#just let hashi work his magic

[oh-no-its-bird]

Dungeon Meshi Naruto founders AU

I want either Madara or Izuna as Falin. Thematically I think Izuna would fit best, but I kind of just wanna see chimera Madara more than Izuna. Also like, smthn smthn Madara's falcons smthn smthn bird boy,,,

Very torn between Tobirama being stand in for Marcille or for Thistle. Bc like, dungeon lord Tobirama with his chimera Madara goes so hard

Then again it's not like I have to do a 1 to 1 crossover, so. We can totally just work off of the setting and basic premise of "Oh no one of the party members got got by the dungeon and we have to go back for them" then do our own thing from there

OK SO DUNGEON MESHI AU WERE DOING THIS FR NOW LETS GO

(Note; Ive only watched the anime, so while I have seen a lot of different spoilers for the manga my knowledge plot wise p much ends w season 1)

The party;

Elf Hashirama as healer and plant magic guy

Half elf Tobirama as a heavy hitting mage

Tallman Madara on the physical front as their tank

Tallman Izuna as their secondary physical fighter who plays as a mixed support / dmg depending on the situation and what Madara needs most atm

Touka, undecided on race, similar dmg + support build to Izuna, also dabbles in rogue stuff

Hikaku, also undecided on race, party rogue / jack of all trades and armed with a crossbow

Ok so, Madara gets eaten by a red dragon right as one of the partys magic users (Hashi and Tobi) are using that return spell to go back to the surface

They wake up and Izuna is immediatley like "What the fuck happened to my brother"

Argument ensues! Hashirama and Izuna want to go back for Madara in the very rare case that he may be revivable. Tobirama and Touka thinks he's fucked and they should cut their losses here. Hikaku is somewhere between both parties but his loyalty to Madara wins out and he sides with Hashi and Izuna despite internally agreeing w Tobirama and Touka that it's probably too late.

They go back in and adventures happen!!

The whole time they're going down, Tobirama is grumbling about Madara and how this is doomed and the man is probably dead and blah blah blah. Finally Izuna snaps and yells at him ab why he's even here then, and Tobirama honestly doesn't even know why himself. He just goes dead quiet and has no real response, which satisfies Izuna

Queue internal conflict on Tobirama's part, who largley stops complaining ab their adventure from here on out as he asks himself that same question, then decides to fully commit to the party's goal.

Anyways, continuing on and !!! They find Madara !!! Only oh no he's a pile of fuckin bones!!

Tobirama, again, now fully committed to this shit, is like "I did NOT come this fucking far to turn back now" and breaks out the black magic.

P much everyone is on board with this except maybe Hashirama. Maybe we can have some fun plays with how he's like all about life and nature and ooo leafy elf man or whatever vs Tobirama's blasphemy against life itself necromancy jam

So they bring Madara back with the dragon meet and the power of Tobirama's undying spite, yay !!!

Madara is very confused at all of this, and very out of it. By the time he's started to really come back to himself dinner is over and they're all quietly laying in their bedrolls

I want a quiet confrontation between Madara and Tobirama when everyone's gone to bed. Madara needs some air and finds Tobirama by the seals used to bring him back to life. Madara says that it's not that he's ungrateful, but he is very, very confused at why Tobirama did this. Not only breaking several taboos and laws but doing it for him. Madara didn't even think Tobirama liked him, so why...?

Tobirama scoffs and says not to flatter himself, this was a choice he made for himself, not Madara

They hold very prolonged, silent eye contact surrounded by the blood and bones of the dragon. It's kind of gay.

Izuna appears to break up the staring competition with a well timed "What the fuck are you guys doing" (they'll just have to resume the staring contest later)

They go back to bed fr this time but just like in canon, Madara is woken up by the call of the dungeon master

Enter the mad mage; Mito

Instead of being the brother of the king of the golden kingdom she was instead the wife.

Oh right and the king was a little guy you may know of by the name Ashura. Which brings us a new oh no bc Hashirama is totally that guy's reincarnation and the second Mito lays eyes on him she loses it

But that's not for a little bit. Bc in this first confrontation, Hashirama gets to be conviniently absent till after Mito leaves (and Mito can only recognize him if she sees him in person bc I say so)

So Mito and Tobirama have a super cool mage battle as Izuna tries to shake a non responsive Madara back to himself. Good attempt, doesn't work tho sorry Izuna

Stuff happens, Madara and Mito fuck off, and the party is left back at square 1.

Madaraless :(

So the adventure continues!!

We get Kagami as Izutsumi to be our parties ninja cat boy (Kagami my beloved son,,) which is also extra fun if we wanna play into the parallels of Marcille trying to mom/big sister Izutsumi and Tobirama doing the same to Kagami (Kagami is soaking in the attention he is having a great time rn)

Stuff happens, chimera Madara appears, more adventures happen blah blah blah

Tobirama becomes new dungeon lord and bc I have no idea what goes on from dungeon meshi canon from there I'm just gonna leave that here.

Dungeon lord Tobirama and his pet chimera Madara he's trying to return human tho, that fucks so hard. Even once Madara is human again he still has all those cute feathers like Falin which I think suits him. When he gets all flaily and embaressaed now his feathers can fluff up with his hair too

Anyways, alternative kind of bad end where Izuna was the one who got turned into a chimera and we get definatley not brainwashed guys I promise toxic hashiizumito (Mito is living her best life with her reincarnated Not Kidnapped husband and Not Brainwashed pet chimera)

[mar-iiposa]

prompt: the boys somehow get into a tickle fight with their crush (not s/o yet), and when they ask "what's the magic word?" when asked to stop, the reader confesses their feeling for them and soon realizes afterwards

a/n: didn't know if you wanted this as a story or headcanon, so I'm turning this into a headcanon if that's alright ! also, I love this headcanon, it's so cute :')

warnings: none, just some fluff and a small innuendo !

Leonardo

you're on your phone, lying on leo's bed, peacefully scrolling through your app, pinterest.

you back and feet were really killing you.

leo needed to meditate a bit after some patrol. he and raph had gotten into a heated 'discussion' while roaming across rooftops above ground, he didn't care for the arguments that sometimes ensued between the brothers.

your eyes flicker up at him and offer a closed-mouth smile, "you alright?"

leonardo gives you a silent nod, elbows on his knees after sitting on the navy blue comforter, once he hung up his katanas to the wall.

"what are you looking through?" he peeks over at your phone's screen. you're staring back at your phone, eyes glued to the device.

"oh, I dunno. just some pins I think are nice. you know, pictures for fashion ideas, decor, skateboarding, whatever I like on here."

"any ideas for hanging out with your favorite person?"

you grin at him, "I haven't thought about that yet."

"well I've got ideas on 'how to entertain your best friend.'"

"really, huh?"

"yeah, this for example." he snatches the phone from the grip of your hand, tossing it to the other end of the bed and out of your nearest reach, confusing you.

until you get the memo when he starts to attack your sides, throwing you into a frenzy of giggles.

"le- leo! stop, I'm not kiddi—OH MY GOD!"

he's got a pleased smile all over his face right now, grinning as his fingers moved against your ribs.

although he would have enjoyed much different scenarios of holding you by your waist, this was his favorite by far, even so that you're just platonic friends as of right now.

"ple- PLEASE let go! let me go!"

decided on teasing you further, he leaned down to the side of your face, just beside your ear, having you pinned down under him,

"what's the magic word, princess?"

you're distracted by his hands trailing up and jumping towards your neck, you're squirming at the fun yet painful sensation.

"I love you! let me go!"

the leader's hands stop at your request, so you think. but really, it was the confession that made him quit the playful act.

"alright. I'll be over there, in the Hashi, so."

you smiled at him, the corners your e/c eyes crinkled, "okay."

"okay."

wait a fucking minute--

Raphael

okay so,,

he really loves to tickle you.

like, he REALLY fucking loves to tickle you.

currently, you're trying your best to fall asleep and take a nap. It's been a rough, stressful day enough, and you needed to wind down for a good forty minutes.

"can't sleep?"

you shook your head from side-to-side, opening one eye to look over at raph.

"yeah, can't."

there's a small minute of pure silence, and to your frustration, raphael notices the sour expression crossing you.

and out of completely nowhere, you feel his touch on you.

you spend no time in jolting up from the couch, yelping immediately.

"raph! sto- sto- hAH! sto-OP I-IT!"

"you said you couldn't sleep. so I'm doin ya a favor."

this fucker is trying to make you tired.

"I didn't a-ask for a- ! RAPH!"

he's totally grinning down at you, with a playful glint in his eyes.

HE JUST WILL NOT STOP.

"what's the magic word, doll?"

"I luh- H AH! I LOVE yo-HU!"

he smiled in complete awe now, though, he kept on going. even if you just confessed your love to him, he had no mercy at all.

"oka- oka-HEY! I'M GONNA PISS MYSELF!"

after a good while after hearing that, he quickly pulls his hands away from you.

you catch your breath, panting to yourself.

"did I make ya tired now?"

"yeah, will that be the only time though?" you playfully wink.

Donatello

both of you are in his lab. you're totally bored.

although at times you were a science type of person, you could get bored very easily.

or distracted.

like now.

you get up from your seat behind donnie, touching some of the past projects he had previously worked on before.

"don't touch that please, hon."

you were bored. incredulously bored. But even though you listened to him and obeyed him as your dear, best friend,

you didn't give a fuck right now.

you're his friend. it was sort of your job to bug and joke around with him.

you continue touching some of his belongings, still trying to be careful with objects you knew could be potentially harmful to you and the others.

"I wonder what this thing doe--"

"I told you to stop touching things, y/n."

without warning, you felt the tips of his fingers rake across your sides at a fast pace. you wriggle in his grasp, leaning forward.

you roar into multiple fits of laughter, your face growing a hot, bright red.

"oh m- Donnie! Don- Donni-! I'll stop, I'll sto--! HAHA! PLEASE!"

he's amused now, seeing you this way. why hadn't he tickled you this much before?

"will you stop touching my things then? hm?"

"y-yES!"

"what's the magic word, y/n?"

"I don--! I dunno- HAH!"

"oh, yes you do."

"I lo-! I love you!? I'm so- soh- soRRY!"

he picks you up, setting you back down onto your seat.

the realization hit you. fast.

"you do, really?"

he has the biggest shit-eating, nerdy grin on his face right now.

Michelangelo

literal master of tickling.

seriously, he loves to do such tickle attacks on you when least expected.

but he never expected you to return them.

currently playing with a video game with his custom (cred to donnie) controllers, his tongue lazily stuck out, while his baby blue eyes glued to the screen, deep in focus.

"mikey? mikeyyyy!"

he doesn't respond, only acknowledging the game right now.

instead of his best friend.

you're about to leave when, suddenly, you get the greatest idea of all ideas.

no, you're not going to unplug the console.

quietly as you can be, you tip-toed behind him, his rough shell facing you.

you barely jump on him from behind, hands going to the crook of his neck, and your fingers start doing their thing.

he nearly throws the controller towards the wall, erupting into fits of giggles and laughter.

and without a second thought, mikey grabs you, switching to hover above you.

now it's his turn to tickle you.

so you're the new one dying of laughter.

"really, dudette? you thought you could outsmart me?!"

he loves seeing your smile while wiggling under his hold on you.

"mikEY! MICHAEL!"

hearing the use of the name "michael", he starts to tickle you even more.

"say the words!"

"n-! no-HOH!"

"sayy it!"

"I lov-! love you!"

"you love me? as a friend?"

he stopped tickling you instantly. and you sit up straight away.

you are as red as raph's own mask.

"uhm-"

"I love you too."

he's wiggling his "brows" at you, and you groan in annoyance.

you really did love this idiot.

[crystallized-shadow]

Chapters: 1 Part: 6 of Forces of Natura Rating: T Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara, Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Itama/Uchiha Izuna/Uchiha Kagami Word Count: 2059 Summary: As winter draws to an end, Tobirama knows it's only a matter of time before Hashirama shows up.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

“You know Hashirama will search for me,” Tobirama mutters towards the end of his season, “and with his control I won’t be able to hide our magic any longer.”

“I knew they would find us sooner or later,” Madara yawns, cuddling closer to his winter’s side, while he was back to full power now winter had always made him sleepy, “thank you for hiding us this long.”

“Anything for you my summer,” Tobirama chuckles, lightly digging his fingers into Madara’s scalp and getting a rumbling purr from the older god. “How do you want to break the news to them?”

“In the most dramatic way possible, duh.”

Tobirama can’t help but chuckle, it would seem all this time still hadn’t improved Madara’ sense of humor. “And what, pray tell, did you have in mind?”

“Let them think I’m some abusive asshole and see who tries to kill me first?” Madara suggests, shifting in Tobirama’s arms so he can stare into the ruby red eyes of his eternal partner.

“What is it with you fire related gods and trying to kill each other?” Tobirama huffs, the barest hint of a smile ghosting his lips when Madara laughs; it was good to hear his summer sound so free after all he’d been through.

“Battle burns in our blood.”

“Shall we take bets on who strikes first?” Tobirama asks instead of trying to refute that claim, it would be futile and he already knew he’d agree to anything Madara asked. “Hashirama is my choice.”

“Most likely,” Madara agrees before a devious smirk graces his devastatingly handsome face, “unless of course he rallies all the gods, then it will be Izuna the moment he sees the mark on my neck.”

Tobirama has to admit Madara has a valid point, all of the humans who possessed the stolen fire magic had borne Madara’s symbol until he had reclaimed his powers. “You realize they’re going to be pissed once they find out the truth.”

“And?” Madara challenges with a raised eyebrow, “they’re going to be pissed either way, so let’s have some fun!”

“I’m going to regret this, but let's hear it.”

“I’ll just need you to act like a meek little snowflake, scared of my obviously superior magic-”

“I’m going to smother you with a pillow.”

“-and cower in my presence. Maybe bloody you up a bit too, really set the scene.”

“And what’s in it for me if I go along with this ridiculous idea of yours?”

“That should be obvious,” Madara scoffs, ignoring the eyeroll that comment gets, “you’ll get to fuck me in our den until you’re sated.”

Now that was quite the offer, the transition into spring always caused a violent spike in his libido that had Madara limping for the first month of the new season. To offer up his body, without leading Tobirama on a frustrating chase first, was too tempting to pass up. “How can I say no to that offer?”

