s Kathāmṛta, a new edition of Bhāsa’s Svapna-vāsavadatta, D V Gundappa’s Jīvana-dharma-yoga translated by Raghavendra Hebbalalu and Sreelalitha Rupanagudi, Volumes VII and VIII of DVG’s Art Gallery of Memories, S R Ramaswamy’s Silhouettes of Excellence, Sripriya Srinivasan’s book on Pallava history for high school students, minor poems of Nīlakaṇṭha-dīkṣita, and Jayadeva’s Gīta-govindam, among others.

I'm also working on a few exciting projects with cousin Dr. Chandra Shekhar (a short stories anthology), my college classmate Sudarshan K A (on financial wisdom), and with my friends Ganesh Bhat Koppalatota and Neelakanth Kulkarni (curating the best of Kannada literature), and I hope that at least a few of these see completion by end of the year.

I was lucky to have a front row seat as the following books unfolded through the course of the year: Three volumes of DVG's Kannada writings in translation (Contemporaries of Vidyaranya, his writings on the two epics of India, and an anthology of his essays on poetics), Vols. V and VI of the Art Gallery of Memories by DVG, Śatāvadhānī Dr. R Ganesh's Kṣāttra: The Tradition of Valour in India, and Dr. L Subramaniam's Festival Beyond Borders, among others.

I was able to facilitate the publication of three books by family members: my mother's booklet of life-lessons titled Song of my Soul, my father's monograph on The Amazing Human Mind, and my great-uncle (Late) Sri S Rangarajan's mammoth 648-page memoirs titled It Happens as Ordained.

The highlight, however, was a little book that I co-wrote with Dr. Ganesh titled The Essential Sanatana Dharma.

In addition to working on a few books in 2023, I was also invited to give lectures on a variety of topics, some of which were at the insistence of Dr. Arathi V B who has often magnanimously offered me opportunities that are far beyond my ken. If my calculations are right, I must have given no less than eighteen lectures this year. Friends like Madhulika Srivatsa, Sagar Mehta, and Vani Anur invited me to their homes to give lectures to their family and friends, which were highly rewarding.

I had the singular fortune of addressing a large number of school children, teachers, young parents, devout Hindus, et al. on topics as varied as life skills to the essentials of Sanātana-dharma; from the importance of history and heritage to world musical genres (at an elders' enrichment centre); from Indian Knowledge Systems to the Art Gallery of Memories (series of lectures at the Gokhale Institute of Public Affairs); and on the Artha-śāstra, Mahābhārata, Bhagavad-gītā, and Śrīkṛṣṇa-karṇāmṛta.

For more than two decades I have been attending the Lakshminarayana Global Music Festival (LGMF) organised by my guru Dr. L Subramaniam (along with his wife, Smt. Kavita Krishnamurti, who is the director of the festival); for some years, I was also active in the organising committee of the festival. Each edition of the LGMF has been a historic event and 2023 was no different. The upcoming tour is no less exciting with a remarkable orchestra from Kazakhstan visiting India.

Some of the other memorable events that I attended in 2023 include the third edition of Madanotsava organised by my good friends Nirupama and Rajendra, the eightieth birthday celebrations of Dr. Padma Subrahmanyam organised by Drishti Arts Centre, the fifth World Coffee Conference (thanks to my friend Ananth Bhatt), and a lovely eighty-fifth birthday celebration of my great-uncle Sri R Vasudevan that included a superb concert by the musician-surgeon of our family, Dr. Mukund Jagannathan.

Despite some challenges, the home situation was stable. My mother and my grandmother moved to an apartment next to my place and my father and brother regularly visit. I became one of the Trustees of our family trust and that means greater opportunity to help the community. I have also been involved in some consolidation of my finances so that I won't have to worry about money after 2024. I echo the sentiments of Jack Reacher in Gone Tomorrow (2009) — “I'm a rich man. To have everything you need is the definition of affluence.”

There are times when our family and friends perform an unexpected act of kindness that leaves us fumbling for words. My grandmother's younger sister, Smt. Shanti Rangarajan, aged 89, made a trip all the way from Chennai to Bangalore (with her daughter Deepta) to spend time with my mother on her 66th birthday, given that she was just recovering from her surgery and was home-bound.

When I was in Mumbai earlier this year, I happened to ping my BMS College classmate Anshuman Borah, who emigrated to UK some years ago. He immediately wrote back saying that he was in Pune to sell his flat. I had been in Pune that very morning; distraught at having missed catching up with him, I called him up to berate him for not telling me earlier. He immediately said, "I'll come to Mumbai tomorrow. Just send me your location and I'll be there to pick you up." Sure enough, the next morning he took a taxi from Pune all the way to Mumbai just to meet me. We had a nice lunch and spent five or six hours before he took a taxi back to Pune. (And there were times in college when we have shared a jhal mudi costing Rs. 10 because we had run out of cash!)

Anu and Chandra (technically my mother's generation but more like friends/cousins to me) generously offered me a carte blanche to pursue whatever projects I wish to, without fretting about the monetary implications. Their gesture has inspired me to work even more towards a larger cause, especially in the fields of culture, literature, music, and education, which are of common interest to us.

Prof. L V Shanthakumari has been a mentor-guru-adopted grandmother to me and many other friends. Earlier this year, she was visiting her younger son Sri Niranjana who lives across the town from her, in faraway Marathahalli. Our ancestral house in Halasuru is almost the mid-point between her house and her son's house, so I requested LVS madam to consider visiting us for lunch. She graciously agreed and visited us with Niranjana, who incidentally lived in the same neighbourhood many years earlier! My family and I were thrilled to host LVS madam and we spent a lovely afternoon together.

My cousin Arun was slated to visit India in August along with my aunt and uncle. I was planning to borrow my father's car so that I could take Arun around. Right at that time, my good friend Chandrashekhar told me, "I just bought a new car and there's the old one languishing in my place. Just take it and use it for as long as you want." Thanks to Chandru, I was able to drive around Arun and later had reliable transportation for myself, especially during some of the busy months of the year. After relying on public transport for more than a year, this came as a real boon.

My good friend Arjun Bharadwaj always teases me of excessively indulging in what he playfully dubs "Eating-Outing-Meeting." While I am an introvert by temperament, I often step out for these E-O-Ms for a dose of enrichment. Outside of my books and my music, I find nothing more enjoyable than a meaningful conversation with friends and savants.

It has been my great fortune to have come in contact with so many greats of our time—and in some cases, even dine with them and travel with them.

One of our Saturday morning meet-ups took place on Church Street with SRR taking us (Vighneshwar Bhat, Sandeep Balakrishna, Arjun Bharadwaj, and me) to Select Book Shop, which was started by a friend of his. Later he took us out to lunch and simply refused to let any of us pay.

Ambi (my uncle, Dr. Koti Sreekrishna) visited India earlier this year and even stayed with me for a few days. I had a great time with him, discussing everything from the ridiculous to the sublime—often through the course of a meal in a nearby restaurant. I also had the chance to drag two of my friends (Arjun and GS) to meet Ambi and his elder brother Kanna (my uncle, Sri K Srinivas) at their ancestral house. The conversations, mostly revolving around the the great epics of India, were memorable (with some of it secretly captured on video and clandestinely posted on Facebook by Ambi).

My cousin Arun visited India in August and stayed with me. It had been years since we had met and there was so much to talk about. It was really inspiring to see his focus and his ability to grasp new ideas. I introduced him to a bunch of my friends and we all had a memorable time. Cousin Anita could not visit and was sorely missed, but she had just had a baby (my second nephew, Jayanth).

Arjun and I visited Mysore to meet Dr. S L Bhyrappa, who graciously invited us to lunch with him. Following that, we proceeded to Pandavapura to meet Mr. Anke Gowda, who has the largest personal collection of books that I have seen (over 1 million books). We were thrilled to visit his library as he enthusiastically showed us around. He has been collecting books for some seven decades with his meagre salary, driven by intense passion and devotion to literature.

Through the course of the year, in addition to the regular meet-ups with my friends, gurus, and family, I had the opportunity to meet a host of interesting people: Sri Prafulla Ketkar (Chief Editor, Organiser), Sri Shivaswami (Bhagavad-gītā scholar), Dr. Manohar Shinde (Founder, Dharma Civilization Foundation), Dr. Shekhar Borgaonkar (my father's college classmate and old friend), Dr. Kanniks Kannikeswaran (musician-composer-educator), and the dedicated people who run Rashtrotthana Vidya Kendra at Hagaribommanahalli, among others.

It is a co-incidence that the year began with a trip to Ellora and just as 2023 came to an end, during the course of our Madhya Pradesh road-trip, the first destination was Ellora. It was wonderful to visit that puṇya-kṣetra twice in a calendar year.

In addition to visiting Solapur, Sambhajinagar, Pune, Mumbai, Karwar, and Chennai, I went to Valparai (Tamil Nadu) for our annual boys' trip, with more friends joining the fray:

I spent the last days of the year on the road: traversing 3,800+ kilometres (Bangalore-Ellora-Maheshwar-Indore-Ujjain-Vidisha/Sanchi-Udayapur-Khajuraho-Bedaghat-Bangalore) in nine days with five of my friends and a shoe-string budget.

Among the many highlights of the trip was visiting Ahalyabai Holkar Smarak at Maheshwar.

To see her humble dwelling and to contrast that with her unparalleled achievements was an inspiration. These are the real heroes of our land and it is a sin to forget them.

Sri C R Sathya, the grandson of Prof. A R Krishnasastri and a remarkable space scientist (and writer) in his own right died earlier this year. He had been a great support during the time I co-translated The Essential Mahabharata. Not many people know that the gentleman on the right side of this iconic photo by Henri Cartier-Bresson is C R Sathya:

A few other greats who breathed their last in 2023 include Sri Siddeshwar Swamiji; the great gamaki Sri Chandrashekar Kedilaya; Wayne Shorter, the legendary jazz saxophonist; Sri B K S Varma, the painter par excellence; and iconic filmmaker Sri K Viswanath. I had the great fortune of meeting and interacting with both B K S Varma and K Viswanath some years ago.

The changes around us end up affecting us in some way, directly or indirectly, unless of course we are really cut off and have isolated ourselves from society. In this vein, it might be instructive to broadly look at some of the events from 2023.

India has marched forward under the visionary leadership of Sri Narendra Modi, who has never failed to impress with his tireless striving for a better future.

India is now the most populous country with a host of internal problems, largely fuelled by predatory ideologies, be it the clashes between the Kuki and the Meitei or the Nuh violence or even the denigration of Sanātana-dharma, which is the most inclusive religio-philosophical system in the world. Despite this and some of the self-inflicted wounds to the economy, the country witnessed the manner in which challenges were masterfully met, be it the organisation of the spectacular G20 or the rescue of 41 miners trapped in the Uttarakashi tunnel, be it seamlessly shifting to the new parliament building or sending Chandrayaan III to the moon.

After the demonic attack that took place on October 7th, 2023, the world is slowly realising the danger of the bloodthirsty death cult masquerading as a religion. More and more countries are rejecting the pseudo-liberal ideologies of the left and are instead moving far right, which is also dangerous in its own way. Coupled with this, we are unsure of the impact of Artificial Intelligence on the future of humans. And somewhere amidst all this chaos, unknown men are quietly doing their work. And that brings me a great deal of peace.

Thanks for reading this far, and with this I wish you and your family a wonderful new year! I hope it will be filled with joy, good health, prosperity, and moments to cherish. May your dreams come true!

