#just in case theres a fluke

[r0tt13]

genderbent duke for all my woman enjoyers

[dullahandyke]

and like sidenote if i can make a post with a target audience of zero. i feel like fhsy was to d20 what aa3 was to ace attorney but aa3 pulled it off better for reasons i cannot explain

[naturenaruto]

been thinkin alot about trans dean and how that would literally make so much more sense about john being soo disappointed and soo demanding and soo resentful..like he had 2 kids but was stuck with an older girl so he put an enormous burden on dean to perform both man (learn hunting and being dependable as a soldier) aaand woman duties (raise a baby basically on his own + take care of john) and how maybe when dean was young at the beginning he didnt mind his hair bein cut short (its just more praxtical sammy!) and he didnt mind john dressing him in boys clothes (ofc dad cant drag a giiiiirl into bars and around hunters jeeeez saam) and then as he got older he realized it suited him just fine so even if john did it to hide him bein a girl he figured well,,,,inreally dont mind a bit! not like im into playin with dolls and makeup anyways! and if john told him to start wrapping his chest and if john found him some off brand t well. it suits him just fine

[poplife4eva]

OMG THIS IS MY FIRST POST BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR A LONG TIME AND I WANTED SOME FEEDBACK BEFORE I MADE IT A FULL SERIES ON HERE. OK HERE WE GO YALL.

STAREING AT THE SUN. CHAPTER. 1

FINN

"Icarus. The boy that flew too close to the sun. Burned up his wings. Into little stubs of nothing,". Nana and her exaggerated stories ring in his head to this day.

Finn tries to look at his brother in the den of the truck but his views are cut off by tinted glass.

He's never this secretive about things. Hope’s never secretive about these things.

He never keeps this big of a project from him. They both dont.

The rubble from the ground hits the windshield swiftly. The dirt piling up on the small window means they weren't out of prison borders yet.

Across from the actual prison its two football fields wide of dusty perimeter of cacti and tumbleweeds. 200 yards of nothing but perimeter drones and guard angles. Makeing it harder to get in than out of the place.

He could still smell the dust in the air from the hatch that was cracked open. It bothered him that it was open but not as much as the fact that it didn't close in the first place.

It could give them away of not being a milk truck without the huge cloth covering them.

No matter how much he would try and pull on it, it wouldn't budge an inch makeung him almost fall onto a bunch of needles on a cart that was locked.

Finn stares at the syringe covered in specks of blood. Her blood. Blood that shouldn't have been taken out of her body to begin with. Theres a way they could have run the test without druging her and takeing her blood.

There was another way he tells himself tryihg to stay an optomist. The majority of the liquid they extracted moves back and forth to avoid clotting.

“Dna test, nothing getting stolen, no one probably wants this anyways,”One of the scientists says carrying the blood in his rough hands moving it back and forth, trying to stop it from clotting without the machine. The heated gloves he's wearing only help a tiny bit with warmth. It didnt matter if it cloted they would just draw more from her until they got what they wanted. He says one last thing before going back to his lab. “Try and relax,”.

The bench that he's sitting on doesn't feel as heavy anymore. How can he relax? Motion sickness does not come lightly. He feels sick. He almost opens up the hatch to puke before seeing the line of 6 security cars behind them. A bucket is gonna have to do.

Nana used to tell stories about angels like her. The ‘broken’ ones. A leyline between demons and angels. The flukes and freaks of nature. Demon kind but still confined to the britches of heaven by laws bent against them. She told stories about the court case when she was a teen. And how she was there seeing the tiny baby in a cradle.

"You shouldn't be this close,'' the guard says from beside Finn. He moved over making less space between them. "Even if you're the grim reaper you have no business being here with that disgrace,".

His formal title on these projects. Grim. Grim reaper. Whichever fits. It's more his dads title than Finns. He just takes it on sometimes due to the resemblance.

'It's all about perspective,' Finn's mother Mortala said to him even earlier on the phone. 'You either think she's Cinderella or Hitler'. It's funny that she's referring to hitler.

Finn doesn't know what to think about it.

He's seen blurry photos of sorts and other things like videos of them restraining her but not alot. Videos blurry, violent and brutal; they looked like they recorded them with a disposable camera. Most of her efforts where completely shut down by shock collars around her neck as she was dragged back to her cage.

One of them. The one that really made him nauseated was one where the person recording followed the guard's puting her back. Picking up her unconscious face from the floor by her hair repeating the words. "Best spring break ever" and "no way dads gonna top this,". Her face is used out of that one too.

Finn nods slowly. Trying to not acknowledge him too much. His only job was to bring her back to the main ring with Dominic, his brother. They're twins.

It's a rehabilitation project. Their home is one big sanctuary with a couple people living in the wings of the mansion at a time.

It's a slow process of putting her back with her actual people. Her kind. Nana also said that Finn's father, Steven, was to dumb to act on cases like that until Mortala came into his life. Even though she despises the woman she still tries to treat her with dignity.

Finn stared at his unkempt hair in the mirror beside him as he thought. He brushed his hair out with his fingers trying to fix it.

When they presented the judges there case they all looked at them like they were crazy. But they got her out of the prison. One way or another.

"Is she back there, well of course she's back there, is she awake?"Finn asked, trying to look past the guard's frame. The mirror caught the side of her eyes. At the silence he started to get anxiety. He fiddled with the knife in his pants pocket. Everytime his hand passed the cold medal blade his heart rate increased.

He couldn't see anything in the small sliver of a window but a flood light. The guard mutters that she was but she had heavy sedatives in her."Can I see her?". He gives him an all knowing look but doesn't give his insight because he's not paid enough.

“You're the executive and…. 16 now,”He says, patting his back reassuringly. He unlocks the door after a small while of stalling looking for the keys.

