#just gonna use this stupid app for posting art and nothing else | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wri0thesley · 4 years ago

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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corpus-chorus · 6 years ago

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A dev’s insight to tumblr’s updates

Alright guys. I’m sorry to make this long-ass discourse post when I’d really much rather just be doing my art reblogs and basking in my warm community, but I feel this needs to happen, because a lot of you may not be aware of what goes into updates like this.

To be clear - I’m not making any comment about the color change itself. It doesn’t actually bother me, seems kind of silly to flip a lid about when there’s plenty of extensions to fix it if you don’t like it, but I get the annoyance of having something familiar change into something that makes you uncomfortable, especially with no warning.

But then I started to see a bunch of rants on how shitty this update is when there were so many bugs that needed to be fixed instead, and I just need to take a moment to address app development in general, because y’all seem fairly misinformed about the whole thing.

So let’s get one thing straight - bug fixing is not easy.

Yeah, that sounds like a copout, doesn’t it?

But let’s talk about how bug fixing works, alright? Because there’s a couple of things we gotta look at when considering changes like this.

How much code is needed to fix the bug? Yeah, this one’s pretty straight forward, right? How many lines of code do the devs have to write to fix whatever’s broken? Except you’re forgetting the time it takes to find the bug in the first place. And this isn’t about popping into one file and looking through the lines until you see what’s broken. Bugs aren’t just typos. Bugs are NOT easy to find. Generally, if I’m working on a bug, and it takes me 4 days to fix, 3 of those days were probably spent just defining exactly where the bug came from and the places it exists. And that’s with me being super familiar with the codebase. If I didn’t already know that the core value displayed on the groupings page was coming from the hciReplacements inspector (out of 30-some inspectors), which is pulling data from the hagi, which is pulling and calculating data from the clip model, of which I know the exact layout, it probably would have taken me double or triple that time. And now, on top of that, what if the bug is an extreme edge case no one thought about when they built the core code? I might have to rewrite the entire functionality of the thing that pulls all that data, and holy hot hell is that gonna take some time.

How much QA effort is required? Contrary to popular belief, no, developers don’t just make bug fixes and immediately push them out to the app. It’s gotta be tested, usually by some sort of QA/QC team. And, fun fact, QA can take longer than the development did. Because the QA team is looking for EVERY POSSIBLE USE CASE of the exact thing you’re working on. Every single possible way a user might interact with that. That takes a skilled worker to think of all of those possible use cases (and spoiler alert, they’re human, so they still fuck up sometimes), and it takes them time to find them all.

But ON TOP of that, you also have a LOT of unexpected consequences to code changes. Maybe you just needed to update to cores count so that it’s the total cores on a node instead of total cores per processor, but you didn’t realize that another part of the code was assuming that value was cores per processor, and congrats, you’ve screwed the values all through the rest of the app.

And that’s just a data example. You can make critical errors if, say, you rename a value, and miss one of the places that value’s used, so now that value doesn’t exist in that specific scenario, and congratulations, you’ve actually caused your app to crash if the user follows a specific series of actions, and oops, looks like that set of actions wasn’t one QA thought of, so now users get to find it instead. You were just trying to fix a little data bug, and you’ve now broken the entire app. Good job.

How old is the codebase? Why is this important, you ask? Well, if you’re not in the industry, you may have never been introduced to the idea of “legacy code”. Legacy code is, to over-simplify, old code. It’s code that’s been around for a while. It’s code that dozens of people have had their hands in and is therefor a bit of a mess, no matter how hard you try to keep it clean, or how well organized your team is. Because maybe Eric built that one file really well to start with, and Suzy made some great additions to it, and Tom just made a few bug fixes, but he names variables a little differently, so Jason didn’t realize that the function he needed already existed when he went to build it a few months down the line, so now there’s two versions of the same thing, one used in one place, one used in another, and when Meredith goes to fix a bug related to it, she doesn’t realize she has to fix it both places, and wow, that is a bit of a mess, isn’t it?

The codebase I’m working in currently is about a year and a half old now, maybe a little more. When our first version was released, our codebase was 51,714 lines of code long. As of today, it is 357,932 lines long. With new features on the horizon, it will continue to grow, and the web of dependencies tangled through the codebase will get bigger and more complex. This is just a fact.

So keep in mind that that’s an app that’s about 1.5 years old. Tumblr was launched in, what, 2007 or something? That’s 11 years. 11 fucking years of coding, of dozens, if not hundreds, of people contributing to the codebase, in their own coding style, with their own knowledge levels. This is like if a team of 100 writers was working on a fic series for 11 years, and they didn’t all get to work together, and not everyone took notes. You’re gonna have plot holes. You’re gonna have inconsistencies. Shit’s gonna be messy.

And then there’s the pinnacle question.

How much do the devs care? How much you wanna bet a lot of the devs on this site started out with a genuine passion for it? How many do you think worked long past the hours they were getting paid for just to make sure they were making something they could be proud of? How excited do you think it used to make them to release new features, and get to see it make people’s lives better?

When you care about a project, you think beyond the exact task you were given. You think about the impact every line of code you write is going to have. on the users. Because you want the users to enjoy the app. You want them to be happy with it. You want all the work you put into it to mean something.

When you care, you make less bugs. When you care, you don’t get lazy and just make temporary fixes. When you care, you put your heart and soul into your work.

How much heart and soul do you think the Tumblr devs want to put into this site at this point? When every single update, every single effort they put in, is met with criticism and hatred? When they’re told that nothing they do is ever good enough? How much do you think the devs care about getting everything perfect and on time and working themselves to tears on this site when they know damn well that the second they release an update, it’s going to be met with nothing but hatred and ignorant people treating them as if their hundred of hours of effort were stupid?

