#just to cry about things ive already been tearfully terrified of this week

[shodansbabygirl]

I want my wife but it's 3 am and we keep fighting so I don't actually want to wake her up because if I wake her up enough to get what I want she'll be upset I ruined her sleep schedule the same week as an important doctor appointment or something so I guess I'm just going to sob and cry and watch The Fly while repeatedly trying to and failing to reassure myself that I don't have lung cancer I have 'smokes weed too much and keeps getting stressed out and smoking more weed and that makes the problem worse' disorder

[sweeethinny]

The first Potter

I wrote this after watching the Kardashian series (yes) and seeing Mason's birth, which made me want to finally write what I think about a few weeks ago

fortunately I never got pregnant, but my sister did, so this whole chapter was inspired by the pain and everything I saw her go through, and how I think she and my mother are warriors, for having gone through it a few times and still saying that is the best pain they ever felt!

Harry and Ginny had decided to have their child in a Muggle hospital, for several reasons, but the main one; privacy. They knew it would be a big deal when the firstborn of the wizarding world savior was born, everyone would be crazy, wanting to take the first pictures and be the first to make sure what he would be like, so even if Molly had argued with them about that decision they would have the baby in a Muggle hospital in a well-located London neighborhood, with the surnames Evans.

It was December 26th, after a Christmas full of pain and irritation on the part of Ginny who felt too ugly and swollen to enjoy anything, she had cried in the bedroom when her dress didn't close and when she couldn't tie her own hair without feeling tired and breathless. Harry had a lot of patience, helping her get dressed, braiding her hair, helping with her shoes and enduring all the crying spells - which were not few.

The next day, they spent the day watching movies and series, resting and anxiously waiting for her purse to burst at any moment and finally see that baby they had been waiting for. The doctor, Dr Iver, had predicted that it would be that week yet, and that they might not need to operate on her if everything went well. But then the 26th passed and nothing happened.

On the 27th, Ginny cried when Harry needed to go to work and she was alone, she didn't even know why she was like that, she just wanted her husband back to help her pick up the dishes and take a shower, feeling her son move like never in belly, kicking down her ribs and stomping the bladder, when it didn't seem to push a knife in the middle of the spine and make her grunt with the pain that cut the air from her lungs.

She was so scared.

The pregnancy had been smooth, in general, but it was terrifying to think that everything would depend on her from now on, that the baby wouldn't come out if it weren't for her strength, and Ginny cried whenever she thought she wouldn't be able to do that, that it would cause some damage to the child, who would give up and fail halfway.

Bill and George took turns to be with her, sometimes Ron would jump out of the fireplace and join the company, Angelina and Fleur also showed up, but it didn't matter, none of them were Harry, none of them said the right words, and she knew she was being unfair, but she was carrying a bloody baby's inside herself! She had a right to be!

When her husband did not return that day, Ginny felt that she could start crying with anyone who touched her.

''You know it can take a while, and I'm sure he's doing everything he can to get back as soon as possible'' Hermione soothed her, wetting a towel and placing it on her forehead when Ginny started to sweat, even though it was snowing outside as never

"I'm going to kill Robards for taking my husband away from me" The redhead grunted "This is hurting more than usual" She sighed, the pain cutting her back and making the air disappear from her lungs, her hips looking like they were about to breaking in two. Ginny grabbed the arm of the couch, sinking her nails as she moaned in pain, the bitter taste of blood filling her mouth.

''Are you alright? Do I need to call anyone?'' She denied, trying to take a deep breath, still feeling her hips seem to shake and almost break, the baby moving non-stop inside her

"He looks like that when night comes," she said, crying wanting to flood her eyes. "Love, calm down please, you're going to kill mommy." Ginny rubbed her belly, just like Harry did when it happened, trying miserably to make the pain less.

But nothing happened, the pain got a few degrees worse, and she barely knew if she would have the strength to move from there, with so much pain that she felt itchy at the base of her spine

''Ginny, I think you're feeling contractions'' Hermione then jumped off the couch, running over to the fireplace and picking up the watch they kept there, looking intently at her ''Tell me when this stops'' The redhead nodded, badly listening to her sister-in-law while trying to take a deep breath.

It didn't take three pauses between pains for Molly to be in the room, next to Arthur, running after Ginny's maternity bag and everything she would need more.

