#just let people pull their funny cheeto pranks

[orchidbreezefc]

saw a fascinating case study of people just not understanding the problem with billionaires. [here] is a tweet of a tiktok--the source link is [here]--of a guy showing the step-by-step process of making a concrete sarcophagus immortalizing a bag of flamin' hot cheetos set in resin. it is fucking hilarious and very impressive and puts archaeological finds in a different perspective re: shit humans will do as a prank.

now, a sensible person may ask, how does this have anything to do with billionaires? that's my first point: it fucking doesn't. the twitter replies are angry about the misuse of money and resources because they assume OP is a billionaire, which is an unfounded and bizarre assumption that contradicts every logical conclusion (more on that below the cut).

a billion dollars is a lot. if you were in a family of five and all of you made $100K a year with no expenses, it would take 2 thousand years for your family to make a billion dollars. you know, like the approximate length of time since the birth of jesus of nazareth.

the concrete cheeto sarcophagus is humorously extravagant, yes, that's the joke. but it's not expensive. how much do people think some fucking concrete, rebar, springs and eyelets, spray paint, and resin costs? the equivalent of the accumulated wealth of five people who each made six figures every year since the birth of christ, apparently.

this guy did the labor himself with some help here and there (mostly lifting) and it seems like he does construction/shop work for a living (uncommon for billionaires). he probably already owned the materials or used some from his workplace. the sarcophagus is concrete, not uncut diamond. buying all those materials new, he'd have to buy some real premium shit to break $150.

so, point 1 is that people don't know what billionaires are. point 2 is that even if this had been wildly expensive, framing it as a 'waste of resources' is fucking incomprehensible. even if OP were a billionaire spending millions on a cheeto passion project, that money doesn't just evaporate??

concrete and resin manufacturers would get the several million he apparently spent, which they will spend on stuff, to fund the company and to pay workers who will spend THAT money on things. yes, a lot of it will go to CEOs and billionaires again, but supposedly that's where it started anyway, so no loss there. at least now SOME of it goes to workers because elon bezos here splurged on concrete. the only "resources" that were wasted (as in taken out of use) were the physical materials that went in the ground, and that's only a waste if you hate fun.

the problem with billionaires is that they 1. exploit people and underpay them for that money, and 2. DON'T spend it. they suck that money out of the economy and keep it in a metaphorical (maybe literal for all i know) private swimming pool like scrooge mcduck. they hoard it so there's not enough to go around without seriously fucking with the value of the currency (and thus the price of Literally Everything).

yes, it sucks when billionaires buy something frivolous when they could spend that money on, say, solving world hunger. but it's important to remember that the problem is the purchase they didn't make (solving world hunger), not the purchase they did make ($1mil of concrete). when they spend money, that means money goes to someone else. probably not someone deserving, probably just some other rich asshole. but it's better than that money going into the scrooge mcduck pool forever.

[diabloindigo]

Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside? As a kid yes. Right now, I don’t buy cereals with prizes anymore. Do they even stuff toys in cereal these days? 

Do you get scared easy? If it’s in the anxiety induced variety, yes. 

What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little? Not sure, it could have been anything from not wanting to wear a fancy dress or dress shoes to a party or a broken toy. 

Have you ever drank milk from the carton? Despite having a working dishwasher and plenty of glasses, I “waterfall” milk and juice from the containers. 

Juice or milk? I go both ways, leaning more towards juice. Apple or orange. 

Do you ever turn off your computer properly? Once in a while. 

Do you wish you were a fish? Not really, though I kinda envy the blue Dory (Doctor Fish?) in the tank at my gynecologist’s waiting room. It likes to swim to the bottom of the tank and ride up to the top on a bubble jet. That damn fish has probably had more fun than I have in the past several months. 

Who’s your favorite super hero? Invincible (Amazon Prime). Along with Spider-Man (2002) and the Big Hero 6 movie, that character/series is a rare superhero show that makes me feel strong and vulnerable at the same time. 

Who’s your favorite super villain? Slade Wilson/ Deathstroke as seen in “Teen Titans: The Judas Contract” animated movie and the 2003-2006 “Teen Titans” cartoon series. 