If I was a dev for this site, I’d hate my fucking job.

So let’s review. When you ask for bug fixes, I promise, there is someone on that team very concerned about addressing that bug fix. When you complain that tags are borked, or searching is shit, or whatever you get frustrated with that day, I promise, some dev is already working their tits off trying to find exactly what it’s going to take to fix that for you.

But understand that, that ask? That ask that might seem super simple and straight-forward to you from your comfortable couch? But it might take a team of devs working ungodly hours for months to be able to do. It might carry risks as high as accidentally deleting posts or banning blogs or breaking the entire bloody site. So they wanna spend some time and get that shit right so that you’re not stuck with something even worse than the bug they were fixing.

The people working on these bug fixes are human beings. We seem to remember that about everyone else in the goddamn world, but not the people who work tirelessly to give us the very site that we’re having these conversations on right now.

This update? Yeah, it might seem trivial to you. It might seem like they’re “wasting their time” with “stupid bullshit” when they could be fixing bugs.

But let me make it very clear. They’re trying to fix the bugs. They’re trying to stop the porn bots (and oh, fucking boy, I could make an entire post just about how insanely difficult that is, because some of you people seem to think the devs are fucking GODS or something). And maybe this update is stupid to you, but I can tell you right now, having this update right here is not the reason these things are not going to be fixed tomorrow. This is the frontend team making an aesthetic change - I promise it didn’t stop the backend team from their tireless work to fix the tags.

so tl;dr Fixing Tumblr’s bugs is not some simple, do-it-in-a-month, just-get-more-devs fix. And tearing into this release is doing nothing but reminding the probably very tired dev team that their work means absolutely dick to a large portion of ungrateful fucks on this site.

Complain about bugs. Tell Tumblr about their bugs. Make sure they know. And then sit the fuck down and wait - they’re fucking trying.

#i'm sorry #i know this is so long and obnoxious #please ignore it if you don't care #i just needed to get this shit off my chest #hopefully it's informative to some people #tumblr #tumblr update #tumblr discourse #tumblr blue #tumblr staff #long post #discourse

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whaledesu · 6 years ago

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1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Those antique metal, enamel coated cups.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Idk, I was a pretty normal child.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Depends on where the soda comes from honestly.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I really like fashion, but goth fashion out of those.

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones are preferable

8. movies or tv shows?

Why not both?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

The rain, always.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Dodgeball I guess, the part where you don’t get hit, not throwing lol.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Sleep.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

It’s just called Mood Dump. Lol

13. lanyard or key ring?

key chains

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Probably Jolly Ranchers

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

If it was an assigned one I don’t remember, they always made us read the same ones over and over.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Indian style, always

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

just some grey slip on ones

18. ideal weather?

cold, raining, clouds overcast in the sky with a bit of a breeze

19. sleeping position?

half on the side, half on the stomach with a leg pushed up haha

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

On my laptop, it’s easier to be able to spit out words as fast as possible

21. obsession from childhood?

BATMAN

22. role model?

Kyo from Dir En Grey

23. strange habits?

I eat my food one item at a time a lot, don’t know why

24. favorite crystal?

idk does Amythest count? I like those as well as Emeralds

25. first song you remember hearing?

Probably something from Disney movies

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Stay inside in the air conditioning lmao

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Just stand outside and inhale the air deeply

28. five songs to describe you?

In no particular order, without context:

1) Tousei - Dir En Grey 2) Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls 3) The Final - Dir En Grey 4) Glass Skin - Dir En Grey 5) Heavy - Linkin Park

29. best way to bond with you?

Talk to me about the food and movies you love

30. places that you find sacred?

Anywhere in nature that feels untouched by the world really

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Batman’s costume

32. top five favorite vines?

I don’t even remember any at this point lol

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Probably something like “alrighty”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

For some reason I always remember “It’s pizza time”

35. average time you fall asleep?

My sleep schedule is as chaotic as I am lmao

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

idk ones probably before I knew what memes even were

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase all the way

38. lemonade or tea?

Black, iced, sweet tea only.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

No, I hate citrus desserts.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Once in middle school in language arts, I just heard my teacher say to a kid in my class suddenly: “Brandon, put your penis away.”

41. last person you texted?

Matt I think

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

pants pockets are invaluable

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

I love how bomber jackets look, but I am a hoodie person through and through

44. favorite scent for soap?

Cherry Blossom

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Superhero is not a genre? But I choose horror anyway.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

T-shirt, pajama pants allllllll the way

47. favorite type of cheese?

Swiss

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Pineapple I guess, the outside does not match the inside lol

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Here’s a handful. “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” “Treat others how you want to be treated.” “Let it go, Let it be.” "Face the abyss, but don't let it consume you."

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Just way too many things that would take too long to list.

51. current stresses?

Haha, loaded question fam

52. favorite font?

Segoe UI

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Soft, with a scrape on my thumb and a new scar on my right ring finger lmao

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Adults play more games than kids do

55. favorite fairy tale?

If Red Riding Hood counts that one

56. favorite tradition?

Watching horror movies with my Mom

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Losing my Dad Being very personally betrayed by someone Everyone I get close to eventually walking out on me

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Idk I’m just me fam

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Something with magic and travel

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“Feed me Seymour!”

62. seven characters you relate to?

Spike - Cowboy Bebop Snorlax - Pokemon That being said I’m too lazy to come up with the other 5 right now

63. five songs that would play in your club?

People lost their shit when “Yeah” by Usher played every time

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Gaia Online

65. any permanent scars?

