#just kidding i’m nearly 30 and still a pussy lol

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Shoutout to 12 year olds in 2007 who were scarred for life (it’s me i’m 12 year olds)

[seulgiology]

that’s my type | jeon jungkook

pairings: fwb!jungkook x fwb!female oc

words: 3k

genre: SMUT with an “i love you” at the end , uwu

warnings: cursing, praise, dirty talk, thigh fucking, pet names, choking, a widdle exhibition, a lil pussy spank, ass slapping, piercings, tattoos (are those warnings?? idk), oc loves to mess with kookie lol save him

a/n: GIF IS NOT MINE! sad yer. admin 1 is sadly alive. HERE’S A REQUESTED JUNGKOOK SMUT, I TRIED MY BEST PLZ ACCEPT MY OFFERING TO YOU @itboykook . Also, i just randomly put two names together, so if by any chance that it relates to an actual idol IM SORRY. anygays, being a student is hard and online school is a lot :))), sorry for my inactivity.

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

--

Mid July - 12:03 p.m.

Jungkook fit right in with the rest of you, his quiet, odd, yet lovable personality was enticing and it didn’t fall short from the other 6 guys. 

He was the newest and the youngest out of your friend group, only a junior in college. His adorable teeth whenever he smiled that contrasted with his toned body was so attractive and he knew it too. He nearly rivaled Jimin when it came to visual duality.

You all were on one of the campus’ fields, enjoying a rare afternoon of no classes on your spread blanket. You and Hoseok were trying to play a makeshift game of basketball in the field with a random volley ball lying around and your jacket in a circle as the “hoop.” 

You were both dying of laughter from your failed attempts at playing defense and rolling in the grass like a couple of kids on a sugar rush.

Jungkook was next to Taehyung listening to brief him on everything about you, from your flat feet to your unconventional love for Tom Holland. He was sitting comfortably on the blanket, hands resting behind his back as he watched you and... What was his name? Hobi?  He’ll remember later. 

He couldn’t see you too clearly but he knew you were having fun after hearing your bubbly laughter from the distance. You didn’t seem to be coming over towards the others anytime soon so he thought he’d rest his head on Jimin’s plush lap and rest his eyes for a bit, letting the spring sun beat down on his face.

“Don’t you come over here with all that grass on you, Mae, you don’t know whose child was in there pissing.”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open, and he hissed out at the suns rays blinding him. He lazily shifted towards the direction of the noise and heard Seokjin— Jin grumble to you two. 

You were in the middle of rubbing the loose grass off your jeans when you could feel someone’s stare on you.

Jungkook shamelessly drank in your figure, loving the way your ripped jeans hugged your thick thighs. He could only dream of burying his face in between them and leaving hickies. You were slightly bent over in front of him trying to wipe the dirt off of you, but he had a great view of your full and round ass trapped inside the denim.

Is this what it feels like to look at an angel? Jungkook didn't know what to believe anymore after being graced with your existence. Did he want to worship your body, make you laugh, hold your hand? Or something more? The blood rushed to his center the longer he kept his gaze on you and letting his thoughts take a sexual turn.

You didn’t catch him practically eye-fucking you, but when you looked up and around, you did see him blushing and hastily putting his bag on his lap.

He must be a shy guy. Yet his whole presence makes you want to shut up and be a good girl for him. He was only laying down with his arm propped up for support, and his short black hair was flowing in the wind, making him look goofy with such a concentrating look on his face.

He pretended to be searching in his bag for something as his heart raced when he saw your shadow coming towards him. He tasted the saliva pooling in his mouth at the sight of you towering over him, your nose and ear piercings glinting in the sunlight. 

“I’m Maerin, the only reasonable one here. You are?” You carefully reached your hand out for him to shake with a charming grin on your face, amazed that your friend group just continues to add more attractive men to your circle.

“Jungkook, the other reasonable one here.” You laughed at his statement and his adorable nose scrunched when he smiled with you. You took the vacant seat next to him, and his sight was glued to your physique on your descent, entranced by the minimalistic ink on your arm.

Could you get anymore perfect? Perfect face. Perfect ass. Perfect thighs. Perfect body. Perfect personality most likely. HIs mind raced with thoughts of only you as soon as he took your much smaller hand in his in a firm shake.

He was going to have you one way or another. And that’s a promise he kept. Sort of.

--

Early December - 11:46 a.m.

Those god-awful finals had just ended for you guys and it was time for winter break. It was decided that you all would put in money to go to a ski resort for the break, needing the stress reliever and rest.

And get rid of stress was exactly what you did.

“Fuck, you really don’t know what you do to me,” His hand tightened around your neck in the most pleasurable way, and you were hazy from the dream-like steam the shower was bringing.

He had you pinned against him, his arms held you tightly in place as he thrusted in between your thighs, only sliding his cock against your slick womanhood. You hated not being able to feel him inside you, but he was in heaven when he had you like this. 

Jungkook’s reasonably unreasonable obsession with your ass and thighs played a great part in your friends with benefit arrangement. 

