#just know. that i am in fact using this to procrastinate working on a samurai harumi comic. that ive been working on for a couple of months

[theplatypusblue]

im cooking up some kind of.... pirate au?? Ninjago but instead of ninjas it's pirates.... lego pirate-go. pirate-jago. idk.

basically its just "what if there was a pirate (jay) who really loved ocean (nya)" except everything's gotten really out of hand and I cant stop myself. Also Jay is just a teeny bit more unhinged because I think that would be fun for him. This excerpt from my master word doc should summarize it nicely:

[taliecin]

i’m procrastinating on my uni assignments and i’m also generally frustrated with not having any drawing skills so let me just bombard you with something that has been rotting my brain recently LeoSagi “Millennium Actress” AU “What”, you might ask. Well, let me share everything I have on hand at the moment  SPOILERS FOR “MILLENNIUM ACTRESS (just in case)

Also please keep in mind, the movie discussed below is build heavily on the history of Japan and Japanese cinema specifically. I am myself not Japanese and, alas, I don’t even have much knowledge on both subjects, so I tried to avoid going into historical details. Also, part of text is focused on Japan’s role and activity during WWII. I consider myself to be under no obligation to make any statements on subject, I only took actual historical facts and did my best to not manipulate them. Apologies in advance for not researhing more before writing this.

For those of you who don’t know, “Millennium Actress” is an animated movie directed by Satoshi Con, whom you might know for his other works such as “Paprika” or “Perfect Blue”. I strongly recommend cheking out Con’s full filmography, which is, alas, really short, but for now let’s focus on “Actress”.

I won’t share the whole plot of the movie in here, since this crossover story  follows movie pretty closely. “Millenium Actress” is a story of retired actress Fujiwara Chiyoko who, along with her biggest fan and interviewer Tachibana Genya and his cameraman, travels through the memories of her life and work, while also revealing a story of her one and true love, which she chased her whole life. Let;s just state that this is a story of love that reaches through time and layers of reality - Chiyoko’s memories of her actual life and her roles blend together throughout the story, which blures the line of reality and fantasy, a repetitive theme for Con . It’s also a beautiful love letter to history of Japanese Cinema, critical retrospective of Japanese History and, overall, one of the best movies i’ve ever seen, so please make sure to watch it.

And now, let’s get to tortoise and hare. This story is not based on any particular version of TMNT or Usagi. On the contrary,  the whole point to me was to blend all this variations of the same characters. Just as with Chiyoko’s character, for this version of Usagi I took some inspiration from a real-life actor,  Toshiro Mifune (uh-huh), mostly known for his roles in Akira Kurasawa’s samurai movies AND for his portrayal of Miyamoto Musashi in so called “Samurai Trilogy”, based on a book about Miyamoto. 

The main characters of this crossover story are Miyamoto Usagi, a retired actor living as a hermit, and his young fan... Usagi Yuichi. I kinda thought it would be an actually interesting way to use his character. He is a president of a really small fun club dedicated to Usagi, (since his glory days are long gone), and his last name is also just a little funny coincidence which he considers to be a sign from Fate. (Yes, he is not blood-related to Usagi in this story, hope it’s ok). He works with “Samurai Rabbit” version of Chizu as his camera assistant, because i actually find their dinamic fitting for the story.

They are finally able to arrange the interview with Usagi, and once they arrive, they are met with an old man with a scar over his left brow, red eyes, pale white skin and pale hair. I strongly headcanon human!Usagi to be albino, i hope it’s ok. Before the start of an actual interview, Yuichi gives Usagi a key, which an elder man instantly recognizes. He asks Yuichi where did he find it, but Yuichi says he only recieved it after the announcement of him doing this interview, with inctructions to give the key to Usagi. Usagi then shares that he lost the key a long time ago, and that it opens “the most important thing there is”. 

He first tells of his childhood, which is pretty close to movie - Usagi was born in trying times for world, when Japan’s military ambitions led to conquest of Chinese lands. Usagi’s father was a grandson to a samurai turned merchant, whose position grew with Meiji period, and so Usagi’s father, while owning a business, a small shop, took big pride in his heritage, and taught his son to do so, to be proud of who he is as a person. Not to mention their common albinism. I wasn’t able to find any proper resource on history of albino people’s position throughout Japanese history (if you have any please contact me i’m really curious!), since some resources claim that due to beauty standarts albino people could have been even looked up to, others talk about white being associated with gods, priests and sacrality, while others point out white’s association with death. Nevertheless, I imagine Usagi’s childhood to be quite lonely, both because of his appearance and the fact that he was born on Chinese territories occupated by Japan - can’t imagine it to be the best place for a child to grow up in. He made a couple of close friends eventually, them being Kenichi, who couldn’t care less for Usagi’s looks, and Mariko, who also didn’t care that some people considered Usagi scary (can’t blame them with the look he can give when he’s angry - even as a child!) and even considered his red eyes to be “really pretty”. 

As a boy he, of course, grew up listening to stories of greatest samurai and their war victories, and so he would sometimes dream of becoming a war hero, great soldier, strong and respected. The perspective of inheriting his father’s business didn’t really thrilled him.

When he was a teenager, nearly coming of age, he was approached with a proposal from a “Kita” film studio. One of their representative noticed Usagi and thought his interesting appearence would look good on screen, so they offered Usagi to participate in filming. Miyamoto Sr. refused the offer, both not wanting his son to be actively involved in Japanese propoganda , since you never know which way the wind will blow, and wanting Usagi to inherit his business. Usagi, not a fun of idea, felt devastated, and left the house to clear his head. It was bright winter day outside. It was then, when a fateful meeting took place.

A stranger runs straight into Usagi, causing them both to fall. Next moment, the stranger is already helping Usagi up, and Usagi looks at him - it is a young man, around Usagi’s age, and he apologizes to him, before running away. Usagi, startled, didn’t even say anything.  But then, he notices an item, apparantely something stranger lost. It is a simple key, and Usagi picks it up. He is then approached by a group of men in police uniform,  one of them asking if Usagi saw a “runaway urchin”. Usagi says he stumbled in him and directs men the wrong way. Then, making sure they left, he follows the boy himself, only to find him not that far away, wounded. 

So, I think so far an implication of the stranger boy being Leonardo is pretty much clear. I’m not describing him in any way since it will ruin one of the plot points, and also, again, because i don’t follow any specific version of tmnt. But i think it was less clear that one of the policemen following Leo is Oroku Saki himself - i had hard time figuring out how to point him out since his appearance is always different and there’s nothing special about it either, aside from his armor, soo please share if you have any ideas how to do him. 

Then, Usagi hides the boy in the storage of his father’s shop and treats his injuries. They have a talk, in which boy talks about his home, and how it’s full white during winter, (I associate each turtle from any version with seasons, with Donnie representing spring to me, Mikey - summer, Raph - autumn, and Leo - winter, don’t fight me, i might write about it later), and how he can’t wait to go back there and be with his family in peace, once again. They also talk about war - the boy, who I now will call just Stranger, mentions that his whole family fights now, even his younger brothers, and how he will join theme soon. They also talk about hope - for better tommorow. I think this whole theme of moving along to new day fits Leo really well (ninja’s greatest weapon you guys). Eventually, Usagi asks about the key he found, but when Stranger tells that it opens the most important thing and Usagi asks to elaborate, Stranger simply promises to tell him after he comes back from Manchuria and the war ends. They make a promise to each other. 

Since then, Usagi just can’t keep the boy and his words out of his head. It’s like his whole image of the world shifted. Kenichi and Mariko even mocked him, claiming he must have fallen in love. The thought terrifies Usagi, which i suppose goes without an explanation, and he runs away from his friends in embarrassament and even horror. It is then when he finds the very same key once again, realizes something is wrong and rushes home. There he’s met with Katsuichi, who works for Miyamoto Sr. He tells Usagi of a terrible outlaw hidding in their shop and then whispers quitely that Stranger succesfully made it to train staiton. And Usagi runs there. Train leaves right in front of him. He stops there, watching the train go, with a promise to find Stranger, give him the key and learn what it opens. He remembers “Kita” studio’s proposal and thinks that if he makes it to the big screen the Stranger has chance of finding him himself.

Yuichi and Chizu follow the scene with great attention, until Yuichi shares a tear and whispers how it’s his favourite scene from that movie.

Apparently, they just “witnessed” a scene from one of Usagi’s first movies. Chizu is extreamly confused.

Later after that, Katsuichi talks with Miyamoto Sr. and they discuss what happens in West. The war, greater than any war they could have imagine, is upcoming. Usagi is considered adult now. To make sure he avoids military service, Katsuichi, not being in favor of Japan’s curent regime and not wanting Usagi to go to battlefield for it, advises to let the boy go to the film studio. Miyamoto Sr. can only agree. Thus, Usagi’s acting career begins. 

Of course, they go to film in Manchuria. On the way there, Usagi meets studio’s main director, whose last name is Mifune,  and who seems to geniully like Usagi and thinks he has talent and great future ahead of him, and curent project’s main actor Hikiji. Studio workers share that Hikiji is a cruel, slick type and apparently is in conflict with Mifune, so who knows how that is going to end. He also meets young man called Noriyuki, currently a director assistant dreaming of becoming a director himself. They become kind friends, and Usagi shares the story of the key with him, not bringing up the “in love” part of the story. 

