#just warning everyone in advance. because i dont know how else to cope

[mellotronmkll]

Having a horrible day my flight got cancelled and i now will have many hours of layovers and im very upset so you're going to see a lot of they might be giants on your dash today

[jils-things]

over all thoughts i suppose? (spoilers, and knowing the kind of genre that mout.hwashing offers, these warnings can apply here. i tried not to say it so bluntly but do keep in mind if you're sensitive to it)

ITS SO LONG IM SORRY

this might come off as very rushed because its 12am and i have school sooo wkakdkks but but man. might not word stuff correctly and im sorry in advance but here goes

this game is one of those stories which really emphasizes on the fact that no one is really truly a winner or hero. one of the reasons why i love dark content such as this, is cuz of how people can go from being the kindest person, to the worst person alive and its all because of an event that is uncontrollable. man vs nature kind of plot device. the way they eventually get peeled off of their humanity just to protect themselves is... just something to stare in awe at. makes you think. tbh this line is most applicable to jimmy. hes a fuckin beast that i am afraid of

ive said this before, but this game really reminds me of lisa the pa.inful. the characters are forced into an uncontrollable situation, has this one consumable that is always present in the story (the mouthwash/the joy pill) and dealing with other people who cope with the situation differently. some are positive, some are neutral, or even worse

before i continue - i Do Not Like Jimmy. I do not respect him and I don't want to ever put him in a good light. so keep that in mind as i ponder about this.

jimmy is an incredibly complex character, i just wanna applaud the way he was written here - he's utterly detestable and flawed and yet he thinks he's doing the right thing. i hate to say it but he really helped make the story so. toe curling and unnerving. its insane. i really don't know where to start with this man but he clearly wants to be someone he's not. he's jealous of curly for being the superior leader, the one everyone relies on. the one in control. something he wishes he had. so when he actually does assume the role of captain, he starts to get so upset that he's failing to be their captain even if he wanted it. its so. its so petty like it seriously says a lot about him. he just wants to be feared YET he jumps the gun on everything AND doesn't want to be held accountable on what he does and blames it on everyone else. he just wants his hands to be clean. too bad. you are FLAWED everywhere. he's such a manipulator too, and i bet you that's why he wants to be in control. to let people do his bidding and if they fail, its their fault. not his. eeugg. i still will not forget his gaslighting towards daisuke on the vent scene. because of this, daisuke hurt himself SO bad. as if that wasnt it. fucking jimmy thought it was a good idea to THROW MOUTHWASH on DAISUKE'S BODY hoping it would act like some DISINFECTANT when even ANYA, THE MEDICAL STUDENT said that this is not a GOOD DISINFECTANT SUBSTITUTE. again. dude jumped the gun and just fucked around and found out. what happens? swansea is forced to mercy kill him. because of JIMMY'S DUMBASS. incredible fuckin work dude. /SARC.

as much as i am upset over daisuke's death, i dont think he had any chance after that disinfectant. he was practically burning alive and I wouldn't want him to suffer like that. its terrible. its sad even because i think swansea had a little familial bond with him and it probably really hurt him to do him like that. they remind me of hank and connor from dbh. hank was initially distant and mean to connor but through connor's kindheartedness and general innocence, hank couldn't be mean forever. the same can be said for swansea and daisuke. that's how i see it. i also wanna throw my 2 cents here, i feel that swansea is very regretful for not being the most... successful man. especially as a father. i feel that him being with daisuke is his second chance to be a good father figure to someone since he has already failed his own family and wanted to make up for it by teaching daisuke how to be a mechanic (again, reminds me of lisa the p.ainful. brad and buddy. if u know, u know)

i remember somewhere during my gameplay, jim was so angry when anya asked him to do the pill duty on curly. like hello? as captain aren't you supposed to understand your crewmates? why so dismissive? aren't they your responsibility and it's your job to also check on their morale??? why do you think the sweetener is only within captain's restriction? to ensure that everyone's mentally okay! hours go by, i see curly and he says his chad line "as captain, you are all my responsibility" AND I WAS LIKE OKAY THIS MAN GETS IT. HATE HOW THE GOOD ONES GO TOO SOON. CLEARLY JIM IS WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE he doesn't deserve that spot its insane he was provided that role. (i am aware of their. friendship :\)

ok ok i know you're gonna say "jil curly isnt that perfect either" YES that's why i said earlier "nobody is truly a hero" we all know that scene when anya confessed what happened to her and what did he do? idk he just says. "ill talk to him" sorry what akdjfhdhd i don't think talking is enough. he needs to be held accountable for that.... oopsie! nopee! jim already fails at being responsible soooo!!!! im sure i can say more for curly but atm ill just. stop there because i would prefer to do a round 2 of the game and then provide more insight