Yeah a few but nothing major

66. favorite flower(s)?

White Roses, White Lotus, ones I don’t know the names of

67. good luck charms?

My 22 pound fat ass orange cat Genji

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

I’m just gonna go with brussels sprouts

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

the one where pineapple eats you back

70. left or right handed?

I’m mostly left handed but also right handed with some things

71. least favorite pattern?

idk?

72. worst subject?

Math

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

probable elote

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

somewhere between 5 and 7 depending on my mood

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was probably like 6?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Gonna have to say au gratin potatoes man

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

whatever makes you happy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

gas station coffee is a special thing

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

my old school photo for sure lol

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

what are jewel tones? tf

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

lightning bugs yo

82. pc or console?

PS4

83. writing or drawing?

writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

music please

84. barbie or polly pocket?

barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

both fam

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

I’ve already lived most of them so who cares but lets go with drowning

88. your greatest wish?

that my anxiety would fuck off forever

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My cat lol

90. luckiest mistake?

I’m not sure?

91. boxes or bags?

they do two very different jobs tf

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

moonlight please

93. nicknames?

Uru, Kyo, Rea

94. favorite season?

Winter

95. favorite app on your phone?

idk idc

96. desktop background?

A drawing I liked

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

like 3

98. favorite historical era?

Victorian

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baconpal · 7 years ago

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so heres the long super paper mario post

strap in for why super paper mario is fucking bizarre and why that��s pretty much awesome

gonna be a good amounts of spoilers, so if you’re on desktop then hit that read more, and if your on mobile, then here’s your punishment for using this god awful app

super paper mario is a game that is incredibly difficult to put into words, but it leaves such a powerful, lasting impression on me and i can’t come to say anything first other than I love it so much, and if you havent played the game, please just go do it now, even if you have to pirate or emulate or something, just let yourself play this game. It’s one of those games that I really feel I can just recommend to anybody

it’s difficult to think of where to start with dissecting this thing so i’ll just start with the art since lookin at things is pretty easy

ART/WORLD DESIGN

every world in SPM is completely unique, not just in what type of environment, but it’s art style, and this is premised with the fact that none of these worlds are capable of existing together and are completely separate, and NOT part of a cohesive universe (LOOKIN AT YOU ODYSSEY I STILL THINK YOU LOOK STUPID)

The hub and the first 2 worlds are mostly just slight variants on the same general style of simplistic shapes and colors, with world 1 delving into more linework type aesthetics, and 2 focusing more on impressions and silhouettes,

world 3 changes this completely with what is obviously an 8 bit kind of style, but instead of jarring over sized pixels, the world is composed of detailed tiles arranged to look like pixel art that imply a more real world, and not a gamey one,

world 4 focuses on patterns and big patches of color to give the impression of the vast emptiness of both space and the surface of a barren planet, before giving you the “Whoa Zone”, with a striking mix of wire frame and futuristic UI style to it

world 5 takes the idea of nature being crude and simplistic and humanity being sharp, angular, and extreme and flips that on its head, with humanity and the space they occupy being these absolute memes with no sense of depth, and the plant life existing in a system of clean cut caves with futuristic technology and elegant historic values

world 6 simplifies a kind of colored Japanese painting aesthetic, down to the funny cylindrical cloud clusters and brushstroke trees

world 7 depicts what is essentially hell (yes there’s hell in this game keep your pants on) as a squarish blur of bright greens and warm reds and purples, and depicts heaven as fluffy land of clouds and Greek temples

and lastly, world 8 is inverted greyscale, where light is black and darkness is white, its simplistic and striking and i couldn’t think of a better style for the final area of a game so focused on the concept of light and dark

MUSIC

I’ll just try and keep it simple, the musics fucking cash money

The game makes great use of motifs when it needs to, where specific themes and instruments are used in other songs to suggest relationships and put battles and travels into perspective

And when it ISNT doing that, it’s just fucking funky stuff, with a weird trend of BOING and PLOP and SPLISH noises in the percussion because fuck you i guess

There’s a lot of good songs that do lots of interesting things, any of the like 5 final battle songs are great things to point to, but i’ll just go ahead and say the main theme of world 8 “Castle Bleck” is one of my favorites that isn’t super highly rated. It brings in the types of instruments that have been associated with the villain the entire game, but also throws in 2 very important things; a sudden triumphant burst of almost JRPG styled chiptune that pushes away the constantly building tension, which is then followed by the sound of a clock ticking, which is a musical motif only present in the songs “Memory” and “Promise” which is played whenever the memories of the player’s little guide thing and the main villain’s past lives together are alluded to. This one song holds a lot of weight, as well as simply being a fucking cool song.

GAMEPLAY

This is, sadly, the one place I’ll not mince any words and say the gameplay is not amazing by any standard, it’s pretty much a classic mario game if it had RPG stats, items, and random abilities granted through the character and partner systems. The 3D flipping mechanic is nothing astounding, though it is very interesting to see how worlds are constructed

One of the biggest flaws people will mark the game for in its gameplay is that it’s tedious, and while I have to agree, that’s because I’ve already played the game before, and the tedium only comes from not being completely invested in the experience anymore. I’ll get some specific examples in a bit, but there’s a few cases of “tedium” that i believe are 100% intentional and drive the story in an interesting way

STORY/WRITING/GAME DESIGN

Thats a fuckin broad section, but its pretty much everything else i have to say on the game, and where the most spoilers and random praise is gonna be

I’m not actually gonna talk about the whole story, more just the strong parts of it, under the assumption you’ve already played it or understand a story as simple as “villain wants to destroy world, hero wants that to not happen”