“You can’t.”

~~~

Tobirama senses his brother approaching long before the spring god makes it to the mortal plane; he’s not surprised to feel the other gods with Hashirama either, obviously Mother Nature wanted to make his feelings known. Poking his lip, just to make sure the cut is still bleeding, Tobirama settles more comfortably against his restraints. Madara could claim whatever bullshit reason he wanted, Tobirama knew the summer god just wanted an excuse to chain him up.

“Tobirama!” Hashirama exclaims, bursting into the living room without much grace, making the winter god roll his eyes; Hashirama was going to get hurt one of these days if he kept doing that.

“What are you doing here!?” Tobirama hisses instead, making sure his eyes are wide with fear and his voice trembles just enough that the others will notice.

“We came to rescue you Tobi-nii!” Itama declares, frowning at his brother’s battered form; it was clear the winter god had been suffering and whatever human had dared do this would pay dearly.

“You have to go!” Tobirama shoots back, his eyes darting around like he’s looking for something, “hurry! Before he gets back!”

“Tobira…” Hashirama mutters, his heart breaking at the sight of his precious otouto so broken down.

“What’s all the racket pet?” A voice mutters from further in the house, and none of the gods miss the way Tobirama goes absolutely rigid in terror as a human walks through the door beside him.

“Nothing Master,” Tobirama mutters in a meek voice, biting the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing at the spike of anger in Hashirama’s magic; his anija was still too gullible. He can’t help but mentally roll his eyes at Madara’s outfit of choice, the yukata is draped just loosely enough that his ‘stolen’ mark is clearly visible. Predictably Izuna’s eyes hone in on it instantly.

“Where did you get that!?” He demands, stepping forward and the air around him shimmers, “answer me you bastard!!”

“This thing?” Madara asks, a careless gesture to the bright red sigil on the base of his neck, “it’s proof of my clan's blessing from some ancient god; supposedly my ancestor earned an elemental god’s favor.”

Why don’t you just bluntly declare you killed his brother? Tobirama thinks, ducking his head in apparent fear to hide the unimpressed look he knows is on his face. It was hardly a fair bet when Madara goaded Izuna like that. Sure enough, Izuna’s screech of unadulterated rage shatters the windows as he lunges for Madara.

Madara can’t help but laugh as he dodges the sloppy swipe of fiery claws; it would seem Izuna still let his rage get the better of him. The summer god makes sure to keep his moves within a human’s ability, finally allowing Izuna to grab him by the throat and slam him into the wall.

“You will pay for what your family did to my brother!” Izuna snarls, plunging a fire coated hand into Madara’s stomach so the bastard would die slowly.

Madara just chuckles as he calmly places his hand over Izuna’s core and pushes a hint of his magic into his brother. The effect is instant and Izuna drops to his knees with a startled cry, a hand clutching uselessly at his chest as his system filters out the incompatible magic. While Madara and Izuna drew their power from the sun, the greatest fire source, Madara's had always been more potent and potentially dangerous to Izuna if he did like he’d just done. “I see you haven’t changed Izuna.” Madara comments, smirking as the drought god glares up at him, only for his eyes to widen in shock.

“How do you know my name?” He demands in barely more than a whisper, shock washing away his anger.

Madara just chuckles as the sigil on his neck glows brightly, spreading out into very familiar runes as he lets his human facade fade away.

“Aniki!!” Izuna sobs, tears evaporating as quickly as they fall from his eyes. Madara’s usually hard eyes soften and Izuna can’t stop himself from lunging into his brother’s waiting arms. “You came back!!”

“Of course I did,” Madara scoffs, holding Izuna close as the younger god trembles in his arms, sobs still wracking through his body.

“Oh thank the sage,” Tobirama mutters, easily shattering his supposed bonds as he stands up, his injuries melting away.

“Tobira…?” Hashirama mutters, looking between the two gods, his brain struggling to process the sight of Madara alive and well. “I don’t understand…”

“Madara reincarnated,” Tobirama explains with a shrug, walking over to his brother in an effort not to invade Izuna's reunion with Madara. “I found him before it was time and forced the reawakening sooner.”

“I didn’t realize that was possible,” Mito states, watching Madara sharply as Hashirama yanks his brother into a hug, “but it does appear he’s completely back.”

“Madara?” Kagami mutters, finally venturing forward to his mentor’s side, “you’re back.”

“Of course I am Spitfire,” Madara chuckles, pulling Kagami into the hug as well, “did you really think I would stay away?”

“You died,” Kagami sobs, burying his face in Madara’s chest, “and everything changed!”

“I’m sorry little one,” Madara mutters, running his fingers through Kagami’s hair reassuringly, “I won’t do it again.”

“You better not,” Izuna huffs, clinging closer to his aniki, happy to have the older god back, “I’d have to hurt the snowflake if you did.”

“Be nice Izu,” Kagami scolds, his tone watery, “Tobirama has been training me.”

“Oh?” Madara hums with a raised eyebrow, looking over the young god’s head to meet Tobirama’s eyes.

“He couldn’t control his magic,” Tobirama shrugs, dislodging Hashirama, “and that desert you call a brother was useless, so I took over.”

“Why you-!” Izuna snarls, only to be cut off when Hashirama barrels into them, crushing all three fire gods to his chest.

“Madara!” Hashirama sobs, burying his face in Madara’s wispy hair, “I thought I’d never see you again!!”

“Let go of me you oaf,” Madara grunts, struggling to breath through a face-full of hair and flowers.

“No!” Hashirama protests, clinging harder as Izuna and Kagami manage to slip free of his grasp, “I’m never letting you out of my sight again!”

“Knock it off you plant-brained mother hen!” Madara growls, flaring his magic when vines suddenly start wrapping around him in response to Hashirama’s distress. The vines instantly catch fire, along with the ones in Hashirama’s hair, causing the Spring God to jump back with a yelp.

“Hashi-nii,” Itama sighs, quickly dousing his older brother with a downpour.

“Lets all just calm down,” Mito suggests, “as this is Hashirama’s equinox and I doubt any of us want to deal with that mess.”

Everyone shudders at the thought of what an overly emotional Hashirama could do with perfect control over his powers.

“So, Summer, Winter, care to explain?” Hashirama asks with a frown, not liking that his best friend and his brother have been keeping secrets from him.

“Like I said, Madara reincarnated and I forced the reawakening sooner than it should have happened.”

“You owe us more of an explanation than that Snowflake,” Izuna growls, glaring at the older god.

“Izuna,” Madara sighs, catching Tobirama’s hand in his before his eternal partner can try and attack the drought god. Madara shakes his head before he glances over the gods that had come to ‘rescue’ Tobirama. “The family I was born into, the Uchihas, were the ones that originally trapped me and stole my powers. On Tobirama’s solstice they tried to sacrifice me again, but he ended them.”

“How did you know some random human was Madara?” Kagami asks, knowing he wouldn’t have been able to recognize his shishou as a human.

“I’ve always been very attuned to Madara’s presence, when he came of age for a human, I sensed a spark of his original magic. Knowing it shouldn’t be possible for Madara to have reincarnated yet, I kept an eye on the human and when I found him trying to summon a familiar I made sure he summoned me instead.”

“You changed that sigil!?” Madara demands, glaring at his partner, “and when did you plan on telling me that!?”

“Hush,” Tobirama chuckles, kissing the irate summer god, before he looks at his brother, “you actually tried to kill him not so long ago.”

“I did?” Hashirama mutters, before his eyes widen slightly. He had thought that human looked familiar, but he only just now realized it was the one he’d tried to kill while searching for his brother. “But that was some time ago, why haven’t you two come home?”

“I had to wait for the winter solstice to reclaim my lost powers,” Madara says, glancing away from his oldest friend.

“I nearly lost Madara again,” Tobirama practically growls, “and I didn’t feel like sharing him with you yet.”

“I can see how such an event would drive you to isolate your mate to protect him,” Mito comments, knowing she would have reacted the same way if someone had killed her Spring.

“You just wanted to fuck with us,” Izuna guess, glaring at his brother when Madara smirks.

“It wouldn’t have been any fun to just show up.”

“You’re a bastard Shishou,” Kagami states and the sincerity of the comment makes everyone laugh.

“Let’s go home,” Hashirama says, dragging Madara and Tobirama with him before they can protest.

[gdwessel]

Road to Wrestle Grand Slam Night 3 - 5/25/2021; Now Taichi, Jay White, David Finlay Revealed As Positive For COVID-19; Ren Narita + Rocky Romero on AEW Dark: Elevation 5/24/2021 With RPG Vice Reunion!; Some Words On Ospreay And Other Rumors

Days Of Thunder + Strong Style History Present: Collision In Korea

The tour continued today, with a show you can see now on NJPWWorld. - 5/25/2021, Tokyo Korakuen Hall (NJPWWorld)

Chase Owens [Bullet Club] d. Yota Tsuji (Package Driver, 8:34)

Zack Sabre Jr. & DOUKI [SZKG] v. Yujiro Takahashi & Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club] (Sabre > Yujiro, Barry From Eastenders, 9:44)

Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa [Bullet Club] d. Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Master Wato (Tonga > Wato, Magic Killer, 12:44)

Tetsuya Naito, SANADA, Shingo Takagi & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] d. Hirooki Goto [CHAOS], Tomohiro Ishii [CHAOS], YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS] & Ryusuke Taguchi (Takagi > Taguchi, Made In Japan, 17:11)

Kota Ibushi & Hiroshi Tanahashi d. Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan [United Empire] (Ibushi > O-Khan, Kamigoye, 15:53)

Ibushi restated he wants a singles match against Cobb. Dominion seems likely. Naito and Ishii got into it once more. ZSJ has YET ANOTHER finisher with a wacky name.

In the wake of Kazuchika Okada’s revelation that he tested positive for COVID-19, Tokyo Sports ran a piece that now Taichi (Taichiro Maki) has confirmed he too was positive for the coronavirus, coming down with fever after wrestling in Fukuoka. Taichi said in the piece that he spent his time playing PS5 but is now back in training. Taichi appeared on commentary at yesterday’s show which, erm, that’s kind of a brave move, hope it works out for them.

It’s also been revealed that Jay White and David Finlay Jr. both tested positive, however that came from a statement by Finlay’s father, former WCW/WWE wrestler and trainer David “Fit’ Finlay in an appearance on the Stories With Briscoe And Bradshaw podcast. According to Fit, White and Finlay were both on their way out when their positive tests came back, and were told to quarantine at the New Japan Dojo, rather than at a government sponsored hotel. If this is the root of some of the dissatisfaction by the non-Japanese wrestlers, I can pretty well see that. If I was told I can go home, and then I couldn’t when I was already travelling, either because of a positive COVID-19 test, or because NJPW decided last second to runs shows in May, I’d be seriously pissed off too. However, this is hearsay, even if it is from one of the people involved’s father. Whatever the case, we hope everyone involved will be OK. Taichi certainly seemed to be yesterday.

Last night on AEW's Monday-night YouTube show Dark: Elevation (which is very pre-taped), we got two matches at the top of the card featuring NJPW talents via the so-called "Forbidden Door." In the semi-main, Ren Narita defeated Royce Isaacs in a back-and-forth affair with Narita getting the win with Narita Special #4. In the main event, Rocky Romero beat the much bigger JD Drake of the Wingmen with a flash La Magistral cradle. Afterwards, the rest of the Wingmen attempted a beatdown of Romero, but was saved by Chuck Taylor, Kris Statlander, Orange Cassidy and TRENT BARETTA. A magic moment was had as Rocky and Trent reunited, the old Roppongi Vice theme playing whilst doing the jumping high five shtick for the first time in... a long time. Rocky was then part of the Best Friends group hug, because, as they say, you got to give the people what they want. There is still a lot of chatter about Will Ospreay, the reasons why he left Japan to go back to the UK, the legitimacy of his injuries, and the unrest among the non-Japanese talents in NJPW right now. What's really infuriating is hiding a lot of this behind paywalls and paid podcasts in the name of Sk00pz! Quite a bit of this is speculation on both Ospreay's mental health and personal life at the moment (i.e. the OsCutter to Bea Priestley was the in-ring way of writing her out as they have split as a couple now). None of which is, frankly, any of our concern, no matter what other shitty things Ospreay has done or said. Regardless of what we all collectively think of William Ospreay, and the situation with vacating the IWGP World Heavyweight title, he doesn't even rank in the Top 5 (Bottom 5?) All-Time Worst IWGP Heavyweight Title Reigns, and is not even the worst one of the last five years. Recency bias is a thing, sure, and things are not great creatively (although? These last two shows? Not bad!). 

There are rumblings of a mass exodus of non-Japanese wrestlers in January, either until quarantine procedures end, or just going elsewhere. But then, there always is. Not four months ago the internet was convinced Jay White was heading to AEW or NXT. Minoru Suzuki was a lock to start with Pro Wrestling NOAH in January 2020. Kenny Omega was going to be a surprise entrant into the Royal Rumble 2017. None of these things ever happened. We're not even in June; let's worry about January closer to the date eh? The last of the three Korakuen Hall shows is tomorrow. - 5/26/2021, Tokyo Korakuen Hall (NJPWWorld)

Yota Tsuji v. Shingo Takagi [Los Ingobernables]

Hiroshi Tanahashi, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Master Wato v. Yujiro Takahashi, Chase Owens & Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club]

Zack Sabre Jr. & DOUKI [SZKG] v. Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa [Bullet Club]

Kota Ibushi & Tomoaki Honma v. Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan [United Empire]

Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS] v. Tetsuya Naito & SANADA [Los Ingobernables]

Days Of Thunder + Strong Style History Present: Collision In Korea

[callmeasyouwantidk]

3, 6, 12, and 21 for the Writer Asks, please! 🤗 💜

Thank you for the ask Hiro!

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3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing?

My favorite is the feeling you get when you have finished writing so you reread it to make sure everything is correct.

My least favorite is writers block. AHHHGHHHHGHGGGGGGGG

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6. Favorite character you've written?

I never wrote originals yet (even tho I'm thinking on it) so my fav is Butsuma with completely different attitude in my mid-century AU. I made him like, as strong, as serious, but now he takes everything close to heart and just had to go with it because a good king can't allow himself to be a crybaby in the war. He was suffering and I loved to reread about it. Usual writer stuff, nothing new)

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12. Which story of yours do you like best? Why?

Honestly I'm not sure here. There are like three stories that r good enough to be my favs. I can't decide... Ugh. Whatever. Basic review of them 😅: First story is basically about Tobirama getting kidnapped when he is a child (like, 6 months or so) by Tajima. That happened while Butsuma was at his mission and Tobi's mom was about to give birth to Itama so Hashirama and Tobi were with their nany. But what can a regular human nany do when at the window she sees the head of the Uchiha clan? Only try to get the children to safety or get help. Unfortunately, Tajima got his hands on one of the boys before nany could. Now Tobirama grows up among the Uchiha as one of them, with only one goal - to kill his father, brothers, mother, and his own clansman. He succeeded at killing two of his brothers at young age, and killing his mother while a teen. Tajima gets physical pleasure when he sees Butsuma clutch his teeth in anger and dispare every fight Tobi includes. Not gonna go farther, too long, but you got the spirit.

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Second story is about Hashirama getting caught prisoner while Tajima is still ruling the clan. He learns that he was caught when he used himself as a shield to save Tobirama from a wicked two way attack that would have killed him. He also learns that even tho he did save him, the poisoned blade did a little cut, so Tobi will die from it in few days. Gotta get out. While trying to find his way out, Hashi stumbles upon his father and father's good friend who went missing four years ago, who's also held prisoners. Same story - too long to tell, but you got the spirit.

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3rd story has two versions. This is Ver 1. It's the AU I'm currently working on. Mid-century AU, where people have wings (type and colour of wing depends on personality, hair colour, and mobility of the person. Also it might depend on the wings your ancestors had.) and magic. Butsuma is the king, Tajima is the king. Senju kingdom grew weaker lately, because many of their blacksmiths have been slaughtered in one of the attacks on kingdom, and the army needs weapons. Because now the knights gotta run around the field looking for a weapon in case they don't have their anymore, they grow more and more tired after every fight. The Knights of the Round Table (which includes Butsuma and his knights) decided that the kingdom is growing too weak, and judging from Uchihas actions, they realize it too and don't hesitate to use the opportunity. They have decided that if the Uchiha kingdom does one strong enough strike with all their power, it might even be the end of it. To prevent this happening Butsuma calls Tajima for negotiation. He says that both armies are tired and that it might be good to take a break and form temporary peace, let the armies rest for a while, heal up, and continue. Tajima, of course knew where it was coming from, and it was far from the deal he was willing to make, so he asked for a payment. He said that he will consider such deal, if Butsuma gives him one certain payment to stay away. The payment is Butsuma himself. Tajima asked Butsuma to give himself in as a prisoner. A slave. Only in such case will Tajima agree. Having no other choice Butsuma agrees, signs the contract, and gives himself in, leaving a wife and his four children. While being an Uchiha slave he is treated even worse then a homeless alcoholic. Leaving in a cell in dungeons. In summer/autumn and spring working on the fields, and in winter helping as a servant. For every little mistake he was punished with a certain amount of whip blows that would leave him a bloody mess, and a lot of deep bruises. He was given only the things that he need not to die to quickly. In cold winters he had to swallow his pride and beg for something warm. The only way to get a little food for him was to pleasure Tajima in a naughty way (if you know what I mean ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). His status here was lower then a dog's, so anyone and everyone could do whatever they wanted with him. He had to do every request regardless of anything. Because of constant physical and emotional stress of more or less regular punishments and the inability to say "no" to all the perverted guards around the castle he aged greatly in a not so long amount of time, even tho he also did a lot of work to adapt. Madara was helping him tho, as much and as well as he could. He would call him in for said "naughty time" but would let him just sit and rest for an hour after which let him go. He would bring him a little of bread if Butsuma didn't eat for more then 3 days. He would help him get treatment if Butsuma got ill. Ten years later, when Madara grew to be 24 he made an assassination on his father because didn't agree with his perverted way of spreading tyranny not only on Butsuma, but through the kingdom itself. He became the king, and let Butsuma back to his family, shortly after which they made a permanent peace treaty.

Ver2. All the same but instead of asking for Butsuma to turn himself in, Tajima asked for one of his children. Through days of thinking of a way to get out of the situation, and Tobirama saying his word, Butsuma sends Tobi to Tajima as a prisoner. For Tobi it's all the same story but only that people get their wings only when they turn 18, and in the Uchiha castle it is forbidden for anyone to use wings except the royal family. Tobi had to learn to control his wings while always being at risk of them opening randomly and getting him in a lot of trouble. Bit again, Madara helped him with that.

Very 2 has a different ending tho. At some point when Tobi is around 22 the Uchiha kingdom suffers an attack from a big enemy coming for Tajima. During that attack, Tajima dies, but so does Tobirama. Tobi goes to the other world, but instead of resting in peace he spends a his time looking over his family and kingdom. With years passing, he becomes the Guardian of the Senju kingdom, and he looks over it and all the people living in until the end of times.

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21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

Um... I guess that I make kinda very dramatic content, and a lot of people actually like drama but usually are ashamed (for whatever reason) to say about it so there are not much actual dramatic fanfics.

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Hope you had good time reading my 3 page essay answering these. I really couldn't decide on the story could I?😅

[welcometohashihigh]

The Rescue Mission: Ken

Ken clenched his fingers around the grip of his spear. Minato had given them all a few minutes to prepare themselves, insisting on holding a strategy meeting with the other two leaders. He turned to look at Aigis, who seemed to never take her eyes off of Minato. He sighed. Aigis would always be the same. 

Mitsuru was fencing with Junpei, practicing moves against each other. Ken admitted that his strikes were probably weaker than before, but he had been trying to keep up with his strength between school years. Even so, he cautiously practiced strikes and slashes with his spear through the air, daring any Shadows to come near. 

“Hey Ken.” Yukari had walked close to him. “What do you think of those two?” He followed where she pointed to Narukami and Kurusu. 

Ken drove the point of his spear into the ground as he thought a moment. “Narukami is pretty big, but he seems nice. His friends like him.” He thought that the gray haired boy gave off a big brother vibe, though he would be cautious about trusting someone like that. “Kurusu is friendly too, and he seems so cool.” Ken admired the other two leaders, but Minato was always the best in his opinion. 

“S.E.E.S.! It’s time to get started.” Minato walked back over, so Ken pulled his spear from the ground and unclipped the snap over his Evoker. “From what we’ve seen, this place is just an open area. There’s more hallways ahead, filled with Shadows.” His gray eye locked on to Fuuka, who was talking to the other navis. “We’ll be counting on you three for navigation.” 

With that, Minato pointed his sword down the hallway in front of the group, Kurusu and Narukami on either side of him. Ken took a deep breath. He was ready to fight any Shadow that came across his path. 

“Take that!” Ken dived down, thrusting his spear through the body of the Shadow beneath him. It dissolved into dust, and he let out a breath of relief. The Shadows hadn’t been too bad here, but there had been a lot. He wasn’t worn out yet, but was rather glad Kurusu and Narukami were with them. The two boys were frighteningly strong, with Narukami being able to take out Shadows in a single swing and Kurusu being so fast Shadows were dead before Ken could even blink. 

They had been making considerable progress through the Realm, especially with the help of all three Navis. Ken stretched his shoulder out a little, ready to continue on. 

“Good job guys, but be careful! There’s a ton of of strong Shadows up ahead.” Fuuka’s voice echoed around them. “But we think you guys are getting really close to a new area.” 

“Let’s go then.” Minato nodded in the direction of the hallway. Ken twirled his spear in his hand and ran after everyone, silently cursing his short stature. He was so distracted that he failed to see the large Shadow lunging at him until it was right in front of him. Ken let out a shriek and whirled his spear around, aiming for the neck but missed, the blade piercing the beast’s shoulder. It tackled him despite the injury and Ken had to push hard on his spear to keep the monster’s snapping jaws away from his face. Panic shot through him. 

A long blade sank deep into the Shadow’s side, knocking it off Ken. He shot up, yanking his spear from its shoulder. Narukami pulled his sword from the Shadow before stabbing it right through again. The Shadow writhed, so Ken pulled his Evoker out and held it to his chest. 

“Nemesis!” He pulled the trigger, his Persona rising into the air. “Kouha!” Light flew from his Persona and stabbed through the Shadow, effectively killing it. Ken retracted his Persona and nodded to Narukami, who threw himself back into the fray. 

The Shadows around them were big and ferocious, and the whole of S.E.E.S. was struggling to fight them off, even with the aid of Narukami and Kurusu. Ken gritted his teeth and flung himself at a Shadow that was sparring with Junpei. With a shout, he stabbed the beast through the back, letting Junpei recover enough to summon Trismegestus and defeat the Shadow. Ken helped him up, and together the two charged forward to assist anyone else. A Shadow lunged for him, but two swift slashes from Kurusu were enough to stop it in its tracks. The thief pulled off his mask to summon that winged demon, Arsene. Ken watched as Kurusu attempted to kill the Shadow with Eiha, but it bounced off its shell. 

“Kurusu!” A crazy idea popped into Ken’s head, and he hoped it would work as he wanted it to. “Use Eiha on my spear!” The thief didn’t protest, and dark energy wrapped around the sharp blade. “Go down!” He rushed forward, stabbing his spear through the center of the Shadow. The magic attack exploded outwards, destroying the beast. Ken planted his feet, the dark magic making him feel a little weak. Once it was done, he shook himself off, turning back to look at Kurusu, who smiled proudly at him. Ken felt warmth spread through him. 

He looked around, glad to see that the other Shadows had been killed. Minato stabbed his sword down into one repeatedly, making sure it was dead. S.E.E.S. had won this fight, but it was clear it had been taxing. Ken felt pain spark across his left arm. He winced as he looked at it, seeing where a Shadow’s claws had cut his skin. His armband had avoided getting torn, but his sweater would need to be sewn later. He inspected his other pained spots, only finding bruises and scrapes. The cut would need to be treated soon. 

Yukari had been going around, looking at everyone’s wounds. She came up to Ken and looked at his arm. “You’ll be ok. Here.” She carefully wrapped the wound despite Ken wincing at her touch. “There. Minato wants to keep going a little farther. He wants to know about the new area Fuuka was talking about. Do you think you can keep going?” He rolled his right arm around. His muscles would be sore tomorrow if he kept going, but he should be ok otherwise.

“I’ll be ok. If Minato wants to keep going, I can keep up.” Ken held his spear across his shoulders and walked after Minato, who had started leading the group onward. He had to jog to keep up thanks to being significantly shorter than anyone here. Eventually the hallway opened up into a wide open space where an eerily large building loomed before them. 

“So this is the new area, as Fuuka had mentioned.” Minato’s gaze swept up the tower as he spoke. “As much as I want to go on, S.E.E.S. needs to rest. That last group of Shadows was hard to fight. Fuuka, can you guys tell anything about this tower?” 

“It’s not too high or big, but we can tell that it has a very different feel than what you’ve been dealing with so far. You should find a way back so you can rest.” Ken looked around at the black and white walls, eventually noticing movement by the door of the building. 

“Minato-” 

“I see them.” Minato held up his hand to keep S.E.E.S. to show he would look by himself. Kurusu and Narukami joined him, and even from here Ken could feel the prickliness radiating from his leader. Wow, Minato doesn’t like them, but I don’t know why. Ken watched as the three approached the Shadowy figure. Even from here, the thing’s voice carried. 

“Y-You’re back! He was right, you God Slayers are dangerous.” God Slayers? Is it talking about us? There was some scuffling and Ken could see that the thing was actually a person, a person with something in their arms. He wanted to step forward to help, but the voice stopped him. “Come any closer and I’ll kill her on the spot.”

“Minato! He’s not bluffing!” Fuuka’s voice was filled with desperation. Ken shook, unable to decide what to do. “That man is much stronger than you and S.E.E.S. could defeat.” 

The man laughed. “If you want to beat me, come to the top of my Temple. Better do it before she dies!” He slid into the building, shutting the door behind him with a solid click. Everyone stood silently, struggling to process what just happened. Ken could see Minato’s arms shaking by his side. After a few more silent moments, Kurusu exploded. 

“What the hell are you standing there for? We have to go save her!” Kurusu slammed his foot into the door, but it didn’t budge. Ken flinched at the sound, but turned to look at Minato. “Arisato, these are your people. We have to go.” He looked at the blue haired man with an accusatory glare. 

“Kurusu. Look at them, they’re battered and bruised. They can’t continue on at this rate. We’ll head back and figure out what to do next, and don’t you dare try to argue with me.” Minato glared back. “S.E.E.S. needs to rest. We’ll return for now.” 

“Minato?” Fuuka’s voice rose to life around them. “We’ve found another entrance to this place nearby you guys. It should be over to your right.” Ken turned in the direction that Fuuka had mentioned, and he noticed a wavering light blue square on the wall. He approached it, seeing that same strange circular symbol that was on Hanamura’s window. 

“Ken, be careful. We don’t know what’s on the other side.” Mitsuru walked up behind him, gazing into the window. He thought he could almost see into it, the room beyond looking kind of like the dorms at Hashi. “Leader, will you go on through first?” 

Minato walked up to the window and just glared at it before poking his head through. After a moment he came back out with a huff of relief. “Thank god, it’s Ken’s room.” Why my room? “That means we can use this window as a way to get back here to this place.”

“Didn’t that weirdo call this place a temple? Does that mean he’s part of those cultists of rumor?” Narukami had walked over, sheathing his sword on his back. He folded his arms. “What are these windows anyway? Why the windows of our rooms?” 

Minato shook his head. “I’m too tired to think about it right now. Come on, we should go rest for now. Let’s meet up later in the planning room.” He leapt through the window and was gone. 

“Here, Amada.” Narukami was standing behind him with a small smile. “I’ll help you through.” He knelt down and offered a boost to the child. While normally Ken would have scoffed and walked away, he felt warmth spreading through him at the gray haired boy’s kindness. It was quickly followed by a sharp pang in his chest, but he swallowed the feeling. 

“Th-thank you.” He graciously took the assistance and stepped through the window and tumbled into the floor. Minato helped him up, though Ken could feel his arms shaking. They were all out of it. “Minato, are you ok?” 

