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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/what-is-the-met-gala-and-who-gets-to-go/

What Is the Met Gala, and Who Gets to Go?

Officially, it’s the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute benefit, a black-tie extravaganza held the first Monday in May to raise money for the Costume Institute (a.k.a., the fashion department).

Unofficially, the night’s festivities have been called many things, including “the party of the year,” “the Oscars of the East Coast” (mostly because of the star quotient and the elaborate red carpet, where guests pose on the grand entrance stairs to the museum) and, somewhat pointedly, “an A.T.M. for the Met,” the last by the publicist Paul Wilmot.

The party signals the opening of the Costume Institute’s annual blockbuster show, and it is known for its celebrity and fashion hosts. This year the exhibition is “Camp: Notes on Fashion,” a play on the famous Susan Sontag essay “Notes on Camp.”

The hosts are Anna Wintour (the magical manipulative Wizard of Oz for this particular event) and the holy trinity of sartorial kookiness: Alessandro Michele, the creative director of Gucci, who once had a show in which models carried lifelike casts of their own heads as well as “dragon puppies”; Harry Styles, the pop star who flouts gender stereotype (and muse of Mr. Michele); and Lady Gaga, who needs no explanation.

Also the tennis star Serena Williams, for reasons that are not entirely clear in the context of the exhibition’s theme — her tennis tutu? — except that Ms. Wintour is a famous tennis fan, and hey, she’s Serena. Wouldn’t you want to go to a party she was hosting?

Wait, isn’t camp a place where kids go in the summer to learn canoeing life skills? What does that have to do with fashion?

That’s the first definition in Merriam-Webster. Read on down to definition No. 2: “a style or mode of personal or creative expression that is absurdly exaggerated and often fuses elements of high and popular culture.” And this can be best seen in … clothes!

That said, camp is an awfully slippery concept to pin down. One person’s camp is another person’s kitsch is another person’s tongue in chic. Sontag herself had 58 different musings on what it could mean, and Andrew Bolton, the curator in charge of the Costume Institute, said that by the time he was finished putting the show together, he thought “everything” was camp.

Of course, the gala itself is, in many ways, the apotheosis of camp, because attendees are encouraged to dress in theme.

Do you mean this is a costume party?

Not exactly — but almost. It isn’t stated that attendees have to dress in the style of the exhibition, but it is encouraged. Just as it isn’t stated that, if celebrities are invited to the gala by a brand, they have to wear clothes from that brand, but it’s really part of the deal.

This encourages said brands to get the best stars, because they can act as an advertisement for a house. It is also why, whenever designers are photographed on the red carpet, their dates are almost always famous people.

In 2018, for example, Nicolas Ghesquière brought Emma Stone, Michelle Williams, Alicia Vikander, Justin Theroux and Laura Harrier. It is also why the galas have been seeing increasingly exaggerated, paparazzi-catching looks (and, sometimes, related faux pas).

In 2016, the show was “Manus ex Machina,” which meant almost the entire Jenner-Kardashian clan was in sparkling Balmain motherboards. In 2017, for the Rei Kawakubo exhibition, Helen Lasichanh, wife of Pharrell Williams, gamely entered into the spirit of the evening in a red Comme des Garçons jumpsuit that flattened and haloed the body but had no armholes, meaning the eating thing became a little complicated.

Last year, for the celebration of “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination,” things got really extreme. Rihanna came as the pope. Katy Perry wore such enormous angel wings that she practically knocked over a fellow guest. And Sarah Jessica Parker had an entire nativity scene on her head.

That does sound insanely camp.

It is. The Met gala is always full of artifice, exaggeration, theatricality and — to quote Sontag — “failed seriousness.” Which does raise the question: Is it even possible to get any more camp, or will the whole thing simply tip over into absurdity?

We will have to wait and see, but I can tell you this: Many designers I have been speaking to have been struggling with the dress code on the invitation. Which is “studied triviality.”

Studied triviality? Does that mean Lady Gaga will wear another meat dress?

Probably not. (She doesn’t like to repeat herself.) But she could wear a TV dinner dress, straight from Moschino’s most recent runway. Viktor & Rolf, in its last couture show, produced a bouquet of titanic tulle confections with meme-friendly messages like “No” and “Go to hell”(at least one of the frocks made it into the exhibition itself) that would be on theme.

And there’s always Olivier Rousteing’s first Balmain couture, in which women got swallowed by giant pearls. The revenge of the oysters! Maybe next year we’ll go back to little black dresses again.