anya is... is a tragedy to me. a girl who had to retake her medical classes only for none of it to be successful, so she's left feeling unconfident knowing shes not really... well versed. but she really is trying her best and it has to be appreciated. the mere fact that curly is still alive is definitely because of her and i think she did amazing. she is a very sweet, and smart woman. i just hate how agaiiin ooh fuckenn jimmy has the gall to see her less of a person and devalue her worth its so djfbfbhdjdjd UGH it must be so overwhelming for her too, as the only woman in the ship it can be really scary. she's lucky to have swansea, daisuke and curly treat her right. except for Him. truly sickening. the fact that he didn't react so much to her ... demise is so ://// arent you at least, perhaps, feeling guilty? (no he's not) (the only nightmare he has of her is the fact she has ... a baby because of Him. yet again. displaying his need to have a perfect record. to have no dirt on himself. but he really does.) i truly feel sorry for her, she didn't want her unsuccessful classes define her capabilities, so she always tries her best to be informed. about the ship, her medical work, and curly of course. i remember when she said "our worst moments doesnt have to define us as monsters" or however it went. i like to think she was also saying this to herself, that even if she's just a nurse and not a doctor, she can still be of help. and it doesn't make her any less credible. i really want to hug her. i noticed she became so nervous and antsy after that subtext had been implied, i feel sorry for her.

daisuke is probably last person to have committed something so serious (iirc) and he was in fact, the victim of something worse. though it doesnt make him the perfect character either because he's just some guy who didnt have a good future ahead of him and just got there because his parents wanted him to be worthy. he was quite insecure about not being useful. (jim exploited that.)

yes daisuke may be irritating to them, but he really means good and he tries not to fight with others. im sure this is also his way of respecting everyone else as he's just an intern and they all collectively know better than his rookie self. he's quite obedient.

i wish i could say more because i really really loved this tragedy from start to finish and I could pinpoint every small detail but... ill just hold myself there hehe

i dont wanna start any arguments or debates abt the charas, i just wanna express how i understand them so far. dont take these for granted since this is all based from my first play and i'd definitely be more informed and well versed if i replayed/took time to read the intricate details

i'm very happy to have checked this game out. i was first exposed to this by jack's video and i immediately put it on watch later, not knowing it would get super popular lolol but im glad to catch up now

[ghostiebopper]

12/5/2024 —more venting i guess

sibling is a relapsing alcoholic and they're been (allegedly) drunk as recently as this morning. ive smelled an acetone scent on them when in close quarters with them a few times, and my research says thats a sign of like, heavy drinking. i havent for the past few days, and they (not to shame them) literally dont brush their teeth but stanky breath and body odor doesn't smell like Actual Acetone, and I know what acetone smells like. like i own and use it for cosmetic purposes.

so i probably shouldve told someone that. i told mom this morning.

anyway. in my opinion (which doesnt mean that much) sibling needs intervention yesterday. they need actual help so bad. but my mom is in this state of "well if it gets worse..." mom its worse. its so worse. it can definitely get EVEN worse but its already worse. please fucking do something. call her therapist. i dont care do something.

"they're supposed to find a support group" they wont. they havent. honest to god i dont think they were going.

they told mom (which no, mom shouldn't have told me, but she did) that their group "disappeared"

alcohol support groups cannot vanish. people are dependent on them. i severely doubt that they straight up vanished without saying a word. they probably warned people well in advance, both verbally and via email, because they cannot leave people who may be literally on the precipice of suicide hanging like that.

sibling was not going. i have not 100% been sure of this but i've been pretty sure. they lie so, so frequently. we want to believe what they're saying in good faith and i love them dearly, but they are STILL coping in a way that is to their own detriment as well as everyone else's. they get away with everything because we all fear how they will react if we actually dig deeper.

i say "we" but i have honest to god not been (and do not intend to) touch this issue directly. not my job. sibling doesn't want to hear that from me, i dont want to talk to them about it.

but it is my parents' job and they wont do shit!!!

mom has these soft expectations that are not grounded in reality and i dont think my personal situation is very helpful to the grand scheme of things. i have changed a lot, but mainly driven by my desire to be independent and not be a burden on my family for the rest of my fucking life (now, im not saying that sibling definitely feels like they DO, but i dont think they are aware of this as an issue overall). i hope mom doesnt see me, who has always been Quite different from my siblings as a "oh! this'll also definitely happen for my other children and i dont need to do anything, this will Eventually straighten itself out :)" oh my god please fucking do something

"they're supposed to do xyz" literally what evidence do you have that anything will ever change ever especially without an ounce of intervention. what grounds do you have to believe in these little wishes you have. that probably sounds harsh but oh my god this has gone on so long.

on a fundamental level i have always sought help. i cannot say, definitively, that my siblings definitely dont do that—but, in the limited scope i have on them, it appears to me that they are not driven for treatment the same way i am/have been in the past.

i was able to make things happen for myself. i experimented. not everyone can do that!!! i know that!!!

but where i have always tried to be as honest as possible when discussing my mental health, so i can get actual help, i struggle to picture that my sibling is the same. they lie so often about even the most mundane shit, just to get the interaction over with as soon as possible.

it's frustrating to see the people you love stuck because you want to help them...but this situation is not one i can personally fix or remedy. if sibling doesnt want help, if they cant say "help lol" they're not going to get it. they will keep getting worse.

in my non-professional opinion, as a non-addict, sibling needs to be in the hospital.

i am saying the following objectively, not in a way meant to convey judgement (because i have been in a very similar, dark place, many times!):

they cannot even shower. they do not brush their teeth. they are severely depressed. they are dependent on substances. they do not get dressed. their room is frequently covered in trash. flies live in there. their living space is a mess. they have not gone to school in weeks. they are lying to everyone, because if they were actually honest about what they're going with they would already be in the hospital. they are not functioning. this is not normal.