The writing and characters are just flawless, everyone is fun to be around, especially the bad guys, who you see more antics of than your own party. There’s goofy running plotlines about O’chunks and mimi essentially getting grounded and being forced to write essays about why they fucked up at beating mario, and big stinky brother dimentio teasting and bullying them and sneaking them out to do his bidding when The big Count Bleck is away

The game is full of referential humor to not just mario itself but all kinds of games, there’s skeletons in hell who are clearly just Marios from the mainline games who died in stupid ways, there’s an actual dragon quest turn based boss battle in hell too, and chapter 3 has an otaku villain who tried to get with peach in a simulated visual novel

but the humor exists not just in references, but in simple good scenarios, with things like “Having a game show in a bathroom when everyone's life is at stake” and “locating an ancient manuscript to use as toilet paper” or “flying through black holes to find a convenience store” and things of that nature

It also interacts with the players emotions in many interesting ways, one of the more lauded being chapter 2-3, where mario is forced into working off a massive debt of fictional money, and is required to do hard, boring labor. There isn’t anyway to avoid doing both the hitting a block 100 times and the running on a treadmill for a few minutes thing, but the constant feeling of “there has to be a faster way to do this” drives the player to prod around, find the secrets, and slowly discover how to break the system wide open and get to the end, and i love it for that

This entire game is some sort of bait and switch, to put it simply, while it’s already a bit of a departure from both mario itself and the paper series, the first 5 worlds are pretty fucking tame stuff, other than the void, which is a giant black and purple spot that sits in the sky, always, every single world has the void growing in its sky, and it does grow, every chapter it gets bigger and bigger and takes up the sky, but where this truly culminates into the “switch” part is chapter 6, which starts itself by presenting you with the most TEDIUS sounding chapter possible, fight 100 enemies in a row, and nothing else, and for 25 straight fights, that is all it is, so you’ve locked yourself into it at this point, you know whats up, but the void in the background begins to grow to the point of being the entire fucking background, and every enemy you face speaks as if they know they’re all going to die, and by the 30th fight, one of the villains comes to stall for time as the void completely swallows the world, and the party is sent back to the hub. When they decide to go back in to world 6, its empty, the entire world is a white void with a single black line making up the ground, and colorless destroyed structures occasionally peaking out of the ground.

and you walk on this white void for so long and you just feel nothing but regret and fear and no matter how fast you make yourself go you feel like you’ll never find anything, but you do eventually get your plot item and escape

then, Dimentio, one of the villains you’ve seen the least of, appears in the hub world, the safest place in the universe, and kills mario

he just fucking kills him

he puts mario in a box and fills the box with explosions and mario fucking dies and goes to hell because fuck you mario

then you go through all of chapter 7 just to escape hell (called the Underwhere cus how could we possibly be allowed to take hell seriously) and join up with your full party before confronting the final world, which i’ve already stated i just love the design off

the game just takes the comfortable ride you’re on and throws it into the fucking sun and burns you alive and i love it so much, even the very end of the game doesnt let up, where the main villain is overtaken by that absolute madman Dimentio (Whose name is a play on both Dimension and dementia), who clearly was powerful enough to have done the whole “ending of the world” himself, but did it this way for the theatrics of it

there’s a lot i could still say about the game, but this post is absolute rambling and its 2 in the morning but as usual, i just wanted to shit my thoughts onto the internet to people could maybe learn somethin about either the game or me and how i think and look at and respond to stuff, and as always, anybody who read this whole thing is cool and i love you a whole heck of a lot

#long ass post #Super Paper Mario

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wildlingknight · 7 years ago

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Oh gosh I was tagged by both @liv-andletdie and @evelinaonline so I’ll answer all questions, this is gonna be a long one

Rules: 1. Post the rules 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. And tag 11 people

1. Describe the last picture you took. It was of stuff to put on the works twitter, so console and game deals nothing exciting

2. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told? That I was completely 100% straight

3. Which pizza toppings are your favourite? Pepperoni

4. If you could switch bodies with anyone for one day, who would it be? No one in particular, someone tall just so I could see what it was like since I’m a shorty

5. Do you have a world that you daydream about? Tell me about it! Not really, I daydream about sleeping mostly

6. If you could sing one song perfectly, which song would it be? I would love to be able to sing any song tbh

7. What’s your favourite season? Autumn, its cold enough to layer but not so cold its unbearable to be outside

8. What’s your favourite smell? Clean cotton, grass, mint, eucalyptus and menthol

9. What is something about yourself that you think is completely unique? I know myself very well, I’m very introspective and it has allowed me to learn about myself and know myself

10. What’s your comfort food? Mash potatoes with gravy, just a big bowl of that and I’m happy

11. If you could redo any moment in your life, which would it be? I would redo the moment my Dad told us he was leaving, I would punch him a lot harder than I did

My Questions

1. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night?

2. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?