As his eyes adjusted to the light as a small voice spoke in the distance. "Am I going to another facility?". There wasn't much distance but the voice was so frail it felt far. As his eyes adjust he sees a girl with a chain collar around her neck that barely fits as it falls off onto her shoulder blades repeatedly. She looked like she weighed less than 80 pounds.

She stares at Finn from where she's chained. She looks. Perfect. Like she's not meant to be in chains she's bound to. Like a princess. A damsel in distress. “This doesn't look like the carrier cars though, and these chains are a little thrown together,”. She laughed akuardly trying to lif the thing on her neck aging.

Words fail him as he sees the girl in front of him. Brown hair going slightly over her honey golden eyes covering her expresions. "My family's c-company,"Are the only words that come out of Finn's mouth as he admires her. The light only makes her eyes more beautiful.

The girl only nodded trying to flex her wings out again. “What a nice nap,”She says faintly again reaching her hands out to stretch but she noticed how somethings off. The bands. They have her strapped in like a turkey.

She strains trying to look back at the skeletons mounted to her back. She struggles silently looking at the skeletons and trying to open them. Finn opens her mouth as she looks at her panic setting into the honey pools in her eyes. "I can help you,"Finn shouts at her, accidentally startling her more. He didn't mean to yell at her.

"I can help you get out of those things. They're just high resistance rubber bands. I can cut for you,"Finn offers, showing her a pocket knife.

What was he saying? Offering her help now of all times. She's still unstable and scared. She could kill him if she wanted to.

She sees her jump back at the sight. As she should. It's a normal reaction to seeing a weapon in the hands of a stranger.

"No it's fine I-you I mean please don't come near me,”She panics. As she panics looking around now straining her apendages even further, the bands snap on their own. The strain must have gotten to them. It doesn't take much when you have wigs made up of sharp bones.

She starts to pick up wind beneath her. He tries to say something but her words are muted by a sound of agony. The girl's tugged back down onto the mattress harshly by the cheap chain. As she lands back on the mattress feathers start to come out of the mattress. One even landing on her shoulder.

¨You're still not at 100%, let me help you, please,¨Finn pleads stepping closer. He tosses the knife on the ground. It's not like he needed it anyways.

It's only when Finn puts a knee on the bed that she moves. She moves away from him, wincing because of dragging her wings against the striped bed. ¨Please let me help you,¨.

Finn reaches a hand out to the chain to remove it. The only sound was quiet wind outside. Brushing up against the metal on the carrier. Her breathing was shallow and hiked as she looked at him. He moves it off with one hand to not intimidate her, it was harder but it would make her the most safe.

This was all for her.

She yawns quietly as small tears run down her face. Finn moves away as her head lands on his chest. He looks down at her for a moment to make sure it's real before he moves her head to the side making sure she doesn't get cold.

They gave he a heavy dose of sedatives. He didn't pay attention to what the doctor said about them wearing off.

Finn looks at her file on the wall again. Gwendolyn Ruth Fallan, age 16, prison name: Icurs.

He took the file out with him. She knew there was a reason for this. Gwen.

------------------------------------------------------------------

His brother comes back out from the den a small bit distraught. He tears off his gloves with his teeth not wanting to touch them again he spits them in the trash. He looks back up at him to then at the file.

“Were you just in there with her? Give it to me,”He asked looking at the vanilla file in his hand. “Have you looked at it yet?”. Finn says no, but he refrains the urge to actually fork over the file. It was his. He had it first, it's not a petty sibling game. The file was rightfully his. No matter how he put it though it was petty.

Finn sits down on the bench looking at his twin. He twirls his hair just to annoy him further. “Would you rather look at it with me? I'm not handing over confidential information so easily,”.

OMG I DIDNT THNK IT WOULD BE THIS LONG BUT WHOEVER READS THIS I HOPE YOU ENJOY SO I CAN CONTINUE THE SERIES. NEW CHAPTER COMEING ON WEDNESDAY.

[twacn]

Two note post! The people have spoken!

#1 Exibition: From the book of saw

sequel to spiral. I think it should be saw 13 because then you can play with the X followed by three "i"s but I digress. Anyway I think Zeke and William should get to play a game of cat and mouse in which William leaves a bunch traps that are clues/bait for Zeke and at the end Zeke has to save William in a trap that he put himself in to prove idk something. Look there are 10 and a half saw movies and theres no canon gay people in any of them. This is movie begs the question, what if that still was the case but we got a little closer. Also I think we should lean into having much more public traps. The one in saw3D was so cool but meaningless. I feel like William would love a good public trap

#2 Saw: video games

Okay hear me out. Takes place after John's done a few traps but before hes gotten any apprentices (so before Logan or Amanda or Hoffman, tbh I dont even know who the first apprentice is? Anyway) John is trying to get an apprentice for whatever reason (needs more help with traps, wants the JiGsaW LeGacY countined, whatevs) but people keep dying and/or becoming ever so slightly unstable post surviving traps (which could mean anything, surely not a sign that jigsaw traps dont work) anyway john traps these two gamerboyz in a trap that Can't be lost (I think they have a similar relationship to John as Gabrielle did pre-reveal). The contestants in question are stuck in back-to-back chairs with monitors in front of them where they can "play" jigsaw, which is to say run a trap (albeit controlled to a few variables/choices on their part). Whoever is best at being jigsaw gets to become an apprentice. I think it would be like they get to choose who to punish and what traps to put them in. Think like early 2000s dressup games but for traps, diffrent combos of torture. Is this just an excuse to lean into matrix esc computer y2k aesthetics but for saw movies? Yes absolutely thank you for keeping track. Anyway I think it ends in both of these guys who started out nice enough and friends, getting a taste for violence and even after the traps ended, killing each other. Leading John to want apprentices that have been tested and steering them away from indulging in violence! A little charcter backstory from that!!

