#just on a hiatus. again.. functioning ass website

[mayordeas-clone]

ok bizarre, bonkers even, there have been Two tumblr accounts that i KNOW i have been following but then i find out that i wasn’t actually and have to refollow…. for both instances i had to manually go to the page to find this out since i don’t check up on the list of blogs i follow at all.

for one of them i was confused as to why they wouldn’t come up when i searched my list of blogs i followed, then using the main search i found out no they didn’t get banned i was just inexplicably removed from their following, seemingly. and for another i got a “check out these blogs” thingy in my feed and one of the blogs i thought i was following was among them with a follow button instead of a following button

(oh my god that was so many words but you get what i mean)

and again i only found out these two because i was either manually searching for them or just stumbled across it. who knows how many other blogs i’ve been removed from that i haven’t thought to check 😭😭

functioning website 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[inessencedevided]

Hey there (an update)

So in my last post I called my recent absence from tumblr an "unofficial hiatus" and it honestly made me realise for the first time that I'd just kinda up and vanished a few ... months ago (i think? At this point?) And I owe whoever cares enough to have noticed an explanation

So for a time now, I haven't been feeling well. Sometime during the hight of the pandemic, things started going downhill with my mental health. It was pretty gradual and slow and not exactly linear so for a time i found it easy to ignore. Sure, the bad days outnumbered the good but i was still functional, i did my work and all that and i even found some joy in fandom spaces, so it couldn’t have been that bad right?

Wrong. I'll spare you the details but around march/april of this year the "functioning" bit and the "found some joy" bit ceased being true and i was in a depressive episode for some weeks during which my biggest achievement was just making it through to the other side

Things got better. I found a therapist (turns out I've got depression triggered by burn out), I got the deadlines on my univeristy papers extended, i tried to take breaks (that's fucking hard), i tried changing my habits and to give myself time (that's harder), i went on a solo trip to ireland (about a month ago. worth every penny and so needed).

It was honestly an unconscious decision, but I think I also needed to take a break from tumblr and online fandom in general. For a while, I could not feel joy at the things that used to be my bright spots on dark days. interacting with them and not feeling that just reminded me of how empty I felt in general. It made me feel afraid that I'd lost something vital to myself and so I avoided fandom altogether

Again, it wasn't a conscious decision but still, I now regret that I didn't at least write this message way earlier to tell the people I've met over this website that I'd be gone for a while. I've met so many great people here and sometimes even worked with them on fandom projects and I'm very sorry I abandoned those friendships for a while (if you think this might be directed at you, it is!)

Going forward, I will still be less active than I used to be. I'm still recovering and I've noticed that offline activities (mostly just taking long-ass walks and sewing) are more conductive to my mental health than online stuff, especially because I'm working on my degree again and that already means I've got a lot of screentime each day. But I won't be completely MIA anymore

If you've read this far, thank you! Feel free to shoot me a message. Even if it takes me a few days to answer, i promise i will! 💚