In the current movie Usagi plays a young japanese soldier, and Hikiji’s character finds out he joined army only to find someone, currently fighting here in Manchuria. He shames boy for not serving his country properly but Usagi’s character claims that he would gladly die for his counrty, he just has to see this person, just this once again. Due to lack of expirience, Usagi sometimes lacks in perfomance, which Hikiji uses to harass the boy. Their rival starts, and it’s both terifying and pathetic how much hatred a grown man can have for one single boy. He constantly shames him, harasses him, and treats him roughly. But Usagi just keeps going, gives actually good perfomance and impresses the whole crew. News claim that more active military confrontation takes place on the north of the province. Strangely, this is where filming of the next movie takes place.

It is jidaigeki film, taking place in Heian period, where Usagi plays a guardian to the lord. After that, the narrative goes completely blended in terms of Usagi’s actaul life and his roles. In this movie, Usagi’s castle is attacked and his lord is killed, but before he can follow him to death, a strange mystical figure appears. It seems to be a man, slim, tall, looking slighlty demonic. He curses Usagi to neverending path, the one that will never give him the peace of Death.

This is when another man appears, and sends demon away. Apperantely, he is Usagi’s character friend, who is a demon queller taught in arts of sorcery. He claims that demon triked Usagi and that his lord is away somewhere else and they need to find him. 

In the next scene Usagi appears playing a samurai of a Muromachi era, who seeks to save his lord and bring revenge on their enemies. Together with a character’s comrad, a warrior no less fierce than Usagi’s character, they fight through the enemy’s ranks, when Usagi’s friend covers Usagi from the blow and thus gets killed. Usagi promises to never forget his scrifice.

Chizu watches old, “feeble” Usagi and Yuichi re-acting the scene with a great regret of being here in the first place.  This is also when she dicedes to clear if she’s not mistaken and after filming this movie Mifune was arrested for cooperating with anti-japanese forces in China and in West and “Kita” was disbanded. It appears to be true. 

(a place to insert the famous “Run” scene, unironically one of the greatest scenes in history of cinema, and not the last one from this movie!)

Usagi, as considered close to Mifune and his family, was also arested and interrogated. Memories blend once again. He’s pretty sure a familiar face was among interogatores, the one that already asked him questions once. Nevertheless, Usagi is soon released, due to lack of any proofs of his involvment.

Next follows the discussion of Japanese war forces and activities during WWII. This is a sensitive topic, so please proceed with caution and please keep in mind that I in no case have any intention to dismiss Japan’s war crimes, i’m simply portraing a person living a life through such times and figuring out a way to live through them. (I’m not making Usagi a war criminal, god please no-)

After that, Usagi and other young men from studio are sent to war. His expirience granted him possition in the Aerial Photography, within  Aviation division. There he met Gunichi, who was somewhat his mentor during his service. During the time, Japanese army was expiriencing  shortage of supplies, especially food, medicine and etc. Not to talk about casualties. Not to talk about increasing amount of kamikaze attacks closer to the end of war. Several of which Usagi witnessed. Several of which pilots he was familiar with. He was familiar with Gunichi who, as it turned out, sent those pilot to those missions. That led to a lot of conflicts and loosing a single person who he thought he could rely on. War left something in him that never could have been described. 

And then it was over. Just like that. He served for no more than 3 years, which felt like decades, only for the war to end so abruptly. It should have ended in the very first month, and it felt like it would never end. He heard of what happened to Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He just wanted to go home.

Home that was no longer his, even if rightfully so. His father and Katsuichi moved away from border, deeper into the country, to safety, each on their own now. Usagi stayed here, helping to clear all the rubble. He just needed to do something, be useful somewhere. He was so deep in his work he didn’t even realised he reached what was left of their family shop. There stood a wall of their storage. On the wall something was written. Somehow, Usagi knew who wrote this. And it cleared up everything.

あなたは一人じゃない

He moves to Tokio to reunite with Noriyuki and accept his offer to return to acting. After-war times are tought, but they just try to keep doing what they do best - to make movies. Besides, with the War over, the Stranger just has to fullfill his promise, right?

During the time, Usagi keeps playing in jigaideki movies. In a first movie directed by Noriyuki himself, Usagi plays Edo period ronin, who befriends a ninja and thus becomes a suspect in crime forced upon the said ninja. He’s interrogated, but never says anything. It’s not like he knows anything useful anyway. Later he is released with a help of his old another “shaddy” friend, a young lady who also happens to be a thief. Apparantely, she gave up all the money she stole to release him. 

Reality blends again. He is released again, and the guard, all too familiar, says they don’t need him anymore, they found the criminal anyway. Realisation hits him just as he watches familiar figure disapearing behind jail’s gates, and once again he’s not fast enough to reach him in time.

Present time Usagi doesn’t feel good. Yuichi asks if they should stop for today, but Usagi insists to keep telling the story.

After war, he also reunited with Kenichi and Mariko, with Mariko apparently waiting to meet him again all these years and Kenichi in love with Mariko. And Usagi can’t help but think that maybe this is what he actually wants. Something he must want. She is beautiful, sweet and perfect, right here. 

There is also, right here, on little chain on his neck, the key. 

When Chizu, eager for little drama, asks if they were actually a thing in the end, Usagi just says “Wouldn’t you like to know” with a funny smile. So, yeah, sorry, no confirmation or denial of Jotaro’s existance in here, but you can think it up yourself!

Usagi’s career bloomed and so the new studio he worked on - “Geishu”. He meets Tomoe Ame, who works alongside with Noriyuki. Many speculate her and Usagi to be a thing. Usagi’s father demands them to be a thing. Katsuichi points out it’s been years since him and Stranger last met. Usagi finally snaps and says he knows young man is still alive and he will find him no matter what. Even if he’s going to search forever.

It’s like a curse, honestly.

His mental state is not good, both from him overworking himself on studio, his  untreated PTSD and just overall stress. He snaps during work once, thus enraging Hikiji, for whom it’s one of his last role before he retires. To try to stay in touch with a world and reality, Usagi reaches out to the key. It’s not there.

It’s gone. 

Whole studio is on edge, trying to find the key, until one of the workers gets curious and starts asking what’s the story with the key.

The narrative switches to Usagi playing a teacher somewhere after a war, who’s trusted with a troublesome class but who eventually manages to earn their trust and respect. They ask him about his loved one. They ask him how they met. They ask him if she’s pretty.

Usagi realises he can’t even remember young man’s face. He never learned anything about him and he can’t even remember his face. 

Yuichi asks if this was when he decided to propose to Tomoe. He did, but sometime after the proposal Tomoe approached him with a gift and asking to break off the engagement. It was the key. The very same one. When asked, she explained she as at Hikiji’s place, something to do with sorting things out with his retirment, when she found this. All these years, Hikiji hated Usagi. For his spirit. For his strenght. For being able to move forward even after all these years, no matter what he did to break him. Not even after Hikiji told authorities about Mifune. 

Usagi is enranged, when a man,  whose face is slightly familiar, but only so, approaches him and says someone wants to see him. Usagi is shocked to see the same policeman who kept chasing the Stranger all this time. It’s hard to say what imprinted him more, war or post-war, but he looks terrible. He tells Usagi about the young man he captured, and how he kept a letter for Usagi and now, after the war, the man decided to atone for his crimes and was finally able to reach to Usagi and give him the letter. 

Usagi reads the letter. He can’t just stand there anymore. He spent all these years, searching, being on his way to this unknown young man. He can’t stop now. He rushes out of the studio, Yuichi and Chizu following him, but before they leave, Yuichi notices a man, the same one that announced the visitor. The man was standing above the visitor, who was on his knees, in position of deepest apologies. The man watched him silently, not moving.

Meanwhile Usagi rushes to the train station - trough the rain flooded streets, through the traffic, slipping, falling, stumblign into people, but not even noticing them. Only words from the letter replaying in his head.

“I regret never being able to thank you. I want to see you, but the war grows more intense each day. When the war is over, and the peace has come, I will go home, and I will see my family. Some day, I’d like you to meet them. I am sure they will like you. And then, I’ll show you the sky, the clear sky, just as I promised.”

It’s like he’s everyone and everywhere at the scale of time. He’s an Edo period Ronin, coming for his friend, he’s Samurai, protecting his lord, he’s a young soldier, coming through war to find his loved one, he’s even a young leuitanant who refuses to fight the giant kaiju because a person dear to him is eager to protect it.

The train Usagi takes is derailed, and he goes throug the forest by himself, not able to stop. When he reaches the road, a motorcyclist , a young man with his hair bleached white, asks if he needs a ride. Chizu chuckles, finally stating that now she can finally recognize Yuichi. 

Usagi carries on his way, going through the winter covered lands of Stranger’s home, like it’s some alien planet, where human’s foot steps for the first time. And on that planet, a single wall stands, with familiar phrase wrote unfinished. Ink leaves the trail behind the wall, and when Usagi goes there, a figure stands at horizon and waves at him awkwardly, before dissapearing fully. Usagi claims to fulfill his promise and find the Stranger, to not stop until he finds him.