Spiderman or X-men? Spider-Man. Tobey Maguire and Peter B. Parker from Into the Spiderverse. 

Movie theatre or stay at home movie night? Theaters. Alamo Drafthouse. I love ordering boozy milkshakes and finger foods.

Do you have a Blue Ray? I have one of those external drives for my Mac though I never use it. 

How about HD television? Yeah

Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money? No. 

Do you get why people get so frickin’ freaked out during football season? I do not, and living in a state with a hard-on for (American) football makes it weird when I tell people that I do not have a favorite football team/player. 

Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to? I don’t sneak him food. If I cook or order too much to eat, then I scrape a couple of cup’s worth of leftovers in his bowl. He’s probably got only a year to live so let him live it up a little. 

Are you reading a book right now? If so what? A friend gave me a copy of “The Only Good Indians” but I can't get into it so I’m reading “Full Throttle” by Joe Hill. 

What was the last book you were required to read for school? It’s been so long I can’t remember. 

O donuts or jelly filled? Whipped cream filled. I love Krispy Kreme’s whipped cream filled donuts with raspberry filled donuts as a close second. 

If I’m feeling bland then I do like crullers. 

Do you like your ice-cream in a bowl or cone? Bowl unless it’s a tasty cone. 

Marshmallows in your hot chocolate or no? I could go either way unless it’s a tiny cup of chocolate. 

Do you like cherry coke? Hell yes. I love going to Sonic for a cherry-vanilla-lime Coke or this greasy little 1950s type burger joint for their cherry cokes since they load the cups with several cherries. 

Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake? No, it tastes artificial. Like a bastard child of a soft drink that wants to pass for cherry soda. 

Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk? Snore and talk (I’m pretty stressed out).

Have you ever sleep walked? no

Are you a morning person? I am now. 

How do you wake up in the mornings? by alarm during the work week, naturally at 6-7 on vacation days. 

Do you think guyliner is hot? What is that? 

Is variety the spice of life? yeah

Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting? I like it. 

Have you ever drank after anyone? Like sharing a cup/bottle? Yeah, loads of times.  

Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well? No. 

Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after?

If we’re talking about sharing, then I will share food/drink with family and friends. If someone offers me bite-size pieces that are individually wrapped or can be torn off the main portion, I’ll eat it, but only from co-workers or acquaintances. 

Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it? No. 

Would you chew somebody else's gum? Hell no. 

Do you know anyone who’s going to die of mono because of that? No. 

Do you enjoy school? My English and psychology classes. 

Are you a teacher’s pet? no

Do you have a job? Yes. 

How did you get to and from school? Parents drove me or I walked for elementary through high school. I drove when I went to college. 

Do you have a bedtime? And if so what is it? I’m in bed between 11-12 a.m.

What time do you get up? 6 am so I can walk/exercise before the sun boils the earth in full force. 

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yeah in college. 

What’s more important? Beauty or brains? brains

Do you believe in yourself? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. 

Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little? No. Being a veterinarian or scientist were my highest ambitions as a small kid. 

How about the president? Never. 

What did you want to be when you were little? Veterinarian, scientist, cartoon character. 

Did you ever want to be a super model? no

Do you believe you’re attractive enough to be a super model? No.

Have you ever had an X-ray? Several in the past few months for pre-surgery and dental work.

What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name? Guys’: Shane, Mark, Tadashi, Austin, Cade, Trip.

Girls’: Quince, Sienna, Amy, Kit, Lizzie (Elizabeth), Raven.

Who’s your second cousin’s, grandparent’s, sister? The fuck...

Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts? No, in fact, I get annoyed when other people hear it and ask me if I farted. 

Do you have any real guns in your house? I have several. 

Do you know how to use nunchucks? No, I bought a pair at one of those Asian imports emporiums, but I donated them since I never learned to use them. They were these crappy foam padded ones with dragons printed on the handles. 

Do you know anyone who can use nunchucks? No. 

What do you want to be next Halloween? In better health and not shitting bricks about using up my paid time off to go to doctors’ appointments. 

