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honeydots · 1 year ago

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If I can ask another one ‘you’re not alone. i’m staying right here.’ and Xanlow

"You're not alone. I'm staying right here." 1.4k, xanlow from this ask game

Xander had a business trip that was taking him across the country, way up by the northern sea and among the black rocks, freezing winds, and terrible storms. It’s meant to last months, and Inigo’s bendable when it comes to location, so—he decided to go along with.

This afternoon, Inigo’s sitting on one of the rocky beaches, solidly far from the cold ocean. The air is nice and salty, he’s got a thick blanket to sit on, and he’s only been rained on a tiny bit. He has a much wider view of the sea from the apartment they’re renting, but he was getting lonely inside. So now he’s lonely outside.

Xander’s at work right now, much deeper into the still-unfamiliar city that’s strikingly more gray than Windmire’s black. And Inigo, just a short while ago, got back from a dance class he found nearby. He’d like to say he’s going to a rehearsal tonight, but… Well, he’s between jobs.

He doesn’t really have connections in this part of Nohr. It was a struggle to get them for a while in Windmire, and he made the poor assumption that because he already went through that once, he wouldn’t again. Inigo’s been beating himself up for not asking around more to see if there were any friends-of-friends around here when he had the chance. Anxiety and freelancing unfortunately do not go hand-in-hand.

He hasn’t been completely jobless, but he’s certainly not busy at the moment. It’s harder to get a shoe in for contracts and auditions when he’s relatively unknown. And even if he’s been socializing in his classes to try and make some meaningful connections, so is everyone else, and Inigo is really great at flubbing things up.

Xander keeps telling him not to feel guilty—it’s always a possibility to be without work for a while with a job like this, and Xander makes more than enough to keep them afloat. But it’s hard to help it. Inigo was hoping he’d have gotten into a groove by now, yet he very much hasn’t, and it’s hard not to feel guilty using Xander’s money for his own things.

Not that moping by the sea is improving his situation whatsoever. But it’s pretty, it smells nice. And if nothing else is lovely in this gray city, at least the gray ocean has a charm. He doesn’t get to see it often.

Inigo’s outside longer than he realizes, because he gets a text from Xander asking where he is. He’s probably home, then—whoops. He tells him he’s by the ocean side, and asks if he should come back, but Xander doesn’t reply. So Inigo stays put, sitting quietly on his blanket, until he hears footsteps from behind.

Expectedly, it’s Xander. “You found me,” Inigo says lightly, scooting over a bit to make room. Xander sits down next to him, still in his stuffy work clothes, and he kisses Inigo’s temple lightly.

“You weren’t too hard to spot.” Which is fair, since Inigo’s like, the only person out here. It’s cold today—and Xander’s nice and warm, so Inigo certainly doesn’t mind the company. He leans into him, eyes still on the ocean, loneliness drifting away for a while.

“How was work?” Inigo asks. He’s still surprised it’s gotten so late. He’s not usually the sit-still-and -close-your-mouth type, but he’s feeling awfully sluggish today. So perhaps that’s why.

Xander sighs. “Fine,” he says. “Work.”

“Ah, yeah. At least you’re done now.” Xander’s work clothes are also gray, sometimes black, and sometimes Inigo gets him to wear a colorful tie. But he’ll always have a shock of blond that keeps him standing out. Inigo’s just the opposite, hair gray and dull, but he likes to wear blues and greens and whites. Sometimes purple, too, because his mother likes it most.

Xander puts his arm not quite around Inigo, but sets it down behind him so it crosses over his back. “How did your class go?”

Inigo shrugs. “Good, it was good. Pretty fun today, we worked on new stuff.” He inhales, then slumps. “I, uh. I’m kind of sort of making some friends?” It’s hard to be a socialite when the one tactic he had is completely off the board, now. Getting married kind of kills the flirting game. Not that he always got the best results with that, anyway.

Xander hums. He leans into Laslow, too. “I’m glad it’s coming along.”

“Ah, that’s a good term for it.”

A cold and slightly wet wind comes by, and they both shiver. Even if you can’t see the sun in Nohr, the nights are still colder than the days, and the evening is rolling in without a second thought. It was already chilly, but it’s getting chilly chilly.

“What are you doing out here?” Xander asks, and Inigo chews on his cheek. There’s why is he out here, and why has been out here for so long, which are two different questions with two different answers.

And despite what he asked, Xander’s probably looking for the latter. “I… Just got lost thinking, for a while,” he says. He looks down at his knees, covered by soft blue sweats and not doing a great job at keeping the cold out. “Wishing I’d get a call back, or something.”

Xander does put his arm around Inigo now, rubbing his arm gently. It warms him up a bit, and Inigo goes on. “There's this terrible feel of… Isolation, that I've got. Like—if you and I weren’t doing this together, what would I be doing? Living in a hovel and eating stale bread, workless as I’ve been?” He huffs, and cuddles into himself. “I hate having nothing to do.”

Xander scowls, in a very cute way that involves his lips scrunching a bit as his eyebrows lower. “You aren’t alone, there’s no point in giving what-ifs attention,” he says. “I’m here, I don’t mind. Take your time.”

“I know, I know,” Inigo says with a pout. “And I’d rather you here than not. It’s just—boring. And depressing. And you work for entirely too long, I get lonely.” That being, Xander works a respectable nine-to-five which he’ll only sometimes come back late from, since Inigo pesters him immensely otherwise.

Xander gives a small and considerate looking grin. "Maybe I'll try harder to beat the traffic next time," he says, which is nice. “Do you have plans for tomorrow yet?”

Inigo’s classes are every other day with a three-day weekend, so when a fraction of his time isn’t taken up by that, he’s sort of left open ended. Not that Xander doesn't work tomorrow, though, so he can't count on his company until later.

“I might go to the gym?” Inigo says, since he’d much rather be ready than not if he does end up getting a proper contract. “And, uh—if we need anything, I could go shopping, too.” Xander thinks for a moment, and so does Inigo—and then he completely hangs his head. “I feel like—like, I’m all washed up. Don’t I sound washed up? Am I still young enough to say I’m not old enough for this? ”

And Xander does not seem to appreciate the comment. “You aren’t washed up,” he says firmly, then frowns. “You were doing fine in Windmire.”

“But I feel like I am, and that makes all the difference.” Inigo throws out an arm, like he’s presenting himself. “Look at me. Sitting dramatically by an ocean, on a dark cloudy day, getting rained on—”

“Is it raining?” Xander says, interrupting Inigo’s self-deprecating rant and glancing up to the sky.

Inigo lets it go pretty seamlessly. “Oh, it has been. Only a little.”

Xander looks similarly unamused. “We’re going back inside,” he decides, and starts standing, leaving Inigo quite cold and alone.

“What? Nooo,” he says, since he was slightly enjoying the miserable feel. “I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

Xander extends a hand to Inigo. “You’ll get yourself sick.”

Inigo just looks at his hand for a moment. And then he frowns, and takes it, and as he’s pulled to his feet he grumbles, “I won’t get sick.”

“You will,” Xander says, meaning Laslow didn’t mumble his grumble enough. “And then you’ll sulk around the apartment feeling useless all day.”

Laslow snatches up his blanket from the rocks. “I do that anyway.”

They start walking back together. Xander looks pretty cold in just his button up, so maybe it’s better they do. It’ll only be getting colder, after all.

And Inigo guesses—even if he’s feeling guilty and washed up, and even if he’s antsy all day and anxious all night—

It’s pretty nice to have somebody who’ll take care of you, too.

#WOOO THANKS FOR THE REQUEST #changed up prompt again slightly but i got into the groove of this idea and well. wording. whateva #i rly like modern xanlow i need to write them more.....#i also like casually in an established relationship xanlow. hey i might just like xanlow you guys--#fjdkfjksdjf #sorry it's slightly late!! i indeed was too tired to properly finish posting this yesterday after classes #but i had a lot of fun writing it regardless~#freelancing is one of my fave occupations for laslow as a dancer in modern aus this has come up before and it will come up again #it's just. good. its good!!#hehehe #anyway thank you again!!!! i had so much fun ;w;w;w;#dots writing games #dots answers asks #antivanwine14

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thecandywrites · 10 months ago

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Monster March 2024- Day 3- Extra-Dimensional Being

Glass Cannon

Or, more specifically, Night Action- Monster March Style. With a Jumper twist. Now, while the term Glass Cannon has it's own meaning, this is obviously, a twist on it. And, hopefully, once I finish Monster March. I can go back and finish this. I'm trying extra super hard to stay on track and post these, on time. So I'm doing my best to post at least a part 1 of all of these prompts.

As always, a huge thanks to @borealwrites for their amazing Monster March 2024 prompt list. Enjoy.

Monster March 2024 Day 3- Extra Dimensional Being

Night Action Monster March Style

Glass Cannon

Teagan pulled into the driveway of her grandparents house and couldn’t help but cry fresh tears. She felt like she just wanted to jump into a black hole and disappear forever. But she also knew her family would jump in to save her, no matter how badly she felt she needed to disappear.

Teagan felt like her life was in chaos.

Her partner, fell in love with a client. And her partner and the client practically took her business and all of her customers right out from under her. With no more clients, she couldn’t afford to rent the space. And had to move all of her things out of there and into storage. Her savings dwindled when she tried to restart the business but failed because where she had moved to, while it was good she was unknown, she just couldn’t get a foothold. She lost the new space, and her apartment, all at the same time. So she was essentially homeless, jobless, out of money and out of options.

Her parents had already been moved to an assisted living community because of dementia and other health issues. And so she couldn’t go to them.

All of her siblings just didn’t have room in their homes, with their families that always felt like it was bursting at the seams already. She had already couch surfed her few remaining friends and now, the only place left to go, was her grandparents house.

Her grandma Hyacinth, came out of the house and came to her driver’s side door and opened the door to reach in and hug her.

“Oh honey, it’s ok. It’s ok. You’re here now. You’re safe and sound. Come on, let’s get you inside.” She urged as Teagan nodded into her grandma’s shoulders and unbuckled her seatbelt and came inside where they had made Teagan’s favorite dishes to give her as much comfort as possible as Teagan sunk down into the dining room chair and while she didn’t feel that hungry before, now that she was sitting here, she realized she hadn’t eaten anything of real sustenance in weeks as Hyacinth scooped big portions onto Teagan’s plate as Teagan began to cry less and less with every bite she took.

Her grandpa Jude had gone and gotten some help from a neighbor kid to start unpacking Teagan’s car of her things to move her into the guest bedroom.

“Thank you Grandpa.” Teagan said between mouthfuls.

“You’re welcome Sweetheart. You just go ahead and keep on eating. Sport and I got this.” He waived off as the young kid seemed to be like 12 or 13. Teagan had known the kid to shovel driveways and mow lawns for the neighbors for the last couple of years and Teagan could only hope he was charging enough to do such things.

“I just…I just don’t know where to start.” Teagan finally confessed to her grandma.

“Start fresh. That’s all you can do. Tomorrow will be a new day. And the important thing is, is that you’re safe here. You can rest here. You need to rest and give yourself time to adjust and once you’ve recovered and settled, then you can focus on where you can go from here. Your grandpa and I still have a bit of money in savings. It’s not enough to reset you completely. But it’s enough to buy a seed or two to plant and grow.” She reassured her granddaughter.

“Here, have a drink. I got a new recipe, I want you to tell me what you think.” She offered as she inched the glass closer to her granddaughter.

Teagan picked it up and took a sip.

“Is this…is this a liquid marijuana?” Teagan asked as she could distinctly taste the midori melon liqueur.

“I like to call it a Lady Green, sounds more sophisticated. I still have a firm no drugs policy, even in name.” Hyacinth waved off in a teasing tone as Teagan snorted a laugh into her drink before she drank more. This was one of her favorite drinks too. Sweet and fruity and lethal as far as alcohol content. Her grandparents were a bit eccentric, but adorable and lovable all the same as Hyacinth giggled with her granddaughter.

“Have you gone to see Mom?” Teagan asked.

“Yes, she thought I was an old neighbor of hers. Poor thing, quite out of her mind.” She shook her head.

“Yeah, she had no idea who I was when I saw her either. And Dad, his knee replacement surgery didn’t go as well as he hoped and he isn’t healing like he should. He's practically wheelchair bound now. I’m really worried about him.” Teagan admitted.

“Me too. But, the important thing is that they are where they will receive the best care and help and support right where they are.” Hyacinth reassured her before her phone rang and she answered it.

“Hi Hi.” She answered it once she got up and then went to a counter where her tablet was.

“Yes of course, I’m going to send you the address and the code ok?” She offered before she went and seemed to do a few taps on her tablet before looking back up and away as she listened to who was on the phone.

“Did you get it?” She asked and smiled and nodded.

“Good. Have the day you deserve.” She offered before she hung up.

“Another AirBnB reservation?” Teagan asked.

“Yes. They come in all the time, both day and night.” She excused as she returned to the table with her.

“But it’s how we afford to live here and take care of your parents when the facility can’t cover everything.” She sighed.

“Once you get settled, I’ll take you around to all of them and let you have your pick of whichever one you want though. It’s the least we can do. But it will just take a while for that to happen. You just need to be patient.” Hyacinth offered before Jude got the last of the items and paid “Sport” for the help before Sport happily pocketed the money and bid them goodbye and to call him if they needed help with anything else before Jude came in and sat on the other side of Teagan at the table.

“Glad to have you home Sweetpea.” He cooed as he hugged her from the side and kissed the crown of her head.

“Thank you for taking me in.” Teagan offered.

“Oh don’t say it like you’re some poor orphan. You’re family. You stay as long as you want and as long as you need to- to get your feet back underneath you. You’ve been through enough hell as it is. We don’t need to add to it. We know how much you love your independence and self sufficiency and the blows to your pride to just come to us and ask, have been too big and too tough if you ask me. Just sit back and let us take care of you for a bit. You’re not being a leech or anything. Everyone falls on tough times. This is just yours hitting all at once.” Grandpa Jude comforted and reassured her as he rubbed circles into her back.

Teagan happily wrapped each arm around each of them on either side of her and hugged them.

“Thank you.” She thanked them.

“You’re welcome. Now eat up. You’ve lost too much weight as it is.” Hyacinth insisted once she dumped another spoonful of stuffing onto Teagan’s plate while Grandpa Jude gave her another scoop of gravy for her mashed potatoes.

It took a while to get used to all the calls that they got, as it seemed like they were getting at least several an hour, as they would get a call and then need to make a few more with each one. Teagan wondered if her grandparents must have had dozens of places that they rented out. But couldn’t find it in her heart to be upset about it. It would hopefully just be that many more options for her moving forward. But she was not about to complain. She had a lot of aunts and uncles that were more or less “adopted” and the family was always going here or there and doing this or that. But her grandparents seemed to be home base and a touchstone for everyone else and how they kept it all straight was beyond Teagan’s understanding.

After a few more days of this, Teagan seemed to acclimate and began to anticipate the calls and would hand her grandparent’s their tablets or their phones- only moments before their phones would ring as they would be around the house, doing various things and pause to direct the cleaning service they hired to clean the AirBnB’s after each guest would stay as Teagan was just happy to rest, help with meals and cleaning up to let her grandparents continue to “do business”. As it was clear that it was booming for them. Which, she could be happy for them. But also knew, it was a lot of work too and didn’t envy them. But Teagan rather liked all the distractions from what she was dealing with. She still remembered how her grandma liked her tea, how her grandpa liked his coffee and other little things like that. She was happy to play “caregiver” to them, even though they didn’t need that much “care” in that sense. Just the occasional reminder to eat and drink every so often and bring chargers to charge their ever ringing phones and tablets as they would move around their home throughout the day.

“You know Teagan, maybe we ought to train you on how to manage all of this. Your grandma and I might want to really, fully retire someday. And it would be nice to leave this business to a family member who would be able to manage it and make it grow. It’s like you have a sixth sense about it.” Grandpa Jude began as Hyacinth paused to give Jude a meaningful look.

“I wouldn’t wish the constant phone ringing on anyone in the family.” Hyacinth gently contested.

“Besides, we already have buyers cued up for our business. Who have been getting their feet wet and are gaining a lot of experience in handling this. I think if Teagan can wait it out for a little while, we can just give her, her share of the sale with everyone else. And really let her build something for herself. And not just continue this never ending cycle. These are supposed to be our golden years Jude. I feel like my mother when she was a phone cable girl, always patching calls through. Being a hub to receive requests and directing them to their final destinations.” She offered with a tired sigh as she tried to get back to her knitting from her last set of phone calls and at least remember to drink her tea while it was still warm.

“Not that I don’t think you can do it. I just think you can do something more noble and worthy of your time than just managing this tangle.” Hyacinth reassured Teagan.

“Yeah, I’ll be honest. It’s not my cup of tea. I like my peace and quiet and solitude.” Teagan offered with a polite smile as she lounged on their sofa and read a book as Hyacinth gave Jude an ‘I told you so’ look as Jude rolled his eyes before other calls came in that took their attention once again.

However, that night, Teagan awoke and frowned when the house was deathly quiet. The phone calls had ceased and when she checked her phone. It was showing something similar to a blue screen of death. No signal, no wifi, nothing. Which was extremely odd. She tried to turn on the light, but the power was out. Which would explain the unsettling quietness. Nothing was on. Not even the clocks on the walls ticked. Something was wrong. Grossly so. Every hair on Teagan’s body stood on end as impending doom grew like a boulder in her gut. And suddenly, she got the sensation that so many people were jumping just outside the home and closing in. Like a pack of wolves.

Teagan got up and went through the darkened house, and peeked into her grandparent’s room, to see it was empty. Bed wasn’t even disturbed. And just as she was about to go to the bathroom, she heard her grandparents frantically whispering downstairs.

“We should have moved Teagan yesterday!” Jude harshly whispered as he racked some loads into his shotgun.

“I thought we had more time!” Hyacinth defended as she was pulling her decorative cookie jars down and pulling weapons and ammo from them and tossing things over to Jude who was at the table loading their ever growing arsenal as Hyacinth seemed to pull more and more weapons that were hidden all around their kitchen! Teagan stared wide eyed and slack jawed. The most dangerous thing her grandparents had ever handled before was a chef knife. Where did all of this come from?

“We need to jump her.” Jude insisted.

“Except that they will use that to track her that much faster. She can’t jump on her own. We can use our rabbit hole in the closet to get her out of here. Send her to the Fluers.” Hyacinth said.

“She’s already so delicate, this would break her if we did that.” Jude argued.

