#just like how irl i remove myself from the conversation whenever my girl friends talk about dudes

[anonymocha]

I genuinely cannot feel strongly for men so if I react less interested / completely disinterested when I see a guy I can’t project into it’s not me trying to make my lesbian statement I GENUINELY just *cannot* care.

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐈𝐓 | 𝐌𝐒𝐁𝐘 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

GUYS AND GIRLS AND MY NON-BINARY MATES! IT'S OKAY TO STOP WHENEVER YOU WANT. DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO CONTINUE JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER WANTS. CONSENT IS BOTH WAYS.

Okay, yeah, I just want to put that out because I've seen some of my acquaintances or heard stories going through some traumatic shit because they weren't ready but were forced to go through it.

Pairing (s): MSBY Four — Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shoyo, Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi x fem! reader, all characters are aged up!

Genre: romance, fluff

Warning (s): mentions of sex, pre-marital sex, suggestive themes, toxic friends, peer pressure, sexual assault not suitable for 18 and under. 18 and under DNI.

a/n - not going to lie; I always feel uncomfy while writing kissing or seggs scenes because I have no idea how it feels. Do people really suck their partner's tongue while making out? I have tons of questions, but my irl friends are like me, we have no knowledge abt kissing...

Enjoy~!

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto is your first boyfriend, and he is your first for everything.

He is always patient and never rushes you.

You two always do things at your pace because he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

But, you know that sooner or later, you two would have sex.

And the thought of it scares you.

You were brought up in a traditional and conservative family; sex was never really mentioned.

Most of your friends are experienced and often give you advice on how to do it.

Some of your 'friends' told you that he will leave you if you don't have sex with him soon.

You're an insecure individual, so hearing those, you can't help but feel obligated to have sex with him soon.

Bokuto has a high EQ, and he easily noticed that you were feeling upset.

Since you didn't want to worry him, you reassure him that you were okay.

After three years of dating, was he going to leave you because you two couldn't have sex because of you?

Bokuto pulls you onto his lap, and you gently loop your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you. You kissed him back with as much passion as he was, and he sneaks his hands underneath your shirt to massage your stomach gently.

You softly moaned when he slips his tongue into yours, and he playfully sucks on it.

He stops kissing your lips and slowly kisses his way down to your neck, and sucks on your collarbones, leaving light love bites on them. Your breath hitched when you felt him cupping your breast; you immediately pushed his hands away.

At first, Bokuto felt a bit taken back by your reaction, then he saw your glassy eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong? You can tell me." He tries to touch you, but you shook your head.

"I'm not ready...I don't want to do this, Kou. Are you going to leave me?" Bokuto was confused; why the hell would you come to a conclusion that ridiculous just because you didn't want to have sex with him?

He cups your face and makes you face him.

"Babe, it's okay if you're not ready. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can stop. I'll never leave you. Was it those friends of yours again? Dump them. If my baby doesn't want to have sex, then we shall not. We shall do it when you're ready, okay? Don't feel pressured by them; we do this at our pace. Now, do you want to watch a movie and cuddle?" You meekly nodded your head, and he kisses your forehead and on the lips.

Bokuto went back to the room and came back with a big fleece blanket.

"Virgin or not, I will always love you. Don't listen to the rubbish they are talking about. If you wanna have sex, we can do it. As long you are comfortable, that is all I want. Don't blame yourself, okay?" He flicked your forehead when he noticed your sad pout.

He set up the TV and dims the lights in the living room. You sat in his lap, and he wraps the blanket around the two of you as the movie starts playing.

"Kou, I love you. Thank you for being so understanding." You thanked him and kisses his cheek.

"I love you too." Bokuto pulls you closer and kisses the top of your head.

Miya Atsumu

Atsumu loves you a lot.

You were the first girlfriend he has brought home to his parents, and Osamu approves of you.

It seems like he has found his match. His fans were glad to see him in a relationship where he is genuinely happy.

Before Atsumu, you dated a couple of guys, and it was all bad experiences.

Your first boyfriend forced you to give your virginity to him, and he was older, so you thought that was what you're supposed to do in a relationship.

The second guy just took advantage of your vulnerability and exploit you in the worst possible ways.

You met Atsumu while working as a pilates instructor, and their's team trainer introduced you to him.

And you two have been dating for about two years after knowing for about a year.

Sex...you two did talk about it, but you were just not ready to do it after all the traumatic experiences.

And, he was okay with it.