''No, no, no, no'' She denied the help to get up, leaning back on the sofa and sighing when her hip stopped burning and finally could fill her lungs with air ''I won't leave here without Harry. He will never forgive himself'' The crying prickled her eyes again, vehemently denying, completely terrified at the idea of ​​doing that without him ''It's over, it's just a false alarm'' Ginny looked out, trying to look for something else to focus, the dark blue night sky showed no stars at all, and the snow seemed to have given a respite, but she thought of her husband, and hoped he was close and coming home

''Gin, baby, we need to do this'' Dad sat next to her, squeezing her hand and kissing her forehad ''We'll be with you'' She denied it, tears coming out of her control

''No, I won't do it without Harry. I will not be able to. I need him'' Harry had been at all times, the first kick, the exams, the first time they heard the heart beat ... he wouldn't miss the fucking birth! ''This baby will hold on a little longer'' But as if to contradict her, a cold liquid ran between her thighs, dripping on the floor and wetting the entire sofa, without smell or color, barely seeming to come out of her body. ''No'' She denied it again, hugging her belly as if her son could fall from there at any moment ''I can't''

''Of course you can'' Molly crouched in front of her daughter as if she were 6 years old and wanted to climb the top of the tallest tree in the garden ''I will hold your hand and ... And Ron can go behind Harry for you'' The woman looked at Hermione, who nodded from the corner of the room, looking very frightened with the bag in her hands

''Are you going to do this?'' Ginny blinked tearfully at her best friend / sister-in-law, biting her trembling lip. ''Do you promise to bring him here?'' Hermione nodded again

''I promise'' And dropping the backpack on the floor, she apparated and disappeared.

Ginny was forced to go to the Hospital, but saying with certainty that there was, that she would not have her child until Harry was there to help her. The pains increased, and with each movement of the car - she would not be able to apparate or go by the Flu, which left them to call a taxi (for Arthur's amusement) - the woman almost screamed, shaking her mother's hand and biting her lips with all the strength.

The arrival at the Hospital was sharp at midnight, Dr Ives was quick to show up and take her to the room, reformulating the whole procedure again, just so that she would be aware of each step they would take thereafter;

''Let's check your dilation, and then, go ahead with our normal delivery plan, all right?'' She nodded, being lifted to settle on the stretcher, already wearing those ridiculous hospital robe and barely able to speak, feeling the nurse puncture her vein to introduce the serum and start doing some things that she didn't quite understand.

"The baby is fine, we need to wait some more time until he is well positioned and you are ready to have him" The woman said, rubbing something cold on Ginny's round belly, making her cry even more when her heart your son's echoed in the bedroom. She needed Harry there, needed him to see that, to hold her hand and say that everything would be okay. Her husband would die if he knew that he had lost his son's birth.

''Where is he, mom?'' Luckily the pains subsided, whatever had been given to her, made her go limp '' Where's Harry? ''

''He's in the way, honey'' Molly stroked her daughter's face, brushing the hair that was stuck to her forehead and kissing there ''You're a warrior, I could never be more proud'' Ginny felt her mother's tears wet her skin, which made her smile and calm down a little.

''Thanks for being here'' But I still want Harry, she swallowed.

The hours didn't seem to pass, the doctors put her in a warm bathtub, then made her sit on a huge pink ball, and they seemed to come back every ten minutes to check how dilated she was. But all Ginny felt was exhaustion.

When the room was full of Weasleys (except Ron and Mione), she couldn't even remember exactly how she got there, ignoring the conversations and photos her mother took, napping for a few minutes - which seemed like decades in her head - and then looking by Harry. The son had calmed down, as if he knew he needed to wait for Daddy to arrive, but now and then he still tapped on her hip and made her grunt with pain, biting her mouth and doing everything she could to breathe.

''Are we ready, Mrs. Evans?'' Dr Iven smiled at all the redheads and households, turning the pregnant woman on the stretcher

''Not without Harry. This baby will stay here until my husband arrives. ''

''I don't know if your son agrees'' The man smiled a little sadly ''He already wants to come into the world'' Ginny denied again, sniffling and trying to ignore the twinge of pain that ran through her spine. Without Harry, no baby would be born

''No'' Molly started to argue with Fleur and Bill, but it was no use, they didn't know how excited Harry was about every little thing, how he cried when they bought the first clothes and set up the baby's room, so excited that Ginny thought she was capable of infusing with love. He was so excited, making plans for the trips they would have together, that now they needed to make a Quidditch court for that little being to learn to fly. There was even a time when he thought Ginny was sleeping while talking to the baby, whispering against her swollen belly; ''I will love you with all my life, as I have never loved anyone but your mother, and I promise to try to be the best father''

If anyone was supposed to be in that room, it was Harry Potter.

"Ginny, you need ..."

''..Not without Harry!'' And finally, when she started to think that she really would have to do it alone, feeling her hip hurt even more, the door was swung open, and a man all disheveled, looking a little sweaty , and with the hospital clothes all pies went in

''I'm here, I'm here'' Ginny thought she breathed for the first time in hours, releasing the tears that were trapped in seeing him there, almost sobbing when he hugged her ''I'm sorry, please'' Harry also seemed to cry , with his head buried in her neck "Ron was slow to find me, and I was too well protected to be spotted easily" She hugged him as she could, nodding

''I don't care anymore, not when you're already here'' She said, sniffling tearfully ''It hurts so much Harry'' She revealed, trying to speak as low as possible ''I'm so scared ''

''No need, I'm with you'' They broke up, and Ginny never felt so confident, shaking her husband's hand as she felt him wipe the tears that stained her cheeks. ''Let's do this together. I'm here.'' She nodded, looking back at Dr Iven, who seemed to be analyzing some paperwork, as if he wanted to give them the moment.