***

This is the moment for me to stop you right there and show the actual scene. Usually “Run” is considered to be the most important scene in the movie, which i can’t argue with - it’s beautifully made scene that always me go heart-shape eyes.

But

This scene right here, is the epitome of the movie for me. It’s like an antipode to “Run”, with “Run” being full of ligth hope, love and joy of journey. “Actress in the time layers”, this scene, is if “Run” was filled with desperation, rush, attempt to clatch at something that slips through fingers. But it’s still, on its basis, is full of hope.

And i consider THIS scene to be the most important in the movie. 

***

During the filming of one of Usagi’s last movies, an earthquake takes place, causing filming set to colapse. Usagi gets burried under all the rubble, but a man helps him out, asks if he’s okay. Man’s face is so familiar. So familiar but never enought, it’s like demons are laughing at him. It’s his curse and his greatest joy, to keep searching.

He snaps and leaves the set. Key is forgotten there, only to that unfortunate man to pick it up.

After the incident, Usagi finally left cinema, leaving behind a huge legacy and a lot of questions which he never answered. 

When now asked by Yuichi why did he leave, Usagi shows him and Chizu the fragment of the wall with  あなたは一人じゃない writtern on it. He was no longer the boy Stranger met all those years ago. The Stranger himself definately no longer a boy himself.

Usagi’s condition gets worse, and an ambulance takes him to the hospital. While on their way there, Yuichi takes out the box where he held the key and takes out a folded paper from under it’s lining. He explains to Chizu that this letter was sent to him along with the key, but he didn’t fully understood it and so decided to first give Usagi the key and then decide what to do with the letter. 

Apparently the key and the letter were sent by a member of the Stranger’s family. In the letter, they explain that Stranger himself was killed during interrogation year before the war ended. All these years, Usagi was chasing the ghost of the dead man.

The doctors explain that Usagi won’t make it, and Yuichi and Chizu go to say their goodbyes. Yuichi gently points out that maybe now he will be finally able to meet the Stranger again. Usagi thanks them, deeply grateful for giving him the opportunity to step on this road to him again. After all, he quite enjoyed coming all this way. 

I imagine the very last scene to be him playing a ronin, stepping on his way to continue his journey forward, who knows where. It’s autumn.

***

As for Yuichi, his prototipe, Genya, also has his own character arc, and I have not forgotten about him. Within the fandom, I had my own issues with Yuichi, not with him as a character, but rather him and Usagi being used as each other’s loose change, which i think is just fundamentaly wrong in relation to both characters. Even more so, Yuichi is often portrait as if he does not have his own character, so he has tendancy to be portrait as wanted by each fan differently. Which i don’t want to frame as something forbidden or blasphemy, but it’s just something that i’m uncomfortable with. And so, practically, i made the main arc for Yuichi in this story - which is to come to terms with his own self. Throughout the story, he wears masks of other characters that appear in Usagi’s movies - he chooses to be anyone but himself - scrawny kid who just really loves this movie star and his works. And his journey with Usagi is a path to himself, to who he is at the end.

*** 

I hope you liked this concept, trust me, it was much better in my head, and i know i made a mistake trying to express this story in words, because it heavily relies on visual storytelling, especially through montage. So, here’s the thing - if you liked the premise, go watch the movie, and just visualise it. Trust me, it’s so worth it, with Con’s vision brought to life, beautiful animation and Susumu Hirasawa’s magnificent soundtrack.

Thanks for reading!!!  

[altcvnningham]

1, 3, 5, 15, 18 and 20 😳😳😳😳

thank you for the ask!!! (also superior url omg 👁👄👁🤲🏻)

also my answers here are suuuuper long, because i’m a rambling idiot who’s way too involved in my OC’s. so uhhhh sorry in advance,,,,,

1. what radio station(s) do you listen to?

Vana’s a Samurai stan. She wishes she wasn’t. But, y’know, Morro Rock it is. Once upon a time when she was an even angrier teen, though, she’d listen to shit just like Ritual FM.

(My music taste is all over the place, and though blues is technically my fav bc i love old music, i never listen to it in 2077. So I switch between Body Heat, the Dirge, Vexelstrom for like 2 songs, and ofc, Morro Rock. But of all stations, there’s at least one song that i HATE so I can never stick to one for a whole ride sknsksjsjs)

i think i got the names right?? Idk yall i dont have it in front of me ndndndndhjs

3. how did you feel about Johnny that first night in the apartment, and how does it differ from what you feel now after everything?

so i’m gonna cut a read-more here because i decided to just lore dump Vana x Johnny here so uhhhhhh rip also //SPOILERS//

Vana is an extremely, seriously private, guarded person. Before Johnny, Panam, Kerry- Jackie was the only person she’d ever truly let near her, to get to know her. So obviously waking up to someone else living inside her fucking head was one of the worst things that’s ever happened to her. Her past is also something she’s not particularly proud of, so Johnny getting to witness all that is traumatising. Getting Johnny out of her head was priority number one, even if digging the chip out would kill her.

But after getting fucked over by the VBs, and both of them thinking she was gonna die, Johnny takes her to that abandoned hotel in Pacifica- it’s the first time he’s given her even a sliver of kindness, and the first time she’s ever openly expressed her fears to him, even if he could already sense them before. Oaths and promises are something she holds to incredibly high importance, so obviously when Johnny gives her his dog-tags, ‘proof of my promise’, she never, ever lets them go, never takes them off. (she still doesn’t. they keep her grounded. holding them to calm herself has become a reflex, for whatever reason.)

Everything just seemed to slowly change after that. For two people who hate vulnerability, it’s the only thing that helped them actually see each other. As the Relic continues to take over, they both understand each other more, feel each other more- and eventually it becomes hard to discern where Vana ends and Johnny begins. In cliché Johnny x V fashion like yeah duh it goes further,,,, cockwhore!Vana,,,,,, but with that they also start to become extremely possessive and jealous over one another- Johnny immediately on the defensive about whoever comes close to her, Vana selfishly hiding and keeping Johnny’s existence to herself, even if it slows the hunt for a remedy to the chip- to the point of seriously toxic co-dependency. It’s full of volatile ups-and-downs, fights and make-ups, and Vana almost comes to like the fact that she never has to explain nor hide what thoughts and feelings pass through her mind, no matter how dark or vulnerable. She prefers most things to remain unsaid, but values the fact that they both have a clear, transparent understanding of each other regardless.

But there's also... softer moments. When Johnny puts aside his ego for once, he learns to like the quiet that Vana does, brief as it can be sometimes. He'll sort of just... stay around the room, even if just to procrastinate retreating back into her head, because they realise they like each other's silent, wordless company. He'll wake her up from nightmares, hold her neck and kiss her back to sleep, or until the sun comes up, if she can't. It's all tender things they often pretend doesn't even happen, out of pride, I think, but they both know deep down that those are really the best parts.

Comes to a place where she suddenly hits a wall, and realises, I don’t want him to leave.

She’s never the same again after Mikoshi.

(But uhh anyway fuck V I’m horny on main for Keanu so i was here for the whole riiiiiide yeeeeeee)

5. how do your loved ones (LI, found family, etc) feel about you being a merc? or if you’ve given up the life now that everything’s finished, what was their reaction?

Vana grew up in a rich corp family, and after all the shit she’s endured just to appease her father, don’t think anyone could hate corps more than she does (some details of her past here!!) So when Arasaka kicks her out and Jackie finally convinces her to start merc work, it’s amazing how quickly she slips into the role, almost like she was made for it- an anonymous face within the city, free to roam and drift as she wants, relying on herself and herself only.

Vana works quickly and quietly enough (though not at all with clean hands), relying on stealth and netrunning, so she doesn’t cause too much of a noise that’d have her loved ones (rare as they are) all too concerned. Judy isn’t scared Vana’d be caught in gunfire, because when Vana works, her targets rarely know she’s even there. She’s smart, cunning. Panam appreciates that these skills have helped her out, so she can’t complain. River- who is unfortunately more fond of Vana than she is of him, given that she’s not too comfortable at accepting affection- isn’t too happy about the life she leads, but hey, it’s her skills as a merc and as one of NC’s most adept netrunners that he even stood a chance of finding Randy as quick as he did, so he feels indebted to her for that. Kerry thinks it’s fuckin awesome that she gets to do as she wants and provides for herself, bestieeees

Given she isn’t all that close with many people- keeping her distance and all- the only people who seriously worry about her are folks like Vik, Misty, and Mama Welles, especially the latter two, who knew how much Jackie meant to her, and how easily she cracks under the weight of grief. The only thing, really, that concerns everybody around her, is how insatiable her bloodlust becomes, and how much she'd throw away just to try and quell it.

Johnny’s just in it for the ride. Rather she work for herself than a filthy corp, anyway.