You felt bad because sometimes you can hear him touching himself, yet you can't help him with his needs.

"Tsumu, let's do it." You climb into his lap and captures his lips into yours. He was surprised, but nonetheless, he loves kissing you. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

His hands crept up to your inner thighs, and he starts massaging your thighs.

You felt a bit squirmish and slight discomfort, but you ignored it and starts kissing down his neck, leaving love bites, and you helped him removed his shirt.

Atsumu knows you well, and he noticed your expression. Even though it was subtle, he noticed how you were slightly uncomfortable and when he touches you, you flinched by reflex.

All the small actions that you unconsciously do make him realised that you were forcing yourself to do.

"Hey, we don't have to do it if you're not ready. You don't have to force yourself." Hearing him say that, you broke down in tears.

He holds you securely and pats your back in a comforting manner as you cry.

Even though you wanted to do it, he sensed that you were uncomfortable and decided to stop you. He noticed that you were not ready and immediately stopped and comforted you; it made you realise that he is not like your exes.

"Babe, we can do it when you're ready to do it. No need to rush yourself; I can wait. I'm not going to leave just because we are not having sex." He comforted you and nodded your head.

You lifted up your head, and his heart ached at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks.

"I'm sorry for not being able to things like a normal couple. I just thought that you might leave me if we don't have sex..." He shook his head and cups your face in his hands.

"I can wait as long as you are ready to do it. I'm not going to leave you just because we can't have sex. If I have any urges, I'll just touch myself or something. I want you to feel that you are safe with me and under no pressure. If you don't want to have sex, we don't have to. Is that clear?" He stroke your cheeks gently.

"Thank you for being so patient. I just feel-" Atsumu shuts you up by kissing you on the lips.

"No more feeling bad in this house! Let's watch your favourite show and order takeout, okay?" He was desperately trying to comfort you.

"Okay, I'll stop feeling bad. I love you." You leaned in to kiss his lips.

"I love you too. Now, I'll go get you one of my hoodies and we can cuddle more after I go calm myself down. See you in a bit!" He pecks your lips and rushed off to the bathroom.

Hinata Shōyō

He may look innocent, but Hinata probably has more experience than you.

But this guy has tons of patience when it comes to you.

You knew him since young since he was a neighbour of yours.

After graduating high school, you two reconnected and started dating shortly.

So, you two have been dating for three years, and there has never been a dull moment with him.

However, your friends ask about your sex life, but the two of you literally did nothing. The most you guys did was make out.

It's not you guys are super pure or innocent; you two felt there wasn't a need to have sex.

But how long can he last without having sex?

So you decided to ask him directly about it.

The two of you were just chilling on the sofa after dinner. You snuggled against him, and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. When you two entered into the relationship, you guys promised each other to always be open.

Communication was the key to a stable relationship, and it was bugging you.

"Babe, are you okay without having sex? We've been going out for three years, and we never had sex. I just want to know your opinion about it." It was direct, and he never expects to have this kind of talk with you.

He thinks for a moment and hugs you tighter.

"Well, I am fine without it since I've been so busy training. I just want to spend time with you, sex or no sex; I love being around you. And, it's your body too. When you are ready, you can just tell me. No need to rush." He kisses your cheeks, and you nodded your head.

"Okay, I just want to know. You know, because my friends are talking about how sex is the one factor keeping their man. What about you?" You poked his cheeks, and he pouts.

"I'm not that horny! Anyways, I love coming home to your cooking and how you decorate our apartment and our dates! Not all relationships are like that...Or perhaps, you are the horny one in this relationship?" He scooted over from you and gasped.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatic self.

"You are the horny one! I caught you doing it in the bathroom!"

"You did it too! You left your dildo by the bathroom counter!"

The two of you burst out laughing at each other.

"Alright, we can do it whenever you are ready. Wait, we are going to miss the show! Turn on the TV!"

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Both of you are pretty direct in your relationship since you guys prioritise communication.

The talk of sex never really come up in your conversation.

You two have not moved in together yet but are looking at potential places to move in together.

Your parents were happy to hear you two were finally getting your own place after dating for five years and are engaged now.

Both of you rarely have the time to meet since you both are busy, but Sundays are meant for dates.

Your friends are shocked to hear that you and Sakusa never have sex throughout your relationship, not even once.

Maybe you two could just keep in your pants 👀.

Obviously, you two almost did it, but both of you stopped each other before it went further.

Sakusa himself has a lot of restraint but sometimes, seeing you in his shirt and cooking in his kitchen really turns him on.