''I'm ready'' 

''Well, now I want everyone to leave ...'' And he started, saying again about all the steps they would take, updating her on the baby's health - perfect - and her health - also, perfect - before adjust Ginny's legs and ask for strength.

It was an absurd pain, it tore all her skin and it seemed absurd that she was going to be able to do that. Harry squeezed her hand, encouraged her, kissed her forehead and stood beside her, looking much more tearful than in his entire life, especially when the doctor said the head was gone.

Ginny can hold her son and take him away, pulling him up and listening to the crying echoing through the room, loud and resounding, showing that he was alive. She could barely see, crying as much as the little one, putting it on her chest and barely caring about all the dirt, kissing the little forehead and looking at Harry beside her, kneeling and trying unsuccessfully to wipe away all the tears.

''What's his name?''

''James.'' Ginny smiled at her husband, exhausted, never wanting to let go of the small package that was in her hands ''James Sirius Potter'' She knew that Harry would have to stun the doctor so that the man would not question his last name but at that moment nothing else mattered

''I think I'm going to die of love'' He smiled and rubbed James's head, the little tufts of gray hair making him smile, his cry still echoing as if he complained about coming out of his hot bubble and comfortable for this cruel and cold world.

Harry cut the umbilical cord that still held Ginny and James together in one body, before he crouched down next to her and kissed her with as much love as the day they were married.

''I love you, and I will always be here'' They were family now.

[a-sprinkle-of-geeky]

12 Hours (Part Six - End)

Welcome.      Part One.    Part Two.       Part Three.       Part Four.     Part Five

This story contains blood, murder and quite a bit of violent angst.

This particular part contains extreme injuries yet recovery, please be cautious if you are sensitive to these subjects.

.

Levi had expected this to be the end, preparing himself to be shot or thrown off of a bridge. He was an unconscious heap and his thoughts were foggy, his body unable to wake yet his mind alert. He thought about Sage and JoJo, Lucas and Clyde and anyone else he was going to let down.

He was prepared to accept the fact that he was going to die for nothing.

Levi took a controlled breath, the first one since he had been drugged, and groaned as the drug slowly began to unleash his mind from its grasp. He coughed and clenched his eyes, his body tingling with pins and needles.

He wasn’t at the bottom of a river, at least.

It took him a minute before he felt conscious enough to move and began by spreading out his fingers, tracing the rough ground of a pavement and immediately forced his eyes open. There he saw dark blurs illuminated by orange streetlights, the silhouettes of the nightly figures passing by.

Levi pressed his hand to his face to ensure that his glasses were still there, yet cursed when he found them vacant, and he pushed himself up onto his elbows to try and locate them. Levi groped the ground and touched something different than the familiar shape of his glasses, gazing down as he picked it up and squinted. Though it was a messy blur, it was unmistakable. It was the jar containing Clyde’s soul. 

He let out a short cry and clutched it to his chest, sitting up and feeling his knee press into his glasses. Levi grabbed them clumsily and put them back on, glad to see clearly despite there being a crack in the left lens. He looked at the soul and breathed out, thankful that its surface was intact and, most importantly, unharmed.

Levi raised his head and looked around, immediately recognising where he was. He was a block away from the facility, he could see the towering building in the distance. He saw two passers by who looked concerned at him but hurried along, not wishing to speak to the man clutching a soul and hadn’t seen a bed or a shower in three days.

He staggered up to his feet, stumbling against the wall as the drug still lingered in his body. He breathed heavily and pressed the jar close to himself, the pain in his chest becoming apparent in his laboured breaths. Still, Levi didn’t give up. He didn’t care anymore. He was getting this soul back to Clyde, even if it meant he collapsed.

The doctor began running, a limp in his step and his face full of his last, dying determination.

.

Clyde’s surgery could not legally continue without his soul. 

The past three days had been constant surgery and tests on his fragile body but at least now they had managed to mend his knee and properly treat his spine. Lucas was absolutely broken by now, breaking down into his bandaged hands and crying his apologies for hours on end. Yet Clyde just kept looking at the light mindlessly, the heart monitor signalling his only sign of sentience.

The law had a rule that any Husks that had not had their soul returned within a week would have to be put to sleep, since they knew that it was only torture to the person who experienced it.

Lucas’ mind was breaking as each day passed yet there was no hope in tracking the soul, Levi or the murderous couple. All of them were completely off the grid and he did not know what to do other than cry and drink away his sorrows.

As Lucas’ mind swirled, so did his anger. Every moment he saw the love of his life wounded like this was only making his desire to slaughter those maniacs even greater. They were going to pay for their actions and he would get them off of this planet, even if it killed him. He was sick to death of their abuse and tyranny over the city. They had committed so much crime that people were terrified to leave their homes, they had shot Tyrell through the chest and he was only just starting to properly heal, they had killed three of his men and had most likely done the same to Levi.