“Then we’ll make her Bullet Proof. I’ll go wake her.” Hyacinth decided before she went to get to the stairs to see Teagan already on the middle landing.

“Oh good! You’re up. Put this on.” Hyacinth urged her as she brought her to the kitchen and put a backpack on her as Jude was writing something down.

“What’s going on? Why do you guys have so many weapons? Are we about to get raided or something? Do I need to jump out of here?” Teagan asked.

“No, don’t jump!” Hyacinth sharply urged her.

“We are going to put you into the closet. The closet is going to portal you somewhere safe, when you get there, get on a phone and call this number and say these exact words in this exact order. And then give them this message. Do not jump and portal back here! Do you hear and understand me, Teagan?” Jude asked once he put the paper into her hands and then held her face in his weathered hands.

“Yes Sir.” Teagan nodded as tears soon glassed her own eyes.

“Good girl.” Jude offered with tears glazing his eyes as he kissed her forehead and then left to get something.

“And do not use your own jumping and portaling abilities once you are through. Because if you do, another jumper will jump through your portal to where you just portaled from. And once they get your portal signature, they’ll be able to track you and hunt you down. Do not, under any circumstances jump to true friends or anyone in the family because the people that are outside and closing in on us, will kill everyone in the family. Even your baby nieces and nephews. You can’t lead this danger to them. Got it?” Hyacinth urged her as she fitted the backpack to her granddaughter.

“What the hell is going on?” Teagan asked.

“We don’t have time to tell you. We only have time to save you. Don’t worry about us ok? We’ve been through worse. When this is all over, go to the Fluers. Tell them you’re a consigliere. They’ll give you- your true inheritance. But that’s only after this danger is gone. And you are truly safe ok?” Hyacinth urged her.

“We love you.” Jude offered before he came up and injected something into her neck as she whimpered and hissed in pain before Hyacinth injected her with something else in the other side of her neck as she looked hurt and betrayed at her grandmother who could only give her an apologetic smile.

“Go, go now!” They urged as they both shoved her into the closet and suddenly the closet floor vanished and she was suddenly falling and all around her was a blur of light and color as a glass tube seemed to encapsulate her and protect her from around her before suddenly it stopped, but only for a moment, just as she was about to leave the tube, it went again and by the second time it stopped, she tried to get out again, only for the tube to lock and send her again, this time the colors all around her moving in all manner of directions that made her so dizzy. She felt like she was in a roller coaster as her body’s center of gravity seemed to move and switch around before it finally stopped and the tube shattered all around her as she put her arms above her head to keep the glass from scratching her head. As she expected to feel the glass shards cut her hands. But thankfully they just slid off of her like snow. As that was odd. Now, all around her feet was just a ring of snow.

But that roller coaster of a ride had made her sick but she wanted to throw up. But she couldn’t. She needed to get to a phone. She opened what felt like a closet door to find another house around her as she quickly grabbed the phone to call the number.

“Yes, go ahead.” She heard a male voice answer on the other side.

“Hi, Hi, Night Action! Jade. Soap. Ivy. Dove.” She read off the first line that her grandfather had written down.

“Thank you. Is this Pheonix or Raine?” He asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What is going on? Who is this? Who did I call?” Tatum cried as she heard him take a measured breath.

“What was the name of your primary school?” He asked.

“What primary school? I went to school in the US. Is that like an elementary school or something?” Teagan replied.

“Ma’am. You’ve called the wrong number. I have to keep this line free.” He tried to dismiss.

“No! Don’t hang up! My grandparents told me to call you. Jude and Hyacinth Smithenson. My grandparents are in trouble. They portaled me to…I don’t know where, they gave me this paper and told me to say “ Hi, Hi! Night Action!” and then ‘Jade, soap, ivy, dove and to tell you that “the hub is compromised, infiltrated and ambushed and that the hub is being flushed”. But you have to help them! Someone cut the power to their house. And the house is being surrounded and they’re probably after me too! I felt it. At least a few dozen people jumped all around my grandparents house. It was like a pack of wolves!” She exclaimed as she read the rest of the message.

“The hub was compromised? infiltrated? And ambushed?!” He repeated, in shock.

“Yes! You have to send someone to help them! They wrote down that they were flushing it though? What does that mean?” She asked before she heard him repeat what she had just told him.

“What’s happening?” She asked before she heard him tell whoever else he was talking to- the address of her grandparent’s place.

“What’s your name?” The guy on the other side of the call asked.

“Teagan, Teagan Smitherson. I’m their granddaughter.” She answered before he seemed to whisper something under his breath that, if she had to guess, sounded like an ‘oh shit’.

“Teagan. I’m Payton. The phone that you’re calling from, does it have a pie symbol on it, like the square root of pie?” He asked before she pulled it away and looked at it.

“Yes.” She confirmed.

“Press that key. And the phone will tell me where you are so I can send you the right help.” He instructed before she did. But only a few seconds later, she felt a tingle and someone jumped to the middle of the street as she saw the rifle across their chest.

“Shit, what kind of signal did I just set off? Someone just jumped outside the house!” She asked.

“What?!” He exclaimed before he started barking off all kinds of codes and orders on the other side.

“Teagan, I’m just now getting the signal here. Is the place you’re in- have either a basement or an upstairs?” He asked.

“Both. I think.” She answered.

“Ok, what you’re going to do is open the door to the basement and then run upstairs. But stay low and try not to get seen.

“It’s gonna be hard with this backpack on my back.” She offered.

“Then take the backpack off and throw it into the basement before you go upstairs. Chances are, they’re tracking whatever is in the backpack.” Payton directed her before she did as he told her and opened the pantry, then the bathroom before finally finding the door to the basement and tossed it down the stairs before she quickly and quietly closed the doors and then crouched and went towards the stairs.

“Ok, the backpack is in the basement, I’m headed up the stairs. Now what?” She asked.

“Get to any room with a locking door. Lock it and then leave it closed but not inside the room itself. But it’s going to give you time for help to come. Get to the farthest bedroom. Do not lock that door, but hide in the closet.” He instructed her before she heard the other jumper break into the house next door and then, the gun that they had, was being fired.

“They’ve followed me here, they’re going to the other houses and they’re shooting the neighbors!” She whispered in a whimper from the closet before she heard guns go off form all the houses all around her.

“They’re shooting all the neighbors! All around me! More jumped after me!” There’s a whole group of them!” She breathed before the door got kicked in downstairs.

“Shit! They’re here! They’re inside! They’re gonna find me! But Grandma told me not to jump.” She shuddered as tears streaked down her face.

“Yes, don’t jump. They will follow you. Don’t jump. We just need to get to you first. But for now, be quiet, be as quiet as you can be. But if they get to you first, fight, fight for your life and fight like hell until we can get to you ok?” He tried to coach her before the intruders came up the stairs.

“You still with me Teagan?” He asked, but all he heard was shuddering breath.

“Press the pound sign if you can’t talk.” He told her before she did.

“It’s gonna be ok. Help is only seconds away. I have an entire team coming for you. And they will be in the house in only a second.” He tried to say before she felt the tingle and then suddenly all around her, a whole group jumped into every room of the house and suddenly all the guns were going off before she was in another glass box, this one, not moving but bullets were bouncing off of it. She was essentially a goldfish and in fishbowl. She could see and hear but not escape. She felt so helpless as she heard the barrage of gunfire all around her but was helpless to either help or escape.

Then, once again, silence before the glass vanished.

“Teagan? Teagan Smitherson?” She heard her name.

“Someone is calling my name.” She breathed into the phone.

“That’s Commander Juno. You can answer her, you’re safe.” He told her as he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Juno?” Teagan finally answered before the closet door was opened.

“Hi Teagan. I’m Juno Bexly. Payton sent me here to get you. You’re safe now.” Juno offered as she offered Teagan her hand to help her to her feet.

“You’re safe now Teagan. That’s Commander Juno. She’s a badass. She’ll take great care of you from here on out ok? You did great. I’m so proud of you. You’re gonna be ok.” Payton offered.

“Thank you Payton. Thank you for helping me.” Teagan tearfully offered.

“You’re welcome. Happy to help. I’m gonna hang up now ok? I’m gonna check up on your grandparents. You’ll be ok.” Payton urged.

“Yes, please, thank you. Goodbye.” She answered before she hung up the phone.

“Is the backpack still in the basement?” Teagan asked Juno.

“No, they got it before we could get here. Half of them jumped out the moment we jumped in. Half of my team is jumping after them and hunting them down. We killed all the others.” She offered as Teagan watched as the dead bodies were tagged and then jumped to somewhere else.

“What about the neighbors?” Teagan tearfully asked.

“They’re all dead, aren’t they?” Teagan asked before Juno nodded.

“All for me? All for…a backpack?! What the fuck was in that thing?” Teagan asked before Juno enveloped her into a hug.

“I don’t know. But backpacks can be replaced. You can’t.” Juno tried to offer.

“But what about Granny and Papa? Are they still alive?” Teagan asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t heard.” Juno offered.

“But for now, let’s just get you somewhere safe ok?” Come on, I’m gonna jump us back to base.

“Wait, where am I?” She asked.

“We’re in a suburb of Nashville Tennessee.” She answered.

“But…But I jumped from Oregon.” Teagan offered.

“Actually you jumped a hundred and eleven times around the world. Which is why we had such a hard time tracking you and finding you. But now, we’re about to jump to Washington D.C.” Juno informed her before they stepped onto a jump pad. But Juno jumped. Teagan was simply left to stand there.

“Oh shit. Boss, we have a problem. Miss Smitherson can’t jump.” Someone reported.

“That’s ridiculous.” Juno answered before she jumped back and tried to jump again.

“What the fuck is going on?” Juno barked at the others.

“I don’t know.” They offered before they tried to give Teagan a body tag and the body tag itself jumped, but not her.

“General Jordan, we have a problem. We can not get the target to jump.” Juno reported into a radio on her shoulder.

“Try every dimensional jump we can.” General Jordan offered before Teagan was moved from pad to pad as they were all set up around the house. But with no success.

“What the everloving fuck?” Juno growled.

“This is not your fault Teagan. This is not your fault. I just have never had any being not be able to jump before.” Juno quickly reassured her.

“When my grandma sent me, she put me in a glass tube.” Teagan volunteered.

“And right before you came, another glass tube came around me.” Teagan added.

“Gods damn it.” Juno hissed in realization.

“Hey General Jordan. I think have to Glass Cannon her.” Juno informed her superior.

“Glass Cannon?” Teagan repeated.

“Glass Cannons is a very, very specific form of jumping. It takes glass from the mirror realm to encase the subject in a bullet proof, perfect case, The only time the glass cannon shatters is when it delivers the payload to a final destination. That’s how you survived 111 jumps with no harm to your being whatsoever, most can’t do more than 20 without getting violently ill.” Juno explained.

“When I jumped here, the glass shattered. I expected it to cut me.” Teagan answered.

“Where? Where did it jump you here?” Juno asked before Teagan led them to the downstairs closet and the moment they opened the closet, it looked like there was a heap of snow on the floor of the closet before everyone else took a huge step back as Juno pulled Teagan away and behind her.

“Oh shit. This isn’t normal glass. This is….this is snow glass. It’s the most specialized glass there is. When it breaks, it falls like snow. But it acts like fiberglass to everyone else. Only the most precious world leaders jump and portal in snow glass. Who put you into this?” Juno realized.

“My grandparents, Hyacinth…” Teagan began.

“And Jude Smitherson, also known as Raine’s Pheonix, orchestrators of the Central Hub.” Juno finished as she seemed to look at Teagan with more appreciation.

“Excuse me?” Teagan asked.

“They are very important people. I’ve never met a family member of theirs. Ok. If Raine’s Pheonix saw fit to send you in snow glass. We’ll…find a way to send you back to safety in snow glass.” Juno offered.

“I need a snow glass sent here. Target is leaded out.” Juno directed into her communicator on her shoulder.

“Leaded out?” Teagan asked.

“It’s a thing for your protection. Your grandparents made it so that no one can jump you without snow glass. And no one can get that and we have to get all kinds of special permissions to even get one.” Juno admitted.

“Captain, we have a problem. The target is leaded out. And can only be portaled through a snow glass cannon. The only way to bring her in is either we need to get one, or bring her back physically. I will need an envoy.” Juno reported.

“Now that the target is secured. We need to secure the payload. I need your team to continue to track it.” General Joradan instructed.

“I can take her back Sir.” Juno offered.

“No, I need you to lead your team to secure the payload.” General Jordan contested.

“I’ll go. It’s the least I can do for Raine’s Pheonix.” Payton offered from beside the General who had come into Headquarters once alerted that Raine’s Pheonix and the central hub had fallen.

“Ok, go.” General Jordan insisted before Payton vanished into a shadow and came out of a second one on the other side as Juno nearly jumped out of her skin. But Teagan had turned her head towards the darkness seconds before Payton got out of it.

“I hate it when you do that Blackwater.” Juno complained.

“Sorry. Miss Smithenson.” He offered to Teagan.

“You’re Payton. From the phone.” Teagan recognized his voice.

“Yes. I understand that you’re leaded out. Practically bullet proof.” Payton began as Teagan blinked in surprise.

“That’s what she meant.” Teagan whispered.

“That’s what who meant?” Payton asked.

“My grandmother, before she put me in that snow glass cannon. She said she would make me bulletproof.” Teagan repeated as she reached up to rub her neck where her grandmother had injected her.

“Did she say anything else?” Payton asked.

“It’s um, it’s just all fuzzy and then a blurr.” Teagan offered.

“Well, it’s been a rough night. You should be getting some sleep. I’ll get you somewhere safe, away from all of this.” Payton offered as he gestured the shot to smithereens house.

“Thank you.” Teagan nodded.

“Do you trust Payton?” Teagan murmured to Juno as she was reluctant to let go of Juno’s arm.

“Oh yeah. You’re in great hands. Think of me as a first responder and he’s a whole damn Emergency Room, if not- the whole ass hospital. He will protect you with his life. He has some real power behind him, I only have my team. I’m gonna hunt the bastards down and give those caught in the crossfire tonight, justice.” Juno nodded.

“Well, teamwork makes the dream work right?” Teagan reminded her.

“Of course. Besides, with just you and him, you’ll be able to move to the D.C. Headquarters a lot easier and quicker than me and my team could get you there. One woman being protected by 6 armed body guards in a three SUV caravan is gonna turn some heads. But just the two of you traveling alone are gonna look like a couple on a road trip. No one is gonna give you and him a second thought or glance. You’ll practically be invisible to the average set of eyes. Plus Payton practically sets the standard for asset care. But when I’m done hunting, I’ll come back and check up on you ok?” Juno offered.

“Ok. Thank you Juno. Good luck.” Teagan offered as she gave Juno another hug.

“You’ll be ok. You’re in safe hands.” Juno reassured Teagan.

“Here, since you had to throw off your backpack to throw your scent off. Take this ok? It’s practically a standard issue asset bug out bag. Chances are, that backpack was just a bug out bag. This is another one. It’ll get you by until you can get to home base, ok? You’ll be ok. Don’t be afraid to take and use everything in it ok? Think of this as a gift, one that you never have to pay back ok? Your grandparents most likely sent you with a bug out bag and you had to dump yours to throw off your scent. This is just a replacement,, ok?” Juno offered before she handed Teagan a duffle bag that was handed to her from another teammate.

“Thanks.” Teagan offered as she took it from her and tried not to fall over when she felt like the bag weighed half as much as she did.

“Come on, we should get out of here.” Payton invited before he escorted her out of there and into a vehicle parked in the driveway before Teagan got in the passenger side and just stared, rather blankly at her hands with the duffle bag between her feet as Payton began to drive out of there before a series of clean up vans came driving into the cul de sac as Teagan recognized the name of the cleaners.

“The Wright Clean.” Teagan scoffed when she recognized it. That’s what they were really doing. They were probably always cleaning this kind of thing up.

But now, how big was this mess that she found herself in now? And how far would go?

#Monster March 2024 #Monster March 2024 Day 3- Extradimensional being #Night Action Monster March Style #Glass Cannon

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triviareads · 2 years ago

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Releases on June 6th

Summary:

Natalie Vos has returned to Napa jobless, fiancé-less, and in need of money to start her own investment firm. August Cates owns a vineyard that makes terrible-tasting wine, but owes it to his friend not to give up. August and Natalie may hate each other at first sight, but their respective financial struggles causes Natalie to propose a marriage of convenience so that both of them can get the capital they need to fund their dreams...

My review:

TESSA BAILEY IS BACK. I enjoyed reading Unfortunately Yours, and I think what made this book really hit was just how reminiscent it was of Tessa's older works. August and Natalie reminded me a lot of Brent and Hayden from Asking for Trouble— August is a brash, cocky retired Navy SEAL, and Natalie is a pedigreed investment banker. There's this immediate sexual tension between August and Natalie, but circumstances make them "enemies" of sorts, which leads to a lot of pretty hilarious back-and-forth arguing between them (as always, Tessa knows how to write good banter).

Natalie and August are both at their lowest when they meet, and I actually liked that. This isn't a story about a ripped-and-ready soldier and a socialite; August is a former SEAL who's now trying his best to create a profitable vineyard to honor a friend's legacy. Natalie is trying to start up her own investment firm and struggles with being seen as a valued member of her own family. She also has a history of struggling with alcohol. They're both a little pathetic (but in an endearing way), little prickly, and scared to let their guards down. But because they both need money, they need to put their hang-ups aside and go ahead with this marriage of convenience.

Regarding their marriage, I appreciated how the wedding happened around midway through the book (ft. dancing to "Brick House" by the Commodores, him tenderly plucking rice out of her hair, and that lift from Dirty Dancing), so lot of the story is Natalie and August learning to live and work together while they "pretend" to be married for real. And that close proximity led to a lot of excellent bonding moments (and not just physical lol). SPEAKING of which—

The sex:

When I say Tessa's back, I mean this in terms of the sex as well. Because August fucked up his first chance with Natalie, he's determined to do this RIGHT the second time around. And by right, I mean no p in v sex until he's convinced she won't regret sleeping with him. Which.... makes for an excellent self-denial subplot.