After Mikoshi, losing Johnny, making it to the major leagues, she fuckin... just doesn't care anymore. She hates the big glass house that was practically forced onto her (reminds her too much of her stifling corp childhood), she hates that she has 20 cars that clog up her garage and not just her trusty red Yaiba Kusanagi, hates that folks keep giving her all this shiny golden shit that she doesn't want, like any of it's worth a damn. Since then she's hardly in one place- never at home if she can help it, and either wanders aimlessly around the streets and crashes over at Kerry's to sleep through grief. It isn't the merc life she wants to leave, but major leagues turned out to be a glittering pile of dogshit she wants no part in. She only really stays there because Jackie would've wanted it.

(i’m a lazy bitch like i don’t wanna be a merc. i wanna be one of those cute npc’s with the glowy earrings and bunny backpacks and skimpy plastic skirts, who picks up noodles on the way home to go watch watson whore. in my ideal life i am NOT the main character snnsmsnsks)

15. which NPC is your bff?

Kerry. Kerry is Vana’s ride or die. No fucking questions asked. Kerry’s the only person (besides Johnny, i guess) as close to her as Jackie was. He’s really the only person that ever gets her to smile, like really, stupidly, goofily smile, and despite being almost complete opposites, they just understand each other so well. Whenever they need something, they're the first person they'll call. Happens so often that just as Vana sifts through her contacts to find his, Kerry's already calling for her first. They're practically joint at the hip.

They both live loud, fast lives, but also know how to make time for silence and introspection, something they both need to stay grounded. Vana doesn't buy into his zen-wellness-yoga crap, but sure, she tries copying a couple moves while he's doing it on a lazy afternoon, before scoffing how this is fuckin' dumb and retreats back to the couch. Also, as much as she hates being reminded of the wealth that came with her corpo upbringing, she loves using up all his expensive products, and tends to klep a bottle of his shampoo when she runs out. Cute how she thinks he doesn't notice.

After what happened in Mikoshi, she practically lives at Kerry's place, just dozing away miserably as he lounges by the pool, or curl up on the couch to mindlessly watch his old Samurai tapes (he doesn't like it much, but if it helps her through whatever shit she's going through, he's not gonna take that away from her). On better days, when she actually pulls herself out of bed, he teaches her to play guitar, slipping in a couple tricks Johnny taught him. Funnily enough, the whole thing helps him find some closure too.

( me,, I need a girl like Panam in my life to endorse all of my stupid ideas )

18. what’s your dream cyberware (either something that was shown in lore that wasn’t available in game or mental creation of your own)?

I don’t have access to the tabletop lore stuff rn so i’m gonna pull this out my ass jsjsns

Anything that helps Vana become more deadly at stealth and netrunning. The most eddies she’s ever blown are on increasingly powerful cyberdecks, cooling systems, netrunning gear she can comfortably slip on under a jacket and boots- she likes convenience and functionality, but she needs it to be comfortable, too. She’d fucking kill for anything that lets her scale silently up walls and across ceilings, though- like a spider- and anything that lets her get her hands reeeeal bloody, but quietly. Guess that’s just called a knife, though.

(Me?? Fuck uhhh man i just want synth-skin that looks normal but also shimmers all pink n cute. Literally wanna be an edward cullen sparkly lookin mf. Also, i’m sorry but scanning shit w Kiroshi’s are so dope that’s literally all i want?? Idk i’m boring and mantis blades freak me out uhh)

20. is there anyone you’re crushing on that’s unavailable? (yes this is the “what romance option(s) are you foaming at the mouth for” question)

Answered here :)

(And i’ll say it again, PLACIIIIIIIDE,)

[casual-romantic]

Samurai Love Ballad Party is Pretty Great

For someone with not one but two sideblogs devoted to Samurai Love Ballad Party, I sure do rag on Voltage a lot. So, in the spirit of the holiday (and definitely not because I’m procrastinating real work), a list of reasons why I’m still playing this game eight months in.

Realistic characters No, they’re not realistic in terms of power levels or historical fact, but nearly all of the characters in SLBP feel like real, actual people. Both virtues and faults can be found in abundance. Furthermore, whether a given trait is a virtue or fault can switch depending on the context. This is key to making a character seem real instead of just a list of traits on a spreadsheet.

For example, Mitsuhide is meant to be a perfect samurai. That’s great - until his devotion to duty and people means he might be separated from MC forever. Yukimura’s innocence and faith in people leads to both good things (hooking up with MC, being friends with Saizo) and bad (leaving himself wide open to being taken advantage of).

Distinct characters Despite a sprawling cast, each character is very different from each other and easy to tell apart at a glance.* That's pretty hard to do! SLBP also adheres to a philosophy espoused by OKCupid** back when they did interesting dating math about how some people thinking a person isn't hot only makes that person more attractive to other people.

*Except for their chins. I swear every male character in this game has the exact same jawline.

**Seriously, if you have any interest in otome games and why controversial characters make the most money read that post. OKC used to have the most amazing blog back when it was run by two statisticians.

Historical setting SLBP massages history a lot, but there’s quite a lot that’s actually pretty accurate (or close enough that you can at least recognize the key events when you read a wikipedia article). I like that. I also like that it gives a very interesting canvas for the writers to play with.

If you’ve ever seen Project Runway or a similar competition, you've probably noticed people do their best work when they’ve got a limitation or two stymieing them because it makes them think more creatively. In the case of SLBP, how will they handle Shingen’s well-known end? Nobunaga is the first unifier - what was it like for the people working for and against him at that time? There were more guns in Japan than Europe in the late 1500s - how did that play out on the battlefield? Restaurant workers from Kyoto weren’t likely to meet multiple samurai lords - how do you get around that believably? There’s a lot of neat stuff to delve into.

Complementary relationships If you like one member of the Date clan, you'll probably like the others. Same goes for Kai. Nobunaga's followers are a more mixed bunch, but that's only fitting because he's got the "big tent" strategy going on as the lord with the most territory. This further contributes to the believability of the stories and makes reading them more engaging. Maybe you like Inuchiyo the best, so you normally wouldn't care so much about a ninja event, but Sakuya's good friends with him so you've got a story to look forward to after all.

Many events There's almost always something to do in SLBP. You're not just limited to five free chapters of the main story per day, even if you're free-to-play. Right now we've got ninja event stories and a samurai fair, we just wrapped up Lord of the Draw with extra side stories and items to get, and there's sure to be another battle on the horizon soon. On the very rare occasions when there’s no event, I realize how much I’ve come to rely on that steady flow of extra content.

Engaged marketing team Voltage is very active on multiple social media platforms and, whether or not they can respond, they do see and pay attention to what fans are saying. They're very encouraging of fanworks and are supportive of their player base. Should be par for the course, but shockingly not as common as you would think.

Pretty good writing I am very critical when it comes to writing. I don't like to see typos, I don't want to have to pause and figure out what's going on because the description was confusing, I do want to each character to have their own individual voice, and I want good pacing and storytelling in general. For the most part, SLBP does a good job and I can largely turn off the editor in my brain and enjoy the stories.

(That's why I get so upset when certain stories don't live up to SLBP's usual standard. I go back into editing mode and can't just enjoy Genya flirting with MC.)

Cute side games I like dressing up my avatar and decorating my castle. I like accumulating a bunch of onigiri to get rewards in the tea garden. I like playing the lotteries to see what I get (need those pearls!). They're all nice little distractions that complement the main game but don't need to be played if you don't want to.

Limited player interaction I can do everything I want in the game without interacting with anyone if I want, or I can make a bunch of allies, compete for a fancy dress, and chat up a storm with someone after complimenting their castle. Block options are available for the rare occasion you need to use them. For me, it's just the right amount of interaction with other players.

Unapologetic fanservice Voltage knows what the fans want and is happy to give it to us (...in exchange for pearls). No need to feel embarrassed for wanting to see Shingen with his shirt off. The stories have also gotten noticeably sexier as I've played, which is nice. Well, sex is an important part of most romantic relationships. It's good to know MC is having her needs met, and it's good to know I can re-read certain epilogues whenever I want in my album.

Autism representation This is pretty niche and may not have even been intended, but Mitsunari is almost certainly on the spectrum. But! He's not portrayed as an asshole who thinks he's always right and justifies being a jerk with a (at the time, non-existent) diagnosis. No, he, like most autistic people, is struggling to do better and learn more about how to interact with others. (Also he thinks he’s almost always right.) And his special interests and ability to retain information come in handy a lot, and he has people who understand him and treasure him for who he is, not in spite of it. That's really great.

Anyway, that's my non-exhaustive list of reasons why I actually really love this game. My complaints are only because I want it to be as good as I know it can be. If I really hated it, I'd stop playing and I'd definitely stop buying pearls. XD

[drtwit]

From Justice to Spite - (Adam Taurus) RWBY Fanfiction

Here is the first draft of a small fic I'm planning on the side, one that explores snapshots of Adam's life up to him murdering Sienna Khan, hoping to slowly build a picture of Adam becoming the psychopath we make fun of to this day that will probably not even be close to hitting the mark... Or, more simply, a bunch of pedantic jibberish that fell out of my head in a jumbled amalgamation of words.

“At first I thought Adam was "justice", then I thought he was "passion". But over time, I realized I was wrong. He wasn't any of those things. He was "spite". Not "hatred", not "rage", "spite". He won't accept equality, only suffering for what he feels the world did to him, and his way of thinking is dangerously contagious.” 