“This is all mine, sweetness,” He grunted in your ear, and all you could do was gasp in response. His wet and wavy locks draped over your shoulder as he sped up his pace, leaving you devoid of any type of release as your thighs tightened around his cock sliding in between them. 

“Jungkook-” You whined to him, upset that he was using you to get himself off. He payed you no mind however, his thrusts speeding up as the unrhythmic slide of his cock in between your folds meant he was going to cum soon. 

"You wanna cum pretty girl? Wanna feel me stuff you so full you won’t remember anything but me?” He moaned in your ear at the thought, torturing himself as much as he was torturing you.

You let out a pathetic but audible yes that you knew had his dimple popping from the grin that adorned his face. You yelped when he manhandled you against the wall and pushed your back down so your ass was to his front. You turned around to see him desperately pumping himself in his hand and his lips slightly parted. The sight had your arousal trailing down your legs along with the water and you licked you lips at his hard cock in his hand.

He pumped his load on your cheeks that were spread for him and he watched it get rinsed away as quickly as it came with the water.

Your body was still on edge when you felt Jungkook rise you up and back hugged you so tenderly, you were ready to fall asleep in his arms at the safety they welcomed. He chuckled in your ear at your languid body and held you tighter. “If you fall asleep you won’t get your reward for being good for me,” his voice was so sweet and you. Why isn’t he your boyfriend again?

“Mmm, really?” You questioned him in a sultry tone, wanting to get him riled up again. You grinded your ass on his hardening manhood and you loved the way he grabbed a handful of it and rolled his hips on you.

“Jungkook, you in there?” You both froze in panic upon hearing Namjoon over the white noise. Jungkook’s finger tips stopped their descent down your stomach and lightly dug in. Shit, fuck, fuck fuck, shit- 

“Yea hyung, I’m in the shower, what’s up?” His voice was unusually shaky to the older man, but he brushed his overanalyzing to the side. “Have you seen Maerin? She said she was looking for you but she disappeared.”

Your heart pounded to the speed the water was hitting you. Namjoon wasn’t stupid, he’d probably figure you guys out, if he didnt already.

Jungkook frowned at you in confusion and you shrugged back at him, your face heating up at the excuse you told the others men to just come see your fuck buddy. 

“She told me to meet the rest of you in the lobby but I wanted to take a shower before leaving. Um... I think she went to get more food before they closed the breakfast buffet.” He lied smoothly, and you sighed in relief and let your grip on hi arm drop.

THUNK!

Namjoon jumped after hearing the load thump and an extremely familiar feminine squeak from the bathroom.

Wait.

Was that Maer—

“Sorry hyung, the soap fell on my foot when I tried reaching for it! I’ll be out soon, don’t wait for me.” He replied in a haste after turning the shower off and giving you a hard look. After hearing the room door close, your body chilled beyond return and your nipples hardened in anticipation.

“You think this is a game, huh?” He tilted your chin up with his cold finger tips and glared at your smirking face.

This was most definitely a game you wanted to play.

—

Late December - 1:30 p.m.

“Who brought the liquor, im trying to get wasted tonight.”

“Jimin, we’re watching Stranger Things.”

“Ok— so where’s the liquor...?”

You smile to yourself at hearing your friends’ conversation, they never fail to amuse you. You were in the kitchen, trying to get popcorn ready for all 8 of you to watch the supernatural show in Jungkook’s apartment.

You leaned on the counter in front of the microwave and listened to its humming as the bag of popcorn started to slowly inflate.

“The guys are here and you have your ass all out like this?” A silent groan left your lips and arousal pooled in between your legs when Jungkook grinded his hips into your ass and grabbed a handful of it.

Your friend group had no idea that you were fucking each other for about 2 months now. It felt wrong to be sexually attracted to each other, especially because you were friends. So you both didn’t want a bad reaction if you told the others.

“Jungkook, someone’s going to walk in—” But you ignored your own words and instead rubbed against him more. You were breathing softly but heavily when you let him cup your cunt through your leggings. He loved it when you wore leggings, it always left little to his imagination when he wanted to guffaw at your legs.

The microwave beeped loudly and it startled the young man behind you into jumping back in fright. Jungkook swallowed hard at hearing your snickering and in a haste, left the kitchen and into the noisy living room instead. He was hard under his sweats, and hated how uncomfortable he was because did it.

They were all seated and prepared to binge watch the latest season of the popular American show when you crept out with two large bowls of kettle corn popcorn.

After they graciously thanked you, you took the obvious seat next to Jungkook on the loveseat. The others expected this, they knew you two were closer than ever. He threw the fuzzy blanket over you both as you cuddled close to the arm chair and put your feet on the other side of his thighs.

Your knees were bent up because you couldn’t fully extend your legs, and it was the perfect position for him to touch you in. He turned to gaze at you under his dark and curly fringe and his earring dangle from the movement.

He discreetly leaned in and whispered, “I dare you to try something while they’re here. Watch what’s going to happen.” The eerie theme song of the show began and you knew for a fact you weren’t going to pay attention. 

You’ve seen the legendary show already. So instead you’d mess with the man directly in front of you.