“I’ll be fine. It’s been a while since I’ve fought, so I’m just sore. Is your arm ok?” Minato gently brushed his fingers on the bandage. Ken felt a prick of pain from the pressure, but otherwise it was ok. He nodded. “Good.” The rest of S.E.E.S. had begun coming through the window. “Take your time resting.” With that Minato left his room.

Everyone had long since left his room, leaving Ken to relax by himself. He had been working on school work when the chime of his phone rang out through his room. He picked it up and checked it, seeing a message from Minato. 

<< Ken, we’ve gotten a message from Mishima. Please come to the planning room.

Ken stacked his work together neatly before standing up. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, but his legs were stiff. He walked out anyway, as the planning room was a bit far. He’d stretch out his legs by walking. When he made it to the room, a lot of people were already there, including Narukami and Kurusu. He made his way to a seat near the front and sat down. 

Once everyone else was in there, Kurusu spoke of the message. It made sense that Mishima would have texted him first, considering how close friends they were. Despite that, Ken did wonder why Kurusu only called Mishima by his honorific.

“Mishima messaged us just a few minutes earlier. He said that a girl from his class named Nishi went missing. Her friends claimed she was last seen working at the same convenience store that Hokori manages.” Kurusu’s eyes were so dark and piercing, Ken fought to keep looking at the dark haired teen. “I think it’s rather safe to assume that Hokori dragged her into that big building thing we saw in the Chaos Realm.”

“So we’ve decided to take him out, topple that wretched temple of his, and save Nishi.” Minato’s gray eyes swept over everyone in the room, though it was clear the warmth in his glare was only for S.E.E.S. Ken felt excitement shoot through his chest, spreading across his entire body. A new mission. He stared down at his hands, clenching his fingers closed. It wasn’t vengeance that was driving him this time. No. 

This time I want to save people.

[hazyheel]

Wrestle Kingdom 14 Day 1 Review

The biggest event on the New Japan calendar certainly did not disappoint. Huge matches up and down the card, and even though the last few matches felt like they were lasting an eternity, it was perfectly fine with me. Great matches, and by the time the main event ended and they mentioned that this was only the first day of the event, I was super hyped up for day two. I was worried that Day 1 would feel almost like an afterthought, but it was just as awesome as any other year’s wrestle kingdom. Such a great show that I can’t rave about it enough. Here is my review of Day 1 of Wrestle Kingdom 14. 

Naoki Sano, Ryusuke Taguchi, Shinjiro Ootani, Tatsuhiko Takaiwa vs. The Great Sasuke, Jushin Thunder Liger, Tatsumi Fujinami, Tiger Mask IV: El Samurai was in Team Liger’s Corner, while Kuniaki Kobayashi. Liger and Sano started things off, and after a few submission exchanges, Sano drilled Liger with a suicide dive. Ootani tagged in, and gave Liger a face wash, before liger stood up and drilled him with a series of shoteis. Tiger Mask and Takaiwa came in next, trading stiff chops and kicks, with Takaiwa coming out on top. Takaiwa’s team then beat down Tiger Mask for a little while, showing off their signature offense. Tiger Mask was able to escape after hitting Takaiwa with a Tiger Driver, and then tagged in Fujinami. Fujinami then drilled everyone with a dragonscrew leg whip, and even started to choke out Takaiwa. Sasuke then went for an elbow drop, but Takaiwa dodged and tagged in Sano. Sano then went for a double stomp, but missed, and the two brawled up to the top rope and nailed a superplex. They both tagged out to Liger and Taguchi, who immediately was hit with a rana off the top. The two then continued to fight in the middle of the ring as the rest of the legends brawled on the outside. Taguchi then nailed Liger with an ensiguri, followed by a Bumoye, but Liger kicked out! However, Taguchi then hit the Dodon for the win. 

After the match, everyone shook hands and bowed to Liger. They all held their hands up high in the air.

Grade: C-. I feel bad giving this such a low grade, but this match wasn’t really about the wrestling. It was about the sight of seeing all these legends in the ring, which was cool. It was a fitting retirement match. I’m shocked that Liger lost this one, I thought for sure that he was gonna win it. 

BUSHI, EVIL, SANADA & Shingo Takagi vs. El Desperado, Minoru Suzuki, Taichi & Zack Sabre Jr: Evil and Suzuki started things off in the ring as everyone else brawled on the outside. Suzuki quickly took control after an armbar over the top rope, and started to beat him down with a chair on the outside. They fought back into the ring where Suzuki-gun worked over Evil’s neck and arm. However, Evil fought back with a Fisherman suplex to Taichi, and Takagi got the hot tag, destroying Taichi, Suzuki and Desperado. The two continued to fight utnil tagging in Sanada and Sabre. The two traded pinning cominations with Sabre targeting the arm and Sanada targeting the knee. LIJ continued to beat down Sabre, with Bushi trying to recreate his recent upset. However, Sabre was able to twist him into a submission for the win. 

After the match, Sabre kept the hold on Bushi until Sanada pulled him off with a Dragon Sleeper. 

Grade: C+. Pretty good match, nothing too exciting. It’s always fun to see Suzuki-Gun heeling it up in a multi-man tag, but there wasn’t too much to this match. It felt very rushed without the sense of urgency. Takagi had an awesome hot tag though, so that was fun. Fine stuff, but nothing more than that. 

Bad Luck Fale, Chase Owens, KENTA, & Yujiro Takahashi vs. Hirooki Goto, Tomohiro Ishii, Toru Yano & YOSHI-HASHI: Yano and Fale started things off, much to Yano’s dismay. Yano tried to take him down with some shoulder tackles, but Fale quickly flattened him. Yano then avoided the rest of Fale’s offense and tagged out to Hashi. Fale tagged in Owens, and then two tradded chops back and forth. Hashi had the advantage until Takahashi tripped up Hashi and allowed Owens to nail a wrecking ball dropkick. Bullet Club beat down Hashi for a while, until Ishii ran in and made the save. He tried to give Fale a suplex, but Fale powered out and gave Ishii a slam. Yano then slapped Fale on the head, angering the big man who then beat the crap out of him. Goto and Kenta then tagged in, and exchanged huge lariats back and forth. Kenta was able to get the advantage with a DDT, and Bullet Club then beat down Goto. As everyone started to take each other out with their big moves, Ishii gave Fale a huge headbutt and then a brainbuster to a roar from the crowd. Goto then fought off Kenta and Takahashi, before giving Takahashi the GTR for the win. 

Grade: B-. This match was similar to the last, but it had a lot of really exciting action much to my surprise. Yano was funny as ever whenever he entered the ring. Ishii got a big moment in a year where it was very possible that he wouldn’t. Good stuff for Ishii. Also, Kenta and Goto really wailed into each other, so I’m now super excited for the title match.

FinJuice vs. Guerrillas of Destiny for the IWGP Tag Team Championships: as GOD made their entrance, FinJuice ran up the ramp to meet the champions, but immediately got beaten down. Juice Robinson ate a back body drop on the ramp, and David Finlay was thrown off the stage. GoD then beat down Juice in the ring for a bit, but Finlay was able to recover and get the hot tag. He beat down Tonga Loa a bit, until Tama Tonga took him down with a cheap shot. Finlay fought back a bit and climbed to the top rope, but Loa pushed him off and he landed on the injured shoulder. GoD then took their time beating down Finlay, until Finlay threw caution to the wind and drilled Loa with a spear. Juice got the hot tag and beat down both members of GoD with power slams, lariats and cannonballs. Juice went for the Left Hand to God, but Loa blocked it and nailed a knee to the face, an ensiguri, and a german suplex. GoD tried to capitalize, but Juice nailed leg lariats on both of them. FinJuice finally took control and beat down Tama with a dropkick/Russian leg sweep combo, for a quick kickout. FinJuice then went for a superplex combo, but Loa pushed Robinson off the top. They then grabbed Finlay and nailed him with a powerbomb/ frog splash combo for a near fall. GoD then hit Finlay with a Magic Killer, but Juice broke it up. They then drilled Juice with a Magic Killer, before pulling Finlay up to the top rope for the double powerbomb, but Finlay countered with a rana. Tama then went for a gun stun, but Finlay fought out of it with stunner. Finlay then tried for a rollup, but Tama pushed him into the ropes and Jado nailed a kendo stick shot, but Tama couldn’t get the pin. Robinson then took Jado out with a Left Hand to God, gave a pair of left hand to gods to Loa, before allowing Finlay to hit sliced bread for the win. 

Grade: B. I wasn’t a huge fan of this match until the finishing sequence, but what a finishing sequence it was. Lots of big moves, and awesome kickouts. They did a great job of making FinJuice out to be real underdogs. They were scrambling by the end of the match, and everything looked very frantic. I was into it, and I was happy to see the boys pick up the big win. 

Jon Moxley vs. Lance Archer in a Texas Death Match for the IWGP United States Championship: The match started out quickly with Moxley throwing Archer out of the ring and nailing a suicide dive. Moxley then grabbed a kendo stick, but Archer threw a chair into his face. Archer then beat down Moxley with a Kendo stick, a chair and a trash can lid. Archer was going to go for the tightrope walk, but Moxley pulled him off and destroyed him with kendo stick shots to the face. He let Archer back in the ring, and quickly countered a chokeslam with an elbow, before catching Archer off the ropes with a trash can lid shot to the head, followed by a vertical suplex onto some chairs and a regal knee. Archer then rolled to the outside, gave Moxley a chokeslam onto the apron, followed by chokeslamming a young lion into Moxley, and then diving into a crowd of young lions and Moxley. Archer then set up four chairs in the ring and gave Moxley Blackout onto them. Moxley barely made it up to his feet, so Archer locked on the EBD claw and smashed Moxley’s head into a chair. Moxley countered into an armbar, but Archer quickly caught his neck and gave him an overhead suplex into the corner. Moxley then popped right back out of it with a lariat and a double underhook ddt. Archer got up, and was able to take control back with a derailer and a chokeslam onto a chair. Moxley got up at 9 and flipped off Archer, earning him a boot to the face. Archer then produced a plastic bag and locked on the EBD Claw with it. Moxley nearly passed out, but passed the arm drop test, so Archer introduced a pair of tables. He then used his spiked helmet to stab Moxley in the head, and tried for the blackout out of the ring onto the tables, but Moxley countered and went for a spear. Archer caught him out of spear and went for a chokeslam through the tables, but only managed to get Moxley onto the apron. Moxley then kicked him in the gut and gave him the Death Rider through the tables for the bloody bloody win. 

After the match, Moxley got on the mic and said that he wants to leave with nothing or everything. He said that on Night 2, they settle things once and for all. 

Grade: B+. This was a violent as hell match that was tough to watch at times, but it was an awesome sight to see. They beat the crap out of each other with a bunch of weapons and there were some totally rough spots. Archer does some vicious chokeslams. Nothing beats that finish though, that looked insane. I really hope Archer is okay, because his arm was really really cut up. Still, a match deserving of the death match name. Good stuff. 

Hiromu Takahashi vs. Will Ospreay for the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship: The two started out with some fast paced wrestling on the mat, before Ospreay nailed him in the head with a slap. The two then stood back up in the middle of the ring and exchanged shots back and forth. They then engaged in a series of counters ending in a stiff chop from Ospreay. Takahashi then put Ospreay on the apron and went for a sunset flip powerbomb, only for Ospreay to counter. Takahashi then pulled them both onto the floor and gave him a powerbomb on the apron, followed by a missile dropkick off the apron. The two then exchanged chops in the middle of the ring, until Takahashi went to the apron. Ospreay then caught him with a double stomp to the back of the head and a hanging DDT to take control. Ospreay then started to work over the neck, with Takahashi only getting tiny glimpses of offense. Back in the ring, Ospreay locked in a Koji Clutch to continue to attack on the neck, but Takahashi barely made it to the ropes. The two then exchanged chops back and forth until Ospreay nailed a kick to the midsection. Takahashi then caught him off the ropes with a rolling flatliner, followed by a basement dropkick a nd a falcon’s arrow for a near fall. Ospreay then went for his Sasuke special, but Takahashi backed up and tried for a German suplex, only for Ospreay to flip out of it. He then charged Takahashi down the apron, and Takahashi tried to give him a belly to belly into the apron, but Ospreay slid into the ring and nailed a Sasuke special anyway. It was an awesome sequence. The two then fought out onto the apron, where Ospreay gave him a springboard double stomp to the back of the head in a brutal shot. Ospreay then wanted the hidden blade, but Takahashi collapsed before he could hit it. The ref checked up on Takahashi, but Ospreay pushed him away and started to lay into him with kicks to the face and midsection. Ospreay then put him in the corner and nailed a cheeky nandos kick. He kept him up and went for a move off the top, but Takahashi countered out of it with some chops. Hiromu went for a wheelbarrow bomb, but Ospreay counted, only for Hiromu to hit it anyway for a near fall. The two started to pick up the pace with Ospreay nailing an ensiguri and a robinson special, but Takahashi countered the Os Cutter. The two jockeyed for position, with Ospreay nailing Made in Japan for a near fall. He then nailed Takahashi with a shooting star press to the back for a near fall. And finally he hit the Os Cutter, but Takahashi still managed to kick out! Ospreay was pissed, and nailed a hook kick. He tried for the hidden blade, but Takahashi dodged and nailed a desperation pop up powerbomb. The two then exchanged stiff shots back and forth, with the last drops of their energy. Ospreay tried for the handspring ensiguri, but Takahashi caught him and nailed a german suplex for a near fall. Takahashi then tried for a lariat, but Ospreay caught him and set him up for Stormbreaker, only for Takahashi to nail an awesome Canadian destroyer for a near fall. Takahashi then planted Ospreay in the corner and nailed a pair of Superkicks when Ospreay followed him out. he tried for the time bomb, but Ospreay counter for the Stormbreaker again, but he couldn’t make it. Takahashi then ran the ropes, but Ospreay caught him with a Spanish fly for another near fall. Ospreay then nailed the Hidden Blade, but Takahashi still countered out of the Stormbreaker with a code read. Takahashi then nailed the Time Bomb, but Ospreay kicked out! So Takahashi picked him right back up and nailed a sort of package piledriver for the win. 

Grade: A+. A killer match. These moves were absolutely and phenomenally brutal. They pulled out all the stops and hit some of the stiffest and toughest moves that they’ve ever hit in pro wrestling. Ospreay played up the heel role to a T, coming across as a total asshole but also as a great final boss. All that work on the neck was totally brutal and it told an dangerous and great story. Now it’s time for Ospreay to move up to the heavyweights, because he really killed it. Takahashi was the same wild wrestler that he was a year and a half ago. And he debuted a brutal new finisher that looked awesome. These guys totally killed it, and I’m so happy that Takahashi is back. 

Jay White vs. Tetsuya Naito for the IWGP Intercontinental Championship: White immediately rolled out of the ring as the match started. He did this a couple of times, before Naito grabbed Gedo by the beard to lure White into the ring. They fought in the ring a bit, with Naito coming out on top. White retreated again, but Naito held the ropes open for him. White entered the ring and tried to kick Naito, but Naito saw it coming and gave him a leg sweep and a hangman’s neckbreaker out of the ring. The two then brawled back into the ring, with White only really gaining the advantage when Gedo held Naito’s leg. At one point, White crotched Naito on the ringpost, followed by Gedo nailing his knee with a chair. White continued to work over the knee and back of Naito on the outside. He continued the assault with an Indian Death Lock, with Naito barely making the ropes. The two continued to go hold for hold, with Naito locking in a full nelson with his legs, and slapped his head as he struggled. White quickly regained control with a stiff DDT, and continued to work on the midsection and knee. Naito started to return the favor and attack the knee back, but White continued to keep up the pressure with stiff knee strikes to midsection. Natio then started to focus on the neck with a neckbreaker on the knee. He then brought White to the top rope, but White escaped and swept his legs, sending his neck directly into the turnbuckle. White then trapped Naito’s bad knee in the ropes and kicked it over and over again, before nailing a dragonscrew leg whip. Naito started to collapse as he ran back and forth across the ring. Naito tried for the tornado DDT off the ropes, but he couldn’t hit it because of his knee, so White took advantage with a huge uranagi. White then dumped Naito onto the apron with a saito suplex, brought him back in the ring for a twisting suplex, and then hit the kiwi crusher, but Naito kicked out! Every time Naito started to fight back even a bit, White would unleash a devastating attack on the knees. White then locked in the TTO for a tense submission sequence where Naito just barely made it to the bottom rope. White pulled him back into the middle for the TTO again, but Naito spit in his face and gave him a boot, followed by a somersault kick. White tried to run the ropes, but Naito popped him up into a spinebuster. As Naito started to gain the advantage back, Gedo got up on the apron for a distraction. But Naito saw it coming and nailed White with an ensiguri and a tornado DDT off the middle rope. He took the battle to the top rope with a snap rana and then Gloria for a near fall. Naito went for the Destino, but White just sat down, so he nailed him in the face with a basement dropkick. Naito tried again, but the struggle sent Naito into Red Shoes and took the ref down. Gedo then tried for a chair shot, but ate a low blow instead, only for White to Low Blow Natio and then throw a chair right in his face. He followed it up with a pair of sleeper suplexes, only for Naito to nail a running Destino, but he couldn’t make the cover. They both made it to their feet and struggled for positioning on their finisher, with Naito nailing a poison rana, followed by a Destino, but White still kicked out! Naito picked White back up, and White nearly hit Blade Runner, but Naito just dropped him on his head and hit one last Destino for the win. 

Grade: A. This was some great storytelling matched with some really awesome looking moves and some awesome limb work. White was a great heel, working as a total dick to Naito and playing up the cheating at just the white times. Naito didn’t come off as an underdog so much as he cameo off as a victim of a brutal attack that he overcame in a spectacular way. The bumps were terrifying, but not to the point that they overshadowed some really good action and some amazing storytelling. Awesome stuff here, and I’m excited to see the conclusion of the Double Gold Dash. 

Kazuchika Okada vs. Kota Ibushi for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Okada came out in very short pants, but it still got a pop. The two started with some slower paced mat wrestling, showing some interesting counters and holds at a meticulous pace, until they hit a stalemate. Okada tried to break things up with a shoulder tackle, but Ibushi went right back up to his feet. The two then traded strikes, and Ibushi dodged a Rainmaker and nailed a series of strikes and a moonsault for a near fall. Ibushi kept up the pressure with some stiff kicks around the chest and stomach, but Okada brought it back with a flying elbow followed by a DDT. The two then fought to the outside as Okada gave Ibushi a draping DDT onto the floor. Back in the ring, Okada tried to provoke Ibushi into frustration but Ibushi didn’t fall for it, fighting a patient fight before drilling Okada with a dropkick. Okada took control back with a dropkick to the outside, before kicking Ibushi over the barricade and giving him a diving splash. Back in the ring, Okada worked over the neck with a brutal looking crossface until Ibushi made the ropes. Okada then nailed an elbow drop off the top, and hit the rainmaker pose. He spun Ibushi out, and Ibushi went for a backflip kick, but he under rotated and nearly landed on his head if Okada hadn’t kinda caught him. Okada then set him up for a tombstone, but Ibushi reversed into a wicked package piledriver. The two stood in opposite corners, and Okada went for a shotgun dropkick, but Ibushi caught it with a double stomp. Okada rolled to the outside, so Ibushi nailed him with the moonsault off the top to the floor. Okada then tried for a neckbreaker, but Ibushi countered out of it into a huge Last Ride. Ibushi then tried for the Bomboye, but Okada caught him with a huge dropkick and then a tombstone. He tried for the Rainmaker, but Ibushi collapsed into the ropes. Okdaa the showered him with strikes, which seemed to piss Ibushi off to no end. Ibushi just absorbed the shots and then starched Okada with a huge punch in the face. Okada then gave him a huge shotgun dropkick, but Ibushi got right back up and peppered Okada with huge punches and kicks. He didn’t even stop went Okada was down and defenseless in the corner. Ibushi then went for the deadlift German on the ropes, but Okada countered it and planted him on his head with a tombstone piledriver on the apron. Ibushi was nearly counted out, but he made it back in the ring at 19. Okada sprung the second that Ibushi hit the ring with a series of pins and neckbreakers, but Ibushi kicked out of all of them. So Okada slowly picked Ibushi up and nailed a high angle German suplex, and held the wrist for a rainmaker. As he went for the spinning rainmaker, Ibushi countered with a huge lariat of his own. He then put Okada on the apron and delivered the deadlift German off the second rope, but Okada still kicked out. Ibushi then tried for a lawn dart into the corner, but Okada countered with a spinning tombstone, and tried for the rainmaker, but Ibushi totally flattened him with a rainmaker of his own at the last second. Ibushi then showered the grounded Okada with kicks and a bomboye, but Okada kicked out at 1! So Ibushi nailed another bomboye to the back of the head, and Okada still kicked out. Ibushi followed up with a huge high kick and a Kamagoye, but Okada still managed to kick out! Ibushi went for the Kamagoye once again, but Okada was able to get to his feet and deliver a huge dropkick to counter it. The two then exchanged labored forearms on the ground, but they slowly rose to their feet, with the strikes getting harder and faster as they went, with Ibushi bringing Okada to his knees with a combination of slaps and kicks, followed by a triad of kicks to the head of the grounded Okada, and then collapsed himself. Ibushi then brought Okada to the top for an avalanche Tiger driver, but Okada nailed him with forearms until he fell off the top. Okada then went for a missile dropkick, but Ibushi caught him out of the air with powerbomb for a near fall. Ibushi then went for the Phoenix Splash, but he missed, allowing Okada to hit a pair of Rainmakers, but Ibushi kicked out right at the last second! Okada slowly dragged Ibushi up another two times for rainmakers, but on the third, Ibushi dodged it and nailed a high kick, followed by a V-trigger. Ibushi then tried for a piledriver, but Okada hit a sit out tombstone and then one last rainmaker to finish it off. 

Grade: A+. Phenomenal match. These guys didn’t go for the raw speed of the Junior Heavyweight match, but they delivered with a story about two equals who could barely keep up with each other. They destroyed each other with incredibly hard hits and stiff drops on the head. They destroyed each other’s necks over and over again, and Ibushi unleashed everything with his punches and kicks. It was an incredible match, and I cannot wait for the day when Ibushi eventually becomes the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, because it really will be glorious. Amazing match, match of the night. 

Overall Grade: B+

Predictions: 8/11

Pros: IWGP Tag Match; Texas death; Junior Heavyweight; Intercontinental; main event

Cons: opening tag, although it was cool nostalgia. 

[leaveharmony]

In 2014, NJPW released a few short documentaries on World, before Wrestle Kingdom 9.  They were all released in versions with and without english subtitles; this is my transcription of the english subtitles on part one of Hiroshi Tanahashi’s.  I’ve done this before with plain screencaps interspersed but I wanted to redo it with .gifs, ‘cos I really love these little videos, and ‘cos I can now, and also, just ‘cos.  :)

This is Part 2.  Part 1 is here.

Teaser:

Question: What if Tanahashi Jr. became a pro  wrestler?!

HT:  “Well, right now he plays soccer.  When I  ask him if he wants to be a pro wrestler, he  answers ‘No way!’ When I ask why, he says,  ‘It looks like it hurts.’  It certainly does.

Q:  “What if he does become a pro wrestler?”

HT:  “Well, then the second coming would happen this century.”

(the little opening sequence plays; the theme of Tana’s documentary is  Tana’s passion for wrestling and his love for the fans)

Caption: 1.4 Towards Tokyo Dome

HT:  “I love the Tokyo Dome but I’m not  convinced yet.  To explain why, you’ve got  these great crowds at Korakuen Hall and  Ryogoku but so many more people come to the  Dome, right?  The crowd at the Dome get up and go crazy for great matches that I watched  when I was a fan.  Like the 10.9 show or  Inoki’s retirement match, that reaction is  what I want to draw out.”

Caption: November 20th, Gold’s Gym, Shinjuku,  Tokyo.  Tanahashi continues training towards  1.4

(we’re inside Gold’s Gym, watching Tana go through his workout)

HT:  “The target is 300.  Six days a week to  reach that goal.  I did it two years in a row  but last year I only did 291.  This year is shot.  (he leans on a railing, sighing at the tragedy of it all)  Even if I work hard from now on I won’t make 300.  I’ll do 3-A-Days!”

Caption: How to make time

HT:   “You have to manage your time wisely.   So, when I’m out doing local promoting I  always carry my workout gear and a change of  clothes with me.  And so, if I get like a 2  hour break, I ask our staff where the gym is  and just go there.  Footwork is really  important.  And then I’ll appear on TV or  radio soaked in sweat. (laughs)”

(more of Tana working out)

Caption: Training outstanding talent

HT:  “Of course, I want to be bigger.  In a short term, I train hard to increase  flexibility.  Then I add more muscle mass.”  

Caption: Ideal Body

HT:  “For me, it’s the Dynamite Kid.  If I could get a body like his, I want to be like that.  That was number one.”  

Q:  Have you gotten close to having a body like the Kid?

HT: Not even close.  The Kid in his prime, he had big shoulders and huge traps, also he was just so quick.  I don’t have that kind of  body yet.  I’ve still got a way to go. 

Caption: A peek at his strict eating habits

(Tana buys a little bento box  at the  counter and sits down at a window seat for  lunch)

Q:  “Tanahashi, what’s this?”

HT:  “This is Gold Gym’s chicken breast boxed lunch.  Brown rice, boiled chicken breast and broccoli.  It’s really good.  And healthy.”  

(he breaks his hashi up, briefly clasps his hands together and says “Itadakimasu,” then  starts eating)

Q:  “This is your lunch?”

HT:  “Yes”

Q:  “You’re pretty strict about your eating  habits, right?”

HT:  “There’s a difference when you’re being strict and when you’re not. You can feel it in your body right away.  I really like sweets, and there are times I eat at night,  but…building your body is a gradual process.  You just have to keep at it.  So you can eat something bad one day, and still be ok.  Changes take place over time, both good and bad.”

Caption: Meals during national tours

HT:  “During national tours…I don’t eat much  at night.  At company dinners I eat  selectively.  Like edamame or lean sashimi.   When there’s just convenience stores, then my  go-to food is canned mackerel.  I just eat them one after another.  I can’t stop.   (laughs)”

Q:  “Is ramen completely out of the question?   Do you like ramen?”  

HT:  “I love ramen and I want to eat some.  I crave them!  But it’s ok.  The Dome is  waiting.”

Caption: Bodybuilding for 1.4

HT:  “I always strive to be in my best shape  for the Dome…and whatever nerves I get, I put to use.  I have to or else.  I bundle up all my feelings and take the to the Dome,  where I release them.”

Caption: Tanahashi’s 1.4 has already started.

(Tana walks out of the gym.)

Caption: to the town of Omotesand?

Caption: Enjoying a little free time

HT:  “I used to go shopping a lot when I was  younger, but now it’s just rarely.  I love  shopping, but, it takes too long, it takes  twice as long as other people.  And they  never have my size.  (laughs)”

(It’s raining again - Tana is standing out in  it with his umbrella, eating a protein bar.   “Gotta get my fix,” he says)

Caption: It started raining so we headed to a  special place.

Caption: November 20th, Rela Quwa Omotesando

(Tana enters some kind of medical office, probably a physiotherapy place,   various greetings.  Inside, he’s seated filling out forms, and answering the doctor’s questions)

HT:  “My neck is bad.”

Doctor:  “Yes”

HT:  “In my neck and waist…I can barely turn  my neck.”

(the doctor, Hiroki Mihara, makes hmmm  noises, and asks about injuries)

HT:  “Some fractured bones in my hand.  My  knuckles, both right and left cross  ligaments, and front and back ligaments too  (indicating his knees)”

HM:  “I see.  Anything else?”

HT:  “Last August, I injured my neck really badly, but it’s better.  There’s something near the base of my head that works like a  catch and must be forcibly reset each time.”

HM:  “Were you dropped?”

HT:  “From really high up, it was bad.  (chuckles)”

HM:  “Yes.  So mostly the neck?”

HT:   “Yeah, and my back is stiff in the  morning.  It feels like it might pop when I  get up slowly.”

(quick cut.  Absent his coat, Tana sits on  the exam table with a pained look while the doctor examines & manipulates his back.  Some movements must be painful, because Tana’s grimacing and hissing.)

HM (about the alignment of his back):  “This is straight.”

HT:  “So it’s off, to the left.”

HM:  “Yeah”

HT:  “I didn’t realize.”

HM (checking his shoulders):  “The shoulders  are off, too.”

HT:  “Now that you mention it...”

HM (turning Tana):  “It goes this way.”

HT:  “So it seems.”

HM (indicating right):  “This side.  (he  manipulates Tana’s left arm) You need to  stretch more.”

HT:  “My left shoulder is really bad, the right  is still ok.”

HM (checking Tana’s right shoulder):   “Yes, so  it seems.  What about your neck?”

HT:  “Both sides really hurt.”

HM:  “With your shoulders like this…(indicating a position)...your neck is straight.”

HT:   “Really?  (he makes a “Yeeeech” noise)”

HM:  “It really is yes.  Do this and you can  move.”

HT:  “I see.”

HM (indicating Tana’s troublesome left  shoulder):  “Let’s do this shoulder.”

HT:  “Yes please.”

Caption: Toward 1.4 making the condition of  his injured body as good as possible.

(Tana is flat out on the exam table while the doctor works on his limbs)

HM: “Your muscles are great.”  

HT (muffled, he’s on his stomach while the  doctor works on his back): “They’re too soft.”

HM:  “Piable.”

(Question from a NJPW staffer, until now  silent):  “Big difference?”