— Appendix

I wish to share some of the fantastic accomplishments of a few people in my circle. It is, as always, an ad hoc list that I have prepared on the spur of the moment. I might have missed out some but those that I have listed are certainly notable:

Brahmin Genocide is an important topic researched by Sri Balaji Mahalingam (who writes under the pseudonym Asi) that brings to the fore an injustice that has pervaded our society in the last couple of centuries and must be immediately rectified if Hinduism is to survive. The first edition of the book was sold out in just a few months and he is now working on the second edition.

The seventh century CE Sanskrit play Bhagavad-ajjukam was documented by Nirupama and Rajendra with support from Sudha Murty, Śatāvadhānī Dr. R Ganesh, Praveen D Rao, Arjun Bharadwaj, et al.—see the Introduction and the complete play (with subtitles).

Bhāratīya Kṣāttra Paramparā (Hindi translation by Prof. Dharmaraj Singh Vaghela) Earlier this year, when the book Kṣāttra was released, I gave a copy of the book to my uncle Prof. Vaghela. The very next day, he called me and said that it is an important book which must reach the Hindi heartland and offered to translate it into Hindi. Dr. Ganesh immediately gave his consent. In a matter of months, he finished the translation, which is now appearing on www.prekshaa.in as a series and will soon be published in book form.

My good friend and former colleague Arjun Bharadwaj has come out with two remarkable books this year: the first, titled Nayana-Savana (co-written with Śatāvadhānī Dr. R Ganesh), which is a creative appreciation of some of the major productions of the legendary Dr. Padma Subrahmanyam and the second, titled Indian Perspective of Truth and Beauty in Homer’s Epics, which is worthy of a D.Litt. no less.

S R Ramaswamy's latest work titled Sāhitya Sānnihitya is an anthology of book reviews and writings on literature.

Saṃskṛti is a reprint of a charming little book on culture with essays by littérateurs including Devudu Narasimha Shastri, A N Murthy Rao, A N Krishna Rao, Masti Venkatesha Iyengar, and C K Venkataramayya.

Prekshaa Pratishtana has brought out a lovely introductory video that summarises its vision and objectives. They continue to publish many books every year and maintain an ad-free online journal (www.prekshaa.in) with authentic content on Indian heritage for one and all.

My cousin Arun Prasad continues to do remarkable work with Ambuda, the online digital library for Sanskrit.

The best of Śatāvadhānī Dr. R Ganesh's writings in Kannada have been compiled in two volumes with the title Rāga-bhāratī.

Dr. G Sudesh Kumar, a close family friend, recently authored a coffee-table book titled History of Sri Parakala Mutt.

#memoirs #newyear #musings

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kmp78 · 1 year ago

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Stupid questions for K: is it dark for months where you live?

Follow up question: is it the worst thing ever when you get snow in your boots?

❄️

It doesn't get totally dark here, but plenty anyway! 😣

By the time we get to late Nov/early Dec, the sun will rise at about 9:30 am and then darkness will creep back in once the clock strikes 3 pm. 🙄

So basically it is always dark when you go to work, and again when you get off from work. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Up in Lapland it is 24h darkness from the beginning of November to January when they will start getting 1 whole minute of daylight again... 😬

And yeah snow in one's show is fucking annoying, but that's merely 1 thing in a fucking Atlantic of things that piss me off about winter. 🙄

The fact that you can't use your phone outdoors. Ever try typing with mittens? Yeah. 🙄🧤

The fact that even if you do take off your mittens for a minute to use your phone, you realize that oh hey no can do, since the cold weather has completely eaten your phone battery. 🤦🏼‍♀️🪫

The fact you risk life and especially limb every time you go out because the roads are made of ice and are just looking to kill you. ⛸️

The fact that there is literally NOTHING to do for those of us who hate winter sports. 😴

The fact that you need to have winter tires changed to your car and even that won't help in keeping you on the road. 💥

The fact that it'll cost a fucking fortune to heat your house with the electic prices being what they are. 💸

The fact you get the "Darkness blues" (it's an actual thing, look it up) and you just keep comfort eating nonstop and then you get fat and pimply and even more depressed. 😭

And of course that fucking pain in everyone's ass, aka SWITCHING THE CLOCK BACK ONE HOUR. 😤

Seriously when is this bullshit gonna end?! 🤬

No one wants or needs it!!! 😤

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usedpidemo · 1 year ago

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Do you think K-pop concert ticket prices are too expensive now? What do you think should be the threshold, and what can be done to give all fans, whether casual or diehard, a great experience?

I could go on an entire rant/tangent on what I think concerts as a whole should be like, but it would be the length of a regular fic, so I'll spare you every issue and thought I have about them. I've only been to one concert in my whole life, so I don't have the experience or depth that other concertgoers have, but let's just say the streaming and COVID economy fucked up everything.

Prices: I believe the terrible royalties from streaming, as well as the increased demand for live shows in general has caused these ticket prices to skyrocket. Like you can't just buy a ticket for a decent seat for less than $70 now, that shit only gives you nosebleed seats. Not to mention the deliberate collusion of scalpers by ticketing sites. Those resale tickets and third parties directly cooperate with Ticketmaster so they can punch a bit more money from consumers. And don't even get me started with Dynamic Pricing and those terrible service fees. I'm fortunate enough to live in a country where such things don't exist, but with HYBE openly expressing their intention to enable dynamic pricing and finding alternatives in places where it's not available, you can bet they'll find a way to punch up the prices too.

I understand why they charge this much. Fans will go out to see their favorite artist, regardless of how much they complain about it. FOMO. You don't know if they'll come back to your country or city, or when. Not to mention, the typical K-pop concert is a much grander production than, say, your average pop star. You got backup dancers, large stages, numerous costume changes, sometimes a live band, and of course, multiple members with dozens of staff managing a group. Concerts are the biggest revenue/income drive now for a majority of artists because of how music is distributed today, so they have to break even. Doing world tours are costly; consider the VISA and other costs on a country-to-country basis. No wonder they'd rather tour the US and Japan only to save a few thousand dollars.

It's difficult to gauge the threshold because popularity and demand is fickle, especially in K-pop. However, if there has to be a limit, I personally would stop at around $1000-sub range. There's not a damn singer or artist on planet earth, dead or alive, that's worth over a $1000 ticket. Even MJ. The economy isn't looking good, inflation keeps jumping year by year, and concerts have become basically rich people havens too.

Personally, I do think it'll eventually die out. There's a touring oversaturation right now that it dries people out and we have to pick and choose who we want to attend.

There's a few things I really want to see happen in the future, ideally:

• Rookies shouldn't be pricier than their seniors. I don't care if its NewJeans, IVE, or Le sserafim, they really shouldn't be more expensive than say, a 3-4 year old group. It's ridiculous how NMIXX and IVE were more expensive than The Boyz or ATEEZ.

• Announcing ticket sale literally right after the tour announcement. This is something I absolutely hate. Why are you selling tickets for a show six-eight months away like two weeks after announcing it? Fucking insane! It gives us little to no prep time to gather up resources and plan accordingly. Also, what if something happens that causes a concert to be canceled or delayed? It'll be much harder for us to get refunds back, which is exactly why they pull this shit off. Normalize selling tickets at most two months-a month before the show.

• Make the ticket prices worth it. This is my biggest gripe with concerts, more than the prices: that you're basically paying for the seats and nothing else. I'm not gonna lie, I likely wouldn't have gone out to my one and only concert if I wasn't guaranteed anything else besides a nice seat. Pre-pandemic, the price of the ticket I bought would have given me a group/solo pic with the group and some other cool perks like maybe signed merch. Now? Most concerts give you the show and nothing more. You have to justify paying that hefty tag beyond just a close view of your favorite artist. I remember when pop stars like Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and The Weeknd had photo-ops before the show for those VIP tivkets. COVID ruined all of that. It's such a damn shame, because at best, you're getting soundcheck, which I'm not fond of, in my opinion. It forces people to bait for interactions and not enjoy themselves during the show cuz they aren't guaranteed artist engagement (though this won't really change anything if we're being real lol). I personally would be a lot more comfortable and have a greater time if I knew I could greet them before or after the show instead of trying too hard to get their attention.

#asks #question #zeketheknight

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moonchild-things · 2 years ago

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Chapter Twenty-One: In Order to Avoid Misfortune…

Summary: Being a psychic is not an ideal life, at least for Saiki Kusuo. Didn’t you read/watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K to know that? Still, this isn’t about him, not really. Instead, let’s focus on his one and only friend, Akari Watanabe, who is also quite abnormal. You might not believe that Saiki would actually have a friend, but that’s what fanfictions are about, right?

Word Count: 2759

Blog Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

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THE CLASS WAS BUZZING WITH CURIOUS AND EXCITEMENT as everyone was talking about the same thing. Like normal, Akari was not invested in knowing what they were gushing over, since she figured it was something stupid and/or uninteresting. Though fate(or the authors) had other plans for her. Apparently there was some sort of new attraction that had come into town. A fortune teller or psychics like that wasn’t interesting to Akari and honestly didn’t wanna hear about it. Why would she when her best friend can do it for real? Sure, Saiki isn’t exactly a fortune-teller but he can see the future to some degree. Either way, Akari doesn’t care about knowing something like the future. What would she do with that knowledge? She doesn’t see an advantage for her with something like knowing her fortune. Sure, knowing what’s unknown can be interesting, but when it’s something like the future, she'd rather not know. Besides, who knows if it’s true or not? Well, Saiki would know, but still.

It seemed like every student had gone to the new fortune-teller. A girl asked Yumehara Chiyo, “Did you go to the fortune-teller, Chiyo?”

“It was great!” She exclaimed, “She said that after my break up, I would find a new boyfriend!”

Outside, her ex was getting asked the same question by his friend, “Takeru, how did it go with the fortune-teller?”

“It was great.” He cheered happily, “She said I would get back together with Chiyo.”

Akari was in her normal place, sitting on Saiki’s desk as they observed the class. She watched her classmates all gossip and gush about the new exciting thing. Though the two of them were nowhere near interested. Saiki blinked, “Well, someone’s fortune is off.”

‘Obviously, the fortune-teller is just telling them what they want to hear.’ Akari rolled her eyes. Going to see a fortune-teller means, in Akari’s opinion, that they were going to lie to the people to come in to make them happy and make money. She couldn’t care less about this “fortune-teller” and who went to see her. People can do what they want and believe what they want. She just wouldn’t go to one for trivial things. So hopefully she could avoid it at all cost. Oh, how naive she is.

Kaido slid over to the pair as he laughed at how childish he found all the gossiping was, “How foolish. Fortune-tellers are just a bunch of frauds pretending to know the future.”

Finding himself agreeing with Kaido, Saiki nodded his head, “We normally don’t have the same opinion.” Honestly, there aren’t any moments in time that he would ever agree with the eighth-grade minded boy. It’s quite surprising.

“Forget that.” Kaido suddenly turned very serious, “I need to talk to you about something important. Come with me. Did you notice something strange in this town?” Obviously, this had something to do with his Jet-Black Wings persona. What exactly it is they aren’t sure, but it’ll be stupid none the less.

Saiki just stared at him, “Now, you are a fraud pretending to know something. Can’t you ask anyone else?”

Akari took it to translate for Saiki, to try and seem a bit nicer. “No thank you Kaido, we can’t today.”

Kadio jumped at the girl’s soft voice. Unsurprisingly not noticing her sitting right in front of him. He embarrassedly scratched the back of his neck, “Ah! Right, okay Watanabe.” The disappointed boy said as he mopped away at the rejection of his friends. It was somewhat sad to Akari to see him mope like that, but it wasn’t like she wanted to go out on his little

Nendo then came up to them, “Pal! Gal pal! Did you hear about the fortune-speaker?”

“It’s fortune-teller.” Saiki corrected, “I’m already sick of it.”

