#just to be clear this isnt me coming back i just think this is important to say

[onsomenewsht]

All these people think love’s for show but I would die for you in secret

About when she’s got a smile and you got impatient

》 Leah Williamson × Reader

》 words count: 1.7 k

》 soft launch [verb, specialized]: to make a product, service, or business available or open for the first time, but only to a limited number of people at first

Being in a private relationship when you’re a public figure is even funnier than it sounds. And it sounds pretty funny as it is.

“You’re overthinking it”, Leah says, even if she knows better than to tease who’s literally feeding her.

You don’t bite back but keeping the plate slightly out of reach is a clear enough answer.

She smiles.

Oh, the way she lights up your day when she smiles at you.

You and Leah aren’t much for sharing your lifes on social media.

She’s been pretty much traumatized by the immense and not-really-that-unexpected attention after leading her national team to an historic tournament win. You’ve been scolded enough times by your agent to take your online enthusiasm down a notch.

So, your relationship flowered from two friendly teammates - who happened to share a room after a worth to be celebrated win - to an overly in love couple - who barely manage to store that many jackets in a four door closet.

You both understand the importance of some privacy to grow a love so beautiful yet so fragile, also not really caring about the outside world’ hot takes.

But one year of unplanned dates, dances around the kitchen waiting for delivery and shared stories in the middle of the night are a lot to keep just between the two of you.

Your teammates are way over your not-so-discreet looks during practice and your constant touch, the skipper never been one to shy away from a teasing kiss or wandering hands and you never back down an opportunity to make your friends regret every single life choose ‘til that very moment.

“We’re having a good time, aren’t we?”

“Yes, we are”, Leah raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

Oh, the way she lights up your mood when she challenges you.

“Such a cute moment to share with our loved ones, isnt?”

Leah looks around, the pasta dish shared in your kitchen island definitely counts as a cute moment for her. Sure, the fact you both are just in oversized t-shirts adding points to her case. Or yours, she’s not sure yet what point you’re trying to make.

“You want to share this?”, she gestures at the scene with a smirk, “We eating undercooked pasta in our underwear at unholy hour?”

“Yes, I want to share us having a wonderful time and perfectly cooked pasta”

Her blonde head tilts studying you, thinking it’s more about the fact you’re looking at her like she’s the reason why the sun rises every morning.

You’re feeding her, Leah’s own hands way too busy caressing her girlfriend’s outstretched legs to bother with food. And you can see her nipples through the overworn t-shirt of yours she’s on.

It's definitely about the nipples.

“What if I die tomorrow and no one knows I managed to win you over?”

“That's a way too dramatic turn, even for you”, but then she cracks up and you sure will die happy if this is how you meet your maker.

Oh, the way she lights up your home when she laughs at something you said just for the sake of making her happy.

“What? Life is unpredictable and McCabe is getting more aggressive with the age, I don’t know how much long I still have”

“And your main concern is the world knowing you won me over?”

"Of course not, my sunshine", you reach toward her, brushing your lips so close to hers she can already taste the wine you paired with the pasta. “My main concern is not being able to survive a tackle by Katie, even dead I have a reputation to keep and it’s your duty to defend my honor ‘til your own grave”

It is Leah who is closing the distance now, and even if you wanted to keep the jokes coming - still making sure she does make up a great story about your noble sacrifice if needed - Earth stops running around the sun when she kisses you.

You’re whipped and she’s honored, truly grateful for the opportunity to learn all your ways to show her and the people you care about how much love one can gift the world with.

“I love you”

“Why are you looking at me like that, Williamson?”

“I love you”

“Now you’re scaring me, are you the one dying?”

She knows you, she knows humor is your way to deal with comfortable and uncomfortable situations alike. She knows you’re always up for a good laugh, but she also knows you never say things just for the sake of a joke. Your words are always meaningful, your retorts always smart enough to look effortless.

“You wanna make some big announcement?”, Leah asks with a smile that’s held back by the seriousness behind the question.

“No, but I don’t want to hide us”

“We don’t hide”

“We don’t keep a secret, but sometimes we do hide”

It takes her a moment, but she gets what you’re saying. Your relationship is not hidden per se, not a secret and never denied.

But sometimes the two of you have to delay your greeting and wait for more private settings, or think twice before posting anything on your social media accounts. Sometimes she needs to withhold the instinct to rush to you and be the first to celebrate you for an incredible and game changing goal. Sometimes you need to hold back yourself, walking a step behind with your head down just to refrain from taking her hand in yours.

Usually, you two don’t even realize you're actively hiding the deep love no speculative-but-surprisingly-high-quality video edit can really capture. It happens regardless and it’s starting to make you feel dejected, Leah notices.

“Then we don’t”

You look up, stopping playing around with the now cold pasta. Your girlfriend’s hands are still on your legs, her soft touch never hesitant or refrained despite the tricky topic.

“What are you saying?”

“You know what I’m saying”

Your lover lights up again, the world lights up again.

She’s smiling a lot tonight, she thinks. She’s also perfectly aware of the permanent grin on her face whenever you’re around. She’s whipped too after all.

You wait for her to elaborate, so she does.

“I’m saying we do whatever we want whenever we want, and we share what we feel like sharing about our lives together”

“Whatever we want?”

Leah is pretty sure you have some very specific images in mind, you’re always taking photos of everything and everyone. Needless to say, your girlfriend is by far your favorite subject to capture.

Pictures of her sleeping with face masks on, or her frown while she’s playing board games and not necessarily winning, or when she’s trying outfit after outfit to make sure she’s dressed up for the occasion. Pictures of her taken during intimate moments, not necessarily suggestive but definitely meaningful given the nature of your relationship and the level of trust in each other.

She’s confident you have several photo albums of her in your phone.

You do.

That’s why when you reach for the long forgotten device, putting on a show of taking as many candids as you can, Leah happily plays along. Your shenanigans get a more creative direction, let's say, and some of the photos are taken just for the two of you to admire.

~

“We can soft launch”, she insists hours later, archives improved and clothes forgotten.

You’re lying on your back with her head placed comfortably on your thigh, sheet all over the bed. She can see your pensive gaze, despite you being at ease.

“Who educated you on such slang?”

“Beth but that’s not the point”

“It clearly is, she did the soft launch thing all wrong”

The hand you have between her blonde locks stops its ministration when Leah bursts out laughing like you just said the funniest thing possible.

“Let’s show them how it’s done!”

~

The next couple of days you both shared a bit more on your social media pages, nothing too revealing but enough to give your agent anxiety.

She posted a few photos on her stories, like a restaurant set up that’s most definitely a date and you from behind preparing tea in her kitchen in the middle of the night. Surprisingly you take a more subtle approach, posting teasing pictures but nothing really telling, even if Leah’s in most of them.

It lasts three days, by the end of which you’re even more pissed than before.

“I genuinely can’t believe it! You’re shoving her during practice and you two are basically married, but you post my hand on your thigh and I’m a really supportive friend”

The team’s admin posted some training shots in the morning and the vast majority of the comments are about the cute interaction between your girlfriend and Lia, the two always messing around a bit.

You’re mostly joking but the English capitan is aware that the constant rumors and the oversexualised comments she often receives upset you. Not sparked by jealousy, rather by the lack of respect towards her and her personal life.

“Relax, my love, they comment about us too”

She’s holding you from behind, her hands on your sides and her freshly washed hair leaving wet spots on your shirt. She lays her chin on your shoulder, trying not to giggle too much at some unhinged comments she can read under the posts you are scrolling.

“The way she looks at Leah: same”, you read out loud, faking annoyance. “Oh, that’s enough!”

You must have spotted something that snapped your sudden reaction.

Your lovely girlfriend stays unfazed in her position as you determinately search for a particular photo, type a caption, then stop to silently wait for her approval.

Leah barely nods, but you feel her smile and then her lips on your skin when you post it.

A picture of the two of you looking at each other with heart shaped eyes, dressed up to the nines since it was a snippet of a date on your summer vacation.

Her black attire was to die for and you sure died in some way. The blonde remembers in vivid details your care and attention, slipping it under her with such reverence later that same night.

She shivers, comments already popping in.

“You'd have tagged me”

“They know who you are”, your grin getting bigger by the seconds as you lock your phone and toss it away muted.

You turn around in her arms, and even if you know Leah’s most definitely sporting one of her best smiles, when you look at her it’s life changing.

Oh, the way she lights up your entire existence when her love for you it’s clear on her face.

You pick her up by her thighs, holding her as close as your bodies physically allow.

"Impatient", she teases.

“I’m gonna show you impatience”.

~

fine.

[luv-unknwn]

Serene

daryl dixon x fem!reader

summary - ♡ you and daryl go on a run and things dont go entirely as planned....but in a good way

SMUT SMUT SMUT

a/n - ♡ ik this isnt that good i haven't slept and its almost 6 am so i aint editing it anywaysss, im watching the show for the first time rn and i just could NOT resist writing smth for daryl so enjoy!! 🤭

(changed the name cause i realized i forgot to change it so it didn't make sense pls)

"no- god damn it girl gon get us killed out here if you keep lookin round so much" daryl grabbed your wrist to pull you along the muddy trail, nearly falling on your ass from his fast pace. "keep up, quit draggin your feet"

"fuck off man its nice to get out of that damn prison sometimes and see the world even if it is filled with walkers and assholes like you" you snort, pushing forward so you're walking ahead of him. "besides, the slower i walk, the more time we spend together, and i know that you love hanging out with me so much, dont you, D?”

going on runs had become a favorite activity of yours, somehow even with daryl being such a grumpy gus, it was serene. walking through completely empty towns; the opposite of the now packed prison you were living in.

“oh come on, don’t pretend you don't love me” you giggle at daryl's annoyed look. you'd grown somewhat of a crush for daryl in the last months, as much as you wish you hadn't, it's been nice having something to focus on rather than the overwhelmingly loud but silent nights in the prison.

it was the simple head nods as you pass each other, and him asking specifically to take you on runs, always staying in front of you when something goes wrong. those were the things that really fueled this crush, which carol had pointed out to you. you'd honestly always thought there was something going on with those two but when she asked you about how close you and daryl had gotten she assured you they were only best friends.

“ain't got time for your wanderin today girl, lets go-” a twig snaps to your left. “get behind me”

the walker stumbles out from the trees grunting, growling, and drooling toward daryl before he shoots an arrow right into his left eye. not so aware of your surroundings a walker comes out of the trees behind you grabbing onto you, you fight against its hold. just as you get a hand free to reach for your knife, daryl shoots the walker and it falls loudly to the ground.

“-shit” you gasp in big breaths of air. you reach for daryl's arm grabbing hold for stability, “thanks, D.”

“‘course, won't let nothin’ bad happen to you” you practically melt at his words and the vulnerable look in his eyes when he says it, like he's telling you an important secret he's never told anyone else.

you're so close you can feel the heat coming off his body as your eyes move from his to his mouth. never wanting something so bad in your entire life.

he's pulling away before you can even think to move toward him.

“best keep goin ‘fore it gets dark” his words are dismissive, completely ignoring the clear sparks flying between the two of you just seconds ago.

“right, you're right” clearing your throat a bit awkwardly, you speed up so you're walking ahead of him, trying to focus as hard as you can just on the task at hand.

the first few houses you search were pretty much empty save for a can of beans. the next one however had an entire cabinet filled with things you could take back to the prison, but not before you and daryl have a few snacks to refuel for the trip back.

“maybe we should stay the night here? we can hit a few houses on the way back in the morning, it's getting late and i dont wanna be walkin’ back in the dark” you suggest to daryl from the living room of the house.

“‘kay, lets find some blankets n stuff we'll camp out in here” daryl's voice is right behind you when he speaks, startling you from looking at broken picture frames of the family who used to be here.

you managed a makeshift bed on the floor with the few blankets and pillows you found in the bedrooms. you and daryl now laying there staring quietly up at the ceiling.

“were-” daryl starts to say something but stops before he can even get the first word out.

“what is it, D?” you whisper, turning your body so you're laying on your side facing him.

“were you gonna kiss me earlier?” daryl's uncharacteristically hesitant voice whispers into the quiet room.

the air in the room is suddenly thicker than before and the closeness of you and daryl seems almost too close.

“was i- was i gonna kiss you? i mean i don't know you were so close and just you know it's not like i meant t-” you're cut off by daryl suddenly pressing his lips against yours gently, staying unmoving for a few seconds until your brain catches up with you enough for you to kiss back.

the kiss deepens when you reach your hands around his neck to pull him impossibly closer to you, his own hands sliding down from your cheeks to your shoulders to your hips.

“daryl i- i need you,” you whisper against his lips when you pull away a bit for air.

he pulls back farther to look into your eyes.

“you sure ‘bout this?” his voice is genuine, even as his hands are already under your shirt going farther up until he reaches your bra, stilling there while he waits for your answer.

“yes, please daryl” you'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about this many times. daryle above you while you're begging for him.

the moment the words left your mouth he was sitting you up to pull your shirt over your head, quickly reconnecting your lips with a moan so low it could have been a growl.

daryl pulled away to reach around you and unhook your bra, letting it fall between you.

“fuck,” he sighed, letting his head fall to your shoulder at the sight of how perfectly your boobs fell naturally.

seconds later you were pushing his vest off and pulling his shirt over his head, throwing it across the room and leaning down to kiss over his muscular shoulders. daryl's hands fell to your boobs while you left reddish-purple spots all over his throat and shoulders.

“lemme get these off baby” he was already unbuttoning your jeans when you rose to your knees to help him pull them down off your ass, sitting back on the floor so he could pull them and your shoes completely off. he was feeling up and down your soft legs, the way he was squeezing your thighs making your core tighten around nothing. “so pretty f'me.”

daryl's hands trailed up your legs to the soft cotton of your panties, he groaned when his rough fingertips grazed the wet spot leaking through them.

“lift ya pretty legs honey” he grunts out, when you listen he pulls your panties down your legs. the cool air of the room hitting your wetness makes you whimper quietly. “s'even prettier than i imagined,”

daryl pushes your knees farther apart to get a better look at you before he bring a finger up to graze your wet entrance, sliding it up to press gentle circles against your clit, making you gasp from the stimulation.

“god that feels good, please don't stop” you're whining when he finally pushes two fingers into you, starting a steady pace while keeping his thumb on your clit moving quicker each second. you're an absolute moaning mess below him, your back arching against him.

“y'like that sweetheart? like how m'fingers feel inside you, yea? y’gonna cum f’me baby?” his words are only pushing you closer and closer to the edge, your legs shaking around his hand.

“fuck- shit you're g-” you cut yourself off with a louder moan when he quickens the pace of his fingers, “s’good at this”

“c'mon baby, cum f'me, all over my fingers. thats right, good girl.” his words are what push you over the edge, the filthy words mixed in with his gentle praise has you shaking as you ride the intense waves of your orgasm. “such a good girl f'me”

when your breathing starts to slow back to a normal pace you feel daryl pull his fingers out of you and being them up to his lips, sucking your juices off his own fingers.

“that was- wow” you saw still trying to catch your breath, legs not fully stopped shaking either. before daryl can say anything else you're reaching for his belt to undo it.

“no, s'alright. wanted to make you feel good, go to sleep” he says grabbing your t-shirt and pulling it over your head.