He had been missing in action for three days now and the inability to track him was driving Sage to a breakdown. He had called Levi hundreds of times, refused to sleep, ran patrols whenever he could and sent out countless search parties just to try and track his husband. No amount of reasoning or reassurance could reach him and it was clear he wasn’t going to stop until he knew where Levi was. He panicked endlessly about his safety, his lack of medication or proper physical care for his body and broke down into tears at the thought of him being trapped somewhere with no help. They were all lost and their hope was depleting. 

The only one who had the slightest bit of hope was Daniel, who was still close to giving up but only holding on because Tyrell had woken up and was able to start speaking again.

“Do you need anything?” Dan asked for the third time this hour, interlocking his fingers with him.

“No, no... I’m alright,” Ty said quietly, contently gazing into his eyes, “You should sleep, darling...”

“I don’t want to leave you,” Dan admitted fearfully, reaching out and stroking his cheek, “I’m too scared.”

“I told you, I’m alright...” He assured him gently, leaning into his hand and kissing his palm. He looked at the bed and, with effort, managed to moved himself to the side.

“D-Don’t move, Ty, you’ll hurt yourself,” Dan stood up anxiously, hovering his hand over the bandaged would, “What’s the matter? Do you need me to get Dr Eren?”

“No..” Ty replied, holding his hand securely, “You can get in the bed with me...so I can stay with you whilst you sleep.”

“I don’t want to dislodge any of your IVs-” He tried to protest but Ty gently pulled him down and he couldn’t resist it. He needed a hug so badly...

He snuggled under Ty’s arm and slid his hand under his back, looking up at him tearfully. The scarred demon smiled softly and wrapped his arm around him, just managing to kiss his head and keep his arm in a position that would not disrupt any of the wires connected to his skin. Dan hugged his stomach and gently nestled his head on his shoulder, curling up and tangling his legs with Ty’s as he closed his eyes and listened to his heartbeat whilst Ty lovingly stroked his hair.

“Just sleep, babe, you’ve been awake long enough...” He murmured soothingly, closing his own eyes and listening to Dan gradually start to slip asleep. Just before they could, however, a yell startles them awake as Sage stormed past outside.

“Sage, calm down!” Lydia warned him.

“No! No, I will not be calm!” He cried, “Levi is out there and no one else is trying to help him! Clyde was found in less than a day but when it is Levi you all just deem him to be dead!”

“Clyde was different, we had evidence to track him,” She raised her hands to try and settle him, “We’re doing everything we can to find him, you need to calm down.”

“I don’t need to do anything but find my husband,” He insisted, “Just let me go on another patrol!”

“We’ve been on ten in the last few days, what makes you think that this one will bring any evidence?”

“I need to try!” Sage said, clutching his hair, “He could be trapped somewhere and be unable to talk o-or call out! He could have been wounded by Zyren or Flin, you saw what they do to doctors!”

Ty tensed up, holding his chest and pulled Dan, who was breathing quickly, closer to himself to try and calm him down.

“I know you’re upset, Sage, just please listen to me,” Lydia said, “Just lower your voice, you’re upsetting the patients...”

Sage gazed over at them and covered his face, letting out a frustrated cry before breaking for the elevator with Lydia running after him.

He collapsed against the wall and looked at the ascending elevator, repeatedly pressing the button in desperation and shifting on his feet with impatience. Why was the elevator taking so long?

Sage was just about to run for the stairs when the doors pulled back and revealed a shocking sight.

It was Levi. He was standing there in dirty clothing with a determined expression but endless pain and exhaustion in his worn features. He was clutching something to his chest and his glasses were cracked. When he saw Sage he did a double take.

Sage gasped at the sight of him and cried out his name whilst Levi did the same. Levi staggered into his arms and Sage picked him up, clinging to him as tightly as he could without hurting him.

“Levi!” He wept, “I was so scared! I was so scared!”

“Oh thank god, Levi-” Lydia breathed out, “We’re so glad you’re okay.”

“Le-Levi, I’m- I’m- so glad you’re...I thought...” Sage stammered, holding his hand against Levi’s hair, “Oh fuck, what happened to you? Where were you!? I was so worried!”

Levi held him tightly. He wanted to just let his legs give way and stay in his arms forever, but he had one last thing to do before he could let himself rest. It took effort, but he reluctantly pulled away with a dreary voice. “I need Clyde,” He looked around, “I need to get to him, what ward is he in?”

“Levi...” Sage tried to hold onto him but the doctor was already stumbling off. He looked at Lydia with worry and followed after him with her at his side. 

Lydia glanced at Levi’s hand as he rushed around the corner and her eyes widened. “Holy shit, he’s got Clyde’s soul!”

.