So for eight long hours you you teased him under the blankets; Rubbing his length with your feet, edging him and never letting succumb to the unusual pleasure. It was exciting to see him sweat while all of your close friends were so close to you yet too engrossed in the T.V. set to notice.

Just as your group was piling out and saying their goodbyes, you suggested that you stay to help the maknae clean. it was late and everybody would be busy the next day but you. 

And Jungkook wasn’t going to let you go that easy.

--

9:54 p.m. [same night]

Your damp forehead was pressed into soft cushion and your hands clutching the closest pillow on the couch as you were hopelessly whimpering for more. 

Jungkook wasted no time in having you ass up, head down with his wet tongue abusing your cunt and giving you a taste of your own medicine.

“You really must think this shit is funny, baby” He said, basking in the taste of your arousal. You whined when he lightly slapped your clit, your hips involuntarily pushing back for more and he arrogantly chuckled at your neediness.

“I asked you a question and I expect you to answer it.” His voice was gruff when his hard and angry cock slapped against your swollen lips, the slickness of it making it an obscene noise.

“Only if you fuck me first.” You breathlessly said to him and wiggled your ass to draw him in even more. His hooded eyes caught the sight and he moistened his thin lips, loving they way your bottom moved.

You both sighed in relief when he finally pushed in, the initial sting always catching you by surprise, no matter how many times he’s done it. 

“Shit, you always take me so well Mae,” He pumps faster, his hips snapping into yours and you cry out from the intensity of it. Your clit throbbed from your fingers circling around it, and your moans were purely sinful. Jungkook loved seeing you like this.

Back arched and your pussy clenching around his length. The way your ass bounced against his hips whenever he thrusted into you. Fuck. His hand came down hard on your already stinging before grabbing them and drilling into you impossibly quicker than before. 

“Please don’t stop!” You cried out, living for the way his dick filled you so fucking full until you you were seeing white. “Look at you pretty girl. You’re such a brat and all I do is fuck you and give you what you want.” He grunted in your ear and kissed right below it, hearing the dangling sounds of your own earrings.

“Ohhh, Jungkook I’m so close,” He huffed before carefully flipped you over and fucked you with vigor, your toes curling and an amazing sensation rushing through you. “Come on sweetness, you’re almost there.” He placed your legs over his shoulder and gripped your delicious thighs so tight, this wouldn’t be the first time you’d see hand prints there tomorrow.

His forehead was pressed against yours as he watched his dick push in and out of your sopping cunt, your cries egging him on to spill inside of you without hesitation.

The feeling in your lower stomach was becoming uncomfortably persistent and with one final rare moan of your name his hips stuttered sloppily and he filled you with his seed to the brim. Your body spasmed around him and your mantra of his name didn’t even let up after you came. 

When you finally came down from your high, your eyes cleared to see the sweaty boy slumped against you, body spent from putting his all into this session.

He peppered kisses along your collarbones and softly massaged your chest as your eyes closed from his blessed hands working on your soft tissue.

He peeked up at you through those unruly locks of his and that boyish charm never failed you whenever he literally did anything. Don’t even get you started on his boxing practices, whew-

“So round two?” He quirked a playful eyebrow at you as his fingers lightly danced over your torso. You giggled when he reached around your waist and applied pressure, the soft skin felt like silk to him. 

“What do you expect an answer?” You giggled up at him, stars in your eyes. You sneakily reached and tickled under his arms, and he let out the most adorable laugh your ears could ever hear. You shushed your laughs with unsuccessful kisses that were even more laughs because of your failed attempts of keeping a straight face.

When he pulled away, his doe-eyes were stuck on your gorgeous face. The way he was looking at you wasn’t unfamiliar, you we’re just too stupid to play it off as the “post-fuck love stare.” But here you were now. Laughing in between his strong arms and pecking each others lips. 

We’ve been friends fucking like this for months and I’m just realizing this now?

“What if I told you that I loved you? How’d you answer to that..?” He trailed off towards the end, his spontaneous confidence wearing off by the millisecond from his impulsive words. 

You could combust with the overwhelming feeling of happiness and your chest felt lighter even with his body of muscle on you. You smiled so wide up at him, you could barely see his own face morph into the dimpled look you’ve grown to love since you first met him. But you still wanted to mess with him for 10 more seconds.

“I would say I love you with all my heart...” 

You think his just dropped to his stomach with the way his face turned ghastly pale and his eyebrows raised in worry. He was not expecting that after your reaction to him confessing his feeling towards you. Was this a joke? But you were smiling... mayb-

“But my ass is bigger.” Your laugh was contagious and he couldn’t even be mad at you cause he couldn’t agree more.

[utterlyinevitable]

if ur struggling with the conception fic can u do conception hc instead

Sure lol I’ll just outline the fic 😅

Conception - Ethan x MC

NSFW

Ethan and MC were down in Providence visiting Alan one cold winters day. 

It was their first weekend day off together in a month and it had been longer since they’ve last seen Alan. 

The small family of three ate and drank and caught up on what’s been happening since they’ve last spoken and Ethan fixed the leaky tap in the bathroom. 

