#just ignore i need to write things down
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#just ignore i need to write things down#had my first pang of depression in a while today#the finalists for the screenwriting contest were announced#i wasn't one of them but i already had been told that#still#also my joan of arc monologue#just reminded me that i'm too old now to play so many roles#so many just passed me by because i haven't been successful#now i'll never be the young heroine#and i always thought i would be
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also on my hands and knees dying to know about ur divorce (and perhaps reconciliation maybe…) with sir croc
Firstly I wanna say croc is THE reason for the divorced tier I had everyone in the husband/fiance/bf (and cusp + complicated) tiers I had the list downloaded and then I looked at croc in the husband tier and I was like no. Divorced………
Anyway I think you’re a marriage of convenience at first. Crocodile needs a wife to look more like An Upstanding Citizen Ready To Settle Down for his plans in Alabasta, you need the stability and rapport for your own reasons. A deal was struck (including a nice shiny prenup and an easy way out for both of you), the wedding goes off without a hitch, and now you’re cohabitating.
You’re all but a stranger, truthfully, though he’ll admit you were one of the most beautiful brides he’s seen walking down the aisle. And he finds your presence in his home less distracting than expected—you stay out of his way mostly, though the pair of you eat meals together and sleep in the same bed and you are always expected to be on his arm for formal occasions. You’re more than decent company, slowly warming to him and growing more open; willing to give advice on occasion, even, and it’s good advice he’s prone to heeding.
Which is why he’s blindsided when you drop the papers on his desk. There’s little he can do—they were practically already signed before the wedding, and in the surprise he can’t compose himself enough to think up a proper protest. All he can do is fold his hands together as you turn to leave, clear his throat, and call out, “Might I ask why?”
You shrug. It almost seems sad. “I want something more. You’re a very busy man, I don’t think you can give that to me.”
And those words haunt him, all the more because every trace of you is gone in the span of a few days. He lays in his bed, alone, pondering how much you truly lived in his home and how much he truly had to give you. He thought he made sure you wanted for nothing—but, clearly, that wasn’t the case. And if he’d known you’d be gone in the span of a few years…
In hindsight perhaps he’d been a bit distant. His work took up the vast majority of his time. All those meals were more often than not spent in silence, with Crocodile leaving long before you finished your food; you were often asleep before he came to bed, still slumbering when he woke; he’d arrive to those formal events with you on his arm and part ways almost immediately, drawn to meet with some politician or another and leaving you on your own.
The bed feels empty.
And then he gets a report about Nefertari Vivi. It all goes downhill from there. The empire he spent years building crumbles beneath his feet, toppled by that godforsaken princess and the upstart pirate with a straw hat. And as he’s carted off to Impel Down… he still thinks of you.
It’s perhaps a good thing that you left when you did. In a certain sense it saved you, severing ties with him when you did. But foolishly he wonders about the timing—wonders if it would have happened at all if you’d stayed. Logically he knows the rationale is anything but sound.
Instinctively… whenever he gets out, whatever he intends to do next, he thinks he needs you at his side again.
So when the break-out happens, and Crocodile is given a freedom he’d nearly given up on, the first thing he does is begin to track you down.
It takes more than he thought it would. His web of informants isn’t half of what it once was, and his name no longer pulls as much weight, forced to remain in the shadows as he now is. You, meanwhile, catch onto the mystery person trying to keep tabs on you far too quickly for his liking—flighty thing, never quite setting down roots, quick to flee at the first sign of danger. A trait that has only seemed to worsen in his absence, it seems.
But it’s only a matter of time. He’s Sir Crocodile after all, back from banishment to the depths of the ocean, sure to see the sun again. His men close in on you within a year as he builds up his numbers again, but Crocodile ensures he’s the first to make contact.
He intends to show you immediately how things will be different this time.
You’ve made temporary home on a quaint little island, sharing a house with a little old granny who lets him in eagerly when he presents a bouquet and says it’s for you. There he waits, served tea and biscuits that he doesn’t taste.
And then the door opens. You pause when you see him, eyes wide—donning a breezy sundress you’d never have worn for him in Alabasta, your hair wind-tousled so unlike the meticulous updos he always saw you in, with a basket of produce under arm—and the sight of you has his chest unwinding. It’s like he can breathe again.
Not that he had any intentions to before, but the smell of your familiar perfume steels his resolve to never let you disappear again.