3. Do you have a catchphrase?

4. Which animals scare you most and why?

5. What’s your favorite dessert?

6. What’s the first thing you do in the morning?

7. What was your first video game?

8. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

9. What colour socks are you wearing?

10. Are there any quotes you live by?

11. What’s your favorite word?

I literally know about 10 people on this site and 2 of those tagged me so I tag:@yureimori @philly--cheese--steak @hero-of-thighs @bigpapajape @zeldaofhyrule @a-geeks-dab @welcometofeelstowneveryonesdead @sugarelixir and anyone else who wants to do it

Oli and Eve’s questions below the cut

Oli’s Questions

1. Did you have any pets growing up? We had some fish and rabbits and cats

2.What’s your dream job? Realistically I would do app development, or narrative copy writing, unrealistically I would make a job out of cosplaying

3. Do you have any tattoos? Yes I have two, one on my left forearm and one on my left side. I would like both covering up

4. Fave place to visit? Devon

5. Top 5 fave books? I don’t read many actual books, mostly fanfiction, but I’ll say the Harry Potter series, Good Omens, The book of dead days, Hyrule Historia and ATLA art book

6. Top 5 fave movies? Again I don’t watch a lot of movies, Big hero 6, Zootopia, A Knights tale, How to train your dragon and Princess Mononoke

7. Fave song? Currently it’s Champion by Fall Out Boy

9. Fave item of clothing? My Symphony of the Goddess tshirt

10. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it does it make a noise? Yes

11. Biggest pet peeve? Being interrupted, its so disrespectful and such bad manners

Eve’s Questions

1. Choose three words to describe yourself and explain why you chose them. Patient- because I am calm and it take quite a while to rile me up Quiet- I don’t get loud or excitable very easily Steady- I take it easy and go at my own pace

2. What’s the craziest thing you remember doing? I honestly don’t know, I’m quite reserved so I don’t really get myself into crazy situations

3. If you had to change your URL/what you go by as online, what would you change it to? I’m quite happy with what I have?

4. What’s a song that always gets stuck in your head when you listen to it? Any song by BTS (Thanks Marie)

5. Could you live without the internet for a day? Maybe one day, but anything after that I’d probably go a bit nuts

6. If you had to style your hair in a different way, what would it be? I’d grow it out, I’ve had it mostly shaved for the last three/four years

7. What are your top 3 obsessions at the moment? LoZ, BTS and Stardew Valley

8. What is something that everyone looks stupid doing? Uh I dunno, sneeze faces are pretty silly

9. What is an unwritten rule in your household? You don’t eat something if you didn’t buy it

10. What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve seen? I dunno, we don’t really rename wifi over here

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paultwitchington · 6 years ago

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Not a usual productive, No longer continuity recap this 2018. (the endgame)

Since Tumblr was established along 2008, I'm starting to use this app as my alternative social media kinds of stuff in 2012 aside Facebook and Twitter, later I was starting to write a flashback thingy when In 2014 since I have a pointing out something in real life and all people around me. Then I was returned in college life, I was sharing my recent experiences including about the person and friends that matter the most, and now this thing has come to its peak and it has no longer for this thing to continue. This momentum of 2018 has about to end, let me give you some recap for this year, most of it from FEU.

Before anything else, this is not your usual January to December recap so that the changes might going to the next year like the resolution thingy. It is not quantitative remarks of achievements but its more like questions of earing that achievement which is how it changes and became to the result. and mostly, this is not like "It's not so important but you used to know..." sloppy-crappy content that makes usually a blabbish flowery shitty-thingy. No, it's not! This one is very interesting which means it has to keep it short, simple but mostly a significant. yes, it was short. because this is more on visuals not texts. Now. let me show you some of my achieving piece of craft that sometimes I've used to be proud of":

Art is full of life! When I was back off from Psychology since it was more of sciences and mathematics, I've really pursued the simple world of art which is is the institute that designated of my courses has to offer. this includes not only in the form of writings but in more of a visual thing. I used to become a photography enthusiast, but that idea has cost me a lot of resources and struggles. There is more competition in that way since I don't have to compete into others but that situation pushes to get into it until you defeated, that was how the world and society work at hand. This compilation of portraits and landscapes thing has the simple crafts that have just I've learned with nowhere that came from or I get it. From own searching and practicing, I got these photographs from school and other pieces of stuff from one that I called it home. This stuff has more than a hobby it has something that I need to show and others might interpret it in their own way. I love writing stories but certainly struggling to construct writing, based on other tastes of how the story works. I love films and film-making, these Ideas has still dreamed of when I was a freshman 5 years ago. Making the processes of story-making, more of the videos and documentaries and even from commercials or corporation entrepreneurs. I love to speak in visuals rather than actual writing. When it comes these stuff has arrived in social media, I'm not doing this to gain more likes and colorful-life-battlefield into the comment section of this post, I'm posting this to say something to myself and to those people that I've closest the most, other's appreciation has only bonused with that piece of work.

Another achievement, hard-works has been paid off. In our school, we have CInema production, which is all the film methods and techs are being made with one big film-making production with the finest team. Well, I can say this is not an ideal team but in the fact that we can work together as ourselves, we can pull this thing off. We have more struggles and fights when we’re processing this thing because of our own attitudes and something that we want to fight in, even the fact that the team has equal treatment and not the team for one following method that they used to act all over again. Now, look at it! we win!

Some of these people are my friends, become family that they used to be, but somehow, everything has come to at the peak point. I used to believe that these people somehow it change or stay the same but it supposes to grown up, I mean that, to be more realistic than they are in school because like I said, we’re stepping up to the next chapter which is the real world. Somehow, I missed them and I'm remembering the times that we’ve shared this victory and triumph together, well, not all of them, it’s not gonna happen because when the reality speaks, they do really change, we have our own lives, a different path to pursue with, same struggle to pass on, different people to surpassed with and the variants of goal to aim with.