The first memory that came to mind was his father’s fascination with linking people to natural materials. Stones were trusted to be apart of the planet’s foundation. They were stern, strong and most of all they were patient. Yet, in that limitless patience, they find nothing but the ability to crumble. Such strength, such power, such respect all reduced to nothing but a weak pile of dust. The boy didn’t mean to take such a pessimistic view of the metaphor, that patience helped other, garnered it guiltless joy, ended it righteous and clean. Then again, joy felt like a chore to work with today. He looked to the stone, all he could see it how swiftly it crumbled. The wood only brought forth the thought of the flames that scorched that soft brown to heavy black. Pieces of glass pooling at his feet just reminded him of how it was shattered, the collapsing shards like a looping alarm to signal the oncoming tragedy. Not even the sky itself could bring comfort as it was now poisoned by smoke mixed with copper and blood. The boy wanted to find something to focus on, something that he could distract himself with, something that could make the throbbing in his stomach subside and let him be ignorant of reality for the moment. Tears desperately wanted to break through and rush down his cheeks, stinging his boiling flesh with cold despair. No matter how much his heart fought to relieve him of some of the pain, it couldn’t penetrate that layer of confusion and dread that blocked his throat. Why? It was a question that ached in his soul. Why did this happen? Was it his fault? Did he do something bad? Is this his punishment? He didn’t want this, he’d take it all back, he was sorry, he didn’t mean to do anything wrong. He didn’t know what he did wrong, but he’d make up for it in a heartbeat! Anything… Just him back. Please. “Adam.” And like that, his little world shattered, for a brief moment the curse of memory reeled back and let his attention free. Now, he could hear the cars in the distance, beeping profanities at each other as they tried to navigate around the roadblocks. There were snippets of conversations between blaring ambulances and roaring squad cars wondering how long this day was going to be. He only noticed now that the morning rain was pelting down on his head. “Officer, how long have you left this boy sitting here without getting him a coat?” The disgruntled police officer grunted out some unintelligible words in response to the low feminine voice. There was a certain edge to the voice, it reminded the boy of a tiger scaring away it’s prey. “On a day like this, I can’t believe it. Do you want him to freeze to death?��� Looking up at her, the first thing to meet his sight were her eyes, those amber eyes that carried a familiar sense of loss. She was looking for distractions just as much as he was. Did she do something wrong as well? Pulling back from her eyes, he recognized her, remembering those brown stripes on her dark skin that he had been awed by. The eyes, they always scared him, whenever she had looked over him, they would pin him down with the thought that she would bare sharp teeth and attack. “Adam.” She said his name again, realizing that he was now looking at her. The Officer had shuffled off, perhaps fleeing from angering the woman any further. He didn’t respond. He didn’t feel like talking at the moment. “I’m Sienna Khan” She approached him slowly, her feet careful, but wobbly. It was like she was trying to balance on stilts with every step. “Do you… Remember me? Don’t worry, I’m a friend of your dads” Okay, not the best way to introduce yourself to a child. He remembered how she and his dad yelled at each other a lot. Yet her voice was much quieter here. She held his gaze for a long time, tight-lipped and stiff as a board. She really wanted him to speak, didn’t she? “Are you going to eat me?” It was the first question that came to mind, one which he thought important. He didn’t taste good anyway with all this rainwater. “Eat you?” Her eyelids pulled back, stopping her mid-stride as she processed the question. Before long, she was shaking her head, forcing a fake smile as she took the strange question as a fortunate distraction. “No, no. I don’t eat little boys. Besides, my belly is full today. I… Uh… Had an early lunch” She really didn’t have much experience talking to children. “Do you mind if I take a seat here? All the others are taken.” After a scrutinizing look to confirm that she was, in fact, not going to eat him (with her even opening her mouth to show her teeth), the boy shuffled to the side and weakly nodded. “Okay.” It was an awkward silence between the two as she slowly crouched down and tucked her legs under her knees. His concentration waned, pulled over to her and blocking out the other noises and sights for just this one little area. His nook and cranny. “The weather’s not very pleasant today, is it?” The heartache hung in the air, desperate for attention, but neither of them wanted to look its way, just distract themselves. Talk about something else. “You’re not wearing one either” “Hm?” “You yelled at that man for not giving me a coat. Why aren’t you wearing one? Aren’t you cold?” His knees came up to his chest, fearful eyes locking onto the stripes adorning her arms. “I am.” She admitted, her posture stern and strict, a towering and unwavering figure even against the rain pelting her neck. “But the cold never bothered me much these days. I’ve spent a lot of time with fire, so it’s more relieving than anything” Her voice started off joking, but bit-by-bit that bitterness sunk into her words. The boy could only, once again, speak out with the first thing to come to mind “That’s cool” She laughed. She didn’t mean to let that involuntary giggle slip past her lips, but she laughed. It was a warm one that broke through the atmosphere. The boy didn’t quite understand what was funny about what he said, but he didn’t mind, the humor made the woman feel good and that made the boy feel proud. It made Adam feel more comfortable in her presence. “Thank you?” “You don’t thank someone for laughing” “Oh.” There was a soft smile as she shook her head at the boy’s misunderstanding. “Do you… Have many friends?” From what she knew, he wasn’t exactly someone who got out much. “I have Mada, he’s a samurai and stuff who stays with me and shows me cool tricks when Dad was walking with all the other people” Adam talked with more energy, gripping the air as if he were grabbing a sword by the hilt. “But Dad says that he doesn’t count because he doesn’t exist” His cheeks sucked in, his lips turning in curiosity. “W-what do you do? Do you walk with Dad?” “No, not quite. I’m more of a fighter” “Huh?” “I worked for the same thing your dad did, but instead of waving signs, I… Fought for those that couldn’t fight themselves.” “Oh, so you’re like a superhero?” “Not rea-… In a way, Adam.” The trick was to keep the conversation going, embrace that procrastination for however long you could. “I had an imaginary friend once. She didn’t say much, more of a silent supporter than a playground pal. I always thought she was a mute, but that was long before I realized that there were times where actions spoke louder than words ever could” Her eyes trailed up to meet the collapsed mass of stone, wood, and metal that formed the pyre. “Sometimes it’s deafening. You have to yell louder to make your voice heard” “My voice gets very squeaky when I yell, it’s embarrassing” His head shifted to bury his chin in between his legs, completely ignorant to any meaning in her words. “Not like yours. Your voice even gets my Dad to yell. I like it, even if it scares me” The admittance made Sienna softly smile down at the boy, only for his next question to dampen that smile. “Did you hate my Dad?” For a moment, her eye closed tightly shut. “It’s not that simple” Telling a ten-year-old that something isn’t that simple never went well. She heard herself verbally tearing into that man, all the names she called him, all the lives she laid down at his feet, all the scorn she unloaded onto him. “It may be hard to understand. We had different outlooks on life... Uh, that is, we thought differently. That may have driven a rift between us, it brought us arguments and dispute, but he was still a wonderful man I’m happy to say was my friend” Adam took his time letting the words sink in, for a while his horns poking through his bush of red hair was the most Sienna could see of him. Some of the words she used took a while for the boy to understand. So, even if she hurt his dad, yelled at his dad, she still thought of his dad as a friend? “Are we friends?” She turned to him fully, watching his face uncurl from his knees to blink up at her. “We can be” Treating this like a business deal more than small talk with a ten-year-old, she held out her hand, looking for a handshake. “I’ll be your friend” With a skeptical look that lasted a few seconds, Adam reached up to clasp the woman’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Come on now. It’s time to leave.” When Sienna tried to urge the boy to his feet, he clearly struggled with the idea. “G-go? I don’t wanna go away, I wanna stay here!” He pulled away from her, backing away towards the wreckage, his back against what used to be his bedroom. “Why do I have to go anywhere? This is my home!” “There’s nothing left for you here. What you need right now is a place to sleep, somewhere warm.” She made no move to close the gap between them, merely holding out her hand like before, her eyes hard as they bore into the boy. “Somewhere you’ll be safe to live your life” “I’m not leaving here, I’m not leaving him!” His back fell back to what remained of the wall, his legs wobbling, arms weak and knees heavy. There were so many emotions bubbling in the pit of his stomach, charging forward and snapping their jaws at his throat. They all wanted to stay here, like it would change anything, achieve anything. “I can’t leave him here alone” “You’re not leaving him, Adam” She remained firm in her position, her voice soft, but loud and clear. “His spirit is going to be with you no matter what, that body is just some bags of flesh now…” Adam looked as if he was pushed into a corner, his eyes fleeting and a small bit fearful. “He wanted you to come with me if anything ever happened to him. He would want you to leave. He would want you to-” “L-let go?” He’d heard it many times before from that police officer. Said it was healthy. Said it would help. “No, Adam” Sienna’s tone came to a surprising seriousness with these words, her eyes narrowing on the boy. “This pain you feel? It isn’t nice, it isn’t comfortable, but you need it. You need to keep it with you Adam, to keep you strong, because no matter the protection I provide you’ll need that strength. No, Adam. Never let it go.” He didn’t know when he had taken her hand again, he just knew when he had that one emotion above all had triumphant, a smoldering heat reaching up his body and pushing through his fingertips. It was anger. A hungry beast starving for food. What did you feed anger born out of grief? The one responsible. “Is it my fault?” At first, Sienna’s eyes widened at the question, completely caught off guard by such an idea. A little boy responsible for his own father’s murder? The look he gave her added so much weight, he trusted her to speak the truth. She dropped down to make sure she was on an even level with the boy, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen if it was. If I did something wrong, I don’t want him to pay for it. I-I’ll do better, I’ll do anything. I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” “Adam!” She got to grips with herself, letting out a growl that stole Adam’s volume away. “You didn’t cause this, you have nothing to feel guilty about here-” “But why-” “You didn’t do this, Adam.” For the first time, the two allowed themselves to finally focus fully on the sight before them. On the flames still fighting for the opportunity to roar above the wreckage of a childhood home, the surrounding neighborhood now having the perfect view of the tears in the ground, the possessions that had been melted by flames and the corpses mangled in stone. At the borders of police tape and cars, they lined up, crowds of people struggling for a good position to frame the area on their phones, very few offering a drop of sympathy. “Humans did this.” In that moment, the answer broke the confusion, the dam within him cracked and let forth the waterworks. Before long, the heat licking his skin fought against an onslaught of wet tears. Without warning, he broke contact with her arms and tackled the woman with a hug, burying his face in her shoulder with no shame or thought towards the stains he was leaving on her clothes. She didn’t speak, she didn’t move, she didn’t attempt anything. She just let the child cry in her arms, cry for himself and cry for her. “S-Sienna?” “Yes?” “…I want to be a fighter too”