JIGSAW II: gameshow!!

This is kinda simalir to the above but sequel coded instead of prequel coded. Basically Logan starts becoming like jigsaw for real, and runs tests for people obviously, but with a small twist. People can choose, once they've survived a test to take a second, worse test, and become apprentices through surviving those tests. Leaning into the jigsaw fandom of the first movie (well the first jigsaw movie, not the first saw movie) those themes are expanded on, and the internet underground kinda starts hunting down being trapped because they want to become apprentices. Idk I just think it would be a fun twist to have people who (at least at first) want to be in traps! And then the horror of realizing just how bad the traps actually are is like, a cool scary thing to work with. I think Logan should get very into this and take pride in being the host of these games, being very pedantic and wanting to get everything down to the most minute details (eventually caring more about his jigsaw persona than the actual "ideals" behind it). I think this all leads to a twist in which Logan finds out that John didn't save him because he felt bad, but because there was an engineering fluke in his trap. This actually has always been my theory/headcanon, John's a good engineer but theres gonna be times where he messes up, and I think if that happened he would feel like the "purity" of the trap was ruined, and would count the trap as a failure. The fact that logan stuck around also being a fluke.. idk. God (john) loves you (logan) but not enough to save you (only enough to clean up his own mess) is like a good theme I think!! Logan not being John's special little apprentice but believing so much that he is...

Who wants to hear my pitches for future saw movies

[wheremyscalesslither]

Legitimate question because I'm interested in reptile breeding (not for profit, I'll probably keep most of the babies) how do you make sure you aren't inbreeding? Do you keep charts? Do you screen for genetics like mammal breeders? Just curious

Ive been trying to find out where to start on this basically all day. I feels like theres so much i have to infodump to explain my decisions.

Tl; dr: i do not consciously pair related animals, except in one circumstance- i will explain below.

Keeping in mind that my explanations are very heavily centered on the ball python breeding community, here's the background:

Nearly no one keeps track of parentage in ball pythons because it is seen as unimportant. This is due to some different factors:

The belief that heritable issues are very rare, even with inbreeding, and past experience has shown inbreeding doesn't really cause issues.

The belief that few things other than morph (color/pattern) are inheritable (ie. Many breeders do not consider temperment to pass on)

And, from my view point, it's to hide inbreeding, because even though its not looked down upon in general, we do know it tends to make less fit animals, and has the potential to create problems, even if they are rare.

Moreso the 1st than the others.

As far as I know there isnt any kind of genetic screening available for pythons, certainly not anything affordable and accessible 😭 theyre still working on the kinks for ball pythons, though i hear corn snakes are coming along nicely for that and its been expanded for many colubrids. They can take sheds and evaluate for morph based on parents iirc.

Personally, i don't have to keep track of lineage in any formal way because i have so few. I only have 17 ball pythons, two of which are related males, and two of which are nonbreeding/pet only males. That leaves me with no potential for inbreeding, unless i was to do something weird with the offspring of the related males, which isnt necessary or part of my breeding goals. When i start breeding the same male to multiple females, i will certainly keep better track, but its not really that urgent because the breeding males i have dont have many morphs that overlap, again aside from the related males.

Even though it isn't necessarily seen as problematic, i just cant justify inbreeding. The circumstances people typically inbreed are as such:

They dont see a problem with it, therefore it isnt unethical- for me, i am aware of the potential harm it can cause.

No one else is working on the recessive project they have, so they cannot find mates to breed with their snakes- i ended up with 2 breeding pairs because i really wanted to avoid inbreeding

They want to save money, so making a clutch and pairing a brother and sister is cheaper than buying a whole snake, typically- doing things in line with my ethics is more important to me than saving a bit of cash.

Theyre working to prove out a gene. This is where my exception comes in.

When trying to prove a new morph out, in order to have it accepted as a morph by the bp population, eventually you're gonna have to breed it back to its parent.

Take Whiskey for example.

She is an imported ball python. Her mom was roaming Africa, got caught, laid eggs, got released, and those eggs were incubated, and Whiskey popped out. Because she is not from a known captive animal, despite the fact she looks almost identical to mahogany, I cannot call her that. I will need to prove her out to make sure her pattern and color are not simply flukes, that it produces the same effect as mahogany, and that pairing her with a mahogany creates homozygous mahoganies.

Here's how most people do it:

Take the import, and breed it to a recessive gene or a normal. This will enable any offspring to be readily identifiable as similar or dissimilar to the parent. It will also prevent other morphs from interfering with the look of the individuals.

Hold back an offspring of the opposite sex to grow out, preferably one that looks like the import parent. However, if no offspring look like the parent, it could be a recessive gene, so a normal may be necessary to hold back.

Pair the offspring to the parent, await results. You get babies that look like the import, congrats you have a new morph.

Now, sinxe Whiskey looks so similar to some lines of the mahogany morph, and because some folks said she could possibly be a chocolate, i made a different move to prove her out, to hopefully avoid inbreeding through the usual procedure. I bought a chocolate mahogany male. If the offspring look like super mahoganies or super chocolates, then i have a very clewr answer. And if not, then I'll likely just have to hold back a male offspring that looks like Whiskey and breed her to him. 🤷‍♀️ there isnt really a different way to avoid inbreeding in the case of proving out new morphs.