HM:  “Yes, completely different.  Comparing top athlete’s muscles to others, even though they’re soft, they’re more pliable, which  means they respond easily to loosening.  Your  muscles will loosen up right away. If your muscles were more rigid, you’d get much stiffer quickly.  And your joints are much  looser than I expected.” 

HT (still muffled):  “Many people think that  pro wrestlers aren’t that flexible.”

(time passes, Tana is on his back now while  the doctor tends to his left shoulder.  When  we pan up to his face, he looks both like he’s in slight pain and like he’s on a one way magic carpet ride to Blisstown, population: Tanahashi)

HT:  “Amazing, I feel it…”

HM:  “I can move it now.”

HT (indicating with his right arm for comparison):  “Before it only moved to here.”

HM:  “I’m surprised you could move it.”

HT:  “But it’s fixed now.”

HM:  “It’s been a long time.”

HT:  “Yes it was.  It hurt so bad.  I could hardly move it by myself.  It even hurt just to stretch it.”

Caption: The injured body

(Tana is on his side while the doctor works  his right shoulder hard.  He’s not in  Blisstown anymore; I guess the right wasn’t as ok as he thought)

HT (voiceover, after the session):  “When you are performing for others, you have to  possess this inner strength.  When people  come to see you perform, as a pro wrestler,  there is this desire to make them happy and  enthusiastic.  You have to perform despite  the pain.”

HM (while working on Tana’s neck):  “There are some pro wrestlers who continue on even while  injured.”

HT:  “In fact, I had to continue wrestling after suffering whiplash.  It was in the big tournament this summer, I went on even though  I couldn’t move my neck.”

(transcriber’s note: fuck you, Fale!)

HM:  “I’ll do your neck thoroughly.”

(shots of the session continue while Tana  does another voice over.  He has a sizable scar on his left elbow, probably from some surgery or other)

Caption: Body care of a 38 year old

HT:  “When I was younger, I’d hit the gym without any preparation.  But as I got older,  I started stretching before and after. Also,  this might sound strange, but while showering  after finishing my workout, I would say  ‘thank you’ to my muscles as I washed my  body.  (he starts to laugh)”

(the session concludes.  Tana is stretching experimentally, testing his restored mobility)

HM:  “You were in bad shape, especially on your left side, but you’ll feel better now.”

HT:  “I see.”

HM:  “To be honest, your whole body was out of  line, but another (session) or two and you’ll be fine.”

HT (smiling, knowing he’ll probably delay too  long the next time too):  “I’ll come again.”

(Tana takes a selfie with the doc, because of  course he does)

Caption: Suddenly, an outstanding talent  comes…

(a Very Tall Kid walks in.  One of the clinic  staff, he’s 22 years old and 6'2.  Tana looks like all his christmasses have come at once,  and immediately goes into Recruitment Mode.)

HT:  “New Japan is recruiting new members, so  come!”

(the kid starts to laugh)

HM:  “He’s 6'2, definitely.”

HT:  “He’ll get bigger.”

HM:  “You’re only 22, right?”

(the kid nods, he’s past speaking for a  moment but grinning incandescently at Tana.   He kinda reminds me of Okada a bit, the way he’s grinning & giggling)

The Kid:  “Yes.  I want to bodybuild.”

HM:  “Start with bodybuilding.  You can always  do both, so start with that.”

HT:  “Amazing!  6'2 is really tall for a  Japanese.”

The Kid, to Tana:  “Do I have to be your size?”

HT:  “You are big enough now.”

(Tana takes a selfie with The Kid, because of  course he does)

(outside again)

Caption: January 4, 2015;  Standing on the  main stage of the Tokyo Dome 5 years in a  row.

HT:  “I feel like New Japan Pro Wrestling…is  riding on my shoulders.  ‘I love you four  years in a row.’ is what I want to continue.   Until I’m told, it’s enough.”

Caption: VS Okada Kazuchika

HT:  “What makes Okada so great and popular  nowadays is, like me, we have this great  connection with our fans.  And Okada’s motto  has always been ‘Keep evolving!’  Okada’s  popularity is already staggering, so facing  someone like Tanahashi may not be enough for  Okada.  What can I do?  Evolve.  I will  evolve.  Okada and the fans want that.  What  can I do to make pro wrestling more exciting?   Be stronger and outrageous.  If we make pro  wrestling interesting, its popularity will  continue to grow…”

Caption: 1.4 The Moment of victory

HT (hums for a second):   “In kanji, ‘bliss’ is  written with ‘climax’ and ‘good fortune.’  I  wonder…for a wrestler it’s the peak.   Realizing your dreams of becoming a champion,  in a place like the Tokyo Dome, and saying “I love you all,” that is bliss.  To go far  beyond the confines of the Tokyo Dome, doing  what I love as a pro wrestler, I want to continue to savor new and exciting  experiences for years to come.” 

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to. 

okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see! 

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game. 

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

[modernart2012]

You remind me of (Home)

@sumigakure​ Halloween Event 2017

Prompt 5: Urban Fantasy (Modern Magical Characters)

Word count: 17718

On AO3

Summary: “Dammit Hashirama, I swear on the Fire God’s eternal flame that if you’ve pissed off your house again, I’m going to let it kill you with absolutely zero regrets.” Madara growls into the receiver of the phone, head still achy and throbbing from having to coax his aunt’s house all yesterday in order to let the masons come and fix the exterior without It trying to cause accidents. It’s too fucking early to deal with Hashirama’s drama queen of a house. Of fucking course his nearest and dearest would have houses that were persnickety and have difficult personalities that necessitated regular placation.

MadaTobi AU where Madara has (slight) House magic, among other magic Or, I thought about Madara being able to speak to houses, then the Sumigakure prompt for Modern Magical Characters happened. I regret nothing.)

They say the reason the Uchiha are good at fire magic is because they can trace their lineage back to the first devotees of the Fire God and for their devotion they were Blessed. As far as everyone else was concerned, this was close enough to the truth as to make no difference, so there was never really any point in trying to tell anyone otherwise.

They also said, in quieter whispers, that there was no better homemaker than an Uchiha, that their homes were always warm, welcoming, and well-appointed and always had that little touch of magic that made a house a home. The sort of thing featured in magazines and were the envy of every housewife. Only, that warmth failed to extend to strangers. (Which considering, meant vast majority of the population, it was a wonder this was even a believable rumor, especially given the rather famed Uchiha reserve and their subsequent issue with making friends.) Everyone speculated as to why, but no one ever came within a stone’s throw of the truth.

Madara suspected that most Uchiha didn’t know either, since the Blessing wasn’t particularly noticeable from any other talent (unless you really were looking) and even then it could have been passed off as a learned skill. By virtue of having a younger sibling who could not recognize a bad idea if they tried, for the Fire God’s sake Izuna, Madara knew why. Hearth and home, intrinsically linked, so mote it be from now into the ever after.

Of course, there was a range of what constituted homemaker magic. Izuna was exceptionally talented with needlework and knitting, Cousin Mikoto had an affinity for appliances and gadgets and fixing them, and Cousin Kagami could work a kitchen without looking. All perfectly normal Blessings (for a given value of Blessings being normal). Madara, on the other hand, he got to talk to buildings. Unusual, and not that Madara was complaining (because he knows what happened to the last guy who complained about a Blessing), but why couldn’t he have gotten something like baking? He could handle being roped into baking things for everyone he knew and their friend circles besides. Being their on-call house doctor/ house-sitter/ human-building conflict mediator was a whole separate issue.

“Dammit Hashirama, I swear on the Fire God’s eternal flame that if you’ve pissed off your house again, I’m going to let it kill you with absolutely zero regrets.” Madara growls into the receiver of the phone, head still achy and throbbing from having to coax his aunt’s house all yesterday in order to let the masons come and fix the exterior without It trying to cause accidents. It’s too fucking early to deal with Hashirama’s drama queen of a house. Of fucking course his nearest and dearest would have houses that were persnickety and have difficult personalities that necessitated regular placation.

Hashirama laughs awkwardly on the other end of the line, “Actually.....”

Madara pinches the bridge of his nose, “Fires above, why am I even friends with you, you damn dryad-descended bastard?”

“Because I wouldn’t leave you alone on the playground and I grew on you like a fungus,” Hashirama recited the well-worn response without a hint of shame. “But actually, I don’t need you to talk to Konoha. They’re doing fine since we left the little fox in the garden alone.” Madara thought about the massive “bonsai garden” Hashirama nurtured and the equally massive “little” fox that lived there and decided it was exactly not-his-business enough to have to think about.

“Then what.” Hashirama had 30 seconds on the clock starting now, or Madara would hang up and go back to sleep. If it had anything to do with his best friend’s wife, he was going to punch Hashirama in the face. He was not going to play couples counselor before he had at least 3 cups of coffee today. Or before noon. He glances at the clock, squinting at the brightness of the digital display. Make that 4 cups of coffee and one of those weird energy pills.

“Ineedyoutohousesit.” Hashirama blurts, as if sensing he was on thin ice.

Madara lets the line fall silent because that was a single text message at best, and failed to warrant a call in any way, shape, or form. His gut told him there was something more to that, and the guilt would hit in, oh, about 15 more seconds - “AndTobiramawillbethere.” It comes out in a barely understandable rush.

And there it was. Fire God’s blessed ashes, Hashirama would expect him to house sit with his younger brother. Obstinate wood-brained optimist that he was, he might even expect them to not absolutely destroy his house. “Details. Now.” Madara mentally adds another cup of coffee to his total for being functional today; Hashirama usually had this effect.

“Uh, Tobirama had a small accident at his lab, and his apartment doesn’t have an elevator. So, he’s going to be staying here too?” Hashirama mutters sotto voce as if that would really obscure what he said. “Really, he’ll be no trouble.”

There’s a lie if Madara ever heard one; the Senju brothers were all trouble. He sighs heavily, “I’ll be there.” Then he hangs up, stares at the ceiling and contemplates his life choices.

Normally, Madara’s fire magic would repel plants and woody things because fire, but stuff tended to become imbued with magic over time, and then subsequently tended to echo the sentiments of the person who they were closest to. Which stood to explain why Madara was fighting Hashirama’s over-large blackberry bush instead of entering the house like a perfectly normal visitor.

“You know, they wouldn’t do this if you’d just say ‘hello’ like a normal human.” Madara knows that voice and that voice is unbearably smug.

He ceases struggling against the woody shrub momentarily in order to shoot back, “No, they wouldn’t do this if they were cared for by anyone sane, unlike your brother.” He felt a piece of shrubbery wrap closer, “Shit, watch the thorns! Your plants don’t do this, ever.”

By the time the bush had Madara completely trussed up like a roast pig in some kind of macabre hug, he’s more than ready to face Hashirama and Konoha’s wrath over setting fire to a bush. Tobirama huffs amused from the porch swing he's perched on, “That’s because I take more after my water-natured mother than my earth-natured father, and you and I both know it.” Still, he reaches out to tap the bush, and Madara feels the brush of still-quiet-current-cool that marked Tobirama’s magic. The bush slowly unwraps Madara until he is finally free of it’s clinging branches, dragging out the time it has him in its clutches, but by that time Tobirama had gotten himself indoors and there were no other potential witnesses.

“Hi to you Finn, please don’t do that again,” Madara murmurs as he lets a small touch of sun-warm trickle into the plant. It sends back a warm-sun-happy-yum. Then he finishes making his way up the path to the porch steps, and patting the rail to send a fond, greetings-hello-once-more into the foundations of Konoha, brushing against the ancient wards inscribed there. With houses this old, ones that had developed their own personality, it was better to be formal. Homes talked after all.

Konoha, for all their age, was still young and mischievous in temperament, and washed against his fire with green-wood-salt-water-come-in. Younger buildings, once they knew he could understand them, were prone to overwhelming with imagery and sensation, tugging and yanking on his magic as though they might be able to siphon enough to become sentient and rattle their thoughts to the world, spilling over the minutiae of what they saw and heard. It was something to be appreciated about grand old homes, really, even though Konoha had left the edges of his fires smoking with their wet wood impression. Even after all this time, he wasn’t sure if it was their way to describe Hashirama and Mito or their way of messing with him.

Mito is waiting for him in the foyer, a nine-tailed fox perched on her shoulder. “Well met Madara,” she greets as she flicks salt water from a mirrored bowl over him.

“Well met, Mito,” he responds by rote, letting her douse him with more water than strictly necessary by ritual. Much like her home, Mito has a mischievous streak hidden behind a veneer of decorum and stateliness, which she exercises healthily on the unsuspecting regularly. “Are you and Hashirama ready to leave?”

Mito sighs, ignoring the growling and hissing fox on her shoulder, “He’s farewelling the garden. Stars leading home only know how long it will take to finish. Feel free to set up your flame in the shrine.”

Madara sighs as well, feeling the throbbing behind his eyes that signaled an oncoming headache. Hashirama’s garden was less a garden and more a forest. “I’ll go drag Hashi out first.”

Mito smiles serenely; they both knew that she could very well go and drag her erstwhile husband from his plants, and would, but the plants were always more interested in pleasing Madara-burn-underbrush-gone than Mito-salt-water-death. “I’ll finish packing then.” The fox turns to keep an eye on Madara as Mito walks away, tails lashing all the while, and it’s not until Madara is leaving out the back door does he realize that it’s probably the same fox that Hashirama was complaining about upsetting one of his redwoods. He firmly tells himself he doesn’t want to know, because that is most certainly not leaving the fox alone and clearly it’s been well out of hand for sometime if the fox is being carted around like a small yappy purse-dog.

“Hashirama!” Almost as soon as his foot hits the moss that marked the edge of Hashirama’s gigantic “bonsai garden”, he can feel the tug of the flora around him trying to drag him into them, to Hashirama, to keep him in place. He’s too busy concentrating on keeping walking and not getting got by plants to notice the thumping that usually precedes Hashirama tackling him; it’s entirely too late when he sees Hashirama flying through the air.

Luckily, the moss Hashirama grows is always inexplicably rabbit soft, so getting tackle-hugged by his best friend really only bruises his ego and dignity. “Mada, you’re here!” He bears the ensuing cuddling and the way the tree closest to them is slowly winding roots over until a root gets entirely too close to his hair.

“Mito’s finished packing,” he announces in lieu of having to shove Hashirama off. It worked like a charm, Hashirama yelping and fleeing back towards the house faster than the time he was being chased by ducks. Madara followed just as quickly - Hashirama’s plants were just as tenacious as their caretaker, and given the chance they would try to carry him off into their depths never to be seen or heard from again. He wasn’t going to stand for a repeat of last time; the fact that Mito had to call in Search and Rescue to retrieve him was something that always came up whenever he had to work with them.

“One of these days Brother is going to catch onto the fact you and Mito are friends.” Tobirama murmurs into Madara’s ear as he hobbles past, once Madara was securely back inside the house. Mito had the last of the luggage neatly assembled by the door, fox secure in her arms, clearly overseeing Hashirama carry the bags to the car. “Waves carry you and Brother safely, Mito.”

“And may the tides guide us back,” she murmurs in response, kissing Tobirama’s cheeks, finishing the ritual farewell. “You know where everything is, don’t burn or flood the house down.” The last bit was said with a pointed glare, even though that was once and it was all entirely Hashirama’s fault.

“May the eternal flame light your path,” Madara presses his right hand to his chest, then extends it to brush fingertips with Mito, who mirrored the action.

“So mote it be,” she responds easily, then leads the way out. Tobirama moved easily on the crutches, and Konoha tugs hard at Madara safe-keep-still-water to his displeasure. Tobirama was a grown adult who knew how to take care of himself. Nonetheless Madara kept an eye trained on Tobirama; it wasn’t worth fighting with Konoha this early, especially given that they were more than likely influenced by Mito and her particular brand of payback.

Almost as if it were planned, Tobirama stumbles on the unsteady flagstone that refused to stay down no matter how much Hashirama begged or pleaded. Madara easily caught his upper arm, returning Tobirama to an upright position even as he moved to get the last bag to Hashirama before he closed the trunk. A part of Madara missed the feline grace that usually marked Tobirama, unfurled and flowed through his actions, but considering at self-same part tended to find all of Tobirama attractive it was to be expected. He sternly ignored that part, the one that had felt the well-defined muscle of Tobirama’s bicep and wanted.The final bag fit precariously, but the trunk closed and that was as good a win as they were bound to get with Hashirama packing the trunk. Hashirama turns to Madara, “Earth God keep you, Mada. We should be back in 3 to 4 days, but hopefully sooner if things go well.” Then conspiratorially, “You should take this chance to fix this UST thing between you and Tobi. Work things out via the motion of the ocean - ”

Madara smacks a firm knife-hand into Hashirama’s skull, frustratedly, “Why are you like this?” After a beat they share a grin, and hug farewell. “Earth God keep you too Hashi. Come back in one piece.” And with that, Hashirama and Mito were off.

Madara blows out the incense cone and lets the fragrant smoke fill the hall. The lamp representing the Eternal Flame of the Fire God was lit and the evening aarti had been completed. It felt odd to have non-participant while going through even an abridged version of his usual prayer, but it couldn’t be helped that the shrine alcove in Hashirama and Mito’s house fell across from the sitting room. Air disciple habit, to place the house shrine at the nexus of all four directions in the house, so the winds could carry the prayers to the ears of the God. For them, it didn’t matter if someone observed or overheard, their prayers were verbal and meant to be so, but it was odd for everyone else. He turned to meet Tobirama’s assessing eyes, only to find the person in question was attempting to use the end of his pen to reach a scratch inside his cast.

His reaction is instinctive, smacking the pen out of Tobirama’s hand with more force than was called for, “What are you doing?”

Unphased, the offender tracked the flight of the pen, “You’ll have to return that to me, I have notes to make.”

“No, you damned kelp-brained idiot, I am NOT returning your pen! Didn’t you listen when the doctors told you not to stick foreign objects into your cast?!” Madara points a finger in Tobirama’s face, “You are going to wait here and I am going to bring you ice and then you are going to ice wherever is itchy.” As he stalked down the hall towards the kitchen, he grumbles aloud, aware that the house and Tobirama are listening, “I swear on the God’s flaming balls that for all his supposed genius, he’s more likely to injure himself than use his STUPID WATERLOGGED BRAIN.”

He feels a sharp tug on his magic and the accompanying terse flash of impressions still-water-sputtering-fire and while translating that set of meanings, he completely misses the way Konoha purposefully misaligned a floorboard and trips. He flails, trying to remain upright, and instead crashes into the doorpost that marked the kitchen. “Of course you like Tobirama. And he doesn’t get the better of me!” Madara growls in frustration as he rights himself. However, it seemed like Konoha disagreed, since the freezer door stuck shut when he went to search it for frozen vegetables. “Are you sure you want to do that? The longer it takes to get something to stop the itching, the more likely he is to cause himself further injury.”

Almost as if to prove his point, there was a loud thump from the direction of the living room, and a muffled curse. As though conceding with ill grace, the freezer drawer unstuck with a put-upon sigh and Madara fished out a particularly well-frosted bag of peas.

He’d had low expectations of what he’d find when he returned, from Hashirama’s horror stories Tobirama was insufferable when ill or injured, but he really wasn’t expecting this. “Fires above and below, fucking how? What?” Madara sighed aggrievedly, “Could you not have sat still for the two minutes it took me to go and come back?”

Tobirama glares at him in response, but the effect is ruined by the fact he’s stuck bent over, face to the floor. “I would not be in this predicament if you had simply returned my pen.” His speech is dampened by the thick Kaze-style carpet, but the annoyance is clear.

“Because I ought to have returned to you an implement that you were probably going to use to keep itching. Yes, that seems reasonable,” He huffs a sardonic laugh as he hefts Tobirama upright by the waist. Madara very firmly thinks about things other than Tobirama’s ass, like the very nice fan Mito had put on the wall. It was a very nice fan. Silk, with dancing cranes. Lovely. He was not going to even begin to think about the feel of Tobirama’s hips in his hands, nosir he was - 

From the floor, Konoha sends the impression of salacious-forward-approval and what feels like a smug titter, and realization spreads like fire quickly followed by burning embarrassment. “Wha - absolutely not you sentient hunk of wood!” Madara barks to the room at large, trying not to drop Tobirama as he fumbled uselessly between depositing Tobirama back onto the couch and burying his face in his hands. “Why would you even think that?” The sense that Konoha was laughing returned, doubled and echoed and crackled like Izuna wielding lightning to smoke a marshmallow like the massive show-off he was.

By some minor miracle, Tobirama had enough coordination with his non-dominant leg to maneuver in order to land on the settee, pen firmly in hand. “If you’re quite done arguing with inanimate objects, Uchiha.” That tone is both disgruntled and imperious, as is the set of Tobirama’s shoulders and the thrust of his hand, “My papers, if you will.” With a simple flex of his index finger, the peas flew across the room to land neatly on his cast.

Face still burning, Madara collects the strewn papers, entirely resigned to ensuring that they’re in order. He tries to ignore the crowing of Konoha in the back of his head. “Are you even supposed to be using magic for anything other than healing right now? Didn’t you listen when the doctors told you what to and to not do?” Madara distinctly remembers that lecture from when he broke his arm, though that may have been because close contact with fire and subsequent sweating was a serious risk for bacterial growth and rash. Fire wasn’t particularly known for healing properties after all.

A single eyebrow lifts, as if decrying the inanity of the questions, “It takes less than a thought to attract water, especially already extant water. And doctors are used to dealing with the average magic level of the general population; I can multitask. I’m sure you’ve done the same.”

Madara shoots back, “That’s not the point, and we both know it. You should’ve been able to heal this sort of mess already as a powerful water-natured magic user, but the fact that you’re on crutches after the fact means you’re drained and shouldn’t be throwing magic around.” He crosses his arms, “Go on. Tell me I’m wrong. Whatever the thrice-damned Twelve Hells you were up to in your lab exhausted you completely and you’re still recovering.”

The tightness around Tobirama’s eyes and the thinning of his lips betray him; Madara had hit the mark then. “Your papers. I’m going to go get groceries, try not to die while I’m out.”

There’s nothing better for healing than water, everyone knows that. It is one of the most common applications of water magic, after all. But without fire to boil, burn out infection and illness, healing would never work, and that’s something no one who bows to the Water God will ever own up to. And as sure as Madara is that Mito keeps a perfectly well stocked pantry, there’s no way she has the necessary spices for his famed soup. Sure to warm you from the inside out and cure whatever ails you. That over half the ingredients work towards replenishing magic reserves is added benefit.

He’s trying to recall which brand of Sichuan pepper is better when his phone trills. It’s Kagami, which is promising since it’s not Fugaku or Hizashi Hyuuga, both of whom fail to understand what a ‘weekend’ is. “Madara, why is Tamae telling me you’re buying the ingredients for your infamous soup. It’s no-where near time for the Midwinter Fire Dances.” Scratch that, Madara will take Fugaku and Hizashi simultaneously.

While left unsaid, Madara also clearly hears the, ‘and Izuna hasn’t even come close to hurting, harming, or outright maiming himself yet this month while gazing adoringly at Tōka.’ It might actually be a record for how long Izuna has gone without injury, and Madara makes note to investigate that at earliest opportunity. Eventually. He’s got a rolling priority list.

He sighs heavily, before grabbing the larger bottle of Sichuan pepper and moving onto the dried red chiles, “Tobirama -”

Kagami inhales in surprise, “Professor Senju? Fire God’s flaming balls, are you finally making a move?! Couldn’t you have put that off until I need him to sign off on my thesis? Wait, wait, no, this is fine. I just need you to keep him distracted when I go to defend. If I got you one of those wifi-enabled adult toys, would you convince him to have fun with it the day of my defense? You’ll do that for me right? Hang on, I need to call Uncle Hikaku and Cousin Mikoto, we need to settle up the betting pool - ”

“What betting pool,” Madara cuts in sharply, “And I’m not making a move! Except to housesit. That’s it. That is my only move!” He snatches up a package of dried wood ear mushrooms, and shoves it into his basket next to the anise and mugwort. He tries to remember if Mito keeps ginger paste or knobs.

“But you’re making soup! Your soup! The soup you only make for someone special, to show you care in your own unique Madara way! The recipe you guard so well even Izuna doesn’t know the whole thing! If this isn’t a passionate declaration of love I don’t know what is!”

Kagami really missed his calling in the dramatic arts. “I don’t even know where you got this idea of me being even remotely interested in Tobirama,” Madara hisses down the line, flustered, failing at keeping the memory of Tobirama stuck bent over and his ... shapely posterior from his thoughts, “but it is a complete and utter falsehood. A lie! Complete slander!”

“I think the lady doth protest too much,” Kagami sing-songs down the line, “Also, Cousin Izuna said your house had thin walls. You really ought to try being quieter. Don't worry, I’ll make sure Uncle Setsuna has a heart attack before the wedding. No one needs that asshole.”

“What wedding?!” Madara splutters, making mental note to strangle Izuna next time he saw him; eavesdropping on ... private time and gossiping about it was not okay. Then as an afterthought, “And don’t kill Setsuna. He owes me 5,000 ryo still.” The old lady next to him in the freezer aisle startles and stares. She quickly grabs a carton of ice cream and flees. Madara watches her go, and prays she wouldn’t recognize him as the current head of the Magical Crimes Division. This would be so hard to explain to IA. “In any case, Tobirama is currently crippled. That lab accident you missed by dint of having to teach class. Since Hashirama implied I need to take of Tobirama while housesitting, I’m going to do that.”

“And that means making him soup. From scratch.” Kagami’s tone is incredulous. “One day, you are going to look back at this moment and the rest of us are going to laugh. And you’re going to do that thing where you try to phase through the floor in embarrassment, because this is totally you trying to woo Professor Senju by demonstrating your superior househusband skills.” Then he hung up. With a sigh, Madara pockets his phone, selects a carton of ice cream at random, and makes his way to the check out.

It was one thing to know Tobirama was most likely a cat in his past life and thus contrary when it suited him (usually around Madara), it was a whole nother level to personally experience the willfulness in person. Meaning, Madara comes back to Konoha just in time to meet a pizza delivery man on the front step. He had said he was going to the grocery store, hadn’t he? That implied he was going to cook, right?

Awkward polite smiles are exchanged, but silence prevails. From inside the house, Madara could hear the steady thumping of a man on crutches making his way to the front door, but otherwise Konoha was silent. Time elongated, as he continued to nonchalantly ignore the stranger beside him, conscious of his nonchalance and the way the ice cream was probably partially melted in the late summer heat. Madara hoped that the carton wasn’t dripping, the sugar would attract ants.

Finally Tobirama swings open the door. His hair is damp and slicked back, as if he had just gotten out of the bath, his t-shirt damp and clinging to every muscle in a way that meant he had gotten doused with water while dressed. “Apologies, there was a slight mishap. Do you take credit?” A fat water droplet weaves its way down Tobirama’s neck and sinks into the saturated white collar, drawing the eyes towards Tobirama’s well-defined shoulders and pectorals. Madara was never going to be able to unsee that, it was going to haunt his dreams for the rest of eternity. Konoha seemed to agree, sending the memory of a wolf-whistle and a snippet of song, too-hot-hot-damn. Madara chokes and furiously sends back why as forcefully as he could manage. It wasn’t like he was unaware Tobirama was attractive; he was also aware that Tobirama had no interest in him.

While the pizza man tries to unswallow his tongue, Tobirama glances Madara’s way, and something like curiosity-aha-oh unfurls in ruby red. Wisely, Madara decides to pretend he hadn’t seen anything, grabs the pizza, and squeezes past Tobirama into the house. “Madara, before you go, there’s a slight issue with the laundry that will need your immediate attention.”

A quick questioning pulse of magic through the floorboards and Madara is flooded with the sense of gush-spurt-flee from the laundry faucet, and the slight sensation of oh-oh-no from Konoha itself. “Senju, what in the ten names of the Fire God did you do?” Then he’s dashing back towards the laundry, tossing the pizza box and groceries haphazardly in the kitchen.

It’s worse than what he’d initially thought, with the sink faucet spraying water like it’s a fire hose. Within a few minutes, he’s also dripping wet from the waist up, and blinded both by water and the weight of his hair being dragged down into his face. Even sending the image of a faucet turning off to Konoha only gets a wailed can’t-can’t-can’t! in response.