O. K., what if I want to go?

Good luck. Unlike other cultural fund-raisers, like the New York City Ballet gala or the Frick Collection Young Fellows Ball, the Met gala is invitation only, and there is a waiting list.

Qualifications for inclusion have to do with buzz and achievement (and beauty), a.k.a., the gospel according to Anna, more than money. Ms. Wintour has final say over every invitation and attendee, which means that even if a company buys a table, it cannot choose everyone who sits at its table: It must clear the guest with her and Vogue and pray for approval.

Who does get to go?

This year, about 550 Chosen Ones. In the past the guest list has been a secret guarded with all the obsessive secrecy of the Illuminati members roll, but this year for the first time — maybe to offset those rumblings about brands sitting it out — Vogue released the names on the host committee.

It is … very long. Kimye are on it! So are Hailey and Justin Bieber! Sean Parker! Lots of designers! RuPaul! Cam Newton! I could go on, but that would ruin the surprise.

How much does the gala cost?

Tickets are $35,000 apiece, and tables range from $200,000 to $300,000. The party and exhibition are sponsored, this time by Gucci (and as is usual, by Condé Nast).

All of the money from ticket sales goes to the Costume Institute, which is necessary because it is the only one of the Met’s curatorial departments that has to fund itself, fashion having been an iffy proposition as an art form when the institute was established.

Why would anyone pay that much for a party?

Ms. Wintour, the editor of American Vogue and the artistic director of Condé Nast, became chairwoman in 1995. She took over annual leadership in 1999. Since then, she has been instrumental in transforming a local philanthropic event into the ultimate global celebrity/power cocktail: Take a jigger of famous names from fashion, add film, politics and business, and mix.

This year some brands appear to be chafing, and rumor has it Dior, Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein are downsizing their presence.

Still, the gala remains the gold standard of parties, and that by which other benefits are measured. It’s such a heady combo that President Trump proposed to Melania during the event in 2004. (No, they are not expected this year.) It is among the hardest party tickets of the year to get.

What happens when guests get inside?

It’s another secret. For the last three years, posting on social media has been banned after the red carpet.

What I can tell you is this: There is a receiving line inside with the hosts, usually next to some towering floral arrangement by Raul Avila that pretty much takes over what is normally the Great Hall’s central information booth. Guests file by, air kiss Ms. Wintour and Co., and then tour the exhibition on their way to the cocktail party, so they are theoretically forced to experience some culture.

After cocktails, they are called in to dinner, and there is always some form of entertainment. Last year, it was Madonna (which was not a big surprise, given the theme). This year it could be Mr. Styles or Gaga, but the betting money is on Cher. I got you, babe.

So why does it matter?

It’s reality TV at its most glamorous; the All-Star Game of Entrances. Who cares about sitting down? Who cares about food? And let’s be honest with ourselves: Who can resist?

For the best view, tune in to our red carpet slide show, produced in real time as soon as the hosts make their entrance around 6 p.m.

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/fashion-review-prada-does-protest-dressing/

Fashion Review: Prada Does Protest Dressing

It takes some gumption for a designer to announce, just days before the opening of the Metropolitan Museum’s costume extravaganza celebrating the ubiquity of “camp,” that “reality is what interested her. Because everything now is too much: too complicated, too sophisticated.”

Too angry, Miuccia Prada could have added. Too gilded. Too full of distortion.

“Simplicity is a kind of protest,” she said.

But then, Ms. Prada has never been afraid of a little dissonance, aesthetic or conceptual. Bringing her cruise collection to New York for the second year in a row, she proved it.

Anti-fur protesters set the tone outside the old piano factory on the Far West Side of Midtown Manhattan that serves as Prada headquarters in the city, toting signs that read “Animals are not ours to wear” and “Shame on Prada.”

Prada is one of the few brands that has not joined the current trend toward renouncing exotic skins and fancy pelts, though in point of fact there was only what looked like a single sheepskin coat on the runway. And none of the guests, who included Naomi Watts, Lee Daniels, Uma Thurman and a bunch of the “Stranger Things” kids, were wearing fur. So guests could be forgiven for wondering what, exactly, the picketers were protesting: a general sense of wrongdoing, perhaps. The inchoate yelling did kind of underscore Mrs. Prada’s point.

“In moments of difficulty,” she said after the show, “the only way to survive is being yourself.”