Here's what worked for me:

a) The dirty talk is still a little paired down compared to Tessa's older works, but it did the trick

b) WEDDING NIGHT! Maybe I've been brainwashed by historical romances about the excitement of wedding night sex but this one was great— the stand-out moment was August telling Natalie he's imagined going down on her so many times "imaginary August has lockjaw". Then there was a classic Tessa Bailey blowjob scene (I feel like a lot of contemporary romances skimp on these, so I like the level of detail Tessa provides).

c) There is, in fact, face-sitting

d) Do I think the opportunity for August to showcase his SEAL skills was a bit shoehorned? Yes, but when it leads to a level of scared/horny desperation that has them pulling over their car during a FLASH FLOOD and he's standing OUTSIDE IN THE STORM while railing her from behind.... I'm here for it.

Basically, I don't believe in the "wife guy" but August is the only kind of "wife guy" I condone, namely, the kind that gets off on it.

Overall:

I had a lot of fun reading this book and absolutely would recommend. If you're looking for a light read (a beach read, if you will) with plenty of heart that also doesn't skimp on good sex, this is the book for you!

Thank you to Avon and Harper Voyager and NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my review.

#arc #arc review #netgalley #tessa bailey #contemporary romance #avon books #avon #Harper Voyager #romance novel #romance novels

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ayamav · 8 days ago

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Everything

chapters 1-5

how unfortunate.

predictably, the one and only day the entire week that she had dedicated to finally relaxing began with a vicious downpour of rain.

damn.

she fumbled with a pack of ciggarettes that she had been dragging around, just anything to take the edge off. when she finally flipped the wrangled tab of the box open she was met with two drenched cigarettes and one half passable one. whatever.

she flicked the other two in the box away from her and daintily placed the other in her mouth. she rolled it around her lips as she reached for her lighter.

"need a light?" someone called from inside the saloon.

slowly, she lifted her arms from the front porches' fence and lazily spun to face the voice behind her.

it was the owner of the saloon. she didn't know his name, his age or his intentions. but she had no fear, as fear was to protect you from death.

"yeah," she said, the ambience of the rain continuing to patter around them. she moved closer as he protected the little flame with his palm. it went out. he flicked the wheel again. sparks.

again. no sparks.

didn't the spark seem just a bit too much like her?

dead.

oh! flame.

she leaned forward towards the open flame, only for the man to place his thumb over the lid and snap it closed before her ciggarette even brushed against the flame.

she internally sighed. the burly man forcefully shoved her head down and then put her head in a headlock before holding her wrists with one hand. she struggled for a second until he pulled a gun from the void and threatened her with it.

"bitch! stay fucking still!" he then attempted to search her for money.

idiot. she wanted to die, but she would die on her own terms. with suprising power, she kneed the owner in the balls, which caused him to immediately let go of her and try to protect himself from the coming slaughter, while groaning in pain.

she kicked him out of the safety of his own saloon's overhang and stomped on him a few times. he feebly raised a weak fist towards her face to which she allowed herself to get hit. her lip began to bleed but she just licked it off as she stared with an unmoving expression.

stomp.

she didn't kill him though. she hurt him just enough as to not.

even here, in ramshackle.

he didn't deserve to die.

how unfortunate.

key:

- short timeskip or seperation between scenes

* flashback

one would normally assume a scrap like y/n would be homeless and jobless, and they would have been wrong on both accounts. well, mostly.

"Y/N!!" an obnoxiously loud voice screamed. y/n groaned at the foreshadowing of a social interaction and her temporary hearing loss.

the boy in front of her, albeit older, was more immature and childish than a fussy infant in a grocery store. "what?" she responded, disinterested, as they both continued their path backstage.

he haphazardously shoved a flaming garment of his circus outfit. y/n barely flinched. it was midday, but she was already drowsy. "LOOK! i've found a way to set fire to my clothing that's completely safe and won't ruin the fabrics," he said, as the flames slowly died down. y/n reached towards it with a ciggarette in between her fingers before he flicked it away. the sunshine on his face faltered. "y/n. didn't i tell you about this already?"

yes, he was childish, but he cared for her. y/n felt guilty for worrying him. "ranpo.. i'm sorry. i'll try not to fuck up my lungs and turn them into walnuts," she said.

ranpo smiled. it seemed more genuine this time. "thanks y/n. ANYWAY, the fire actually helps retain the color because, plot twist, it's fake! and thi-" no, she wasn't listening too intently. she knew what he was trying to do.

today was showday again.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! MY HIGH CLASS CITIZENS! WELCOME TO CIRCUS SOFFERENZA!"

shouted dolore in an announcing voice. went on and on about the circus to the moneybags as y/n applied careful makeup to her face. ranpo hung his arms over her shoulders from behind the chair, leaning his forehead on it.

it sickened her, the neon pink, pristine chair with the little circle indents and gold accents.

the chair alone would've been able to feed two people for at least a month, another week if you rationed correctly. she compared the plush pink chair to her noticeably gaunt face and scoffed. maybe if she'd been as well fed as the chair looked she would live in peace.

ranpo had already disappeared to the stage. she didn't dare look, not after what had happened the first time.

she had recently been graciously picked up off the streets when she had the first showday of her career. she had only met dolore, who never showed y/n the other performers. she wasn't meant to. instead, while dolore was engaging the audience, she watched intently from the high rafters. the spotlights all focused on the stage after dolore's introduction of the first performer.

"OUR FIRST ATTRACTION! THE CHILD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MURDER OF TWELVE! DIRECTOR!" he was chained to the stage floor, looking solemn as he stared at it. he wore nothing except ratty pants and bandages the covered his entire torso. and from the small peeks of off-white showing under his pants, both of his legs as well.

where did those come from?

the boy, glaring at the floorboards, looked as though he was bracing himself for something. his back slouched but was distinctly rigid, like a string pulled taut. another man, gagged and tied to a wooden post was about 8 feet away, eyes bulging and tears forming. he tried to feverishly shake his head, but was only left with useless struggling.

the man was undoubtedly a scrap. a rather foolish one. he fought with the rope that bound him to no avail.

y/n's eyes left the man and watched dolore, whom appeared to have a whip in hand. dolore walked to the boy's side. "YOU SEE, THIS CHILD POSSESSES THE EXTRAORDINARY POWER OF.." dolore paused and raised the whip. it harshly hit the boy's back, making a resounding crack. the boy didn't flinch. "..DIRECTING HIS PAIN TO OTHERS."

the bound man began to scream and shout for help through his gag, but all that got to the audience were "rmmphh! yremphhhh! aaapphhhh!!", which was surely not english. dolore, with a crazed smile, ripped the whip back and forth each ending in crack. it was like slicing through solid air. y/n then noticed something peculiar. whenever the next slash across the boy's back was coming, his hands turned to fists and his eyes squeezed shut.

that's when she knew. the boy wasn't giving his pain to others. he was sharing it. and, he probably had an insanely high pain tolerance, because before long, the man began foaming at the mouth and his eyes rolled into the back of his head until you could only see the whites.

he was brain dead. or just dead. y/n attempted to change positions to get a better look at "director", but somehow dolore had heard the sound over the crowd. dolore swiftly faced up to the girl at the same time the director did.

"y/n..?" said the director. how did he know her name? the crowd hadn't yet noticed the commotion.

dolore stepped behind the boy, looking directly into y/n's eyes.

dolore was punishing the director because she snuck out.

with every slam of the whip, the audience only grew louder. no longer were they cheering for the anomaly that was the director, but for the sheer, disgusting excitement they felt at seeing pain. after all, the money bags couldn't resist the display of the only universal language: pain and power.

"y/n?"

oh.

"y/n? it's your turn." said ranpo. he looked tired and struggled to hide his bandages from her. her eyes softened. here he was, in pain and trying to help her.

"ah. i'll be going then," she responded, walking past him to the frayed red curtains. although they were worn and she had practically lived there, the grandeur was never lost.

"AND NOW..! OUR MOST SOUGHT AFTER CROWD-PLEASER! OUR VERY OWN...

..DOLL."

she entered the stage, not from behind red curtains, but the audience. the rafters that creaked above the moneybags beckoned them to look up and see and blur performing flips and hanging off of the many bars.

at last, she had run across the full length of the circus, and gracefully spun like a ballerina down even the concerningly high height of the circus. she was like the feather of a dove, swimming back and forth between the air, searching for it's owner, or perhaps, nothing.

y/n floated with such elegance and grace to a mat stationed just past the overhead rafters, on the creaking wooden boards of the stage. when she landed, she smoothly raised her arms towards the sky, a flower blooming in the cracks of concrete. her face was timeless, as if no force would ever change the neutral expression she carried ever so close.

once the main areas of movement ceased, the crowd collectively gasped at the sight of a quiver with few arrows. a faceless approached y/n, holding a bow for her to take. she gently took it as the faceless scurried back to the safety of the curtains. then, with the bow still in her hand, she ran across the stage. y/n twisted middair as she leaped with practiced ease and drew an arrow upside-down.

when she landed, the arrow had already flown and had made it's destination nearly on the target's bullseye. nearly. y/n fought the scornful expression on her face. it could've been better.

nevertheless, she had captivated the audience as they could only watch, awestruck. this had worked perfectly into the hands of the scrappy trio.

"stONE! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" a girl with puffy brown hair whisper-shouted. she shook the scrap vigorously until he hit his head on his own bottle. the last scrap looked to be fretting over the two, but silently searching the pockets of the crowd as he passed behind them.

the "stone" in question didn't look completely there, or there at all. y/n could clearly see them through the extravagance of the money bags, even though they didn't seem to notice. she continued her tricks through the stage, a unique mix of acrobatics and archery. her flexibility seemed unmatched as she bent over in rather disgusting ways and shot her bow upside down, with her feet and literally hanging off of the curtains.

although it looked as though she needed to be focused, she was instead curiously staring at the trio of scraps that had clearly crashed the party. if she didn't know better, she'd mistake their nimble movements for simply moving through the crowd. even the drunk seemed to be able to dodge the higher class. (perhaps in fear of his bottle?)

she immediately noticed when they had stopped to stare at her, just like the rest of the hypnotized crowd.

"tch. what a stuck-up bitch," said the girl with brown hair. over the years y/n had gained the ability to lipread even from distances easily, courtesy of ranpo who had insisted.

"what if you become deaf y/n? who will hear my beautiful voice then?"

"but if i'm deaf i won't be able to hear you?"

"shush child."

"i'm barely younger than you."

she scoffed at the memory.

"vinnie! you can't say that!" said the yellow haired one.

"why not skipp? look at the makeup on her face. she's clearly some brat from a pageant or some shit like that."

"at least she can do more impressive shit than you vinnie," mumbled the emo looking drunk who clearly had just woken up from his drunken coma.

"shut the fuck up stone!" said "vinnie," lifting the bean-pole emo drunk by his shirt. he looked really light. at this point, the audience had heard vinnie's voice and were one by one awakening from their mesmerized states and turning towards the sound.

a dramatic spotlight shown on them, and stone looked like he had been shot with a gun with how he recoiled from it.

"stone... what the fuck did you do?" said the pirate while staring at the crowd. the unpaid weirdo groaned.

a tall old woman wearing a purple gown and unreasonably tall purple hat to match looked disgusted and afraid. she was also the first to scream.

"s-scr- SCRAPS!!!"

the crowd immediately cowered away from the trio and dolore's booming voice rang across the circus.

"IT SEEMS AS THOUGH WE HAVE SOME UNINVITED GUESTS! WHY NOT GIVE THEM OUR OWN SHOW?"

the audience was wary but seemed to enjoy the thought of another act.

SETTING THE STAGE!

a spotlight shown on y/n as she couldn't help an irritated sigh. yes, she could flip and twist and turn and fight but she was already a bit tired from her performance. not to the point of collapsing, but tired enough. y/n readied herself, stretched and cranked her head towards the trio. now, with help from the faceless, she was carried via rope towards the three. effortlessly, she swooped down and picked up the one that would put on the best show; the pirate.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YA THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU INSECURE DICK-FACED SLUT?!?!" she yelled. y/n winced at the "slut". she hoped someday maybe she'd get past that stereotype, but for now she'd put on a show.

"VINNIE!" both stone and skipp shouted as y/n carried the struggling vinnie. apparently she had a weapon on her, but as y/n turned back to look at vinnie, she had seen the wooden knife fall to the ground of the circus, hitting someone in the head.

at a second look, the wood seemed to simply be a cover for an actual knife. the wooden cover bounced off of the first man and sliced another in half. how dramatic.

as they got to the stage, y/n dropped vinnie before backflipping and twisting and sticking a perfect landing. the crowd cheered. vinnie scornfully readied her fists for a brawl while y/n dropped her bow and arrows and stood in a loose form. despite vinnie being larger and potentially stronger than her, she had her own versions of defense.

"AAAAACT ONE! BEGIN!" yelled dolore.

"I'LL KILL YOU RICH FUCK!"

"i'd call you a pigeon livered saphead, but i wouldn't want to offend the pigeons, ragabrash."

"FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?"

there was a moment of silence. and then it was gone. the crowd jeered and placed bets in a second, and y/n stood and waited for the pirate in front of her.

vinnie looked distraught for a moment but was replaced by a murderous smile.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” then she ran. another blade in hand, hair infested with rats.

disgusting.

y/n’s face twisted from stoicism to a feverish smile. hey, if there was one thing she was good at, it was a fight.

after all, it was all she was before-

vinnie thrust the blade towards y/n’s face, took a step forward and in the same half second sliced through the air.

y/n moved behind her and kicked her in the back of the knee, harshly. vinnie staggered for a second but twisted her torso to slash y/n only to get a punch in the gut. vinnie spluttered but recovered quickly and slammed her fist into y/n’s side. she tried her best to not be reactive to it and defensively slid back. vinnie fully recovered and charged again.

y/n dropped down and swept vinnie’s legs. vinnie’s smile faltered as she tumbled to the floor but scrambled back up. y/n was… gone? before she could even keep thinking (as if anything was going on in there), she was hit in the shoulder and right in between two of her ribs that caused her to double over.

vinnie coughed and held her stomach as y/n stood in front of her.

just as y/n was going to deal a blow to vinnie’s carotid artery, she was viciously attacked by something hard in the back of her head that made her feel like she was going to pass out, like her eyes were about to slide out. she was bleeding.

a third party?

it was in fact, another party. a two person party. it was the skinny drunk from earlier and the blond one.

“vinnie..! we have to go now!!” y/n could barely hear then speak through the ringing in her head. she noticed a pouch of gold in the blond’s hand. “skipp” was the one that had hit her.

“catcha later, doll!” said the blond. y/n blinked, confused. she gingerly held her head as skipp wrangled the other two out of the circus, completely and utterly lacking all grace and elegance. but when she looked at them, she could only feel warm. so ragged, messy and really terrible hobos, but they made her feel.. something.

“WELL! WHO BET FOR A RETREAT?” dolore suddenly shouted, jolting y/n awake. she held her head as dolore looked about the crowd. no one said a thing.

she held her head as dolore looked about the crowd. no one said a thing. the audience mumbled to each other. no one seemed to have bet for a retreat. y/n took this short moment to sneak backstage as dolore closed up shop for the night.

she was behind the circus now, in between alleyways that no one dared enter. the air was stiff and cold and tasted of dirt. how pleasant. she undid her hair (mb if you don’t have hair. pretend it’s a hat ig??) and sighed in relief as it fell against her neck. it was cold enough that when she breathed out she could watch her breath float away. of course, you could barely see it in the smug covered town. y/n reached for a cigarette but let out a disgruntled groan when she had remembered what ranpo had done. fuck my walnut lungs.

she set off to get more. sorry ranpo. really.

y/n trudged through the backroads that seemed to progressively get warmer. she glanced up to see the sky clearing. it was indeed getting warmer. very warm. she removed her blazer and tied it around her waist to reveal a white long-sleeved shirt adorned with a puffy collar. it faintly showed white vines and flowers along the collar, courtesy of ranpo.

the dust began to be more prominent as she walked into the saloon. she sat at the wooden and splinter filled bar and reached under the seat. tucked in between the panels was a nearly pristine box of cigarettes.

near her was a obnoxiously dressed girl with messy brown hair. she recognized all five at the table instantaneously. the two at one side were moderately rich older men who couldn’t resist betting. the other three were… well they were the trio from earlier today; dressed horribly in gently worn clothes. in all seriousness, they didn’t look that bad.

it was cute, really. but then she saw the extra cards tucked behind the pirate’s sleeve. some weren’t even for the game they were playing, as she saw a red uno reverse tucked behind the queen of spades.

y/n wondered how the disgusting men on the other side of the table hadn’t noticed that the backs of some of the cards that vinnie was holding were different. she decided to just chalk it up to stupidity and continued observing. strange things always happened in ramshackle anyway.

“go fish!” vinnie said confidently, spreading her cards about the table.

“we’re playing poker vinnie,” said stone, the pretty-boy.

“i know what i’m doing!” she said confidently.

“hey.. i think you actually just won!” said the sunny blond. looking at his optimistic face honestly hurt her eyes.

vinnie reached over and took the bets into her arms, all clad in a amused smile. “how the HELL did i lose to a buncha street rats!?” said the small one.

“they must be cheatin’,” said the big one with red hair.

“fellas… do we look like cheaters to ya?”

stone, his poor soul, slammed his head against the table. several cards flew out. there was a pregnant silence. the sleazy men loaded both of their guns in unison. skipp spat out a three of… spades? whatever. they hazardously yanked each other out of the saloon.

“now all we gotta do is make it out alive!”

skinny pretty-boy looked annoyed as he trudged next to vinnie. “i’m planning the next scheme,” he scoffed, gunshots following his voice. y/n went to go watch the scene when she saw the large man cock his shotgun back and aim it towards stone. um… no??

she kicked up in a near completely vertical splits, disarming him, and punched him in the gut. she whipped her head towards the three. they had started running again. good. it was strange for her, to have genuine motivation to do something. she ran after them, completely immersed in the chase. it was an entire new feeling she hadn’t felt in a while.

thrill.

adrenaline pumped through her as she caught up with the three.

“hey, aren’t you that girl behind us in the bar?” said vinnie.

stone, drunk as he was, exasperatedly sighed. “yeah, but also that circus girl. from this morning,” he said, in a thick accent. irish, it seemed. his voice moved smooth and flowed gently but forcefully. definitely a pretty boy.

“woah..! it doesn’t look like you at all! y’know, without the makeup and all,” said skipp. if she hadn’t observed him she might’ve thought he sounded bashful. when she wore makeup she would have to apply large red/orange circles on her cheeks like a porcelain doll. her skin would look clear and flat like glass.

now, all of her imperfections were showing, blemishes and all. if she had to be honest, skipp looked… enamored in a way. then they were falling.

