#just write it in full view on my arm surrounded by doodles and nobody could read it so | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baby-n-boo · 4 years ago

Text

Embrace Chapter 1

Roman was having a crisis, and he was trying his absolute best to make sure everybody knew about it. And that world-ending, catastrophic, scream-it-from-the-rooftops-crisis? He was bored. Clearly the most tragic thing that could ever have befallen anybody, ever, most of all the creative side. He had only recently been in the imagination, the twins' usual fix for the bone grindingly painful boredom. But, unfortunately, that meant he couldn't go back yet, needing to take time in the real world to detox from the hazy, sort of floaty feeling he always got from indulging in his own specific daydreams. Much to the detriment of the other three sides, trying to do their own thing in the common area, it meant a lot of listening to him mope about dramatically, and, in Virgil's case, occasionally dodging a sharp blade with practiced skill, as Roman swung it about listlessly. It wasn't exactly new, for the prince to have lulls in his activity availability, but usually his brother would be around to keep him entertained for the half an hour he usually had to wait. However, today, Remus was mysteriously absent, Jan having said he was taking a personal day, everyone being too scared to pry into what that exactly meant for the least predictable of the group. So, instead, Roman's fellow core sides were charged with keeping his blessing of a presence from tearing out his own hair. Pat was trying to uphold a conversation to distract him, having spread out some paper across the coffee table to doodle on, since three of the four had some sort of restless energy to expel in some way or another. But, when he was interrupted by Roman's bored groan for the fourth time, he stopped trying so hard, just picking up a brown crayon to scribble a small blob in his quadrant of the paper. It was meant to be a puppy, but, no matter how much effort he put into the patches and wagging tail, it wasn't working out too well. Virgil, on the other side of the table, was staring up at Roman's restless pacing with an irritated face, the movement making his head start to hurt, and the heavy footsteps peaking his anxiety every time they drew near again. The purple sharpie in his hand was coming dangerously close to breaking, as he squeezed it, eventually just carefully controlling his voice to speak before he burst. "What about Thomas?" He spoke quietly, as if he didn't even have faith in himself but still, it drew the other three's attentions. "He's probably having a writers block, he did say he was writing a script today..." He trailed off, three sets of eyes now staring directly at him, and pulled his sleeves down lower over his hands, burying them in his lap. With hunched shoulders, he continued. "I dunno, maybe you can go talk to him, see if you can help?" It was a half baked plan to get Roman to leave, and everyone could see through it, most of all Logan, who, silently pulling up the display of Thomas's needs that he had access to, shook his head curtly. "Negative. Currently, Thomas is engaging in a new series recently released by Netflix, and instant messaging one of his....numerous acquaintances." He cut in, bookmarking his page in the textbook he had been browsing, and sitting up from his arm chair, accompanied by Virgil's frustrated muttering. "Texting, you absolute nerd, its called texting." Virge rubbed his temples, and went back to scribbling his strange sort of creature at this, quite content to once again exclude himself from the conversation now that Logan had weighed in. "I dare say your presence would indeed be welcomed, Roman, however you are not required at this present moment for a practical purpose." Logan continued, gesturing towards the ceiling to indicate Thomas's apartment, out in the real world, trying to dissuade the princely side from interrupting any peaceful times their host may be enjoying. But Ro just nodded, his eyes lighting up at the thought of talking to Thomas's friends, as he sheathed his sword, sending it back to his room in the process, and prepared to rise up. Patton quickly scrambled up from his crosslegged position on the floor to wrap Roman in a big bear hug before he could leave, his head barely reaching the prince's shoulder, making the both of them smile a little "Have fun out there, kiddo! Tell Thomas i love him!" He wished his friend well, giggling as Roman ruffled his hair. "I'm sure he already knows, sweet Pop-corn." Roman laughed, full bodied now that he had something to do, absently straightening Patton's shirt collar, before patting his back. "But i cant do anything of the sort if I'm stuck here." He joked, not maliciously, just familiarly, the situation being identical to a million other times. Logan watched the casual shows of touch with a carefully curated sort of detached curiosity, interested as to how the two of them could be so comfortable, his eyes softly drifting towards Virgil as he remembered he was also frequently involved in the hugs, trying not to feel jealous or angry, though a small fluttering in his stomach told him that he was definitely feeling something. Something he couldn't share. Patton reluctantly stepped away as he felt the strange not-quite-there sensation start to take over Roman's figure, waving goodbye