honest to god i dont think anyone around me really understands how bad this is. i dont know if theyre suicidal but if i was them i sure fucking would be. but even if they're not, they are not functioning. THEY ARE DEPENDENT ON SUBSTANCES.

the other thing that bothers me besides the obvious implications is that. this is so normal for this household

this sibling has been like this for years. we're used to it. nothing is going to change. things will probably get worse.

but they dont have to. there's so much potential for things to get better.

but nobody will take responsibility for what's going on. NO ONE. again, that's not my job. i think i will actually vomit blood if i tried that shit and i have no desire to.

and like, to an extent, if this situation is what everyone wanted that'd be different. if we were okay with it i wouldnt be upset or complaining, i'd just be worried, but...

as things are i cannot handle the stress every time mom comes to me like

"omg im worried about your sibling"

no shit so am i. what are you going to do to change anything?

"i might call their therapist"

ok do that.

"i really wish they would—"

me too. are you actually going to do anything or just complain

"well that's kind of—"

*at this point i leave before i explode*

so like. obviously. i cannot tell my parents what to do or dictate the things that go on in the household i live in. i know that

but im allowed to be upset. im allowed to be frustrated. im allowed to say "i fucking hate this and i wish things would get better" but theyre not and the way things are going they definitely wont

ive written all this and i havent even scratched whats going on with me personally but also i am stressed to the point im nauseous right now and want to sleep for 8 hours. so bye

[atlabeth]

eyes closed

summary: you know you should hate him. but you can’t stop thinking about him. 

pairing: zuko x reader and sokka x reader 

warnings: angst, betrayal, messy love triangle, y/n is a mess, this is all a mess  

a/n: i woke up in a cold sweat with this idea after this song came on while i was sleeping and wrote this in an hour. don’t ask me why i wrote in all lowercase because i dont know either. sorry this is so bad lmao i just had to get it out. also i didn’t use many pronouns here so i tried to make it gn! pls let me know if i missed anything

based on the song “eyes closed” by halsey 

wc: 1.3k 

after ba sing se, you felt lost. you felt empty. 

you thought that things might’ve been different, but one look in his eyes down in the catacombs proved to you that he had never changed. maybe he had started to become someone else while working at the tea shop, but he had never truly changed. he was just waiting for a chance like this to come along. a chance to regain his honor, a chance to go back to the man who did nothing but harm him, a chance to become a hero to the fire nation. 

a chance to betray you. 

you didn’t know how he could throw away years of friendship for years of abuse, give up someone he loved for a sister who manipulated him, but you realized your own feelings had blinded you. his actions proved he never loved you at all. 

i, i know where to lay i know what to say  it’s all the same 

all of your friends were worried for you. they knew the relationship you had had with zuko, but they had no idea how much it truly weighed on you. you hid your feelings, choosing to let your tears out at night and as silently as you could. whenever someone asked if you were alright, they got a simple “i’m fine” in return. for a while, you locked everyone out. you barely acknowledged katara when she tried to talk to you, and every time sokka asked you to train you just told him you weren’t feeling up to it. even hakoda questioned his children about you, but they could only tell him what you told everyone else. toph was the only one who knew to leave you alone. 

as time went on, you slowly became better. taking over the fire nation ship might have helped boost your morale and quench your desire for revenge against your home nation, because after that you began spending more time around others again. it was in that time that you and the water tribe boy started to develop a relationship.

after sokka got over his distrust of you because of your fire nation heritage, the two of you began training together. as the only two non benders in the group it gave you something to do while aang trained with katara and toph, and it was mutually beneficial. you got to teach sokka fire nation techniques and give him more advanced advice that you learned from being around generals, soldiers, and other sword fighting masters; he got to teach you water tribe styles of fighting and keep you sharp by sparring with you. 

you began training with him again, but something just felt different. you began hanging out more outside of sparring — it started with just sitting together in silence, usually at night after most of the crew had gone to sleep. eating together after training sessions or at mealtimes. then it became more. 

now if i keep my eyes closed he looks just like you but he’ll never stay, they never do 

sokka became a comfort to you. maybe it was because you had been around him for so long that he was like a desperately needed constant in your life, but you found yourself drifting towards him during the weeks at sea on the fire nation ship. water was the element of change, but it felt like he was the only thing for you that stayed the same.  

now if i keep my eyes closed, he feels just like you  but you’ve been replaced, i’m face to face with someone new 

you didn’t know when you started feeling that way towards him, but one thing led to another. under a moonless night sky, the two of you shared a kiss.

when you pulled away you were out of breath and flushed, and sokka just smiled at you. he thought it was because of nerves, or that maybe he was just that good of a kisser. but you were terrified, because you could only see, you could only feel zuko. 

sokka was usually naturally cool being from the water tribe, but tonight his lips were burning. it felt the same as the kiss you shared with zuko, your first and only kiss with him before he was banished from the fire nation. 

you returned the smile, hoping he couldn’t see the uneasiness behind it, and leaned back in. he met you in the middle and you kissed again, trying to push the feeling in your gut back down.

would’ve gave it all for you, cared for you  so tell me where i went wrong 

you felt horrible. you felt like you were playing with sokka’s heart, but you just didn’t know how else to cope. you didn’t know if you liked him or if you were just using him to make yourself feel better. you thought that if you leaned into how you felt about sokka, if you just went along with it, that you would be able to get over your feelings for the prince, that you would be able to leave it in the past.

you pivoted on your foot, just narrowly avoiding the blast of flames going by, and lunged forward with your momentum. you slashed at zuko’s feet causing him to jump out of the way, and you took advantage of the momentary loss of balance to knock into him with your shoulder. he fell to the ground with a grunt and you looked down at him, grinning and breathing heavily as you lowered your sword. 