So that’s why she held the collection in her “home,” with its views over the Hudson River, and that’s what she expressed in her clothes. Going back to the awkward elegance that originally defined her approach to dress, she layered neatly tailored double-breasted coats and long blazers over high-necked cotton tunics, often sprinkled with naïve pastel flowers, and themselves worn long and loose atop A-line pleated skirts.

Banker stripes — in shirts, yes, but also shorts and dresses — mixed it up with frumpy plaids and checks in ’70s shades, as well as scattershot florals. There were boudoir granny rose-print trouser suits, the pants cropped at the ankle, the jackets with safari waists or with a painter’s smock line. The silhouette was, generally, loose and long (save for the occasional pair of shorts).

Everything was paired with thick ribbed socks scrunched at the ankle and high-top Prada sneakers or wedges. Often, there was a skinny ribbed scarf covered in paillettes tossed around the neck. Sometimes a beanie. The most ubiquitous fabric was cotton. The air was youthful, without insisting on being young. It didn’t try too hard.

“Meh,” said this show and these clothes. There is enough to think about in the world at the moment without freaking out over what you wear. Who needs slogans, when you have dad closet shirting?

“Intellectually, I am very worried,” Ms. Prada said as her celebrity invitees came over to pay their respects. (“Who is that one?” she asked after one newly minted star had been presented; everyone around her shrugged.) “Sometimes, as a designer, you feel you always have to impress and to please. But I think you need to do what is right for the moment.”

This — the offhand provocation of dowdiness, the refusal to perform for the eye of the beholder — was her gauntlet, and she threw it down with aplomb.

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/social-qs-how-can-i-save-my-workaholic-boyfriend-from-himself/

Social Q’s: How Can I Save My Workaholic Boyfriend From Himself?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Occasionally, he goes into deep panics about his work and cancels plans — and not just with me. He cancels dinners with friends and important doctors’ appointments, holidays with his family and trips we’ve booked months in advance. I love him, and want to be compassionate about his panic and his work. But some plans are important to me. We’re supposed to visit my family soon, and he’s already threatening to cancel. He says: Everything will fall apart if he goes away. What can I do?

ANONYMOUS

I hate to break it to you, but there are some problems that even a loving girlfriend (and a well-meaning advice columnist) can’t fix. I am concerned about your boyfriend’s “deep panics” and doubtful that our civilian assistance will be a big help.

In my 300 years of working, I have encountered two main types of people who just can’t step away from their desks. The first is the egotists who really believe that things will go to wrack and ruin if they’re not there to supervise. They’re irreplaceable (in their own minds). This doesn’t sound like your boyfriend, though. Superiority doesn’t often lead to panic.

The second group is larger in my experience (and, sadly, includes me): workers who lack confidence, and fear that all of their imagined errors and incompetence will come to light the second they clock out. Panic makes sense if you truly believe, however incorrectly, that you’re about to be exposed as an impostor and possibly fired.

Planning ahead can help. Encourage your boyfriend to ask a trusted co-worker to keep an eye on his projects while he’s away. But the only thing that’s worked for me, I’m afraid, is talking with a therapist about why I suspect I’m not good enough. If he may be open to this option, suggest it gently. Otherwise, get used to traveling alone.

Image

CreditChristoph Niemann

Gender Reveal? Come On, It’s 2019

My cousin got married recently. I’m happy for him. I was even a groomsman at his wedding. Now his wife is pregnant, which is also great news. But they’re going very heavy on the gender-reveal craze, which irks me. As a queer person, I disagree strongly with it: It reinforces a binary idea of gender, and erases transgender and intersex people. How can I express my discomfort? I’m finding it hard to embrace their good news when I disagree so strongly with their approach.

MIKE

You make a sensitive point, Mike. I respect it. But when the baby-industrial complex (which is huge) intersects with the untrammeled excitement of first-time parents and online over-share culture, a gender reveal is a natural, albeit cheesy and overdramatic, result. (And boy, is it popular.)

Of course, “gender reveal” is a misnomer. The most that ultrasounds show is sex at birth, not the ultimate gender identity or sexuality of an actual person. Can you focus on the mislabeling here? Maybe even point it out lightly to the future parents?

I would rather you save your energy for supporting your new cousin than squabble over the theory of a dumb party. True, the current information about the baby’s gender is incomplete, but it’s not nothing either. It rarely pays to pour cold water on the joy of others. And if you’re still uncomfortable, refuse the invitation nicely.

Oh. You Weren’t Supposed to Hear That.

