#just wanted to talk about neil being protective towards andrew bc it’s one of my favorite things in the books

[cubbyyyy]

Neil is there to protect the one who protects them all.

Andrew always knew how to protect. He sure has his own ways that many fail to understand but the bottom line stays the same.

With Neil coming into his life he gets to be something else than just the protector - which I want to talk about here.

The exy obsessed junkie who claims to only care about his own survival is the first one who sees beyond Andrews play - who sees that Andrew doesn’t take care of himself at all. Too busy keeping an eye on everyone to care about what happens to his own self. And Neil hates it furiously.

So Neil puts Andrew first.

Starting with his health. Exy is important to Neil but he knows Andrew needs to get off the drugs first. The foxes found it easier to deal with Andrew while he’s on drugs, so they didn’t put much effort into changing that - Neil though. Neil saw what the drugs did to Andrew. So they had to get rid off it as fast as possible.

So he makes a deal. He gives up a piece of a truth, gives a promise and makes him go take care of himself.

He punches Riko because he couldn’t stop himself.

He agrees to go to Evermore - he agrees to torture just to keep Andrew save.

Afterwards he refuses to back down his care after being explicitly told to. “If it means loosing you then no”.

After being brutally tortured, one of the first things he does is inspecting Andrews bruises. Inspecting Andrews bruises the same way Andrew inspects his. “All that time fighting and you never learned how to duck?”

He told the cops off when they indicated getting Andrew off him “you’ll what, asshole?”

He was there in a heartbeat the second Andrew got pushed in the final game. And only backed off after checking Andrew was really alright.

For the first time Andrew has someone who has his back the same way he had the backs of everyone else for years. Andrew is fiercely protective and for the first time he is fiercely protected too.

“You are a pipe dream.”

[belonareyna]

A study on Aaron Minyard

He is not homophobic out of Nora's extra content (where she just drops the Andrew Minyard is misogynist and Aaron is homophobic and I still don't get why. Where is this in the book? WHERE? I have read it three times and I have no proofs of this. But I haven't read all of Nora's extra content so it might be there)

He is uncomfortable of Nicky's sexual comments NOT with Nicky's sexuality

I wanted to punch him in the face when he talked to Neil after Baltimore in the house BUT I get that he was mad, angry and really worried about Andrew: Andrew had been abused literally months ago (not to mention his childhood). And then this mafia kid who lies more than he talks is dating/fucking his brother? Oh baby the Minyard twins protection to each other is TWISTED don't get mad at Aaron for being a shit to Neil while you protect Andrew who literally did the same thing to Katelyn.

I don't think he had used homophobic language towards anyone (I might be mistaken in this one bc English is not my first language and I read the books in English)

He is punished for "choosing" Tilda over Andrew by the Fandom. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool. Years of abuse and psychological trauma ended just like that when Andrew killed Tilda. Men WTF? Aaron's relationship with his mother was horrible. But you can't expect that Aaron who just had meet Andrew, and didn't knew how seriously he took his promises was going to accept that he murdered her mother so he wouldn't be hurted anymore. He hadn't even got time to forgive himself.

Hey! Tilda is dead, my brother killed him, he was in the car with her, he could have died too. My mother is dead. No more hits. No more screams. My brother could have died too. My brother had KILLED OUR MOM TO PROTECT ME. IT'S MY FAULT. LIKE EVERY BLOW I RECIEVE FROM HER. IT'S MY FAULT. MY BROTHER KILLED MY MOM AND IT'S MY FAULT. If it's not clear, Tilda is dead, so it seems like a good idea to lock Aaron, an addict who just received an impact change in his life in a bathroom and let him deal with withdrawal. Yep. Not traumatizing at all

Why did he extended his deal with his bother? Maybe because he wanted to stick around with Andrew, because he wanted to have a relationship with his brother and he knew/think the only way he could do that was if there was a deal on the table.

He killed Drake. And he couldn't see his brother after that. My brother has been abused. My brother has been abused at least till he was 12. I have killed his abuser. Does he care for me? He is asking me if I'm OK. He was the one raped and he is asking me if I'm OK? Is he OK? No, how can he be? How can I be OK? He is going to the hospital. But I'm going to the police station. He is gone.

"Is this going to be an ongoing thing? I need to know how to plan around you." "No," Andrew said. Aaron flicked him an irritated look. "Yes."