“that wasn’t fair!” 

“just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean that every loss is unfair!” 

“yeah, but you caught me off guard.” 

“prince zuko, the whole point of sword fighting is to catch your opponent off guard. now come on, let’s go again.” 

you reached down your hand but he didn’t take it, instead staring at you for a few moments. 

“what?”

“just.. call me zuko. we’re friends, so you don’t have to use titles.” 

you paused for a moment, feeling your cheeks heating up, before nodding with a smile. “alright, pr— zuko.” 

he took your hand and you helped pull up back up, and you noticed the faintest blush coating his face as well. “thank you, y/n.” 

“thank you, y/n.”

“y/n”. 

“y/n!” 

you were jolted back to the present to see sokka waving his hand in front of your face. “hellooo? earth to y/n?” 

you gave a shaky smile and blew out a breath as you lifted your sword back up again. “yeah! sorry, i just spaced out for a second there.” 

sokka nodded slowly with a strange look on his face, one that disappeared as quickly as you noticed it. “okay. let’s go again.” 

would’ve traded all for you, there for you  so tell me how to move on 

your relationship with sokka grew stronger, but it felt like you were being torn in two. you loved sokka, you truly did, but you didn’t know if it was solely platonic love. a part of you knew that you were latching onto sokka because you were selfish. you felt so betrayed by zuko that you couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong with you, and someone so good like sokka showing interest in you made you feel like maybe you were good too. 

but you weren’t. you were just a lost kid playing with an innocent boy’s heart because the boy they had loved as a child had left. so you kept telling yourself that you loved sokka. 

but it was a lie. 

he don’t realize that i’m thinking about you it’s nothing new, nothing new 

because even after all zuko had done, you still loved him. 

and you hated yourself for it.

[alwaysanotherrainbow]

my boyfriend never texts first

Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. That’s not too much to ask, right?

relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)

warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps) notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!

____________________________________________________

Remus always texted him first. Always. It didn’t matter the situation, didn’t matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either he’d call or they’d talk in person.

No matter. Remus could cope.

May 1:

8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker 8:39 PM *today 8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?

May 2:

9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today 9:30 PM wanted to talk about how i’m doing after 9:52 PM well you know. he’s a sick bastard

Really, it wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while! May 7:

3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time 3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium 3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P 4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is 4:20 PM: bLAZE IT 4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop 4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad 10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.

June 2:

7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!! 7:32 AM: there’s cookies in the reception menu 7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes] 10:02 AM: i’m getting some for u 10:05 AM: [kissy face] 7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird 7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles (Remus couldn’t go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully he’d come over (wait, probably not, given...))

Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first. June 11:

12:14 PM: roMAN 12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf] 12:18 PM: YEAHHHH 12:24 PM: I’m sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT 12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA 12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]

Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldn’t... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)

“I got y’all some kouign-amann from the cafe,” said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.

“Sweetie, what’s a queen amahn?” asked Papa.

“It’s a... er, it’s like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-”

“Can I leave some for Roman?” asked Remus.

They exchanged a glance.

“Of course you can,” said Papa with a smile. “Your candle’s on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your father’s alma mater.”

“Are you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.”

Papa glared at Dad. “Be nice.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s just...” Dad put down his coffee. “If you’re not ready, if you need more time-”

"I’m sure,” said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. “Trust me.”

“Please find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, they’ve been there since last week!” shouted Papa.

June 12:

12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish 12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out? 12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things 12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance 12:34 AM: tell him i say hi 12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH

July 12:

3:30 PM: guess who’s a double major in bio and theatre!! 3:32 PM: marine biology babey 3:53 PM: it’s good for the SOUL 4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way 4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]

August 14:

6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst 6:32 PM: by the way i got a single 6:35 PM: no roommates 6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho 6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo

August 30:

2:12 AM: roman it is like two o’clock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here, 2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi 2:32 AM: ok >:c 2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium 3:15 AM: tbh i didn’t even know we go to the same campus? haven’t seen you around or anything 3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di

September 28:

2:20 PM: i failed my test 2:22 PM: idk what to d 2:24 PM: *do

September 29: 7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions? 7:32 PM: it works!!

October 3:

1:10 PM:  You’d like the theatre program, really 1:15 PM: just so u know they’ve listed your name as an ‘honorary member of the class of’ 1:19 PM: that’s really nice of them. idk if your dad knows

October 23:

9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8( 9:52 AM: i can’t Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time 9:55 AM: also why i’m called The Duke 9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault 9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still 9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch October 31: 6:12 PM: sun’s down! joyous samhain 6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings 6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it?? 6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day 6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen 6:59 PM: it was worth it though 7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think you’ll like it.