“We can buy the comic book on Thursday…” Though Saiki nor Akari were paying attention to Nendo as he started to ramble.

Saiki sighed, “That is bad.”

Akari shook her head. ‘Why do I have a feeling that something is going to happen.’ Oh, Akari, your feeling is more than right.

The pair of super-powered teens were walking through the city, just minding their own business. Saiki had wanted to head out for some food, and of course Akari had tagged along. They were most likely gonna head for their favorite cafe and get their regular snacks. After all they do this just about everyday after school. It’s their own little ritual that they rarely diverge from. They may not be the most normal people, or have the most normal lives, but things like these give them the perfect illusion of normalcy. Where they could sit in the same booth at the same cafe, order the same food and enjoy some peace and quiet. Now doesn’t that just sound average and normal! In my opinion, that sounds boring, but to each their own.

Though before they could enjoy their time together, they came upon a large group of people standing on the sidewalk. They were all in line waiting for something, obviously. “Is this where the fortune-teller is?” Saiki said as they stared at the long line. It appeared that the fortune-teller was popular beyond just their school.

Akari pursed her lips, ‘There’s more people here than I thought.’

Some random girl asked her friend, “How was it, Kiyomi?”

The girl squealed, “Listen! I am fated to be with Kento Yamazaki!”

Saiki shrugged his shoulders slightly, “If they enjoy it, I suppose it is harmless.” That’s true, what harm did this bring them? As long as he and Akari didn’t get dragged into it, then it wasn’t going to affect them. Though the pink-haired teen then noticed an ill-disguised boy in the line as well. Really, a mask and sunglasses is not going to hide who he was. “That is Kaido. What is he doing here?” He heard Kaido’s thoughts about being here just to make sure Dark Reunion wasn’t bothering this fortune-teller or something. “Excuses. The fortune-telling seems suspicious.”

Another girl came running out of the building while exclaiming, “She said I can date Kendo Yamazaki!”

“Kento Yamazaki is cheating on you.”

The fortune-teller then called out, “Next in line, please come in.” Of course, the next person was Kaido. This was going to be a doozy.

Turning himself invisible Saiki decided to follow him in, “Let me observe this.”

‘I’ve got to see this too.’ Akari allowed herself to turn completely into a shadow that melted onto the ground. She slithered across the ground behind Saiki as they entered the room. She wanted to be able to blend in even more and not be perceived at all. So if anyone really paid attention, they would just see sharp yellow eyes within the inky darkness.

So Kaido walked into the room with his invisible stalkers watching as he was greeted by the fortune-teller. She is an older woman with some heavy make-up, long brown hair and wearing a purple cloak. The atmosphere that she created in this room is certainly on the nose for a fortune-teller. Is it too much? Maybe but no ones gonna think too much about it. Besides, it must add to the mystery about her and her work.

“Welcome to the house of fortune-telling.” She said to Kaido, “Please sit.”

Kaido even seemed a bit suspicious of it, “Okay.”

Saiki took in their surroundings, “She got the atmosphere right.” Hey, we said that already!

“Nice to meet you.” She said, “I am Clairvoyance Mikiko.”

“That name alone is suspicious.”

“How may I help you?”

Kaido shuffled slightly in his seat, “Well, I’m not here for some advice…”

Saiki read his mind and was nearly impressed, “Looks like he’s not sure about her, too.”

‘So maybe he isn’t as naive as we thought.’ Akari’s haunting voice said hopefully.

Though that sentamiet was lost when the fortune-teller reeled in Kaido by saying, “What’s this? You have a very different aura from other people.”

Kaido gasped, “What?” She truly was real if she could sense that!

She continued to ham it up, “You’re not normal. Do you have any special skills?”

Both Saiki and Akari sighed, and now she hooked him with her ruse. “It’s over for him. You overreacted. She can tell what you want to hear.”

“You are struggling with a problem, right?” Mikiko asked.

Kaido was in shock that she knew that, “How do you know that?”

Saiki shook his head, “People without problems don’t come here.”

“Let me guess.” Mikiko started to ramble, “Romantic problems are very common, but that is not your problem. Your studies or future is not what you’re worried about either. It’s your friends and relationships…” Kaido gasped out dramatically at her “guess” about his problems. “That’s it! You are having problems with your friends or relationships.”

Kaido appeared to be more than amazed by her. “How could you tell?”

‘He’s as easy to read as a book.’ Akari commented boredly. Yea, she tolerates Kaido and accepts him to be a friend, but she can admit that he’s very stupid.

He then started to go on about his delusions, “That’s right. I have problems. There are things in this world that only I have seen. I learned of this secret organization.”

Mikiko played along with him, “I know how you feel.”

“I’m used to struggling. But at times, I ponder. It’s a lonely path. I don’t have anyone whom I can call a companion.”

Behind all of his delusion and fantasy, the fortune-teller could tell what the issue is, “You are talking a lot, but basically…”

Saiki summed it up, “He can’t make friends.”

“You’re looking for someone who would understand you.” She said wisely, “To do so, you must understand them first.”

Her words surprised both Akari and Saiki who were sure that she would just spout out some spiritual ruse to “help” him. Perhaps she was providing some actual advice.

“That is actually good advice.” Saiki said, “I misjudged her a little.”

She then slid a box across the table, “Look at this.”

‘A necklace?’ Akari asked with her yellow eyes narrowing. She already knew what was going to happen here.

“You should wear this necklace.” It was a silver necklace that honestly looked super cheap.

“What is this?” Kaido wondered.

Mikiko nodded happily, “If you wear this, you will make 100 friends, including Kento Yamazaki.”

Saiki was more than confused about Mikiko's obsession, “Did she just memorize Kento Yamazaki’s name?”

“I can give you this necklace for ¥30,000.”

Kaido gasped in shock, “It’s ¥30,000?”

“Ridiculous.” Saiki rolled his eyes.

Akari snapped, ‘Only an idiot would buy that.’

So Kaido was more than willing to cough up some money for it, “I’ll buy it.”

Akari sighed, ‘Of course he will.’ Why did she even think that he might not buy the ridiculous necklace?

Saiki turned around and was more than ready to leave the poor boy by himself, “I can’t waste my time with this idiot.” He motioned for Akari to follow him and she had half the mind to follow him out, but she also wanted to make sure that Kaido was okay.

“Tell me one thing.” Akari and Saiki paused as Kaido asked, “Will this necklace make Saiki my friend?”

Akari glanced over at Saiki’s stoic expression. A part of her wished that Saiki opened up a bit more to make some friends. Granted, no matter what he did people just forced him into friendships whether he liked it or not. However, she does think that it would be good for him to make friends himself. There were plenty of people who wanted to be friends with him. Sure, some of them are annoying, but if he opens up a bit more he can pick his good friends easily.

Mikiko was more than willing to agree to that, “If you wear it, even Saiki will call you his pal.”

Saiki scoffed, “Why would I do that?” Yea, it’s absurd to imagine him doing that! I mean, he would never be that happy towards anyone… well, almost anyone.

So Kiaido was more than happy to pay for the necklace and use it to get friends, “I’ll take it!” So he took the necklace and excitedly skipped out of the

“What an easy target.” The fortune teller scoffed, “Secret organization? What an idiot! Next in line, please come in.”

Akari’s blood started to boil at the way the woman quite happily celebrated how she tricked Kaido. The boy may be naive and a bit stupid, but he’s still her friend. She would be damned if she let someone like this take advantage of her friends. Sure the woman can do what she wants and Akari wouldn’t care about them. Though the moment she starts doing this to people she’s friends with, that’s when things make her upset. That anger started to show as her shadows started to spread across the floor and walls, enveloping everything in its inky darkness.

Noticing the darkness, Mikiko watched as the room became deathly still and an inky black mass started to form in the middle of the room. Sharp yellow eyes appeared from within the inky mass. They were narrowed into slits, the malice that this supernatural being was feeling permeated off of it, which caused Mikiko to scream. Akari was more than happy to scare the pants off this fraud. What a sadist!

Outside, unknowing to the horror that Akari was causing, Kaido walked down the sidewalk with his newest “mystical” item. No doubt it’ll get him tons of friends! He just can’t wait for it. Though it’ll be such a hassle to have to remember all of their names. Oh well, the price of having too many friends.

“Kaido!” The fortune-teller shouted as she came running down the sidewalk towards him, “I’m returning your money! I never thought that you were telling the truth!” She appeared to be extremely frightened, especially after what she had been subjected to. Akari certainly did a number to her. So she gave back the money and started to sprint away, most likely to leave the country.

Kaido was in shock, “What about the necklace?”

“Take it!” She called out over her shoulder, “I bought it for ¥500.”

“What?”

Behind him, Saiki watched as the fortune-teller ran for her life. He gazed at the shadows that were moving towards him through his glasses. The boy narrowed his eyes slightly at them, “You know, you’re quite scary when you want to be.”

Akari reformed herself into her normal form and shrugged her shoulders, ‘Well, I consider Kaido a friend. I don’t want people to take advantage of my friends.’ Isn’t that a true friend? She wants to make sure that they are safe or something like that. The fortune-teller went too far, so Akari had to rectify it.

Saiki just stared at her and shook his head. Why she considered him to be a good friend, he doesn’t know. He explained, “I don’t want him to think that we’ll become friends because of that necklace. Don’t rely on charms. Learn how to make friends on your own.”

‘Even if you don’t want him to think that you’ll be friends, you do help them out.’

Saiki just about sneered at the sentiment, “I don’t help him.”

Akari glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. A small smirk graced her lips as she said, ‘Hm, sure you don’t.’

She knows for a fact that Saiki could just turn his head the other way and not get involved. However, time and time again Saiki has been helping people out! It’s been happening more recently, which Akari isn’t sure why now it’s happening, but it’s more than pleasant. Akari likes seeing Saiki do good things for other people. It just means that he could make those connections that he’s been avoiding for so long. Sure, she doesn’t like people all that much either, but she doesn’t want Saiki to miss out on something like friendships or any other relationships.

As they were talking, a sudden Nendo appeared! “Pal! Gal pal! The little guy is here too!” He stared at his friends with a large stupid smile, now more than happy to find his friends here.

Kaido stared at the necklace in wonder, “I knew this necklace was special.” No, that's not the necklace at work, that’s just pure coincidence plus the author's sadism to put their main characters in unfavorable situations.

Saiki just about sneered at Nendo, “You wasted our hard work.”

---

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ecargmura · 2 years ago

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Opus Colors Episode 5 Review: The Sadist And The Herbivore

Kazuya starts his hunt for the Scribbler, but he has a time limit: he has until the end of the school year to find him. Despite that, Kazuya enlists the help of Jun and Michitaka to start his search. I believe that this plot point will give spotlight to the side characters.

This episode gives insight to two characters I wouldn’t have expected to get spotlight this soon. That is the Sakaki and Ikaruga pair. They didn’t have much spotlight in earlier episodes compared to other pairs, so it was interesting to watch them. In my fujoshi lenses, this pair is the quintessential sadist and herbivore ship, but there is also more than meets initial reactions.

We also see how Graders work in this story. Artists create Perception Art, but what do Graders do, exactly? This was something that I always wondered these past four episodes. Fortunately, I got my answer now. A Grader is pretty much a spokesperson of sorts? Their job is to sell and persuade about their Artists as their representative.

In Sakaki’s case, he’s the representative of Ikaruga’s art. He’s also a bit different from other Graders as he’s able to create frames as a added decoration. However, the issue with this, which was the main conflict of the episode, was the fact that Sakaki added the frame without Ikaruga’s consent which was bothering him.