Clyde’s mother, Marie, was weeping into her hands whilst his father, Otto, tried to console her with tears running down his own cheeks. They were initially deployed overseas on military business but rushed back as soon as they could when they received a phone call of what had happened. They were two German military workers with Marie as the lead nurse in first aid and Otto as the lead General, they were confident and collected in their profession but when it came down to their only child getting hurt, it shattered them to pieces.

Eren tried to warn them of the extent of their son’s injuries but Otto pushed past him. Lucas had never seen Otto show such horror and pain before and his chest burned with guilt and he held his hand.

“My baby...” Marie sobbed when she saw him, running her hand through his hair and resting her forehead on his before collapsing on the chair and covering her face.

“Who did this to him?” Otto asked, anger in his tone.

“Flinar and Zyren,” Lucas replied coldly, his chin rested against Clyde’s loose fingers, “I am going to kill them for what they’ve done.”

“What... what the person said over the phone about him being...” She couldn’t say it but Lucas’ ears lowered, immediately knowing what she was referring to, “Please tell me it isn’t true...”

He looked away tearfully and she only wailed more, having to be pulled into Otto’s arms so she could sob. Otto was shaking.

“I’ll kill them with my bare hands,” He stated shakily with fury, “I’ll put them through exactly what they did to him but ten times worse!”

“My baby boy... they were so cruel!” Marie sobbed, “He didn’t do anything to deserve treatment like this!”

“I will do everything in my power to make sure he is safe and happy...” Lucas said, trying not to break down himself, “I’ll-”

He was cut off by someone bursting inside the ward, making them flinch in surprise when a very dishevelled Levi staggered inside and held up a jar containing Clyde’s soul. Lucas sprung up to his feet in an instant and caught Levi before he could fall, yet the doctor pulled away and grabbed the bed railings with a heavy stumble.

“Where were you, Levi?” Lucas asked in shock, “How did you get it back?!”

“Just fucking shut up,” Levi wheezed, Sage putting his arm around his waist. He pulled the lid off the top and let the soul drift outward into his palm, its surface flickering. Clyde’s eyes finally drifted from the light and rested on his soul, making a weak whimper as his hand tried to reach out for it.

Levi pulled away once more and leaned over him, turning his hand over and pressing the mint coloured orb against Clyde’s chest, watching as his chest glowed a soft turquoise and feeling the soul sink into his being. The wounded doctor took a deep, sentient breath as the colour soaked back into his eyes and returned some colour to his cheeks.

He rolled his head and opened his eyes as much as he could, seeing Levi standing over him and watching him in pained confusion as he broke down and smiled. “You fucking idiot,” Levi choked out, but he was smiling, “You better appreciate being alive, don’t you ever scare us like that again.”

Clyde was too dizzy to comprehend what he said, it sounded like his head was underwater.. there was so much going on.

He reached into his pocket and set something on the foot of his bed before his mind clouded over and he found himself collapsing backwards into Sage’s arms and falling unconscious. Sage caught him and picked him up, worriedly shaking him but Lydia put her arm around him as Lucas stood there dumbfounded on what to do.

“Let’s get him patched up,” She said, guiding him out of the ward to the office.

Marie was holding Clyde’s cheek in her hand and running her thumb under his bruised eye whilst Otto held his other hand.

“..mami...” He croaked, trying his best to lean into her hand, “It hurts...”

“I know, Seerose, I know,” She whispered, “We’re going to take good care of you, we’ll make you better.”

Clyde tried to sit up but let out a cry of pain and Lucas panicked, lying him down again as he looked at him.

“Oh god, Clyde... I’m so sorry,” Lucas said. He had so much he wanted to apologise for. He wanted to collapse to his knees and sob for hours whilst begging him to forgive his foolishness. He wanted to say so much but he knew now wasn’t the time, he knew he needed the most support right now. “You’re safe now, they’re never going to hurt you again, I promise.”

He gazed down at his fingers and then at the foot of the bed where he saw Levi place something. It was glinting in the light above. His wedding ring. He let out a desperate whine for it and Lucas turned towards where he was looking, retrieving it and gently shushing him. He slipped it onto his finger and kissed his forehead.

“Thought...lost it,” He whispered in relief, looking down at it but still wanting to cry... it made him feel better but his pain would not stop.

Clyde was overwhelmed with emotions and pain, he could not move and he could not feel his leg. He whimpered, gripping Lucas’ hand as tight as he could, he needed support more than ever. Especially when he twitched his leg, which made the colour drain from his face when he realised.

The memories flooded back and he struggled for breath, forcing his arms despite the pain and pulling off the sheets.

“Clyde, don’t look-” Otto tried but he couldn’t stop the inevitable truth and he clenched his fist around the bed’s support handles. He pressed his lips together.

Clyde stared in disbelief. Up until now he had hoped it was all bad dream, a nightmare that took too long to end and was all but over. But it was all true. His right leg was in a brace and his left one... was gone.

“Leg...” He got out, the ventilator forcing him to take deep breaths which drugged his dizzy mind, “My leg...”