“but-”

“nah if ya really feelin’ up for it, in the mornin’ you can, but we gotta get some sleep tonight” daryl leans over and kisses your forehead and pulls you down to lay on his chest.

and that's exactly how you woke up in the morning, cuddled up on the floor, clothes thrown around the room, hickies everywhere.

[bulbabutt]

if i can be corny for a second i wanna talk about the greatest strengths of the 2003 tmnt series and why it speaks to me (esp as a queer person)

so i might have alluded to this before, but let me say it outright: each show is definitely a product of its time, and the ideals of whatever generation its from. whether talking about the humour, the story, the dialogue etc, its always important to remember that these shows will always come off in a way due to the generation theyre from. and thats not a bad thing! it just means its important to think about them from that perspective.

2003 is a show of my generation growing up, and a thing about that era that maybe some people younger than me wont understand is there is so much more language commonly available to describe yourself now than there was then. you can take this in any context; mental health, sexuality, gender identity, or even just the ability to describe your relationships with more (idk if this will be the right word) therapist language.

in 03 we have a family unit of splinter and his sons, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. we have a splinter who hasnt opened up to his sons about the trauma hes experienced, but not in a way of shutting them out, simply because it isnt their responsibility to know as they are teenagers. he tells them of the mutagen that created them, but not of his past with his master yoshi, who he calls father when by himself, but never around his sons which is just an interesting concept to think about.

(i do not intent this next sentence as ragging on the two shows after this when i say it, simply from a character standpoint) this is the splinter who completely doesnt make his problems his sons problems, but he also is very willing to tell them the truth when he knows they're ready. this is is the most idyllic version of splitner out of all of them, even when comparing to his mirage counterpart (who hes the most based on) due to that splinter raising them to be ninja specifically to make them fight shredder. this one is just their father who loves them and wants to keep them safe the best way he can, and he was never a human in the first place to even know how to be that. so this whole family dynamic starts with him, and the way he raised his sons reflects his parenting.

so, the setting and year this show is made is 2003. something very relatable here is how there isnt a lot of language for the personality quirks of the turtles. there's so much evidence here for mikey having adhd, his brothers will say things like "why doesnt mikey have to help?" and the answer is "well, he'd be bored. and whats worse, mikey not helping or mikey being bored?" its this beautiful moment of, "hey, we know its not fair, but thats how mikey is, and its better for everyone if we just respect that thats how he is" mikey cant keep his hands off stuff, they know this they dont yell at him for behaving that way, they just stop him. this coding feels the most specific, but like i said. its 2003. we dont have the words to describe what this is yet, and if we do its not common knowledge.

another example is in the classic episode where raphael meets casey jones. raphael is sparring with mikey, and he lashes out and nearly kills mikey. everyone reacts to this by getting him to stop, and no one is more upset than raphael himself. they all tell him to go get some air, which he does. theres no moment of any of them screaming at him for losing his temper, its very clear that they all know he's going to do that himself. and he does go get some air. they all know thats what he needs. he goes and meets casey jones, another hot head, and raph has to help coach this hot head on his anger. when he comes back at the end of the episode after having let out that aggression, he apologizes and no one is upset with him. there's a very clear understanding among his family that he cannot help it, but the best thing they can do is give him his space when he needs it. watching this from a 2023 perspective (20 years later) im sure we could analyze this as a few things going on with raph, my mind comes to autism but at the end of the day it doesnt matter why he behaves like this, the point is that he does and the best thing his family does is just...help him. which they do. and they never hold it against him.

when leo is going through his ptsd arc hes at his closest to raph as a character, the show draws a lot of parallels (like having him go let out some aggression with casey) and we get to see the dynamic in reverse. in "i, monster" (the rat king episode) leo is losing it, taking on rat king alone and not wanting to let up. raphael is actively holding his brothers back when they say "we shouldnt leave him to fight alone", raphael says "if leo gets in trouble i'm the first one in there, but right now it looks like leo's got more than one monster to work out of his system" raph doesn't exactly know what leos going through, but he recognizes it. he knows he needs to fight alone, so raph lets him. its only when the building collapses and leo is no longer in a safe position that he says "leo lets go", which leo wordlessly agrees with and actually listens.

this is what i think is the best part of these guys, the unconditional understanding they have for the way they are. we still have our "raphs a big hot head" "mikeys annoying" jokes, but they feel like genuine good natured sibling ribbing because they know each other on that level.

and to go back to the fact that this show is set in 2003, there's something so specific about the way mikey constantly makes references to liking women's clothing, to being fine with feminine language, and to being open about being the pretty turtle who "has that effect on minds of men" speaks to me as a queer person. this could easily be intended as homophobic jokes and probably is, because again.... its the mid 2000s, thats very much what media was like, thats what the jokes were. especially with the girly screams mikey does being one of the first jokes of this nature.

but theres something that happens in season 4, where an alien is attacking mikey, and donnie rushes in and says "hey, thats my sibling" that sticks out. and it happens again in fast forward. when talking to the dark turtles leo says "you and your brothers" "me and my siblings"

because of the way this family unit just understands each other without ever having a conversation about things, it feels like its not a joke. theres some kind of affirmation happening here. even if it seems like i could be reading into it too much, its specific! and it keeps happening!

and by the end of the show, when mikey says he wants to be maid of honour, even if that line in the media itself was intended to be a joke, no one in their family treats it like one. of course mikey is the maid of honour, he asked to be one! the only real offence taken is when april says bride's maid, to which he is offended because hes so much more important than that!

so from a story standpoint, this show doesnt have the intricate complexities and butting heads of latter iterations, there isnt much relationship growth to be had (in fact once we get to around season 5 the flanderization of the characters kind of begins and it loses some of the more complexities) but thats because its just not the focus of the story! the story is more about what they go through together, and thats fine! thats what our shows kind of were at the time. not saying there isnt any relationship growth, but its very much not the focus because these turtles? they already understand each other in a healthy way.

so to me, these guys are kind of the most wholesome family unit

[catfern]

hey. i know its been a while. i just wanted to jump on here as my midterms are finishing and my love for writing is coming back. i hope to many of you i have made clear my pro-palestine stance, but for those of you who i haven't, i guess this is your formal warning.

i love and appreciate this fandom and all the wonderful people it has brought into my life, but i cannot and will not ignore that The Last of Us is born out of an incredibly HEINOUS evil. by now everyone should know the zionist intentions behind TLOU and Druckmann, and how many of the original voice cast and TV cast support these views. I think it's especially important for writers who love and enjoy TLOU characters to use our platforms to speak out and understand our own role in the fandom and the promotion of the franchise. i hope my mutuals who refuse to speak out and use their platforms for change know how coarsely i judge you, look down on you, and how much blood you have on your hands.

this isnt my farewell to the tlou fandom by any means, but im tired. i will not let anyone who follows me or is mutuals with me ignore this genocide or turn a blind eye to the suffering of a whole people.

if you love this fandom, like i do, shape it into a force for change, not fucking complacency.

[sassykinzonline]

sometimes its actually alarming HOW uncritically the naruto fandom looks at the text like because something isnt "shown" in canon/on-screen (it usually is, but just implicitly) people think it means it couldnt have happened and therefore making sweeping statements about the character like "theyre just weak" or "they make no sense"

as usual im going to focus on naruto (😌) heres an example but it applies to many others (itachi, gaara, neji, hinata,...me)

here are some things we know about naruto:

he is inexplicably talented at taijutsu despite having no mentor

he created sexy jutsu for attention from older men (he craves a father figure)

he is rather repulsed by affection aside from certain people

he relies on shadow clones to outnumber his enemies and protect him from damage, as well as acting like diversions (he only later on seems to learn to use them practically as well, and he doesnt use them as an actual team iirc)

he represses his memories and life severely if they cause him distress or negative emotion, and when he doesnt do that it causes him to lose complete control of himself in anger

some of these things are basic signs of a child who has been abused in multiple ways (particularly verbally, physically, and sexually), but also just logically how is it possible that naruto became proficient at taijutsu when he didnt train with anyone and had no teacher to correct him? why would it be important to naruto to have, what are essentially, human shields? why does naruto freely tolerate physical abuse he receives while others openly complain about it? why would that lead to naruto eventually wanting to defend/protect everyone in tandom with ANOTHER orphan who feels the same? why would WE not be able to have a clear directly depicted answer to this as a reader?

idk to me personally there are a lot of things people say are "headcanons" are just things they logically put together based on subtext, and theres a reason why a vast majority of people who read the same text come to the same conclusion. it seems like this is a lot less common in manga form (i dont read manga so i wouldnt know, i understand different mediums have different communication norms but some things are just literary basics), so its the first time ive encountered this "why does everyone believe in [some idea not said in plain english]? it's never said anywhere!" logic...it doesnt need to be. there are certain clues and patterns youre supposed to be able to draw conclusions for based on common life experiences (archetypes/universal symbols).

if you can do these above steps and come to a conclusion, and a plurality of people come to the same conclusion, it was probably intentional on the author's part. if the author explicitly states its not intentional, then sure, but that doesnt take away from how/why the story is impactful because the author may not even realize theyre doing it. an easy example i can think of is tsunade's fear of blood, where its meant to symbolize death, but in her case also ends up symbolizing love wrt her relationships with naruto and jiraiya. and thanks to blood gaining this symbolism through tsunade, when you see uchiha tears of blood, you instantly make those same connections. then you think back to gaara screaming about having never seen his blood (coming from his forehead where that tattoo of his is......), then the eventual resolution of that being an inversion of the symbolism the manga establishes when he battles his father during the war.

more than anything though i find it kind of concerning that adults sit around laughing at obviously what is meant to be traumatic. as if there arent people in your life who sit around with these same experiences and signs, with something they havent told you about because theyre afraid youll laugh at them.

[desswright29]

Come Find Me

Word Count: 4,3k

Contains: ANGST!, Fluff, Cheating, Mind control, Sexual Content (18+), Heartbreak

A/n: Sorry this took so long. I had a lot going on. Whew! But here we are and I hope you guys enjoy the ANGST!

I've seen this place before

A color blinded senseless sight to see

And when it rains, only rains on me

Memories. These memories where the fuck were they coming from? They swirl around her head like a tornado. Constantly causing her variance. The memories all with Rianna, felt so existent, so tangible. It wasn’t a daydream. They were memories, they were there right in her head. But she didn’t remember making them. It was driving her towards insanity. She was always inside her head trying to figure it out and lately she’d seemed aloof. Unaware of things going on around her. What is wrong with me. Something isnt right.

“Shuri!” Shuri jumped at the sound of her name being yelled suddenly snapping back to reality. Where she sat on her thrown, surrounded by the elders and Dora Milaje.

“Are you here with us your highness or is there something more important than the topic we’re discussing?” Shuri looked around the throne room as everyone stared into her. Okoye, Ayo, and Aneeka with concern etched in their faces.  

She cleared her throat, tugging on the jacket of her suit. “I-I apologize. I am not feeling well today. The safety of our country is always a priority for me. The barriers are consistently checked and reinforced. There is no threat to Wakanda’s safety at the moment. Now if you don’t mind I would like to wrap this up. Thank you all for your dedication. This meeting is adjourned.” Shuri stands and everyone follows with a salute. Shuri returns the gesture as she strolls out of the throne room. Okoye, Ayo, and Aneeka close behind. 

“Ikumkazi wam? Is everything ok. You’ve been a bit out of sorts lately.” Aneeka spoke up. This had not been an isolated event. Shuri zoning out had become a consistent thing and it was raising concern. “Uh. Yea of course I’m fine. Just a bit tired lately.” Shuri deflected.

“Well maybe you and you’re wife should slow down with all of your congicals. That would probably save the majority of both of your energy.” Okoye added with a sly smile, eyebrow raised high. Shuri can’t help but smile at the mention of your name. She let’s out a sarcastic “Ah ha. Actually, that might be exactly what I need” She smirked. “I should probably go get fed. That’ll boost my energy. I have to get all of my nourishment.” She winked. And Okoye scrunched her face in disgust. “That is disgusting Shuri! Keep your nuptials to yourself!” It was pointless Shuri was already bouncing down the hall happily, in the direction of her wife.

So what can I say but I'm hoping

The hour will still turn to golden

We will see the sun as it's supposed to be

Shining straight through to you and me

You pace outside of the bathroom door wringing your hands together nervously. Tolu sat on the bench infront of your and Shuri’s bed quietly watching you drive yourself into a nervous break down. “Ok Y/n.” Tolu stands and walks over to you grabbing your hand in hers. “You’re making me dizzy. You have to stop. Come on take a deep breath with me.” You stop staring into Tolu’s eyes, taking a deep shakey breath along with her. “One more” You both repeat. “Okay girl! It’s time. I’m right here with you. Do you want me to check it or would you like to do the honors.”

“Can you do it? I don’t think I can. I’m a wreck right now.” Tolu smiles and walks into the bathroom. Your mind races as you sit on the bed. Heart racing and palms sweaty fidgeting with your fingers. Tolu emerged from the bathroom and your eyes immediately draw to the white stick in her hand. Leaning against the frame of the door she gives you an almost unreadable expression until she couldn’t control the twitch in her lips. “Congratulations Umama. You’re having a babyyyy!!” Tears welled in her eyes a broad smile covering her face. Your eyes grew wide. Your hands mindlessly landing on your tummy, a choked gasp releasing itself from your chest. You stand, hurriedly brushing past Tolu heading to the bathroom counter, staring down at the other two test, both reading pregnant as plain as day. Turning back around to your friend tears quickly began to flow down your face. She rushes to you holding you in her arms. “It’s happening y/n! It’s real girl.” 

Leading you over to the bed, sitting holding eachother as you cry tears of joy. “Lu, I can’t believe it worked! I-I really have a peice of Shuri growing inside of me! And we’re both women! How could I not be in love with this woman she’s fucking brilliant!” You pull away as both of you fall into laughter. Tolu giving a playful roll of her eyes. “She’s alright I guess.” You giggle knowing neither Tolu nor Shuri would ever give eachother that much credit. “We’re going to be mommies Lu! Oh Bast! What if we’re terrible parents!” Tolu scoffs.

“Ah ah! Stop there and be realistic. There are no two people on the planet more qualified than the two of you to be parents. You both have been through hell and fought for this moment. You’re deserving of this and you’re going to enjoy it! No negativity. This is a happy time.” You sniff and nod in agreement. “I love you, girl. You’re the best friend a girl could have.” 

“I love your crazy ass too” You both laugh embracing eachother once again. Pulling away you wipe the stray tears from your face. “Now I just have to figure out a special way to tell her!” You clap happily, excited for this new begining. As if on cue, you both hear the front door of the house open and close and turn to eachother in a panic. “Oh shit! She’s home. She can’t know yet!” You yell in a whisper. Both of you hop from the bed and rush into the bathroom to get the pregnancy tests. Trying to move around eachother getting flustered and whispering in hushed panicked tones “I have to throw them away.” 

“No! She’ll see them in the trash!”

“I’ll wrap them up. Duh!” You grab the tissue and began wrapping the test. “Still you can’t put them in the trash! Give them to me I’ll put them in my purse. Hurry up!” Running back into the room you both plop on the bed Tolu snatching her purse off the night stand and stuffing the test in her purse just in time for Shuri to walk in the room, with you and Lu putting on your best normal poses. She walked through the door to see you with Tolu and her face scrunched in faux disgust. She smacked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “Ew. I knew I smelled you. I thought Y/n was making oxtail.” She said entering the room, shutting the door behind her. Tolu looked over at her mirroring her expression, unamused.

