#just like he warned odasaku not to fight gide despite the special division wanting the mafia to handle mimic

[monstersqueen]

Why do you ship Dazai and Ango?

Well, why not ?

Also I didn't expect to ! one moment I'm like : "wow wouldn't it be fucked up if ango and dazai started a relationship just after odasaku's death ? With dazai's resentment and self-destructive's tendencies and ango's feelings of guilt and his inability to stop caring about dazai?" and the next it's one week later and not only have i read everything in the ao3 tag in english, i've started making the not-english fics go through google translate, visit the tumblr tag every day, and am considering opening a word document to write. Which i have done by now.

All the time going 'yeah but. i really don't feel that vibe from them in canon???'

But. I should have expected it.

Why do I ship Ango and Dazai ?

I've got a Thing about friends-to-enemies-to-lovers

the messier the break up the better

i like it where the feelings afterwards are complicated, especially since it seems like the feelings are murderously complicated :p

i really like ango and i want good things to happen to him, and that means getting dazai back in his life

i really like ango ! he's fascinating ! It's so easy to simplify him to the one government dude but. it's more complicated. It's also more complicated than him putting his friends above all - that's the way i've been going for a while, because he does love them a stupid amount, but it comes down to is his own personal moral code.

he's not in the government because he believes in it - it's a job that gets in the way of what he thinks needs to be done sometimes actually ! he helps odasaku and dazai (or try to :( ), and helps the ada and dazai, and part of it is affection but part of it is that it's the right thing to do.

but the interesting part is that. even though it matters to him it's also in flux and gets limited by the reality of working for the government and "I shall never walk in the light again" oh my god

and it's interesting because he's a liar ! he's an incredibly good actor !

anyway he is interesting and that makes me like him a lot and so i want good things for him. and also to see him break down crying. he's earned it

and honestly the thing about dazai ? is that for someone who doesn't really see the difference between right and wrong, not beyond protecting and caring the few he's chosen, it's interesting to look at the people he did choose !

in the whole mafia he regularly drinks with guy who doesn't kill and the dude they picked up because in the midst of a war he refused to reduce deaths to numbers

he has a deep respect for kunikida's principles, for all he loves needling him?

there's a point also about chuuya and the depths to which chuuya care, and his conviction, to make here to

anyway the thing is that what dazai likes in people is inner goodness and a strong moral code. which are things that are not his !

which makes sense. for all the noises shibusawa and fyodor make about how boring and predictable ordinary people are, i kidna think. someone who thinks like is in fact even more predictable and so even more boring.

and besides even the question of interesting i think dazai just likes people who makes him see the value in living. and people who sees value in life are so interesting.

anyway i really like dazai? and his attempts to live ? he's holding a lot for someone for which there's no inherent joy in living

there's something to be said for someone whose natural talents are manipulation and scheming but who's decided to use those for good

also they have very strong feelings for each other ? sure at one point dazai's strong feelings was 'pull his own gun on ango' but it's also 'everything i would never want to lose is always lost' and no i'm not crying

also right now ango is listening to dazai's heart which honestly in terms of symbolic is some crazy romantic shit. also he was stopping time (via proxy) to communicate back, seriously, with the right framing this is peak romance

also how the fuck did they put that together. when. did dazai manage to go through that conversation without letting some of his anger show his true nature as heartbreak ? i want to know

seriously the ada matters a lot to dazai; he cares for everyone in it, and not just because that's how he can keep his promise to odasaku, he cares about them

so ? right now ? he's relying on ango to make sure what his intentions and thoughts get to them. that's absolute trust. that's not "you betrayed me once but i'm giving you a chance and we'll see" that's "we were friends once and i know you and i know you still care and so i trust you completely" and even that is not possible without acknowledging one way or another that he still cares too

i'm absolutely crazy about ango risking his carreers because he trusts that dazai is doing the right thing. i think there isn't a lot he wouldn't do for dazai, but i also think he's trusting in dazai's good intentions

which given the while 'sabotaging his airbag' thing is ALSO a whole lot of trust

ango is going against the entire government, basically inflitrating it as a reverse spy (again), because he trusts that dazai is truly trying to protect people.

and risking his job. at the very least. can't wait to see where it all ends up for him

anyway we're talking about two people who used to be close, who were torn apart in ways that tore them both to shreds, left their relationship at the 'wow it would be fucked up if they got together now, that certainly wouldn't be love and it would be toxic as fuck' and 'pull your own gun on you' and 'sabotage your airbag' stage, and SOMEHOW got at "i'll trust you absolutely in a situation where the world has been turned against us"

in short i ship ango and dazai because dazai went from "i knew i was going to lose you because i would never want to" to "i'm going to pull your own gun on you and at least consider shooting despite that that would really fuck me and my team over" to "you are the one i trust when i can't help myself anymore" and that's. that's.

yeah.