“oh my god, WE’RE LIKE ALADDIN!” she had a feeling she had missed something. she was not paying attention at all. typical.

she looked down. all of them appeared to be falling back into a cart. y/n prepared for the impact and landed perfectly into the cart. however, the other three didn’t have much of a attempt. they piled on top of her before recovering in less than half a second. y/n wore a flabbergasted look. even someone with years in the circus probably wouldn’t have recovered as quick. (not her, she’d be fine, but maybe literally anyone else.)

what the actual hell have these kids been doing? they actually might’ve been older than her, but who cares. y/n, in her own world, woke up to a voice.

“this is why i drink.” oh god. it was his voice again, the drunkard. she couldn’t even deny how beautiful it sounded in her ears. she couldn’t explain it.

she looked up at him. curse this beanpole, even with platforms she was still shorter than him. he was blushing, furiously. eh? he had pulled up his black turtle neck to try and cover it up, but it was futile. had she said something?

“…all i have is this gun,” said skipp, which seemed to snap everyone to attention again.

“i know how to use a gu-,” y/n began to say, but skipp had already thrown it in the opposite direction. yes, the little ball of sunshine would OBVIOUSLY throw the gun in another direction. excellent.

y/n stared at skipp with a annoyed and confused expression while he looked like he didn’t know what planet he was on.

“hey. this is why i drink.”

with a lighter and a bottle of a mysterious drink, he lit it up. fire was so pretty. he threw it. it fell about five feet to the right of the car.

y/n could hear the muffled “idiots!” from the inside.

it then proceeded to explode.

well, if she wasn’t flabbergasted before, she was flabbergasted now. she looked to stone, the thrower in question, but he also seemed shocked himself. they both slowly turned their heads towards the other two who were quite honestly completely unfazed by the literal laws of physics being broken.

she chalked it up to stupidity. everything was so stupid sometimes. y/n looked back to car and began to laugh. a gentle, small but rare laugh.

“good riddance,” she choked out staring at the scorched spot of the floor.

the other three looked at her.

“fuck yeah! kill the rich!” said vinnie. skipp smiled in agreement.

y/n could only softly smile to herself. they don’t need to know the whole story if they’re prepared to kill.

skipp began tackling everyone, much to stone’s

dismay.

vinnie was laughing hysterically.

she… could get used to this.

it was morning now. y/n's eyes were still bleary and her joints pressed against each other. she could hear them creak along as she sat up in bed. the bed was actually pretty comfortable, and was right in front of the window, so sun shown on her as she woke up.

from the window, everything didn't seem as ugly from above. just the tops of buildings and the rising sun that leaped through town. now she didn't exactly like the.. landlord, per se, but she just moved on with it and got a decent sized apartment for cheap. that was all that mattered.

THUNK.

something hit her window and was sliding down it.

(with much hesitation)

"...skipp?"

he smiles a gummy smile. although he's still sliding down, he raises one arm off of the window and points down before completely falling off. y/n could practically hear the splat as he fell. she let out a faint snicker at the muffled I'M OKAY!!!

she turned over, still drowsy and her hair a bit messy. outside her window, on the ground, were vinnie, stone and skipp. vinnie was smiling crazily (it looked as though she threw skipp at the window,) stone looked bored as he stared up at her window, and skipp was hobbling around, half conscious with a thumbs up. (if you watch anime or read manga, think kaminari denki.)

stone looked to the side a bit and said something to vinnie that made her punch stone to the floor. now there was a single girl standing about with an drunk, unconscious boy and a should be unconscious boy. it truly was a sight to see. vinnie beckoned her down by waving towards her and screaming.

y/n laughed again as a man walked out, someone from the building, tried to ask her to quiet down and was punched quickly. now there was three. and now she should probably get down there before it became four.

she gave vinnie a thumbs up and went to fix herself up. she was a bit too lazy to fix up her hair so she just shook it around and left it. then she put on some comfortable pants and a button-up white dress shirt along with striking red accents throughout. a couple hair clips, a small, black, red accented hat and a similar color scheme for her shoes. she was done in less than a minute and thirty seconds, (due to her having to quickly change clothes for shows,) but the three had increased to seven.

why was she even surprised?

and secondly, how the actual fuck did they find where she lived?!? this was definitely the more concerning question, but she disregarded both and greeted vinnie.

skipp had just barely begun to rise and stone has standing, albeit wobbly. y/n was about to speak but a whole ass human bring thrown at her stopped her. (it was stone.)

"we need ya' to watch over him right now since 'ee's completely fuckin' wasted, and we need shit done," vinnie said, pointing at y/n and stone. stone immediately looked up and towards vinnie, perhaps to deny his babysitter, but before he could, he blanked out and fell onto y/n's shoulder, who was barely able to catch the drunkard.

y/n looked up to question why they left him with her, and how they had survived so long without a drunk-sitter if stone really needed one that bad. vinnie was already strangling skipp by the neck into an alleyway.

shocked, confused, downright flabbergasted, she supposed her day off would be spent with a irish drunkard. but was it really that horrible?

sighing, y/n dragged stone by each arm back into the apartment building and laboriously up the stairs. she lived on the third floor, so they needed to go up two levels. on the way to to last floor, stone seemed to have jerked himself awake and became completely coherent, like he had just shaken the drunk off.

"i can carry myself up," he said, almost.. coldly. he pushed himself off of her and walked ahead of her, black boots loudly clacking against the steps. then, he paused, like he was going to look behind himself.

instead, he fell to her.

"...!?!"

•stone first person pov•

mmh. my head hurts. ugh. i couldn't open my eyes yet, but i needed assess to my surroundings. nothing was missing. my pockets were the same weight as before. none of my clothes were missing, but felt lighter for some odd reason. what was it!?

"...stone?" said a voice, softly. my name.

"mmmh," my eyelids were sore, which meant they were most likely swollen. hesitantly, i opened my eyes to a girl. she was sitting oddly, in a way that could surely not be comfortable. perhaps it was a female thing, as i had seen vinnie and other female scraps similarly seemed to just naturally sit, legs strewn wherever they landed. girls always did seem to be more instinctively flexible. of course, so did skipp, but skipp was just... skipp.

i sat up, rubbing the dreary and unconscious dreams from my eyes and upon my fingers. i could even nearly feel them fall onto the... wait.

my entire body felt like it was melting. i was warm in the places where my body was making contact with the sheets and cool from the flowing wind.

"stone..?" she repeated my name again, and i looked at her, now clearly.

"i'm... at your.. whatever you call this. right?" i asked her, narrowing my eyes at her.

"my apartment. you're in my apartment, on my bed. you passed out drunk and were out for a few hours," she said, reciting the situation to me.

"a few hours?" i questioned her.

"five hours and about sixteen minutes, if you wanted to be technical."

i paused for a moment and looked out the still sun-filled windows, as the light shown in.

"vinnie dumped me here, i assume?"

"yes."

"i'm leaving then."

"they told me to babysit you, so get back here before the sun completely disappears."

"alright."

i stood up, wobbly at first. y/n made a move to steady me but i put a hand out first and simply walked out the front door.

i paused and looked back for a moment.

"bye."

~y/n third person pov~

y/n watched as he walked out the door. for a moment she was sure he'd fall, but she dismissed the thoughts and decided to go out today as well. she was running low on sweets and whatnot. she looked out her window to be assured that stone had at least walked outside the building before leaving as well, only a few minutes after stone did.

y/n took her time, leisurely walking down the stairs in moveable, breathable clothing so she could freely run about the rooftops.

yes, instead of walking out the bottom part of the building, she had walked out the top. she breathed in the fresh air before starting her short run towards her location. freely running atop buildings in the setting sun really was a feeling everyone should experience.

once she began to get closer to her location, she slowed down a jumped into an alleyway. hands in her pockets, head down, and blend into the crowd. she bumped into someone, and instead of just apologizing, (as one would probably do in modern times,) she just moved faster from the crowd. after all, if she bumped into someone, that probably meant they were going in the opposite direction. probably. she turned around to make sure that no one was yelling or running after her only to get completely murdered by someone's shoulder.

*bonk*

the hit was clearly audible.

y/n recoiled away from the direction of it and looked up for a moment to see the person above her doing the same action. it was stone, of course. (what, for the plot? what was this writer thinking? how unpredictable.)

"you." he was the first one to speak.

"it seems so."

"..why are you here?"

"supplies."

"specifically, y/n."

"candy and cigarettes. and you?" he was silent for a moment; he looked as though he was supposed to be slack-jawed and mouth open at her words.

"same purposes."

"i see."

"if i was being egotistical i would say you're just following me around to keep your one-sided promise to vinnie."

"then i suppose you're being egotistical, and wrong at the same time."

they kept to themselves.

the two continued walking in the same exact direction for a concerningly long distance. yet, the silence prevailed.

until three annoying little brats decided to show up.

"Y//N IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?!?" yelled someone from behind her. y/n grimaced at the voice and stopped for a moment. stone looked down towards her and made a face at the voice behind them.

"let's just go, before they get to us, stone," she said. together, they both moved forward in pace.

"who's they?"

"HOW COULD YOU FORGET US, BITCHES?"

stone immediately took y/n's arm and yanked the both of them as a literal child fell from atop a building, several stories high.

"GIN! are you alright?" yelled the yet another child from above.

gin dusted herself off and gave a thumbs up to the one above.

"CEEEeeeeEEeeeEeEEeeeeeNNN!!!! get down here!" said gin, referencing cen, the more boisterous newsboy.

"IT'S SAFE?"

"YES!"

cen, another child, (12 years old,) jumped from the top of the building and rolled before he touched the bottom. he was covered in dust.

"you look stupid as fuck cen," laughed gin and rigel, who was safely and more responsibly on the floor.

stone and y/n just watched the entire interaction in shock, mostly because in the real world if someone did that they would just die, but whatever. its ramshackle, anyway.

after a good deal of making fun of cen, rigel and gin dusted him off and faced stone and y/n. at this, the latter two began walking away, perhaps in hope they would still be able to make it out of this. "hope," the key word.

#fanfic #stone ramshackle #fanfiction #ao3 #wattpad #quotev #quotev writer #wattpad writer #ao3 writer

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renewingagain · 8 months ago

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thursday 9 may 2024 // 10:48pm

im really sad today

benjamin and i had a talk about what we are and we both ended up really upset by it. in short-

ben wasn't expecting the conversation to go how it did. he wanted a positive outcome and the idea that we were going somewhere

i basically said i'm not sure. and it is because of the anxieties i face in every day life.

right now, i have been looking for jobs in london, to move down there and start a new life. lately i haven't found anything good

gentle reminder while i write this - perhaps i need to start looking outside of the civil service

anyway. because i dont know whats happening with my future right now, whether i move to london or back home to birmingham, i just don't think committing to him is a good idea

how would it work if we go long distance? would i be able to see him?

if i moved (jobless) would i even be able to afford to see him?

if i move in whether home or massi's, how would i be able to see him regularly? i wouldn't be able to have him over lol. yes, i could occasionally stay with him. but i can't do that all the time, i need to treat (whoever's) house with respect

is it wise to move to a new city in a fresh relationship? i have never been keen on long distance

in some ways i am still exploring sexuality and what it means - do i want to be tied down to someone?

all these thoughts are just wracking my brain. i do think the main thing above it all though is the fact that there is an incredible uncertainty about how my future looks with anyone i date in conjunction with family

it just sucks that this is the reality for me and other LGBT kids. ben, thank god for it, has a generally normal and accepting family and has never had to deal with any family-related unaccepting drama of him being gay. and how i envy him for that massively. i wish i had that but i don't

i had to bring this up to him yesterday when we had our chat to explain how i feel. he cried because his feelings were hurt. i cried because i push this deep down but i had to bring it to the surface for his sake. i woke up to him crying in the middle of the night which broke my heart. he is generally so happy and goofy, i care about him so much and i hate that i have upset him

it is a tricky situation, we have never really had a proper chat about where we are going. we went exclusive and didn't date other people but that was about it. i guess we both should have had the foresight to bring this up earlier as it probably could have saved some hurt. but here we are!

i said this to his face but i just want him to be happy again. i feel like i've shot a puppy. its all so weird because really we only properly started dating since the end of feb, but it has been about 2 and a half months of us actually intentionally seeing each other regularly. it doesn't seem like a long time in hindsight but it has felt like a while, we have seen each other a lot! and have chatted quite a lot

have i led him on? maybe? was i aware i was doing it? not really. yes, i know he likes me a lot. i like him a lot. i actually love spending time with him. but i just didn't really know what was gonna happen when either he or i move away. he had the intention of making it work whereas i don't think i did. i wish i could have that intention, but my anxiety about life and everything else i mentioned above gets in the way of it. i was just enjoying it for what it is

i need to not be too hard on myself. in many ways i am obviously blessed. like i say before, even though the world has no hope right now, i have a roof over my head. i have a job. i earn an ok amount which at the moment allows me to live somewhat comfortably, even though i can't save money on it right now. however, i am evidently dealing with a lot of scared thoughts, anxiety, still about being LGBT and how my family and people around me would react. i have come so far in it already but i feel like moving home or to massi's or wherever is taking a step back in to the closet a bit. i won't have the freedom i truly need to live authentically as sadly, not all of my family would agree and be happy with it. i don't have it like ben does and others and it sucks greatly. i wish i could bring a guy home easily, as is the norm??

it sucks furthermore that whoever i date, they would be dragged in to this horrible mess. i don't ever want to impose this on someone else. however, it weaves it's way in into even the situationships. because, i still don't understand myself too. i still want these freedom's and to sleep around because i never felt like i could before. now that im owning my sexuality and dating around, would i want to do that even more in a new city? i wish i had a better upbringing where my parents spoke to me properly about these kinds of things. i know neither of them are perfect and we don't all have perfect lives. i don't resent them and i love them tremendously. but this is an area where they have failed and they don't even know it. but i don't even blame them for it. they are a different generation and they have had different upbringings to the way they raised me. and i know they love me. it really isn't their fault that this is sadly the way it is. it is just the world we live in, full of disagreement, miseducation, religious aspects etc. but i most definitely don't resent them. i just wish that in my formative years, it was better. soooo much of what i have learn't about myself, my sexuality, i've truly just had to do it alone. it just is the way it is!

re ben- i don't know what to do. ideally: i could keep seeing him and just enjoy him for who he is. but am i warped? most people don't do that as the norm. people enter relationships or they don't. it is categorically unfair to expect him to go along with it casually and just enjoy it for what it is too. his feelings are too deep i think.

i need to know where his head is at when we reconvene

do we just end it then? do we just keep it going until he or i move? i don't even know if i could do that either. i would miss him when he goes. so its like what is the point of us still seeing each other. but i still want to. i just love his company and i just like hanging out with him. he's so silly. he's so sweet to me. sooooo sweet. he's very innocently beautiful

i wish i met him at another time in my life, not this point where i don't know what the fooook is going on

i feel like i accept too many things as being ok when they are not. my head just feels so warped, dull, and non-functioning right now. i feel like i can't think and that my brain just doesn't understand itself. i feel like a CPU trying to run several processes at once and then nothing happens besides error messages popping up saying they can't compute the tasks. my brain struggles to compute things and i can't think properly sometimes

on top of this, i am just generally feeling a bit hopeless again about what my future holds. it is going to be hard. but i must remember, really, i do have a wealth of information at my fingertips right now. a bit of tough love, but i am currently using a powerful machine, the macbook pro m3 which i am privileged to have. i also have a phone. rather than bloody doom scrolling, i can start to learn and research and actually just try things and learn new things all through the power of the internet. i just have to put the work in to find some resources but all the information really is here and available to me. for almost anything really.

i can still make music too and enjoy this. i can still go on a run too and enjoy that. because i have the freedom to do so

i don't want to feel lonely. i will miss ben when he goes. i don't want to stop talking to him. but yk, if we did stop talking, life does go on and he won't be the only good person i meet in my life. relationships come and go. i hope he knows it too that he is so loved. i wish he wasn't insecure, he's sexy and an absolute catch

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julykings-blog · 1 year ago

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okay guys it's been a while since i posted a blog here in tmblr, this blog is about my story of while i'm staying here in my mom's and sisters house, as you can see guys my previous blog was i got robbed at the beach where i tried to go for fun but unfortunately i was robbed by bad people, then i went to my mom's and sisters house since I don't have a choice where i should go and maybe this is Gods way, i was almost living here for about almost a month now all i did was sleeping and watching movies reading manga, and checking for an online job but i feel like i don't want to commit to any jobs right now since i have lack of money and i didn't feel physical and mentally well and i'm thinking about my mom as well if i left who will look for her she's getting older now. i am also worried about my health and what if i got sick again since i have diabetis,

Actually while I'm typing this blog i have a fever and cold, i feel so weak at the same time i feel guilty by not doing anything in my moms and sisters house, i feel useless,

These past few days i met a girl named Gloria on Facebook, She was a cryptocurrency trader a half japanese girl i like her appearance she has everything i like about a girl, cute and beautiful and she has a stable job and a professional graphic designer, we chatted for about a month then we both want to have in relationship since we have the same bad experience in relationship i thought she will understand me until, at first we are good we share our problems and my problems too we are both empathetic to each other which make me fall to her but since i have been on a lot of relationship it is not new if she will left me,

Then suddenly the kind and understanding girl was changed in an instance, she forced me to find a job though i know that she is correct that i need to secure our future since we promise to each other to get marry once we settled everything and she will tried to visit me and i told her i will visit her as well on Cebu since we have different province im in Bataan province and she came from Cebu province but i felt that it is not the time yet, Then she tried to teach me on how to do trade with the permission of her uncle then when she asked me to bet i said I don't have money then she tried to insist though she said she will send me one thousand and the rest I'll find a way to atleast learn and do trade, i said that it is not the right time but she still insisting and forcing me but i felt a little bit mad since she's not listening, then we ended up fighting and argued about my current situation,

She belittled me and humiliated me i felt oppressed, she humiliated me from my situation and she said if I don't do anything right now she will break up with me, she said I'm depending on my mom though i already told her why i went to my mom since i was robbed, then I don't want to accept the fact that this is another mistake relationship, I don't have a choice now..