November 9:

11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.

November 10:

12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like 12:24 AM: a lot 1:15 AM: i’m sorry i should’ve been with you 1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You. 1:45 AM: but i wasn’t 2:20 AM: i didn’t know thered be a 4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you December 2:

10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol 10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parents’ house 1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dad’s making snickerdoodles and papa’s gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me it’s with your candles on your table just like everything else) 1:03 PM: that was on the dot, i’m happy.

December 21

8:34 AM: hey, it’s snowing 9:13 AM: couldn’t help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course 10:12 AM: i love you Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.

[2 Unread: Roman <3, bf’s dad]

10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number? 11:15 AM, bf’s dad: Remus, disregard that last, I’m so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first

The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Sanders I didn’t know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,” he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.

“No, it’s quite all right. And Virgil’s all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“I just turned the phone back on, I’m getting a lot of messages.”

“Oh.” Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. “Well, I--”

“I’m not going to stop paying for his phone. I’m sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I can’t stand the thought of it going offline either.”

“Right, I... I listen to it too.”

“I happened upon the last one he sent to you.”

“You looked at the messages?”

“I only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.”

“Yeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?”

“I really think I should tell you this in person.”

“Please, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I can’t manage that.”

He sighed. “All right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.”

Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sanders’ voice still clear.

“I think he was going to ask for you to....”

“No, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesn’t make sense.”

“He always was one for those romantic gestures. There’s some poems here, too. A life-plan. I’m not sure exactly what malacology is, but--”

“Mollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?”

“Some of it’s in your handwriting, but one of the entries is ‘ask him’, for the day after... you know.”

God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.

But then Roman had died.

He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.

“I’ll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s... that’s fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. They’re still not convinced I’m doing okay.”

“I understand. I’ll talk to you later, Remus.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.”

The line went dead in his hands.

Remus held himself and wept.

December 28:

12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Year’s party? 12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: It’s a tradition we had. You don’t have to if you’d rather not. 12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: I’d love to go.

January 1:

12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! 12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)] 12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug. 12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing i’ve ever fuckign seen. thank you,, 12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3 12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger 12:30 AM: jsyk your dad’s asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe 12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back 12:39 AM: okay i’m crying a bit but honestly, i love u 12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman

Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.

[krpk-remaking]

Dr Sex Epic Character - maxx @maxxeruz

Leorio Paladinight is easily one of the most underrated hxh characters, both within the fandom, merch and the manga itself, because he really is the most normal out of the main four and i really think he should be appreciated more because hes a great character!

Once again, shoutout to Mags @senritsus for helping with this! Go follow him!!

Im gonna be talking about Leorios Character, where his arc will go, and his connection with Kurapika. This is gonna be a little harder than writing Kurapika meta, since theres (sadly) a lot less Leorio content and we know a lot less about his background but ill try my best! Leorio deserves it.

Reading my Kurapika meta might make this a little more enjoyable, since i touched on Leorios and Kurapikas relationship more in depth there but you can read this post without reading it!

1 . Leorios Personality And His Past

When we first meet Leorio, hes introduced as a stupid, greedy and quick to anger Pervert, not an uncommon trope for a comedic relief character in anime. Those comedic relief characters often lack personality beyond that, a fact that is actually commented on by Kurapika.

But thanks to Kurapika, about seven chapters in, we learn more about Leorio and his motivations and as the manga goes on, it becomes obvious that there is way more to Leorio than just someone whos there for comedic relief.

Leorio grew up in (presumably extreme) poverty, loosing a friend due to their lack of money, motivating him to want to become a doctor whos able to help people for free.

"I'm a simple guy. Figured I'd become a doctor... so I could cure some kid with the same disease, tell his parents they owed me nothing! Me... A doctor! Now there's a joke!! Do you know how much it costs to even try to become a doctor? The mind boggles!! It's always about money! Always!! That's why I want it!"

Knowing this, Leorios character already gains a lot of depth. Sadly, the manga doesnt mention when exactly his friend died but the 2011 Anime follows the manga more closely so ill go with the fact that his friend died when they were younger. Most of Leorios actions can be explained with the guilt he feels over the death of his friend, how useless he often feels and the way his upbringing in poverty affected him, for example at the very beginning, the fight he picks with Kurapika stems from the fact that Kurapika didnt respect him and was acting as if he was better than him.

Leorio absolutely hates feeling like hes at a disadvantage, or like someone is looking down on him, probably due to getting little respect during his childhood due to his poverty. This also just might be the reason for him to constantly dress in a suit, something that rich, important people often wear. He often overplays his pride, puts up a facade and the way he presents himself really just screams overcompensation in so many ways

Here, he gets upset at Killua because he feels disadvantaged once again. This feeling of inferiority is often the reason for the fights Leorio has with Kurapika and in this instance Killua, he absolutely hates being looked down on. The Other reason he fights with someone early on is, because they dont value life in his eyes, for example the old woman who was asking them to choose between two human lives, toying with them per say, and not valuing them.

Leorio values human life, especially those of his friends over everything else and has a strong sense of Morality, since he did acknowledge he was in the wrong and apologized to the old lady.