Out of these two, I actually find myself not liking Sakaki’s actions. He never apologized for putting the frame without Ikaruga’s consent and never actively communicates with him. He’s pretty selfish in a way. The way he was being all overdramatic with that hammer dragged him into the negative points. Like, chill the f***k out, dude. You don’t have to be such a drama queen just because Ikaruga is trying to stand up for himself.

Ikaruga’s a sweet bean, however. He’s adorable and must be protected at all cost. I do like that this guy got the least amount of screen time in previous episode and actually got a lot in this episode. Usually, his type of characters don’t get spotlight as much, but I do like how the writers take their time to explore these characters more as there are a lot. Also, I knew from the start that this guy wasn’t the Scribbler. His words about wolf symbolism does hint towards Kyo being the Scribbler as wolves does represent “sin” and “punishment” in a way. Guess who’s secretly guilty over something?

Ikaruga’s art style is pretty cute. The character designs kind of remind me of the artist Maruti Bitamin’s art style. I do like the song. By the way, I just realized that the songs used in the Perception Art segments are actually sung by the characters’ voice actors. I can’t believe I didn’t realize that until now. Damn.

I was a bit frustrated that Kazukyo took two steps back in their relationship, but it did go forward once more as Kyo finally takes initiative and greets Kazuya in the morning. Yuma Uchida’s voice while greeting him back was adorable as heck.

To be honest, I did enjoy the trio of Kazuya, Jun and Michitaka in this episode. They reminded me of traffic lights. Anyways, I wonder if this formula will continue for the other pairs in future episodes. That means we’re going to get a Kirinoe and Mikuriya centered episode, an Iori and Takumi centered episode and a Shido and Kosei focused episode. I’m very curious about the deeper aspects of the other pairs now.

#opus colors #review #anime #anime review #kazuya yamanashi #Kyo takise #jun tsuzuki #Michitaka nanba #Chiharu sakaki #anju ikaruga #ecargmura #arum journal

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rhetoricandlogic · 20 days ago

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Gary K. Wolfe Reviews The Melancholy of Untold History by Minsoo Kang

August 26, 2024Gary K. Wolfe

Early in Minsoo Kang’s remarkable first novel The Melancholy of Untold History, a character known only as the historian makes an interesting observation about how civilizations tell their own stories. First, he says, come ‘‘tales of gods, monsters, and heroes,’’ followed by historical narratives of ‘‘important personages of the past who achieved great things in the world,’’ finally settling into the modern concern with ‘‘the lives of ordinary people, including their inner thoughts and feelings.’’ These are all, of course, varieties of storytelling, and while the argument isn’t exactly new (you can trace variations of it at least as far back as the Victorians), it also describes the basic structure of Kang’s multipart narrative, which relentlessly questions the relationships between myth, history, and fiction. The historian even suggests a few hybrid categories, like ‘‘critical fabulation’’ and ‘‘fabulist history,’’ both of which involve using the techniques of fiction to illuminate history and vice versa. At one point, musing about the anonymous and forgotten figures of history, the historian thinks ‘‘perhaps fiction is the only way their stories could be told.’’

Kang, a historian as well as a fiction writer (he published a collection in 2006, and has appeared in F&SF, Lightspeed, and elsewhere), is clearly fascinated by these questions, but his novel is anything but a series of dry intellectual debates (though it did seem to me to have a few dusty corners). Instead, it’s an energetic and ambitious epic covering some 3,000 years in the history of The Realm of the Grand Circle, most of which consists of a series of dynasties that evoke aspects of East Asian traditions. We’re first introduced to this world by a once-famous storyteller – now one of those nameless figures from history – who is summoned before the emperor to entertain him, on the condition that the stories never repeat themselves and are all wholly original. The tales that the storyteller concocts, involving squabbling gods and goddesses who inhabit a nearby mountain called the Four Verdant Mothers, comprise the second and liveliest narrative bloc, spinning a convoluted and often hilarious tale involving the theft of a peach, a burping dragon, and a resultant falling out among the gods. A third narrative line follows the history of the successive dynasties of the realm and their various wars and diplomatic tricks, and military strategies, largely as understood and recreated by that contemporary historian, who teaches at Dragon Child National University–whose name makes it clear that this society is a modern descendant of those earlier dynasties. The historian made his reputation by proving his bold assertion that several centuries of his country’s accepted history were entirely fabricated by an earlier ruler, at monstrous cost to those involved. The striking image which recurs and links these disparate narratives and eras is a strange purple cloud with red lightning.

If the storyteller’s tales of gods represent myths and the historian’s discoveries represent historical narrative, the historian’s own tale reflects the ordinary-people focus of the contemporary novel – almost to a fault. The central relationship – the historian’s affair with a younger colleague (conducting her own research on the suppressed history of women) – could almost be borrowed from half the academic novels ever published, and the characters tend to talk at each other in paragraph-long explanations, sometimes resorting to therapy-speak. Fortunately, both figures are highly articulate people with ideas that I found interesting enough to keep me intrigued. At times during these chapters, our own world seems to bleed into the tale in subtle ways; there’s a brief reference to Borges’s Tlön (from one of the most famous stories about an invented country), and the historian alludes to the Pacific Ocean and to characters from Proust and Somerset Maugham. Kang seems determined to show us that Story is as much a web as a cauldron, connecting the most ancient myths and the most contemporary anxieties, with what we think of as history as a kind of mediator. Since it’s almost impossible to read The Melancholy of Untold History without coming away haunted by these questions, he’s succeeded brilliantly, and given us one of the more inventive and intellectually provocative fantasies of the year.

#Minsoo Kang #The Melancholy of Untold History #mahreviews #long post

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jodilin65 · 18 years ago

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WEDNESDAY, MAY 31, 2006 I had an awesome money-making idea! At least I hope it is. It’s hard for me to be positive because every time I try to make extra money I never succeed, but I’m kind of excited about it just the same. To find plain mannequin heads that aren’t made of Styrofoam to use to practice painting on has proven to be rather impossible. The best I could find were forms, but they’re not much cheaper than full plain white mannequins. I could get a plain white one from the people I got Ashley from for $99. Then it hit me that for just $20 more we could save ourselves a lot of hassles, mess and additional money by getting a fully painted budget mannequin. Ashley was a high-ender. All a budget mannequin is one without painted nails and pierced ears. The high-enders run from $165 - $199, and the budgets run from $99 - $119. So maybe we should get a budget mannequin and skip the paint cost/mess/hassle and list them on eBay at twice the cost. Your average cheap mannequin these days goes for $250 - $275. A budget mannequin would be $180 with shipping. If we list it at $250 and say the price includes shipping, I don’t see why it wouldn’t sell. Especially if I take really good pictures of it both nude and in some outfits. We’d make a $70 profit each week if we could list one every Sunday to Sunday. I know that wouldn’t be much, but it’d be a start. Some profit is better than none. It’d be a little less of a profit if we got a wig with each one, in which case we could raise the price to $275. I’d like to start with Monique but I don’t know when because I really want to finish getting the Tonners and Barbies on my list. She’s listed as an ethnic but is as white as these two. She seems plenty nice enough to be stuck with if something up there is really against us and we can’t get rid of her. I’m really excited about this. The only hassle would be getting lots of brown paper to ship them in the boxes they were shipped to me in, and getting new boxes if they’re too beat up by the time they reach me, and then getting them to FedEx. If this works out we could maybe buy them in sets. We could get a 3-piece set for $350 (this includes a male) and sell each for $275 with shipping. We could get a 6-piece set for $800. That’d be an $850 profit if I did the math correctly! Since I wouldn’t have the 50 feedbacks required to list her as a buy-it-now, I’d put her up with a starting bid of $219 and set the shipping cost at $49. This would also be a great way to see their mannequins in person in case there are any I want to keep. You know how sometimes things look good online that aren’t as nice in person. Fortunately, Ashley looks better in person and so did Denise once I did her makeover. She still needs lower lashes, though.

Tom has been racking his own mind thinking of business ideas. I always did say it would be so, so ideal if we could have our own business! No one could fire or lay him off that way. It would be even more ideal if we could own just one house somewhere totally outright, but I don’t know that God would want us to have that much security and extra money. He hasn’t yet anyway.

We rode up to Circle K and Tom was surprised that I didn’t have to stop since it’s up a steep hill. I was surprised too, though I sure did come close. It was quite a workout, but it just goes to show once again how keeping in shape by working out at home has paid off. I haven’t lost any fat, of course, but I can feel the muscles firming up underneath the fat. You know your metabolism’s barely moving when you eat 1200 calories several days in a row, ride a bike in such hilly terrain, and still weigh the same!

I don’t miss open spaces, but I miss flat ones, that’s for sure. I hate riding these hills. Going downhill can get a little scary as you can pick up so easily.

TUESDAY, MAY 30, 2006 Today we rode to the street on the other side of the canal to see if we could spot the dog that’s been horrible lately with its fucking barking, then figure out what to do about it. However, we never saw it if it was there because of the high stockade fence surrounding the place. We never even heard it, either, but yesterday it was barking like crazy, suggesting its owners were out of town over the 3-day weekend. You couldn’t even go 10 minutes without it going off. Since it can’t see any street activity, then I’d say my guess was right and that it’s going off because it’s being neglected, and so if its owners are there, it’s going to bark to try to get attention. Dogs need attention. Not to be stored outdoors like old pieces of furniture. This is definitely one of the biggest differences between East and West, however. In the east dogs are considered pets that are part of the family, but out here, they’re mostly used as guard dogs, and to hell with how annoyed the neighbors may be. Either way, I’d like very much to put this old, neglected piece of furniture out of its misery, but I don’t see any way to get at it. I guess not only is God going to protect any people who wrong me from having to pay for doing so, but he’s also going to protect any dogs that drive me crazy as well!

After scouting out where the dog lives, we went to Safeway, then came back. The bike rides so smoothly uphill. The bike I had as a kid could never ride that well. I’d be peddling furiously, though you still have to do that to get up these steep hills even on modern bikes. I was just thinking that I hadn’t gotten enough of a workout when we reached this street which is uphill coming back. By then I was panting quite heavily and my heart was thumping wildly.

Exercise may not cause weight loss, but it sure helps to keep from gaining. I’ve been having 1500-2000 calories a day lately, but have been the same old 124 pounds for a while now. Riding is so much more fun than walking. It’s going to really suck when it not only gets cold again but snowy and icy. I’d rather ride in 110-degree temps before I rode in the wintertime here!

May is going to end up being my worst month for wins since going premium. I hope it only means I’ll be compensated with a biggie soon!

I can’t say I’m depressed, but for the millionth time, I have to ask why the simplest of things are so hard to achieve. All I want is to own a 1400-1600-square-foot new or fairly new house in a warm climate where the only music and animals (except for the wildlife) that we hear are ours. That’s all I want in life. Is this really too much to ask for? I feel like it is even though it seems like it shouldn’t be. But as Tom said, he’s come to hate the job because it’s obviously going nowhere. There’s no hope for a partnership, no hope for more of a raise, and certainly no hope for me to ever be insured. As much as I’d still hate to go to a doctor without something like a broken neck or close to it, having the insurance, both dental and physical, would be more comforting. He said he feels all the more motivated to get out of here because he’s at a dead-end at work, and is trying harder and harder to win money at the tracks. As I reminded him, however, my dreams aren’t allowed to come true, so whatever’s up there is going to do everything and anything it can to block us from getting to California. While it seems silly to say this since this is the fourth state I’ve lived in, we just may be forever trapped in Oregon! As long as we wouldn’t lose our stuff I wouldn’t mind being put out for a while in order to make the move, but instead I feel like we’re going to be nothing but city renters, forever dreaming of the impossible until we’re eligible to live in a retirement community. Of course by then the fucking stereos will be so damn loud that they’ll be able to reach the centers of even the largest of senior communities. Another 5-10 years and these things will be smashing windows on a regular basis and people still won’t do shit about them! It’s all the more important, as we both know, to make sure we have more than enough money if we ever can bust out of here since we’ll have no one to help us along the way. You know no one gives a shit about us, and if they do, they don’t have the means to help us.