“Funny. Since those Panther senses pick up my scent so well. Why didn’t they pick up on those pits you musty bit-“ You pop her arm before she could get it out.

“Don’t start that shit. Be nice today.” Shuri turns her lip up at Tolu as she walks over to peck you on the lips and Lu rolls her eyes. 

“She started with me first, but Aaaanyway, I was just getting ready to head out.” She stands clutching her purse as though she held the worlds most precious jewels. 

“Best news I’ve got all day.” Shuri smirked at her. “Shuri you can kiss my ass and meow at the hole.” Shuri wrapped an arm around her stomach and brought her hand to her mouth pretending she would vomit. “Yeaaaa get that hairball outta there feline. I’m sure it’s building up from all the pussy you eat around here.” Shuri smiles and licks her lips as she nods. “True, True” Tolu’s face distorted into an amused grimace. “Ugh!”

“Now how the hell did I catch a stray in the middle of y’all beef. I stay waxed.” You butt in.

“It gets a lil fuzzy sometimes babe but I like it! Adds a little texture.” Your mouth drops open and your face contorts as all of you burst into laughter. Tolu wraps an arm around Shuri’s torso in a hug and Shuri kisses the top of her head. “I’m headed out weirdos. Love you guys.” 

“Love you too.” You both call after her as she heads out.

“The two of you are going to be the death of me.” Shuri chuckles slightly as her arms wrap around your waist. You look up into those beautiful dark eyes and you see sadness lingering in the depths. “Baby what’s wrong?” The concern in your voice apparent as you place a hand on her face. “You’ve seemed a tad off lately is my love overwhelmed?” You began placing soft kisses on the line of her chiseled jaw. “Not entirely. I’m happy sweet girl. The happiest I’ve been in a long time. I just .. something feels off. I haven’t felt completely like myself. I don’t know. Maybe, I’m just a little stressed.” 

“What’s going on? What’s got you stressed? Riri isn’t giving you any issues is she because  she’s over due being sent home really.” Shuri smirks. “Anything to bring up getting rid of her before time huh love. She’s due home in a couple of days babe. You don’t stress yourself about that. She’s been straight as an arrow these last few weeks. We’re good mfazi. And I don’t need you stressing out my little seeds.” She bent down speaking to your belly. “Isn’t that right.” She placed a kiss to your tummy and stood back to her full height. “I’m not stressing over that bitch. I just don’t want her here anymore. I don’t care how unproblematic she’s being, I know she wants you.” 

“Ok sthandwa, that maybe so. But I want you. Only you. So none of that matters.” She tilts your head upwards with her pointer finger. And you melt into her touch. 

“You’re right. And we were talking about what was bothering you any way.”

“It doesn’t matter baby, I’m here now.” She kisses your neck. “And I know exactly how you can make me feel much much better.” She gave a bite and suck right underneath your jaw. “Mm. Oh really?” You felt her nod against your neck as she place her hands on your im waist slowly backing you up against a wall. “Mhmm”

“You don’t get enough of me daddy?” You giggle seductively. Pulling back, her eyes lower following every curve of your body. She bends and takes hold of the back of your knees lifting you and pressing you into the wall. “Never” You responded with a hum wrapping your legs around her waist. “You know I love you more than anything right. I promise you I’ll forever give you my all. I’m not perfect but I’ll do my best at it for you. Promise me you won’t ever give up on me my love. That we’ll always be this way no matter what.” Your hands massage the nape of her neck as you bring your foreheads together. “I promise sthandwa.”

I don't understand why you blame me

Just take me as I am, it's the same me

We should be together

So tell me where you go when you know better

“I PrOmiSe SthAnDwA! Oh please! Let’s cut this shit short. Stark activate the atoms send Shuri to the lab.” 

Riri demanded annoyed by your and Shuri’s interaction. “Sure thing kiddo”. Turning off her beads She stood from her bed making her way to make her way to the empty lab. It had been closed for the day to give the lab staff a much needed break. And Riri was going to use that to her advantage. The memories weren’t working. Allowing her to remember their rendezvous hadn’t been enough to make her fall in love with Riri without the use of the atoms. She treated those memories like annoying nats floating around her head. And as soon as Riri would deactivate the atoms she went crawling right back to her precious little wife. Obviously the basis of her experiment worked flawlessly. Her time with Shuri with the atoms had been delicious. Sensual and erotic. But she needed Shuri to love her. She couldn’t possibly control her mind forever without causing damage which is the only reason she didn’t keep the atoms activated at all times. Time was limited. Now was the time to tip the scales in her favor..

Shortly after entering the lab Riri felt strong arms circle her waist, a firm body pressing up against her back as a nose tickled her cheek. “Hello my love.” Riri smiled biting her lip and turning around in Shuri’s arms where she belonged. “Baby!” Her arms circled Shuri’s neck as she brought her down into a kiss. “I was missing you and these lips.” Shuri whispered against her mouth. “Never as much as I’ve missed you.” Shuri shook her head. “I beg to differ.”

“Oh really? Why don’t you show me joy much you’ve missed me then Panther.” A smirk rose on Shuri’s face as she lowered herself back onto Riri’s lips kissing her hungrily, while walking her backwards into one of the lab tables. Her hands went under Ri’s shirt carressing the soft skin of her abdomen sending shivers down her spine. 

“I love the way you touch me Shuri.” Ri whispers as her eyes closed savoring the feeling. “Not as much as I love touching you.” All of a sudden Ri was being lifted onto the lab table. She slid the jacket of Shuri’s suit from her shoulders revealing her bra. Tugging on the center of the bra she released one of Shuri’s breast instantly attaching herself to her nipple. Shuri threw her head back in ecstasy reaching to remove Riri’s shirt. Riri unattached herself from Shuri for a second to allow her to remove her shirt as she unhooked Shuri’s bra. Shuri began unbuttoning Ri’s pants as she lifted allowing Shuri to remove her panties along with her bottoms as Ri reciprocated. They were both now completely naked as Shuri straddled Riri’s thigh. Riri moved closer to the edge of the table lining her core up to Shuri’s thigh and they both began to move against one another. Shuri’s arms were on either side of Ri keeping them both balanced as she panted in Riri’s ear while they both used eachothers thighs to get off. 

“Sss mmm, Ri you feel so good against me.” Shuri moaned her breath tickling Riri’s neck. Riri’s hips bucked harder against Shuri her arms wrapped tightly around Shuri’s neck as she cried out. “Yes! T-Tell me h-how gooood I make you feel. Oh God!”

“S-so good! S-so f-fucking good!” Riri’s eyes fluttered open briefly, before snapping back open to see a blurry figure standing at the entrance of the lab. With a few blinks clearing the tears from her eyes, the figure took form into you. Ooohh this was deliciously perfect!! Riri almost came from sheer excitement! She took the moment to unwrap her right arm from around Shuri’s neck placing her hand at Shuri’s entrance. She slowly added  her ring and pointer fingers inside of her while pressing her palm into her sensitive bud as Shuri rocked harder onto her. “Oh fuck Ri! Just like that! I’m gonna cum!” 

“Yea baby cum for me. I’m gonna cum with you! Say my name when you cum for me. Let everybody know who’s pussy this is.” Ri panted into Shuri’s neck as both of their bodies began to shake both on the edge of their release. Knowing that you were watching as Shuri’s body quaked against hers, and that soon she would have Shuri to herself made Riri’s orgasam come quick and heavy along with Shuri. Her Juices pouring over her hand onto her thigh. Ri opened her eyes looking over Shuri’s shoulder as they both caught their breath, fully prepared for conflict. But you were  gone. What the fuck! Had she imagined it all. 

I love holding you, touching you

'Cause you help me deal with the pains

So how could you turn into

The demons you

Once said that you'd keep away?

“AAAARRRGGH!!” You scream as you remove the large wedding photo from the entrance of your home smashing it into the ground. You walked through your home destroying any semblance of your relationship with Shuri. Tears streaming down your face. Releasing agonizing screams. You’d trusted her. Fell for her lies. She was one hell of an actress. Making you believe she really loved you and the whole time she was fucking that BITCH! So that’s why she wouldn’t send her home! You start to feel faint from the stress. Heading to the nearest wall you balance yourself. Remembering your baby you wrap an arm around your tummy placing your back against the wall sliding to the floor. 

“Why Shuri? Whyyyyyy?” The last why escaping your throat in a shaky whimper. You look around at the damage you’d caused. It reinforced the pain you felt inside. And for the first time ever you no longer wanted to be there. 

“You hungry baby. We should probably get some food after that workout.” Shuri looked at Riri in all her naked glory still sitting on the lab table watching Shuri get dressed. She contemplated deactivating the atoms and sending Shuri back to you to be sure she wasn’t loosing her mind. “You ok Ri baby?” Concern etched itself in Shuri’s face as she walked over to her placing her hands on her naked thighs. Riri placed both hands on Shuri’s cheeks looking her in the eyes. 

“I’m so in love with you Shuri and I’ll do anything for you. You’re the best thing to ever happened to me.” Her eyes began to mist and Shuri captured her lips. 

“Heyyy, Hey beautiful don’t cry. I hate to see you cry.” Her voice soft and comforting. Riri smiled. “They’re happy tears. Because I have a feeling that after today no one will be in our way.”

“No one could ever be in our way. Because I love you.” Ri planted another kiss on Shuri before standing and gathering her clothes to put them back on. Once her clothes were back on she walked over and embraced Shuri.

“Soon that will be true.” She let go and with the press of a button Shuri was back to normal.

“Ms. Williams, why are you still in the lab. Go explore. Or get some rest. Relax for once. I’m going to spend some time with my wife.”

“I was just running in to grab something. I’m headed out now. I hope you and y/n have a wonderful day. I’ll see you later.” With that she walks out of the lab.

I'm in my feelings, I'm tired, I'm bleeding

I'm nothing, I'm choking without you

I become weak from the mountains

I'll scream 'til the morning wraps me back around you

Where the colors of your mind will turn around

And so will you too

Oh, no, no, no, don't let it go

Shuri walked out out of the lab. Heading home with a bounce in her step ready to curl up and relax with her wife. Once she reached the Queens wing her heart dropped as she noticed the commotion. Dora and staff scurried in and out of her home. Her face scrunched in confusion as she watched them remove things from inside. Your things. 

“You can just take that one down to my car.” Tolu walked out giving directions, when she spoted Shuri looking lost. 

“What’s going on Lu? Why are y/n’s things being taken.” Tolu walks up with one arm held out as Shuri proceeds forward “Shuri. I think it’s best you stay out here until she leaves.” Tolu placed a had in the center of Shuri’s chest attempting to push her backwards. 

“Leave? Leave where? Wh-what game are you two playing? Stop.” Shuri’s heart began to race.

“This is not a game Shuri. She’s not talking. I don’t know what you did. But you fucked up.” Shuri looked past Tolu towards the entrance to her home. Quickly she side stepped Tolu and made her way towards the door. 

“STOP! EVERYONE STOP! Put her things down now!” Everyone stopped looking at eachother confused on what to do. Stepping inside the first thing Shuri noticed was the wedding photo in peices on the floor. Her breathing became short and choppy as she looked around her living room. What the fuck was going on? Where were you? She hastily ran into the bedroom just in time to see you walking out of your closet with the last of your bags. 

“Baby what’s going on? What’s happening?” You only stare at her for a second face blank, grief hidden behind your eyes. Diverting your eyes you continue on your way. She steps infront of you grabbing at your bags. “NO! No y/n. Talk to me. W-What did I do?” She stuttered as her eyes began to water. Your eyes settled every where but on her as your lip began to tremble. Shuri’s movements followed the direction of your eyes as she tried getting you to look at her. “Y/n please.” She whispered. Stepping away you head towards the bathroom to grab a few things you’d missed. Shuri fell to her knees crawling after you. “B-baby, talk to me. I can fix it. Whatever it is I can fix it.” She sat on her knees in the doorway of the bathroom. Watching you pack up things. She was confused. Her mind reeling searching for the answer. The memories they were there but there’s no way she did that. No way she would ever betray your trust in that way again. 

It’s wasn’t me. It’s wasn’t me baby. Stay help me!

Shuri could hear herself screaming almost as though she was separate from herself. She shook her head. She started to get frantic as you stepped right past her walking out of the bathroom. She crawled after you again the tears flowing as she tried to catch her breath. Everywhere you went she was right behind you begging for understanding. 

“Please baby please just talk to me. I don’t understand! I’m begging you p-please d-don’t leave me! Everything was just fine! What could I have done!” She hiccuped through her tears. Finally you finished packing and headed towards your bags. Shuri got there before you, knocking over the bags and trying to get them open to take out your belongings. “Stop Shuri.” She starts to open the bag and you grab the handle pulling at the bag. Shuri held tight making the bag rip open clothes flying everywhere as you stumbled backwards. “Fuck Shuri Stop it!! I’m leaving with or without this shit!” You try walking out but Shuri once again was on your trail. She crawled infront of you, wrapping her arms around your lower torso as she buried her face in your stomach. 

I’m lost sthandwa. Please don’t leave me here.

“What did I do baby?! What did I do? Please I-I can’t lose you. I’ll fix it umfazi wam. I’ll fix it. I need you! Don’t do this!” Your body trembled with sobs that you held inside as the dame broke. You hit a button on your beads. 

“Okoye, I need your assistance in leaving. She’s not letting me go.” You choked out. Shuri’s arms tightened around you. “Y/n what is going on?” In seconds Okoye was at the door. “Shuri. I think it’s best you let her go. Just come with me ok.” She walked over squatting next to her. 

“Just talk to me pleaaasssee.” Her jaw trembled as she sobbed into your stomach your shirt soaked in tears. She began to wheeze from lack of air. Her breaths shakey. Okoye and  Aneka grabbed hold of Shuri’s arms trying to release you from her grip. “You have to let her go. You’re hurting her Shuri.” Her grip loosened instantly. “I don’t want to hurt you baby. Just-Just let me fix it.” Okoye lifted Shuri to her feet.  “Come on Shuri. Give her time.”

“No no no! Just tell me what to do! I’ll do it!” Shuri was inconsolable as they carried her out of the house. “Let me go! I just want to know what I did! I just need to know how to fix it.” She began to sound as though she was choking sobs and breaths getting stuck inside her chest. Okoye pressed Shuri against the wall right outside of the door of her home. Grabbing her jaw and squeezing to open her airways she coached Shuri through her cries. “Breathe Shuri! You have to breathe!” Shuri let out a cough an agonizing cry not far behind. Okoye wrapped her in a hug gently placing her head onto her shoulder. Her body became weak with sobs as Okoye held her weight. Tolu walked over placing a comforting hand onto Shuri’s arm. Aneeka standing guard infront of them. “What did I do?” she continued to repeat. 

Finally you were able to walk out. You look in Shuri’s direction. Had you not witnessed what you did in that lab. The sight would’ve torn you to pieces. Her pressed into a wall to keep her stable with Okoye cradling her head like a baby’s. But all you could feel was hatred. Anger. Removing your Kimoyo beads and rings you drop them to the floor with a clang and walked away. Shuri released a grunt that sounded as though she’d been punched in the gut at the sound.

