#justventing vent rant over army wife long distance relationship marriage

[justventingjustventing-blog]

“See you laters” are the worst.

I’m not talking about the kind when you go on a trip or won’t being seeing someone close to you for a short time. I mean the kind when you have to say “see you later” to someone you only get to spend a short time with every few (a.k.a. SHIT TONS OF) months. People in long distance relationships will know what I’m talking about, in fact that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

I use the term “see you later” rather than “good-bye” because in my mind good-bye is forever, see you later is more promising in the future. I’m sure many of you have seen things stating the same thing, I like to take it to heart. 

Being a young army wife, our relationship started out pretty much like in the movies (or like you hear about all the in the military community). We started seeing each other seriously just a few weeks before he went to basic in fall of 2015. We already knew we were going to get married at the ages of 17 and 19. That was the first see you later. He lived a town over and since he would have to go through my hometown on his way to MEPS we decided him and I would drive the first 10 minutes (to have some last alone time) and his mom would follow and pick him up there, I couldn’t go with because I had to work. The moment he got out of one car and into the next will forever be imprinted in my memory. I remember thinking how terribly I was going to miss him, I remember crying my eyes out and watching them drive away, never breaking eye contact until they were out of sight. I remember thinking “the next 2 months can’t go by fast enough”, since he would be in basic through Christmas he was able to come home for a couple weeks. It’s funny now how 2 months really doesn’t seem as long as it did then. 8 weeks. 56 days. I remember thinking about how I knew I was going to have to get used to this in the future, and dear God was I right. 

The second see you later was when he came home for Christmas during basic. I was so happy to see him and spend every waking moment with him, we had the time of our lives, we always do. At this point in time we were dead set on getting married after he was out of AIT but we hadn’t announced it yet so his mom wasn’t so happy that we were spending every night together, I was still just 17 and our families like to be “morally correct” like that. But of course we still spent the night together the entire time he was home and when he had to go back he was not taking that 3 hour drive to the airport without me by his side - which his mom wasn’t too happy about that either, so you can imagine how awkward the ride home was. I was able to help myself from crying at the airport when we kissed “see you later”, I think the awkwardness of the circumstance helped me from being overwhelmed at the time being. I thought “this won’t be so hard we’ve done it before and everything was fine, we can do it for another 2 months and then we will be able to talk to each other rather than writing letters! This is cake!”. It was far from that, in fact it was harder. He would tell me how much he missed home, even more than when he first went to basic, and all I wanted to do was give him a hug. It sucked. 

My mother-in-law and I got to go see him graduate basics, that was a fun trip! We only got to see him for 2 days, so I don’t really count that as a “see you later”. I say that because I didn’t have the heart crushing feeling I had the other two times before. It’s like when you go on a vacation on the other side of the world, you have jet lag. It takes a few days to feel it, and then a week or two to get used to it. I was so ecstatic to see him, and since it was for such a short time it was like a really long dream. We didn’t have time for normalcy to set in. We spent those two days just staring at each other and smiling and just enjoying each other’s presence. Plus, he was going to AIT! He was finally going to have the luxury of having his cell-phone! I was more excited about that than sad about the fact we would have to go another 3 months states away form eachother. 

Not too long after getting home from that is when I learned to make time go by literally as fast as I can. It was my senior year of high school (2nd semester) but I graduated a semester early so I could work and just do what ever I want, and that’s exactly what I did. I worked and took classes through the college to pass my time. I got a second job at the high school cafeteria (I thought it was pretty fun serving my classmates...bitches) for a few months, and I just tried as hard as possible to be doing something every waking moment. During this time apart we announce we were engaged! We just used Facebook, and then I decided I should probably tell my parents before they hear it from someone else. It was a fun time. 

In April of that year (2016) my family went on a trip to San Fran to see one of my cousins get married. Just a week after I was going to go see my husband (at the time fiance) graduate AIT! But this time I went by myself. It was just a short trip, I was hoping to spend two days like we did last time, but instead I only got the one day - his graduation day. But I don’t regret going. It was a memory I’ll never forget and I am so proud to say I was there for my husband. So like the time I saw him before, we didn’t have time for normalcy to set in, so I felt like I was in a dream.... a really really amazing dream... 

After I got back home I continued doing the same things I was doing before my trips up until May. My husband was still at Fort Lee where he went to AIT, even though he had graduated already it wasn’t time for him to leave because of orders. In May I still walked across the stage with my graduating class like normal, I was really hoping he would be able to make in for that! But he ‘still wasn’t able to leave’. Well, I had a feeling That he was going to surprise me and sure thing he did! This was another moment in my life that I will forever remember. We were all walking out of the gymn while the procession (I think thats what it’s called) was playing and as soon as I got through the door and was about to turn down the hall I saw my amazing man standing right there! Best. Moment. Ever. He was home for 2 weeks and in that two weeks we got married and just had shit loads of fun. As always. 