And while they were distracted by each other’s company it started to snow. 

Which turned into an icy fury. 

And completely unsafe to drive back to Boston. 

So the couple of nearly three years were resigned to spend the evening in Ethan’s childhood bedroom. 

MC had only been in the room once. And that was because Ethan wasn’t around to keep her from snooping. 

Now she got to take it all in. 

The deep blue walls, the dark wooden furniture pushed right up against the walls, the shelves and shelves full of books. His old full-sized bed that she knew was just a little too tall for. The candles nestled atop the radiator. 

“I never took you for a candle man.”  “I’m not. Dad always had a habit of keeping them on the radiator to freshen a room in the winter. I keep offering to install central air…”  “Let the man live.” 

She goes through the few drawers still holding Ethan’s things. She finds an old pinnie from his high school basketball days. MC stripped down and threw it over her nude body.  

Ethan turned around to see her as she twisted her hair in the mirror, toying with the idea of braiding the locks a coy pleased smile on her lips.

“You do know my dad’s downstairs, right? If you’re trying to turn me on… It’s working” “I’m not, I promise.”

It was the truth. 

MC was thinking. Thinking about all the memories this room held for him. So much history. It’s like stepping into the most intimate parts of his brain. He had a lot of firsts here and it’s really weird to think of Ethan as a kid. Sometimes it feels like he just… manifested like this, the old grump. 

“What did I say about calling me old?” Ethan challenged, closing the distance between them.  “I thought your dad’s downstairs,” she challenged right back. “You’ll have to be quiet for once.”  She faked a yawn and opened her arms in a wide stretch. “Easy. I’ll just go to sleep.” “Oh no you don’t.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. His lips finding the most sensitive part of her neck immediately. 

As Ethan’s lips and hands roamed the familiar planes of her body, MC’s mind wandered... 

“I can’t wait for this,” she said breathlessly. “A house and garden. Domestic bliss.” “I’ll sell the condo and we can get a townhome.” Ethan muttered against her skin.  

They were lost in each other. Ethan completely at her mercy and MC in the dreamscape they were creating. 

“Four bedrooms and a study,” she added with conviction.  “In Boston!?” He finally pulled away from her, enough to look her in the eye. “It’d be cheaper to buy another condo and join the two.”  “I’m not raising children in an apartment complex.” The words rolled right off her tongue without a moments hesitation.  

Ethan went stiff.  

Not enough for her to catch on in his change of stance as she pushed him back to sit on the mattress. 

Looking up into her round face, all Ethan could see was glittering eyes, a mop of curly brown hair and little feet covered in green. 

“I want everything with you,” Ethan words were just above a whisper.  

His hand came up to cup her cheek and the other wrapped around her back, pulling her into a tender kiss. 

She straddled him. They discarded whatever was left of their clothes. Their tender kisses and connection became deeper as they fell further into the old mattress.  

“Condom. Condom.” She smacked his arm punctuating the word as she broke away from their kiss. “I want you to cum in me.” 

Ethan knew exactly what that meant. They would be playing with fire without protection. A 30% chance of conceiving. 

“Didn’t bring any. I didn’t think we’d be stuck here.” She looked at him with wide desperate eyes, “Nothing hiding in the drawers?” “If there was, it'd be expired by now. I haven’t lived here in 15 years.” 

She threw her arms over her head in exasperation and utter disappointment. 

Ethan hovered over her waiting for permission to continue, or to stop it all.  

After the longest 30 seconds had passed, MC finally spoke; “So… risk it?” 

And risk it they did. 

They kept as quiet as possible and movements precise enough to keep from waking Alan downstairs. Accompanying the grunts and light gasps were the low, sultry words falling off Ethan’s tongue. 

It was erotic and driving her mad. 

Her hips jumped up to meet his in haste. She was so close. The more he talked the more he could feel her clenching around him. 

And so he said the words he knew worked every single time; “I’m gonna cum in your tight, wet pussy.”  “God, I want you to.” She was breathless, her head was spinning.  “Every last drop. Nice and deep. Filling you up.”  

He reiterated each sentence by driving into her harder, deeper. 

“Fuck,” she breathed. “Keep talking like that... I won’t let you pull out.” “I don’t care,” he growled. His teeth latching onto her taut nipple.  “Ethan…” she gasped at the sensation of the trifecta. “Deeper.” 

MC was on a cloud higher than 9. The pleasing sensations overwhelming her. So much so that she didn’t catch his last comment. 

Until it registered. 

And they had to stop. 

“Stop.” She commanded, keeping them both frozen in place. 

Ethan pulled away to look at her, concern etched all over his features. 

Her eyes were wide and confused; trying to make sense of this through her haze. He couldn’t actually be suggesting...  

She was extremely weary to ask the looming question; “Are you…” 

He answered with the brightest smile matching the clarity in his eyes.

It was infectious. 

She leaned up to press the lightest of kisses to his. 

It was all the confirmation they needed.  

They kept going with renewed vigor. They were on a mission. 

And when they came crashing down, breathless and euphoric, Ethan and MC stayed in place her hips lifted on a pillow. 