For now, I’m going to enjoy having money since we so rarely get to have any! Having a field day with all the shopping I’ve been doing could very well be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so I’m enjoying it while it lasts. I may even give it up once I get all the things on my list if that’s what it’ll take to get us out of here. I’ve been spending $200 a month. As for how many more winters I’ll have to suffer through here – I don’t want to know. I really don’t. I’m afraid if I knew the answer to that one I’d scream!

MONDAY, MAY 29, 2006 Today was a fun and productive day with the only damper on it being the fucking canal dog. Oh, how I want to kill that thing!!! What I don’t get is why it’s been louder lately. I have to have sounds of some kind going in every single room in order to mask it, and I can’t even stand to sit in the kitchen. Maybe I can at least take back the living room at around 10:00 or 11:00 and get some peace then.

It was warmer today, so people had to make a show of themselves, of course, and I swear every other person who passed by was walking dogs. This only set off the neighborhood dogs all the more.

Anyway, the fun part was when we went riding downtown, then to Safeway for a few things, then back. I’m totally comfortable with this bike now. I just wish the seat wasn’t so uncomfortable.

As fate would have it, that skirt Two Daydreamers owed me from when I ordered a bunch of Tonner clothes, isn’t going to be produced, after all, so they refunded my deposit.

I have two ethnic Barbies on their way, and on the Friday after next, I’ll be ordering Cinnamon Swirl Tyler, High Style Sydney, and two killer gowns.

SUNDAY, MAY 28, 2006 Yesterday was a fun day. The only negatives were the cold and wind, along with a few kids here and there who were just as uncivilized and animalistic as they usually are. At least there are not zillions of them everywhere you turn like down in Arizona, and at least the one that started screaming when we were eating hushed up a bit when its mother told it to.

Anyway, it wasn’t cold to the point where I needed my ski jacket and gloves. I could get by in just a windbreaker, but it was the wind that made it seem rather chilly. When the sun came out, which wasn’t often enough, it was okay. But being both cloudy and windy for the most part, it wasn’t as nice as it could’ve been. Summer’s supposed to be back Tuesday. Let’s hope it’ll be for more than a week, too! It shouldn’t be in the low 50s in what’s nearly June.

We got off the bus which had been fairly crowded and checked out a flower shop. They had these colorful, hand-painted butterflies that were nice. Sometime I may pick one up for Joy to hold instead of the dingy white dove she’s been holding.

We ate lunch at what’s still my favorite Chinese place. I missed it a lot. He got American food, of course, and I got fried rice and egg foo young and found it to be just as good as always. The owner was there, as well as the waitress who waited on us the very first time we went there. She remembered us and said she saw us walking earlier.

I found myself half-wishing Jane had returned to work there, free of drugs and looking good.

We thought of how our lives were when we were last there a year and a half ago and were like, wow! You mean those two people were us? Those broke, homeless people who nobody gave a damn about were us? I still can’t believe his mother left us to starve and live in motels. As I’ve been saying ever since, may the rest of her days be filled with pain and misery! Some things truly are unforgivable, that’s for sure. I will never forgive her, and I sure as hell won’t forget either. The only thing that’s worse now as opposed to the last time we were there is my ear problems, and of course, God only knows how many more cavities I’ve got now. I’ve prayed for help with these things just to be ignored, so I’ve given up and have learned to live with it, though some days are harder than others. Why God would want me to continue to be plagued by these things is beyond me, but obviously He does. After all, if He didn’t care about all those who died in the tsunami or Hurricane Katrina, as I’ve always said, then why would He care if little Jodi S of Klamath Falls, Oregon suffered ear and teeth problems and continued to get more and more farsighted by the minute?

After we ate, we went to K-mart and found that they had many of those pink and purple bikes, but decided that Tom would walk up to get one today and then ride it back, since we knew we were going to be bogged down with grocery bags on the way back. The front half is pink and the back half is purple. The wheels are 26” like the wheels on Tom’s red bike, but a different brand. He’s watching a car race now, then we’re going to lower the seat, tighten things up, and head out. This is my first bike since I was 19. My hips and ankles sometimes bother me if I walk a long time, despite my jogging in place a few times a week. I used to have no problem walking long distances, but back then I wasn’t 40 years old and 25 pounds overweight. So this is why I hope biking will be better for me.

What I did get at K-mart was a Courtney doll. Guess she’s another new friend of Barbie’s. I got a new hairbrush there too, then it was off to Fred Meyer. There, I got another Lea doll and fake eyelashes for Denise while he started gathering groceries. When I was done I went to help him finish off the shopping before we took the bus back. It was very crowded at this time, but it was nice to be dropped off right in front of the house.

The eyelashes turned out to be a bust which really sucks since they’re awesome. They have glitter on them. Because Denise has no eyelids, her original eyelashes are applied from under the rim of the top part of the eye. Ashley, who also has lower lashes as well as upper ones, are applied the same way on the inner rims of the eyes. I might be able to apply the plain lashes I got on Denise so she can have lower lashes as well, but if I applied the upper glittery lashes, the glitter would be on the underside and not on top. Perhaps if I get that mannequin I hope to get at the end of the year that gazes downward, she could wear them because half her eyes are covered by her lids.

Later…

Tom and I researched getting clear plastic tubes to use as doll covers for those dolls whose outfits are hard to wash. Those are usually the glittery ones. It doesn’t look good for us getting any because they’re typically sold in such huge quantities. I’ll probably get vinyl bag covers for them. They’re the cheapest I could find.

We also researched painting mannequins to sell and that didn’t look promising either. There was no set way to do it that we could find. I guess you just use whatever you feel works best. You can put any kind of coating you want over the fiberglass, which we’re now pretty sure both of these are made of. One company needed people to paint mannequins for them and out of the 130 applicants they got, one of which was an art instructor, not one of them could paint on a 3-dimensional surface. I don’t know if I can, but as Tom pointed out, I have a way of doing things most people can’t. Yes, and I also have a way of not being able to do things others can do, too!

I still have quite a bit more stuff on my list I want to get, so it’ll be a few months before I get a cheap form and some paints to practice on, but this is only if I think I can really sell any. It’s gotten to be a rather competitive business.

We took our bikes out earlier, and for a minute there I wanted to slap the person who said that one never forgets how to ride a bike! I’ve only ridden kids’ bikes before, so I had to get used to this adult bike. Tom said it was awkward for him at first too, but after a few rides, he was fine. K-mart said we could return it for a kid’s bike if need be, but I think I can get comfortable enough with this one. If anything, the seat was the most awkward. This fat ass could use a wider one, but I think I’ll get used to that, too. I just wish this place wasn’t so damn hilly! Even MA was flatter than this. Coasting too fast downhill can be scary, even dangerous, and there are such steep hills here that you have to squeeze the brakes all the way down to keep from reaching such outrageous speeds. On level or somewhat level surfaces, it rides smoothly. We just rode up and down some side streets, not wanting to ride on this street because it’s a busy one until I’d tried it out. Tomorrow we’ll probably go downtown. With it being Memorial Day, there shouldn’t be too many vehicles or pedestrians out. Let’s just say I already got enough of a head start to see where it really would be a wonderful form of exercise. Tom says he thinks it’s the best. Walking and swimming never did much for me, and neither did the jogging in place since I can only do it for so long before my knees get irritated. Too much walking gets to my ankles, knees and hips, and you’d have to swim for many hours to really get much benefit from that, not that I could just go swimming anywhere around here. With a bike, though, you’re using muscles you don’t ordinarily use and elevating your heartbeat without putting stress on your joints.

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 2006 I’m so sick of being hungry half the time that I’ve decided to just eat when I’m hungry and forget about trying to hold my weight down where it’s at. It’s just too much work. I feel pretty certain that the intense hunger spells I have are my body’s way of saying, “Hey, when are you going to let me gain the rest of the weight a middle-aged person is supposed to gain?” Most people are 40-50 pounds heavier by the time they’re my age, but I’m only 25 pounds heavier. I only fought to keep from gaining anymore so I could save us money, but I think I’m ready to just let my body do what it feels it needs to do. I’ll still work out, though. There’s no reason I can’t keep in shape just because I’ll have more fat on me in time. I don’t look forward to not being able to get around as well, since carrying extra weight is harder on a short person, and I don’t want to have to spend money periodically on new clothes as I gain whatever I’m going to gain, but I’m tired of feeling lousy so much of the time.

I was going to quit the Claritin since it doesn’t seem to do much to curb my hunger lately but decided to stick with it a little longer because my ear’s been better overall. Tom said that sometimes things can take a long time to take effect, though I still think it’ll always be a problem. That’s what I get for having the fucking canal drilled! If only I had known. If only. Anyway, I understand that our bodies are designed to obtain a slower metabolism and be hungrier with age to protect us against illness since our immune system weakens with time, and so I’m prepared to just roll with the punches, so to speak. Tom spent most of his youth at around 150-160 pounds and then jumped to over 200. I know Paula was 120 for the longest time before she jumped to 160. I’ve calculated that I’ll eventually end up around 140-150 since my average younger weight was 100.

How I wish I could live a life with no pain, run to the dentist to get my teeth filled and sealed, then get LASIK done on my eyes!!! But these things will never happen because I know what additional trouble they’d eventually bring. God didn’t want Andy’s sister Linda to have kids, yet she forced them into her womb through in-vitro. Because of this, her kids will pay dearly. But I’m the one that has to pay for the ear surgeries and braces, and will no doubt continue to forever since I have no descendants for whatever the hell’s up there that thinks we must pay for the sins of our forefathers to take it out on. So I have to wonder if any additional procedures of any kind are worth it that isn’t a matter of life or death.

I was thinking how great it’d be to buy plain white mannequins for $100, paint them up pretty, then sell them on eBay for $250. If I sold one a week, that’d be an extra grand a month. But then I was not only reminded of the no-making-money-allowed rule fate so cruelly put on me but also that we’d need the truck up and running in order to get them to FedEx. With the cost of gas these days, that may not mean much of a profit, and there may not be that big of a market for them. Especially if most buyers were store owners wanting to buy in bulk.

TUESDAY, MAY 23, 2006 The place I got Ashley from got the new sitting mannequin they said they’d get in this month and it sucks. I definitely made the right choice! Unless there’s something fantastic about her I doubt I’ll get any more sitters because they take up so much more space than the standing ones.

It’s now been nearly two years since I’ve gotten any porcelain dolls, and I don’t miss them.

The weather’s been a lot like it was at this time last year – cold and wet. It really sucks and there seems to be no end in sight. This could go on for weeks.

My picture’s been entered into the ‘curly’ section of the Sexy Hair contest. Voting begins on our anniversary. They sent me some hairspray, not that I ever needed it, for being one of the first 1000 entrants.

I also got a letter saying the rat picture I submitted to another photo contest site has been advanced to the final round, along with being published in one of their photo books.

I won another DVD, too.

The flowers are all wilting away, but at least I’m up to 3 lavender sprouts. I didn’t realize they’d take so long to sprout.

SUNDAY, MAY 21, 2006 If it could be this quiet every day, then my only complaint would be the lack of space. Well, that and the weather. Just when summer finally arrived, we slipped right back into winter. It’s been in the 60s and we’ve even had some rain. It probably won’t warm up again for another week, but we’re still saving money because it hasn’t gotten cold enough to need the heater fired back up. I’ve been sleeping at night too, when it’s coldest. I’m just using the electric portable heater for now.