But the thing that sucked about it - we would have to say “see you later” again. A-FUCKING-GAIN. He found out when he was in AIT that he was getting stationed in South Korea. Originally we were like “damn that sucks because we can’t be together for a whole fucking year still” then we were like “oh wait we can probably be together families move here all the time” then we were like “fuck he got put on a small base with no housing in a random Korean city, maybe we can get an apartment off base and be together”, well by the time we kinda got things figured out it had been like 4 months so we just thought “fuck it”. This “see you later” was one of the worst ones. Probably because it was more recent and honestly they just keep getting worse. Can you tell I’m getting angry now? Because he was home this time for 2 weeks like in basic, but we had been together much longer now and we were married now! AND I WAS ALREADY SO TIRED OF NOT BEING WITH HIM. We thought after AIT we would finally be able to BE together! It sucked. Like always. Normalcy set in when he was home for that 2 weeks, and honestly it makes saying “see you later” even more difficult. 

By this time, after he got to Korea, I was still trying to make time go by as fast as possible. I loaded up on classes, was no longer working at the highschool so I tried finding another second job - not with much luck as they didn’t fit well with my schedule. I found one but only stayed there for 2 weeks, working as a dairy department stocker at a grocery store. Fucking hated it. I pretty much hated everything by this point in time. Didn’t know when I would see my husband next, unless it would be in a year, then I knew, but that fact made me even more sad.

Luckily he was able to come home about 4 months (give or take) of him being in Korea.He came back for one of his cousin’s wedding. It was amazing having him home again. Of course I couldn’t help but think about how he was going to leave in 2 weeks from then. Then 1 week. Then 4 days. Then tomorrow. Then I’m driving home by myself after dropping him off at the airport. It was a depressing image in my mind and it was depressing when it actually happened. I tried not to think about it when he was home for those two weeks because I found myself being bitter and sad, and that was not the way I wanted to be when my husband was home for only 2 weeks every 3-4 months. I think this was the worst see you later out of all of them. In fact it is the last one so far. I was devastated. I didn’t want to go 7 months with out seeing my husband. That was just too much for me. I could do 4. But not 7. 

Well, I decided I was going to visit him. I was terrified of going by myself so I found a friend to come with! We spent a few months planning it, I decided on February because that would be about halfway between the time he went back from leave and the time he would be done there. That way I wouldn’t have to go more than 4 months with out seeing my husband. It made me feel better. I continued working and doing classes, I even decided to get my own rental house while I was waiting for him to come back to the states! It didn’t last long. My roommates were pretty much the shittiest roommates ever with out actually ruining any of my stuff or being dicks. I partied a lot that 1 month I was there. And by party I mean get drunk and then get upset because I missed my husband and then go to bed. Fun. Times. 

So I moved back in with my mom and it was almost time for my trip to see my husband! My friend and I took the train to Chicago (it was cheapest to fly out of O’hare.. like way fucking cheaper). We got to the airport and it turns out my friend couldn’t come with. He only had a card passport. Couldn’t use it. It was no good. Fuck. So I went by myself! Stayed a night in China because my connecting flight was the next day - terrifying. It was terrifying because I’m cheap and got the cheapest hotel and it was sketch. But I survived and made it to Korea! My husband met me at the airport and we had an amazing time! (Do you see the pattern here?). I couldn’t help myself from thinking about when we will have to say “see you later” again, but I didn’t let it interfere with enjoying being with my husband. I made the trip so I would be in Korea for about two weeks. The glorious but deadly two weeks: long enough to fully enjoy eachother and have the time of our lives, and also long enough for normalcy to set in. You know what is coming now. But the question is: Is it going to be as terrible as the other times, going weeks feeling lonely and sad and crying just trying to keep myself busy, or will I be able to go back to normal? Will this next 3 months of my husband being out of the states go by fast and will we REALLY FINALLY be able to be together after this long ass year?! - I know we will but it just feels like it is inevitable. But I know it’s real. I don’t to be sad and depressed like I usually am after saying “see you later” but I can never help it. And everytime before this seems like it got worse. Will this time be like that too? I think this to myself as I sit here in my hotel in South Korea waiting for my husband to get off work and come see me so we can have our last time together before I go to the airport tomorrow morning. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to live with him and be with him with out knowing when we have to say our “see you laters”. GOD 

P.S. I don’t regret marrying the man I love who is in the military. And I am not mad at him nor the military, I am so so thankful. I just wanted to vent how I feel about missing him. And if you took this post to think I am angry at someone, no, I’m not, I’m just putting my feelings out there.

P.P.S. (or is it P.S.S.???) I also wonder every now and then what it would be like to actually have an army wife friend like me - since I haven’t really been acquainted with this life yet I just don’t know. Does anyone else feel like this? I feel stupid about this but i guess that’s the good thing about not putting my identity out there. 

Bye. 

EDIT: Also I am very thankful that I was able to visit my husband where he was rather than him being on a true deployment. It’s gonna suck when that happens. 

Ok. Bye for good.