Does this answer the question? XD

[foulserpent]

🍵 for nasty ned because "nasty" is in the question

🍵 Are there any rumours about your OC hanging around? Nasty ones or just good humoured? Got any gossip to share about them?

he’s not as well recognized as one might think for an arena champion, due to having worn a helmet and being covered in blood most of the time. but its generally known in places he’s stayed since then that he was in prison for a while. when he lived in kvatch for a year or so (until it was destroyed), there were rumors that he was jailed in the first place for some horrible murder (it was just theft), that he had slept with the entire staff of the local tavern (it was ONE person ONE time, he just loitered in there a lot because he hated being in the attic he was renting). he did his best to keep his identity private but theres rumors about him being the same guy who won the championship recently and won on a fluke and looked like he died. which he was

he’s openly hostile to like almost every blades member so he’s not popular there either and gets blamed for like, every weird inconvenience even though its mostly xikeel who’s picking over the food supply and stealing dishware. a lot of people are also under the impression that him and xikeel are a couple, which isnt really a malicious rumor but it annoys him, or that him and xikeel are wanted criminals who have been personally pardoned by the emperor-to-be on the condition that they assist him. 

that one’s partially true in xikeel’s case since she technically was supposed to get a life sentence and was never officially pardoned beyond martin going “....................okay im not gonna worry about that rn just dont do it again” irt her being a lifelong trained contract killer. theres nothing to it in ned’s case (though theres in inkling of reality in it in terms of the fact that him being martin’s friend is probably the only thing stopping jauffre or aggravated blades footsoldiers from throwing him off the edge of the temple wall)

[cooliogirl101]

Alright!!! For Hisana: 1, 3, 6, 7. Thank you so much! I saw this and started squawking to myself about Hisana's delicious moral complexity. Sayori's cool and all (for a psychopath) but I find Hisana's morality so much more interesting.

1. Which should be saved- a bus full of innocent lives or a loved one?

Loved one. Without hesitation. 

(And it’s one of those points Gin loves needling her about, because how can you claim to be a good person while being so selfish at the same time?)

3. If you could jump back in time to save a loved one’s life, would you? Despite what it might do to the timeline? To everyone else? Do you believe it is their fate to die regardless?

Well first of all, if there’s one thing she’s learned, it’s that fate is changeable. Secondly, she’s spent her entire life fucking up the timeline, so I don’t think she’d see any issue with traveling back in time and fucking it up one more time, especially if it meant potentially saving someone she cared about. 

6. If you tell the truth, an evil person gets to walk away free. If you lie, you may be able to send them away like they deserve. Is honesty worth more than justice?

Hell no. She’d lie her ass off. 

(Her views on honesty and how important it is can be extremely flexible, in case you haven’t noticed. All about them pros and cons).

7. You have the key to immortality in your hands. But not for free-- if you want it, as a price, your worst enemy also gains immortality. Is it worth it?

Hard no on that one. For one thing, she doesn’t even want immortality. Immortality sucks and anyone who chases it needs to get a life (irony intended). In fact, if she died right now and got reincarnated again, she would completely freak out because that means getting reincarnated with all her memories intact the first time wasn’t just a crazy fluke and she may actually get stuck doing this for the rest of time. 

(Hisana’s also interesting to me because I’m pretty sure most people would agree she’s a good person with a strong moral sense. However, at the same time, her morality is pretty darn relative.)

[have-some-mercy]

Broken pieces part 3

Part 1 // Part 2 

Junkrat x cis!fem reader

Warning: Cussing, fight, blood, anxiety, depression, break up, hint of torture, Ex not understanding anxiety/alienating anxiety. 

Junkrats speech is bold

Roadhogs speech is bold italics

At  first Hanas speech is Italics, later it becomes your ex’s.

Yours is the normal one.

This will be somewhat short. Next chapter will be longer. NSFW coming soon.

Building up. sorry

Hana had helped you with your hair. It was really the only thing you'd let her do. Not being one for makeup and fancy things like that.

"Oh c’mon its your first actual date with him!!"

"Yeah but.. I want to be my self. That includes no heavy make up!"

"Awww... Fine... At least lip gloss and eye liner? "

You only held out your chap stick. "Just this. " Dva groaned with that. Puffing her cheeks. "So boring!! All i helped you with was straitening your hair! Can i at least lend you some natural color lip gloss??"

Digging it out of her small bag she comically waved the thing at you.  "And yes, it moisturizes to!"

Eyeing it you were to refuse but those puppy dog eyes had you down a peg. Sighing you caved. Palm held out. "Fine.. It wouldn't kill me.. "

Right away she was in your face. Pushing the hand aside to apply the gloss. "Now remember! It comes off after you kiss someone so if you to do just re-apply! "

Shoving it in your hand she was already exiting the room. "Byeeee!!! "

Before you stood she was back. Head poking in the door way. Playfully winking. "Don't use it all up! "

With that she was gone.

'he said it was like a cafe right?..' Heading down the hall you waved to other agents. Many smiled back, others commented on how cute you looked. Being respectful you thanked them but seeing your reflection you doubted that. However you appreciated the gesture regardless. Fighting your anxiety to turn back and change. You wore a cute little dress. It was modest and casual. Boots with thigh high stockings that matched, and a long jacket in case you got cold. You didn't know if it was far and honestly questioned how'd the two of you get their. Junkrat often having Roadhog drive them but there hadn't been a word of your large friend coming. Thinking about it you hadn't realized the footsteps quickening to you as someone called your name. Suddenly you felt an hand on your shoulder turn you .

"Baby whats with the get up? Going somewhere?" It was your ex. Smiling as they had obvious company waiting behind. You knew the person this time. They sheepishly waved as you gave a smile.

"Hello? Earth to y/n? Where you going? "

"O-oh." This is it.. You were going to break up with them. Fighting  the anxiousness you steeled your self. Your mind dwelling on Junkrat, the thought of him helping you keep to this. "Well... Um.. Its’ just.. I-i.. " sharp inhale you ignored the anxiety and sudden need to cry. "I don't think.. I want to be together anymore.."