You were gone and she didn’t know why.

Please come find me.

Up on the mountain

Searched through the valley

You hear me calling

Won't you come find me?

Please don't forsake me

All of a sudden

My heart is breaking

I feel it coming

Taglist: @imjusthere2readbruv,@bubbleblowinggirl, @euph0ricx0,@bellaallebbella1, @minionslikeppl, @melanated-queen, @letitiasnyash, @tishlvr, @writtenbymarie, @doramilaj233, @lichuchin, @6-noir, @jackdrawsjunk, @Ippriceisright

[thekinkyleopard]

Funny Til it’s Not

A Kanai and Alistar SicFic

⚠️Content Warning⚠️

Snz Fic, Sick Fic, Failed Caretaking, smut,

snzfcking

Description: For once, Al is sick, and it’s anything but desirable. Kanai is left alone to foot the bill of taking care of him. Can he help soothe the ailing Anti-Christ?

Authors Notes: As promised 🫡 this fic was brought to you by @aller-geez depraved requests. She did the art and owns Kanai! Enjoy a fic that didn’t take me 2 months to complete! LOL

Draeko gathered his keys, and everything else he needed on his way out, scrambling quickly. “Okay, Kanai, just remember the list is on the counter of things I need done today…and I’ll be out for most of the day…” he looked around with curious mint and grey colored eyes. “Wait..Al isnt awake yet?” The navy haired man shrugged looking at Draeko with an almost tired, resolve. “Well, make sure you wake him up to help you with the chores, this place is a mess and it would really mean a lot if it was taken care of before I got back,” The hybrid tried to be sweet about his words, not wanting to come off too critical or harsh. However, the two men in particular weren’t the cleanliest of roommates.

Its not really on the demon to do list ‘Scrub bathroom floors’ and ‘Dust all the shelves’ sure they GENERALLY kept their things organized. Important things. It was exceptionally irritating to Draeko how clean Kanai always kept his room but doesn’t compute taking out the trash in the kitchen. “I understand, these things will be completed to your standard, Luciftias,” the mutt smiled sweetly upward at the hound, lifting on his toes to kiss him on the cheek. Kanai nodded gently as a response to the affections.

“See you later!” and out the door he went. Leaving the navy haired man to himself and, apparently, a lazy house mate. Kanai took a deep breath in and exhaled, it wasn’t like Al to still be in bed so he wasn’t sure what the demon had gotten into over the night. Slowly he approached the red head’s bedroom door and knocked with a cautious but confident hand. “Donnie?” he asked gently, without a response in return. He narrowed his thin brows and tried once more. “Donnie?” He spoke a bit louder this time, but nothing became of it. “Hm..” he contemplated out loud to himself, before simply pushing the door open and taking a step inside. “Alistar,” he said more sternly now, glaring at the sleeping blob wrapped under a fort of blankets.

“Hnnn…” A tortured groan escaped from under the material. “g-Go …aw…ay…AHH’EEHGGSHH’IUE!” with the sudden outburst that took them both by surprise, it started to become insanely clear to Kanai now. Alistar was sick. Kanai stood frozen in the doorway, uncertainty creeping into his mind like tendrils of mist. Alistar's thrashing figure beneath the blankets seemed foreign, a stark contrast to the usual boisterous demon he knew. He took a hesitant step forward, his heart pounding with a mixture of concern and helplessness.

"Are you okay?" Kanai finally mustered the courage to speak, his voice soft and filled with worry if it wasn’t so monotoned.

Alistar's response was immediate, cutting through the air like a jagged blade. "Obviously not! I feel like diarrhea dog shit, eaten by another dog, shat out again, and then angrily hosed down by the mean old man that owns the house," his words were laced with frustration, punctuated by a fit of coughing that racked his frame, his voice hoarse and strained.

The navy-haired man recoiled slightly at Alistar's outburst, unsure of how to proceed. He watched as the demon curled into himself, his breaths ragged and shallow. Kanai's concern deepened at the sight of Alistar in such a vulnerable state, he would have to think back to the ways Draeko had cared for them. “Okay, Donnie can you come out from underneath the sleeping materials? I have to put my hand on your face,” He wasn’t exactly sure why, or what purpose this served when Draeko did it, but it was normally the first step in the process.

The grumbling, sick infested demon emerged from the depths of his comfy bed nest and squinted his blackened eyes when met with the sun light peering through his curtains. “Fuckin…..Uncle Christ..” he tried to shield it with his arm but the glare hit him in a place that he wasnt aware needed to be scratched. Right before he could block himself of the light, he sneezed loudly and openly into the space in front of him. “hHEH’TZSCHh’UE!” Kanai took a step back, narrowly avoiding the spray of demon spittle as Alistar sneezed. Suppressing a shudder, he hesitantly approached the sick demon, his hand hovering uncertainly over Alistar's forehead. The demon's greyish hued skin was clammy to the touch, his temperature clearly elevated. Kanai's worry intensified at the realization of why the touch was so important.

"Your skin is extremely hot," Kanai murmured, more to himself than to Alistar. He knew he had to take care of the Anti-Christ, just as Draeko would have done in his absence. Yet, he had so much to do already, and he didn’t really know how to be a comfort to the red head. He thought to himself for a second and then spoke out with an idea "Let me get you some water and medicine," Yeah thats usually what comes next in the repertoire, with that, Kanai hurried out of the room, leaving Alistar to wallow in his own misery. For once, he was not excited to be sick whatsoever, it was really coming down on him, the weight of his body felt like he was being sucked into quick sand despite having a rather firm mattress. His head throbbed with each heartbeat, his body aching with fevered chills. He let out a weak cough, the sound hollow and raspy in the empty room. The demon closed his eyes, trying to focus on breathing through the discomfort, but every inhale felt like fire in his chest.

As he lay there, time seemed to stretch endlessly, the silence broken only by his inconsistent, but intensive broken sinuses. “AHH’EEHGGSHH’IUE! hih’aESShh’ue!” he allowed his open mouth to spew another large cloud of varying spittle. Groaning inwardly after, sliding the back of his hand across his nose to be left with an almost iridescent trail behind his blackened dorsal aspect. “I wish I could enjoy this…SNDf” he snarfled loudly his blackened eyes staring blankly ahead while he sat and waited Kanai’s return. Who speaking of which, was having a semi-mild panic attack because he wasn’t sure WHAT medication to give his suffering friend.

“Headache? Flu? Allergies? What are all these? What do they do? What do I give him?” Kanai frantically scanned the assortment of medicine bottles in the bathroom cabinet, each label a confusing jumble of medical terms. He bit his lip in frustration, wishing he had paid more attention when Draeko had explained their purposes. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Kanai decided to scoop the entire stash and run it down the hall, back to his friend.

"I hope this helps," Kanai said slightly out of breath from the anxiety of it all, he dumped the contents of his arms onto the bed. Alistar blinked a few times, looking at the hoard of medications the hound had bestowed upon him.

“The fuck ones do I take? SndF..” the red head sniffled lightly trying to figure out what the words on the containers even meant. Picking up each one individually to get a better look.

“That part of the ritual is unclear, Donnie, I thought maybe you would know…” he reached back to scratch the nape of his neck nervously. Alistar let out an exasperated sigh, his hand rubbing his temples in a feeble attempt to alleviate the pounding headache that pulsed behind his eyes. The letters on the medication bottles seemed to blur together, mocking him with their indecipherable labels. With a frustrated huff, he tossed the bottles aside, resigned to his fate of suffering through the illness without the aid of modern medicine. “Fuck ALL this…I’ll just go back to sleep…” he grumbled angrily.

Kanai watched as Alistar's shoulders slumped in defeat, well that just wouldn’t do. What else? What else could he provide…he thought carefully looking around the demon’s messy room, he spotted a coffee mug sitting carelessly upon his night stand. Oh yeah! “Should I bring you some of Draeko’s leaf water? And perhaps a wet towel?” tilting his head as he looked over the other who had allowed his head to fall in his clammy hands.

“Sure…Nai…we can try that…SSDndFf…UGhhh…” he groaned again, it truly felt like he was on the verge of visiting dear ol’ dad again. The navy haired hound nodded with determination written clear across his face, he zipped his way into the kitchen rather quickly, trying to gather up the very supplies he had promised. He was struggling to remember exactly how the hybrid made the leaf beverage though. It was usually hot…”So then maybe…” with the only knowledge he had of obtaining hot water he turned on the kitchen sink, and waited a good few minutes whilst fishing around for the substance that made the base of the hot beverage. Unsure of what exactly he was looking for he saw a little dish of colorful flowers, leaves and various herb like substances. It was incredibly fragrant, was this it?

Kanai picked up the small containment and gave it a good sniff. It was incredibly floral, it didn’t exactly smell like the stuff Draeko normally made but he wasn’t able to find anything even remotely similar besides the basic cooking spices. Shrugging his shoulders, the hound filled up a mug with the hot sink water, and dumped the bits of mixed herb in, mixing it around til the water itself turned a fuchsia color. “That’ll do it,” nodding confidently, and without thinking to maybe fish the little chunky bits out of the mug, he instead brought the whole thing, as is, to the rotting demon in his bed.

Alistar grumbled and tossed, sniffling and snorting snot down his throat as he tried his best to clear his terrible congestion. He shuddered. “I have brought you the hot liquid,” Nai stands at the edge of Alistar’s large bed and the red head slowly emerges from the blanket he had been stuffed inside. The anti-christ takes the mug in both his hands and goes to sniff the substance, but is immediately blocked out by his insanely full sinuses. He shrugs loosely.

“Bottoms up,” though apprehensive upon seeing the floating debris he regrettably trusts in his best friend and begins to slurp the hot beverage…before promptly spitting it out. “UNHOLY FUCK…” he shouts as the sting of potpurri burns down his throat, shards of wood and dried petals lodging themselves between his teeth. “What the actual fuck did you put in this??” Kanai steps back sheepishly and scratches his head with confusion.

“I do not understand, is it not good?” He tilts his head almost innocently enough it convinced Alistar, he truly had no idea what he had given him.

“It’s fucking horrendous…” Kanai winced at Alistar's reaction, feeling a pang of guilt for not being able to provide the comfort he had hoped for. He watched as Alistar continued to cough and sputter, his black eyes watering from the overwhelming taste of the concoction. With a sigh, Kanai reached for the mug, intending to take it away and make amends for his mistake.

"I apologize, I suppose my find was insufficient," Kanai muttered apologetically as he grabbed the mug. Alistar wiped his mouth with the back of his blackened hand, grimacing in discomfort.

"Insufficient is one word…absolutely fuckin’ terrible is another…SDnfF…H-hih’…" Alistar rasped out between coughs, his voice hoarse from the ordeal, the light hitch of another oncoming sneeze haunted him as he tried to unearth it by looking over at the light peaking from the blinds. It was better to release than explode trying to hold them in.

Nodding with understanding, Kanai disposed of the failed remedy and fetched a glass of plain water instead. He handed it to Alistar who took it slowly in his hand, still staring steadily toward the light, his mouth hung open just barely agape as he tried to coax the phenomenon to the front. “H-H…” his breaths came out in short gasps, as if it was just below the surface ready to break free, he inhaled sharply, his eyes squeezed til they were almost closed and he, “HEHH’DZSCHh’iEEW! huh’ESSSH!” barreling forward as it splashed from his mouth and into the open air around him, Kanai trying to avoid getting hit with a plume of saliva by taking a few steps back. “SNNNNDDFF… Gahhhh…Id’s neber been dis bad bebore…sdarding do regred a lod of dedigions…” the demon struggled through his words as they became mush in the presence of his worsening illness.

Kanai watched with concern as Alistar suffered through another violent sneeze, feeling utterly helpless in the face of his friend's deteriorating condition. He could see the frustration and discomfort written all over the demon's face, a stark contrast to his usual confident and sarcastic demeanor. As Alistar sniffled and rubbed at his raw nose, Kanai knew he had to do something more to help.

With determination in his eyes, walked up to his partner in crime and scooped him in his arms bridal style, out of the bed without much protest from the other. “SndFf…Where we going?” he asked curiously, but without much energy to even fight the other’s current process, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck.

“Hot soak…” nodding his head as he carried the ailing man to the bathroom and gently set him down on the closed toilet seat. “Undress,” he ordered gently, and while Alistar obliged, at the pace of a snail, Kanai began the one ritual he WAS sure of. More times than not he ran baths for the little mutt whether because he was sick physically or mentally, the hound knew that there was a stash of helpful remedies on deck. These ones, he knew did what. Taking out the bag of epsom salt as the water began to heat up, Kanai also looked around for a wash cloth, finding a clean one in the drawer. “Okay now…” the hound spoke out loud mostly to himself. Al sat on the toilet, naked now, staring blankly ahead with wet, swollen black eyes, he blinked them one at a time.

Kanai plugged the tub and began to concoct a comforting, and hopefully, sinus clearing, hot bath.

The steam began to fill the spacious bathroom as Kanai expertly poured the Epsom salt into the warm water, a soothing lavender scent wafting through the air as it slowly dissolved. Alistar watched with tired eyes, his body trembling slightly from the chill that seemed to constantly plague him now. The hound eventually finished his preparations, and then turned to face the demon, his expression soft yet still determined.

"Alright, time to get in," Kanai said gently, offering a hand to help Alistar into the tub. The demon hesitated for a moment before accepting the assistance and lowering himself into the fragrant water. Alistar let out a long sigh of relief as the warmth enveloped his aching body, easing some of the tension that had settled in his muscles.

Kanai sat by the edge of the tub, watching over Alistar with a mixture of apprehension and care. The red head sat for a moment in silence with his eyes closed and his head resting against the wall. “Hnnn…” he groaned lowly as he allowed the bath to sooth his aching muscles. “Nai?” he then suddenly asked slowly opening one blackened sclera.

“Yes, Donnie?” the navy haired male looked over at his friend curiously.

“Will you get in with me?” now opening both his eyes to look fully at the other, a slight visage of vulnerability could be seen behind them. The hound mulled over the idea for a moment before coming to a stand and slowly stripping his clothes off his body.

“Make room,” he answered at last, and while the red head obliged, there wasn’t a whole lot of space. Kanai sat behind Alistar, and the red head snuggled up between the hound’s legs, Nai wrapped his thin around the other’s torso while they settled comfortably into one another. Alistar let out a gentle sigh of relief, feeling comforted by the other’s body heat pressed into his back.

As the two demons soaked in the warm water, the tension began to melt away from Alistar's body. The lavender-scented steam provided a soothing relief to his aches and pains, and he felt a sense of calm wash over him for the first time in 24 hours. Kanai's presence behind him, his arms wrapped protectively around Alistar, offered a comfort that words could not express for either of them.

The red head leaned back against Kanai, closing his eyes and letting himself relax fully. The warmth of the water seeped into his bones, easing the constant chill that had plagued him. With each passing moment, he felt a little bit of his strength return, bolstered by the care and concern of his friend.