He is making an actual effort to bond with his twin. And I'm not saying Andrew doesn't care about Aaron. He fucking loves him. More than himself. He loves him and I'm not saying any other thing. But he is giving his brother the ice treatment. And Aaron just wants the ice to melt. And he is trying.

Neil Josten. In less than a year he is capable of making Andrew interested. He can make Andrew FEEL something. A task where Aaron had failed. And Aaron knows something. If Neil dies, Andrew will die with him. And isn't is sad and terrible? To know that you are NOT ENOUGH for your brother to try to stay alive

All of this said I have to say I love Andrew Minyard and this wasn't a comparison between the twins. We kind of understand Andrew and Andrew's reasons towards everything because the books are written through Neil's point of view and Andrew shares with him more than he had ever shared with anybody. But Aaron doesn't know a lot of things and can't understand his brother just as quick as Neil because he doesn't have all the information and because he is not Neil, he is a completely different human being with a completely different line of thoughts.

It's two in the morning and yesterday I've sleep only for four hours. So I think this post is less objective and more my thoughts than I would have like it to be. But that's what editing is for.

Love and hope you like it

[polzkadotz]

Asas reread their fics - ftayc - part 4

And we’re back to rereading this fic!!!! last chapter i reread was the 7k monster of chapter 3, and this one... oh. Oh, this is also 7k?

wowie

if you want a spoiler to interest you, here we go lmao

we begin with this author’s note bc I don’t think I ever really talked about it here on my tumblr???

It was sort of my first time being recommended, really. I had noticed that my hit count had gone up substantially and I couldn’t understand it, but it was nice??? and then i found the post on the library and I was like Oh. I See.

Whoever it was that recommended me, thank you. Seriously.

But enough mushy-wushy, let’s tackle this giant.

We begin with this exchange, which...

I was trying to be funny and this still makes me smile so at least I amuse myself lmao

Neil needs to free himself of the plot device I pulled out of nowhere and he taps into his reserves of power that he has hid away for, basically, forever. One thing that I wish I had made more clear, which was basically the vitriol going through my mind as I wrote this fic, was that Neil had been cutting himself of his powers and how powerful he was for a fucking long time because

1) he bought into his mom’s reasoning that his father was simply Not Someone They Could Face and Win

2) he had made himself fit into a mold that would “make him survive” but, by doing so, he basically chained himself to a fraction of the three-dimensional person he used to be, which made meeting Jean and finding out that he had become a pet god for a human even worse because Neil could see all the ways they were similar but Neil had been doing that shit to himself voluntarily.

Originally, when I thought about making Neil a god in this fic, I did think about modeling him out of an existing god but also, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to make him be someone who was struggling with letting himself be what he was with his full-potential. Someone who had been cutting himself back for so long he had basically lost whatever sense of personhood he used to have. Someone who had started to get tired of cutting parts of himself and forgetting what he used to be so he would survive for--

What? Survive for what? Neil eventually realized he hadn’t been a person for too long and as long as his father was alive, he would never feel safe to be.

Now that I think about it, Neil was very much me working through my own shit about trying to live as myself at the same time that I had different versions of past me struggling with the person I was becoming. The person I wanted to be.

Anyway, back to the story.

There’s a throwaway paragraph where I sort of tease that Andrew’s dragon is becoming "hungry” and it was basically me trying very hard to foreshadow that the priest thing was going to happen lmao

After battling for two paragraphs against the thought of creating a new priest, Neil gets them back on track to go as far away as its possible for both dragons flying.

Nicky tries to get Neil to talk about the god thing, and I like how I made it clear that even being reminded that he had been a god was something conflicting to Neil.

And then we get to the part where Neil suddenly remembers that he has a lot more money than what he had previously said in the first few chapters, but who cares about plot consistency, am I right? Does it show that this fic was edited hastily? Because I can guarantee that it was :3

They stop in Mumbai, I think (the place is not important for past Asas and honestly... can’t say that’s changed lol). Nicky tries to get Neil to talk more about being immortal and stuff. Neil gives a bit of backstory, as a treat, and Kevin reveals what he knows, as a threat I guess lmao

I kind of imply that Neil only had one priest, which... I remember is not what I put in the sequel.............. so I do recommend you reread your fics before writing a new piece, wink-wink

OH MY GOD I MADE NICKY ASK WHY NEIL’S ENGLISH “WASN’T WEIRD” AND THEN I REPLIED WITH A SENTENCE THAT WAS BASICALLY STRUCTURED WITH PORTUGUESE GRAMMAR AND SOUNDS VERY WRONG IN ENGLISH

Asas... my god, Asas.