But to let her go, without a second thought, Base in my past relationships I'm really afraid to lose someone they always left me due to my situation in life but now I don't want to force anything i knew that i already did my best they what I'm thinking is if they want to leave just leave if they want to stay then stay, I don't have any energy to fight for someone to stay since i experience many heart breaks before, this time i don't want to fight or chase or sacrifice, I believe that if the girl really love you she will accept you and help you no matter what though i know that she is right i feel useless i still don't have a job but i know in the right time everything will be alright,

If time comes that i recover from my health and become mentally fit I'll find a job as soon as possible, while at home i read many books, history and practicing english, but i need time, jobless is not a valid reason to leave your boyfriend or your love one in this difficult time she is not the right girl to keep, though most of the girls wants a guy who have stable job and good income but i already told her everything before she make promises and commitment and she said she will not going to leave me no matter what happen but she lied so i decided to let her go but i still believe that there's still a girl that will accept your situation and help you to grow and she will stay untill you succeed that's the true love,

But if there's none I don't know, my mind was just floating right now,i know that she is right but if she can't wait then she is free to find someone else,

I told her I don't deserve her i don't know but I don't have regrets losing someone since this happened many times in my life my heart get numb.

What i want now is to spend time with my family though i felt guilty and felt pity but there's always time for everything, since i never went home for years, When i left i experienced a lot of troubles and my health became detrimental this is all because of willingness to become financially freedom and financially independent, i want to replenish i want to regain my strength and motivated and i want to condition myself i felt depress before so i wanna make sure that i could use my wings again to fly before i decided to find job again and fight for my future.

#mylifestories

#gettingnumb

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yuna-writes · 1 year ago

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2023 was not a good year...

Not trying to sound negative. To be honest, I found the years after the start of the pandemic year (2020) things started to go downhill from there. I'm not sure why though, but I felt like I had really high expectations about adulthood where I would be making tons of friends, being able to find a job easily, and feel happy after graduating from college. Lmao, I laugh how wrong I was because adulthood just gets more difficult from there.

During those years, I just worked hard at my day job and I didn't really take breaks or go traveling as much. I did this for about 6 years. Then finally, the tech layoffs hit me too and I lost my job I held for while now. The news was difficult at first, but I'm also feeling relieved to be free during this period to rest and recollect my thoughts. I feel like for a awhile I was just existing in life, but not really enjoying the present moment because I was constantly working. While being laid off isn't good news, the positive outcome is that I paid off my student debt and I am debt free. Which takes the burden off my shoulders.

These days I'm a bit hesitant to go back to the 9-5 grind. It wasn't because I had a terrible experience at my job but I defiantly felt like a cog in a wheel where I was just churning money to make my employer rich but not really living the life I really wanted. Of course, I think it's human nature to feel like we have a greater purpose beyond our day jobs, but when it comes to making money, it's not easy creating that balance either. I just got very lucky to find employment and pay off my student debt quickly. I can't imagine people who have steeper student loans who have to work for their employer forever to pay off their debt. These days, I'm seeing people who admit they have so much debt that they will be working for their employer forever. It sounds really depressing and I'm thankful I'm not in that situation, but somethings that school never taught me is how to live beyond what I was told which was to find a job. If you think about it, the reason why we spend time in school is to eventually get a job.

I feel like I don't have issues with working, but if the layoff news taught me anything. I'm just a tool that can get discarded anytime whenever a company feels like it's the most convenient for them. To be fair, I guess it can go both ways where an employee can job hop and work for another company whenever they feel it's convenient for them too. It doesn't matter if I worked incredibly hard, everyone can be replaced. I feel like employees don't really have much to say whenever there's a layoff. It's really out of their control. Just one day, the source of where your entire identity lies can disappear, then your left wondering who you are as a person. I feel like society does put a lot of attention into our jobs to identify someone. I think just living for work seems like a lonely existence, and we should try to work to live the life that we want. That part is really hard to achieve.

So heading into 2024. I'll be jobless for the first time in over six years. But strangely enough, I'm also free to explore other options that might make feel happier. I'm thankful to not have too many financial obligations. It would be a different story if I had a spouse or family, but I'm just by myself. Still single, exploring my options, and don't have any financial burdens. If this experience did teach me anything, it does make me question why am I working incredibly hard for an employer who don't really care about me in the end? I don't really have a compelling reasons besides just churning money, but I feel like life is more layered then just making money. My time is also really valuable too.

I always question if anyone was in their deathbed, would someone really ask their boss for more money or more hours to work? People have different reasons to stay at their jobs that doesn't make them feel happy, but when your single, debt-free, and don't really have much responsibilities but yourself. You do question why you are working at job that isn't as fulfilling. Well, the question is, can someone feel fulfilled and happy at their jobs? These days, not sure what that suppose to mean or feel like.

#notes

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zeltqz · 3 years ago

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HARD TO GET [20]

ran haitani has a reputation to uphold. yet it all comes crumbling down when his newest target has no interest in playing his little game. he’s now determined to add your heart to his collection — he is down to do anything.

pairings: ran haitani x f!reader

word count: 4.7k

notes: P.S this is the final chapter by the way. it's also the so called happy ending.

series masterlist

7 YEARS LATER

"Stressful day?" The bartender asks the moment she sees you slip through those doors. You nod and take a seat in front of her, watching her do her job. This is your favourite club to go to. It's near your house and the workers are so friendly. Emi recommended it to you when she started working here 2 years ago. She left the job though because she got hired somewhere else in a corporation.

You still attend here though, whenever you're feeling sad, mad, stressed or just bored.

"I got fired." You sigh. "It's so stupid. Guess why?"

"Why?" She asks as she mixes your drink together. You didn't even have to give her your order. She knew it off by heart, it was pratically muscle memory already.

"My boss— well ex boss, told me that I didn't live up to the company's expectations. Which is total bullshit. He’s just mad that I didn’t want to sleep with him.”

"Well, you should've let him hit." She laughs and hands you your drink.

"No. Ew." You grab a straw and stuff it inside your drink and begin taking small sips from it. Not wanting to get too drunk so fast.

"Are you still hung up over that dude, from college. You told me about him, few months back but I forgot his name. Beings with an R...."

"No." You say quickly. It's true, you're not. You moved on. Ran was a douche, his friends were also douches. You knew better than to fall for his tricks again. "I don't care about that pig."

"Ran! That was his name." She begins laughing and you scowl at her. "Okay, stop staring at me like that. I just have 1 question."

"If it's about him then no."

"It's not."

You take a moment then allow her to proceed with her question. "When was the last hookup you had?" You choke on your drink, lips pulling the straw from your mouth as you start coughing.

"What sort of question is that?"

She shrugs. "Just wanna test something."

Once you're done with your coughing fit, you take a moment to actually remember the last time you had sex. It's been a while. "I... can't remember."

"So you are still hung up on him!" She cheers and you shake your head.

"No! I am not. I just have better things to do." You say half heartedly. The real reason was because..... it felt horrible. You had around maybe 3-4 hookups over the last 5 years and each one felt bad.

When you consulted in Kaash for advice, she told you that men just sucked at sex and only fucked for their own benefit. Which wasn't a total lie. But then over time, as the sex got progressively worse, you assumed that you were the problem.

So you just stopped having it overall. It had been a couple years since you actually had sex after your realisation, but you weren't even complaining.

"Better things to do like what? You're currently jobless. You should just find some rich dude and use him for his money." She insists and first you think it through, then realise that will never happen to you.

"This isn't a movie. C'mon."

She shrugs. "Well, I'm saying there's a few good looking people in this club. You should find one."

You turn around, eyeing the men inside the club. There was some good looking people. Some looked a bit too old for your taste, some looked too young for your tastes. Some looked perfect, but they already had women by their side.

You shake your head and turn back to your drink. "I'll go home lonely tonight. It's fine."

She pouts at your words, only wanting the best for you. But decides to drop it anyway. She turns around to grab some wipes and wipe the surface down. The club doors open and a group of men walk inside. You don't look, but you can hear the bunch of women screaming for the nameless men.

You roll your eyes and place your elbow on the table, chin in palm as you twirl your straw around in your drink. You were so bored. You didn't feel like going home either.

The screams are getting even louder and it's starting to irritate you. Even though you're half way across the club from the entrance, you can see a group 6 men and a crowd of women surrounding them. You can't see them well but you just shrug it off, turning back to your drink ready to ignore.

The bartender looks over at the door, smiling to herself. "Oh, they're back tonight."

You look up from your drink. "Who is?"

"Those men. I don't know them personally but I they come in like once every few weeks. You see the pink haired guy?" She leans in closer to your ear as she points at the dude. You can't see his face because his back is towards you, all you can see is pink hair. Your mind flashes back to college, Haruchiyo's face pops up in your head. Not since then have you ever met someone with pink hair just roaming around.

"The pink dude comes in and orders like 4 strippers at once. It's crazy. He has his own section over there." You follow her finger as she points upstairs, the third floor. People like you were only allowed on the first floor, because it's what you could afford.

If you had connections, or it was your birthday, they allowed you to use the second floor, which was more spacious. The third floor, you heard was only for super important people. That or they were just rich enough to use it.

"Wow. Third floor? Must be loaded." You say, eyes trailing back to the pink haired.

"Yeah, I know right? He mistaken me for a stripper like 2 times. It was embarassing but he paid me for it. He's oddly sweet."

"Huh." Your gaze travels to the rest of the group. They all look rich and expensive. From what you can see of them at least. Their backs were still facing you.

"One of them is coming here, I'll be right back." She says and heads over to the other end of the counter. "Sir, I'll send a waitress over to the third floor for you."

The man nods his head and turns around. The two of you make vague eye contact before you quickly look away, back to your straw. From what you could see from the 0.01 second eye contact, the man was hot. He had short purple hair with black streaks and a few black peircings in his ear.

You try to focus on sipping your drink, but fail when you can feel his gaze on you. How long is this guy going to stare at me.... You think, feeling very awkward as if your every move is being examined thoroughly.

The stool next to you gets pulled open, the loud scrape from the floor makes your skin itch. He plops himself down next to you, chin in his palm as he examines your face.

You blink a couple seconds, then pull the straw from your lips. "Can I help you, Sir?"

"You look... familiar. It's weird." He says, voice deep and low as his eyes narrow while scanning your face.

"I have never seen you before in my life." You say, not even lying. You genuinely have no clue who this gentleman is. And he's apparently loaded since he's allowed in the 3rd floor. You've never met any rich people before in your life so.

The second Ran made eye contact with you, something inside him told him to approach you. He's not even sure himself, but he always listens to that voice inside him. Just as soon as he was about to get up and leave you alone, the bartender calls out your name.

"Y/N, I'm back, sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's alright." You face away from the rich man and back to her, giving her a sincere smile.

Ran's eyes widened. But he didn't show it of course. He was a master at hiding his emotions. He hasn't seen you in a good 7 years before he dropped out of school mid year along with Rindou and Sanzu.

What on earth were you doing in a club? It blows his mind. The Y/N from years ago wouldn't even step foot in a place like this unless your friends forced you too. Ran looks around, but there's no sign of your friends anywhere. So, you willingly came here? He thinks.

"Oh, Sir. You're allowed on the third floor now. It's open." The bartender said to Ran. You turned back to face him, remembering he was still there. Ran makes eye contact with you, smiling at the way your eyes dart around to look anywhere but in his eyes. You were still the same old cute Y/N from years ago deep down.

"Alright." Ran says, not standing up from the chair though. You look at him confused. You were the only person sitting here aside from him. Was he here for you?

"She said your floor was ready." You repeat, just in case he missed her words.

"I'm aware. I want to stay here. Get to know you." Ran shifts closer and you blink for a couple seconds.

"Okay... what do you want to know?"

"How old are you?" 25. Ran thinks.

"I'm 25. You?"

I knew it. He's smirking to himself. You seriously can't tell who he is? Is it the hair? He thinks he sounds the exact same, sure his looks has changed a bit, but so has yours, yet he was able to deduce you so quickly. Either you were just stupid or the alcohol you were having was getting to you.

"26."

You nod. "Cool." Then take another sip of your straw. This is so awkward you think. You still suck at making conversation, despite all these years.

"You single?" He asks, testing the waters.

You eye him skepitcally, "What's it to you?" You have no clue what this mans intentions are, but it can't be good. Because one, he's hot. Probably full of himself. Two, he's rich. Probably looking for a sugar baby or something. Your mind fills with all these dramatic conclusions.

"Cause you're too pretty to be sitting here alone. You get stood up or what?"

You look back at your glass, for some reason, you just can't maintain eye contact with this guy. Shaking your head as a response. "No, I didn't get stood up. I am single."

Good. Ran watches as you finish your drink, hands rubbing against your eyes, then checking your watch. "Are you leaving?" Ran asks, placing a hand on your wrist to stop you from going.

"Yeah, it's like 11."

"So?" Ran gestures for the bartender to make you another drink but you shake your head.

"No. It's fine. I don't want to drink anymore. I have to drive home."

"Then water." Ran suggests and when he sees the undecided look on your face, he gently pushes you back down to your seat. "Please? I want to get to know you."

You raise your brow, then finally cave in. "You're paying though."

"It's water." Ran laughs, "of course I'll pay."

"So you just wanted to flex on me?" You say, hand grabbing the water that was placed down in front of you.

"There's a lot I want to do on you."

You inhale sharply, watching how his eyes travel up and down your body, then back to your face as if he wasn't shamelessly checking you out in public. It's been so long since you did anything explicit with anybody, that your body immediately reacted to his words. Thighs rubbing together to try and reduce the ache in your legs.

Ran noticed and places his big hand on the skin of your thigh. You stop your movements, looking down at the hand on your thigh. "Sir?-"

"Hm?" Ran tilts his head, fingers sliding down, spreading your thighs apart. "What's wrong doll?"

You make eye contact with the bartender who winks at you and then tilts her head over to the bathroom. You knew what she's insinuating. Fuck it. You'll never see this man again in your life.

You slide off your stool and walk over between his legs, placing your hands on his shoulders. Ran's eyes go wide for a second, not expecting you to be the one to initiate anything. "Do you want to go somewhere to be alone?" You ask, pressing your thumbs into his shirt, rubbing circles as you stare into his eyes.

"Fuck, yeah. Let's go." Ran says, standing up tall. Your hands drop from his shoulders and admire how tall he actually is. His hands slip into yours and squeezes lightly to snap you out of your momentarily gaze.

You follow him up the stairs leading to the third floor, then into one of the bathrooms. The moment you get inside, Ran pushes you agaisnt the sink, hands trailing down your skin. "H-hurry up." You say, wanting to get over this fast. It's not like sex felt good for you anyway.

"I want to take my time." Ran says, lifting your dress up and over, exposing your bare ass. Ran grips it with his hand, squeezing the flesh hard enough to make you wince.

"I don't have all day." You say, trying to sound a bit annoyed but your voice comes out whiny as you make eye contact in the bathroom mirror. Ran grip on your hip tightens and he leans forward, his chest touching your back and his erection rubbing hard against your ass.

"You don't have all day? You got someone waiting for you?" He asks, voice hot in your ear making you flinch a little bit. Ran's grip tightens even more, enough to leave red marks on your skin as he waits for you to answer the question.

You shake your head, looking straight down, not able to look up and make eye contact with this man. Why was it so hard? You wince when he grabs a bundle of your hair, pulling your head back so he can see your face fully. "Use your words."

"No, I don't have anyone waiting for me." You say softly, staring into his purple eyes. That should have been the dead giveaway for you. Sober you would have instantly recogonised him just from the eyes alone. It's not everyday you meet someone with eyes like his. But sadly, sober you was long gone and would return hours later. You just knew you found his man smoking hot, and your body needed him.

Ran leans down and kisses your forehead. An oddly sweet gesture for a simple hookup, you think. But don't decline it either way. He places his hand on your back and bends you over the sink, hooking a finger underneath your panties and pulling down. You watch from the mirror as he starts to unzip his pants and pulls his cock out.

You can barely see it at first, because of the angle you're bent over at. But the second he starts to push inside you, you can feel every inch of him. Making you cry out and grab onto the edge of the sink for some sort of leverage. It was slippery, but you managed to grip tight enough. "Oh-oh my god." You moan out when he places both of your hands on your hips, holding you in place as he begins to thrust inside you.

"F-fuck you're still so tight." Ran moans slightly, sweat already forming on his forehead as he fucks you. Once again, his words should have been the dead give away for you, but you're not focusing on anything he's saying. In fact, it's hard to focus on anything with his size splitting you open.

You're mumbling something as your body gets pushed forward with every thrust he's giving you. Your teeth closing in on your bottom lip as he drags you by the hair, pulling you up to his chest. Your walls clench around him seeing the sight of the two of your in the mirror. Ran dips his head down to your neck, littering your skin with kisses and bites to prove he's yours even after all this time.

He knows he has no right. None whatsoever. He's the one that stopped talking to you. He's the one that left out of nowhere, leaving you with no explanation. But he just can't help himself. He's going to make it up to you. But he had to get a feel of you first. "How's that feel? Hm?" He whispers in your ear, fingers slipping between your legs and rubs your clit with his index and middle finger. "Ever been fucked this good before?"

You shake your head, "No, ne-never." It wasn't a lie either. Probably the first time in years where a man actually considered your pleasure as well as his own. Your mind does flashback to your first time with the man that shall not be named. But you didn't want to bring that up right now -- feeling it's not really appropriate.

Ran stills for a moment to pull out. A noise is disapproval slips from your lips as he pulls out. The next thing you know, you're being spun around to face the beautiful man. His hands slip beneath your ass and lifts you up onto the sink.

You raise your brow at the new position, watching him grab just above your ankle and spread your left leg further away from your right. You have to place your hands behind you for balance. Ran holds the base of his cock before re-inserting himself inside you.

Balancing yourself on one hand this time, you use the other to pull him closer by his shoulders. His hips snapped into yours, leaving absolutely 0 space between the two of you. The position had him filling deeper inside you, noises you didn't even know you could make escaped you as he pressed his forehead against yours, looking down to where the two of you are connected. "Shit." He cusses when he feels your nails dig past the fabric of his shirt and into his skin, leaving cresent shaped marks as you felt your orgasm approaching.

"Oh, my god-- sh-shit fuck fuck, yes, please don't stop, I'm so close. Please, please please-" You begged and begged and begged, chanting please as you felt yourself reaching your limit. One more brutal snap of his hips hit directly against your spot, causing you to lose balance. The hand that was holding you up instantly flew to the man's neck, pulling yourself up now using his upper body for balance.

Your hips twitched and convulsed, body feeling as if you had just gotten several electric shocks as you creamed on his length, whispering curse words into his ear as you rode out your orgasm. "Fuck." The man breathes out against the skin of your neck, feeling your walls milk his cock, he cums inside you. His teeth sinking into your skin as he bucks his hips a couple times, just to make sure his cum is deep inside of you.