When Hisoka was playing with the lives of the others during the hunter exam, as well as Leorios and his friends, Leorio got upset once again and, knowing just how powerful Hisoka was attacked him anyways with no regard for his safety.

He mentions “being toyed with” twice, something people do with people they look down on/are stronger than, where Leorios hate of feeling inferior once again comes back to show.

But, While Leorio absolutely hates being regarded worse than everyone, he also dislikes being viewed as someone whos better than everyone and gets very embarassed everytime someone compliments him/shows him positive attention. This is either due to the fact that he isnt used to it, or that he doesnt think he deserves it (note how hes always drawn with an embarassed blush).

Leorio is a very selfless man, whos ready to do everything in his power to help his friends because he doesnt want to ever lose another friend again. During the election arc, he focuses his entire speech around wanting to help Gon and uses his power to call for everyone to try and help Gon,

when Illumi manipulates Killua into killing during the hunter exam arc, Leorio is ready to give up his hunter licence for Killua,

And, being well aware of what Illumi was capable of, refused to let him through the door to protect Gon.

reassured Killua, showing his intense care for his friends (and little kids since Killua had actually not even been that nice to him),

When Killua had to fight against the serial killer, before they knew about his real strength, Leorio assured him that he wouldnt have to fight,

he willingly risked his life and let hundreds of snakes bite him just to warn Kurapika and Gon and to assure their chances of success, and before that tried to disband their team so they could still advance if he failed,

and, without any fear, they couldve sense that, stared down and yelled at the phantom troupe.

Leorio hates feeling useless and despite that, often does. He felt useless when his friend died and thus decided to become a doctor to cope with this guilt, he felt useless when Gon was sick, like his friend, and he couldnt do anything once again and he feels useless when Kurapika wont let him help him and wont let him reach out but despite that he keeps trying, to fight his guilt, to make sure that Kurapika is safe and to do his best to help.

He describes studying to become a doctor as something he does for himself, he doesnt see that notion, becoming a doctor to help people for free, as something selfless that should be admired.

He doesnt see becoming a doctor as something that he should brag with or that people should know. When he first meets Gon and Kurapika he puts up the front of wanting money to buy cars, mansions, wine, etc, all things one usually would want with money, when he really wanted the money to study so he could help people. Leorio thinks hes useless and good for nothing while everyone else fights and he just “selfishly” studies, but hes not useless at all and obviously studying to become a doctor to help the poor isnt something thats selfish at all. Maybe his motivations, to deal with his guilt over losing a friend, are a little selfish but the fact that he even blames himself and that he copes by trying to protect and value life wherever he can show that Leorio himself isnt a selfish person, hes someone whos ready to put his life on the line for his friends and others any day, despite being less reckless than the other three.

He sees Kurapikas quest for revenge as something noble, while he thinks very little of himself. Even during the election arc, after he had come into second and third place multiple times he was still convinced, somehow, that no one was gonna vote for him.

Even Ging a very experienced and talented hunter, though he is a terrible person, thinks highly of Leorio,

even copying the punch he threw at him, which Leorio, as Ging theorizes, mightve developed to get rid of tumors that are unreachable with operation, showing just how smart Leorio really is.

Leorio is someone whos been alone a lot and, while hes the least reckless and best at selfcare out of all four protagonists, had little regard for himself in especially the first arc, where he just kept jumping into dangerous situation. An explanation for that could be, that he had no one to care about and no one that cared about him before he went to take the hunter exam since weve never actually heard about any family he had or has. He could possibly be an orphan, explaining the missing mention of any family and the extreme attachment he has to Gon, Killua and Kurapika.

Him being orphaned would also perfectly fit into hunter x hunters theme of finding new family after losing another, Kurapika losing his entire clan, Gon losing his father, Killua losing his entire family except Alluka since his family is terrible and as good as dead to him and Leorio just never having really had one. So, the reason he becomes a little more responsible in arcs after the hunter exam is probably, that he finally had people to care about again, that also cared about him so now he doesnt feel like no one would miss him if he died anymore.

In short, Leorio, while being extremely selfless, caring, fearless, moral and empathic, thinks very little of himself and often feels useless and selfish. He cares most about the well being of his friends and has deep rooted feelings of guilt about the death of his friend, even though it was out of his control and he doesnt believe that his goal to be a doctor or really just he himself is deserving of any praise.

His wish to be a doctor is a mix of that extreme internalized guilt from “letting” his friend die, his selflessness that just got pushed up by the guilt and the empathy he gained by growing up in poverty and the first hand experience on why exactly free healthcare is needed.

2. Leorios Relationship With Kurapika, His Guilt, And How His Arc Could End

I wont go in depth about them here, since i already have one that multiple times but they truly are so, so important to eachother and are in many ways two sides of the same coin. Both of them have lost people close to them and theyve dealt with it in such different ways. It made Leorio want to protect life and heal people, focusing his nen around helping others (see: the punch he used being something he actually developed to deal with tumors) and it made Kurapika want to destroy life and kill people, taking revenge and destroying himself in the process, mirrored within his nen ability too (as it literally kills him to use emperor time, one hour of his life for every second). So this set-up, combined with the guilt Leorio feels over not being able to help his friend or Gon, combined with how important they are to eachother, combined with how the current arc has the both together on that boat, I feel like it would really make sense for Leorio to finally be able to save someone, furthering his character arc in a very satisfying way and also helping Kurapikas arc, letting him accept help from others and becoming less self destructive.