Anyway, after a lot of questioning, they eventually go to sleep and, when Neil wakes up from a nightmare, he has his daily fairy tale dose from Andrew, who’s also awake. I gotta be honest, I don’t even remember that fairy tale but it explains the Aaron, Andrew and Tilda.

After everybody wakes up from their naps, they go to their last destination: Tokyo.

Wait lemme check:

when did they leave Mumbai in my story?

when did they reach Tokyo?

yeah, that math totally checks out.

Whatever. As they arrive in Tokyo, Neil splurges even more money on a hotel for the whole crew, even though they had been pretty not nice to him as a whole lmao. But! The boy believed he was going to die, so what was he going to do with all that money?

Nothing, so he programmed an email to be sent to Andrew with the info for some of his bank accounts and fucked off to try and find what his mother had stolen.

Neil gets on a ferry that will take six hours to reach the island where is the volcano that his mother had made him hide his father’s immortality. Neil got nekkid because he wanted to have clothes when he got out of the volcano, you know?

(Also, yes, I’m gonna ignore the other time inconsistency from his travel inside Japan, I was very much pressured by the whole “got recommended on the library” okay, you can judge me through those lenses)

Unfortunately, for him, he wasn’t alone when he finally climbed out of the volcano.

Fortunately for him, this Ichirou Moriyama doesn’t want his father, who is very much interested in becoming immortal, to actually become immortal. Neil explains the whole immortality thingy (I found some typos and honestly? I shan’t fix them. It adds character) and Ichirou subtly kicks Neil’s clothes closer to him, which... I get it, my guy. It’s kind of difficult to have an intimidating conversation when someone’s bits are out and about.

As they are trying to hash out their problem -- as in, Neil’s father told them that Neil’s immortality would be viable to cure Kengo --, Andrew appears blowing his ball of flames onto both of them, and Neil uses his powers to create a pocket that repels the fire, so it doesn’t touch him or Ichirou.

(Why didn’t he use those powers on his clothes, as well? Dunno, don’t poke at my plot too much or it will definitely crumble right into your face, you’re gonna inhale too much dust and die from fandom toxicity, AND THAT’S NO WAY TO REACH A GOOD DEATH)

btw:

Neil, my dude. The dragon thought you were in danger? Chill out???

Neil rages for a few seconds but quickly turns that into a situation to ask Moriyama for his protection against his father, since Neil just technically saved his life.

Oh, and if you think “Uhhh, why would Neil even believe that Ichirou would keep his word?”

Don’t worry, I gotchu:

Ichirou agrees with the deal, for plot reasons. Since he got a deal out of it kind of easily, Neil thinks, “Wait a minute. If I give my father’s immortality to this Moriyama, literally passing the hot potato around, then the Moriyamas won’t be after me for an immortality, my father probably won’t be immortal and come after me as the death machine he used to be and I might be able to use it to free a certain god????”

So Neil uses his father’s immortality to bargain for Jean’s freedom, and he doesn’t wait for Moriyama’s response for that one. He simply hops onto dragon!Andrew’s back and they fly away into the... sunset? Sunrise? Don’t ask me, I clearly can’t keep track of the time passage in my fics.

And this is the end of the chapter!

Let me say something that I hope will be quick: this chapter felt much better written to me then the other three. It’s shaky in places, definitely, and it could’ve gone through a more severe round of editing, but I can certainly feel the positive outcomes of the pressure I felt after my work got a shout-out. This fic had been pretty much geared towards myself, so writing about the world-building wasn’t my focus at all in the other three chapters. In this one, I try to at least explain some concepts I came up with which???? Go me??????

I still wish I had taken the time to work on this entire fic to make it as close to what I had in my head, but in a comprehensive form for the attention that it got, you know? I mean, from the ashes you crawl is still my most everything -- most kudos, hits, comments, bookmarks...  It deserved so much better but also... I like that it feels rough? I like that it can clearly help to contrast the growth of my style or whatever?

It was written after a long, long writer’s block, and it only got edited and posted because I decided to participate in an event for a different fandom and it got me excited about writing again.