happily. The smile he wore for almost anything not dropping as they all watched Roman shimmer and fade, in the dramatic way he liked to rise up, leaving a quiet sort of void left over in the room, that nobody seemed particularly keen to fill. But fill it, someone had to. And that someone ended up being Logan, clutching the engineering textbook to his chest like a precious relic, as he stood. "Farewell, to the both of you." He addressed Patton and Virgil formally, the feeling starting to spread upwards, making him limbs shake almost invisibly. "Should you care to reach me, i will be performing experimentations, within my private room." He managed, before it got to his throat, choking up his vocabulary. Trying to head up the stairs, he felt almost like that fawn from Roman's films, skidding with almost every carefully placed footfall, especially as the thick shag carpet seemed to pull at his soles, dragging them down and making him stumble in a rather undignified manner over the top step, peculiarly not glad he was out of view of Patton. He knew the naturally paternal figure would insist on fussing over him, showering little kisses over every injury, real or imagined, and smiling. By all rights, it should have been a relief he had avoided such a mortifying fate, it certainly was any other time. But on this occasion, all Logan could feel was a disappointed nauseous prickling deep in his stomach that his fall hadnt at least prompted a called ascertaining of his wellbeing. He could hear the small giggles as Patton's pen clearly skidded out of control again, or Virgil made a witty quip, so he knew they hadnt suddenly made the decision to move, but Logan couldn't think clearly by this point. The cold, but yet fuzzy, feeling had now spread up further, gripping his heart tight, making every thought he focussed on for longer than a few seconds seem to be tinted with a strange filter, highlighting blocks of primary color and erasing any finer, more complex lines of enquiry. Especially as he stood again, dusting himself off with one hand, before even noticing the other had crept to his mouth, the thumb lodged firmly between his lips, and he was absently pulling it in and out. Shaking his head, with how absurd the gesture was, Logan removed the intruder, ignoring how his mind instantly protested, and staggered on down the hall, toward the practical white painted door at the opposite end, the only of its kind, that hid his bedroom. But, once again, the strange colorful filter drew his eyes instead to Patton's door, covered as it was in cut outs of hearts, flowers and puppies. They surrounded a heartfelt, handmade plaque bearing his name, a gift from Roman only a few months previously, and made Logan aware of the bitter taste in the back of his throat that had come up since seeing the casual shows of affection the others shared. Scoffing, to hide the way his mouth pulled down into more of a pout than a frown, he turned away, his hand sliding down the glossy paper lightly, and finally, finally, stumbled through his own door, slamming it behind himself. It was only then that he realized his hands were empty. Trying to force his mind into some semblance of usefulness, he realized he must have dropped the precious textbook when he fell, feeling strangely like he should go apologise to it. Sighing at the absurd thoughts sprinting through his mind, Logan sunk down to sit upon the edge of his bed, head in his hands, before instead tilting to lay on his back, his head upon the pillow, sure rest would do him good, in setting everything back to rights. But, try as he might, he couldn't sleep, turning over until his sheets were a rumpled mess, and he was no better off. Peering at the clock, an hour had passed, with nothing to show for it, so, sighing, Logan gave in to the strange feeling that had been prodding at his mind for the past few minutes, feeling as it infiltrated every part of his brain, relaxing and simplifying as it went, uncovering exactly what it was he needed, though he was still reluctant to do it. Lying on his side, curled into a ball, which was very out of character, should anyone have found him, Logan sniffled quietly, his nose starting to run as tears pricked at his eyes. Despite having wrapped himself in some blankets, and a kidney cushion to emulate someone holding him ay some point in his efforts, he still felt lonely as before, one hand threaded into his hair, pulling gently on it as every part of his body was finally over-taken by the hazy sort of jealous feeling. He couldn't remember the last time anybody had hugged him, certainly not with any sort of genuine affection, or as any more than a courtesy. Wrapping his own arms about his chest softly, he shifted to be sat up, the blankets falling away, and buried his face in his knees, to let the tears evoked by such thoughts fall. Usually, the whole idea of crying would be completely repulsive to him, the idea of showing emotion via fluid falling from your eyes? It seemed to pose no purpose, but, for some reason or another, it seemed to be the right thing to do in that moment. It was his own fault, really, all the sides thought he regarded affection as distasteful, something dirty to be cleaned up and hidden away as soon as possible. And, to start with, they would have been right to assume as such, he had no idea how it felt, how much it happened so suddenly and explosively that