He stood up from the sofa and approached you from the back. You jumped slightly when he wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned his chin on your shoulder.

"Wait a bit; good food takes time to cook. You can have some strawberries if you're hungry. My uncle sent some from his farm." He was not looking for some strawberries.

Sakusa softly kisses the nape of your neck; you accidentally let out a moan when he sucks on your sensitive spot. His naughty hands slyly sneak under your shirt and touch your stomach, leaving feathery touches below your bra.

He never stops kissing your neck, and you knew this might end up in the bedroom if you don't stop him and no dinner for you two.

"Kiyoomi, stop. I'm not ready yet." You told him firmly, and he stops immediately.

You turn down the stove and turns around to face him. He looked away, feeling guilty that he lost his rationality when he saw you in his shirt.

"Hey, don't feel bad. I stopped you, didn't I? That's all that matter." He lets out a deep sigh and pulls you into his embrace.

"I'm sorry. Seeing you in my shirt, I lost my rationality. You look so damn hot in it." He confessed, and you burst out laughing.

Sakusa frowned and cups your face to make you look at him.

"Fine, I won't laugh but get those strawberries and get out of the kitchen." You loop your arms around his neck to bring him down to your height for a kiss.

He lets you go and got the strawberries to the living room but his eyes were admiring your back as you return back to cooking.

YAASSSSSSS! I'M DONE!

I'm so happy that I have finished writing this! Hope you all enjoyed this! Thank you for reading!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[literalite]

Hey .-. I have a question and you don’t gotta answer if it makes you uncomfortable. But I’m 16 and for the last 4ish years I’ve struggled with my gender identity. I’ve not met anyone in real life that has struggled with this.. so I wanted to ask how did you come to terms with your identity? I feel so lost and confused and scared. I’m sorry if this is a loaded question I really felt like I could come to you.

ah it doesnt make me uncomfortable at all! idk i feel like speaking out about shit is more important and this is. super loaded with a lot of stuff. im gonna stick this baby under a cut bcos this is a Lot idk i just started talking and then didnt stop. 

umm ever since i was really small i was really. idk how to describe it. dissociated? with myself and my body like i just kind of mentally removed myself and i didnt rlly care about how i presented and stuff. there was one incident when i was in literally preschool which i’d rather keep in dms or smth (you can dm me btw, if u wanna make this more of a conversation!! idm at all) but aside from that... there was kind of a vague discomfort with my birth gender (whenever i got referred to as the old ass pronouns i was like Hm. well.) but i kind of just decided not to think about it bcos it was easier to just ignore it lmao. but also i started being super physically self destructive because i didn’t know how to handle any of it, esp as puberty hit? (exactly how self destructive i became is honestly also not a conversation to be had outside of dms)

it was weird because i had a lot of love for like. women like there was not one moment where i went wow i hate girls. which a lot of transphobes like to say is the root cause for trans people (especially transmasc ppl), this hatred towards their birth genders. i genuinely can say that wasn’t true for me at all. my romantic awakening (?) i guess you could call it was with my best friend at the time, i came to terms with my feelings in regards to like, sexuality using, of all stupid things, avicii’s addicted to you music video. that feeling of awkward wrongness did not stem from the concept of femininity itself. it was like i was constantly wearing two left shoes and no one could see my lagging behind, my reluctance, this mental limp. it was honestly just me.

i kind of honestly... just sat on my feelings for a long time, got worse, got better, but never really took them out to examine until one day i realised i had inadvertently been out as a bi (or pan, but i’ve used both and neither really bother me) person for a while and been out as an ace person for even longer then that. to my friends, obviously, irl and online, but not really to my parents because at this point it was none of their business. neither of them are particularly accepting and i wasn’t going to agonise over it anymore then i needed to. this was just how i was. i was on simblr at this point and i think here on tumblr, as bad as it is sometimes, i’d come at an age when not much was capable of deeply hurting my feelings (making me immune to hatred) and there were so many queer people just living their lives. i made friends with them, i watched them, and it was that kind of ease with which how they just were able to Be that made me go. maybe i want some of this. 