Anyway, I’ve talked too much. Here’s to hoping I can contain myself in the next posts lmao

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6

[septemaria]

my thoughts on the all for the game series [spoilers ahead!]

so i actually finished the first book a while ago and then decided i was never going to go near the series again (i lied) but then i saw how cheap the books were on kindles so i picked up the series again! this post is going to be extremely text heavy and divided into three sections (one for each book)

i. the foxhole court

i’m not gonna lie, this book was my most disliked out of the whole series but i do have to say that it did capture my attention right away

there were so many unanswered mysteries at first (how did neil know kevin from childhood? who was neil’s father? why are aaron and andrew so loathing of each other?)

so honestly when matt, allison, renee, and dan were introduced i was literally ‘wow i love them so much if anything happened to any of them i’d kill everyone in this room and then myself’ but tbh that’s me with all of them at this point

i really hated the first time they went to columbia, i think it was my first real impression of andrew and honestly i wanted to push the monsters down a manhole

the whole televised interview part with kevin, neil, and riko was really intense and i wanted to backhand riko so hard gosh

seth just? died? i was really confused at first but he wasn’t really introduced and i guess his death came right after he was introduced but damn that got dark quickly

when andrew started to protect neil i liked him a bit more but we all know that he protected neil bc he likes him not because of kevin

ii. the raven king

the foxes are finally! freaking! cooperating! this took way too long ngl

every time neil trashtalks the ravens/moriyamas two years get added onto my lifespan

neil just kinda knocked kevin and aaron down from their personal ranks inside of the monsters and honestly? iconiqué

the whole drake scene during thanksgiving was kind of disgusting and uncomfortable for me so i just kinda skimmed through it and kept going so we’re not gonna talk a lot about that here

neil legitimately told riko to shut the fuck up and then later proceeded to hit riko i love my disaster son

and the foxes began climbing their way to championships and i actually hate sports but if exy was a real sport i would 12/10 watch it

iii. the king’s men

okay i just actually finished reading this book so you’re gonna get an actual review because i actually remember it lol

so the team is seeing through neil’s bullshit now and i just wanted neil to tell them the truth so bad

that whole christmas break section (did this happen in the second or third book? who knows) was so infuriating for me because i actually wanted to kick riko in the nose

so andrew and neil 👀 the sexual tension was getting way too much for me i just needed them to kiss

btw i like andrew now his character arc is the kind of arc i aspire my grades to have

the whole counting down texts neil kept getting were giving me anxiety because we KNEW that it had something to do with his father ugh

yeah anyways i literally screamed when lola started burning and cutting neil up okay i’m so upset

nathan sr. is actually such an asshole i can’t believe he only got two years in jail

i don’t even know how stuart hatford knew neil was in trouble but thank god he saved neil

neil! finally! told! the! team! i was so happy and they were so supportive i love my fox family

i don’t know when the team caught on to andrew/neil but that one remark aaron made to neil was not okay (you know the one i’m talking about)

okay neil striking a deal with ichirou was really unexpected but oh well i guess

we only got a glimpse towards jeremy but i would die for him he’s so sweet

kevin got his two tattoo coverup that’s my boy right there i’m so proud

the foxes! beat! the ravens! that will be the only time i will ever get excited about sports

andrew was not afraid to come at riko for even thinking of hurting his boyfriend and i gasped so hard at that scene like goddamn

coach tetsuji being fired and then ichirou murdering riko was. something. i was literally s h o o k and i was like? oh my god?

now for my thoughts on the series as a whole

so this series had a lot of triggering content and it was way darker than i expected and that was kind of a turn off but the way nora writes is really smooth and fun to read, the content was super interesting and capturing

the book is extremely plot heavy and even now i still have a difficult time remembering key events or even just significant internal drama that happened

it did bother me that the canonically asian characters were all villains or gangsters/mafia members, it put a negative light on the canon asians in the series as a whole

i did really like the way nora portrayed neil’s relationship with his mother, with her being abusive but neil still loving her, i think she did a really realistic portrayal of what that’s like

consent was a big part of this series and it makes me so happy that this is actually being shown in books nowadays

i kind of wanted more of kevin? we were shown his backstory and we had a vague idea of underneath kevin’s hard exterior there was something more and i feel like he had so much potential than being a character that was off to the side 

and while we’re at that, we know most of the team’s backstories but i think it’d be really cool to get shortstories on them growing up or being recruited to the team (matt, allison, renee, dan, nicky)

are we going to get more of the characters? i didn’t think i would fall in love with the characters and the series this much but boy was i wrong

[victor-v]

so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.

i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut

★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil

★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever

★neil is pure nihilism

★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much

★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often

★they are making a scandal about how they sit

★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power

★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week

★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law

★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck

★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class

★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?