Your fingers start to play with the strands of his hair near the back of his head as he recovers from his own orgasm. The feeling of his cum soaking your walls made your heart flutter for some odd reason. Then coming to realisation that this is a stranger. A complete and total stranger.

When the so-called stranger finally does pull away, his cock had already softened inside you. He tucks himself back into his pants all the while making eye contact with you. Your eyes are droopy and there's sweat formed on your forehead. "Come here." Ran says, tugging your legs down from the sink top so he could stand between them. He presses a series of kisses on your lips before gripping onto your cheeks, squishing them in his hands. "Still so cute."

You're too exhausted to push him away, so you just allow him to fondle your face. Hands raising weakly to push him away, but fail when he grabs onto both of your wrists and places them back down to your lap.

"How was it?" Ran asks after a short moment. He already knows your answer, but in order for his ego to reach his peak -- the words have to come out of your mouth.

"Amazing." Your hand wipes away the line of sweat from your forehead.

"Are you drunk?" He asks, geniunely wondering if you're not in the right state of mind to recognise who he is, or if you know but you just don't care. Or if you're just stupid and can't recognise him.

You shake your head. "No, but I am sleepy."

Ran nods his head. So you're stupid. "You don't remember me. Y/N."

The way he says your name makes you blink for a moment, the sleep taking over until-- wait, he just said your name. You look up at him, any signs of sleep now long gone as you stare into his eyes. Those fucking eyes. It hits you now.

"Ran?"

He simply laughs, head dropping down as the realisation hits you so fucking late. "Took you long enough."

"Wh-what-wh- how?" You stammer on your words. So many questions forming in your mind, but yet you can't form a simple sentence.

"I was shocked at first, cause the Y/N I know doesn't go partying for one. And she would never hook up with a random dude she just met." Ran's hands find themselves on your hips, keeping you locked on the sink before you could run off. Not like you could anyways with that ache between your legs.

"I don't hook up with random guys." You admit, then wondering why the fuck you just hooked up with Ran before even knowing he was Ran.

"Your body couldn't resist me." That fuckin' grin is back on his face. One that has your blood boiling. "It's okay though," he leans down to your ear, "I couldn't resist you too." He admits then places kisses along your earlobe, making your body shudder. The kisses then travel downwards to your jawline, his lips passionately making out with your skin.

You want to yank him off. Scream at him for everything he did to you. This is the man that just took your v-card, then leaves with no explaination. You should be mad. But you find yourself closing your eyes, lips parted as he marks you. Fingers tugging at his hair to bring him even closer to you.

It's not him. You think. It's the way he makes you feel.

If that's what helps you sleep at night.

"Ran- stop." You finally say the words and he turns his head to look at you. His eyes scanning your face for any sort of discomfort. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Says who?" Ran has his nose against yours, tilting his head to the side so he could slot his lips right against yours. But before he could, you raise your hand, using it as a barrier between the both of you.

"You really hurt me Ran." Your voice cracks and you immediately look down, not wanting him to see you cry. You thought you had gotten over him. You had well convinced yourself you had. But him right now, giving you the same attention and kisses he did back then, it's like all those memories came flooding back. And it was too much for you to handle.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I really am." Ran says, lifting your hand up to his lips, pressing kisses along your skin to soothe you. It works, but not enough for you to forgive him. "I-- I was stupid back then. Still am now, but--" Ran pauses, not sure how to explain his dumb actions. "I wasn't using you. The feelings I felt.. they were real. Too real. And I just got scared. I don't like being attached to people that aren't family. I didn't want to lose you, so I pushed you away before you could push me away. It's selfish I know. But-"

You look up when you see him lace your fingers together with his own. His large, longer fingers wrapping around your smaller ones. "I'll do anything to make it up to you. Anything Y/N. I mean it."

"I'll think about it." You say. You think it's the perfect answer. It's not a solid yes I forgive you. But it's not a solid no I hate you. Truth to be told, you didn't know what you felt right now. You had every right to hate him and be angry at him. Yet you just couldn't hate him.

Yes you were still angry. But hate? You couldn't. Ever.

Ran pulls his phone out from his pocket, and you watch him unlock it. You can't tell what he's doing exactly, but from the reflection in his eyes, he's swiping to what seems like messages.

He hands the phone to you, and the phone is on a fresh contact. "I didn't know if you switched your number. Please?" You assume he's asking you to please put your number in.

You look up, seeing all signs of playfulness wiped clean from his face. He was being 100% serious now. You hold his phone in your hand and start to input your number. Ran smiles as he sees you co-operating and not screaming at him to leave your life again. This is showing him that you're willing to restart. He knows it will take time, but he doesn't care. He wants to make up the 7 years.

He's going to make up for those 7 years.

You swipe from the contacts, heading to messages to send yourself a text. But you also use this oppurtunity to look at his recent messages. For no reason. Just nosiness. You think. Definetly not because you want to check he hasn't been texting other girls.

Ran can see what you're doing, but stays silent to allow you the satisfication of thinking you're slick with your actions. After a while of scrolling, a slight giggle leaves his mouth. "There's no other girls Y/N."

You swipe off of messages app and close his phone. "I don't know what you're talking about." You play dumb, already embarassed that he caught you trying to be nosy.

"Yeah? So you weren't just looking through my phone just now?" Ran asks, gently taking his phone back and placing it back into his pocket. You shake your head, then slide off the sink. Knees wobbling almost immediately but you catch yourself before you could further embarrass yourself.

You start to redress yourself in the mirror. Adjusting your dress from it's hiked position back to normal. Leaning in closer to the mirror to examine all the marks he left on your skin. Ran wraps his arms around your sides, bending down so he could rest his chin on your shoulder. "Let me take you out. On a date. Wherever you want. As long as it's not a library or something."

"Hey! I'm not some geek." You frown and Ran laughs, tilting his head so his cheek rests on your shoulder. You also turn your head slightly to make eye contact.

"You used to be. It's cute though." Ran says, a genuine smile has graced his features. One that you've only seen a few times before. You turn back to the mirror, unable to look in the eyes of such sincerity. You make eye contact with him through the mirror, thankful that his big grip on your body was keeping you upright because you're for sure you would have fainted by now.

"Is that a yes?" Ran asks again, making sure he has your date secured in his books so he can clear out his entire schedule just to make time for you.

"I'll think about it."

If you and wanna forgive Ran it’s up to youuu

@imjustaweirdnerd @crybabylisa @gulfkfl @haitaaniran @lonnie19 @angelmitsuri @makotowife @heizis @thesadvampire @91sfuyu @dreamyscenarios @dilf-city @fuschiguro @shostr @simplyrosesxr @barilnisanzu @debbienirn @nnyarlaa @ohkazu @sexybaeshin @theseductiveempress @hana-patata @cherrysimps @zand3rrr @akii-kaze @notgoldentoshi @gumiwaka @moonmikasuki @gajeelstan @pinksilk @abby9922 @mitts2002 @moldy-mushrooms @pinkfishgardenoperator @ilsatambe-blog @talasleeping @megumiyyy @yeehawnana @kinkyato @xxserenitysnow666xx @naisenpai @denkis-slut @ihateuguys @shuujin @otakuprincess @haitanifxn @savantsoulfinder @chiiiiiiiiis @sanzu-phoria @kasanodamarryme

#ran x reader #haitani ran x reader #ran haitani x reader #tokrev #tokrev x reader #tokyorev x reader #zeltqz

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noodles-n-soba · 3 years ago

Text

Am I babysitting you instead of your brother?

Scenario: You are Tartaglia's (Childe) younger brother's babysitter.. You and Tartaglia get to know each other a lot better. :)

It's a modern life AU! The two of you are both college students

(Might create a part 2, which will be more nsfw-ish)

Characters: You, Tartaglia, Teucer ig.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Masterlist

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How did you get into this situation again? You recalled the events one by one, but you really couldn't make out why you were standing right next to one of the most popular guys from your school, his arm around you, carefully but surely showing you off to everyone and sometimes pressing a kiss on top of your head. Every time he pressed you closer to his body with his strong arm your heart rate increased, your cheeks heated up and your mind absolutely crashed.

You really thought it all started when you were out for a job…

…

'(Y/n)! Have you already succeeded in finding something?' You looked up from your notebook, your friend running up to you seemingly in a hurry. Disappointed you shook your head, telling her that you were still jobless at the moment. Your parents had told you many times before that it was time to search a job, or you wouldn't be able to pay for stuff. They thought it would raise some responsibility in you, earning your own money instead of giving pocket money every week. You tried convincing them that for the time being, you'd still appreciate at least a little, but they immediately refused. So here you were, studying for an upcoming test while you were worrying about getting a job as soon as possible so you could spend some money on lunch and stuff.

'Ah, that sucks so much.. But hey, I got a little surprise.' She begun and sat down on a chair right in front of you, grabbing your pen when you didn't shift your attention to her and stared right into your eyes. When you finally focused on her with a tiresome gaze and a sigh, she clenched her fists excited. 'You know! Tartaglia's parents are actually-'

'My parents are…?' Both of you, startled to death and souls almost comically flying out of your bodies, looked to the side only to see his tall figure, hands stuffed in pockets and an empty look in his eyes.

'Tartaglia-.. Uh. I was talking about how your parents were searching for a babysitter, right? For your youngest brother?' Your friend quickly rattled, the guy raised his eyebrows. 'Oh..? Yeah, how'd you know actually?' He bowed down a bit, hands still in his pockets. 'I.. I'm on a job hunt, so I'm gathering info from literally everywhere.' You saved her, raised your hand a bit and gave him a forced smile. 'You are? Well, I mean.. Your friend here isn't wrong, my parents are indeed searching for a babysitter for Teucer. But I'm not sure if you would fit the job..' He said, a grin found on his face. Your eyes instantly widened, standing up with your notebook held ready in front of you. 'I- I-! Give me a chance.. I'm sure you won't regret it! I'm desperately searching for a job… So.. I will just-' You looked around you, realizing your pen was in your friend's hand and snatched it, ready to write your phone number.

'Geeez.. I was just joking little (y/n), I'm sure I have your phone number already.. Don't worry about that. I'll mention it to my parents.' He gave you a gently head pat, turning around and walked out of the classroom. Your friend hit you once he was out of sight. 'Quit acting like someone shoved a stick up your ass.. And sit down.' She hissed, you immediately did what you were told and heaved a sigh. 'I.. I'm sorry, I got excited you know.' You replied, shoving your hair out of your face, did you really make yourself a fool in front of the boy? Well, whatever.. As long as you would have the job.

It took him quite a while to call you back, inviting you over for a diner to meet his parents. You were absolutely startled when he begun his sentence with, "Hey (Y/n), wanna come over for diner..?", stopping right there and took his sweet time adding "With my parents. To meet them.". He actually got you flustered for a few seconds, but upon hearing that last bit you just mumbled a soft "Yes.". So, here you were, standing right in front of the door that should lead to his house, hoping that he didn't send you the wrong address. You were a little nervous, slight sweaty hands clutched around the little bag you had taken with you in case of certain emergencies and eyes looking around rapidly. When the door slowly creaked open and revealed a little boy, you cared to flash a smile and wave. Yeah, that until the door got immediately closed on your face, making you surprised as hell.

'Eh?' You brought out stunned, hands almost dropping your purse as you blinked a few times.

'…' The only sound that was hearable were the birds chirping, a little fountain shooting out water in a pond and chirping crickets. Best first impression ever… You thought sarcastically, standing there for another ten seconds and was about to leave, already turning around and walked down the stone stairs.. Till the door was opened with a slam.

'(Y/n)! Hey! Don't leave already? The fun's just begun..?' The voice of Tartaglia.. You turned around and walked back. 'Who was that..' You actually already dared to question him, Tartaglia sighed. 'Look, that was Teucer.. But he just randomly remembered he wasn't allowed to open the door to strangers heh..' The guy stepped aside for you, you slowly made your entrance in his house. Since you were neatly raised, you put off your shoes. 'O.. Oh if you'd like you can keep 'm on, we don't have a problem here with that..' He notified, already walking to the first door that would, probably, lead to the livingroom. 'Ah, I'd prefer to have them off… Would save some cleaning work..' You answered, politely holding your bag against yourself as you followed Tartaglia. Indeed, a second later you were in an absolute GIANT livingroom, smelling so delicious and sweet that you almost thought you had found yourself in a candy shop. 'Diner's been made, soo..' He notified, slowly walking to the kitchen. 'Mooom. (Y/n)'s here.' He than shouted, you slightly jolted and even held tighter to your bag.

'Oh. You could lay that there, on the coffee table. I'll be sure to remind you to not forget it.' He turned around and slightly held his hands up to take it from you. Hesitating for a second, you gave it to him and he placed it with tenderness on the table, making you quite surprised.

That night after the diner and you meeting his parents, eventually taking your leave, Tartaglia heard a lot of comments on how nice and lovely you were, that you was definitely taken for the job and that you seemed like you could be good with kids. He also received a comment where he was being told that he should come home with these kinda person's instead of those whores he would invite to his house.. Heh. The next morning at school he told you almost everything, leaving out that last part of course, and returned your purse which you managed to forget. Everyone spoke about how "Tartaglia returned (Y/n)'s purse to them, did they meet?!", as if the two of you were dating. It was nearly impossible to NOT hear any gossip, making you feel a light embarrassment. You even got a few questions about the bond between you and the young lad, how rude that actually was..?

The first day of you babysitting wasn't actually horrendous, you kinda enjoying talking with Teucer about all kinds of things.. Going from Mr. Cyclops, to his older brother and at last all the toys that he got from his parents.. You found out that his parents were actually incredibly rich, but that surely wasn't that much of interest to you at the moment. The next days had followed, you getting to know Teucer but also Tartaglia better. Every break you would be found at least ten minutes sitting next to him, talking about your days and some more.. 'Sooo, means you're coming over tonight again right?' He stared deeply into your eyes, you felt a blush creeping on your face as you glared the other way. 'I am, unless it's not necessary.' Tartaglia shook his head, waving around with his hand and smiled to you. 'No way, you can come.. If that's to your liking at least, I will be home too.. But I've got some.. Errands to run, I'm sure I won't get into your way girlie..'. Surprised by the sudden nickname he gave you, you looked back at him. 'I- I will.. Be there at the same time like always..' He gave you a smirk, his head shaking softly. 'You better be..' He muttered under his breath, giving you a soft chuckle.

'(Y/n)! Hi!' The kid stood right in the door opening to the livingroom, waiting till you stepped closer so he could let you in. 'Hi Teucer..' You answered with a bright smile on your face, continuing your journey through the house. Once arriving in the livingroom, you look around.. Making sure that everything had been neat. 'Eh.. Mom and dad told me that you were able to order some food..' Teucer brought out excited, you blinked a few times. 'Oh, really? Did they leave a letter for me..?' You asked him, looking at every table, but you didn't see anything.

'If you mean me? They did told me.' Surprised you looked to the direction the voice was coming from, Tartaglia standing in the door opening to the next part of the house. 'Yo.' He raised his hand with a certain casualty, your first response was to back off for some reason. 'Not afraid, I hope?' He grinned, approaching you slowly and eventually stood right in front of you. 'It's Friday, isn't it? Friday pizza day?' He offered and looked at his younger brother who immediately cheered excited, you sighed relieved. 'Anyways, Teucer.. You go be sweet and sit in your room, (y/n) will keep you company soon.. We've just gotta do something..' The boy received a headpat, it surprised you how obedient he was.. Not that he never listened to you or something, but it wouldn't go so easy normally. 'Yes big brother! Will you play with me later..?' He than requested as he headed to the door. 'Yes. I will! But first..' He shot a mysterious glance at you and leaned against the kitchen counter.

Once Teucer left, Tartaglia approached you. 'So, this actually mean's you're completely free tonight.. Except babysitting my brother?' He asked, you were standing just in front of the fridge. Without a word you nodded, observing his movements. He placed his hands on both sides of your head and locked you in, his eyes staring deeply into yours. 'My parents will be home around 3.. We'll have plenty of time, won't we?' A little confused and helpless you stared at him, he smirked.. Soon after closing the distance between the two of you. You were absolutely dumb struck when you realized that he had placed his lips on yours, eyes wide open as your hands tried finding to do or a place to stay. You didn't know what the hell you were supposed to do, this was actually your first kiss- A h - !

When he gently yet controlling tilted your face up by your jaw, holding it tenderly a few seconds after.. You decided you would just close your eyes, you kept on denying these couple of months that you weren't crushing on him.. Seems after all you wouldn't even consider pushing him away.

When he let go he once again stared deeply into your eyes, your jaw still held by his hands. 'Cat got your tongue, my little (Y/n)?' He teased, your chin between his index finger and thumb. You tried saying something, but it seemed like HE had your tongue.. Completely stunned by his actions and not able to respond.

'Was that on purpose!?' You blurted out with your face red like a tomato, he raised his eyebrows. 'Of course. Why wouldn't it?' With his three fingers he gently pushed your head backwards and backed off, hands in his pockets. 'So, are you gonna help out my little brother or...?' You jumped up, rushing towards the door realizing you completely forgot that you were supposed to baby sit.. That damned guy.

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what-the-hayl · 2 years ago

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Dying.

Sometimes dying isn't always a literal thing, but more so of a mental state. It's crazy how wild, crazy, scary and amazing our brains work. Somedays I'm thinking why i never got into studying anatomy. Then i think...I've always loved the idea of being a counselor, police officer, detective, and a writer too.

I lost a very close friend of mine, Michael. He saved my life once. Having to just carry that grief with me everyday, was very challenging to say the least. It still is some days. Living with my parents, caring for my one year old son, my mental struggles i already had leading up to his death, the only thing at that time going okay for me was my job at Amazon i drove for them. I fucking loved that job, ALOT. The environment was so chill, my bosses were the coolest individuals, the money was good for what it was. I had a trip planned down to Orlando, FL at the end of the month in February.. mom and dad were presentient on me NOT getting on a plane and traveling at that time as Covid-19 was starting to unfold.

I had already paid for my ticket to travel down south, i lied to them and told them i was going somewhere simple like Michigan City with another buddy instead. Once i got down there, i felt guilty as if something were to happen to me, so i texted them that i had landed down there. Needless to say; they were pissed. Pissed.

Literally a week before the governor shut everything down, Amazon let me go for back talking a higher up at 730am. THAT SUCKED. The amount of mad my parents were was enough for me to drink my sorrows away and some party favors that weekend in Florida. The dread to come home that Monday was awful, my parents didnt want me back at their house when i came home incase i had covid, which i understood but was frustrating. I ended up coming home and living out of a suitcase at my aunts house.