“Baby... it is okay, you’re gonna be okay...” Lucas stroked his hair but Clyde wasn’t in the condition to be reassured. He stared wide eyed and pressed his sore head into the pillow, crying out as Marie stroked his cheek.

Clyde finally broke down, letting out all of his trauma in broken, hoarse wails whilst his family comforted him all the while.

.

Several months had gone by since the incident. It was difficult for everyone at first since Clyde needed so much treatment, which made him incredibly guilty and upset. It was a long road before he was allowed home.

He was taken out in a wheelchair by Lucas, who was so supportive and loving despite Clyde worrying that he was too much of a burden. Otto and Marie followed at his sides as they took him home for the first time, greeted by their children and Tyrell, who was still in psychical therapy but looked happier than ever. Dan was also slowly improving from the mental stress he was put under and managed a few smiles and hugs where he could.

Lucas was determined to kill Flinar and Zyren once and for all and was just about to leave on his mission that night when Clyde took his sleeve and quietly begged him not to. He had a pained expression talking about them but despite everything they had done, he still believed that they could have a chance to improve. Lucas gave in, unable to protest against his sweetheart and took off his armour to spend the night watching a movie in bed despite Clyde falling asleep on him only a quarter way through. As for Flinar and Zyren, there was no criminal reports from them at all, whether it was because of Flinar’s injury or something else, he didn’t know, but Levi refused to tell anyone what had happened whilst he was gone.

For two months Clyde was practically bed bound, merely watching the world go by from his bedroom window when he wasn’t being taken back to the facility for endless amounts of treatment, surgery and therapy. He was dead silent for most of it, flinching at anything that moved too quickly and panicking whenever he could see the basement or any kind of mechanical tool. He was self conscious, hiding away in bed and not smiling at all since his missing tooth made him incredibly embarrassed. Clyde felt like a burden to the entire family, feeling ashamed of his continuous nightmares which made him sleep with the light on and hug Lucas’ arm whilst he slept.

He was clingy to his family members, getting frightened when he was left on his own for too long so, to help ease his worries, they gave him a plush rabbit which helped improve the fear, especially when Shadow - Clyde’s cat - came to console him. After that things gradually began to improve.

He would eat his entire dinner and make conversation, giving loving kisses and hugs to all of his family members when they got close to him. He and Dan would sit in the living room together and give each other manicures, watch movies all day or just eat take away food and talk. The therapy with Levi was finally starting to pay off and the physio with Sage started to improve his overall health, especially when the prosthetic came in to play.

It was a long process getting him to adjust, with many tears, falls and meltdowns but Lucas remembered watching Clyde successfully walk down the walkway for the first time with absolutely no support. He waited at the other end tearfully and held out his arms. Clyde had wobbled and paused twice but he eventually reached his husband and grasped his hands, kissing him. Lucas had looked at his face and held it in his hands, telling him over and over how proud he was and then Clyde smiled for the first time in months.

He had a new, fake tooth fitted into his mouth but even then he hadn’t smiled until now. He was grinning and holding Lucas’ hands in his own, his cheeks tinted pink and his eyes shining. It was the most beautiful thing Lucas had ever seen.

((The End))

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This was super messy and definitely rushed but I really wanted to get this done! Despite it all, it was still fun to spill this lore into a story and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Thank you for reading. See you later! <3

[theblogtini]

Connor’s Birth Story | Preeclampsia

A little over 4 months ago - on January 17, 2018 - I gave birth via a planned c-section to Connor, a beautiful, healthy baby boy.

The road to meeting him was interesting and a bit scary at times, but what has happened since then has been hell on Earth.

My husband and I were lucky in that we didn’t have to “try” to get pregnant. We were in the “if it happens it happens” phase of things and poof, a week before my 30th birthday I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was fairly unremarkable early on. I didn’t get morning sickness, I didn’t have mood swings. I didn’t gain much weight or swell up - it was easy and I felt lucky. The most annoying thing was that during my 2nd trimester I had an “irritable uterus” and so I had a lot of false contractions that would leave my muscles aching a bit.

Around 35 weeks I thought my water broke. I went to the hospital as instructed by my OB and it turns out it hadn’t, but I WAS having contractions every 2 minutes (that I couldn't feel!), but I wasn’t progressing quickly enough for them to keep me. Eventually they gave me a steroid shot meant to help the baby’s lungs develop quicker if he was born early and sent me home, telling me to eat something and pack a bag because they all thought I would be back that night. The said if I didn’t go into true labor that night to go to my doctor in the morning to get a check of my progress.

And that is when all hell broke loose.

I should note that the evening before (JANUARY 7, when I was given the steroid shot), my blood pressure was 122/74.

The next morning (JANUARY 8) I arrived at my doctors office and told them that I was supposed to get a progress check. When they checked things out I still hadn't progressed, but my blood pressure was 160/88, which is very high and a warning sign of preeclampsia. They had me lie down for a few minutes and when they checked it again it was down to 130/80 which is a bit high, but not worrisome. Apparently the threshold for preeclampsia is two reads of 140/90 at least 4 hours apart. I was scheduled to return to the hospital later that evening to get a second dose of the steroid shot, and the doctor told me to make sure they rechecked my blood pressure.

