#just made my yearning like fifty times worse agh
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i miss my boyfriend (he’s in a completely different world than me)
#spookyshipping#it’s like he’s away at war but like for Forever#oh i don’t. i don’t like that phrasing actually#just made my yearning like fifty times worse agh#i know i have my brain and ~imagination~ to think of things and imagine being with him but#sometimes i wish my brain would be nice and let me actually dream of him#i think of him every day. i swear i spend most of my day just thinking of and imagining him#but i’ve only ever dreamed of any of my f/os (interacting directly with them) once#it was a dream about ryou. it was nice. we were on a bus and we just talked and i felt so happy but sad when i woke up lol#i just. feel like dreaming is the closest i’m ever going to get to being in the same space as him in a way that is. tangible?? i guess#it’s difficult to think of how i’m never going to actually like. have that i guess#i can put aaaall my love and care into something and it won’t magically become real sadly u_u#i’ll keep loving him though of course#i don't think i could ever stop really#i hope there’s a way he can feel all that love i have and feel for him from wherever he is#it’s that way for all my boys but especially for ryou#with how many people he’s lost and maybe that unintentional exclusion he goes through#i hope he knows he’s cared for even outside of his own world#that someone thinks of him a little more than she probably should lol#siiigh need to. stare at a prompt list or something and doze off while thinking about him more#goodnighttt tumblr#delete later
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