★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack→10 seconds of vodka

★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy

★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of

★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me

★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man

★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel

★neil truly is a watcher

★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world

★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already

★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn

★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him

★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured

★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"

★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die

★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's

★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk

★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf

★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book

★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that

★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me

★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend

★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read

★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land

★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion

★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks

★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM

★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight

★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke

★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil

★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it

★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew

★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too

★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral

★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc

★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff

★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf

★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots

★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown

★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books

★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me

★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown

★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff

★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm

★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence

★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding

★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them

★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing

★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao

★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing

★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry

★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye

★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real

★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves

★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew

★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick

★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that

★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky

★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing

★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene

★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth

★neil is literally having his hot girl summer

★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.

★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole

★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line

★i cheer to the sole mention of laila

★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you

★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up

★sometimes i want to slap them is2g

★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic

★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture

★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling

★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER

★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him

[winterblues]

warning: rambly andreil speedbump ahead

i think it’s interesting how subconsciously intrigued by andrew neil was in the first two books though, i mean he wasn’t even interested in learning his teammates’ favourite colors and catalogued any information he learnt about them as redundant considering his predicament but whenever it came to andrew, boy was pretty much inclined to plan his biography. i think there was this strange gravitational pull he felt towards andrew, even before andrew’s famous “blow you” comment. throughout the books, he saw andrew as this complete separate entity, a pariah in the midst of sheep, almost. just like him. maybe he recognized that strangeness in him from day one. he found his curiosity blooming enough that he seemed unnecessarily interested in whether or not renee and andrew were actually a thing, he found his mind wandering after he found out about andrew’s sexuality, he was as honest as an ingrained liar like him could ever be to andrew. that’s why this line always gets to me: andrew nodded in the face of it and told him to stay, he stood his ground when neil asked him for murder and gave him a key to his house, but that didn’t count, because andrew was andrew and this was definitely the last turn he wanted his thoughts to take. i think neil was surprised by andrew, bc i’m pretty sure neil had given up ever expecting a normal person to even remotely comprehend his cosmic joke of a life. but then there’s andrew, who offers him his protection and his compliance, andrew who could watch him fall apart and sit there, still as a rock and yet, consoling in his silence and in his lack of concern. bc with everyone else it’s kind of like an overdose of concern, which anyone who’s ever experienced anything traumatic will tell you, doesn’t help. neil didn’t want anyone’s pity, he didn’t want baseless apologies. he just wanted to carry on with a life that was constantly being snatched from his grasp. it just fucks me up because?? this is probably the first meaningful connection with another human being neil’s ever had? asides from his mother, who’s questionable parenting probably doesn’t even count. because neil was never allowed to have friends or girlfriends like a normal teenage boy. because neil was always hopping from one alien rathole to the next. because neil had grown up detached from the world that surrounded him, and lonely, and maybe the fact that andrew, apathetic and equally disengaged from the world, was giving him his back and talking trust & promises, words that to someone like neil, who’d spent his whole life being deceitful and getting deceived, probably carried the weight of the fucking sun and, fuck. i could go on but i need to get some sleep. it’s so pure just. i’m not sure this had a point. the point is!! this ship slays my entire crumbling being!!!

[ravenvsfox]

andreil

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

ummmm painful first question wow?? Definitely.. neither… wtf. I think emotionally Andrew might be more likely to be just callous enough that Neil takes it to heart, but it would be like,, almost impossible bc they understand each other so well. Maybe when Neil is really baring his soul and andrew is still walking that indifferent line. Maybe when andrew graduates and neil forgets andrew’s brand of emotional distance bc there’s REAL distance to contend with, you feel

who is emotionally stronger?

Andrew m8

Neil had to be emotionally strong for so long, and he doesn’t have to be anymore. But ANDREW….. his emotions are out of order like he’s built a safe around himself and neil just happens to have the access code 

who is physically stronger?