Got a surprise win, though it was just an anime DVD. Neither of us was interested in it, so it went straight to my unwanted wins pile.

I looked out the kitchen window and already I can see she’s starting to pile more bags up back there, and I wonder this: if Bill hadn’t come around when he did, how far would she go with this stockpiling thing? How many bags would end up back there? And what is so hard about bringing them to the dumpster? She does know she’s allowed to use it and she used to use it when we first moved in, so why she would refuse to put them in there after Bill spoke to her about it is beyond me. I guess it’s just a Western thing. Ask or tell a Westerner to go right, they go left. At least she’s quiet other than the occasional door-slamming.

Ok, now for the surprising news, then I’ll get to Denise, the mannequin. I was looking out the front window when I saw a snake a few feet in front of the truck! I got good pictures of it. It was about 3’ long with diamondback-like markings and a tail that tapered off to a skinny point like a king snake. Because it had no rattle or triangular head, I’d say it wasn’t poisonous. It was so brave when I walked up to it. Birds were curious about it, but wouldn’t get any closer than a few feet. It moved very slowly towards the road and I thought it would be dumb enough to go into the street and get killed, but instead it went around the side of the truck facing the street and curled up in the grassy area between the road and the utility pole. I caught the mailman and warned him about it in case it is harmful. I asked, but he said he didn’t know what it was. I’ll bet the guy’s gonna be really paranoid from now on. You could tell he was scared, but not Tom and I. We’re probably the only two crazy people here that went looking for it and taking its picture. He didn’t see it because he was still at work. It had moved on by the time he got in. He’ll still have to watch out for that and the ants she brings in when he mows. I never thought I’d see a snake smack dab in the middle of the city. I joked about feeding it any mice the filthy slob may also bring in, and as Tom pointed out, that may be why it’s here. I know she had mice when we first moved in because Bill told Tom he set up traps in her little dump.

Denise came Friday, the same day Rebecca, who I’m really glad I didn’t get, would’ve arrived. Denise isn’t quite as nice as Ashley, but she’s really close. When I first pulled her out, I thought her face was kind of plain with what we both agreed was one weird eye color. It was like a cross between gold and olive. I don’t know what the hell it was, but very slowly and carefully, I redid her face and can’t believe how good it came out! I was worried until it was done because it wouldn’t have been that easy to fix had I fucked up. I thought the lips were light pink, but once again, what you see online isn’t necessarily what you see in person, depending on how different people have their computer colors and contrasts set. It almost looked like she didn’t have any lipstick on at all, so I used pink chrome nail polish to make the perfect shade of shiny light pink lipstick that goes great with her overall coloring. Then I took a brown eyeliner pencil and darkened her eyes. Like it or not, after trying all the wigs on her, I could see that she was definitely meant to be a blond. She looks best in the blond wig, as well as with her eyes darkened. Usually, the brown eye/blond hair combo doesn’t look good, but she looks great with it, plus the pink lips. The long layered wig she enclosed is a darker shade of blond than the yellowy blond wig, which is the one I’ve got on her now. Its fine, wispy strands look so pretty against her hot pink top.

She looks a little younger than Ashley. Ashley looks to be in her late 20s, but this one looks like she’s early 20s, maybe even around 18.

The only thing I don’t get is why they didn’t bother putting bottom eyelashes on her. No big deal, cuz it’s something I can always pick up for next to nothing, though it is weird. And why is it always a case of overkill on the eyelashes they do put on them and regular dolls? Not even mine are that long! I might trim down the top ones, though they look good from a distance. They didn’t even put blush on her, but that’s another easy thing I could do myself if I wanted to. She’s almost as pale as Ashley, but she’s not as shiny and so I think that looks more realistic. Her feet are a little better detailed, too.

I polished both her finger and toenails in purple chrome. She doesn’t have pierced ears, so she’s not wearing any earrings. Just a necklace, bracelets, and a beaded ring that came with one of the dolls. Ashley’s gold pumps fit her better, so she’s wearing them. I figured they were both a size 8. I think that’s pretty standard for mannequins as is the 3” heel height. On Friday I’ll be getting Ashley shoes in black. I may get either wedges or wide heels like dancing shoes tend to have.

She was hard as hell to dress because most of the tops billow out in front what with the way she’s sitting hunched over. She might be slightly skinnier than Ashley. Her arms and fingers seem to be. Anyway, I decided she looked best in a purple skirt with pink and gold and a short-sleeved pink half-shirt.

Fortunately, she’s just as light as Ashley at just under 30 pounds. I think the reason I thought she’d be heavier is because of the 41 pounds she was listed as being at a site that was selling her with a seat. Well, that seat would’ve added weight. Perhaps they really are both fiberglass, though they sure seem like some type of plastic.

She’s sitting in the living room by my computer in the plastic lawn chair that was first my office chair and then the kitchen chair. I could roll my new office chair into the kitchen if I really wanted to, but until we have a real dining table, I just eat at my desk. She freaked Tom out a few times till he got used to her presence when he came out of his room and into the kitchen. From there you can see the back and side of her and it looks just like a person’s sitting there. Ashley, who’s now in the bedroom, did that to me too, at first. They do look very lifelike! If someone had shown me pictures of these mannequins 5 years ago and told me that one cost just under $300 and the other just over $200, I never would’ve believed it. Getting one for under $450 was unheard of and the faces sucked. The bodies were always pretty realistic, but they simply didn’t have the faces they do now.

Sometimes it’s the outfits you least expect that end up looking the best on them because you just can’t tell what looks best till you try it on them, but I was right in assuming Denise wouldn’t look as good in swimwear being posed the way she is.

I’ve turned into such a mannequin junkie and I cannot get that Asian one out of my mind or the one that looks downward! They were really beautiful and would cost about $500 together like these two did. If I got them I’d want to see close-ups of the faces first, and it wouldn’t be till sometime next year.

I both love and hate this house. I hate it cuz it’s so small, tilted, old and ugly, but I love it because it saves us money.

FRIDAY, MAY 19, 2006 There are currently 12 flowers blooming now, but 5 of them are white crocuses, not mentioned or pictured online. It’s still one of my cooler wins. It’s fun to watch them grow. Unfortunately, the old infertility waves that have always seemed to be with me have affected the lavenders. There are only two sprouts yet there must’ve been 20-30 seeds.

Tom checked to see if they updated the satellite pictures yet of our old place, but from what we estimate, the picture is about 6 years old. It shows our house, but only two rentals. If they kept recent pictures people would be suing them for spying. We’ll have to wait 5 years to see what’s going on today. Common sense tells me there’s got to be a shitload of new houses in that area by now. On our lot, there must be at least two of the four houses that were to be added.

Bill, which is the handyman’s name, knocked yesterday. I had the rat in here at the time, so I went out and shut the door behind me, using the yellow jackets as an excuse to keep the door shut, and it was true that they were everywhere! He asked if we had a problem with ants. I said no, then he said he was gonna spray in back cuz of the ants her trash is collecting, saying she’s so filthy, etc. I guess getting on her about it didn’t do any good, but hey, she’s a westerner. How often can you complain to them in even the nicest of ways and have them comply with you?

He asked if we had a pet. I said no and he said he thought she had a cat. I told him we’ve heard/seen cats around here, but I hope she doesn’t get evicted since all she gives us are car doors. As much as I don’t like it that’s nothing compared to what we could get and we know it! Meanwhile, the rat’s staying in the kitchen in case he comes back. I’d rather a bee get in than for him to see her, although he seems like a nice guy who would keep his mouth shut. Also, when they say “no pets allowed” they generally mean cats and dogs. She’s out running around now. She played with me for a while and now she ran off to play in the other room. She loves to explore.

Anyway, the ant lover back there might’ve actually gotten a job. This is the third day in a row she’s left early, but since I’ve been crashing in the early afternoon or earlier, I can’t say what time she’s been getting back. It’d be nice if she got a job. Then maybe she wouldn’t come and go as much, though she hasn’t been too bad with that lately.

Bill’s interested in buying the truck, but Tom’s going to call him and let him know he does not wish to sell right now.

I finally got a tracking number for Denise. She’s got an estimated delivery date of the 22nd, but since she left Portland last night, I can’t believe it’ll take that long to get here. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came today.

Later…

It rained for the first time yesterday. Other than that, the weather’s been beautiful, but dry. So dry that it really dried the hell out of my skin. There’s been a little more humidity lately so I’m not as dried out as I was. I wish it were like this every day. We’d save a fortune and I like wearing summer clothes and not having to wear socks or sleep with anything on. It’s quieter than usual, too. I could use a nice peaceful day like this with such gorgeous weather every day!

I caught Bill who had come back to spray like he said he would and let him know Tom doesn’t want to sell the truck at this time. He said no problem.

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 2006 Although I still haven’t received a tracking number, I did get an email saying the mannequin was shipped yesterday and that I should have it in 4 days. 4 days from when? The day it was shipped? If that’s the case, then I’d say FedEx is going to deliver it on Saturday.

I wish to hell the doctors could know it was my ear frame that was the problem back in Phoenix and not anything inside. If I’d gotten just that removed I may not have ended up so punished since they’d only be removing something God never intended for me to have in the first place. It’s what I’m not supposed to have that he goes after. I wonder when He’ll have the bottom retainer fall out. Believe me, if it was a simple matter of reaching in my mouth and yanking it out, I would. This is why I’m afraid to consider LASIK surgery, even if they had it available in this little shit town. I was meant to have my eyesight worsen with age, not get better. So if I ever had this done, would He make sure I acquired some terrible eye disease later on? I believe He would. It may take 10 years, but yes, He’d do something. Why’d He give us the brains to figure out how to perform these procedures in the first place if He didn’t want us altering things? I suppose that’s a dumb question. I mean, I know good and well that not all rules apply to everyone. Just because someone who killed me would automatically be allowed to get away with it doesn’t mean I could get away with breaking into someone’s house.

I always wondered why He ever allowed me to be able to experience orgasms. I mean, if I was destined to be so cursed sexually that I could never get anyone that turned me on like Kate or even Teddy Bear, then why not go all the way and deny me orgasms? But then I realized that with the exception of those of us who don’t want to cum, lust and cumming go hand in hand. Therefore, you couldn’t frustrate someone with lusting for those they could never have without allowing them the ability to get off in the first place. This is the best reason I can come up with anyway, for why He ever allowed me that much.

Kim left at 5 AM yesterday and was still gone at 10:00. I’ve never seen her leave that early before.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 17, 2006 Here’s a news excerpt that made me more glad we never had kids: Last year, a middle-income family spent an average of $190,980 to feed, house, clothe, and entertain a child from birth until age 18, with the preteen and teenage years taking the heaviest toll, according to the U.S. Agriculture Department.

I realized a funny thing about this clip and that’s how they said kids cost so much “with the preteen and teenage years taking the heaviest toll.” But that’s the entire time - dah!

I also dig how the label on one of the Tonner doll boxes says, “For the adult collector, ages 14 and up.” Since when did 14-year-olds get to be adults?

I went down another pound even though I had just over 1000 cals yesterday. I don’t expect to lose anymore.

Although Tom is prepared for the fact that it could happen any day, he sees no signs of them closing their doors or firing him anytime soon, but it’s something he wouldn’t know about till it happened. I’m surprised employers aren’t required to give 30 days’ notice to people they’re gonna lay off or fire. After all, you gotta give it to vacate an apartment, but you know how it is - if it should be a law, it isn’t, and vice versa.