“Leorio is an unabashedly selfless character who very deliberately centered his life around helping others and the thought that he cant do that with Kurapika is definitely something he tries to take blame for.” (directly quoted from mags @senritsus <3) If something were to happen to Kurapika while Leorio is near and on top of that on doctor duty, where helping people is his only job, i couldnt imagine the guilt Leorio would feel. Hes always been looking out for Kurapika since they became close friends (and maybe the nearest thing to a best friend either had had in years) during the hunter exam and Kurapika did always try to be someone who calmed Leorio and helped him be more rational, though that changed when he began his down spiral after killing his first person and they drifted further apart and Leorio took on the job of calming down Kurapika.

Kurapika calming Leorio VS

Leorio calming Kurapika

Kurapika is in desperate need of saving and having Leorio be that person to save him would be so perfect for both of their arcs.

This arc already set up the tension in their relationship at the very beginning, or atleast before the succession war began and i do believe it has to be resolved (relatively) soon, especially because of this (once again my favorite) panel, showing Leorio as one of the four people Kurapika cares most about.

And, to quote my Kurapika meta post about this panel, Hes thinking about moments where they made him happy/made him care about them, Gon and Killua with their food fight in the park where they cheered him up and Leorio on the phone. Its him calling to check up on Kurapika. Kurapika really did appreciate it so much, even if he doesnt show it, even if he keeps pushing Leorio away. And he does care about them, even if he doesnt want to! The way Leorio expresses care for his friends, which is very vocal and direct, is so good for Kurapika because even if he still cant really believe or accept it, its still something he appreciates, somehow. I am not (!) saying that they will definitely end up with eachother but they are definitely incredibly important to the others character development and i dont think Togashi will forget about that.

If youve read all this, thank you so so much i really appreciate it! Leorio is an incredible Character that deserves more love and i hope everything i wrote here is coherrent!! If i made any mistakes or if you just have any thoughts youd like to share on this topic please send me an ask! <3

[nobuckingway]

Winter is definitely NOT my favorite time of the year when it comes to horse riding. You are constantly disrupted with bad weather which in turn messes up your routines. Below I have outlined a few tips, and advice on how I cope, from keeping motivated while riding, to dealing with the likes of Mud Rash. 

Have a read below & be sure to comment on any tips you have of your own, be warned I have added in a few quirky tips of my own that may possibly only relate to me!! 

Rugging

If your horse is clipped, then I highly recommend they be rugged! Do be aware that over rugging can also be a problem. Be sure to keep an eye on the weight of your rug. Rugs can vary from light-weight, medium-weight to heavy-weight! If you turn your horse out in the winter rugged up be sure to keep an eye on their condition, take their rug of for an hour once a week to give them a breather, it also gives you time to have a good look at their weight etc. 

Try not to over rug your horse, just because you are feeling the cold doesn’t mean they are, that is not how it works! Older horses, and clipped horses may feel the cold that bit more. Start off with a light weight rug, and as you move into the depths of the winter increase the weight. Another valid point to consider, your horse may loose weight during the winter, if your horse is prone to this make sure to keep them well rugged.

You can check how warm they are & determine if they need an extra layer by simply putting your hand in under there rug, feel up around the withers, if its cold add an extra layer, if it is wet or they feel as if they are sweating they most definately need a lighter rug. Check out the 4 links below, for a selection of different rugs on offer at the moment! 

Holmestead Saddlery Winter Rug Collection

TRI Equestrian Winter Rug Collection

The Equine Warehouse – Currently have an Autumn Rug Sale!

Sports Direct Horse Rugs

Darielle’s Random Tip: A great way to find out your horses temperature, cuff your hand around the base of his ear, this is generally a great indication of their body temperature, a great way of telling if they are warm or cold! Well it works for Dante anyways!

Rugging Tips:

Keep a bail of twine handy around the yard incase of emergencies! You never know when you may need to repair a fillet string!

Label your rugs (If you can) It is quite handy to put a small tag on the front fasteners of your rug, its is barely noticable and relitavely stays out of the way! In the long run it will save you getting your rug mixed up with someone else, lets face it all rugs start looking the same once the muck starts sticking to them! 

Darielle’s Random Tip: This is a very interesting tip I read online a while ago, and I am hoping maybe one of our readers will test it out!! Here it goes, using dental floss to sew up tears/patches in your rugs! Apparently dental floss is waterproof and very strong, so feel free to give it a go and let me know how you get on!

Having a cooler on hand during the winter is vital. It is great to have them handy for those cold evenings, to throw on them to cool them down that bit quicker, also handy for putting on them while in the horse box for travelling!

Horse Care

Feeding: Some horses don’t get fed during the summer months, as they are turned out in luscious paddocks with rich grass! For me Dante, had the best of both worlds, he was fed twice a day during the summer. Not much will change for him during the winter months, with only a slight increase in his food intake. I will also be incorporating more oils into his feed, this will help his joints over the colder months. 