You did it!

"... Wait what?? Why?” They soon looked around. Seeing as  their room is just down the hall.“look lets go in the room. Its right here"

Or maybe not? You followed in favor of privacy. The click of the door closing had you slightly paranoid so you kept near it. Ex gesturing for you to repeat. Thinking they misheard. Gathering your self you spoke. Shaking slightly but trying to stop your body from doing so. "I.. I don't think we're right for each other.." You weren't lying.. You two were different in so many ways. Many which you ignored in favor of pleasing their preference. Essential cutting your old habits to please them. "Babe.. We’ve been together for #years! I think if that was true we wouldn't have made it so far."

That may be true but it was due to you keeping everything in check. Sacrificing everything you loved so it wouldn't end in a break up. Even when that still happened you were always taken back right away. Your self blind in love fooled to thinking they were flukes, that the break was just a blurting out of words  due to them being to emotional. Shaking your head you tried to smile.  You knew now that it was all real every time. Fighting the urge to vent all of your frustration you kept to it. "its just... I’m tired of always having to give up stuff for you.."

"Babe. Who’s done that? You don’t see me complaining for the fact you need personal space all the time. "

'wait what?'

"Your work requires so much privacy so i give it. But you know i miss you every second. I do that for you. I give you so much time for your self!"

Was that true? Questioning your self you shook your head. Trying to focus. "T-that’s not true."

"How? We sacrifice a lot of things. That’s a relationship. We work together!"

"It's just.. I don't feel loved anymore.. "

The clicking of heels was heard in the background. Your exs friend leaving you two be. Signaling they’ll see them later.

"Oh? And just as I explained how i give you time. You can always viset me you know. Our dorms not that far apart either!"

"I.. I have but you were always busy.. And i can’t keep rescheduling anymore."

"Well then why not try a different position?"

"But I like my job.. I like the field work too-".

"More then us? Because it seems to be getting in the way more and more."

"But I tried to visit you all the time.. I was always there and tried to use my free time to see you.. But every time id go over you were busy or gone.. I would text you all the time asking.."

"No you would spam me-"

"I'd only send 2 to make sure!"

"And then blow up my phone calling me till I answered?"

You were already in tears. and that frustrated you. You never wanted them to see you cry anymore.  "You always told me to call encase you didn't answer! It would only be 2 or maybe even 3 times! You always tell me after that  how you couldn’t hear it or find it so i’d call like that to help you find it! You always say how you loose the thing and how tired you are of doing that.. You even told me it was ok how I do that.."

"Oh so im the bad guy?"

"N-no please i’m sorry.. Its just- "

"Look.. How about we just.. Make up ok?.. Just please try to change things? I can only do so much.. Your becoming greedy and selfish again.."

Sniffling you shook your head. Fumbling with the sides of your dress. "But.. But i don’t want to be together.. I don't want to anymore.."

Your ex stared at you, looking hurt and betrayed. You were shaking, sniffling  because you felt so bad.

"Really?"

Nodding they came closer. "After all of this.. After everything I'VE done for us? For you? I had put up with so much of your shit! Who else is gona do that Y/N!? We have been together for # years.. #YEARS! and your just gona end it because you don’t THINK we should be together? Because your thinking of your self and not us! Now what does that make you?..  "

Sniffling you nodded. Gripping your dress ends with white knuckles. "I...I'm sorry i...i know i’m selfish.. but.. I.. I just.."

"Let me gues.. Theres someone else? Am I not good enough? Where in a fuckin polyamourous relationship and your STILL not satisfied?! "

Your voice was meek now. "I.. I only said yes to being poly to make you happy... I.. I didn’t have anyone else--"

"Oh BULLSHIT! It's Fawkes isn't it?!"

You were quiet. Trying your best to calm your nerves but failing miserably. ".. I.. "

"You know that’s really fucked up of you! I have done EVERYTHING FOR US! FOR YOU!! And your gona leave me, the one who’s been with you for #! FUCKING YEARS! For that fuck?! Who’s going to help you with your anxiety? Your depression? I have changed so much for you! I have done everything wail you keep asking and asking for more!!"

hic -up crying you wiped your eyes and nose. Your cries quiet as always. Pacing as you listened.

"Seriously? You can’t even keep it under control like a normal person?!  "

You stopped quickly. wincing at their words. “Don’t be dramatic I didn’t even touch you.” , trying to fight the anxiety as your knees buckled against each other.

"Remember valentines day?! Huh? I went all out!!"

‘Days later’ You were the One who always had everything decked out and planned but they left you crying at the table, alone, or being blamed for things that didn’t go to their image of what it should have been. You having to walk back. Hiding the truth, lying to everyone saying you both were broke, or that you forgot your wallet, that you messed up somehow when in truth they just didn’t appreciate anything you did. It was never enough. The common fall back when one kept questioning was to use your work as an excuse. As you were one to not fall behind. Only 1 person knew the truth aside from you two and it was Hana. Even then you always planned the others or nothing would be done and it be your fault.It was always your fault. In fact the only time you didn’t do something was when your ex had to “go” and Jamison, Hana, and Lucio came to help you out. Spending the day with you.You explaining to them that they had “work”. Then again that was what you were told when in reality you later found they were with someone else. When you confronted they just said you misheard.

"Who has been there for all of your birthdays?! Getting you everything you wanted?! "

Yeah you've had good ones but only because YOU made it so. The nights before you often cried because they would make you feel like shit for being selfish, and greedy. You planed everything or Junkrat and Hana did. Junkrat with his surprise parties for you. Rat, Roadhog, Hana and your friends. You would have to practically pay to have your ex there now that you think of it. Their issue would always be missions.