AndreW this isn’t even a debate Neil is lithe and wiry and andrew can pick him up with one hand. Like if you don’t think Andrew’s biceps are shredding his t-shirts we didn’t read the same book ://

who is more likely to break a bone? 

ur joking

Neil breaks his bones walking down the stairs my guy. That little bastard never outgrows being a hazard. Also he’s an aggressor in Exy, my boy has 2% regard for his own wellbeing, ball is life, etc. I can’t in my life imagine smooth and cold as steel Andrew breaking anything that isn’t someone else’s 

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

Okay andrew has that cultivated distance but neil is….. a machine. Remember when he kept provoking andrew about his assault bc he wanted a response out of him?? Like,, yeah. Neil knows how to take out the one brick that will topple a person. He’s sharp and scathing and aware of people’s weakness (Andrew’s more than anyone’s)

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

Also Neil man he drops a bomb and walks away but he starts to come back more and more. He starts to realize that arguments =/= break ups, and apologies =/= weakness. He starts fights and he fuckin finishes them. He loves andrew more than he loves the upper hand

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

>_> andrew is down here on the side of the court dabbing disinfectant on neil’s gashes once a WEEK. (Andrew? won’t let anyone else touch neil??)

who is in constant need of comfort? 

Both. They have a lifetime of hurt that needs untangling and andrew’s in there cutting through neil’s with scissors, neil’s talking until andrew forgets his

It’s symbiotic - their relationship is built on comfort, you know? it thrives on it

who gets more jealous? 

I think Andrew because Neil doesn’t….. know jealousy. Like he hasn’t met her. Someone could be straight up grabbing Andrew’s ass and Neil would be like huh. friendship is evolving so fast. Andrew is very quietly furiously jealous and it’s sort of? all the time? Like he got in so deep so fast that he’s jealous of the foxes, and people at the bar, and he’s jealous of like.. exy

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

Like.. for good? wtf neither NEXt

who will propose? 

Well ;)) I’ve ;)) written this ;)))) here

spoilers it’s andrew for practical purposes because romance is a foreign land that they will only visit if someone’s life hangs in the balance

who has the most difficult parents?

LMAO

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

I think andrew makes a grab for neil’s hand if he’s stressed about wherever they are? LIke contact is actually a big part of the way andrew protects. But I think Neil obsesses over andrew’s hands and he’ll try it, and andrew usually doesn’t care enough to pull away. They both feel like 5% safer linked like that. Their armbands brush. It’s gay

who comes up for the other all the time? 

Like in conversation??? andrew. neil can’t shut up, next

who hogs the blankets? 

Andrew dude he’s contrary catch him in all black wearing knives huddled in a blanket fort with a pint of ben and jerry’s. Neil is a very still sleeper he doesn’t move like.. at all. Andrew’s a restless & light sleeper, and he’ll take advantage of any comfort he can get

who gets more sad? 

hi they’re always sad… sorry about it…. anyway

who is better at cheering the other up? 

Andrew’s better because he doesn’t like. try. Not in any obvious, quantifiable way, anyway. He gives neil space when he needs it and coddles him when he needs it. He’s a hand on the back of his neck. He’s a force of nature that Neil gets so caught up in that he forgets, for a second, that he’s living on borrowed time

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

lmao

who is more streetwise?

I gotta say neil bc I think he’s got like a catalogue of personas and experiences inside him. Like I think he could successfully blend into a lot of situations, that’s straight up what kept him alive

who is more wise?

Andrew is brilliant tbh he’s got that eidetic memory and that understated intensity towards understanding things like I don’t think there’s a question you could ask that would stump him

who’s the shyest? 

define shy like neither of them they’re unrepentant bastards who’ll tell you exactly what they think of you. BUT i mean. Neil is the slowest moving glacier of emotional availability I’ve ever seen so like if you wanna call that shy then def him

who boasts about the other more? 

Again…. neil can’t shut the fuck up….. the amount of times he mouths off about having the best goalie in the world on their team in interviews,, wymack is grey

like actually neil is gobsmacked by andrew and he EXPECTS that everyone else be too

who sits on who’s lap? 

neil sits on andrew’s bye he loves to be held up

[ravenvsfox]

Hili :) Can you write andreil 81 for the prompts please? Thank you

81: “You’re too good for this world.” okay.... I technically didn’t do this exact prompt, I took off the last word, I hope this suffices my friend, bc it’s actually:

“You’re too good for this.”

The problem with living in a fortress of knives and anonymity is that Neil can’t find him in it. And the problem with that is that a treacherous part of Andrew wants to be found, and touched, and dismantled blade by blade.

The problem with knives is that they won’t stop terrifying Neil, but they won’t stop feeling sure and righteous in Andrew’s palm.