i did my research, i looked up all the terms and their meanings and i read arguments for and against and i talked to older queer people, like how you are doing to me, mostly anonymously. i even think i was the same age as you are now, or a little younger, maybe. the arguments against i found hurtful and irrational and i found myself constructing my own counterpoints in my head and i realised this thing which i had kind of filed away as my allyship(?) was more kinship. i understood it because while it was different (and gender is a different winding path for everybody, and is never the same) to my experiences exactly, it was certainly not one of a cis person. so i came out here, first, where i found it to be safe. i was lucky to be surrounded by supportive friends at that time, both trans and cis. and i settled. the name i’d used as a character’s name, and one that i later adopted as my nickname, became me, because it was me and had been me all along. other people aren’t like that, they go through different names, but i’ve always at the core had the same one, although it has gone through shifts over the years. that makes me lucky in my own way, i guess, because seph has been me for longer then my deadname really has. they/them pronouns, because of their genderlessness, and also because it reminds me of one of my favourite poems (song of myself, 51 by walt whitman- specifically the line “i am large, i contain multitudes”).

i came out roughly a year later to my irl friends, and another year has passed. not all of them understand wholly, and i don’t owe it to them to explain. i’m graduating soon and i don’t think i’ll see some of them for many more years. my parents, i’ve never been especially emotionally close to, and they aren’t really owed that truth of me either, though i do intend on telling them at some point, when i’m less dependent on them. 

i am going to change my legal name, i am going to change the records the government has of me to match who i am. i will probably undergo surgery to make my body how i want it. it’s a lot of work, and money, and time. but i’ve made plans, and i’m happy, because ever since i acknowledged myself honestly and started being honest with the people i care about, the future has cleared from the inevitable darkness that i used to think it was, to something i could hope for and dream about. i don’t know who you are, but i hope you contact me again. if you haven’t noticed, i love to talk fdghjkl but mostly it’s harder to offer advice when you don’t know who you’re talking to. 

but here’s what being trans has meant to me: finding the vessel i lived in lacking and making plans to make it my own. it has meant being happy, the happiest i’ve been in so long. it means being able to be truthful to the people i care about, and connect with them, and help others, whether it be this path specifically or on others. some trans people will try to tell you that being trans means misery and hatred or some combination of the two. that to be trans means to suffer. that is a lie. gender is a concept, something society has created, and we say this like a curse sometimes, but the thing is, we are a part of that society. we make it. and so your gender is yours. you don’t have to define it, or understand it if it upsets you, and you have all the time in the world to work this out. you never have to, if you don’t want to. you can wake up tomorrow and claim an identity and it will still be valid. i won’t pretend like it isn’t hard, because it is. but this is your mind and your body and at the end of the day, in questioning what you have means that you know to some extent there is some understanding about yourself you haven’t reached yet. you’ll reach for it. no one knows you better then you know yourself.

i think i’ve rambled on about myself for long enough but here’s this post which i’ve found to be both very comforting and also true.there’s this link to an article by a trans woman which i’ve also found to be a good gentle explainer to the concept of gender euphoria and it’s importance over dysphoria. 

there’s also this quote which i find both bemusing and comforting- i don’t believe in god and i’m mostly scientific, although i am technically buddhist- which, again, no mention of god. but this quote:

i can’t tell you whether you’re trans or not. i can’t diagnose you or cure you or bring about how you feel you’re meant to be. you can do that, because transitioning is not so much as moving from one immovable thing to another, but just becoming more yourself. 

[uzunehitori]

Every single one

Good morning, Robin! (Good morning at 3 in the morning)

Here we go! Thanks for sending a birdie some questions

Favorite characters?

Answered! I will always love Ryouta and Kazuaki, and Nageki!

Least favorite characters?

I don't have one really, but just only Sakuya's racism is so intolerable, but I still like him as a character overall!

Favorite route?

My favorite route would always be Shuu's because there is a lot of interpretations you can do with his and also like Ryouta's and Nageki's because they really hit hard! Though overall the best route is BBL since you get to learn more about the story!

Favorite human design?

Answered! Anghel's and Ryuuji's hands down are my favorite human designs!

What’s a part that sticks out to you the most?

"Quails are still learning to adapt to social life." and also, Yuuya caring about Sakuya all the time, it's really cute

What did you think of the new birdies in Holiday Star?

I loved Albert and seeing Tohri some more is great and funny, he's a great birdie. I loved Miru and Kaku they are super wholesome little white marshmallow gumdrops!

What was your first reaction to the Bad Boys Love route?

My first reaction when I played it in 2012 was I sobbed, I was in suspense, I was in surprised, and everything and it made me fall deeper than I was before with Hatoful, it's such a nice route that I wish there was so much more to it and would say that I loved the changed in textbox color that I wish we gotten it for Holistar!