"I would take the day off for you!"

Winston always suggested it. Winston was always courteous to let everyone have their s/os birthday off.. He would tell you after but you would always make up the excuse later.. Your ex always happy about you doing so. Never liking their image messed up.

"I even started going out more like you wanted!!"

That was true but it was hardly with you.. It was always to clubs with other people, even when you were with them you were often left to be a designated driver, the one with the money, wingman or all of the above and the latter was nearly every time now.

"I take so much time out of my life for you! For you!!!"

Sniffling you stopped crying. Shaking your head once more. "No!!! No you don't!! You never do shit!--"

A loud smack was heard. Your cheek stinging and head ringing slightly. Mostly in shock. Wide eyed you put a hand over the now throbbing area. Slowly looking back to see your ex crying.

"You fuckin monster... Look what you made me do! Do I really have to actually knock some sense into you?! Have we really gone down this fucking path? Are you fucking serious?! "

Sniffling you wept silently. Focused on the floor till you hear a familiar sound.

Click, Tap, click, tap, click.

Your ex unaware till they saw the door swing open from behind.

"Oh look who it is?! The fucking home wrecker!!-"

"You wrecked it your self!”  Jamison pushed between you two but soon freezing once he saw your face. Your cheek now being slightly swollen. You all may be agents but that only made it more apparent to dodge anything hitting the face. You never expecting such from your ex had you wide open for it, cheek having a prominent hand mark. The fact that Jamison can see it left your ex backing up slightly.

You couldn’t even look at him. Trying your best to smile at the Junker. Doing everything in your power to stop shaking. Turning slightly you noticed Roadhog at the door way, the elder catching your red cheek too. Your self turning just as quick only to hear the door close.  Your ex backing even further into the room.

"What the hell are you two doing?! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!  This is between us!.. are you listening to me?!"

Meanwhile Jamison tentatively thumbed your cheek. Wincing when you flinched. "I... It’l go away.."

Jamison just nodded, standing up fully to cover his face. The sound of a giggle soon turned into a small chuckle that soon rang out as mad laughter. Wiping his face he turned quick to your ex like a staved animal cornering prey. "What have we 'ere?"

"D-don’t you dare think that was me! She fell! Right Y/N?!" The desperate look on your ex’s face hurt to see. You may be breaking up with them but that never meant you still don’t care for them. You knew if the Junkers found out your ex would be killed.Even after being hit. you didn’t feel that meant death.".. I did, you two know how clumsy I can be--"

Words light as you faked being happy. You made it apparent to hold Junkrat close. "Oh thats funny! My silly lovey can be a clumsy one!"

Smiling as he patted your head. Seemingly relaxed as Junkrats smile never faltered. Giggling he soon rubbed your shoulder. Pausing before patting you gently to let go as he gestured to his attire. New hoody and pants. “I ain’t got me toys don’t worry., but ya gotta be extra carefull now.” Smiling your grip loosened, enough for rat to start walking to your ex. Said ex unaware as they chuckled and watched hog.

"J-jamie?"

"I mean she let 'er 'eart fall into your hands after all!"

“Oh fuck you! That’s not funny ass!”

It all happen so fast. Your ex now pinned against the wall as Jamison just smiled. Laughing. "Speakin’ of funny, you'll love this one!! "

"Jamison!!"

"HOLLY FUCK PUT ME--"

Before your ex could finish that sentence Junkrat slammed them against the wall hard enough for the impact to leave a visible crack. The sound making him laugh louder.

You panicked but Roadhog was quick to get you away from the two.

Your ex choked on spit. "Did ya know  I hate when people are forced ta lie? You ‘ave her do it too much for me liking."

Your ex had panick in thier eyes. Soon snivling and trying to back away. "B-b-but"

"B-b-but what? Speak up mate!" With that he soon gripped their shoulders harder. Bringing them closer as he leaned an ear in. The grip was enough to make them whine from the pain. "I'm telling you the tru--" before they finished rat already slammed them back against the wall. Harder then before and left hand now holding them by their throat. Savoring the sight of blood that trickled down the wall. "You know it be easier if ya jus fess up-"

Soon your ex just  started crying. Rat looking at his right hand. Checking the paint on it. "hnn.. Think I need a new coat.” 

“P-please.."

Rat just tightened his grip against their throat till they started coughing. You kept trying to have Roadhog let you go. His grip didn't hurt you but you didn't want this. You knew your ex was no match for rat. Looking back you gently patted the large mans hand. "Please...." You whisper. Hoping it work but he just shook his head. “Let them”

Seconds later your attention was brought back to your ex and rat, hearing as your ex wheeze out. "A...a....r...igh...t.."

"Oh?"

Loosining his grip enough to let them talk. "A...alright...i.. I hit them.. I did it!! "

"That ya did~!!"

Rat smiled happily with that. The air seemingly to clear as he just held your ex for a bit. Said ex forcing a smile back, Rat only giggled which made your ex join. Thinking their safe till Rat dropped them after kneeing them in the gut. "Ya sure fuckin did!!" Not letting them recover he soon gripped their neck and started punching the shit out of them.

"JAMISON!"

Your ex coughing and trying to defend them self. Succesfully kicking him off only to be dragged right back. "Where do ya think your goin?" With a growl the two scrapped. Rat obviously winning. Your voice drowned out by the sounds of Junkrat laughing and the room being wrecked beyond repair as he easily rammed your exs face into objects just for added damage. Before it could get any further you screamed. "JAMISON PLEASE!!!"