Kanai held Alistar close, feeling the tension slowly leaving the red head's body as they both soaked in the healing waters. He could feel the weight of Al leaning against him getting less and less restrained as the black eyed demon slowly let himself trust. Lazily, the hound reached for the wash cloth and began to gently run it up and down the demon’s chest, up to his neck and around his shoulders, the Anti-christ let out a softened moan. Neither of them were used to this sort of intimacy, maybe Nai with Draeko, but they werent typically this soft with one another. However, they both relaxed, and enjoyed this moment of vulnerability. The peaceful atmosphere enveloping them, the sound of water lapping gently against the sides of the tub mingling with their quiet breathing. Alistar felt the tension in his muscles slowly unwind under Kanai's gentle ministrations, his body growing heavier with relaxation. The hound's touch was a balm to his weary soul, a reminder that despite where they come from, moments of respite and care could still be found.

While Kanai continued to wash away the grime and exhaustion that clung to Alistar's skin, the red-headed demon found himself falling back into bad behaviors, his body slowly rolling into each motion as the heat of the water gave him the illusion of feeling well and the touch of the other was beginning to excite him. “Nai…lower…” he whispered breathlessly. Kanai paused for a moment, his hand stilling on Alistar's skin as he considered the request. He could sense the shift in the atmosphere, the undercurrent of desire mingling with the comforting warmth of the bath. The hound knew that crossing this line could change the trajectory of the night, but as he laid back in contemplation, the hound could not deny who he was down at heart either. Depraved. Both of them.

With a soft exhale, Kanai leaned in closer to Alistar, his touch becoming more intimate as he followed the red head's whispered plea. The water around them seemed to hum with anticipation, a charged energy threading between them as they moved together in the steamy bath. Alistar's breath hitched while Kanai's hands explored lower, sending shivers down his spine and igniting their sinful natures just as the hound’s bare palm met the red head’s stiffened length.

“Hn..nn..Hah..~…F-fuck…” Alistar gasped, noticing the better he felt sexually, the more needy he became to combine his illness with their actions. “Touch my nose…” the red head commanded, almost urgently. Kanai hesitated again for a moment, but the desire building in between them was impossible to ignore, and the hound simply loved to please where he could. With a mix of slight hesitation and longing, Kanai brought his hand up to gently brush his thin fingers against the red head's nose, tracing the lines of his philtrum with a tenderness that belied their usual interactions.

The weakened demon let out a shuddering breath, his body reacting to the dual sensations of pleasure and relief from the bath. The red head’s body trembled and his head fell back against the other’s strong shoulder before the pressure of Kanai’s tickling index sent him over the edge. Like tv static that ran up and down the central nerves of his entire face, the sensation over took him. “hHEH’TZSCHh’ue! hih’AESSHH’ue!” hips desperately thrusting upward into Kanai’s slowly closing palm. It was both exhilarating and humiliating to be reduced to a sickened humping dog, but it only made the experience that much more enjoyable to Al. He snuffled softly. “SndF…” before Kanai swiped his finger across the other’s leaking nostrils to assist. “So good…” the red head moaned.

“My…yours sure are expressive, Donnie,” the hound simply teased, earning a softly dusted blush across the other’s face. While Kanai continued to explore Alistar's body in the warm water, their movements became more urgent, more primal. The red head’s ass starting to rut carelessly up against the other demon’s growing length. The steamy atmosphere of the bathroom seemed to heighten every touch, every whispered breath between them. Alistar's grip on the tub tightened as he felt a wave of heat rush through him, his body arching into the hound's touch.

“Shall I make you go again, hm?” The navy haired man tickled and prodded at the other’s swelling nose, it dripped with anticipation. With a sluggish moan, the red head responded excitably, his hips grinding backwards for more friction. The hound’s mouth split into an almost half smirk, allowing himself the role of dominant as his index moved ever so gently to swipe and poke. Alistar hitched, catching his breath in the middle of his throat before it felt like he was being suffocated by the need to let go.

“H-Huh..” it started slowly. With every movement and tease of Kanai's hand, Alistar felt like he was rolling in a pile of a thousand tiny needles. The sensations were both painful and exhilarating, as if his body had never known anything else. While Kanai continued his teasing, Alistar could feel the acute awareness of his sickness combining with the pleasure, making every twitch and spasm feel that much more intense. His nose twitched, and spasmed while the overwhelming sensations consumed him, he released. “Huh’ESSSHHHUH! hEHh’eEZSCHHhh’iEW!” Loud and expressive the sneezes shot out of his mouth and cascaded like sparkles across the bath water in front of them.

He tried to remain still, to simply absorb the pleasure, but his body wouldn't listen. Every movement, every moan, they all served to heighten the experience at hand. Alistar's chest heaved, his skin breaking out in a cold sweat as he struggled to keep up with the intense onslaught, trying to be satisfied with what was given but ultimately craving more.

The redhead's hands clawed at the side of the bathtub, leaving his knuckles to turn bright grey against his tattooed flesh. Kanai’s breathing turned hard and strangled against the red head’s exposed left ear, which only proved to make matters more intense for the both of them. “Put it in…” Alistar practically whined as he pressed himself up against Kanai’s hard cock. The hound's breath hitched but he obeyed. He felt the tip of his erection brush against the sensitive entrance, and he could tell the red head was well and truly ready for him. With a silent prayer for resistance, Kanai slowly pushed himself inside, his muscles clenching and releasing in a futile attempt to mitigate the sensation. The red head's body writhed, pleading for more.

The water around them churned with passion, their movements becoming even more frantic, their mouths creaked open whilst rough, patterned huffs escaped them both. “Just like…that, Nai…fuck don’t….stop…” the red head grunted, pushing himself back to match each desperate thrust, water sloshing over the edges of the porcelain, crashing to the floor.

Kanai could hardly believe how far they'd descended into their own depravity, and yet the intensity of it somehow only added to their pleasure. He gripped Alistar's hips tightly in one hand, their bodies slamming together in a primal dance, their breaths ragged as they surrendered to the wild beast within them. The red head’s nose flared and twitched under Kanai's still persistent touch, the scent of their desperation and arousal mixed with lavender overwhelming them both. “I’m gonna fuckin….Hih….HIH’AEESSHHH’uE! hHah’AETTTSHH’uh!” His body lurched under the hound’s tight grip on him, splashing waves of bath water over the edges while his sinuses released themselves of pressure. His head throbbed between the dizzying effects of the hot water and pleasure all in one. Alistar could hardly hold himself together anymore, Kanai losing himself in his expertly timed rutting.

Unable to contain the monster that lived inside him, Nai moved his head to bite down on the side of Alistar’s exposed neck, his teeth sure to leave deep indentations as his hips worked forward, desperation taking over as he sought release. “AHhh…fUCK, Nai,” the red head cried out.

Their bodies lost all semblance of control, as if possessed by something beyond their own understanding. The passion was no longer just physical, but rather a fusion of fire and water, a whirlwind of intense lust that threatened to engulf them both.

Alistar’s hands clawed at the porcelain tub, cracking a few of his nails down the middle, all while the hound thrust deeper and harder into him. His voice lost in a strangled growl, Kanai couldn't help but feel vindicated for the brutality of their actions. With each harsh slam, with each ragged breath, the feeling consumed him, fueled by an overwhelming desire to possess, to claim, to conquer.

Their bodies shuddered and convulsed in perfect synchronization, as if bound together by an invisible thread. “Don-nie…I’m going to….” he tried to warn his devious counterpart, his rhythm becoming more jagged and unhinged as he reached closer to his climax.

“Cum…Cum for me Nai…” without hesitation to release the other of his restraints, he wanted to feel the hound blow inside him, in fact by this point he craved it. “I’m so fuckin’ close…” finally reaching down the black eyed demon began to tug and pleasure his own leaking length, their bath water now infused with pre-cum as they leaked to their finish line.

"Get closer, I can't last much longer," Kanai whispered hoarsely with a hint of sass against the other's ear. His voice was thick with need and arousal, a primal grunt that matched the clawing of his nails against the red-head's hips.

Alistar's eyes fluttered shut, and he moaned softly in response, his voice shaking with want. It was as if their bodies were a single entity, sensations coursing between them and intertwining in a way that transcended even the most intense of physical connections. Kanai could feel Alistar's heart racing against his back, the two of them lost in a haze of sin.

As the hound's hips continued to piston forward, Alistar's voice rose in a crescendo of unhindered pleasure. His hands clawed harder at the porcelain tub, almost as if he were trying to pull chunks of it away in his desperate need for a deeper connection. Their rutting became more frenzied, bathwater sloshing over the sides and splashing against the cold tiles.

"I'm gonna cum so fuckin' hard," Alistar gasped, his voice cracking with the intensity before he completely blew his load within the confines of their bath water, his body shaking as he hit his ceiling. “UNHOLY FUCK…” he cried out his head falling back against the other. Kanai's breath hitched, pleasure coursing through him like lightning. He could feel the other's climax ripple through him, a shared sensory experience of raw, unadulterated ecstasy. The hound's hips bucked wildly, propelling them both towards their release. As Alistar's walls clenched around him, Kanai felt his own resistance crumble like a sandcastle at the ocean's edge.

"I'm cumming, Alistar," Nai growled, his voice thick with lust.

Alistar moaned depravedly, his body trembling as he felt Kanai's hot seed spill deep inside. The hound's release bringing a sense of accomplishment that settled deep within his bones, they both panted as they tried to catch their breath, Kanai softening inside the other’s still clenching hole.

“Just….what the doctor fuckin’ ordered amirite?” Alistar chuckled a bit breathlessly to break the tension that was thick inside the bathroom. The mirrors had been all fogged up, the bath water was soiled and slowly starting to run cold. Kanai took in a deep breath as he relaxed himself against the cool tile wall.

“I think….we should….probably get out now…” the hound spoke tiredly. Alistar nodded in agreement, a light smirk playing on his lips. He slowly extracted himself from Kanai's grip, his body still trembling from the intense experience. As he stood up, he reached out and grabbed Kanai's hand, helping him to rise as well. Together, they made their way out of the soiled bathtub, the water now drained and leaving only a pool of slight residue.

They stepped out and dried themselves off with a nearby towel, wrapping it around their waists. The room was filled with a hazy aroma of eucalyptus lavendar and arousal, the scent lingering in the air like a misty veil. As they Surveyed the bathroom, Alistar couldn't help but love how the mirrors had fogged up, leaving a steamy reflection of the deviant act they'd just shared.

“I figure…” Kanai clears his throat and looks around before making eye contact with his friend. “I should probably attempt to make you the liquid meal…” the hound trailed off almost unsure if he could accomplish anything other than the bath on this evening. Alistar yawned lazily, stretching his arms out and feeling a bit relieved after the events that unfolded.

“Or, we could just cuddle in bed, have the pet pick something up,” the demon shrugged his shoulders with a look of carefree contentment.

“OH! Oh no…the pet…there’s chores I must proceed with before I can be released to lounge, Donnie,” the navy haired man almost seemed panicked, overwhelmed even. Alistar stepped closer and put both his palms on each side of the other’s face.

“Shh…chores shmores I’ll take the heat, as well as do the dumb ass chores when I feel better….for now…I need a caretaker, Nai, you can’t let me go to bed unattended….” The red head pouted, making a persistent and compelling argument.

“Yes, but, Draeko needs the house to be clean…” Kanai trailed off as he sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping in defeat. Alistar chuckled softly, leading him towards his bedroom with a sly grin on his face.

"C'mon, Nai, let's just get into bed for now, and I'll help you with those chores later. A little rest will do us both good, don't you think?" Nai couldn't help but oblige at the other’s persistent charm, knowing that eventually, he would be unable to resist and would succumb to the temptation of the warm, inviting bed as he’d now exhausted himself anyway. Al led the hound to his bed, pulling him in as they snuggled close together, Alistar resting his pounding head against the other’s strong chest.

“Fine…but you will have to face the pet’s rage if he returns before the list is complete,” the navy haired man began to lazily mull his long fingers through the red strands of hair that lay upon him.

“Deal,” Al snickered, wrapping himself around the other like a greedy leech. They laid like this, til they both succumbed to sleep.

The End

Author’s Notes: I get so depraved writing these two besties that fuck 🫢 Hope yall enjoyed ☺️

[juni-ravenhall]

long post about ydris & circus worker / traveller / romani stereotypes (+ unrelated but related heterochromia)

(.... and sse's behaviour around one traveller-coded character and then of a masc-ish woman of colour while they dont do this with their plain white toast characters)

yasmin told me to write a post about this after i was telling her about it, so here it is.

first for canon: ydris is obvs pandorian, non-human, and his human form does not necessarily read as a specific ethnicity or cultural belonging (but i will get back to his looks later in the post!). he throws in french words but he is pandorian. why he speaks french (or uses it for flair?) is not clear from the lore afaik.

anyway. there are stereotypes about people who work in the travelling circus (or in any circus at all, depending). these stereotypes often go hand in hand with stereotypes about romani people and other travelling people. (im talking both about circus people of the past and present.)

here are some examples of harmful stereotypes about travelling people, circus people, and romani people (often these are founded in being an "outsider", people dont like to trust outsiders and consider them strange for not being exactly the same as themselves, aka xenophobia):

thief, criminal, dangerous

trickery, lying, cheating

seduction, enchanting (can come back to ^ trickery etc)

unreliable, untrustworthy

immoral, and/or follows other morals/laws than "the norm" in the places they travelled to [and this is seen in a negative way]

promiscuous, unfaithful

mysterious, intriguing

using magic / reading fortunes (these can be connected back to trickery, mystery, seduction...)

wild, untamed

"are they good or bad?"

speaks a foreign language or a secret language (and may use this to talk behind the backs of locals / to trick locals)

sexualised on behalf of above points (immoral, mysterious, seductive, enchanting, wild, untamed...)

objectified and/or dehumanised on behalf of above points (i think you get it by now.)

these stereotypes can affect people who are, for example, european or american white people who work in a travelling circus. however, romani people, on behalf of their ethnicity, can be affected by these stereotypes about nomadic people even if that romani person doesn't live a nomadic lifestyle, because these stereotypes about romani people persist as racist and cultural stereotypes even when you take the travelling out of the equation. (i think irish travellers also face the stereotypes regardless of if they live as settled or as nomads?)

now, i want to say some things about ydris looks before i move on with the topic of these stereotypes, but first its important to note that sso is a swedish game made by swedish people, and whats considered "white" or "white passing" in the US is not the same as what it is in scandinavia or northern europe (i cant speak for other parts of europe well enough so i wont). its also more like "what part of europe"-passing rather than just "white" passing.

in sweden, you're not going to meet hispanic americans or african americans, for example, but you will see romani people and kurdish people, for example, and ofc, polish people, estonian people, people from around the area.... the minority groups are different in europe vs the US (vs anywhere else ofc. i hope USamericans learn that nowhere else is the US and you need to stop projecting shit on other places). the idea of whats "swedish ethnicity" or "scandinavian ethnicity" or "european ethnicity" and so on are not equal to "white american ethnicity". remember that many white ppl here can trace back their history like a thousand years in the same country, while white ppl in america are generally like, "my great grandpa came from germany, my great grandma from poland, and my girlfriend's family came from ireland" and so on. theres a mash of different cultures and ethnicities, which isnt the average case for white people in europe. (please: obviously im not saying "everyone is this" just on average. plenty of ppl are mixed here, or have grandparents who moved here, etc.)