Minutes passed and Ethan broke their embrace;  “I’m falling out. You’re going to have to let go.” “Little longer,” she clenched him tighter. “Rebecca,” he scolded but the smile betrayed him. 

She made a little hmph as he pulled away. 

His fingers went to rub her core, assessing.  

“How much of a mess did we make?” she hummed, relishing in the overstimulation of his light touches.  “Surprisingly, none.”  She wiggled her brows, “You know what that means.” 

[arielmagicesi]

often when a series ends and especially when there is such a show-stopping ending, before I can analyze how I feel, I have to first list everything that actually happened. Now I don’t know if Steven Universe is actually over but I just. what the fuck that was too much I didn’t have time to react before getting slapped with something else

spoilers below obviously

I was tempted to start listing from the point of “Gem Drill” because I’ve heard that only a year has passed since then and I mean, what a fucking wild year for poor Steven. I’m also tempted to start listing from “A Single Pale Rose” because shit moved FAST starting from there. But I’m just gonna list everything that happened in “Change Your Mind.”

It’s kind of what makes me suspect that this is the final episode of the entire series, because although plot pacing has been accelerating throughout the entire series (going from “Steven learns how to bubble” taking 10 episodes, to “diamond showdown” being a minor subplot of 1) and although the plot pacing went super-speed for this whole diamond arc, this episode shoved EVERY LAST THING IN.

stuff that could’ve waited (Lars and Sadie’s reunion) and stuff that should’ve taken vastly longer if it even should’ve happened at all (White Diamond’s lightning-speed reformation) was all put into one episode. now, it was deftly combined, and I liked almost every individual part, and there was some possibly-unintended comedy to it all (”she’s GOOOOONE!!!!” and White Diamond demonstrating the big ship’s pussy-out look, etc) but holy hell I would have loved for it to have gone at a slower pace so that they could have explored some of the stuff.

[also, my ability to react to things is lessened. meeting Sunstone would’ve been, I’m not joking, the highlight of my week just two years ago. now it wasn’t even the coolest of the fusions we met, and meeting the fusions was an incredibly minor point in the episode. also i have other things in my life now lol]

obviously, part of this pacing is due to the airing schedule of the show. on a normal airing schedule, I’d feel emotionally exhausted- this would have been, what, a month after the Pink-Diamond-is-Rose-Quartz reveal? but because this show airs in the dumbest way possible, we have like five hundred years between plot points. however, Steven did not? Pearl did not? Garnet did not? CONNIE did not? how the fuck are they getting along?

secondly, this was all in one episode, so yeah holy shit, some whiplash occurring for this here viewer

(one final note: I now take back getting annoyed that we got Watermelon Moana last week because it was so gentle compared to this)

anyway, my promised list of Crazy Shit that happened in one 40-minute episode:

1. Steven gets a flashback that tells him about a previous transgression of Pink’s, where we meet some other aliens. pointing to an old rebellion?

2. we see another Steven identity crisis with him flashing through Steven-Pink-Rose

3. Steven convinces Blue Diamond that she’s abusive and she immediately realizes the error of her ways and decides to help him and Connie out. (also, Connie talks to Diamonds a lot, I love her. damn girl)

4. we retrieve the bubbled Crystal Gems

5. Yellow and Blue have a big public diamond showdown

6. we discover that Yellow Diamond has emotions and tears, and feels pressured. shocking. if only the planets she’d colonized had thought to sit her down and chat

7. Yellow decides to join Steven’s side as well

8. they make a plan to escape via the leg-ship

9. White Diamond decides to show up and do her Creepy Act and she lands her big torso on the legs (confirming the obvious theory that the ships act as one big body)

10. Diamond Showdown Part 2, where Yellow and Blue attempt to fight White

11. Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot return. We see Lapis and Peridot’s new forms.

12. Bismuth has fixed the arm ships and upper-cuts an upper-crust for the first time in her life in a really cool way.

13. Steven manages to say words to White Diamond, and so do Yellow and Blue.

14. White Diamond GREY-IFIES BLUE AND YELLOW DIAMOND

15. which also means we find out exactly what the fuck is wrong with White Pearl (also may I say, this is something I wrote about in my fic, accessible on my AO3, linked in my About)

16. Steven falls dramatically with the gems of his friends in his arms

17. Steven finds out he can (and decides to) retrieve gems from their gems by fusing with them

18. We see Smoky Quartz form mid-air

19. We see Amethyst’s new form

20. Steven fuses with Pearl for the first time ever, and we see Rainbow Quartz 2.0 for the first time

21. We see Pearl’s new form

22. We see what a pink diamond/rose quartz forms with a garnet for the very first time

23. Steven’s own first fusion with Garnet

24. Sunstone attempts to start shit with the giant robot

25. We see Garnet’s new form

26. Bismuth presents the replacement for the Sword of Rose Quartz, as a gift to Connie

27. We see the full-blown temple fusion for the very first time ever

28. Steven has his first fusion with all the Crystal Gems

29. We meet Obsidian and she succeeds in starting shit with the giant robot

30. We see Bismuth, Peridot, Lapis, and Connie all contribute to the fight and survive horrifyingly dangerous scenarios. (still gotta wonder what the HELL Connie’s mom was thinking... she went from not letting her kid watch inaccurate TV shows to letting her nearly die countless times in outer space at the hands of alien dictator robots)