The problem is Neil, a taste Andrew can’t completely swallow.

He puts Renee’s knives in Neil’s safe and Neil says all sorts of sticky emotional things like they’re taking part in some sort of ceremony. Andrew clicks the lock and climbs on top of Neil so he’ll stop thinking, pocketing his ‘yes’ as he goes.

It’s not just that he does what Neil asks, anymore. He tries to do things for him before he can ask for them. He tries to make things happen that he knows Neil doesn’t have words for.

He keeps one knife for himself, and he knows Neil knows about it, because he hands Andrew his armbands some mornings, and the weight is there in his palms.

Sometimes, that weight is the only way to get through the day without his head and throat pounding.

Sometimes Neil jerks awake and thrusts his hand under the pillow, and Andrew has to pry his wrists away. Neil knows protection, so he understands the slim line of a blade at his forearm is to Andrew what Andrew is to Neil.

But Andrew can tell that it bothers him, to have a knife buried in something that matters to him. He sees wintery metal in the shade of Neil’s eyes, and Andrew knows he’s condemning him to a future that looks like his past.

Still, the knife is just a talisman. Andrew is the weapon.

Before an afternoon practice sometime in the middle of the rush towards winter, Jack is the target.

They get to the court early because Neil only has morning classes. He’s always antsy by the time Andrew gets back to the dorm, insufferable and single-minded.

Andrew parks, Neil enters the code to the side door, their runners squeak against the sleek hall floors, and they split up at the locker room. Rinse and repeat. So many times a week that Andrew would feel the monotony in his teeth if it weren’t for Neil darting into side rooms or slipping on floor wax or doubling back to run in the rain, unpredictable as a lightning bolt.

Today, Neil changes out fast, wandering back out with his shorts tucked under his arm, looking like a paper doll with the top half finished, the bottom half still at default settings.

Andrew drops his helmet on the floor so he can get to his jersey, ignoring Neil’s huff, doubtless indignant on behalf of the Exy equipment. The foxes are unreasonably loud as usual, using locker doors like percussion, making banal observations at top volume. He’s stupid not to notice Jack approaching until he’s close enough that Andrew can hear his breath. Sheena looms behind him looking pinched in the face.

“Hey,” Jack says. “Is there a reason you don’t change out with us?” He’s talking to Neil, and his cockiness is bundles of bravado over nothing.

Neil looks at Jack with that singed expression that says he’s trying to smoke him out. “I want to spend as little time as possible with you.”

“Funny,” Jack sneers. “I think it’s because you’re hiding something. Sheena guessed an embarrassing tattoo. I’m guessing tumour.”

Andrew takes one painstakingly calculated step forward, one food colouring drop of intimidation in clear water. Jack’s eyes flicker to him and away.

“Wrong and wrong. Play again tomorrow,” Neil says. “Or better yet, play the game you’re supposed to be focusing on. You desperately need the practice.”

Someone snorts, but the tension doesn’t quite falter.

“What’s the matter, vice cap,” Jack taunts. “You a battered wife? Is your gut as ugly as your face?” He reaches out and yanks Neil’s shirt up to his chest, and Andrew registers the uneasy sounds of his teammates only as an afterthought.

He takes Jack to the lockers hard enough that he can tell the edge of an open one broke skin. Jack yelps, then tries to break free with the tight jawed confidence of someone who’s unused to losing.

His knife is out and snug underneath Jack’s ribcage within seconds.

“For god’s sake, Andrew,” Matt says, distressed. “You can’t keep threatening every bully that gets close enough. He’s a kid.”

Renee is rocking on the edge of his awareness with her old face on, the one that oscillates between disarming and disembowling.

“Kids should still be held accountable for their actions,” Andrew spits. “And bullies should be punished.” His wrist twitches, and the knife quivers. Jack’s body arcs away from it, and Andrew notes the panic in his breath with satisfaction.

“Andrew,” Neil says, closer than Andrew thought. His rage is still blaring in the front of his skull. All he can see is the blur of Neil’s scars caving in when Neil’s stomach jumped and his hands snapped in to pull his own shirt down. “You’re too good for this.”

It’s not what he expected, and his wrist sags then tightens.

“You don’t need it.” Neil creeps into his field of vision. His eyes are blue fire, but he doesn’t look scared at all. “Punch him out if you need to. Put him out of his misery. But you’re better than knives as scare tactics.”

“It is not a scare tactic,” Andrew says. “I follow through on my threats.”