Sunflower Oil

Karron Oil

Linseed Oil

Karron Oil is my go to supplements for him, I find it great, that or linseed oil. When my bank balance doesn’t allow me to buy the more expensive oils, I settle with sunflower oil, (69c a bottle in Lidl, I really cant go wrong) 

Mud Rash: One of the most common winter infections for your horse to pick up. It affects the horses legs, and is associated with the skin being exposed to the bacteria that is in the soil. Not all mucky legged horses will get mud rash. Some horses simply have sensitive skin, so they are more prone. 

  Available to buy from Holmestead Saddlery

  Not to worry though, as there is a solution. When bringing in your horse from the field make it a habit to hose down their legs, and towel drying them afterwards. There are also a lot of creams on the market for this condition if it gets bad. I have linked above the Pink Hoof Clay, that I highly recommend!

Foot Care: Winter is not the most ideal time for your horses feet, especially if they are standing out in overly mucky wet soggy fields. This in turn makes your horses feet quite soft. Loosing shoes is a huge liability during the winter months, the muck has weird ways of sucking them off that I simply cannot explain, so keep an eye on those hooves when you bring them in from the field, and again hose off that muck! 

Cornucrescine, one of my favourites! Buy now from TRI Equestrian

Plus Vital, Holmestead are currently running a Plusvital Hoofcare package, click to view!

Keeping their hooves conditioned is another major plus to keeping good hoof care, you really cannot disagree that cornucrescine is on of the best, but Plus Vital is also another one on the top of my list, see a few of my suggestions below!

Darielle’s Random Tip: I am not sure if anyone else does this or if I am just a weirdo! But I always cut my horses tails a little bit shorter during the winter months, it keeps the muck from gathering on it! This may just be me being a complete freak though!! 

  Riding & Keeping Motivated

Winter is most definitely not ideal weather to be riding in, its cold, wet & miserable. I have listed a few tips below to keep you motivated. Myself & Orla will be running a winter exercise blog also, hopefully it will be up & running in the next two weeks! We will be going through different exercises to keep you & your horse motivated and fit over those dreaded winter months! So keep your eye on the blog in the future weeks!

Winter Riding Tips:

Dont put that half arsed effort in, give it 100% or dont do anything at all. If your miserable riding, more than likely your horse will start to be too. You want positive vibes & energy when your riding.

If your having an off day, or you simply cant get the heat into your body, lunge your horse. It will give them a chance to stretch out. More than likely your horse will be in the stable more during the winter, so getting them out to move their legs will keep them in good spirits. A 20 minute session is plenty, no need to go into long hourly sessions!

If you have a walker, USE IT!!! It is not only a magnificent addition to cooling down your horse quicker, but you can also use it for warming up your horse! Make the most of your amenities!

Keep things interesting. If you only have access to riding in an arena during the winter make sure to plan out exercises in advance to keep you & your horse on your toes, better yet set out a winter goal for you and your horse. Learn new things, or start doing more no stirrup work! Its all beneficial to your training!

Get up early and go for hacks! Hacking in the winter is one of my favorite things to do, those crisp winter mornings are my favorite. 

Have you got an Exercise sheet? If you do use it, a clipped horse will appreciate it hugely on those bitter cold days!! Worse case scenario, you can take if off mid session if you feel your horses is working up a sweat. 

Look After Yourself

As much as we all hate to admit it, we are all only human, not superhuman! Winter takes its toll on some of us, from catching colds to old injuries creeping back in due to the coldness in the air! If you plan on surviving the winter make sure you look after yourself as much as you look after your horse. The weather isn’t always fantastic, so don’t try to over do it with the riding if the weather conditions are not on your side. A few extra days off for your horse in the winter will definitely not hurt, and who can complain about those extra hours sitting in front of the fire!

Winter Tips:

Dress appropriately, Wear the Dam coat!!! 

During the winter months, I always bring a spare pair of clothes with me to the yard, or I leave them sitting in my car! It is not ideal walking around the place is soaking wet clothes, or with wet soggy feet, so make sure to pack some spares.

Wear a hat, keep that head warm! It keeps the heat in. 

Invest in a good pair of gloves, for riding and for doing the yard work! See below some I highly recommend with Roekl being my favs, I cannot fault them! 

I recommend everyone buying at least one pair of these gloves! I have 3 pairs, and have my eye on another for Winter! Click To Buy – Stockist TRI Equestrian

One last tip I would highly recommend to everyone during the winter months, look after your tack! It can take a bit of a bashing during the Winter, from not being used as regularly to sitting in cold tack rooms! That along with your boots, (tendon, fetlock boots)they will all need a lot of attention if you want them to stay in good condition over the winter months!

If you follow our Instagram #NoBuckingWayBlog you will know that I often waffle on about a certain leather cleaner that works absolute wonders!! I will link it below.

Absorbine Horseman’s Leather Cleaner, in my opinion, simply the best! Click To Buy – Stockist Holmestead Saddlery

  Hopefully someone finds the above helpful, if you have any tips of your own to get you throught he winter, make sure to leave your comments below!

Darielle

#NeighNSlay 

Tips & Tricks for Winter Riding Winter is definitely NOT my favorite time of the year when it comes to horse riding. You are constantly disrupted with bad weather which in turn messes up your routines.