Now, when it comes to people, I don’t have many expectations for someone better or anything, the more optimistic and thoughtful I am, the less trouble that I’ve been through in that situation, but somehow, this is not going as well as of many situations comes, it will be my agony and a depression triggering moment that caused by somebody else. this is my trouble for choosing people to be with and to deal with even though that I know what I'm doing in any activities in school. This is my hardest time to go further in life which is with the wrong people at the wrong time, even I surpassed it, the better damage has remained in the later future and when I’ve seen them around. I don’t have to mention them here, not necessary because this is not important to do it, in fact, they do not matter for me anymore because of the surpassing time, make sure that it won’t be happening again from anyone just like them. From choosing the people is the hardest part of life as it is, the fact that the cancerous society has already affected most of them, we didn’t know who is the finest and who is not which anytime strikes you when they have the chance. I don’t mind it! there are many friends, or family like people has still in touch for me to reminding the most important for me to do, to fight, to endure and to nourished in every journey that I’ve been through every year, just as I’ve posted this for consecutive years.

I used to see and know every day that the fact that: “People always come and go!” yes it always right, but it comes in many versions of this when it comes for encountering so many people.

1. They used to be with you just because they want something from you, and when they get it, you’ve been trashed like hell.

2. You just nothing but the laughing stock, unvalued and easily duped by random people. they don’t mind that you’re one of them.

3. Stupid people don’t care if they sin. once the system runs by the foolishness, they embraced it as a whole.

4. They’re never welcome changes and an optimistic way for character progress. as the woke culture, they still maintaining stereotypes AF.

5. Society infused of Toxic Filipino Culture, they’re pertaining to themselves as being always right even though that they are usually wrong.

These specified characteristics and traits of the Filipino people nowadays, I'm so thankful that I'm not falling for some people has bad AF. Luckily, I'm not affecting these people like before that I’ve blogged them as you see in previous years. Maybe they still people to do it but it does not matter to me anymore.

The fact that “People always come and go” is essential, it has not that you want them to stay just from your own will, or a selfish attempt to do what you have to do to someone else or somebody, that was not good. It happens unexpected and usual way, we have to choose the finest people by looking it more carefully. I have to be fair and neutral for finding the finest people, I'm not that religious one or an apathetic one just as the agnostics do. I’ll find my way to meet them and recognized them as they are and not what others wanted to be. Lastly, if they leave, let them be. just make sure that you keep yourself a finest one which is whatever it happens you’re still the best and remarkable person that anyone never forgets. Please be a good one. The last thing, some of my team’s argument about the attitude show-off, one of them says: “You don’t have to know that person in order for you to do certain bad things, all you have to do is to be nice all the time, plain and simple. it’s not that hard and complicated to do.” yeah it’s right, but most of the people haven’t found that this is the best way.

and now, the time is nearly over for 2018, for stepping up for the next chapter and for another battlefield with this blessings, strengths, and wisdom that I've earned with this hardest moment of this year, this is always what I’m thinking during the quiet times.

Yeah right! I was thinking of it when I'm still answering that simple but it becomes an epically tragically question, as usual, nothing! it has quantitative vs qualitative modes of results that I’ve got. why! because what the achievement that I get today is the biggest time for the big one which is what about to face in the future. that was the qualitative mode, the biggest one, but look what I’ve lost, counting of losing time, effort patience and chances of opportunities just from this stupid research works that cater to other people, particularly for choosing the wrong persons for accompanied with. that’s the quantitative model of results, the worst ones. But I'm managing to surpassed it all, which means that when the works are over, so with them for good. I don’t want to see them ever again.

Speaking of people that I need to forget, I know someone that really, needing to forget or somehow, she didn’t exist to my system and I was so irritated when I see her around with my family including her with our conversations. Since my greatest fault has to be used to look upon somebody more than myself, and now I'd realized it, this is so not good. Before I go somewhere for a sweet escape from all toxins of my physical, mental and spiritual being.

During unwind, I realized a lot of things that there are many situations that I won’t be allowed to happen but it was. Falling for her! For someone tells me about boundaries for myself over anyone else is much important to do. I see now and love myself more when I was in that place, appreciate everything I’ve to see and be thankful that there are many people that for me to accompany with and there are true friends that still embrace happily for having me, then I was thinking of her, everyday anything happens, the fact that I'm falling for her before is making me sick! All of I saw her up more than me of what she is, the idea is very disgusting. Just I’ve dug in for a cake full of icing, or a taste of sin, it’s like you ate a cashew pistachio Ice cream on the outside but wasabi in the inside. it’s a terrible trap. she thinks that she has prettier than everyone else, she looks by herself because she thought has she can overcome all of her so-called “sexy-brain!” wait, what? it’s a ridiculous just like her fashion statement over her terrible face. she’s pushing to be manipulative to anyone, especially to Maeve. I hate to seeing it that she used that opportunity that makes an advantage over someone else. I used to talk to all of those people that I know which is she caused the conflicts about her trips of life, the good thing is they understand and a fact that they still hate her, I can’t help it because they have their point. Damage has been done and it can't undo that fact. the point here is I don’t hate her today, I just need to erase her permanently from my system. I don’t need her for something anymore and it will regretful that we become friends, she caused so many struggles and trouble before, it will never be happening again anymore so she will be vanished as for 2018 as it is.. the last look.

there are people has to be accompanied with y battles for some morons in my team. she understands, somehow, we have a common struggle in academics, I don’t usually introduce someone here but since this is the last time, let me do it will you.

She is Xean Morelle Borja, a lower year best buddy, she makes me a mentor for some other reasons, academics, real life talks, trips and anything since when we’re both in school. now we have the peak point that we have to get our separate ways, I didn’t help her anymore with her battles in college life, because my chapter in school has to end here. It so sad that I don’t have many coolest facts about her but it much better to know here more at your own risks. I don’t have many spills any pieces of information about the person here.

As the final remarks of the Tumble yearly recap, there is no changing on your own fact that many of us people are wishing to do every new year or year ender events. If we still managed on our own, it won’t work well, come to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, not of anyone, not from friends or any pastors and philanthropists, go to Jesus and he transforms you for as good as new just allowed him to do to yourself and you’ll see.