i am a swede with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and i have experienced white ppl colorism (im still not sure if colorism is the right word, but i think so. however its mostly harmless idiocy, but frustrating to hear over and over). i dont mind it anymore, i just think its stupid, now, as an adult. and colorism(?) within white people is not at all as bad as racism that poc experience in the same country - just to be clear. the reason i bring it up isnt to say "boohoo me", but to try to explain what "white passing" or "swedish passing" is in sweden, from a person who literally is white but is not considered swedish enough due to having darker eyes and darker hair.

anyway! ydris has black hair. from a swedish developer and swedish audience perspective, black hair is enough to make a character read as "foreign". (thats why we had this whole tangent ^ above.) but, we also dont need to rely on a vague hint of foreignness, because he throws in french words, and he's from pandoria. and a lot of people will associate the travelling circus and ydris' wagon with romani culture to some degree, whether or not that's accurate (again, circus culture and romani culture and other nomadic cultures can become mixed up). the black hair ties well into the image of a travelling circus person.

ydris is a sort of "chaotic neutral" in the story so far. he has different intentions than the "heroes" and "villains" both, and he is largely self-centered (focusing on his own desires - tho he seems to care about pandoria as well - and he likely experiences different feelings than the average jorvegian does, and his sense of morals and social rules are different). now, im sure you can see how that ties back into some of the stereotypes ive listed: he's a foreign outsider who cant be trusted, he is mysterious, is he good or bad?, he tricks people, he behaves chaotically (wild)...... etc

he also comes across as flirty towards the player, which im sure you can see, ties back in to things from the stereotype list like seduction, enchantment, and being promiscuous. if it helps, consider Esmeralda from Hunchback of Notre Dame, as an example of the harmful stereotype of seductive romani. (i loved disney hunchback when i was a kid, and i also want to point out that that movie handles the topic of how esmeralda has to do things just to scrape by, and she is demonised in the eyes of a rich white religious man in power, who is evil, while she herself is a good person and being oppressed and dehumanised. just leaving that here as food for thought, not to really defend or cancel anything, but to encourage ppl to view things in a nuanced way. the stereotypes are harmful and disney is an evil company, but there are also parts in that story that are criticising the right things. then theres other parts that are just ??? )

also, there is a significant population of romani in france, but ofc there are romani across many countries. yasmin pointed out when we talked that french is also seen as a "sexy language" - so it kind of both ties into the "foreign traveller from further down in europe" and "seductive romani" by having him use a language considered "sexy".

ydris also has heterochromia (one light blue eye and one dark blue) which isnt related to the idea of the traveller, but it *is* considered "mysterious", "strange", and potentially "untrustworthy". this is ofc really weird - heterochromia is a real life condition that completely normal people have. having heterochromia shouldnt be portrayed as anything weird or special - there is nothing mysterious or strange about it, or something "untrustworthy" (playing into things like being two-faced).

if you go back up to the list of harmful stereotypes, keeping the things ive said in mind, and how ydris behaves in the game..... im sure you can understand what im saying about the bigger picture. the combination of living in a circus wagon, being mysterious and flirtatious and living by his own rules, being untrustworthy, having black hair, throwing in french words, theres a lot of things that maybe seem okay out of context, but when you put them together, to me, it makes it clear that ydris is like.... romani coded, or something close to romani coded, despite, yes, technically being pandorian, i get it, thank you, its not relevant, he is not real, the staff at sse are real and their biases are real.

theres nothing wrong in itself with being flirty or promiscuous or seductive and whatnot - or with fictional villains, or chaotic, untrustworthy characters - the problem is the stereotype of a group of real people. especially when you're passing these stereotypes on to an audience of impressionable children. why is ydris the character being handled this way? why is sabine the character to be handled this way? why dont they handle plain white toast characters this way?

an important point is that i dont think neither ydris or sabine are really sexualised within the game itself - the more blatant stuff happens on sse's official social media. ydris is sexualised to some degree in the way that he flirts: again, it alludes to the seductive romani person, even if its very mild flirting (the stereotype is still perpetuated). sabine is mostly not sexualised in the game, just hyped up in general, but the social media team keeps milking the fact that ppl are thirsty for sabine. the post is not really about sexualisation as the focus. its about general questionable or outright harmful design choices, that sometimes also has to do with sexualisation and objectification.

this, as usual, isnt about cancelling sso or sse. its about being analytical and critical about the media you consume, and about biases both from creators and from audiences. its about learning how to be more understanding and respectful towards other people. and about raising your voice and holding ppl accountable when they perpetuate harmful things (esp if its people in power, like companies, celebrities, and politicians).

personally, i dont think you arent allowed to think ydris or sabine are hot. its okay if they are your type or if you relate to them or whatever, because like, ultimately we're surrounded by all these characters and real people everywhere in media that are affected by biases. but i DO think you need to actually think about this shit if you are thirsting for sabine or thirsting for ydris. i dont think its great to just be like, omg, typical ydris, he tricked me again and then he seduced me, typical circus people. or to be like, wow, sabine is so hot and should step on me, beefy women of colour are scarier than beefy white women, thats so hot. do you get it? you can be attracted to these charas without being racist or xenophobic or misogynist or whatever, they just happen to be your type, and thats nice, but you do need to think about how you view them and why, and how you talk about them and why, bc a lot of people have biases they arent even aware to, and might not understand what kind of biases you perpetuate. example: how apparently most ppl didnt think about the romani / traveller stereotype implications of ydris so i had to write this post. stay woke and pay attention to potential harmful stereotypes in media, so i dont have to write this shit anymore

[angy-grrr]

thoughts:

Himiko Toga never chose a villain name because she has always been the monster and demon for others, internalizing it. But also because she isnt trying to be someone else, but proudly show herself and her love -AFO exploited this to reaffirm the previous, so she never even realized she could give her blood for others.

Ochako Uraraka's goal and arc isn't finished until we see a few main points: "who will save heroes?" A discussion about heroism and saving, and I wouldnt be too surprised if saving villains also come up here as a developed version of the first. They are all people, and that's what matters over their assigned roles. "Himiko Toga". Where is she? Ochako's arc can't be finished until we see or hear what ended up happening. "What does she feel about it all?" She needs a resolution and express her feelings, and with the hiding she has done recently I cant help but wonder even more about Himiko's state, as she is the person who makes Ochako feel safe enough to talk about her thoughts. And lastly"You like him, dont you?" What will happen with her love for Izuku? Is she going to hide it, confess, talk about it more with Himiko? I still think about "the reveal" during her fight with her, and her hair covering her whole face... It could be because she "needs" to tell and show her whole face to Izuku*. I would prefer it another way tho

*She said she admires Himiko for being able to say her feelings and love who she does with her whole face, if I remember correctly, while remembering an Izuku who is looking somewhere (someone?) else smiling. I believe its important that she doesnt have her face shown there, but we still dont have a clear reason why. Is she just not able to show that love to Himiko because she hasn't shown Izuku first? Is it because she no longer feels it? In the next panel she says shes now going to stop her, we can see her face, and her mouth is covered in blood. Is it because their battle was never about him? Because she is ashamed of those feelings? Because she doesn't want to engage in them?

With chapter 425 taking us by surprise because of her first interaction with Midoriya after the war, I prefer to think she has her hair covering her face because she still can't be honestly herself with him. Partially? Yes completely, but she can't tell him her feelings like with Himiko.

I hope she expresses her feelings to the class, to her parents, her friends, the civilians... but I really don't think a confession to him and him only would solve anything.

She doesn't want or can't chase him and his feelings like with Himiko; Izuku is acting weird, upset about many things, and she doesn't see that, im sure she would have tried to help if she actually knew. Even tho she looks around to find a crying Himiko, she doesn't try to do the same now, and in fact rejects it; she decided her feelings are not for him or others to see, at least at the moment.

So how does Hori plan to change this in such little time? Is Izuku going to chase after her, when thats what he has always done with everything he wants? Doesn't he deserve to be chased back? Doesnt she deserve the right to decide how much of herself she wants to reveal to him? Or mourn the loss in her own terms, in case Toga's dead or she thinks she is?

With her feelings for both Midoriya and Toga she has tried to put heroism first, focus only on that; with the first one because she fails at her goals and just blindly imitates him without finding herself, and the second one because she shouldn't feel that way and questions herself over those quite frequently.

I have no idea if Horikoshi plans to make her put her feelings first for him over heroism like she did with her -risking it and acting against what a hero "should" do so they can both just be Himiko Toga and Ochako Uraraka.

I have no idea, but it would make me so sad if he did.

EDIT:

In chapter 424 we see Shoto first in the hospital, when the narration explains things cant be as simple as Deku thought as a kid. Then Ochako appears, with her arm over her stomach probably thinking about her fight. It can't end so easily, and I wouldnt be surprised if chapter 427 or 428 was about them.

Fun thought: what if Himiko is the one about to see Spinner? jkjkjk. It could be cute tho.

[dreamerwitches]

RIGHT! I'm going to judge everyone with their doppel choices!!! Get ready for long post

In all seriousness, you're entitled to your own opinions and this is just a bit of fun. I'm genuinely interested to see the most popular doppels and I KNOW there are no set rules for the votes as the account has stated so peoples choices may be for gameplay etc etc. So, no meanness, right? It's all in jest (m-mostly...)

Giovanna time! I agree very muchee, I'm not a big fan of swimsuit Giovanna. Yeah she's cute but I dunno I just don't like the sail and that's such a big part of it. I understand why og and anime are equal cause anime Giovanna was FIRE and the new take on it in-game works well. Og deserves well because duh, its the og and anime deserves well too cause it's on par. But Infinite Giovanna ough, left the girls in the dust. Beautiful colours, beautiful combination of Giovanna and Shitori Egumo. She's beautiful and she knows it!

The first disagreement. Tanabata Campanella falls into the 'its too busy i dont have a clue whats going on and thats not a good thing' camp for me. Yes the colours are pretty but damn there's too much going on. And the colours on her spine bit are way too much overall. I get it but it's not for me. I'm glad my choice is second though. Historia Campanella is.... is not Campanella that's the eiffel tower and anime Campanella is just ugly. They removed the lantern which is such a good part of the og. the hint of red works so well and the ugly four shoes are a) large and ugly and b) dont fucking fit! The only thing i like is the hat but do i like it more than og? Not really, its on par

Alright THIS is my first 'um hello, what are you guys doing?' Tiracchana is awful, what are you on? I definitely feel the magis are affecting choice here cause I know Yuna is popular. I'm sorry but her doppel is shit. So ugly and such a mishmash of bad aspects. I'm sad Merkava is so low in comparison cause her theming is cool and she actually looks good. Done dirty... But like, how the fuck is halifax winning? She's just a fucking guillotine for petes sake... Im not a fan because it irks me but come on this is not the best design. Lakehurst done dirty waaa... she's such a cool mix of animal and machine and she works so well. Not too busy and has a clear theme. I suppose the only thing that isnt so great is the tongue since its colour sticks out so much. Very disappointed in everyone...

W-Why none of y'all like Marguerite?? What's she done wrong?! She'd be my second choice. I think Cuauhtitlan is fine but I struggle judging her since Im not knowledgable on the culture. But she does look very nice and the colours are good. I like Marguerite for her kinda castle/tank-y feel. The colours are nice and the structure is interesting! She kinda falls into 'this doesnt look like a witch and moreso an object' bracket but its not that bad... im so sad she's unpopular... Now im surprised at Halomonas. Its just boring man... and she's definitely 'this doesnt look like a witch and moreso an object'. Just nothing in it is particularly fun or cool, I just find her so boring. I suppose Alexandra's integration is good though, but otherwise... Unbased. But I'm very happy with Vlastenske! I looooove clowns!!! And she's super creepy and fun! You should be winning, sweetie

Sigh. Hepialidae is shit, what are you on? Moths are so important to the theme and story magireco and yet this rando has a moth witch? It's so out of left field and doesnt suit her theme as far as I know. I wanted her to be a vampire witch so bad back in the day... The colours are ruined by the leg parts too. Like hello? Where do those ugly purples and greens come from?! I suppose Kushu's integration is nice though. I understand Henrietta's low score. She falls into the object category but at least she's pretty. Sad about Don Rocinante though... I get she is a little boring but I do have metal bias... (looking at my fave Gisela... ) But compared to the others I still think she should be higher And man, I know Konomi is popular but... it... it's just flowers... c'mon...

Yeah, shitty magirepo deserves to be last... I think all (not you rena-chan) are very good here and deserve to be equal. A little surprised Elfriede is lower... I suppose her theme is a little all over the place... the fingers at the bottom kinda come out of nowhere and the head is a little out of place. Cendrillon is very good but feels a tad like a number of things patched together. I think the neck and headpiece could be improved. I must admit I have a bias for Zola as Ive rather fallen in love with her (heehee oops!) I think she's so spooky and cool and the colours are great! It was kinda hard to choose out of three great doppels Oh uh, Cendrillon-chan... I forgot you were there... yeah Magirepo doppels are just lazy and awful, NEXT!

Kogetsu winning as she should be... im furious the shitty Blot is not losing though... Komatsu falls into the mishmash category and there's a little too much going on. I wish she was more insect-like. I love Kogetsu though, the dragon is super cool as well as Chizuru's integration. It's just so satisfying to have such a circular silhouette too, she pulls it off well. Drekka Minni... sigh... does not deserve to be second. ITS A FUCKING BOAT. The only part I like is the dragon head but even then it doesnt fit in with ANYTHING else on the witch. I can barely even call her a witch... ugh... Oh and dear sweet Blot. Her witch is pretty good! But the doppel... The doppel is like 1/6th of the witch and they didnt even choose a good bit. Ugly, boring, lazy, and Gunhild has a shit utilisation. If you voted for her we are not friends.

Cassandra deserves to be first for sure and I totally see why Vimala is low. Im not a big fan of Apebis but the design is still pretty good, deserves to be high. I see why Vimala is unpopular as she really just looks like an object. A very pretty object but just an object. Everyone is pretty good here so Im glad most are pretty equal. Magatsu is spooky and cool and so is Cassandra. Maybe they can be spooky gfs from across time

What do you fucking mean no one likes Gosirsa??!! I'm mad Oaji is high hissssss Tara is very pretty and I love a Yokai cameo but she's a little too busy for my liking. Oaji.... Oaji is an object c'moooonnn... she's way too simple why is she top??? There are aspects I like like the reflection and stark red but not enough there. Marita is beautiful so im glad she's at least second. The theme is creepy and the colours are so pretty. But why no love for Gosirsa?! She's teetering on mishmash but I dont think she's that bad! The colours are nice and I love the mechanical bull theme! I get the wheels look a bit weird and not great but that's only one part... Poor girl...

No Aztekium love... yeah, she's not great... the cactus rail gun is not made very well. It's just two objects splortched together... Glad Abigail is high cause she's super fun. Nice colours and fun theme. I'm surprised 9daime is so high since she kinda falls into mishmash... at least the colour scheme is pretty good. I dont like how most of the pieces just don't really go together. Makes sense that Oxford is second cause this isnt a very strong bunch. I hate Miyuri's shitty feet theme but at least Oxford has nice colours and although the legs are busy, I think its pretty okay and the mass of patterns are fun.