Panting heavily the tall Junker stopped. Grinning wail wiping blood and sweat off. Eyeing your crying state and the jack ass underneath him. Hissing inwardly he smiled to you. Standing up after dropping your ex like wet rag. "S.sory deary. Gues i got a lil carried away. " With a giggle he walked to you. Wiping some of your exs blood off his hand before cupping your cheek. Using a thumb to wipe your tears. Kissing you gently. "M'sorry ya had to see that." With that Roadhog let go of you. Backing up slightly so you two had some of room. "J..jamie please.. Please don't hurt them anymore.. Please.. Don’t kill them.. " you begged as you nuzzled up against him, unintentionaly wiping some tears too. The lanky junker soon held you close, nuzzling back just as lovingly. Voice soft and kind. "Alright darl'. It they mean that much I won't kill em."

Sniffling you coughed slightly. Crying so hard it strained your throat. Holding onto rat as if your life depended on it. "P..promise?"

Nuzzling your other cheek he picked you up in one fair swoop. Nosing you lovingly. "Of course deary. If it means that much then I promise!"

Giving another Eskimo kiss you noted the two of you leaving. Smiling with that as he kissed your worries away.

"Now, 'bout our date? "

Opening the door you smiled to him. Unaware of the signal he gave Roadhog. The larger man just nodded at you both once leaving the room. Thinking nothing of it you smiled gratefully at the masked man. "You joining us?"

"Oh? Nah he has actual work. Bleeehh! "

"Jamie are you having Roadhog do all the paperwork?!" Worried you looked back to Mako who shook his head. It was a lie but it get you to stop prying.

"W-whah? Naaahhhhh-well.. Maybe just a little! " before you knew it Jamison ran with you. Waving to Roadhog. "Take care of it will ya!" Seing you pout he added. "I'll come back to finish the rest don't worry!!"

With that the two of you were gone.

Meanwhile Roadhog just reopened the door. It creaking slowly. Your ex was still on the floor licking wounds. Trying to check how bad they were till they saw Roadhog. "Wait..."

The door soon closed and locked behind the tall tank. "Wait...” Limping they soon slumped back against the wall. “But.. But you promised..."

Roadhog only cracked his knuckles. Soon neck before grabbing them. Ex watching their reflection on his mask.  "Rat promised."

[interlagostrack]

by Jennifer Walker

One night during the third year of my PhD program, I sat on my bed with a packet of tranquilizers and a bottle of vodka. I popped a few pills in my mouth and swigged out of the bottle, feeling them burn down my throat. Moments later, I realized I was making a terrible mistake. I stopped, trembling as I realized what I’d nearly done.

I called a friend and met her in a bar exactly halfway between my house and hers. That night changed things for both of us. She met the love of her life—the bartender, who she later married. And I decided I wanted to live. The morning after, I found a therapist and considered quitting my PhD.  

It’s common knowledge that getting a PhD is hard. It’s meant to be. Some even say that if you’re not up all night working or skipping meals, you’re doing it wrong. But while PhD students are not so naive as to enter the program expecting an easy ride, there is a cost to the endeavor that no one talks about: a psychological one.

The days I spent pursuing my PhD in physics were some of my darkest. It wasn’t the intellectual challenges or the workload that brought me down; it was my deteriorating mental health. I felt unsupported, isolated and adrift in uncertainty. Anxiety attacks became a part of my daily life. I drank and cut myself. I sometimes thought I wanted to die.

I might not have felt so alone had I known how many people struggle with mental health issues in academia. A 2015 study at the University of California Berkeley found that 47% of graduate students suffer from depression, following a previous 2005 study that showed 10% had contemplated suicide. A 2003 Australian study found that that the rate of mental illness in academic staff was three to four times higher than in the general population, according to a New Scientist article. The same article notes that the percentage of academics with mental illness in the United Kingdom has been estimated at 53%.

But the stiff-upper-lip attitude that pervades the ivory tower can prompt many people who struggle with mental health problems to keep their problems hidden, while others simply accept depression as par for the course. And in the often-Darwinian culture among graduate students competing for a handful of professorial jobs, too many people assume that psychological problems are only for the weak.

“I assumed and hoped that simply taking antidepressants and just ‘working harder’ would help enough,” says Jane*, a PhD student in biology who’s been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. “And when things did not quickly improve, this further affected my mood.”

In essence, many PhD students are so accustomed to hard work and self-discipline that they beat themselves up when their efforts to manage depression fail to generate perfect results.  

A general feeling of isolation can also weigh down graduate students who spend much of their time buried under a pile of books or alone in a lab.

“The issues that affect students in general, which could also factor in for PhD students, is living independently and having independent work,” says Anoushka Bonwick, the projects and relationships officer at the UK charity Student Minds. Equally stressful is the fact that PhD students face “uncertainty about the future, such as funding for research and what they are going to do after a PhD.”  

These issues can have an even bigger impact on students who lack supportive advisers.

“My biggest difficulty was the feeling of being cut adrift,” says Andrew*, a former PhD student in physics who dropped out months before finishing. “I didn’t have a very involved or hands on supervisor.” While he left the program in part to relocate with his partner, he says that “a more involved supervisor might have changed things.”

Other PhD students often suffer from imposter syndrome. This was part of my problem even before signs of serious mental health problems arose. I felt as if I’d gotten this far in my academic career by fluke, and that the top grades I’d received during my undergraduate and master’s studies had been an administrative mistake. This fed into my anxiety as well as my depression.

Imposter syndrome is a frequent problem among high-achieving students who find themselves surrounded with others like them, according to Linda*, a sociology professor from New Jersey. “It’s very common to feel an incompetent fraud, and usually to assume you’re the only one who feels that way,” she says.

The frequency of these problems shouldn’t scare prospective students away from pursuing PhDs. But they should be prepared going in to think about how they will handle psychological challenges as well as intellectual ones.