How long did it take you to unlock the ‘hidden routes’ and ‘secret’ endings? What was your reaction to them?

Not to long, I was extremely curious about trying to get any option I can available especially the hidden routes and even the easy to miss conversations, I was so eager to get everything complete! I was extremely surprised with some and it was extremely enjoyable and didn't feel like a drag like I would feel for most other games like these.

Do you like to draw certain birdies a lot?

Answered! I used to draw a lot of Yuuya and Shuu, and Nageki art, I still do to this day! But now I draw a lot of Ryuuji and Quail boyfriends as well.

What are some of your favorite ships?

I really like a lot of ships, especially quail boyfriends and HitoriNageki and even Ryuuji Isa just the relationship in general I think is cute, I love plenty of other ships, like Sakuya and Ryouta! I do also like Nageki with Anghel!

Least favorite ships?

I don't really have one in all honesty.

Do you own any of the Hatoful merch?

I own a Ryuuji plush with his charm and an isa charm with a Shuu one! I also own fanmade Nageki and Yuuya button! Some other merch I have which is a sticker I did for myself of Nanaki too, it's super old.

Do you write fanfiction for the birdies?

I used to, but they don't exist anymore since I deleted my tumblr from 2012, unfortunately! I just draw more so and make little drabbles.

Do you have any AUs you like to write about?

I would love to draw a few, especially since me and my wife talk about a lot of AUs together of the things we like. I think about drawing some zombie apoc or some metal gear ones since we've talked about that before! I do like to make some winter AU ones that are nice too and cute.

Rank birdies from tallest to shortest.

Nanaki / Hitori > Yuuya > Asami > Leone > Okosan > Shuu = Tohri > Ryouta > Kazuaki > Sakuya > Nageki > Anghel > Miru/Kaku

What are some of your gender and sexuality headcanons?

I headcanon a lot of them to be just bisexual and the ones I think would be not caring or just nonbinary is Anghel and Shuu, and Hitori and Kazuaki and as well as Nageki, but still use he/him! Sakuya and Shuu to me are male leaning at best, while I think Kazuaki + Hitori and Shuu are gay / male leaning, while Shuu is aspec.

How did you get into Hatoful?

I got into Hatoful while dabbling around Yume nikki that I just bumped into a blog back in 2012 talking about it and learned that it recently got a release! I do miss the egg buttons with the save and load, that was cute... I wish we had it again for the remake!

Have you made any friends in the Hatoful fandom?

In 2012, I made a few friends! I made a friend with a really nice person that was a little older than me that we met on an online drawing board called iscribble, I was really young and we would roleplay the birdies. I don't remember what had us lose contact if it was over time or what? I do see them around however! I remember I've been meaning to contact them for a commission. I wasn't friends but I knew someone who used to run a hatoful ask blog named puddington, they were pretty nice! I hope to make new friends this year since I am pretty open to that!

What are some of your favorite headcanons?

I like the idea that Shuu has sensitivity towards the sun, temperature, and especially like I say it's a projection of sorts since he gets pretty moody and likes to be in the shade often. I also think he might have tritanopia. My other headcanon that I think despite things being mildly clearing up for Nanaki, I think he is still will be ridden in guilt with what he's done regardless. And I like to think that both Shuu and Nanaki gained a relationship after BBL, while having somedays being pretty bad for them.

Anghel shares his home country's food with every birdie as form of "healing properties". I think that Sakuya wears heeled boots because he's short. Hehe!

What’s your favorite piece of canon trivia?

Despite everything, Hitori likes bitter sweets! Shuu gets sick from having his glasses removed (Big mood.), Kazuaki-kun doesn't like veggies!

What birdie do you wish had more to them?

I really wish to learn more about Kazuaki-kun, I just more about him even if we know why he doesn't! I just love him and interested about him a lot... I also wish there was more to Anghel as well than just sometimes feel like he's the hehe eccentric character, I just want to know his life besides his chuunibyou.

What are some songs you associate with characters?

Shuu/Isa to me feel strongly of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SgWum9kHYk Duvet - Boa

Nanaki is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NE6pANWJGuU Imagination - Foster the People

Both Ryouta is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeRIAew8eXc Freaking out the Neighborhood - Mac DeMarco

Yuuya is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xtg-ntDZGk Come a Little closer - Cage the Elephant and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4qsjmLxhow The Adults are talking - The Strokes

Sakuya is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85Z3iwpFQeg Leave me alone - IDKHTFM reminds me of him, I think it's his sharp tongue

If Okosan had a true human form, what do you think he would look like?