I will like to thank you for all my friends or become friends that I include to my recap for the past five years. I will like to thank you for all become mentors of blessings, success, struggles and certain stressful moments in life when I'm battling so many battles of my certain chapters in life. There is no wishful thinking anymore for the next blog like this because there’s no more blog like this in the first place. This is the very last time that I’ve features people with images and visual kinds of stuff. There are goodbyes, I hate to seeing it, so sad to feel it but it’s true, Goodbyes is painful but it makes you better somehow if you understand that there are many things has to come forth to be with. Thank you FEU and UBelt for my second home and finest battlefield in life, I have so many moments that I’ve cherished until we’ve met again. Thanks for your support and anything you can do to help. thank you so much for staying for the finest friends I know. and I say for 2018, Goodbye and THANK YOU. NEXT.......

HAPPY 2019 to all! Goodbye Tumblr

This is Paul Wayne. Signing Out

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malinka-nostalgia · 6 years ago

Text

August 29, 2018

These are some powerful words I read from Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. And I relate completely. Not to the eating disorder part. But to everything else. Mostly my past dating life and where I’m at right now.

I’ve never been in a normal relationship before. Therefore I did not have a good baseline or foundation. I’ve never had a good example either. What I have had plenty of however is plenty of low self esteem. Insecurity. I’ve had so many crushes in middle school and high school. But being a dorky girl whose first language was not English, it was hard to approach anyone.

When I did finally get into relationships there was always something wrong with them. Junior year in high school, I fell head over heels for a goth guy who had a girlfriend. He flirted with me nonetheless. Never made a move though. Then his gf cheated on him. And we kind of became friends with benefits. Nothing official. He was always amazed at how I was 17 and still a virgin. Obviously it didn’t go anywhere. I was a lot more religious than I am now. I wasn’t gonna have sex with him. And I just let him use me for everything else. Making out and transportation. This went on for maybe 2-3 months so it’s somewhat significant. Finally he broke it off with me. At the mall. Then I found out he was making out with some other girl. Like 20 mins after breaking things off with me. Pretty sure he was two timing me for a while.

First year in college. Got a real boyfriend. Real deal. I was in love with him. Stupid teenage love. Met at a high school bible camp. I was a part of the worship team and he was there with his mom’s high school church group. It was long distance but it’s like we were mad about each other. He introduced me to foreplay. I’ve never gotten this physical with anyone before. This made me even more attached to him. I saw a couple of early red flags however. He would kinda snap at me over text. I later found out he’s depressed. I tried to be there for him because I was so attached to him. Didn’t wanna lose him. He was having a spiritual crisis. I’m not allowed to date non-SDAs, but I loved him and didn’t wanna leave him. 6 months into our dating, his parents sell their house and they move to NC. Even more long distance than we started. He’s even more depressed. Pays less attention to me. Likes other girls pictures on myspace/facebook but ignores mine. I feel unimportant. I cry. I confront him. He makes me feel stupid for getting mad about this. I get depressed. Relationship is a mess. Finally ends when he moves in with some girl. He breaks up with me so he could “take care of her” because her life’s a mess. I’m depressed, I start using drugs to deal with it. I try to move on by hooking up with other guys. Just foreplay, never all the way. Was trying to save that for marriage.

I’m 22. I meet a guy in a ceramics lab. Gorgeous guy. Choppy hair. Awesome tats. Nostril piercing. And an amazing artist. We hit it off, talking about some art and music. Go outside to smoke a cigarette. He gives me his business card, says we should paint together sometime. A few days later I hit him up. Go to his house and we paint together on the same canvas. Next time we hangout again. I’m thinking this is just gonna be another one of those hookups I’ve been having. We get into some foreplay. He gets a little controlling with what he likes. Later on he texts me saying something like, if we’re gonna continue to do this (hook up) I need to shave my vagina, straighten my hair, wear makeup, etc. Instead of saying goodbye to his shallow ass, I agree. We hangout some more. He pressures me into sex. I try to say no. He rubs his dick on me and I get paranoid from getting pregnant from pre-cum. So I say ok whatever, put on a condom and lets just do this. He does that. I finally lose my virginity. Doesn’t work for him though. He hates condoms. He has to do it with it off. He gets pissed cause he can’t stay hard and gets angry at me for not trusting him to pull out. I don’t have insurance. I pay $250 to see a gyno and get a scrips for birth control. He has it his way. I get stuck in a ~2-3 year relationship with a controlling guy who abused me emotionally and used me as much as he could. I could write another whole long post about how much he tortured me. And yet I couldn’t leave him because break ups are hard and I’m weak. In fact, I’d rather almost kill myself from heroin to deal with his abuse than break up with him. Finally I break up with him. Over text. I know, it’s not the right way to do it. But he is so manipulative. I’ve broken up with him before and he pretty much talked me back into it.

A few months after that was over. I found a guy on facebook by accident. We started talking. I thought he was so amazing. A complete opposite of the last guy. We had so much in common. He was so respectful. It felt so good to talk to a guy who likes me who does not put me down and does not put his needs before mine. Someone who cared about things I like. Liked the songs I liked. Also long distance. But when we finally met things moved too fast. I think it was the third date, we had sex. I was absolutely drunk. Because I need to drink to socialize with people I don’t know very well because of my old friend social anxiety. It didn’t feel right though. The next morning I felt like shit. We still hung out. Later that day I got drunk again. Almost blackout drunk. And we had sex again. He wasn’t drunk. The next day I felt so dirty. I know he wasn’t meaning any harm but it felt like I was taken advantage of. I told him we need to slow things down and take a step back. To be just friends and build it up from there. He didn’t like that and went a little nuts. Whatever. He lives far away and doesn’t even have his own car.