31. let me just add, I <3 Connie and she deserves the world. bravest kid in the universe

32. the Crystal Gems find a way to invade the robot

33. the four main Crystal Gems face up against White Diamond herself and her grey-ified pearl and grey-ified fellow diamonds

34. White reveals a bit to us via villain-monologue that we probably could’ve guessed already: she wants every gem to be flawless, to be identical to her essentially yet subservient- which she considers to be synonymous with flawlessness- and her theory about the way the colors of the diamonds informs their personalities. Including that Pink is part of White, despite White’s dislike of this fact.

35. White grey-ifies the Crystal Gems

36. Connie arrives, also fully ready to fight this bitch

37. the grey-ified Crystal Gems restrain Steven and Connie

38. Steven gets to have that full-fledged conversation he wanted with White, I guess

39. BIGGEST ACTUAL REVEAL OF THE EPISODE: We find out what happens when Steven’s gem is removed from his stomach!!! that’s been a question since episode ONE I think

40. we get to see a Pink Steven and a Human Steven, which is pretty cool. I compare it to what might happen if you got split into What You Got From Your Dad and What You Got From Your Mom

41. this is just my theory, but we find out, I think, that Steven’s general strength in everyday movement comes from diamond strength and that he turns weaker than a baby without it, which makes sense because he’s always had it

42. White Diamond attempts to grey-ify Pink

43. we find out, as Pink Steven so eloquently says, that Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz really, really is gone. she died in childbirth essentially. I think he might someday manage to access her full memories but I don’t think that persona is ever returning

44. we see what Steven’s bubbles/shield would look like in full diamond form

45. the badass scene of Connie CARRYING STEVEN TO HIMSELF?

46. we discover that either Steven is the most special boy ever, or White’s powers are no match for love or some shit

47. we get to see Steven...  fuse with himself?

48. everyone gets un-greyified. Including White Pearl. the white-pearl-is-old-pink-pearl theory is confirmed, though I think it may have been in a flashback in “Familiar” and hinted at during Steven’s flashback at the start of the episode when Blue said “she’ll take away your pearl”

49. we see Steven/Pink’s full empathy powers in play, I think? that’s what happened when he pink-ified the whole group? INCLUDING WHITE?

50. Steven gives White Diamond one of his lightning-round therapy sessions, and she decides to Be Nice Now, Actually

51. that’s right. THERE ARE NO VILLAINS I’M GONNA LOSE MY MIND

52. the ENTIRE GROUP GOES TO EARTH

53. meaning that White leaves Homeworld (and “her own head”) for the first time in eons, according to the other Diamonds anyway

54. we get to see Sadie and the Cool Kids’ new looks. minor I know, but Jenny looks great in a suit!

55. also minor but cool: they’re covering “Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart”

56. for the second time in like 2 weeks, Diamond Ships interrupt a townwide Beach City gathering

57. we find out that Beach City is full of fucking idiots who thought that the ship was like, a grand finale to the concert? instead of full-on panicking mayhaps? cause every time this shit happens it usually leads to mayhem?

58. the Off-Colors, coincidentally, finally arrive on Earth at the exact same time

59. Lars meets Lion for the first time as Pink Zombie Brothers

60. Lars and Sadie reunion, in which we also find out that Sadie is like a legendary figure for the Off Colors

61. THE OFF COLORS MEET THE FUCKING DIAMONDS

62. Greg and Steven reunite

63. The Diamonds meet and finally heal the Centipeedles

64. The Diamonds visit Rose’s fountain and get it working as a four-diamond extravaganza event

65. every gem from the temple is brought there to be healed. we see the healing of, I assume, p much every monster we’ve met

66. we get to see the Heaven and Earth Beetle, who are pebbles too, and lesbians!

67. callback to the memories of the four Diamonds having swimming pool time

68. Jasper gets healed and naturally tries to destroy Steven immediately, then looks up to see all three of her diamonds. She and Amethyst get to bond, I guess.

69. Callback to the intro itself with the “We Are the Crystal Gems” song and all the new Crystal Gems chilling on the beach

70. New song, “Change Your Mind” and it’s cute obviously

My feelings on the episode? So besides what I wrote above the list, re: whiplash, I think that from a realistic standpoint and a writing-fantasy standpoint, it is some wild shit. For all three diamonds to achieve a FULL redemption arc in one episode? Too much. For there to be NO villains? Come on. And for the lesson to be, we should just give heartless dictators love and they’ll grow hearts? Worrying.