There's this really buff japanese guy on tiktok that wears an apron that I just saw as the embodiment of Okosan, I will draw him in his liking because he just LOOKS like it would be what Okosan would be!

If you could change one thing in the story, what would it be?

Sakuya. I am kidding, I know most of the things he learned and was taught was from his very highly racist and classist dad, but I wish he would not be so? Aggressive towards Anghel... i also wish for the Comedy to drop a bit less, but not drop it entirely because almost a lot of the times it's really perfect!

What’s your version of Hiyoko like?

I like Hiyoko to be messy hair brunette that sometimes brushes it and sometimes doesn't and she can be messy with how she puts on, but really just like any teenage girl, I also picture her to be a little muscular since she is a hunter after all! I like seeing her as mixed as any race really, at most 2012 me just pictured my current partner without knowing lmao....

What’s your favorite irl bird?

Answered! I have many but I love the bearded vulture which I have an OC of!

Do you have any bird OCs?

Answered! I plan to make some though, I have one that wasn't originally planned for hatoful, but IT DID have hatoful in mind along with another thing!

What do you think would be a cool crossover for Hatoful?

Answered! I think also a Funamusea x Hatoful crossover would be really cute...

Do you have any human designs headcanons for the birds aside from canon (body type, etc)?

Answered!

What kinds of Hatoful merch would you like to see?

Answered! I do think it would be cute if there was also hatoful link charms, I plan making some in the future whenever I find a seller!

What’s your favorite Absolute Zero character?

Answered!

[smoolcat]

(1/3)hi!! could I please get a matchup? I'm a 5"6.5 ENFP biracial girl with super curly brown hair n bangs. I also have tan skin, brown eyes, and black glasses. Literally all my friends describe me as a puppy bc my mind is usually is all over the place, I can talk for hours, and I love attention and affection. I'm pretty excitable and nice, but I don't take shit from anyone and I'm fiercely independent. I love being around my friends, but I hate social functions with lots of strangers (I avoid

(2/3) parties and dances. I prefer sleeping, playing video games, or writing.) I am social but I need my alone time. I’m pretty funny. I’m always cracking dumb jokes. And I like to tease/make fun of my friends a lot, but I don’t go too far. And memes are my life. I am a mom friend!! And I seem like I don’t care about school but irl i try very hard. I love rap music! And I’m kinda loud ^^“. I stand out but people seem to like me. I don’t like overly emotional people or non affectionate people.

- - - - - - 

(3/3) IM SORRY I RLLY DIDNT MEAN FOR THIS TO GET TO THREE PARTS PLS FORGIVE ME!! But also i dye my hair pretty often (I’m a fan of cool unnatural colors) and I’m very laid back. Things don’t get to me easily, but I’m not afraid to speak my mind if they do. And I have no filter?? I say what comes to mind almost immediately and I have to catch myself sometimes. THANKS! ❤️❤️❤️ Good luck w ur blog!

I ship you with Ryūnosuke Tanaka!♡

Ryūnosuke Tanaka matchup!

   •   You’d catch this boy eyes atfirst glance. All it took for you was to walk past this boy and he’d alreadywant to propose to you, right there, right now. Someone as exotic as you waspretty rare around their parts, especially a rare beauty like you. Tan skin,hazel colored hair, beige eyes and a pair of black glasses to give off a vibeof cuteness.

•   Before daring to approach you,he peep-talked himself for a whole week, day and night, looking at himself inthe mirror as he’d practice his suave moves which would sweep you off yourfeet; or so he thought at least.Finally the day came, you were being the same adorable girl you were the firsttime he saw you, cracking jokes with your friends and chatting. Up until thisvery handsome fella rudely interrupted, cockily smiling, saying “Hey there cutie. I couldn’t help myselfbut notice how beautiful you are. I know you might be intimated by my awfullygood looking appearance but today is your lucky day, I feel like giving you achance.” finishing off in a cool pose. You laughed, and so did your friends– and his heart broke. But, surprisingly, you agreed! Something about this boyintrigued you, and no, it wasn’t his horrible pick-up lines, but maybe, hiscourage and humor.