You know when they say "misery loves company"? Misery, in company, grows ever worse. I loved my aunt, she was always a mom figure to me but i never respected her as a "elder looking out for me" but a big sister and best friend. I never did wrong to her, when indeed i did alot wrong simply bad decisions. I know i would get no disciplinary actions around her.

The day before Easter of 2020, i went to a girlfriends house, we day drank and laid out all day with her parents and as the night rolled around, others had came over to join. We snorted a shit ton of addy all day and night, i think i started drinking around 1pm that day, and didnt end up passing out on the toilet until 8am Easter morning, i wasnt hungover but more EXHASTED!!! I remember her dad coming to wake me up to let me know there was a guy at the door looking for me... my uncle looking for me i was literally a street over from my aunts. I went to lay back down again, and not even 20 minutes later the cops are at the house now.

I went back to my parents that evening. Not for long, a couple weeks later my dad and i go into it, he told me to get the hell out. He said some really hurtful things to me that day, that stick with me daily. That night im pretty sure i died, my soul died cause i wasnt able to save my dear friend Michael. I had, had enough.

My buddies picked me up with a couple duffle bags, a laundry basket and maybe a fan or something. I stayed with them for a few weeks, we went straight to our bar, all the party favors, and the alcohol. I was so mad that day, i got trashed i remember doing so much snow i was trying to die physically I didnt want to feel the pain anymore.

My truck wasnt running, the headgaskets blew. Now, im car-less, homeless, and jobless. I went and lived out in Muskgon for a little bit, after a month out there i got another truck, crashed that a month later, went to jail, and totaled my truck. I insisted on ratting myself out to the officers and getting tow and paying for the repairs to get it "fixed' ... with money i certainly didnt have. I was living out of that thing for a while at times.

Moved in with my aunts boyfriend "the uncle" that found me on Easter. That was probably the worst decision i could have made in my 29 years. A very dark place for me, and the auras are nasty. Somedays id love to say my piece and most days, i choose peace. I created a onlyfans to afford my truck fixings and parts.

Once i created my onlyfans it was nice money and it was like the stupidest and simplest way to make some money, so why the fuck not. Over time that shit took a mental toll on me as now people only view me as something to fuck all the time. Which is was never the case, i always told myself if i ever did anything physically for money i would be lowering my "respect" i had left of myself. I never brought myself to that.

I went down to stay with my sister and brother n law down in Goergia mid September, for a month and i needed that. Those relations seem to be going in the right direction which makes me happy and hopeful for the future. A year ago was a crazy time.

Im proud to say im almost a year clean from drugs, im working on this sober of alcohol thing and that i can proudly say is going really well too.

Dont let your soul die when a loved one passes, they are with you. Closer than you think.

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cher-writes · 4 years ago

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Silver Screen / Silver Pole | Robert Sheehan x Reader (18+)

Summary: A night of celebration in a LA strip club takes an interesting and unexpected turn when a contrarian actor winds up offending the wrong stripper. But night is long and the possibilities are endless, where will it take them?

Word Count: 7.3k

CW: Mention of sexual harassment, Consensual slapping, NSFW smut

A/N: This one is surprisingly not bloody at all and the smut isn't wild either so like most everyone can read it. Although it's emotionally very heavy. So, get ready to feel some shit. Hopefully you'll enjoy.

Special thanks to @crisis-of-joy for being there for me the whole month I took to complete this emotionally taxing fic and also for being my kind beta reader & editor.

Burning on it’s way down, the third glass of whiskey finally gave her some life she desperately needed. Deafening music throbbed throughout her veins, drowning the club in the background. She wanted to drown with it too but she couldn’t, she was there to work and rent for the month was already due. The fourth glass was on the verge of meeting with her bitter mouth when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t drink so much, you’ll trip on the stage,” Coco practically shouted in her ear. Coco was the only friend she had in that goddamn place and It wasn’t a very rare occurrence that Coco had to drag her blackout drunk body out of the club. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say she had a problem. Considering that she was already on her third strike of the month and the third drink of the night, Coco knew better than to let her get drunk this early.

“I can’t stay here and be sober at the same time,” she shouted back at Coco, “especially after...nevermind,” but decided against talking about it and instead focused her energy on finishing the fourth glass, which was gone just as quickly as the words stopped coming out of her mouth.

She could read the concern on Coco's face and sense the questions brewing behind it as Coco spoke up, “I want to know what the fuck is up with you but I have to go now, Caleb came home from school hours ago, it’s pretty late and I have to cook him dinner.”

“What happened to Larry? Can’t he take care of the kid? He’s fucking jobless anyway.”

“He got in a bad fight again. I can barely afford Caleb’s school fees and now the medical bills.”

“If only you had divorced him, you wouldn’t need to worry about it.”

“And if only you had been less violent towards customers, you wouldn’t be on the verge of getting fired. But, here we are.”

She furrowed her brows at this sudden sharp stab of truth by Coco and dealt with it the only way she knew how to, by ordering another drink. Coco crossed her arms letting out a deep sigh and said, “Look, I'm only trying to help you, (y/n). Sam wanted me to go up. You see that group seating in the fifth VIP booth? Up there. They are celebs and celebrating something so, ya know, good money. I said no cause, as I said I gotta go home, but I convinced him to let you go up there. It was hard given your recent less-than-favorable behavior, but I managed to.” Coco snatched the already empty glass from her hand and continued, “So stop drinking, go up there and get that money. And for the love of God, behave yourself or this might be your last night here.”

Giving her hand a quick but tight squeeze, Coco got up then soon after disappeared into the crowd. She thought to herself about how a last night there wouldn’t be so bad if she could afford it, and wanted another drink immediately to kill that thought, but Coco's words haunted her ears. She looked over her shoulder to see three men sitting in the booth, laughing.

------------

Her head was in a violent swirl, vision blurry. She was way too drunk to be spinning around the pole, but she had an audience to entertain and had no one but herself to blame.

When you walked around your house wearin' my sky blue Lacoste, the song was thudding against her skull. Pulling herself together, she counted every second, waiting for the song to end. She could feel the eyes on her, sticking to every bit of her, just as invasive as it was the very first day yet, she couldn’t care less. She had to live through it if she wanted the money and she needed the money if she wanted to live. The room was dancing circles around her as the tips came flying in, she kept counting the seconds, sliding down the pole, and your knee socks.

------------

She was swaying dangerously on her way down from the stage. If the song didn’t end when it did, she would have thrown up without a shadow of a doubt. At that point, she didn’t even know how or what she danced, only the awful sickness in her stomach let her know that it was more than she could take.

She needed to chat up the men, try and convince them to buy a champagne room before the next song came on, which she feared was way too soon for her liking. Nevertheless she tried to steady herself but the big glass platforms messed with her earnest efforts, nausea kicking her in the stomach once again, letting her know of her limits.

She didn’t ever really look at the men who sat in front of her, leering at her, they all looked the same, smelt the same and talked the same. So she followed the same old routine, bending down just enough to give them a view up her tits. Pressing her arms closer, she slurred, “What are we celebrating, gentlemen?”

She absolutely hated how she sounded pandering to men, two pitches higher. “My friend over here landed a role in a Spielberg film!” the middle one spoke up and pointed to the one sitting on the right side. The one in question grinned in response and repulsion licked the back of her neck at the sight of that. Yet she needed to please him, “That’s amazing! I’m sure I’ll be seeing your face on the billboards everyday now while driving,” she said and fantasized about having enough money to burn down all the billboards in LA and maybe LA with it too.

“Hell yeah you will!” the one in the middle spoke up and broke her reverie so she pretended he was supporting her fantasy instead. “Oh please! Speak for yourself!” the one on the right perked up in his seat and continued, “He’s literally working with Fincher AND he got engaged!”. The one in the middle gave a revolting smirk at the very humble revelation of his accomplishment and it was enough to turn her stomach or maybe it was the alcohol, she couldn’t really decipher.

“Oh really?” she looked at the man, tilted her head and said, “And you came to a stripclub to celebrate your engagement?”, her face deadpan. Notes of contempt stuck out like thorns from her voice, making her sound way more intense than she intended to.

He tensed up visibly at her sudden razor-edged tone and, even though she didn't want to, she had to ease the situation. I can’t piss off these bastards again, she kept repeating to herself like a mantra. “Boys will be boys!” she said, not being able to think of something better that wasn’t inherently insulting, and laughed the most disgusting laugh of her life. If she could she would pour gasoline down her throat just for uttering those words.

She couldn’t bear to linger at that conversation point anymore so she turned her attention to the man sitting on the far left. He looked distant and foreign, staring but not really looking at her. There was a peculiar absence behind his distinct green eyes, which she would even call beautiful under different circumstances. And that, something about that absence, made her want to zero in on him.

“And what about you? Did you win an Oscar or something?” mockery ringed clear in her voice, which brought his attention back to the presence. Startled slightly, he straightened his posture while saying, “No, not really... not yet at least,” he smiled sheepishly and continued, “I’m just here with them”.

“Come to think about it, I’ve never really seen you anywhere,” she said without thinking too much. In fact, she didn’t really pay enough attention to how he looked to recognize him even if she did.

Something intense flashed his eyes for a brief second. She couldn’t quite put her fingers on what it was but she could feel the energy shift very quickly between them.

“Oh I’ve been in things but I’d be surprised if you did see any of them,” his voice now stripped of the delicacy it previously held. She could feel the air between them getting unusually heavy, his words penetrating through her skin a bit too effortlessly, a bit too swiftly that it was unsettling.

“And why exactly would you be surprised?”

“You know...cause people like you don’t usually watch the kind of films I do.”

“What do you mean by ‘people like me?’”

“You know...people of your...stature,” he trailed off. Blood rushed the back of her neck as soon as the words hit her ears. She could feel her vision burning, a hot wave washed the crown of her skull, something unruly building at the base of her being. Clenching her jaw so as not to let it take over her, she said, “Stature huh? Fancy! I reckon from your accent that, wherever the hell you’re from, people get a kick out of looking down on others with such wispy language.”

She could sense the same unruly substance dancing behind his chest, but he was far better at keeping it on a leash.

“I wasn’t looking down upon you. What I was merely getting at is that some people aren’t cut for apprehending particular types of films,” he sounded snarky but calm, the type of calm that’s tainted with scorn, which only sent ripples of rage down her ribs.

“Oh so you think just because I’m a stripper by profession that I wouldn’t understand your low-budget dumb indie movies?” she was getting visibly worked up now. Traces of her seductive posture vanished long ago but there was a new hostile energy flowing through her stance.

“I didn’t say that -”

“No, of course you didn’t say that, you only meant that. You meant what you think and every one of you think that we aren’t people with brains and emotions. No, no, we’re just sacks of meat to ogle at in exchange of money, and then grope when you can’t keep it in your pants.”

“I think you're trying to put words in my mouth, this is -”

“God! you think you’re fucking better than me, don’t you? You contrarian little shit!” she could feel it in her bones. She knew what was coming. There were people behind, or maybe beside, her, trying to talk to her, probably. She could hear no one, not even the previously unbearable blaring music. She had tunnel vision and it was fixed on him. The air she breathed chafed her nose. Her nerves thumped as her heart leapt at irregular rapid intervals.

“Excuse me! but i neve -” he said as his body went alert. Posture anticipating something violent, flight or fight.

“You think you're better than me because I'm a stripper and you got enough money to buy me?” her voice was icy as she spoke, “You LA people are all the fucking same. You get a little money in your pockets and you think you own the world and anyone who isn’t jerking off to your pretentious bullshit isn’t worthy enough to deserve basic fucking decency. Huh is that it?” she quickly jumped on top of him, straddling him.

He was frozen under her as she leaned in and murmured, “Well then allow me to show you”, she pulled away, her left hand clutching his shoulder as right fist rose the air, “HOW FUCKING BETTER THAN ME YOU ARE!” then her fist crashed on the side of his mouth with all the force she could muster, releasing a knot built in her chest since she checked in with the manager in the evening. Hot, sweltering adrenaline was coursing through her veins.

The impact resulted in him burying his face in his right shoulder so she grabbed a fistful of his hair and forced him to face her. His lips were starting to swell up so she decided to help it. His eyes went blank as her fist met his face once more.

Involuntarily, her hand was raising in the air again when she felt a strong pull from behind. The security guard, twice her size, yanked her away from him. People gathered around them staring at her, the music stopped to her relief. The guard twisted her arms behind her back, enough to leave bruises that’ll sting for days to come. She couldn't move, her sight went hazy yet she felt this strange cool serenity soothe her tensed muscles. His friends were crowding him, probably consoling him. She could neither hear them nor make out their faces from her almost closed eyelids. She was pretty sure she was falling asleep in the guard’s painful hold until she heard a certain voice and the hair at the back of her neck stood up.

“What the fuck! She’s at it AGAIN? Sir, I'm so sorry -” Sam, the manager’s voice pierced her ears as he rushed into the booth. As he was talking to them, commotion rose in the background. She could feel blind rage beating with every thump of her heart. If it wasn’t for the guard holding her in place, she would have skinned him alive by now. She was struggling to free herself when Sam turned to her and said, “You! That’s it!” pointing his left index at her. “I’ve had just about enough of your drunkass assaulting fine gentlemen. You’re fired. Get out right now! And be grateful we’re not reporting you to the police.”

Suddenly everything went quiet in her head. She smiled, nothing behind her gaze. Grinning ear to ear like a maniac, she said, “I’m fired? Aww what’s gonna happen to you now Sam?”. She cooed, ''Whose tits and ass are you gonna grab from now on? Stella? I wonder if she’ll compare to me though.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sam almost hissed at her.

“Ohhh right! Of course, you don’t know what I’m talking about,” she said while still tussling with whatever little strength she had left to loosen herself from the guard’s excruciating grip. “You don’t know anything about how you sexually harassed me day after day, how your disgusting, slimy little hands grabbed my body against my will at every chance that you got. You knew how much I need the money from this job and you used that against me to keep me silent, threatening to fire me every time I made even a sound. But guess what fucker? I’m fired now! And I’m gonna tell everyone about HOW YOU TRIED TO -”

“Take her to the staff room!” Sam cut her off, “NOW!” And, as soon as the words left Sam's mouth, the guard put his palm over her mouth and started dragging her back. The hand over her mouth muffled her screams and she glanced at the man, now with swollen lips, looking at her with eyes filled with, what looked like, concern.

As she was getting dragged, she finally managed to sink her teeth into the guard’s palm resulting in him withdrawing his hand just enough to give her a small window of time to scream at Sam: “YOU MOTHERFUCKER I’LL BE BACK AND I’LL PEEL THE SKIN OFF OF YOUR SCALP FUCKING SON OF A BITCH I’LL -” Before she could finish, her voice got cut off again and she faded into the dimly lit passageway at the back of the floor.

------------

The cherry of her fifth cigarette shone brightly in the shivering cold as the smoke drifted up in the air and sluggishly faded away. Mouth agape, her eyes meticulously followed the faint trails left after their disappearance. She wondered where they went, where she’ll go. If it wasn’t this late, and the water wasn’t so cold, maybe she could have gone for a swim in the ocean. If the water wasn’t so cold maybe she would have let it swallow her even. She was calculating the probable temperature of the hypothetical water she’d marry someday when the sound of slow approaching footsteps entered her field of perception. She would have preferred to ignore it but the, somehow already familiar, voice spoke up, “Hey erm...” and left her no choice but to look. And there he was, the foreign man with the swollen lip, looking culpable. There were distinct imprints of guilt in his voice as he continued, “I saw you across the parking lot…um I was actually just leaving with my friends,” he pointed at a black Mercedes parked at the far end of the lot. “They’re waiting in the car anyway so I decided -”

“So you decided now that she’s fired from being a stripper, she's probably a hooker! Lemme go ask the price she’s selling at,” her gestures and voice was comical, “you know, dude if you’ve got a kink of getting beaten up non-consensually then you’re really good at getting it cause I might just be up for round two.”

He stared at her for a good few seconds with a perplexed face, as if trying to process her stream of logic. When he started speaking, he sounded genuinely hurt, “No! Jesus Christ I came to apologize. Can you just not be defensive for one second? I’m not a monster ya know!”

His sincerity caught her off guard. She had about five thousand ways of dealing with assholes prepared and ready to go but an actually decent person? Now that was rocky territory for her.

“Well, uh, that’s a first. Go ahead I guess?” she shrugged her shoulders.

“I apologize for saying what I said back in the club. I shouldn’t have insinuated that you aren’t intelligent enough to understand my films just because of your choice of profession. It was really shitty of me to say that, and nothing can justify it either. And I feel like I caused you to be fired, that’s also weighing heavily on my soul and I don't know how to make it up to you. Just, I hope that you can forgive me and, again, I apologize, earnestly. Please tell me how I can make it up to you,” he said and looked at her with a rueful expression.

She was at a loss of words. It had been years since anyone apologized to her, let alone that sincerely. After a considerable amount of silence, she gathered her fragmented thoughts and spoke up, “Whoa, whoa man, chill. You didn’t murder my family or anything so calm down,” she held up her open palms, the cigarette almost at it’s end. “Apology accepted, okay? And don’t feel bad, I would have been fired sooner or later given my questionable behavior ever since I joined, so it’s not on your conscience. And I’m sorry too,” her index and middle finger holding the cigarette gestured at his lips, “for, um, punching you so let’s call it an even.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “yeah okay,” sounding clearly more relaxed than before.

“You know it’s a miracle how long it took for me to get fired,” she mused, “oh no it wasn’t a miracle it was sexual harassment, ah I see now. Wonder what Sam saw in me though that was worth not firing me for this long even though I pulled so much shit,” she took a long drag of her weary cigarette. “Maybe I've got a talent for getting harassed or something...who knows?”

His face tensed up again as he said, “That’s...not right,” eyes pooling with the same worried look as before.

“I was joking, chill. Humor is an excellent way to deal with most everything really, especially trauma.”

“I am sorry for what you had to go through, it’s gut-wrenching. Can’t you lodge a complaint to the police?”

“Going to the pigs? As a sex worker? Who just got fired for being drunk and punching a man in front of many eye witnesses? Now that was humor, you’re quite good at it actually.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Besides, that’s like one of the first things you gotta learn to put up with if you’re working in this business. As unfair and grim as it is, men, no actually, people don’t see sex workers as human beings and I’m just too obstinate to accept that simple fact, or maybe too much of a pussy, depending on where one’s priorities lie.”