nobody could even have known ig would happen. But now....now it was different. And nobody had even bothered to ask him how he was feeling. Not once, in the three years Thomas had known them, or even the years before that. Not a single time. And here he was... crying over them, and just wishing he could go to Patton for a hug. It wasn't like he didn't know what the feeling was demanding, Remus had explained what really happens when he takes "some personal time", and Logan had worked hard until he understood, always eager to learn, but, after a while, his purely objective research started to impact him a little more than he thought, until he was just like Remus, a toddler in mind, though he still stayed adult externally, despite his best attempts. It seemed that the mindscape's energy wouldn't let them warp their physical appearance that drastically. And, this time, it seemed that the stress of the jealousy had pushed his mind to slip into that mindset, which, once again, was no surprise, he often involuntarily regressed due to all the stress the mindscape put on him. Trying to reach out, to find Jan somewhere in the mindscape, since he usually ended up looking after the two of them, Logan quietly whimpered to himself when he couldn't feel even a trace to latch onto, the loneliness crashing down upon his all over again, making him pull a pillow onto his lap to hold tight, since he didn't have any little gear. The others could never know, cause what would they think, if their fearless leader, knowledgeable and mature, was nothing better than a dumb toddler, that could barely even speak? He could answer that himself, they would most definitely shun him, until all he had left was words. So, it had to stay secret, no matter how much he wished he could be held by the paternal side like all the other sides. Trying again, he shot out a small tendril of energy, looking for Remus, since his precede was usually overwhelmingly powerful, no matter where he went. Still nothing met his call, an emptiness starting to fill his stomach, as more tears started to pour down his cheeks, dripping unceremoniously onto his shirt and tie, soaking them through. The formality of the clothes felt like they were suffocating him, but, in his current state, he couldn't pull himself to get changed, or even will new clothes to appear on him, so, wrestling with the tie, he tried to at least loosen it. Anything to stop the loud, choking sobs that were now making his entire body shake. Once again, it didn't work, and Logan found his limited energy stores entirely drained by the simple act, causing him to slowly tip back onto his side, still curled into the tense position he had been in. It wasn't that he had accepted that he needed age regression, and all the trimmings that came along with it....it was more that it had taken over him and forced him to seek the safest way of dealing with the situation until he could resolve it. And, this time, that had meant seeking help, from Janus of all sides, to make sure he didn't do anything....regrettable. After Remus, Jan had assured him, Logan had been a dream to babysit, but, in this moment, alone and very much deep in headspace, Logan couldn't help but imagine the worst. That Janus had realised looking after two littles was too much, that he hated Logan's regression so much that he felt he had to hide, that something absolutely horrible had happened to Remus and Jan was calling Lo selfish for needing a caregiver at this time. And that did nothing to help the panicked and heartbroken sobbing now soaking into the mountains of pillows and blankets the-previously logical-side had built around himself. Inwardly reprimanding himself for ever thinking he was deserving of Jan's care, Logan drifted into an exhausted sort of sleep, still sniffling back tears even as his mind succumbed to the slumber. His sleep was dreamless, every breath he took in feeling as if it filled his lungs with treacle, each exhale heavy, bearing the last of his adult concerns, as his brain regressed, back to where it was comfortable. Back to where it was safe. Shifting softly as a cools breeze blew around him, his thumb absently found its way back into his mouth, his lips instantly forming a seal so he could suck upon it babyishly, helping to soothe the ting unconscious whimper that escaped at the bizarre feeling of flying, even as he slumbered on, every part of his body rejoicing as they relaxed, the tension he didn't even know he was holding in them, finally releasing, leaving him floppy and helpless as a newborn, as the digital numbers upon his clock sped past. Waking up again slowly, a strange heavy feeling had settled over his form, making Logan's breath catch in his throat. A soft, blue blanket covered in duckies had materialized wrapped about him whilst he slept, keeping him tightly swaddled, like a real baby. But that wasn’t what had caused his sudden surprise. What really took him aback was that Remus was stretched out, mischievously, across his-rather messy- bed, giggling as he played with a few small cars, liking to run them up and over Logan's pillows. After a few loud crashes, paired with explosive sound effects, Lo's sleep fuzzy, still regressed mind caught up with his eyes. If a clearly toddler-Remus was on his bed, where was he? A question quickly answered as a soft voice broke through his reverie. "Awe, there you are, baby." It seemed