Did you ever consider getting a job as a mall Santa? No. I’d rather be one of his elves or a reindeer. 

Are you the one responsible for taking out the garbage? Yes. Grosses me the fuck out sometimes with smelly discarded poultry trays or rotten food, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

Do you recycle? My city has the blue recycling bins, but I heard that since we’re an ass-backward community, “recyclables” and trash all go to the same place. I just place recyclables in the blue bin to help clear up space in the trash bin. Maybe I’m wrong and this city does recycle? Can’t hurt. 

When I was 11, I’d collect empty soda cans to take to the recycling guy since back in the day, they’d pay for aluminum cans. That’s how I scraped up funds for dollar movies and hot dogs. 

Are you a pyro? Yeah. I carry/collect Zippo lighters but mostly because the “click-click” is satisfying to hear since I flip the lids open and closed to relieve stress. And I burn a lot of old bills and letters with sensitive info on them. 

What was the last word/thing you wrote down? I was researching high fiber foods that are also low in carbs to make a grocery and dinner meal plan. 

Sleeping or eating? After my surgery, sleeping. 

Are you overall a positive person? I try to be realistically positive, if such a thing exists. The world will never be all sunshine and My Little Ponies, but I try to find some comfort and positivity when my world is a shit-show. Filling this survey out kinda helps. 

Do you hate hypocrites? Yeah, especially the “do as I say, not as I do” types. 

For instance, a certain family member is pushing good diet and health habits, but it aggravates the hell out of me if I see him drinking high sugar iced tea or eating ice cream. Or Door-Dashing Burger King, even if it is a Beyond Whopper with a diet Coke. 

Do you like to prank people? Yes, but I do benign pranks like leaving dirty riddles and meme drawings on their front doors. 

What was the worst prank you’ve ever done on anyone? I tried fucking with a telesolicitor but I could not stop laughing. 

Have you ever jumped on a trampoline in the ice? I don’t own a trampoline. 

Have you ever ice skated? No. I tried once after a local minor league hockey game. I got the skates on, but my ankles were bending/bowing out so I changed my mind.

Ever water skiid? No. 

Is vacuum spelled funny? Yes. 

Democrat or republican? I don’t associate formally with either party, but I hitch my pony a little to the left. 

Who’s the biggest asshole you know? My former boss circa 2013. Very unprofessional and a veritable loudmouth and a poor (shit) showman wannabe. 

Pen or pencil? Gel-ink pens. 

Should all paper have holes? nope

Speaking of holes. Swiss cheese, what’s the point of that? Fewer calories? Spinning slices in my hand like a TV cowboy spinning his revolver in the trigger guard with his finger? 

Have you ever been in a helicopter before? No. 

Own any airbrushed tshirts? Nope, not even in the nineties. 

Have you ever been suspended? No. 

Have you ever been in a fist fight? A few playground fights as a kid. 

Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say? Yes. 

Do you forgive too easily? I don’t think so. 

What are you listening to right now? The AC running. 

Have you ever seen any of MCR’s music videos? Nope. 

Are you tan? No. 

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. I have no desire to look like a Cheeto or woo skin cancer. 

Have you ever played water volley? Once at my uncle’s neighborhood swimming pool. 

Ever had a sunburn? Yes, from neglecting sunscreen re-applications or underestimating the sun. 

How about wind burn? It hurts….. Nah, I don't live in a cold enough climate for that. 

What was the first word you learned how to say? I think it was “mama.”

[outhereontheprairie]

Streeter SDA Church

I’ve waited a very long time to write this post. Mainly because the first time I wrote it, when I was almost finished, tumblr malfunctioned and I lost all the writing. So today I’m going to try and recreate everything I wrote. This place is precious to me, and I want to do it justice. This place is the Streeter SDA church in North Dakota. And it’s empty now. But when I was a child it was home to one of my favorite summer activities - Vacation Bible School. The old fashioned way. 

In my wanderings, I’ve often wondered what it would be like to come upon an abandoned place that I once knew when it was not abandoned. And when I saw the Streeter church for the first time in many, many years back in May of 2018 I suddenly knew that feeling. It’s not a joyful feeling. It’s melancholy and nostalgia and sadness. But I’m so glad I got to capture it before it fell apart. 