I’m 26. In nursing school. Very shy. There’s a guy in my clinical group. Very good looking. Clearly takes care of himself. Ladies man. Works out. Great hygiene, great sense of style. Kind of a neat freak, likes to me in control of his life. Excellent social skills. Very funny. I get a lil crush on him. We have a group chat on WhatsApp, among my clinical group. I get his number. Add him on snapchat. He starts talking to me. We get close. I invite him to my bday party. We get drunk. I lead him to my friend’s guest room and we end up making out and so on. Not going all the way. Yet. It was hella fun. For both of us. However, when I brought up to him the next day that I like him, he said he’s not looking for a relationship because he’s too busy with school, work, and gym. Ok, whatever. Made me a little sad but ok. We still hung out a lot, were hooking up, eventually all the way. We spent a lot of time together. We texted every single day. Everything we were doing, it was like we were a couple. But without a label. I liked him a lot. He was more than just those hookups I’ve had in the past. I felt like we were actually friend too. I thought there was a strong bond. That is, till he went behind my back all summer and started hooking up with one of my closest friends. Later I found out he hooked up with a couple girls in the nursing program too. While he was hooking up with me. I felt so betrayed and so stupid. I knew we weren’t official but I thought, as a friend, he wouldn’t do that to me.

Every relationship I listen was fucked up. Every relationship tore a little piece of my soul. Every time I did drugs to deal with it made me more and more desensitized. I’ve become more and more like a zombie.

Now, relating to those quotes I posted from Wasted.

I’m 27 years old. I meet a guy from a dating app. Amazing guy. Funny. Cute. Has a real badass job - a firefighter. We have a lot in common. Go on a few dates. Then it becomes official. Feels kinda weird. I haven’t had an official boyfriend since my first boyfriend in college. That’s 8 years ago. Anyway. Tried hooking up with him. This guy’s almost like a virgin. Only had sex with one girl. Makes me look kinda bad, compared to my 6 sex partners. So obviously, this guy’s inexperienced kinda. Never even foreplayed before. I had to teach him things. Got some of it down. Tried having sex once. Didn’t workout. Not even sure he put the condom on correctly. After attempting for like 5 mins but which felt like 30, we decided this is not the night. I’m not used to this. I’ve never been the “experienced” one in the hookup. Feels like I’m hooking up with someone much younger than me even though he’s older. Not his fault. He tried to wait till marriage too, cept he lost his v-card like a year or two ago. This guy’s pretty much pure. Literally, nothing he’s doing is wrong. And there’s room for learning. So I try to move past it. It’s no big deal. Other than that, he’s got a golden personality. Such a gentleman. Takes me out, tried pulling a chair out for me, pays for me, just all those little gestures, being respectful. Very sweet. He even got interested in my religion and started going to church with me. Which no guy I’ve dated would EVER do. But it’s normal. And I’m not normal. I’m not used to this. This is foreign to me. He likes me too much. I’m his wallpaper on his phone. It freaks me out. I’m too nice to say anything about it. I don’t wanna hurt his feelings. He’s already done so much for me. He went as far as meeting my scary family. Oh and my family likes him. Which is also a new concept to me. I didn’t dare introduce anyone to my family since my first college boyfriend. I’ve been going behind their backs to meet up with guy because I knew they wouldn’t approve. This guy treats me right. He’s not a douche. But I tend to find little pet peeves in certain things he does to push myself away from him. Which is ridiculous considering I let a guy treat me like shit for 2 years. Twice. Now my mom is getting all excited about me dating someone. Starts bringing up marriage. I fucking can’t. I already feel so uncomfortable. This normal behavior does not feel normal to me. It all happened too fast. I feel like we missed a “friend” stage. This is exactly why I hate dating apps. You already know you’re interested in each other. You skip the friend stage. You skip wondering “I wonder if he likes me” or trying to impress someone. You swiped right or whatever, you started talking, you went on dates, and you’re like “ok I could date this person, I like them”. It just does not seem genuine. Did he know I’d be such a spazz with anxiety when we became official? No he did not. Maybe if we remained just friend for longer he would know. He wants to me a dad one day. Idk if I could be a mom. I feel like I have at least 3 mental illnesses going on right now. Depression, anxiety, maybe a little mix of PTSD and OCD. I’m insane. I don’t want to put anyone through what my first college boyfriend put me through. I don’t wish all that permanent brain damage upon anyone.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I just hung out with him. We watched a movie. And he wanted to get cuddley or whatever. I couldn’t do it. Any time he touched me today my muscles would get tense. I got so anxious. He asked me what’s wrong. I said I don’t feel touchy. He asked why. I said I’m depressed. Then it just got worse. My mouth got dry. Sympathetic system going crazy. I had to leave. I needed to calm down. I went by the gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes probably for the first time in a year. I went to Danny’s house and hung out with him and Mike. I didn’t wanna go home until I calmed down. I needed to be around someone who did not expect any loving gesture from me. I needed to be around someone I could be my own stupid self and not hurt anyone’s feelings.

I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t want anyone’s feelings depending on me. I can really hurt people. Not because I want to. But because they get so invested in me and start to care about me and then when they see me suffer it hurts them. After all those shitty relationships I’ve learned to take care of myself and be emotionally independent. And I’m so so scared that I’m always gonna be like that. I’m gonna end up alone because I’m too scared to let anyone else in. I’m sick in the head. And sadly, so so sadly, it’s become normal for me.

#ellinablogg

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