That evening (still JANUARY 8) at the hospital I declined the second dose of the steroid - I was having an annoying reaction to it (very jittery, face hot and red as if I'd gotten a bad sunburn, fast pulse - all fairly standard steroid reactions, but I didn't like it). They said that since I was 36 weeks that day that I didn't need the second dose, as by that point it wouldn't help much anyway (baby's lungs are generally pretty well developed by 36 weeks) and most of the benefit comes from the first dose anyway. At that point, my blood pressure was 130/86, which is just on the border of being too high (and my pulse rate was 107, from the steroid injection). I was advised to head back to my doctors office in the morning for them to keep an eye on my blood pressure.

The following morning (JANUARY 9) I headed into my doctor's office for them to check my blood pressure. The nurse had some difficulty taking it because she couldn't find the appropriate sized cuff and then the machine (she didn't do it manually, for some reason) kept inflating and inflating but wouldn't release (my hand practically turned purple!). Eventually she declared my blood pressure was 120/90 - not horrible, but the bottom number had hit 90 which is an indicator of preeclampsia. I left with instructions to purchase some Magnesium supplements at CVS. On my way home my phone rang, and it was the doctor's office - they also wanted me on bed rest until I went into labor. They also said that if I got a headache that wouldn't go away, or any pain in my upper right abdomen I should head to the hospital.

I spent the rest of that day and most of the following day at home, but I wasn't doing an awesome job of relaxing. I was still trying to work (ahhh, the "benefits" of being your own boss and working from home) and also work at a faster pace so I could wrap things up in case I went into pre-term labor. The next evening (JANUARY 10) however, I realized that I had a slight headache that wouldn't quit. This is probably a good place to note that I almost ALWAYS have a headache. And this wasn't a very bad headache - just a "oh, my head kinda hurts a little" headache. But since the doctor told me to go to the hospital if I had a headache that wouldn't quit, I went.

Finally on January 10 - at 36 weeks - I was diagnosed with mild preeclampsia, admitted to the hospital, and told I would be there until I had the baby which at the latest would be 1 week later and at the earliest could be later that night or anytime they felt my blood pressure was getting too high or other symptoms cropped up. At the time I was diagnosed my husband was at a business dinner in Boston. It was a few hours until he could get on the train, get home, grab our hospital bags (which we had already packed) and get to me.

For a week I sat in the hospital (with my loving, perfect husband by my side) terrified that my body was failing and killing both me and my baby, even though my doctors and nurses were constantly reassuring me that I was actually completely fine and just being monitored. I wasn’t actually even really being monitored - I wasn’t hooked up to anything. Every few hours someone would come in, take my blood pressure, put a monitor on my belly to check the baby's heart rate, tell me all was good, and leave. As uneventful as that week was, I spent a lot of time being nervous and crying. It's hard to NOT be nervous when you're in the hospital for monitoring. Every time someone would tell me I was fine, I would tearfully tell them that I obviously wasn't fine, because if I was I would be at home.

On January 17, the day of my scheduled c-section (I had been planning to have one regardless), the nurses came in to get me and wheeled me into the OR. Within an hour of the operation starting I was in recovery with my husband, who had been by my side the entire time, and my son. It was surreal.

My doctor had warned me that it's "totally normal" to see a spike in blood pressure a day or two after delivery, and after over a week of having blood pressure readings that were varying between completely normal and slightly high (in the hospital I even had some readings that were "perfect" - in the 110s/70s), the night before I was supposed to be discharged from the hospital, my blood pressure spiked to 160/88 again. Within minutes I had a room full of doctors and nurses. My husband had been down the hall grabbing a snack from the vending machine and heard them call a "rapid response" to our room. He thought it was because I had demanded they bring the baby to me quickly, since we had sent him to the nursery. But what he really heard was the call for every available medical practitioner to squeeze into the tiniest hospital room ever. I was immediately told to lie down while they came in with a dose of a blood pressure medication that is designed to act quickly. Meanwhile, nurses were putting seizure pads on my bed (big blue pads that were there so that in case I had a seizure I didn't injure myself), while another nurse set up an IV of Magnesium Sulfate to prevent seizures. A few minutes after taking the medication my blood pressure dropped... low. And my pulse went sky high - to 160bpm. A few minutes later another team of people came in, this time with an EKG machine check my heart function and some Ativan try to slow it down. The EKG came back completely normal. The Ativan was much appreciated.

All the while I laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling trying not to freak out. Chuck said that even though I looked absolutely terrified (and he couldn't get near me because the doctors and nurses had things to do) he was surprised at how calm I seemed. It wasn't because I was calm, though - it was because I was absolutely terrified to move thinking that at any minute I might have a seizure, stroke, or heart attack.

