#just wanted to fangirl in isolated peace haha

[octaviasdread]

flashbacks to the time a low-level actor added 16yr old me back on snapchat and i blocked him for it 😭

uh, the whole point of a celeb crush is that they’re unattainable how dare he acknowledge my existence!?

[demonicowgirl]

okay finished rule of wolves and i have THOUGHTS..... of which i have gathered..... like sheep i have herded them together. so no it's not coherent. spoilers under cut so abandon hope all ye who enter here

okay….. deadass…… i think my favorite point of view was from the darkling LIKE?!?!?! me before starting this book: HAHA THE DARKLING IS GOING TO DIE FOR THE SECOND TIME!!!!! GET REKT!!!!! me after: His first soldiers were dead now. Lovers, allies, countless kings and queens. Only he continued on. Eternity took practice, and he’d had plenty of it. The world had changed. War had changed. But he had not. but seriously he’s so dramatic and the shit is he says is like. unhinged. i had a blast

zoya deserves so much love and peace and i knew she’d end up queen but this was…. not how i expected it would be. but more thoughts on that down the list

how is jesper going to show up for approximately 14 pages and manage to be the funniest character in the entire book. like he’s got probably 50 lines and each one fucking hits HOW DOES HE DO IT

mayu’s chapters felt very unnecessary and i would’ve preferred to just not know how tamar’s mission in shu han is going until the khergud show up for their ride of rohirrim/knights of the vale moment. maybe leigh wrote it that originally and it just didn’t work? because i can definitely see how insane it would read like all we know about khergud is that they hunt grisha and then all of sudden they’re…. helping ravka?!?!? like it would be really hard to pull off but idk i think all of mayu’s chapters were just. kind of sloggy and the surprise would’ve been fun during the battle

sorry but i still don’t know what the fuck an airship looks like. or what the fjerdan naval base was supposed to look like. the tech in this universe is truly mind boggling

kaz brekker is so in love with inej ghafa. god they make me SICK

okay nina’s storyline…… this is my biggie……………… sigh. okay. nina’s storyline was my favorite part of king of scars and so i was really looking forward to seeing what would happen here. and for the most part i was having a great time!! i love her and hanne (more than i ever got into her and matthias) and i was so excited for jarl brum to finally fucking die. but then the last few chapters. i’m so……….. okay talking about hanne being a trans character (i’ll be using they/them pronouns because it doesn’t feel like a settled issue especially since they talk about not wanting to *be* rasmus, just his body). it makes so much sense for their character and i had HUUUUGE vibes all the way back in kos and i could see it coming here in row. but the way leigh handled their “transition” (???) is not good. like hanne had to kill a cis man and take on his identity to transition and that is such a bad handling i think??? who approved this. but also from a narrative standpoint it GETS WORSE?!?! like how the fuck is hanne gonna pretend to be a PRINCE… what will they do about the king and queen?? and nina remaining mila…… it honestly makes me really angry. that nina would turn her back on her country and friends and family for a LOVE INTEREST…… like her storyline has centered SO MUCH about how much she misses ravka, and in this duology even ketterdam!! like we all realize that when nina focuses on missing waffles or blini *those are symbolic stand-ins for her friends and it’s easier for her to talk about missing food than missing her friends*. like we all know that. and then in the end she says you know what i can PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE????? and not just a random fjerdan woman literally someone who will be QUEEN OF FJERDA ONE DAY. like an incredibly public position that will put mila under a ton of scrutiny… more than her identity was created for! and nina literally acknowledges that if they got the real mila jandersdat’s friends and neighbors to look at nina they’d know she was an impostor. so what is mila’s village gonna do when they hear mila jandersdat is apparently back from noyvi zem and now engaged to the prince???? i think leigh chose an ending that just doesn’t hold up narratively and logically. like i want nina to be happy and find love but why does it have to be…. not as nina.

my other big gripe is the politics and international implications of everything that’s going on like…… ravka is engaging in some CIA-backed-coups-in-latin-america levels of diplomacy. like fjerda is not just going to have a secret grisha impersonating their prince and eventual king one day, but their queen will ALSO be a secret grisha and RAVKAN SPY???? if nina was ever caught do you know the level of international scandal that would cause??? how the fuck could zoya even let her go off and do this??? it would absolutely be grounds for war and i thought zoya and everybody were TIRED of war. speaking of ravka’s government. guys we LITERALLY DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A MONARCHY. like i was actually hoping zoya would become queen but like…. because she married nikolai. not because nikolai stepped down and she was appointed. like i was fine with the monarchy sticking around if they never even had a chance to contemplate alternatives but they literally say no………. we choose monarchy. besides the fact that the world is advancing and monarchies don’t last long in technologically advanced societies, zoya is going to have the most unstable reign because of the threat from the lantsovs. like nikolai’s parents are gonna go back to the southern colonies and just be like “our son ended our dynasty and put a grisha on our throne but that’s fine! we shouldn’t try to reinstate ourselves or anything.” demidov is fine with this??? he had a problem with nikolai being a lantsov pretender but zoya just starting her own monarchial dynasty gets no pushback??? like i know nobody wants to end the book/series on such a depressing note but like. a revolution and/or coup is staring zoya in the face. and yeah she’s the motherfucking dragon but um…… so was daenerys targaryen. and ultimately it really feels like the ending of game of thrones where a bunch of noblemen are gathered in one room and they’re like “we have the chance to change the course of our country forever so we will…….. START A NEW DYNASTY!” ….. HUH?!?!!? like when nikolai was like ravka will choose its leader! and the only people from ravka in the room are the landed gentry and peerage. like yeah ravka really got a say in this…. so no nikolai i actually don’t think the nazyalensky dynasty will last that long because with all the threats of being overthrown on LITERALLY ALL SIDES zoya may just decide to say fuck it and give the people democracy so it’s no longer her problem! or she just gets killed. so. anyways if the only known countries in this world are ruled by either 1. monarchies (fjerda, ravka, shu han) or 2. plutocracy (kerch) i can see why literally fucking everybody is moving to noyvi zem. like jesus i would too!