When I was a child in the 90s, this church had a big VBS program. Even though it was way out in the country, kids who didn’t even belong to the church attended. And my mom drove brother and me all the way from Garrison ND each summer to take part. We stayed with our old family friends on their farm which was near to the church, and our moms both helped with the program. 

I got to explore the old church, now closed for years, with my friend Bethany who also attended VBS with me when we were kids. Her dad helped us get in, and my dad came along too. I can’t thank them all enough for giving me this opportunity to photograph and remember.

It was startling to see the amount of decay on the building right off the bat. This little country church was always kept immaculate when I attended. There was so much pride in this little house of worship. 

How many times did I skip through this door? Coming from playing red rover or the craft tent or going to the sanctuary or one of the classrooms...countless. But that day in 2018 I saw the toll time takes on empty buildings. It was sad.

First thing each morning we would arrive early to VBS because our moms were part of the program, lunch pails in hand. We took our lunches in old ice cream buckets. And we waited for VBS to start. 

Our lunch pails went on the shelving below, and if it was a chilly prairie morning our jackets were hung on hangers on the bar below. The classrooms were to the right, tiny half bath straight ahead. Sanctuary to the left. 

Through the door below was the sanctuary - which we will get to. 

Here is one of the classrooms. Nice high ceilings. There were tables here and we worked on Bible workbooks and such. 

Looking into the other classroom - there used to be a partition that could be pulled to separate the two rooms. Generally the younger kids went in one room and older kids in another. 

I can’t believe the piano and nice large cupboards are still here. The nice old piano sits silent now, but I remember when it was used.

Looking back into the first classroom. you can see some of the ceiling has fallen onto the carpet. There’s a hole in the wall. Nature is making its way in. 

Below is the tiny bathroom where we would line up to wash our hands before eating lunch out of our little ice cream lunch buckets. It was always very clean, kept so by ladies from the congregation. None that I knew were too proud for this job. And as VBS students we were taught to be respectful of everything and not dirty any room up too much. 

Out this door we would go for lunch and sit on the front steps or in the grass to eat our lunches, carefully packed by our moms. There were always good sandwiches and veggies and if we were really lucky an oreo or two, or a small baggie of cheetos. For some reason eating out of those old ice cream buckets out in the fresh summer grass and sun made everything taste better. Lunch was hard won after a long morning doing VBS activities. 

On a brief side note: our moms knew each other for ages and were room mates back in high school. So, while my dad always had to stay back in Garrison to work, my friend’s dad of course had to run the farm we stayed on so he was around. He also had known both of my parents and his wife since high school. They were all old friends. And his wife and my mom loved to play pranks on him. One day, they packed him a lunch because he would be out in the fields while we were at VBS. Instead of cheetos, they packed him packing peanuts that they colored with an orange marker. Which he ate. And then told them they must have expired! One of many pranks I remember the adults playing on each other. It was a fun environment to be in as a kid. And it made for some of the sweetest memories I have of childhood. Anyway, back to the church we go...

After lunch we would line up and go into the sanctuary. Older kids sat with older kids and younger with younger. I was startled to see, exploring it after it was empty, that the sanctuary had no more pews. 

The pastor or another church volunteer would lead us in all kinds of fun kids songs. A favorite was “I just wanna be a sheep, ba ba ba ba...” until the older kids got carried away with the “I don’t wanna be a hypocrite” where you were supposed to lightly bump hips...they full on hip checked! Which of course I found hilarious but the adults, not so much. 

Of course what I remember most is the music, and virtually none of the speaking. It’s just how my brain works. Other notable favorite songs (that I can remember) are “Do Lord”, “Deep and Wide”, “Zacchaeus”, “Give Me Oil in My Lamp”, “Father Abraham”, “This Little Light of Mine”, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”, “I’ve Got the Joy”, “The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock”, “My God is So Big”, “I’m in the Lord’s Army” - and many more my brain has long ago archived. I just remember we loved the upbeat songs and didn’t like the slower more reverent songs. Actually, it’s not that I didn’t like them but I more appreciated them in a formal, normal, church service instead of VBS which was for kids. 