It’s a trial to even get close enough to the spray to grab and yank the handle to off, and it only does so with force. By then, Madara isn’t the only thing soaked, with the floor and walls slick and shiny. He hadn’t noticed before, but he’s rather sure there’s water on the ceiling too.

With an aggrieved sigh, Madara raises his hands to swipe off the excess water on his face. If only he hadn’t broken his last hair tie this morning -

A hair tie is thrust into his face, and he takes it without thought. Midway through tying his hair back, he realizes that magically appearing hair ties are not, in fact, a thing that happens normally outside of the office. “You are a walking hazard,” he grits out between clenched teeth. There is no way, no way -

“Despite your thoughts to the contrary, I know better than to tempt fate,“ the scoffed reply comes back quickly. “Crutches and slick floors are something I’ll leave Kawarama to test.” Madara inhales deeply and glances towards the corner where Tobirama’s voice is coming from. He is in fact safely perched upon the counter by the door, settling one of his crutches neatly in a dry section of floor, and in no clearly danger of getting his cast wet or causing himself further injury. Tobirama’s still soaked through, though, and the way his shirt is sheer and plastered to his abs makes Madara’s stomach twist like Izuna has electrically shocked him.

He can feel his face flushing, and the snap-crackle-spark of his fire rising.The ooooh-squee-excite that marks Konoha’s interest is tinged with the sensation of raised eyebrows and a discreet thumbs up. With a flick on intent, he marshals the rise of heat to the core of his magic and sends it out as a wave of scorch-boil-dry that flashes away the water into hot, heavy steam in the work of a moment. It takes even less to dry himself and Tobirama, and if he lies to himself and says it’s to prevent them from catching colds, then only he needs to know.

“Very impressive,” Tobirama’s voice rumbles through the heavy air, and almost just as quickly the moistness condenses into what is a rather large sphere of water that holds it’s shape just long enough splash harmlessly into the sink drain. The smirk is evident in just Tobirama’s tone, and with good reason; it’s no mean feat to convince something hot to cool and come together, especially if it’s very recently reached that state. It’s appealing, to know he has that level of control.

Except, “Why are you using magic?!” Madara hadn’t known his voice could hit that register post-puberty, but you learn new things every day. “Did you suffer a traumatic head injury as well?!”

“For the Water God’s mercy!” Tobirama snaps out, eyes alight with anger as he resettled himself on his feet. Foot. Foot and two crutches. “Are you so small-minded as to believe I am utterly incapable of taking care of myself?!” His nostrils flare as he pauses to inhale deeply, jaw clenched. “Let me take this ... opportunity to disabuse you of some misconceptions you seem to have arrived at. First, not every water magic practitioner has the skill or ability to heal. While most can do so at some level, for a minority more than basic first aid is the limit of their ability. I am among that number, no matter my power level, and I do not harbor any desire to be among the number who have the ability to heal.”

Madara scoffs, “Because Tobirama Senju would stop at nothing in the pursuit of knowledge. Weren’t you the one who said, ‘Knowledge, whatever the price, is worth having’?”

“Don’t twist my words to suit your own purposes, Uchiha! Knowledge is always worth having, but there is a distinct difference between ‘knowledge’ and being able to apply that knowledge.” Tobirama’s mastery tattoos twist along with his features, lips thinning into flat lines. “Given Uchiha proclivities towards obstinacy in the face of common sense, I’m sure you’ve seen enough fire magics blow up to have some grasp of the idea.”

“We’re obstinate? I’m not the one who kept expecting me to kill Hashirama over some centuries old feud!” Madara snarls back, leaning into Tobirama’s (slightly taller, gods-dammit) face. “And explosions are cool!”

Tobirama looks as though he was fighting the urge to roll his eyes, tone somehow still calm and rational.“What were we to think? The first Senju-Uchiha interaction in ages, and right after an assassination attempt? Of course anyone in their right mind would be suspicious!”

“I was 8! Expecting a 8 year old assassin is practically the definition of paranoia!” He gesticulates widely, attempting to impress the sheer amount of crazy it would take to even consider the possibility.

“A 6 year old assassin once killed the daimyo of Mizu no Kuni and stole the succession.” Tobirama interjects mildly.

“Why do you even know that?! Also, wasn’t that so-called assassination attempt actually Hashirama discovering he’s allergic to shellfish?!” Madara is completely done with this conversation. It was like trying to convince Setsuna that no, that person wasn’t giving him the evil eye, and no he didn’t need to go fight them for the sake of the family honor.

“That’s not the point!” Whatever point Tobirama was going to make is lost when he throws his hands up, over balances, and begins to fall. In almost slow-motion, Madara watches as Tobirama’s face rapidly approaches his, horrified shock written all-over. It was almost comical, and nearly made Madara’s violent introduction to the ground worthwhile.

They both lie there for a moment, silent, before the hilarity hit them all at once. “Stars leading home, your face!” Tobirama cackles, as he rolls off of on top of Madara. “I thought those faces were only in movies!”

Madara howls with laughter himself, “You looked like that time Izuna tripped into the rabbit pen at the petting zoo!” They were both set off again by the shared memory, and their laughs were joined by the pleased shimmy-jitter of Konoha.

When they finally had exhausted themselves to occasional chuckles, the quiet chirp of crickets in the yard was unavoidable. There is a companionable quiet for an instant, then Tobirama bolts upright. “Moonrise.”

Madara startles too. It was that late? “You go set up in the garden, I’ll grab the pizza?”  With a firm nod, they both take off as quickly as they were able.

Madara had taken part in plenty of Moonrise Ceremonies; though the Water God and the Celestial Moon and Tides were not the God and spirits he kept by nature, it never did to piss off the fickle Water God or his court. Water was life, water was healing, and water was something you always wanted on your side. First the bow to the west, and the chants as the moon rose, and then the splitting of the chalice of water. Four sips, then pass. Any left over was spilt to the ground to be returned to the Water God by way of the Earth God’s halls. Life to death, death to life, such was the balance of the world since the stars first lit. Final blessings are uttered and then the ceremony was over. More involved than the morning and evening aarti, but less formal than an Earth God observance.

“So, why can’t you just go to some specialist healer and get your leg fixed?” Madara asks around a bite of pizza, wrinkling his nose at the lukewarmness. In the soft glow of the sun crystals dotted around the grass, Madara could make out the thoughtful tilt of Tobirama’s chin as he pondered the question.

“Magical accident means that magic will not work to heal it, only time will. A spirit healer might have been able to do so, but that art has been lost,” Tobirama explains slowly, trying to put something that he probably knew in minutia into vernacular, “It’s a hazard of academia; most people have had a few accidents and scars by the time they’re at my age. A minor miracle I’ve been able to go so long without major mishap.”

“That doesn’t actually make the situation any better.”

Tobirama snorts, the edge from earlier is gone, no bite in his tone. “Says the man who gets shot at regularly.” Madara valiantly ignored the cute fluttering around his diaphragm. He really needed to have a talk with Konoha about this teasing, because one-sided interest was to be pitied not encouraged. Also, possibly sexual harassment. “ - Not to mention the violent spells, hexes, curses, and otherwise black or forbidden magic you encounter.”

“But I signed up for that! You’re a professor. Nowhere in that job description does it say to expect bodily harm.” Playful banter like this is comfortable, like the burn of his fire warm through his core. For all their sharp edges, true arguments had tapered off in their twenties as they had to band together in the face of Hashirama making an utter fool of himself in trying to woo Mito. There’s nothing for setting aside animosity like having to fish Hashirama out of the shark exhibit at the aquarium without alerting security or getting eaten.

“I work in Experimental and Theoretical Magic. And explosions are cool.” A pleased smirk is dancing in the corners of Tobirama’s mouth.

Madara murmurs a quick supplication to the sky,“Small Lords of Ash and Smoke preserve me,” because he knows when his own words are being used against him, dammit. And it’s not supposed to be attractive, but on Tobirama it always is. Any matching of wits between them is attractive but this is doubly so. It’s not fair, and he could really really use a well placed lightning bolt to end his suffering.

As he’s leaned back he notes a flash of white at the base of his very grey chair. It’s only due to years of being around Hashirama’s plant nonsense and that memorable six months of Hashirama using flowers to romance Mito (making multiple runs a day to every flower shop in a 15 mile radius, triple checking flower meanings in Google until they were ingrained in his memory, the level of misunderstanding about his romantic life that had occurred with Tsubaki and Hanae at the flower specialty store - Hashirama has a lot to answer for) that he’s able to identify the flowers sprouting up through the spaces between the pavers around them.

Tobirama notices the way he’s frozen and also looks. “Those - “

“Jonquil.” His throat is dry, and not in the good way. Love Me; Desire; Desire for Affection Returned. Also a flower of the underworld and death, but that’s not particularly applicable. Konoha is being terribly obvert and it isn’t funny.

Next to him, Tobirama stiffens. “It’s gotten late. Perhaps we should go inside?”

Madara manages to croak out, “Agreed.” They stumble indoors, and Madara almost immediately falls into bed.

He gets almost no sleep that night.

Let it be known that trying to argue with a house is an effort in futility. Usually, usually, Madara knows better. Houses tend to take umbridge with such things and enact their revenge in various creative and plausibly deniable ways. Only Konoha was decidedly not even pretending to listen, and it rankled endlessly to be iced out. They weren’t even trying to exact vengeance, and that was more worrisome than the plate of naengmyeon stuck to the break room ceiling when he arrived at work the next morning.

Luckily, the building that housed the police department was too jaded to even care about a little surface damage, but as a function of it’s imbued cynicism, it completely failed to warn him that Fugaku had made the coffee (mmmm liquid glue) or that Izuna had commandeered his desk when he returned from making a run for actually palatable coffee.

“So, Mada, what’s this I hear about you making soup for Tobirama?” Izuna rests his head on his hands, looking as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. “Are congratulations finally in order?”

Kagami had blabbed, that rat. “There was no soup.” Madara collapsed into one of his guest chairs; there was no way he was going to stand for this conversation especially after spending his sleepless night arguing with the silent ceiling.

Izuna straightens his spine, “What do you mean ‘there was no soup’. Tamae saw you buy soup ingredients, Kagami confirmed, why was there no soup. Was there an accident. Did he not appreciate your superior homemaker skills? Do I need to talk to Tobirama? Do I need to murder Tobirama? I’m pretty sure I could take him, Tōka would forgive me eventually - “

“Fires above, Izuna. There was no soup because we had pizza instead.” Madara rubs his face tiredly. “While I love you enough to fight the Lady of Death herself in your name, if that’s all you’re here for can’t it wait until lunch? I have a backlog of work to get done before Yoshino Nara at the mayor’s office figures out how to dispose of me remotely, and I need to figure out how get Konoha to talk to me even though they’re currently ignoring me. Plus, the investigatory team over at the Bureau of Magical Affairs has requested a report about some unusual findings about the most recent magical explosion at the university, and I don’t even know who’s free enough to investigate that. ”

Izuna brightened, “Oh yeah, I heard rumors about that. They say the researcher was looking into something for the military, something highest level of clearance only. Lots of red tape, hush hush.” Izuna spun in Madara’s chair. “But whatever it was, it backfired, and backfired loudly. Most of the black magic practitioners have all gone quiet, cause whatever was going on, it’s caused a lot of interference with the spirit world.” With a sudden halt, he began spinning in reverse, aggravating the nascent throb behind Madara’s eyes, “Whatever it is, you’ll probably be shut down pretty quickly. Wonder if Hashirama could give you a heads up about when the gag order is coming down?  That way you don’t have to waste time and money on investigating something that won’t go anywhere.”

Something about that niggled at the back of Madara’s head, but he was already feeling the beginnings of a stress headache and he couldn’t quite put a finger on what. “Izuna, shouldn’t you be putting all that into a report?”

Izuna had the gall to laugh, “Yes yes, it’ll be filed in triplicate by the end of the day.” Then he swanned out of Madara’s office, leaving Madara to sigh and sag into his chair.

He tiredly rubs his temples, then curses aloud, “Dammit Izuna.” He resettles himself at his computer and starts digging.

Madara feels the subtle flare of Konoha’s wards unlocking just as he finishes frying up the peppers in oil for the temper. He notes the time idly - it’s early for Tobirama, who usually has to be forcibly fished out of his lab - but considering said individual is probably stuck on administrative work while he’s injured, it’s to be expected. “Kagami, I expect the simulation to be done by tomorrow morning, please have the final report ready before our thesis meeting.” A beat of silence, as Tobirama sets down his bag, maneuvering around the clunky crutches while still keeping the phone clenched between his ear and shoulder. “Yes, I do expect that meeting is going to occur on time. I don’t have any meetings before that.” Madara waves his ladle in Tobirama’s direction, and met by red eyes widening in surprise and something warm. Is it so odd he can cook? “I’ll speak to you in the morning. It seems I’m holding up dinner.” He falls quiet as Kagami chatters on the other end. “Yes I think it is soup.” The line of his spine stiffens. “I hope you have appropriate and ground-breaking results for me in the morning.” He hangs up without further adieu.

Mildly, Madara queries, “Kagami wanted to have you torture the recipe out of me?” There’s little other reason for having such a sharp response; he quickly sends a text to Hikaku to go and haunt Kagami for a bit, make sure whatever betting pool exists remains unfulfilled. The sizzle of hot oil reacting with the broth is satisfying, much like the hunted look Kagami will wear come morning.

Tobirama clears his throat lightly as he accepts a proffered bowl, “Something like that. Thank you.” He blows on the steaming surface, then takes a sip that ends in an startled series of coughs. By the end of it his eyes are watering. Madara nonchalantly sips at his own bowl, pointedly not reacting though the back of his throat burns with the spice of red chili oil. “So this is the famed fire soup of Uchiha Madara,” Tobirama chokes out. “It’s certainly - something.”

Madara chuckles. First time tasters were fun to watch. “Try mixing in the oil instead of taking a mouthful of it.” Madara pointedly glances  at his own thoroughly mixed bowl before scooping out a piece of tofu.

“Because I need to trust the man who served me liquid fire.” The spice was taking effect,  a delicate pink color flushing across Tobirama’s cheeks. Konoha taps at Madara’s awareness, breaking their silence with a superimposed image of that self-same wash of color, but paired with swollen lips and panting. He is suddenly glad for the red staining his own face - no one would know if it was the soup or the vivid imagery Konoha was so helpfully providing. Flight-human-matchmaker, Konoha crows in delight, clearly under some operational delusion about how compound words worked.

He busies himself with the act of eating, instead of paying attention to Tobirama and the poorly stifled moan said man lets out at the second sip. Definitely not foraying down that path. Konoha upgrades the last image, and Madara mentally swears himself blue. He had to have attempted world domination in a previous life to deserve this. There’s a damn house thinking they’ve got wingman status, waggling their nonexistent eyebrows salaciously. Why did Konoha even have that sensation? And that wasn’t even good wingmanship, for all that Madara had to remember Hashirama in a speedo to avoid having a visceral reaction.

“Perhaps this is worthy of kissing the cook.”

Madara is jerked from his thoughts by that sentence. Tobirama is smirking, and that smirk is the same smirk that gave Izuna a mullet in the 7th grade. “What?”

Tobirama’s lips tilt upward minutely, and his gaze drifts down to Madara’s chest. Madara follows, and, groans. “Fires above, Hashirama why.” Of course Konoha would give him the most embarrassing apron, after burying the lede with the frilly pink one. The black, masculine apron that Madara hadn’t double checked because there were only two choices and clearly only one right answer. He pulls off the offending article and throws it into the kitchen.

“Mito.” Tobirama corrects, eyes dancing with mirth. “That apron is Mito’s. The frilly one is Brother's.”

“You’re joking.” Tobirama pulls out his phone, still smirking. The photo of Hashirama in the pink frilly, slightly too small monstrosity startles a disbelieving laugh out of him. “You have to send that to me.”

“Fair warning, this won’t be good blackmail material,” Tobirama commented, tapping away at his phone, before looking up to serve himself another bowl.

Madara saves the newly-sent image. “I can’t imagine Hashirama being even remotely phased by this going around. No, it’s to make me laugh when work’s a cluster fuck.”

“You make it sound like work is regularly a ‘cluster fuck’.” The amount of chili oil going in was conservative at best. How sad.

He leans over and pours in a larger amount of red chili oil into Tobirama’s bowl, baring his teeth in a playful challenge to Tobirama’s wrinkled nose. “Mixed bag - crimes aren’t really anything but a cluster fuck, but. Somedays are better than others? Today was a prime example of high levels of FUBAR.” Because red tape and stonewalling and not even a hint of rumor was suspect in normal circumstances, but even more so when it involved the government. That all major criminal players had gone into hiding was a secondary, if triply worrisome, situation that needed to be looked into once they had the first situation manageably wrangled.

Tobirama looks intrigued, interest captured. It sharpened his features into something open and genuinely curious - wholly invested and focused, expression the same sort of soft-sharp neutral that was found in models and captivated. To have it focused entirely on him sends shivers down his spine. “How so?”

Konoha nudges him with a finishing blow of intent ignited in carnelian eyes paired with Tobirama’s usual feline grace prowling over him. His temper finally breaks, no matter his usual policy about houses, slamming around in his seat to bark at the rest of the dining room. “For the Water God’s mercy, Konoha!”

Tobirama startles at the violence of his tone, his own tone sharp. “What’s happened?”

“This damn house is suffering delusions of grandeur.” Madara catches the irony and self-corrects, “The other grandeur, not the physical grandeur.” Because Konoha was large and elaborate and deserved the meticulous restoration and hidden modernization work they had all pitched in to do, though if he ever saw antique wallpaper glue ever again in his life Madara was liable to set the whole damn bucket on fire.

Tobirama cocks his head, amused, “Don’t you have a policy about arguing with buildings? Especially Konoha - ”

The sharp ring of a phone cuts off whatever he was going to say next, and Madara shuffles in his seat to pull out his phone, frowning when the number appears to be from a government office. As he trips into the hall, dinner abandoned, he answers, “Madara Uchiha speaking.”

He doesn’t recognize the voice, “ Yoichi Yamamoto with Emergency Response. We’ve got a situation sir. There appears to be a group setting up some sort of mass summoning.”

Madara feels like he ought to smack his head against the nearest hard surface, since everyone and their mother likes to call in summonings as crimes when they really really aren’t his department’s purview, but grits out instead, “That is not necessarily a crime.”

“Your office has been abundantly clear on that point sir, but the group appears to be under some sort of magic-induced hypnosis mind-control. And no one here can break it. They also have been shooting guns and black magic spells at anyone in the vicinity and piling the bodies on their conduit seal.”

Which actually are crimes. Three separate felonies, and possibly intent to commit a fourth. Or fifth, if the person(s) being used are still alive for the ritual and their soul(s) wind up harvested to power it. Fuck fire and brimstone. The paperwork alone is a bitch to contemplate.“Any clue what they’re summoning?”

“Unclear, but there are quite a lot of tori hand seals.” Tori meant air, and air never meant anything good when summoning. In the corner of his eye he could see Tobirama easily commanding water to clear the table, leading the symphony of movement with nothing more than intent. His mouth went dry; it was one thing to know that Tobirama was powerful with his element, it was entirely another to see precisely how talented he is. That level of control - even among those who had earned master’s marks, it was rare. Idly, Madara wonders about applications of that. Applications-implications-testing Konoha helpfully shares. He doesn’t even have the wherewithal to deny the lewd implications there.

“Please hurry, they’re mixing magic natures.” The man on the other end hangs up to the sound of gunfire and the distinct roar of magic passing close by. Madara releases a slow breath, because mixing magic natures without proper training was liable to blow the scene to the 12 Hells, back, and then further on to the 12 Heavens. If they were lucky. Dammit, would he need to stop for a magic-resistant bulletproof vest?

“I can’t imagine that that call was anything good.” Sometime during that phone call, Tobirama had managed to quietly hobble over. A thermos is helpfully floating behind him like a particularly enamored puppy. “If they’re desperate enough to call you when you’re not on duty, then you’re likely to need this.” It’s like being blindsided by a truck. Madara’s head’s swimming with things to accomplish before he goes, and it shows. “Soup. Did you think I wouldn’t notice what property half of the ingredients share?”

There’s a look in Tobirama’s eyes that Madara can’t parse, oddly open in the face of his usual firm logic. “I might not be back until late, if at all,” he says instead, collecting his coat and wallet. It’s not worth spending time wondering on things that can be left by the wayside when it’s likely that he’ll be embroiled in a literal fire fight in the next half hour.

“See that you come home in one piece.” The words are an unmistakable order, but tinged with an undercurrent of fondness. Just as suddenly, Tobirama’s mouth tilts up playfully, mischief in the gleam of his eye, “I still need to seduce that recipe out of you.”

With finality, he closes the door in Madara’s face, leaving him flustered on the porch step.

In a turn of events that surprises exactly no one with a brain, Madara ends up not only not going back to Konoha, but singed, scorched, and sooty on top of deprived of sleep for the second night in a row. And more paperwork than should be possible to even exist. He’s contemplating the benefits and consequences of taking a nap on his office couch (uncomfortable, but he can lock his door and get uninterrupted sleep) versus the break room bunks (broken in, but noisy and prone to high traffic) when Izuna barges in and drags him out to lunch. For lunch? Language.exe has stopped functioning, try again when he’s had some quality rest.

“Mada, you smell like you were on fire.” Izuna wrinkles his nose in distaste, frog marching him through pedestrian traffic like a man to his execution. “Did you burn a hole in your shirt again? I’m not going to fix it this time.”

In all fairness, there were holes in his shirt, but not just burn holes and entirely not his fault. Mind controlled cultists from Kaminari no Kuni (probable cultists, though if they were cultists before the mind control is the question) were entirely at fault, both for the holes, the burned patch of his hair, and the massive crater in front of city hall. Luckily, spare suits were a staple of his locker, and that shirt had been too trashed to salvage. Still, Izuna didn't need to know that, so Madara settled on, “There are no holes in my shirt.”

Izuna clearly did not believe him and settled on sarcastic placation, “Yes yes Mada. Just like you aren't wearing eu de smoke right now.” He pats Madara on the shoulder soothingly, “Very masculine. It’ll go well with crisp ice pine.”

The subtle dig doesn't register until they're seated at a table in some yuppie cafe. “Goddammit Izuna.” He wants to bash his head against the surface of the table; first a goddamned house and now his little brother are implying he should have sex with Tobirama. Also, why does Izuna know what Tobirama smells like? He sulks into his coffee, which the waiter has blessedly brought over the largest size the cafe carries. (He tries not to think too hard about how he looks if a waiter can tell he needs it.)

“Look, I’m just saying. And being supportive of your long-standing appreciation of a pretty Senju. Which you're finally doing something about, good for you. If you can manage to start dating in the next two weeks or by December, that'd be much appreciated.” Izuna was not a master of subtlety, no matter that most of his job description was talking to people. How he even got half the information he did was a marvel, truly.

“December would be ideal,” Tōka grins as she drops into an open seat.“I’d like to win the pot outright.”

Madara nearly spits out his freshly refilled coffee, “Why are you in on it?” He hadn’t known Tōka would be showing up, or that someone outside of the Uchiha were taking bets on his still-entirely-nonexistent love life. Especially a Senju, one close to Tobirama. Thank the Four Above that Hashirama wasn’t aware of it, Madara’s life would be a living hell then. Tōka doesn’t seem to have heard the beginning of their conversation though, so small mercies, even if it’s ultimately moot.

She eyes him concernedly, but her words are aimed at Izuna, “You’re right, Madara can get shrill.” Tōka unfolds a menu calmly, “So, are we talking shop first, or gossiping first? Also, how’s the eggplant parm panini here?”

“Shop,” chirps Izuna unphased by the death glare Madara is sending his way, “Kaminari no Kuni cultists in Hi no Kuni? That reeks. I think the quiche sounds good. Mada?”

 “It does reek. Something fierce. But as far as anyone can tell, they were all civilians who were hijacked and illegally trafficked into Hi no Kuni,” Tōka closes the menu, and crosses her arms on the table. “Some parties think there is something to the kidnappings, but Kaminari no Kuni swears up and down and to all the Four plus some smaller spirits that there was no obvious linkage in the disappearances when they happened. No evidence of there being a motive except that the victims were easy targets.”

 They’re silent as the waiter comes back to take their orders, nominally because Tōka is still in uniform and while none of this is a secret (there’s probably several reports on it already, plus several dozen newspaper articles), it’s better to not start rumors about information leaks. The television blares on about vandalism and break ins at ruins across the Elemental Countries, that the culprits are still at large and that there are no current suspects.

 “So, what you’re saying is we have a bunch of bodies, warm and cold, but nothing beyond ‘cult’ as to what happened.” Madara sums up when the waiter has left. That could have been a memo. A literal memo, whereby everybody and their uncle who went back after the fact to point fingers about fucking up would find that there was a paper trail for interagency conclusion of ‘cult’. He might just set an intern on just that, if he’s honest. No one needs a paper-pusher screaming at HR and IA over a piece of paper that any idiot could draft.

 “Nothing beyond ‘Kaminari no Kuni cult’.”  Izuna corrects lightly. They breed the crazy ones up in those mountains and everyone knows it; the long-standing joke is that all the lightning fries the brain so that pretty much everyone's running around well scrambled upstairs. It neatly accounts for the crazy idiots and the crazy strong ones. (Unfortunately, there are no crazy smart ones by dint of the ‘fried brains’, but if there were, they'd be trying to take over the world or something equally maniacal.)

 “Because that makes such a difference,” Madara grouses. “It’s the equivalent of saying ‘that's not MY house on fire, so it's not my problem’.” Only with more collateral damage, by way of bodies in the morgue and in the cell than the average house fire.

 “Except, it is someone else's crazy cult, and since it's a sovereign nation, we can't just go and get rid of the crazy.” Tōka points out distractedly. “Did anyone else see that there's a large storm headed our way?”

 Madara and Izuna both groan. They'd need to finish processing the scene tonight before the storm washed away evidence, and CSI was already grouchy. “Izuna, I'm delegating this to you.” Izuna opens his mouth to argue, but Madara cuts him off. “You told Kagami about something you overheard, and I still haven’t decided if I want to strangle you.” Izuna tilts his head in confusion.

“Thin walls,” Madara prompts, and finds satisfaction in the way Izuna blanches. Serves him right. “If this cult was known, why wouldn't you send in someone like Hashi to go take care of it? He's a government negotiator, he's meant to negotiate for things like having the ability to take out a threat.”

 Izuna recovers, then interjects, puzzled. “Isn't that what he went to do?” Madara’s brow furrows, Hashi hadn’t actually mentioned why he was going, or on such short notice. Usually he knew well in advance if he needed Madara to house-sit; he usually had a firm timeline too, come to think of it.

 Tōka frowns too. “I wasn't aware he had anything in the pipeline? He asked for some time off, actually.” She drags a fry through the garlic-basil-parmesan aioli provided, “Wouldn't Mito stay at home too then? She’s still faculty at the university.”

 They chew their respective thoughts quietly as the waiter passes by to refill cups and to drop off their food. This itches in Madara’s brain, like there's an answer just there, but fatigue eats at him. His eyes keep straying to the spray of myrtle and sage over the door. Myrtle for luck in marriage or prosperity, sage to ward off bad humors. There's an answer on the tip of his tongue but it doesn't feel quite right. That might just be the pine nuts in his salad though, he’s always suspected he is allergic. He takes a long draught of his quickly cooling coffee, “It’s been ... 9 years since Mito and Hashi got married, right?”

 Tōka shares a speaking glance with Izuna, who eye speaks something right back. That weasel, and here Madara thought he hadn’t made it past the stare-adoringly phase. Madara is going to permanently assign him to run interference with their father, so help him. “Madara,” Tōka begins carefully, “It’s been 10 years.”

 Madara squints at her. “No, I’d know if it were 10 years, I was best man and got knocked out when Mito’s great uncle tried to dance and hit me with his cane instead.” He remembers that cane vividly. Mostly because he woke up to his father berating him for failing to duck.