genya deserves so much better she has suffered so much and i know leigh needed to make the war have personal consequences BUT DOES SHE HAVE TO HURT GENYA IN THE PROCESS???? like she just doesn’t get a break. anyways i hope she retires from the triurmvirate and goes to live with alina and mal in keramzin because you know what. they were right. they were right to turn their back on literally everything to do with ravkan politics. genya go join them pls

zoya’s expression of grief and mourning… yeah. yeah that one hurt.

i know everybody’s talking about the potential of soc3 but actually i don’t want that! let the crows be in peace in ketterdam!!!! their biggest threats should be like. getting shanked in the barrel not whatever the fuck zoya will put them through. i hope kaz just ignores her letters and when the Queen of Ravka personally comes to his doorstep he reiterates that he’s RETIRED. and when zoya tries to pull the inej card she pops out from behind kaz and says “i’m on vacation with my boyfriend. we’re good!” LET THEM REST!!!!!!!

so yes these are my thoughts not all of them but many of them. i still really enjoyed it and think it was waaaay better than king of scars (not as good as soc & ck though <3). the problem is that the ending definitely colors your view of everything that's happened and if you don't like the ending... well. it's not even that i didn't like the entirety of the ending i mostly just hated nina's and the implications of zoya's. do not mistake me for a darkling fangirl!!!! anyways the writing in this was really good too and there were more moments that just HIT ME than in kos, which i think i just sort.... breezed through without getting hit in the face by a brick of a line. but this one has so many moments especially in zoya and the darkling's chapters that i'm just like OH!!!!! so that is why i leave you with this:

"Zoya, do you know why the Darkling lost the civil war? How Alina stopped him?" Zoya pinched the bridge of her nose. "No. I wish I did." "Because he always fought alone. He let his power isolate him. Alina had us. You have us. You push us away, keep us at arm's distance so that you won't mourn us. But you'll mourn us anyway. That's the way love works."

[sometimesrosy]

the 100 rewatch 1.08 Daytrip

my real life friend I just got back into contact with just decided to give The 100 a try. (this is the friend who introduced me to GOT ten years ago.) So I got so excited by her reports of 2.01 that I realized I had been slacking in my rewatch. Wow. I’m supposed to be on season 2 now for our bellarke fam rewatch. bad fangirl.  So lets get to bidness.

oh it’s day trip!

I love this scene where Miller acts like a dick to chained Lincoln and Lincoln headbutts him. I always laugh. (and yet the parallel in season 3 where Miller acts like a dick to him while he’s in lockup and then gives him medicine for the sick grounder is a GREAT contrast and awesome character and plot development.)

Bellamy is very certain about not killing Lincoln though. Which is a change for his character up to this point.

Clarke talking to the council about how they are going to freeze before they starve. And Kane’s hair gel is gone. Costume signified character development. She’s talking to Jaha about killing her dad being an unavoidable tragedy and how she doesn’t see it that way and won’t ever. That’s an interesting bit, considering how far she went later. (And yet couldn’t kill Bellamy for the same reason as Jaha had.)

Clarke wants Bellamy to go on a DAY TRIP WITH HER. “Why are YOU asking ME?” “Well because right now I don’t feel like being around anyone I actually like.” Oh you two crazy kids. You’re so cute.

oh it’s the jobi nuts. i love the jobi nuts. Jonty hi five!

Ugh Finn. how about i just not write about any of his scenes. You don’t deserve Clarke OR Raven. Although I like Bellamy coming in to take Clarke away from him. Haha.

Bellamy’s last look at his sister, or so he thinks because he’s planning to run. And Dax coming after him.

Lincoln speaking English to Octavia, macking on the pretty girl while tied up and bloody. Look at these abs girl. “Tell them you’re not the enemy.” “I am.” Sadly this is true. He knows his people are out to destroy them. AND he thinks it’s wrong. But he can’t make this choice yet.

Bellamy angry about shooting Jaha and Clarke trying to talk him down. The jaha thing is why he was so angry. He discards his enmity with Clarke after the Jaha pardon happens. I mean there was more, but that was part of it.