[yoolee]

Samurai Lee Ballad: PARTY

Yesterday, after being INSPIRED by @dear-mrs-otome​ I tried to write in first person. I abandoned it quickly because 1) it is hard, and, 2) if you read my nonsensical rambles you will probably notice that I shove parenthetical asides in right, left, and sideways? That gets so much worse without the filter of using a not-me voice. First person defaults to me-voice and, um, me-voice is…irreverent. Among other questionable adjectives.

Yesterday was also a day of discussing self-insert versus MC-as-her-own-character-we-relate-to (I am very much the latter, but I understand the games were designed to support the former!) but that led to a ‘what if Lee were a self-insert’ and me laughing hysterically because IRL I’m an awful love interest. I am an utterly unromantic, self-absorbed mess and I would much rather spar than smooch.

So, thanks discord and @wonky-glass-ornament​ for being the enabling, wonderful influence that she is. 

HERE YA GO, HAVE SOME TRAIN WRECKS. They are not actually in first person but, this is as literal self-insert as it is possible for me to get. I’m not sorry. I should be, but hey, you don’t have to read it!!!

Kojuro

They sat side-by-side. Quiet. It was very unusual for Lee, at least, to be quiet, but this was one of those conversations she generally preferred to avoid like the plague itself. (It occurred to her that, in this era, the plague was really only a few generations back, for all that it was to the west of her present location, and therefore it could literally  be reasonable considered as something to avoid, but considering such things was just more procrastination from the uncomfortable truth). Kojuro was, you know, a good guy. Heck, he was a great guy. That’s why this was so darn hard.

Lee squirmed.

Kojuro, being patient, said nothing. But they wore similar expressions of unease, as they stared at the scene in front of them.

One of the piles moved.

Lee took a deep, long breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

“Look, Kojuro…” Obligingly, he gave her his attention, and she puffed her cheeks and repeated the exercise of a sigh. “It’s not you.”  

Though he had never, in his entire life, been graced with the phrase known to so many others, he understood inherently what it meant, and nodded as she continued. “It’s not me, either, mind you, it’s…it’s us. It’s—” Looking profoundly uncomfortable, she flapped her hands at the room. The mess. “It’s this. That. I mean, what if there’s a fire?” What had been bad with Kojuro alone had become grotesque with Lee’s added slobbiness. “We would die. We would literally die. Smothered by our own smoldering shit. What would Masamune do then, you know?”

Kojuro, sad expression still etched on his graceful features, did not uncross his arms. “No…you are right.”

But Lee was on a roll, word-vomiting in the high-pitched, borderline hysterical manner she was wont to adopt when doing things she didn’t like—like cleaning, but, that was also neither here nor there. “You buy three copies of a book, I buy three copies of a book, thank the stars neither of us have more than two or three changes of clothing in this era because the laundry…” She shuddered, gulping inadvertently in recoiling horror. “Or takeout my God Kojuro I just…” She took a deep breath. Shoved out her hand. Oh lord this was awkward.

“I think we should see other spaces.”

Smiling at last at the truth of it, wry humor in his lovely green gaze, Kojuro accepted her handshake with a firm grip of his own. “Other spaces.” He agreed.

Mitsunari

Finished.

Lee beamed at her creation. Perfection. Excellence. First-rate, gourmet cuisine. See? She could pull off this cook-stuff. Just needed the motivation of it being something she loved.

She scooped a heaping bowlful and slapped the dish onto the table before Mitsunari. “Ta-daaaa!”

Hideyoshi, peering over his vassal’s shoulder in curiosity, looked as though he might want to poke it. “What is it?”

Affronted—but not surprise—a hand fluttered over Lee’s heart. Poor, deprived Hideyoshi! “This,” she began, in the serious intonation of a great storyteller, imparting history upon the chosen, “Is only the greatest meal to ever be invented. This is the quintessential comfort food of my home, the primo, cream-of-crop, best, top option for stomach satisfaction and warm, cozy heart-fullness.”

Mitsunari looked irritated. “Food doesn’t work that wa—”

Pretending he did not exist, Lee wiggled shush fingers and kept going, undeterred by interruptions through virtue of just being louder. “This is nirvana in noodle form. This is bliss in a bowl. Edible ecstasy. Palatable paradise. Delight in the form of a delicacy. This is hope. This is joy. This is—“

“Macaroni and cheese.” Mitsunari intoned flatly.

“—this is macaroni and cheese. Yes.” Lee nodded, beaming.

Hideyoshi slid into a seat, and held out his hands in hcheerful request. Obligingly, Lee provided a bowl. He laughed, “Kinda looks like Ieyasu’s hair.”

Mitsunari’s entire face spasmed in abject revulsion. Lee frowned at Hideyoshi and snatched back the bowl, scowling in the face of the puppy dog pout that met her. “No mac-and-cheese for you.”

“Pleeeease?”

She relented, and got her own bowl besides.

“And what do you expect me to do with this?” Mitsunari’s spine was ramrod straight.

Fussy, fussy, Lee thought. Her spoon froze mid-bite. “Well I certainly don’t suggest stirring it.” She murmured.

“What?”

Her eyebrows arched, “What?”

Mitsunari frowned.

Hideyoshi gamefully tried not to choke on his combination swallow of food and laugh.

“Nothing, don’t think about it.” Lee tried to smile innocently. It didn’t work very well. She looked like a stepford wife who would hold a butcher knife behind her back with one hand while offering you cookies with the other. Luckily for Mitsunari, both hands were visible at the moment, as she started scarfing her own bowl, admonishing over mouthfuls and gesturing with her spoon. “Jubst eabt it.”

Mitsuhide

And so, Lee and her would-be suitor stood in front of the setting sun, awash in warm golds and glowing, scattered reds. He was so pretty. And so serious. Lee sighed, and managed a grin. “Well. It’s been nice.” It had been. Perfectly, pleasantly nice. “I’m…you know. I’m really sorry about your nose.” It had been an accident. It really had been. “I am. I am so sorry, but…if it’s any consolation, the fact it’s a little, um, crooked now kinda suits you? Very…rakish. Charming. Adds a nice edge to the…you know. Nice. Some doll will be delighted.

Mitsuhide gave her a wary—but polite—stare (which she thought was rather impressive to pull off, but classically Mitsuhide) as though he wasn’t entirely convinced that the danger to his once-flawless face had truly passed. “Think nothing of it.” He offered magnanimously. “Good luck, on your journey.”

“Thanks!” Lee beamed, “And, you know, we’ll always have the kittens.” Something fond softened his smile, and Lee smiled to see it, turning to leave. But then she remembered something, and turned, seizing Mitsuhide’s hands with earnest insistence. “Oh, hey, wait—listen. Sh— here in Owari? It’s gonna go south. Like, real south. Like Australian hand-sized-venomous-spider-territory south. And you…just hang on in there, okay?” Her hands dropped from his to clap his cheeks in an utter invasion of his personal bubble. Somewhat surprised by the whole thing, Mitsuhide just froze. Lee squeezed his squishy cheeks. “You are loved, important, precious, and usually right. So don’t you get down on yourself, and don’t you die.” She dropped her hands in favor of settling them on her hips. “I’d miss you.”

With the small, thoughtful smile she loved, Mitsuhide’s head tilted just a bit. “I imagine I would miss you as well, Miss Lee.” In a faint, mischievous moment of candidness, he added, “Maybe.”

Lee snickered—hey, she got it, the nose, remember?—“You got this, boo. So…hang in there, sweet Mitsugoose.”

“…Mitsu…goose?”

Lee ducked in to press a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t worry about it.” But then it was time to leave, and like an overdramatic warrior in a tropey, clichéd action flick, she set down the road towards the setting sun, calling over her shoulder, “Catch you on the flipside, sweetie!”