“I know,” Neil says, his voice level and conversational. “But you give warnings, too. You’re fair.”

“Warped definition of fair,” Dan mutters behind them.

“He touched you without—“ Andrew staples the end of his sentence shut before it can burst out, all ugly worms and dirt and guts. His mouth feels overfull with feeling, but at least none of it got on his face.

Jack squirms and the knife nicks his skin. “Get the fuck off of me,” he says hoarsely. Andrew’s memory screams at him.

“It wouldn’t even be worth the trouble,” Neil says breezily. “If he’s dead he’s a headline that’ll be associated with us. Let him go wet himself somewhere else.”

Andrew’s hand drops, thinly opening Jack’s jersey as it goes. He immediately staggers backwards and clips a locker door, then turns and runs. Neil walks in to occupy his space, and his hand goes for the knife. He wiggles it free of Andrew’s sweaty grip, and drops it on the floor, kicking it back to Renee.

“The locker room soap opera continues,” Nicky says breathily, trying to upend the tension and just getting more, like turning over an hourglass. “FYI, I’d prefer hook ups and pregnancy announcements as our main sources of drama.”

“Good luck with that,” Dan says, clapping Nicky on the shoulder on her way by.

“Looks like extreme violence is just the flavour of the month,” Matt jokes.

“And of every month,” Nicky deadpans. “Of every year.”

Aaron says something and Nicky answers too loudly, but Andrew’s already reliving the knife sinking in half a centimetre, the power in that.

Neil pulls him back with his quiet voice: “I hate that you think you need knives.”

Andrew clenches his jaw. “I use them when they are necessary.”

“They’re never gonna be necessary while we’re here,” Neil argues. “The court is the only place that’s safe.”

“Safety isn’t ensured. Ever. As soon as you get complacent you become a target.”

Neil’s face goes ancient and sad. The room empties around them, their teammates eavesdropping unsubtly and making stilted conversation all the way out to the inner court. 

“We’re not targets anymore,” Neil says.

“He got his hands on your scars and you couldn’t move to stop him. What would you call that?”

Neil steps forward in the new quiet.

“You got there before I could move,” Neil says. “So I’d call that luck.”

“It wasn’t luck,” Andrew says darkly. “Stop counting on empty concepts. Luck and safety and goodness won’t save your life.”

“But you will.” Neil looks at him, and his face is a clear, honest sky. “And you have. I’m not counting on concepts, I’m counting on you.”

Andrew stares, feeling Neil right in the gaps of his armour, right at the handle of his knife with his hand around his.

“You will be disappointed.”

Neil shrugs. “I don’t think so.” He scoops his helmet up from the ground and swings it under his arm. “If our only threat is fucking Jack, I don’t think we’re going to need much.”

“There are other threats,” Andrew says. “The Moriyamas were not an isolated incident.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “I know that. And I also know that we didn’t take down them or my father’s people by going in shooting. We turned their own knives on them.”

Andrew feels frustration kick his back teeth and try to get out. “You are being naive, as usual. I can have a weapon without being like them.”

Neil looks startled, his brows folding in. “I don’t think you’re like them. I think you’re the opposite. I think the only place you could possibly overlap is with the weapon in your hand.”

Nebulous pieces all start to cluster together in Andrew’s head. “You don’t want me to have something in common with them.”

“You’re too good for that,” Neil repeats, vicious.

Andrew feels too hot wearing the bulk of his equipment, looking slightly up into Neil’s jigsaw puzzle face. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Neil echoes, incredulous.

“Fine. The knife can go in the safe with the rest of them. Jack tries anything again and I strangle him.”

“Innovative,” Neil says, amused. Then his face gentles. “You don’t have to give it up, Andrew. I know what it means. I just want you to understand that you’re strong without it.”

Andrew swallows. His eyes wander. “Change. You’re missing your precious drills.”

Neil’s eyes narrow but he smiles, so uncomplicated that it almost replaces the image of his lifted shirt and desperate hands.

They end up locking the last knife in the safe and locking the safe in Wymack’s apartment with all of its secrets and fragments of lives behind closed doors.

Andrew takes to carrying pens and paper clips, weapon shrapnel for emergencies.

Jack skips two practices and comes back with his abdomen dramatically bandaged and his attitude dented. He changes out separately from the rest of the foxes those first couple of days back. Andrew and Neil find each other’s eyes through the orange and white, with the satisfaction of that bloodless win all over their faces.