 She shakes her head slowly. “No, their anniversary already passed.” Which would make it 10 years, goddammit. But also explains Hashirama calling him frantically at 3 am a week ago for the name of the florist one town over. He needs to send an apology note to Hanae and Tsubaki then. And get them a gift. Dammit. Would Mito appreciate a commemorative vase?

 “Fire and brimstone.” Tōka and Izuna have the gall to nod sympathetically. “Well, then they must have gone on a belated ten-year anniversary trip then.” It still sounds too easy, his detective senses tingling, but they seem to accept it readily enough.

 Silence pervades as they each chew on their lunches. For all the yuppie-ness of this cafe, the food is decent. A distinct outlier in terms of general fare, but still has that air of pretension that means they’re catering to people who like the latest fads. They’re probably back there in the kitchen trying to make mermaid avocado toast with matcha powder and poached egg, and Madara is judging them.

 “So what’s this I hear about you seducing Tobi, hmm? Finally finished flirting and made an honest man out of him?” Tōka smiles all teeth, breaking his thoughts, and it transforms her face into something that screams of shovels and mischief. Izuna eeps next to him, and Madara gives up entirely because he’s not getting his brother back anytime in the few minutes.

 “There was zero seduction!” Tōka looks unimpressed with his token defense, and he feels the need to explain. “It was only soup!” She still looks like she’s trying to determine if he needs to have a back alley meeting with her and Hashirama over his intentions. Which, currently, are to not have a back alley meeting with her and Hashirama.

 Izuna has somehow marshalled himself, a minor miracle in the face of a display of power by Tōka. He clarifies, “Mada’s special soup that he doesn’t share with just anyone.” Madara knew he should have made a bigger fuss about returning Izuna when his parents first brought him home from the hospital; he hadn’t wanted a younger sibling and now he's got this on his hands.

 Tōka seems even more unimpressed with him at this point. “So you’re trying to seduce him with soup. Is that just a Madara thing or...?”

 And Fire God, please, send a bolt of lightning to end him forthwith. He doesn’t need to see that face ever again on his baby brother. It is a face that promises whatever he is going to endure after this point is going to be torture. Madara valiantly tries to flag their waiter - if he hurries he can make it back to the office and not have to witness this.

 Only, too late. Madara regrets everything. Izuna leans forward, propping his head on one hand, “Mmmm, yes and no. We Uchiha have a thing for... how should I put it?” Coyly, from under his lashes, because he knows he got their mom’s pretty eyes, “Caring and caretaking. Really, we’re prone to homemaking. Traditional housewife skills and the like, little things to show we care. We all have various talents towards that end, incidentally.”

 “Oh?” Tōka’s tone was intrigued. Nope, nope, nope, Madara was going to phase straight through his chair and through the floor and let the Earth God take him to the Lady of Death’s hall. Reincarnation erased memories right? “So Madara makes soup, and you...?”

 “Make things. I’m good with thread and yarn.” He is going to say a hundred hymns of thanksgiving for their waiter on Thursday. Their waiter deserves the biggest tip he has in cash, plus whatever blessings Madara can pray up. He’ll even throw in another 100 ryo if he gets here before -

 “Yarn? There’s nothing quite like a new ball of yarn in the hand, don’t you agree?” This is flirting. Why is there flirting. This was supposed to be the ‘have conversation with subtle hints of interest stage’, there should not be innuendo-laden flirting (about yarn!) anywhere near him. Tōka is supposed to be sensible and keep ignoring Izuna until he finds another lady who can break him in half with just her pinkie finger, not engage in flirtation.

 “Mmmm. Do you like your yarn forward or back?” They’re not really talking about yarn, and Madara can sense it. He hastily signs the receipt, uncaring that he just paid for Izuna and Tōka as well as himself, and factors in a massive tip, because he's so sorry in advance. Then he flees; he needs mind bleach not further trauma.

He gets no mind bleach. He doesn't even get another break, since some paper-pusher has finally reviewed and filed his all of his recent paperwork and now he has explanations to do to whichever hireup(s) didn't read his report(s) and decided he needs to do more paperwork to cover their ass(es). How is he supposed to put more detail in a 6,000 word report that already has all the pertinent details? He considers being petty and recording every time he blinked or breathed, or moved even a fraction of a centimeter, but instead adds three paragraphs and calls it done. He still nearly melts his computer when the same paper pusher tells him it’s quote acceptable unquote.

 Further causing complications is the fact that Fugaku and Hizashi have devolved into actual children and are embroiled in some inconsequential feud that has had casualties in the form of: a broken wrist, a burned desk, as well as half the regular officers and most of the detectives getting food poisoning from the coffee. Mikoto can’t even figure out what they did to make it spit out an actual biohazardous substance, much less fix it, so they’re all out the last good coffeemaker and stuck with the one that only produces tar and is, in it’s own way, a biohazard. Madara doesn’t even want to think about the paperwork it will take to requisition new coffeemakers.

 All that and it still doesn’t touch the findings of the lab explosion, or the cultists, or the rest of the on-going cases. By the time he’s halfway done with the cultists situation and running in proverbial circles, he’s got a headache that only judicious application of acetaminophen and a maximum strength anti-migraine seal prevent from turning into a full blown migraine. He calls it quits then, even though it’s only 3 in the afternoon.

 By the time he comes back to Konoha and collapses into one of the many plush couches in the living room, slightly damp from the just-beginning drizzle outside, he’s done and been done with the day. Konoha seems to feel it, somehow, and he’s soothingly rocked to sleep with the gentle memory of a long ago lullabye.

 He wakes up to the crack of lightning and the boom of thunder, and he has to fight the couch he’s sprawled across to get out. Fire God bless Mito for insisting on couches that swallow you whole, Madara feels like he went to sleep in a horizontal hug. Also, slightly trapped, but he’s not going to look a gift rest in the mouth.

 It’s a narrow thing, but Madara manages to roll out and land on his feet instead of on his face. Konoha is dark and quiet in the face of the violent, thrashing storm, the dark halls made eerie in the brief flashes of lightning and reverberating with near back-to-back thunderclaps.

 Faintly he can hear the lull of the stereo playing, some tune he knows but can’t name dancing just on the edges of his hearing. It’s coming from upstairs, grows stronger with every step, soft rock that’s almost drowned out by the sheer roar of rain pouring down outside. Finally, at the end of a hallway, in a half-hidden room, Madara finds the source.

 Tobirama looks up from the book he’s reading, the light of the lamp glinting off his glasses. “Ah, you’re awake.” Rain sheets off the windows, and shimmers where it refracts with Mito’s wards.

Mito's wards and seals are things of beauty, elegant structures that spire deceptively delicately for all their diamond strength, tied directly to the foundations of Konoha. “I was almost worried when I came home and saw just your arm hanging out of the couch.”

 “Almost?” The tone is just as teasing as Tobirama’s, but there’s something underneath the white-haired male’s that Madara can’t dissect.

 The soft smile flirting with Tobirama’s mouth draws Madara’s eyes to his full lips, and he has to forcibly keep his brain on track. “Mmmmm. You dying on me would certainly throw a wrench in my plans.” Shala-la-la, My-oh-my, Kiss-the-male Konoha croons softly, humming a snatch of The Little Mermaid.

 He doesn’t understand, then he remembers Tobirama’s parting words. “Still intent on my soup recipe?” Is the room hot, or is it just him? Madara hasn’t had an issue with thermoregulation since he was a child.

 Tobirama stands and saunters past Madara - when did he get a walking cast? - glancing at him archly from under his eyelashes as he puts his book away. “Not just your recipe.” Crimson eyes slowly track downwards, a slow appraisal that burns.

 Lightning flashes outside, followed in quick succession by thunder and the flicker of the lights. The stereo skips with a touch of Konoha’s influence, and a new song queues up. It’s a remix, a song that Madara knows, a song that makes Tobirama outright smile predatorily and start backing him up to the wingback chair Tobirama had vacated. “Wha- ,“ It takes him a minute to catch the insinuation Tobirama just made, and insinuation about sex, with himself and Tobirama as the key players in the scenario. His head can’t make heads or tails of it, can’t fathom Tobirama. Something sane in him has snapped, that he’s seriously letting himself be backed up like a patron at a strip club. Not that such a scenario hasn’t ever crossed his mind, because there’s only so many ways to interpret Tobirama’s fluid stride, but that’s all fantasy. Fantasy doesn’t happen in real life. He’s not entirely sure this isn’t a joke, even if it’d be a painfully sick and twisted one that’s not in Tobirama’s style.

 “Come now, Madara, I think you’d recognize a seduction if you saw one,” Tobirama purrs, and every nerve comes alight. The carefully constrained fire at his core flares with the burning path Tobirama caresses across his shoulders, licking at the tenuous control he has. “And here I was, thinking you would understand that I’m just as interested in you as you are in me if I was... obvert about it.” His breath ghosts over the shell of Madara’s ear, and his words send Madara’s head spinning. “You certainly have been willfully ignoring every other signal I’ve been putting out.” A finger traces over his throat, and he can’t hold back a choked moan. Which, that would explain a lot, wouldn’t it? The missing piece of their last few interactions; has Tobirama been flirting with him? The fire that is the core of his magic goes from a blaze to an inferno, to magma burning and consuming and wanting.

 Madara lets himself get pushed down into the seat, lets Tobirama straddle him, pin him in place, can’t take his eyes away from burning red staring back at him. The molten rise of his magic feels like it’s about to burst through his skin and he can’t rein in any control; there’s small consolation in the hiss of steam where Tobirama grips his wrists and guides them to his waist, the equally strong sense of still-quiet-current-cool rising from Tobirama that betrays how uninhibited he has also become. He’d willingly drown in that sensation, he thinks as Tobirama’s breath mixes with his own. “Please,” he pants out, desperate. Another centimeter and he would feel those lips against his -

 Three things happen near simultaneously: lightning hits the house, the power stutters and dies and so do the wards; something unnatural prickles at the edges of Madara’s magic and howls enraged; Madara realizes that Konoha had the music player play a remix of “Careless Whisper”. All three things alone are enough to prick at Madara’s instincts, but together serve to rouse him to full alertness and he stiffens in his seat. It’s like being doused in freezing water, three bucketfuls at once, and the moment is ruined.

 Tobirama’s head falls against his shoulder, “Fuck.” Madara whole agrees with the sentiment, prods at Konoha with a general question, but Konoha is silent. Silent as a tomb, with not even the impression of them left. Somehow, that is more frightening than the animalistic snarling audible even over the raging storm. He says as much, and Tobirama goes stiffer in his lap before clambering off. “That’s - expressly dangerous.” At the look Madara sends him, “Konoha isn't linked to the wards, but it is the keystone to the wards since the wards were laid into the foundations. If Konoha’s consciousness is knocked out, then the wards are down, but not vice versa.”

 “Meaning?” Madara doesn’t deal in wards, beyond knowing how to he’s keyed into the ones at his apartment, his parent’s home, and at Konoha. Honestly, there’s a reason there are experts in wards and seals, and a trillion more reasons that Madara isn’t one of them.

 “Meaning those... things out there,” Tobirama pointedly nods out the window, where the noise has yet to stop, “Can get in here. Unless they’re still outside when the wards come back online. Come on. We need to hurry.”

 Madara would like to point out that all his blood is otherwise occupied still, so the amount of time it takes him to process is not indicative of his usual cognition rate.“Things? Multiple? And hurry to do what precisely?” Tobirama is already skating down the hall, having slicked the way with ice, so Madara has to slip and slide in his wake. Its rankling, to see how quickly Tobirama can switch gears.

 “I know enough about the ward and seal matrix here to reionize the interseal matrix. You'll need to keep them out. It won't be easy; surviving alone might be all you can achieve.” Which, in normal person speak means Tobirama is going to reboot the wards. Cool. Not dangerous at all or at risk for blowing them all into the next epoc. Not in the slightest.

 But. “Why won't it be easy? Do you know who’s -what's- out there?” He demands, because Tobirama has always been in the 98% percentile for magical ability and base magic quantity, Tobirama who can and has gone toe to toe with him and Hashirama - both of which have objectively larger pools of magic from which to draw - and kept up due to sheer analytic prowess, Tobirama saying a fight won’t be easy. Madara can’t suppress the way his back raises - from fear or anger, he can’t say.

 “Those are the Kin and Gin brothers out there. They were reanimated in an experiment, and escaped.” It's matter of fact, to the point, but Madara feels like there's ... self-flagellation tinging Tobirama’s tone. Also, weren't the Kin and Gin brothers among the most prolific Kaminari no Kuni assassins ever to live? And intensely powerful? Reanimating -

 Madara stops dead at the top of the stair. “Reanimation is a lost art.” They covered that enough in school, drilled it into students heads to discredit urban myths and legends and scary stories whispered to little kids.

 “To conventional knowledge, perhaps. It takes a very distinct set of parameters to manage. Not everyone has background in Earth magic and Water magic to even begin the process.” Tobirama looks back, face blank. “It’s also not foolproof.”

 Things start fitting together, and the picture Madara is getting isn't good. “You were meddling with Reanimation and you exploded your lab at the university. Fire God’s most fiery balls.”

 Tobirama’s mouth twists wryly, “To be fair, the explosion was not my fault. The Kin and Gin brothers overloading the paralysis matrix in the seal with conflicting magic resonance was.”

 Madara can't wrap his mind around the amount of gall it would take to think - “You brought back assassins.” Then, because that doesn't really capture the essence of the amount of why going through Madara’s head. “You lost control of undead assassins.”

 “They're not undead, they're still perfectly dead. They've just had their souls returned.” Of course Tobirama would think that it was vital to be precise in terminology usage.

 “This isn't the time to quibble semantics!”

 “It's not the time to quibble at all. If they get in here, they will kill us both and continue to roam free until the world is bathed in blood. As things stand, I'm one test result away from knowing how to put them down, and I fear that they know that. Until then, feel free to go wild on them.” That was a dismissal if Madara ever heard one, but considering he might actually be going to die - well, he has unfinished business from earlier. Becoming a ghost is not on his to-do list.

 Madara feels the way his lower lip splits catching on Tobirama’s teeth, mouth open in alarm at the way he had yanked Tobirama around. Their teeth clack painfully together, messy in haste, tasting of blood. His hold doesn’t falter on Tobirama’s waist; he can feel the fist that came distressingly close to punching him in the temple loosen then clench tightly in his hair. Madara disengages with a gasp for air, ignores the hand that’s brushing just under the waistband of his pants, “When all this is over, you and me, we’re going on a date. Then we’re finishing what we started.” It’s a growled promise, and Tobirama flushes a pretty pink that Madara wants nothing more than to chase with his tongue down down down until the end.

 Madara stalks out the door without another word, because if he stays then he’d surely given into temptation to kiss Tobirama more, leave marks across that pale swathe of skin, and there are zombies at the door this is not the time to think about ..... all of that. He inhales deeply and evenly as he steps onto the porch, into the dark dull shadows of twilight and heavy rain; emotion could make magic stronger but it always made it sloppier as well. Rigorous mental control was the cornerstone of fire magic for this reason, after all: to know what path one was going to take and to take it with intent to see it through without wavering was the most fundamental tool for bending fire to one’s will; the slightest doubt and it would burn you alive from the inside out. Madara has a twitchy feeling he’ll need every ounce of control with the way his skin starts crawling the minute he steps out.

 Fire God and all the Small Lords, zombies weren’t supposed to be a thing anymore. If this was anything close to the ancient Reanimation technique, then Madara can completely understand why a single zombie would send whole battalions fleeing in war. His every sense screams at him to flee, but if legend was to be believed that would do little to save him against Kinkaku and Ginkaku.

 As if they had been summoned, two men melt out of the deep shadows surrounding Konoha. Hashirama’s damned plants were lovely in daylight, but at night they made the entire area a perfect setup for ambushes and traps. And in the deluge of rain, they’re in constant movement creating thousands of false alarms. And even then, Madara has the lovely handicap of having the plants wanting to become-one-together with him, and isn’t that a lovely thing to have on one’s side in a literal firefight with undead notorious killers?

 They didn’t look like much, one taller with gold flowing locks and one shorter with a silver mane, both seeming perfectly normal by general (soaked) appearance. It didn’t really fool Madara though - people didn’t wear their bloodlust or advertise their confidence in their ability so openly; their pitch black eyes were also a dead giveaway of their... zombie-ness. Their magic leaked everywhere too, but the only read Madara got off that was the overwhelming sense of death-death-death, like a black magic practitioners’, setting his nerves on edge.

 “What do we have here, Kinkaku?” The silver one leered. He must be Ginkaku then. “This isn’t the white-haired Master who summoned us.” His dark smile promised pain and suffering, and the confidence to mete that out at his own leisure. “This one will be a tasty appetizer before we get to the other one.”

 “It can’t be helped; that Master won’t be able to get far on that leg of his.” Kinkaku seemed to eye him contemplatively for a moment, before also dismissing Madara.

 That suited Madara just fine, “Already talking about the living as if they’re dead? I won’t be that easy to win against, old timers.” With a touch of intent he ringed the yard with flames as tall as Konoha’s roofs, trapping them together. One trap negated, hopefully. Now to deal with slippery mud, puddles, and half a sea of water combating his magic.

 “Oh? No hand seals, and you can only create a piddly fire ring in a storm? The quality of magic users has dropped since we were alive.” Ginkaku almost seemed to disappear, before reappearing right in front of Madara holding a small knife; he barely dodges in time to avoid, a thin line of blood welling across his face. Right, preternaturally-good, bloodthirsty, undead killers; this wasn’t time to think of this as black-magic high thugs coming at him.

 The next blow is easier to anticipate, now that Madara knew that the brothers are fast - he ducks under a reaching blade, breathes out flame and sparks against Kinkaku’s face when he materializes in Madara’s periphery. It’s not enough, though, as Madara takes two small kunai high on his thigh- a roundhouse kick to block a punch from Kinkaku, only to have two kunai cut through his pants up near his hip, followed swiftly by Ginkaku launching a cross that strikes true to Madara’s cheekbone. A flaming open fist punch blows all the wind out of Ginkaku, but buys Madara enough time to retrieve the kunai and fit them between his knuckles for a more lethal blow.

 It pays off when Kinkaku whips up behind him; a touch of magic along the blade has it bathed in blue flames and Madara slashes home across Kinkaku’s eyes as he launches neatly into a butterfly kick, spraying dirt into Ginkaku’s eyes before landing a heavy blow across Ginkaku’s throat. The aborted choke and burnt smell of flesh offer some satisfaction - they’re a step above the normal criminals Madara has to deal with regularly on raids, but at least Madara is giving as good as he’s getting.

 “Ginkaku, perhaps we need to stop playing around.” There is a sharp hissing sound that carries, and then Madara is looking Kinkaku in the eyes - not even a small scar to show where Madara had burned away his sight and the flesh beneath it.

 “I agree Kinkaku; let’s go.” And that isn’t the sound of a man who’s had his windpipe crushed. Fire God and all the Small Lords, of fucking course they’d be regenerating zombies; Madara pours his magic through his veins, coaxing the muscle to burn higher, hotter - fire for energy, fire for strength, fire for burning through limits. If the brothers had been playing earlier - a shockwave reverberated out, extinguishing his flame ring in an instant. Then the brothers were gone.

 There. He bends backwards to evade the massive chunk of rock hurtling towards him, only to have to do a back handspring out of the path of an air blade then jackknife back up out of the path of water spikes. He doesn’t have time to think just move, like sparring with Hashi, only no holds barred. Madara pulls flame after flame from his core, dodging and weaving around Kinkaku’s and Ginkaku’s own reaching magic, flinging knived fists and feet into, bone and muscle again, again, once more again. Blood splatters, limbs fall off, smouldering carbon husks of bone and ash in the downpour. Tree trunks splinter, go up in flame, as their bodies go smashing through, the earth splits and scorches and the very air grows sluggish with heat and steam as they clash around and around in a whirling dervish of sparks and blood.

 One thing remains constant - no matter how badly the brothers’ are wounded, they simply regenerate. They don’t flag or falter, nor do they seem to feel any of the damage Madara wreaks on their bodies. Bone crunches sickeningly back together, muscles ricochet back into place, limbs regrow from stumps. On the other hand, Madara’s seen better fights; only his magic has prevented serious structural damage to his bones and muscles, but he feels every inch of the many bruises and cuts the brothers have left on him. Twelve Hells, no wonder the military wants Regeneration in its arsenal. He’s powered through a little less than a quarter of his magic pool, but he’s already feeling the fire of overuse rippling down his nerves and the general wooziness of blood loss. Kinkaku and Ginkaku didn’t seem to have broken a sweat. Madara catches and melts the kunai aimed for his heart, “This all you over-hyped fried-brained thugs have?”

 Kinkaku snarls in his face, though whether he’s taking exception to being called over-hyped, the implication he’s been hit by lightning once too many times, or being called a thug is anyone’s guess. It’s enough to make him miss the pillar of lava Madara pulls up through the earth, only able to survive by dint of diving forward and catching only his lower half in the fire. “Kinkaku!” Ginkaku yells, materializing out of the heavy rain with a kunai gripped tight and another two hurtling towards Madara. Diverting lava while keeping it molten against it’s wont to cool to rock in the rain is taxing - Madara is no Master, and he’s feeling the strain against his will - but it works to scorch Ginkaku and divert him away from Madara and his brother. Suddenly, there’s a ripple of green slashing through the air from below, what looks like a thousand roots come tunneling up through the muddied ground and through Ginkaku where he lays on the grass regenerating.

 He stumbles back - there’s a bloodthirstiness to the way the roots keep stabbing up and through and pulling Ginkaku to pieces. Kinkaku is receiving similar treatment, stomach-turning in the ferocity and the tsunami of sensation coming with. As he leaves the garden to deal with the brothers - and leaves before the garden turns on him, if it can even differentiate between friend and foe - he tries to parse the layers; faint Hashirama green-wood-grow-strong overlaid by Konoha’s creaky-timbers-warm-walls tinted with Tobirama still-quiet-current-cool. Madara hopes that means that the wards are back up - he’s burnt up at least half his magic but he’s pretty sure he’s blown out at least three of the major pathways in his chest and back and that means nothing good for his control, so being able to duck behind some kind of shielding would be fantastic.

 Whatever Tobirama did, it feels impressive. Mito’s wards are back, but bulked out with previously hidden seals that have the dual sensation of being thick plates of steel but also a thousand knives poised to fall upon whomever sets off the trap. Madara doesn’t want to even imagine what the seals actually do, since Mito never advertises what her seals do until they’re triggered.

 Tobirama meets him at the door, slightly dusty. “Oh good, you’re alive.” Because apparently that outcome ranks higher on the “unexpected surprise” scale than not being maimed. He’d take offense if only said undead assassins didn’t have limitless energy.

 “You and I need to have a talk about full disclosure before the next time you go fiddling around with magic,” Madara responds flatly as he wrings out his hair. Konoha pricks at him distractedly for the water he’s spilling onto the floor, and he can’t be impressed upon to care. There’s what’s probably a pulled groin muscle screaming at him with every step he takes, now that he’s dropped his magic usage, and the myriad cuts protest movement as well. His shirt and pants are shredded as well, but maybe he can bribe Izuna -?

 “There are much more interesting things to do than talk.” That quicksilver grin promises things, but there’s no heat behind it. Pity, because even making out on the couch like teenagers would be amazing, but who knew how long the forest would be able to keep Kinkaku and Ginkaku occupied. Konoha agrees, which given their disappointment over the lack of making out means that the making out has to come later.

 “Not while there are zombies at the door.” Madara responds lightly as he hobbles over to the swing. Tobirama tries to help support him, operative word being “tries” because there’s nothing like one person with a lamed leg trying to help someone with the opposite leg lamed walk. It’d be comedic if either of them were in a position to laugh - as it is Madara can hear Kinkaku and Ginkaku rampaging, though it also sounds like the garden is still doing it’s best to murderize their faces. It can’t hold out much longer - the magic pushed into the plants will be exhausted soon, and if not that the forest will take critical damage and be unable to bounce back from it.

 Once Madara’s settled, Tobirama speaks, “Brother and Mito are on their way, but it might not be much help - Kagami’s finished running the simulations - thank you for having Hikaku harass him into incompetence, by the by - and it doesn’t look like anything less than a God is going to work to deal with them.”

 “Hashi and Mito?” Madara diverts half his attention away from prodding the laceration across his ribs - would it need stitches? Sloppy job on his part; he’d realized entirely too late he wasn’t wearing a tactical vest.

 “Mito was adamant that the brother’s be stopped forthwith, especially once it became clear that they were using their cult to terrorize the populace of the Elemental Nations again,” Tobirama seems to realize something before slapping Madara’s hand away from his cut. “Is that what you took away from that?”

 Madara considers, then shrugs. “It explained things, like why Hashi took off so suddenly. I usually get more warning you know.”

 “And you’re not at all concerned about needing a God?” Tobirama is clearly astonished, and it’s almost cute. Almost because this is literally the stuff of children’s tales.

 “You mess around in the realm of Gods, of course you need a God to fix it.” All the stories agreed on that. Sometimes Madara forgets that for all the Uchiha reputation for coolness to outsiders, they were still warm to each other within their family (for a given value of “family” - fuck Setsuna). There was always someone to tell him a legend when he was little; something that seems to have been distinctly lacking in Hashirama and Tobirama’s lives. Would it be weird to insist on reading Tobirama the more instructional ones? “You’re probably not in good with the Earth God so getting that God to retract the brother’s souls is a no go; the Water God is probably pissed you’ve mucked around with life - you should probably go on pilgrimage to fix that. The Lady of Death is out on grounds of she’s maniacal and has plans of zombie apocalypse, which this plays neatly into. That leaves Fire and Air, but neither of us has any traction with Air, so Fire it is.” Madara ticks off on his fingers, “Any objections?” Kinkaku drops into the front yard, slashing at pursuant vines and roots through the rain, Ginkaku still hidden in the tree line. Konoha outright snarls die-destruction-DIE and the wards ripple with malicious aim.

 “Yes! Do you have some half finished summoning for the Fire God hidden around? Or even the basic tools for communication with the Divine?! How exactly are you going to go about getting Divine Assistance without that?” So Tobirama had read some of the tales (if not all of them), good to know.

 Ginkaku gets hurled into the wards, and screams as he’s fried. Konoha is screeching a litany of die-death-die; that must be his cue. “I’ll have to tell you later.” Madara steps out of the cover of the porch confidently before letting his core burn hotter than he’s dared in a long time, bleeding red-hot heat into his eyes. “Amaterasu.”

 The world goes up in black flames.

 Madara wakes to dull pounding in his skull and a ringing in his ears. He feels like one massive contusion, sore from the roots of his hair to ends of his toes. There’s a funny throbbing under his fingertips, low and even but not lumpy. Madara doesn’t know why he expects it to be lumpy, but moving his fingers is a massive mistake. His eyes shoot open at the pain, meeting a deep velvety darkness instead of light. The beeping of a heart monitor going berserk is dim in his ears, the shouting and flurry of noise fuzzy and Madara vaguely realizes he’s in a hospital. It doesn’t help. The world closes in until it’s a pinpoint revolving around his eye sockets and the encroaching black.

 “Madara, breathe before one of these half-witted quacks doses you with a sedative.” Of course Tobirama would simultaneously order him around whilst in the hospital and insult the medical staff; the thought loosens the constriction around his lungs and the roiling tumult in his gut. Izuna is arguing now, low and hot, and that’s dangerous territory. He doesn’t think Izuna ever forgave Tobirama for that one school fight, no matter that they were both idiotic for using magic in an uncontrolled setting during puberty - of course a spell was going to blow up and injure someone badly.

 “‘Zu-zu,sh’t ‘p,” Ah the joys of a dry throat. At least it sounded like language. He was going to count it as a win.