My adult family and I went to dinner at an Italian trattoria. When the owner led us to a table near a family with bouncy children, I asked, in Italian, if he could seat us someplace quieter. He did. After we were seated, the woman from the table with children came up to me and said: “Don’t worry. We’ll be leaving soon.” She had clearly heard and understood me. I think she crossed a social boundary. You?

A.

Presumably, you wanted to avoid offending this woman by requesting a quieter table in a language she wouldn’t understand. (In my view, there would be nothing wrong with making this request in plain-old English.) Sadly, though, you chose a language that she (and millions of others) understand. She simply put you on notice that your secret code is not so secret. Was it teensy bit aggressive? Sure. But no worse than assuming you’re the only person worldly enough to speak Italian.

R.I.P. My Sister-Inflicted Pain

My older sister died at 86. Her memorial service will be held soon. I would like to tell those assembled how cruel my sister was to me for my entire life. I feel it would be extremely cathartic for me. My husband is begging me to keep still. You?

J.J.

Here’s to emphatic agreement with your husband! When people say, “Funerals are for the living,” they don’t mean in order to trash-talk the dead. Your plan could really hurt some of your sister’s survivors. Write a frank letter to her, instead, and keep it with your private papers. Not to be a goody two shoes about this, but there may also be catharsis in acknowledging her cruelty to you and forgiving her for it.

For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/how-to-win-at-taking-your-child-to-work/

How to Win at Taking Your Child to Work

You also need an exit strategy, if possible. Have a caretaker ready to whisk your child out of the office if things go south, Williams Yost said.

Give other options if the official day doesn’t work. Whether your kid’s behavior is not ready for prime time, or for whatever reasons you feel your office isn’t a great place for him, you can create other opportunities to expose your child to your work. “Regardless of the company or organizational size, I think days like these are important,” said Harts. “And, we can also reimagine what success looks like around bring your kids to work day. Maybe it’s a pizza party at a local restaurant. Or renting out the movie theater for an upcoming film. There are many ways that companies can invest in their talent — it doesn’t have to be a one-size-fits-all.”

If your kid does have a mega-meltdown … Remember that most people, especially parents, will be understanding — because they’ve been there, said Laura Moser, a writer (and former colleague of mine at Slate) who ran for Congress in Texas last year.

Moser’s daughter, Claudia, then 2, infamously threw herself facedown on a carpet in front of President Obama at a White House Passover Seder, because her mean mommy wouldn’t let her strip naked and put on a sheet. “When Claudia had her tantrum I wasn’t even nervous or worried about it, because the Obamas have children and understand the children’s outbursts and vagaries don’t reflect on you,” Moser said.

Moser also tried to take her children with her when she was campaigning for Congress, without much success. The kids found it boring, which is understandable. Moser has connected with other mothers of young children running for office, and some of them had the same experience — their kids wanted minimal involvement. There were definitely moments when Moser wanted to tell her children, “People won’t vote for me if they think you’re a brat, be quiet!”

She realized pretty quickly that she could only bring the kids with her in small doses. And when she did, her advice is to bring entertainment. “Bring a tablet. People might judge you” for letting your kid stare at screens, Moser said, but if it keeps them from causing a scene at work, it’s worth it.

P.S. If you’re enjoying this newsletter, sign up to receive it in your inbox every Wednesday, or forward it to a friend with a toddler nudist. Follow us on our beautiful Instagram @NYTParenting.

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/modern-love-podcast-dewanda-wise-reads-talking-to-my-fiance-about-my-new-girlfriend/

Modern Love Podcast: DeWanda Wise Reads ‘Talking to My Fiancé About My New Girlfriend’

Listen and subscribe to our podcast from your mobile device: Via Apple Podcasts | Via RadioPublic | Via Stitcher

On this week’s Modern Love podcast, DeWanda Wise reads “Talking to My Fiancé About My New Girlfriend,” an essay about sexual intimacy, commitment and polyamory.

In Spike Lee’s remake of “She’s Gotta Have It,” Ms. Wise plays Nola Darling, who dates three men simultaneously as she searches for an alternative to monogamy. Ms. Wise also appears in the new Netflix movie “Someone Great.”

Sophie Lucido Johnson, who wrote the essay, lives in Chicago with her husband. She is also the author of “Many Love: A Memoir of Polyamory and Finding Love.” Stay tuned after the reading to hear more from her, Ms. Wise and the Modern Love editor Daniel Jones.

To read past Modern Love columns, click here. Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook (Styles and Modern Love), Twitter (Styles, Fashion and Weddings) and Instagram.