At the end of the week of VBS we would always have a big final program for everyone’s parents to attend and usually my dad drove down from Garrison to attend so it felt like a big deal. It was the same feeling I would later get being in a play and arriving at the first performance or practicing in a choir and the time for the concert being eminent. A great feeling, to me. Our craft projects would be displayed in the craft tent. Our workbooks and such would be displayed in the classrooms, and we would put on a final program in the sanctuary with all the songs, lessons, and verses we learned. 

We would line up on this stage (and there were so many some of us would be off the stage) by age/class and sing our songs and recite our Bible verses. It was a thrilling feeling. Somewhere I’m sure our friends that live on the farm have a VHS tape of it. Maybe I can get my hands on it someday. 

All of this came flooding back into my brain when I stepped in that quiet, empty sanctuary. Bittersweet. So bittersweet. Because if I ever have children, they will never know the joy of an old fashioned VBS. There is just nothing like it. 

I also recall racing out of the sanctuary and out the front doors for recess time! That was a big deal, especially for a kid like me that had ADD. I loved to get out of the classroom and into the sunshine! 

And most always it was a beautiful prairie summer outside! (I can only remember a few instances of cold and rain.)

This empty space in front of the church always had rows and rows of cars parked. Now it’s so quiet. 

Around this side of the church is where we played our games! And the most memorable was Red Rover! We loved Red Rover. “Red rover, red rover send *NAME HERE* right over!” But the adults weren’t thrilled at how forcefully the older kids were playing the game when some of the little ones were involved so we couldn’t play Red Rover anymore. Which was a bummer. But we had all kinds of other fun games, some as simple as tag which was always a good time.

I could almost hear the children’s voices calling and laughing on that quiet spring day. I wondered if Bethany could feel it too. The memories were so close yet so far in the past at the same time. 

Below, in the distance, was the church graveyard. When I had extra time at recess or lunch I would wander over there and look at the graves and names and wonder about the people. It’s something I still do - I’m drawn to graveyards and always wonder about the people buried there. 

Below: this side of the church shows which way the weather comes from. The siding is slowly losing the white paint. You can see the roof isn’t in great shape either, anymore. 

The fields were always close at hand to this little country church. They surrounded it on its little plot of prairie. 

Below we have the space where the big old sturdy craft tent would go. Back then it felt like a big space. It’s where our moms worked most of the years, thinking up and executing crafts for the kids to do. And you know what? They were never the typical “let’s throw this away later” kid crafts either! They were always pretty or useful. We hot glued dried flowers to little colored glass vases and once we made a gingerbread man cork board with little tacks. All the crafts were always good and fun. I enjoyed craft time. 

The craft tent is also where I remember huddling in front of a very old and questionable heater on the few occasions it was cold and rainy. 

When we walked around this side of the church in 2018 we found pieces of the heavy old carpet they put down on the bottom of the craft tent. It was moldering away in the grass.

Below was a door we weren’t really allowed near because it lead to rooms behind the pulpit/stage that the pastor used. It’s funny what you remember. 

I was surprised to find that the old church sign was still up, and readable, out in the prairie grass. 

Perhaps someone should note that it’s closed now...

Thanks to Bethany’s mom, I have this old photo of what the church looked like back in its heyday, which was before even my time. It was such a modern little church, and clearly the partitioners were very proud of it. And look at those old cars and the fashions! 

It was a bit painful to leave the old church. I do wonder if I’ll ever see it again. But I’m so thankful I got one last tour and one last chance to photograph it. I know it doesn’t look like some of the older little country churches with steeples and such, but it is beautiful to me and dear to my heart. 

Long after the building is gone I’ll still have the memories of an old fashioned, country church VBS. They’re getting a little fuzzier as I get older, but these pictures and the old songs I can recall help me remember it all, at least a bit. 

Thank you so much to Bethany and family for taking me through the church, to dad for coming along, and to our dear old friends the Millers for hosting us each summer when I was little and helping make the VBS program what it was just so one last generation of kids could experience VBS as it should be.