full of care, not a single ounce of doubt or repulsion, and altogether calming. Janus. "Did you have a nice lil nap?" Lo didn’t have a response, turning his head to press into Jan's chest instead, so he didn’t have to answer, words just…not coming to his mind. The awkward moment wasn’t helped as a chuckle vibrated through Jan's chest, Lo looking up tearfully, in case he was being laughed at. "Hey, it's okay, lil star, you're just cuddly today. Aren't you? Huh?" He laughed again, softly tickling the still sleepy intellectual's tummy through the blanket, pulling out a small giggle, even as the tears built up in his eyes. "Awe, my smiley star." The comment was idle, the Big looking over to Remus in the moment, but it did help to fight some of the oncoming fragility Lo was feeling, so deep in headspace now. The toddler's little game now seemed to have a dinosaur that needed to roar to scare the people from the cars, and eat them, all at the top of his lungs, in graphic detail, which Janus was watching with fond affection, used to it, even managing to softly rock the infant at the same time. But not everyone was as used to it. Whining slightly at the noise, Logan tried his hardest to bury deeper into the blanket, sure it would muffle some of it, startling audibly as a warm, gloved hand came to rest over his exposed ear. It shocked him for a few seconds, but, upon realizing it did, indeed, protect against the screams Remus was gleefully performing, he melted into it gently, though his limbs not at all wanted to work with him, and closed his eyes, the little kids game making him feel icky, and, strangely, jealous. A few shuffles were the only indication he had that they were on the move, his eyes popping open fearfully again, only to see that Janus had moved nearer to the bed, now sat just on the edge, and was quietly scolding the little kid, who, at least, had the grace to look a little cowed as he shifted to go stand in the corner. His movements were reluctant, but rehearsed, as if it wasn’t the first time he had been sent to timeout for misbehaving. Lo watched him go guiltily, well aware it was his negative reaction to the volume that had punished the regressor he almost thought of as his brother, and started sniffling, wanting Ree to come back. Surprised by the whiney sniffles, Jan looked down at the bundle in his arms, and his eyes softened. "oh honey…" he whispered, manifesting one of Remus' un-used pacifiers to offer instead of getting the one he had in his back pocket, not wanting to jostle the regressor any more than necessary. "I know, it's icky to see him go… but I told him before we came, I said he had to be nice and quiet for you." Jan tried his best to explain, not used to talking to someone in such a small headspace, but it didn’t seem to make a difference, Logan tearfully taking to the paci as soon as it was close enough. It gently bobbed in his mouth, the rhythm helping to soothe the fear just long enough for Janus to adjust his grip and pull the regressed ruminator closer to his chest. Frankly, from an outside point of view, it was an adorable scene, Lo's eyelids starting to droop again as he listened to Jan's heartbeat, the fond smile on the snakes face as he watched the baby- his baby-start to drift, even the fidgeting three year old with his nose pressed into the corner. But soon enough, it had to end, Ree getting to come back out after a few minutes, quickly hugging his CG, and mumbling a 'sorry lo-lo' to the baby. They didn’t manage to get much further than that though, Ree having just picked his favorite green car back up from its crash site in the quilt when a knock sounded on the door. "Logie? All good in here? Just your silly ol' dad checking in on you!" Came a chirpy greeting from the other side, Patton having no idea what he was a few feet away from. Eyes popping wide open again, all thoughts of sleep forgotten, Logan panicked, thrashing against the juvenile blanket, to get down and stop the other side coming in, his mind racing. He couldn't- not now. Not when he was like this. He couldn’t find out. Nobody could know. Nononono, not now, not ever. But Janus just held him fast, all warmly swaddled, placing a hand on his paci to stop him spitting it out in his desperation. Terrified of Patton finding out, Logan's gaze shot to Jan's face, which was the picture of serene calm, trying to figure out what to do. A small gesture to Remus drew Lo's attention though, especially as the side, no questions asked, straightened up from his position and-in a perfect replica of the logical sides voice-called back. "Affirmative, Patton. Merely immersed in a particular experiment. I seem to be in perfect health, no reason for concern." Remus spoke perfectly, even daring to look proud of his achievement as Logan gazed in shock. "Alrighty then! Don’t work too hard, you hear me, kiddo?" Pat chuckled back, none the wiser as to how ironic his phrasing really was, before retreating footsteps could be heard. Shocked into silence, Logan looked back to his Big for an explanation, but only got a sly smirk. "Told you it was ok, little one." He smiled, gently bopping the regressor's nose. It made him sneeze gently, a tiny little noise that he would be ashamed to have made when bigger, but now, it just made him giggle, reaching for Jan's nose to return the favor, the worry forgotten as soon as he had been distracted.

6 notes · View notes