#one piece x reader#sir crocodile x reader#ask.🌧#saintshigaraki#char.🌧 sir crocodile#mine.🌧#concept heavily discussed w kae and alec on discord LOL so ty if u see this 🫶🏻#maybe tomorrow I’ll write reader’s side of the reunion but I am Eepy so I leave it there LOL#but just……. him being a bit neglectful the first go. kinda taking you for granted#and then having the shock of his life when u leave + he is taken down#and it turns into this almost psychosexual thing where u represent that success & power & being on the top#so he Needs you again and this time he will Not ignore u he will cherish you and hold you tightly and shower you w whatever you want#(unless you want a longer leash……… he will not give u that. u will be staying close)#(on his lap ideally)#anywayyyyy#did NOT proofread I am so tired LMFAOOOOOO#cw.yandere#I suppose LOL
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screenshot redraw YIPPEE 🐁🐁
We NEEDED to see more of the monkey sidekick having duo 💔 It's okay though, im not angry about this. *my nails dig into my fists*
#wordgirl#wordgirl fanart#wordgirl pbs#pbs kids#digital art#art#pastrami sandwiches#screenshot redraw#professor tubing#captain huggyface#becky botsford#bob wordgirl#bosco wordgirl#wow chat who knew I could draw something wordgirl and NOT related to a.. certain sombody.. twirls my hair#gentlemen PLEASE! I am a man of science! and this is my.. monkey! of. science.#LOVE HIM HE DESERVED MORE TIME TO SHINE WHAT#GRGRGRGA GRIPPING AND SHAKING THE BARS OF MY CELL#also lschool just started for me and um yeah productivity is down like 80% IM SORRY I WISH I COULD JUST DRAW 24/7 BUT I CANT ANYMORE EUEUU#school*#im uh. still making that comic. NONO LISTEN TRUST ME ITLL BE FIRE JUST JUST GIVE ME A SECOND IM ALMOST IM ALMOST READY TO START IT I SWEAR#WHO KNEW YOU ACTUALLY NEEDED TO WRITE THESE THINGS BEFORE DRAWING THEM?? LMAOO#professor tubing... please save me professor tubing...#HES SO SWEET RGGRGRRRR I NEED MORE RRRRR PBS HIRE ME PLEASE#anyways off to ignore I mean work on all 5 of my wips#me when i take several screenshots of boxleitners lab and Frankenstein them together like a mad scientist#tbh that was the only reason i used the pixel effect#MAD SCIENTIST?? DR TWO BRAINS REFERENCE?? somebody sedate me#YOU KNOW TECHNICALLY I COULD TAG tTHIS AS BOXLEITNER BC THEYRE IN HIS LAB- *BAG THROWN OVER MY HEAD*#MMMBMMFMVMF!!#my art
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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ummm. my fic is done.
#I mean it still needs a bit of editing but like after almost four months#the hell (writing) is finally over#it's clocking in at around 61k words rn and im tired#time to relax ((cry))#actually you know what. fuck it I'm gonna overshare about this a bit.#I've never written fic before#and besides that - this is the first thing I've sat down to write seriously in about ten years#and ten years ago I was just writing poetry and papers for college#(I don't mean 'just' in a bad way - I only mean that it's been a very different experience for me personally)#very protective over this fic in that it's been sitting in my lap and in my brain for a few months and I don't want to give too much away#so I've deliberately been vague with the marketing of it. because I want people to read and be surprised and experience it firsthand.#and I know it's supposed to be self-indulgent and writing should be about the process and not the results but#I hope people read it??? I've poured my soul into this thing. a bit. a lot. and I'm a simple creature who craves validation.#it's very personal yet at the same time I feel like I haven't done anything new or groundbreaking which. okay it's self-doubt saturday so.#I should ignore that feeling. anyyyyyyyyway.#I hope to post the first chapter in two weeks. crossing my fingers that I don't abort mission before then aaaaaahahaha#also comparison is the thief of joy etc etc etc#danny.xls#danny writes
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I think a lot about how Sister’s story is told by everyone but her. Through Nihil’s songs, through Cardi’s song, from the Resurrection and Reverence collection to all of the music videos, it’s never from her which feels like it should be a big deal. Sister Imperator is supposed to be read as this mysterious figure that nobody quite understands (at least according to the metal myths losers) and that people still aren’t really sure what the hell she was up to before Nihil came around. She makes a few comments but they’re all very tame and don’t actually offer any information on her feelings or thoughts towards what has happened (i.e. relationship with nihil dumbed down to “I had his balls” and other shit like that)
Today I was thinking about RHRN at work and the Mary on a Cross sequence, which when first watching I had assumed would be a cutaway that Imperator led- there’s a Scooby-Doo tape tucked somewhere under the tv set and it really seemed like the perfect chance to tie it in. Obviously the film doesn’t do that which I think is lame because the tragedy there??? Imperator finally “recounting” her side of the story that’s been lost for however long, left to Nihil and Cardi to retell and basically made a spectacle after MOAC blew up. I know Sister is technically still alive or at least isn’t gone for good but for her to have that sort of closure before dying would’ve been really impactful methinks.