“I…don’t know what to say.”

“There is nothing to say.”

It was just setting in for her how beautiful he actually was. His crestfallen face was graced by two stunning green eyes, lush unruly curls sticking to his forehead, sharp jawline kissed with a scruffy goatee and the swollen lip throwing off the symmetry just right to make him look captivating, to say the least. In the chilly December ambience his face was a soothing sight to her eyes, his sweet voice kind to her drudging ears, his presence warm to her existence. And she wanted to hold onto the warmth, just for a bit longer.

“You said you wanted to make it up to me, right?” she said as the cigarette fell on the ground then died out under the crushing embrace of her cruel heels.

------------

“Well I'm Ro -” he said leaning against the passenger seat window, sitting half facing her.

“If you’re trying to say your name then don’t,” she cut him off quickly without averting her gaze from the road.

“Why?” he asked, staring at her intently yet without any emotion in particular.

“‘Cause it doesn’t matter. It’s better if we don’t know each other’s name. Names individualize people and that’s not necessary for tonight,” she answered nonchalantly as the neon lights of a passing by road sign illuminated her face and then faded into the past just as nonchalantly.

“Okay.”

She could feel his eyes on her, but it didn’t bother her, it wasn’t tainted. There was this unusual tranquility in the atmosphere of the car, this obscure but consistent serene rhythm. She felt a bizarre comfort in his presence and she could drive like this forever, on a never-ending road spiraling towards heaven or winding down pandemonium or just dissolving into the ether, with him sitting lazily on the side.

“Do you ever feel like that?” he spoke up absentmindedly, breaking into her almost fever dream.

“Huh?”

“The song, I feel like that often.”

She didn’t realize the radio was on, playing at quite a significant volume. She wondered if he had turned it on at some point and how long she was driving for without being present mentally.

This place will be the end of me. Take me out, LA. Take me out of LA, the voice from the radio filled the car to the brim.

“I don’t feel like that, I know that. I know I'll die here, kinda intrinsically...do you hate this place?”

“No, not hate. I just feel like I don't fit in here. It’s the way of life, it’s quite significantly different to what I was used to. The people and the city, it all feels hollow sometimes and every now and then i catch myself yearning for what I left behind me.”

“I see. Beautiful people and their beautiful problems.”

Silence fell in the car again. Except for the voice through the radio, Well this place is never what it seems.

“You don’t have to make small talk, you know. I'm fine with silence,” she said, finally looking at him for a brief second.

“Oh I know,” he was looking right into her eyes, unruffled. “I wasn’t making small talk, I just wanted to talk to you. That’s all.”

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The bleak fluorescent tube above buzzed in solidarity as the fatigued clock on the chipped convenience store wall dragged its hands and finally managed to tick at 2 am. The attendant was leaning on the counter, trying not to fall asleep when her voice echoed in the store: “$20 on pump 2.”

“I’ll pay”, he cut in, reaching for his wallet. “Okayyy...” she replied, narrowing her eyes at his benevolence and looked around the store which was significantly emptier that other nights. She closed her eyes for a second and the memories flashed behind her lids. She used to come here frequently, around this time, with someone when everything in her world was right, just right enough for her to not to seek out falling stars every night and wish for death over and over again. When she opened her eyes a shiny pack of Parliaments caught her gaze and she quickly gestured behind the counter, “Since you’re paying, can I get a pack of those also?”

“Sure”

“I remember surviving on those alone while writing my thesis papers,” she said wistfully, “good times.”

“You went to college?”

“University actually, but yeah.”

“Good lord.”

“But I had to drop out so I couldn’t complete my Master’s in Biochemistry.”

“Why?”

“Life.”

“I flunked out my first year of college so you did way more than I did in that regard.”

“Welp, look where that got me.”

“Don’t say that!”

“What?” she scoffed.

“Anything else?” the attendant interjected, visibly tired and clearly annoyed at their conversation.

She swiftly grabbed a lighter, “Can I get this too?”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“That’ll be all,” she tossed the lighter towards the attendant and continued, “You’re clearly doing way better than me in life.”

“Are you being sarcastic?” he replied, raising an eyebrow.

“No. I meant that seriously. I’m the one who fucked up my life and that’s a fact. Say, how did you know what you wanted to do?”

“That’ll be $30”, the attendant interjected again.

“I don’t know. I started acting as a kid and it just seemed right. It’s all I've known really and I can't see myself as anything else,” he said as he passed the money to the attendant.

“I envy that.”

“I do sometimes ponder what I would have been if not an actor.”

“Wondering too much isn’t good,” she grabbed the goods and shoved them in her coat pocket, “It might make someone into me.”

She stopped right before the glass door, pulled the lighter out and flicked it on, “I’ll use it later,” she leaned in close to him with a frivolous smirk and whispered, “to burn this city down.”

He chuckled at her sudden gaiety, “I’d gladly assist.”

Pushing the door open, she continued as he followed behind her, “Did you see the way that dude rolled his eyes to you? He definitely thought you were with a blabbering hooker and to be honest, my make up probably didn’t help either. Oh well it's not like -” her voice slowly evaporated into the gloomy gas-station lights.

------------

“So beautiful,” he said with awe looking over the vast and apparently endless ocean which the full, eternal moon bathed with its silver glory.

She clutched at her coat sleeves as the chilly wind sent shivers down her body and said, “I know right? I’ve always found the sea to be peaceful during this time of the night.”

“It’s lovely, I’ve never been to this beach before.”

“It’s my favorite spot actually, I used to come here pretty often,” melancholia dripping from her voice. She paused for a little while as if going over a mental checklist and said, “let’s go sit down there,” and pointed towards a vague place in the distance.

They walked down the beach for a bit side by side, knuckles occasionally brushing against each other’s, making them want to hold hands, feel the warmth of another being. But the hesitance of the yet to be known, the uncertainty of a nameless stranger clouded their minds and prevented them from reaching out.

She stopped, sat down and gestured to him to do the same by tapping the cold sand beside her. He sat a bit too far for her liking so she huddled up closer to him saying, “You blaze right?”

“Sure.”

“Cool,” she said, taking out a small bag from an inside pocket of her coat, “keep an eye out for me while I roll it.”

They sat in silence as she rolled a joint meticulously. The waves kept crashing on the shore as if fulfilling some ancient duty. Wind rustled through the empty beach. Sand glimmered sporadically under the warm light of the moon, creating a transcendental atmosphere.

He sighed and thought out loud, interrupting the intoxicating stillness of the night, “Where do we go from here?”

“Other than plotting the murder of Sam, I don’t know about me,” she replied without looking up from the task at hand, “Don’t really wanna think about it tonight. That’s why I took you along with me. I wanted someone to keep me distracted from my thoughts and I had no one to go to...then you came to apologize, like my knight in shining armor.”

He smiled wryly and said, “I see.”

“What about you? What are you gonna do about your not fitting in or what was it?”

“I don’t know either. I just miss my people. I’m not meant for here, I think.”

“So can’t you go back there? To your home I assume?”

“I can...”

“Then go. Why the fuck would you stick around if you had the option to go back?”

“Maybe.”

“Huh! I wish I had a home to go back to too.”

She could see him from the corner of her eyes, clenching his knees tight with his fingers at her words, bringing them closer to his chest. She looked up to see him staring at her with his big, beautiful, hurt-puppy eyes.

“Did that make you sad or something?” she asked, almost amused.

“Yeah...yeah it did.”

His apparent empathy for a literal stranger who also punched him not so long ago struck her as odd and oddly enticing. He looked unreal to her in the strange moonlight, as if a remote but vivid memory. She felt as though if she reached out and touched him, he’d turn to dust and drift off with the wind. Those intense eyes and his fey beauty were getting too much for her to bear so she averted her gaze towards the ocean and said, “There’s no use for your or anyone’s sadness. You see, sadness changes nothing. Unless you can start a capital R revolution tomorrow, everything will be the same. It’ll be the same day with slight variations over and over again, things will repeat and go on and on and on until one day humanity just goes poof somehow and then the universe will go on as if we never even happened. There’s no significance of our lives, there’s no point in feeling sad about anything in this set up. One must always imagine Sisyphus happy.”

“That’s quite pessimistic, isn’t it?”

“Kinda absurdist actually, but It’s hard not to be pessimistic or defensive, when you have to lead a life like mine.”

“I understand.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do, “Glamour Boy,’” she said, licking the rolling paper.

He put his hand over his chest and feigned being hurt which made her laugh; a clear, hearty laughter. The beach echoed with a faint sound of the laughter of two stray souls as he joined in.

The joint hanged from her lips, sensual and reckless like an erotic magazine model, burning bright as she took a long drawn-out drag.

“Say, do you think the water is cold?” she said, passing the joint to him.

He took in a drag, inhaling some of her used up smoke with it too, tasting her cheap but obscenely sweet fruity lip gloss at the filter tip, “Yeah...very much so”.

She huddled up even closer to feel the heat of his body as he passed the joint back to her. Taking in another drag, she leisurely put her head on his shoulder.

The sedating smoke sank into their lungs as the sand anchored them from floating off in the elating static of the enveloping darkness.

------------

“Is this it?” she said, pulling up to a posh apartment complex, something she wouldn’t be able to afford even after paying off her debts.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he replied absently and unbuckled his seatbelt.

She was looking ahead at the road, expecting him to get out of the car, but he sat in silence. She looked at him and saw him laid back on the seat as if being consumed by it, tracing the edge of the left air vent softly with his fingers. He sighed and said, still looking at his busy fingers: “I feel strange and fucking awful.”

“It happens sometimes after coming down a high.”

“It’ll be a pain in the arse going to bed feeling like this.”

“I know,” her eyes travelled down the flow of his posture, giving birth to an urge of some aboriginal origin in her loins, “but you don’t have to.”

He turned his head towards her slowly, lethargy clear in his slow breathing pattern, “What do you mean?”

“Push your seat back.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

He furrowed his brows, alarmed by her sudden gratuitous command. He looked at her; motionless as if not even breathing awaiting his compliance and her eyes glinted with expectancy. He pushed his seat back, as far as it could go then parted his lips to say something but before the words could get out, she virtually jumped on top then sat astride him.

A deathly stillness engrossed the car as her previous bellicose energy returned to the atmosphere, only this time rather ardent in nature. His heart, instantaneously racing, almost audible to her.

“You know,” she said taking off her top, “dopamine is a hormone and neurotransmitter that’s an important part of your brain’s reward system, and it can elevate your mood and make you feel really good.”

Eyes wide with surprise, he struggled to keep his gaze fixed on her face as she unbuttoned his shirt. Her fingertips snaked up and down his smooth chest as if caressing a sumptuous painting one is not allowed to touch. She felt his taut muscle tighten at her touch, veins kindled with a hot rush pulsing under. Burying her face in the hollow of his neck, she felt the heat of his body as she pressed her chest against his. His breathing picked up it’s pace even more at the contact with her flushed skin.

“Do you ever get lonely?” she spoke up letting her lips skim over his bare shoulder.

“Terribly,” his voice breathy as he placed his hands on her hips hesitantly, not possessively, but affectionately.

“I do too.”

“What do we do about it?”

“Maybe we don’t do anything.”

“Maybe.” he said resting his right cheek against her head, “or maybe we keep each other company.”

“But for how long?”

“However long we need to.”

A mirthless laugh rippled from her lips then through his skin. She pulled back to look him in the eyes, curious green mixed with an unfamiliar kind of sorrow, a sorrow too costly for her. “Lust and attraction shut off the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which includes rational behavior,” she said, knocking softly on his temple.

“Makes sense.”

Cupping his face, she stroked his swollen lips with her rough thumbs, making him wince in response. The purple bruise steadily forming on the side of his mouth marred his flawless complexion yet his allure only enhanced. Her thumb rubbed on the bruise with reckless abandon, his flinches testifying to that. Withdrawing her hands from his face, she left a light peck on the bruise and said, “Slap me.”

“What?”

“Slap me, come on, I'm giving you a chance to get back at me for earlier.”

“No!”

“Prude!”

“Hey! I just don’t want to hurt you, especially not as revenge or what not,” he sounded genuinely offended.

She leaned in, “But I want to get hurt, silly,” her lips ghosting over his as she whispered, “Endorphins are our body’s natural pain reducer and it so happens to increase when we engage in reward-producing activities, such as eating, working out, or having sex.” She pulled away and continued, “So hit me. Hard.” His adam’s apple bobbed up then down as he searched at her face, as if trying to find some sort of sign. His fingers dug in her hips, indicating the upcoming crude impact. Her palms laid flat against his chest as his left hand rose then crashed against her face. Her fingers curled in response as she gasped weakly, eyes shut closed but the tensity clear in the lines on her eyelids and forehead.

“Ah... that was good,” she said as if talking to herself, caressing her cheek. When she opened her eyes, she found him staring with uncertain eyes, the doubt readable in the way he bit his lips.

“Just like that, once more,” her firm voice ringed in the vehicle. His hand cruelly collided once again with her face, leaving her face warm and red.

“Good boy,” she cooed as the sharp sting eddied on her cheek and then through her whole body, easing her off some unknown yet intrinsic discomfort. Her chest pounded in sync to his as she spoke up, “Do it for me once again, won’t you?”

Pressing his teeth even deeper into his lips, he struck her once again, with as much strength as he had. A white light flashed before her eyes, her ears ringed as she sat in silence for a bit. When her vision became clear, she held his face between her palms. Leaning closer, she rested her temple against his and murmured, “Such a good boy.”

Sweat dripped down as her nose grazed up the side of his neck, she could feel him growing hard through his pants. She buried her face in his curls and breathed in. He smelt sugary, sweet to the extent of almost making her nauseous. She whispered against his ear, “You’ve got a boner...it turned you on this much to hurt me?”

“It’s, um, n-not really that part it’s the -” he stammered in embarrassment.

“Ugh men,” she cut him off and rolled her eyes playfully. “But since we’ve got a situation at hand, and you’ve been so good to me, I think you deserve some relief for yourself,” she said, tugging at his waistband. To which he responded eagerly, elevating his hips just enough so she could slip his pants off as much as possible. His head sank back into the headrest as her hands wrapped around his cock. Her hand gilded up and down his length as her other hand ran through his hair, pulling lightly. Resting his forehead on her shoulder, he quivered and moaned softly as she lovingly yet mercilessly worked on him. His breath hitched sharply as she stroked the tip of his cock with her thumb, making him groan and twitch under her touch. She was about to pick up the pace when he grabbed her wrist abruptly. “Wait!” he rasped, “I wanna...feel you.”

He panted, trying to catch his breath and said, “Let’s take this inside, there might be people around.”

“Why? Are you afraid of getting photographed with a hooker by the paparazzi, Mr. Actor?"

“No”, he answered, the same hurt as earlier could be heard in his voice, the type of hurt when one is misunderstood by someone they love, “I just - I just want it to be nice.”

“Let’s not make it too nice lest you fall in love with me,” she said sternly. “Besides, you should be more concerned about getting STDs. There should be some condoms in the glove box and also tissues for later.”

He brought his face closer to hers, looked at her lips and said, “You’ve got such a mean mouth, you know that?”

“And you like it?”

“Perhaps”, he replied then kissed her, deeply. Holding her face in his head, he bit her lips which made her moan in his mouth. After running out of breath she pulled away, still tasting his saliva on her tongue as he reached behind her and rifled through the glove compartment. Having found what he wanted, he turned on the radio then returned his focus to her; she was hiking up her dress and awkwardly slipping off her panties in the short space.

Heavy bass filled the car, I wanna be your vacuum cleaner breathing in your dust, as the sky started to light up with shades of azure and tangerine. Her tongue blended with his as she took his cock in her. Their bodies pressed and flushed against each other as a steady rhythm flowed through them. Her nails scratched his nape, as he kissed her neck, nibbling at her collarbone. Her head shot back as he thrust up into her, frantic and keen. His groans muffled in her chest, her moans melting into his hair as their hips clashed against one another.

Maybe I just wanna be yours.

I wanna be yours.

------------

The sparkling rays of the breaking dawn illuminated his face as he cleaned himself off and got dressed. She marveled from the driver’s seat at the magnificence of the sight of him in afterglow. There was something in him, something innate, that made him stand out from anyone she ever came across. He was made for the screen, he was made to shine, and she wondered whether or not he’ll remember her afterwards. It was for the better if he didn’t, she thought to herself, as this was probably one of the lowest points in his life, while that night was most definitely one of the highlights of hers. The sheer dichotomy was glaring at her soul when he spoke up, bringing her attention back to the present, “I was wondering if you’d like to -”

“Look if you want my name or number, then that’s just not gonna happen,” she said with a sigh, “It’s the oxytocin flooding your brain. Increased levels of oxytocin facilitate attachment and bonding and shit so, like, don’t be fooled.”

“But it’s not that, I feel a connection between us...something I haven’t felt with anyone here before.”

He averted his eyes from her and looked out the window. His hand lingered on the door handle for a second before he stepped out of the car. Turning his back towards the car, he walked into the apartment complex, without saying anything further. Her foot pressed on the accelerator, as the car drove past the buildings. A Parliament washed out the leftover taste of him in her mouth as she rolled down the window to let the nauseously sweet scent dissipate into the cold morning air.

“It is that. Believe me, I know. There is nothing between us. Whatever connection you feel is your hormones doing bullshit things.”

“You’re just evading me”

“I’m not. I do actually know. Okay, for instance you feel really tired and sleepy right now, right?”

“Yeah”

“That’s the parasympathetic nervous system down-regulating your body and a shit load of vasopressin coursing through you”

“But that could also be because we stayed up all night and got high and just had sex”

“Why don’t you understand? It’s all chemicals, everything! There is nothing called love and whatever the fuck people feel is just their chemicals doing somersaults. There is nothing between us, we don’t know each other. There can be nothing either, look at the circumstances. People like you shouldn’t have to do anything with people like me unless it requires a monetary transaction.”

“But i can help, with whatever you’re dealing with”, he said reaching to place his hand over hers, “we can help each other”

“and what exactly do you think i’m dealing with?, she asked, withdrawing her hand, eyes narrowed at him.

“I don’t know yet”

“Exactly. You don’t know anything. I’m not some sad little girl who went to college then got depressed but in a sexy way so maybe she did drugs or whatever and dropped out and now strips for fucking aesthetic reasons probably. No honey, I’m involved with shit that can drag you down faster than a meth withdrawal and my life is a living testimony of that, take my word for it. So, go get some rest. Sleep out your saviour complex and live out your promising life when you wake up.”

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