Since most retirement communities are trailer parks, what’s the story with Sun City and Sun Lakes? How come they’ve got real houses? I’d prefer a real house when the time comes, but I’d live in a tent in a retirement community before I lived in a palace in the city!

We’ve been having record highs lately. Tom got the AC in the living room window today. I’m still hopeful we won’t need to put one in the bedroom.

I still haven’t received a tracking number for Denise yet. If I’d ordered Rebecca, she’d be here in just two days, but I’d rather wait longer for what I really want. They say they usually ship out mannequins within one week of purchase.

MONDAY, MAY 15, 2006 If ever I wanted to strangle the cock that invented these car stereos, it’s now that it’s gotten hot out! If they weren’t so in people’s faces about getting attention and acknowledgment, I could open the bedroom window and let the fan blow in cooler air when sleeping during the daytime, but no, these needy little fuckers won’t let me. And I don’t care whether or not many others have the same problem. A problem’s still a problem whether it’s shared by several people or just a few.

Even though it will still be chilly in here during the early morning hours for some time to come, we’ve blown out the heater’s pilot for the summer, and our gigantic neighbor is back to stockpiling trash outside her door. We haven’t been back there, but we figure she is because she hasn’t stuck anything in the dumpster. I still don’t understand why most obese people are so filthy, but she’s just another one who goes to prove that not all stereotypes are mean and mythical, just like with blacks and us Jews. The blacks chose to hang onto a past that’s severely exaggerated and to use it as a crutch and an excuse to act out, but the Jews picked themselves up after the shit with Hitler and forged ahead, determined to succeed without using the past to gain sympathy.

It’s rappers like Snoop Dogg that really piss me off! This ain’t no “rapper” or “artist.” It’s a glorified gang member. He’s a murdering, dope-dealing junkie who’s made millions off his albums which are loaded with crime/hate-promoting lyrics. For the millionth time I have to ask myself – why do good things always seem to happen to bad people? Perhaps if Tom and I had been as low as that shithead we wouldn’t have had so many struggles in life!

Not much in the way of wins other than another round of Nair samples. Another thing I love about winning things is the money it costs others. We have lost so much money to others that it’s about time someone loses some to us! For so long I felt like one of my purposes in life was to be a profit to others. Hell, I’ll even be a profit in death considering all the dolls and other goodies people will get! If I were dead, though, I wouldn’t care because well, I’d be dead after all. If someone could use something I’m no longer alive to use, great. I just hope we don’t get taken advantage of again while we’re still alive. That’s the thing I worry about. My once being overly generous and too forgiving is what caused me most of my past problems, and not doing my homework on people and various things up front.

Another Mother’s Day has passed with a certain so-called mother in Florida as well as one in Arizona having to do without the daughter and son they lost and don’t at all deserve. I never give much thought to them, and when I do it isn’t in a kind way. The only ones I wish well are Andy and Lisa. I still think Lisa will eventually try to find me, not that I expect she’ll succeed, but not until she��s older, like around 30. In our 20s we tend to be more into ourselves with our desire to experience new things and find our niches in life. It isn’t until we get older that we start thinking more in terms of what’s going on in other people’s lives. Eventually, though, I’m almost certain she’ll start missing the good times we shared and will come to miss me and wonder what’s up with me.

I guess there is someone living in the house diagonally across from us because I’ve been seeing lights on at night.

I thought I was back in Phoenix last night! Some cock went down the street bouncing a basketball, not at all caring that it was nearly midnight, a time when most people are asleep.

My garden basket is just now starting to bloom. There’s a variety of flowers. It’s the daffodils that are starting first. From the picture, it looks like there’ll also be pink tulips, hyacinths, and some blue flowers.

Later…

The dogs across the street have become the problem I knew they’d be once it got hot, barking through the cracks in the fence at passers-by. I couldn’t even open the window in peace, so I blasted the stereo. I could still hear them, though.

I thought I’d lose a few pounds and realized I could do it the hard way and drag it out all summer, since 120 is worlds away from 125 at this age, or I could just crash it off and get it over with quickly. I figure if I don’t eat today (at least I’m gonna try my damnedest not to), then eat tomorrow, take the next day off, eat the next, and take one last day off, I can get at least 5 pounds off. I’ll feel more comfortable that way and some of my summer clothes will fit better. For now, I’m pumping myself really well with liquids.

They oughta invent a pill you can swallow that has some type of Novocain in it so that it numbs your stomach for hours. That way you couldn’t feel any hunger! I could never do this without the Claritin, that’s for sure.

I want to try to stay on nights throughout the summer. That way I’m up when it’s both quieter and cooler. It’s been in the mid-80s lately. I’d only want to be on days when I was expecting packages, but I’m not planning on making any more than two orders over the next two months; two Barbies from Walmart, and the big $700 Tonner/Barbie order I plan to do with the summer savings, since he may very well not get overtime again for quite a while.

Later…

I had to have a bowl of cereal to give me the energy to work out and I was just as hungry when I finished so that was a dumb idea. Hunger’s like headaches - the longer you put off doing something about them, the harder it is to nip them in the bud. On the other hand, I don’t know that I want to bother putting myself out and into so much hunger for so little. After all, one doesn’t need to be thin to be fit. I’m as fit as I am fat and I have been for years now. There are people who are 50 pounds overweight but are in excellent shape. Yes, I shall indulge! As long as I don’t go over 125 pounds, I’ll be okay.

SUNDAY, MAY 14, 2006 Some young dude went running down the street faster than lightning not so long ago. I’m amazed at the amount of sidewalk activity in this state. I’m not only amazed by how much winter activity there is, but how late they’re milling up and down the sidewalks in the summer. I thought it was only bad neighborhoods like where I lived in Springfield that had such frequent activity.

Tom got me those blackout drapes for the bedroom’s side window. They look nice and do a good job of keeping light out. They can be used in our next 50 places, although we could very well end up here for years. Without a big win or the wrong people moving in and driving us out, we just may be here for quite a while. As I told Tom, though, if we do stay long and he keeps making what he’s making, we just might need to rent a storage place!

He said that while riding the bus to Walmart, he went through a section of town he’s never seen before that was more spread out. The houses seemed to be on farm-like lots. And I’m sure we could never afford to live there either. To say that something wants us in the areas that are more congested is an understatement! The city’s like the sickos used to be – always with me, always with it. It would actually be pretty damn quiet if it weren’t for the fucking stereos, and it’d be really quiet if the dog were out of the picture, too.

It got up to 80º in here today with a high of 77º outside. It’s to hit 88º come Thursday, so we’re going to put the AC in the living room soon.

I got my flower basket today. At first I was almost sorry I won it since there’s such limited room in here, but I weaseled it in by the front window. The bulbs are in their second of three stages. This means the stems are visible, but the flowers have yet to bloom (the lavenders just started sprouting). I was shocked because when I went to water it, it jumped up half a foot in minutes! I was surprised it came in a box. They’re pre-forced bulbs that were stored in a cooler that was void of light.

There are some orange-yellow tulips coming up in front that are kind of cool. I just wish I could see them from inside the house. Why in the world do people plant things to look nice for those going down the street and not for themselves? I still can’t understand that; showing off and trying to get the attention of strangers and virtually anyone and anything that’ll notice.

Tom read that they’re training rats to identify dangerous landmines in Colombia instead of dogs. Dogs are heavier and can cause the mines to explode when they stand on them. Also, rats are cheaper to care for, have much more sensitive noses and are smarter which makes them faster and easier to train. They also say the females are smarter, but as I told Tom, that goes without saying for any animal or person! That is, with him as an exception. Yes, I’ve always said he’s a man born with a woman’s brain. Anyway, I never could understand why people would want dogs as pets. Sure some of them are cute and they’re not the dumbest animals on earth, but they’re a big expense, a lot of work, and one hell of a noise-maker!

THURSDAY, MAY 11, 2006 We’ll be ordering the Denise mannequin bright and early in the morning! I hope she’ll have a safe journey up here. She’s coming from Oklahoma.

Although it cooled down fast at sundown like most dry climates, it was a nice warm summery day, and of course the attention-getters were sucking it up and doing a fine job of getting on my nerves. I couldn’t seem to hold them off very well today. At least I only heard the canal dog bark once or twice. The dog across from next door has been going off more, but with the warmer weather, that’d bring more sidewalk activity. It could also be due to next door hanging out on their deck and porch. I’m just glad we don’t live on the other side of them or else these so-far good neighbors would be a nightmare! Especially with all the vehicles coming and going.

It got up to 77º in here today which now feels like 82º used to.

My hair is growing pretty fast. It’s sort of fried, but not as fried as I expected. They really have improved hair dye. It’s okay, though, because with it semi-fried, all this thick long hair isn’t so heavy as opposed to the last time it was really long and healthy.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 2006 It’s been a very dry May so far, unlike last May. Better this year than last. Last year it delayed everyone’s antics at the duplex for a month, and the drier it is here, the less I have to worry about the mail. It may very well not rain till September. The summers are the driest time here.

Yesterday was unbelievably quiet as far as stereos go. Whether or not it was just a grand coincidence, Tom and I agree it was nice. The dog was still a problem, but not as much. I think it went off about 3 times which is better than 10, so maybe I really can influence these things.

I had fun making my first electronic medleys. It sure beats doing them on tape. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to keep the volume balanced! The equalizer can only do so much.

MONDAY, MAY 8, 2006 When I got up at 1:00, I saw that Roto-Rooter was here snaking away at the pipes. Apparently, there was a hole in Kim’s pipe under her toilet, so the entire underside of her place is full of shit. Also, there was a clog where the two houses’ pipes meet up with the main big pipe that runs under the street. They also tried using a steamy hot high-pressure water hose to no avail. Tom said it was probably something that had taken many years to build up, and asked me to try to put a spell on it. So I concentrated real hard and next thing I know I was down in the pipe. Not literally, of course, but in my vision. I could see calcium build-up and all kinds of slimy scum which I concentrated on dissolving. Next thing we know, one of the guys goes running down the street. He then opened a manhole to see if the water was flowing smoothly and after 6 hours of working on the thing, it was! As I told Tom, I never would’ve thought to put a spell on such a thing. That’s when he told me that while he doesn’t think I could control things, he thinks I could at least influence them, and says I oughta try to influence more things in general. You may not be able to stop the stereos from booming by, he told me, but I think you could influence them so they’re not as bad, and even things like what’s on sale at the grocery store.

God knows I wish I could influence that fucking dog back there. Half the time I can’t do anything in the kitchen! I can’t cook in there, I can’t eat in there, I can’t do shit! I also have to have music or something going in the other rooms to drown it out of there too, though the kitchen’s certainly the worst room. I want to turn off my music now so I can sit and listen to my new wind chimes out front, but I can’t even do that. It’s ridiculous! Dogs have been a problem ever since I moved out west, and I wouldn’t put it past them to treat the case of a murdered dog the same as a murdered person. Still, I wish someone would kill it! Maybe then people wouldn’t be so quick to toss their dogs outside and forget about them.

I wish I could influence the bigger sweeps as well. It’s great that I just hit my 100th win, but it’s not doing anything to help get us out of here.

All the chimes are lovely except for one of the indoor ones. The one with the fountain is a complete bust. The water trickles along the chimes so gently that it doesn’t make them clank against one another, and they’re so soft anyway. The sound/vibration activator isn’t very sensitive either, and you have to practically beat on it to get the water flowing. We agreed it wouldn’t be worth returning, though, because after they took a 20% restocking fee and you deduct the postage it’d take to return it, we’d only be getting back about $8. If we can’t come up with some clever idea to improvise it, then I think it’d be a good tag sale item. The indoor one, which I’ve got on my desk, is dull-looking compared to my colorful outdoor ones, but it doesn’t take much to set it off. It chimes for 25 seconds and works by way of magnetic repellants. It sounds really pretty, too. If I cough, sneeze, talk loudly, blow bubbles with my gum, or set a cup down on the table, off it goes. It’s way cool.