#there is so much tragedy in sister’s character it makes me SICK#so so so tired of people dumbing her down to being conceiving and manipulative and with motivations only rooted in power. becacuase NO#THERE VERY CLEARLY IS MORE TO HER#with the og imperator yeah that’s sort of it BUT maralyn has really brought a whole new meaning to sister’s story which gets ignored a lot#it’s like how tobias hated cardi and wanted Everyone to hate him but eventually made him. a faggot or whatever#sister’s character changing doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a facade. it could just be that more thought is being put into her writing#which goes for nihil too!!! both of them have changed very much since their first appearances#which i very much attribute to tobias catering to the moac fans#i do think sister is all of the aforementioned things before the annoying bitches try to come for me#but there’s More to her and i think that needs to be understood#ghost#sister imperator#ramblings
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just going to be bitchy on main one last time before making myself go to bed
For real idk why the fuck I'm still bothering with my high effort location/details screenshot compilation posts when I can just make lower effort posts that get SIGNIFICANTLY more notes. Like why the fuck should I even bother to spend at least a couple hours curating screenshots for part 2 of Luis's lab details which will get a maximum of 50 notes when I could just spend like 20 minutes making a few gifs like this and get HUNDREDS of notes
#im not entitled to attention but no one is entitled to my gigantic hoard of very useful reference screenshots#i know theyre very useful bc i frequently reference them myself while writing#and the thing is i can continue to do that myself without posting any publicly :) but i thought other ppl would appreciate them too#and i know a handful of ppl do but overall idk man rn i don't feel appreciated enough to continue sinking my time into these#ill probably feel embarrassed abt breaking down publicly over smth so dumb tomorrow but that's tomorrow heather's problem#tonight heather's problem is feeling ignored by a fandom ive tried so hard to contribute and be helpful to#sorry to the ppl who do interact w and appreciate me are reading this im v thankful for yall and wouldve given up posting sooner without yal#it's still just very discouraging to see my efforts/honestly myselfvgo ignored in the fandom as a whole while other ppl get more notes#and interaction that i see on my dash all the time#idk i dont think that came out right but for rn i really need to just shut the fuck up
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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Man nothing like talking to other writers to make you feel like you're not a proper writer
#(everyone is being very nice and it's interesting to hear about everyone's process)#it's just like. i don't really HAVE a process or think about flow or plot or character development#i just spit what's in my head down on the page and then usually read it over and make minor changes#and post#and like. it seems to work for me but also i feel like i don't know shit about like. the craft of being a writer or whatever#and like. i don't really want to? like i want to write well and improve but like#reading writing advice and stuff makes me want to scream (think that's a pda thing)#and I know there are certain things I *could* do to improve but im lazy and want instant gratification#i know if i take the time to slow down and spend more time editing in depth or whatever#i just WON'T. and then will never finish or post anything#anyway this is one of those things that feels like it's an autistic (possibly adhd) thing for me#but also other autistic/ADHD writers DON'T struggle so much with this stuff or actively enjoy it or w/e#and i know i know if you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person#but it's just another thing that makes me feel like im failing at being a person#not just a neurotypical person but an autistic person as well..just failing at being a person#anyway this is fucking stupid and obvious validation bait or whatever so feel free to ignore#i just needed to vent#i should just not talk to people ever bc somehow it always makes me feel worse about myself#I'll shut up now
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some fic/headcanon i’m reading: [idol] thinks you’re so cute drowning in his hoodie!!!!!
the idol: is like 5’7”
my 5’10” ass in this scenario:
#it’s the little things that make me put my phone down and sigh#but i have to just ignore it because SO MANY PEOPLE WRITE LIKE EVERYONE IS SMALL#i need to start writing tall bitch content only 😤
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more and more it's feeling like we just...don't have room for people trying anymore. it's all or nothing; get it right the first time, or be crucified by a jury you can never fully see or convince. and this isn't new, isn't born of current events. it's become more and more prevalent over the last ten years thanks to social media putting every little thought on blast, but i'd put money on the idea that it's actually been brewing much longer than that. and, for me, it goes beyond being tiring or upsetting. it feels bleak. it feels downright fucking broken that we're all so busy trying not to condone anything remotely problematic that we don't leave room for good faith learning. watching people trying to suss out their own identity--something literally ONLY they can fully understand or explain--be vilified for trying to fit words around their own experience sucks. watching people misunderstand something and try to apologize for it later, only to be told they should have known all along, sucks. seeing people who once held truly toxic beliefs actually grow and learn and apologize and still be told to fuck themselves as if they're a lost cause--it sucks. just. does that not fill you with despair for the state of things? does that not break something in you, to think that if you one day don't understand something, or misuse a word, or grapple with complicated feelings, it will forever stain you in the eyes of perfect strangers?
dude the world is fucked, and we all see it, but like. it doesn't feel like it helps to be so goddamn reactive. it doesn't feel like it helps anyone to demand perfection out the gate. it's exhausting. there are enough people out there who don't want to learn, who aren't trying, who actively revel in cruelty. looking for malice in every little fuck-up from people who seem to be genuinely striving to live their lives with kindness strikes me as lending strength to an army that already glories in suffering. and makes the world look more fucked than ever. and i really don't know that that energy is what we need when there's already so much to set right.
maybe it's just me. maybe this last decade just shattered something in me. but i really, really hate the idea--reject the idea, frankly--that people can't learn and change and grow. that people can't be better than a bad day or a failure of understanding. i reject the idea that people are something to be thrown out because they fucked up. it just seems...yeah. bleak. really fuckin' bleak.