Saizo & Yukimura

“God he is…just. So. F%*@ing pretty, isn’t he?” Lee sighed dreamily from her perch on the porch. Saizo eyed her flatly, exasperation evident to those he knew him, though those who did not would perhaps suggest he only looked bored.

“You’ve mentioned as much.”

“You think so too, don’t you? I mean come on, the guy’s got shoulders for days. And those eyes.” Lee, who had never actually swooned in her life, did her best impression of a Gaston fangirl from Beauty in the Beast.

“Sparkling pools of limpid sapphires, was it, now?”

“Sparkling pools of limpid sapphires.” Lee agreed through multiple repeats of dreamy sighs, “Or maybe more of an aquamarine? Hmm…” She rested her chin on her hands, own eyes alight in admiration. “Yeah. Aquamarine.”

Saizo said nothing.

“Not that your eyes aren’t lovely too, Saizo.” She offered consolingly, expression serious as she tore her eyes away from Yukimura. “They’re a very nice garnet and they offset quite dreamily with the spiky silver hair and navy getup. Which is my favorite, you should know.” Knowing he was completely immune—in fact, because she knew he was completely immune—Lee fluttered her eyelashes, “I’d love to see it on me.”

Saizo deigned to smile, razor wire. “Try again in a hundred years, little lady.” He leaned down and over, and Lee knew she was supposed to blush and stutter but instead clapped her hands together in appreciative consideration.

“Ooooh look at those garnet flecks.”

Saizo withdrew. “Limpid and sparkling.”

“More…mysterious and speckled with tragic backstory.” Lee surged to her feet and flung herself at the would-rather-not-be-flung at ninja. “Saizo, baby, sweetie, you get to be happy. I am cheering for you.” She released him from the squish to clasp his forearms in brotherhood solidarity. He allowed it out, but she could tell the acquiescence was temporary. “Yukimura is cheering for you. An entire fanbase with the exception of some outliers who would prefer you communicate more openly—I think you’re fine, but, I like cats and they are similarly contradictory and secretive—and let your MC have some edge, are cheering for you. You kick some village ass. You tell those elders to shove it, you hear me?  And then you and Yukimura, you live happily ever after, you hear me?”

Saizo sighed, and looked long-suffering.

Lee continued.  “I don’t necessarily mean that romantically—I mean I wouldn’t complain, whatever makes you two happy, but, I mean you obviously need one another at least platonically. Oh!” Saizo did not look like he wanted her to continue, but she did. “Also! I am adopting Sasuke. He is my son now.”

“Is he now.”

“Yes. We’re going to the beach and building sandcastles next week and I do hope you’ll come.” She turned back to where Yukimura was still training, and imagined beach sun, sandy shores, and skin sparkling from salt water. Her heart fluttered. “Yukkins too.”

Saizo gave her a look.

Lee raised her hands in defense, “Heeey I just look, I don’t touch, okay? Don’t worry. No harassment suits, please. And his heart’s just as pretty and that’s just as important to me too, yeah?”

He didn’t say yes, but Lee saw it in his shoulders, they way they relaxed a half fraction even as his arms crossed. She grinned. “Softie.”

Saizo decided she was doing enough sighing for both of them. “Just pack some dango.”

Lee had no idea how to make them, but by god she would learn. “You got it, sparky.”

Nobunaga

The last, defiant squawk before Nobunaga’s sword hit home rattled off of the castle walls at impressively high-pitched volume.

“THIS IS—” Lee screeched, “SUCH. FU@#)%@ING. BULLSH#)%!”

Inuchiyo (Toshiie)

Lee gripped her trident with the cackling triumph of the damned, eyes wild and grin toothy, “YEAH! LET’S DO THIS! Like, I know that y’all are really just human beings like me and have families and hopes and dreams, and objectively my pursuit of this occupation may ultimately end in the loss of something inherent to my humanity but I am rolling with the times and have always suspected I am kind of awful underneath it all so BRING IT ON, MOTHERF@)$!RS!”

Hideyoshi elbowed Toshiie nervously, “Puppy…is she okay?”

Slightly deranged laughter was all that met the inquiry. Hideyoshi looked troubled. Keiji joined his cackling friend and cousin, crowing in the battlelusty way of the Maeda berserkers. Hideyoshi backed away. Why couldn’t Inuchiyo fall for a nice, sweet, normal girl? This whole getting drunk and wiping out enemy armies was great for the honor of the clan and all, but good grief their livers.

“He could have fallen for such a nice girl, too.” He sighed to himself, talking to no one in particular. “A nice, sweet, normal neighborhood girl. But noooo….”

The terrified—and slightly confused—screams of their foes rattled back to his ears.

Hideyoshi

“Hideyoshi?” Lee slid into a spot next to her beau, reaching over to take his hands, “Honey, we need to talk.” Hideyoshi knew what that meant, or thought he did, and Lee immediately recognized her blunder. “Cr@$p! Not what I meant. Not that. I’m good, you’re good, we’re golden--but, yeah, good is kinda the problem.”

Hideysohi was willing to play along, “Yeah?”

Lee nodded, “Yeah. I want talk to you…” She released one of his hands to shift, doing the hand-rainbow-whoosh people did when talking about big pictures. “…About villainry.” She paused to let that sink in. For effect and such.  Hideyoshi mostly looked amused. “Hear me out. Boo, you’ve got all the potential. Angelic smile! Loyal retainers! Clever mind! People trust you, baby. You could totally rock that into some serious class-A supervillain shit. And like, I’m not talking the subjugation of the masses kind of nonsense, I know you’re not about that life and hey I’m not either, way too much work you know? But like, benign dictator? Shadow master behind the throne? It has you all over it. I mean, I love Yasu but his manipulation game has nothing on your subtlety. Subtlety’s key.”

She could see it, the gentle consideration behind golden eyes, and finally, the small, determined smile. She tried not to cackle in triumph—didn’t go with the benign leader rather than wicked witch image she was pitching here, but hey, she wasn’t one of Japan’s unifiers—and instead squealed with delight. “Well…let’s see, okay?”

Lee applauded. “YES! Exactly! That’s it! That is my jam. Lookout, world! You’re goin’ down!” She caught herself, and coughed awkwardly, adding, “In a good way! Really!”

Masamune

They stood face-to-face, one hand clasped. His other hand rested on her cheek, hers on his heart. They stared at one another, in silence.

From his place hiding on the other side of the door, Shigezane sucked in a breath, “C’mon,” He muttered, “Sha-na-na-na-na kiss the girl, right?”

“Ssh.” Kojuro admonished sternly.

Lee and Masamune ignored them, though they could hear perfectly, of course.

“Masamune,” Lee began, voice soft and unhurried. She took a moment before continuing, but Masamune was a patient sort of person, and did not hurry her, which she appreciated. She leaned into the hand pressing her cheek and smiled. “We don’t have to do this.”

Masamune looked startled, and then unsure. “We don’t?”

“Nope.”

“Thank goodness.” He dropped his hand with a sigh of relief, shoulders relaxing for the first time since this whole business began. Lee did the same.

“Book club buddies?”

“Book club buddies.” He agreed.

The pair of them went back to silently reading on separate cushions, perfectly content. Shigezane threw open the door. “What?! No! No!! Noooo! Masamune, come on! What about…what about an heir?”

Lee was at a really good part of her book, and didn’t care to be interrupted, but Shigezane was a sweetheart and so she didn’t mind (much). “I have an adopted son in Kai.”

“Really?” Masamune looked surprised.

Lee nodded. “Yup. Would that work?”

Kojuro, who had followed Shigezane in with silent reproach, looked like he wanted to say something, but Masamune beat him to it.

“That works for me.”

“Sweet.” Lee gave Shigezane a thumbs up. “Problem solved!”

They went back to their books.

Ieyasu

Lee bit her tongue (barely) because he was the boss and all, but boy did she want to shove her spatula up his stubborn ass. But then she’d have to buy a new one, and the good ones were kind of pricey. She did wonder for a moment if maybe she could expense it, being a casualty of employment under Toku-snob-wa, but then she remembered that several-centuries-ago-Japan warlord organizations did not typically have finance departments and reimbursement accounts.

Well maybe they did, she wasn’t really great at history.

Or finance.

She settled for banging the pots down with more force than the poor pots deserved. Pouty McPoutcurls sneered. She snarled back silently, fingers curling around the handle of her spatula…but, no. Her poor, sweet little spatula did not deserve that fate. It would be brutally unfair of her to call on it for such a sacrifice. Maybe an unfortunate spoon or something, but not her spatula. “Don’t worry little buddy,” she murmured lovingly, completely ignoring Ieyasu as he verbally sulked about something or other related to her existence, “We have many more a soufflé ahead of us.”

“Are you listening, kitchen wench?”

“Saucy kitchen wench, thanks. And nah—I tuned out around when you called me an imbecile. I’ll have you know,” Lee sniffed, affecting a haughty sneer that really came just a bit too easily to her face, “I have three degrees. One of which is chemistry, so, sure I haven’t united a country and whatnot, but I gosh darn well know you oughta be wearing some PPE when you’re mixing up meds.” That had not, in any way, been what they had been talking about (or yelling about, perhaps) but it seemed important to bring up. She squinted at her pan and decided it was done, flopping the contents over onto a plate and shoving at Ieyasu.