Raven and Octavia. Raven tortures Lincoln and feels no remorse. Octavia says Finn likes Clarke. Bitch vs Bitch. I love it.

[finn raven sex scene. deleted. don’t you fucking grin at her. you don’t deserve her bitch.]

me ugh-ing at the murderer dax. not all delinquents are bunny rabbits. he’s a bad dude.

Bellamy so angry at the failed bunker. No supplies. SO HE KICKS A BARREL (always taking it out on unsuspecting barrels.) AND THEN the joy of a rare Bellamy smile. GUNS.

The delinquents are high.* ALERT* The delinquents are high.

aww poor jasper and his ptsd, starting with grounder fear. :( He’s holding a spear. Anti grounder stick. Octavia has figured this out. How does she know how to deal with a bad trip? You don’t get that knowledge isolated under the floor. Or maybe bellamy told her about kids tripping. he probably would. 

Bellamy’s chewing jobi nuts. The gun lesson. Getting close. Touching her shoulder. “Yeah, uh, that’s good,” as he gets too close to her. That is the BEST scene. his bullets are duds. “still watching,” she says teasing him. Another Bellamy smile. A Clarke smile too, for that matter. She figures out that he’s going to run. He’s afraid. AND he mentions that he is planning to lock up Lincoln for the rest of his life. Not kill.

Oh here comes the bad trip. Peek inside Bellamy’s head.Guilt over Jaha. Guilt over the 320 souls culled from the Ark. “It’s not my forgiveness you should seek, it’s theirs.” Murderer,murderer, murderer, And peek inside Clarke’s head. Jake. Solitary confinement. forgiveness.  Forgiveness is such a giant theme. (she doesn’t know that the exodus ship will crash and for a while she thinks her mom is dead. this is before she learns about forgiving people. I think she learns her lesson too well and forgives people for things they are not actually sorry for. 

Wow Raven has a pretty naked back. Finn you suck. Monty I like your concern with the cooperation of the tides. 

Octavia freeing Lincoln. Lincoln kissing Octavia. Mack daddy.

You are the most beautiful of brooms in a broom closet of brooms. (he dies later. murphy does it. Connor.) Finn sees Lincoln and lets him go.

More Bellamy trip. “I can’t fight anymore.” “DOn’t you know life is a fight? Live. Breathe. Suffer. You owe them that. If you want the peace of death you’re going to have to earn it. Fight back! You think you deserve to be free of your pain? Do you deserve that gift.” (These are Bellamy’s own thoughts, not Jaha.)

Clarke rescues Bellamy from Jax. Bellamy says Shumway set it up. They save each other. Bellamy’s first kill. Jax with a bullet in the carotid, “Bellamy are you okay?”

“No I’m not. If my mother knew what I’d done, who I am... she raised me to be better, to be good. And all I do is hurt people. I’m a monster.”

I need you--Bellamy’s look at her is where I started shipping them-- we all need you-- and how disappointed his is that it wasn’t HIM she needed.

Clarke doesn’t recognize that his belief that he is a monster is real. She will feel it later. Her forgiveness is too 

“All I think about every day is how we’re going to keep everyone alive. But we don’t have a choice.” Is this where he wants to run away with her? Woulda been a different story.

I don’t understand why people ignore this whole scene of Bellamy’s pain and guilt over the deaths he’s caused. They think he’s a monster because he’s anguished by what he’s done, and calls himself a monster. But monsters, by definition are not agonized by the pain they cause. The people who cause harm, and then say it wasn’t their fault, in fact it was YOUR fault for fighting back or winning.... well THOSE are the monsters. They don’t care about the suffering they cause. And they’ll do it again.

Also please note that he credits Aurora with teaching him to be good. Yeah she was not perfect. Yeah she gave him too much responsibility. But she was NOT an absent mother. She was not neglectful. As far as we know there’s no evidence of physical abuse. If you want to believe that it was unfair to Bellamy to give birth to Octavia, that’s fine. Nothing about their life is fair. That’s the point, isn’t it? It was completely oppressive and unjust. Anyone born into this life was up for hell. But hope remains when people have children. It just does. Having a second child, even though it makes their lives harder, (which happens in real life) is not enough to count as abuse and places all the blame of an unjust society on the victims of that society. Which pisses me the hell off. (OH, if only you didn’t make the wrong choices, then this oppression would be just fine. How dare you. You should be jailed for it. You’re an abuser.  It’s your fault.) Shut the hell up with your victim blaming. 

Power couple on deck. Have some guns kids. (shut up finn)

I don’t expect you to forgive me, but you’ll have to ind a way to live with me because Im not going anywhere.” Some foreshadowing for the blake sibling relationship.

Jaha pardon. This was the point when I could not be saved from shipping Bellarke. I love the way they smile together. 

Bye Shumway. Kane definitely does not wear hair gel anymore. Here comes hair Jesus.

nope. no finn in my recap. not even with your bellamy besmirching. She trusts him not you. so shut up. he deserves it. you don’t. you were not trustworthy. that’s how that works. 

hello diana sydney. bye shumway.