WHAT ARE YOU ON JING IS BEAUTIFUL!!! Very unbased. I think the magi chose this one... >:( But... most of these are pretty good... but that doesnt mean Jing can be so low! Catacombe is very cool and has a good overarching theme and colour scheme. Im not so fond cause her colours are a little drab. I think Totentaz is a little boring, not enough going on I suppose and I dont think the wispy arms work. Otherwise she's fine, pretty but a little boring. But mannnnn Jing is so beautiful! I dont understand... the Chinese opera theme is BEAUTIFUL! I love her flowers and the trailing parts and how creepy she is when you look close... sigh... Casuarius is my least favourite here. Dunno, just don't get with her. The colours are very good and I love the symmetry and how Mikage is framed but I don't know if I like how the head part is put together, feels a little like separate things smooshed together without much thought.

When I first voted Frederica was so high and I was SO mad. She's awful, one of the most boring witches. It's just eyes and a jpeg of flowers man... I'm so glad she's at the bottom now. I like the patterns of Hevelius but she is just a lump so I get why she's low. Etteilla is super pretty but I definitely prefer her witch. She's on equal par to Gibdaughter to me. I only chose her cause of my silly metal bias :)c heehee I love Gibdaughter, the metal punk bird is great and I love Kanae's unique hood. These two deserve to be equal

This was a hard pick between ED Catacombe and Totentaz. The first two definitely fall into 'too detailed' for me. Like, man, look at Catacombe she has a whole party going on on her. Dunno if Elfriede deserves to be so low but they're all good. I like her pumpkin theme. I only chose Catacombe because Im not so fond of Totentaz. Does she deserve to be so high..? Eh, no... I think she's only so popular because she's the one that hurts your eyes the least. I think she's good, I LOVE the head cage thing but her bone scythe is too ugly and lumpy looking. I know ED Catacombe does look a little silly with her Papyrus Undertale skulls but I just love the colours and theme. She just works better for me.

These are all pretty equal to me, no idea why Nenemu is so low. Do people just not like Nemu lol? Nolde is pretty, love her colours and matchstick theme. So is Nenemu though I get that she feels a little more busy. I love the eye hands and head, she's more spooky. I dont think Shitori Egumo deserves to be so high. She's nowhere near as cool as her witch but she's still good. Maybe my least favourite? But otherwise they're still pretty on par. I chose Sukhavati because I love her patterns, especially when she opens up. It's a bit of a disservice not showing that aspect. Plus I love a rafflesia lol

Hmmmmmm. You want some controversy? Charlotte's doppel isnt that good guys. You know what the best part of Charlotte is? Her face. Her eyes and her huge mouth. And here..? Um... tiny mouth and no eyes. They took away her best parts! So sorry not sorry she isn't that good. Doppel Oktavia is way too stout for me. Why did they make her so fat? (not fatshaming at all, a plus sized oktavia would be beautiful but she usually isnt) Her head is so iconic why did they remove it and totally change her visor? I just think they ruined such a good witch. And Candeloro absolutely does not use enough of the witch. Its so painful cause I love Candeloro and Mami... She does not need to be that small and insignificant. I chose Ophelia cause um, the witch is actually there!! And I think the horse utilisation is actually smart! This definitely looks more like a witch popularity contest and no one actually looked at the doppels...

Ehh... swimsuit doppels are hard... They're just always so... busy... Meh... Why does no one like Ophelia though??? You're lame... Oktavia is fine. I like the surfboard and colours. I think the different kind of fish is cool but she barely looks like Oktavia anymore... Swimsuit Candeloro is pretty and has nice colours but MAN its way too busy. Swimsuit Ophelia is a bit all over the place. Some colours dont fit in and the turtle looks kinda bad. Swimsuit Charlotte is probably my second fave cause the colours are nice and the mishmash theme kinda suits her but man, some of the pieces look so out of place. Stick with a consistent art style...

Why is Luca so high? Egh... I think Luca's shape is overall so ugly and not good looking. The decorations a kinda okay but way too messy to see what you're looking at. I find her so hard to judge cause I know there's a deeper meaning I dont quite get so she's always on the fence for me. Im a Breadman hater. Why is she so unique? Why is she separate to Sudachi? What makes you so special??!! Too weird, feels like they're trying too hard to be cute. Gothel is pretty. Love the colours and the rapunzel spin. And I love me a set of ribs!! Valentines Breadman is a little better to me, I think a mishmash really suits the chocolate theme. Should be higher than regular Breadman.

Naomi is one of the first doppels I saw so maybe im biased lol. Broiderie is too grey and complex for me. But otherwise she's very beautiful and suits the mushroom theme very well. Not a fan of her weird foot though. Sigh... Heide Jekyll (shit name). I get it, I really do. But you could have made the design better!!! I know its a sensitive topic but you've still gotta make something that looks good! Naomi is beautiful, beautiful colours, I love the dual heads and stark red between the bodies. I kinda wish the arms matched the rest more but otherwise a clear winner. Yeah, Ganni deserves to be last. It's just a helmet man... A very beautiful helmet but just a helmet.

Theresia at the top like she deserves! I LOVE how awful and grotesque she is! You go girl! Go torture someone! Yu Hong is good but a little boring to me. Wish there was more than just the balloon. Beatrice is very good but I kinda hate the bright purple and fleshy pink. Ouch that hurts the eyes. She's a little tooo weird for me (not a good overarching theme) but I like how grotesque she is (wow second time saying that, gross girls forever!) Also how was I today days old when I realised Beatrice-chan is differently coloured... fake fan... but still not great... Theresia sweep is deserved.

Hrrnngghhhh Old Dorothy isn't that good guys.... It's just a bunch of circles c'mon... and the Nightmare-esque creature is so out of place. Why does she have it? You know, the things Homura made in her isolation field? Eh... Sad McDougal is so low, she was my second choice. How dare you put her next to the shite that is Hund Balou. But... she isn't great... very object-y and what is going on with that pink thing? I think Im biased cause i love her magical witch. Winchester is a great translation of the witch. Love her, no notes (well...) Only critique is that the colours are boring but that's obviously her shtick. Hund Balou... is like one of the only doppels that just look so badly drawn. The hands are awful, the hair is awful and the headpiece looks stuck on. BUT... the colours are very pretty and I love her dress. Oh and Hanna's utilisation is so unbearably lazy.

This was kinda a battle of the worst for me... Only chose Winchester cause I like main Winchester. Old Dorothy is too busy, Yu Hong is just green with barely any additions, Cuauhitlan is WAY WAY too busy (but aside from the centre she is very pretty). Man, no one served at this party...

Huh, another battle of the worst... Can we please not have a variant doppel that is unbearably busy? I chose Oktavia cause her colours are really pretty as well as the additions. But... w-why is she fat again??!! (see before, nothing wrong with large Oktavia but she... she isnt in the anime so where has this come from?!) Totentaz is finneeee... but its just a little boring... The green is ugly and the arm bits detract too much from the rest of it. (though i like the repeated red stripes). Tara is just WAY too busy and so is Henrietta. It's so hard to see what's going on... They are pretty but man... tone it down a bit!

I hate Carola so so much its unbelievable. Its such a bad doppel... I need the full description to tell you how awful she is. I am so passionate about how much I hate this doppel (this is from a wip doppel ranking)

Final Carola is... better... I wish this was her usual but im so weighed down by its previous shitness that I didnt vote for her... The colours are pretty and so are the patterns. Caterina isnt a win for me. I have no idea why she has a butterfly theme and I wish it was more like a book. Its beautiful... but not Umika. Im biased for Antonio cause I just think he's so cool???? It's... it's not Kaoru (like hello?? Where is the football theme?) but I just like him aaaa... this was kinda another battle of the worst. I think Final Carola is the best here. (Kazumi Magica you deserve so much betterrrr)

I LOVE SYLVIIIEEEEE! :) ah, where were we... Im very on the fence with Vayu. My opinion changes every time I look at her... I like the shape and the utilisation of Shizuku makes sense but Im not so sure about the colours and the uhhh bag head..? Doesnt make sense to me. Her main witch works so much better. Gela is high for me cause I love cloowwnnnsss! Just kinda wish she wasn't 60% huge beige bag. Love a dual jester hat and two faces but the colours juusstt dont match so well. Tongue and wings dont work so great with everything as a whole. Mmmm heehee Sylvie!!!! I love wind up monkeys, I love maids, I love body horror, I love purple... hello? This diva has no flaawwssss! Why is Paparazzo so high.... its pretty lame... The colours are alright and I love the repeated circles theme but eh the camera body isnt doing it for me. And the eyes feel a little lazy. She's just a little lazy overall...

Forget battle of the worst this is battle of the best! A-and Kriemhild-senpai... Doppel Kriemhild is sooo good... it is a total shame she kinda isnt Kriemhild but a Portable reference wins brownie points in Kit's book! Original is great! No notes. Swimsuit is also very good but it wasnt the winner for me cause she is just a liiiiittle too busy... otherwise the colours are GORGEOUS and she is very good. Haregi Kriemhild is also so beautiful. I think the green is integrated well (they could have fluked that so easily) and the circular background works so well with her overall. Deserves to be on par with the other two, not that low :( And uh Kriemhild-senpai..? Oh look, we've run out of time!

Hrrnnnnnn...... okay Homulilly is great, very good interpretation of Portable Homulilly. Only gripe is that she's kinda one-note on colours. She could've used the red of Portable homu. Now... guys... cool Homulilly isnt that good... Rebellion Homulilly is such a good design and what did they use here?.... oh... oh uh... n-nothing... Where's the spider lily? Where's the gramophone? WHERES THE SKELETON?! It just doesnt do it for me, champ (and i know, this isnt specifically Rebellion Homulilly but c'mon! They were going there with everything else, why not go the whole way!) I think the Lotte are way too busy, if you were gonna do the Clara Dolls, do the fucking Clara Dolls, you have ALL the assets for them! No, she does not deserve to be top y'all are liars and skanks Swimsuit Homulilly... COME ON THE COLOURS ARE LOVELY! This was before variant doppels were stuffed to their britches with too much shit. She's so cute, I love the contrast of the blue and the cute spotty arms aarrghhh y'all are missing out... Haregi Homulilly is too busy and the colours are kinda wack. The 7 Gods of Fortune Lotte just don't work for me... it's too messy and ugly... very unbased here...

Wow that's all up to date! So? Did this make you hate me? I dont really mind lol Im half looking-forward-to, half nervous about what the rest of the results will be...

[lemotmo]

So I’ve been thinking…. It seems pretty apparent at this point that LFJ has not been updated to main character status as his fan cult insisted he would. I know that it’s early in filming and he will most likely be around at some point, but certainly not as much as they wanted.

To me, and I think many people in the fandom the writing for Buddie is on the wall. I don’t think journalists would be bringing it up, all the promotions would be involving Ryan, etc if it wasn’t that. There’s a lot of proof around already, showing us and reminding us that last season was setting up Buddie. But I don’t have to tell you that. I know you see it, too.

All that being said, when LFJ is inevitably either not on screen at all, or around for very few scenes and then dumped like the trash that he is, his fans are most likely going to revolt. I mean. They’re already kinda scary and way over the top. With him officially gone, I wonder what they’ll do…. So, do you think he should speak up and address his fans? Address what he did to cause all of this pandemonium? Or will he simply ignore it and move on? Because I worry if he isnt careful that these people will continue to follow his career and wreak havoc wherever he goes, which is just making him look bad. What do you think?

That's a really good question Nonny.

First, it's obvious to anyone with eyes that Lou was never going to get the main character status. This was something that only the radical BT stans believed anyway. 911 already has a lot of main characters and they often have trouble fitting all of their storylines in a single season. They aren't going to add any more main characters.

And even if they would, it certainly wouldn't be Lou. It would be Tracie or Anirudh. They have been on the show longer, have a bigger audience that loves them and they are very popular. The audience only got to see about 20 minutes of Tommy in season 7 alone. That's not very memorable. And yes, I know there was some Tommy in season 2 as well, but let's face it... no one remembered him. I know I didn't. I had to look him up.

I definitely see the Buddie-writing on the wall. It's all there. It started in season 2, but they ramped it up in season 7. The promo was crazy. And once again, they have started it up again. It's very focused on Ryan and Eddie right now, because his story will be the most important in order for Buddie to happen. Buck is already out of the closet. Everyone is just waiting for Eddie now.

I do think we have to brace ourselves for another few Tommy appearances in season 8. This story is too important to be messed up by one single guest actor. He will be there because that's what the story requires. Whether we like it or not, Tommy is a part of the Buddie storyline. He is the guy (read: plot device) that helped Buck out of the closet. Tommy has to play his part in order for Buck to get closer to seeing Eddie as a romantic option.

Do I want to see Tommy back? No, definitely not. Because yes, it will cause problems in the fandom. As soon as it becomes clear that Buck and Tommy aren't going to last very long, there will be those who will start yelling, shouting and generally start being obnoxious.

As for Lou speaking up? No, I don't think he'll even address them anymore. It's obvious that someone has talked some sense into him. It could be a joint effort by Tim, the show, his management, his friends, even the other show he frequently comes back to: SWAT. Whoever it was, they made sure he realised that a cult-like fanbase like that is not a good thing for his career.

So no, I don't think he will speak up. He'll continue to bury his head in the sand in the hopes this will all blow over and the hardcore Lou/Tommy stans will give up and move on. And really, I don't think there's anything else he can do at this point. Whatever he will say, will be misinterpreted and used against either him or other people, in this case: the cast of 911 and the more sane and normal BT and Buddie fans.

The only thing I think he should do, is publicly apologise for those very racist and bigotted instagram posts he made. Because it would only be right to do so and those posts really are a stain on his resume right now. It's all out there on the internet to find. But again, I don't think he will do any such thing.

And yeah, you're right. These radical fans might just follow him to whatever project is next. But ultimately, he is the one who created this problem in the first place, so maybe he should just reap what he sowed.