However, as I reached the end of the episode, I thought about a time in high school when my teacher asked me which superpower I’d want, and then annoyed the class by seeming morally superior by saying he’d want to speak every language. Thinking on it later, I thought- I’d want more than every language. I’d want the ability to TRULY understand others, and to make them TRULY understand me- and each other. Because yes, OF COURSE every conflict can be boiled down to a lack of understanding, a lack of empathy. If we had superhuman empathy on our side, we really could do away with violence. But in the real world, we don’t have superhuman empathy, we just have regular empathy, and some don’t even try to use that. So saying “have a little empathy for your oppressors” is ghoulish.

But Steven DOES have superhuman empathy. In fact, all the Diamonds do. Blue can make others cry, White can make others be identical to her, and Yellow can give others fear and command. And they use it only for evil. But Pink can make others understand. And she had only used it for frivolous things until she finally combined with a non-gem life form. Then, human empathy met superhuman empathy, and did what it had to do. THAT is how Steven defeated the Diamond Reign of Terror.

That being said: I don’t know if the target audience of kids really caught that nuance, considering that the episode went so fucking fast. Additionally: some of that superhuman empathy could’ve been pointed at the legions of crushed, oppressed little gems- which I know it was- but the focus was SO intensely on, like, “poor Yellow never got enough credit for being SO good at imperialism!”

So yeah. Both writing-wise, pacing-wise, plot-wise, message-wise... I did love it, as I do the whole show, but I also thought it could’ve benefited from some space, some criticism, and some better organization down at Cartoon Network’s scheduling department.

Art-wise, well I’m not an animation expert, but Obsidian can get it <3 and I loved the designs for everything.

Character-wise... I’ll have to think on it more.

OK THE END I’M DONE REACTING TO STEVEN UNIVERSE. SHOW’S OVER

[77funhusband]

