#just that the ways in which he blames himself/wakaba aren't very useful for manipulating him. but i didn't really want to get into that her

[transmascutena]

I think it's interesting how one of the healthiest relationships in the show is Wakaba and Utena's friendship. Obviously, it has its flaws and tensions. But those tensions arise directly from the concept of being "special," from Wakaba dealing with their sense of inferiority towards Utena, who actively puts their sense of self-worth in winning these duels to keep Anthy at their side (a noble Prince...) People talk about Tatsuya being rejected as a Black Rose duelist a lot, but it's so notable that he's rejected because he's just...a more emotionally mature, less toxic person. Yeah, his heart is broken, but there is something decidedly human and mundane about how he approaches the conflict by asking, "What's wrong with me?" He sees him and Wakaba as two equals, he doesn't put their love conflicts on a pedestal, and he wants genuine solutions and hopes to confront his own flaws to understand why Wakaba rejected him.

Literally no one else is doing it like him.

A key theme in this show is critique of the nuclear family, but an extension of that theme is how said family unit breeds deep dysfunction into the characters' lives. The lack of communal infrastructure means characters are constantly putting their eggs in one basket. Everyone wants to return to their past because Ohtori and the patriarchal system doesn't offer chances to form new connections outside of the ones born of your trauma/childhood. Their lives are defined by their suffering. I view Wakaba and Utena's relationship as so important BECAUSE of how mundane it is, these 2 people met and they became friends and they eat bentos together and Wakaba views herself as non-special, but she doesn't realize how severely fucked up and lonely all the special people are.

I could go on. I want to write essays about this anime, for real. But it's something that struck me as I watch the show for the first time.

one of the reasons i find utena and wakaba's friendship so interesting and appealing is the fact that it and its issues are so mundane in the middle of all melodrama of the duels and the student council relationships and all of those things. their flaws feel very real for a teenage friendship, and they're all things i can personally relate to on some level. they obviously genuinely care about each other, but their friendships suffers from them not truly understanding each other, mostly because of their own lacking communication (utena doesn't tell wakaba any of the weird things going on in her life, probably out of some desire to protect her from it, and wakaba doesn't tell utena how upset that makes her, and ends up resenting her.) and it's completely accurate what you said about the tragedy of wakaba wanting to be special like utena is, but not realizing that said "specialness" comes at the cost of abuse and trauma. ohtori (akio) purposefully obfuscates that abuse to make it seem like something you should want. trying to disguise grooming as romance, etc. etc. the beauty of the rose hides its thorns and all that.

i'm not sure i'd call it the healthiest relationship in the show (although the bar is so low that it probably is by default) but it's important that the ways in which it is harmful are so normal. who hasn't ever been bad at communicating their feelings to people they care about? who hasn't kept secrets that they probably shouldn't? who hasn't grown apart from a middle school friend once new things started happening in their life? i'd argue that the flaws in the show's other relationships are also pretty normal when you strip away the layers of metaphor and symbolism from them (in the sense that abuse is exceedingly common.) but utena and wakaba's friendship exists almost entirely outside of that, which makes it stand out.