#personal#i dunno dude#this is that fighting energy from earlier. found some actual words for it i guess#but i'm just so tired#shit's fucked. some shit's complicated. and some isn't--some feels incredibly straightforward to me.#and to the next person maybe there's more nuance. it's all so fucking...there's so much to process all the time#and i catch myself in knee-jerk mode#i catch myself writing people off. making lists in my head. sometimes it's just purely a matter of safety#but god the things i'd give for some of those people to come back into my world#to learn. to grow. to apologize. to decide they value kindness and life over brainwashed beliefs#i would give so much for those friends back. those family members. those people i knee-jerk wrote off back in 2015#i shrunk my world down when i cut them out. i shrunk it down when i told them to fuck off instead of having a conversation#i actively made my safety net smaller in the effort to keep myself protected#and i just keep watching other people do similar things#and thinking like. if i could go back. if i wasn't so hot-headed and Certain that evil thoughts make a person evil#or that miseducation or ignorance or straight-up brainwashing broke a person for good#maybe it would all be different now than it was for my 25-year-old self#i just. i don't fucking know.#people are trying. people need to KEEP trying.#and telling them they're shit for NEEDING to try is only ever going to carve out the part of them that wants to be better#the world is fucked. why help fuck it even more. what is the point of that.#and i'm not saying don't call people on their shit. but maybe calling them shouldn't look like telling them to kill themselves#maybe it should involve a little grace#slamming doors just feels like it makes the house smaller. and shuts off exit routes you might need later#and i kinda wish i'd known that in my 20s
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a little walk through sanctuary hills in the snow <3
#nora : misc.#yeah there are stairs and equipment lying around so i dont forget abt them pls ignore them thank u#the glass thing at the front of the entrance is supposed to be like a checking in room if ur new to the settlement but idk#like u put ur weapons there and somebody writes down what u submitted and puts it into a locker for u later#but i might get rid of it bc its just awkward there#also the guard tower at the back of the minutemen hq is where nora and piper's thread is set mwah#this mod... is somewhat annoying bc snow gets under the roof but i like it so we move (its a seasons mod)#also the video cuts off there bc i got to the ghoul i needed to record for my tiktok lol#full tour when it is... complete
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whyyyy are editors so expensive
#angel posts#thats what this book needs. a structure edit#i need someone to stick to my at the hip so i can ask ridiculously detailed questions and get a professional response to it#hhhhhhhh#angel writes#because ive noticed that for the betas and the free crits#they always all ignore when i say that im constricted by the word limit?#i say ''i cant add XYZ or do X bc of word limit''#''if you have suggestions on where to reduce the word limit let me know''#and they jsut dont see that#and then ask ''why isn't X thing you mentioned in the book???'' word limit#this book is like 123k#i cant do that for a debut#i need to reduce the word limit#it has to go down. DOWN. and i had it quite tight at one point!!#but then i blew it up again!#the lowest was 117k just......ugh#and beta readers often do go above 100k like do yall see my problem#and here i am. finding ways to add more words kajshdflksajdf
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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis
#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do#uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to#thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances#BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work#and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general#like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people#also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others#even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff#like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb#until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me#since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust#whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better#REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me#bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me#and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way#SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on#like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are#like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it#I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down#it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words#plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it
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kind of obvious maybe at least to me that sun was my favorite & so i knew exactly what kind of characterization i wanted to see more of from him (and how i should write him or whatever) so ive Struggled w characterizing moon a Ton BUT ..... i think i know now . ohhoh
#talking#// im complaining a shit ton after this tag just ignore it#if i can stop having my brain yell at me for not drawing good for like an hour i would be SET to draw a comic.#need to get in the zone again where im not expecting anyone to see my art so it doesnt have to be good and so i can just write whatever#without censoring it/worrying over if people will like it#<- debating cutting down on my tumblr activity a ton bc of this#like popping in rbing a few things every few days and then leaving#bc tbh i already deleted the mobile app and its doing wonders for my brain. no notifs nothing to click on just me and my mentally ill mind#<- pls dont send anything about/comment on this btw this is just me throwing my thoughts out into the void
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