•   Tanaka would love yourpersonality to bits. You were such a puppy around him, demanding attentionevery single second, and he never wanted something else in his life more thanthis. You two would never shut up, like ever! Even your friends would startfeeling jealous of how amazing your boyfriend treated you. He always listened,he constantly got involved in your conversations, he didn’t hesitate to reactto your demanding’s of attention – rubbing your head or even give you quickkisses now and then – and most importantly, your excitement matched perfectly. If one of you would get excited, theother one would get even more fired up, which only resulted in an endless loopof endless energy; he loved that the most about you. You never skipped avolleyball practice of his, and the moment he did something cool, you made surehe’d known by shouting in joy – which only lead up to him removing his shirtand spinning it madly. He did it even more than before and God help his teambecause seeing you have a small bleed every time he did that, he never wantedto put his shirt back on; not like youwanted either.

•   Not only that he’d be overprotective with you, if someone dared to comment or even remotely pick on you –that person would better prepare for Tanaka’s grim aura, followed by seriousthreats. What could be better than a loyal, protective boyfriend? An independent,fierce girlfriend. That poor bastard would probably end up in hospital withseveral bones broke because of you two; butit was God damn worth it.

•   You two would constantly shoutat each other to check your phones because one of you sent a shitty meme, andyou wouldn’t even care if you were obnoxiously loud all the time. If someonewould say anything, both of you would make sure to shut that person up; forever. To think you were loud, thatmost likely changed the moment you met Tanaka, he was by far louder than you’veever been – but that was because you allowed him to, and he never felt happierknowing he could be himself near you. You noticed how chill your guy waswhenever you’d swear or just speak whatever was on your mind without thinkingtwice about it. You’ve never felt so relieved in your life to be able to shout,curse and just say whatever you want before. Sometimes you’d be warned you’vewent too far, or that your language doesn’t suit a lady – but with him? Never,he fucking loved your rude attitude and the fact you weren’t scared to show itmade you even sexier in his eyes. He loved a woman with no filter.

•   Whenever you’d be invited to aparty or social event, mostly because you two seemed to be the life of suchthings, surprisingly to everyone, you’d both decline. Sitting at home in pajamas,ordering pizza and having gaming nights was the perfect date for you two. Oreven taking 8 hours naps, nothing could compare to this feeling in the entireworld. This boy was down for whatever you were, no questions asked.

•   Overall, you and RyūnosukeTanaka would be exactly what the other is looking for in another. Not only thatyour excitement, loudness and fiery personalities would collide like a typhoonin a storm, your relationship would be everything, everyone wants. A guy toprotect and listen to his girl like Tanaka does with you, someone who wouldwillingly chose to sit at home and play games than go party, and mostimportantly, someone who could understand you and offer you as much attentionas you could possibly asked for.

Bonus!: Ohboy, you and Tanaka would have arguments in bed more often than outside of it.You’d always fight who will top who tonight, and you’d win most of the timesbecause he just couldn’t get over how appealing you looked in his eyes; thisboy was addicted to you.

AHHH don’t worry about it babe! The more the info, the more the details ;))) I hope you like it because I had so much fun imagining the two of you together, like it was so fucking cute ♡♡♡ AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! I will try my best, enjoy!♡

x.Smoolcat♡

[lost-your-memory]

100 questions

So I was tagged by @writerinthedarkabyss so here’s my take at this. 1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Nope

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

I’m not sure I’m there yet but I will forgive them, eventually.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

My six cats, wanting food

4: What’s something you really want right now?

Peace of mind would be nice

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

Not afraid no, but certainly not looking forward too. It’s a mess.

6: Do you like the beach?

It’s a tricky question. I love the sea and the ocean but I don’t like sand beaches. I’m all for cliffs with nice edges. 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yeah, in every meaning of the term.

8: What’s the background on your cell?

A Supercorp picture, I changed my theme recently and I haven’t find a nice Supercat one yet.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, my sister’s, my grand mother’s and an hotel’s one.

10: Do you like your phone?

HELL YEAH, I bought it for the camera and it’s LIT.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Ah. No.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Probably the one of a Tumblr buddy, to chat on Whatsapp

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Rottweiler. I don’t like tiny yappy dog.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain. I am pretty insensitive when it comes to physical pain and it doesn’t last. Emotional pain leaves invisible scars that never heals. 

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Both is good but it depends of what kind of museum, to be honest.

16: Are you tired?

I just woke up but it’s going to be a long day ...

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Forever.

18: Are they a relative?

Yeah, it’s my mother. She’s my savior.

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Been there, done that, never again.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

A few weeks ago but it was a bet and it didn’t mean anything, we just laughed.