 “Mada! You’re awake!” Izuna (highly likely, at least) grasps his hand and squeezes while babbling about something. Whatever noise escapes him is pained enough to make Izuna loosen his grip; Madara must be on the good drugs then, that Izuna didn’t slap him for ending up in the hospital. There’s a murmured conversation before Izuna breaks, “Mada, you still sure you don’t want Dad or Mom anywhere near you in a hospital room?” He hopes that is rhetorical - Dad would lambast him while Mom would intimidate the hell out of the staff and not-so-subtly imply that they were blundering fools and both would drive him up the wall with stress. Izuna, blessed brother that he is pats his hand consolingly, “I’ll go drive them off. Don’t mess with the bandages, your eyes were bleeding.” Fuck fire and brimstone, the Fire God, and all the Small Lords too. At least now he knows he’s got bandages on?

 The door slides shut, taking with it the gaggle of medical staff as Izuna helpfully reminds them that he’s Madara’s medical power of attorney until after he’s off the good drugs. All that’s left is the drone of the machines and the steady breathing of another human - probably Tobirama. The silence is comfortable, and Madara wants nothing more to sip some water and then go back to sleep.

 “Here.” A ice chip knocks against his lips; he must have said that outloud. It takes conscious thought to open and take in the chip to suck, but the low amount of liquid it yields is soothing.

 “Thank you.” Another ice chip bumps against his lips, and he gratefully captures that one too.

 “Think nothing of it.” Tobirama’s tone is clipped, but not noticeably different from his usual ‘I’ve had to deal with utter imbeciles’ lilt. This time the silence is tacky with potential, but it all dances around the main issue.

 Madara decides to pursue the elephant in the room before it festers, “You have questions.” He hopes his meaning is clear - he doesn’t want to waste precious hydration on unnecessary words. For his efforts he’s rewarded with a third ice chip.

 “I do. I’m sure you do as well.” Ah, tit-for-tat. Sensible, really. “Let’s start with what exactly you did to the Kin and Gin brothers.”

 “I used heavenly fire to burn them from existence,” Madara pauses to tuck the ice chip into his cheek. “It’s an Uchiha thing.”

 “Explain.” Tobirama sounds like he’s shuffled his position.

 “You know that myth about Uchiha and fire magic? Well, devotee worship is one way of describing that situation....”

 Tobirama connects the dots quickly, especially given the context. “The first Uchiha were demigods.”

 “The first Uchiha were demigods.” Madara agrees, nominally because it’s less words than ‘At least one of my ancestors made like a bunny with the Fire God and lived to have babies,’ but also because no one needs to talk about their ancestors making like bunnies. “If it helps, only a handful of us are probably capable of channeling the Fire God’s magic - me and Izuna are the only ones who are known for sure.” Because nothing says channeling God level abilities like starting a chain of centuries-dormant volcanoes to erupt via lightning and then reversing the eruption.

 “The Fire God tends the flame/ Of hearth and home/ Kith and Kin/ All drawn back to the fires that warm and the ties that bind.” Tobirama quoted from an ancient Fire text. “Quite literally in this case.”

 Madara shrugs; it wasn’t untrue. The Fire God did tend to look out for Uchiha a little more than other people; they had an entire extra Blessing to that effect. “It’s not useful otherwise, there isn’t a need to have the power of the Gods roaming around freely and the human body isn’t really meant to handle it, even if Uchiha are little more resilient.” Thus the migraine and bleeding eyes, but those should pass normally.

 Tobirama pauses, then, “So you could walk out - for a given value of walk - right now and be fine.”

 “Something like that? Uchiha don’t have a healing Blessing, but as long as it’s not fatal overuse, we heal up just fine.”  According to records anyways, apparently the ability to channel the Fire God’s power used to be much more common.

 “That’s impressive.”

“Says the one who rediscovered Reanimation and lost control of a pair of historically renowned assassins in an event that terrified all of the criminal magical element.” Madara wishes he had his sight, to gauge the expression Tobirama is making.

 “That’s a statement, not a question.” Tobirama sounds amused, which is better than clipped. “Is the demigod saying I’m impressive?” Another ice chip comes, and Madara blames his numb mouth for the entirely unintentional way he carefully sucks it in. The abruptly ended inhalation is gratifying, but also mortifying. He’s probably a massive contusion, how?

 Yet. So many possibilities. “Really?” Madara playfully licks his lips, catching the droplet resting over the scab on his lower lip, and the hitch in breathing gives it all away. “You know, isn’t the hero supposed to get a kiss from the pretty love interest after saving the day?”

 “Is that how it’s supposed to go?” Tobirama matches his flirtatious tone, “Then I suppose I owe Konoha a kiss for sending the forest after the brothers and keeping you in one piece.”

 “Nothing for me?” Madara pretends to pout. There’s movement and a line of warmth close to him; Tobirama must have moved closer.

 “Not as long as Brother, Izuna, and Kagami are listening at the door.” There’s a series of yelps and shushed whispers, and then the patter of feet swiftly leaving. A chair scrapes nearby, “I think I’ll speak to my PhD candidate about a certain betting pool while you and Brother catch up.” Breath tickles his ear, “And then, I think you made me a promise that I fully intend to cash in.” Then the door slides open and Tobirama is gone, leaving Madara flustered.

 Hashirama must come in, because the chair screeches over the linoleum again. Madara hopes he’s not flushed, or that if he is, Hashirama won’t ask questions. For the first time in a long while, the silence is awkward. Fire God save him from this. Just. All of it.

 “So I suppose congratulations are in order?” Is there a nearby canyon or outcropping? Hashirama sounds tentative, he needs to preemptively go lemming off a cliff. “I think this is the point where I give a shovel talk. At least that’s what all the tv dramas say, but usually that’s right before the wedding and I don’t have a shotgun. Or is that a shotgun wedding?” Then, Madara can practically hear the lightbulb go off, and he wishes he could flee for his life. “Madara. WE COULD BE REAL BROTHERS.” And there goes the bear hug. Madara doesn’t have stitches in his ribs or anything, this is is fine.

 He’s on the verge of vomiting when Hashirama lets go. “Hashi why.”

 “Why what?” Hashirama punctuates his statement with a melodramatic sniff. Whether he can mean excitement over his best friend and little brother finally acknowledging the UST or excitement of the idea of a wedding is unclear. Madara tries to tell himself that it’s obviously the former, but it’s most likely the latter and now he really really hopes that Hashi and Kagami never have a discussion.“Can’t I be happy for you both?”

 “Yes. No. Yes and no?” Madara sorts the questions before ignoring them entirely. “So what’s the official verdict from on high?”

 Hashirama sighs. “It’s research for the military that went wrong. You know how they do, they’re wrapping everything in gag orders and red tape a hundred miles long and selling the story that it was Teleportation gone awry rather than a successful Reanimation technique.”

 Madara parses that, and concludes it’s got more holes than a ship built in Kaze no Kuni. “Tobirama doesn’t do research in Teleportation.”

 Hashirama sounds tired, “Now he does.” A nurse bustles in and changes his IV, reminds him not to touch his bandages until the doctors come back. She sounds like the type of nurse who would punch in the face of a recalcitrant patient, and Madara takes her at face value. “Anything else?”

 “Yeah.” Madara wishes he could glare at Hashirama, but bandages. “For the love of the Four, why is your goddamned house invested in matchmaking? Konoha is terrible at it.”

 Hashirama has the gall to laugh, “Not so terrible, since it worked. Besides, are you complaining? I hear you have a hot date with my little brother to look forward too.” Hashirama is probably waggling his eyebrows salaciously. Madara makes note to murder him at earliest possible convenience. Then the chair shrieks across the floor again. “I’ll stop by later; I need to regrow my entire garden.” Madara can hear Hashirama’s sulk and decides that no his guilty conscious does not get to volunteer him to help fix the mess. Especially given the sheer quantity of paperwork probably now waiting for him. How was he supposed to explain this one? Can he blame cultists? At least he has a date to look forward to. “Earth God keep you, Mada. Don’t get caught sneaking out of here.”

 Madara returns the farewell in time to hear Tobirama re-enter and Izuna gasping for breath in the hall. “Madara. Why did Kagami just give me a wifi-enabled adult toy?”

[crystallized-shadow]

Follow Up For: Day 6 Pairing: Hashirama/Izuna Rating: T Word count: 851 Original Prompt: “He's dead because of you." Warnings: Temporary character death

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

“Izuna.” The weary voice of his husband snaps the Uchiha out of his staring contest with his amulet. Izuna takes one look at Hashirama’s watery eyes and glum expression before he frowns.

“I swear to the sage above if you apologize one more time I am going bend you over that desk and fuck your brains out.”

“Izuna!!” Hashirama shoots him a scandalized look that doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I’m serious Hashi,” Izuna says with a gentle smile, “it’s been a decade, I forgave you years ago.”

“I still killed him,” Hashirama mutters, tears streaming down his face, “it’s all my fault.”

“It’s Obito’s fault, not yours,” Izuna corrects sternly, “you did what was needed to save my brother's spirit, now you need to forgive yourself.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Headmaster!” The startled cry draws both sets of eyes to the door as one of the younger professors bursts in.

“What is it Minato?” Izuna asks, giving Hashirama a moment to make himself presentable.

“A dark mage just appeared at the edge of the wards!”

“Take the other professors and guard the students,” Hashirama orders, steamrolling over Minato’s complaint, “we’ll handle it ourselves.”

“But-”

“We’ll handle it Minato,” Hashirama repeats sternly and the blonde professor just nods and hurries to inform the others.

“I sent word to Kagami,” Izuna says as the two quickly head to the courtyard farthest from the castle, “he’ll grab whichever of your brothers is closest and be our back-up.”

Hashirama just nods, he may not fully understand how the Uchiha’s could send messages through flames, but he was grateful for the ability now; the less time they wasted tracking down back-up, the less risk the students were exposed to. Much to their shock the dark mage is waiting for them, familiar red eyes glancing in their direction, framed by unfamiliar red marks.

“Tobirama…” Hashirama breathes, blinking several times to make sure he’s not hallucinating.

“Anija, Izuna,” Tobirama greets, his expression hardly changing as he nods in greeting.

“You have some nerve coming here on the anniversary of my brother’s death!” Izuna growls, “have you fallen so far you’ve forgotten your vow!?”

“I have nerve?” Tobirama questions, one delicate eyebrow raising ever so slightly, “I believe your brother’s killer is standing beside you.”

Hashirama visibly flinches back at the harsh words and Izuna narrows his eyes as he takes a protective step in front of his soulmate.

“Don’t you dare speak ill of my soulmate!” Izuna snarls, fire cracking off his fingertips in his rage, “it wasn’t his fault that Aniki died! You were the lying bastard that convinced me to let you perform dark magic! You promised to bring him back!”

“Was it not Anija who struck my soulmate down?”

“I am so sorry Otouto,” Hashirama mutters, collapsing to his knees as sobs wrack through his form, “I tried to save him!”

“I’m going to send you to join him!” Izuna hurls a fireball at the dark mage, wanting to wipe him out of existence so that Hashirama never had to be so cruelly reminded of Madara’s death again. Before the fire can even get close to Tobirama, a cocoon of black flames envelops him and easily absorbs Izuna’s magic.

“Since when do you control fire?” Hashirama questions as he stares at his brother, tears still falling freely.

“I don’t,” Tobirama states simply as the fire around him parts into two large wings connected to the back of man suddenly plastered to the dark mage’s back.

“A-aniki…” Izuna stammers as he stares into the new crimson eyes on a very familiar face.

“Always so quick to start throwing fireballs,” Madara sighs in that chastising tone of his, like he’s only been gone for an hour instead of 10 years.

“Fuck you,” Izuna mutters weakly, staggering forward a few steps before he too collapses to his knees.

“Didn’t take much to defeat the two strongest mages in your academy,” Madara chuckles as he leaves Tobirama’s side to walk over to his brother, his fiery wings fading from existence.

“How…?” Izuna demands as he lets himself be pulled up into his older brother’s arms, holding him close like he might disappear at any second.

“Mostly dark magic you don’t need to know about,” Tobirama says as he walks over to his own brother, “and some bargaining with your patron deity.”

“Tobirama,” Hashirama whispers again, pulling his brother down into his lap when he gets close enough, “I am so happy to see you if, even if you are still a brat.”

“Love you too Anija,” Tobirama chuckles, hugging his older brother back, having missed him greatly in the last decade.

“So are you really back?” Izuna questions into the fabric of Madara’s shirt, “this isn’t something that will wear off is it?”

“I’m really back,” Madara promises, ruffling Izuna’s hair, “I’m basically a phoenix now thanks to Tobirama and Indra-sama; I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

Izuna pulls his head back far enough so he can lock eyes with Tobirama. “Thank you.”

Tobirama just nods with a small smile, happy to finally be home again.

[gdwessel]

Fighting Spirit Unleashed 2019 Night 1 - 9/27/2019; Rush, Dragon Lee Fired By CMLL, How This May Affect NJPW; Where Are Kawato & Oka?; Tonight’s NJPW on AXS: Double Header

The three night East Coast tour Fighting Spirit Unleashed began last night. There was a title match on that show, and we begin to say goodbye to Tiger Hattori.

Fighting Spirit Unleashed 2019 - 9/27/2019, Lowell Memorial Auditorium, Lowell, MA

Karl Fredericks d. Alex Coughlin (Elevated Half-Crab, 8:47)

Lance Archer [SZKG] d. Ren Narita (EBD Claw, 7:23) 

Juice Robinson & Mikey Nicholls [CHAOS] d. TJP [FREE] & Clark Connors (NIcholls > Connors, Mikeybomb, 8:04)

Chase Owens & Jado [Bullet Club] d. Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson [FREE] (Owens > Morton, Package Driver, 9:10)

Tomohiro Ishii [CHAOS] & Amazing Red [FREE] d. Shingo Takagi & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] (Ishii > BUSHI, Vertical Drop Brainbuster, 8:48)

Hirooki Goto, YOSHI-HASHI & Rocky Romero [CHAOS] d. Jay White, KENTA & Gedo [Bullet Club] (YOSHI-HASHI > Gedo, Butterfly Lock, 12:28)

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship: Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa [Bullet Club] © d. SHO & YOH [CHAOS] (Tonga > YOH, Gunstun, 16:43) - GOD succeed their 7th defense

Kazuchika Okada [CHAOS], Kota Ibushi & Hiroshi Tanahashi d. SANADA, EVIL & Tetsuya Naito [Los Ingobernables] (Tanahashi > Naito, Ground Cobra Twist, 20:26)

Naito doing the job here seems a bit shit but Naito doesn’t have a title match to look like a contender for coming up either. Guerrillas of Destiny continue to hang on to the titles and let’s face it will do so until WK14 where they will be beaten by the eventual World Tag League winners. The tag division is trash and GOD are the face of it now. The match may end up on NJPWWorld on tape delay eventually. Chase Owens pins his trainer Ricky Morton, and the Rock’n’Roll Express lose their NJPW debut match. His partner in the match, Jado is 51 years old today.

In the wee hours of the night, something rather major happened behind the scenes in CMLL.

Firstly, Rush defeated Matt Taven at Ring of Honor’s Death Before Dishonor PPV to become the first-ever Mexican ROH World Champion, with his brother Dragon Lee and father La Bestia del Ring (and son, above) in attendance. Rumors had been flying for weeks about Dragon Lee’s status in home promotion CMLL, stemming from Dragon Lee disobeying a directive from CMLL to not work Pro Wrestling Guerrilla’s Battle of Los Angeles last weekend (Barbaro Cavernario was also booked for BOLA, but did withdraw his participation under that same directive; the reason given, is CMLL is once again considering both Pentagon Jr./Penta el 0M and Rey Fenix as AAA wrestlers once more so they are forbidding wrestlers from working with them). From this, Dragon Lee was pulled from CMLL’s 86th Aniversario, which also ran last night.

Within the hour of Rush winning the ROH title, Rush posted a video on his Twitter announcing both he and La Bestia del Ring were now independent wrestlers, and indeed both KAOZ Lucha and The Crash have announced Rush as working there soon as El Toro Blanco, as CMLL own the Rush trademark. Not long after THAT, CMLL tweeted out that they have fired both Rush and Dragon Lee. Dragon Lee posted on Facebook he was devastated by this, and indeed this really seems to be retaliatory. There are reports he may be working ROH’s TV taping tonight. Dragon Lee was also CMLL’s Welterweight champion at the time of his release.

I will stop right here and say that friend of the show/blog TheCubsFan posted a podcast with Rob Viper late last night summarizing this situation and you should listen to it; it’s only 40 minutes, but packed with information.

But it should go without saying that both Rush and Dragon Lee were pretty integrated in their way with New Japan as well. Dragon Lee especially has been pretty popular in NJPW, and of course his story is very well tied in to that of Hiromu Takahashi, and indeed Hiromu tweeted at Dragon Lee this morning. There are reports he was due to be in the upcoming Super Junior Tag League, presumably paired with another CMLL wrestler. but who knows if that can or will happen now. It’s become very murky politically. NJPW could outright sign Dragon Lee (or whatever he calls himself now -- there are reports of Toro Rojo being a possibility) if all parties agree, but he could also go to WWE, or somewhere else. 

It all kinda depends on how strong the relationship between NJPW and CMLL is at this point and whether NJPW values CMLL or Dragon Lee more. There have been signs of strain between NJPW and its partners, ROH and CMLL; the ROH relationship has been the more obviously strained, especially since G1 Supercard at MSG, where ROH’s contributions were, frankly, absolute shite. However, other than Fantasticamania (which is usually a great payday for the visiting luchadors) and appearances in Best of the Super Juniors and Super J-Cup, there doesn’t seem to be much going on with the CMLL relationship right now. The last couple of excursions ended suddenly and without notice, as when Sho Tanaka & Yohei Komatsu were Raijin & Fujin and then... weren’t (Hirai Kawato, I discuss below). Shota Umino and Ren Narita both are on excursion now, but neither went to CMLL, where before it was assured at least one would. Jushin Thunder Liger appeared at Arena Mexico this summer for a retirement show, but Liger is able to make his own bookings without NJPW’s involvement (which is how Liger was able to wrestle Tyler Breeze at the 2015 NXT Takeover in Brooklyn). Consider that around this time last year, Kazuchika Okada, Tetsuya Naito, EVIL & BUSHI all made appearances in Arena Mexico. This year, there were no NJPW wrestlers at the CMLL Grand Prix, where usually there is at least one or two, even if it were the likes of Michael Elgin, Satoshi Kojima, or even David Finlay. As NJPW broaden their global profile on their own, there seems to be a gradual withdrawal from their partners. As I said, which do NJPW value more, a continued partnership with CMLL, or Dragon Lee on their roster?

Then there’s the other elephant in the room: the status of Los Ingobernables. Straight up, CMLL own the trademark, and always have. There’s a CMLL trademark on LIJ shirts. The unit started in CMLL, between Rush, La Sombra and La Mascara. La Sombra is now Andrade Cien Almas in WWE, and the other two have been fired for various reasons. Los Ingobernables as a functional thing in CMLL is now dead, unless they want to do the typical lucha promotion business where they just shellac other wrestlers onto a popular gimmick after the original wrestler(s) behind said gimmick leave - indeed, it’s how Rush & Dragon Lee’s brother became the second Mistico. (His status is unknown, assumed not leaving, but who knows. If he does, Caristico can reassume the Mistico identity, which would make the Arena Mexico crowd happy.) There is a possibility that CMLL could keep Los Ingobernables alive with Terrible and some others, but I can guess how well that’s going to go over. 

Los Ingobernables de Japon has to end, at some point. It’s just inevitable. Rush is still in ROH until at least 2020, so there is a possibility that Naito and the boys will reunite with Rush (although the last few times Rush and LIJ members were on the same ROH cards, they deliberately kept them apart, even at meet & greets). If the NJPW and CMLL relationship is starting to disintegrate, a very large part of NJPW’s current identity, and merch money, will be going away soon. Rush being shown the door by itself doesn’t mean LIJ is over just yet. It is not the first time the NJPW branch of a famous stable outlasted its home company. But this could be the harbinger of that unit coming to an end, until LIJ goes into its TEAM2000 phase.

Long story short, shit is wild, and complicated, and political, and who knows what ripples this pebble in the river will produce.

Above, I mentioned Hirai Kawato and his excursion in CMLL as Kawato San. I’ve been teasing a piece for weeks, and, well, here it is. 

Hirai Kawato has not worked a match since 7/28/2019, a Sunday night show at Arena Mexico, teaming with Dark Magic & Misterioso Jr. in a losing effort v. Rey Cometa, Flyer & Dulce Gardenia. Prior to that, on 6/30/2019, Kawato had bested Audaz to win the CMLL World Super Lightweight title vacated by (ironically) Dragon Lee. Since then... nothing. 

Apparently, according to TheCubsFan (him again), Kawato got seriously ill and had to go back to Japan for recovery. There’s been no official word about his status at all, including whether or not he will return to Mexico. It’s a real shame, as his excursion looked to finally be working, evidenced by getting a title, and it looked like they might begin an actual program with Audaz, but such is not to be right now. I hope he is recovering OK, no matter what happens next for him, as it sounded serious enough for him to go home.

Tomoyuki Oka is another one who’s been MIA. Last seen in RevPro UK under the gimmick of Dominator Great O-Kharn, Oka has not wrestled a match since his appearance as the only Japanese talent at the ill-fated New Beginning USA shows, beating Harlem Bravado on 2/2/2019 in Nashville. There is even less info about his whereabouts - his last tweet was on 3/4/2019, advertising the NBUSA shows on NJPWWorld. (FWIW, Kawato’s last tweet was on 7/26, and last Instagram post was on 7/3.) 

I wish I had more, but I simply don’t; I don’t have sources or anything like that. But it’s a little disconcerting when not one but two Young Lions have gone missing in action whilst away. Makes you wonder what the future holds for Shooter and Ren.

(Whilst we’re here - David Finlay is still recovering from injury and surgery. He is still pretty active on social media.)

Ideally I should’ve posted this earlier but there were no posts and we’re here now. After taking last week off, NJPW on AXS returns tonight with a double header of episodes, all taking place from various Destruction shows from a couple of weeks ago. Advertised matches are:

9pm EDT / 8pm CDT - RevPro Undisputed British Heavyweight Championship: Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) v. Zack Sabre Jr., Destruction in Beppu, Oita Beppu B-Con Plaza, 9/15/2019 10pm EDT / 9pm CDT - Tokyo Dome IWGP Heavyweight Challenge Rights: Kota Ibushi v. KENTA, Destruction in Kagoshima, Kagoshima Arena, 9/16/2019

There will be other matches as these alone are not enough to fill an hour of TV each. It’s also preceded by an all-new WOW Women of Wrestling. Incidentally, it looks like AXS’s new owners Anthem are moving their own wrestling company, Impact, to Tuesdays later this month, so there is some assurance of them not actively messing with NJPW, at least, not yet.

Of course, you are spoiled for choice of watching NJPW tonight, as tonight’s FIghting Spirit Unleashed show from the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC is live on NJPWWorld. Show starts at 7pm EDT. Once again we have a title match tonight, too, although... let’s face it, we know who’s winning this.

- 9/28/2019, Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, NY (NJPWWorld)

Ren Narita v. TJP [FREE]

Karl Fredericks v. Lance Archer [SZKG]

Juice Robinson & Mikey Nicholls [CHAOS] v. Clark Connors & Alex Coughlin

Rocky Romero, SHO & YOH [CHAOS] v. Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa & Jado [Bullet Club]

Hiroshi Tanahashi, Ricky Morton [FREE] & Robert Gibson [FREE] v. Tetsuya Naito, Shingo Takagi & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables]

Hirooki Goto [CHAOS], Tomohiro Ishii [CHAOS] & Amazing Red [FREE] v. Jay White, Chase Owens & Gedo [Bullet Club]

NEVER Openweight Championship: KENTA [Bullet Club] © v. YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS]

Kazuchika Okada [CHAOS] & Kota Ibushi v. SANADA & EVIL [Los Ingobernables]

[crystallized-shadow]

Series: Forces of Nature Rating: G Pairing: Hashirama/Mito, background Madara/Tobirama, background Itama/Izuna/Kagami Word Count: 1885 Warnings: Mourning Summary:  The Fall Equinox is upon the gods, but even as Hashirama celebrates his eternal partner's day, he still mourns the lost of his best friend.

Happy first day of Fall!!

Ko-Fi // Commission Info

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

"What has you so sad my love?" Hashirama looks up at the concerned face of his eternal partner; he knew some of the lesser gods called her cold but he couldn't see it.

"It's the end of summer."

Mito nods in understanding and Hashirama is grateful when she doesn't press for more information. Normally this day was a joyous occasion, it was the start of Mito's season and while Hashirama's own power dropped he was always excited for the Fall Equinox. However since Madara's disappearance centuries ago, the mark of another summer passed without the fiery god was a solemn event.

"How is Tobirama?" Mito asks, ever concerned about the winter god and how he's handling the day.

"The same," Hashirama admits, looking in the direction of the snowy mountain Tobirama spent most of his free time now, "I haven't seen him since the Solstice."

Mito follows her husband's gaze, worry creasing her brows as she thinks back to the solstice. Since Madara had been ripped away from them the gods always honored him on his day. No one had quite gotten over the loss, and Mito suspected they never would; Madara hadn't named a successor so there would always be blaring gap in their ranks to remind them. The hardest hit were Tobirama, Madara's eternal partner, and Izuna, Madara's younger brother, who could only stand to be in the same room as each other on this one day. As expected, Tobirama's anger was icy and his glare froze the hearts of anyone foolish enough to mention Madara's name in his presence, while Izuna's anger was as dry and scorching as droughts under his command. Izuna blamed Tobirama in part for Madara's death, it had been on his solstice the summer god had died and he was the last one to see Madara. The embodiment of droughts needed somewhere to focus his hatred and rage, least he burn the whole world, and the icy winter god seemed to be the only one who fit that need.

"I'm sorry, I'm ruining your day, aren't I?" Hashirama asks, bringing Mito back to the present. Seeing the genuine worry on the spring god's face, the Goddess of Autumn shakes her head with a gentle smile.

"Of course not my spring," Mito assures, cupping her partner's cheek and running her thumb along the markings there, "I miss the little fireball too and I know your barriers are their weakest right now." Unlike the solstices, where one god's power increase came from the other god's power loss, the equinoxes were more about balance. Hashirama was more susceptible to his emotions during the Fall Equinox and thus couldn't draw out his full power, while Mito had perfect control of her powers today.

Hashirama smiles and leans into the hand, the chilled touch making him shudder in the best of ways. "Thank you my autumn," he murmurs, shifting just enough to kiss her palm, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I dare say you'd send a lot of time wallowing in the corner and flooding the lands with Weeping Willows," Mito chuckles, ignoring her husbands overly dramatic pout. "Am I wrong?"

"No," Hashirama whines, draping his larger bulk over Mito's delicate frame, "but that's not the point."

"You have a point my darling spring?" Mito teases, easily supporting the other god's weight, "that would be a first."

"Miiittttoooo!" Hashirama shifts, wrapping his arms tightly around Mito and spinning them around. "You're so mean to me!"

Mito allows Hashirama to have his fun before the tiniest flick of her fingers has a burst of brightly color leaves sprouting on her husband's normally flowering vines. He squawks indignantly releasing her to sort through the mess she's made of his hair.

"I see some things never change," a voice chuckles, drawing both gods eyes to the God of Monsoons watching them.

"Itama!" Hashirama grins, abandoning his new hair adornments to tackle his younger brother into a hug, "I didn't think you'd come!"

"And miss my favorite sister's day? I don't think so," Itama chuckles, hugging his brother back. Once he is released he turns to hug Mito. "I hope Hashi hasn't been too much of a downer today."

"No more than Izuna I'm sure," Mito teases, enjoying watching Itama flush and stutter helplessly for a moment. "I am surprised the hothead let you leave his side."

"He more or less forced me to go," Itama admits, running a hand through the white half of his hair, "knew he was horrible company right now and didn't want me to see him like that."

"Meaning he wanted to burn something," Mito states and the monsoon god doesn't even feel bad as he shrugs.

"It's not like the humans don't deserve it," Itama points out indifferently, "they have to pay for their transgressions against us; I care not who punishes them as long as they suffer."

"Itama," Hashirama scolds, frowning at his brother's lack of caring for the humans, "humans are still a young species, we must be kind to them. Just because a few of them made a grave mistake doesn't mean they all have to suffer!"

"I doubt you would try and stop Tobirama's warpath." Even though the words aren't harsh, Hashirama still flinches back like he's been struck.

"You are the only season favorable to humans," Mito says sympathetically, brushing her nimble fingers through Hashirama's hair to both comfort him and remove the leaves he's forgotten about. "You can't expect us to care if they die, it's just not in our nature."

"Madara would have agreed with me," Hashirama sulks as he pulls Mito into a hug, "he never hated the humans."

"Perhaps he should have," an icy voice states, freezing everyone in place, "then he would still be alive. If you two hadn't insisted on your silly tradition of heading their prayers I would still have my summer beside me."

"Tobira..."

"Don't."

Before Tobirama can say anymore, a torrential downpour opens up over his head, thoroughly soaking the god.

"That's enough Tobi-nii," Itama scolds, not even bothering to flinch when narrowed red eyes sharper than ice meet his. "Hashi-nii is the life giving season; it's in his nature to care about everyone, even those undeserving."

Tobirama is silent for a long minute as the water falls from him as snow. "I know," he finally admits, his anger draining away to leave him feeling hallow, "but I can't forgive them."