“I think firstly it’s really important to scope out support services that the university offers,” says Bonwick. This can mean everything from university counseling services to student support groups.

More universities and colleges are also making efforts to do more to support graduate students. Student non-profits like Student Minds in the UK and Active Minds and the Jed & Clinton Health Matters Campus Program in the US collaborate with educational institutions to raise awareness for mental health issues among students, as well as establish a support network.

Beyond these initiatives, universities need to do more to train supervisors to recognize the warning signs of everything from low-level depression and anxiety to suicidal tendencies and substance abuse. And they need to create a culture of openness that not only removes the stigma associated with mental-health problems but encourages students to ask for help.

“Academia is understanding, but perhaps too accepting, that everyone has problems,” says Jane. “Just because many people do have mental health problems, it’s not ok that that’s ‘how it is.’”

Finally, it’s important that both prospective and current PhD students directly confront the tenuous realities of the academic job market and plan accordingly. Uncertainty about the future can take a major toll on students, but they’re less likely to suffer if their entire identities aren’t tied to graduate school.

“If you do want to be a professor, think about what your life might be like if it that doesn’t happen,” advises Linda. “What else will make you happy? Aim for balance in life so that a rich world of family, friends, and hobbies give fulfillment where work may not.”

In my case, therapy helped me survive and complete my PhD—and so did planning my way out of academia before I even finished my thesis. I’d decided to become a writer. These days, I seldom use my physics knowledge. But I still rely on the inner strength that I developed during my time in graduate school, which gave me the courage to mold my own life.

[mollydollyjournals]

Wednesday 16th June, 157.2lbs. I feel a bit all over the place today. It's annoying. I fell asleep super fast last night but I got woken up by multiple things so I haven't had enough sleep. Even though I got up late as well. One of those things was hb repeatedly punching a hole in the wall downstairs so that was fun to both hear and feel.

My weight is a good thing about today I think... being 158.4 last night meant I would have wanted to be under 157 today, but sometimes that just happens. I guess it was a fluke. I thought that might be the case. But it's still lower than my ideal was for today, given that I'm trying for 157 tomorrow, so it's still good. I cant tell if I'm bloated or not though...period is due sometime in the next couple of days which means I could be right now or that could still be to come. My head definitely really hurts and I feel pretty low energy...I wanted to keep reorganizing my room but theres no way I'll have the energy. I need another thyroid test.

So I dont really know what to do today...I had a salad and berries for breakfast so I'm still keeping to my correct food habits. I have everything for dinner later. It's still below my calorie goal but I think I'll leave it there because I wont be doing much today so I wont be burning as much.

I just kind of feel...small. hb's anger issues always make me really anxious and it seems like each episode is getting worse. But I cant so much about it. And I still have the urge to ask him to hang out because I never have any company. I need a hug and to be taken care of and I'm not very good at sorting all that myself.

Not much of a choice though. It's been 3 days since I last drank which means I can if I want to. But itd be better if I didnt for weight and health reasons. So I need to see if I can entertain myself without it. I dont think I have it in me to be productive today. I dont even want my normal light on, I might just sit with the lamp. Find some anime to watch and design some nail art or something. Idk.

[soufiansfn]

The Purpose And Tenets Of Architectural Photography

By Betty Hughes

Buildings are valuable photogenic subjects. Thats because society has an innate appreciation for architecture, coupled with its adjunct aesthetics and significance. Architectural photography Minnesota is therefore a popular topic for deliberation. This genre is one of the oldest in the field. It predates portraiture by a considerable degree. That is because the first cameras required long moments of exposure, and humans werent patient enough to pose for long sittings. So, what else is there to do except take pictures of fixtures like landscapes and buildings. Anyway, thats what architectural photography is all about, photographing buildings, edifices, monuments, and some such structures. This is a very respectable field all by itself. It goes without saying that buildings are imbued with personality as much as people. That makes them apt and fascinating to capture on film. There are all the considerations balanced out by most architecture photographers. They have to determine when a simple and straightforward method will work out best, as when a building already has inherent elegance and beauty. But cases abound when they can get away with abstract and distorted styles. Thats something for the photographer to decide, but there will probably be outcomes when the output is a total critical disaster, which is a pitfall most would naturally like to avoid. Among the elements the photographer should take into account is perspective control. To anthropomorphize yet again, a building has a strong point that is great to capture on camera. It is really tricky to highlight certain aspects of a photograph and downplay others, but that is the drift here. Youd want to manipulate the perceived depth of the field to create a sharp focus of both foreground and background. Its also a way for onlookers to appreciate the beauty of design and architecture of a place when they dont have the ways and means to personally get to it. This is why people on the other side of the world are able to identify certain edifices such as the Empire State Building, the Eiffel Tower, the Taj Mahal, and the Pyramids of Giza. These are the types of structures one hasnt been to, but will know it once he sees it. Another element just as important is lighting. The direction of light will accordingly affect shadows, contrast, textures, and reflections. One can adopt certain techniques, such as silhouetting. You may take advantages of the available light by day, but the ambient light provided by windows, skylights, streetlights, flash strobes, incandescent hot lights, and other supplemental lighting may also be useful. In architecture, theres a whole array of lines, angles, textures, and geometric shapes that must be collated harmoniously to form a single picture. Symmetry is the mainstay of an arch photo, and it is something that must be delivered effectively. If theres contrast, it must be delivered deliberately, one that is inputted straightforwardly by the photographer so that its understood that its not a fluke or a blot on the landscape. Architecture is an extremely great documentation of the human enterprise. It is something of great cultural and historical significance. Its therefore only fitting that we record and archive its development throughout the years.

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