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

Nope. I don’t believe in marriage and anywa, if I’m happy without, then no.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I wouldn’t mind, since it was a bet. She’s a great kisser.

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

Just my watch, if it counts.

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

“Ne prenez pas la vie au sérieux ; de toute façon, vous n'en sortirez pas vivant.” - Bernard Fontenelle (Roughly translated into English : Don’t take like too seriously, you won’t get out alive no matter what)

25: What’s on your mind?

Domestical chores, Supercat prompts, a thesis I need to finish and thoughts about getting a job.

26: Do you have any tattoos?

None.

27: What is your favorite color?

Navy blue

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Whenever it happens, I guess

29: Who are you texting?

I’m not texting at the moment but I’m part of a supercat groupchat and they are all awesome.

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Uh ... I think so? Either a couch or the floor next to one.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Story of my life.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

I do.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I have literally NO IDEA.

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yeah, it happens on a regular basis. I don’t know why, my eyes are pretty much ordinary.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

I would totally cheer. 

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Yeah

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Friend is a big word but yeah we get along.

38: What do your friends call you?

Gane.

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

UGH. PEOPLE. 

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Uh ... Maybe, but if I did it was good tears. 

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

Around my left knee.

42: What is it from?

I bumped into the side of a door. It hurts.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Two months ago I think, when I went through something of a depression.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My sister, I was telling her where to wait so I could pick her up.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Yes, an old pair of All Stars blue Converses that I have for like 8 years now.

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

I only wear a hat in summer, to protect my head from the sun.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Buh. No idea. Probably not?

48: Do you make supper for your family?

I can’t really be trusted in a kitchen, aside for making desserts or breakfast.

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

What kind of question is that. Yeah.

50: Top 3 web-pages?

Tumblr, AO3 and probably Deezer or Google Doc at the moment.

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Myself. Unless it’s for books or video games. 

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

I have a sore leg and backpain but it’s nothing abnormal for me.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Nah. It usually means I’m going to enjoy coming back.

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Uh ... Water, I think? Or orange juice maybe.

55: How is your hair?

Clear brown, with lighter strands here and there. Not long but not pixie short either. 

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Groan. Check my phone. Groan again. Force myself to get up and then have breakfast.

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

I don’t, not in this world anyway.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

I was 16 ... Probably not, then.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Both is good.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

I a few weeks maybe, when I will see my grandma again.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Nah I like where I am but I wouldn’t mind being traveling the world. 

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Probably this afternoon, going to pick up the sister again.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

In front of my computer, writing or pretending to do so.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Having breakfast with my mother.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Yeah. I wasn’t single then.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

If cats count, then yes. If not, probably my mother.

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Not yet but it’s still early.

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I was honored and excited about an upcoming collaboration.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yep, story of my life.

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

Right now, 8 but it’s because I’m doing research.

71: How many fingers do you have?

I don’t care what they say, thumbs are fingers so 10.

72: What is your ringtone?

My phone is on vibrate mode all the time.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Still 25, on the verge of turning 26.

74: Where is your Mum right now?

Downstairs, getting started with the chores. 

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Because life happened. She’s still around as a dear friend tho.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Oof, yeah.

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Unfortunately no. Well, some of them are still around but the most important ones left. 

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

... IRL crush, yeah. Virtual crushes, like too many to remember no.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Nope.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yes but I usually do the spooning. 

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Four or five, something like that.

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Yes and two people actually tried to steal mine. 

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

... Uh ... I don’t know.

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

My friends or my sister and her boyfriend, they are the party people around.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

I would care and I would try to help until I’m forced to remove myself from the picture. It happened and well, it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. You have to.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

I was with a kid and she was scared so she climbed onto my lap and cuddled with me. It was sweet. 

87: Who was your last received call from?

My mom, to tell me to get downstairs. She is downstairs.

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

This is sick and no.

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Hum. Wisdom.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Yeah.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Hell no, not even in summer, mosquitos are MEAN.

92: Do you get along with girls?

Oh gosh. 

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Nope, not anymore.

94: Does sex mean love?

That’s hilarious. No.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

... Again, no, since it was a bet and I actually like the girl.

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No.

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

If cats count, then no but if not, yeah I slept alone.

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Yeah, cats and books and musics and sometimes, just looking by the windows can cheer me up.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

No.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promised?

What am I, 5? Alright, that was looong and hard. I’m tagging @catherinegrant, @2009121723 and @lenaluthhor and of course anyone else who want to play ♥