Sure enough, my appetite’s increased since stopping the Claritin, I’m up two pounds, eating like a pig, and have a runnier nose. Maybe I’ll start it back up tomorrow. I was going to wait till Friday when it had been a week, but I’ll be up 5 pounds by then!

SUNDAY, MAY 7, 2006 The handyman and the owner were here today right after Tom got done mowing with the weed-eater which didn’t take too long since the yard’s so small. It looked like they were watering the bushes in back once again, but Tom went out and discovered what they were really up to which was the same thing they were up to the last two times I saw the handyman out there thinking he was watering. Kim clogged her toilet again. They were doing something that flushes the pipes, Tom explained, and said that they’d get Roto-Rooter out here if need be. Meanwhile, they put Kim’s trash in the dumpster where it belongs. Maybe she’ll take the hint and keep up on it from now on, but like most huge people I’ve known, she’s not exactly into cleanliness. The dumpster’s full now, but it’ll be picked up in just a couple of days.

He said they also said they’d replace the utility door, but Tom told them not to worry about it. It’s the back door they should replace, but we don’t want the hassles of dealing with them either disturbing us, waking me up, or spotting the rat.

The guy said that when they were doing the roof with new rafters and such, he was then going to jack the house up to make it level again until he realized that that would mess up the new roofing. That’s a typical dumb cock for you, though as sexist as I am, I realize there are a few things better about guys in general. For one, they don’t care how a woman decorates, so she doesn’t have to worry about him bitching about that. Also, if she’s like me and wants to skip out on having kids so she can have a life, she’ll never have to worry about an argument on that one either!

Not surprisingly, Tom said the dog was going crazy in back for a while when he was out, and that someone came out and yelled at it at one point. Why don’t they just take it inside or get rid of it??? What’s the point of leaving it out to bark up a storm and annoy them and those around them if they don’t give a damn about the thing and are just going to neglect it anyway??? There’s always gotta be something we have to listen to no matter where we go.

I quit the Claritin for a week to renew its kick and I’ve already eaten a pound back on. I’m 124 pounds on this scale, but of course, a doctor’s scale would tell me I was really between 132-134.

I got the lavender growing kit on Friday, and tomorrow I’ll get the chimes. I hope I get all 4 of them since this company obviously does drop-shipment.

SATURDAY, MAY 6, 2006 Ah, the peacefulness of the nighttime. It’s still early on a Saturday night, so I’m sure the city’s desperate and deprived will make enough shows of themselves with the bass, but as much as I complain about not being able to hold a schedule, it’s still nice to enjoy the best of both worlds; the peacefulness of the nights and the convenience of days.

I got a rather weird package from FedEx the other day. An empty box. Just a plain old empty box. It was from Florida and was probably from a company that sends prizes. I hope it wasn’t a prize I wanted. Some asshole probably swiped it on the assembly line. Tom emailed them, but he hasn’t gotten a response yet.

I spotted a good deal on a Janay doll, a 12” vinyl doll like Barbie, on eBay, so I got one coming from Texas. She’s black with realistic features, gold hair, and a casual yet flashy outfit.

Tom’s going to make a habit of biking it to Fred Meyer every weekend because he misses being in a grocery store that has everything. Me too! I hate this little half-assed Safeway store we usually walk to. I miss Albertson’s and the Walmart Supercenter. Actually, he’s going to Walmart so he can get me a blackout draper liner which hotels use, to put in the bedroom’s side window because that window’s going to get hit with a lot of afternoon sunlight. I like it darker when sleeping in the daytime anyway, and it’s good insulation against both heat and cold and it supposedly reduces noise, too.

This weekend he picked up a weed eater. With the yard being so small, he should be able to do most of it with just that.

We walked to the store yesterday and passed a heavy woman in her 20s or so sitting on the porch swing. On our way back an animal yelled out of the upper window, but we never saw it in the yard. There were 3 cars parked there, along with a stroller and a garden trailer on a grassy area alongside the driveway. They have yet to be a problem, and if some bass I hear is theirs I wouldn’t know it there’s as so damn many people blasting music.

Silk Splash, the new site that’s to be run by SOS, isn’t ready yet, but I’m excited about buying their ½-oz. roll-ons for a buck! I’ve got to stop using the burner and sticks cuz of the residue. I can’t wash some of the doll clothes like the glittery ones. I can personally say that a ½-oz. lasts longer than one might think, especially if I buy 50-100 at a time like I know I will. I still want to wait till after I’ve gotten Denise and most of the dolls on my list. Besides, I’ve still got quite a bit left. When I do order, I’ll get my favorites and some newbies! I still may grab a few 1-oz. sizes for the warmer. At least that doesn’t smoke or get too overwhelming.

TUESDAY, MAY 2, 2006 It’s cold again, but only at night. The heat can still be off during the daytime.

Amazingly, next door’s still been fine, not that I’m ready to say the noise curse has been lifted. All we’ve seen is them mowing, and right now someone’s edging, and then on Saturday, there was an animal in the yard for a few minutes. I heard its screams, but it was nothing like the animals that visited the fat tub of shit we lived next to last summer. Tom was right when he said the bad makes the good even better and more enjoyable. If the same people are still at the duplex now, I’m sooo glad that I’m not! If that sick bitch hasn’t been evicted, then I know that anytime now the beast of hers will be let out at 6 AM sharp, and there it will remain for hours on end. Then she’ll let it out for a few more hours along with herself in the early evenings and gab on the phone, oblivious to its barking, not giving a damn about others around her. I do not miss that shit!

Since my last entry, I’ve won a cheese spreader, a Superman action figure, and a Fine Living Chris Isaak Jazz Pack which includes: a DVD, a dozen pralines, a cooler chair, a Louisiana music CD, and a Louisiana Official Tour Guide. I also won 5 of the 2006 Best Picture Nominated DVDs and a bag of Granola Munch’ems snack packs at an ARV of $110.

We bombed on Sunday while we walked up to do the laundry. We washed my comforter and the wolf print blanket that I’ve been using as a curtain. I’ll use it as a blanket when it gets a little warmer, rather than buy a new one. Instead, I’ve got the two indoor chimes, the two outdoor chimes, and the lavender growing kit on its way to me.

The cherry and apple blossoms are abloom now. It’s too bad they won’t be for long.

I’ve changed my mind as far as the Rebecca mannequin goes. Yes, she’s nice, but she’s got a few things about her I don’t like. For one, she looks like Ashley’s twin sister, she’s also white as a ghost, and I don’t like the way one of her arms hangs. It’s supposed to be resting on her lap, but it doesn’t quite touch it, so the pose doesn’t look as natural. I’ve always liked the Denise mannequin that a couple of other sites have, but she was twice the cost so I never seriously considered her. However, I found an eBay seller selling her for $275 with shipping, just $25 more than Rebecca, and I think it’s worth it to get the one I really want. Especially since it’s something I’ll have all my life, assuming we never lose our stuff. She said she’ll throw in a long blond wig and that she’ll hold her till the 12th when we’ll have the money, but I don’t know if she comes with any kind of a seat. If not, I can always buy one or make one out of boxes or something. She has a more unique and stable pose. Rebecca sat cross-legged with one hand on her hip and the other resting a couple of inches above her lap which looked a bit odd. This one sits resting her forearms on her lap with her hands dangling by the sides of her knees. Her left hand is by her right knee and her right hand is by her left knee. Her knees are close together, but her feet are spread apart. She is also known as “The Intellectual Beauty” and measures 33-24-35, the same as Ashley, though Ashley’s waist is a half-inch bigger. She may have hazel eyes like Ashley, but she doesn’t have the same red lips.

I was contemplating saving up for Lasik eye surgery next summer if we’re still here and not broke to help get me out of glasses for a good 5-10 years. At least out of prescription glasses anyway. However, I realize that that’d fall along the same lines as having my ear operated on and my teeth straightened. In other words, whatever’s up there would not like that at all, and because I didn’t stick to the farsighted eyes I was meant to have, it could very well punish me with total blindness or something else much more horrible than just farsightedness.

I got a letter from Mary. She said she was sorry my pictures were returned and that others have had glitter cards returned to them and that it’s taking everyone 9-11 days to receive their mail from the date it’s postmarked. She said she didn’t know if it was the post office or if they were seriously reading people’s mail. As I told her, no, it’s not the post office that’s the problem, and reminded her that jails and law enforcement in general aren’t just about “justice.” It’s about power and greed, and in the case of the mail taking forever to get to her, it’s a case of control since there’s no money to be made by making sure they delay giving it to her. Whether they’re reading incoming mail or not, it shouldn’t take any more than 4 days to get to her. But they’re not going to come out and say, “We deliberately hold the mail for a week just to feel we’re in control of you, etc.” Tampering or withholding anyone’s mail is a federal offense, so I wouldn’t expect them to admit to what they’re doing. Even so, they always gotta do something to feel powerful.

She said her friend Brandi, who’s still in Estrella, said crazy Joe took away the radios. I’m surprised it took this long. I guess he decided the control and depriving the inmates of music was worth the money loss. I just thank God he didn’t swipe them when I was there!

She suggested we don’t move just because it may get noisy next door, and said that many others have the same problem with noise and to just be glad things aren’t worse. As I told her, we wouldn’t move if it was just kind of noisy or even moderately noisy, we’d move if it was VERY noisy with a capital V. The duplex wasn’t just noisy, it was insanely noisy! Yeah, it’s a noisy world and it only gets worse and worse, so we wouldn’t move unless it was an extreme situation. We also left the duplex for other reasons, as I reminded her.

Sure enough, she’s thinking of working at home when she gets out and goes to live with her brother, so I reminded her that there is no work-at-home job and that they’re all scams. If it were that easy to work at home, then just about everyone would. I told her that sure, she’d get survey invitations, alright. But what she’ll find is that they’ll always say, “Sorry, you didn’t qualify for the $2 or $5 or whatever it is, but we’ll enter you into our drawing.” Meanwhile, they probably don’t even do drawings, and if they did you’d have to count on winning all the time to be able to support yourself. They’re targeting mothers because they know they’re the most desperate for money and that they’d rather stay home than spend money on daycare where their kids could be molested and God knows what else. This is why fewer and fewer women are having kids these days. It isn’t just that so many guys don’t want to deal with the kid taking their attention from them, or because they don’t want the extra expense/responsibility. It’s because most jobs don’t pay enough to cover the adults’ expenses and the kids’, daycare or babysitter. The dollar just doesn’t go very far these days. I told her that her best bet will be to take the highest-paying job she can get, and then do her hobbies and other things she likes to do during her time off. Like it or not, we can’t do it all, can’t have it all. We gotta just make the best of the hand that’s dealt to us in life and hope for the best.

She wants to do email with me when she’s free and get a text reader. I told her email would be fun, but to keep in mind that I don’t have tons of free time anymore.

They finally moved her to an open dorm. She said she doesn’t have any privacy there, but that it’s calmer there without the constant fistfights and bickering. She said she’d still go back to Estrella if she could, even though she couldn’t have a radio, and they’re now only allowed two showers a week. The two showers a week – ugh! That’s definitely overkill, but once again, they get off on making the inmates feel as miserable as they can, not just to punish them, but because it makes them feel bigger and badass.

I didn’t know this, but apparently Adam lives in a mountain cabin. He must make a ton of money to afford the gas to commute. Is she sure the probation department will let her live in such a remote place? And is she sure she’s even going to be happy in a mountain cabin? She was always a city girl and always loved it, from what she told me.

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