#just wish the bpd didn't make me selfish and a bit Down about the inequality
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#entry#i actually dream of her quite often recently but i just dont fully remember the specific details once i wake up#but today i did--and despite it all i broached the topic to her#but she talked about how much she enjoyed her day out#and i just couldn't bring it up again--she seemed so happy and pleased--and it wasn't asked about anyway#not interesting enough to ask about i guess so rightly kept my mouth shut#and idk#that's a good thing#having a life#lmao#not revolving around one concept#must be nice#but it's a good thing that's a basic assessment#just wish the bpd didn't make me selfish and a bit Down about the inequality#all in all she'll be fine when im gone really so that's comforting#also after that there was a long period of busyness#and then she said something like 'im here now'#and you know i gave her an out#because she was already having a good day without me so i said 'that's alright you have shows to finish anyway'#and she said 'nu. im all yours'#people shouldn't say such things especially when it's not true#and evidently so only a few minutes later on repeat#this headache is gonna kill me lmao please#anyway i haven't logged much entries lately--particularly datas#especially since from that night which i cried a lot and the morning after when she wanted a break#idk what to do about the missing data im Uncomfortable since i've been logging it to a while#💢📛♨️💠#urges are to sleep late no matter what the likely selfdestructive cost--i'll be unconscious longer and wont bother her
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