"No one is asking you to," Mito points out, smiling gently when Tobirama's lost gaze focuses on her, "we are only asking you to be fair to Hashirama."

"I'm sorry Anija," Tobirama sighs, hesitantly holding his arms apart as a peace offering, "I didn't mean it."

"I know Otouto," Hashirama mutters, his usually bright grin long since muted as he hugs his brother close, "even I can't forgive the humans that took him; I too have forsaken their lineage."

"Thank you." Tobirama feels the ice around him thaw just a little bit as he lets himself selfishly take comfort from the still grieving spring god. It was only now that the winter god remembered he wasn't the only one suffering; Hashirama had known Madara the longest, the two seasons centuries older than the rest of them. For Hashirama to forsake a whole line of humans, rather than just the culprits, truly spoke to how deeply wounded Spring's heart was.

"This is touching and all, but hasn't the rainy season passed?"

"I'm standing right here you damn brush fire," Itama huffs, without bothering to turn and face the God of Wildfires, who just strolls over with a grin and drapes himself over the monsoon god.

"I'm surprised Izuna let you go," he murmurs in a pale ear, "I know I wouldn't have."

"Kagami," Hashirama whines, drawing the fiery eyes so similar to Madara's yet not even close, to him. "Could you maybe not molest my brother in front of me?"

"Of course," Kagami chuckles, his grin overly innocent as he steps away from Itama, "though that implies my touches are unwanted, which can't be true, right Ita?"

"Of course not!" Itama is quick to assure, able to see the genuine worry under the exaggerated pout; their relationship was still new enough that Kagami questioned almost every move he made.

"What brings you here Kagami?" Mito asks, smoothly drawing the attention away from the couple, "I would have thought you'd be raising a forest fire or two to send off the season."

"I already did, and Izuna asked me to leave him alone so I came to find Itama," Kagami says with a shrug and Mito narrows her eyes at the minor god.

"Let me see it." Mito orders in a tone that just dares Kagami to disobey, holding out her hand expectantly.

Kagami sighs but rolls his sleeve up, revealing the deep burns crisscrossing up his entire arm. "I'm fine," he grumbles but offers his arm to Mito anyway.

"You know better than to let your magic rage out of control like that," Mito scolds as she carefully pushes her own magic into the wound. Healing wasn't her specialty, but with her perfect control it was child's play to sooth the damaged nerves and encourage Kagami's natural healing to start up.

"You know I can't stop it," Kagami mutters, eyes staying firmly on his feet as the older goddess works. He was still young, only a dozen or so millennia old, and while his control was never great, it was a lot better before Madara had died. The summer god had been the one to start training the young wildfire; Izuna had since taken over but too much hurt and rage existed in both for either of them to safely use large quantities of fire magic. Kagami usually managed to do his job with the spells he already knew, but occasionally his emotions still got the better of him.

"Did Izuna push you this far?" Itama asks, because he needs to know the older god wasn't taking advantage of their new love.

"No," Kagami sighs, carefully flexing his fingers after Mito releases his arm, "but seeing how sad he was pissed me off and I couldn't not make those bastard burn!"

For a moment no one speaks, but then a bitter chuckle slips from Tobirama. "You remind me of him," he says simply, surprising Kagami, "I suppose it's time your training started back up, isn't it?"

"Izuna can't," Kagami reminds the winter god, who just rolls his eyes.

"As if I was suggesting that desert," Tobirama scoffs, "I'll train you."

"But...you're the God of Winter."

"And?" Tobirama challenges, summoning a fireball to his hand, "my summer and I shared much during our eons together."

Kagami stares at the display, quickly following Tobirama when the older god turns to leave.

"Did anyone else know he could do that?" Itama asks after the two are gone, wondering if that had truly been his brother.

"I had no idea," Hashirama admits, staring in the direction Tobirama had went.

"I'm not surprised," Mito chuckles, "Winter and Summer were always the mold breakers. This will be good for him."

"I fear for the humans even more now," Hashirama mutters, horrified by the thought of the wildfires Kagami would raise once he had a better grasp on his powers.

[hazyheel]

NJPW Dominion 2019 Review

Ah, after three days of watching terrible Super Showdown, I finally get something good from New Japan. Couldn’t be happier right now.

First match was the new IWGP United States Champion, Jon Moxley against the young lion Shota Umino. Moxley once again entered through the crowd. Umino started with a huge dive right out of the ring and into Moxley. This match was not for the title, but more so for Moxley to prove himself as a deserving champion. Moxley quickly did just that, drilled Umino with a killer clothesline. Moxley quickly got the win with death rider, and poor Shota Umino really had the crap kicked out of him.

After the match, Moxley cut a promo saying that he wanted to enter the G1 climax. AAAAAAAAH that is awesome. Moxley also quite roughly pulled Umino to the back. 

Grade: B. As bummed as I was to see this match be so short, it definitely couldn’t have been longer. This was exactly how much effort it should have taken for a champion to beat a young boy. Still fun stuff though. Love to see Moxley in New Japan, and it’ll be even better to see him in the G1.

Then we had Shingo Takagi vs. Satoshi Kojima. This was also Takagi’s heavyweight debut. The two locked up a bit, but it quickly became a body block contest, where Takagi actually won. There were a lot of strikes right out of the gate, and nearly got both counted out while beating the crap out of each other on the outside. The two traded both strikes and chops in the corner, which was fun to see given how celebrated Kojima’s chops are. At one point, Takagi drilled Kojima with a death valley driver on the apron. At one point, Shingo went for a pumping bomber, only for it to be blocked by Kojima, who then hit one of his own. Another time, even three pumping bombers wouldn’t put Kojima down, but only one was needed to put Shingo down. Shingo fought back into the match, hitting made in japan, a pumping bomber, and last of the dragons for the win.

After the match, Shingo also said that he wanted to enter the G1. This year is shaping up to be a great field of wrestlers. 

Grade: B+. Wow, although this wasn’t the hardest hitting match Shingo had ever been in, at times he seemed like he was outclassed by his heavier opponent. I think that Shingo’s transition into the heavyweight division will have some bumps along the road. I think that it will be a fun story. This was a good match as well, showing that these matches may be a bit tougher, but Shingo can fight through them and get some big wins. I liked the story it told, and I thought that Kojima was a good first opponent. 

Next up was a tag match in a violent feud. Jushin Thunder Liger and YOSHI-HASHI vs. Minoru Suzuki and Zack Sabre Jr. The heels attacked before the bell and they all brawled on the outside. The heels worked together very well, just tearing at any limb that they could get ahold of. At one point, Jushin Thunder Liger ran in to hit Hashi for not tagging him in. Finally he was able to, and he want Suzuki and liger facing off and savagely beating one another. Neither of the heels really took Hashi seriously, mostly just toying with him, which created an interesting underdog dynamic to accompany his recent challenge to the British Heavyweight Championship. And that upset was exactly what happened, with Hashi rolling up Sabre for the win, while Liger held Suzuki on the outside.

The two brawled a bit after the match, but Hashi was able to put the champion down. Suzuki was herded away by several young lions, and he shockingly did not murder any of them.

Grade: B-. Good match, suffered a bit from Liger and Hashi not being an established team, so it wasn’t like a classic tag match or anything. But the finish makes sense, probably sets up a match at the next big New Japan show, or possibly a RevPro show. It also did not resolve the feud between Liger an Suzuki, so that will continue to build. Decent match though, always love Suzuki and Sabre as a team. 

Into a 6 man tag match, Chase Owens, Taiji Ishimori & Chase Owens vs. Ryusuke Taguchi, Hiroshi Tanahashi & Juice Robinson. Juice and Owens locked up first, nice little callback to their feud in March. Owens tried to bring up the intensity against Juice, but he just beat the living crap out of Owens after that. Ishimori and Taguchi squaring up. Jay white soon tagged himself in, and beat the crap out of Taguchi, not even waiting for Tanahashi to tag in. At one point, Tanahashi and White were both down and looking for a tag, so Ishimori distracted the ref, and Owens just ran in to pull him into their corner. The finish was a bit abrupt, with White hitting Tana as he ran the ropes, so Juice pulled him off the apron for a huge left hand to god. Tana then gave owens a chokehold into a reverse ddt for the win. 

Grade: C+. Fun match, but not much in terms of story or high spots. I though that the abrupt finish kinda hurt the match, but it makes sense for Tana to get this win. I like the darker version of Juice Robinson after he lost his United States Championship, it is really cool and a much needed new direction for his character.

Then we started the title matches of the evening, with Taichi vs. Tomohiro Ishii for the NEVER Openweight Championship. Taichi tried to play mind games with Ishii, but Ishii played them right back, such as lying on his back when Taichi tried to goad him to fight on the outside. Ishii also threw Taichi’s weapons away, saying that he doesn’t need them. The two traded blows in the middle of the ring, where Taichi compromised Ishii’s footing with low kicks, eventually knocking him to the mat. Taichi was actually fighting this match straight up in the beginning, bringing down Ishii several times with powerful strikes, and even a saito suplex. That changed when Taichi shoved the ref into Ishii and went for a low blow, but Ishii blocked two of them and nailed a headbutt. There was a long submission sequence where Ishii nearly passed out in a modified dragon sleeper, but he eventually let him go and hit a huge buzzsaw kick in the head. At one point, Ishii actually countered black mephisto into a powerbomb, and followed it up with a sliding lariat, and then a vertical drop brainbuster for the win. 

Grade: A-. A great match, and a really interesting feud. I love that Taichi almost leveled up for this match, going strike for strike with Ishii, and having the advantage for most of the match. I love that the feud is based on Taichi wanting Ishii’s respect, and Ishii being willing to give it if Taichi was an honest competitor. But Taichi doesn’t want it that way, so he tries to take it. It was a really good match, better than their New Japan cup bout, and it shows the  evolution of Taichi as he tries harder and harder to hang with the heavyweights. Ishii is an interesting choice for this, I definitely pictured him higher up on the card, but it should give us at least one more great match for the belt. I’m kinda done assuming that the NEVER champions will have a nice long reign, but I am okay with Ishii having a belt. 

Next up was EVIL and SANADA vs. the Guerrillas of Destiny for the IWGP Tag Team Championships. Sanada soaked in the love from the crowd, while Tama Tonga was giving a mix of cheers and jeers. As they started, Tama was outwrestled quickly by Sanada, so he retreated to his corner. Stronger members of the team had a test of strength by slamming into each other, with Evil winning after a couple hits. Jado got involved by nailing Evil in the back with the kendo stick while the ref was distracted. Evil had the crap kicked out of him by GOD, who weren’t targetting anything but just hitting him super hard and super fast. Sanada eventually got tagged in, putting Loa in the paradise lock so he could hit Tama with a dropkick and Jado with a splash over the top. There was a cool combination from the faces, with a superplex from Evil to Tama, followed by a standing moonsault from Sanada, and then a scorpion deathlock from Evil for a submission sequence. The faces later locked in dueling submissions, with a scorpion deathlock on Tama, and skull end on Loa. Tama was about to tap out when Jado pulled the ref out of the ring, and then started attacking the faces with the kendo stick. Jado was about to really attack Evil when BUSHI ran down, snatching the stick and misting Jado, hitting him with the stick and a suicide dive before rushing to the back. Los Ingobernables de Japon went for magic killer on Tama, only for him to flip out of it and roll up Evil with a handful of tights for the win. 

Grade: B-. A very WWE style match, with a lot of heel work on the babyfaces, some exciting comebacks and ultimately a dirty win. Still, the closing stretch was really exciting, and it was a fun match overall. Good heel work, but there wasn’t enough back and forth here to have a great match. I have no clue who challenges the champions next, there is a huge hole in the division for face teams. 

After that, Katsuyori Shibata came out, much to everyone’s surprise, and he brought out KENTA, and I got chills. KENTA is in goddamn new japan. I thought for sure that he would go back to NOAH, but he is in New Japan. For those of you that do not know who KENTA is, this is Hideo Itami from WWE. He left after the Royal Rumble earlier in the year, and has been gone since. He has never been in New Japan show before, and I am so excited to see him. THEN HE ALSO SAID THAT HE WANTED IN THE G1, OH MY GOD. I can’t wait for the G1 this year.

We went right into the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship match: Dragon Lee vs. Will Ospreay. We started with a handshake, always nice to see. Classic babyface battle, I’m happy to see it. They started out with a quick series of counters, going back and forth countering finishers. At one point, Dragon Lee perched Ospreay on the guardrail, and fucking destroyed both of them, and Milano on Japanese commentary with a suicide dive. The crowd chanted for Milano, and I really hope that he is okay. Ospreay went for the stormbreaker at one point, but Lee countered it into a huge DDT. The two had an awesome sequence where Ospreay flipped out of a german suplex, and then kicked off of Lee’s chest, only to be met with a high knee and a reverse rana, and he then fought Lee with a Spanish fly coming off the ropes. Another time, Lee want for a hurricarana off the apron, but Ospreay flipped out of it and hit a powerbomb on the apron and then a shooting star press for a near fall. Lee then countered the os cutter with a knee the to head as he flew through the air. There was almost a double countout after a double stomp on the apron, but they made it back in. Ospreay went for a powerbomb, and Lee reversed it into a destroyer, and then a running knee for a near fall. Ospreay destroyed lee with a spin kick, ripcord hook kick, hidden blade, an os cutter and the stormbreaker. 

After the match, Lee put the belt on Ospreay. Ospreay also went to the english commentary desk to announce that the first defense would be at Southern Showdown against Robby Eagles. Love it. 

Grade: A. So I guess I was wrong about Ospreay moving to the heavyweight division, and the Lee vs. Takahashi match. But this match was absolutely awesome. They worked at such a fast pace throughout, the strikes were absolutely devastating, and the high spots soared above anything before it on the card. They worked super well together, and we got to see a lot more of the old Ospreay in this match, lots of flips, and I had missed it. I still think that Ospreay will move to the heavyweight division eventually, but they need to repopulate the juniors first. As for Lee vs. Takahashi, I can’t imagine a better comeback match, even if it isn’t for a title. Match of the night.

Then we had Tetsuya Naito vs. Kota Ibushi for the IWGP Intercontinental Championship. The two started with quick exchanges on the mat and quickly progressed to strikes. Naito was super over as a heel here, with the crowd extremely vocal about how much they hate him. He certainly played into that, holding onto a leg full nelson for much longer than the ref let him, and spitting at Ibushi quite a bit. As per their usual type of match, they absolutely wrecked each other’s necks. At one point, the two battle on the apron, each trying to plant the other on the tops of their heads, Naito won out, giving Ibushi a nasty german suplex off the apron, and Ibushi’s head clipped the apron, giving me flashbacks to Ospreay last year at Sakura genesis. Naito followed up with a reverse rana off the top, but still only a near fall. Naito then went for destino, but Ibushi countered into a tombstone. Ibushi then went for the bomoye, but Naito dodged it and hit a dragon suplex and destino, but Ibushi kicked out. Naito kept attacking the neck, using a huge spike DDT, a spinning reverse DDT. He went for Destino, but Ibushi countered it, so Naito hit a reverse rana, and then a fireman’s carry piledriver for a near fall. Finally, Naito hit one more destino for the win.

After the match, Naito held posed with his boot on Ibushi’s face, with the title above his head. 

Grade: A. Another great match from these guys. The german suplex spot was just terrifying an awful and I hope Ibushi is okay, but the rest of this match was exciting, hard hitting, told an awesome story. This was supposed to be their last match ever, so they left it all in the ring. They always murder each other in these matches, and Naito had to if he wanted to win. While I think this is the worst of their matches this year, that does not mean for a minute that this was bad. It was so good, and I hope this isn’t the last time that they clash. The next time they fight may be in the G1, or it could be later than that. I just want it again. 

And in the main event, we had Chris Jericho vs. Kazuchika Okada for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship. Jericho tried to play games here, but Okada just chased him down and put him on the ground. Jericho was a great heel here, throwing Okada into the commentators desk, and giving him a DDT on top of one. Jericho continuously attacked the ref and was giving Okada stiff shots whenever he could. At one point, Okada booted Jericho over the rail, and went for the spash, but Jericho countered the splash with a codebreaker. The two jockeyed for position, both trying for a tombstone, but Jericho eventually put Okada on the mat and locked in the walls of jericho for a submission sequence. The crowd was very much behind Okada during this match, and desperately cheered for any of his moves that he could hit. Jericho always seemed to be a step ahead of Okada, always able to connect a high impact strike to counter one of Okada’s big moves. He frustrated Okada to the point that Okada started playing a bit fast and loose with the rules. Jericho was able to hit another codebreaker, hesitating just a bit before going for the pin so only a near fall. Jericho exposed the turnbuckle in the corner, and came back out to try for a rainmaker of his own, which Okada countered with a codebreaker for a near fall. Once again, Okada had to fight out of a walls of jericho, while the commentators talked about the significance of Jericho submitting the champion with a move that young lions use. Jericho then went for the Judas effect, which Okada dodged and went for a rainmaker. Jericho dodged and went for the codebreaker again and Okada was able to catch him and sit down on Jericho for the win out of nowhere.

Jericho was furious about that finish, so he beat down Okada, giving him a Judas effect, beating him with a chair and even wrapping it around his neck and throwing him into the post. He was about to put Okada through a table at ringside, when Tanahashi jumped the rail from commentary and fought him off. Jericho then seemed to challenge Tanahashi for a future match. I don’t know when, but that would be exciting. 

Grade: B+. Very good match. It was very different from a normal Okada match. This was a brawl, nothing more and nothing less. Jericho brought out a new side from Okada, and while Okada didn’t really seem like he would have lost, it felt like he was out of his element. Jericho still looked good here and seemed like he can still go. He is a great foil for some of the squeaky clean babyfaces in New Japan. I would love to see a rematch from these guys for a better finish, although I’m sure that Tanahashi and Jericho is the next match we will see.

Overall Grade: B+.

Predictions: 4/9.

Pros: umino vs. Moxley; kojima vs. shingo; NEVER openweight match; junior heayvweight championship match; intercontinental championship match; main event; all the stuff about the g1

Cons: a lot of people don’t seem to have much of a story going forward; tag division booking is pretty bad

[leaveharmony]

A transcription of the english subtitles for part two of a two-part documentary about Hiroshi Tanahashi, produced by NJPW in 2014.  Part one is here.

Teaser:

Question: What if Tanahashi Jr. became a pro  wrestler?!

HT: Well, right now he plays soccer.  When I  ask him if he wants to be a pro wrestler, he  answers “No way!” When I ask why, he says,  “It looks like it hurts.”  It certainly does.

Q: What if he does become a pro wrestler?

HT: Well, then the second coming would happen  this century.  

(the little opening sequence plays; the theme  of Tana's documentary is about Tana's passion  for wrestling and his love for the fans)

Caption: 1.4 Towards Tokyo Dome

HT: I love the Tokyo Dome but I'm not  convinced yet.  To explain why, you've got  these great crowds at Korakuen Hall and  Ryogoku but so many more people come to the  Dome, right?  The crowd at the Dome get up  and go crazy for great matches that I watched  when I was a fan.  Like the 10.9 show or  Inoki's retirement match, that reaction is  what I want to draw out.  

Caption: November 20th, Gold's Gym, Shinjuku,  Tokyo.  Tanahashi continues training towards  1.4

(we're inside Gold's Gym, watching Tana go  through his workout)

HT: The target is 300.  Six days a week to  reach that goal.  I did it two years in a row  but last year I only did 291.  This year is  shot.  (he leans on a railing, sighing at the  tragedy of it all)  Even if I work hard from  now on I won't make 300.  I'll do 3-A-Days! 

Caption: How to make time

HT:  You have to manage your time wisely.   So, when I'm out doing local promoting I  always carry my workout gear and a change of  clothes with me.  And so, if I get like a 2  hour break, I ask our staff where the gym is  and just go there.  Footwork is really  important.  And then I'll appear on TV or  radio soaked in sweat. (laughs)

(more of Tana working out)

Caption: Training outstanding talent

HT: Of course, I want to be bigger.  In a  short term, I train hard to increase  flexibility.  Then I add more muscle mass.  

Caption: Ideal Body

HT: For me, it's the Dynamite Kid.  If I  could get a body like his, I want to be like  that.  That was number one.  

Q: Have you gotten close to having a body  like the Kid?

HT: Not even close.  The Kid in his prime, he  had big shoulders and huge traps, also he was  just so quick.  I don't have that kind of  body yet.  I've still got a way to go. 

Caption: A peek at his strict eating habits

(Tana buys a little bento box  at the  counter and sits down at a window seat for  lunch)

Q: Tanahashi, what's this?

HT: This is Gold Gym's chicken breast boxed  lunch.  Brown rice, boiled chicken breast and  broccoli.  It's really good.  And healthy.  

(he breaks his hashi up, briefly clasps his  hands together and says “Itadakimasu,” then  starts eating)

Q: This is your lunch?

HT: Yes

Q: You're pretty strict about your eating  habits, right?

HT: There's a difference when you're being  strict and when you're not.  You can feel it  in your body right away.  I really like  sweets, and there are times I eat at night,  but...building your body is a gradual  process.  You jusy have to keep at it.  So  you can eat something bad one day, and still  be ok.  Changes take place over time, both  good and bad.  

Caption: Meals during national tours

HT: During national tours...I don't eat much  at night.  At company dinners I eat  selectively.  Like edamame or lean sashimi.   When there's just convenience stores, then my  go-to food is canned mackerel.  I just eat  them one after another.  I can't stop.   (laughs)

Q: Is ramen completely out of the question?   Do you like ramen?  

HT: I love ramen and I want to eat some.  I  crave them!  But it's ok.  The Dome is  waiting.

Caption: Bodybuilding for 1.4

HT: I always strive to be in my best shape  for the Dome...and whatever nerves I get, I  put to use.  I have to or else.  I bundle up  all my feelings and take the to the Dome,  where I release them.

Caption: Tanahashi's 1.4 has already started.

(Tana walks out of the gym.  His gait is less  odd, so, maybe the umbrella was throwing him  off before, or the wet ground made him walk  cautiously)

Caption: to the town of Omotesand?

Caption: Enjoying a little free time

HT: I used to go shopping a lot when I was  younger, but now it's just rarely.  I love  shopping, but, it takes too long, it takes  twice as long as other people.  And they  never have my size.  (laughs)

(It's raining again - Tana is standing out in  it with his umbrella, eating a protein bar.   “Gotta get my fix,” he says)

Caption: It started raining so we headed to a  special place.

Caption: November 20th, Rela Quwa Omotesando

(Tana enters some kind of medical office, probably a physiotherapy place,  various greetings.  Inside, he's seated  filling out forms, and answering the doctor's  questions)

HT: My neck is bad.

Doctor:  Yes

HT: In my neck and waist...I can barely turn  my neck.  

(the doctor, Hiroki Mihara, makes hmmm  noises, and asks about injuries)

HT: Some fractured bones in my hand.  My  knuckles, both right and left cross  ligaments, and front and back ligaments too  (indicating his knees)

HM: I see.  Anything else?

HT: Last August, I injured my neck really  badly, but it's better.  There's something  near the base of my head that works like a  catch and must be forcibly reset each time.  

HM: Were you dropped?

HT: From really high up, it was bad.  (chuckles)

HM: Yes.  So mostly the neck?  

HT: Yeah, and my back is stiff in the  morning.  It feels like it might pop when I  get up slowly.  

(quick cut.  Absent his coat, Tana sits on  the exam table with a pained look while the  doctor examines his back)

HM (about the alignment of his back): This is straight.

HT: So it's off, to the left.

HM: Yeah

HT: I didn't realize.  

HM (checking his shoulders):  The shoulders  are off, too. 

HT: Now that you mention it.

HM (turning Tana): It goes this way.

HT: So it seems.

HM (indicating right): This side.  (he  manipulates Tana's left arm) You need to  stretch more. 

HT: My left shoulder is really bad, the right  is still ok.  

HM (checking Tana's right shoulder): Yes, so  it seems.  What about your neck?

HT: Both sides really hurt.  

HM: With your shoulders like this...your neck  is straight.

HT: Really?  (he makes a “Yeeeech” noise)

HM: It really is yes.  Do this and you can  move.  

HT: I see.

HM (indicating Tana's troublesome left  shoulder): Let's do this shoulder.  

HT: Yes please.

Caption: Toward 1.4 making the condition of  his injured body as good as possible.

(Tana is flat out on the exam table while the  doctor works on his limbs)

HM: Your muscles are great. 

HT (muffled, he's on his stomach while the  doctor works on his back): They're too soft.

HM: Piable.

Question from a NJPW staffer, until now  silent): Big difference?

HM: Yes, completely different.  Comparing top  athlete's muscles to others, even though  they're soft, they're more pliable, which  means they respond easily to loosening.  Your  muscles will loosen up right away.  If your  muscles were more rigid, you'd get much  stiffer quickly.  And your joints are much  looser than I expected.  

HT (still muffled): Many people think that  pro wrestlers aren't that flexible.  

(time passes, Tana is on his back now while  the doctor tends to his left shoulder.  When  we pan up to his face, he looks both like  he's in slight pain and like he's on a one  way magic carpet ride to Blisstown,  population: Tanahashi)

HT: Amazing, I feel it...

HM: I can move it now.

HT (indicating with his right arm): Before it  only moved to here.

HM: I'm surprised you could move it. 

HT: But it's fixed now.

HM: It's been a long time.

HT: Yes it was.  It hurt so bad.  I could  hardly move it by myself.  It even hurt just  to stretch it.  

Caption: The injured body

(Tana is on his side while the doctor works  his right shoulder hard.  He's not in  Blisstown anymore)

HT (voiceover, after the session): When you  are performing for others, you have to  possess this inner strength.  When people  come to see you perform, as a pro wrestler,  there is this desire to make them happy and  enthusiastic.  You have to perform despite  the pain. 

HM (while working on Tana's neck): There are  some pro wrestlers who continue on even while  injured.  

HT: In fact, I had to continue wrestling  after suffering whiplash.  It was in the big  tournament this summer, I went on even though  I couldn't move my neck. 

HM: I'll do your neck thoroughly.

(shots of the session continue while Tana  does another voice over.  He has a sizable  scar on his left elbow, probably from some  surgery or other)

Caption: Body care of a 38 year old

HT: When I was younger, I'd hit the gym  without any preparation.  But as I got older,  I started stretching before and after. Also,  this might sound strange, but while showering  after finishing my workout, I would say  “thank you” to my muscles as I washed my  body.  (he starts to laugh)

(the session concludes)

HM: You were in bad shape, especially on your  left side, but you'll feel better now.  

HT: I see.

HM: To be honest, your whole body was out of  line, but another (session) or two and you'll  be fine.  

HT (smiling, knowing he'll probably delay too  long the next time too): I'll come again.

(Tana takes a selfie with the doc, because of  course he does)

Caption: Suddenly, an outstanding talent  comes...

(a Very Tall Kid walks in.  One of the clinic  staff, he's 22 years old and 6'2.  Tana looks  like all his christmasses have come at once,  and immediately goes into Recruitment Mode.)

HT: New Japan is recruiting new members, so  come!  

(the kid starts to laugh)

HM: He's 6'2, definitely.

HT: He'll get bigger.  

HM: You're only 22, right?

(the kid nods, he's past speaking for a  moment but grinning incandescently at Tana.   He kinda reminds me of Okada a bit, the way  he's grinning)

The Kid: Yes.  I want to bodybuild.

HM: Start with bodybuilding.  You can always  do both, so start with that.

HT: Amazing!  6'2 is really tall for a  Japanese.

The Kid, to Tana: Do I have to be your size?

HT: You are big enough now.  

(Tana takes a selfie with The Kid, because of  course he does)

(outside again)

Caption: January 4, 2015;  Standing on the  main stage of the Tokyo Dome 5 years in a  row.

HT: I feel like New Japan Pro Wrestling...is  riding on my shoulders.  "I love you four  years in a row." is what I want to continue.   Until I'm told, it's enough.

Caption: VS Okada Kazuchika

HT: What makes Okada so great and popular  nowadays is, like me, we have this great  connection with our fans.  And Okada's motto  has always been “Keep evolving!”  Okada's  popularity is already staggering, so facing  someone like Tanahashi may not be enough for  Okada.  What can I do?  Evolve.  I will  evolve.  Okada and the fans want that.  What  can I do to make pro wrestling more exciting?   Be stronger and outrageous.  If we make pro  wrestling interesting, its popularity will  continue to grow...

Caption: 1.4 The Moment of victory

HT (hums for a second):  In kanji, “bliss” is  written with “climax” and “good fortune.”  I  wonder...for a wrestler its the peak.   Realizing your dreams of becoming a champion,  in a place like the Tokyo Dome, and saying “I love you all,” that is bliss.  To go far  beyond the confines of the Tokyo Dome, doing  what I love as a pro wrestler, I want to  continue to savor new and exciting  experiences for years to come. 

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