As my blood pressure stabilized and my heart rate returned to normal I was hooked up to the magnesium and put on an additional 24 hours of bed rest. Apparently I am the first person my nurse had ever spoken with who didn't hate the magnesium. I guess a lot of people have crappy reactions to it, but it just made me feel really warm and cozy, like I was about to take the best nap ever. Or maybe that was the Ativan - who knows.

On January 22 I was finally discharged from the hospital. I wasn't prescribed any blood pressure medication, as my BP had returned to a fairly normal level. However, things went from bad to worse because at that point my anxiety decided to kick into high gear.

Being out of the hospital terrified me. As far as I was concerned, I had just survived a disease that could have killed me and my baby, had a completely traumatic experience with the rapid response, and now I was being thrown to the wolves to just hope things settled down. Uhm, nope! After being home for two days and doing nothing but crying and being terrified I made appointments with my psychiatrist and my therapist. I saw my psychiatrist first. While I was there she checked my blood pressure three times and each time it was all over the place, one time getting as high as 170/80. She ordered me back to the hospital where my BP was still a bit high. They gave me a dose of a different blood pressure medication which instantly dropped my blood pressure to a nearly normal level. They wrote my a prescription of a low dose of it and sent me on my way. They also told me at that time that my high blood pressure might be a result of anxiety and not something more sinister.

A few days later I had to be seen by my primary care physician for follow-up from a car accident I had been in a couple days before Christmas. While I was there they couldn't get a reading on my pulse - it was bouncing around from 60 to 100 to 80 to 120. Eventually they rolled in an EKG machine and did 2 EKGs, both of which came back fine. My doctor and I were concerned, however, so she wrote me a referral to a cardiologist and orders for a 48-hour holter monitor (which is essentially wearing an EKG machine for 48 hours straight). I spent another week bawling my eyes out and being terrified to even hold the baby, lest my heart give out and I drop him. When I finally saw the cardiologist he explained that it's fairly common for postpartum women to have a bit of a wonky heart because their bodies are getting used to having less blood to pump around, but he also did an EKG. He said all of my EKGs had come back perfect (the one in the hospital, the 2 in my doctor's office, and the one he had just done) and that my 48-hour holter monitor results were perfect as well. He also did a thorough exam and declared my heart "perfectly fine" and said that he didn't expect to see me for another 50 years or so. Excellent!

Unfortunately, a few days after THAT I got a headache. The weirdest headache of my life - it felt like someone was stabbing me in the head. Again, I worried about my preeclampsia and headed to my doctors office, where the doctor on call was concerned about a brain aneurysm or stroke. (Note: do NOT say those words to someone with severe anxiety...) She sent me for an MRI and an MRA - only one of which my insurance would cover, so my husband and I paid for the other out of pocket. Turns out, my brain is completely fine as well, woo! But that was yet another week spent being terrified that I would drop dead at any minute.

Last but not least, I'd been having some cramping in my leg that wouldn't go away. Whenever someone has major surgery they're at risk for blood clots, and being pregnant in and of itself is a risk for blood clots, so of course that was a concern. After 2 ultrasounds of my legs and 2 blood tests it was determined that there was no clot and I was probably experiencing a combination of sciatica and muscle spasms.

Throughout all of this I was still taking my blood pressure medication and going once per week to my OB's office for blood pressure checks. Thankfully though my blood pressure issues seemed to resolve fairly quickly, with normal readings at every single doctors appointment, and by 4 weeks postpartum I was completely off the medication, with normal blood pressure. They did, however, have to check my blood pressure twice at each visit. Once at the beginning, where it was almost always on the high side, and then once at the end when I was more calm where it was always great. 

Ultimately, I remained completely petrified for a couple more weeks until eventually my brain decided to believe the doctors who were all telling me I was fine (and probably when my pregnancy hormones decided to even themselves out).

However, I'm still nervous. I'm scared of getting pregnant again and developing preeclampsia, eclampsia, or HELLP. I've been told by my OB that all three of those scenarios are actually unlikely due to the fact that my preeclampsia onset was late in pregnancy, was mild, and she isn't even entirely certain I had preeclampsia since many of my high blood pressure readings correlated with times of high anxiety (like the ones in my psychiatrists office, where I was basically having a nervous breakdown). That said, preeclampsia is an unpredictable illness. There's no way of knowing who will get it, when they'll get it, or how severe it will be. The severity can range from mild cases like mine that are kind of just a nuisance, to ones that are so severe they cause maternal and fetal death, and everything in between. Preeclampsia can lead to eclampsia, meaning seizures, or HELLP syndrome which is essentially the liver and kidneys shutting down while the blood begins to lose platelets. And at this time, as much as it kills me to think that my son might be an only child (I had never envisioned only having 1 kid), I don't know that I can go through 8 or 9 months of pregnancy being nervous about developing preeclampsia and waiting for it to set in (whether or not it actually does).