The First Date (Part I) - Dinner and a View

Yesterday I was chatting with a fun and sexy woman. I told her that her pictures and chats had been an inspiration so I thought I would write a little story about us. Here is the story, it turned out a little dirtier than I thought it would and it's longer than I expected. Also it's just fantasy, a fun, fleeting thought. I don't think any two sane people would do this on a first date. Lol. Finally, please excuse the typos, the story was written quickly and on my phone :-). I hope she likes it. The First Date (Part I) - Dinner and a View You told your husband that you were coming to Atlanta to buy some new clothes and maybe there would even be something lacy that you could wear for him when you got home. You told him that you were going to stay with some friends and be back tomorrow before dinner. What you didn’t tell him was that while you intended to pick up some lingerie, I was going to be the first person to see it on you. You and I had been chatting for awhile online and it seemed like our tastes aligned well. You have some tattoos and I’m clean shaven but I thought you were funny and cute and you thought that I was honest and attentive. You knew I would take care of you when we were together. When you told me you were finally coming down to Atlanta and that we should meet my heart skipped a beat. You were irresistible and sexy and I couldn’t wait to see your pretty smile and beautiful eyes in person. I told you to meet me at Bones, a great steak place in Buckhead. You texted me while you were on your way and told me that you would be wearing a black dress and with red heals and I told you I would be wearing a khakis, a button down, and a blazer since I was coming from work. We were going to meet at 7 but I arrived a little early. You were right on time and pulled into the valet line. When I saw you get out of the car you were striking. The weather was hot and your dress was short but classy. I walked up and took your hand, leaned in and gently whispered in your ear that it was wonderful to finally meet you. As I leaned in close, I could smell the sweet scent of your perfume and my heart raced. I held your hand in mine and led you inside. Of course the waitress thought we were married since we were both wearing our wedding rings and were immediately comfortable and at ease with each other. We talked about growing up and our kids and our spouses and we talked about how crazy it was that we finally had met. As dinner was winding down, I said, “how about we go and do a bit of shopping?” You smiled a wicked and seductive smile and said, “Yes, that would be perfect.” We left Bones driving seperatly and dropped the cars at the Ritz Carlton Buckhead just down the street. We grabbed an Uber and headed over to Phipps Plaza and the Rigby & Peller store. Rigby & Peller was small but had a great selection of lingerie. We browsed for awhile and I picked a few things that I liked as you picked a few things you liked. You wanted to try them on so you told the store associate that we you needed a changing room. I hesitated and stayed back as the two of you headed to the back of the store to the dressing rooms. You looked back and said, “Come on, you need to tell me how these things look.” The associate also looked back and said that its no problem for husbands to go into the dressing room with their wives. I followed you into the room, closed the door and for the first time we were alone together, inches apart. I could smell your perfume again, the same sweet smell as from the restaurant. You smiled and turned around with you back to me and said, “Can you help me with this?”, motioning to the zipper on the back of your dress. I was of course, pulled down the zipper. You turned around holding your dress up with your arms across your chest and smiled again. I gently grabbed the straps of the dress and said, “It looks like you still need some help.” I slid the straps over your shoulders, down your arms and the rest of your dress followed. First over your breasts, you were not wearing a bra, and then I kneeled down in front of you and slid your dress down over your hips, past your knees and then you stepped out of it. On my knees, my face was directly in front of your pussy, I took a deep breath and could smell your wonderful scent. Your panties were nearly transparent lace briefs and I noticed that there was a small wet spot right below where your clit would be. I looked up at you and smiled and said “I think you still need a little help.” I pulled your panties aside and gave your pussy and little kiss right where your lips meet at the top and then gently licked, parting your lips with my tongue and moving up to your clit. I could taste you and felt my cock getting hard. I knew I had to have you soon. I felt your hand on my head and you pulled it away. Looking down at me you said, with a wicked smile, “That's enough for now, lets buy these things and get out of here”. I agreed but not before I pulled your old panties the rest of the way off and put them in my pocket for safe keeping. We paid and left the store, our hearts racing. I could smell you on my lips and could still taste you on my tongue. I called an Uber, a large black Suburban, and we claimed in the back with our bags. I told you I wanted to show you something before we went back to the hotel and you said, “Sure, your the boss.” As the car began to drive you climbed onto me, straddling me in the back seat and began to kiss me on my neck at first then on my lips. I was hard again almost instantly and pushed by cock into you, though my pants, as you straddled me. You pushed back while we kissed, rubbing and teasing me. Your bare pussy felt hot even through my pants and had the Uber ride lasted 5 more minutes I would have fucked you there in the car, Uber be damned. We pulled up to a tall building in Midtown, it was about 10:30 pm and I told you this was where I worked. We got out of the car and I noticed your pussy had left a wet spot on the front of my pants and I smiled. We were the only ones there at that hour on a Friday night and took the elevator up to the 14th floor. I told you this was where I worked and there was a great view of the city from up here. We walked around to a large conference room with a huge window and could see the lights of Midtown and Downtown and in the distance Emory University. It was a great view. I said, why don’t you sit up here an patted the large conference room table. You climbed up and on your knees, your dress was riding up so I got a spectacular view of your ass as you crawled a few feet onto the table. You turned around and opened your legs wide, facing me and the window and said, “Why don’t you finish what you started at Peller?” I kneeled down again at the foot of the table and started to kiss your pussy. This time there was no rush so I started low and kissed up your thighs and gently sucked on your lips. Savoring every taste and smell. I parted your lips with my tongue and pushed deep into you before I i slowly dragged it up to your clit. I started to gently suck and kiss on your clit while my cock strained against my pants. You were laying all the way back now and you grabbed by head and my hair with both hands and pulled me in tight. I started to suck and lick harder but not too fast. There was a rhythm, I would suck and I could feel you push into me and then away until I heard you say “Oh fuck, that feels so good, I’m gonna come.” You released a deep moan and either cum or piss poured out of your pussy, onto my face and shirt. I didn’t care which, grabbed your hips and just kept licking and sucking to the same rhythm as you squirmed on the table as you came. When you were done you sat up and said, “Fuck me, fuck me” in a low voice. I stood up, smiled and then said “I’m glad you liked it.” But you said, “I did like it but I mean, FUCK ME, right now. I want to feel you inside of me.” I undid my belt and lowered my pants finally freeing my hard cock. I said “I don't have a condom“, and you said, “I don't want a condom, I want you to cum inside of me.“. I smiled and climbed on the table, moved over you and slowly, lowered myself down so that my cock was just at your pussy, and then pushed all the way in gently but firmly. You moan, and your head went back and I started fucking you, slowly at first. You can feel the head of my cock moving inside of you trying to go deeper and deeper. I start to go faster and harder and kiss you hard on the lips. You can taste and smell your own cum and then you push into me, meeting me with every thrust. You look right in my eyes and say, “Go ahead, I want to feel it“ and I start fucking you hard, not really thinking anymore where we were or that I didn't know if you were on the pill, only that I need to cum inside of you. As I came, you felt each pulse, one, two, three shots of cum, filling you up. I let you a big moan and kissed you hard. You bit my lip and wrapped your legs around me and I exploded into you. We laid their for a moment, sweaty and spent. I rolled off of you and you turned over onto your knees with your ass and pussy inches away from my face. Cum is beginning to drip out of your pussy onto the table and I begin to lick your pussy and from the front to the back, tasting my cum and your cum mixing, smelling the sex. I eagerly kiss and lick your pussy from behind and then move to that spot between your pussy and ass slowly lapping at the mess we made. You moan and then start to rub your clit with one hand as I begin to kiss and lick your asshole, slowly swirling my tongue, reacting to each sound of please you make. You cum again and hard and I can feel the flood of juices again flowing out of your pussy and keep kissing and licking until you can't stand it. You turn back around still on your knees, look down at the table and say “Wow, look at the mess we made, that was fucking awesome!“. Then to my surprise you lower yourself down lick the top of the table where some of my cum had landed, keeping it in your mouth with a smile. I smile back, put my hand behind your head and give you a deep kiss. Our tongues are moving around each other both tasting our cum and enjoying the kinkiness of it all, the moment and the night. We climbed down from the conference room table and start to put our clothes on. I'm a mess and as things begin to dry we both start smelling like sex and cum. My shirt is wet but I put it on anyway. You still look amazing and sexy in your back dress and red heels. I take your hand and as I start to lead you out of the office I say “I think we should go back to the hotel, get cleaned up, and get a snack. I'm starving!“. You agree enthusiastically and wonder what else the night has in store for us.