He frowned at it.

Lee sighed. Her shriveled, undersized little heart actually ached a little bit. Maybe. Kind of.  “You’ve been here the whole time. It’s not poisoned. You’d have seen me do it.”

Silence.

“The only risk is to your cholesterol levels and really with as much tempura as you eat I don’t see how this will Lee decided with all the pouting he did, she could afford a little one herself, so she pouted, though she was far too old to be engaging in that sort of nonsense. “Come oooon. They’re good. See? Look how fluffy they are—” she prodded at the scrambled eggs—a Lee specialty—on his plate. “A time-honored recipe. A trusted one, a treasured one, passed down from ancestor to ancestor lovingly through the ages, whispered in the ears of great chefs, shared—“

“You got it off of Pinterest.”

“I got it off of Pinterest. Alton Brown. Fluffy in the extreme.” Lee leaned over the counter, placing her hands on both sides of the plate, “The extreeeeme.” Because that was creepy, she laughed, and settled back into her kitchen, hopping up onto the countertop.

“That is appallingly unhygienic.”

“I’ll wash it with bleach. Eat your da—eggs, grumpy gills.”

Kenshin & Shingen

Lee stood at the start of their common route, squinting in horrified dismay at the mountain path. Shit. She was supposed to climb that? F--. The three flights of steps to her apartment were enough to leave her wheezing. She was more, you know, cerebral than athletic. She rubbed her cheeks in hands, and considered.

“Yeah, nope. I’m way too tired for this shit.. Sorry boys.”

Maybe she could sell all that salt in the village for enough to pay off the Magistrate’s cronies.

“Yup,” She nodded to herself. “Good plan, let’s do it.”

[catalaya11]

4 Secrets To Remarkable Focus

 Said any of these recently?

I get distracted and procrastinate.

I make plans but I don’t follow through on them.

I get things done… but not the right things.

The problem often comes down to just one word: “reactive.”

Maybe that wasn’t the word you were expecting. But reactivity is a problem people have been contemplating for thousands of years. And, yes, it’s a bigger issue now than ever.

What is it? What can we do about it? Neuroscience and ancient wisdom from Buddhism and Stoicism have answers.

Let’s get to it.

Your Reactive Brain

Maybe you’re lazy, maybe you’re not lazy. But one thing is for certain: your brain is.

Research shows that even in our free time we often don’t do what we enjoy most — we do what is easy. Your brain doesn’t want to waste energy. So it’s always a bit lazy.

Problem is, the world is not lazy. These days it’s constantly shouting at you.

Sometimes it’s the siren song of entertaining things like text messages from friends and other times it’s scary things like work emails — but it’s shouting.

Everything is demanding our attention. We’d like to make a plan and follow through or accomplish goals undistracted but the world seems to be working against you.

When I spoke to Duke professor Dan Ariely, he said exactly that: the world is working against you. Here’s Dan:

The world is not acting in our long-term benefit. Imagine you walk down the street and every store is trying to get your money right now; in your pocket you have a phone and every app wants to control your attention right now. Most of the entities in our lives really want us to make mistakes in their favor. So the world is making things very, very difficult.

Your lazy brain is happy to just react to that relentless bombardment of stimuli coming its way. But when you just react, you don’t usually make the best choices. And while you’re definitely doing something, you’re rarely achieving your goals.

That’s because when you’re reacting, you’re not in control of your life. In fact, reacting is the opposite of control. You see something fun and you chase it. You see something scary and you run away. Either way, your environment is determining your behavior.

It’s ironic that we so often say to others, “Don’t tell me what to do!” And yet, all too often, we’re letting the world around us determine our actions. We’re not starting from plans and decisions, we’re reacting.

And these days we’re often sitting there hoping we get a new text, email, update or notification. We’re all but saying, “Please, tell me what to do.”

And while technology has made the problem worse, this issue has been around forever. About 2000 years ago the Stoic philosopher Epictetus said this:

If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet, you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled — have you no shame in that?

(To learn the 7 step morning ritual that will keep you happy all day, click here.)

More often we need to step back rather than dive in. But how do we do that? First, we need to prepare…

Control Your Context

Brian Wansink is a professor at Cornell who studies eating behavior. And one of the main things he’s found about overeating is that it’s rarely due to hunger. It’s usually due to context.

From Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think:

Everyone — every single one of us — eats how much we eat largely because of what’s around us.

You eat less when food is farther away and more when it’s closer. Here’s Brian:

People ate half as much if we simply moved the candy dish off their desk and placed it six feet away.

So when you need to get work done, put your phone on the other side of the room. Make distractions harder to reach.

When you have fewer things to react to or you make it harder to react to them, you’ll be less reactive.

(To learn the 4 rituals neuroscience says will make you happy, click here.)

Preparation is great but that’s just the first line of defense. What do you need to do when you’re face to face with something that’s pulling you into reactive mode?

Stay Calm

Take a pause. Something fun is saying “Come play with me!” Or something scary is in front of you and you want to run away and procrastinate. So just pause for a second. As Marcus Aurelius said a long time ago:

The first thing to do — don’t get worked up… The next thing to do — consider carefully the task at hand for what it is, while remembering your purpose is to be a good human being.

And modern science agrees. All that emotion is not going to help. Albert Bernstein, a clinical psychiatrist, says staying calm is key to making good decisions in the heat of the moment:

…the basic idea is that in many situations, you’re reacting with instincts programmed into your dinosaur brain, rather than thinking through a situation. If you’re in your dinosaur brain, you’re going to play out a 6 million-year-old program, and nothing good is going to happen.

Neuroscientists say stress takes your prefrontal cortex — the rational part of your brain — “offline.” Quite simply, stress makes you stupid. And that’s why just reacting often makes you do stupid things.

(To learn how astronauts, Samurai, and Navy SEALs stay calm and make good decisions, click here.)

Okay, you paused. But you can’t just freeze every time something tempting comes up. So what’s next?

Think About Your Goals

Make sure the most important thing stays the most important thing.

Even the ancient Stoics knew that. Epictetus said:

First tell yourself what kind of person you want to be, then do what you have to do. For in nearly every pursuit we see this to be the case. Those in athletic pursuit first choose the sport they want, and then do that work.

Not big on Stoicism? The ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness is on the same page. Joseph Goldstein, one of the leading experts in the field, told me something very similar:

Where is this action leading? Do I want to go there? …This thought which has arisen, is it helpful? Is it serving me or others in some way or is it not? Is it just playing out perhaps old conditions of fear or judgment or things that are not very helpful for ourselves or others?

And modern neuroscience research agrees with both.

Thinking about your long-term goals when you’re tempted by distraction gives your brain a sense of control and can release dopamine which will make you feel better and more motivated.

Alex Korb, a neuroscientist at UCLA, told me this:

By thinking, “Okay, what is my long-term goal? What am I trying to accomplish?” Calling that to mind can actually make it feel rewarding to be doing homework instead of going to the party because then your brain is like, “Oh yeah. I’m working towards that goal. I’m accomplishing something that’s meaningful to me.” Then that can start to release dopamine in the nucleus accumbens and that can start to make you feel better about what you’re doing.

(To learn more about the six rituals that ancient wisdom says can make you happy, click here.)

You’re calm and you’re thinking about your goals. Now comes the hard part…

Make A Deliberate Decision

Turning down fun distractions is hard. Resisting the urge to procrastinate is really hard.

So take a second and deliberately decide not to give in. I know, that sounds waaaaay too easy to be helpful…

Wrong. Neuroscience shows pausing and taking the time to make a decision actually helps stop you from engaging in bad behavior.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Making decisions also helps overcome striatum activity, which usually pulls you toward negative impulses and routines.

And then, finally, act on that decision. Follow your long-term goals. Here’s neuroscientist Alex Korb:

When the prefrontal cortex is taken offline by stress we end up doing things that are immediately pleasurable. Instead of getting overwhelmed, ask yourself, “What’s one little thing that I could do now that would move me toward this goal I’m trying to accomplish?” Taking one small step toward it can make it start to feel more manageable.

(To learn more about the neuroscience behind mindfulness, click here.)

Okay, we’ve learned a lot. Let’s round it up and see what happens when we put it into action…

Sum Up

Here’s how to resist distraction and be less reactive:

Control your context: You can’t react to what’s not there.

Stay calm: Stress makes you dumb. Stress and reacting leads to dumb behavior.

Think about your goals: Get Stoicism, mindfulness and dopamine on your side.

Make a deliberate decision: When you do, your brain is better able to resist no-no’s.

You don’t have to react and answer that text immediately. You don’t have to react to that delicious smell and eat all the cookies. You can pause, stay calm, think about your goals and decide to do the right thing.

We’re all so afraid of being bored that we run to any distraction that presents itself. But when we truly engage with the world and focus on our goals, we’re never bored.

And as David Foster Wallace said, “If you are immune to boredom, there is literally nothing you cannot accomplish.”

***https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2016/10/how-to-resist-distraction/*****