¯\(ツ)/¯

[fruitybashir]

hey hello 👋🏻 i'm sorry im very shy but i'm a huge fan of the holidate and dopamin (closer) was so fantastic and super hot and i was blushing the entire way through, i've reread it maybe five times by now, i'm sorry if that's weird 🫣

if you don't mind me asking, i'm curious about something? in the holidate and in dopamin, there's obvious hints at some of their kinks or preferences in bed (hair pulling, praise....) and i'm just wondering......can you say more about what kinks they're both into? what you envisioned for them? is there more we don't know about yet? i'm a bit embarassed to ask but i'm so curious

either way, i'm a big fan and i can't wait to see what you post next and have a nice day/night bye bye 💌💕

omg hiiiii <3333 dont be embarassed omg i loveeee when people tell me they reread my stuff, thats how i know it actually was good!!! 🫶🏻💖💖💖

and sure i can talk about it! its nothing super exciting tbh but i do have a certain set of kinks/preferences/likes whatever you wanna call it for each of them, im gonna put it under the cut as per usual in case it gets long.

edit yeah this is getting super long. sorry. dont ask me to yap, i will not stop.

starting with kris:

the very obvious: hair pulling. i think that was made pretty clear lmao. in a non-sexual context he looooves having his hair played with, someone just running their fingers through his hair, lightly scratching at the scalp, playing with a strand or two, anything at all gives him very pleasant tingles and practically makes him putty in your hands. find that spot behind his ear like bojan did and his brain shuts off, you have now successfully tamed your kris, congrats.

in a sexual context that translates to him loving having his hair pulled, its a combination of him liking having his hair played with + liking a certain level of pain. and the combo of that really gets him off. obviously.

pain for kris is like. hes into some level of pain, like the hair pulling and he also likes biting sometimes. in dopamin thats bojan biting his butt, but i imagine sometimes when bojan takes his time exploring kris' body, he takes a bite here or there, kris' neck, the sides of his stomach, the inside of his thighs .. stuff like that and kris is also really into it then.

hes not into any bigger levels of pain other than that like he wouldnt like stuff like spanking etc although thats a combination of not liking that type of pain and not liking being in a submissive position

next point: he doesnt like being submissive. its both just a preference thing plus not liking loss of control. he loves being the one to order the other part around and be the one to kiiind of have the upper hand. im saying that a bit vaguely bc he also isnt really a dom, he wouldnt like a very strong dominant role, he just likes calling the shots and being in control of the situation. idk how to put it. ill come back to this later

hes freshly discovering that hes into feminization, as you can probably tell from that last upload lmao, and he likes it both in a non-sexual and in a sexual context. he likes feminine words of affection, being called pretty, likes thinking about how in certain perspectives and moments people might mistake him for a girl, and he could have shopped online for lingerie thats specifically made for men, and buy panties that actually had some space in the front, but he deliberately chose not to do that, he wanted it to be girls underwear. that was important.

holidate kris is definitely not fully cis, but also not really trans either i think, idk what to call it but yeah. he might be a little trans, hes having some thoughts and feelings and maybe ill let him explore that properly one day but basically he doesnt really know what to make of it yet or how to categorise it, but he knows he likes himself exactly the way he is and doesnt want to change anything. he also likes getting called girl-ish things and thinking about how people might mistake him for a girl sometimes. idk

other preferences uhhh he really likes sucking dick lmao, like he genuinely enjoys going down on bojan and it gets him all worked up as well. he just figured out he loves getting eaten out. he doesnt like bottoming and he also doesnt like getting fingered all that much. and the thing with that is that he likes having things in his ass, but he doesnt like the uhhh motion of it? having a dick in his ass is fine, having that dick thrust into him is a big no no. the lucky thing with bojan is that he has really short fingers so when hes fingering kris, hes focussing on kris's prostate and doesnt move around all that much so that is still something kris enjoys. on occasion. he also generally doesnt like coming more than once, bc he tends to be very sensitive after his first orgasm and the second one is often very overhelming and too much

moving on to bojan:

also fairly obvious: likes being manhandled, likes being told what to do, big on getting praised. he also loves servicing and making kris feel good, it genuinely gets him off when he can just worship kris a little.

bojan loves both receiving and giving oral but he really loves bottoming and coming on kris' fingers. he loves getting a little overstimulated like getting teased for a long time before getting any proper attention so by the time kris finally goes down on him or fucks him, bojan is already shaking with it and desperate. or in the way like in dopamin, literally not being able to fully calm down in between orgasms and still being super sensitive from the first one.

i think the praise thing is pretty self explanatory, he really loves getting praised for doing a good job when he follows kris' instructions, loves being called a good boy, loves when kris keeps telling him how good hes being in general, its a major thing for him

he loves getting fucked classic missionary or riding kris, they tried doggy once but he didnt like not being able to see kris and touch him. he loves watching kris' face when he comes and also before that, he just loves fucking face to face.

also he would love for kris to make real on his promise of fucking his tits, neither of them knows how that would work but bojan is heavily into the idea of it

as for both of them:

ive said it in dms earlier but basically like. theyre both still kind of vanilla with their kinks? like there is a dom/sub dynamic there but its a very mild one kinda.

like how in dopamin kris tells bojan hes gonna make him come on his fingers and then give him no break after, but later he still does give him a break and checks with bojan if hes still okay with it, if its too much etc. or how he keeps telling bojan to use his words, but always forgives him when bojan cant use his words or is too embarrassed to say what kris wants him to say. like theres never any real consequences.

and thats the thing with them: they are so in tune with each other and have a level of trust for each other that they never had with previous partners. bojan likes being bossed around but he wouldnt like if anyone was actually mean to him, hes not into humiliation or being actually punished for something.

kris knows when he says it that its all empty threats and he would never give bojan any real consequences, and bojan knows this as well, but he would also never intentionally misbehave bc he likes following commands.

they work so well together like that bc theyre both fully aware of what they and the other wants out of it, they know the others wishes and boundaries and limits etc, like there is just a level of trust and understanding between them like no other.

also theyre super in love. did i mention that. does that come across. thats not a kink thing but theyre just super mega in love and thats so important to me.

uhhhh i think thats basically all there is to them kink wise ✌🏼 sorry this got so long, oopsie

[alicentsgf]

i think saying 'rhaenyra was afraid for baby joffrey' is such a huge misread of that scene and kind of a disservice to rhaenyra honestly. like that is not what was happening. it was all about power and the amount of influence they hold over viserys. alicent was showing rhaenyra what she had the power to do whilst also indicating that she was aware of her childrens true parentage. to me it seems clear alicent had been consistently using the strong boys as a way to put pressure on rhaenyra to concede her claim. but rhaenyra refused to be indimidated and immediately exercised her own power and won. she didnt have to get up and take joffrey herself, she wasnt afraid for him, rhaenyra made a conscious descision to rise to meet alicent's challenge. she was (very understandably given the circumstances/her pov) antagonising alicent right back.

so how can it be that all those years alicent was "abusing" rhaenyra when we see very clearly there would need to be different circumstances for that. a power imbalance or some kind of manipulation that isnt reciprocal. no, it was just a feud guys. they were feuding. alicent ranks higher technically but rhaenyra so firmly holding viserys favour evens that out. rhaenyra making decisions that endanger the people around her and alicent subsequently being a bitch to her about it doesnt make anyone abusive. its just two women having the most prolonged, fraught, not-so-covert confrontation in westerosi history. rhaenyra being so distressed by all of it that she leaves for dragonstone doesnt mean she was The victim, there is no victim, or if there is its either both or neither - they are literally both at the end of their tethers - we definitely see alicent at her most neurotic during this time period as a result of rhaenyra and viserys actions. who was more justified in their motivations is at least somewhat subject to perspective and interpretation but the fact is.... we see rhaenyra and alicent both abuse their power to act against the other.

and thats the point. they are narrative foils. they exist parallel to each other. respresentative the two types of womanhood this society overwhelming allows for; the hostage or the whore. that neither is inherently good or bad or right or wrong is important. what rhaenyra wants for herself isnt wrong, she should be allowed to freely experience love and desire, but given the context how she goes about that comes across short-sighted and often selfish. likewise, what alicent "wants" is demonstrably damaging to herself and other women, but she pursues it out of fear, trying to protect herself and her family and other women (as we see with dyana) from a world she understands all too well. for either of these women to be an abuser and the other the victim would be damaging what is indisputably the core element of their stories.

[casualavocados]

i literally have so much to say about q and toey and we are and im sitting here like AAAAA. i had to write it down.

i see people being upset about the jealousy thing and the way Q acted and how he started teasing Toey about the kiss: but it was very clear that no feelings were talked about or cemented at the amusement park. Q asked Toey if he understood Chain was hitting on him, unaware it was a ruse for him to admit feelings for Toey. he did admit those feelings, but not in a "claiming toey as his bf" way, in a "i need you to know im an option for you and my feelings are real" way. (He literally said "what if i hit on you too?" the unasked question beside that: "how would you feel about me if i did?") Q was actually giving Toey the choice to react however he wanted to when he kissed him.

Honestly it was a really good way for Q to approach the subject bc he didnt get mad at Toey OR Chain for their "potential" feelings. He was jealous but he tried to figure out how they both truly felt about each other before acting. (and Chain lied to Q and said he had feelings for Toey.) Toey didn't actually lie, I noticed. He just said Chain had been very nice to him. If Toey had given blatant confirmation that he had feelings for Chain, Q would have backed off, I'm certain of it. But instead of lying, (or admitting he actually liked Q,) Toey made it seem like he was considering Chain as a possible romantic interest, and Q heard that and chose to let Toey know that he could also be a possible romantic interest.

He gave Toey the choice to say no to the kiss. Toey kissed back. But that was not them becoming a couple! (Notice that later, Toey never said he and Q were together, only that he believed he had a chance with Q.)

I actually find it similar to what Phum and Peem are going through atm. They are not officially dating yet!!! they havent talked about that at all! theyve kissed twice, but they dont know what they are, and they are taking their time figuring it out, and there's nothing wrong with not labelling their relationship immediately.

So that's what I saw the teasing scene as. As Q being like "hey, remember that time we kissed. and you kissed back. im here as an option for you to date, are you gonna do anything about that? how does that make you feel? are we gonna talk about it? hope you figure it out soon <3"

and i dont find anything wrong with that! WHAT MADE THINGS MESSY WAS THE REVEAL OF THE RUSE.

Which was confusing because it wasn't revealed that the group had planned for chain to pretend-hit on toey. What WAS revealed was that the whole group knew that milk frappe boy was Toey, and Q didnt. That's what made Q explode so bad. Like, i think that scene was meant to be confusing, because Q kept saying "explain it to me" as well as "i dont want to hear it". I think all he really saw in the moment was his entire friend group in the know about something important to him that he'd never told them, while faced with learning Toey was the anonymous boy from his past, and had known, and had kept it from him.

Like yeah, I can imagine the kind of betrayal Q must have felt! He had just kissed Toey! And it slowly made more sense as to why Q reacted as strongly as he did bc more was revealed while Q was trying to come to terms with milk frappe boy and Toey being the same person.

Because it isnt until after the explosion that we learn Q had had it BAD for milk frappe boy. That he'd even talked to Toey about it and how bad he felt for disappearing on the mystery boy he'd liked so much. This scene was really complicated bc we were seeing it from Toey's perspective, as him learning that Q had had feelings for him and then advising Q to try and find milk frappe boy to find out the truth about his feelings, without Toey telling Q it was him all along.

But I think from Q's perspective, that scene was about trying to admit to himself that he'd made a mistake and should have done better by the anonymous boy. I think he was also trying to express that he was past it now, and trying to move on. Pairing that interpretation with the conversation between Q and Peem that was like "well this is how you felt about milk frappe boy, how do you feel about Toey?" and you get the impression Q considered his feelings for milk frappe boy a lost cause, but he was okay with that because he had found Toey, and started liking him instead.

So learning that they were the same person was really complicated for him! Q's got a lot to work through! a lot of conversations and interactions to reframe in his mind. And of course he's hurt that Toey never told him who he was, but what made that hurt more was learning Toey had told the rest of the group first.

I think that's also what's beating Toey up the most - that his real feelings for Q had turned into a real lie, by choosing to play along with the ruse their friends invented. He was someone who, before, was always content to give Q space and just be near him, so manipulating his feelings the way that they all did, and Q discovering his identity as milk frappe boy in the midst of that ruse is something I don't think Toey ever imagined or wanted to happen - that he was and would have been willing to let things unfold naturally - even admit to his identity later if there'd been a more honest chance for it.

[crippling-pages]

I'm curious as to why you don't like Maruca

you saw my reblog!! :D woohoo!!

*clears throat*

I think she's a brat.

She hasn't even been in the series for even 30 pages?? And she acts so bossy and annoying and bratty and rude for the entire time?? Wtf??

In Lodestar she came in and THREATENED the entire crew because she wanted to see Wylie!! Like i get you wanna see your cousin but that doesnt mean you get to THREATEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO CONTROLL ON WHETHER YOU CAN SEE HIM OR NOT!!! WTF???

Then we have her coming back in Legacy for no reason other than her ability?? She had it for like 2 weeks but she's flexing it like she's had it for years and has been professionally trained with it?? FOXFIRE WASNT EVEN OPEN THEN AHJGFTDERSDTFGYUH

And she continues to act she's so powerful but oh wait! she's had it for like less than a month YOU BARELY KNOW HOW TO USE IT RIGHT

i also dont like how she's siding against Sophie and the others constantly. Thats Stina's thing thank you very much (when Stina does it it isnt annoying its hot)

She also keeps butting into conversations like what ToT In Stellarlune when they were at the cliff and they (Sophie, Tam, Wylie, and Rayni) were in a very important discussion with Vespera and Ruy, she keeps butting in with pointless comments ToT like girl BE QUIET they're trying to get important info here PLEASE smh

Also dont like how she treats Biana and the rest of the crew too. She acts like she's soo much better when in reality they're the reason she's

AND SHE STOLE DEX'S SPOT ON BOOK NINE!!!!!!!! WE BARELY KNOW HER BUT SHE GOT ON A COVER??? WHAT ABOUT DEX??? WHAT ABOUT LINH??? WHAT ABOUT BIANA??? WHAT ABOUT TAM??????? Unlike Marella who EARNED that cover she hast no reason to be on it ToT

anyways I really dont like Maruca. Maruca stans dont come after me please

and if you say that she doesnt have any reason to be hated, i say; well she hasnt been on enough pages to be liked :)

Maruca stans please dont come after me im just clearing my inbox

[plaguedoctormemes]

i'm not deleting my tumblr blogs but this whole debacle with the AI stuff is discouraging me to at least not post original content here and limit my time on social media in general. Also to be clear on my stance on AI, which I think is very much influenced by my background as both an artist and a professional graphic designer: I think it can be a very useful tool and I don't even necessarily inherently find it completely harmful. Some forms of AI are already well used and completely normalized, but I find most of the time generative AI as we know it is pretty harmful and its harms outweighs its benefits currently (largely grifts, scams and misinfo). It needs regulation desperately, but old cunt politicians are too dumb to really care about or understand how important the issue is right now. I do not believe that AI will simply peter off or crash. From a marketing standpoint, i feel like AI usage will cool off or become more specialized (like creating whole machines *just* trained on individual brands for personal use and whatnot) but I have no idea how far away that would be. I just believe there might come a time where everyone is over the "spectacle" of generative AI and will find it inaffective or inherently associated with cheapness. At least in the most base sense in advertising, it is generally much better to have your own photographs and original branded artwork as it proves authenticity. You can only see a illusionist do so many tricks before you're bored by them and expect them, and we're already getting to the point where even the average Joe is tired of hearing about AI and the future, and at least when it comes to art and writing i just... don't care? i don't give a shit about it. BACK TO TUMBLR: I'm aware that its likely that mine and everyone elses' posts here have already been scraped. My thing is that it's more the symbolism of Tumblr's "opt-out" choice: memorial blogs, inactive blogs, and so on are going to be scraped without consent. No banners or pop ups to notify users of this change, you either have to either HAPPEN UPON to see staff's post or see others talk about it to even know about it. Since the beginning of this whole AI boom i had no issue with AI data training as long as it's consentual and ethical, but obviously it most of the time isnt. Tumblr's method of rolling out this change was purposely underhanded. I'm never going to simply be "okay" or normalize in my mind the fact that big tech companies feel entitled to people's privacy- which i believe extends to our online lives. I don't think myself or anyone else should ever feel completely apathetic to the fact that people you don't know, that definitely do not need it, are making money off of you without your consent or knowledge. Just to be clear this isnt about what is and isnt "real art" or whatever for me. It's just a huge distraction from the main point, a big debate that will go absolutely nowhere. What's more important about it is that big techs and billionaires don't have interest in making the world a better place, they only care about eliminating our "distractions" that get in the way of them making money and accumulating more wealth. My solution: We need to make them deepthroat shotguns and machetes.