#just shame upon shame for not having done it sooner even though they're the same people who won't let me

[softshuji]

I wish my mom would stop joking about how she wants to "find an arranged marriage for me" because "at this rate you're never going to find anyone" or "a man who tolerates you" I alr feel easily replaceable and unwanted and unlovable and it really doesn't help when she says these things and constantly mentions my younger brother(s), who are ready to get married soon and I feel the constant pressure to accept just anyone when in reality the reason why I haven't is because they're hounding me constantly whenever I mention the concept of being in a relationship. They want me married but don't want me to leave home. They want me married but don't like the idea of me dating or being men. They want me married but not to accept the concept of me feeling attraction to someone. They want me married but never to fly the nest or have independence of my own and I'm sick I'm so sick of constantly being told or even joked about that a man is going to have to "tolerate" me. thanks a lot.